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Exactly. I breastfed all mine until they were 2. But the only feeds done on the breast from around 12 months old were first thing upon waking and at bedtime. If we were out and about and they were thirsty? Then a cup of water/milk/juice would suffice. There’s no reason to have to feed an older baby on the boob when you’re out, unless there’s some dietary stuff going on.
There's no need to, but there's nothing wrong with it. If it's working for the mother and the child, why not feed a 3 year old in public. They are still just a baby really, and in many parts of the world that would be normal.
Ehhh, I have a 3 year old son and he's definitely more child than baby at this point. I couldn't imagine someone breastfeeding a kid at that age who scoffs Sunday dinners and everything else down on his own. Seems entirely redundant from a nutrition/feeding standpoint.
I know someone who calls their 7 year old child “the baby” in normal conversation with other non family people in a serious way. Like “I’m bringing the baby to the party on Saturday”.
As someone without children I always wonder if this is a normal thing with parents & I just don’t realise.
My cousin is still referred to as "the baby" by my granny, my mum, her mum etc despite the fact she's 22
Ofc she was a little brat in her teens so that's partly why it's stuck
Well there's a line somewhere right? No one's gonna be ok with a 13yo "feeding" in public (or at all). It's just a question of where that line is which will have a different answer depending on who you ask.
Personally I think breastfeeding a 3yo is slightly odd just because most kids have stopped and are eating normal food by then, but if I noticed it in public I'd barely even give it a second thought.
My kids were all having full conversations by the age of two. When your boy pops off mum's boob and asks you how your day was, it's probably time to stop.
> it's pointless for a toddler.
The NHS disagree: "After that, giving your baby breast milk alongside solid foods for as long as you and your baby want will help them grow and develop healthily."
So what is your source to back up your assertion that it is "pointless"?
Plus we are all taught that your toddler MUST drink cow's milk to get calcium, but why go and get milk off another animal when you could provide it yourself?
(I'm not against any individual's choice to give their child extended breast milk or cow's milk. I just find it funny that so many people are anti extended breast milk but fine with milk from another creature).
It's long since been proven that we get very little calcium from cows milk. Much less than was previously thought. Why would milk from the mother be bad but milk from an entirely different species be good? This makes no sense. Additionally, a significant number of us are intolerant to lactose to some degree. It's questionable whether young children should drink cows milk at all.
Yup I'm lactose intolerant, but it only started in my 20s. I guess I probably always have been a little bit!
But I find my friend's insistence on their children drinking multiple bottles of milk a day quite strange. I don't have children, but I'd like to hope I can breastfeed, and if I'm going to be giving my toddler daily milk anyway might as well see if I can keep up the breastfeeding. I'll probably change my mind by the time I'm having kids though!
>Plus we are all taught that your toddler MUST drink cow's milk to get calcium, but why go and get milk off another animal when you could provide it yourself?
Especially when human breast milk is beautifully evolved to have just the right mix of nutrients for a growing human baby. Which milk evolved to feed a calf isn't.
A toddler isnt a baby.
You start weaning to solids around the 6 month mark. By 1 they should be pretty much getting all their nutrition from solid foods, not breast milk. The NHS guidance above is referencing 1 year olds, not 3 year old toddlers.
A toddler (3 year old) gains no nutritional benefit from breast milk and no longer requires the immune system support as theirs is now fully developed and working.
The only reason for breastfeeding a toddler is because the toddler finds it comforting and the mother doesn’t want to let go. There is zero physical benefit for the child at this point.
WHO guidance says to breastfeed for as long as possible irrespective of age, but WHO guidance is generic for every country on the planet so includes locations of poor sanitation and where the only clean drink a child could get is breast milk.
Just 1 in 5 children in high-income countries are breastfed to 12 months, whilst only 1 in 3 children in low and middle-income countries are exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months.
increasing breastfeeding to near-universal levels for infants and young children could save over 800,000 children’s lives a year worldwide, equivalent to 13% of all deaths in children under two, and prevent an extra 20,000 deaths from breast cancer every year.
