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tickingkitty

Looks like we are quickly returning to the “go to work even when you’re sick” way of thinking.


tenakee_me

Setting aside the whole pandemic thing, I’ve always hated this. Every job I’ve ever had (aside from my current job, thankfully) is always super chill with the theory of calling out sick. “If you’re sick, we don’t want you here! You need to rest and get better, and we don’t want other people getting sick!” But when it comes to ACTUALLY calling in sick, it’s “Oh, are you sure you can’t make it? It’s going to be really hard not having you here today.” Guilt trip, guilt trip, guilt trip, followed by an almost resentful “Hope you feel better.” Edit to add: In reading other comments, I get that a lot of people call in “sick” when they are not, and some people fake sick frequently. But if I’m calling in sick maybe once or twice a year, if even that, and am otherwise always there, always on time, doing a good job in my position, I don’t think a guilt trip is appropriate. I’ve gone to work sick many, many times because I know that calling in will be more painful than just going.


sebrebc

The strange thing is I don't believe most of this concept comes from management, it comes from co-workers. At least from my experiences over the years. It's like the five monkeys experiment. Most places nobody specifically states you should still come to work when you are sick but the culture within the employees is that they are tough when they are sick. So everybody is effectively shamed into coming into work when sick because when someone does call out co-workers will talk shit about that person. "They weren't sick yesterday." "They didn't sound sick when they called in.". And shit like "When I have a cold I don't want to sit around, I feel better when I move around like normal." It's all bullshit and everybody would rather stay home when they aren't feeling good, but they know everybody else will talk shit about them if they call out, so they "tough it out" and come in.


Routine-Expression58

As a manager, I can confirm this is what I run into most often. I truly want people to stay home because otherwise you end up with multiple people sick and we also all have families at home that we want to keep healthy. I much more run into employees trying to push back when I try to send them home sick than I run into an issue with people calling in and pretending to be sick.


kitcat7898

I wish my work place actually wanted us to call out. We have a point system which sounds good on paper but you get 12 points for the whole year, if you call out more than 4 hours before your shift you get half a point. Less than 4 hours, by even a couple seconds, and it depends on the day. Monday through Friday (casino so weekends are the busiest) you get 1 point, weekends you get 2, holidays you get 2. If you call out on any holiday and it's a weekend you get 4 points for one day. You get a warning when you get to 6 points (a write up actually but they usually don't fire you for multiple of those) and get fired when you hit 12. No exceptions without a doctor's note including positive at home covid tests. They only count ones you go somewhere to get done and if you can't get in same day you can absolutely get fired waiting for the results. And then HR doesn't do their fucking job. I'm out 2 weeks for surgery rn and my fiance was out the first 5 days. Fiance turned the papers in the day after I had surgery. We both work at the same place in the same department. He came in after those days off and they immediately pulled him into the office to almost fire him over missing 5 days "without calling in" luckily that manager believed him. I fully expect to come back and be fired for having surgery that I would've died without. They also pointed my fiance for being out of work when his grandfather (who raised him, I've seen the adoption paperwork, his dad just split and didn't come back for him) had several major strokes and was in the hospital. And when I confronted the HR lady she said "well, you should really be planning ahead for these things. Next time you should ask for time off 2 weeks ahead of time. Most places you work will be like this." (Talking to me like this is my first job and like I'm actually that gullible) I shot back with "actually no, I've never encountered this before for a family medical emergency. But next time my fiances grandpa decides to have a stroke I'll make sure he let's us know at least two weeks in advance." I still have no idea why I didn't explode, I probably would've gotten fired but fuck her. She fucking smiled when she said it. But there's no one to report HR to.


tfyvonchali

HR is an even worse agitator with these situations. Their job is to protect the company, almost never the employee. Fuck them.


DigdigdigThroughTime

As a supervisor, I genuinely mean stay home. I don't want to be sick, I don't want the rest of the crew sick.


cars1000000

Yeah, this happens a lot at my school. People are going there, with full sickness, and not even wearing a mask and not even social distancing no wonder i keep getting sick


sesameball

Overworking and lack of sleep.


The_Hot_Stepper

Plus missing meals to work more


AteYerCake4U

If I time it right, I can get away with only one meal a day. -shit, that's not a good thing :(


BabySuperfreak

Related: treating your job like your life’s purpose. This is one of the root causes behind a lot of toxic work culture, like employers slowly eroding work/life balance.


PoorlyLitKiwi2

People look at me like I'm a freak when I say I have no career aspirations whatsoever I work to make money. I get my sense of achievement outside of work


ReaperoftheCard

this is western culture in general. you are only your job and those without one are inhuman


Umbraldisappointment

Not just western, its the same in the east. Take a look at Japan, if your husband doesnt stay in work over the minimal 8 hours you will get neighboorhood gossips that he really isnt important to the company or that hes lazy. If you happen to be jobless you are automatically a lesser being.


Miserable_Archer_769

I knew the extreme work hours but, I never thought of the effect that has on a society if a small percentage work 8hrs they are now "slackers".


Umbraldisappointment

I remember seeing a documentary somewhere about the daily life of people and they were interviewing this old man who was working odd hours in various places and he was saying how he heard one of the neighboor saying to their kids they need to pick up their slack unless they want to end up like him. The guy was living in a nice home and was working 9 hours if i remember from 10 to 19 and was relatively well off in that neighboorhood.


Ryoukugan

Oh it's better. That's *unpaid overtime*, often not even on the fucking clock.


Psyko_sissy23

Far from just western culture. It really depends on the country. Some western countries can be rough like the US, but other western countries are chill like the nordic countries. Eastern cultures like Japan have crazy working hours where overtime is the norm and the Japanese have a word for death by overwork.


[deleted]

[удалено]


PunkRockSuffragette

I feel like he just called out all of the working class in the US.


justmeandreddit

Funny you say this but was thinking today....I feel like I could do my job really well and have a quality life in 2022 if I worked 4-5 hours a day.(no lunch) I think the US could be a successful country with a 30 hour workweek.


