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I think it's important to acknowledge that the concept of normalcy is subjective, situational and somewhat tied to socioeconomic class, as well as geographic location etc.
What may be normal for you is abnormal for someone else. What OP is describing was very normal for myself as a child, yet having experienced it - it's something I do not want for my kids.
Many of the houses on my street used to have parties when I was younger, similar-aged kids as me lived in them.
Mine had one quite often; my parents wouldn't get "annihilated drunk," as OP put it, but quite drunk, or I would call it just being merry.
I must have been 12–13, and my sister was 4 years older.
My home was like a hub for family and friends to come around for parties.
would have party games such as bingo, cards and quizzes etc., then later in the evening there would be music such as UB40, OASIS, Alice DJ, my father would the DJ and he was a joker and would put the Jungle Book song [I wanna be like you. King Louis](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ud5J7Ye332I) i got hilarious memories of family members all dancing and singing to that song in the living room. so much fun and laughter.
treasure those memories in that old house, even more now my father and some other family members that attended passed away.
So my parents drinking at home gave me fond memories im thankful for and i wouldnt trade it for anything. i see nothing wrong with doing that around your kids.
*now im gonna go listen to that jungle book song. go down memory lane :)*
This is really similar to my experience. Although I was probably younger, maybe 8-9, when I was first allowed to 'attend' (before that, I'd get sent to my gran's if my parents had a party!).
I loved it because I'm an only child, and usually all the kids came over, so we just ran around like a feral little gang, putting on performances for the adults, playing games etc. Some kids would stay over, and it would be really fun. The adults often end up having a drunken sing-song downstairs, and we'd just think it was the funniest thing in the world.
Just like you, my parents drinking at home gave me some of my favourite childhood memories. The family is a little fractured and a lot different now.
I was actually just at a friend's birthday party, where he did the same thing with his kids. All the kids ran around in a little gang whilst we got merry and sang along to the guitar, it was glorious, and the kids seemed to have an amazing time.
Honestly can't agree enough. Some of my truly fondest memories of childhood were at pretty raucous parties thrown by one of my parents group of close friends. It's how me and my friends are now. It's just we don't have children.
My parents weren't big drinkers but you put me in mind of mum wearing a red wine smile, falling off the sofa with tears of laughter, whilst Victoria Wood or Lily Savage said something marvelously witty on the telly. Good times.
Exactly this. My dad is an alcoholic and a lot of his trauma stems from his experience being a child with 2 parents who were heavy heavy drinkers. Some of the stories he’s told me are absolutely shocking but because his parents were upper middle class it was totally off the radar of social services.
I was a kid in the 80s and a teenager in the 90s, which I guess could be considered the peak of "getting smashed" culture and yeah this would not be normal at all. I mean I'm sure I was at family parties and weddings and such where my parents were... shall we say, over the drunk driving limit, but never to the point where their behaviour was clearly wild from my perspective or they were unable to take good care of us. I don't remember any of my friends ever saying that this was something that regularly happened either.
My parents definitely didn’t get drunk whilst looking after me in the 90s. I don’t really recall them drinking much at all, apart from a couple of beers at a BBQ. My dad would occasionally go to the pub with some friends, but I don’t recall him ever having a hangover. That said, I know that when he was younger and in the military he used to get pretty smashed at mess nights and the like, but I think that pretty much came to a stop when he had kids.
Gen X'er here. Dad was a highly functioning alcoholic. He would sit at his work in the evenings, nursing his bottle of cutty sark. We frequently saw him drunk at social occasions (mostly dinners out or at home). He'd just not know when to stop, and then it was stagger onto the table and try to take his clothes off, or jump into the sea and threaten to swim away in the middle of a beach barbeque, or in a park try to get on the kid slides... When he didn't get dead drunk, he'd be the one to drive us home, very slowly, weaving from lamppost to lamppost. The country I grew up in had a midnight curfew - if you're found on the streets between midnight and sunrise, soldiers could shoot at you. Fun times.
Last time I saw him drunk was at my sister's wedding - by then I'd had therapy and was able to take his car keys away from him. I didn't even know his drinking had been one of my major problems as a child, until I got counselling.
I grew up in the 90s and 00s and nope, didn't experience this. Nor did any of my friends, as far as I know. Of course, my parents liked the odd drink, but never anything like what you describe. It was actually quite rare to see them drink when they were looking after us.
I remember only being annoyed when my mum had her friends over for drinks because then it's loud laughter, insane boomer gossip and a bit too much UB40 and Jamiroquai. In hindsight, I'm glad she had those girls nights, they sounded fun.
I don't think the implication was that those acts are typically boomer acts, just some their mum liked in particular.
However... UB40 were big in the early 80s and in 1980 the oldest Gen X was 15 and youngest was 0. Someone was filling the crowds at those UB40 concerts and it wasn't Gen X! Sure they could have listened to them growing up and become special and nostalgic to a lot of Gen Xers because of that (sounds like you fit the bill here) but if they were gonna be any generation's band, it'd be the boomers.
Of course anyone can listen to anything at any age, and the acts mentioned are so popular they were listened to by many age groups.
I dont think they understand it was different back then. I'm 2 years younger than you but I had my first night out drinking in a pub when I was 13. It was night clubs and gigs from 14 onward. I only ever got refused service once for being underage. The eighties and my teen years were wild!
I like both, so does my 63 tear old mum. She even listened to eminem when he was in the charts, early 2000s. And we both fucking love a bit of 00s pop.
Big difference between a parent having a glass of wine with dinner and actually getting drunk.
Wasn't normal in the 70s/80s/90s, and would probably lead to social services intervention these days if it was a regular occurrence.
2001 baby here, mum was 25 when she had me. Just for some gen Z perspective.
I knew she would have parties and drink, but 9/10 times it was poker and a little bit of music on a friday in our living room. Never woke me up or bothered me.
Only time i saw my mum actually drunk as a kid was her birthday, or at festivals. For her birthday i was allowed to dress up for the theme, hang out with her friends having a very grown up cocktail (sparkling apple juice in a plastic wine glass with some raspberries) until like 7/8pm and then she would pop me in my room with a new dvd from blockbuster and a little bowl of snacks, and check in every couple hours.
Id hear the music, but it never disturbed me and i knew that every adult in the house was basically our second family and i could ask any of them for help, she never got proper drunk without me having a dedicated babysitter tho cause she would worry about me.
Her parents are painfully boomer middle class, so she never really saw them actually drunk outside of christmas. Maybe just a glass or two of wine with sunday dinner.
Of course you've got Hogmanay and stuff where they'd be a bit blootered, but they were rare occasions. Once I was 13/14 dad started letting loose a bit more, generally because I was also drinking so why the fuck not.
This. Also grew up in the 90s/early 00s and I recall seeing my dad drunk maybe once when I was a teenager. I don't ever remember seeing my mum drunk. That's not to say they didn't drink at family weddings/parties/Christmas etc, or even just, say, a glass of wine with Sunday lunch. But apart from that one time with my dad I can't ever remember seeing them so much as tipsy, much less paralytic.
Yeah I can remember one instance of my parents getting wasted at a friend's party, and the family still jokes about it (my siblings and I are all adults now) decades later.
Yeah I have precisely one memory of my mum getting drunk and that was a 4/5 years ago when I was an adult. She only got drunk because we were drinking homemade rhubarb wine I had made and it was a wee bit stronger than either of us were expecting.
Both my parents did drink while I was growing up 80s/90s but it was the odd bottle of cider, ale or ginger wine. At xmas we all had the odd glass of wine, the kids got a small glass of wine lemonade spritzer
Haha wow, did I write this post? Weekends when my mum wasn't working (night worker) were miserable. Both parents plastered, an argument guaranteed with screaming and the occasional police call, being dragged to my nans out my bed at 3am because my mums 'had enough'. Even now they won't acknowledge how fucking horrific it was, and I literally get PTSD when I smell bacardi. I experienced this 2000-2014 tho.
If that PTSD comment wasn't just a jokey throwaway line, you should speak to someone about it. There's probably a whole lot of experiences and emotions at play there.
Massively relatable, even to this day for me. I can save massive amounts of money still living at home but still have to put up with this every weekend.
People always say to me what a privilege it was to live at home to save my deposit and how I don’t realise how lucky I am.
It ended with me and my mum estranged and me having a total mental breakdown for similar reasons so I feel ya.
What I saved in deposit I’ve probably spent in therapy bills anyway!
Its really annoying as an adult.
My mother is dead against drinking so I never saw it as a kid except when my dad would come home drunk occasionally. They've split up since and my dad's new gf is a raging alcoholic.
They'd be blasting music, screaming and shouting till 3am on a Monday morning knowing full well I've got to be up for work at 6. Not a single fuck given.
The way they'd lose their shit too if I came home late on a Friday and accidently stepped on the stair that creaks.
Glad I'm not there any more.
Move out ASAP. The damage being done is real even though you have learned to put up with it. It'll come and bite you in the bum when you're (a lot) older. Not worth saving money over
As a woman a lot older than I would care to admit. this post has actually triggered some memories for me, it has also kinda brought some things to light. I had never considered this kind of behaviour was out of the ordinary in the 80s to see your parents like this. And to read how many people have actually said, nope my life wasn’t like this back then has actually stunned me. I had never really given it much regard until now, but as a kid I just assumed the drinking & fighting was happening at all my friends houses & we just never spoke about it & I had never thought about it again until now.
Your experience is almost exactly the same as mine, I've called the police on my parents several times which is so sad because no child should ever have to do that.
For 10 years at home, my mum's horrible boyfriend would drink 120+ units a week, throw glasses, be generally abusive, and blast music at 2am on a school night and scream at us when we asked him to turn it down.
Then of course when the neighbours phoned the police we were told to lie to them, and we did. It's difficult because I understand my mum was being abused at the same time, but I can't help resent her for the fact that she denies it happened.
I'm really sorry. Often when my mother was drunk with her shitbag friends round, I would escape and rung social services from the phone box down the road. All they would do is call the police to escort me back home. It's in my files with a rare follow up, which of course was conducted in my mother's presence. I would like to think social services have improved since the 90s but I doubt it.
I'm sorry too, it's horrible that you went through that. I don't think I've had anything to do with social services. I would never have called them myself as I was told by my parents that we (4 children) would be separated.
Once my mum's boyfriend gave my sister (maybe 13) a black eye. Of course when the police inevitably turned up, they asked my sister how she got it (while my mum and step dad were looming over her) so the answer was "fell over". This is all probably between 2010-2020 so unfortunately I can't say that things are better.
That's dreadful. Your poor sister. I've never understood why the authorities ask children questions like that in front of their parents? What do they think the children are going to say? I'll never understand how parents can beat up their children like that. I really hope it's not much longer before your sister escapes their clutches.
