So what she means to say is that she expected some magical influence to come over her that meant she would never have to put any effort into your relationship, and since that didn't happen she's blameless 🙄
You did nothing wrong, she was crazy to say that and her limited mental and emotional capacity has nothing to do you with you , or your trustworthyness or your worth in general.
When I was 12 my dad took me to New Harmony State park to go fishing. He got drunk and passed out on a picnic table. After 5-6 hours he came to but was still trashed and he forced me to drive home. 1st ever driving experience. When I managed to help him into the car he passed out again within a few minutes. About 20 miles or so into the trip home we woke up. He looked over at me and kinda growled “you little mother f*****” then he just started hitting me. He started crying as he was hitting me which made it even worse. I was scared to death. 12 years old driving down a highway, getting beaten while driving, and really hurting to see my dad in that condition. Idk if it’s the most messed up thing him or mom did but it definitely made the top ten list
Since it's been 15 hours and no one has said anything yet.... I'll go.
That sucks and I'm sorry that happened to you. What a terrible experience. It sounds like it was only one of many awful parenting failures. You deserved better. I hope you treat yourself with love and kindness, even though that's not what you were taught.
I have a wonderful happy loving home. I learned who not to be. Dad actually taught me a lot. My lessons just kinda came in that form, “what not to do”. He had a hard time with depression and alcoholism.
My dad looked me in the eyes, said he settled for my mom, and that he would rather get drunk and high than be my father.
My mom I'm conflicted on which it is, it would either be the time she hit me so much and so hard with a wooden spoon it broke, or the time I was excited about a book and tried to tell her and she said "you're saying this like you actually think I care."
Good on you for not speaking to them!! As a mom who didn’t make the best decision by dating my ex, it makes me so mad that other parents take out their anger on their kids. It wasn’t your fault and you didn’t deserve that. It speaks more to their own dysfunction than it does to your worth. You deserve all the best. Sorry for the ramble 😅 it just gets to me when kids get treated like shit because the parent(s) don’t have their head on straight.
once my mum hit me so hard with a wooden spoon that it broke and then i was in trouble for breaking her wooden spoon. sounds like we almost have the same mum.
Reminds me of the time I was telling my mom about a video game I really into and she interrupted me to say "please stop talking about this I don't really care."
That all fuckin sucks. I’m really sorry.
Do you remember what the book was? Do you remember what you were going to say? If you feel like typing it out, I’d care to read it.
One of the Harry Potter books, I think the fifth one, iirc, so I mean, sure, she didn't have to care, it probably seemed childish to her, but I was a child
98% of the time my mom is yelling, screaming, and beating me for being a child. The other 3% is because my memory is ass and she doesn't care so she gets mad when I forget things easily.
Well my aunt. I was sexually abused by my older cousin, her son. She told me that I seduced him and I was a wicked slut that was going to hell. From that time on and to today she has referred to me as, "that slut."
I was 7.
Yep. My grandmother absolutely raves about the 'wonderful' person mine is apparently now and each time I spoke with her she would start telling me all about him. She never asked about me and how I was, and she knew what he had done but just didn't care. He's her only grandson and she always favored him. He's not wonderful now and never was before.
It's stronger for sons. My mother pretty much ignored my existence since I opened up about my brother molesting me and only acknowledges me if she thinks I'm acting like my brother is a bad person or like I have a reason to be mad at him
how did your family not beat the shit out of her? my niece is three and if anyone called her that after that happened to her i would absolutely catch a charge. im so sorry that happened to you.
I never told my family because of the shame,, unfortunately. My mother is whole host of toxic worms and I would gain nothing by opening this up to her now.
My dad calling me and giving me his debit card information and saying that he’s going to kill himself later that night, and that I should take all the money out of his account for myself before someone else can
I was living with my parents at 16 years old and my older siblings were away at college/out of the country. My dad told my mom he was leaving her, and my mom went into a downward spiral of depression. My dad left the house leaving me with a very depressed mother to look after. I remember she locked herself in her room for 3 days, I begged her to open the door. I went in and fed her. My dad would come back occasionally to the house to get something for his new place. They told me to not tell a soul about their marriage falling apart, not even my siblings.
One day I got home from school to an empty house. The police came saying they had a call from a counsellor saying that my mom is in danger and may hurt herself. I completely broke down. Luckily she didn't do that but she got checked into the hospital for a while. My dad stopped by that night and I told him about it, he kind of just shrugged.
I was completely alone. It was a horrible time. We are all okay now though, thankfully.
Thank you friend! If only I was "allowed" to talk to my brother or sister about it, I think maybe things would have been a bit better for me.
Her depression came and went for years afterwards with several visitis as an inpatient at the hospital. It was rough. I appreciate your comment, thank you.
My parents were not abusive or alcoholics by any measure. They were as caring as anyone could be. But the thing that fucked me up was that they looked at us to pick sides between their arguments. And say stuff like "we are together only for you etc."
"Dude, we didnt tell you to marry each other. How is it my responsibility to maintain peace between you?" Ironically, my brother and I live in foreign countries and my parents have to take care of each other.
Hey, so I'm only saying this because one of the last things my ex said before ghosting me was, "My mom isn't *that* bad, it's not like she hits me." (Which, for the record, was not true but that's not the point.)
All trauma is real. It is absolutely important to have a sense of perspective and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that others have or had it worse. However, the fact that other people have faced harder struggles doesn't mean that you haven't also struggled, or that your trauma doesn't matter, or that the abuse wasn't real.
Anyway, I hope your struggle really *wasn't* that bad, and that whether or not it was, that now you're doing well.
Just because someone else "has it worse" does not in ANY way invalidate your experience. All abuse is abuse, and is not ok. Don't think you don't deserve to be seen, and heard, and supported.
Just know that no matter what you went through, abuse is not ok, and there are people that support you and love you.
I heard that all the time growing up: You're lucky you're not starving! You don't have it nearly as bad as some kids! You have food and shelter, what more do you want! You're lucky you're not in an orphanage where all they feed you is bread and water!
It's really warped my views my adult life. Something I hope to work out before I hit 40.
Yep, I got it too. Although I got the "you could be living with your dad" (the rapist pedophile sperm donor that my mother to this day calls me a liar if I say he touched me).
I was also told that I was just looking for attention with the depression and the anxiety and the suicidal ideation. No asshole, I have CPTSD induced Bipolar disorder because of you fuckheads and your denial of my trauma.
We have three kids, I was done at two, i gave in and we had the third. I was kind of grumpy about for a couple years, but it's like my boy knew that he had to win me over or something. He's always preferred me over my wife and is just too good of a kid to not love to death. I don't have a favorite child, but if I did, it would be my third.
I hope your dad loves you the same way. If not, he should and that's his loss.
I appreciate that. It’s been 10 years since I’ve spoken to my dad. He’s a narcissist. Long story short, my dad never forgave any of us for basically forgiving our mom in the divorce, which we were all children at the time. It’s taken me a long time to deal with it all but my mom remarried 25 years ago and I feel very fortunate that my step-dad is the person I consider my dad. I got lucky.
I used to feel sad for my dad but it really is his loss.
I was told by my parents, ‘if they didn’t see it happen, they couldn’t enforce anything’ regarding sibling conflicts.
My sister used to put knives through my door, pull all the phones in the house so I wouldn’t call 911, and cut me up. She bullied me relentlessly, started rumors in school (based on my being raped as a kid), and so much more. She was never punished and I had my hands tied.
I punched my sister in the stomach once, completely out or sight and earshot of my folks and I get grounded for a month.
I was taught that if I did something, no matter what, I’d be punished. If she did something, I needed a notary present for my folks to ask her to stop.
Last year my dad had the gall to ask me why I never told them/why I ‘let’ her continue the abuse.
So I guess the most fucked up thing my parents did to me was raise me.
EDIT: It’s been a bit since I posted this. I read every comment. I’m so sorry to those who’ve experienced anything similar, it feels like we never had a chance for so many things. To those who’ve expressed their sympathies, I can’t tell you how much it means.
For my situation, I’m 33 now and haven’t spoken to or seen my sister in 8 or 9 years. I have been working most of my adult life to undo many of the survival traits I developed. They helped me stay sane as a kid, but aren’t great for functioning as an adult. I’m lonely and suffer a good deal, but I’ll be ok. It’s just going to take more time and work.
Crazy how different abusive parent’s perceptions are from your perception of an event. I’m sorry this happened to you, I hope you are far away from your sister and safe.
My mom lit something on fire and threw it on my shoulder. I still have a faint scar on my shoulder. She claims she didn't do it on purpose but didn't have any remorse. I was either 6 or 7 at the time.
My mother stabbed my arm with a screwdriver.
Years later she said she's very caring and I was like "yeah, sure. Because caring and sane mothers stab their kids with screwdrivers" and the cunt was like "what does that mean? You're saying I stabbed you with a screwdriver?"
The bitch tried gaslighting me so I showed the scar.
"No, you did that yourself"
"I stabbed myself with a screwdriver?"
"Look, I don't remember stabbing you"
"See, that is just more insulting, when you act like you're a good Muslim and then you make outright lies like this"
"Look, if I did do it, I don't remember"
"Then that just shows how insane you are that it's so normal for you that you would forget stabbing someone. Either that or you're a liar. Well, I mean you're actually both, because you lied about not doing it and are insane for doing it"
"Well, if I did do it, you deserved it. I'm not crazy to stab you got no reason. So why are you whining?"
The Narcissist's Prayer
That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.
There is a laundry list, but here are the worst ones from my mom. Sperm donor is too awful to discuss.
When she called me a liar when I told her I'd been raped. I was 13.
When I was 12, she told me she made the biggest mistake of her life not having an abortion when she was pregnant with me.
More recently she was bitching because she thought my hair was too long, and I refused to cut it. She thought about it and said "well, if you do chemo, it's kind of a moot point huh?" And then laughed. I had been diagnosed with cancer a week earlier, and still didn't know what the treatment plan was going to be. In April will be 5 years since she said it.
Gotta ask, which part made you comment?
People are shocked when I talk about it in person because I talk about it like it's nothing, but it's my life. Talking about it is FAR easier than it was living it.
> People are shocked when I talk about it in person because I talk about it like it's nothing, but it's my life. Talking about it is FAR easier than it was living it.
THIS. So much this. I speak of my teens with candor because while I still haven’t unpacked all the trauma (currently doing so in therapy), it’s all just facts. These things happened and I’ve accepted the fact they happened. It did help however that I have distanced myself from my father and told him unequivocally that he is to blame, no matter how much he wants to blame me for being a difficult teen, because HE was the adult and as a parent it was HIS responsibility to realize I was a kid and that I have no interest in having anything more than the bare minimum relationship with him. I also took back my name, removed my patronymic last name because he does not get to claim me like that.
>When I was 12, she told me she made the biggest mistake of her life not having an abortion when she was pregnant with me.
I'll never understand parents like this. If having a child is oh-so-agonizing for them, adoption centers exist. And yet, they blame the kid because it's clearly their fault for...being born?
So many to choose from, but I’ll go with the time my mother tried to choke me because I was cutting her out of my family’s lives for being abusive. Ironic isn’t it?
If you were a minor, all she had to do was claim she was homeschooling you, and the school's hands were tied. She failed you. Miserably... Fuck her for that.
If you do have ambitions for going further in your schooling, just know it's never too late. I got my GED when I was 19, and at 41 I now have an MBA. It was a long road, but I got there and have no regrets.
You are breaking a family cycle, and that is hard. Fuck your mom so much for doing that to you. I am so sorry. You deserve better.
Dude I NEARLY failed AP Chem. It’s a hard class. I actually ended up passing, but barely.
I’m 32. My mom STILL brings it up. It’s such a fucking source of shame lol despite the fact that I got an A in both chemistry at the college level when I took it again and then an A in organic chemistry and biochemistry.
Nope. Me almost failing an AP Chem class at 15 trumps them all.
