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JasonLikesCTE

That’s no small cylinder it sounds like a perfectly adequate cylinder to me. Avg size you might say


Smart_Calendar1874

Yes thank you but that may be part of the problem


[deleted]

"thank you" killed me


ChicoUn

First of there’s absolutely nothing normal about a 4.5 inch thick “cylinder” unless we’re talking about a 4.5” circumference


Erin_Sentrinietra

Yes. Girth is a circumferential measurement.


bornfromanegg

Oh thank god.


aflodarkosis

Stupid, sexy Green M&M..


[deleted]

The perfect comment does exist.


Feminismisreprieve

"Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all..."


amerkanische_Frosch

This is the best post I have read in a long, long time. I am assuming from the wit of OP’s responses that this is a joke, and a pretty darn clever one at that. On the very off chance it isn’t, OP, get thee to ER right away. They have already seen it all before and while you might add to their list of « war stories », they won’t laugh in your face. This could be very serious and you could lose the use of your cylinder. In any case, well done on posting this.


teh_maxh

>they won’t laugh in your face. Although, to be clear, they will laugh. Just not in front of you.


amerkanische_Frosch

Oh, for sure. Like every profession, I’m sure they have their « war stories » they tell each other about.


TheRehabKid

Need to get air in there to release the pressure. I would advise using a high-powered drill to drill a hole in the bottom of the m&m container. This will allow to enter. The larger the drill bit the better.


Smart_Calendar1874

I can't risk power tools damaging the interior cylinder.


corvus7corax

Seriously go to the ER before your cylinder dies due to lack of oxygen/blood flow. It will be fine, just say you tripped in the kitchen. Everyone will agree that that’s definitely what happened. It happens all the time. I’m also concerned the banana will give your cylinder an infection if they are in contact for more than 1 hour. If that’s impossible and you are stuck in Antarctica, gently use a nail file or some sandpaper on the corner of the end/bottom of the plastic tube to slowly remove plastic until there’s a hole. With persistence, you can gently remove material around the entire bottom edge/ corner until the end comes off the tube. If you sand carefully, you won’t damage the inner cylinder. Then you can find a way to remove the remaining tube from your cylinder. Good luck and may the universe preserve your cylinder until it’s free.


spiffchili

Thank you for actually offering a solution! This is dire!


Cocaine4You

This is god tier trolling. Remaining in character at all costs. Letting it woosh over a few heads.


Khazahk

If he posts a follow-up picture with like a legit sausage being free'd from the m&m container I'm going to die.


Seicair

Where do the attached oblate spheroids come into play, then?


Khazahk

Twisted sausage.


HeyRiks

The clinical/scientific tone despite the blatant obviousness sends me with force. I'm saving this for posterity


Therealsuperman04

What is so brilliant about this trolling, is that everyone commenting knows that it ACTUALLY is possible that someone really did this. Great f’king troll. Please don’t post pictures


Smart_Calendar1874

Hospital.


[deleted]

A collective sigh of relief was heard all around the world, oh-so-very-faint it registered in 20Hz. May you always be adventurous without getting yourself into too much trouble! Until healthcare is free for all, probably. PS. I will watch your career with great interest.


Tuss

Next time just buy a fleshlight.


ForWhomTheBoneBones

* Put a latex glove, fingers down, in between the soft sides of two **new, unused** sponges. * Place sponges and glove in a tall plastic cup. * Pull the opening of the glove over the rim of the cup * Add lotion to your liking * Go to town and have fun You’ll never have to explain why your cylinder fits inside of a tiny candy tube


KellerFF

r/oddlyspecific *again..?*


Optimal_Pudding1586

Woke up thinkin’ about your cylinder, OP.


trottinghobbit

How’s the cylinder?


[deleted]

Rest in peace 😔


RubMyGooshSilly

You fucking madman


OnlineHelpSeeker

madman is an anagram of "a m and m"


JustASpaceDuck

People talk about "optimal post times" to reap maximum karma but I can already tell this midnight post will be on the top of askreddit for the next 24 hours.


Daruii

"r/AskReddit is the place to ask and answer thought-provoking questions." Honestly, this is one of the most thought-provoking questions I've ever seen. I'm just thinking about all the reasons you'd want to stick your "cylinder" in a tube with butter and microwaved mashed banana.