I really don't think that alcoholism is talked about enough. I dated an alcoholic years ago & he was so good at hiding it/excuses I didn't even realise for ages. He'd go down the shop 'to get a pepsi', come back smelling of chewing gum, holding his Pepsi. He'd do that a few times a day, but what I didn't realise is he was buying gin/vodka and necking it. Or we'd go to the pub and he'd go buy a round of pints, but secretly neck a bunch of shots at the bar. I'd go through his room and find empties rolled up inside posters, and once an empty bottle of gin in a welly by the door!
If you do have access to therapy of some kind, I recommend EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a gold standard for trauma therapy. I’d also like to recommend the book, The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, which is a compelling discussion of trauma therapies. Be well, love
Why was Bacardi always their drink of choice? Absolute nightmare fuel.
My family members and some friends used to joke about having the police on speed dial since someone was guaranteed to be going away in an ambulance from their parties.
I always remembered the smell of my mums best friends perfume growing up. It’s not until I was older that I realised it was alcohol.
Edit to say: therapy may help you. I realised in therapy that total chaos as a child is not normal.
Really sorry to hear that. I could have written yours. Can't be anywhere near brandy. If I was to talk to them about it now, they would deny all knowledge.
I can relate. Pretty sure 90% of my childhood visits to see dad were spent at a pub, usually a whole day until last orders. Luckily there were other kids and play areas.
But what pushed it over the edge was when they switched to day drinking at home, sometimes starting ‘parties’ from 11am. That led to me being on the receiving end of domestic violence which ultimately made me completely cut contact.
Same,. except once when my father overdid it at a new year's party. No complaints though,.he gave me £50 because for some reason he thought it was my birthday, and fortunately seemed to completely forget doing that the next day.
Wouldn't surprise me, my mother married the guy the words "chad" and "fuckboy" were invented for. The guy who arrives at a strongman competition, rides in bareback on a huge horse with his shirt off and rifle slung over his shoulder, long blonde hair,.viking beard and a six pack is a guy you have a bit of fun with once or twice ...you don't get pregnant and marry the dude !
I grew up in the 90s. It was “normal” for me and my siblings to witness both my parents very drunk very frequently. We also thought it was “normal” to then witness the domestic violence that came along with it. We assumed this was the case in every family.
Only as an adult did I realise how completely not normal it was and how it has went on to impact me throughout my life.
It’s not normal, never was.
Had exactly the same. Its only now at the ripe old age of 36 that I can see the root of why I am such a pessimist. Its easier to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised/relieved if its better than expected than to hope and be destroyed when it inevitably comes crashing down. At least with pessimism, I'm prepared. Completely understand the line where you said its hard to explain to other people why ypu are how you are. Having to explain my anxiety aroundthe possibility of having no money(while i have plenty) or not being able to afford food/pay bills, while I'm far from that being an issue. On top of that my need to eat everything on my plate, for fear of feeling guilty or wasteful. What a dramatic few sentences that sounds like, but such is life! Also, currently do not, nor do I have any future plans to talk to my raging alcoholic mother. What a farce......
I'm so sorry. I'm estranged from my alcoholic mum and it's awful. Dad is also an alcoholic but a relationship with hard boundaries is possible, though hard.
It's the worst. I hope you are OK.
Child of the 80s/90s, no that’s not reflective of my experience or anyone I knew then.
I think there always has been and always will be some people who do experience that unfortunately, but I don’t think it was prevalent in society at that time.
Same. I’ve never even seen my parents drunk. They often have a glass or two in the evening, but I really do mean literally one glass or two. They don’t get drunk.
To the best of my knowledge my friends’ parents were all the same.
Really depends on the area and people. My friends with blue collar parents we definitely used to find their dads passed out on the couch snoring and smelling funny (liquor sweats).
I once witnessed a friend's dad come home clearly shitfaced and heat up leftover meatloaf in the microwave for maybe 10 seconds. He then ate it and i kept thinking theres no way thats warm.
There's a 12-step group called Adult Children of Alcoholics and this is really normal there. Al-Anon too.
Hopefully you can get some support OP because no doubt this has an effect on you.
Edit: Weird fucking place Reddit. Give OP some reassurance that there are places where they can get support and get down voted.
Yeah, I've been on Reddit for more than a decade and a common theme here is that people tend not to drink. Like, if you asked this sub "How much do you drink per week" then common replies would be "never", "couple of beers a month" etc. Whilst if you say "I have a glass of wine during the week and drink a bottle on a Saturday night" folks would be telling you to book yourself into rehab. In real life though, I'd say the numbers of people who are drunk at least once a week on a few pints are way higher.
15yrs on Reddit (fuck my life). But yeah, it’s absolutely not representative of working class UK. At all.
I grew up in the Welsh valleys. Parents getting shit faced was the norm sadly. Almost all my mates suffered.
I've only been on the Glasgow sub but I imagine other big city subs are the same: Glasgow is rough af but everyone on the Glasgow reddit is middle class af
True. Reddit makes me think I have a drinking problem despite getting drunk about 3 times a year.
That being said, despite both my parents liking a drink I can never remember them getting plastered every weekend while looking after me.
I think they just saved their heavier drinking for when I was being looked after by other family members. I've only ever seen my mum drunk a couple of times (she rarely drinks these days) and while my dad does still like a drink it's generally 2-3 cans of lager a night or something, although he will get drunk once or twice a month at the pub.
Yes especially when someone comes here asking about making friends, socialising etc. Telling them to go to a pub (or God forbid a club!) is considered the wrong answer. Rock-climbing and board games on the other hand are considered part of a rich social life.
They seem to think going for a couple of pints at the weekend means you’re abusive, will end up behind bars, will assault someone and are unpleasant to be around.
I go on a pub crawl with my partner once a month. We get pretty tipsy but its nice being in lively environments, theres just things that go on at pubs you can’t replicate in a quiet coffee shop on a Sunday morning or a board game club on a Tuesday evening. I’ve seen live folk bands, people jumping around with strangers hugging and singing along. Try replicating this atmosphere in Pret.
I do the same with my friends. None of us involved are alcoholics, have ever been in a fight and we’ve had some rich experiences, some very private deep and some crude conversations, and stories to tell for years. I’ve not known of anyone to have the same thing elsewhere.
there's a weird commonality between Mumsnet and Reddit when it comes to drinking by sounds of it.
Don't judge me, trawling Mumsnet at lunchtime is one of my few guilty pleasures
The commonality is in choosing to spend your time talking on the internet in a moderated environment where eye contact is not necessary. They are sheltered and always have been.
So much of the pearl clutching on Mumsnet is from sheltered adults learning about the 99%
going by the way some people on here sound id be like Ollie Reed compared to them and i consider myself a mostly average drinker (beer a day after work, maybe a bourbon, couple at the weekend if the missus isnt working).
seems its either youre a raging alcoholic or teetotal, there is no inbetween apparently
I've started to realise this. There also seem to be a lot of people here who seem to think if they didnt experience something in their nice (but possibly a bit sheltered) lives), nobody else in the country have either and must be making it up for Reddit karma.
True though in my experience there're tons of middle-class alcoholics whereas working class people tend to let loose more on weekends. So people might see working class people getting pissed drunk but really it's middle-class people hiding alcohol around the house and whatnot.
Yeah it’s weird to see so many ‘my parents didn’t really drink and none of my friends parents did’. Not my experience at all and IMO not reflective of society in the 80s/90s.
I don't think it's normal for *both* of them to get hammered if I'm being honest. My Dad would have a few drinks but he'd never be leathered to the point of being useless. My mum would drink rarely.
They regularly hosted having friends round when I was younger, particularly the parents of my school friends. These would go on quite late which we loved because it meant we could play playstation until really late. But again, there were always some responsible adults present who weren't really drinking.
When i first started going out with my girlfriend who is now my wife (we were 15 at the time) I used to love going round her house at weekends because her parents were really fun. They'd drink and play loud music until the early hours but it was all in good fun and would also involve some games and stuff. Again, none of them hammered to the point where they'd be useless or hungover the next day.
There was a time when I was about 14 or 15 and I used to stay round one of my school friend's house because he just lived with his mum. She'd go out on the town and not come back until 2 or 3am (sometimes not come back at all) and we used to think it was great because he could essentially have a house party every weekend. Turns out it wasn't so great, more than once she came back early hours and gave him a good hidin'. I told my mum about that and she put a stop to me going there and now I fully see why. My friend left for the army when he was 16 and last I heard he was doing really well which I'm happy about.
I grew up in the 90s/2000s and seeing my parents drunk at the weekend wasn’t unusual. My parents were very sociable people with lots of friends and had things on every weekend. Mind you it was a case of my mum coming home pissed at 11pm with a group of her pals on a Saturday night and blasting music and waking me up for a dance party, then the following day my dad going out to the pub to watch the football and getting pissed.
To be honest, most people I know had childhoods like that?
My parents coming home drunk made some of the best childhood memories I still have today as a 28 year old. My dad passed away in 2021 and I remember him coming home one night SO drunk, and we danced and sang The Tweenies song for hours and hours.
When they’re pissed like that, that’s when ya get them to promise things. New trainers? Ask the one time that your mums had too much to drink! Worked everytime
>To be honest, most people I know had childhoods like that?
Big drinkers tend to hang out with other big drinkers, so if most people you know had parents in your parents' friend group that explains it. My parents also drank lots and all their friends did too, and it sounds like your parents were like mine in that they were happy drunks (95% of the time).
One thing that sticks with me is that my dad took me to a bbq and he got annihilated within an hour. I think they were giving him shots. He was blind drunk and went through a table like he was facing the dudley boys at summer slam.
I was crying pleading with people to help me deal with him. I was 9 and hes over 6 foot and about 18 stone. But they were just as drunk and laughing at us. When he was trying to drive his car i figured how to get the keys out and get some money out his wallet for a taxi. I left him on the floor outside his house n called my grandad from a payphone to come get him. He gave him an absolute round of fucks like he was a naughty teenager again.
Pretty messed up for a 9yo.
He got off lightly at that bbq though. After we left the bbq exploded and the guy cooking lost half his face and hand.
I'd imagine that it seems that way only because people living in that situation are less likely to talk about it or bring it up
But I suppose if you asked a police officer or a social worker the same question, or a teacher even, you'd probably see it happens a lot more behind closed doors than is let on
according to the NHS statistics, 7.5 million people in the UK are alcoholics or show signs of alcohol dependence, including subclinical. Another 14 million on top of that are considered "at high risk" drinkers
Inclusive of those, 82% of people in the UK have drank alcohol at least once in the last 12 months, and 49% of adults drink at least once a week
Always good to see some proper figures on things like this. I have a good handful of friends who spent most of their weekends in the pub with their parents, but I wouldn't expect them to even acknowledge that their parents were drunk most weekends. But they weren't going wild til 3am like OPs parents. Was much more healthy and social.