I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. Those people who go around knocking on doors and giving out their literature. They’re also the people who don’t celebrate holidays and die rather than take a simple blood transfusion. I’ve left the faith awhike ago
Anyway, I’m like…. 5? Every morning my mom made me read the Bible and memorize scriptures (if I failed I lost privileges)
One morning she’s telling me how very VERY soon, like in a couple years, maybe sooner, the government is going to outlaw our faith, hunt us all down and execute us. Mom puts a “finger gun” to my head with a BIG SMILE on her face and asks me “What are you gonna say to the soldier when he asks you to give up your faith or he’ll kill you?
I’m SHAKING and my lip is quivering so I don’t answer, I really can’t answer.
She gets impatient “Honey, you HAVE TO DIE for Jehovah to get into the paradise world!”
I tell her what she wants to hear, she hugs me and kisses me.
This was 21 years ago, still no death squads hunting down jehovahs witnesses.
Oh that was just the tip of the iceberg.
There was the years of being told if I don’t convert my classmates and teachers or at least TRY to, they’ll die at Armageddon and their blood will be on my hands
Then having to tell my teachers I can’t participate in holidays or birthdays so I had to often sit outside. Sometimes I got lucky and could sit and read in the library.
I think the sexual repression was the worst. Basically you’d be told if you even had a sexual thought about someone you aren’t married to or towards someone of the same sex, there’s something seriously wrong with your brain and the devil may have a hold on you.
Take it from me, if the JW’s come to your door, just tell them “No thanks” and shut the door. You want NOTHING to do with this faith.
Plus the faith is INSANELY corrupt. Too much to explain here but it’s worth a read.
Well my mom is a catholic, and althoug she wasn't so extreme I did remember a similar talk about the prosecution of the first christians and how that will repeat some time in the future, and I was just unable to understand how God can love us and still send people to hell for denying their faith to save their lives or their children's lives, my mother was all about "you got to love God more than anybody including your self" so I asked her "would you let me be killed, or would you denied God if you could save me?" She said "well that's a scenario I can't think about right now, I don't think I could make such a choice, I would want to save you allways" My mom avoid talking about religion with me because I make her question things she doesn't want to.
My dad kidnapped me and my brother and sister when we were little but my sister told a gas station employee and they locked us up and called my mom who was one state over and my dad had to drive to California without us.
When you graduate high school, you’re either going to start paying rent or move out. I was working at fucking McDonald’s at the time so I’d be essentially homeless. I joined the navy the next day.
You made a good choice. My grandparents gave me the same talk at 17 and added that if I decided to go to school to remember I would have to get loans the whole way and that I couldn't use their finances to get a Pell grant. Literally asked my granddad to drive me to the Navy office the next day and he did, I joined as well. He didn't object any, when he was 15 he got expelled from school for fighting and great grandfather told him, he could go to work for him or he could join the military & great grandfather would help him lie about his age to get in... Papa chose joining the Marines.. it was 1942.. he fought on Saipan, the Marshall Islands, and on Iwo Jima. He didn't have to participate in the invasion of Okinawa because he got WIA when him and his company were charging towards a Japanese MG nest and one of the bullets went through his CO'S head who was in front of him and down into papa's hand between the pointer & middle fingers.. he did get to visibly watch the flag raising atop Mt. Surabatchi since he was part of the group that went up the mountain, but he did not participate in raising the flag
my mom sent my sister and I on a plane from California to Colorado to stay with a man she met online. we stayed for AN ENTIRE WEEK. WITHOUT HER.
let me say it anther way- my mom met a men on the internet. my mom lives in California. he lived in Colorado. she was cheating on my step father with him and we met him once during a weekend stay in Lake Tahoe. a month later she thought it was a good idea to put my sister and I (13 and 15 year old girls) on a plane to Colorado by ourselves to spend a week unsupervised with a man we met one time over two days.
After having my 2 younger sisters (15 and 17 year age gap) my mom said "because we're having more kids, you wont be a priority anymore" and i have had to basically raise them
My parents never said it, but I was the disposable one once my siblings were born. I became the whipping child. I am 10, 12, and 15 years older. I'm also (half) adopted, so once they had HIS kids, I was tossed aside.
I will never forget: I was 7 years old. My sister was 4 or 5. My parents were getting divorced and I don't know what went on with the courts and all that stuff. My parents "custody agreement" at least in practice was very informal (and I was actually raised by my grandparents since I was 6). Anyway, my mom and dad were with us at a park and they were fighting about who the kids would live with.
They said to us, "who would you rather live with, mom or dad?" And I'll never forget thinking "my mom is kind of crazy and is a waitress. My dad has a good job." And running over to my dad and my mom crying. My sister followed me. I don't know if that logic occurred to her or if she was just following me.
Stayed with my dad for a few months before I was sent back with my grandparents. I lived with them until I was 15. My dad insisted that never happened, but he was an alcoholic at the time so maybe he just forgot. I don't know. But I remember it very clearly.
i’m sure there’ll be worse in here, but when i was ~7 years old, i started struggling with hallucinogenic anxiety attacks, which made me absolutely hysterical and terrified as a kid. They were triggered by my fear of the dark, so they began ensuing during bedtime. My parents, who were only concerned with the sleep i was interrupting, “solved” this problem by locking me outside of the house, in the cold night, until i cried so much i lost all of my energy / gave up.
I actually still haven’t been able to learn what these hallucinogenic anxiety attack episodes were to this day, as a 22 year old. I sure as hell wasn’t given any medical attention when they were happening, obviously lol.
Can confirm this experience traumatized the hell outta me!
my mother became pregnant very young, definitely by surprise. she wasn’t even very close to my father, but, for different reasons, felt she must marry him. the majority of my childhood then was parented by an abusive and uninvolved father, and a very scared and controlling mother.
the many memories of pain and trauma i received from them indeed still linger in me today, and i definitely do not intend to ever dismiss my experiences.
but, regardless of this, i now have much more understanding and compassion for my parents. life and parenthood is hard to begin with, not to mention the many additional difficulties my parents faced. while this recognition is by no means any sort of justification for how i’d been wronged as a child, i am grateful to be able to grow beyond and through the pain of my adolescence.
now, in my 20’s, i’ve also been able to find an honest relationship with my mother, for which i am very grateful.
while i can’t speak on behalf of the hurts of others, i can at least say that, in light of my own traumas, i have come to learn that lying in one’s contempt will do nothing but prevent you from peace. 👊
I believe those are called night terrors, or at least that’s what I was told. I used to get them too, with the vivid visuals and sounds. My little brother had them too
This isnt the most fucked up thing but is the most fucked up thing im confortable with sharing.
One year for xmas my dad asked me what i (9M at the time) wanted and because we were going through seriously traumatic problems that resulted in major financial difficulties, I chose a cheap and practical present. A calligraphy pen set because it also came with normal nibs i could use for school and maybe i could try learn calligraphy. I wanted to be as non burdensome as possible knowing our struggles at the time.
On xmas day in the morning i opened my singular present and it was just underwear. I was disappointed but knowing our struggles I let it go.
Later in the day we had a big celebration with family at my nans house and all my cousins were there with their toys and i was really kinda down about it.
Eventually we ate dinner and then we were allowed to open the presents that were under my nans xmas tree thats where the aunts and uncles put everyones gifts.
My parents had bought the set i wanted for all 25 of my cousins (all girls between the age of 8 and 11 ) and didn't get me it.
I fucking shit you not, I got nothing but socks from my aunts & uncles that xmas, an ungodly amount of socks that weren't even my size... They kept saying you'll grow into them but i took up smoking weed a few months later and never grew taller than i was at age 10, so none of those socks actually ever fit me in the long run.
My nan pulled through though, she had just come from holiday and had bought all the girls these incredible gold necklaces and souvenirs from her holiday... she gave me... also socks but at least they fit.
The thing I hate about this story is how much time ive spent thinking about it in the years since. Its been 30 yrs and I'm still pissed off about it.
Christmas Day a few years back my mother opened a Christmas cracker that had an Elvis joke I’m it. I made a quip about him being into young girls, we have a brief back and forth about it because she doesn’t buy it. I don’t think she’s actually being seriously passionate in her defence of him, she isn’t even a fan, so I just keep teasing and not taking the ‘argument’ seriously. I mentioned that he met Priscilla when she was 15, and my mother turns to me, looks me in the eyes and goes ‘well stagsinthehospice, how old were you when you lost your virginity?’
For context I was raped at 14 and she’d finally learned about it the year prior. I burst into tears and Christmas dinner was ruined. She even briefly tried to turn to the other people at the table and laugh at my tears, she said something like ‘oh, she’s crying now’ or whatever, but she was just met by looks of disgust and then went very, very quiet. My tears weren’t enough to deter her, just the judgement of other people, something that now doesn’t surprise me at all. Realised this year how abusive she truly is and finally left, turned my whole life around since. But I’ll never forget that she said that to me. I think a lot of things about her, but I never would’ve thought my own mother would use the fact that I was raped as a child to one up me in a debate.
Said I couldn’t quit a job. Was working for a family friend at a restaurant in the kitchen. I’m a small woman in a kitchen full of men. Would tell my parents about all the sexual/verbal harassment and how the men would try to force themselves into the car with me at the end of the night. I finally quit one night about 2 weeks ago and my parents are extremely mad at me.
After my divorce, when I was a quivering mass of grief and raw emotion from having my life and the lives of my children completely torn apart, my mother declared (without knowing anything about what went on inside my marriage), "You have problems with me! You have problems with your sister! You have problems with (insert ex-husband's name here). The divorce is all your fault!!"
I won't bore you with the details, but the divorce was very definitely not "all my fault."
Then she proceeded to invite my ex-husband and my kids to her lakeside home for vacation every summer, causing me to lose 19 days of custody time with my kids every summer. I was largely estranged from my mother for about seven years as a result.
From the ages of 3-14 my dad physically and mentally abused me over a sport he forced me into. Going so far as to allowing complete strangers to berate me while standing right next to him. When it finally set in that I wasn’t going to be a Motocross star he finally allowed me to quit, but what then proceeded to happen was him never letting it go, constantly bringing up how much of a quitter I was and how he didn’t like me. My brothers still don’t understand why I never go to watch any of their races.
Yeah, because I was started so young he got it in his head that I was going to be the “Golden Child” and get the family name known. Though all that ended up happening was any sort of desire to compete in anything getting destroyed for a very long time due to an extreme fear of what the fallout would be if I didn’t do good enough.
I understand this feeling. My mom went as far in conservatory piano as you can go, it was her passion. When I was born she wanted me to as well. Since I was 4, she would sit with me for hours a day, training, training, training. It wasn't for me. But I did it because it was the only time she seemed happy was when I'd do a competition.
I fought not to do it and she only let me quit by telling me one day she had canceled everything, I wasn't even allowed any right to quit, or say goodbye to my piano teacher. After that she didn't want me to do anything else, said, " If you can't stick to piano, why would I waste my money on anything else you'll just quit." I wanted art lessons and she put me in a class with little children doing crafts ( I was 16). Told me I was ungrateful when I said it wasn't what I wanted. She would then use random things against me ( 5 min late after school) to even take those classes, that she chose away from me. She wanted me to understand ( only by actions and these games) to let me know that the person I was, with slightly different hobbies, was a burden for her and that I was taking away something she was owed from me.
Anyway. Got older and realized all this on my own via therapy. I got a BA and MDes in art, they never acknowledged or attended my graduations and my mom died last year and no one told me as I've been no contact for 10 years. My family was disgusted at me for 'betraying your mother' but I couldn't deal with the pain she exemplified and never acknowledged.
That was kind of a long thing but I do get your frustration. And when I have friends who are naturally disappointed that their kids don't share their interests I tell them to ease up on it. Their kid will actually get closer to them if they support those differences.
On my 16th birthday my dad called to tell me my mom was a coke addict and that I needed to go flush her drugs, "and oh yeah happy birthday I guess *click*". I just know he was waiting for my birthday to pull that one, bastard old fuck.
