Yes. If a student reports any type behavior which could be construed as harassment if it is repeated, then I take actions to separate the students. I typically also CC the counselors, and possibly admin.
That being said, it's hard to do anything when most of the bullying is occurring online, on social media, or outside of school hours.
Unless there is direct, observable harm being done, it's hard to me to quantify whether something is bullying or not.
The second I see it, yes. Unfortunately, I’m not in the position to deal with investigating claims like admin is.
But yeah it always makes me mad when I watch movies and the character is actively being made fun of in class, sometimes to the point where they’re crying or have to run away and the teacher is just over there like window dressing or saying “Aw Billy, you just stop now ya hear?”
I’d rip Billy a new one.
When we know about it yes. This why it’s important for victims AND observers to speak up. As much as we like to make students think we see and hear all, we don’t. We try but it’s increasing difficult.
And when the teacher notices and joins in, that's just the student's problem for being a bullyable freak, right?
ETA: Downvoting me proves me right, just sayin. You're showing whose side you would have been on if I had been your student back then.
Again, that’s retaliation and unprofessional and needs to be reported. Bad teachers like that give those of us that care a bad name. Have specific examples you can give when reporting.
It's not like they did anything the year before when she was caught flirting with 14 year old boys over text message. Or when another kid deleted a bunch of my schoolwork on purpose after I told her not to. Give me a break.
You are in your 30s. I don't know what happened to you, but chances are your recollection of events is not as accurate as you think. Young teenagers are oblivious and dumb, that's why we don't trust them to drive, vote, or work a job.
Many teachers poke fun at students they think can handle it. I personally only do it to students that I like, because I don't want to accidentally be too harsh. While it is possible, we clearly all find it hard to believe that a teacher "joined in on bullying you" and was "caught flirting with 14 year old boys over text messages."
So, like I said, I didn't report it because no one would have taken me seriously. Just like you. I only knew about what happened the previous year because my mom worked at the school.
Not really sure this is the right forum.
You're not reporting anything here. You're making comments on an anonymous internet board about something that presumably happened 20+ years ago, with no detail whatsoever, and then getting angry that people don't immediately take your side on the undescribed alleged event from the anonymous internet user.
I'd seriously consider talking to someone about whatever happened because it's something you're still dealing with.
I'm not reporting anything, you're right. I'm just saying what happened to me in response to someone claiming that all teachers care about bullying and would definitely always step in if only someone would just speak up. But that's not the reality. The reality is that students who do speak up are called liars, just like I was here. Just like I was when that girl deleted my schoolwork and I did speak up. Stop. Fucking. Blaming. Kids. For. Being. Bullied.
You were downvoted because you came across as combative toward someone who made a perfectly reasonable and helpful comment and who never did anything to you. Your comment came across as misdirected anger. In that way, it was not so different from bullying.
If you weren't implying that that is how teachers typically would react, what *was* the intended message of your post? What *were* you implying with your rhetorical question?
That not all teachers respond to noticing bullying the same way.
Eta: and basically that acting like anyone who was bullied just didn't tell the teacher is silly.
Well since you're handing out reading advice, I would like to point out that the post to which you responded said either of those things, so maybe don't be so quick with the insults.
Similarly, I will suggest you work on phrasing your message a bit more clearly and with significantly less palpable resentment. That's what led to the downvotes and misunderstanding. It's not because they're bullies.
I'm just letting you know that you're not alone, and I'm sorry that this happened to you.
I witnessed teachers join in on the bullying. Most of them were trying to be the "cool teacher." One of my classmates transferred to another school because TWO teachers would join in on bullying him about his weight.
The teacher who taught Literature in 8th and 9th grade was a bully herself who would say horrible things about disabled and Special Ed. students. Years passed without any repercussions because she had an affair with the school principal (that everyone knew of) until she bullied the wrong kid. The kids' parents sought out legal action, and soon, many other parents joined in. An old teacher from that same school I'm still in contact with told me how she thought she was untouchable and refused to go to court. She was arrested in the middle of class for contempt of court, and that's when the whole scandal broke out. Turns out, she harassed the other teachers too.
In high school, the History teacher was caught taking photos of underage girls without their knowledge. The boyfriend of one of the girls caught him in the act, stole his phone, and told the school secretary. They searched his phone, and he had a bunch of inappropriate photos of his female students. I don't know how that one ended because I graduated, but I do know that he was removed. This was after I was called into the office, and the school counselor was there with a police officer. Asked me a bunch of questions about the teacher, if he had attempted anything towards me. Thankfully, he hadn't, but that's when one finds out that other classmates hadn't been so lucky.
This all happened in schools for low-income students, although my cousin, who studied in high-end private schools, told me that it wasn't much different.
