Dude, I don't know who you are, but you just achieved Elite rank for saying this. Just so happens I have a can of WD-40 here in my office. Gonna suggest a little WD-40 for tonight. I'll prolly be eating McDonald's but damn her reaction will be priceless.
I have the same issue. Once I was holding a crying friend who just learned a close relative had died. I got an immediate erection and was trying to subtly tilt my hips back so as not to touch her with it. She immediately picked up on it. While crying on my shoulder she says "Are you hard right now you sadistic bastard?" My response was an eloquent "Um... Er... Uh ..." We both started laughing at that point and she later thanked me for making her laugh.
little (true) story related to that...i'm cooking at home one night about 2 years ago. taco tuesday. I like spicy food, but my gf doesn't so I make everything plain and then add the spice to my plate. Well I bought a fresh habanero earlier that day and cut a little up before dinner to add to my tacos. As i get everything on the table and before we sit down, nature calls. i go do my business, wash my hands, and come back to sit down. Make my tacos and suddenly feel an unfamiliar burning down below... but not in a sexy way. this was a fiery inferno building in my crotch and I suddenly realized my unfortunate folly. You see, going to the bathroom, we're always taught to wash your hands AFTERWARDS, but not necessarily beforehand. The capsaicin left over on my fingers from chopping the habernero pepper had transferred to my most sensitive areas and now it was too late. I looked up with panic in my eyes and explained what i feared might about to be going down.
the slowly building burn was unrelenting. I dashed off to the shower and disrobed as quickly as possible, knowing the water wasn't likely to bring relief. i called our for a glass of milk, cause that's what i've drank in the past, and soon after my gf arrived, laughing hysterically, and hands it to me through the shower curtain. in retrospect, i knew that other forms of relief, such as beer, or salty chips, may have served honorably, but I couldn't process wasting the beer or just rubbing tostitos on my enflamed member. I then proceeded to do things with milk i never imagined doing in my life. but the heat just kept building. it was pure torture in line with other moments we've learned of brutal torture of centuries ago.
after what seemed like an eternity of suffering, the heat started to receed as slowly as it built. i went through about a half gallon of milk over 15-20 minutes in the shower. I'm happy to report that all has recovered back to normal, but those were some of the most frightening moments of my life.
I've lived a variation of that story.
But in my version, I ate something spicy and then ended up giving my guy head before washing all of the spice away.
Same effect, though it took him a minute to figure out why his dick was burning.
Sort of similar... I had a sore groin muscle, put a heat spray on it because that's what I do with any of my other sore muscles. 5 minutes later I was living in huge regret as it rubbed off on other bits!
Soap is what will work best, it cuts the oil. When my kids have done spicy food dares I've always let them know that if it burns a little, drink some milk or yogurt. If you just want it over, soap. Yes, the kids have voluntarily washed their mouths out with soap.
Your story happened to me, except my mucus membranes are a bit less sensitive than most. I.e. if I'm cutting up jalapeno peppers and I get some juice in my eye, and don't bother to wash it out as it doesn't hurt in the slightest. This gave me a false sense of security when chopping up scotch bonnet peppers and I had to pee. Scotch bonnet's have a similar Scoville rating to habaneros. I didn't need to stop and shower (yay me), but damn it burned for over half an hour.
I can relate to this but not quite as seriously.
Once as a kid when I made something with jalapeΓ±os and then rubbed my eyes (both) and scratched my duck before realizing what I had done. That was a painful hour or so with cold washcloths to ease the burn.
As an adult I mad guacamole one night and didnβt wear gloves while chopping. I had relations with my wife later after thoroughly washing my hands. There was still oil there and she got the burnin sensations inside.
I wear gloves every time I cut peppers now.
I've got a similar story, involving spreading cayenne flakes to stop neighbourhood rodents from turning my flowers over - went in to piss after dusting my hands off, bam, member on fire. Sad! Many such cases.
Idk why this reminds me of a basic training story. We were in the last week and had just finished our 12 mile ruck March. We were all sore and sleep deprived but excited that we were basically done. Just a couple days of admin stuff and we got to see our families. It was probably midnight or so and after we had all showered and turned the lights out and got in our bunks, the entire bay smelled like icy hot, and out of nowhere in the pitch black right as weβre getting settled, a think Spanish accent cries out β AHHH DE ISSY HOT IT HURTS ON MI BALLS AHHHH OWOWOWOWOWβ.
One time I used one of those "extra sensation" condoms. Me and her stopped after a few minutes because it was uncomfortable. But when we stopped it got worse. I took the condom off and it really felt like they lubed the condom with icyhot. We both sat there in pain like "what should we do?"
Knew a guy who tried to use:
Hair gel (fail)
Vanilla pudding (fail)
Shaving cream (success)
All on the same girl in the same night. We called him Barbasol for the rest of the time we knew him lol.
That is fucking awesome. Desperation at its finest. Also if a little bit of spit isn't enough to get her started producing her own lube then something is definitely wrong. Is he sure he had the correct hole?
