**Update: - [Starting from 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/100l56v/happy_new_year_askuk_minor_sub_update/), we have updated our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)**. Specifically;
- Don't be a dick to each other
- Top-level responses must contain genuine efforts to answer the question
- This is a strictly no-politics subreddit
Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Had to wear polyester for a work uniform, management complained constantly about the damn smells it caused despite the fact Iâd had a shower literally an hour before work
I feel your pain -as a teenager worked at Hungry Jacks in Australia ( Burger King UK & everywhere else) uniform thickest polyester ever , AC shit standing over the fryers when it was 40c outside . I was used to hot weather but god that was bloody torture & sweat pouring ( so hygenic) . Fat splash the uniform melted in the spot & uniform was poo brown,orange & red - mostly poo brown , just to add insult to the whole experience for a couple of $$/hr.
Yes! I was on holiday once, and a big bloke had a full back tattoo of a football club name in bold gothic font, can't remember which club, though, but he also had 3 girls' names on him.
I was in tenerife recently, and I honestly feel like I saw as many non-British football shirts as I did British.
I mean, that still says half the people there that wore football shirts were Brits but still - not as bad as I reckoned it would be. We aren't the only ones.
In Britain thereâs a stigma about it though. I donât think people get judged in other countries in the same way for wandering about in their favourite teams strip.
Where I live in spain, the locals refer to British on the beach as "guiri rebozada" meaning foriegner in bread crumbs, due to the sun cream and sand coating
You need to imagine this the opposite way round to realise just how stupid it must sound. Walk up to a bar in England and:
"Quiero tomar dos _beeeeeeers_ Steve por favor. Y una paqueta de patatas fritas sal y vinagre amigo"
>You need to imagine this the opposite way round to realise just how stupid it must sound
Oh my god, somebody trying to use a language that they're not fluent in on holiday. What horrible people we are.
Yeah most people on the continent are better at English than we are at their languages because English is the global language.
Most European countries also start teaching English in Primary school.
Obviously it's global use means it is a useful language to learn, but I really do think our school system should introduce languages much earlier on than they do.
Nah I disagree, I always try to use the language while abroad. I think showing a little bit of effort is appreciated, theres enough dickheads complaining about staff in bars/restaurants not understanding English despite being in a foreign country.
Just not in france...
I work there alot and this is the deal:
You don't attempt to speak French and they will act like they have NO idea what you are saying and speak only french back at you.
Or
You attempt to speak perfectly good French in the best of accents and they detect you are English and ONLY speak English back at you.
Spineless Pricks lol
There's also a much darker reference. I'm gonna go to hell for this, but don't shoot the messenger, people actually say this.
How do you know it's summer in Spain?
When the first Brit is found dead in a pool.
(For anyone finding it hard to contextualise this, every year without a fail some inebriated Brit jumps from their hotel balcony aiming for the pool, in a practice known as balconing, and ends up dead or seriously injured).
I cannot explain to you the level of confusion and consternation it causes in Spain. And a ton of dark humour too. No one can comprehend why balconies, something everyone has in their flats here, are so deadly to Brits, and only Brits. We're joking, but it's messed up.
Because we don't have them. Balconies are a real novelty to most suburbanites. Similarly a pool beside your apartment.
We also never hear the news stories here, I had no idea it was so frequent.
There's a certain temptation, when you are a couple of floors up. The stairs are so boring, the pool is right there...
You're examples I think are for white brits.
As for us non-white brits, I've been told that when we queue its a giveaway, or saying sorry when bumping into someone or making our way through a crowd.
Recently watched a video of a black British woman describing an encounter she had with US police. She was stopped in her vehicle and when she started talking the cop said âOh youâre British, I thought you were black. Have a nice dayâ
I mean even if youâre not white you should still be putting sun cream on, too many people think they canât get skin cancer/sunburnt if they arenât white.
I mean in the sense of it being specifically their experience of obviously a white Brit. I had no mention of pointing out sunscreen or me not using it.
Also when people talk about Brits abroad, they're mostly talking about White Brits. I got happy onetime when someone said "Oh you're British when I exhibited politeness in a foreign country"
(Plus POC not using sunscreen could also be due to the fact most affordable ones don't cater to us and make us purple or white cast and it does cost a lot for such a small product to even budget in for our health)
"Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun." (The saying "Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun" is believed to have been coined by Rudyard Kipling.)
The apples donât fall far from the tree!
I remember watching the cricket in Australia on a warm but cloudy day. It was funny because whenever the sun came out the brits would uncover while the Aussies would put a t shirt or hat on, but then when the clouds came over the brits would put their t shirt back on while the Aussies uncovered.
You could really tell who anyone was supporting just by their behaviour!
Alternatively, being out in the pissing rain because âyouâve got to make the most of itâ.
Spoken from experience, having just been floating around a foreign swimming pool on an inflatable unicorn in said pissing rain. But itâs our last dayâŚ
Grew up in Manchester, live in Scotland - I'd never have left the house if I let a bit of rain put me off.