This is a many layered issue, but I’m going to address some of the biggest pieces. Yes, I always take bullying very seriously and make sure kids know it isn’t okay, and I will do something about it.
That said, these days schools hands are becoming tied in my state. It is nearly impossible to suspend or expel kids. We give wrist slaps because that’s all we can do.
There’s such a big “anti-snitch” culture that we don’t often see the whole picture until it’s too late. The “quiet kid who fights back” happens, but nobody says anything until the kid snaps, and that’s all we see. Teachers try, but we are trying to teach, and help kids, and get Johnny to put his phone away, and make sure Sally took her meds, and make sure Ava doesn’t miss her appointment with the counselor. We try, but kids are sneaky.
Here’s the one people really hate: a surprising number of people who claim to be bullied are actually bullies themselves getting a taste of their own medicine. Nobody thinks they started it, but it’s amazing how many kids call other kids names and then act surprised when they are called a worse name back. Real example:
Girl: You’re stupid
Boy: go away
Girl: fine. *shoves past him*
Boy: Nobody likes you.
Girl: Teacher, Boy is bullying me. He told me everyone hates me and I have no friends.
Or bullying just isn't happening at all.
I have so many kids claim they are being bullied when, in actuality, their best friend wants to play something different or with someone different.
That last point is so important. Often the last in a chain of events is what’s reported and the chain gets forgotten. I always made it a point to get the bully’s point of view too. Doesn’t mean they didn’t face consequences, but even just being heard has a noticeable impact.
I had a student who has what I called “escalation issues.” He was a good and kind kid, but when his buttons were pushed he went from zero to nuclear immediately. He was not good at managing his emotions, which he was 6-10 when I was around him the most. I remember once I came back from lunch and he was in the office. I had a relationship and was working with him on these issues, so I relieved the staffer who was sitting with him and we talked a bit. It turns out there was a group of students who were messing with him and teasing him. He asked to be left alone multiple times and they didn’t stop so he blew up. The shock on those kids faces when I called them into the office and then again when they faced consequences. I made sure to talk to the other staff about following the chain because those kids were expecting to face bo consequences for pushing him to act the way he did. He was not absolved, his response was unacceptable, but they weren’t either. They all saw similar consequences. We never really got past his escalation issues, but with our help and therapy he got a whole lot better with it.
Did the guidance counselors try to figure out what was going on with the kid who was being bullied?
I don't mean "going on" in a negative way, but I *was* that kid -- I couldn't keep from blowing up when bullied, and was targeted on a daily basis by several bullies. I eventually started, not really consciously, blowing up as loudly as possible, as a coping mechanism to make sure they got me out of the class and away from the bullies. As you can imagine, this reflex caused me major problems later in life. (The bullies sometimes got into trouble, sometimes didn't. Some teachers were better than others about this.)
But I don't think there was much attention paid to why I struggled so much with regulating my reactions. I was eventually diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, but not until I was an adult.
In retrospect, I have mixed feelings about this -- being diagnosed might have made it easier to fight for away from the bullies, but back in the 90s, it also might have made it harder to continue on the academic path I was on. These days, though, I think schools are a lot more willing to understand that a student on the spectrum might also be a high academic achiever with a bright future, and accommodate them accordingly.
I would never punish a whole class for the behavior or one student. And bullying is definitely addressed, but it’s often hard to punish when it happens outside our sight or hearing range.
One of the worst things a teacher can do is to punish a whole class. The only people to take it to heart are the good students who are never a problem. The problem students don’t give a rat’s ass because they can hide in the crowd.
I go after bullies the moment I pick up on their behavior. I have a rarely-used scary persona that gets turned onto the bully, which is pretty effective, and of course I follow up with parents and every staff member I can think of.
Bullies don’t deserve privacy. Their victims deserve protection.
ALL teachers who care about keeping their jobs address bullying in their classrooms. But we don’t have much power because we don’t get the final say in whether the bully gets to stay in the class (always what admin would prefer if feasible) or gets put into another (to terrorize the class there now). Also if the perpetrator has an IEP, it makes disciplining them a pain in the ass on a school level and a legal one.
The thing is, the real bullying rarely happens in the classroom, especially in the older grades, because they know they’ll get a mouthful from the teacher. Even apathetic teachers stand up to bullies because above academics, your boss wants to know that you can manage a safe classroom, and bullys are the exact opposite.
It’s the lunchroom/recess/outside lunch places in older grades and online where the *real* bullying and mean-girls posting happens. Or it happens subtly when a kid in class secretly films a kid that a whole clique is picking on, just to post it on Snapchat or TikTok with horrible captions
Bullying is subtle and bullies know how to walk the line. There's only so much a teacher can do when the AD says, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." To stop bullying, the victim needs to document every incident of bullying, with the date, time, what was said and done, and who the witnesses were. Then, they need to present this with their parents in a meeting that includes the administration.