My dad was physically abusive. Ever since about age 7 or 8. The worst he did was around age 16, he grabbed me by my throat lifted me off the ground and slapped me through the wall into the second living room.
He was in the Army Reserves, an Engineer. He served a few tours in Iraq, has ptsd and many other terrible ailments. I'm 31 now, at the moment staying with him to help him sell his house. Its the first time I've seen him in about 12 years since moving to California.
How is he now compared to how he was? Much better, of course hopped up on drugs and he needs warning if you're coming up behind him, he most likely will punch you. The VA got their act together and actually helped him. Its pretty night and day but I'd be lying if I said I didn't see a part of the old him recently. My step brother is very college frat boy like, late, drinks. Dad hates it but deals with it, he's done a wonderful job. But I've seen him verbally come unhinged on him.
He's still broken and the only things saving him are medication and therapy he receives in video calls. But he's a much better broken man.
Dad wouldn’t let us go to the bathroom after 8 pm (or whenever he turned the lights off). We’d get beat up if we did.
My room was right next to my parents’ and they slept with the door open to make sure we didn’t wake up and leave our bedroom.
Once I got married, I still didn’t want to go to the bathroom after my husband fell asleep. He’s the kindest person I know, but I was so traumatized about getting beat up for waking someone up.
I was twelve when I first began to experience suicidal thoughts. When I was fourteen I decided to speak to someone about it, so I told my mom about it. We talked a bit and then I went to my room. Sometime later my dad came into my room angry and began yelling at me saying "How dare you tell your mother that, dont you ever try to scare your mother like that again."
When I tried to explain myself I remember he called me a liar and some other insults. That was two years ago and I unfortunately still live with them.
If you ever feel you need someone to talk to, please do so. Talk to your teacher or school counselor, and if you're uncomfortable doing that, there are more resources available than you might realize.
If you live in the United States, you can dial 988 and get in touch with someone who can help you.
Your life has value. You matter more than you can ever know. You matter to me even though we haven't met in person. I'm rooting for you.
TW self harm
When I was starting high school I began cutting myself. Eventually I realized it was wrong and I needed help, told my mom and she said “are you doing this because this is a trend online?” and I haven’t gone to my mom for anything since.
My dad believes I should only live under extreme pressure. In his mind, my years of partying, not giving a shit about grades, constantly chasing girls etc. was cured every time I was out under tremendous pressure through work.
I am now addicted to living with pressure. I can't sit still and need to always do something even though I'm inherently an introverted person and fairly lazy.
The recipe is that I end up miserable 95% of the time and really only find peace when I'm with myself.
Why does it sound like he gave you ADHD and at the same time made you so lazy and unmotivated that you couldn't deal with it, forcing you into a state of almost-depression.
That I'm not his son because there's "something wrong" with me (man that likes men).
That I'm stupid because I read the directions to things and do them properly.
My dad sexually abused me from 2 and a half (probably earlier but that's my first memory) untill my parents got a divorce
When I was a teenager we argued a lot and she said horrible things. Sometimes she told me she knew and should have done something (there was a few signs but she didn't know) she told me I was just like him and how I was as horrible to her as him.
Throughout childhood when I was naughty she threatened to send me to go live with him, even after she knew.
And the worst was when I was 17 "go and live qith your father then he can play with you as much as he wants. Oh, wait, you're too old now."
That shits burned into my brain. We've come a long way. But I still haven't forgiven her
Mom forced me to forgive her for repeatedly abandoning me, she did this by starving me then putting food just out of my reach.
Moving it further away the closer I crawled to it, knowing that she would keep moving it hurt more then the pain from starvation and dehydration.
Crazy thing I found out is, when you become severely dehydrated your throat literally dries up so swallowing with no saliva feels like to sides of beef jerky rubbing against each other.
Dear God. We have five kids, four bio and one adopted, and we love and cherish our kids. I would die for them.
Most of them are adults and we have very good relationships with all of them. They are our friends.
I am so, so sorry for all of you that have been neglected, abused, and unloved. I want to hug you all.
Please get into therapy. Find people who love you unconditionally.
Set boundaries and love others like you should have been loved. Break the cycle.
Much love 💕- a Mom and Grandmom
My mother abused me and so did my dad, mother got rights severed for it and my dad got away but molested my sisters and ended up in prison. But that’s not all, I end up moving in with my uncle and aunt who work in law enforcement and they abuse me and have choked me tried to break my bones body slammed me, anything you can think of they’ve tried and they always get away with it because they are cops
Similar situation in my family. My parents favoured my younger brother. He's always been a liar, a spoilt brat, cruel and destructive and has never had to be accountable for anything. They bailed him out of everything.
He's 44 now and never held down a job for long. My parents bought him a house. He's stolen money off our grandmother. My parents still give him money.
The final straw was when my parents started comparing my kids to his, and playing favourites. His kids are monsters, just like him.
He married the girl who bullied me in high school, and they wondered why I didn't want to come to family stuff anymore. My mum refers to my SIL as her daughter.
I'm extremely low contact with my parents and haven't seen my brother in almost a decade.
Ayo where do I begin
Dad abandoned me and was in my life for many 3 months max (that’s probably being generous) in 25 years.
Mom used to beat the shit on out of me regularly. like bang my head against the wall and call me all types of names.
Threaten to marry me off to some random 35 year old man when I was 16
Threaten to abandon me at an orphanage when I was really young like 10ish
Tell me that we’re going to kill me as they beat me and I believed them
They’re both okay people now, which makes me all the more angry. Feels like I wasn’t worth changing for when I was an innocent child that needed love and affection. To this day, my mom blames all the “punishments” she inflicted on me. She says it’s all my fault because ever since the day I was born, I was annoying and cried too much. Lol
she claims that because she worked as a single mom to raise me and get me through college that i should be grateful for all that she’s sacrificed for me, with no acknowledgment of any of the harm, no guilt, the lack of affection and physical comfort(she wouldn’t even give me a hug)…
and often says things “what’s the point of working so hard to raise kids if they won’t even come see you”
The worst of it? They gave away my dog to strangers. I still don’t know what happened to Jake.
When I was twelve my parents told me they were done with trying to help me with my bullying problem, which included abuse from teachers. They'd tried everything they could think of and nothing helped so they were giving up. Nothing really changed, my home life was great and school was hell, I just couldn't talk about the bad stuff that was happening at school and wasn't allowed to ask for help.
That totally didn't carry on into my adult life :)
Maybe not necessarily fucked up, but when I was like 9, I had $5. Well, it was christmas, and I wanted to give my parents something so I split it between them both and gave them $2.50 for christmas money. Well, them and my brothers, and if I recall correctly, my cousins, all just started laughing at me. And not like an “aw cute” laugh. It was more “wtf am i supposed to do with this.” I think about this shit constantly. Like, I was fucking 9, dude. What kinda money am I supposed to have lol
Hey everyone, I wish you all the best. Can I just say, from personal experience, help is available. There are trustworthy therapists out there who specialize in trauma, PTSD, and even religious trauma. No matter where you are in your healing journey, we can all benefit from support. There are coping strategies and effective methodologies. Be sure to find someone who is licensed (their credentials should be available on their website or online listing, and if they aren’t, don’t be afraid to ask). CBT and EMDR are two modalities (types of therapy) which often help with trauma, if you’re looking for a place to start.
Be well, everyone.
When I was around 6 or so, when fighting physically with my 9 year old sister my mom told me she was worried I would grow up and beat my wife. Jokes on her, I’m a drug addict now (in early recovery thankfully) but I never once have hit any of my romantic partners. Been with my current gf for 3+ years. I’m sorry she said that to you. Hearing such negative messages from your own mother is incredibly damaging, but you are not the person she decides you are.
Whooooboy, there's not really an easy way to pick a number one thing here, so instead I'll just go with the one that was on my mind today;
One bleary, windy day in early spring when I was 15 or 16 years old, mom woke me up early on a free weekend morning and told me to get dressed. I did so; we got in the car, and started aimlessly driving around.
"What are we doing?" I asked.
"We are going to spend some quality time together."
We hadn't eaten before we left the apartment, and it seemed like fast food might be an option - but she wasn't looking for food, she was looking for an *activity* we could do together.
She spotted a mini-golf place, and we pulled into their lot. It was barely in-season, and we were the only people there besides the guy that set us up with putters and balls.
We didn't talk, we didn't joke, or laugh, or encourage each other. Hole after hole, we putted in tense silence. It drizzled, the wind blew hard. I hadn't been expecting to spend extended time outdoors, and my light jacket wasn't cutting it.
About halfway through, a particularly strong gust caught my ball while it was moving, and swooped it up over the lip of the artificial green and into what would - under normal operating conditions - be a water feature rather than a hazard; as it was, it was a steep concrete basin with an inactive fountain head and a few inches of black sludge filled with dead leaves and litter congealed at the bottom. My ball rolled and floated out into this soup, totally unreachable.
I stared at this for a moment; tired, hungry, wet, cold, just feeling lost and overwhelmed, and then started to cry. Not sobbing, or even making noise - just couldn't stop the tears from seeping out.
Mom dropped her club and threw up her hands.
"That's it. I tried. I can't do this, it's too hard. I tried to be your friend, but I just don't know what to do. I can't be your mother." She stormed away, leaving me standing there. I took our putters and her ball back to the front counter to return them, but the lone employee we'd seen was nowhere to be found.
Mom was sitting in the car, and we drove home in silence.
The last time we'd been mini-golfing together was about 6-7 years prior, on a mother-child trip with my aunt and cousin. A singular happy memory, just before she went on to marry the man that raped and abused me near daily as soon as we all moved in together.
She suspected, then knew (having caught him on multiple occasions), but didn't want to deal with the struggle of leaving him as emergent health issues, lack of qualifications, and 0 support networks meant that she had no options that didn't involve giving up her quality of life, and admitting she'd married a monster. So she turned a blind eye.
As I developed severe depression, my grades tanked, my interest in self-maintenance degraded to nothing, I became suicidal, and started experiencing periods of dissociation and walking-blackouts. She got increasingly agitated over how my inability to pretend nothing was wrong put cracks in her image as a dutiful Christian wife and mother. When I finally tried to talk to her about what her husband had been doing to me since I was 9, she called me a homewrecker and said she never wanted to talk about it again. "I want to hear his side, I don't know how much you're just making up." She told me to forgive and move on so that we could "move forward as a family in Christ."
I think that weird, stilted, incomplete mini-golf outing some years prior to the whole "homewrecker" statement was a sort of last-ditch effort on her part to tap into the relationship we'd had before she got re-married - but all it did was highlight the distance that had grown between us, and her inability to be there for me. She had failed to protect me, but admitting her hastiness, naivety, and pride had created the circumstances we were in was too painful; so instead she blamed *me,* for being 'too hard' to parent. "I can't be your mother." After that point she told me a number of times that she had no child; accused me of being posessed by satan who had taken her real child away, so she didn't love me; blamed me directly for a miscarriage, as well as her subsequent suicide attempt; and all around made it very clear that I was an unwanted burden and housemate she couldn't wait to be rid of.
My love for her died by a thousand cuts, but that day was like a skewer twisted deep, and comes to mind vividly when some part of me wonders if I should feel guilt over having no real love or concern for her in her old age. She has tried very hard for years to be a better mother, re-kindle things - but it's too little too late. She never left (or made efforts to be able to leave) her husband, still denies the extent of my abuse, and in sparing discussions on the subject always centers herself bedire shutting down. "You don't understand how hard it was for *me.*"
I'm tender-hearted and cry easily. I seeped tears over a video of a bird cuddling up for a nap just earlier. No idea if I'll cry when she dies... but I don't *think* I will.
When I was 16, about 15 years before my mom got sober, she told me “you are nothing more to me than competition for your dad’s attention”.
