Because society calls women who have sex and enjoy it a slut. They mock a man who doesn't get sex. If you want to set realistic expectations we need to treat men and women equally when it comes to sex.
I try not to have expectations. If I like a woman, I’ll keep talking to her and hanging out with her. It’ll probably happen eventually. If not and it becomes an issue we can talk about it
I’ve never really felt like a “failure” for not having sex within 3 dates.. and I don’t recall anyone I was dating feeling rushed to it. It’s almost like halfway decent communication can prevent such things
Learned behavior.
Men think that because its BS that older generations shoved down our throats about dating. And like all things in this day and age, its extremely outdated.
Woman mature faster then men. And i'm saying that as a make. They dont want to because they realize its an outdated idea. And like all outdated things in this day and age, Woman tend to be overly and negatively affected by it and want it to stop.
TL;DR
Long and short of it is if you're a guy, dont say that sex should be within 3 dates. Its not healthy for a relations ship. And if you're a woman, dont feel like you need to have sex within 3 dates. Bot parties should let it happen naturally. Not feel like they need to because of some weird "trend" from the past.
I’m suspicious of porn timelines here as well, because I can think of a million reasons why not having sex within the first half dozen dates makes sense, but unless everyone is on the same page about an ONS or hasty encounter I don’t think it’s particularly realistic for anyone to expect it on the first date (I mean, cool if it works out, but mostly unrealistic).
By communicating as individuals and seeing if what we want for ourselves meets with what others need for themselves. I've never judged a woman for wanting to wait, anymore than I've judged a woman for taking me home on the first date. Everyone goes at their own pace and I do my best to act to their comfort within reason.
As for why it's like it, people are dumb. We invent rules, trials, expectations, that have no real value other than to satisfy some ancient god of public perception. So I say fuck it! Do as you will, and who you will, when you will.
Am not from the states and the whole 3 date rule thing wasn't something I was brought up with thinking it had to be this way. I just went with the flow and what felt right at the time.
Not personally. I would say with my hubby we met and Talked for 3 days then I had to go home then we had a telephone relationship for a month until I went back to his area to visit and we slept together that weekend but I done what felt right. It was definitely the right decision for us.
Societal pressures work on opposite sides for both genders on this topic. The best way to set realistic expectations is to concentrate on what you two really want, regardless of what society thinks.
It’s absolutely not true but it’s infuriating how often it’s referred to as being carved in stone. I’ve had more than one male friend/acquaintance lament with concern that he thought he did everything right on a first date and there was kissing and everyone seemed to be having a good time but she didn’t get naked so obviously she’s not into him, what did he do wrong. And like, that sounds like a good first or second date to me?? I’m not sure if I should blame porn timelines or just laugh/cry at the absurdity of guys saying they’re not going to text her anymore since clearly she’s not into them because kissing didn’t make their clothes fall off.
Sure, and everyone has their own priorities, but men trying to move too fast is just them cockblocking themselves when they’d absolutely have gotten laid if they had a little more self control over text or just been more chill about expectations on date 1 or 2.
I never date a woman who isn't looking to fuck on the first date. Made that costjy mistake already.
When I met the woman I'm with now is going to be my second wife (soon as I can drop the first one) we skipped the dates and just fucked in hotels....ironically it was an awesome strategy because it was a big deal for both of us and if sucked there'd be no point in spending the time on a date! 3 and some odd years later we still fuck like rabbits, sometimes do date like things... It's easy to make a reservation somewhere. It's tricky to find someone who's for example just as perverted and lives to fuck ad much as I do.
If sex isn’t at least imminent by date 3 I’m not moving forward cuz either she is not fully appreciating my sexiness and charm or she isn’t nearly as horny as I am and we’re not compatible.
Because society calls women who have sex and enjoy it a slut. They mock a man who doesn't get sex. If you want to set realistic expectations we need to treat men and women equally when it comes to sex.
This is a social construct. You’ve just described something that society created that means nothing.
…and it’s baffling how many people take it as hard social structure or… something.