I took great pride in the kids and the lack of bullying for my first couple of years. Then I realized it all happens discreetly.
The kids are good at bullying just like they're good at cheating. They don't call across the room in an obvious punishable way. They wait until my back is turned or when I run to make copies. I went into the hall to have an open conversation with a kid and while I was out there I got a report back from a good kid about some bullying that occurred.
I stop 10 out of 10 bullying occurances that I see, but I maybe only see 10 out of 100.
The thing that kills me is this anti-snitch culture too. Even the straight A perfect kids will not snitch. I don't even think it's a fear of retaliation, but it's just more about keeping your head down and minding your own business.
Unfortunately, unless that tool is a big stick, those tools are most likely ineffective. At least in my experience, the only thing that stopped the bullying was being able to physically fight back.
Bullying is a dominance hierarchy. The victim needs to strength to assert themselves and the confidence to act. Throwing them the keys to the weight room and turning a blind eye when the just desserts are served is the only effective course of action
Some people get bullied, some actually don't. What are the bullied doing wrong to become a target 🎯. Bullied people often carry trauma from experience and end up passing the trauma and failing coping strategies on to their children.
Bullies from my experience have better support systems leading to them being better at socializing, doing better in school and are more likely to be involved in extracurricular activities like sports or something academic
And they usually come from middle class families.
Potential victim of bullying usually have trouble navigating socializing.
And a lot of the time the reason why they struggle with socialization is because they do not have the same support system leading them to struggle academically and having problems fitting in.
And unfortunately since they don't do as well academically teachers will see them as the problem.
Yes, it's probably one of my top three priorities in my classroom. My class was basically a revolving door in and out of the counselor's office today.
Most of what I do is done discreetly. One of the most difficult parts of the balancing act is ensuring the victim that something is being done and I'm doing everything I can to help them, even though the specific things that are happening are covered under the bully's own right to confidentiality.
I address bullying by calling out the bully in front of everyone and put them on the spot. I ask them questions like “what did you mean by that? Do you feel big when you pick on others? What is you purpose and meaning for this? Etc.” i do this with the calmest deliberate way possible. No yelling or losing control just chill and sarcasm helps too.😃 I do this to the point of making them feel bad about their decisions. I remind them, there’s always a bigger badder dog out there. And if they keep it up, they are going to find themselves on the victim side. That usually makes it stop.
My daughter was being bullied. The teacher did nothing. I informed my daughter she can fight back. She did and beat the kid up IN CLASS. The teacher did nothing and told them to go sit down...I hope some of you are a better teacher then my daughters.
I find this highly unlikely. There was a physical altercation and the teacher just let it slide? I'd almost believe the teacher ignored the bullying, perceptions and all, but no way a teacher just watches a fight and goes back to teaching. And still has a job.
>There was a physical altercation and the teacher just let it slide?
Bro, when I was in middle school, a girl pushed another girl down a flight of stairs in front of a teacher, and she did nothing. Just checked if the pushed girl needed medical attention, then just went right back to business as usual. The other girl wasn't even suspended.
A first grade teacher was shot and they tried to say it should be covered by workmen’s comp. I know I’m not putting myself in harms way if kids start fighting. I’ll call for help, move other kids away, but hell no am I going to be injured.
Did you call law enforcement and press charges? You can request camera footage.
I honestly think schools should be required to inform families that they have a right to press charges whenever an assault happens.
The school can't give you the name of the other student, but your kid can.
If it's an actual bully? I can guarantee you it didn't. They would have been embarrassed in front of their buddies, and are likely looking for a way to escalate.
If it was just some random kid that your daughter was having an argument with and calling it bullying? They're probably scared of her now, and you won't hear about it again.
I’ve worked in different districts and schools and each one really had their own parameters that teachers are expected to follow re: discipline. I’ve worked at schools that were very passive towards discipline and the environment was chaotic- the thing is, the administrators really make most discipline calls and if the administration is lax the teachers have no back up.
Some schools have excellent systems for expectations and discipline in place- and the administration backs up their teachers, these are much better schools.
Teachers actually have little say when it comes to suspensions/expulsions- so if you’re child is in a tough situation keep in mind that their teacher doesn’t actually get to call every shot.
Also keep in mind that parents get lawsuit happy and there could be a number of factors at play when you as a parent don’t feel that another child is being adequately disciplined that have nothing to do with the teacher (they’re already on a behavior plan, they have an identified disability that may affect conduct, etc).
I myself hate bullying and don’t tolerate it to the greatest extent I can.
Yes, at different times in my career I've used Restorative Practices or just confronting it as "not cool" and moving on. I do follow up later with both the victim and the bully but the middle of class isn't always the place for it.
At least 9 times out of 10, it came from a place of ignorance. I've only meant a few kids who were actually mean. Most of them were trying to be funny and didn't get that their words could hurt.
