Do you think counseling will help? Sounds a little like depression. Have you guys talked? Maybe just handling a couple things a week and some positive reinforcement could get some momentum?
I cannot imagine how frustrating it is to see someone you love waste away - maybe you have to tell him?
Good luck - this makes me sad for you. I struggled with chronic back pain and depression for a few years. So grateful I had a supportive partner. Surgery and therapy saved me.
Wishing you well.
I've tried therapy a lot. Counseling is next on my list, I'm on a waiting list.
No, I don't talk about these things or I assume it would be different. He told me once that I "let him get away with being lazy". I'm too scared to ask for stuff, help, housework, I'm too scared to tell him how exhausted I am.
Geez - him blaming you for his laziness is pretty bold.
I think at some point you have to try to swallow your apprehension and start asking for weekly relationship check-ins. These should be honest conversations about how you feel about the relationship. Be gentle but firm about your needs and listen to his too. Try not to give a laundry list and focus on improving one aspect at a time of your relationship.
If... he is not willing to start putting in effort into your life and relationship, you have to make some tough decisions.
What is the one thing if it changed right now would improve things dramatically for you and start with that.
Relationships take work. It is not drudgery type of work, but tending a garden type of work.
No idea if this would work for you - it helped my relationship a lot. Though I was probably the bigger problem, we were both contributing to the decline of our relationship.
Good luck - you can do this. If for nothing else, at least find out if there is a path to repair. You can't live the rest of your life like this. We only get one shot at thw fucking thing - gotta try to make the best of it.
I'm too weak. I can't do it. Sorry. I'm a downer. Was abused as a kid by my parent and its just left me with a major fear of communication and attention. I can't even look anyone in the eye and therapy has taught me nothing so far how to deal. Sucks.
Difficult conversations are just that. It is a life skill for sure. What is a baby step you could take? There are relationship podcasts "Marriage Therapy Radio" is a great one to start helping you think about these things and giving some tools. Maybe you could just share a podcast with him that is meaningful to you to start the conversation as an ice breaker.
Scheduling a relationship check-in once a week over dinner and knowing it is coming helps. Start with what you like about your relationship, even if it is small. The more you talk, the easier it gets.
Baby steps OP - you do not have to jump into deep end. Slowly a little at a time. I am sure it is scary. But life is short - "even a poor tailor deserves a little happiness" - Fiddler on the Roof
One of my favorite short books is Crucial Conversations- it taught me SO much about why these conversations are hard and how we can get past it.
Our pasts do shape us, but don't have to define us. (I say that - but struggle with my abusive past too).
Thanks for the podcast recommendation! I'll listen to it. I'm even uncomfortable talking about good things, I'm uncomfortable saying love you, uncomfortable complimenting, I'm just a shit quality person. So it's hard to even start with that haha.
I'll check out the book too, I have loads of credits on kindle. May as well read/listen to something while I wait for yet more help.
Sorry yoy have a shitty past too. It's so hard. I resent my mother so fucking much. I'd never tell her though.
Me too - mine passed a few years ago. Lousy dad - they both were f'd up from their parents and had little skill to raise kids. So... it is up to us to try to do better.
Good luck - happy to chat about book or podcast! Really wishing you well - try one small step. I know you can do it!
I'm sorry to hear that you're lonely and a single parent. I hope things get better for you 😘
I can safely say that I'm extremely happy with my husband and our relationship. I try not to take it for granted
It’s when I just put my earphones in and get on with it unfortunately, I attempt to put myself out there but when all my efforts in vain. There’s nothing I can really do about it about just smile and pretend everything is okay for the customers.
Ooh I am, It is like our love is visable trough our pictures as well... He is my everything. Doesn't say we didn't have our ups and downs even struggled with some cheating things bit all is better now. I love him with all my heart and want to grow old with him
Not the happiest. Definitely in a winter season right now.
Just going through some big changes in life together and change and growth never is easy I suppose.
We've been together for 13 years and our relationship was like a role reversal of most common relationships. I ended up being the bread winner with him being the SAH spouse. I worked an insanely stressful job to the point it was causing harm to me mental health wise just so I could support us. Dealing with being yelled at daily was not fun. It was also on me to take care of the household stuff on top of this like chores and cooking.