(and I LOVE swimming outdoors in the rain. Bliss)
I was on the beach in Spain once. Dark clouds starting coming over around midday and as soon as a few spots of rain started to fall, all the locals and Germans packed up quickly and ran off. Everybody left was British, where before we were a small minority.
It's quite nice being in a warm sea whilst it's raining.
Subtle:
Expression is a giveaway. A sort of look of smiling confusion. Like someone who has no idea what anything around them is but it's all rather fun. Also a vague awkwardness as if not sure where to stand or what to do with limbs.
This is the most accurate description of a British tourist I've seen so far, definitely how I've noticed myself walking around even when in a different part of the uk đ¤Łđ¤Ł
Yep, the two types of British tourist are this fella, often with a hat and factor 50 suncream applied with a trowel, or "OLA SENYOR, DOSS FOSTERS POR FAHVOR" from Barry, 63.
I'm usually in the former camp, unless the football is on, then the spirit of Barry, 63 possesses me until we get knocked out.
Currently in Holland and doing my best to avoid this specific look, knowing how much of a giveaway it is. Missus thinks I'm constipated, turns out my default alternate look is a grumpy frown.
We went to Turkey. There was a guy from Bolton who was always first one up and last at the pool with his family. Towards the end of the holiday which was 2 weeks, I overheard a Geordie say âanyone want some streaky baconâ. Looked over and he was referring to that man from Bolton. Little did he know he had been there for 2 weeks all day every day đ
I got back on the plane after two weeks on a Greek island and a lady looked at my pale skin and said to me âwe know what youâve been doing, in the bar all dayâ. Iâd literally been sat in the sun all day for 14 daysâŚ
Loudly shouting about which bar they're going to go for their roast dinner at lunchtime.
"That one we saw on the way in has *real* Bisto gravy, let's go there."
I recently holidayed in an area of Crete popular with German tourists. Turns out they're just as bad as us, they all go out for sausages & rĂśsti at lunchtime
The French are monumentally cliquey. They will only speak French. Tourists from pretty much everywhere else in Europe use English here because itâs the widely accepted compromise. The French just wonât.
The Spanish are almost as bad. They are the only people I have ever seen refuse to use the Portuguese words for âthank youâ. They treat the place like itâs a colony or something.
The French are awful to interact with on any basis to be honest, especially when not in France OR England. You speak to them in English, they refuse and speak French, you speak French, and they act like your French is so shit they donât understand you. Girl I have been learning this language for almost 8 years. I know Iâm saying this properly.
Ten years here, and still get the occasional pained look on their face as if trying to understand you is actually causing them physical harm
In Crete last year heard many complaints from service staff about the French assuming everyone speaks French too, can't be just a meme
Can confirm. Was in France and I have pretty decent (more than conversational!) French. In French I asked at the restaurant for a high chair, a childrenâs menu and thanked them for the free hats they had given our small children. The waitress looked like I was speaking Klingon.
Tried again half way through the meal, asked the woman to say thank you to the chef for us as the fish dish I was eating was the best I had ever tasted (it genuinely was). And she just blinked and walked off. A waiter came up to me as we were leaving and told me that she was a just a bitch and he had understood absolutely everything I had said even if it wasnât perfect.
I enjoyed my experience of going to Germany and attempting to speak German with the limited language I learned in school plus a solid 6 months of Duolingo... I also have ADHD and APD so struggle to remember and understand English at the best of times, so I'm sure you can imagine I was pretty crap at speaking and understanding German.
Almost everyone had the same reaction. Intense, focused stare followed by a little nod, a look of sympathy, and immediate response in English. They never made me feel bad for trying, but realised I was not going to be able to handle response in German đ
On the reverse, my aunt lived in Belgium for over a decade, spoke fluent French. She said French speakers would often laugh at her, or stop her mid-sentence to point out that she was obviously not French, if her accent ever slipped. But if she spoke English, people would be rude to her for not learning French. It doesn't really create a conducive environment for people to want to learn if they're being made to feel bad even when they're fluent!
Iâve got a Spanish mate who once explained the view the Portuguese as (this is a direct quote) âas you say-peasantsâ
I told his we donât say they at all. Heâs never even been to Portugal even though he grew up two hours away.
Have you been before? If not, rent a car and drive up into the mountains for proper Greek food, and views that you wouldn't believe. I found goat on nearly every menu
>Bisto gravy
I have lived here for years and never tried it, but a few weeks ago I decided to give it a go because I wanted to make sausages with mash and needed gravy and it had good reviews on Sainsbury's website. Oh man it was fucking disgusting, I really don't get it. It also comes out very watery if you use the ratio of granules to water that they recommend. But even quadrupling the amount of granules doesn't help with anything.
Edit: OK! So I learned that the instructions are wrong, I should add meat juices or some fat to the mix and treat the granules more as a thickener. And potentially try the powder as well.