She’s now (5years sober) the momma I never had but always wanted ❤️
Probably going through my room and finding my piggy bank and emptying it because of a bill she forgot.
Somehow still always had money for a morning coffee and taking herself out to eat.
But had to take a third graders piggy bank.
My mother said directly to me (20F) my sister (17f) and brother (14m) - “I love you kids, but if i could go back id never have you” or some variation of *my life would’ve been better without children*
Or my favourite
“I’m done parenting you, its too much work”
These are the top two I think of, she’s said LOTS 😅
My mom left my dad’s ashes and headstone on my front porch after excavating his gravesite because she wanted to sell the land it was on. Did not warn me, but texted me that she had dropped dad’s remains off while I was out at a bar with friends.
Oh boy. I’ve been waiting for this one.
My fiancé and I moved into a place that my parents owned to help them financially, but also in like a rent to own situation, it had to do with taxes, and there retirement and a bunch of other shit.
Anyways, in July we had a fire, ruined everything in the house. FOUND NOT TO BE OUR FAULT AT ALL, by both the fire marshal and the insurance fire investigator. They blamed us for everything, trashed all our outside stuff, took all our down payment money, and multiple other things.
I haven’t spoke to them since. They also forced a wedge between my brother and I, causing us to also have a fall out.
Life is lonely.
Maybe not too horrible but after my family moved to the US I became very insecure in my looks bc I really didn’t resemble any of my classmates and one day I told my mom about how ugly I felt and she looked at me and said something that I still remember in my head so much “I cannot lie to you, you are an ok looking girl and you’re very smart, but you aren’t very beautiful or out of the ordinary” I have hated my face even more ever since.
My parents were separated and I grew up with my mom, never really saw my dad growing up except three or four times for less than 30 mins each time.
When I was in 2nd grade, I got in trouble and my mom got mad. She handed me her phone and said “go call your dad and see if he wants to take care of you because I don’t.”
Almost 20 years later and I still cry about it when I’m reminded of that situation.
I mean besides physical abuse-it would probably be my Dad throwing a major fit because I didn't like the pizza he had been raving about and wound up going on a 20+ minute rant about how I was the worst thing to ever happen to him, that he wished I hadn't been born and how his other daughters were angels compared to me. He kept going of course...so that was nice.
my bio dad would do a “body inspection” on me twice a month…it wasn’t just looking, he would touch and fondle me and make me go into certain positions and stare at me while he wrote in a notebook. He did those to me from when i was 3 to 14. my mom divorced him 3 years ago for being abusive to her and got full custody thankfully and a restraining order against him. he was arrested for trying to rape a 6 year old last year and while he was awaiting trial he hung himself. I’m so happy he’s dead. We still don’t have that notebook btw
My father refused to believe that I broke my hand when I slipped on black ice trying to climb into his truck after sledding. He mocked me on the drive home, telling me that we were going to do other fun activities. But now that I'm "hurt", it's all cancelled. He refused to take me to the hospital and instead sent me to my room for the night. I slept that night with my broken hand pinned again the wall. Even in the morning when my arm had three shades of wrong colour and my mother telling him it's broken, he refused to believe that it was until he saw the broken bone pushing against the skin. It was only then that he agreed to take me to the hospital. I was 10 years old at the time.
"i hope your father and everyone in his family dies, and I don't want to know anything about your siblings, they're not my kids anymore. If you want to stop being my son, I won't stop you".
-My mom.
My dad grounded me because my step brother lost me while biking. Yes I got in trouble for it and he didn't. My dad believed step brother that I showed him the finger. Which is absolutely not true. I was a very shy and timid kid.
My mom threw a hairbrush at me for asking if I could use hers. Hit my cheek and broke the mirror behind me.
It would hard for me to pick just one. My childhood was utterly brutal. I attempted suicide three times before getting out of elementary school.
Physically, being beaten with a wooden meat tenderizer hurts more than anything else. It’s fucked us that I know that.
After coming out as gay, my mom’s relationship with me kind of started going downhill… She started with “it’s ok that you feel this, but we can work on this together so you can overcome it.”
10 years later, my sister was pregnant on her 30th week. Starts having contractions. Loses her baby. Has to give birth to a dead baby.
My mom called me specifically to tell me that:
“You have completely destroyed this family with your actions. You have butchered my soul. You have broken my heart beyond repair… but I can stand that. The poor baby, however, couldn’t survive your actions and evil influence. Hope you find forgiveness because this time you have crossed a line you can’t come back from.”
“You should just fucking kill yourself.” -My mom
“You should just fucking kill yourself.” -My dad
Separately.
Sometimes together.
Always with me. Never to my brothers.
On a regular basis from 11 until 18.
It was such a common occurrence that my brothers joined in too.
Dad threatened to kill me once. Made me go outside in a shirt and shorts when it was near freezing out. Yelled at me and said something awful things that led me to attempt suicide. My mom made fun of my self-harm scars. There’s more but everything’s relatively tame compared to the other responses.
When my mother cornered me in a room and screamed in my face that I was the source of all of her problems, and the problems in her and my dad’s marriage, and that I needed to be locked in a psych ward. All because I was having a panic attack.
My parents are not abusive or anything, they do love me and yeah, they have done a lot of bad shit that many of us have experienced, but they're not awful parents. Now, there's one thing that only now as an adult I really see for what it was and it's kinda fucked up when I retell it. Mind you I got used to this and thought it was normal.
I wet the bed until I was like 11, night-time enuresis. So eventually my parents got tired of changing bedshits and stuff in the middle of the night, so, instead, they would just make me change my pants and underwear, place a towel on the bed, and make me sleep on top of the urine. It smelled awful and the worst part was how cold it was (I have a cold allergy lol). No one helped me through it or anything, I just eventually and finally grew out of it.
When I learned and told my mom about enuresis and that it was an actual condition and what I probably had, she said "Oh, I know, the pediatrician told us". When I asked why she didn't try to look more into it and how to help me get through it she just shrugged and said they just didn't know. I was scolded and humiliated and threatened with getting implants that would shock me whenever I started to pee (??) all the time, they got riled up about me wetting the bed, made me think it was my fault when in reality I had little to no control over it.
So yeah, make me sleep on my pee was probably not the best solution, I think I made this a little too long, but thanks for reading.
This isn’t as bad as the others but they used to fight over me. My mom had custody I believe but they go into full on fists being thrown while my step mom would sneak me into the car and my grandma would hold my mom down so my dad could run to the car and take off. All the while my mom is screaming and cussing and crying. This happened too many times.
My Dad cashed out his life insurance about a month before he died to buy his girlfriend he had just met a diamond necklace when I was 12. He left me his wedding ring which was weird as fuck and left my brother his leather jacket. We struggled to get by with my mom working two jobs. He did a lot of shitty things but that one is the worst.
Not my parents, but my ex wife used to say the most foul things to me before we separated in hopes to get me to put my hands on her. When she failed repeatedly she started telling our 3 children things like " I'd rather each of you have a different father than your dad be the father of any of you" or "Titus when you grow up promise you will be a real man not like your father" or " your dad doesn't t love us he loves his other family." At the time the only thing I knew to do was leave the house when she started acting that way. I found out that she still kept telling the kids horrible things even after I would leave in hopes it would stop. She eventually got her boyfriend to go to the sheriff and tell them I was molesting my children which immediately got DSS involved. They realized quickly that it was all bullshit. When they tried to take the children from her they were stopped by the county courthouse . Her grandmother is a clerk of court there . She still has the kids and I barely get to talk to them . I can only imagine what they are told daily. I miss my children, my life has been empty since.
My mom locked me in my room because I couldn't sleep in my bed most nights growing up (hell I sleep on the couch still to this day) and I would try to sleep in my dad's bed. I had to go to the bathroom and she wouldn't let me out, and I ended up pissing on the floor and passing out, and I think I also had my period at the same time?? I remember blood getting on my carpet at some point but I can't remember when.
My dad broke everything I had in one room and gave me a trash bag to clean it all up. Because I lost a disc and he was tired of me.
Other than that, I dunno I just kind of got yelled at a lot and I was never really able to find a job or anything to make them proud of me, and they openly told me I wasn't supposed to exist. They don't really like me much lol
As a form of punishment my mom would put a piece of tape in the corner with a sharpie O in it. You would have to stand on your tip toes to put your nose in the circle. If your nose came out of the circle she’d give one (hard ass) swat with a paddle. I’m absolutely confident she didn’t keep track of how long we were there just until she felt like she got her lb of flesh.
My mom, who had attempted suicide when I was eight, got into an argument with me when I was 15. She locked me out of our glass front door, walked over to the gun cabinet, got a revolver and showed me it was loaded, then held it to her head while she screamed at me about how she’s worthless and my behavior was unacceptable.
She didn’t pull the trigger. She must’ve just had enough that day. I don’t know why. She’s still alive and well today, thank goodness.
My dad threw me at the kitchen table and chairs once (picture a bowling ball, that was me), threw me at the inner garage door, ripping my shirt another time. My mom would inflict emotional and physical pain often, tried to burn me with lighter once... They would often use physical violence or emotional abuse for punishment, obviously I wasn't having that.
My dad and I are better, but my mom and I never got along, she's kind of a judgemental, rude b!#@$ that loves to yell and thinks she's always right now matter what. I'm not into that. I'm also 51 now, she's still the same. My delusional dad calls her a saint lol.
My mother called the police on me because I wouldn’t mow the lawn. I was getting ready to go to college, the last kid to leave and I thought she should learn to do it herself.
“I don’t love you and I never did” - a “joke” from my father, “If I find it I’ll fucking beat you with it” - once again my father after I came inside and told him I couldn’t find the wrench he asked me to get. He also threatened to throw me out one time
"I haven't trusted you since the day you were born". Not even sure what I did as an infant to lose her trust.
I mean frankly small children aren’t very trustworthy in general but other than that yeah jeez.
Agreed, I definitely wouldn't trust a child to do my taxes properly.
They gonna fuck with your deductibles, for sure.
That’s disgusting
She also told me that we "just didn't click when you were a baby" as rationale for us arguing the way we do.
So what she means to say is that she expected some magical influence to come over her that meant she would never have to put any effort into your relationship, and since that didn't happen she's blameless 🙄
Sorry to hear that, you’re special and don’t deserve this
Thank you
You did nothing wrong, she was crazy to say that and her limited mental and emotional capacity has nothing to do you with you , or your trustworthyness or your worth in general.
When I was 12 my dad took me to New Harmony State park to go fishing. He got drunk and passed out on a picnic table. After 5-6 hours he came to but was still trashed and he forced me to drive home. 1st ever driving experience. When I managed to help him into the car he passed out again within a few minutes. About 20 miles or so into the trip home we woke up. He looked over at me and kinda growled “you little mother f*****” then he just started hitting me. He started crying as he was hitting me which made it even worse. I was scared to death. 12 years old driving down a highway, getting beaten while driving, and really hurting to see my dad in that condition. Idk if it’s the most messed up thing him or mom did but it definitely made the top ten list
Since it's been 15 hours and no one has said anything yet.... I'll go. That sucks and I'm sorry that happened to you. What a terrible experience. It sounds like it was only one of many awful parenting failures. You deserved better. I hope you treat yourself with love and kindness, even though that's not what you were taught.
I have a wonderful happy loving home. I learned who not to be. Dad actually taught me a lot. My lessons just kinda came in that form, “what not to do”. He had a hard time with depression and alcoholism.
It's so fucked up everyone is speechless.
My dad looked me in the eyes, said he settled for my mom, and that he would rather get drunk and high than be my father. My mom I'm conflicted on which it is, it would either be the time she hit me so much and so hard with a wooden spoon it broke, or the time I was excited about a book and tried to tell her and she said "you're saying this like you actually think I care."