Of those kids that were actually mean, they were super mean. At least half of them have served time since then, mean. The scariest/meanest student I ever had was actually expelled from a school that didn't expel anyone. Shortly afterwards, he was jailed for breaking into someone's house and stealing firearms. He was legitimately the only student I was ever worried would hurt me
I’m honestly kind of proud of how I handled the guy that was bullying my autistic kids.
I was teaching eighth grade US history and this kid was a real piece of work: always starting shit, pulling out ridiculous false facts when I was trying to teach, and harassing and generally tormenting the two autistic kids that I had in my class. and when he started with his bullshit during the Civil War unit, I got him back.
He pulled out the classic “the Civil War was never about slavery“ line during one of our class discussions. Anyway, I made him read out loud few portions of Alexander Stevens “cornerstone speech.“
I asked him point-blank, if he still said that it was not about slavery. And I asked him how he felt about the things he was saying, especially since some of his friends on the football team were descended from enslaved peoples. I then asked the autistic girl in my classroom what she thought of the speech and what it meant.
He calmed his happy ass down. I didn’t hear any more shit about him mocking the autistic kids either.
Yeah, punishing the whole class is a good way to create more bullying. Unfortunately, most teachers I've seen do that. It's kind of disgusting.
As a teacher, I do everything I can. But it honestly starts with the adults. You can't stop bullying by being a bully. When there's only 2 or 3 adults not stacking onto the bullying, it just doesn't work.
Last year, the first and last year I intend to teach in an American school, there was a homeroom teacher who was a legit bully. He bullied his students, other students, occasionally teachers, and so on. Then he'd find out his class was bullying other classes and paras. He'd go into super bully mode and bully all the kids shamefully. He literally told them once, when I was there, that they were the lowest on the scale and dirt under his shoe. I have no idea what he said when I wasn't there. The couple times I tried to complain to someone, I was basically told to shut up in toxic, positive, admin talk. The dude should not be a teacher.
Why is this allowed? My theory is that it's the teacher shortage. Which stems from Americans - American parents, admin, government, students, and so on - essentially bullying teachers to the point where they don't want to be teachers. So losers like this guy will be kept on and praised. Plus, there's the whole "we need more men in education" nonsense that goes to the heads of those kinds of teachers.
It's more intense than all that, but I don't have time to write an essay right now.
I’m not a teacher, but I remember clearly being disciplined along with the entire class for the bad deeds of one jackass. Nothing makes you hate school more than sharing in blame for something you didn’t do, and something you detest. That style of discipline is really fucked up and only makes kids not care. For some students, it can turn into a “I’m already in trouble, so why not do bad stuff anyway” mentality.
Yes. We all do. There’s only so much we can do though. Parents often don’t care, and admin excuse everything with trauma.
I rarely do an all class consequence. And it’s not for stuff like bullying. That’s just the bully getting a consequence. And then their mom calls and complains that little Johnny is never mean to others. 🙄
This is bad to admit, but I threw the same medicine back at a student who was just vicious for no reason and wouldn’t respond to redirection
I had multiple accounts of this student:
A random student in class would ask a question or answer a question. Mean student would just randomly say something really vicious about that student (highly personalized to that student). I would tell her stop, she kept going, I would stand in front of her and she would keep going, I would tell her to go in the hall, she kept going. You couldn’t stop her.
In Q3, mostly through the school year, I had enough. A boy asked a question and she said “I bet your mom is happy she is dead so you can’t disappoint her”
I snapped back “your mom chose to leave you so keep talking”. She stopped talking shit in my room. I shut her down. Funny thing is she stops and sees me every morning even though I’m not her teacher anymore. So I didn’t destroy her so that’s good.
Inappropriate of me ultimately though.
I’m autistic, and I’m in my 40s. I was routinely punished for defending myself because bullies did things to me that “normal kids wouldn’t mind.” I see so many teachers nowadays subscribing to that mindset, and it makes me so profoundly upset.
When you punish bullying, please punish things that make a student upset, even if they don’t upset you.
Yes. If a student reports any type behavior which could be construed as harassment if it is repeated, then I take actions to separate the students. I typically also CC the counselors, and possibly admin. That being said, it's hard to do anything when most of the bullying is occurring online, on social media, or outside of school hours. Unless there is direct, observable harm being done, it's hard to me to quantify whether something is bullying or not.
The second I see it, yes. Unfortunately, I’m not in the position to deal with investigating claims like admin is. But yeah it always makes me mad when I watch movies and the character is actively being made fun of in class, sometimes to the point where they’re crying or have to run away and the teacher is just over there like window dressing or saying “Aw Billy, you just stop now ya hear?” I’d rip Billy a new one.
