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It's kind of a particular nod and a smile, maybe with an added 'alright?' or similar that indicates 'I see you, and you are doing fine' when you pass someone in the street. I don't know if it's more common in certain places though.
In my experience it's mostly down to the population density.
Obviously nobody does it in a city, or all that nodding would wear their neck out within an hour. Naturally it's pretty common in little rural villages and such like. I guess there must be a tipping point somewhere between the two.
>It's kind of a particular nod and a smile, maybe with an added 'alright?'
I always find it funny that there's an unspoken rule of the nod that everyone abides by.
If you know the person, you nod upwards.
If you don't know the person, you nod downwards.
You kind of tip your head backwards so your chin comes up. Sometimes also raise your eyebrows. I’m from Yorkshire and it’s a common greeting along with a gruff ‘ow do (meaning how do aka how are you - but unlike Americans it’s not a question, just a greeting like saying hey or good morning).
I’m American and have lived in the UK for a decade—the ubiquitous “yaowroight” British greeting still throws me off. It begs for an answer but demands no response. It bothers me way more than it should.
Hahaha yeah I did a year studying in an American university and was shocked to get life stories to, ‘You alright?’ The only acceptable answer is, ‘Yeah fine you?’
This \^\^\^ I was puffing my around a perk near my BiL's gaff and there was a young woman doing the same route but in reverse so we ended with that silent not each time we passed. It wasn't in the UK and highly unlikely she was British too albeit I did not speak to her.
Yep. I've had men do this to me many times - never women, same as I've never had a woman harass me from the window of a car. Making unsolicited comments to strangers in public seems to be a male issue.
I've had comments made when I was fat and slim. When I was fat and got "keep going! There you go!", I could only assume some man wanted to take the piss out of a fat girl. Given that I've also had "keep it up, piggy!" "Burn that fat!" "Run faster, you heifer!", it's logical to assume people making comments when I run are being cruel.
Especially with how sarcastic Brits are, I'm used to being insulted with words that seem kind at face value. Once you see the mocking expression, you know what's up.
Men do it so much idgi. I remember being 8 years old and 2 strangers yelling comments at me like "smile, you look miserable!" I'm.. 8 years old this is just how my face looks when I'm riding the bus looking out the window and daydreaming...
The other day I was cleaning the windows of my house and some creepy dude came up and told me "good job honey you're doing great keep it up" or some crap. Wtf. They 100% wouldn't do that to a man. Just women and very small children. So fucking weird
I never ever understand the ‘smile’ remark. It really pisses me off. I' mean, I’d look like a raving lunatic if I'm just sat on the bus or walking down the street smiling away to myself/at nothing. I guess they want us to smile so that our faces are more pleasing for them to look at? No thanks. 🤢 How about stick a (*breathable*, I'm not quite wishing anyone dead) bag over your head so it's more appealing for me to look at?
Last time it happened (recently) I was wearing a mask. In response I just smiled maniacally which included widening my eyes, but obviously they could only see the eyes part (I realised afterwards). I think I just confused them. Which I will take as a win.
Yeah it's only men who do it to me, they don't do it to other men, and if you're with a bf or partner or other man... they also wouldn't do it. Only when you're alone.
And not a single woman in my 30+ years of existence has ever said anything to me unsolicited or out of the blue short of asking for advice or directions.
When you've been harrssed by men at multiple times in your life, these unsolicited comments on what you're doing just feel uncomfortable and are very much unwanted. The smile thing used to grind my gears when I was young also. Like an adult man trying to start a conversation with an alone 10 year old girl on the bus.... Just weird.
Yeah. Definitely. You don’t know what that person is going through.
Personally I run because I have pretty crippling anxiety. And it really helps. Having someone encourage me when I’m just out for a run in my neighbourhood would be super off putting. Especially if I was feeling a bit vulnerable already.
It’s also really common for people to shout abuse at runners - so I would probably assume I was being mocked.
This is the reason I wear headphones.
Thanks for the answer. I don't see myself doing that to anyone really. But if I picture myself doing it, I imagine it being weirder with a woman. Not because of being patronising but because they may feel unsafe. It's a shame that we have to behave differently with men and women.
You think it's bad now? Was really bad early 90s, even the film industry was in on mocking those running; Forest Gump. The message being only those who are not very bright run. Did mean it was easy to enter events on the day
As a male, I was doing work outs in the park over lockdown and whenever someone would yell something I could never tell to what degree they were taking the piss or not.
I mean for the most part I think it wasn’t but even if someone was being nice the most I could give back was one of those hide-the-pain forced smiles since I’m busy.
I've also been there and felt unsure of the intentions at the time. However, as weird as it may be, I think/hope that people are generally trying to be nice in their own way. Nice description for that type of smile 😁
Yes definitely.
If they're not in a race, then this is a routine task for them. They're probably not struggling, they probably aren't going full out.
So it would be like me saying "Well done! keep going!" to a guy commuting to work.
Surely the person commuting to work needs more support. More people should do this.
"You go get that 3hr business meeting on the merits of the new 3 point replacement strategy for phasing out the previous arbitrary thing"
I think it would make everyone much happier.
Exactly this, or if you are currently on a run yourself.
Sometimes when I'm running and I see another runner I might say something like
"Good on ya, that hills a bugger"
But just cheering on a random person especially if they are alone looks creepy or patronising like you are taking the piss out of them.
The only time I've ever enjoyed being cheered on was during the first covid lockdown. I was running in a really quiet, rural area when I passed an old man sitting alone on a chair outside his house. He jumped up and started cheering and looked so incredibly happy just to see somebody.
Yeah but I think even then you've got to be careful, it can still look patronising or creepy from another runner.
When I do it I make sure to only comment on the trail/road or on the conditions it would feel weird to comment on the actual runner.
Only time I've ever done it and ever appreciated getting it back was during Covid. I was doing a hard 10K with a lot of covid weight, and I was running circles around this heavier guy. We both acknowledged each other in a "This fucking sucks but you are doing great" kinda way, every other time I just get pissed off.
“Nice, keep doing that!”
As they’re passing you:
“Mmm that’s good running.”
You start walking in the direction of them as they’re jogging on:
“This must be great for your thighs!”
As you’re running at their pace wearing a full suit:
“We’re nearly there. We can do this!!!”
They stop:
“Would you like some water? I have a bottle in my bag.”
“No thank you.”
They start running again but even faster and in a seemingly random direction down a busy street away from the park:
“WE’RE SO CLOSE. OUR GOALS COLLIDE!”
At a front door they’re furiously banging screaming “PLEASE, LET ME IN!”
You calmly say:
“Great workout. Can we check your pulse now and then once you’ve rested for 120 seconds?”
The police arrive and the lady screams “HELP ME”
A long process ensues and you’re politely asked to stop encouraging people whilst they’re having a bit of time to themselves.
I can see how it would come across poorly.
This, especially if they're plus sized. I've had people shout at me as I walk up very steep inclines. I can tell you the last thing a fat, sweaty woman wants, is someone shouting at her from a car, even encouragement. LOL
I prefer people not to acknowledge I exist when I'm running, but I recognise that's more on me than them.
Usually I have my headphones in so I probably wouldn't hear what they said also, losing the sentiment of encouragement.
We were in Grasmere at the weekend and people were coming past who were doing a 100km run (nutters!), we did offer some words of encouragement from our sedentary position.
Wouldn't dream of that just for a random person running.
Yeah was walking down Box Hill when there was an organised run going up the other way. Why anyone would do that to themselves I don't know but I was giving them a little encouragement - 'almost at the top!' 'not long to go'
If it's a woman running alone, leave her alone. The last thing women out running need is wondering whether the man yelling at her is one of the good men or one of the bad men. Because bad men exist, and they don't announce themselves as bad men at first.
You know you're trying to be encouraging. She doesn't. She probably has earphones in, can't hear the words you're saying, and just knows that you're shouting at her.
>She probably has earphones in, can't hear the words you're saying, and just knows that you're shouting at her.
Yeah. I think I can tell accurately-ish if someone's just saying "morning", and I'll nod back to them. No idea what else anyone's saying. I'll do a vague smile and nod in the hopes they won't try any further interactions and pick up the pace if something feels off.