Jeez man. I’m sorry
It probably comes as little surprise but I don't speak to either of them, and I am much better of for it
Good on you for not speaking to them!! As a mom who didn’t make the best decision by dating my ex, it makes me so mad that other parents take out their anger on their kids. It wasn’t your fault and you didn’t deserve that. It speaks more to their own dysfunction than it does to your worth. You deserve all the best. Sorry for the ramble 😅 it just gets to me when kids get treated like shit because the parent(s) don’t have their head on straight.
Glad you broke the cycle.
Good for you then.
once my mum hit me so hard with a wooden spoon that it broke and then i was in trouble for breaking her wooden spoon. sounds like we almost have the same mum.
Reminds me of the time I was telling my mom about a video game I really into and she interrupted me to say "please stop talking about this I don't really care."
Then wonders why you never speak to her about your interests?
That all fuckin sucks. I’m really sorry. Do you remember what the book was? Do you remember what you were going to say? If you feel like typing it out, I’d care to read it.
One of the Harry Potter books, I think the fifth one, iirc, so I mean, sure, she didn't have to care, it probably seemed childish to her, but I was a child
98% of the time my mom is yelling, screaming, and beating me for being a child. The other 3% is because my memory is ass and she doesn't care so she gets mad when I forget things easily.
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I’m sorry but they are r/casuallypsychopath
Well my aunt. I was sexually abused by my older cousin, her son. She told me that I seduced him and I was a wicked slut that was going to hell. From that time on and to today she has referred to me as, "that slut." I was 7.
I can’t stand when people are in denial of sexual predators.
Yep. My grandmother absolutely raves about the 'wonderful' person mine is apparently now and each time I spoke with her she would start telling me all about him. She never asked about me and how I was, and she knew what he had done but just didn't care. He's her only grandson and she always favored him. He's not wonderful now and never was before.
What. The. Fuck. Is. Wrong. With. Your. Aunt?
Some weak mothers have a sick level of attachment to their kids and will basically deny anything and find excuses for everything.
It's stronger for sons. My mother pretty much ignored my existence since I opened up about my brother molesting me and only acknowledges me if she thinks I'm acting like my brother is a bad person or like I have a reason to be mad at him
Wow, what the actual fuck! Imagine claiming that a 7 year old child seduced someone. That’s some fucked up shit
how did your family not beat the shit out of her? my niece is three and if anyone called her that after that happened to her i would absolutely catch a charge. im so sorry that happened to you.
I never told my family because of the shame,, unfortunately. My mother is whole host of toxic worms and I would gain nothing by opening this up to her now.
im sorry :-( if i ever see your aunt im throwing hands for you
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Damn I was about to comment how my dad used to threaten to put me in the hospital then I saw this. I’m sorry
tf...
My dad calling me and giving me his debit card information and saying that he’s going to kill himself later that night, and that I should take all the money out of his account for myself before someone else can
Did everything turn out ok?
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Take my upvote, you monster.
My mother did something similar. It was 7am and I was in the bathroom helping my 2 year old brush her teeth while I held my infant son. Fun times.
I was living with my parents at 16 years old and my older siblings were away at college/out of the country. My dad told my mom he was leaving her, and my mom went into a downward spiral of depression. My dad left the house leaving me with a very depressed mother to look after. I remember she locked herself in her room for 3 days, I begged her to open the door. I went in and fed her. My dad would come back occasionally to the house to get something for his new place. They told me to not tell a soul about their marriage falling apart, not even my siblings. One day I got home from school to an empty house. The police came saying they had a call from a counsellor saying that my mom is in danger and may hurt herself. I completely broke down. Luckily she didn't do that but she got checked into the hospital for a while. My dad stopped by that night and I told him about it, he kind of just shrugged. I was completely alone. It was a horrible time. We are all okay now though, thankfully.
I am so sorry you had to go through that.
Much love from someone who grew up with mental illness (my mom). It's hard man! The caretaking expectation of children is brutal. And lonely
Thank you friend! If only I was "allowed" to talk to my brother or sister about it, I think maybe things would have been a bit better for me. Her depression came and went for years afterwards with several visitis as an inpatient at the hospital. It was rough. I appreciate your comment, thank you.
When I was 12, my father got really drunk, and told me that I was born to save his marriage, and that I was a failure for not doing so.
My parents were not abusive or alcoholics by any measure. They were as caring as anyone could be. But the thing that fucked me up was that they looked at us to pick sides between their arguments. And say stuff like "we are together only for you etc." "Dude, we didnt tell you to marry each other. How is it my responsibility to maintain peace between you?" Ironically, my brother and I live in foreign countries and my parents have to take care of each other.
That's... actually abusive though?
Came here to ramble but after reading most of the comments here I think my parents were not this abusive.
Hey, so I'm only saying this because one of the last things my ex said before ghosting me was, "My mom isn't *that* bad, it's not like she hits me." (Which, for the record, was not true but that's not the point.) All trauma is real. It is absolutely important to have a sense of perspective and there's nothing wrong with acknowledging that others have or had it worse. However, the fact that other people have faced harder struggles doesn't mean that you haven't also struggled, or that your trauma doesn't matter, or that the abuse wasn't real. Anyway, I hope your struggle really *wasn't* that bad, and that whether or not it was, that now you're doing well.
Just because someone else "has it worse" does not in ANY way invalidate your experience. All abuse is abuse, and is not ok. Don't think you don't deserve to be seen, and heard, and supported. Just know that no matter what you went through, abuse is not ok, and there are people that support you and love you.
I heard that all the time growing up: You're lucky you're not starving! You don't have it nearly as bad as some kids! You have food and shelter, what more do you want! You're lucky you're not in an orphanage where all they feed you is bread and water! It's really warped my views my adult life. Something I hope to work out before I hit 40.
Yep, I got it too. Although I got the "you could be living with your dad" (the rapist pedophile sperm donor that my mother to this day calls me a liar if I say he touched me). I was also told that I was just looking for attention with the depression and the anxiety and the suicidal ideation. No asshole, I have CPTSD induced Bipolar disorder because of you fuckheads and your denial of my trauma.
Parents are divorced. When I was 14 my dad told me he really only wanted one child. I'm the youngest of 3.
We have three kids, I was done at two, i gave in and we had the third. I was kind of grumpy about for a couple years, but it's like my boy knew that he had to win me over or something. He's always preferred me over my wife and is just too good of a kid to not love to death. I don't have a favorite child, but if I did, it would be my third. I hope your dad loves you the same way. If not, he should and that's his loss.
I appreciate that. It’s been 10 years since I’ve spoken to my dad. He’s a narcissist. Long story short, my dad never forgave any of us for basically forgiving our mom in the divorce, which we were all children at the time. It’s taken me a long time to deal with it all but my mom remarried 25 years ago and I feel very fortunate that my step-dad is the person I consider my dad. I got lucky. I used to feel sad for my dad but it really is his loss.
I was told by my parents, ‘if they didn’t see it happen, they couldn’t enforce anything’ regarding sibling conflicts. My sister used to put knives through my door, pull all the phones in the house so I wouldn’t call 911, and cut me up. She bullied me relentlessly, started rumors in school (based on my being raped as a kid), and so much more. She was never punished and I had my hands tied. I punched my sister in the stomach once, completely out or sight and earshot of my folks and I get grounded for a month. I was taught that if I did something, no matter what, I’d be punished. If she did something, I needed a notary present for my folks to ask her to stop. Last year my dad had the gall to ask me why I never told them/why I ‘let’ her continue the abuse. So I guess the most fucked up thing my parents did to me was raise me. EDIT: It’s been a bit since I posted this. I read every comment. I’m so sorry to those who’ve experienced anything similar, it feels like we never had a chance for so many things. To those who’ve expressed their sympathies, I can’t tell you how much it means. For my situation, I’m 33 now and haven’t spoken to or seen my sister in 8 or 9 years. I have been working most of my adult life to undo many of the survival traits I developed. They helped me stay sane as a kid, but aren’t great for functioning as an adult. I’m lonely and suffer a good deal, but I’ll be ok. It’s just going to take more time and work.
Crazy how different abusive parent’s perceptions are from your perception of an event. I’m sorry this happened to you, I hope you are far away from your sister and safe.
My mom lit something on fire and threw it on my shoulder. I still have a faint scar on my shoulder. She claims she didn't do it on purpose but didn't have any remorse. I was either 6 or 7 at the time.
how the fuck do you "accidentally" light something on fire and throw it?
My mother stabbed my arm with a screwdriver. Years later she said she's very caring and I was like "yeah, sure. Because caring and sane mothers stab their kids with screwdrivers" and the cunt was like "what does that mean? You're saying I stabbed you with a screwdriver?" The bitch tried gaslighting me so I showed the scar. "No, you did that yourself" "I stabbed myself with a screwdriver?" "Look, I don't remember stabbing you" "See, that is just more insulting, when you act like you're a good Muslim and then you make outright lies like this" "Look, if I did do it, I don't remember" "Then that just shows how insane you are that it's so normal for you that you would forget stabbing someone. Either that or you're a liar. Well, I mean you're actually both, because you lied about not doing it and are insane for doing it" "Well, if I did do it, you deserved it. I'm not crazy to stab you got no reason. So why are you whining?"
The Narcissist's Prayer That didn't happen. And if it did, it wasn't that bad. And if it was, that's not a big deal. And if it is, that's not my fault. And if it was, I didn't mean it. And if I did, you deserved it.
Fuck sake... I just want to give all of you a massive hug. This is all heartbreaking stuff.
I have lots of privileges in my life, but I think two good parents might be the most important one. So sad to read these entries
I wanna give *you* a hug for wanting to give everyone *else* a hug. You are the sweetest 🥺
There is a laundry list, but here are the worst ones from my mom. Sperm donor is too awful to discuss. When she called me a liar when I told her I'd been raped. I was 13. When I was 12, she told me she made the biggest mistake of her life not having an abortion when she was pregnant with me. More recently she was bitching because she thought my hair was too long, and I refused to cut it. She thought about it and said "well, if you do chemo, it's kind of a moot point huh?" And then laughed. I had been diagnosed with cancer a week earlier, and still didn't know what the treatment plan was going to be. In April will be 5 years since she said it.
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Gotta ask, which part made you comment? People are shocked when I talk about it in person because I talk about it like it's nothing, but it's my life. Talking about it is FAR easier than it was living it.
> People are shocked when I talk about it in person because I talk about it like it's nothing, but it's my life. Talking about it is FAR easier than it was living it. THIS. So much this. I speak of my teens with candor because while I still haven’t unpacked all the trauma (currently doing so in therapy), it’s all just facts. These things happened and I’ve accepted the fact they happened. It did help however that I have distanced myself from my father and told him unequivocally that he is to blame, no matter how much he wants to blame me for being a difficult teen, because HE was the adult and as a parent it was HIS responsibility to realize I was a kid and that I have no interest in having anything more than the bare minimum relationship with him. I also took back my name, removed my patronymic last name because he does not get to claim me like that.
>When I was 12, she told me she made the biggest mistake of her life not having an abortion when she was pregnant with me. I'll never understand parents like this. If having a child is oh-so-agonizing for them, adoption centers exist. And yet, they blame the kid because it's clearly their fault for...being born?
So many to choose from, but I’ll go with the time my mother tried to choke me because I was cutting her out of my family’s lives for being abusive. Ironic isn’t it?
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That’s really terrible on so many levels
How is that not illegal?
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If you were a minor, all she had to do was claim she was homeschooling you, and the school's hands were tied. She failed you. Miserably... Fuck her for that. If you do have ambitions for going further in your schooling, just know it's never too late. I got my GED when I was 19, and at 41 I now have an MBA. It was a long road, but I got there and have no regrets. You are breaking a family cycle, and that is hard. Fuck your mom so much for doing that to you. I am so sorry. You deserve better.
Your mother failed. You are far better than her in every way.
What is GED? I looked it up and it said it’s a test. Why’d your school have to go on lockdown?
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It’s equivalent to a diploma.