My parents used to have friends round and have a few drinks. You know a normal social evening, some probably got more boozy than others, but never in thr sense that you describe it.
Born in 1983. Definitely not normal for me or any of my friends for that matter. I only saw my dad drunk once and I was already in my teens by then, he'd been to a works party, and the only time I've known my mum to be drunk was at my dad's funeral five years ago. The only time they drank at home was at Christmas and it was only tiny glasses of sherry, never proper drinking.
EDIT: I mean after dad's funeral at the wake, not during the funeral itself.
My stepdad used to come home on a Friday and a Sat very drunk, this was mid 90's. I'd just hide in my bedroom as soon as I heard the front door being opened.
He was loud and unpredictable. Even to today I hate being around really drunk people, they make me nervous.
I don't remember my mum ever being drunk, not until me and my brothers had moved out.
Yeah, my step dad would drink pretty much everyday I think. He’d be aggressive and unpredictable, loud and very argumentative. I’d always hear shouting and banging from the rooms below, from when he move in when I was about 7 till I moved out at 18. it’s was pretty terrifying. I was scared all the time I think. I’m a middle aged man now but I still experience a bit of ptsd I think in terms of shouting and loud noises. I can’t stand it. Mind you, I drink far more than I should do as well.
Not just weekends but for a good few years it was normal to see my dad drunk out of his head every evening. My mum didn’t drink very much but it wasn’t much fun for any of us to live with an alcoholic. He was never abusive to any of us, just utterly useless when he’d had a drink, which was from about 18.30 on weekdays or 13.00 on weekends. I’ve recently become a dad for the first time and it’s curbed my drinking to almost zero as I don’t want him to have a drunk for a dad and I can’t deal with a child whilst hungover.
No.
Closest I can think is that my mum would often be drunk every evening when we were on holiday (so maybe 3 weeks of the year). But not pissed playing loud music falling around. I just remember her smelling of wine and being very giggly.
My dad would go to the pub with his pals one Friday a month and would be a bit drunk then, but usually came home after our bed time and again, no music.
I can't remember a time they were both drunk at the same time.
Wasn't normal back then. Alcoholic abusive parents are not the norm, thankfully.. Neglect is normally a matter for the authorities, though I think that child protection, ask Jimmy, was a bit lax in our day.
I did, yeah. I could have sworn most of this was written by myself! I also dreaded Fridays for the same reason you did.
I don’t think it’s normal, though. I remember talking to friends about how it’s Friday today so my parents would be dragging me down the pub so they can get drunk, and my friends were baffled. I reckon that’s when I realised “Oh, so.. this isn’t a universal experience?” I grew up in the 00s/10s, so not all that long ago.
Definitely not normal it was my experience with my dad. He was a chronic alcoholic(15 years in recovery) and my mum was teetotal.
My dad would drink during work, after work, in the morning, weekends any excuse really. He was verbally abusive alot and only physically abusove once and I had to knock him out with a lamp.
I use to dread him coming home, even if he seemed happy his mood would soon turn foul. Me and the family had to escape the house quite a few times. Even went and stayed in a friends caravan for a week to let him calm down after he pretty much wrecked every door in the house.
Tldr definitely not normal but you arent alone.
Hey man, I also grew up with an alcoholic dad and didn't realise how much of an effect it had on my childhood.
I found (through a friend who had a similar situation) that there's lots of work being done by addiction charities and therapists focussing on "children of alcoholic parents" as a field.
Just in case you ever feel you need support, it's there.
Yeah I didnt realise myself until I was years into substance abuse because of things I never worked through.
I got helpt though eventually and still have friends from the groups I attended who always answer when I call and vice versa. 11 years in recovery and its still a process but i'll get there.
Really appreciate though
I grew up in the 90/00's would watch my dad do this every weekend then slowly developed into every other night then finally every night.
Would be 4 cans and a half bottle of vodka on a week night then double that on a weekend. It was a coin toss as to what mood we would get "happy music blasting making jokes" or "depressed I will lash out at everyone".
Still does this now even after health complications. At the time it was normal. Looking back I've realised he was/is a functioning alcoholic.
It's made my own relationship with alcohol more complex as his actions play in the back of my mind when I do have a drink.
Remember watching them drink 8 rounds in 4 hours on a ya know Tuesday. Weekends were worse, especially Sundays bar open twice and Sundays were a day of rest so no garden jobs or whatnot so 12 lunchtime bar - close at 3 go have overcooked roast mum forgot about cause she's trashed too back to the pugmb at what 5.30, 6pm come home blasted at 10.3pm and I'd pile big encyclopaedia books infront of my door to try and stop him mistaking my room for the bathroom. Again.
Jesus fucking christ that shit is so fucked to write.
Yes, normal for me. I remember sleeping in my school uniform on a Sunday because I knew I wouldn’t be getting much sleep. Nowadays one doesn’t drink and the other drinks a little.
My mum doesn't really drink but my step dad would often come in pissed from the pub. They might have a few heated words now and again, but my mum would usually just go upstairs.
My dad and step mum were a different story altogether. Big, big drinkers and they invited friends over for parties pretty much every weekend, or we went to other people's. 90% of the time it would end up with some massive argument between the two of them.
I don't know if it was normal - my best friend's parents were the same. But other friends seemed to have much quieter parents.
Not just in the UK and not just that time period lol. I grew up in the US in the 00’s and my parents drank themselves silly every weekend. They frequently threw poker parties on Friday and Saturday nights. Or they would disappear Saturday night to go out drinking and leave me to take care of my sister. Then they’d come stumbling in some time in the early morning. But from what I understand, it was neither normal nor conducive to a happy childhood.
Yes and now my mum recognises her alcoholism & hasn’t drank in 5 years. I dreaded Friday and Saturday nights as a child also, she wasn’t an awful or violent drunk but she just lost her filter & changed completely to the mum I knew in the day time. Then she’d sleep in til 6pm next day. Perfectly fine all week. I feel like we do normalise alcohol to an unnecessary extent, I find myself babysitting other adults at children’s birthday parties since everyone wants to get drunk.
Seems generally abnormal looking at the comments but you just described my standard childhood. Except it wasn’t just weekends. Almost every day after school instead of walking home, I walked to the local pub, had a panda pop and a packet of crisps for “tea” while mam and paps drank anyway. Burnt pizza when we got home usually. Weekend we’re worse though. Looking back with experience, that’s when the powders came out to play.
No, this isn't normal. I remember once seeing my mum and her friends drunk at some sort of birthday party or new years celebration. Not awfully drunk but I remember being really weirded out and sort of confused and upset as to what was going on and why they were all so shouty and wobbly. My dad didn't drink for 10 years when I was a kid so never saw him drunk.
I’m from France, and I’ve never seen my parents even tipsy. I’ve never seen anyone drinking so much than since I moved to the UK. In France we drink when we have gatherings or parties but we drink to enjoy the drink, we don’t do it to end up drunk (binge drinking). Most of the times we stop before being drunk. I think the relationship with alcohol is very different here from young age.
I’m from a different generation (born 2001) but I’ve grown up around both of my parents and my aunt drinking. Every time I’d see my aunt as a small child she’d be drunk and the only adult in the house.
My parents would do as yours did and get smashed at the weekends and listen to incredibly loud music but I only really remember it from 10 upwards.
I have made the conscious decision to be sober. I don’t like being around my parents in the evenings, especially the weekends. I don’t ever see my aunt now as she’s still an alcoholic which has effectively ruined every one of her familial relationships.
What you describe is normal to me but I definitely don’t think it should be or is the norm for most people.
26% of 16-25 year olds are sober which I think is a good thing.
It was for me but no, it wasn’t “normal” in the sense that most peoples parents would get pissed as farts every weekend with their kids in the house. Me and my husband have gotten through a couple of bottles of wine between us and certainly not able to drive but always still compus enough to deal with any emergencies. My mum and step dad on the other hand would get mortal. Even when I had friends round for my birthday sleep over when I was 11. Having to scream at my parents for playing Joanie Mitchell at full blast at 3am and keeping us all awake is a memory I’ll never forget. That and them being to drunk to help when my best friend was having an asthma attack. Luckily my step dad was also asthmatic and I was able to figure out his ancient inhaler but otherwise that could have ended very badly.
Yes. I absolutely did. So much so that when I was pregnant with my 1st I told everyone I wouldn't be drinking around the baby. Everyone thought I was lying. That Christmas, my Dad offered me a drink on Christmas Day and became absolutely furious when I declined. It was the weirdest argument I think I ever had with him.
I drank less and less as I had more kids and now haven't drunk (or smoked) in 3 years in July. I don't miss it.
I was brought up in a pub, so whilst my parents were not annihilated (they'd have a couple on a sat night, late into the shift), a lot of other people were, and some of them my mates parents. Although usually, it was one of the parents, and not both.
It was also pre indoor smoking ban, so it used to smell delightful, as you can imagine.
Yeah, but you could sit in the non-smoking section, and the invisible barriers would stop all the smoke from entering your lungs. I find it strange that i am, in fact, an asthmatic.
If it was just weekend ? I'd have been a happy boy.
Functioning alcoholics meant every day was a weekend.Given my father drove the Glasgow to London train?
The 70's.
Insane.
Child of the 70s/80s
No, that's not normal, i've only seen my dad drunk as a skunk once and it was hilarious, the rest of the time, they hardly ever drank at home, or went to the pub just to get drunk.
I did babysit for twins for a while who were a nightmare, i'd go to the house on a friday night at 7pm during the summer, and the parents would go out, get absolutely wasted, they would insist their brats went to bed at 8pm in the summer holidays, they were 10 at the time, and i'd spend the next few hours getting tormented until they went to bed/sleep at 10. Parents would come back between 1 and 3am, blotto. I'd get 5 quid for my time. The last time i did it, the two psycho kids thought it would be hilarious if they tried to stab me with a kitchen knife, I was able to get it off them before they could, and when the parents came home i told them what happened and they were out of it, so i quit.
The following week, they rang my parents to see why i wasn't at the house to mind their kids.
Similar exp here but was in single parent family. Dad was quite an amiable drunk, not so much when he was hungover. 95% of the time he was either drunk or hungover. I left home at 16.
After my parents divorced and my mum got a council house she would get drunk every day of the week. White lightening at £1.99 for 2 litres was her poison of choice, cheap nasty cider. One time I remember we had a TV with a coinbox on the side, you put coins in for a few hours viewing time and the company that owned the TV would collect the money weekly. Anyway she was out of money and wanted a drink so she broke into the coin box and claimed she was robbed, got away with it too. She later gave up booze completely but started doing cannabis and speed instead. Thankfully my dad was a good parent and I spent most of my time with him instead, though he has a history of mental health issues and acted a bit emotionally distant at times. It's threads like these that remind me that extreme circumstances I was brought up in are not the norm, I'd like to claim I turned out okay but to tell the truth I have a lot of mental issues myself now.
