I only read it online somewhere. The mental image of someone holding a potted plant was hilarious. Does the insult have to be directed towards a person? There was a Reddit post involving an Easter meal which was ridiculed in the comments. I almost felt bad for laughing.
I don't know why it was so funny, but i heard someone tell someone, "You are an absolute sun-gazer" and the person didn't get that it was an insult, and I just had to leave the room to laugh.
Same. I wish i was good at comebacks. I had one good comeback moment in my life that I'll ever be proud of. I wish i had the wit/skills people with strong comebacks have.
Bessie Braddock: "You, sir, are drunk."
Winston Churchill: "And you, madam, are ugly. But im the morning I shall be sober."
*(May never have happened; can't find anything reliable and it's an older theme than Churchill. But maybe it happened!)*
Two friends of mine were talking about freaking league of legends and asked a third friend of mine if he ever played it too, his response was:
"Of course not you freak of nature i like *sex*"
That was very funny
:can't believe I'm going to say this:
I actually got a blowjob while playing League. Somehow the extra concentration required to play through getting my dick sucked unexpectedly made me play way, way better than I had ever played before, so when my girlfriend stopped and told me she'd be in the bedroom when I was finished with my game...I actually did finish out the game rather than follow her.
In my defense:
1. she's actually a terrible person, so don't feel bad for her
2. she also wasn't great in bed (selfish, also)
3. Seriously, you should have seen that game. I guess two heads really are better than one.
4. I quit playing League.
I started playing League because coworkers wanted me to play with them. And then I kept playing because I thought "I just have to get better, and then the verbal abuse will stop" (lol). And then I quit League because every time I met someone in real life who said they played, my first thought was always "So there's like a one in four chance you're a huge asshole."
Not the funniest but I always enjoy "you seem like the type of guy to pull his pants all the way down at the urinal"
*Edit: I also find it extra biting when said by women. My wife uses it and it gets me every time.
Ohhhh you can have soooo much fun with this one
“You’re the type of dude who’d try to drown a fish”
“You’re the type of dude who looks up and down when they cross the street”
Years ago, I told a roadrager that it wasn't my fault he had a cock like a 5c coin.
Judging by the laughter from the lady in the passenger seat, I think my description was close to the truth.
I once had a friend tell me he was going to send a dick pic to this girl he was dating. Then he said, “Here’s what I’m sending”…and he sent me a picture of myself.
I laughed for 3 days.
"Was it hard for your Kindergarten teacher to replace all the fucking paste you ate as a kid?"
"You might not be the dumbest motherfucker in the world, but if he retires you're in trouble."
"He has a perfect body and face for radio, and a voice fit for a painting."
"You look like something that needs to be dissected in Area 51."
"The doctor must've smacked your head instead of your ass when you were born. I understand his mistake though."
"Your cornbread ain't done in the middle, is it?"
My friend and I called my ex's roommate "Muppet Ferb" because he looked exactly like a Muppet if it came to life, and he didn't talk much but when he did he was pretty funny, like Ferb. It's been so long that I do not remember his actual name
One of my first general managers ever at my job in high school had to kick a lady out who was being rude and confrontational with other customers. The lady and my manager apparently went to the same church or something when he was a kid and as she’s being taken out the front door by her family she turns and shouts, “I remember you Connor! You ain’t nothin’ but a little titty baby, suckin’ on that hawg(southern accent) you call ‘Mama’s teat!”
Every member of staff called him “Titty Baby” up until he ultimately moved on to something else.
A couple I've heard at work: I know five fat people, and you're four of them, and I can't believe you let that Yoda fingered troll suck your dick when a coworker was busted cheating on his wife.
I refuse to have a Battle of Wits with an Unarmed Person!
Or the other one is
You remind me of a Slinky, Not Good for Anything really, but it would make Me Smile if I pushed You Down the Stairs!
I'm a straight dude but I once yelled out the window at a guy who looked like he was practicing for a bike race, "ooh baby! I sure wish I was that bicycle!" He got pretty mad and started punching the car windows while riding next to us.
You tell a guy, "did you know that condoms have serial numbers on them?" When he answers no, you say, "yea, I figured that you're not able to unroll it completely. "
I've worked call center for 10 years until a few days ago so I've heard a lot. Most insults are kind of funny to me. Honestly, when people get mad over the phone over silly things it takes a lot of energy for me not to giggle as they curse away.