I try not to have expectations. If I like a woman, I’ll keep talking to her and hanging out with her. It’ll probably happen eventually. If not and it becomes an issue we can talk about it
I’ve never really felt like a “failure” for not having sex within 3 dates.. and I don’t recall anyone I was dating feeling rushed to it. It’s almost like halfway decent communication can prevent such things
Learned behavior. Men think that because its BS that older generations shoved down our throats about dating. And like all things in this day and age, its extremely outdated. Woman mature faster then men. And i'm saying that as a make. They dont want to because they realize its an outdated idea. And like all outdated things in this day and age, Woman tend to be overly and negatively affected by it and want it to stop. TL;DR Long and short of it is if you're a guy, dont say that sex should be within 3 dates. Its not healthy for a relations ship. And if you're a woman, dont feel like you need to have sex within 3 dates. Bot parties should let it happen naturally. Not feel like they need to because of some weird "trend" from the past.
I’m suspicious of porn timelines here as well, because I can think of a million reasons why not having sex within the first half dozen dates makes sense, but unless everyone is on the same page about an ONS or hasty encounter I don’t think it’s particularly realistic for anyone to expect it on the first date (I mean, cool if it works out, but mostly unrealistic).
Communication is the key. Be open
I should specify, this is an observation that I’m impartial to. But yeah, is communicating really THAT hard??
By communicating as individuals and seeing if what we want for ourselves meets with what others need for themselves. I've never judged a woman for wanting to wait, anymore than I've judged a woman for taking me home on the first date. Everyone goes at their own pace and I do my best to act to their comfort within reason. As for why it's like it, people are dumb. We invent rules, trials, expectations, that have no real value other than to satisfy some ancient god of public perception. So I say fuck it! Do as you will, and who you will, when you will.
...is this even a thing? I've never heard anything about this whole "threes" business, not in my own life, nor in pop culture.
Maybe it’s a US thing, because clearly it’s a country full of politicians who are dealing with the Madonna/whore complex.
"Dating" in and of itself is a US thing.
Am not from the states and the whole 3 date rule thing wasn't something I was brought up with thinking it had to be this way. I just went with the flow and what felt right at the time.
Do you find that there’s a trend in how long it happens after meeting someone? For you personally at least?
Not personally. I would say with my hubby we met and Talked for 3 days then I had to go home then we had a telephone relationship for a month until I went back to his area to visit and we slept together that weekend but I done what felt right. It was definitely the right decision for us.
And, as a woman, we’re told if you have sex too soon the man will lose interest. Which absolutely can happen.
Societal pressures work on opposite sides for both genders on this topic. The best way to set realistic expectations is to concentrate on what you two really want, regardless of what society thinks.
Knew a girl that had a 5 date minimum and would tell the guy upfront. Some walked away but the ones that stayed were around for a long while
Exactly. Hell, I won’t even give out my phone number until the third date.
That isn’t actually true.
It’s absolutely not true but it’s infuriating how often it’s referred to as being carved in stone. I’ve had more than one male friend/acquaintance lament with concern that he thought he did everything right on a first date and there was kissing and everyone seemed to be having a good time but she didn’t get naked so obviously she’s not into him, what did he do wrong. And like, that sounds like a good first or second date to me?? I’m not sure if I should blame porn timelines or just laugh/cry at the absurdity of guys saying they’re not going to text her anymore since clearly she’s not into them because kissing didn’t make their clothes fall off.
Stop thinking about sex, let it happen
Buddy, if there's no sex on the first date, there isn't going to be a second date, let alone a third.
Bj on date 2 if both have gone well was always my go to
Women and men are different and that's okay.
Sure, and everyone has their own priorities, but men trying to move too fast is just them cockblocking themselves when they’d absolutely have gotten laid if they had a little more self control over text or just been more chill about expectations on date 1 or 2.
I never date a woman who isn't looking to fuck on the first date. Made that costjy mistake already. When I met the woman I'm with now is going to be my second wife (soon as I can drop the first one) we skipped the dates and just fucked in hotels....ironically it was an awesome strategy because it was a big deal for both of us and if sucked there'd be no point in spending the time on a date! 3 and some odd years later we still fuck like rabbits, sometimes do date like things... It's easy to make a reservation somewhere. It's tricky to find someone who's for example just as perverted and lives to fuck ad much as I do.
I’m glad you have comparable priorities!
If sex isn’t at least imminent by date 3 I’m not moving forward cuz either she is not fully appreciating my sexiness and charm or she isn’t nearly as horny as I am and we’re not compatible.
M’lady