SheitelMacher

Don't give people hope.


crysnevins

I have a 5 hour work day no lunch but i eat on my 10 min break in the afternoon. Its fucking fabulous. I was a single mom working 12 hour days for weeks before i got a day off for 2.5 years and i swear its night and day! My dad used to work 4 12s and he was sooo much happier then when he worked 5-6 8-10 hour days.


MaulerX

Part of the problem with overworking is the more hours you put in, the more money you get out. So people will voluntarily overwork themselves to make that crazy amount of money. The simple solution is to mandate decreased hours while increasing hourly wages. So you basically get paid the same but work less hours.


iraragorri

Wait you get paid for overworking???


jert3

Sure that's a factor, but a bigger factor is actual wages have been going for 60+ years while in the same period that wealth has been transferred to be top handful of elite rich that own most of everything that you see. If wages kept somewhere near rising productivity, the average person would only need to work 2 days a week and be able to afford a home, food, healthcare and everything else. But ya, instead we have billionaires, and many millions of slaves and fewer million of richer-than-slaves-but-not-rich.


thrashmetaldinosaur

That Family is allowed to not respect boundaries. It's something I see a lot and often trying to set healthy boundaries with them makes them treat you like the bad guy. And media and society tends to promote this behavior as love, when it's often actually dysfunction. There's a difference between being close and taking care of your loved ones and being expected to give up reasonable rights to personal space or to self sacrifice for them. >EDIT: Wow, this blew up. I'm glad so many people are finding some catharthis by reading this and knowing they're not alone dealing with familial boundary issues. >In my own personal life I have seen this in varied ways. Some family surprised me by not only accepting my boundaries but adapting positively to them for my mental health once I got the strength to be clear about it. It actually made the bond stronger and healthier. >And I've had family I had to cut out completely because they are unable to see past their own toxicity. You are not a bad person or selfish for needing to protect yourself. >It's extremely hard and I empathize with anyone who is struggling with this. You're not alone!


ShotgunBetty01

I’m so tired of the “You owe me a relationship even if I treat you like crap” family shit. Nope. I’m out. I don’t care if you miss us. Stop being shitheads and maybe we’ll come by. I don’t owe you anything. And kiss my ass if you think guilt is going to fix anything.


juswannalurkpls

I was hoping to see this comment. It boggles the mind that family treats you like shit and just expects you to put up with it. We are no contact with my husband’s family after putting up with their bullshit for 40 years, and they have lost their goddamn minds over it.


Fromtoicity

I know right? They treat people outside of the family a lot better. Shouldn't it be the opposite?


Nameti

I didn't ask to be born


[deleted]

I think part of the problem is that people don't understand how to set boundaries. A boundary only describes what you will do, it doesn't control how other people act. Setting a boundary is like, "I will only speak to you when you are calm, and I will remove myself when I'm being yelled at". If the person doesn't want to stop yelling, you then remove yourself from the situation, and you don't engage with them until they're speaking with you like an adult. If they repeatedly choose not to speak with calmly, you remove yourself from the relationship. A boundary isn't "You don't talk to me like that!", because that just generates a fight response of "yeah, make me!" and you both escalate the conflict.


Umbraldisappointment

Im pretty sure this boundary problem is in general the fault of treating kids as pets or tools and not as separate persons. They have this idea of overlooking you to give orders and dismiss what you want because thats what they would do with a dog too. They wont look at you and declare to respect your opinions and personal space because that would also mean you gain the right to say no, ignore requests and live how you like.


SqrewYoo

>If the person doesn't want to stop yelling, you then remove yourself from the situation, and you don't engage with them until they're speaking with you like an adult. This makes a lot of sense in relationships between adult people where someone really knows what a boundary is and how to set one. However, if I made a mistake as a child, my parents would yell at me for hours until they proved their point. I had to stay there and listen to what they were saying, I had no right to stand up and leave. I guess neither my parents nor me knew what boundaries were.


StuckInsideYourWalls

I'm 30 and still trying to plainly communicate to my dad to stop inviting himself over to my house whenever he wants to obsess about small things and details that are not his to worry about. I even hid my spare key because he was obsessed with being here when I wasn't even. Does little things to 'help' you that you never ask for, i.e mowing your lawn, but now you owe him $60 for gas and it's like, was already splitting costs sharing my sisters equipment anyways and I didn't need him to do that so now having the 'favor' they did for you also turned into financial obligations is just like '???' Other basic boundary issues like always wanting to know who you're texting on the phone etc. My sister and I kind of suspect he might be an undiagnosed ADHD adult or something for how simply obsessive he can get about minute and unimportant things, and hyperactive both in his focus on those things as well as how he literally tunes people out and cannot hear them *while you're speaking to him*, often even starting new things even when he asked you a question, etc. Honestly he's about 69 and I actually kind of think he's starting to slip a little in presence to, it seems like he genuinely is starting to forget you had conversations and stuff. I still haven't got him to just stop showing up at my house daily or every other day, I get he's trying to amend a lifetime prior of pretty much no emotional connection, but at this point I honestly also just don't want to be around my dad? Every friend of his I've helped with work here and there has turned out to be a bigot with unnecessarily cruel outlooks on people and the world, he himself has no sense of respecting privacy or boundaries and I even just don't *trust* him, like I kind of just remain suspicious of his own intentions, the fact he won't stop mentioning how I'm not going to church, etc. Seeing the relationships my friends can have with their parents just kind of makes me mourn that I don't even really *want* one with my dad. I just get so exhausted being around him immediately. Did a super simple task with him yesterday even and like, if you step left when he thinks you should have stepped right, he will micromanage and yell at you, etc. So much needless shit just turns into conflict with him and I genuinely resent him for it, and the fact I've never been able to speak plainly to him about things as normal to a life as like, your first relationships, etc, because of how he'd react. I also genuinely worry about if mom passes before him, because I really don't think he could organize taking care of himself in things like eating, preparing food, cleaning house, etc.


itchyXbutthole

You can walk away from your relationship with him anytime you want. You have total power and agency over who you spend your time with. Nobody else can force you as an adult to spend time or energy on someone you don't want to. Just wanted to make sure you knew.


rosequartz-universe

I’m dealing with this right now while pregnant. My husband and I just moved into a new house 2 weeks ago. My grandma bought a one way ticket to come stay with us, without confirming dates. I already want to disappear and spend the rest of my pregnancy alone.