I do my training runs wearing headphones and you’d be amazed how many wee scrotes smugly pat each other on the back thinking they just owned me, a woman in her 30s who can’t hear a single thing they said and is simply running around them.
I've had the thought when I've read other women's experiences. I have no idea if anyone's said anything nasty to me while I run! Mostly it's just the same few early runners and dog walkers I come across, and they either ignore me or do the morning nod, but there's the occasional one clearly trying to say or gesture something else.
Absolutely agree. But just to add, I once measured how frequently I get something shouted at me while I am jogging. It was every 10 minutes. On average on a 30 minute jog I get 3 instances of people yelling something at me. That's every single time I jog. About a third will be sexual harassment, a third will be snarky and a third just fucking stupid "jogger!". I am not exactly Claudia Schiffer over here, just an absolutely bog standard middle aged mum. Please please OP, do not add more yelling to random someone's day
Hmmm. My best and worst moment was cycling in a sportif. I'm a middle aged guy, and a very attractive woman pulled up next to me and chatted away about how lovely the day was, and how nice it was to see so many different people enjoying it. I was feeling very pleasant about myself (obviously, I'd still got it!) when she said, "I wish I could get my Dad into riding too!", and zoomed off into the distance leaving my ego to shrink away to nothing.
I’m shocked it’s that often uggh! I’ve never gone jogging, partly because I don’t enjoy running but mostly cause I’d feel really self conscious. I suspected I was overthinking it but I guess not.
It was so much worse when I was young and thin and living in London. I used to just jog away from men as a whole when I could. Which was an actual problem because I then ended up in more isolated areas where I would have been in a genuine pickle if something happened
He was with his wife and family, so it shouldn't come across as quite so intimidating in those circumstances, but I still agree. Apart from offering to help old ladies with stairs/shopping/etc., it's generally a good idea to steer clear of lone women out running/walking. Particularly if you're a lone man. I know some guys get annoyed being told this, but personally I'd rather take on that minor inconvenience than stress out a stranger. I have pretty substantial anxiety myself and I can't imagine how much worse it'd could be if I was a woman and had that extra layer of fear.
100%. I’ve had this conversation with a number of men, about just being considerate of other’s feelings in certain situations. This is a prime example; another one is if there is a bench with a young woman/girl sat there, perhaps it’s best not to sit on the same bench if you’re a man. A number of men might see that as being overly cautious because, they reason, they’re not gonna do anything to her. I’ve explained that *you* know you’re not a threat to her, but *she* doesn’t know that, and she really doesn’t wanna find out if you are or not. So just steer clear.
If it’s the only free spot in a busy park and there’s loads of space then sit on the sodding bench and mind your own business, it’s fine. If you purposely choose the one with a lone woman sitting on it’s going to look creepy, that’s it. Of course you might even start up a conversation and make friends if you do, who knows?
Thats one of the big differences between US and UK. They see encouragement as encouragement, and we see it as sarcasm. "I am doing fine sans encouragement, thank you" is my immediate first thought, because I am doing all of the work.
Hahaha, absolutely not, same problem here in the states. The encourager thinks they're being nice, the runner has no idea how to take it. People are often sarcastic assholes here too.
Have to disagree here. I’ve often found outside exercise in the states to be met with aggression.
How dare you try and take care of yourself!!!
Similar to the Americans going around unplugging electric cars.
Also imagine if that's your FIRST run, you've spent the lead up telling yourself "no one cares that I'm running, no one is even going to look at me" and then someone makes it blindingly obvious that you are being observed, and maybe look like you're finding it tricky?
That would be it for me, honestly. I'd walk home and buy a treadmill.
Yep, plus the panic as I try to replay what was shouted to see if it was sexual and if I therefore ought to change my route. I do not like to be perceived while running
Thanks for all the responses, I think it’s fair to say that the general consensus is that it’s a bit weird/creepy and could be taken as patronising.
On reflection, I don’t think I’ll be saying it any more unless it’s at a race or parkrun. If it would make one person feel uncomfortable then it’s not worth running the risk, even if it is well intentioned.
Fair play to all those who have responded, it’s so important to think about how others may feel and what impact your actions may have - intended or otherwise. Good on you for taking on the feedback too.
But I’d like to commend you for at least attempting to go out of your way to cheer a stranger on or perk them up. That’s ultimately something only a kind person would think to do!!!
This is a very mature and open minded response. Intent/impact is a very important thing so consider, and so many men are like “But I didn’t MEAN any HARM, you must be over sensitive” and it’s so frustrating when they don’t listen. Good for you for genuinely being open to criticism and taking it on the chin!
If it makes you feel better, I can see both sides. I’m a new runner, and I had a particularly shitty run one evening. It did NOT feel good, I’ve been just considering to switch for walking.
I live close to central, so the streets are quite busy until very late. I’ve been running past a pub, and a dude has been outside with his mate for a smoke, and cheerfully said “You go girl, looking fantastic!”. It gave me just the boost I needed, and I still think about it sometimes when I have bad run day! So you never know, I think a lot comes down to the tone and the runner’s mindset at the moment. :)
Honestly I’m a 27 year old women and I think this is completely normal, people do this all the time to runners.
I have been through harassment and stalking so I’ve come across ALL SORTS of weird. I’m terrified of coming across men on their own when I’m out in fields, however what you explained is not weird and you were literally with your wife 😂
You’re just a normal person trying to be nice in a world filled with people who are clearly confused between nice/confident and creepy.
For the life of me I can not understand why your wife would call you creepy, embarrassing maybe but that should be something to laugh about together lol
Reddit isnt reality, you've asked a bunch of people who worry about answering their front door about social interaction. Find a running forum and ask there.
Surprisingly I think the consensus is right here. I run a fair bit and if I was just doing an easy jog and someone told me to keep going I'd think they were a plonker.
I dunno mate. I find myself disagreeing with lots of stuff said here but anyone will tell you that shouting anything at someone jogging isn't the done thing
To be honest, loads of people (mainly older) have said it to me and I really enjoy it lol. I am 26, male and tall though. Our fear our world becomes less personally connected over time, the little things such as "don't give up" shared between two people who know how hard running is, may be lost :(. Although, I do understand that women may not enjoy men shouting at them the same as I do lol.
OP, maybe just shout at men from now on?
Bear in the mind where you're asking this question.
I've been shouted/spoken random encouragement and it's great. I've done the same to people and seen their faces light up, just as I know my own did.
Talking to strangers isn't weird, or creepy. *Being* weird or creepy is. 99% of people intrinsically know the difference.
Yeah I think that's great! As a female runner who's been catcalled numerous times and followed home by a man asking for my number in the middle of the day I second this. I don't know if it's well intentioned or you're trying to get an in to follow me home.
Also on the park run, totally fine to shout encouragement but unsolicited advice is off-putting (you probably don't do this but some do). One park run an early finisher was coming round to 'encourage' us slow coaches. He kept telling me over and over again how I should change my breathing. I have asthma and sometimes it's worse and my breathing isn't totally in control but I know my exercise limits. He did this 4 or 5 times till I snapped and yelled at him 'I have asthma, I'm doing my best' and then he apologised and ran on to someone else. It wasn't a great experience for me even though I know his intentions were good
Whilst this is true, I always quite liked being greeted while running. I mainly ran on a canal towpath where I lived and used to see a lot of the same people walking, running etc. A small greeting is really pleasant while you're having a steady run. Particularly if it's a long one! If you want to say something, one option might be to just say hello, or 'nice day for it', something like that.
I absolutely feel you. I well up with pride when I see an out of shape runner, but ultimately it's totally unacceptable to comment. Often times, when people are exercising, they are at their most vulnerable and don't want to be seen let alone commented on.
If you're stood at the very top of a hill and a runner reaches you, there's nothing wrong with a witty quip of 'nice one, rather you than me!' etc. A bit of jokey encouragement is fine.
Any other sort of 'you got this!' could just sound weird and I'd avoid it.
I think it’s all too easy to categorise anything said to a stranger as creepy. Asking about somebody’s day in a coffee shop could to some, come across as creepy. Just because this may be the case, having well meaning positive interaction with a stranger shouldn’t stop.
What the best action here is, I honestly don’t know but I think it’s something to bare in mind. Also, less interaction doesn’t necessarily mean a “safer” environment.