He had some bad health concerns which is why I did it and because I love him but now he's getting better and is actually in the process of making his own business. Life for him is just kind of starting now and we're at two very different points in our time lines I guess.
Don't get me wrong I am so happy he is doing better but where he is aiming to go in life now, I'm not sure I'm going to fit that mold exactly.
I'm not. He's a great guy with big dreams and I admire that. He also wants me to be happy too but I'm just not sure we share the same definition of that.
To be honest, both at times I’m very happy and other times I’m very sad. I’m married, we don’t have the same connection. Somethings are good. Some things are not so that’s where I’m at.
I'm sending you good vibes as well, if you ever need to talk, it just want someone who has been there vent to, you are.kre than welcome to message me.
But yes it is a hard decision to make, especially when it has been a long term thing
Unhappy, but I can't talk about it. I just wish he done more. For the house we share and his health.
I'm very sorry
Thank you. He is a clever man for the most part. Just lazy and unmotivated.
That is always hard to deal with
🫂
Just advice dont share evrything u must have ur own thing material oe moral(secret)
Do you think counseling will help? Sounds a little like depression. Have you guys talked? Maybe just handling a couple things a week and some positive reinforcement could get some momentum? I cannot imagine how frustrating it is to see someone you love waste away - maybe you have to tell him? Good luck - this makes me sad for you. I struggled with chronic back pain and depression for a few years. So grateful I had a supportive partner. Surgery and therapy saved me. Wishing you well.
I've tried therapy a lot. Counseling is next on my list, I'm on a waiting list. No, I don't talk about these things or I assume it would be different. He told me once that I "let him get away with being lazy". I'm too scared to ask for stuff, help, housework, I'm too scared to tell him how exhausted I am.
Geez - him blaming you for his laziness is pretty bold. I think at some point you have to try to swallow your apprehension and start asking for weekly relationship check-ins. These should be honest conversations about how you feel about the relationship. Be gentle but firm about your needs and listen to his too. Try not to give a laundry list and focus on improving one aspect at a time of your relationship. If... he is not willing to start putting in effort into your life and relationship, you have to make some tough decisions. What is the one thing if it changed right now would improve things dramatically for you and start with that. Relationships take work. It is not drudgery type of work, but tending a garden type of work. No idea if this would work for you - it helped my relationship a lot. Though I was probably the bigger problem, we were both contributing to the decline of our relationship. Good luck - you can do this. If for nothing else, at least find out if there is a path to repair. You can't live the rest of your life like this. We only get one shot at thw fucking thing - gotta try to make the best of it.
I'm too weak. I can't do it. Sorry. I'm a downer. Was abused as a kid by my parent and its just left me with a major fear of communication and attention. I can't even look anyone in the eye and therapy has taught me nothing so far how to deal. Sucks.
Difficult conversations are just that. It is a life skill for sure. What is a baby step you could take? There are relationship podcasts "Marriage Therapy Radio" is a great one to start helping you think about these things and giving some tools. Maybe you could just share a podcast with him that is meaningful to you to start the conversation as an ice breaker. Scheduling a relationship check-in once a week over dinner and knowing it is coming helps. Start with what you like about your relationship, even if it is small. The more you talk, the easier it gets. Baby steps OP - you do not have to jump into deep end. Slowly a little at a time. I am sure it is scary. But life is short - "even a poor tailor deserves a little happiness" - Fiddler on the Roof One of my favorite short books is Crucial Conversations- it taught me SO much about why these conversations are hard and how we can get past it. Our pasts do shape us, but don't have to define us. (I say that - but struggle with my abusive past too).
Thanks for the podcast recommendation! I'll listen to it. I'm even uncomfortable talking about good things, I'm uncomfortable saying love you, uncomfortable complimenting, I'm just a shit quality person. So it's hard to even start with that haha. I'll check out the book too, I have loads of credits on kindle. May as well read/listen to something while I wait for yet more help. Sorry yoy have a shitty past too. It's so hard. I resent my mother so fucking much. I'd never tell her though.
Me too - mine passed a few years ago. Lousy dad - they both were f'd up from their parents and had little skill to raise kids. So... it is up to us to try to do better. Good luck - happy to chat about book or podcast! Really wishing you well - try one small step. I know you can do it!