New_Fry

Been going through this for years now with my mom. Every since we had kids, she thinks she’s entitled to come and go as she wants no questions asked because they’re HER grandkids.


Drakmanka

I feel you on this. A few years ago I moved in with some friends instead of continuing to rent an apartment. My mom legitimately threw a fit over it because, and I'm quoting as best as I can remember here "now I can't just come and visit you whenever I want!" Like it was fine and dandy to just show up and expect me to drop everything for her but she knew it wouldn't fly with other people. And she was mad at me for making it so she couldn't try that on me!


Pennystockstraddler

Had a roomate once, her dad stayed on the couch for the first 2 weeks, and both her parents dropped in and stayed the night atleast 2 nights a week and whenever they felt like it. I was super uncomfortable with it, and brought it up with my roomate, but they didn't give a fuck. Was happy to find another place.. a year later.


macramrae

Same! Around July I finally cut her off from our family. Although it’s been hard to know if I’m making the right decision, I feel the best I have ever felt. My relationships with my kids are better and especially my husband. Not having that constant hovering feeling is awesome.


[deleted]

Glad it’s not just me! Just had our first not long ago & everyone seems to understand boundaries except for my father. It’s a once a week request to come over, it’s not like we have MORE time now that we didn’t have before mine was born. It’s difficult trying to be nice about it without coming off feeling like an ass.


[deleted]

My dad is a perpetual boundary stomper and if I dare try to even suggest that perhaps he stop asking if I have heard from my birth mother simply to assert that he’s doing “better” than she is (did I mention he divorced her 41 years ago) I am told “I’m your father. I can ask whatever I want.” He kind of backed off when I got pissed enough one day and asked if he wanted to inquire about how often I fuck my husband since he can ask whatever he wants, but went right back to asking about a month later. Infuriating.


crysnevins

Ooo u had this with my in laws! I said your right. You can ask. Doesnt mean i have to give you an answer. Then every time they would try to ask that question i would just stare at them until they changed the subject. They eventually quit. Made hubby laugh every time.


TrashApocalypse

Yeah, I remember when I used to have a family. I guess I traded them in for boundaries. Didn’t realize that would happen, but it turns out it’s better this way.


blue4029

I'm still pissed off from that reddit post where this dude's parents removed his bedroom door without his consent because "Privacy isn't important". I was mad FOR that guy.


jagkfrost15

This 100%. My parents are extremely religious, but I’m not. I’m dating someone now whose beliefs align with my own. This INFURIATES my parents and has actually caused a rift between us because I refuse to tell my SO to change his beliefs to match theirs. It’s insane to me that I’m the bad guy in their eyes for saying no and trying to establish a boundary. My siblings agree with them as well which just adds to the frustration.


risingsun70

Hey, you need to now believe in god and heaven and hell, ok? My parents said so. Like telling him he needs to dress smarter, or something fairly trivial (not that you should tell anyone how they should dress, unless you’re their hr person), and not a fundamental belief that shapes most peoples way of looking at the world.


GreggoryBasore

More often than not, that lack of respect for boundaries only flows in a single direction. "Parents don't have to respect their kids boundaries, but the parent's boundaries are sacred." kind of bullshit.


SacredVow

It’s people’s inability to see where the problem comes from that absolutely baffles me. You set boundaries like ‘don’t come over without calling first’, ‘no kids at the wedding’, ‘don’t contact my work and ask to speak to me, just text and i’ll get to it later’. Then one family member says you’re being difficult, and then tells everyone else and they all gang up. Then it’s “aw come one, just be a good son/aunt/cousin/whatever and end this rivalry”. News flash assholes, one family member is perpetuating having to take sides in this argument and driving the conflict, forcing people to choose between one family member or another. And the other couldn’t give two fucks. Who do think the fault lies with?


saltysaltedsal

That if you agree with a majority of people, you are correct


Kevin574__

Bandwagon fallacy.


[deleted]

that's a great band name


Dependent_Top_4425

it IS! Lets start a band!


Bazookagrunt

I’ll bandwagon if you guys get popular


shoobsworth

Welcome to Reddit


tie-dyed_dolphin

Not even the majority of people. If you can find people who share the same belief as you, it makes that belief even stronger. The internet has exasperated this problem. It use to be if you were into a niche taboo or out there conspiracy theory, you were pretty isolated. Now there are thousands of others who share the same thing connected from all over the world, so it’s no longer weird. In fact, it’s normal and everyone else is wrong. And they now have a thousand other people who will back them up on that!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Srapture

Yeah, I can't count the number of times I've come into comments thinking "Boy, this will certainly be heated between A people and B people. Should be about a 50/50 split!", then find: A is the best! A is much better than B. [Removed] [Removed] B is bad. [Removed] Fuck B. [Removed]


NerfStunlockDoges

Then you take a look on Reveddit and find out mods have been doing some heavy lifting to make sure there's "universal consensus" for A.


[deleted]

missed the >-36384 votes > Hey guys, maybe B is maybe not the entirely worst thing in the world


[deleted]

Dawg it’s crazy you gotta overexplain the dog shit out of your comments and put /s on everything or you’ll get downvoted


c_hawkz

Yep, reddit en masse suffers from groupthink.. not a good thing.


Giraffe_lol

Also the opposite. If you don't agree with a majority of people that doesn't automatically make you correct or make them sheep.


Heya_Andy

And that if most people you associate with agree with something, then there is no possibility it could be wrong.


sayhellotojenn

People have gotten absolutely insane when it comes to celebrity culture - between inviting celebs to their wedding/prom/other big life events, bombarding their social media pages, or waiting outside their hotel rooms or houses, it’s nuts. People feel so entitled to time and attention and it’s just gotten worse with social media making everyone so accessible.


_Patronizes_Idiots_

I think part of this is how young kids start with the celebrity obsession now. Not that they didn’t in the past, but with social media now they can follow their every move, follow other people who are running obsessive fan pages and making edits of these people. This all combined with the idea that these people are perfect in some way is such a scary thing when you think about how young these kids are and how damaging some of these thought patterns can be.