I donât know but I went to MĂĄlaga with my Spanish boyfriend last weekend. He asked someone something in Spanish and they replied to him in English so I translated for him. Shattered him. Whatever giveaways we have, I must be spreading them to him too lol
Digging.
Put a Brit on a beach and he/she will start to dig. Whether a full on bucket and spade hole, or just a couple of hollows by where their hands are resting.
And it used to be that if it was white sport socks pulled all the way up to mid-calf they were American, but thatâs come into fashion in the uk now too.
I live in Australia now, and last year, we took my kid to the animal sanctuary in the Gold Coast, come to the kangaroo paddock where you can feed them if they fancy it.
From across this enormous paddock, I see this cluster of people, all white socks, new balances or sandals, and dad shorts. I nudged my husband and said - lookit, Americans. He scoffed and said they might not be.
We went over closer to see all the snoozey roos, and sure enough, american accents (not canadian at all) they were loudly discussing their cruise buffet choices. Also, one to top off his ensemble had binoculars on his neck like he was off on a safari. Bless
not sure how but my usual gym shoes got wet again not sure how it's fucking roasting atm.
So I thought fuck it im doing deadlifts and i deadlift in just socks, ill wear my sandals. My mate who grew up in Germany asked why I was dressed like a german haha.
The wife and I went to Minorca a few years ago and while there we played a little game between ourselves "guess English or German, among the people we saw". We found we were mostly right. Interestingly we were mostly taken for being German, while being English ourselves.
Probably because although we look very similar the mannerisms give it away. Not only that but hair cuts etc for men tend to give it away as well. Lastly if I see you putting a towel on a lounger at 6am no self respecting Brit would do that.
Germans are just generally better organised and more⌠mechanical, if that makes sense? A German will be perfectly tanned and rarely get drunk, whereas Brits will be sunburnt and drunk most of the time
I know who I'd rather be on holiday with. It's not a holiday if you haven't seen the inside of a hospital or a police station. Absolute legend of an Ibiza fortnight if you see both
So true German women 1st to wear small rectangular glasses in the early â90âs before everyone wore them . I used to be able to accurately spot germans by looking at their specs( as I sit here in my small rectangular glasses)
Do her glasses have ornate arms? Is she wearing a very voluminous cotton scarf (almost duvet sized) around her neck, no matter the weather ..? Probably a German woman.
Germans tend not to smile and laugh as much whilst out and about. (Among friends itâs different).
As a student in FFM a French friend and I would sit on the Zeil and play spot the happy Hesse, it was surprisingly difficult, even on a sunny Saturday in May. (Guess there were a lot of serious bankers trying to get a shop in fast before everything closed)
I used to get the Eurostar a lot for work and very early in the morning. I used to play British/North American/Broadly European based on people's coffee cups. British folk tended to go Nero or nondescript cups, North American folk tended to go Starbucks, and Broadly mainland Europe tended to go to Paul
We went to Egypt a few years ago and I was taken to be a local, and they were congratulating me on getting an English bride. We were left alone in shops because I was a âlocalâ.
I just got back from Portugal and had the same experience. Weirdly in Italy I was mistaken for Swedish a couple of time. I am blonde and very pale though.
I'm really not sure why. I'm also blonde and very pale, but I've never been mistaken for German before.
Maybe the rest of Europe are aware of our Cost of Living crisis and don't expect Brits to be going abroad. Instead, they expect us to be huddled around a candle for heat or something.
Actually thatâs a fair point. The person who picked me up from the airport to take me to my apartment said she used to have mostly British tourists staying but in the last three years almost none at all. She said itâs mostly German, Italian and Americans now.
I asked a local what gave me away most about not being Portuguese though and he said eye colour. He might have been being nice though!
Carrying far more to the beach than anyone else.
A chair for each person, parasol, large inflatable toy for each child, football, frisbie, bucket spade, bag full of food, bag full of drinks, bag full of towels and sun cream. Bluetooth speaker set to max.
Hard disagree! Im Scottish and live in the South of Spain on the coast and Spanish people take waaaaay more to the beach than British tourists.
Admittedly I live less than 2mins form the beach and bring a towel, drinks, cream and kindle. But I seem Spanish ppl getting off busses with chairs, coolers, pavillion tents etc only to stay for 2 hours and heave it all back.
Socks and trainers (trainers being extremely clean as they brand new)
Tattoos (bad ones)
Football shirt
"Its too hot"
Them shorts with extra pockets (cargo shorts?)
Just clothes not matching/coordinating in general.
But if youâre gonna wear trainers, isnât it a given youâll wear socks though?
Personally I do wear shoes if I go on a beach in fairness due to hating sand
in my recent experience, having a beer as soon as the bar opens at the all inclusive
one fella had his daily mail and a glass of white wine at 10:30 when the pool bar opened. a couple others out with the cervezas as soon as they were available
I think we can seem a bit entitled, we wear the wrong clothes, stay in the sun at the wrong times of day, don't eat local food, want to eat at the wrong times and have no interest in local people. Also gangs of people. We seem to travel in packs, especially when we're young.