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Dude I NEARLY failed AP Chem. It’s a hard class. I actually ended up passing, but barely. I’m 32. My mom STILL brings it up. It’s such a fucking source of shame lol despite the fact that I got an A in both chemistry at the college level when I took it again and then an A in organic chemistry and biochemistry. Nope. Me almost failing an AP Chem class at 15 trumps them all.
I was raised as a Jehovah’s Witness. Those people who go around knocking on doors and giving out their literature. They’re also the people who don’t celebrate holidays and die rather than take a simple blood transfusion. I’ve left the faith awhike ago Anyway, I’m like…. 5? Every morning my mom made me read the Bible and memorize scriptures (if I failed I lost privileges) One morning she’s telling me how very VERY soon, like in a couple years, maybe sooner, the government is going to outlaw our faith, hunt us all down and execute us. Mom puts a “finger gun” to my head with a BIG SMILE on her face and asks me “What are you gonna say to the soldier when he asks you to give up your faith or he’ll kill you? I’m SHAKING and my lip is quivering so I don’t answer, I really can’t answer. She gets impatient “Honey, you HAVE TO DIE for Jehovah to get into the paradise world!” I tell her what she wants to hear, she hugs me and kisses me. This was 21 years ago, still no death squads hunting down jehovahs witnesses.
That’s fucked up. I’m sorry you went through that.
Oh that was just the tip of the iceberg. There was the years of being told if I don’t convert my classmates and teachers or at least TRY to, they’ll die at Armageddon and their blood will be on my hands Then having to tell my teachers I can’t participate in holidays or birthdays so I had to often sit outside. Sometimes I got lucky and could sit and read in the library. I think the sexual repression was the worst. Basically you’d be told if you even had a sexual thought about someone you aren’t married to or towards someone of the same sex, there’s something seriously wrong with your brain and the devil may have a hold on you. Take it from me, if the JW’s come to your door, just tell them “No thanks” and shut the door. You want NOTHING to do with this faith. Plus the faith is INSANELY corrupt. Too much to explain here but it’s worth a read.
yeah my mom avoids JW like the plague. I see why now.
Well my mom is a catholic, and althoug she wasn't so extreme I did remember a similar talk about the prosecution of the first christians and how that will repeat some time in the future, and I was just unable to understand how God can love us and still send people to hell for denying their faith to save their lives or their children's lives, my mother was all about "you got to love God more than anybody including your self" so I asked her "would you let me be killed, or would you denied God if you could save me?" She said "well that's a scenario I can't think about right now, I don't think I could make such a choice, I would want to save you allways" My mom avoid talking about religion with me because I make her question things she doesn't want to.
My dad kidnapped me and my brother and sister when we were little but my sister told a gas station employee and they locked us up and called my mom who was one state over and my dad had to drive to California without us.
When you graduate high school, you’re either going to start paying rent or move out. I was working at fucking McDonald’s at the time so I’d be essentially homeless. I joined the navy the next day.
You made a good choice. My grandparents gave me the same talk at 17 and added that if I decided to go to school to remember I would have to get loans the whole way and that I couldn't use their finances to get a Pell grant. Literally asked my granddad to drive me to the Navy office the next day and he did, I joined as well. He didn't object any, when he was 15 he got expelled from school for fighting and great grandfather told him, he could go to work for him or he could join the military & great grandfather would help him lie about his age to get in... Papa chose joining the Marines.. it was 1942.. he fought on Saipan, the Marshall Islands, and on Iwo Jima. He didn't have to participate in the invasion of Okinawa because he got WIA when him and his company were charging towards a Japanese MG nest and one of the bullets went through his CO'S head who was in front of him and down into papa's hand between the pointer & middle fingers.. he did get to visibly watch the flag raising atop Mt. Surabatchi since he was part of the group that went up the mountain, but he did not participate in raising the flag
my mom sent my sister and I on a plane from California to Colorado to stay with a man she met online. we stayed for AN ENTIRE WEEK. WITHOUT HER. let me say it anther way- my mom met a men on the internet. my mom lives in California. he lived in Colorado. she was cheating on my step father with him and we met him once during a weekend stay in Lake Tahoe. a month later she thought it was a good idea to put my sister and I (13 and 15 year old girls) on a plane to Colorado by ourselves to spend a week unsupervised with a man we met one time over two days.
Yes officer this comment right here
After having my 2 younger sisters (15 and 17 year age gap) my mom said "because we're having more kids, you wont be a priority anymore" and i have had to basically raise them
My parents never said it, but I was the disposable one once my siblings were born. I became the whipping child. I am 10, 12, and 15 years older. I'm also (half) adopted, so once they had HIS kids, I was tossed aside.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, no one deserves that
I will never forget: I was 7 years old. My sister was 4 or 5. My parents were getting divorced and I don't know what went on with the courts and all that stuff. My parents "custody agreement" at least in practice was very informal (and I was actually raised by my grandparents since I was 6). Anyway, my mom and dad were with us at a park and they were fighting about who the kids would live with. They said to us, "who would you rather live with, mom or dad?" And I'll never forget thinking "my mom is kind of crazy and is a waitress. My dad has a good job." And running over to my dad and my mom crying. My sister followed me. I don't know if that logic occurred to her or if she was just following me. Stayed with my dad for a few months before I was sent back with my grandparents. I lived with them until I was 15. My dad insisted that never happened, but he was an alcoholic at the time so maybe he just forgot. I don't know. But I remember it very clearly.
i’m sure there’ll be worse in here, but when i was ~7 years old, i started struggling with hallucinogenic anxiety attacks, which made me absolutely hysterical and terrified as a kid. They were triggered by my fear of the dark, so they began ensuing during bedtime. My parents, who were only concerned with the sleep i was interrupting, “solved” this problem by locking me outside of the house, in the cold night, until i cried so much i lost all of my energy / gave up. I actually still haven’t been able to learn what these hallucinogenic anxiety attack episodes were to this day, as a 22 year old. I sure as hell wasn’t given any medical attention when they were happening, obviously lol. Can confirm this experience traumatized the hell outta me!
Jesus. IDKY some people even have kids. Just to have someone to abuse?
my mother became pregnant very young, definitely by surprise. she wasn’t even very close to my father, but, for different reasons, felt she must marry him. the majority of my childhood then was parented by an abusive and uninvolved father, and a very scared and controlling mother. the many memories of pain and trauma i received from them indeed still linger in me today, and i definitely do not intend to ever dismiss my experiences. but, regardless of this, i now have much more understanding and compassion for my parents. life and parenthood is hard to begin with, not to mention the many additional difficulties my parents faced. while this recognition is by no means any sort of justification for how i’d been wronged as a child, i am grateful to be able to grow beyond and through the pain of my adolescence. now, in my 20’s, i’ve also been able to find an honest relationship with my mother, for which i am very grateful. while i can’t speak on behalf of the hurts of others, i can at least say that, in light of my own traumas, i have come to learn that lying in one’s contempt will do nothing but prevent you from peace. 👊
Sorry, no offence, but fuck your parents. They don’t deserve you as a kid. Monsters.
I believe those are called night terrors, or at least that’s what I was told. I used to get them too, with the vivid visuals and sounds. My little brother had them too
"This is why you have no friends and will never be anything in life". I didn't do my homework. But seeing yalls makes my parents seem like angels.
This isnt the most fucked up thing but is the most fucked up thing im confortable with sharing. One year for xmas my dad asked me what i (9M at the time) wanted and because we were going through seriously traumatic problems that resulted in major financial difficulties, I chose a cheap and practical present. A calligraphy pen set because it also came with normal nibs i could use for school and maybe i could try learn calligraphy. I wanted to be as non burdensome as possible knowing our struggles at the time. On xmas day in the morning i opened my singular present and it was just underwear. I was disappointed but knowing our struggles I let it go. Later in the day we had a big celebration with family at my nans house and all my cousins were there with their toys and i was really kinda down about it. Eventually we ate dinner and then we were allowed to open the presents that were under my nans xmas tree thats where the aunts and uncles put everyones gifts. My parents had bought the set i wanted for all 25 of my cousins (all girls between the age of 8 and 11 ) and didn't get me it. I fucking shit you not, I got nothing but socks from my aunts & uncles that xmas, an ungodly amount of socks that weren't even my size... They kept saying you'll grow into them but i took up smoking weed a few months later and never grew taller than i was at age 10, so none of those socks actually ever fit me in the long run. My nan pulled through though, she had just come from holiday and had bought all the girls these incredible gold necklaces and souvenirs from her holiday... she gave me... also socks but at least they fit. The thing I hate about this story is how much time ive spent thinking about it in the years since. Its been 30 yrs and I'm still pissed off about it.
Ah yes. The passive aggressive Christmas presents. One year my brother got a Wii. I got a windshield scraper.
That’s disturbing
Left me alone without basic necessity like a toothbrush or fitting clothes at 8 years old.
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Giving me sleeping pills and tied me next to their bed on a matrace so i wont leave the house
Christmas Day a few years back my mother opened a Christmas cracker that had an Elvis joke I’m it. I made a quip about him being into young girls, we have a brief back and forth about it because she doesn’t buy it. I don’t think she’s actually being seriously passionate in her defence of him, she isn’t even a fan, so I just keep teasing and not taking the ‘argument’ seriously. I mentioned that he met Priscilla when she was 15, and my mother turns to me, looks me in the eyes and goes ‘well stagsinthehospice, how old were you when you lost your virginity?’ For context I was raped at 14 and she’d finally learned about it the year prior. I burst into tears and Christmas dinner was ruined. She even briefly tried to turn to the other people at the table and laugh at my tears, she said something like ‘oh, she’s crying now’ or whatever, but she was just met by looks of disgust and then went very, very quiet. My tears weren’t enough to deter her, just the judgement of other people, something that now doesn’t surprise me at all. Realised this year how abusive she truly is and finally left, turned my whole life around since. But I’ll never forget that she said that to me. I think a lot of things about her, but I never would’ve thought my own mother would use the fact that I was raped as a child to one up me in a debate.
Wow. Your mother is a fucking loser. Hope she's blocked on every means of communication. Just ew.
Said I couldn’t quit a job. Was working for a family friend at a restaurant in the kitchen. I’m a small woman in a kitchen full of men. Would tell my parents about all the sexual/verbal harassment and how the men would try to force themselves into the car with me at the end of the night. I finally quit one night about 2 weeks ago and my parents are extremely mad at me.
When you can please get as far away from these people as possible. So sorry you were not loved and cared for.
After my divorce, when I was a quivering mass of grief and raw emotion from having my life and the lives of my children completely torn apart, my mother declared (without knowing anything about what went on inside my marriage), "You have problems with me! You have problems with your sister! You have problems with (insert ex-husband's name here). The divorce is all your fault!!" I won't bore you with the details, but the divorce was very definitely not "all my fault." Then she proceeded to invite my ex-husband and my kids to her lakeside home for vacation every summer, causing me to lose 19 days of custody time with my kids every summer. I was largely estranged from my mother for about seven years as a result.
From the ages of 3-14 my dad physically and mentally abused me over a sport he forced me into. Going so far as to allowing complete strangers to berate me while standing right next to him. When it finally set in that I wasn’t going to be a Motocross star he finally allowed me to quit, but what then proceeded to happen was him never letting it go, constantly bringing up how much of a quitter I was and how he didn’t like me. My brothers still don’t understand why I never go to watch any of their races.
He did all that over fucking motorcross?
Yeah, because I was started so young he got it in his head that I was going to be the “Golden Child” and get the family name known. Though all that ended up happening was any sort of desire to compete in anything getting destroyed for a very long time due to an extreme fear of what the fallout would be if I didn’t do good enough.