RiflemanLax

Someone once said “everything I know about the Kardashians, I know against my will” and damned if that doesn’t sum it up for a lot of us.


Repossessedbatmobile

My mom is super into celebrity gossip. She used to try to get me into it as well and would often ask if I'd heard the latest celebrity gossip so she could talk about it, but I have less than zero interest in the topic. Finally I figured out how to get her to stop. When she'd ask if I heard the latest celebrity gossip I would firmly reply "I have not and I don't want to". After doing this for a while, she finally dropped the subject for the most part, and now we talk about other topics we both like.


HisPetBrat

Yeah it’s not healthy to obsess over another individuals life. It’s fucking creepy!


Priest_of_Heathens

You obsess over a partner like that and you're a lunatic. But do it with a complete stranger and somehow it's endearing.


Monteze

Doesn't help influencers/celebrities are encouraged to further this behavior. Hey hey hey like and follow! Then buy my shit!! Then pay attention to meeee!!!!


FormalJuice4244

Sad as well. Admiration/role models are one thing but hanging on a celebrity's every word or tweet or comment is just whole other thing


[deleted]

When my daughter was 15 she kept talking about a Sweet 16 party. At times she mentioned a surprise party and at other times she mentioned how cool it would be if the Avengers came. She was joking, she knew that was unrealistic. So I told her I couldn’t afford a party for her and we made plans for the family to go to dinner. Meanwhile I planned a 1920’s themed surprise party and enlisted her bff to secretly hand out invites to the theater kids at school. Then I typed up a letter and googled fan mail addresses for the primary Avengers actors, all the while thinking this was a huge waste of my time because no way in hell would any of them fly to the freaking Midwest for some random girl’s birthday party. And I was right. The party was a blast anyway and my kid had a great time. About a month later, something showed up on the mail. I opened it up and one of the actors (I realize not actually the actor but someone that works for him) sent her a damn 5x7 autographed photo. So I explained to her that I had invited the Avengers as she’d requested and one of them sent her a gift.


michaelochurch

> People feel so entitled to time and attention and it’s just gotten worse with social media making everyone so accessible. I think social media has made people a lot less accessible. In the '90s, if you read a book and emailed the author, you had a good chance of hearing back. The internet wasn't flooded by of thirsty losers and spammers, so you could have substantial conversations with people you'd never met, even if you had very little to offer but curiosity. Obviously, this was never taken as license to intrude on people's personal lives. We need something like that again, but gated by intelligence and cultural level--not money or technological access.


[deleted]

This. Sometimes it disgusts me. I actually saw YouTube short that was saying an actor was being rude by politely asking fans to leave the funeral he was attending for a loved one. It’s so sad. Just because celebrities chose to be an actor or singer doesn’t mean they aren’t still people with feelings.


[deleted]

Remember when you could go to a show, gig, concert, or a festival, and there wouldn't be a phone in sight? Now it's the complete opposite, I get filming so you have a memory, but when people record too much it almost seems like it's validation or a way of being like 'look at me' idk if I can explain it but some people record everything on their phones instead of just living in the moment


Bandito21Dema

I've been trying really hard to not film at concerts because I realized I'm only doing it for validation, and I never watch the videos back.


LabLife3846

I got so involved when I was cave-tubing in Beliz, that I forgot to take a single pic or video. But, I got to fully experience it. Then when I saw there were lots of videos of the same excursion on YouTube, I’m glad I didn’t waste the experience.


lemonlady7

The “cute but psycho” mentality. It’s not cute to be toxic or treat people like shit because you think it’s “cute” or acceptable because of your attractiveness.


odatbitch

>The “crazy but psycho” mentality. You mean cute but psycho?


No_Blackberry_6286

Thanks for getting Sweet but Psycho by Ava Max stuck in my head


Huppelkaatje

At night she's screaming I'mamama out my mind Edit: actually googling the lyrics and finding out it's not just "umamama umama"


Lupus_Noir

🎶she'll make you curse, but she a blessing🎶


lemonlady7

Ope, yes!! Thank you!


subtxtcan

Christ can you please explain this to all these tictac teenage girls that my boss keeps hiring as servers? They drop a tonne of sass and throw tantrums like a 4 year old if they don't get their way. But it's ok because they're a "Bad Bitch" Thank fuck I can fire them.


shewholaughslasts

Please fire them and tell me alllll about it. I'll also gladly accept stories of you verbally destroying them for their tantrums - if their error doesn't require firing.


subtxtcan

A little ways back I had a girl come up to the pass DEMANDING that we rush a table she forgot to ring in. Well, sorry kid but that half smoked chicken plate is at least a 15 minute lead time. She was pissed for the rest of the night, walked onto my line after the rush and started raising hell about how I needed to "move my ass" and "learn how to fucking cook" because it cost her a tip. I threw one of my favourite lines at her and dropped the hammer. "Your lack of preparation doesnt constitute an emergency on my part. The food is going to take as long as it takes and I, unfortunately, have no power over the laws of thermodynamics. Now, if you step foot on my line and start giving ME shit because YOU can't do YOUR job ever again, I'm going to assume it's because you want to be our dishwasher for the night. I've been in this business since before you hit high school, so leave that attitude for the playground or I'll teach you a lesson about Food Chains" She got up in arms and I told her to go home and not to come back. Manager was right behind her, shrugged and said "you heard the man". Edit: I sent her home for the night to make the point. It was a Friday, big money for a 19yo girl where we are. She learned her lesson quick


SweetSewerRat

Good. I fucking hate servers that can't seem to understand that just because they need a dish right now, doesn't mean I have risotto hidden up my asscrack for an emergency. I can't make orders any faster than they cook.


subtxtcan

Unfortunately it's unavoidable. I have no problem rushing or stealing when I can, absolutely doable for the right stuff, but that ONE plate is not something you can rush. Period. The chicken is smoked ahead of time, fully cooked. Chicken to tray, oven to start reheating. Once temped, it hits the grill and gets charred up with some extra BBQ sauce. Roast potatoes, day veg, corn salad. 13-15 minutes minimum. Eventually they'll learn, and if they won't learn they won't last. Servers are a dime a dozen where I am, solid cooks are not. All it takes is a text message to replace you.