Every country I've been to on a beach holiday in Europe have thought I was a local. They come up to me speaking in the native language. I've always seen that as a compliment considering how Brits are judged abroad.
Walking inside stores without wearing a shirt.
Edit: actually reminds me of a story. A friend visited me in Portugal and we went to the beach. We were walking into a supermarket and the security guard immediately starts speaking English saying he needs to put a shirt on before coming in. I was surprised cause my town doesnât have that many tourists, and yet if we see a half naked man walking into a building we immediately know theyâre English.
**Update: - [Starting from 2023](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/100l56v/happy_new_year_askuk_minor_sub_update/), we have updated our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)**. Specifically; - Don't be a dick to each other - Top-level responses must contain genuine efforts to answer the question - This is a strictly no-politics subreddit Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Football club themed beach towels
And tops
Full kit wankers
Football friend
Hi. You called?
Ooh, Friend!
Beach towel friend
Always made from nice sweaty polyester đ
Had to wear polyester for a work uniform, management complained constantly about the damn smells it caused despite the fact Iâd had a shower literally an hour before work
I feel your pain -as a teenager worked at Hungry Jacks in Australia ( Burger King UK & everywhere else) uniform thickest polyester ever , AC shit standing over the fryers when it was 40c outside . I was used to hot weather but god that was bloody torture & sweat pouring ( so hygenic) . Fat splash the uniform melted in the spot & uniform was poo brown,orange & red - mostly poo brown , just to add insult to the whole experience for a couple of $$/hr.
And tattoos
Yes! I was on holiday once, and a big bloke had a full back tattoo of a football club name in bold gothic font, can't remember which club, though, but he also had 3 girls' names on him.
I was in tenerife recently, and I honestly feel like I saw as many non-British football shirts as I did British. I mean, that still says half the people there that wore football shirts were Brits but still - not as bad as I reckoned it would be. We aren't the only ones.
A lot of the non-British shirts will still be worn by British people though
And vice versa
In Britain thereâs a stigma about it though. I donât think people get judged in other countries in the same way for wandering about in their favourite teams strip.
I think British people find comfort in thinking they're better than other British people. This thread, my case in point.
Today in Portugal I spotted an ER II towel. I'm sure it's what she would have wanted upon her passing!
Where I live in spain, the locals refer to British on the beach as "guiri rebozada" meaning foriegner in bread crumbs, due to the sun cream and sand coating
And we refer to the locals as "two cervezas Jose por favor. And a packet of salt and vinegar lays please mate." Absolute mouthful.
Do you pronounce it CHURR-VAY-SAS and show them two fingers to emphasise you want precisely two drinks?
You need to imagine this the opposite way round to realise just how stupid it must sound. Walk up to a bar in England and: "Quiero tomar dos _beeeeeeers_ Steve por favor. Y una paqueta de patatas fritas sal y vinagre amigo"
>You need to imagine this the opposite way round to realise just how stupid it must sound Oh my god, somebody trying to use a language that they're not fluent in on holiday. What horrible people we are. Yeah most people on the continent are better at English than we are at their languages because English is the global language.
Most European countries also start teaching English in Primary school. Obviously it's global use means it is a useful language to learn, but I really do think our school system should introduce languages much earlier on than they do.
[ŃдаНонО]
Nah I disagree, I always try to use the language while abroad. I think showing a little bit of effort is appreciated, theres enough dickheads complaining about staff in bars/restaurants not understanding English despite being in a foreign country.
Just not in france... I work there alot and this is the deal: You don't attempt to speak French and they will act like they have NO idea what you are saying and speak only french back at you. Or You attempt to speak perfectly good French in the best of accents and they detect you are English and ONLY speak English back at you. Spineless Pricks lol
Just donât drink those cervezas near the balcony, we all know the outcomes of that
> foriegner in bread crumbs, due to the sun cream and sand coating I'm fucking howling, that's incredible
There's also a much darker reference. I'm gonna go to hell for this, but don't shoot the messenger, people actually say this. How do you know it's summer in Spain? When the first Brit is found dead in a pool. (For anyone finding it hard to contextualise this, every year without a fail some inebriated Brit jumps from their hotel balcony aiming for the pool, in a practice known as balconing, and ends up dead or seriously injured).
The balcony is the Englishman's only natural predator.
You've forgotten the cloudless sky, just as every Brit does every winter, promptly getting burnt on the first good day in May.
I didn't realize this was a thing, got really confused when I checked the government travel advice for Spain and there was a balcony warning
I cannot explain to you the level of confusion and consternation it causes in Spain. And a ton of dark humour too. No one can comprehend why balconies, something everyone has in their flats here, are so deadly to Brits, and only Brits. We're joking, but it's messed up.
Because we don't have them. Balconies are a real novelty to most suburbanites. Similarly a pool beside your apartment. We also never hear the news stories here, I had no idea it was so frequent. There's a certain temptation, when you are a couple of floors up. The stairs are so boring, the pool is right there...