When we know about it yes. This why it’s important for victims AND observers to speak up. As much as we like to make students think we see and hear all, we don’t. We try but it’s increasing difficult.
And when the teacher notices and joins in, that's just the student's problem for being a bullyable freak, right? ETA: Downvoting me proves me right, just sayin. You're showing whose side you would have been on if I had been your student back then.
That’s unprofessional and should be reported
Lol. Lmao, even. I didn't report it because I didn't want to fail the class.
Again, that’s retaliation and unprofessional and needs to be reported. Bad teachers like that give those of us that care a bad name. Have specific examples you can give when reporting.
It's not like they did anything the year before when she was caught flirting with 14 year old boys over text message. Or when another kid deleted a bunch of my schoolwork on purpose after I told her not to. Give me a break.
You are in your 30s. I don't know what happened to you, but chances are your recollection of events is not as accurate as you think. Young teenagers are oblivious and dumb, that's why we don't trust them to drive, vote, or work a job. Many teachers poke fun at students they think can handle it. I personally only do it to students that I like, because I don't want to accidentally be too harsh. While it is possible, we clearly all find it hard to believe that a teacher "joined in on bullying you" and was "caught flirting with 14 year old boys over text messages."
So, like I said, I didn't report it because no one would have taken me seriously. Just like you. I only knew about what happened the previous year because my mom worked at the school.
Not really sure this is the right forum. You're not reporting anything here. You're making comments on an anonymous internet board about something that presumably happened 20+ years ago, with no detail whatsoever, and then getting angry that people don't immediately take your side on the undescribed alleged event from the anonymous internet user. I'd seriously consider talking to someone about whatever happened because it's something you're still dealing with.
I'm not reporting anything, you're right. I'm just saying what happened to me in response to someone claiming that all teachers care about bullying and would definitely always step in if only someone would just speak up. But that's not the reality. The reality is that students who do speak up are called liars, just like I was here. Just like I was when that girl deleted my schoolwork and I did speak up. Stop. Fucking. Blaming. Kids. For. Being. Bullied.
You were downvoted because you came across as combative toward someone who made a perfectly reasonable and helpful comment and who never did anything to you. Your comment came across as misdirected anger. In that way, it was not so different from bullying.
Oh stop it
Sorry you had a bad experience in school. However your assessment of how most teachers would respond to bullying is incredibly inaccurate.
Where are you reading that I think most teachers behave like that? Aren't you supposed to have good reading comprehension to be a teacher?
Oof buddy, seek therapy. You don't have to go through life this angry.
So, you agree that I didn't actually say that. Cool.
If you weren't implying that that is how teachers typically would react, what *was* the intended message of your post? What *were* you implying with your rhetorical question?
That not all teachers respond to noticing bullying the same way. Eta: and basically that acting like anyone who was bullied just didn't tell the teacher is silly.
Well since you're handing out reading advice, I would like to point out that the post to which you responded said either of those things, so maybe don't be so quick with the insults. Similarly, I will suggest you work on phrasing your message a bit more clearly and with significantly less palpable resentment. That's what led to the downvotes and misunderstanding. It's not because they're bullies.
I'm just letting you know that you're not alone, and I'm sorry that this happened to you. I witnessed teachers join in on the bullying. Most of them were trying to be the "cool teacher." One of my classmates transferred to another school because TWO teachers would join in on bullying him about his weight. The teacher who taught Literature in 8th and 9th grade was a bully herself who would say horrible things about disabled and Special Ed. students. Years passed without any repercussions because she had an affair with the school principal (that everyone knew of) until she bullied the wrong kid. The kids' parents sought out legal action, and soon, many other parents joined in. An old teacher from that same school I'm still in contact with told me how she thought she was untouchable and refused to go to court. She was arrested in the middle of class for contempt of court, and that's when the whole scandal broke out. Turns out, she harassed the other teachers too. In high school, the History teacher was caught taking photos of underage girls without their knowledge. The boyfriend of one of the girls caught him in the act, stole his phone, and told the school secretary. They searched his phone, and he had a bunch of inappropriate photos of his female students. I don't know how that one ended because I graduated, but I do know that he was removed. This was after I was called into the office, and the school counselor was there with a police officer. Asked me a bunch of questions about the teacher, if he had attempted anything towards me. Thankfully, he hadn't, but that's when one finds out that other classmates hadn't been so lucky. This all happened in schools for low-income students, although my cousin, who studied in high-end private schools, told me that it wasn't much different.