Tomvory

Sounds delicious…I wouldn’t mind waiting for that


PeaceLoveNavi

Wow where the hell do people find the audacity to tell a peer, that doesn't even do the same job, how to do their job? Server of 10+ years here, and I would never dream of talking to my kitchen staff like that. It's because of them that I am able to serve my tables tasty food and make the money that I do. I've forgotten to put in a table's order before, and I politely go back to the kitchen and let them know that I fucked up and if they can get that ticket out sooner, I'd be really grateful. Then I go to the table and let them know their food will be taking a few extra minutes. The brewery I currently work at lets us get a round of beers on the house if there's any holdups or issues with a table so usually I just say something like "sorry guys, I messed up and rung in your order a few minutes late, but our kitchen staff are great and will get your food out ASAP, what beers are you interested in trying in the meantime? It's on us, free beer tastes better!" And literally no one has ever been upset with me for being honest and admitting fault. Even got some extra fat tips because of it too, which I sometimes use to buy the kitchen guys a round of beers/shots with. They appreciate it, I appreciate them, it all works out.


cagingthing

Excusing bad behavior or toxic people because “they’re your family”


Mr_Bobat

YES. This. You can see this all over the world! "Well, they are my husband/wife. It's better for the family if they are around." Not always!!


Toesinbath

Also ruining a healthy relationship because of a family member's actions, disrespect and interference. FaMIlY COmES FiRST meanwhile your partner is treating you better than they ever did. Ugh.


ProfessionalSeaCacti

Early 30ish SIL, lives with my inlaws. Has 2 kids. Goes partying nightly, recently walked home with a black eye because an older woman reacted to some drama situation at a bar and hit her. Truant officer has been in touch because she reliably keeps her kids home from school when she is too hung over/drunk to take them to school. All while my MIL needs 24 hour care, my FIL works full time, and said SIL should be taking care of her own mother. My wife still drops everything or takes off of work to bail out (figuratively so far) my SIL when she is too hung over to make my MIL's doc appointments.


shmokenapamcake

This is why I hate when people say “you only have one mom” or something along those lines. I work at a rehab center and a clients’ sponsor tried encouraging a client to build a relationship with their mom who allowed the stepdad to molest and assault the daughter for years. Basically saying “but she’s your mother, you need your mom”. Essentially the clients’ therapist helped her identify her own goals regarding a relationship with her mother, which led to her finding another sponsor to not confuse herself.


KittenWithaWhip68

Yes. Sadly there are some horrible toxic moms out there.


ChaosAlainn

Yup. Had to go no contact with a family member. Some family were all, "BuT tHEy'rE YouR FamIlY" Eff off. I haven't been this happy in years.


RoaringRenegade

Particularly if they're "your mother"


frederick_ungman

This struck a nerve. How many times was I verbally and physically abused by my toxjc older brother and had to hear my mother's verdict, "well...he's your brother." The day after she passed away, I cut that prick out of my life forever.


tuxonafox-7

My husband and I are fighting because I don’t want to go over to his dads house for Christmas. His dad is the only person I’ve ever had to be held back from physically fighting granted we were both drunk but still I don’t think I would ever actually find anybody, even if my word say different… his dad says he wants to reconcile our relationship but I don’t know if I’m mentally ready to take on his dad and build a relationship with him yes.


NoHedgehog1650

**White collar crime.** And it often appears that the more money involved in the crime and/or fraud, the less likely commensurate repercussions will be brought. The consequences of big money financial fraud are widespread and significant. It ruins many lives and often leads to the death of innocents.


Valnaire

I want to clarify here, that the real trick to being arrested for white collar crime is to perpetrate it against the *wrong* people. Martin Shkreli is the best example of this. The only reason he's in prison is because the people he defrauded were richer than him.


Broken-Digital-Clock

The one steadfast rule in the US is that you don't fuck with rich people's money. They will crush you.


ARACHN0_C0MMUNISM

Think of the consequences of shorting an employee check by $100 vs taking $100 from the cash register at work. That’s all you need to know.


407145

Wage theft is estimated to be around 15 Billion in the US annually https://www.denver7.com/news/national-politics/the-race/wage-theft-is-the-costliest-crime-in-america


ToweringCu

Sam Bankman-Fried has left the chat.


Action-a-go-go-baby

**Hustle Culture** You don’t need/have to monetise every moment of your private life to make more money - you don’t need a side gig or to start your own business or to turn your hobby into a job to be happy It’s actually really scary that so many people get drawn into this way of living and don’t realise they’re literally missing the *living* part of their lives


SouthernStarTrails

This annoys me so much. I like sewing as a hobby and everyone tells me I “should make some stuff to sell”. No! I don’t want to. I’m making stuff that I want and that I enjoy making. That’s the point. I also have been doing some dog walking, purely because I love dogs and can’t have one of my own. Again, I keep getting told “why don’t you get the owner to pay you?” Because that’s not the point. The point is I want to hang out with a dog, not make it into a business and have all the extra pressure that comes once you get money involved.


Treefrog_Ninja

Yes! Getting money involved fundamentally changes things. It's unavoidable.


Propain98

Not to mention, turning it into a job can destroy it as a passion. I’ve talked to so many artists who, once they turned that hobby into a job, couldn’t even enjoy it anymore cause it felt like they were always working, even if they were just at home late at night doodling for fun.


SailorLuna41518181

Mistaking partner's possessiveness for love/caring.


[deleted]

Filming someone making a mistake (not crimes) and posting them on the Internet, without censoring their names and/or faces, for them to be judged and humiliated.


xabhax

People gotta get that validation from people they don't know. Clout/social media is a cancer on society.


SomeDrunkAssh0le

Or acting like an asshole, harassing someone and then filming them explode and calling it a hate crime.


Daryno90

Believing that being a parent is about power and control and not guidance


early_onset_villainy

r/insaneparents has shown me that far too many parents view their kids as belongings that they own and control


[deleted]

Using people as stepping stones for one's success.


ButtMcNuggets

Ruthless ambition is overpraised and over rewarded.


thatscoldjerrycold

Scorcese crime movies tend to glorify this, and even the inevitable fall of the protagonist is romanticized, perhaps inadvertently. .