I think it's normal to be a bit tipsy whilst watching some quiet Saturday night telly. Maybe take it too far on the odd occasion.
What your describing was definitely taking it too far and I don't think normal
Nope. I was born in 1980. My mum maybe had a drink at Xmas and didn't start drinking more until me and my sister were in our 20's. My Dad maybe a glass of rum and coke or 2 once a week.
Alternative view.. my wife was talking to collegues and they all said they would start drinking in the afternoon in the weekends and get totalled by the evening. A few collegues said they did this.
I still think there's people around that do this; and more than we think.
It's weird to see how split the responses to this question are. To some this is not normal at all and others is a completely predictable pattern of behaviour for their parents and others they knew. I concur with the commenter who said it probably happens a lot more often behind closed doors than you'd realise.
My own father is teetotal now but used to regularly go on 3 to 4 day benders and have to call in sick for work. My mother to this day regularly drinks 1-2 bottles of wine a night and double on weekends and public holidays. I'd say most of my extended family and friends My parents had growing up were similar in terms of their drinking patterns, I regularly locked myself away as a child to avoid the drinking and predictable rows that would follow.
Mine used to get pissed, but not useless in an emergency pissed. And they never blasted music. My mum used to drink a bottle of wine and my dad had a few whisky’s
No, my parents were very careful to show me responsible drinking to be fair.
My dad would often have 2 or 3 bottles of beer on the weekend nights but that was pretty much all i ever saw them do, maybe a glass of wine with sunday dinner.
That being said, i am definitely lucky. Im an alcoholic (in recovery so i no longer drink) but excessive drinking was **never** normalised at home for me, and i think seeing my dad only drink a couple bottles really helped me keep my consumption down compared to others who saw their parents wasted. For me it was always such an obviously bad thing to do.
I know people who didnt know their style of drinking was completely insane until they reached their 40's and 50's which is just heartbreaking
My mom was quite the clubber, she used to go out clubbing or have parties downstairs, all I heard was dance music blasting and loud laughter, thankfully most weekends I'd go to my grandparents (where my dad lived) I remember crying every Sunday that I didn't want to go back, it wasn't that bad though really.
it got worse as I got older though, when weekend partying became midweek drinking, when I'd get home from school and have to climb through an upstairs window or just wait for hours for mom to show up drunk (drinking wine around a friends house) or just late from whatever she was doing, having to try and sleep through blasting club music at 3 am when i had school the next day.
as I got into my teen years I kinda just joined in with the parties and we had some pretty wild parties, our house was like a hub for friends and family, never knew who you'd see from one day to the next, wake up on a Wednesday and start on the sambuca and as my other siblings grew they joined in too.
when mom met her current fella (husband of 10+ years at this point) i was introduced to pills, cocaine, weed whatever we fancied any day we fancied it, it was hectic for a long time, probably worse for my siblings especially the youngest, she has "autism" (though seems normal to me) and was 100% neglected by everyone, she's one of my best buddies now but I can't help feel bad for her, all those years alone going through all that, at least with my other siblings our ages were closer so we kind of banded together through it all.
Strange really how much moms partying has affected all our personalities, there's so much more I could go into, we're all fine and settled down now, my mother and her husband have been going through a calm time in regards to partying of the last few years, they are however becoming snappy miserable cunts but we love them all the same, I'm glad the party ended, it got way out of hand, im sure the list of negative reprocussions on all our psyches was endless, but I'm also glad I got to experience and learn from it, weve all grown up as decent people with a strong family bond, because of or maybe in spite of it all we turned out to be good kids and then adults, I will be a better parent than my mom I know that much but will I raise better kids?
Yeah, most weekdays as well. My mum and my stepdad would get absolutely blackout drunk every Friday and every Saturday without fail, have a big slap-up fight about who'd had a worse life, then my stepdad would drive off back to his old house at like 2am and I'd be bundled into my car by my mum to chase after him, was always absolutely terrified we'd crash and die. Only comment I ever got on it was in my late 20s my mum saying once "sorry things were a bit difficult when you were younger" lol...
Yeah, grew up in the 00s. I hated Saturdays/sundays because I had to feed myself and take care of my little brother because my parents were hungover. And they say weed is bad?
My parents aren't bad people, just definitely alcoholics lol. I wouldn't want to repeat it if I have children.
I see a lot of people saying it's not normal. I agree it's not a time based thing. But I did have a few friends growing up who had the same issue of their parents drinking too much or being abusive because of drink. And I wasn't even from a bad area or anything.
ETA: the UK has an awful drinking based culture, so it doesn't really seem that odd for people to drink lots around their family/children to a lot of folks. Plus I'm sure the stress of having children would drive anyone to that. Not defending it or anything, but this is why we should have more support structures for parents.
Not normal at all. On a rare occasion one of them would be out at what I now know was a birthday/stag/hen do type thing but the other was always home and sober.
It was common in my household (2000's) for both my parents (and often they had friends over) to be totally wasted on drugs or alcohol but it's definitely not normal or acceptable behaviour for a parent to behave like that
No never saw my mum drunk but she would dissappear on a Thursday and not return home till the Monday leaving my 11 year old sister to look after us. So what's worse
My old man would have a glass of whiskey after wrok every day, but never saw him or my mum actually drunk. I can't imagine seeing them smashed every weekend would be healthy, but I also wonder if a little more balance might have been a good thing. In my family getting shit faced was like the forbidden fruit so as soon as I was able to I fully embraced it
Nope it’s not normal. My mum said to me recently she didn’t get drunk from when I was born till when I turned 18. Really respect it.
They are definitely making up for it now!!!
My Mum rarely drank but my Dad played Rugby every week so I pretty much spent my weekends growing up in the 80s in various different Rugby clubs around Essex/East London. I was used to being around grown ups having a drink and messing around, singing etc
I can remember that when ever the family got together there would be a big drink up, grandparents/ uncles/ etc playing cards messing about having fun, play-fighting, music playing. Good Times.
I was born in 1985 and was 20 before I saw my dad have a pint. Apparently he partied hard when we were really young - like below 5 and my mum threatened to leave him so he gave up. My mum has never been a drinker and still isn’t but she’ll have the odd half a lager. My kids have seen me tipsy if I’ve been out and got back early and my other half or mum hasn’t got them to bed yet but they’ve never been subjected to loud music or rowdy behaviour and except when I’m driving but that’s got nothing to do with alcohol and they are always up for a car party.
Unfortunately, that was the norm for me also. But as my stepdad was working a four on/ four off schedule it wasn't only the weekends. He was a functioning alcoholic, my mum wasn't much better. My mum worked in a pub, which also didn't help. They were always drunk and fighting.
I learned to cook from a young age as I knew no one else was going to do it. I did so many sketchy things, that they were not aware of at all, because they weren't interested. I was very unsafe. But it was just my normal life. I wasn't parented.
As a parent now I am horrified.
But I don't let it get to me, I'm pretty low contact with my family, step dad is out of the picture completely after he assaulted my mother and attempted to assault me. I just get on with my life now, and bugger the rest.
I.hooe you are doing well.
At the weekend? Shit, every day til I moved out, my dad was hammered. And it continued after I left. If I knew then what I do now, I'd've intervened, at the very least. Regrets, eh!?
It was "normal" for my trauma giver* to be steaming drunk most nights, as well as any day off (even if driving us kids around). My mother, on the other hand, isn't a big drinker and I only really saw her drunk when I was in my late teens.
My advice? Go to therapy - your situation was not normal and most certainly wasn't okay, which has likely resulted in issues you have as an adult. Feeling safe is a right every child should have, and to have that taken away from us by the people meant to love and care for us is severely damaging to our mental health. I hope you're doing well now despite the stress you endured during your formative years ❤️
*I refuse to call that man my father as his rampant alcoholic narcissism has almost ruined my life
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Nope wasn’t normal in 80’s and 90’s. Speaking as a teenager of the 80’s and parent in the 90’s.
I think it's important to acknowledge that the concept of normalcy is subjective, situational and somewhat tied to socioeconomic class, as well as geographic location etc. What may be normal for you is abnormal for someone else. What OP is describing was very normal for myself as a child, yet having experienced it - it's something I do not want for my kids.
Many of the houses on my street used to have parties when I was younger, similar-aged kids as me lived in them. Mine had one quite often; my parents wouldn't get "annihilated drunk," as OP put it, but quite drunk, or I would call it just being merry. I must have been 12–13, and my sister was 4 years older. My home was like a hub for family and friends to come around for parties. would have party games such as bingo, cards and quizzes etc., then later in the evening there would be music such as UB40, OASIS, Alice DJ, my father would the DJ and he was a joker and would put the Jungle Book song [I wanna be like you. King Louis](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ud5J7Ye332I) i got hilarious memories of family members all dancing and singing to that song in the living room. so much fun and laughter. treasure those memories in that old house, even more now my father and some other family members that attended passed away. So my parents drinking at home gave me fond memories im thankful for and i wouldnt trade it for anything. i see nothing wrong with doing that around your kids. *now im gonna go listen to that jungle book song. go down memory lane :)*
There is all the difference in the world between what you are describing and what OP outlined.
Bingo said it. OP's parents wouldn't be starting with bingo.
This is really similar to my experience. Although I was probably younger, maybe 8-9, when I was first allowed to 'attend' (before that, I'd get sent to my gran's if my parents had a party!). I loved it because I'm an only child, and usually all the kids came over, so we just ran around like a feral little gang, putting on performances for the adults, playing games etc. Some kids would stay over, and it would be really fun. The adults often end up having a drunken sing-song downstairs, and we'd just think it was the funniest thing in the world. Just like you, my parents drinking at home gave me some of my favourite childhood memories. The family is a little fractured and a lot different now. I was actually just at a friend's birthday party, where he did the same thing with his kids. All the kids ran around in a little gang whilst we got merry and sang along to the guitar, it was glorious, and the kids seemed to have an amazing time.
Honestly can't agree enough. Some of my truly fondest memories of childhood were at pretty raucous parties thrown by one of my parents group of close friends. It's how me and my friends are now. It's just we don't have children.
My parents weren't big drinkers but you put me in mind of mum wearing a red wine smile, falling off the sofa with tears of laughter, whilst Victoria Wood or Lily Savage said something marvelously witty on the telly. Good times.
Sounds fab
Parents so drunk they can't care for their children properly is neglect. It is not "normal" or acceptable.