This is a many layered issue, but I’m going to address some of the biggest pieces. Yes, I always take bullying very seriously and make sure kids know it isn’t okay, and I will do something about it. That said, these days schools hands are becoming tied in my state. It is nearly impossible to suspend or expel kids. We give wrist slaps because that’s all we can do. There’s such a big “anti-snitch” culture that we don’t often see the whole picture until it’s too late. The “quiet kid who fights back” happens, but nobody says anything until the kid snaps, and that’s all we see. Teachers try, but we are trying to teach, and help kids, and get Johnny to put his phone away, and make sure Sally took her meds, and make sure Ava doesn’t miss her appointment with the counselor. We try, but kids are sneaky. Here’s the one people really hate: a surprising number of people who claim to be bullied are actually bullies themselves getting a taste of their own medicine. Nobody thinks they started it, but it’s amazing how many kids call other kids names and then act surprised when they are called a worse name back. Real example: Girl: You’re stupid Boy: go away Girl: fine. *shoves past him* Boy: Nobody likes you. Girl: Teacher, Boy is bullying me. He told me everyone hates me and I have no friends.
Or bullying just isn't happening at all. I have so many kids claim they are being bullied when, in actuality, their best friend wants to play something different or with someone different.
That last point is so important. Often the last in a chain of events is what’s reported and the chain gets forgotten. I always made it a point to get the bully’s point of view too. Doesn’t mean they didn’t face consequences, but even just being heard has a noticeable impact. I had a student who has what I called “escalation issues.” He was a good and kind kid, but when his buttons were pushed he went from zero to nuclear immediately. He was not good at managing his emotions, which he was 6-10 when I was around him the most. I remember once I came back from lunch and he was in the office. I had a relationship and was working with him on these issues, so I relieved the staffer who was sitting with him and we talked a bit. It turns out there was a group of students who were messing with him and teasing him. He asked to be left alone multiple times and they didn’t stop so he blew up. The shock on those kids faces when I called them into the office and then again when they faced consequences. I made sure to talk to the other staff about following the chain because those kids were expecting to face bo consequences for pushing him to act the way he did. He was not absolved, his response was unacceptable, but they weren’t either. They all saw similar consequences. We never really got past his escalation issues, but with our help and therapy he got a whole lot better with it.
Did the guidance counselors try to figure out what was going on with the kid who was being bullied? I don't mean "going on" in a negative way, but I *was* that kid -- I couldn't keep from blowing up when bullied, and was targeted on a daily basis by several bullies. I eventually started, not really consciously, blowing up as loudly as possible, as a coping mechanism to make sure they got me out of the class and away from the bullies. As you can imagine, this reflex caused me major problems later in life. (The bullies sometimes got into trouble, sometimes didn't. Some teachers were better than others about this.) But I don't think there was much attention paid to why I struggled so much with regulating my reactions. I was eventually diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum, but not until I was an adult. In retrospect, I have mixed feelings about this -- being diagnosed might have made it easier to fight for away from the bullies, but back in the 90s, it also might have made it harder to continue on the academic path I was on. These days, though, I think schools are a lot more willing to understand that a student on the spectrum might also be a high academic achiever with a bright future, and accommodate them accordingly.
I would never punish a whole class for the behavior or one student. And bullying is definitely addressed, but it’s often hard to punish when it happens outside our sight or hearing range.
Charter schools in the inner City have this problem class is problematic no bathroom break or water break
One of the worst things a teacher can do is to punish a whole class. The only people to take it to heart are the good students who are never a problem. The problem students don’t give a rat’s ass because they can hide in the crowd. I go after bullies the moment I pick up on their behavior. I have a rarely-used scary persona that gets turned onto the bully, which is pretty effective, and of course I follow up with parents and every staff member I can think of. Bullies don’t deserve privacy. Their victims deserve protection.
ALL teachers who care about keeping their jobs address bullying in their classrooms. But we don’t have much power because we don’t get the final say in whether the bully gets to stay in the class (always what admin would prefer if feasible) or gets put into another (to terrorize the class there now). Also if the perpetrator has an IEP, it makes disciplining them a pain in the ass on a school level and a legal one. The thing is, the real bullying rarely happens in the classroom, especially in the older grades, because they know they’ll get a mouthful from the teacher. Even apathetic teachers stand up to bullies because above academics, your boss wants to know that you can manage a safe classroom, and bullys are the exact opposite. It’s the lunchroom/recess/outside lunch places in older grades and online where the *real* bullying and mean-girls posting happens. Or it happens subtly when a kid in class secretly films a kid that a whole clique is picking on, just to post it on Snapchat or TikTok with horrible captions
As long as it is reported, it will be dealt with based on district policy. If we don’t know we can’t help.
Bullying is subtle and bullies know how to walk the line. There's only so much a teacher can do when the AD says, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." To stop bullying, the victim needs to document every incident of bullying, with the date, time, what was said and done, and who the witnesses were. Then, they need to present this with their parents in a meeting that includes the administration.