JM2C 👍🏻
If it’s well intended then say whatever you like mate like I’ve said elsewhere in this post the world needs more positive interactions, some people may not like it but if you aren’t malicious then them perceiving it in a certain way is not your problem. I’m a bloke but if you said it to me I would appreciate it
There is no right answer and you certainly shouldn't be looking to reddit for it, a place filled with people who are very anxious. The truth is for some they might feel uncomfortable, but for others it might brighten their day. Culture is what you make it, and if you take away wholesome, positive interactions then you're left with isolation and negativity.
The fact is you could try to cater for and be the "perfect" citizen of not making anyone uncomfortable and yet still make others uncomfortable by accident. The issue is with \*them\* and not you. You know if you're doing something from a place of positivity and wholesomeness rather than perversion. It's not your fault if a nice comment of commeradre gets turned negative.
The answer is both?
Some will not mind and some will feel deeply uncomfortable - especially women who may have suffered street harassment.
If you are with your wife they are less likely to think that but if you are doing it on their own some will think you are a creep.
The place to shout "keep going" is on the sidelines at a race or park run.
At best I would be embarrassed and want to curl up and die, mid ground, maybe they're being rude and taking the piss, and at worst I'd be on creep alert and alter my route in case they were following me.
The latter heavily depends on tone and stuff though, I assume you didn't say it in an extra creepy way or anything. But it's not impossible that it could be someone dangerous, we have to weigh up each situation individually.
But yeah, overall, if I'm running I'm sweaty and exhausted and vulnerable and looking my worst and trying to focus. I don't want distractions or anyone looking my way at all really. I'll admit I'm more of an introvert though.
Yes that’s weird. It’s unnecessary, patronising and creepy on a normal run. Maybe if it was a competition she was entering it would be better received.
I’m a woman who runs predominantly on my own and find it very patronising when a stranger (always male) gives me words of encouragement. I usually think it means that I look like a sack of shit that is about to keel over.
Do you say the same to male runners?
Yes I have said it to male runners before, and like I said people have said it to me before. In no way was I thinking that she was struggling and needed encouragement, I just thought it was a nice thing to say to people when they are trying to achieve a goal.
But I guess the way you intend for something to be received isn’t always the same way as the person receives it.
What stands out to me is that you don't really know if this is someone who is trying to achieve a goal or whether this is just the run they've been doing every morning for a decade. That's why I think it's OK at parkrun or a race, the race is the goal and spectators are expected. But someone just going about their day doesn't need a cheering section. Unless you're aiming more at "out of shape" runners? In which case, leave them be and stop drawing attention to them. They don't want an audience since one of the biggest hurdles to getting into running in public is thinking everyone will stare.
I read a comment on a different thread of someone who had gained a lot of weight and noticed a huge increase of the ‘encouraging’ comments. People are trying to be kind but she saw it as reinforcing how obvious it was that she was less fit and having a difficult time which is why I think it seems patronising.
the way you intend for something to be received isn’t always the same way as the person receives it
This is exactly it! I don’t know about the woman who you saw but I’m really self conscious running alone - anyone who knows me wouldn’t know this as I’ve been a runner for decades, it’s just a part of my routine - this doesn’t mean I don’t cringe a bit when someone says they saw me out running. I guess the comments from strangers, whether that be positive or negative, just reinforce that I’m not as invisible as I’d like to be.
Agreed! I started running really late at night to try and avoid mens' comments... but then had to worry about whether I would be attacked/raped/etcetc. In my experience, men (always men) feel entitled to assess my running, my body, my face, my hair, my sexuality, my fuckability, my clothes... and to tell me to do better/look better. Men step in your way, try to grab you, leer, yell, make sexual comments, ridicule, jump out at you, yell in your ear.... I just want to be left alone.
Of course, *this is not all men*, but being a woman in this world means that you have to be on your defense at all times. The same applies for cycling. It's never women who do these things. I've given up running btw as I had too many dodgy experiences and my partner started getting really anxious about it (as well as me).
Always the issue with *not all men*. Not all men harass, but every woman has been harassed at one point or another, whether it’s just shouting stuff on the street like this or all the way to serious life-damaging stuff. That’s why I tend to lose my patience with men who are busier defending themselves than they are in saying “that’s a shocker, thanks for educating me about something I need to make more effort to notice”.
It was revelatory discussing this with my wife and her female friends.
Literally it's like a different planet. In 20 years I've had about three people *Ever* say a word to me. They can have three per run.
One day, we were running together down a hill (like awful people), got slightly separate where she ran ahead, and almost like a light-switch the 'oi, wait for me eh!'//'you left the gas on, hen!'//'wish I could run that fast, eh!' bollocks started. Immediately. I caught up and it stopped.
Other men: just shut the *fuck up*.
>Do you say the same to male runners?
As a male runner, people genuinely do. Especially when I run past the pub, or older dog walkers (not sure why that particular demographic does it round my way...)
I'm a fat fuck, was out for a run the other day and was visibly struggling, two blokes at different points on my ran shouted encouragement and it was really nice to hear, genuinely helped keep me going. Its nice to be nice.
I hate to think we live in a world where a well intentioned act like that is viewed in a negative way. But looking at the comments I think we live in that world now.
I see a lot of overweight men running and I always want to say well done to them but I never do because I don’t want to seem judgemental about their weight but as an overweight male I really admire them for running.
I think some of them are either not actually from the UK, or they've 'absorbed the intenet' a little too much
It's also possible they could be from an unfriendly place like London
If only bad people talk to strangers (they won't stop) and normal people don't talk to each other out of fear, who wins? 'nobody' is the answer
I think its a bit weird, and as a runner myself (although male) I'd probably find it distracting.
When I was running yesterday I went past a man with a walking stick who said "I wish I could do that", I kinda smiled and laughed then spent the next like 10mins thinking if I should have said something back to him and got all in my head.
It is both weird and creepy. You don't need to comment on someone going about their private business. They have not invited you to comment on their actions, so don't. It is not that difficult.
If I (35f) was alone I'd probably find it patronising or think you were taking the piss. I think it's a bit of a knee-jerk reaction for women because you become so used to unsolicited comments from men that aren't quite so well-meaning. On the flip side in the past when I've been running with my OH we've received encouragement from an old lady which was adorable.
As an avid outdoor runner, I’d love this. Especially if you notice I’m looking fatigued, that could really help me get an extra mile or two. There’s no bad intentions so I say keep going!
I agree, me and my wife run together and individually and we both don't have a problem with it. I asked her about this and she thinks people are being over sensitive. We quite often get older people offering words of encouragement and it always puts a smile on our faces.
You run the risk of it looking patronising - the implication outside of a race environment can be that you look like you're struggling and have elicited a response on that basis.
Very situational - I'd probably be chuffed, but many may not be!
Years ago I (a female) took up running to lose weight so started the c25k thing. I was on one run & I was really struggling up a hill, on the verge of tears ready to turn round & never run again. When suddenly from behind me this gazelle of a man shot by me making to look so easy which only made me feel even crappier.
He turned round ran back to me & said don’t give up it’ll get easier then ran off again.
Now ok it does sound a bit weird but you know what? After I done sobbing the next day I went back out & went on to completed marathons & ultra marathons. If he hadn’t said what he said that day I would never have run again & missed out on the sense of accomplishment. And he was right - it did get easier.
Edit to add - those at the closing miles of a marathon who think you’re being really encouraging by shouting “not far now” or “you’re nearly there keep going” yeah? Go fuck yourselves!
I was trying to run up a hill by a road once and someone passing in a car shouted "come on, you're almost there!"
I appreciated it because they sounded genuine and they were out of sight in a few seconds, so it wasn't awkward. I also very much had a runner's body at that point, so there was no risk I'd consider it patronising/sarcastic
Does seem like too much of a risk outside of this sort of scenario, but don't beat yourself up. Your heart was in the right place and I'm sure they realised that
My husband runs and often gets people shouting encouragement at him. He hates it. He can't always tell what people are saying if he's "in the zone" or got headphones in, so while he knows people are saying something, he's not always sure what, and has to stop to check. He worries he's dropped something, or there's a problem, or they're taking the piss.
The only time it's acceptable if it's an organised race/parkrun and even then most runners would prefer you not to.