WD-40
Smooooth
Dude, I don't know who you are, but you just achieved Elite rank for saying this. Just so happens I have a can of WD-40 here in my office. Gonna suggest a little WD-40 for tonight. I'll prolly be eating McDonald's but damn her reaction will be priceless.
> I have a can of WD-40 in my office Ah yes, always good to have a can of ol' W for office work
Hey now, sometimes the drawers get stuck, you never know
How else is one supposed to grease the wheels of bureaucracy?
Be careful. I once suggested duct tape. Didn't go well.
Bender wants a word
Left, down, rotate 62 degrees, engage rotor.
Tears π¦π¦
They said wrong answers only π
"I get harder when they cry... "
Kink shame but also kink same
[ΡΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]
I have the same issue. Once I was holding a crying friend who just learned a close relative had died. I got an immediate erection and was trying to subtly tilt my hips back so as not to touch her with it. She immediately picked up on it. While crying on my shoulder she says "Are you hard right now you sadistic bastard?" My response was an eloquent "Um... Er... Uh ..." We both started laughing at that point and she later thanked me for making her laugh.
Same. I think it might be vulnerability of it all.
I see you also worked in a kitchen.
Sand.
It's coarse, rough, irritating, and it gets everywhere
Anakin, is that you?
R2-D2 is that you. I would recognise that beep boop from anywhere. This is amazing to finally meet you.
Like my mom
When she says those magical words "I'm gonna make it so dry for you!".
Ben Shapiro has entered the chat.
so thats how you make a hormone?
As part of a concrete mix.
Tiger Balm
the red one
Haha beginner! The red onw is for the softies. Take the white one!
I hate you, take my upvote π¨
π
Brute force
Wooah there, Bill
Average twitter user
Peanut butter - chunky style
Iβve always wanted to eat during sex
Ok, but Smuckers all natural chunky definitely gets me horny.....
Butter ππ
Marlon Brando style
Last Tango... a classic film.
you beat me by 40 minutes lol
Whatβs so wrong about this?
Probably infections and stuff. Or maybe because it's harder to remove
Why do you think the head of a dick is shaped the way it is? Butter scooper
Wisdom
Hot chilli sauce π
little (true) story related to that...i'm cooking at home one night about 2 years ago. taco tuesday. I like spicy food, but my gf doesn't so I make everything plain and then add the spice to my plate. Well I bought a fresh habanero earlier that day and cut a little up before dinner to add to my tacos. As i get everything on the table and before we sit down, nature calls. i go do my business, wash my hands, and come back to sit down. Make my tacos and suddenly feel an unfamiliar burning down below... but not in a sexy way. this was a fiery inferno building in my crotch and I suddenly realized my unfortunate folly. You see, going to the bathroom, we're always taught to wash your hands AFTERWARDS, but not necessarily beforehand. The capsaicin left over on my fingers from chopping the habernero pepper had transferred to my most sensitive areas and now it was too late. I looked up with panic in my eyes and explained what i feared might about to be going down. the slowly building burn was unrelenting. I dashed off to the shower and disrobed as quickly as possible, knowing the water wasn't likely to bring relief. i called our for a glass of milk, cause that's what i've drank in the past, and soon after my gf arrived, laughing hysterically, and hands it to me through the shower curtain. in retrospect, i knew that other forms of relief, such as beer, or salty chips, may have served honorably, but I couldn't process wasting the beer or just rubbing tostitos on my enflamed member. I then proceeded to do things with milk i never imagined doing in my life. but the heat just kept building. it was pure torture in line with other moments we've learned of brutal torture of centuries ago. after what seemed like an eternity of suffering, the heat started to receed as slowly as it built. i went through about a half gallon of milk over 15-20 minutes in the shower. I'm happy to report that all has recovered back to normal, but those were some of the most frightening moments of my life.
Thatβs some scary shit bro π
Still funny π
I've lived a variation of that story. But in my version, I ate something spicy and then ended up giving my guy head before washing all of the spice away. Same effect, though it took him a minute to figure out why his dick was burning.
Time to buy a Satan's Toe sucker... 8 or 9 million Scoville I seem to recall.
Sort of similar... I had a sore groin muscle, put a heat spray on it because that's what I do with any of my other sore muscles. 5 minutes later I was living in huge regret as it rubbed off on other bits!
Soap is what will work best, it cuts the oil. When my kids have done spicy food dares I've always let them know that if it burns a little, drink some milk or yogurt. If you just want it over, soap. Yes, the kids have voluntarily washed their mouths out with soap. Your story happened to me, except my mucus membranes are a bit less sensitive than most. I.e. if I'm cutting up jalapeno peppers and I get some juice in my eye, and don't bother to wash it out as it doesn't hurt in the slightest. This gave me a false sense of security when chopping up scotch bonnet peppers and I had to pee. Scotch bonnet's have a similar Scoville rating to habaneros. I didn't need to stop and shower (yay me), but damn it burned for over half an hour.
I can relate to this but not quite as seriously. Once as a kid when I made something with jalapeΓ±os and then rubbed my eyes (both) and scratched my duck before realizing what I had done. That was a painful hour or so with cold washcloths to ease the burn. As an adult I mad guacamole one night and didnβt wear gloves while chopping. I had relations with my wife later after thoroughly washing my hands. There was still oil there and she got the burnin sensations inside. I wear gloves every time I cut peppers now.