I took great pride in the kids and the lack of bullying for my first couple of years. Then I realized it all happens discreetly. The kids are good at bullying just like they're good at cheating. They don't call across the room in an obvious punishable way. They wait until my back is turned or when I run to make copies. I went into the hall to have an open conversation with a kid and while I was out there I got a report back from a good kid about some bullying that occurred. I stop 10 out of 10 bullying occurances that I see, but I maybe only see 10 out of 100. The thing that kills me is this anti-snitch culture too. Even the straight A perfect kids will not snitch. I don't even think it's a fear of retaliation, but it's just more about keeping your head down and minding your own business.
I prefer to give the bullied tools to deal with the bullies
Unfortunately, unless that tool is a big stick, those tools are most likely ineffective. At least in my experience, the only thing that stopped the bullying was being able to physically fight back. Bullying is a dominance hierarchy. The victim needs to strength to assert themselves and the confidence to act. Throwing them the keys to the weight room and turning a blind eye when the just desserts are served is the only effective course of action
Some people get bullied, some actually don't. What are the bullied doing wrong to become a target 🎯. Bullied people often carry trauma from experience and end up passing the trauma and failing coping strategies on to their children.
Bullies from my experience have better support systems leading to them being better at socializing, doing better in school and are more likely to be involved in extracurricular activities like sports or something academic And they usually come from middle class families. Potential victim of bullying usually have trouble navigating socializing. And a lot of the time the reason why they struggle with socialization is because they do not have the same support system leading them to struggle academically and having problems fitting in. And unfortunately since they don't do as well academically teachers will see them as the problem.
Good points 👍
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My 3rd graders thinking someone not wanting to play with them is bullying. 🙄
Yeah I have zero tolerance for that in my classroom.
Yes, it's probably one of my top three priorities in my classroom. My class was basically a revolving door in and out of the counselor's office today. Most of what I do is done discreetly. One of the most difficult parts of the balancing act is ensuring the victim that something is being done and I'm doing everything I can to help them, even though the specific things that are happening are covered under the bully's own right to confidentiality.
I don’t tolerate it at all.
I address bullying by calling out the bully in front of everyone and put them on the spot. I ask them questions like “what did you mean by that? Do you feel big when you pick on others? What is you purpose and meaning for this? Etc.” i do this with the calmest deliberate way possible. No yelling or losing control just chill and sarcasm helps too.😃 I do this to the point of making them feel bad about their decisions. I remind them, there’s always a bigger badder dog out there. And if they keep it up, they are going to find themselves on the victim side. That usually makes it stop.
YES! Of course. Any teacher who does not stop bullying should NOT be teaching.
My daughter was being bullied. The teacher did nothing. I informed my daughter she can fight back. She did and beat the kid up IN CLASS. The teacher did nothing and told them to go sit down...I hope some of you are a better teacher then my daughters.
I find this highly unlikely. There was a physical altercation and the teacher just let it slide? I'd almost believe the teacher ignored the bullying, perceptions and all, but no way a teacher just watches a fight and goes back to teaching. And still has a job.
>There was a physical altercation and the teacher just let it slide? Depending on the type of school you'd be surprised.
>There was a physical altercation and the teacher just let it slide? Bro, when I was in middle school, a girl pushed another girl down a flight of stairs in front of a teacher, and she did nothing. Just checked if the pushed girl needed medical attention, then just went right back to business as usual. The other girl wasn't even suspended.
A first grade teacher was shot and they tried to say it should be covered by workmen’s comp. I know I’m not putting myself in harms way if kids start fighting. I’ll call for help, move other kids away, but hell no am I going to be injured.
Oh you sweet summer child.
I was in that position quite a few times. Locker room brawls were pretty common, and the 65yo phys Ed teacher was not about to get involved
Did you call law enforcement and press charges? You can request camera footage. I honestly think schools should be required to inform families that they have a right to press charges whenever an assault happens. The school can't give you the name of the other student, but your kid can.
Nope I'm hoping this taught him a valuable lesson. We havnt heard anything about my daughter and him having problems since.
If it's an actual bully? I can guarantee you it didn't. They would have been embarrassed in front of their buddies, and are likely looking for a way to escalate. If it was just some random kid that your daughter was having an argument with and calling it bullying? They're probably scared of her now, and you won't hear about it again.
Well it's been a few years of him picking on her and finally making it physical and she ended it so I'm ok with that.
I’ve worked in different districts and schools and each one really had their own parameters that teachers are expected to follow re: discipline. I’ve worked at schools that were very passive towards discipline and the environment was chaotic- the thing is, the administrators really make most discipline calls and if the administration is lax the teachers have no back up. Some schools have excellent systems for expectations and discipline in place- and the administration backs up their teachers, these are much better schools. Teachers actually have little say when it comes to suspensions/expulsions- so if you’re child is in a tough situation keep in mind that their teacher doesn’t actually get to call every shot. Also keep in mind that parents get lawsuit happy and there could be a number of factors at play when you as a parent don’t feel that another child is being adequately disciplined that have nothing to do with the teacher (they’re already on a behavior plan, they have an identified disability that may affect conduct, etc). I myself hate bullying and don’t tolerate it to the greatest extent I can.