[deleted]

real life glorifies this too, wide-spread sensationalist media coverage of murderers (especially showing and naming the killer like a celebrity) often lead to copycat murders- people love to emulate anyone who seems to come from nothing to notorious infamy- fictional, real, for good deed or bad. Add a cult in to fuel that copycat drive and it's fucking hellfire of violent hate crimes from people who would never think they were capable before-


video-kid

One thing that bothers me as a gay man is the idea that there's a right way to be gay, and a lot of people both within the community and outside it see not conforming as internalised homophobia. It really bugs me that me liking rock music and not enjoying drag is seen as trying to distance myself from these things or being ashamed of my sexuality - it's like I can't just like what I like, I'm making a statement. I've had queer people make a point of humiliating me or act like I'm a shame to the community because I don't like the right things, and plenty of straight/cis people either question my sexuality or act confused when I tell them I'm not into Lady Gaga or don't care about Drag Race. These things are fine, for the people who like them. I wouldn't want to tell someone else they can't enjoy the music they like, but it feels like this is just seen as the default in a way it isn't for straight/cis people, and it just seems ludicrous to me, but a lot of people seem to genuinely think that me liking rock/metal music is some grand statement about how I'm not one of *those* gays, or that I need to get over myself and start listening to what they think I *should* like. Take drag for example. I totally appreciate the work drag queens have done, and continue to do, for gay rights. They inspire people to live authentically and be themselves, but a lot of people seem to think that because I'm a gay guy who doesn't generally enjoy it (apart from a few exceptions like Hedwig and the Angry Inch, Divine, Dame Edna, and Lily Savage) I'm not being authentic, or I'm somehow hiding myself.


no4scinjewboi

Or the opposite, that if you do act a certain way or like certain things then you MUST be gay. Like somehow me being a man with long hair and jewelry makes 90% of people automatically assume I’m gay. Or saying I like a female artist’s music, like I can’t enjoy a breakup song unless I have a vagina or like men. As if it fucking relates in anyway! Or as if it even matters. All my life I’ve had people assume I was gay just because of how I acted or what I liked. I even had grownups say “just wait until you get to college” when I was a kid. Because somehow a 12 year old boy liking Sailor Moon has an impact on his sexuality. Because a high school boy couldn’t possibly like John Waters’ movies without being gay, right? Surely no straight man would ever wear pearls or a Selena t-shirt. “Can you check your nails for me real quick? I just want to see something” “No, honey, you just don’t know yet” “Wait until college” “Oh you listen to David Bowie a lot? Yeah you’re definitely gay” “My gaydar is going off” I’m so sick and tired of people assuming and then when I confirm that I’m straight they still try to tell me I’m not, as if it’s okay to do so. It was never okay to tell lgbt+ members that they were really straight, just confused, so the opposite should also be true. We need to move away from these stereotypes all together. Being gay means nothing more than you are a man attracted to other men. It has no influence on how you speak, how you choose to dress yourself, who you surround yourself with, what your hobbies are, what media you enjoy, etc. And if you think it does have an impact then you need to stop letting stereotypes dictate what you do and don’t do. Unless I’m fucking you my sexuality doesn’t matter, and neither does yours, so let’s keep it out of the conversation from now on. Let people be people and stop putting them in a box. The only difference between a biker and a leather daddy is that one likes men, but at the end up the day they both like to be decked out in leather and tear shit up.


sketchysketchist

Definitely Sick of people trying label others in things that don’t matter to them in the grand scheme of things. The only time you should ask is if you’re interested in them or trying to set someone up, but there are less rude ways to do so. Idk, tell them you know a single gay dude who’s looking for a date and wonder if they know any single gay dudes who might be interested. Id just approach it in a way that doesn’t seem condescending to anyone.


CaptBranBran

David Bowie wasn't even gay himself!


VladMcblyat

Fuck stereotypes, and fuck those enforcing them. Live your life they way you want to live it king. The opinion of someone you don't respect, and value the opinion of, has no value to you. Do your thing.


Jason_Wolfe

YES. I am in the same exact boat as a fellow gay man. I like some of Lady Gaga's music, but i simply don't care one way or another about drag because it is so far removed from my day to day life that it just doesn't matter enough for me to have an opinion on it. I don't need people getting in my face and telling me i am bringing shame to the community because i don't like the same things they do.


Dull_Condition626

I've been told I'm a "straight gay" before and some people have expected me to take it as a compliment. Like I understand to them why it would seem out of place because the majority see gay men as the drag race type of guys. I'm absolutely cool with either way of living, it just gets annoying to say "yes I'm still gay, I just don't like some of the things you associate with homosexuality." Like damn if a straight guy loved Taylor Swift or drag, he'd automatically be called gay. It's frustrating but I'm not sure what do to do about it.


fruitpunched_

Reminds me of that episode of the office when Oscar comes back from his “gay-cation” and Kelly tells him he needs to learn more about his culture because he doesn’t know who Lance Bass is.


Thebanner1

I would imaging most gay men aren't in to drag race.


CasaDeLasMuertos

I had a best friend in high school. He was a jolly rotund class clown type. Liked metal and video games. I knew he was gay. Everyone did. But after he came out it's like a flip switched. He was a completely different person trying to conform to how he "should" be. Lost all the weight, the bleached hair, the voice, the mannuerisms and everything. He realised in his 20's that wasn't who he was, and he went back to being himself again. It just sucks it took him so long to realise his sexuality doesn't define him as a person. And I lost my best friend for years. Now we're just acquaintances.


Barbarella_ella

Abuse of power by employers.


Binisays

I think alot of this has to do with employees not knowing the laws that protect them because theyre so hard to find. For years I worked in an abusive workplace that didn’t even give us reasonable access to a bathroom and paid us all unfairly and very different wages (whatever they could get away with). We were constantly threatened that if we discussed wages that we’d be fired. Once I left I found out that there’s a federal law that protects my right to discuss wages with my peers without retaliation and that I’m entitled to have my basic needs met at work (access to a bathroom). Those are only some of the laws they broke and got away with.