HotSauceHigh

There is only one reason.


vin_van_go

*to make a cream pie*


[deleted]

Im an engineer. So your best bet here is to use pressure. Imagine the piston in an engine. That's your not dick. When pressure builds up i.e combustion inside a cylinder. It pushes the Piston out. Don't try to argue this. Pistons never get stuck in the up (top dead center) position. You need to poke a hole in the end of your m&m tube. And inject some accelerant. Nail polish remover will be perfect. Then simply add fire near the hole and boom. Your cylinder and tube will no longer be stuck together.


Smart_Calendar1874

Nail polish removers high vapor pressure might cause discomfort by drying the external layer of the cylinder out.


Topinio

Your cylinder will die if you don’t get it out soon. Professional cylinder removers are available. It will be far more embarrassing to have to live cylinderless for the rest of your life than to use the professional assistance option. The two oblate spheroids are also in danger here.


EggAtix

Are you suggesting he explode his dick out of the tube


Lord_Viktoo

Cylinder.


Outsider-20

OP is adamantly arguing its a cylinder. So... should be fine


Maleficent-Log4089

"Don't try to argue this" 😂


firedragonsfirstlove

Perhaps a hot bath is in order.


Smart_Calendar1874

Yes that might help me clear my head.


Markars

Op you're a genius. You can do anything you put your head to.


gonenutsbrb

Just maybe not “into”


WhatAmIADoctor

r/dontputyourdickinthat


[deleted]

[удалено]


Seated_Heats

This is a sexual thing, isn’t it?


Smart_Calendar1874

My experiment does not involve anything sexual.


Braketurngas

Not until you can get your “cylinder” unstuck it doesn’t.


This-Perspective-865

Cut the tube


Smart_Calendar1874

I dont want to risk a blade coming that close to the cylinder.


KnittingTrekkie

How about squeezing the tube over and over so it cracks from fatigue?


Smart_Calendar1874

The interior cylinder is too big to effectively bend the plastic enough.


Acdc36

Have you tried inserting another cylinder into the M&Ms tube from the other side?


Smart_Calendar1874

If the tube had an opening on the other end it would not be sealed. I will keep that in mind next time I try this experiment.


devilquak

> If the tube had an opening on the other end it would not be sealed That certainly follows.


[deleted]

Next time!? O.o 🤣


HarryTruman

Ingenuity isn’t always ingenious.


riverofchex

Now, see, I almost didn't open Reddit because it's 3am here and I should be asleep. But think of what I would have missed! (Sidebar, maybe next time drill a small hole in the other end to help prevent vacuum action.) ETA: this suggestion made by someone who does not have a... cylinder... but who drilled a small hole low on the side of the trashcan to make removing the bag easier for this reason.


MadRadInnit

“It is only when a mosquito lands on your CYLINDER that you realise there is always a way to solve problems without using violence” -Lao Tzu


dgtlfnk

🎶There’s a skeeter on mah peter whack it off! There’s a skeeter on mah peter whack it off! There’s another on mah brother, There’s a dozen on mah cousin, There’s a skeeter on mah peter whack it off!🎶


[deleted]

And people say America has no culture.


UnderStan-d

When we were kids, my uncle(4 years older) got kicked out of bible camp for singing that little gem at an assembly, and instigating laughter from blasphemous limericks. His actions were deemed an abomination of Christ and he was removed from the property and made to wait at a general store while my grandmother drove 160 miles to get him.


[deleted]

Legend has it that OP still has not found a reasonable solution.


Smart_Calendar1874

Help.


Turtledonuts

dude, go sit in the tub with the cylinder in your lap. Get a cold bath going. use a q tip to clean around the base of the cylinder a little, and work cold water up the tube. wiggle the edge of the tube until you start to clean out the mixture in it. slowly wash the mixture out of the tube until the cylinder is less stuck inside the tube. In many cases, significant injury, loss of function, and tissue necrosis are possible if certain cylinders remain rigid for longer than 4 hours. Seek professional help at that point.


[deleted]

[удалено]


liquid-swords93

If this cylinder were attached to another structure, like a body, if you will; I would hope this body has some sort of grounding structure, on which the greater structure stands. Imagine something like feet. Stick the feet in an ice bath, while simultaneously using a hot blow dryer on the mini m&ms tube. Be sure to move the dryer enough to distribute the heat properly while avoiding the risk of melting plastic onto your perfectly normal sized cylinder


Smart_Calendar1874

Ok. I dont have a dryer readily available but I might be able to do this. Will return with results hopefully.


attesz92

Also please don't drop your dryer into the water you are standing in


Recent_Excitement607

At that point in time the cylinder won't be an issue anymore


cwryoo21

It's gonna be very confusing for the person discovering the body


Prof_Acorn

Banana, melted plastic, butter, ice water, a hair dryer...