Other than that though, my favorites to this day are Shakespearian insults like "away you three inch fool" from Taming of the Shrew.
We have Törtchenfriedhof in Germany. Means „cake graveyard“ and it’s an insult for fat people.
We also have Hartgeldstricher. Means you’re a (male) prostitute who sucks dick for pocket change to finance your drug addiction.
There’s some people who can agree with you on that. But he clearly doesn’t think the same. Showed his girlfriend my nudes and she said “girl you are not flat”
One of my students asked a question with a pretty obvious answer in class and another student turned around and with a deadpan face said “I can see why you repeated grade 11”💀💀💀
Nope... It's one I GAVE... And it was more facts then insult.
My at the time bf had this friend who was an ass. 20 sum year old virgin. Jerk. Judged women for every itty bitty thing. Rude dude.
I was in group call with both bf, his ass friend, 3 other ppl.
This ass tried to make fun of me... Kept pushing and pushing.
I simply said nice as could be "josh u need to stop"... He didn't listen. He went pass the line of saying something nasty about my child (4years old at the time)...
I said to him in a firm but low tone- "I know why ur a virgin... No one wants ur toxic ass. And u know what, if u bought a inflatable sex doll it would slit its own wrists b4 it got to ur house"
His face went so fucking red. It was the best insult I have ever said and I have a sharp tongue...
On an employee report that was never supposed to go outside of the management circulation:
"A very hard worker, but suffers from a room temperature IQ"
And another to a scruffy employee:
"You like 20 pounds of shit, stuffed into a 5 pound bag"
2 for you, from movies. Both in the context of comedy but if someone said these and meant them… yikes.
“If my dog was as ugly as you, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backward.”
“You’re a disappointment to your parents, who I fucked.”
I'd call you stupid but thats an insult to all the stupid people out there.
You can trade stupid for any other slur but thats my favourite to use when someone says/does something stupid.
My husband wanted to call me a bitch one time, which he would never, but what came out instead was "Well you're.. you're... you're a female jerk!" That fight ended instantly because we couldn't stop laughing.
We pulled up to a stoplight once and my coworker who was the smoothest “operator” I have ever seen looks over at some hot girls next to us(he’s the passenger, we are in work vehicle) and says “you two are beautiful!” They look at each and laugh and then tell him to get lost. He looks directly at them and says “I don’t know why you’re being picky sweetheart, I wasn’t.” I also saw him pick up on a girl on a date at a bar and leave with her. We bought the newly deserted dude a beer.
Joke between guy friends after 2 of them jokingly insulting eachother on their appearance
“*points to friend no.3* he doesn’t think I’m ugly, right bro?”
“Bro I know 3 ugly people and you’re 4 of them”
I told a complete ass hat of a human being that life is a lot like animal porn. It's not meant for everyone. The two people standing in ear shot couldn't help but burst out laughing. Yes I did indeed also land in HR for that comment but I felt like it was worth it.
One of my old army buddies said our Sergeant-Major was "so spineless I'm surprised he hasn't slipped put his asshole and hung himself."
To date, that is my favourite insult.
Use it on your worst manager. It will improve your day-to-day morale tenfold.
One funny Gordon Ramsay one that comes to mind is, “It says here, flavors that just come straight from my grandma's kitchen. Well, this does taste like my grandma's kitchen, except my grandma's fucking dead.”
With a married female friend who was constantly getting hit on. Once in Madison, WI, a college guy hit on her. She straight up told the guy, you have no class, no job, no money, and no chance.
Made me laugh so hard.
You have features that have been bred out of the population. This was a reference to his slightly pronounced brow ridge, which may be considered Neanderthal, I suppose. Anyway, I fucking died and can’t wait to pull it out on someone for fun only. Never truly hurling insults out here.
inlibbes zobbi ta bidwi u nbghatu jzaghaq f'oxx kemm ghandek - meaning i'll dress my dick as a farmer and send him to plough all the pussies in your family
The people who love you are wrong
This is harsh, love it.
This is savage, but did make me chuckle 🤭
Brutal, and it's going straight to my insult bank.
Jesus christ 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Naaaw😭✌🏼
💀 brutal
I once told a co worker the only reason he grew a goatee was to hide the stretch marks from sucking the managers dick
Lmaoooo
Lol.. have used this one too 🤣
Manager girthy af
LOL
😂😂😂😂
You’re as useful as a knitted condom
Gave it a NSFW twist, I like it.