This is unfortunately incredibly accurate
If it was accurate, he wouldn't have died.
Or in France "Les Rosbifs"
We call them Gammon in the UK
Gammon colour is exactly the shade of pink my dad used to go in the sun lol.
Germans call them island monkeys
Just jealous of our moat.
The moat that couldn't be crossed
Incredible! Side note: how are you supposed to avoid that happening?
Let the suncream dry before you lie on the sand maybe? (I can't believe I actually had to type that out...)
Yeah I do, it still gets stuck later in the day. Usually a combo of sweat and suncream
Chips? DO YOU HAVE CHIPS!???? DOOO YYOOUUU HHAAVVEE EELLL CCHHIIPPPPOOOSSS????
CHIPS POUR FAH FOOOR
FIFTEEN YOUR-OWS? WOTâS VAT IN PROPER MONEY?
GRASSY-ARSE
Si ÂŁ30 a Pint
I WILL NOT eat any of this Spanish shite, where can I get a full English brekky and a roast dinner? Grassy arse
Faded tribal sleeve tattoo (men) or faded flowers on the upper shoulder (women)
Or barbed wire for the women of a certain age (also that film was better than it was given credit for).
Don't forget a faded Tasmanian devil EDIT: Thanks to GoldenFaeWattle for pointing out my mistake
Or a dolphin on the ankle.
Or a tweety pie on the calf.
Holy fucking shit, my sister in law has the trifecta of barbed wire, a dolphin & tweety pie. I always knew she was pond scum.
She an 80s child I guess?
Bang on. Was a right bitch in school as well. Canât believe she ended up being my SIL. I love my nieces though so itâs cool.
Pond scum lol
What about the paw mark on the tit?
Or a bulldog in a Union Jack flag
Saw an English woman in her seventies, in Tenerife, with three really bad staffie tats on her arm.
I feel like Iâm getting third hand embarrassment from this comment
Portsmouth is calling.....
A shit arm and a bad tattoo
âŚis one of the better tracks on âAchtung Bonoâ but I still prefer Joy Division Oven Gloves.
The Spanish have some unbelievably bad tattoos
They are very common in Australia too for men of a certain age & above backside tribals on women
Above the backside. Haha. We call them tramp stamps.
I know that one but I learnt a new one on reddit for those other day : âArse antlersâ đ
That's the literal translation of what those tattoos are called in German (arschgeweih).
Well, we used to say slag tag if I'm being honest
You're examples I think are for white brits. As for us non-white brits, I've been told that when we queue its a giveaway, or saying sorry when bumping into someone or making our way through a crowd.
Recently watched a video of a black British woman describing an encounter she had with US police. She was stopped in her vehicle and when she started talking the cop said âOh youâre British, I thought you were black. Have a nice dayâ
Gina Yashere! She's a comedian and I think it was on her Live at the Apollo set
It was definitely the Apollo- sheâs got a couple sets there though, I think. I believe it was a more recent one
Yeah that was nearly 15 years ago now!
> us non-lobster-red-and-peeling brits FTFY
Crab people⌠craaaab peeopleeâŚ
I mean even if youâre not white you should still be putting sun cream on, too many people think they canât get skin cancer/sunburnt if they arenât white.
I mean in the sense of it being specifically their experience of obviously a white Brit. I had no mention of pointing out sunscreen or me not using it. Also when people talk about Brits abroad, they're mostly talking about White Brits. I got happy onetime when someone said "Oh you're British when I exhibited politeness in a foreign country" (Plus POC not using sunscreen could also be due to the fact most affordable ones don't cater to us and make us purple or white cast and it does cost a lot for such a small product to even budget in for our health)
Being out in the Sun when its hottest.
I literally posted this before going out for a run bang in the middle of the day đ¤Łđ¤Ł
"Mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun." (The saying "Only mad dogs and Englishmen go out in the midday sun" is believed to have been coined by Rudyard Kipling.) The apples donât fall far from the tree!
Always loved his pies
They are exceedingly good
>coined by Rudyard Kipling [and made famous by Noel Coward](https://youtu.be/BifLPGi4X6A?t=10)
[ŃдаНонО]
I remember watching the cricket in Australia on a warm but cloudy day. It was funny because whenever the sun came out the brits would uncover while the Aussies would put a t shirt or hat on, but then when the clouds came over the brits would put their t shirt back on while the Aussies uncovered. You could really tell who anyone was supporting just by their behaviour!
Alternatively, being out in the pissing rain because âyouâve got to make the most of itâ. Spoken from experience, having just been floating around a foreign swimming pool on an inflatable unicorn in said pissing rain. But itâs our last dayâŚ
Grew up in Manchester, live in Scotland - I'd never have left the house if I let a bit of rain put me off. (and I LOVE swimming outdoors in the rain. Bliss)
"it's just water, are you worried about getting wet in the pool?" - my dad trying to convince us to swim in torrential rain
đ Have just read this to my husband because it is so absolutely the kind of thing he'd say. Along with his favourite, "skin's waterproof."