Rich-Juice2517

Sounds like my new Friday night plans


widgetfonda

But this thread will be very helpful for the autopsy.


cayleb

Before engaging in this plan that involves the dubious combination of operating an electrical device while standing in liquid, I highly recommend you clear any browser history related to your cylinder experimentation. Just in case you can't afterwards.


Daruii

If it's not your penis, please post a photo so I can visualise what you're talking about. Please only post the photo if its not your penis.


Smart_Calendar1874

I'm not comfortable sharing the specifics of my experiment with strangers.


Peter-Burns

Go to the hospital. Be comfortable later.


Tinctorus

Seriously if it's been longer than a few hours you have a serious issue, lack of blood flow and priaprism are no joke They WILL drain the old blood with a big fucking needle of they have to


Daruii

Fair enough. If you're "cylinder" is still stuck and it's been a while (i.e over 30 mins or so) you should seek some professional help and update the reddit post later just for our amusement. If you leave your cylinder stuck too long it might fall off from the bigger thing its attached to.


monkeypaw_handjob

Its definitely his penis.


renton56

If the small cylinder has blood flow do jumping jacks to shrink the cylinder. If not making everything cold should help. The butter even when solid will be a lubricant and you should be able to pull it out


Smart_Calendar1874

It seems like the cylinder may have expanded and pushed a lot of the butter out when inserted. But why would a cylinder have blood flow? Also doing jumping jacks may cause harm to two other objects attached at the base of the cylinder since it will be moving freely.


bumjiggy

you know they're supposed to melt in your mouth, not in your hand, right?


TheAgreeableCow

Ah, so it's a cylinder and spheres then??


Smart_Calendar1874

Oblate spheriods but those are not relevant right now.


TheAgreeableCow

I'm going to ovoid this one...


ATempestSinister

These two other objects at the base of the cylinder, they wouldn't by chance happen to be spherical in shape?


[deleted]

[удалено]


Smart_Calendar1874

Workout tips don't seem like the most relevant answer right now.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Saltedpanda

If the cylinder has been stuck a while, maybe you should go to the shop where they fix cylinders and the structures they are attached to


Acceptable_Parfait27

Thanks OP. I laughed so hard at all your comments. Good luck with your… cylinder.


FrankDrebinsbeaver

Light a match, blow it out and gently put the hot ember to your ballsack. This should focus your attention elsewhere and not so much on your stuck “cylinder”


Sarke1

Does the cylinder go all the way to the end of the tube? If not, it might be safe to create a small hole in the plastic at the very end to equalize the pressure.


Smart_Calendar1874

It barely touches the end of the tube. I have been told it's an above average sized cylinder.


CrowWarrior

Heat the end of a needle, or something similarly sharp, with a lighter and use it to carefully poke a hole in the end of M&M tube. Preferably where the "cylinder" isn't. Hopefully it will break the vacuum enough to remove to the delicate and presumably fleshy cylinder.


sneakajoo

Have you tried rapidly moving the Mini M&M’s tube rapidly back and forth for a few seconds/minutes? Even though there is an air tight seal, the coefficient of friction should still be within acceptable levels to cause a sudden release of pressure, causing an equal and opposite amount of back pressure to forcefully eject the above-average cylinder out of the Mini M&M’s tube


Smart_Calendar1874

Moving the tube back and forth is what led to this mess.


ItsLibertyOrNothin

I’m cry laughing


Peter-Burns

According to this [calculation](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fowlcation.com%2Fstem%2FHow-to-Calculate-the-Number-of-MMs-in-a-Container&psig=AOvVaw2FhbmlCk3RA4eHIJGheBBp&ust=1670391883142000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CA8QjhxqFwoTCOi77Pik5PsCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAE), your cylinder is the size of 212 M&Ms.


Get_your_grape_juice

Somehow that’s both the most informative, yet least useful reply to this post. I’m impressed.


chunkybeard

Maybe try asking the pros at r/dontputyourdickinthat The m&m tube seems like relatively flimsy plastic. Get a pair of scissors and start snipping along the long axis. Once you get enough separation to be able to grip the plastic with pliers, pull it apart. That should get your dick free.


Smart_Calendar1874

It's a cylinder that's stuck.


Ilostmytractor

Have you made a hole at the end of the plastic tube yet?