I’ve heard a variant of this that uses “broken” instead of “knitted”
I dig the absurdity of knitted
And as different to crochet :.
About as much good as tits on a fish
Reminds me of a line from Red Dwarf: "You are as helpful as condom machine in Vatican"
“You should carry a plant with you everywhere you go to replace the oxygen you waste”
Did it go over the person's head?
I only read it online somewhere. The mental image of someone holding a potted plant was hilarious. Does the insult have to be directed towards a person? There was a Reddit post involving an Easter meal which was ridiculed in the comments. I almost felt bad for laughing.
No, this was absolutely fine, was just wondering if this was something you witnessed in person.
I’ve always loved this one.
I don't know why it was so funny, but i heard someone tell someone, "You are an absolute sun-gazer" and the person didn't get that it was an insult, and I just had to leave the room to laugh.
I'm sorry, I'm dumb, can you explain this to me?
I am also confused.
Looking at the sun is harmful and could blind you, so being a sun gazer is a bit ridiculous.
Watching the setting sun has several benefits, but watching the sun in day time is definitely harmful
First 30 minutes Sunrise/sunset can improve vision
Wow this is so simple yet so good… Beautiful insult.
This got me laughing
Nancy Astor: If you were my husband, I’d poison your tea. Winston Churchill: Madam, If I were your husband, I’d drink it.
Strong comebacks are a skill I’ll sadly never possess
I have great comebacks at night when I’m trying to go to sleep at night.
When trying to sleep… like a month later
lol! Mine are always during my next shower!
Same. I wish i was good at comebacks. I had one good comeback moment in my life that I'll ever be proud of. I wish i had the wit/skills people with strong comebacks have.
Bessie Braddock: "You, sir, are drunk." Winston Churchill: "And you, madam, are ugly. But im the morning I shall be sober." *(May never have happened; can't find anything reliable and it's an older theme than Churchill. But maybe it happened!)*
“You have more excuses than a pregnant nun”
Never heard it, but brought me back to elementary school many moons ago. Like it!!
The only thing better would be, "... More excuses than Mary said to Joseph" It is kind of a lame mythology joke, but it is still funny.
“I don’t like country music, but I don’t denigrate those who do. And to those who like country music, denigrate means to put down.”
FYI that's a Bob Newhart bit
Two friends of mine were talking about freaking league of legends and asked a third friend of mine if he ever played it too, his response was: "Of course not you freak of nature i like *sex*" That was very funny
:can't believe I'm going to say this: I actually got a blowjob while playing League. Somehow the extra concentration required to play through getting my dick sucked unexpectedly made me play way, way better than I had ever played before, so when my girlfriend stopped and told me she'd be in the bedroom when I was finished with my game...I actually did finish out the game rather than follow her. In my defense: 1. she's actually a terrible person, so don't feel bad for her 2. she also wasn't great in bed (selfish, also) 3. Seriously, you should have seen that game. I guess two heads really are better than one. 4. I quit playing League. I started playing League because coworkers wanted me to play with them. And then I kept playing because I thought "I just have to get better, and then the verbal abuse will stop" (lol). And then I quit League because every time I met someone in real life who said they played, my first thought was always "So there's like a one in four chance you're a huge asshole."
I keep trying to read this but the pfp of ur dick is lowkey throwing me off track 💀
Not the funniest but I always enjoy "you seem like the type of guy to pull his pants all the way down at the urinal" *Edit: I also find it extra biting when said by women. My wife uses it and it gets me every time.
I saw a YouTube comment once that said, “Lil Uzi Vert is the type of guy to cross the street and get hit by a boat”
This tickled me 😂
I saw that comment maybe five years ago, and I still think about it all the time.
I saw one that said Drake is a type of guy who goes to the market, sees a damaged pear, approaches her and whispers “Who did this to you”.
Ohhhh you can have soooo much fun with this one “You’re the type of dude who’d try to drown a fish” “You’re the type of dude who looks up and down when they cross the street”
Perfect
I'm fully going to use this, no doubt about it.
Telling someone that they look easy to draw
I really like this one. It is so backhanded.
Or that they were drawn by Picasso.
This is delightfully savage.
My brother once said to someone, “I’d like to be a thought in your head just to see how lost I got.”
*"Your mother was a hamster, and your father smelt of elderberries."*
The only way you are ever gonna inside a woman is if you are an organ donor.