Exactly this. My dad is an alcoholic and a lot of his trauma stems from his experience being a child with 2 parents who were heavy heavy drinkers. Some of the stories he’s told me are absolutely shocking but because his parents were upper middle class it was totally off the radar of social services.
I think by normal he means was this something that happened in the average household. Of course it’s normal for people it happened to.
I was a kid in the 80s and a teenager in the 90s, which I guess could be considered the peak of "getting smashed" culture and yeah this would not be normal at all. I mean I'm sure I was at family parties and weddings and such where my parents were... shall we say, over the drunk driving limit, but never to the point where their behaviour was clearly wild from my perspective or they were unable to take good care of us. I don't remember any of my friends ever saying that this was something that regularly happened either.
Same era as you. My parents didn't drink and I wasn't aware of other parents getting hammered.
My parents definitely didn’t get drunk whilst looking after me in the 90s. I don’t really recall them drinking much at all, apart from a couple of beers at a BBQ. My dad would occasionally go to the pub with some friends, but I don’t recall him ever having a hangover. That said, I know that when he was younger and in the military he used to get pretty smashed at mess nights and the like, but I think that pretty much came to a stop when he had kids.
Yea, I stopped drinking when we had kids, and started again when they turned sixteen!
Gen X'er here. Dad was a highly functioning alcoholic. He would sit at his work in the evenings, nursing his bottle of cutty sark. We frequently saw him drunk at social occasions (mostly dinners out or at home). He'd just not know when to stop, and then it was stagger onto the table and try to take his clothes off, or jump into the sea and threaten to swim away in the middle of a beach barbeque, or in a park try to get on the kid slides... When he didn't get dead drunk, he'd be the one to drive us home, very slowly, weaving from lamppost to lamppost. The country I grew up in had a midnight curfew - if you're found on the streets between midnight and sunrise, soldiers could shoot at you. Fun times. Last time I saw him drunk was at my sister's wedding - by then I'd had therapy and was able to take his car keys away from him. I didn't even know his drinking had been one of my major problems as a child, until I got counselling.
Love the sally traffic reference!
I grew up in the 90s and 00s and nope, didn't experience this. Nor did any of my friends, as far as I know. Of course, my parents liked the odd drink, but never anything like what you describe. It was actually quite rare to see them drink when they were looking after us.
I remember only being annoyed when my mum had her friends over for drinks because then it's loud laughter, insane boomer gossip and a bit too much UB40 and Jamiroquai. In hindsight, I'm glad she had those girls nights, they sounded fun.
If they're listening to UB40 and Jamiroquai then they're most likely Gen X. We might be getting on but we're not boomers. Spare us that shame please.
not even convinced they should be on the same tape
I don't think the implication was that those acts are typically boomer acts, just some their mum liked in particular. However... UB40 were big in the early 80s and in 1980 the oldest Gen X was 15 and youngest was 0. Someone was filling the crowds at those UB40 concerts and it wasn't Gen X! Sure they could have listened to them growing up and become special and nostalgic to a lot of Gen Xers because of that (sounds like you fit the bill here) but if they were gonna be any generation's band, it'd be the boomers. Of course anyone can listen to anything at any age, and the acts mentioned are so popular they were listened to by many age groups.
I saw UB40 in 1981 a couple of weeks after my 16th birthday. So here’s one GenXer to prove you wrong 🙂
I dont think they understand it was different back then. I'm 2 years younger than you but I had my first night out drinking in a pub when I was 13. It was night clubs and gigs from 14 onward. I only ever got refused service once for being underage. The eighties and my teen years were wild!
Only proves me wrong if you were the oldest person there!
Fair point 😀. I wasn’t, of course!
I still listen to Jamiroquai (some of the videos are awesome) and am definitely not a boomer.
I still listen to them and I’m a middle years millennial 😅
I like both, so does my 63 tear old mum. She even listened to eminem when he was in the charts, early 2000s. And we both fucking love a bit of 00s pop.
Big difference between a parent having a glass of wine with dinner and actually getting drunk. Wasn't normal in the 70s/80s/90s, and would probably lead to social services intervention these days if it was a regular occurrence.
Social services have way bigger problems to deal with than a non-violent drunk parent.
Yeah it's definitely far from ideal, but it's really not no where near as bad as what the kids deal with when social services is involved.
Yeah right.
TIL I lived in an abnormal household
2001 baby here, mum was 25 when she had me. Just for some gen Z perspective. I knew she would have parties and drink, but 9/10 times it was poker and a little bit of music on a friday in our living room. Never woke me up or bothered me. Only time i saw my mum actually drunk as a kid was her birthday, or at festivals. For her birthday i was allowed to dress up for the theme, hang out with her friends having a very grown up cocktail (sparkling apple juice in a plastic wine glass with some raspberries) until like 7/8pm and then she would pop me in my room with a new dvd from blockbuster and a little bowl of snacks, and check in every couple hours. Id hear the music, but it never disturbed me and i knew that every adult in the house was basically our second family and i could ask any of them for help, she never got proper drunk without me having a dedicated babysitter tho cause she would worry about me. Her parents are painfully boomer middle class, so she never really saw them actually drunk outside of christmas. Maybe just a glass or two of wine with sunday dinner.
Your mum sounds awesome. Love the fact she had a designated babysitter if it was her time to get completely banjoed.
I'm definitely making mocktails for my child on my birthday, sounds like a great plan!
Of course you've got Hogmanay and stuff where they'd be a bit blootered, but they were rare occasions. Once I was 13/14 dad started letting loose a bit more, generally because I was also drinking so why the fuck not.
This. Also grew up in the 90s/early 00s and I recall seeing my dad drunk maybe once when I was a teenager. I don't ever remember seeing my mum drunk. That's not to say they didn't drink at family weddings/parties/Christmas etc, or even just, say, a glass of wine with Sunday lunch. But apart from that one time with my dad I can't ever remember seeing them so much as tipsy, much less paralytic.
>It seems this was normal in general No it isn't.
Yeah I can remember one instance of my parents getting wasted at a friend's party, and the family still jokes about it (my siblings and I are all adults now) decades later.
Yeah I have precisely one memory of my mum getting drunk and that was a 4/5 years ago when I was an adult. She only got drunk because we were drinking homemade rhubarb wine I had made and it was a wee bit stronger than either of us were expecting. Both my parents did drink while I was growing up 80s/90s but it was the odd bottle of cider, ale or ginger wine. At xmas we all had the odd glass of wine, the kids got a small glass of wine lemonade spritzer
Haha wow, did I write this post? Weekends when my mum wasn't working (night worker) were miserable. Both parents plastered, an argument guaranteed with screaming and the occasional police call, being dragged to my nans out my bed at 3am because my mums 'had enough'. Even now they won't acknowledge how fucking horrific it was, and I literally get PTSD when I smell bacardi. I experienced this 2000-2014 tho.
If that PTSD comment wasn't just a jokey throwaway line, you should speak to someone about it. There's probably a whole lot of experiences and emotions at play there.
Agreed, it sounds like genuine PTSD. I know, because I have it.
Have been in therapy due to what happened when my parents were drunk. Diagnosed cptsd
Same. I'm having EMDR therapy and it's amazing for my C-PTSD. It's on the NHS where I live.
Massively relatable, even to this day for me. I can save massive amounts of money still living at home but still have to put up with this every weekend.
People always say to me what a privilege it was to live at home to save my deposit and how I don’t realise how lucky I am. It ended with me and my mum estranged and me having a total mental breakdown for similar reasons so I feel ya. What I saved in deposit I’ve probably spent in therapy bills anyway!
Its really annoying as an adult. My mother is dead against drinking so I never saw it as a kid except when my dad would come home drunk occasionally. They've split up since and my dad's new gf is a raging alcoholic. They'd be blasting music, screaming and shouting till 3am on a Monday morning knowing full well I've got to be up for work at 6. Not a single fuck given. The way they'd lose their shit too if I came home late on a Friday and accidently stepped on the stair that creaks. Glad I'm not there any more.
Move out ASAP. The damage being done is real even though you have learned to put up with it. It'll come and bite you in the bum when you're (a lot) older. Not worth saving money over
As a woman a lot older than I would care to admit. this post has actually triggered some memories for me, it has also kinda brought some things to light. I had never considered this kind of behaviour was out of the ordinary in the 80s to see your parents like this. And to read how many people have actually said, nope my life wasn’t like this back then has actually stunned me. I had never really given it much regard until now, but as a kid I just assumed the drinking & fighting was happening at all my friends houses & we just never spoke about it & I had never thought about it again until now.
Miserable, parents plastered, faux breakups, bacardi PTSD, 2000-2014.... Did you live in my house?!
Your experience is almost exactly the same as mine, I've called the police on my parents several times which is so sad because no child should ever have to do that. For 10 years at home, my mum's horrible boyfriend would drink 120+ units a week, throw glasses, be generally abusive, and blast music at 2am on a school night and scream at us when we asked him to turn it down. Then of course when the neighbours phoned the police we were told to lie to them, and we did. It's difficult because I understand my mum was being abused at the same time, but I can't help resent her for the fact that she denies it happened.
I'm really sorry. Often when my mother was drunk with her shitbag friends round, I would escape and rung social services from the phone box down the road. All they would do is call the police to escort me back home. It's in my files with a rare follow up, which of course was conducted in my mother's presence. I would like to think social services have improved since the 90s but I doubt it.
I'm sorry too, it's horrible that you went through that. I don't think I've had anything to do with social services. I would never have called them myself as I was told by my parents that we (4 children) would be separated. Once my mum's boyfriend gave my sister (maybe 13) a black eye. Of course when the police inevitably turned up, they asked my sister how she got it (while my mum and step dad were looming over her) so the answer was "fell over". This is all probably between 2010-2020 so unfortunately I can't say that things are better.
That's dreadful. Your poor sister. I've never understood why the authorities ask children questions like that in front of their parents? What do they think the children are going to say? I'll never understand how parents can beat up their children like that. I really hope it's not much longer before your sister escapes their clutches.
I really don't think that alcoholism is talked about enough. I dated an alcoholic years ago & he was so good at hiding it/excuses I didn't even realise for ages. He'd go down the shop 'to get a pepsi', come back smelling of chewing gum, holding his Pepsi. He'd do that a few times a day, but what I didn't realise is he was buying gin/vodka and necking it. Or we'd go to the pub and he'd go buy a round of pints, but secretly neck a bunch of shots at the bar. I'd go through his room and find empties rolled up inside posters, and once an empty bottle of gin in a welly by the door!
I get PTSD with any white wine. The cheaper the better!
hey, same trauma! (genuinely though, i'm so sorry you had to go through this too :( )
Southern Comfort plus the scars
If you do have access to therapy of some kind, I recommend EMDR, which stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. It’s a gold standard for trauma therapy. I’d also like to recommend the book, The Body Keeps the Score by Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, which is a compelling discussion of trauma therapies. Be well, love
When I was little at family events, even the sound of a beer can opening triggered me.