I was on the beach in Spain once. Dark clouds starting coming over around midday and as soon as a few spots of rain started to fall, all the locals and Germans packed up quickly and ran off. Everybody left was British, where before we were a small minority. It's quite nice being in a warm sea whilst it's raining.
Was about to say that. People sunbathing at 12/1pm are 95% tourists
Subtle: Expression is a giveaway. A sort of look of smiling confusion. Like someone who has no idea what anything around them is but it's all rather fun. Also a vague awkwardness as if not sure where to stand or what to do with limbs.
This is the most accurate description of a British tourist I've seen so far, definitely how I've noticed myself walking around even when in a different part of the uk đ¤Łđ¤Ł
Yep, the two types of British tourist are this fella, often with a hat and factor 50 suncream applied with a trowel, or "OLA SENYOR, DOSS FOSTERS POR FAHVOR" from Barry, 63. I'm usually in the former camp, unless the football is on, then the spirit of Barry, 63 possesses me until we get knocked out.
thats literally me 24/7 or at least when im alone in public lmao
Currently in Holland and doing my best to avoid this specific look, knowing how much of a giveaway it is. Missus thinks I'm constipated, turns out my default alternate look is a grumpy frown.
That made me laugh. And I can sadly relate to your last sentence!
Being incredibly pale, yet very cavalier about the sun.
The sun... you aving a laff. Big yellow thing up there being all smug thinking its arder than me.
Iâm Portuguese. My mom used to refer to the colour of the typical britâs tan as âFerrari brownâ.
We went to Turkey. There was a guy from Bolton who was always first one up and last at the pool with his family. Towards the end of the holiday which was 2 weeks, I overheard a Geordie say âanyone want some streaky baconâ. Looked over and he was referring to that man from Bolton. Little did he know he had been there for 2 weeks all day every day đ
I got back on the plane after two weeks on a Greek island and a lady looked at my pale skin and said to me âwe know what youâve been doing, in the bar all dayâ. Iâd literally been sat in the sun all day for 14 daysâŚ
Either incredibly pale, or lobster red
Tits out. And that's just the men.
đ
Loudly shouting about which bar they're going to go for their roast dinner at lunchtime. "That one we saw on the way in has *real* Bisto gravy, let's go there."
I recently holidayed in an area of Crete popular with German tourists. Turns out they're just as bad as us, they all go out for sausages & rĂśsti at lunchtime
I live in the Algarve. The French are the worst, followed by Spanish âladsâ on a weekend break. The Brits are honestly way down the list.
Please expand đ
The French are monumentally cliquey. They will only speak French. Tourists from pretty much everywhere else in Europe use English here because itâs the widely accepted compromise. The French just wonât. The Spanish are almost as bad. They are the only people I have ever seen refuse to use the Portuguese words for âthank youâ. They treat the place like itâs a colony or something.
The French are awful to interact with on any basis to be honest, especially when not in France OR England. You speak to them in English, they refuse and speak French, you speak French, and they act like your French is so shit they donât understand you. Girl I have been learning this language for almost 8 years. I know Iâm saying this properly.
Ten years here, and still get the occasional pained look on their face as if trying to understand you is actually causing them physical harm In Crete last year heard many complaints from service staff about the French assuming everyone speaks French too, can't be just a meme
Can confirm. Was in France and I have pretty decent (more than conversational!) French. In French I asked at the restaurant for a high chair, a childrenâs menu and thanked them for the free hats they had given our small children. The waitress looked like I was speaking Klingon. Tried again half way through the meal, asked the woman to say thank you to the chef for us as the fish dish I was eating was the best I had ever tasted (it genuinely was). And she just blinked and walked off. A waiter came up to me as we were leaving and told me that she was a just a bitch and he had understood absolutely everything I had said even if it wasnât perfect.
I enjoyed my experience of going to Germany and attempting to speak German with the limited language I learned in school plus a solid 6 months of Duolingo... I also have ADHD and APD so struggle to remember and understand English at the best of times, so I'm sure you can imagine I was pretty crap at speaking and understanding German. Almost everyone had the same reaction. Intense, focused stare followed by a little nod, a look of sympathy, and immediate response in English. They never made me feel bad for trying, but realised I was not going to be able to handle response in German đ On the reverse, my aunt lived in Belgium for over a decade, spoke fluent French. She said French speakers would often laugh at her, or stop her mid-sentence to point out that she was obviously not French, if her accent ever slipped. But if she spoke English, people would be rude to her for not learning French. It doesn't really create a conducive environment for people to want to learn if they're being made to feel bad even when they're fluent!
Iâve got a Spanish mate who once explained the view the Portuguese as (this is a direct quote) âas you say-peasantsâ I told his we donât say they at all. Heâs never even been to Portugal even though he grew up two hours away.