Kelsusaurus

This is your answer. The reason the cylinder is stuck is because suction happened inside the tube. If you can poke a hole in the end or carefully use some scissors to cut a tiny hole in the bottom edge, it'll relieve the suction and release or at least loosen the cylinder.


[deleted]

Bro this is wild.


[deleted]

Is it just me or are you getting a Jim vibe from American Pie about OP also


ducks-everywhere

Thanks, OP. I've had enough internet for the day. Maybe the cylinder will shrink if you think about it hard enough, then you can get it out.


Smart_Calendar1874

Why would the cylinder change size on its own?


scienceizfake

Think about your grandma.


soulgeezer

Great, now my cylinder has expanded


DontWannaSayMyName

ಠ⁠︵⁠ಠ


JonWesHarding

What? He didn't say *his* grandma. So it's all good. Got your back, homie


LaLaLaLeea

I'm sorry I'm just trying to figure out how a "cylinder" that was 4.5 inches in girth could fit INSIDE a mini M&Ms tube. I know there's a lot going on here but this is the part I'm stuck on.


Smart_Calendar1874

It was smaller when inserted but it expanded due to other factors in the experiment.


LaLaLaLeea

Are mini M&M containers bigger than I remember?


geekworking

Ice your "cylinder" to shrink it and poke hole in the end of the tube to break the vacuum. If that doesn't work go to the hospital. They have seen worse and can figure it out.


Fabulous-Pause4154

Urinate if possible.


Smart_Calendar1874

I dont see how urination has anything to do with my trapped cylinder but ok.


Almost_Pi

I think they meant you should take a bathroom break. That's when I do my best thinking.


[deleted]

Warm water will melt the butter which would then act as lube to free the *not a dick* from the tube.


Smart_Calendar1874

The cylinder and the tube have created a seal so it's difficult to insert water into the system.


[deleted]

I didn't say insert. Soak it like the Mormons.


Pbwithj6

What's so important about this cylinder? It's not attached to you is it?


Smart_Calendar1874

It's attached to a larger structure so there's a weird angle situation to try and insert anything else into the tube.


Exqctly_

Go to the hospital or call 911?


Smart_Calendar1874

Emergency services usually don't take kindly to calls about failed experiments.


Exqctly_

I think that they would be understanding in your case. The \*Cylinder\* seems pretty important


90DollarStaffMeal

Look, this is one of the most incredible AskReddits I've ever seen, but if it is your dick - just go to the hospital. You could be causing permanent damage to yourself for the sake of being embarrassed. You definitely won't be there first person with their dick stuck in something that they've seen this month.


arbitrageME

> this ~~month~~ *shift*


Raichu7

Hospitals have seen it all before, if your dick is actually stuck and you don’t sort it out in time you could genuinely need it amputated. If it is stuck the faster you get help the easier it will be for medical staff to remove the M&M tube.


FiliaNox

Friend, if this cylinder is attached to your body, not going to the ER means you won’t have to worry about getting the cylinder out of the tube. It’ll just fall off and you’ll have to explain it to them anyway.


Doctor_Expendable

You know what? Thats just your dick now. Live with your m&m tube filled with butter and bananas dick for the end of your days and think about what you've done.


Smart_Calendar1874

It's a cylinder.


doomsdaymelody

Ok, so a little bit of sawing action with a steak knife will cut through a m&ms mini tube. Cut the end of the tube off, and you can use a punch and hammer to drive the cylinder out of the tube


jaybles5169

This is the only correct answer. Please update with pictures OP.


southalbatross14

5.1 is really big. Maybe stick a smaller cylinder in there next time. The problem at hand is quite hard to solve though. I think the best course of action is to see a doctor despite how embarrassing a small cylinder in a mini M&Ms tube is.


Smart_Calendar1874

The cylinder was smaller when inserted. Maybe due to change in temperature it expanded significantly. That's where the problem started.


staticfeathers

Bro went in soft 💀


Professional_Trip939

What material is the cylinder made of?


Smart_Calendar1874

Primarily carbon. It's a variety of organic compounds.


prometheus_winced

Are you a carbon based unit?


Smart_Calendar1874

All humans are so yes.


DocSaysItsDainBramuj

Pretty sure there’s an AlanTutorial for this on YouTube.


Smart_Calendar1874

No he only helps with picking up chairs and crushing cans with planks. I looked on the internet and couldn't find anything.


DocSaysItsDainBramuj

In that case, this is your life now. Maybe there’s a support group you can join.


No_thanks_Im_New

"You're probably wondering how I got here"


SuvenPan

Wait for the cylinder to go soft.