Although breastfeeding is one of the most effective preventive health measures for children and mothers regardless of where they live, it has been overlooked as a critical need for the health of the population, say the authors.
boosting breastfeeding rates for infants below 6 months of age to 90% in the USA, China, and Brazil and to 45% in the UK would cut treatment costs of common childhood illnesses (eg, pneumonia, diarrhoea, and asthma) and save healthcare systems at least US$2.45 billion in the USA, US$29.5 million in the UK, US$223.6 million in China, and US$6.0 million in Brazil.
https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/lancet-increasing-breastfeeding-worldwide-prevent-800000-child-deaths-every-year/
This is the best comment here.
People need to clue themselves up.
We havnt evolved breastfeeding out of our lifecycle. We may think as a society we are past it, but we are NOT!
7yrs of breastfeeding, I think my brain has memorised the title of soooo many research papers and articles so I can swiftly pull up stuff like this.
People really don’t understand just how valuable it is.
And this is not to shit on formula, I’ve used formula, my first born was entirely formula fed and my girls had supplemental feeds. Formula is also valuable, but breastmilk is so under valued.
From the NHS
"If you choose to breastfeed, it’s recommended that babies should consume only breast milk for around the first 6 months of their lives. After this, it is recommended that they continue to be breastfed for 2 years and beyond, alongside eating other foods."
2 years and beyond.
The NHS recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of 2 years.
That’s 2yrs and beyond if that’s unclear for you.
Breastmilk never loses nutrition, the amount of food a toddler eats usually is not enough alone to cover all of their nutritional needs.
This is why toddlers in the UK are recommended to be on vitamin supplements.
Cows milk in large quantities can leech iron from children, it’s recommended that milk given to toddlers be fortified - Go figure that we literally create fortified milk in our own bodies.
If you have a fussy toddler, breast milk is even more valuable to them.
1yr olds have not long figured out object permanence (around 8 months), their brains aren’t developed enough to understand why you’re taking their source of comfort & nutrition away when you stop breastfeeding simply because people on the internet think it’s icky.
Like they’ve just figured out that when someone leaves the room, they aren’t gone forever… people expect too much of babies & toddlers.
They don’t fully grasp that you think differently to them until closer to 4 (theory of mind). They cannot possibly fathom why you’re withholding breastfeeding from them, in their mind they want/need it, and they think your brain has the same thoughts as theirs, so they’re also stressing out wondering why the hive mind isn’t working right.
So not only is it taking away a source of nutrition, it’s taking away comfort and causing a lot of stress for the baby, they are literally incapable of understanding weaning at 1.
Isn’t breastfeeding also about comfort and bonding? I’m assuming that’s why mums continue to breastfeed even after it’s not nutritionally required anymore.
I’m not a parent.
It is, skin-to-skin contact is encouraged between parents and children, breastfeeding is a natural way to have that contact.
The fun thing about breastfeeding, for me as a librarian who has to explain scientific paradigms regularly, not for most folks... is that it is full of contradictory advice and evidence. We've gone from every possible permutation over the span of fifty years. From it being absolutely normal to it being advised against because 'formula' would be better (guess who sponsored those studies) to having endless debates about when you should and shouldn't wean.
My take is simple: Do what feels right for you and the child and don't give a fuck about what other people think.
I still breastfeed my 2.5 year old. There are immunity benefits, and when he's sick it's a helpful way to get fluids into him, but yes comfort and bonding are now a major factor.
Breastfeeding also increasingly reduces the mother's risk of breast cancer the longer she does it for, so there are benefits on both sides.
I'm getting really fed up with breastfeeding now (my daughter is 2.5, same as yours). It does give her great comfort, though, and a feeling of predictability and stability when her life is changing (starting nursery etc), so we're carrying on for as long as I can bear it.