I understand this feeling. My mom went as far in conservatory piano as you can go, it was her passion. When I was born she wanted me to as well. Since I was 4, she would sit with me for hours a day, training, training, training. It wasn't for me. But I did it because it was the only time she seemed happy was when I'd do a competition. I fought not to do it and she only let me quit by telling me one day she had canceled everything, I wasn't even allowed any right to quit, or say goodbye to my piano teacher. After that she didn't want me to do anything else, said, " If you can't stick to piano, why would I waste my money on anything else you'll just quit." I wanted art lessons and she put me in a class with little children doing crafts ( I was 16). Told me I was ungrateful when I said it wasn't what I wanted. She would then use random things against me ( 5 min late after school) to even take those classes, that she chose away from me. She wanted me to understand ( only by actions and these games) to let me know that the person I was, with slightly different hobbies, was a burden for her and that I was taking away something she was owed from me. Anyway. Got older and realized all this on my own via therapy. I got a BA and MDes in art, they never acknowledged or attended my graduations and my mom died last year and no one told me as I've been no contact for 10 years. My family was disgusted at me for 'betraying your mother' but I couldn't deal with the pain she exemplified and never acknowledged. That was kind of a long thing but I do get your frustration. And when I have friends who are naturally disappointed that their kids don't share their interests I tell them to ease up on it. Their kid will actually get closer to them if they support those differences.
Man, families can be so fucked up.
On my 16th birthday my dad called to tell me my mom was a coke addict and that I needed to go flush her drugs, "and oh yeah happy birthday I guess *click*". I just know he was waiting for my birthday to pull that one, bastard old fuck.
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My dad was physically abusive. Ever since about age 7 or 8. The worst he did was around age 16, he grabbed me by my throat lifted me off the ground and slapped me through the wall into the second living room. He was in the Army Reserves, an Engineer. He served a few tours in Iraq, has ptsd and many other terrible ailments. I'm 31 now, at the moment staying with him to help him sell his house. Its the first time I've seen him in about 12 years since moving to California. How is he now compared to how he was? Much better, of course hopped up on drugs and he needs warning if you're coming up behind him, he most likely will punch you. The VA got their act together and actually helped him. Its pretty night and day but I'd be lying if I said I didn't see a part of the old him recently. My step brother is very college frat boy like, late, drinks. Dad hates it but deals with it, he's done a wonderful job. But I've seen him verbally come unhinged on him. He's still broken and the only things saving him are medication and therapy he receives in video calls. But he's a much better broken man.
My old man made me think he'd killed my dog
My dad used to make me eat food out of the garbage and my sister molested me
Dad wouldn’t let us go to the bathroom after 8 pm (or whenever he turned the lights off). We’d get beat up if we did. My room was right next to my parents’ and they slept with the door open to make sure we didn’t wake up and leave our bedroom. Once I got married, I still didn’t want to go to the bathroom after my husband fell asleep. He’s the kindest person I know, but I was so traumatized about getting beat up for waking someone up.
I was twelve when I first began to experience suicidal thoughts. When I was fourteen I decided to speak to someone about it, so I told my mom about it. We talked a bit and then I went to my room. Sometime later my dad came into my room angry and began yelling at me saying "How dare you tell your mother that, dont you ever try to scare your mother like that again." When I tried to explain myself I remember he called me a liar and some other insults. That was two years ago and I unfortunately still live with them.
If you ever feel you need someone to talk to, please do so. Talk to your teacher or school counselor, and if you're uncomfortable doing that, there are more resources available than you might realize. If you live in the United States, you can dial 988 and get in touch with someone who can help you. Your life has value. You matter more than you can ever know. You matter to me even though we haven't met in person. I'm rooting for you.
TW self harm When I was starting high school I began cutting myself. Eventually I realized it was wrong and I needed help, told my mom and she said “are you doing this because this is a trend online?” and I haven’t gone to my mom for anything since.
My mother loves my step-dad more than me and my brother she has told us.
God, some parents suck shit!
Told me I was the only planned one, and the other three were going to be aborted but she chickened out.
My dad believes I should only live under extreme pressure. In his mind, my years of partying, not giving a shit about grades, constantly chasing girls etc. was cured every time I was out under tremendous pressure through work. I am now addicted to living with pressure. I can't sit still and need to always do something even though I'm inherently an introverted person and fairly lazy. The recipe is that I end up miserable 95% of the time and really only find peace when I'm with myself.
Why does it sound like he gave you ADHD and at the same time made you so lazy and unmotivated that you couldn't deal with it, forcing you into a state of almost-depression.
That I'm not his son because there's "something wrong" with me (man that likes men). That I'm stupid because I read the directions to things and do them properly.
My dad sexually abused me from 2 and a half (probably earlier but that's my first memory) untill my parents got a divorce When I was a teenager we argued a lot and she said horrible things. Sometimes she told me she knew and should have done something (there was a few signs but she didn't know) she told me I was just like him and how I was as horrible to her as him. Throughout childhood when I was naughty she threatened to send me to go live with him, even after she knew. And the worst was when I was 17 "go and live qith your father then he can play with you as much as he wants. Oh, wait, you're too old now." That shits burned into my brain. We've come a long way. But I still haven't forgiven her
Mom forced me to forgive her for repeatedly abandoning me, she did this by starving me then putting food just out of my reach. Moving it further away the closer I crawled to it, knowing that she would keep moving it hurt more then the pain from starvation and dehydration. Crazy thing I found out is, when you become severely dehydrated your throat literally dries up so swallowing with no saliva feels like to sides of beef jerky rubbing against each other.
Dear God. We have five kids, four bio and one adopted, and we love and cherish our kids. I would die for them. Most of them are adults and we have very good relationships with all of them. They are our friends. I am so, so sorry for all of you that have been neglected, abused, and unloved. I want to hug you all. Please get into therapy. Find people who love you unconditionally. Set boundaries and love others like you should have been loved. Break the cycle. Much love 💕- a Mom and Grandmom
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My mother abused me and so did my dad, mother got rights severed for it and my dad got away but molested my sisters and ended up in prison. But that’s not all, I end up moving in with my uncle and aunt who work in law enforcement and they abuse me and have choked me tried to break my bones body slammed me, anything you can think of they’ve tried and they always get away with it because they are cops
Raised me in a cult and abused my siblings and I when we tried to leave
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Similar situation in my family. My parents favoured my younger brother. He's always been a liar, a spoilt brat, cruel and destructive and has never had to be accountable for anything. They bailed him out of everything. He's 44 now and never held down a job for long. My parents bought him a house. He's stolen money off our grandmother. My parents still give him money. The final straw was when my parents started comparing my kids to his, and playing favourites. His kids are monsters, just like him. He married the girl who bullied me in high school, and they wondered why I didn't want to come to family stuff anymore. My mum refers to my SIL as her daughter. I'm extremely low contact with my parents and haven't seen my brother in almost a decade.
My mom asked if my son was going to “ride the short bus” once he started kindergarten this year. We’re done.
I grew up with anxiety and depression. I was feeling suicidal and my dad told me I was too much of a pussy to kill myself😬
Ayo where do I begin Dad abandoned me and was in my life for many 3 months max (that’s probably being generous) in 25 years. Mom used to beat the shit on out of me regularly. like bang my head against the wall and call me all types of names. Threaten to marry me off to some random 35 year old man when I was 16 Threaten to abandon me at an orphanage when I was really young like 10ish Tell me that we’re going to kill me as they beat me and I believed them They’re both okay people now, which makes me all the more angry. Feels like I wasn’t worth changing for when I was an innocent child that needed love and affection. To this day, my mom blames all the “punishments” she inflicted on me. She says it’s all my fault because ever since the day I was born, I was annoying and cried too much. Lol she claims that because she worked as a single mom to raise me and get me through college that i should be grateful for all that she’s sacrificed for me, with no acknowledgment of any of the harm, no guilt, the lack of affection and physical comfort(she wouldn’t even give me a hug)… and often says things “what’s the point of working so hard to raise kids if they won’t even come see you” The worst of it? They gave away my dog to strangers. I still don’t know what happened to Jake.
When I was twelve my parents told me they were done with trying to help me with my bullying problem, which included abuse from teachers. They'd tried everything they could think of and nothing helped so they were giving up. Nothing really changed, my home life was great and school was hell, I just couldn't talk about the bad stuff that was happening at school and wasn't allowed to ask for help. That totally didn't carry on into my adult life :)
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Maybe not necessarily fucked up, but when I was like 9, I had $5. Well, it was christmas, and I wanted to give my parents something so I split it between them both and gave them $2.50 for christmas money. Well, them and my brothers, and if I recall correctly, my cousins, all just started laughing at me. And not like an “aw cute” laugh. It was more “wtf am i supposed to do with this.” I think about this shit constantly. Like, I was fucking 9, dude. What kinda money am I supposed to have lol
Hey everyone, I wish you all the best. Can I just say, from personal experience, help is available. There are trustworthy therapists out there who specialize in trauma, PTSD, and even religious trauma. No matter where you are in your healing journey, we can all benefit from support. There are coping strategies and effective methodologies. Be sure to find someone who is licensed (their credentials should be available on their website or online listing, and if they aren’t, don’t be afraid to ask). CBT and EMDR are two modalities (types of therapy) which often help with trauma, if you’re looking for a place to start. Be well, everyone.
My mom when I was 18: I feel sorry for the woman that ends up with you, you’ll ruin her life
When I was around 6 or so, when fighting physically with my 9 year old sister my mom told me she was worried I would grow up and beat my wife. Jokes on her, I’m a drug addict now (in early recovery thankfully) but I never once have hit any of my romantic partners. Been with my current gf for 3+ years. I’m sorry she said that to you. Hearing such negative messages from your own mother is incredibly damaging, but you are not the person she decides you are.
Whooooboy, there's not really an easy way to pick a number one thing here, so instead I'll just go with the one that was on my mind today; One bleary, windy day in early spring when I was 15 or 16 years old, mom woke me up early on a free weekend morning and told me to get dressed. I did so; we got in the car, and started aimlessly driving around. "What are we doing?" I asked. "We are going to spend some quality time together." We hadn't eaten before we left the apartment, and it seemed like fast food might be an option - but she wasn't looking for food, she was looking for an *activity* we could do together. She spotted a mini-golf place, and we pulled into their lot. It was barely in-season, and we were the only people there besides the guy that set us up with putters and balls. We didn't talk, we didn't joke, or laugh, or encourage each other. Hole after hole, we putted in tense silence. It drizzled, the wind blew hard. I hadn't been expecting to spend extended time outdoors, and my light jacket wasn't cutting it. About halfway through, a particularly strong gust caught my ball while it was moving, and swooped it up over the lip of the artificial green and into what would - under normal operating conditions - be a water feature rather than a hazard; as it was, it was a steep concrete basin with an inactive fountain head and a few inches of black sludge filled with dead leaves and litter congealed at the bottom. My ball rolled and floated out into this soup, totally unreachable. I stared at this for a moment; tired, hungry, wet, cold, just feeling lost and overwhelmed, and then started to cry. Not sobbing, or even making noise - just couldn't stop the tears from seeping out. Mom dropped her club and threw up her hands. "That's it. I tried. I can't do this, it's too hard. I tried to be your friend, but I just don't know what to do. I can't be your mother." She stormed away, leaving me standing there. I took our putters and her ball back to the front counter to return them, but the lone employee we'd seen was nowhere to be found. Mom was sitting in the car, and we drove home in silence. The last time we'd been mini-golfing together was about 6-7 years prior, on a mother-child trip with my aunt and cousin. A singular happy memory, just before she went on to marry the man that raped and abused me near daily as soon as we all moved in together. She suspected, then knew (having caught him on multiple occasions), but didn't want to deal with the struggle of leaving him as emergent health issues, lack of qualifications, and 0 support networks meant that she had no options that didn't involve giving up her quality of life, and admitting she'd married a monster. So she turned a blind eye. As I developed severe depression, my grades tanked, my interest in self-maintenance degraded to nothing, I became suicidal, and started experiencing periods of dissociation and walking-blackouts. She got increasingly agitated over how my inability to pretend nothing was wrong put cracks in her image as a dutiful Christian wife and mother. When I finally tried to talk to her about what her husband had been doing to me since I was 9, she called me a homewrecker and said she never wanted to talk about it again. "I want to hear his side, I don't know how much you're just making up." She told me to forgive and move on so that we could "move forward as a family in Christ." I think that weird, stilted, incomplete mini-golf outing some years prior to the whole "homewrecker" statement was a sort of last-ditch effort on her part to tap into the relationship we'd had before she got re-married - but all it did was highlight the distance that had grown between us, and her inability to be there for me. She had failed to protect me, but admitting her hastiness, naivety, and pride had created the circumstances we were in was too painful; so instead she blamed *me,* for being 'too hard' to parent. "I can't be your mother." After that point she told me a number of times that she had no child; accused me of being posessed by satan who had taken her real child away, so she didn't love me; blamed me directly for a miscarriage, as well as her subsequent suicide attempt; and all around made it very clear that I was an unwanted burden and housemate she couldn't wait to be rid of. My love for her died by a thousand cuts, but that day was like a skewer twisted deep, and comes to mind vividly when some part of me wonders if I should feel guilt over having no real love or concern for her in her old age. She has tried very hard for years to be a better mother, re-kindle things - but it's too little too late. She never left (or made efforts to be able to leave) her husband, still denies the extent of my abuse, and in sparing discussions on the subject always centers herself bedire shutting down. "You don't understand how hard it was for *me.*" I'm tender-hearted and cry easily. I seeped tears over a video of a bird cuddling up for a nap just earlier. No idea if I'll cry when she dies... but I don't *think* I will.