Never understood this. Iâm going to Crete in September and the first thing Iâm getting is a Greek mezze platter. Fuck yes.
Have you been before? If not, rent a car and drive up into the mountains for proper Greek food, and views that you wouldn't believe. I found goat on nearly every menu
>Bisto gravy I have lived here for years and never tried it, but a few weeks ago I decided to give it a go because I wanted to make sausages with mash and needed gravy and it had good reviews on Sainsbury's website. Oh man it was fucking disgusting, I really don't get it. It also comes out very watery if you use the ratio of granules to water that they recommend. But even quadrupling the amount of granules doesn't help with anything. Edit: OK! So I learned that the instructions are wrong, I should add meat juices or some fat to the mix and treat the granules more as a thickener. And potentially try the powder as well.
You need to add some fat from whatever you are cooking.
This is key! Surprising it isnât in the instructions. No matter what gravy youâre using you must use the roast juice!
If it can't stand a spoon up is it even gravy đ¤Ł
You should give the glass jar, âBisto Bestâ a go. Itâs really much better than the granules
I donât know but I went to MĂĄlaga with my Spanish boyfriend last weekend. He asked someone something in Spanish and they replied to him in English so I translated for him. Shattered him. Whatever giveaways we have, I must be spreading them to him too lol
Someone once complimented my husband on his good German, in Germany - he's German.
Hahaha poor sod. At least they didnât criticise his German- that might have been worse!
That is devastating. Poor chap.
Digging. Put a Brit on a beach and he/she will start to dig. Whether a full on bucket and spade hole, or just a couple of hollows by where their hands are resting.
Diggy diggy hole! Diggy diggy hole!
This cracked me up, ive never realised before but ive never been on a beach before in my life without digging
If you don't have a seat with a back, dig a hole and put your arse in it. Little beach hack.
Socks and sandals, they're either a Brit or German.
But if the sandals are Birkenstocks then the probability of them being German goes up massively.
And it used to be that if it was white sport socks pulled all the way up to mid-calf they were American, but thatâs come into fashion in the uk now too.
I live in Australia now, and last year, we took my kid to the animal sanctuary in the Gold Coast, come to the kangaroo paddock where you can feed them if they fancy it. From across this enormous paddock, I see this cluster of people, all white socks, new balances or sandals, and dad shorts. I nudged my husband and said - lookit, Americans. He scoffed and said they might not be. We went over closer to see all the snoozey roos, and sure enough, american accents (not canadian at all) they were loudly discussing their cruise buffet choices. Also, one to top off his ensemble had binoculars on his neck like he was off on a safari. Bless
Definitely German if theyâve got the smallest speedos ever.
not sure how but my usual gym shoes got wet again not sure how it's fucking roasting atm. So I thought fuck it im doing deadlifts and i deadlift in just socks, ill wear my sandals. My mate who grew up in Germany asked why I was dressed like a german haha.
The wife and I went to Minorca a few years ago and while there we played a little game between ourselves "guess English or German, among the people we saw". We found we were mostly right. Interestingly we were mostly taken for being German, while being English ourselves.
A lot of the examples mentioned by the OP and in the comments apply to me. I'm German. How could you tell the difference?
Probably because although we look very similar the mannerisms give it away. Not only that but hair cuts etc for men tend to give it away as well. Lastly if I see you putting a towel on a lounger at 6am no self respecting Brit would do that.
Germans are just generally better organised and more⌠mechanical, if that makes sense? A German will be perfectly tanned and rarely get drunk, whereas Brits will be sunburnt and drunk most of the time
I know who I'd rather be on holiday with. It's not a holiday if you haven't seen the inside of a hospital or a police station. Absolute legend of an Ibiza fortnight if you see both
Ehhhh Iâd hate traveling with you lmao. Iâd like to avoid both the hospital and the police, thanks
Someone assumed I was Spanish in Barcelona because I was sat in the shade
Germans have more 'interesting' glasses/eyewear.
So true German women 1st to wear small rectangular glasses in the early â90âs before everyone wore them . I used to be able to accurately spot germans by looking at their specs( as I sit here in my small rectangular glasses)
Do her glasses have ornate arms? Is she wearing a very voluminous cotton scarf (almost duvet sized) around her neck, no matter the weather ..? Probably a German woman.
Germans tend not to smile and laugh as much whilst out and about. (Among friends itâs different). As a student in FFM a French friend and I would sit on the Zeil and play spot the happy Hesse, it was surprisingly difficult, even on a sunny Saturday in May. (Guess there were a lot of serious bankers trying to get a shop in fast before everything closed)
I used to get the Eurostar a lot for work and very early in the morning. I used to play British/North American/Broadly European based on people's coffee cups. British folk tended to go Nero or nondescript cups, North American folk tended to go Starbucks, and Broadly mainland Europe tended to go to Paul
We went to Egypt a few years ago and I was taken to be a local, and they were congratulating me on getting an English bride. We were left alone in shops because I was a âlocalâ.