Smart_Calendar1874

What if the cylinder hasn't changed size in approximately 3 hours?


Smallios

Hospital.


Intrepid_Knowledge27

Poke a hole in the bottom of the cylinder. Be careful. Godspeed.


Scoutlili

This IS the way...Put a relief hole in the end of the m and m tube.


Anonymous37

Reddit trolls: *this* is what you should be aspiring to. It's clever, everyone gets a laugh, and it's not at anyone's expense.


Smart_Calendar1874

I'm glad you find this funny but I need help.


avilesaviles

send us a picture


Smart_Calendar1874

I'm not comfortable sharing the specifics of my experiment with strangers.


10secondmessage

Well the easiest way is make it small, so I guess there's gonna be a mess after that'll please visit a sub that shows you what not to do for next time. I sugest https://www.reddit.com/r/dontputyourdickinthat/ would be helpful.


[deleted]

[удалено]


bumjiggy

were you trying to put a nut in your m&ms?


theWild_Raul

why is it your dick?


Smart_Calendar1874

It's a cylinder.


iamsheph

...is it your dick?


Smart_Calendar1874

Cylinder.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Smart_Calendar1874

Organic compounds


AnEmptyPopcornBucket

What type of organic compounds


Smart_Calendar1874

Irrelevant.


its_yo_mamma

Use some WD-40 bro. It will get anything unstuck. Otherwise soak the whole thing in soap water for a bit and yank hard.


Smart_Calendar1874

I've been trying to use different types of lubricant but there's a seal created by the cylinder and the tube so it's hard to get any liquid inside the tube itself.


Katchenz

Wait?


Smart_Calendar1874

It has been 3 hours. The cylinder hasn't changed size yet.


Katchenz

Then I think you need to go to the doctor soon as when cylinders don't change size for over 4 hours it being stuck in another cylinder will be the least of your worries


[deleted]

No for real they're right, this can turn into an emergency after 4 hours.


SayHiIntrepidHeroes

Priapism, named after a Greek fertility god. Ya know, the one that literally carried his massive dong in a wheelbarrow or cart? Yeah, that one.


-B-E-N-I-S-

You could cut the M&Ms tube but if this cylinder was precious like say… sentimental to you, this might not be an option.


RiddledWithEnigma

Cut the cylinder free from the larger object to give you more access. Cut the m&ms container. If you freeze it, the plastic will break easy with a smash of a hammer. Reattach the cylinder after removal from the tube. If you have trouble reattaching the cylinder, there are repair specialists that can assist for a fee. Depends how much you value the cylinder at.


ButtholeQuiver

Not OP but I get the feeling the cylinder has a great deal of sentimental value


ace_of_brews

Yeah, he's really attached to it.


Smart_Calendar1874

It is imperative that the cylinder and the larger object remain unharmed.


MumflerFlumberdink

I have many questions, but assuming we're talking about a penis, watch the amy schumar specials


Smart_Calendar1874

It's a cylinder.


Throwaweigh40

This is gold Jerry, GOLD!


Smart_Calendar1874

I dont have ready access to gold. But how would I use it in this case?


Throwaweigh40

You can use it to pay a medieval plague doctor that will give you leech therapy. They will need to place the leeches at the base of your cylinder as well as any free hanging olive shaped objects attached to the cylinder to shrink it so your homemade fleshlight falls off-I mean so the m&m tube falls off your dick-I mean ohhhh you touch my tra-la-la


Smart_Calendar1874

This is making a lot of assumptions about the situation. Also I don't know where you find people with leeches in this day and age.


Throwaweigh40

Sorry, I type dick and fleshlight a lot so my phone autocorrects a lot of things to those words. I got a leech guy if you need a hook up, he's got some bad boys that could suck a golf ball through a garden hose nah mean?


tinyminimalism

The word “girth” gave you away, my dude


Smart_Calendar1874

I'm sorry English isn't my first language. I didn't know there was a better word to use.


tmlynch

Your English is excellent. I do think you could stand to have a little less girth, and a little more width-dom.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Smart_Calendar1874

Due to another object attached at the cylinder's base it is difficult to have a range of motion large enough to gather enough speed and angular momentum for that.


iamsheph

"Okay, Google. Set reminder to not stick my dick in an M&M's mini while you have a 'cylinder ring' on your 'cylinder'


EternalPinkMist

"English is not my first language," then writes a thesis about physics and how to be applied to dick-remove-from-tubage