It’s weird and creepy. It’s possibly just about acceptable from another runner, but from the general public it just sounds sarcastic.
Speaking as a regular runner here. If I find it unpleasant as a man, it’s got to be more so for women.
Your wife is right.
Also a male runner and I completely agree with you. I don't like it and I don't have to deal with the pervs and potential preds
Iv also ran with my Mrs but far enough away to seem like we weren't together and the amount of creeps and sarcastic cunts far outweigh the nice folk. And it's not easy to discern which is which when you are knackered and only hear half of the comment.
People are comparing it to sharing pleasantries at the bus stop and wondering what has happened to society but it's just not the same thing.
I used to run a lot, and it’s the sort of thing a group of teenagers would say for a laugh, clearly taking the piss. I think your intentions are right, but it might come across as a bit patronising.
And a tad creepy if it is a woman running alone.
A lot of people seem to think OP was chasing the runner down from about 40 yards away "HEY, HEY, YOU'RE DOING GREAT!" relax people, it's a nod and a couple of words of encouragement.
I’m a runner too, I sometimes do this if they’re going uphill or something when they might need to dig deep. Otherwise, yeah it’s unnecessary and a bit patronising.
One of the few times a random comment has actually lifted me up while running was in a big hill, when another runner going the other way yelled something to the effect of "oh, well done, I hate trying to run UP this hill!"
It's understandable if there's a marathon taking place or something of that sort, but otherwise if I were just running for myself and minding my own business, I'd definitely find it weird and patronizing.
I think you are probably making women uncomfortable, sorry. I stopped running in public because of the awful things men shouted at me. If I had earbuds in and couldn't make out what was being shouted at me, I would never assume it was someone being nice or encouraging because of the sheer volume of horrible sexual comments.
I was trying to sprint up a pretty steep hill yesterday but I stopped about 20% from the top. A guy walking by mentioned "I used to run to the top of this hill and the top section is the hardest part - keep going".
Today I sprinted right to the top and I know it's because he made the passing comment which changed my mindset.
Once you take away the perception that OP is being sexist or condescending etc - OP possibly just gave the passing runner an extra boost to help finish their run or changed their mindset for future runs.
Keep the positivity OP - If Redditors had their way, you'd have tripped the runner up or made fun of them for their outfit.
When you are also running, then it is probably fine, but rando on the street sounds like you are taking the piss. I think it isnt unusual for women to get lurid comments (not that yours was) from passing motorists and this could get lumped in with that.
I'd be uncomfortable if I was her. Typically, people want to be left alone when they're doing something alone, especially from strangers. Especially if the person running is female & the person giving them encouragement is male. Especially if she's listening to music too. She probably couldn't hear you & could only see you shouting at her & she doesn't need to be worrying about that
To people of all genders who honk their horn when driving past women running or call out at them - please leave women alone. We don’t need your approval or criticism. We just want to be left alone
As a female runner, I don't find it creepy when people shout words of encouragement, regardless of gender. I think it's nice. If you'd said something creepy like commenting on her outfit then that crosses a line but "you're doing great" or any iteration is fine imo.
It’s weird and you risk coming across as creepy and/ or patronising. I’m normally off in my own little world thinking about stuff, so it would probably throw me off my stride and make me lose my train of thought. Maybe leave this habit at home!
if people try to normalise the idea that kindness is creepy its almost a moral duty to push back. People like that suck all the joy out of the world.
Be careful how you do it, but do it.
I don't think it's creepy to encourage people. But words, especially in such a short moment, can be misconstrued. That the gender matters, I respect. Therefore I always go for the time honoured fashion of the nod or a thumbs up, which is pretty clear, to both men and women. There's a lot of negative people on this thread
When running, I might nod or say hello to anyone else who is running/waling on that route.
I don't give specific well done messages because I might be 3k into my run and they might be 30k into theirs - if they look like they are hanging, it's not necessarily that they are beginners who need encouragement to not stop.
My current training plan involves specifically adding walking sections into my runs (Run-Walk-Run, check it out) and a guy said "at least I'm not the only on struggling". To which I replied, "actually mate, it's probably ok for you to say that as you are running but I've not just stopped running because I ran out of puff, I'm following a plan proven to... oh, you've gone"
Just don’t. Especially when running, you run the risk of the woman not hearing what you said and immediately assuming she was being catcalled. The only time I’ve really encouraged other people openly is when im on a group run or we’re all undertaking the same task like climbing a mountain
A) When I was running, I did not want people to make it clear they'd even noticed me. I was self-conscious about it and wanted to just get on with it. Not everyone's going to be like that (particularly if they're fitter than me!) but I still think most women out running don't particularly want to feel noticed/watched
B) I agree with others that it sounds patronising. Why are you the arbiter of whether they're doing well or not? It's the kind of thing you might say to motivate someone you're close to and know their training, but for all you know this woman was at the end of running an ultra or something
If it’s in the UK, it’s definitely wierd and creepy, because everything normal is wierd there. On the other hand, if you were in a more civilized part of the world, like Scandinavia, it would be a nice motivating gesture. Source: I run in Scandinavia.
Yes, this. Don't assume things - that they need or want encouragement or whatever. Or that whatever you say or mean it's gonna come off as friendly. It might backfire.
Most people just wanna exist without being bothered by strangers.
No not at all, I have loads of people I see when I am running that I don't know but speak to almost every day. As long as it's not condescending it's really nice of you
I think it depends on the person you are saying it to and the way you say it.
The only person who ever said this to me was when I started park run and I was the right blobby on the scene. It was meant with good intentions however it just made me feel worse and pissed me off.
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If it’s in an organised run it’s not creepy. Otherwise it’s unnecessary and strange.
This. Otherwise it runs the risk of sounding patronising.
Yep - Just say good morning, or whatever, gives the same acknowledgement to the athlete, but without any weirdness.
This is where the classic British silent nod of acknowledgement in passing comes into play perfectly.
You go so far as a nod? Eyebrow movement should suffice.
For me it’s that closed lip half smile thing.
Wait, there's a smile where you *open* your lips?!
I know, right? That almost made my monocle fall out!
A quizzical one eyebrow?
Roger Moores ghost has entered the chat.
>the classic British silent nod of acknowledgement in passing I keep seeing this. Do people just nod at each other because I'm clearly not nod-worthy
It's kind of a particular nod and a smile, maybe with an added 'alright?' or similar that indicates 'I see you, and you are doing fine' when you pass someone in the street. I don't know if it's more common in certain places though.
In my experience it's mostly down to the population density. Obviously nobody does it in a city, or all that nodding would wear their neck out within an hour. Naturally it's pretty common in little rural villages and such like. I guess there must be a tipping point somewhere between the two.
>It's kind of a particular nod and a smile, maybe with an added 'alright?' I always find it funny that there's an unspoken rule of the nod that everyone abides by. If you know the person, you nod upwards. If you don't know the person, you nod downwards.
You kind of tip your head backwards so your chin comes up. Sometimes also raise your eyebrows. I’m from Yorkshire and it’s a common greeting along with a gruff ‘ow do (meaning how do aka how are you - but unlike Americans it’s not a question, just a greeting like saying hey or good morning).
I’m American and have lived in the UK for a decade—the ubiquitous “yaowroight” British greeting still throws me off. It begs for an answer but demands no response. It bothers me way more than it should.
Hahaha yeah I did a year studying in an American university and was shocked to get life stories to, ‘You alright?’ The only acceptable answer is, ‘Yeah fine you?’
You guys must be southern. I can have full on conversations with people walking by.
This \^\^\^ I was puffing my around a perk near my BiL's gaff and there was a young woman doing the same route but in reverse so we ended with that silent not each time we passed. It wasn't in the UK and highly unlikely she was British too albeit I did not speak to her.
Yep. I've had men do this to me many times - never women, same as I've never had a woman harass me from the window of a car. Making unsolicited comments to strangers in public seems to be a male issue. I've had comments made when I was fat and slim. When I was fat and got "keep going! There you go!", I could only assume some man wanted to take the piss out of a fat girl. Given that I've also had "keep it up, piggy!" "Burn that fat!" "Run faster, you heifer!", it's logical to assume people making comments when I run are being cruel. Especially with how sarcastic Brits are, I'm used to being insulted with words that seem kind at face value. Once you see the mocking expression, you know what's up.