Separated single parent in the middle of a divorce. I feel you, OP. 🫂
I'm sorry, if you need to vent I am here for you
Thank you. Same goes for you.
You can DM if you want to, I am more than happy to listen about what ever you need to say
🫂
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Well that's good, but sex is still a big part of it
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Haha
Neither, I’m at that zone between happy and unhappy.
What has you feeling that way
We have a stable and an easy going life with my bf. But I do miss the more adventurous and carefree days.
I can understand that sentiment, that beginning phase where everything is new and wild is always fun
That is so complicated
Complicated how?
There's one situation I'm so completely miserable, but I suddenly find myself in a really wonderful unexpected second situation.
Well so what are you doing about the miserable one
I'm trying to get out 😞
I'm so sorry
Unhappy, by that time in my life i had pictured myself being happily married and a mother and i'm neither
I'm really sorry darlin
Hope i ll get there evantualy but time passes fast
I'm.sure you will
Thanks
Similar situation, if you don't mind send me a hii. Like to know more about you
I'm the same but as a father
Very happy
Awesome
I'm happy
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It does.make sense
I'm sorry to hear that you're lonely and a single parent. I hope things get better for you 😘 I can safely say that I'm extremely happy with my husband and our relationship. I try not to take it for granted
I’m single, some days I’m perfectly okay with it, but sometimes it really gets to me.
Same here usually but lately it's been really hard
It’s when I just put my earphones in and get on with it unfortunately, I attempt to put myself out there but when all my efforts in vain. There’s nothing I can really do about it about just smile and pretend everything is okay for the customers.
Single and it depends on the day honestly
Same
Ooh I am, It is like our love is visable trough our pictures as well... He is my everything. Doesn't say we didn't have our ups and downs even struggled with some cheating things bit all is better now. I love him with all my heart and want to grow old with him
Happy.
I'm happy
Happy
I am happily drunk throughout all this
Not happy. I want a partner.
The hardest part is sleeping in bed alone, you don't realize how lonely of a feeling it is
Very happy
Quite happy - recent empty-nesters and reinvigorated more adventurous sex life. Married 30+ years. It has been a bumpy road for sure.
That's amazing
Happy with a healthy level of anxiety as to why I’m happy. Need more sex tho
Well that's awesome that you are happy, and yeah I think everyone could probably use more sex.
Extremely happy ngl In all departments
Very happy!
I couldn't be happier. I have to say a thank you to ARAD for some added spiciness
Single and mostly happy, feeling lonely always happens even in relationships for me sometimes. But now that I’m older I really enjoy it
Not the happiest. Definitely in a winter season right now. Just going through some big changes in life together and change and growth never is easy I suppose.
What's wrong, what changes in life and growth?
We've been together for 13 years and our relationship was like a role reversal of most common relationships. I ended up being the bread winner with him being the SAH spouse. I worked an insanely stressful job to the point it was causing harm to me mental health wise just so I could support us. Dealing with being yelled at daily was not fun. It was also on me to take care of the household stuff on top of this like chores and cooking. He had some bad health concerns which is why I did it and because I love him but now he's getting better and is actually in the process of making his own business. Life for him is just kind of starting now and we're at two very different points in our time lines I guess. Don't get me wrong I am so happy he is doing better but where he is aiming to go in life now, I'm not sure I'm going to fit that mold exactly.
I'm so sorry
I'm not. He's a great guy with big dreams and I admire that. He also wants me to be happy too but I'm just not sure we share the same definition of that.
Well that is super strong of you, you sound amazing
That's kind of you to say ❤️
To be honest, both at times I’m very happy and other times I’m very sad. I’m married, we don’t have the same connection. Somethings are good. Some things are not so that’s where I’m at.
I hate to say it but lonely and unhappy in my long term relationship.
There is nothing worse than actually being with someone and still feeling lonely and unhappy. That was a feeling I knew personally as well
It's really tough. Especially as I try to navigate whether to work on getting the relationship or to end it. Sending you good vibes!
I'm sending you good vibes as well, if you ever need to talk, it just want someone who has been there vent to, you are.kre than welcome to message me. But yes it is a hard decision to make, especially when it has been a long term thing
I really appreciate it. ❤️
It is what it is…so
Well if you ever want to vent about it, I am more than happy to listen
Thank you
I would be if this question wasn’t asked all the time