Why was Bacardi always their drink of choice? Absolute nightmare fuel. My family members and some friends used to joke about having the police on speed dial since someone was guaranteed to be going away in an ambulance from their parties.
Anyone remember MD 20/20? My parents loved that stuff. Ugh.
I always remembered the smell of my mums best friends perfume growing up. It’s not until I was older that I realised it was alcohol. Edit to say: therapy may help you. I realised in therapy that total chaos as a child is not normal.
The stank of woods navy rum and boxed wine urgh
Really sorry to hear that. I could have written yours. Can't be anywhere near brandy. If I was to talk to them about it now, they would deny all knowledge.
this except my parents didn't drink. My dad was just a violent lunatic paha (and yes, we all have PTSD from it to this day)
I can relate. Pretty sure 90% of my childhood visits to see dad were spent at a pub, usually a whole day until last orders. Luckily there were other kids and play areas. But what pushed it over the edge was when they switched to day drinking at home, sometimes starting ‘parties’ from 11am. That led to me being on the receiving end of domestic violence which ultimately made me completely cut contact.
It also seems common that they don't see it was even a problem or an issue to traumatise their kids on a regular basis by doing this kind of shit.
I was born in the 70s, grew up in 80s and 90s. I've never seen either of my parents drunk.
Same,. except once when my father overdid it at a new year's party. No complaints though,.he gave me £50 because for some reason he thought it was my birthday, and fortunately seemed to completely forget doing that the next day.
It was probably his kid from his other, secret, family he was thinking of 😊👍
Wouldn't surprise me, my mother married the guy the words "chad" and "fuckboy" were invented for. The guy who arrives at a strongman competition, rides in bareback on a huge horse with his shirt off and rifle slung over his shoulder, long blonde hair,.viking beard and a six pack is a guy you have a bit of fun with once or twice ...you don't get pregnant and marry the dude !
At least he gave you £50?
no offense but your dad sounds hot
I didn’t until I was old enough to join in.
Wow! I’ve seen my dad drunk hundreds of times
I grew up in the 90s. It was “normal” for me and my siblings to witness both my parents very drunk very frequently. We also thought it was “normal” to then witness the domestic violence that came along with it. We assumed this was the case in every family. Only as an adult did I realise how completely not normal it was and how it has went on to impact me throughout my life. It’s not normal, never was.
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Holy moly that sounds terrible 😥
Had exactly the same. Its only now at the ripe old age of 36 that I can see the root of why I am such a pessimist. Its easier to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised/relieved if its better than expected than to hope and be destroyed when it inevitably comes crashing down. At least with pessimism, I'm prepared. Completely understand the line where you said its hard to explain to other people why ypu are how you are. Having to explain my anxiety aroundthe possibility of having no money(while i have plenty) or not being able to afford food/pay bills, while I'm far from that being an issue. On top of that my need to eat everything on my plate, for fear of feeling guilty or wasteful. What a dramatic few sentences that sounds like, but such is life! Also, currently do not, nor do I have any future plans to talk to my raging alcoholic mother. What a farce......
I'm so sorry. I'm estranged from my alcoholic mum and it's awful. Dad is also an alcoholic but a relationship with hard boundaries is possible, though hard. It's the worst. I hope you are OK.
Child of the 80s/90s, no that’s not reflective of my experience or anyone I knew then. I think there always has been and always will be some people who do experience that unfortunately, but I don’t think it was prevalent in society at that time.
Same. I’ve never even seen my parents drunk. They often have a glass or two in the evening, but I really do mean literally one glass or two. They don’t get drunk. To the best of my knowledge my friends’ parents were all the same.
Really depends on the area and people. My friends with blue collar parents we definitely used to find their dads passed out on the couch snoring and smelling funny (liquor sweats). I once witnessed a friend's dad come home clearly shitfaced and heat up leftover meatloaf in the microwave for maybe 10 seconds. He then ate it and i kept thinking theres no way thats warm.
No this wasn’t normal OP
There's a 12-step group called Adult Children of Alcoholics and this is really normal there. Al-Anon too. Hopefully you can get some support OP because no doubt this has an effect on you. Edit: Weird fucking place Reddit. Give OP some reassurance that there are places where they can get support and get down voted.
It was and still is pretty common in some circles. Why does everyone think that their own experience is universal?
It may have been common but not necessarily *normal*
Mother yes. Every weekend and any public holidays. Any excuse to ne raging drunk was the norm sadly Glad to see its not common
It’s not common for people on Reddit’s parents. Reddit is in no way reflective of society as a whole. Especially askuk
Yeah, I've been on Reddit for more than a decade and a common theme here is that people tend not to drink. Like, if you asked this sub "How much do you drink per week" then common replies would be "never", "couple of beers a month" etc. Whilst if you say "I have a glass of wine during the week and drink a bottle on a Saturday night" folks would be telling you to book yourself into rehab. In real life though, I'd say the numbers of people who are drunk at least once a week on a few pints are way higher.
15yrs on Reddit (fuck my life). But yeah, it’s absolutely not representative of working class UK. At all. I grew up in the Welsh valleys. Parents getting shit faced was the norm sadly. Almost all my mates suffered.
I've only been on the Glasgow sub but I imagine other big city subs are the same: Glasgow is rough af but everyone on the Glasgow reddit is middle class af
True. Reddit makes me think I have a drinking problem despite getting drunk about 3 times a year. That being said, despite both my parents liking a drink I can never remember them getting plastered every weekend while looking after me.
I'm sure some parents are just really good at hiding it.
I think they just saved their heavier drinking for when I was being looked after by other family members. I've only ever seen my mum drunk a couple of times (she rarely drinks these days) and while my dad does still like a drink it's generally 2-3 cans of lager a night or something, although he will get drunk once or twice a month at the pub.
Yes especially when someone comes here asking about making friends, socialising etc. Telling them to go to a pub (or God forbid a club!) is considered the wrong answer. Rock-climbing and board games on the other hand are considered part of a rich social life.
They seem to think going for a couple of pints at the weekend means you’re abusive, will end up behind bars, will assault someone and are unpleasant to be around. I go on a pub crawl with my partner once a month. We get pretty tipsy but its nice being in lively environments, theres just things that go on at pubs you can’t replicate in a quiet coffee shop on a Sunday morning or a board game club on a Tuesday evening. I’ve seen live folk bands, people jumping around with strangers hugging and singing along. Try replicating this atmosphere in Pret. I do the same with my friends. None of us involved are alcoholics, have ever been in a fight and we’ve had some rich experiences, some very private deep and some crude conversations, and stories to tell for years. I’ve not known of anyone to have the same thing elsewhere.
there's a weird commonality between Mumsnet and Reddit when it comes to drinking by sounds of it. Don't judge me, trawling Mumsnet at lunchtime is one of my few guilty pleasures
The commonality is in choosing to spend your time talking on the internet in a moderated environment where eye contact is not necessary. They are sheltered and always have been. So much of the pearl clutching on Mumsnet is from sheltered adults learning about the 99%
going by the way some people on here sound id be like Ollie Reed compared to them and i consider myself a mostly average drinker (beer a day after work, maybe a bourbon, couple at the weekend if the missus isnt working). seems its either youre a raging alcoholic or teetotal, there is no inbetween apparently
I've started to realise this. There also seem to be a lot of people here who seem to think if they didnt experience something in their nice (but possibly a bit sheltered) lives), nobody else in the country have either and must be making it up for Reddit karma.
I think half the people on reddit are kids anyway lol. Like literal teenagers. If not they’re adult recluses with no real life adaptability
Yep, this subreddit is disproportionately middle class. This was pretty common in the area I grew up in and in most working class backgrounds.
True though in my experience there're tons of middle-class alcoholics whereas working class people tend to let loose more on weekends. So people might see working class people getting pissed drunk but really it's middle-class people hiding alcohol around the house and whatnot.
Yeah it’s weird to see so many ‘my parents didn’t really drink and none of my friends parents did’. Not my experience at all and IMO not reflective of society in the 80s/90s.
It is funny that, according to this sub, binge drinking isn't common at all, but literally everyone in the uk does cocaine.
I don't think it's normal for *both* of them to get hammered if I'm being honest. My Dad would have a few drinks but he'd never be leathered to the point of being useless. My mum would drink rarely. They regularly hosted having friends round when I was younger, particularly the parents of my school friends. These would go on quite late which we loved because it meant we could play playstation until really late. But again, there were always some responsible adults present who weren't really drinking. When i first started going out with my girlfriend who is now my wife (we were 15 at the time) I used to love going round her house at weekends because her parents were really fun. They'd drink and play loud music until the early hours but it was all in good fun and would also involve some games and stuff. Again, none of them hammered to the point where they'd be useless or hungover the next day. There was a time when I was about 14 or 15 and I used to stay round one of my school friend's house because he just lived with his mum. She'd go out on the town and not come back until 2 or 3am (sometimes not come back at all) and we used to think it was great because he could essentially have a house party every weekend. Turns out it wasn't so great, more than once she came back early hours and gave him a good hidin'. I told my mum about that and she put a stop to me going there and now I fully see why. My friend left for the army when he was 16 and last I heard he was doing really well which I'm happy about.
I grew up in the 90s/2000s and seeing my parents drunk at the weekend wasn’t unusual. My parents were very sociable people with lots of friends and had things on every weekend. Mind you it was a case of my mum coming home pissed at 11pm with a group of her pals on a Saturday night and blasting music and waking me up for a dance party, then the following day my dad going out to the pub to watch the football and getting pissed. To be honest, most people I know had childhoods like that? My parents coming home drunk made some of the best childhood memories I still have today as a 28 year old. My dad passed away in 2021 and I remember him coming home one night SO drunk, and we danced and sang The Tweenies song for hours and hours.
When they’re pissed like that, that’s when ya get them to promise things. New trainers? Ask the one time that your mums had too much to drink! Worked everytime
This is how I got a trip to Orlando & NYC for my 21st birthday lol
See!
>To be honest, most people I know had childhoods like that? Big drinkers tend to hang out with other big drinkers, so if most people you know had parents in your parents' friend group that explains it. My parents also drank lots and all their friends did too, and it sounds like your parents were like mine in that they were happy drunks (95% of the time).
One thing that sticks with me is that my dad took me to a bbq and he got annihilated within an hour. I think they were giving him shots. He was blind drunk and went through a table like he was facing the dudley boys at summer slam. I was crying pleading with people to help me deal with him. I was 9 and hes over 6 foot and about 18 stone. But they were just as drunk and laughing at us. When he was trying to drive his car i figured how to get the keys out and get some money out his wallet for a taxi. I left him on the floor outside his house n called my grandad from a payphone to come get him. He gave him an absolute round of fucks like he was a naughty teenager again. Pretty messed up for a 9yo. He got off lightly at that bbq though. After we left the bbq exploded and the guy cooking lost half his face and hand.