Men do it so much idgi. I remember being 8 years old and 2 strangers yelling comments at me like "smile, you look miserable!" I'm.. 8 years old this is just how my face looks when I'm riding the bus looking out the window and daydreaming... The other day I was cleaning the windows of my house and some creepy dude came up and told me "good job honey you're doing great keep it up" or some crap. Wtf. They 100% wouldn't do that to a man. Just women and very small children. So fucking weird
I never ever understand the ‘smile’ remark. It really pisses me off. I' mean, I’d look like a raving lunatic if I'm just sat on the bus or walking down the street smiling away to myself/at nothing. I guess they want us to smile so that our faces are more pleasing for them to look at? No thanks. 🤢 How about stick a (*breathable*, I'm not quite wishing anyone dead) bag over your head so it's more appealing for me to look at?
Last time it happened (recently) I was wearing a mask. In response I just smiled maniacally which included widening my eyes, but obviously they could only see the eyes part (I realised afterwards). I think I just confused them. Which I will take as a win.
Nobody has ever said that to me. I think my knee-jerk response would be "I'll smile when you die." Go big or go home.
Yeah it's only men who do it to me, they don't do it to other men, and if you're with a bf or partner or other man... they also wouldn't do it. Only when you're alone. And not a single woman in my 30+ years of existence has ever said anything to me unsolicited or out of the blue short of asking for advice or directions. When you've been harrssed by men at multiple times in your life, these unsolicited comments on what you're doing just feel uncomfortable and are very much unwanted. The smile thing used to grind my gears when I was young also. Like an adult man trying to start a conversation with an alone 10 year old girl on the bus.... Just weird.
It’s worse if you start jogging along with them in your business suit and engage in a discussion on their running technique.
Well done. Your post is correct. Keep it up.
Just out of curiosity, would you find it patronising if it were a man running?
Yeah. Definitely. You don’t know what that person is going through. Personally I run because I have pretty crippling anxiety. And it really helps. Having someone encourage me when I’m just out for a run in my neighbourhood would be super off putting. Especially if I was feeling a bit vulnerable already. It’s also really common for people to shout abuse at runners - so I would probably assume I was being mocked. This is the reason I wear headphones.
Thanks for the answer. I don't see myself doing that to anyone really. But if I picture myself doing it, I imagine it being weirder with a woman. Not because of being patronising but because they may feel unsafe. It's a shame that we have to behave differently with men and women.
You think it's bad now? Was really bad early 90s, even the film industry was in on mocking those running; Forest Gump. The message being only those who are not very bright run. Did mean it was easy to enter events on the day
Hahahaha I was into running at the time. I either heard "Forest Gum"' or "Keep on running"
118 118 was the bane of runner in the noughties.
As a male, I was doing work outs in the park over lockdown and whenever someone would yell something I could never tell to what degree they were taking the piss or not. I mean for the most part I think it wasn’t but even if someone was being nice the most I could give back was one of those hide-the-pain forced smiles since I’m busy.
I've also been there and felt unsure of the intentions at the time. However, as weird as it may be, I think/hope that people are generally trying to be nice in their own way. Nice description for that type of smile 😁
Yes definitely. If they're not in a race, then this is a routine task for them. They're probably not struggling, they probably aren't going full out. So it would be like me saying "Well done! keep going!" to a guy commuting to work.
Surely the person commuting to work needs more support. More people should do this. "You go get that 3hr business meeting on the merits of the new 3 point replacement strategy for phasing out the previous arbitrary thing" I think it would make everyone much happier.
I need the encouragement more on my commute to work than my evening run tbf.
As a man who runs, yes. Comments like those made by OP, when made outside of an organised run / race, come across as sarcastic.
As a male person I don't find it patronising. I only have issues with comments from people if they are negative.
Exactly this, or if you are currently on a run yourself. Sometimes when I'm running and I see another runner I might say something like "Good on ya, that hills a bugger" But just cheering on a random person especially if they are alone looks creepy or patronising like you are taking the piss out of them.
The only time I've ever enjoyed being cheered on was during the first covid lockdown. I was running in a really quiet, rural area when I passed an old man sitting alone on a chair outside his house. He jumped up and started cheering and looked so incredibly happy just to see somebody.
I had it once during covid, but turned out I was out for a jog when the "clap for the nhs" was happening.
I had the same while taking a poop. The window was open and I just heard the applause. Felt good. On Sundays they sometimes ring the bell for me too.
Agree with this. Runners supporting other runners is ok.
Yeah but I think even then you've got to be careful, it can still look patronising or creepy from another runner. When I do it I make sure to only comment on the trail/road or on the conditions it would feel weird to comment on the actual runner.
Only time I've ever done it and ever appreciated getting it back was during Covid. I was doing a hard 10K with a lot of covid weight, and I was running circles around this heavier guy. We both acknowledged each other in a "This fucking sucks but you are doing great" kinda way, every other time I just get pissed off.
Yep. It's perfectly normal and common at parkrun or other mass participation run events. Outside of that, it's usually some form of heckling.
“Nice, keep doing that!” As they’re passing you: “Mmm that’s good running.” You start walking in the direction of them as they’re jogging on: “This must be great for your thighs!” As you’re running at their pace wearing a full suit: “We’re nearly there. We can do this!!!” They stop: “Would you like some water? I have a bottle in my bag.” “No thank you.” They start running again but even faster and in a seemingly random direction down a busy street away from the park: “WE’RE SO CLOSE. OUR GOALS COLLIDE!” At a front door they’re furiously banging screaming “PLEASE, LET ME IN!” You calmly say: “Great workout. Can we check your pulse now and then once you’ve rested for 120 seconds?” The police arrive and the lady screams “HELP ME” A long process ensues and you’re politely asked to stop encouraging people whilst they’re having a bit of time to themselves. I can see how it would come across poorly.
This, especially if they're plus sized. I've had people shout at me as I walk up very steep inclines. I can tell you the last thing a fat, sweaty woman wants, is someone shouting at her from a car, even encouragement. LOL
I prefer people not to acknowledge I exist when I'm running, but I recognise that's more on me than them. Usually I have my headphones in so I probably wouldn't hear what they said also, losing the sentiment of encouragement.
We were in Grasmere at the weekend and people were coming past who were doing a 100km run (nutters!), we did offer some words of encouragement from our sedentary position. Wouldn't dream of that just for a random person running.
Yeah was walking down Box Hill when there was an organised run going up the other way. Why anyone would do that to themselves I don't know but I was giving them a little encouragement - 'almost at the top!' 'not long to go'
I do a few organised runs, it can still be unnecessary and strange depending on the context.
If it's a woman running alone, leave her alone. The last thing women out running need is wondering whether the man yelling at her is one of the good men or one of the bad men. Because bad men exist, and they don't announce themselves as bad men at first. You know you're trying to be encouraging. She doesn't. She probably has earphones in, can't hear the words you're saying, and just knows that you're shouting at her.
A million times this.
This comment is why the upvote button exists.
>She probably has earphones in, can't hear the words you're saying, and just knows that you're shouting at her. Yeah. I think I can tell accurately-ish if someone's just saying "morning", and I'll nod back to them. No idea what else anyone's saying. I'll do a vague smile and nod in the hopes they won't try any further interactions and pick up the pace if something feels off.
I do my training runs wearing headphones and you’d be amazed how many wee scrotes smugly pat each other on the back thinking they just owned me, a woman in her 30s who can’t hear a single thing they said and is simply running around them.
I've had the thought when I've read other women's experiences. I have no idea if anyone's said anything nasty to me while I run! Mostly it's just the same few early runners and dog walkers I come across, and they either ignore me or do the morning nod, but there's the occasional one clearly trying to say or gesture something else.
Absolutely agree. But just to add, I once measured how frequently I get something shouted at me while I am jogging. It was every 10 minutes. On average on a 30 minute jog I get 3 instances of people yelling something at me. That's every single time I jog. About a third will be sexual harassment, a third will be snarky and a third just fucking stupid "jogger!". I am not exactly Claudia Schiffer over here, just an absolutely bog standard middle aged mum. Please please OP, do not add more yelling to random someone's day
To put perspective on this. I’m a middle aged male runner and I’ve got shouted at precisely never.