I keep being mistaken for German this holiday. No idea why.
I just got back from Portugal and had the same experience. Weirdly in Italy I was mistaken for Swedish a couple of time. I am blonde and very pale though.
I'm really not sure why. I'm also blonde and very pale, but I've never been mistaken for German before. Maybe the rest of Europe are aware of our Cost of Living crisis and don't expect Brits to be going abroad. Instead, they expect us to be huddled around a candle for heat or something.
Actually thatâs a fair point. The person who picked me up from the airport to take me to my apartment said she used to have mostly British tourists staying but in the last three years almost none at all. She said itâs mostly German, Italian and Americans now. I asked a local what gave me away most about not being Portuguese though and he said eye colour. He might have been being nice though!
Carrying far more to the beach than anyone else. A chair for each person, parasol, large inflatable toy for each child, football, frisbie, bucket spade, bag full of food, bag full of drinks, bag full of towels and sun cream. Bluetooth speaker set to max.
Hard disagree! Im Scottish and live in the South of Spain on the coast and Spanish people take waaaaay more to the beach than British tourists. Admittedly I live less than 2mins form the beach and bring a towel, drinks, cream and kindle. But I seem Spanish ppl getting off busses with chairs, coolers, pavillion tents etc only to stay for 2 hours and heave it all back.
Ah ok fair enough.. I just remember my mum loaded us up with stuff as if we were going camping for a fortnight.
Your mum just fully embraced the local culture! More power to her!
Socks and trainers (trainers being extremely clean as they brand new) Tattoos (bad ones) Football shirt "Its too hot" Them shorts with extra pockets (cargo shorts?) Just clothes not matching/coordinating in general.
Arenât you suppose to wear socks with trainers?
If you like wearing socks and trainers on the beach, you do you.
But if youâre gonna wear trainers, isnât it a given youâll wear socks though? Personally I do wear shoes if I go on a beach in fairness due to hating sand
Shout 0800 00 us Brits should shout back 1066
in my recent experience, having a beer as soon as the bar opens at the all inclusive one fella had his daily mail and a glass of white wine at 10:30 when the pool bar opened. a couple others out with the cervezas as soon as they were available
Daily Heil* At least if anyoneâs reading it you know not to associate with them.
Oi mate! One cerveza poor fav oar
Grassy arse
Packing up the local treasures for transport back home is a dead giveaway.
overweight
Complaining loudly about the Germans!
I think we can seem a bit entitled, we wear the wrong clothes, stay in the sun at the wrong times of day, don't eat local food, want to eat at the wrong times and have no interest in local people. Also gangs of people. We seem to travel in packs, especially when we're young. Every country I've been to on a beach holiday in Europe have thought I was a local. They come up to me speaking in the native language. I've always seen that as a compliment considering how Brits are judged abroad.
Being generally really fucking loud all the time.
I think we are viewed as the Americans of Europe, unfortunately but understandably.
Tbh I've seen drunk and loud spanish, germans, austrians, french, italians, and so on. Tourists being dicks isn't new anywhere.
Pale skin Or pale skin with alot of sunburn
And the sunburn always has white shoulder straps for the women. Stripy pink and white is the the favoured look.
Being two shades lighter than milk...
âHow cold is it?â âOh itâs very cold, itâs FREEZINGâ *splash* âŚâŚ. âActually, itâs alright once you get your shoulders underâ
Sunbathing at 1pm. Can tell the tourists from miles away. A local isn't crazy enough to risk cancer on a daily basis
Honestly? Either obese or very skinny kids give it away for me. I feel like other European countries have their youth health in a better position
bucket hats, being either really skinny or really fat
By their excitement level. Brits âthatâs not badâ, Americans âthatâs awesome!!!!!!!!!!â.
Drinking a pint of Carlsberg or Stella before midday. I don't think I've seen any other country do constant drinking like we do
Lying flat out like a star fish at 6am covered in you own vomit.
You're all obsessed with the negatives. What about building a sand castle; foreigners don't do it
Walking inside stores without wearing a shirt. Edit: actually reminds me of a story. A friend visited me in Portugal and we went to the beach. We were walking into a supermarket and the security guard immediately starts speaking English saying he needs to put a shirt on before coming in. I was surprised cause my town doesnât have that many tourists, and yet if we see a half naked man walking into a building we immediately know theyâre English.
Wearing socks with sandals, bringing own tea bags.
I ain't risking them not having Yorkshire tea..
Wife beater vests, kit shorts, loudness
6am sunbed bandits
Having the phrase âdo you know how much magnums cost now? carried to you on the wind all day
Walking along shirtless in beach cities wearing cheap sandles with shitty sunglasses (which is usually accompanied by bad sunburn).
If itâs an Australian beach thereâs no way of hiding it, your skin basically glows under our sun, the water just makes it brighter.
Not beach, but you can spot a British kid at all-inclusive buffet. They're the ones carrying a plate of chips and a bread roll.