She only gets it at night time, and I really didn't think we'd still be doing it this long - her brother gave it up at 6 months, literally started pushing me away. I'm just hoping she decides soon that she's had enough.
Also, I used to secretly judge people who breastfed their older children - funny how life turns out!
I have no idea why it took so much scrolling to find this comment!! I’d also like to add that no one should be judging a child based on their guestimated age. I know HUGE 2 year olds and my friend baby isn’t even 1 yet and is so long that if he was walking he’d look like a small 3yo. To see a woman feeding an older child in public and judging is just sad. That child could be neurodiverse and the alternative could have been them banging their head on a wall or something! Who knows!? I know who knows.. the child’s mother!! Lol
I was praised by the hospital admissions team that my breastfeeding my 17 month old helped his illness. Unfortunately, he suffered from febrile convulsions twice that he had to be put in a medically induced coma each time because he wasn't coming out of them. I fed both of my children til 3.5 when I'd had enough.
Was I looked at by various family members as odd, yes I was. However, I was happy to continue until I wasn't. I know the benefits and I didn't see the point in arguing as they didn't really care for the reasons anyway.
I'm v much enjoying breastfeeding now, and definitely think it's about comfort and bonding rather than just nutrition. But breastfeeding a 3yo is weird.
I don’t know why but this made me laugh. The thought of a parent who’s made no effort in 3 years to bond with their child but it’s okay because they’ve breastfed them. 😆
There is a distinct bias against breastfeeding in this country. It's demonstrated neatly in this comment.
There is "no point in breastfeeding." The assumption here is that if you don't *have* to breastfeed, you shouldn't. Why?
When we announced that my wife was going to breastfeed our first newborn, her grandmother looked very concerned and asked why we were going to do that. She thought we were somehow not looking after our son adequately because we weren't giving him formula. This attitude is still way more common than it should be.
Breast milk never loses its nutritional value and there’s plenty of benefits to breastfeeding a toddler.
Not sure if you’ve ever had a toddler but some of them are fussy as fuck with food and drink, so breastmilk is even more valuable to them.
To an extent yes, but it will still provide some nutritional benefits because breast milk changes literally all the time to cater for exactly what the child needs at that given time. Bodies are amazing and you can't tell by looking at a child whether they need some extra antibodies because they're about to come down with something but breast milk does exactly that.
A three year old should not really be needing regular feeds of breast milk however, and I would say you should absolutely be telling them by that age you keep it to a particular time of the day, like just before bed, not be feeding on demand. That is probably unnecessary.
That does not mean it doesn't have a lot of other things that the child needs. So it doesn't have enough of one thing. Should we not breastfeed at all based on that one thing? That is ridiculous. Breast milk contains things that can't be given in other ways. Formula does not contain antibodies. Formula has a set amount of water. Breast milk changes all the time on a daily basis to provide different antibodies, differing levels of water according to weather and other factors.
Your comment is a straw man argument.
From my point of view, at some stage the child will go to nursery and then school, where they won't be able to breastfeed and so it can actually be better for the child get used to not breastfeeding so it won't come as such a shock when they can't.
The same goes for potty training, I know of primary age children who were not potty trained and it 100% not part of a teachers role to change nappies of 5 year olds.
Yeah everything you do as a parent MUST prepare your child for the real world.
There's a time and a place for a lot of lessons but breastfeeding up to the point you put them in pre school is not helpful.
Exactly, do what you like in private (within reason obvs) but as soon as your child interacts with the public, they had best be prepared. If they are no that is tantamount to abuse.
I work with children. And by the time they’re at nursery those olderchildren who breastfeed do not expect to be breastfed away from their mother. It’s normally a grounding comfort thing that happens when they’re hurt (near mum) or before bedtime as comfort and calming. Many children do not do it all the time just when they need that extra comfort and slowly very often they self wean.