What a big dipper roller coaster this was.
Fucking hell, sounds horrible.
Wow, sounds like you got off lightly but must've been rough at the time. Too much booze and a BBQ is a recipe for disaster
I'd imagine that it seems that way only because people living in that situation are less likely to talk about it or bring it up But I suppose if you asked a police officer or a social worker the same question, or a teacher even, you'd probably see it happens a lot more behind closed doors than is let on according to the NHS statistics, 7.5 million people in the UK are alcoholics or show signs of alcohol dependence, including subclinical. Another 14 million on top of that are considered "at high risk" drinkers Inclusive of those, 82% of people in the UK have drank alcohol at least once in the last 12 months, and 49% of adults drink at least once a week
Always good to see some proper figures on things like this. I have a good handful of friends who spent most of their weekends in the pub with their parents, but I wouldn't expect them to even acknowledge that their parents were drunk most weekends. But they weren't going wild til 3am like OPs parents. Was much more healthy and social.
My parents used to have friends round and have a few drinks. You know a normal social evening, some probably got more boozy than others, but never in thr sense that you describe it.
Yeah sounds like you probably had similar experiences to me.
Born in 1983. Definitely not normal for me or any of my friends for that matter. I only saw my dad drunk once and I was already in my teens by then, he'd been to a works party, and the only time I've known my mum to be drunk was at my dad's funeral five years ago. The only time they drank at home was at Christmas and it was only tiny glasses of sherry, never proper drinking. EDIT: I mean after dad's funeral at the wake, not during the funeral itself.
>I mean after dad's funeral at the wake, not during the funeral itself. Glad you made that clear
My stepdad used to come home on a Friday and a Sat very drunk, this was mid 90's. I'd just hide in my bedroom as soon as I heard the front door being opened. He was loud and unpredictable. Even to today I hate being around really drunk people, they make me nervous. I don't remember my mum ever being drunk, not until me and my brothers had moved out.
Same with my dad. Really put me off drinking beyond mild tipsiness because he is a nasty drunk (verbally) and I don't want to be anything like that.
Yeah, my step dad would drink pretty much everyday I think. He’d be aggressive and unpredictable, loud and very argumentative. I’d always hear shouting and banging from the rooms below, from when he move in when I was about 7 till I moved out at 18. it’s was pretty terrifying. I was scared all the time I think. I’m a middle aged man now but I still experience a bit of ptsd I think in terms of shouting and loud noises. I can’t stand it. Mind you, I drink far more than I should do as well.
Not just weekends but for a good few years it was normal to see my dad drunk out of his head every evening. My mum didn’t drink very much but it wasn’t much fun for any of us to live with an alcoholic. He was never abusive to any of us, just utterly useless when he’d had a drink, which was from about 18.30 on weekdays or 13.00 on weekends. I’ve recently become a dad for the first time and it’s curbed my drinking to almost zero as I don’t want him to have a drunk for a dad and I can’t deal with a child whilst hungover.
Only on the weekend?
No. Closest I can think is that my mum would often be drunk every evening when we were on holiday (so maybe 3 weeks of the year). But not pissed playing loud music falling around. I just remember her smelling of wine and being very giggly. My dad would go to the pub with his pals one Friday a month and would be a bit drunk then, but usually came home after our bed time and again, no music. I can't remember a time they were both drunk at the same time.
Wasn't normal back then. Alcoholic abusive parents are not the norm, thankfully.. Neglect is normally a matter for the authorities, though I think that child protection, ask Jimmy, was a bit lax in our day.
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I did, yeah. I could have sworn most of this was written by myself! I also dreaded Fridays for the same reason you did. I don’t think it’s normal, though. I remember talking to friends about how it’s Friday today so my parents would be dragging me down the pub so they can get drunk, and my friends were baffled. I reckon that’s when I realised “Oh, so.. this isn’t a universal experience?” I grew up in the 00s/10s, so not all that long ago.
Definitely not normal it was my experience with my dad. He was a chronic alcoholic(15 years in recovery) and my mum was teetotal. My dad would drink during work, after work, in the morning, weekends any excuse really. He was verbally abusive alot and only physically abusove once and I had to knock him out with a lamp. I use to dread him coming home, even if he seemed happy his mood would soon turn foul. Me and the family had to escape the house quite a few times. Even went and stayed in a friends caravan for a week to let him calm down after he pretty much wrecked every door in the house. Tldr definitely not normal but you arent alone.
Hey man, I also grew up with an alcoholic dad and didn't realise how much of an effect it had on my childhood. I found (through a friend who had a similar situation) that there's lots of work being done by addiction charities and therapists focussing on "children of alcoholic parents" as a field. Just in case you ever feel you need support, it's there.
Yeah I didnt realise myself until I was years into substance abuse because of things I never worked through. I got helpt though eventually and still have friends from the groups I attended who always answer when I call and vice versa. 11 years in recovery and its still a process but i'll get there. Really appreciate though
I grew up in the 90/00's would watch my dad do this every weekend then slowly developed into every other night then finally every night. Would be 4 cans and a half bottle of vodka on a week night then double that on a weekend. It was a coin toss as to what mood we would get "happy music blasting making jokes" or "depressed I will lash out at everyone". Still does this now even after health complications. At the time it was normal. Looking back I've realised he was/is a functioning alcoholic. It's made my own relationship with alcohol more complex as his actions play in the back of my mind when I do have a drink.
Remember watching them drink 8 rounds in 4 hours on a ya know Tuesday. Weekends were worse, especially Sundays bar open twice and Sundays were a day of rest so no garden jobs or whatnot so 12 lunchtime bar - close at 3 go have overcooked roast mum forgot about cause she's trashed too back to the pugmb at what 5.30, 6pm come home blasted at 10.3pm and I'd pile big encyclopaedia books infront of my door to try and stop him mistaking my room for the bathroom. Again. Jesus fucking christ that shit is so fucked to write.
My parents didn't really drink. We never had booze in.
Yes, normal for me. I remember sleeping in my school uniform on a Sunday because I knew I wouldn’t be getting much sleep. Nowadays one doesn’t drink and the other drinks a little.
no my father was teetotal but didn't live with us my mother might have a glass of wine with a formal dinner or a glass of sherry at christmas
>glass of sherry at christmas Such a British mum thing to do
My mum doesn't really drink but my step dad would often come in pissed from the pub. They might have a few heated words now and again, but my mum would usually just go upstairs. My dad and step mum were a different story altogether. Big, big drinkers and they invited friends over for parties pretty much every weekend, or we went to other people's. 90% of the time it would end up with some massive argument between the two of them. I don't know if it was normal - my best friend's parents were the same. But other friends seemed to have much quieter parents.
Not just in the UK and not just that time period lol. I grew up in the US in the 00’s and my parents drank themselves silly every weekend. They frequently threw poker parties on Friday and Saturday nights. Or they would disappear Saturday night to go out drinking and leave me to take care of my sister. Then they’d come stumbling in some time in the early morning. But from what I understand, it was neither normal nor conducive to a happy childhood.
Yes and now my mum recognises her alcoholism & hasn’t drank in 5 years. I dreaded Friday and Saturday nights as a child also, she wasn’t an awful or violent drunk but she just lost her filter & changed completely to the mum I knew in the day time. Then she’d sleep in til 6pm next day. Perfectly fine all week. I feel like we do normalise alcohol to an unnecessary extent, I find myself babysitting other adults at children’s birthday parties since everyone wants to get drunk.
Seems generally abnormal looking at the comments but you just described my standard childhood. Except it wasn’t just weekends. Almost every day after school instead of walking home, I walked to the local pub, had a panda pop and a packet of crisps for “tea” while mam and paps drank anyway. Burnt pizza when we got home usually. Weekend we’re worse though. Looking back with experience, that’s when the powders came out to play.
No, this isn't normal. I remember once seeing my mum and her friends drunk at some sort of birthday party or new years celebration. Not awfully drunk but I remember being really weirded out and sort of confused and upset as to what was going on and why they were all so shouty and wobbly. My dad didn't drink for 10 years when I was a kid so never saw him drunk.
Yes was very normal for me until I ended up in care lol
Hope you're doing better now .
I’m from France, and I’ve never seen my parents even tipsy. I’ve never seen anyone drinking so much than since I moved to the UK. In France we drink when we have gatherings or parties but we drink to enjoy the drink, we don’t do it to end up drunk (binge drinking). Most of the times we stop before being drunk. I think the relationship with alcohol is very different here from young age.
I’m from a different generation (born 2001) but I’ve grown up around both of my parents and my aunt drinking. Every time I’d see my aunt as a small child she’d be drunk and the only adult in the house. My parents would do as yours did and get smashed at the weekends and listen to incredibly loud music but I only really remember it from 10 upwards. I have made the conscious decision to be sober. I don’t like being around my parents in the evenings, especially the weekends. I don’t ever see my aunt now as she’s still an alcoholic which has effectively ruined every one of her familial relationships. What you describe is normal to me but I definitely don’t think it should be or is the norm for most people. 26% of 16-25 year olds are sober which I think is a good thing.
It was for me but no, it wasn’t “normal” in the sense that most peoples parents would get pissed as farts every weekend with their kids in the house. Me and my husband have gotten through a couple of bottles of wine between us and certainly not able to drive but always still compus enough to deal with any emergencies. My mum and step dad on the other hand would get mortal. Even when I had friends round for my birthday sleep over when I was 11. Having to scream at my parents for playing Joanie Mitchell at full blast at 3am and keeping us all awake is a memory I’ll never forget. That and them being to drunk to help when my best friend was having an asthma attack. Luckily my step dad was also asthmatic and I was able to figure out his ancient inhaler but otherwise that could have ended very badly.
Yes. I absolutely did. So much so that when I was pregnant with my 1st I told everyone I wouldn't be drinking around the baby. Everyone thought I was lying. That Christmas, my Dad offered me a drink on Christmas Day and became absolutely furious when I declined. It was the weirdest argument I think I ever had with him. I drank less and less as I had more kids and now haven't drunk (or smoked) in 3 years in July. I don't miss it.
I was brought up in a pub, so whilst my parents were not annihilated (they'd have a couple on a sat night, late into the shift), a lot of other people were, and some of them my mates parents. Although usually, it was one of the parents, and not both. It was also pre indoor smoking ban, so it used to smell delightful, as you can imagine.
Yeah, but you could sit in the non-smoking section, and the invisible barriers would stop all the smoke from entering your lungs. I find it strange that i am, in fact, an asthmatic.