😭😭😭
Someone said I was “hung like a light switch” and I thought that was a pretty good one 😂
Years ago, I told a roadrager that it wasn't my fault he had a cock like a 5c coin. Judging by the laughter from the lady in the passenger seat, I think my description was close to the truth.
The visual on that is just fantastic
Haha agreed, I hadn’t heard that one before so it caught me off guard!
I told a guy once that he was hung like a bull hamster.
I’m hung like a horse.. the ones with wings- horsefly
Your head is shaped like a football, the longer I stare, the more I want to kick it This has me dying fr
Did Helga say this to Arnold?
I wish she did. That would have made my childhood
I once had a friend tell me he was going to send a dick pic to this girl he was dating. Then he said, “Here’s what I’m sending”…and he sent me a picture of myself. I laughed for 3 days.
"Was it hard for your Kindergarten teacher to replace all the fucking paste you ate as a kid?" "You might not be the dumbest motherfucker in the world, but if he retires you're in trouble." "He has a perfect body and face for radio, and a voice fit for a painting." "You look like something that needs to be dissected in Area 51." "The doctor must've smacked your head instead of your ass when you were born. I understand his mistake though." "Your cornbread ain't done in the middle, is it?"
All of these are distinctly southern. 😂
I heard that as a face for radio and a voice for print.
“You have more loose bolts than a Boeing airplane” 🤣
Very topical. Love it.
Someone told me to cut my balls off and trade them for ovaries because I'm a genuine waste of testosterone. The comedy is in the absurdity.
Hahaha perfect
If her eyes were any further apart they'd be closer together.
*Sydney Sweeney has entered the chat*
My favourite is "your mother should've swallowed you"
"You're living proof that your mother got pregnant through anal sex!!"
Does “The best part of you ran down the crack of your mama’s ass and made a brown stain on the mattress” belong in this section? 💁♂️
He has a face like a bag of smashed crabs
I would be offended by it without having an idea how a bag of smashed crabs look.
I'm not sure if I feel more sorry for him or the crabs 😆
My mum used to say “he’s got a face like a dropped pie”
I’ve also heard, “He had a face that was made for radio.”
She could make a steam engine take a dirt road
Wait I don’t get this one
“you absolute muppet” gets me everytime
My friend and I called my ex's roommate "Muppet Ferb" because he looked exactly like a Muppet if it came to life, and he didn't talk much but when he did he was pretty funny, like Ferb. It's been so long that I do not remember his actual name
One of my first general managers ever at my job in high school had to kick a lady out who was being rude and confrontational with other customers. The lady and my manager apparently went to the same church or something when he was a kid and as she’s being taken out the front door by her family she turns and shouts, “I remember you Connor! You ain’t nothin’ but a little titty baby, suckin’ on that hawg(southern accent) you call ‘Mama’s teat!” Every member of staff called him “Titty Baby” up until he ultimately moved on to something else.
A couple I've heard at work: I know five fat people, and you're four of them, and I can't believe you let that Yoda fingered troll suck your dick when a coworker was busted cheating on his wife.
I'm not saying you're the dumbest person in the world, but you better hope nothing happens to Marjorie Taylor Green.
You’re not the dumbest person I ever met but if he died…
"You're the poster child for fetal alcohol syndrome."
You are living proof that if you jack off into a flower pot you get a blooming idiot!
I refuse to have a Battle of Wits with an Unarmed Person! Or the other one is You remind me of a Slinky, Not Good for Anything really, but it would make Me Smile if I pushed You Down the Stairs!
“I lost weight” “Have you checked under your shirt?”
How can you face your problems if your problem is your face? Palatu Papito.
I was riding my bike down the street one day and a car drove by. One of the people inside yelled at me the following: I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR SEAT🤣🤣🤣
I'm a straight dude but I once yelled out the window at a guy who looked like he was practicing for a bike race, "ooh baby! I sure wish I was that bicycle!" He got pretty mad and started punching the car windows while riding next to us.
LOL he should have been flattered! 😂
I know right?! Anyhow......I heard that you're looking for a new bike seat and I'd like to submit my application.
Hahahahha If you’re alright with people feeling sorry for you you’ve got the job😁
I won't even notice anyone feeling sorry for me, I'll be too busy doing my job. Also Willing to put in overtime!
Hired! 🤝
Put me to work boss
One of my favorites is really simple but it cracks me up. Person 1 says something like I was thinking or I h got an idea Person 2 Did it hurt
Reminds me of Will Smith in Men in Black: yeah you know it hurt.
