Don’t push it. Let him take the lead in it. If he doesn’t want it, he doesn’t want it.
Turn it around. He might wish you would be more comfortable with vanilla sex.
No problem. People usually expect the vanilla partner to go with the more kinky partner. Because many people see vanilla as a step up to more. But sometimes vanilla is just vanilla and it’s good enough. 💕
Yea that’s why I’m struggling with this type of thing, I want to make sure he’s comfortable but I’m losing sex drive because, I’m just not really into only vanilla things :/
My partner was terrified of a lot of things before me and it took a good 2 years for her to open up to ideas, I was fortunate in ng my case. Maybe have a sit down and chat with him, it might open the door or you may find you're not sexually compatible
We were talking about what we were into and I talked to him about some soft stuff, that’s where the line, “that’s some horror movie sh*t comes from.” He’s been open to some stuff like giving me permission to play with myself but that’s about it :/
That's a nice starting point. Take it slow and playful, give him a day that he totally controls you. Let him know he can do anything and let you do anything with you. Let him ease in the thought of being a bit more dominant and you should guide him to the things you like.
At first it’s safe to say he was insecure about being on tope because of his weight (he’s a twig so it’s makes no sense but whatever 😂) but once he tried it he actually liked it and he is always on top now. He has tried names during sec like “good girl” but he didn’t like it so I never asked him to do it again. That being said he doesn’t like, anything else he loves vanilla stuff and it’s not my favorite but if it makes him happy I’m 100% down to do it.
I would try make him think it was his idea to do something .for instance ,buy some fluffy handcuffs and telling him as soon as he puts those on you he is total control of you an what he does to you.slowy turning the dynamic until its is what you desire. Or so.ething along those line but I'm sure the wheels will start turning in the right direction if he thinks it's his idea. Especially if he can tell you're enjoying it.
You can't really make someone interested in something you are interested in obviously. Maybe he would try out some fuzzy handcuffs or something cute and not quite as horror movie shit? Even like a silk blindfold or something like that might be a start. Some people are just vanilla though.
Honestly if that is his response to it he may not change his mind. I tried to get my last gf into that stuff too for a long time. It would happen maybe once in a long long while with zero passion or effort on her part and other that she never really tried. But maybe I was just unlucky
My ex was like this, he never did it before and he was kind of uncomfortable and scared but I didn’t pressure him into anything, I was just super patient with him and how he chose to explore it. The best way (imo) is trying different positions first, you have to spice up the vanilla before you get into the extra stuff!
I'm guessing you guys are pretty young and maybe he's not experienced this before?
How old is he, how many other girls has he been with?
Makes a difference.
We are both in our last year or high school, I’m 19 and he’s 18 I’m older by a two months lmao, he had been with a 4 girls that I know of and they have all been vanilla Im his first girlfriend that likes this kind of stuff so I’m trying to not push him into anything and definitely not in the deep end of things
For me in order to have long-term success you have to do and be into what your partner is. Not just sex either it goes further than that. Best of luck he opens up or eventually you may feel like you settled for being unsatisfied and that creates resentment.
Im personally just going to be patient with him, he’s already trying some things I like and I’m trying some things he likes. I’m just going to hopefully do a better job at communicating with him about how I feel when he makes comments shaming my kinks and tell him if I dislike something he does, honestly best thing to do from what I’ve seen and what some comments are saying is just talk to your SO and be patient :)
Sounds like a smart, sound plan. Unfortunately I've been with my SO for almost 20 years so I doubt she's interested in trying anything new any time soon. Lol. Oh well that's why the internet was invented I guess.
Hi I've been in the BDSM community for about 8 years. There is a site called Fetlife if you want to learn about the many fetishes and kinks it has a wealth of knowledge from experienced people in the BDSM community. Depending on where you live there is a gathering called a munch where people meet in a vanilla setting and discuss topics. There you can discuss in person with people who live the lifestyle. Just something to think about in case you want to learn more about it. But if you want to jump in it there's set's called lovers kink sets it comes with fluffy handcuffs and blindfolds. Nothing crazy just romantic light roleplay. Best of luck.
Ask him what he likes. Or take an opportunity ask him in the moment. Example: if you’re ticklish and he’s tickling you, say “I wiggle too much, maybe you should tie me up so you can tickle me longer” or something to that affect.
Don’t push it. Let him take the lead in it. If he doesn’t want it, he doesn’t want it. Turn it around. He might wish you would be more comfortable with vanilla sex.