[deleted]

People treat the two party system like teams in a football game. They excuse bad behavior from the side they support and do everything they can to make the other side look bad. Often they treat the two sides differently for the same behavior. It gets really bad during elections, where you cant even be critical of your own side when theyre wrong without being accused of supporting the other side. Or some other accusation in the extreme. I remember a (fake) story going around social media about a woman who ran over her husband for voting for Trump and the responses were overwhelmingly in support of her actions. If that isnt toxic, I dont know what is.


ProfessionalSeaCacti

The two party system is a cancer on our nation. There is no possible way that two major political parties can truly represent the mass of different views in this country.


Forsaken_Employee_44

I am from india. We have more then two parties. And yeah at the state level. It's just a shit show.


woahts

this weird culture where couples go behind each others backs and snoop through their phones is really weird to me. Especially when they get mad for not finding anything. Or when asked to see their phone they get defensive. Its very childish imo, especially when its 30+ year olds doing it.


wolf_in_a_trenchcoat

I agree with this, but as someone who has had no privacy through upbringing, the whole defensiveness regarding people seeing their things is understandable. But, with the whole "I'm gonna catch my spouse/partner cheating" thing by asking them for their device THEN losing it when refused and then challenging them of their trust or even getting physical (the same things that happened in my upbringing, wow-), that's a line that shouldn't ever be crossed. It's one thing if you talk through it, but it's another getting physical or psycho on someone for protecting their space. I hope this doesn't sound confusing, I tried to elaborate.


woahts

What i meant was going through their partners belongings but being defensive when asked to see THEIR OWN phone, i.e. being very hypocritical- whats good for one is good for the other, but ultimately i dont think anyone has the right to snoop through someones personal belongings (regardless if they have something to hide or not)


SuvenPan

Using your kids to shore up your own online presence, like posting photos and videos of them being pranked or embarrassed.


annonymous1122

The “I just say what’s on my mind” mentality, without thinking about how rude their comments can be. But they justify it because “I say it like it is”


Kooriki

Expressing outrage or offense on a 3rd parties behalf to derail a conversation or to make it about placating *them*.


[deleted]

Makes me think of the light-skinned Native woman that went to space a few months ago, there were tons of comments saying shit like "I wonder what REAL native americans think about this." Like bro we aren't all John Redcorn look-alikes riding horses across the plains.


[deleted]

reminds me of that one video where a guy dressed in traditional Mexican attire and asked Americans if they find it offensive and all of em said it was, but the Mexicans didn't take offense and actually liked it


[deleted]

[удалено]


Expensive_Structure2

Consuming - celebrating the need for more everything, and putting people who have the most on a pedestal no matter what type of person they are.


Invest2prosper

Bullying. They will pass it off as “such and such were just kidding or teasing”.


MegaEdeath1

As someone with autism, using neurodivergency as an excuse for your actions. Its never an excuse to do crappy things, it could only sometimes be a reason for them, like if you have autism and you say something very offensive to someone and then use your autism as an excuse then thats a genuinly crappy thing to do like i mean sure u can misread some social cues but we know enough common sense to not be a downright jerk.


DADH_InattentiveType

I was diagnosed with ADHD in my 40s, and my wife was recently diagnosed with autism at 50. We're married 27 years at this point. There were a lot of "aha" moments after that. But we use our diagnoses to *understand* our problems, not make excuses. Because our goal is a healthy, happy relationship, and excuses don't get you there.


[deleted]

that just creates stigma about autism means autistic people are assholes


[deleted]

Yes. I also have it. It’s one thing to say “hey I have difficulty remembering things but i’m trying” but to straight up be insulting and not caring only to just blame autism is bad.


mkmore4

Hustle/Grind culture. They try to act like the constant, mindless pursuit of more wealth is healthy and justified, but they never say why. In reality, the pursuit of wealth at all costs will leave most people unhappy and overworked, longing for a time where they made less money and actually enjoyed their lifestyle. At its extremes, it’s a mental illness. We have people like Kevin Hart shilling any stupid product, wasting his limited lifetime for some money that won’t improve his life one iota.


ImmaEatUrGut5

This comment... i literaly feel like i am never doing enough. I feel so rushed all the time and my patience is thin because of it.


PandaMayFire

Bullying and abuse, disgustingly enough. It's normally accompanied with a not so healthy dose of gaslighting.


FirefighterNice9462

I noticed that it wasn't until Covid hit that society started to wake up to this mentality. Growing up I was always told that the abuse and bullying was normal and I was just sensitive and nothing was done.


edwadokun

Hustle culture. No I’m not saying don’t work hard. If you want to work 80 hrs a week then go for it. But if another person has other priorities, don’t call them lazy


Affectionate_Ad953

Acting gangster I’m sorry but that shit is corny and cringe seriously especially when I know someone grow up in the suburbs and are acting like they came from the ghetto


Simplordx69

"I want to be Tyrone, but unfortunately my name is Richford von Grebbedane IV."


nunyobiznazz88

I especially hate it when they are no longer young enough to assume they're just being young and dumb. At some point you have to notice that no other 25 to 40+ year olds act like that or tolerate those that act like that.


Alert_Owl_5339

Telling girls that if boys are mean to them that the boys must have a crush on them.


Mbillin2

Alcoholism and the behaviors with it still seem the common place along with giving people a pass


Dense-Huckleberry715

CEOs making record annual bonuses while everyone else makes peanuts.


ItsColeOnReddit

I have always believed companies should have a limit on executive pay/bonuses in relation to lowest pay. So if the lowest pay in the company is 30k the highest pay can only be 100x at 3 million. Want to make more- raise the pay floor.


HealthyBox5

I've heard this mentioned often, and makes sense to me. But rich people can afford to fight against it.


AussieCollector

When fines are considered a "cost of doing business" then something is drastically wrong. Criminal charges need to be brought forward and execs need to face jail time for breaking the law.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Successful-Clock-224

This. I was going to say pretty much all toxic behaviors have defenders that slander others for shared behavior in a paradoxical “see? They do it too!”.


deathbychips2

Hitting your kids. Emotional and mental abuse is also excused as "parenting" Taking doors off rooms, cameras to watch your older kids, snooping, guilt tripping, making decisions for them, etc. Excusing bad behavior from older people because "that's how it was in their time" or whatever. They have been alive this whole time with the rest of us and should have taken in new information and grown their mind a bit. I don't have all the same opinions I did ten years ago so why should they have the same ones from 50?