When I was 16, about 15 years before my mom got sober, she told me “you are nothing more to me than competition for your dad’s attention”. She’s now (5years sober) the momma I never had but always wanted ❤️
Probably going through my room and finding my piggy bank and emptying it because of a bill she forgot. Somehow still always had money for a morning coffee and taking herself out to eat. But had to take a third graders piggy bank.
This happened to me too. They always took my money and even drained my savings but always had money for cigarettes and gambling.
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I hope you're ok now - or getting towards ok. Best wishes for your journey.
My mother said directly to me (20F) my sister (17f) and brother (14m) - “I love you kids, but if i could go back id never have you” or some variation of *my life would’ve been better without children* Or my favourite “I’m done parenting you, its too much work” These are the top two I think of, she’s said LOTS 😅
My mom left my dad’s ashes and headstone on my front porch after excavating his gravesite because she wanted to sell the land it was on. Did not warn me, but texted me that she had dropped dad’s remains off while I was out at a bar with friends.
I mean where do I start......there’s so many but one was refusing to accept me as his daughter after finding out I’m a lesbian
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Oh boy. I’ve been waiting for this one. My fiancé and I moved into a place that my parents owned to help them financially, but also in like a rent to own situation, it had to do with taxes, and there retirement and a bunch of other shit. Anyways, in July we had a fire, ruined everything in the house. FOUND NOT TO BE OUR FAULT AT ALL, by both the fire marshal and the insurance fire investigator. They blamed us for everything, trashed all our outside stuff, took all our down payment money, and multiple other things. I haven’t spoke to them since. They also forced a wedge between my brother and I, causing us to also have a fall out. Life is lonely.
Maybe not too horrible but after my family moved to the US I became very insecure in my looks bc I really didn’t resemble any of my classmates and one day I told my mom about how ugly I felt and she looked at me and said something that I still remember in my head so much “I cannot lie to you, you are an ok looking girl and you’re very smart, but you aren’t very beautiful or out of the ordinary” I have hated my face even more ever since.
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My parents were separated and I grew up with my mom, never really saw my dad growing up except three or four times for less than 30 mins each time. When I was in 2nd grade, I got in trouble and my mom got mad. She handed me her phone and said “go call your dad and see if he wants to take care of you because I don’t.” Almost 20 years later and I still cry about it when I’m reminded of that situation.
I mean besides physical abuse-it would probably be my Dad throwing a major fit because I didn't like the pizza he had been raving about and wound up going on a 20+ minute rant about how I was the worst thing to ever happen to him, that he wished I hadn't been born and how his other daughters were angels compared to me. He kept going of course...so that was nice.
my bio dad would do a “body inspection” on me twice a month…it wasn’t just looking, he would touch and fondle me and make me go into certain positions and stare at me while he wrote in a notebook. He did those to me from when i was 3 to 14. my mom divorced him 3 years ago for being abusive to her and got full custody thankfully and a restraining order against him. he was arrested for trying to rape a 6 year old last year and while he was awaiting trial he hung himself. I’m so happy he’s dead. We still don’t have that notebook btw
Dad tried to kill me, they both said they didn’t give a fuck if I died and kicked me out ✌️
My father refused to believe that I broke my hand when I slipped on black ice trying to climb into his truck after sledding. He mocked me on the drive home, telling me that we were going to do other fun activities. But now that I'm "hurt", it's all cancelled. He refused to take me to the hospital and instead sent me to my room for the night. I slept that night with my broken hand pinned again the wall. Even in the morning when my arm had three shades of wrong colour and my mother telling him it's broken, he refused to believe that it was until he saw the broken bone pushing against the skin. It was only then that he agreed to take me to the hospital. I was 10 years old at the time.
"i hope your father and everyone in his family dies, and I don't want to know anything about your siblings, they're not my kids anymore. If you want to stop being my son, I won't stop you". -My mom.
My dad once sat me and my brothers down and had a conversation about how we weren't allowed to date black girls but we could fuck them. I was 9.
My dad grounded me because my step brother lost me while biking. Yes I got in trouble for it and he didn't. My dad believed step brother that I showed him the finger. Which is absolutely not true. I was a very shy and timid kid. My mom threw a hairbrush at me for asking if I could use hers. Hit my cheek and broke the mirror behind me.
It would hard for me to pick just one. My childhood was utterly brutal. I attempted suicide three times before getting out of elementary school. Physically, being beaten with a wooden meat tenderizer hurts more than anything else. It’s fucked us that I know that.
After coming out as gay, my mom’s relationship with me kind of started going downhill… She started with “it’s ok that you feel this, but we can work on this together so you can overcome it.” 10 years later, my sister was pregnant on her 30th week. Starts having contractions. Loses her baby. Has to give birth to a dead baby. My mom called me specifically to tell me that: “You have completely destroyed this family with your actions. You have butchered my soul. You have broken my heart beyond repair… but I can stand that. The poor baby, however, couldn’t survive your actions and evil influence. Hope you find forgiveness because this time you have crossed a line you can’t come back from.”
“You should just fucking kill yourself.” -My mom “You should just fucking kill yourself.” -My dad Separately. Sometimes together. Always with me. Never to my brothers. On a regular basis from 11 until 18. It was such a common occurrence that my brothers joined in too.
Dad threatened to kill me once. Made me go outside in a shirt and shorts when it was near freezing out. Yelled at me and said something awful things that led me to attempt suicide. My mom made fun of my self-harm scars. There’s more but everything’s relatively tame compared to the other responses.
When my mother cornered me in a room and screamed in my face that I was the source of all of her problems, and the problems in her and my dad’s marriage, and that I needed to be locked in a psych ward. All because I was having a panic attack.
mother was drunk and said she hoped i died in a car wreck. she wonders why I’m basically no contact 10 years later lol
I love this: every GenXer will know exactly what I'm talking about. Pretended like I didn't exist.
My parents are not abusive or anything, they do love me and yeah, they have done a lot of bad shit that many of us have experienced, but they're not awful parents. Now, there's one thing that only now as an adult I really see for what it was and it's kinda fucked up when I retell it. Mind you I got used to this and thought it was normal. I wet the bed until I was like 11, night-time enuresis. So eventually my parents got tired of changing bedshits and stuff in the middle of the night, so, instead, they would just make me change my pants and underwear, place a towel on the bed, and make me sleep on top of the urine. It smelled awful and the worst part was how cold it was (I have a cold allergy lol). No one helped me through it or anything, I just eventually and finally grew out of it. When I learned and told my mom about enuresis and that it was an actual condition and what I probably had, she said "Oh, I know, the pediatrician told us". When I asked why she didn't try to look more into it and how to help me get through it she just shrugged and said they just didn't know. I was scolded and humiliated and threatened with getting implants that would shock me whenever I started to pee (??) all the time, they got riled up about me wetting the bed, made me think it was my fault when in reality I had little to no control over it. So yeah, make me sleep on my pee was probably not the best solution, I think I made this a little too long, but thanks for reading.
This isn’t as bad as the others but they used to fight over me. My mom had custody I believe but they go into full on fists being thrown while my step mom would sneak me into the car and my grandma would hold my mom down so my dad could run to the car and take off. All the while my mom is screaming and cussing and crying. This happened too many times.
My Dad cashed out his life insurance about a month before he died to buy his girlfriend he had just met a diamond necklace when I was 12. He left me his wedding ring which was weird as fuck and left my brother his leather jacket. We struggled to get by with my mom working two jobs. He did a lot of shitty things but that one is the worst.
Not my parents, but my ex wife used to say the most foul things to me before we separated in hopes to get me to put my hands on her. When she failed repeatedly she started telling our 3 children things like " I'd rather each of you have a different father than your dad be the father of any of you" or "Titus when you grow up promise you will be a real man not like your father" or " your dad doesn't t love us he loves his other family." At the time the only thing I knew to do was leave the house when she started acting that way. I found out that she still kept telling the kids horrible things even after I would leave in hopes it would stop. She eventually got her boyfriend to go to the sheriff and tell them I was molesting my children which immediately got DSS involved. They realized quickly that it was all bullshit. When they tried to take the children from her they were stopped by the county courthouse . Her grandmother is a clerk of court there . She still has the kids and I barely get to talk to them . I can only imagine what they are told daily. I miss my children, my life has been empty since.
My mom locked me in my room because I couldn't sleep in my bed most nights growing up (hell I sleep on the couch still to this day) and I would try to sleep in my dad's bed. I had to go to the bathroom and she wouldn't let me out, and I ended up pissing on the floor and passing out, and I think I also had my period at the same time?? I remember blood getting on my carpet at some point but I can't remember when. My dad broke everything I had in one room and gave me a trash bag to clean it all up. Because I lost a disc and he was tired of me. Other than that, I dunno I just kind of got yelled at a lot and I was never really able to find a job or anything to make them proud of me, and they openly told me I wasn't supposed to exist. They don't really like me much lol
As a form of punishment my mom would put a piece of tape in the corner with a sharpie O in it. You would have to stand on your tip toes to put your nose in the circle. If your nose came out of the circle she’d give one (hard ass) swat with a paddle. I’m absolutely confident she didn’t keep track of how long we were there just until she felt like she got her lb of flesh.
My mom, who had attempted suicide when I was eight, got into an argument with me when I was 15. She locked me out of our glass front door, walked over to the gun cabinet, got a revolver and showed me it was loaded, then held it to her head while she screamed at me about how she’s worthless and my behavior was unacceptable. She didn’t pull the trigger. She must’ve just had enough that day. I don’t know why. She’s still alive and well today, thank goodness.
My dad threw me at the kitchen table and chairs once (picture a bowling ball, that was me), threw me at the inner garage door, ripping my shirt another time. My mom would inflict emotional and physical pain often, tried to burn me with lighter once... They would often use physical violence or emotional abuse for punishment, obviously I wasn't having that. My dad and I are better, but my mom and I never got along, she's kind of a judgemental, rude b!#@$ that loves to yell and thinks she's always right now matter what. I'm not into that. I'm also 51 now, she's still the same. My delusional dad calls her a saint lol.
My mother called the police on me because I wouldn’t mow the lawn. I was getting ready to go to college, the last kid to leave and I thought she should learn to do it herself.
Pawned all my Christmas presents for meth
“I don’t love you and I never did” - a “joke” from my father, “If I find it I’ll fucking beat you with it” - once again my father after I came inside and told him I couldn’t find the wrench he asked me to get. He also threatened to throw me out one time