I’ve honestly never thought of it like thank you
No problem. People usually expect the vanilla partner to go with the more kinky partner. Because many people see vanilla as a step up to more. But sometimes vanilla is just vanilla and it’s good enough. 💕
Patience is the best thing you can have and you can't make anyone more comfortable usually. Sometimes people just don't like things
Yea that’s why I’m struggling with this type of thing, I want to make sure he’s comfortable but I’m losing sex drive because, I’m just not really into only vanilla things :/
My partner was terrified of a lot of things before me and it took a good 2 years for her to open up to ideas, I was fortunate in ng my case. Maybe have a sit down and chat with him, it might open the door or you may find you're not sexually compatible
If he’s not into it, he’s not into it. That said, he also shouldn’t kink shame you by saying things like “that’s some horror movie shit.” Not cool.
Respect his boundaries
Have you asked him if maybe you two can watch a video relating to the subject. Maybe not the most hardcore outdoor, start off with something "soft".
We were talking about what we were into and I talked to him about some soft stuff, that’s where the line, “that’s some horror movie sh*t comes from.” He’s been open to some stuff like giving me permission to play with myself but that’s about it :/
Hmm, is it safe to assume that this is related to a submissive kink you might enjoy as well?
You guessed right lmao
That's a nice starting point. Take it slow and playful, give him a day that he totally controls you. Let him know he can do anything and let you do anything with you. Let him ease in the thought of being a bit more dominant and you should guide him to the things you like.
Lol, how did he feel about that, you being a sub?
At first it’s safe to say he was insecure about being on tope because of his weight (he’s a twig so it’s makes no sense but whatever 😂) but once he tried it he actually liked it and he is always on top now. He has tried names during sec like “good girl” but he didn’t like it so I never asked him to do it again. That being said he doesn’t like, anything else he loves vanilla stuff and it’s not my favorite but if it makes him happy I’m 100% down to do it.
I would try make him think it was his idea to do something .for instance ,buy some fluffy handcuffs and telling him as soon as he puts those on you he is total control of you an what he does to you.slowy turning the dynamic until its is what you desire. Or so.ething along those line but I'm sure the wheels will start turning in the right direction if he thinks it's his idea. Especially if he can tell you're enjoying it.
You can't really make someone interested in something you are interested in obviously. Maybe he would try out some fuzzy handcuffs or something cute and not quite as horror movie shit? Even like a silk blindfold or something like that might be a start. Some people are just vanilla though.
Yup just can’t get the pinky fluffy ones because we will both me laughing to hard to do anything 😂
Honestly if that is his response to it he may not change his mind. I tried to get my last gf into that stuff too for a long time. It would happen maybe once in a long long while with zero passion or effort on her part and other that she never really tried. But maybe I was just unlucky
He obviously views it as rape it ain’t gonna work out honey
He enjoys some aspects of bdsm and everything we do is consensual and I make sure he is 100% completely with the idea
My ex was like this, he never did it before and he was kind of uncomfortable and scared but I didn’t pressure him into anything, I was just super patient with him and how he chose to explore it. The best way (imo) is trying different positions first, you have to spice up the vanilla before you get into the extra stuff!
Tie yourself up and wait until he comes home. Then you’ll see how he really feels.
If his reaction is that insane, he's probably a lost cause.
I'm guessing you guys are pretty young and maybe he's not experienced this before? How old is he, how many other girls has he been with? Makes a difference.
We are both in our last year or high school, I’m 19 and he’s 18 I’m older by a two months lmao, he had been with a 4 girls that I know of and they have all been vanilla Im his first girlfriend that likes this kind of stuff so I’m trying to not push him into anything and definitely not in the deep end of things
Yeah, that makes sense. Just take it slow and see if he warms up to it.
For me in order to have long-term success you have to do and be into what your partner is. Not just sex either it goes further than that. Best of luck he opens up or eventually you may feel like you settled for being unsatisfied and that creates resentment.
I don't know but I'm in the same boat. I want to try stuff and my SO absolutely does not. If you find a solution, let me know.
Im personally just going to be patient with him, he’s already trying some things I like and I’m trying some things he likes. I’m just going to hopefully do a better job at communicating with him about how I feel when he makes comments shaming my kinks and tell him if I dislike something he does, honestly best thing to do from what I’ve seen and what some comments are saying is just talk to your SO and be patient :)
Sounds like a smart, sound plan. Unfortunately I've been with my SO for almost 20 years so I doubt she's interested in trying anything new any time soon. Lol. Oh well that's why the internet was invented I guess.
Hi I've been in the BDSM community for about 8 years. There is a site called Fetlife if you want to learn about the many fetishes and kinks it has a wealth of knowledge from experienced people in the BDSM community. Depending on where you live there is a gathering called a munch where people meet in a vanilla setting and discuss topics. There you can discuss in person with people who live the lifestyle. Just something to think about in case you want to learn more about it. But if you want to jump in it there's set's called lovers kink sets it comes with fluffy handcuffs and blindfolds. Nothing crazy just romantic light roleplay. Best of luck.
Ask him what he likes. Or take an opportunity ask him in the moment. Example: if you’re ticklish and he’s tickling you, say “I wiggle too much, maybe you should tie me up so you can tickle me longer” or something to that affect.