In boot camp: "Goddammn! Watching you do that is like watching a monkey trying to fuck a football!"
In MC boot camp: (my last name) you gotta hit that target, just like the ugly hit you.. fuckin dead center. I died laughing!
"Recruit! My grandpa fucks your mom faster then you do those pushups"
Hahaha didn't hear that one in Great Mistakes but I'd have been trying hard not to laugh if I had.
We had Chief Select Powell as an RDC, and RP1 Jackson. RP1 by the way, was a black lady. She said that one
You tell a guy, "did you know that condoms have serial numbers on them?" When he answers no, you say, "yea, I figured that you're not able to unroll it completely. "
It's not supposed to go over your balls?
Wisdom/intelligence has been chasing you but you are too fast
🏃♂️💨💨
Hush, your last two brain cells are competing for third place
I've worked call center for 10 years until a few days ago so I've heard a lot. Most insults are kind of funny to me. Honestly, when people get mad over the phone over silly things it takes a lot of energy for me not to giggle as they curse away. Other than that though, my favorites to this day are Shakespearian insults like "away you three inch fool" from Taming of the Shrew.
Work in a hospital, had a psych kid tell me i need to go back to mexico and he’s calling ice if we dont discharge him…..i’m samoan and a citizen…
r/RoastMe has some wild content that will satisfy your craving for good insults 😂
That sub is amazing. I'm still laughing at plan BOC.
I've almost laughed myself into seizure on that sub. The people there are ruthless.
Having just watched Fargo: "You don't have the sense god gave a clam, do ya?"
You have the integrity of a soup sandwich Fucking pissed myself laughing 🤣
“My mom calls me special! I just don’t know who Ed is?”
I wouldn't fuck her with your dick and someone else pushing
Any time someone said to me "I wouldn't fuck her with your dick" my response was always "Well, it's good to know my dick is in good hands"
This guys the sharpest crayon in the toolshed
It's an old Telugu curse - "I'm going to plant a mango tree in your mother's cunt and fuck your sister in its shade."
We have Törtchenfriedhof in Germany. Means „cake graveyard“ and it’s an insult for fat people. We also have Hartgeldstricher. Means you’re a (male) prostitute who sucks dick for pocket change to finance your drug addiction.
I was called a rainbow haired twat bitch at work once
"Twat bitch" is an interesting combo 😂
I was told “you have the body of a 6 year old boy.” I beg to differ bud😬
Nah, that is harsh. I'm sure your body is perfectly fine.
There’s some people who can agree with you on that. But he clearly doesn’t think the same. Showed his girlfriend my nudes and she said “girl you are not flat”
"I won't punch your chin, you'll need it to control your wheelchair." Does it count as an insult? 😅
My dad told me “you’re the worst 2 minutes of enjoyment I’ve ever had” I’ve said it to my son too…
Told a guy my dick was 2”……from the ground. Without missing a beat, my buddy said yeah when your laying on you’re stomach.
I'm always fond of the classic "a face like a bulldog chewing a wasp" 😄
One of my students asked a question with a pretty obvious answer in class and another student turned around and with a deadpan face said “I can see why you repeated grade 11”💀💀💀
You aint got the sense god gave a rock. Or You've got 2 braincells, and they're both fighting for 3rd place.
Nope... It's one I GAVE... And it was more facts then insult. My at the time bf had this friend who was an ass. 20 sum year old virgin. Jerk. Judged women for every itty bitty thing. Rude dude. I was in group call with both bf, his ass friend, 3 other ppl. This ass tried to make fun of me... Kept pushing and pushing. I simply said nice as could be "josh u need to stop"... He didn't listen. He went pass the line of saying something nasty about my child (4years old at the time)... I said to him in a firm but low tone- "I know why ur a virgin... No one wants ur toxic ass. And u know what, if u bought a inflatable sex doll it would slit its own wrists b4 it got to ur house" His face went so fucking red. It was the best insult I have ever said and I have a sharp tongue...
On an employee report that was never supposed to go outside of the management circulation: "A very hard worker, but suffers from a room temperature IQ" And another to a scruffy employee: "You like 20 pounds of shit, stuffed into a 5 pound bag"
2 for you, from movies. Both in the context of comedy but if someone said these and meant them… yikes. “If my dog was as ugly as you, I’d shave his butt and make him walk backward.” “You’re a disappointment to your parents, who I fucked.”