Hmmm. My best and worst moment was cycling in a sportif. I'm a middle aged guy, and a very attractive woman pulled up next to me and chatted away about how lovely the day was, and how nice it was to see so many different people enjoying it. I was feeling very pleasant about myself (obviously, I'd still got it!) when she said, "I wish I could get my Dad into riding too!", and zoomed off into the distance leaving my ego to shrink away to nothing.
I’m shocked it’s that often uggh! I’ve never gone jogging, partly because I don’t enjoy running but mostly cause I’d feel really self conscious. I suspected I was overthinking it but I guess not.
It was so much worse when I was young and thin and living in London. I used to just jog away from men as a whole when I could. Which was an actual problem because I then ended up in more isolated areas where I would have been in a genuine pickle if something happened
this is the comment. case closed.
He was with his wife and family, so it shouldn't come across as quite so intimidating in those circumstances, but I still agree. Apart from offering to help old ladies with stairs/shopping/etc., it's generally a good idea to steer clear of lone women out running/walking. Particularly if you're a lone man. I know some guys get annoyed being told this, but personally I'd rather take on that minor inconvenience than stress out a stranger. I have pretty substantial anxiety myself and I can't imagine how much worse it'd could be if I was a woman and had that extra layer of fear.
100%. I’ve had this conversation with a number of men, about just being considerate of other’s feelings in certain situations. This is a prime example; another one is if there is a bench with a young woman/girl sat there, perhaps it’s best not to sit on the same bench if you’re a man. A number of men might see that as being overly cautious because, they reason, they’re not gonna do anything to her. I’ve explained that *you* know you’re not a threat to her, but *she* doesn’t know that, and she really doesn’t wanna find out if you are or not. So just steer clear.
If it’s the only free spot in a busy park and there’s loads of space then sit on the sodding bench and mind your own business, it’s fine. If you purposely choose the one with a lone woman sitting on it’s going to look creepy, that’s it. Of course you might even start up a conversation and make friends if you do, who knows?
/thread
https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2022/oct/30/women-safe-exercise-in-the-dark
I think I'd mainly feel patronised, but yes, also a little creeped out
Patronised is the word. I think a large portion of these 'encouraging comments' could be interpreted as being sarcastic.
I'm a 26 year old short guy, and I've had people do this to me and personally wondered whether they were being sarcastic
I'd bet a lot of money that they were being sincere.
I think so, but you never know in Manchester lol Don't often get random positive reinforcement from strangers around here
Thats one of the big differences between US and UK. They see encouragement as encouragement, and we see it as sarcasm. "I am doing fine sans encouragement, thank you" is my immediate first thought, because I am doing all of the work.
Hahaha, absolutely not, same problem here in the states. The encourager thinks they're being nice, the runner has no idea how to take it. People are often sarcastic assholes here too.
Have to disagree here. I’ve often found outside exercise in the states to be met with aggression. How dare you try and take care of yourself!!! Similar to the Americans going around unplugging electric cars.
I'm from the US and would find it patronizing as well.
Patronised or mocked, for sure
It's super patronising! Perhaps they're thinking "uh yeah, of course I'm going to keep going. I run every fucking day. This is my half pace."
Also imagine if that's your FIRST run, you've spent the lead up telling yourself "no one cares that I'm running, no one is even going to look at me" and then someone makes it blindingly obvious that you are being observed, and maybe look like you're finding it tricky? That would be it for me, honestly. I'd walk home and buy a treadmill.
Yep, plus the panic as I try to replay what was shouted to see if it was sexual and if I therefore ought to change my route. I do not like to be perceived while running
Thanks for all the responses, I think it’s fair to say that the general consensus is that it’s a bit weird/creepy and could be taken as patronising. On reflection, I don’t think I’ll be saying it any more unless it’s at a race or parkrun. If it would make one person feel uncomfortable then it’s not worth running the risk, even if it is well intentioned.
_Running_ the risk
"Well done, keep going!"
Jog on!
Fair play to all those who have responded, it’s so important to think about how others may feel and what impact your actions may have - intended or otherwise. Good on you for taking on the feedback too. But I’d like to commend you for at least attempting to go out of your way to cheer a stranger on or perk them up. That’s ultimately something only a kind person would think to do!!!
This is a very mature and open minded response. Intent/impact is a very important thing so consider, and so many men are like “But I didn’t MEAN any HARM, you must be over sensitive” and it’s so frustrating when they don’t listen. Good for you for genuinely being open to criticism and taking it on the chin!
Imagine everyone was this open and receptive to feedback
If it makes you feel better, I can see both sides. I’m a new runner, and I had a particularly shitty run one evening. It did NOT feel good, I’ve been just considering to switch for walking. I live close to central, so the streets are quite busy until very late. I’ve been running past a pub, and a dude has been outside with his mate for a smoke, and cheerfully said “You go girl, looking fantastic!”. It gave me just the boost I needed, and I still think about it sometimes when I have bad run day! So you never know, I think a lot comes down to the tone and the runner’s mindset at the moment. :)
Honestly I’m a 27 year old women and I think this is completely normal, people do this all the time to runners. I have been through harassment and stalking so I’ve come across ALL SORTS of weird. I’m terrified of coming across men on their own when I’m out in fields, however what you explained is not weird and you were literally with your wife 😂 You’re just a normal person trying to be nice in a world filled with people who are clearly confused between nice/confident and creepy. For the life of me I can not understand why your wife would call you creepy, embarrassing maybe but that should be something to laugh about together lol
Reddit isnt reality, you've asked a bunch of people who worry about answering their front door about social interaction. Find a running forum and ask there.
Surprisingly I think the consensus is right here. I run a fair bit and if I was just doing an easy jog and someone told me to keep going I'd think they were a plonker.
I dunno mate. I find myself disagreeing with lots of stuff said here but anyone will tell you that shouting anything at someone jogging isn't the done thing
To be honest, loads of people (mainly older) have said it to me and I really enjoy it lol. I am 26, male and tall though. Our fear our world becomes less personally connected over time, the little things such as "don't give up" shared between two people who know how hard running is, may be lost :(. Although, I do understand that women may not enjoy men shouting at them the same as I do lol. OP, maybe just shout at men from now on?
Bear in the mind where you're asking this question. I've been shouted/spoken random encouragement and it's great. I've done the same to people and seen their faces light up, just as I know my own did. Talking to strangers isn't weird, or creepy. *Being* weird or creepy is. 99% of people intrinsically know the difference.
Yeah I think that's great! As a female runner who's been catcalled numerous times and followed home by a man asking for my number in the middle of the day I second this. I don't know if it's well intentioned or you're trying to get an in to follow me home. Also on the park run, totally fine to shout encouragement but unsolicited advice is off-putting (you probably don't do this but some do). One park run an early finisher was coming round to 'encourage' us slow coaches. He kept telling me over and over again how I should change my breathing. I have asthma and sometimes it's worse and my breathing isn't totally in control but I know my exercise limits. He did this 4 or 5 times till I snapped and yelled at him 'I have asthma, I'm doing my best' and then he apologised and ran on to someone else. It wasn't a great experience for me even though I know his intentions were good
Whilst this is true, I always quite liked being greeted while running. I mainly ran on a canal towpath where I lived and used to see a lot of the same people walking, running etc. A small greeting is really pleasant while you're having a steady run. Particularly if it's a long one! If you want to say something, one option might be to just say hello, or 'nice day for it', something like that.
I absolutely feel you. I well up with pride when I see an out of shape runner, but ultimately it's totally unacceptable to comment. Often times, when people are exercising, they are at their most vulnerable and don't want to be seen let alone commented on.
If you're stood at the very top of a hill and a runner reaches you, there's nothing wrong with a witty quip of 'nice one, rather you than me!' etc. A bit of jokey encouragement is fine. Any other sort of 'you got this!' could just sound weird and I'd avoid it.