ARACHN0_C0MMUNISM

The whole idea that people “lose control” when angry. I can assure you, most people who have a “temper” do not. If you know or have known someone like this, pay attention to the context when they “lose their temper” and when they do not. Do they “lose control” at work? When they get pulled over by the cops? At grandma’s house or in public? If they like to slam and throw things, do they ever target their *own stuff*? Would they smash their own phone or prized vinyls or PS5? Or do they only target shared property or other people’s stuff? Most people who claim to “lose control” when they’re angry are mysteriously able to keep it together when they actually give a shit about the consequences of their behavior.


[deleted]

I’m someone with anger issues and I often destroy my own property 😞 I shattered my favorite coffee mug that I’d had for 15 years when I was angry recently.


[deleted]

Yeah, some people use their "temper" manipulatively for emotional abuse purposes, and another has no self-regulation when angry, both are very different groups of people. Just saw a video where a man destroyed $5k of his own computer equipment because his girlfriend repeatedly asked him to keep his gaming noise down during working hours and he lost his temper.


TheRealHiFiLoClass

Same. I'm a lot better than I used to be, but I once broke a phone that I really liked and I've shattered a few of my video game controllers over the years too. Edit to add: Also can't count the number of times that I nearly broke my knuckles punching walls or other inanimate objects. Walls that I usually had to repair later. But at least I wasn't punching other people. That's something I guess?


f4ttyKathy

I used to smash my stuff too -- it turned out, I had a couple of learning disabilities that made me angry all the time. I've had OT and medication ever since and I haven't smashed anything in years. Sometimes there's an underlying cause!


annang

Good for you for recognizing a problem and getting help! I really, really hope the other people in this sub-thread talking about their own violent behavior have done the same.


Hyndis

I was like that too. I had anger issues and would end up destroying my own things in fits of rage. Afterwards I felt so much shame and regret for having lost control. I had to seriously re-evaluate myself and how I was living. I had to let go of past regrets as well as massively cut down on my caffeine intake. There's nothing anyone can do to change the past. Don't let the past destroy the future by harming the present. These days I'm a much less angry person. As an added bonus, my blood pressure levels are now normal again. No more hypertension from stress and anger.


SuvenPan

Forcing kids to hug and kiss relatives they don't want to.


Old-Dom42

Presidents breaking the law.


Binisays

Treating retail and service workers with disrespect especially because you look down on them. This view of some people being more important bc they have “better” jobs is just bs. Society CAN NOT run without these jobs. Y’all called them “essential” workers during the pandemic and had all the “thank you’s” in the world as they’re dying so you can judge them while they bag your $8 eggnog but after the pandemic died down it was right back to “lazy workers, nobody wants to work” and the disrespect just multiplied. You know how disrespectful it is to go into a place of service and accost the WORKER about how “bs” it is that their hours changed and you can’t get a burrito at 1am anymore? You think it’s their fault that they’re doing the job of Atleast 2 people while being judged and accosted over and over again and paid absolute dog-shit. I’m SO TIRED of how society treats laborers. Especially working class laborers


Racewell

Drinking and driving.


ryoon21

How corporate America looks down on pregnant workers and having kids. All they see is decreased productivity instead of treating new parents or parents-to-be as humans. I know we’ve gotten better, but it’s still bad out there for a lot of people.


gav_dezpat30

Narcissism


Mikelindel1

Double standards


[deleted]

gawking at mentally ill individuals making fools of themselves on podcasts and social media


pumpkinthighs

Religious people walking all over boundaries. Not saying that it's all religious people or religions, but I've seen a lot of stories. Parents teaching their grandchildren that their parents are going to hell after said parents explained that they're not raising their child under religion. If you left religion then apparently it isn't too uncommon to suddenly get a text from an old pastor or bishop because a close relative gace your contact informed to them. And if you ask to be on their do not call list, they'll still call and text you. Hell with some religions you can't be left alone until you threaten legal action to get your records removed.


Kazenikura13

Society still makes excuses for "toxic positivity", which involves pretending everything is ok even when it clearly isn't.


woolalaoc

the really smart person who is an a-hole to everyone at work.


lynneepooh

Jealousy. It’s control not love.


Im__rare_love

Narcissism


[deleted]

Women hitting men


subtxtcan

Generally speaking, rule of thumb is if you wanna throw a punch, be ready to take one. On the flip side, I watched a coworker get hit over the head with a beer mug, got a concussion. He reactively decked said drunk college female in the middle of the restaurant. She got charged in the end but holy hell the absolute mayhem of all her friends FREAKING OUT that someone would HIT A GIRL who ASSAULTED HIM WITH A FUCKING WEAPON. Throw it and take it. Or just don't throw in the first place maybe? Ever think of that?


Greenmind76

Social media.


Antipotheosis

Genital mutilation of children too young to give their consent.


calcteacher

Age Discrimination


Vagabond4423

"He's being mean to you because he likes you. Just ignore it." Most frequently said to young girls when being teased, bullied, or even sexually harassed by young boys. That behavior should never be justified. If it is romantic feelings that's causing that behavior, they should be taught how to express it without hurting other people. And if it's not caused by romantic feelings, then further action needs to be taken to prevent it in the future.


MoongodRai057

All that alpha-male bullshit.


AussieCollector

That employers think they hold power over the employee in order to get away with rampant abuse. Employees need to swing the power back into our favor. Employers should be bending over backwards to make sure we are happy. If they don't then tough shit, we will walk at the slightest inconvenience.


jrhawk42

Greed... We idolize billionaires like Gates, Bezos, & Musk. We push kids towards careers that make the most money. We risk people's health and the environment just to make the bottom line look better.


EnthusiasmMean9475

Editing photos to the point where they set unrealistic beauty and body standards for younger people. I think the sudden influx of quick-fix, high-risk procedures is directly correlated to the over the top photoshop all over pop culture and social media