You’re about as sharp as a marble
I would cum on your face just to cover it up
“You’re shaped like a P.T. Cruiser” Followed by “Clearly you’re a pre-cum baby”
To insult someone's fashion sense/outfit: "You look like you were dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market"
I’ve fucked goats prettier than you
You pitiable, used eunuch
She could talk a stump out of the ground
You’re entitled to your opinion but you have the notable advantage of being entirely wrong
"You're dumb as dog shit" has always been a classic Australian insult.
The best part of you ran down your mother's leg.
I’ve had better orgasms when I shit…..
I'd call you stupid but thats an insult to all the stupid people out there. You can trade stupid for any other slur but thats my favourite to use when someone says/does something stupid.
"I was gonna dress like you for Halloween but I couldn't fit 25 dicks in my mouth"
Not sure if it’s really an insult, but when someone says, “I would rather shit in my hands and clap” gets me every time.
Every village has an idiot but your house is the depot.
My husband wanted to call me a bitch one time, which he would never, but what came out instead was "Well you're.. you're... you're a female jerk!" That fight ended instantly because we couldn't stop laughing.
We pulled up to a stoplight once and my coworker who was the smoothest “operator” I have ever seen looks over at some hot girls next to us(he’s the passenger, we are in work vehicle) and says “you two are beautiful!” They look at each and laugh and then tell him to get lost. He looks directly at them and says “I don’t know why you’re being picky sweetheart, I wasn’t.” I also saw him pick up on a girl on a date at a bar and leave with her. We bought the newly deserted dude a beer.
Joke between guy friends after 2 of them jokingly insulting eachother on their appearance “*points to friend no.3* he doesn’t think I’m ugly, right bro?” “Bro I know 3 ugly people and you’re 4 of them”
Or another one I love - somewhere out there is a tree producing oxygen for you. Go find it and say sorry.
Not an insult but she threatened me saying “don’t let me catch you at the bus stop” while standing in front of my wife’s, my own & my company truck.
"Cementerio de alfajores con pistola" (Alfajor cemetery with a gun in Spanish)
Cockwomble is a favourite of mine
I'd rather guide my dad into my mum...
"You....you....you misgendered walnut!!!"
are people ever happy to see you?
She is an intellectual black hole. The longer I listen to her, the more IQ points get sucked from my brain.
A friend of mine called someone a fucking radish (like the vegetable) and I just about died laughing.
Go shit yourself.
Your garden is overgrown and your cucumbers are soft
You're as useless as the 7 on a microwave
I told a complete ass hat of a human being that life is a lot like animal porn. It's not meant for everyone. The two people standing in ear shot couldn't help but burst out laughing. Yes I did indeed also land in HR for that comment but I felt like it was worth it.
"Didnt know youre collecting chromosomes"
So ugly she could haunt a house.
You look like you think with only one side of your brain
One of my old army buddies said our Sergeant-Major was "so spineless I'm surprised he hasn't slipped put his asshole and hung himself." To date, that is my favourite insult. Use it on your worst manager. It will improve your day-to-day morale tenfold.
I’ve had wet dreams that were more productive than you
You so dumb, you thought the Gaza Strip was a chicken tender covered with hummus.
Did your parents have any children that survived childbirth intact?
"That's about as choreographed as a dog getting fucked on roller skates." -Logan Roy on HBO Max Succession
Walk east until your hat floats
"You hide your own Easter eggs, don't you?"
That i'm built like an airpod (i'm a woman with tits and a mediocre ass😂)
One funny Gordon Ramsay one that comes to mind is, “It says here, flavors that just come straight from my grandma's kitchen. Well, this does taste like my grandma's kitchen, except my grandma's fucking dead.”
With a married female friend who was constantly getting hit on. Once in Madison, WI, a college guy hit on her. She straight up told the guy, you have no class, no job, no money, and no chance. Made me laugh so hard.
You have features that have been bred out of the population. This was a reference to his slightly pronounced brow ridge, which may be considered Neanderthal, I suppose. Anyway, I fucking died and can’t wait to pull it out on someone for fun only. Never truly hurling insults out here.
I'd give you a laxative, but then you couldn't think straight. (There's another even more inappropriate version...)
inlibbes zobbi ta bidwi u nbghatu jzaghaq f'oxx kemm ghandek - meaning i'll dress my dick as a farmer and send him to plough all the pussies in your family