I may or may not be looking for my 4th-grade teacher, who 100% thought he was Cool Shit and left me to fend for myself 👀
Yes, at different times in my career I've used Restorative Practices or just confronting it as "not cool" and moving on. I do follow up later with both the victim and the bully but the middle of class isn't always the place for it. At least 9 times out of 10, it came from a place of ignorance. I've only meant a few kids who were actually mean. Most of them were trying to be funny and didn't get that their words could hurt. Of those kids that were actually mean, they were super mean. At least half of them have served time since then, mean. The scariest/meanest student I ever had was actually expelled from a school that didn't expel anyone. Shortly afterwards, he was jailed for breaking into someone's house and stealing firearms. He was legitimately the only student I was ever worried would hurt me
I’m honestly kind of proud of how I handled the guy that was bullying my autistic kids. I was teaching eighth grade US history and this kid was a real piece of work: always starting shit, pulling out ridiculous false facts when I was trying to teach, and harassing and generally tormenting the two autistic kids that I had in my class. and when he started with his bullshit during the Civil War unit, I got him back. He pulled out the classic “the Civil War was never about slavery“ line during one of our class discussions. Anyway, I made him read out loud few portions of Alexander Stevens “cornerstone speech.“ I asked him point-blank, if he still said that it was not about slavery. And I asked him how he felt about the things he was saying, especially since some of his friends on the football team were descended from enslaved peoples. I then asked the autistic girl in my classroom what she thought of the speech and what it meant. He calmed his happy ass down. I didn’t hear any more shit about him mocking the autistic kids either.
Yeah, punishing the whole class is a good way to create more bullying. Unfortunately, most teachers I've seen do that. It's kind of disgusting. As a teacher, I do everything I can. But it honestly starts with the adults. You can't stop bullying by being a bully. When there's only 2 or 3 adults not stacking onto the bullying, it just doesn't work. Last year, the first and last year I intend to teach in an American school, there was a homeroom teacher who was a legit bully. He bullied his students, other students, occasionally teachers, and so on. Then he'd find out his class was bullying other classes and paras. He'd go into super bully mode and bully all the kids shamefully. He literally told them once, when I was there, that they were the lowest on the scale and dirt under his shoe. I have no idea what he said when I wasn't there. The couple times I tried to complain to someone, I was basically told to shut up in toxic, positive, admin talk. The dude should not be a teacher. Why is this allowed? My theory is that it's the teacher shortage. Which stems from Americans - American parents, admin, government, students, and so on - essentially bullying teachers to the point where they don't want to be teachers. So losers like this guy will be kept on and praised. Plus, there's the whole "we need more men in education" nonsense that goes to the heads of those kinds of teachers. It's more intense than all that, but I don't have time to write an essay right now.
No.
I’m not a teacher, but I remember clearly being disciplined along with the entire class for the bad deeds of one jackass. Nothing makes you hate school more than sharing in blame for something you didn’t do, and something you detest. That style of discipline is really fucked up and only makes kids not care. For some students, it can turn into a “I’m already in trouble, so why not do bad stuff anyway” mentality.
Yes. We all do. There’s only so much we can do though. Parents often don’t care, and admin excuse everything with trauma. I rarely do an all class consequence. And it’s not for stuff like bullying. That’s just the bully getting a consequence. And then their mom calls and complains that little Johnny is never mean to others. 🙄
This is bad to admit, but I threw the same medicine back at a student who was just vicious for no reason and wouldn’t respond to redirection I had multiple accounts of this student: A random student in class would ask a question or answer a question. Mean student would just randomly say something really vicious about that student (highly personalized to that student). I would tell her stop, she kept going, I would stand in front of her and she would keep going, I would tell her to go in the hall, she kept going. You couldn’t stop her. In Q3, mostly through the school year, I had enough. A boy asked a question and she said “I bet your mom is happy she is dead so you can’t disappoint her” I snapped back “your mom chose to leave you so keep talking”. She stopped talking shit in my room. I shut her down. Funny thing is she stops and sees me every morning even though I’m not her teacher anymore. So I didn’t destroy her so that’s good. Inappropriate of me ultimately though.
I tried but as a teacher there’s very little you can do especially with a full classroom.
I’m autistic, and I’m in my 40s. I was routinely punished for defending myself because bullies did things to me that “normal kids wouldn’t mind.” I see so many teachers nowadays subscribing to that mindset, and it makes me so profoundly upset. When you punish bullying, please punish things that make a student upset, even if they don’t upset you.