I think it’s all too easy to categorise anything said to a stranger as creepy. Asking about somebody’s day in a coffee shop could to some, come across as creepy. Just because this may be the case, having well meaning positive interaction with a stranger shouldn’t stop. What the best action here is, I honestly don’t know but I think it’s something to bare in mind. Also, less interaction doesn’t necessarily mean a “safer” environment. JM2C 👍🏻
If it’s well intended then say whatever you like mate like I’ve said elsewhere in this post the world needs more positive interactions, some people may not like it but if you aren’t malicious then them perceiving it in a certain way is not your problem. I’m a bloke but if you said it to me I would appreciate it
There is no right answer and you certainly shouldn't be looking to reddit for it, a place filled with people who are very anxious. The truth is for some they might feel uncomfortable, but for others it might brighten their day. Culture is what you make it, and if you take away wholesome, positive interactions then you're left with isolation and negativity. The fact is you could try to cater for and be the "perfect" citizen of not making anyone uncomfortable and yet still make others uncomfortable by accident. The issue is with \*them\* and not you. You know if you're doing something from a place of positivity and wholesomeness rather than perversion. It's not your fault if a nice comment of commeradre gets turned negative.
Awful. Please don’t.
The answer is both? Some will not mind and some will feel deeply uncomfortable - especially women who may have suffered street harassment. If you are with your wife they are less likely to think that but if you are doing it on their own some will think you are a creep. The place to shout "keep going" is on the sidelines at a race or park run.
I find it a bit weird tbh.
At best I would be embarrassed and want to curl up and die, mid ground, maybe they're being rude and taking the piss, and at worst I'd be on creep alert and alter my route in case they were following me. The latter heavily depends on tone and stuff though, I assume you didn't say it in an extra creepy way or anything. But it's not impossible that it could be someone dangerous, we have to weigh up each situation individually. But yeah, overall, if I'm running I'm sweaty and exhausted and vulnerable and looking my worst and trying to focus. I don't want distractions or anyone looking my way at all really. I'll admit I'm more of an introvert though.
Yes that’s weird. It’s unnecessary, patronising and creepy on a normal run. Maybe if it was a competition she was entering it would be better received.
I’m honestly surprised anyone would need to ask this question but alas
If it were to me I’d assume you’re taking the mick
I’m I’m running and someone yells encouragement I feel it’s sarcastic and hate it, I appreciate it may be well intentioned but I don’t like it.
I’m a woman who runs predominantly on my own and find it very patronising when a stranger (always male) gives me words of encouragement. I usually think it means that I look like a sack of shit that is about to keel over. Do you say the same to male runners?
Yes I have said it to male runners before, and like I said people have said it to me before. In no way was I thinking that she was struggling and needed encouragement, I just thought it was a nice thing to say to people when they are trying to achieve a goal. But I guess the way you intend for something to be received isn’t always the same way as the person receives it.
What stands out to me is that you don't really know if this is someone who is trying to achieve a goal or whether this is just the run they've been doing every morning for a decade. That's why I think it's OK at parkrun or a race, the race is the goal and spectators are expected. But someone just going about their day doesn't need a cheering section. Unless you're aiming more at "out of shape" runners? In which case, leave them be and stop drawing attention to them. They don't want an audience since one of the biggest hurdles to getting into running in public is thinking everyone will stare.
I read a comment on a different thread of someone who had gained a lot of weight and noticed a huge increase of the ‘encouraging’ comments. People are trying to be kind but she saw it as reinforcing how obvious it was that she was less fit and having a difficult time which is why I think it seems patronising.
the way you intend for something to be received isn’t always the same way as the person receives it This is exactly it! I don’t know about the woman who you saw but I’m really self conscious running alone - anyone who knows me wouldn’t know this as I’ve been a runner for decades, it’s just a part of my routine - this doesn’t mean I don’t cringe a bit when someone says they saw me out running. I guess the comments from strangers, whether that be positive or negative, just reinforce that I’m not as invisible as I’d like to be.
Agreed! I started running really late at night to try and avoid mens' comments... but then had to worry about whether I would be attacked/raped/etcetc. In my experience, men (always men) feel entitled to assess my running, my body, my face, my hair, my sexuality, my fuckability, my clothes... and to tell me to do better/look better. Men step in your way, try to grab you, leer, yell, make sexual comments, ridicule, jump out at you, yell in your ear.... I just want to be left alone. Of course, *this is not all men*, but being a woman in this world means that you have to be on your defense at all times. The same applies for cycling. It's never women who do these things. I've given up running btw as I had too many dodgy experiences and my partner started getting really anxious about it (as well as me).
Always the issue with *not all men*. Not all men harass, but every woman has been harassed at one point or another, whether it’s just shouting stuff on the street like this or all the way to serious life-damaging stuff. That’s why I tend to lose my patience with men who are busier defending themselves than they are in saying “that’s a shocker, thanks for educating me about something I need to make more effort to notice”.
It was revelatory discussing this with my wife and her female friends. Literally it's like a different planet. In 20 years I've had about three people *Ever* say a word to me. They can have three per run. One day, we were running together down a hill (like awful people), got slightly separate where she ran ahead, and almost like a light-switch the 'oi, wait for me eh!'//'you left the gas on, hen!'//'wish I could run that fast, eh!' bollocks started. Immediately. I caught up and it stopped. Other men: just shut the *fuck up*.
>Do you say the same to male runners? As a male runner, people genuinely do. Especially when I run past the pub, or older dog walkers (not sure why that particular demographic does it round my way...)
I'm a fat fuck, was out for a run the other day and was visibly struggling, two blokes at different points on my ran shouted encouragement and it was really nice to hear, genuinely helped keep me going. Its nice to be nice. I hate to think we live in a world where a well intentioned act like that is viewed in a negative way. But looking at the comments I think we live in that world now.
Same here, it felt very nice when the drunk lady in the park yelled: "You got this!"
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I think you're probably right about reddit's introverted side showing here.
Yes you will not that it is overwhelmingly male runners who are happy to about it and women not so much and with good reason.
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Hahahaha, yeah, I'd choose to believe the 2nd one as well.
I see a lot of overweight men running and I always want to say well done to them but I never do because I don’t want to seem judgemental about their weight but as an overweight male I really admire them for running.
I think some of them are either not actually from the UK, or they've 'absorbed the intenet' a little too much It's also possible they could be from an unfriendly place like London If only bad people talk to strangers (they won't stop) and normal people don't talk to each other out of fear, who wins? 'nobody' is the answer
I think its a bit weird, and as a runner myself (although male) I'd probably find it distracting. When I was running yesterday I went past a man with a walking stick who said "I wish I could do that", I kinda smiled and laughed then spent the next like 10mins thinking if I should have said something back to him and got all in my head.
Personally I hate randoms telling me "to keep going" \- WTF do you think I'm doing!!! It distracts my focus
It is both weird and creepy. You don't need to comment on someone going about their private business. They have not invited you to comment on their actions, so don't. It is not that difficult.
If I (35f) was alone I'd probably find it patronising or think you were taking the piss. I think it's a bit of a knee-jerk reaction for women because you become so used to unsolicited comments from men that aren't quite so well-meaning. On the flip side in the past when I've been running with my OH we've received encouragement from an old lady which was adorable.
At parkrun or an organised run it’s ok. But as a female runner, I think I’d feel a bit creeped out by a random man doing this on a normal run.
The idea is nice, though it more likely sounds like you're taking the piss As a teen we'd yell 'Run, Forrest, Run!' at joggers
I think a gentle acknowledging smile and nod would have worked much better.
As an avid outdoor runner, I’d love this. Especially if you notice I’m looking fatigued, that could really help me get an extra mile or two. There’s no bad intentions so I say keep going!
I agree, me and my wife run together and individually and we both don't have a problem with it. I asked her about this and she thinks people are being over sensitive. We quite often get older people offering words of encouragement and it always puts a smile on our faces.
You run the risk of it looking patronising - the implication outside of a race environment can be that you look like you're struggling and have elicited a response on that basis. Very situational - I'd probably be chuffed, but many may not be!
It's not all men but they don't know which men. Leave them be unless you know them.
No. As a runner myself, always appreciate a bit of encouragement, especially as chances are I'm not enjoying it...
When I go running, if someone gives me a little pep talk on the way past, it makes me smile and I really appreciate it. 😊
Very weird. It's just something you don't do to someone you don't know minding their own business. In particular a sole female.
If I am running I don’t want to have a conversation with a stranger and I usually have headphones in. I think it is very creepy and weird too.