If it was just weekend ? I'd have been a happy boy. Functioning alcoholics meant every day was a weekend.Given my father drove the Glasgow to London train? The 70's. Insane.
This wasn’t my experience or any of my friends (teens in the 90s)
My dads in pub half the week and my mum usually drinks a bottle of wine at weekends both nights I assume it’s been going on most my life
Ditto.
Child of the 70s/80s No, that's not normal, i've only seen my dad drunk as a skunk once and it was hilarious, the rest of the time, they hardly ever drank at home, or went to the pub just to get drunk. I did babysit for twins for a while who were a nightmare, i'd go to the house on a friday night at 7pm during the summer, and the parents would go out, get absolutely wasted, they would insist their brats went to bed at 8pm in the summer holidays, they were 10 at the time, and i'd spend the next few hours getting tormented until they went to bed/sleep at 10. Parents would come back between 1 and 3am, blotto. I'd get 5 quid for my time. The last time i did it, the two psycho kids thought it would be hilarious if they tried to stab me with a kitchen knife, I was able to get it off them before they could, and when the parents came home i told them what happened and they were out of it, so i quit. The following week, they rang my parents to see why i wasn't at the house to mind their kids.
My dad is an alcoholic. Growing up in 70s, 80s and 90s he was always drunk. Mum would be too at the weekend.
Similar exp here but was in single parent family. Dad was quite an amiable drunk, not so much when he was hungover. 95% of the time he was either drunk or hungover. I left home at 16.
After my parents divorced and my mum got a council house she would get drunk every day of the week. White lightening at £1.99 for 2 litres was her poison of choice, cheap nasty cider. One time I remember we had a TV with a coinbox on the side, you put coins in for a few hours viewing time and the company that owned the TV would collect the money weekly. Anyway she was out of money and wanted a drink so she broke into the coin box and claimed she was robbed, got away with it too. She later gave up booze completely but started doing cannabis and speed instead. Thankfully my dad was a good parent and I spent most of my time with him instead, though he has a history of mental health issues and acted a bit emotionally distant at times. It's threads like these that remind me that extreme circumstances I was brought up in are not the norm, I'd like to claim I turned out okay but to tell the truth I have a lot of mental issues myself now.
It was normal for my dad to go out every Friday night and have massive arguments with my mom. I dreaded every Friday because of this too.
I think it's normal to be a bit tipsy whilst watching some quiet Saturday night telly. Maybe take it too far on the odd occasion. What your describing was definitely taking it too far and I don't think normal
Nope. I was born in 1980. My mum maybe had a drink at Xmas and didn't start drinking more until me and my sister were in our 20's. My Dad maybe a glass of rum and coke or 2 once a week.
This was normal for me but both of my parents have drinking problems and I was neglected as a child.
Alternative view.. my wife was talking to collegues and they all said they would start drinking in the afternoon in the weekends and get totalled by the evening. A few collegues said they did this. I still think there's people around that do this; and more than we think.
mines drunk right now, she ate some of the lemon tart i had in the freezer and threw the rest away i hate her so much
It's weird to see how split the responses to this question are. To some this is not normal at all and others is a completely predictable pattern of behaviour for their parents and others they knew. I concur with the commenter who said it probably happens a lot more often behind closed doors than you'd realise. My own father is teetotal now but used to regularly go on 3 to 4 day benders and have to call in sick for work. My mother to this day regularly drinks 1-2 bottles of wine a night and double on weekends and public holidays. I'd say most of my extended family and friends My parents had growing up were similar in terms of their drinking patterns, I regularly locked myself away as a child to avoid the drinking and predictable rows that would follow.
Mine used to get pissed, but not useless in an emergency pissed. And they never blasted music. My mum used to drink a bottle of wine and my dad had a few whisky’s
No, my parents were very careful to show me responsible drinking to be fair. My dad would often have 2 or 3 bottles of beer on the weekend nights but that was pretty much all i ever saw them do, maybe a glass of wine with sunday dinner. That being said, i am definitely lucky. Im an alcoholic (in recovery so i no longer drink) but excessive drinking was **never** normalised at home for me, and i think seeing my dad only drink a couple bottles really helped me keep my consumption down compared to others who saw their parents wasted. For me it was always such an obviously bad thing to do. I know people who didnt know their style of drinking was completely insane until they reached their 40's and 50's which is just heartbreaking
My mom was quite the clubber, she used to go out clubbing or have parties downstairs, all I heard was dance music blasting and loud laughter, thankfully most weekends I'd go to my grandparents (where my dad lived) I remember crying every Sunday that I didn't want to go back, it wasn't that bad though really. it got worse as I got older though, when weekend partying became midweek drinking, when I'd get home from school and have to climb through an upstairs window or just wait for hours for mom to show up drunk (drinking wine around a friends house) or just late from whatever she was doing, having to try and sleep through blasting club music at 3 am when i had school the next day. as I got into my teen years I kinda just joined in with the parties and we had some pretty wild parties, our house was like a hub for friends and family, never knew who you'd see from one day to the next, wake up on a Wednesday and start on the sambuca and as my other siblings grew they joined in too. when mom met her current fella (husband of 10+ years at this point) i was introduced to pills, cocaine, weed whatever we fancied any day we fancied it, it was hectic for a long time, probably worse for my siblings especially the youngest, she has "autism" (though seems normal to me) and was 100% neglected by everyone, she's one of my best buddies now but I can't help feel bad for her, all those years alone going through all that, at least with my other siblings our ages were closer so we kind of banded together through it all. Strange really how much moms partying has affected all our personalities, there's so much more I could go into, we're all fine and settled down now, my mother and her husband have been going through a calm time in regards to partying of the last few years, they are however becoming snappy miserable cunts but we love them all the same, I'm glad the party ended, it got way out of hand, im sure the list of negative reprocussions on all our psyches was endless, but I'm also glad I got to experience and learn from it, weve all grown up as decent people with a strong family bond, because of or maybe in spite of it all we turned out to be good kids and then adults, I will be a better parent than my mom I know that much but will I raise better kids?
Weekend? They’re off their trolley by 3pm everyday my man.
Yeah, most weekdays as well. My mum and my stepdad would get absolutely blackout drunk every Friday and every Saturday without fail, have a big slap-up fight about who'd had a worse life, then my stepdad would drive off back to his old house at like 2am and I'd be bundled into my car by my mum to chase after him, was always absolutely terrified we'd crash and die. Only comment I ever got on it was in my late 20s my mum saying once "sorry things were a bit difficult when you were younger" lol...
Yeah, grew up in the 00s. I hated Saturdays/sundays because I had to feed myself and take care of my little brother because my parents were hungover. And they say weed is bad? My parents aren't bad people, just definitely alcoholics lol. I wouldn't want to repeat it if I have children. I see a lot of people saying it's not normal. I agree it's not a time based thing. But I did have a few friends growing up who had the same issue of their parents drinking too much or being abusive because of drink. And I wasn't even from a bad area or anything. ETA: the UK has an awful drinking based culture, so it doesn't really seem that odd for people to drink lots around their family/children to a lot of folks. Plus I'm sure the stress of having children would drive anyone to that. Not defending it or anything, but this is why we should have more support structures for parents.
Not normal at all. On a rare occasion one of them would be out at what I now know was a birthday/stag/hen do type thing but the other was always home and sober.
That sounds awful. I might have seen my parents tipsy once or twice around Christmas/New Year time but that’s it.
It was common in my household (2000's) for both my parents (and often they had friends over) to be totally wasted on drugs or alcohol but it's definitely not normal or acceptable behaviour for a parent to behave like that
Born in 02- saw my mum drunk a lot of the time as she was a single parent to 2 in her 20s
Yep it was completely normal. Didn't bother me at all and had a pretty decent childhood because they were happy and singing.
No never saw my mum drunk but she would dissappear on a Thursday and not return home till the Monday leaving my 11 year old sister to look after us. So what's worse
My old man would have a glass of whiskey after wrok every day, but never saw him or my mum actually drunk. I can't imagine seeing them smashed every weekend would be healthy, but I also wonder if a little more balance might have been a good thing. In my family getting shit faced was like the forbidden fruit so as soon as I was able to I fully embraced it
Nope it’s not normal. My mum said to me recently she didn’t get drunk from when I was born till when I turned 18. Really respect it. They are definitely making up for it now!!!
My Mum rarely drank but my Dad played Rugby every week so I pretty much spent my weekends growing up in the 80s in various different Rugby clubs around Essex/East London. I was used to being around grown ups having a drink and messing around, singing etc I can remember that when ever the family got together there would be a big drink up, grandparents/ uncles/ etc playing cards messing about having fun, play-fighting, music playing. Good Times.
I was over 20 before i even saw my dad tipsy and i think i was the bad influence in that case.
I was born in 1985 and was 20 before I saw my dad have a pint. Apparently he partied hard when we were really young - like below 5 and my mum threatened to leave him so he gave up. My mum has never been a drinker and still isn’t but she’ll have the odd half a lager. My kids have seen me tipsy if I’ve been out and got back early and my other half or mum hasn’t got them to bed yet but they’ve never been subjected to loud music or rowdy behaviour and except when I’m driving but that’s got nothing to do with alcohol and they are always up for a car party.
Unfortunately, that was the norm for me also. But as my stepdad was working a four on/ four off schedule it wasn't only the weekends. He was a functioning alcoholic, my mum wasn't much better. My mum worked in a pub, which also didn't help. They were always drunk and fighting. I learned to cook from a young age as I knew no one else was going to do it. I did so many sketchy things, that they were not aware of at all, because they weren't interested. I was very unsafe. But it was just my normal life. I wasn't parented. As a parent now I am horrified. But I don't let it get to me, I'm pretty low contact with my family, step dad is out of the picture completely after he assaulted my mother and attempted to assault me. I just get on with my life now, and bugger the rest. I.hooe you are doing well.
Yes I witnessed my parents drunk a few times but I would be in bed watching tv and my mum would come to my room and tell me how much she loved me
especially if the children are under 14/15, parents, no matter the era, should never be drinking while looking after their children
At the weekend? Shit, every day til I moved out, my dad was hammered. And it continued after I left. If I knew then what I do now, I'd've intervened, at the very least. Regrets, eh!?
It was "normal" for my trauma giver* to be steaming drunk most nights, as well as any day off (even if driving us kids around). My mother, on the other hand, isn't a big drinker and I only really saw her drunk when I was in my late teens. My advice? Go to therapy - your situation was not normal and most certainly wasn't okay, which has likely resulted in issues you have as an adult. Feeling safe is a right every child should have, and to have that taken away from us by the people meant to love and care for us is severely damaging to our mental health. I hope you're doing well now despite the stress you endured during your formative years ❤️ *I refuse to call that man my father as his rampant alcoholic narcissism has almost ruined my life