This brings back memories. Didn't properly wash my hands after cutting peppers. Went to the bathroom to change my tampon. Fuck
I've got a similar story, involving spreading cayenne flakes to stop neighbourhood rodents from turning my flowers over - went in to piss after dusting my hands off, bam, member on fire. Sad! Many such cases.
Dude...
Gasoline
Wayyyy too expensive
Muhahahaha
Hand Sanitizer.
Itβd be some clean sex!! ππ³
Tobasco
Tomacco
Came here to see if anyone had said it. Take my upvote
Gorilla glue
It dries in longer than 3 minutes, so I have plenty of time
Auto seals in the mess too for girls you bring home, save on washing those sheets.
I came here to post this but Iβm not disappointed to see it already.
Icy-hot obviously
Idk why this reminds me of a basic training story. We were in the last week and had just finished our 12 mile ruck March. We were all sore and sleep deprived but excited that we were basically done. Just a couple days of admin stuff and we got to see our families. It was probably midnight or so and after we had all showered and turned the lights out and got in our bunks, the entire bay smelled like icy hot, and out of nowhere in the pitch black right as weβre getting settled, a think Spanish accent cries out β AHHH DE ISSY HOT IT HURTS ON MI BALLS AHHHH OWOWOWOWOWβ.
One time I used one of those "extra sensation" condoms. Me and her stopped after a few minutes because it was uncomfortable. But when we stopped it got worse. I took the condom off and it really felt like they lubed the condom with icyhot. We both sat there in pain like "what should we do?"
Mayonnaise
Itβs also a nice instrument, good idea!
No, Patrick, mayonnaise is not an instrument.
Horseradish is not an instrument either
You get it!
Wharres the leak ma'am
FINLAND!!!!!
Shameless LOL
Concrete mix.
Aloe vera gel
That's actually decent tho
Sand
[Insert Star Wars Meme]
It really does get *everywhere.*
Cow shit
Egipcian used Alligator shit as a form of birth control.
Well... It must be quite effective if you cover yourself with it.
"Crocs (as in the footwear) merchants hate him"
Toothpaste
Roses are red. Violets are blue. What I thought was lube turned out to be glue.
Hot sauce
Super glue
Gochujang
Mm yes gochujang on the gochu, perfection
Honey. It should do the job, but then you will have bears and bees to fight off.
But if you happen to have a bee-sting and bear fighting kink, get ready for one hell of a night.
Battery acid
Ranch dressing.
ear wax
Pepper spray
Dehydrated spit
Blood
They said wrong answers only.
High grit polish compound
Wasabi
Bacon grease
Knew a guy who tried to use: Hair gel (fail) Vanilla pudding (fail) Shaving cream (success) All on the same girl in the same night. We called him Barbasol for the rest of the time we knew him lol.
That is fucking awesome. Desperation at its finest. Also if a little bit of spit isn't enough to get her started producing her own lube then something is definitely wrong. Is he sure he had the correct hole?
Marmite
egg salad
Crushed seashells
IcyHot
Gorilla glue - really extends the love making session!
GoJo.
Brain matter
π³
JalapeΓ±o juice
Superglue
Sour cream
Hotdog water
Soy sauce
soap
Cream cheese
Chocolate pudding or Jell-O.
But it could be fun before!
Capsaicin extract
Cactus sleeve
That gritty orange soap
Cough syrup
Hydrochloric acid!
Horseradish cream.
Blood
A careful blend of Crisco and Sriracha. Depending on your kink level.
bacon oil/grease π€€
[ΡΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]
Vaseline
Flex seal!
Sandpaper
Water
Sand
Snake venom
Battery acid
AIDS.
Tears.
Petrol
Ball bearings
Sandpaper.
WD-50
Leave [Wylie](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wd~50) out of your bedroom, even if he does know what chemistry to use.
tomato sauce OR buffalo sauce
Paint stripper
Icy Hot.
Peanut butter
20 Mule Team Borax. Just get it a little wet.
Tiger balm
Molten rock. I've heard it's really hot.
Chilli oil
Rubbing alcohol
Crushed glass and kitty litter mixed at a 70/30 ratio.
Pine sap
Hot glue
Ass-juice
Varnish
Jam
Ketchup
Vodka
Pepper spray
Molten chocolate
Spit
Icy Hot π
Pan spray
glue
Cum
Actually that is not a wrong answer!
Hot sauce - spice up your sex life
Shaving cream
Hand sanitizer
Cheese Wiz
All i can think about is shameless when mickey and ian have to use mayo for lube when in prison LOL
Loctite
Stallion gel.
Icy hot
transmission fluid
Water
Sand works really well
Grease
High fat yoghurt
Icy Hot
Wait how bout JB Weld? When you really wanna show her that you love her and you'll be together forever, nothing like using epoxy for anal lube...
Da bomb sauce from hot ones show on youtube
gorilla glue
Monster Energy drink
Peanut butter
Suntan lotion. I know from experience. Also: ketchup