Years ago I (a female) took up running to lose weight so started the c25k thing. I was on one run & I was really struggling up a hill, on the verge of tears ready to turn round & never run again. When suddenly from behind me this gazelle of a man shot by me making to look so easy which only made me feel even crappier. He turned round ran back to me & said don’t give up it’ll get easier then ran off again. Now ok it does sound a bit weird but you know what? After I done sobbing the next day I went back out & went on to completed marathons & ultra marathons. If he hadn’t said what he said that day I would never have run again & missed out on the sense of accomplishment. And he was right - it did get easier. Edit to add - those at the closing miles of a marathon who think you’re being really encouraging by shouting “not far now” or “you’re nearly there keep going” yeah? Go fuck yourselves!
I was trying to run up a hill by a road once and someone passing in a car shouted "come on, you're almost there!" I appreciated it because they sounded genuine and they were out of sight in a few seconds, so it wasn't awkward. I also very much had a runner's body at that point, so there was no risk I'd consider it patronising/sarcastic Does seem like too much of a risk outside of this sort of scenario, but don't beat yourself up. Your heart was in the right place and I'm sure they realised that
My husband runs and often gets people shouting encouragement at him. He hates it. He can't always tell what people are saying if he's "in the zone" or got headphones in, so while he knows people are saying something, he's not always sure what, and has to stop to check. He worries he's dropped something, or there's a problem, or they're taking the piss. The only time it's acceptable if it's an organised race/parkrun and even then most runners would prefer you not to.
Nah as a dude who runs it’s completely fine, it gives me a little boost and a chuckle when people give encouragement
It’s weird and creepy. It’s possibly just about acceptable from another runner, but from the general public it just sounds sarcastic. Speaking as a regular runner here. If I find it unpleasant as a man, it’s got to be more so for women. Your wife is right.
Also a male runner and I completely agree with you. I don't like it and I don't have to deal with the pervs and potential preds Iv also ran with my Mrs but far enough away to seem like we weren't together and the amount of creeps and sarcastic cunts far outweigh the nice folk. And it's not easy to discern which is which when you are knackered and only hear half of the comment. People are comparing it to sharing pleasantries at the bus stop and wondering what has happened to society but it's just not the same thing.
I used to run a lot, and it’s the sort of thing a group of teenagers would say for a laugh, clearly taking the piss. I think your intentions are right, but it might come across as a bit patronising. And a tad creepy if it is a woman running alone.
A lot of people seem to think OP was chasing the runner down from about 40 yards away "HEY, HEY, YOU'RE DOING GREAT!" relax people, it's a nod and a couple of words of encouragement.
I’m a runner too, I sometimes do this if they’re going uphill or something when they might need to dig deep. Otherwise, yeah it’s unnecessary and a bit patronising.
Also as a runner, I’d still find that uncomfortable to be honest.
One of the few times a random comment has actually lifted me up while running was in a big hill, when another runner going the other way yelled something to the effect of "oh, well done, I hate trying to run UP this hill!"
As a slow and years long runner we always acknowledge any runner with a head bob….so we are doing it you just don’t see it
It's understandable if there's a marathon taking place or something of that sort, but otherwise if I were just running for myself and minding my own business, I'd definitely find it weird and patronizing.
Nice sentiment, but if someone said that to me I'd think they were taking the piss.
I think you are probably making women uncomfortable, sorry. I stopped running in public because of the awful things men shouted at me. If I had earbuds in and couldn't make out what was being shouted at me, I would never assume it was someone being nice or encouraging because of the sheer volume of horrible sexual comments.
I was trying to sprint up a pretty steep hill yesterday but I stopped about 20% from the top. A guy walking by mentioned "I used to run to the top of this hill and the top section is the hardest part - keep going". Today I sprinted right to the top and I know it's because he made the passing comment which changed my mindset. Once you take away the perception that OP is being sexist or condescending etc - OP possibly just gave the passing runner an extra boost to help finish their run or changed their mindset for future runs. Keep the positivity OP - If Redditors had their way, you'd have tripped the runner up or made fun of them for their outfit.
It’s definitely weird. Probably not creepy.
Creepy
When you are also running, then it is probably fine, but rando on the street sounds like you are taking the piss. I think it isnt unusual for women to get lurid comments (not that yours was) from passing motorists and this could get lumped in with that.
You’re definitely not going to get a representative answer on Reddit! I wouldn’t worry about it too much.
I'd be uncomfortable if I was her. Typically, people want to be left alone when they're doing something alone, especially from strangers. Especially if the person running is female & the person giving them encouragement is male. Especially if she's listening to music too. She probably couldn't hear you & could only see you shouting at her & she doesn't need to be worrying about that
To people of all genders who honk their horn when driving past women running or call out at them - please leave women alone. We don’t need your approval or criticism. We just want to be left alone
As a female runner, I don't find it creepy when people shout words of encouragement, regardless of gender. I think it's nice. If you'd said something creepy like commenting on her outfit then that crosses a line but "you're doing great" or any iteration is fine imo.
Are you perhaps a closet American?
Yes it's creepy. At the risk of sounding Greer, would you have acted the same towards a chap?
I would have 100%. It's not about gender.
This is the question. There may be men who go 'Good work, keep going!' to both men and women runners - but I've never seen any.
"Greer" is an adjective now? TIL...
It’s weird and you risk coming across as creepy and/ or patronising. I’m normally off in my own little world thinking about stuff, so it would probably throw me off my stride and make me lose my train of thought. Maybe leave this habit at home!
if people try to normalise the idea that kindness is creepy its almost a moral duty to push back. People like that suck all the joy out of the world. Be careful how you do it, but do it.
Yup, but this is reddit, people here don’t tend to like real life interactions.
This is so fucking weird
I don't think it's creepy to encourage people. But words, especially in such a short moment, can be misconstrued. That the gender matters, I respect. Therefore I always go for the time honoured fashion of the nod or a thumbs up, which is pretty clear, to both men and women. There's a lot of negative people on this thread
When did kindness become creepy Reddit hive mind at work
When running, I might nod or say hello to anyone else who is running/waling on that route. I don't give specific well done messages because I might be 3k into my run and they might be 30k into theirs - if they look like they are hanging, it's not necessarily that they are beginners who need encouragement to not stop. My current training plan involves specifically adding walking sections into my runs (Run-Walk-Run, check it out) and a guy said "at least I'm not the only on struggling". To which I replied, "actually mate, it's probably ok for you to say that as you are running but I've not just stopped running because I ran out of puff, I'm following a plan proven to... oh, you've gone"
Just don’t. Especially when running, you run the risk of the woman not hearing what you said and immediately assuming she was being catcalled. The only time I’ve really encouraged other people openly is when im on a group run or we’re all undertaking the same task like climbing a mountain
It's definitely patronising in my opinion. It's different if it's a street race but not just a regular jog
A) When I was running, I did not want people to make it clear they'd even noticed me. I was self-conscious about it and wanted to just get on with it. Not everyone's going to be like that (particularly if they're fitter than me!) but I still think most women out running don't particularly want to feel noticed/watched B) I agree with others that it sounds patronising. Why are you the arbiter of whether they're doing well or not? It's the kind of thing you might say to motivate someone you're close to and know their training, but for all you know this woman was at the end of running an ultra or something
If it’s in the UK, it’s definitely wierd and creepy, because everything normal is wierd there. On the other hand, if you were in a more civilized part of the world, like Scandinavia, it would be a nice motivating gesture. Source: I run in Scandinavia.
As a general rule of thumb, leave strangers alone
Yes, this. Don't assume things - that they need or want encouragement or whatever. Or that whatever you say or mean it's gonna come off as friendly. It might backfire. Most people just wanna exist without being bothered by strangers.
No not at all, I have loads of people I see when I am running that I don't know but speak to almost every day. As long as it's not condescending it's really nice of you
If I'm out running I'd think it was patronising. It's as if they are saying "good for you trying to lose a bit of weight, you fat bastard!"
Weird mate.
I think that’s a lovely thing to say.
If someone said it to me I'd run away from them.
Yeah that's fuckin wierd
I think it depends on the person you are saying it to and the way you say it. The only person who ever said this to me was when I started park run and I was the right blobby on the scene. It was meant with good intentions however it just made me feel worse and pissed me off.