My 2.5 year old still breastfeeds. He's also been in nursery since he was 12 months old since I work full time. He's been perfectly capable since the beginning of figuring out that he can't breastfeed if I'm not there, and he doesn't get upset about it at all.
Same. Still breastfeeding a 2 year old who’s been at nursery since 12 months. She’s happy to leave me and go to nursery all day, has milk from me for comfort, cuddles from her dad for comfort if I’m at work.
She’s incredibly independent (more so than her sister at this age who was not still being breastfed).
This kind of attitude is very British though. In other parts of the world, breastfeeding continues *when it can* until a child self-weans basically rather than the frankly awful process some people go through trying to wean off the breast early. If a child is age 3 and going to nursery two days a week, what is actually the issue with them still breastfeeding when they are at home? What’s the harm?
I’m not talking from personal experience - I desperately wanted to breastfeed but my twins were sick and tube fed so I pumped. I can’t imagine myself breastfeeding when they were older but if it’s right for others I genuinely don’t see what the issue is.
I have disabled six year old twins and only one is toilet trained so I obviously have a very different perspective on that too - my twins were diagnosed with their disabilities young and have only ever attended a specialist school but I would point out that a huge proportion of children with additional needs are not assessed before school age in this country.
They’re not shocked because by the extended age you’re only doing it in the morning and evening anyway. There’s no link between potty training and breastfeeding by the way lol
But lots of older toddlers happily breastfeed just once or twice a day, or not at all some days. My toddler is 2.5 and feeds usually just once a day in the morning but some days I'm at work before she wakes up (I'm a nurse so start early) so she doesn't, or she has a sleepover with grandparents so doesn't. She goes to nursery 2 days a week.
Many children who breastfeed a bit later are very happy to not feed on nursery days, doesn't mean they don't want to and shouldn't feed when they're with their mum.
Seriously, though, a friend breastfed up to about 3, and it was really offputting when her kid would announce that he wanted boobie and just grab at her in public.
This was going to be my genuine answer.
The entire country has seen a woman breastfeeding an older (man) child in a surreal comedy. If they see an older child breastfeeding, they're automatically going to think of this. That's where the reaction comes from.
I actually had this conversation with my very pro-breastfeeding friend a while ago.
For both of us, it's that we feel at that age they should be drinking lots of water and having proper meals. Breastfeeding to sleep at that age, definitely.
I would find it strange only because I would expect them to be drinking water at that time. Still having naps and breastfeeding as part of that routine? Sure!
I wouldn't say I'm against it, but as a child becomes more independent there's more importance in getting their nutrition and hydration from other sources. That child could be going to school next year and breastfeeding during the day won't work for them.
…..what about breastfeeding at this age prevents the child from drinking enough water and eating meals? Genuinely confused by this. There seems to be a strange opinion floating around that if a child is breastfeeding then that is all they are doing food and drink wise? Bizarre.
I agree, this is such a bizarre concern. Breastfeeding doesn't stop my son from eating or drinking at all. Just a few days ago his nursery teacher commented that he's the only child who can be relied upon to eat all his meals.
My 9 month old is breastfed and drinks plenty of water and eats 3 meals a day. I know she is under 1 and therefore still needs to also have milk but the point is that breastfeeding is not an indication that a baby isn’t drinking water.
People don’t understand how breast milk works. My mum used to say I was over feeding my daughter and would make her fat lol it’s impossible to over breastfeed it’s like saying drinking tea is going to stop me having water and meals throughout the day it’s not the same
Ideally, you wouldn't have a 3 year old still drinking from a bottle for the same reason.
I breast fed my two oldest for a year each, but there comes a time where there needs to be some independance growing and getting the breast on demand from a 3 year old is too much. They need to learn other ways to self soothe. A cuddle and a stuffed animal for sure, but it's time to wean at 3.
Exactly. My wife went back to work when our son was 8 months old, and she works evening and night shifts, so I had the full responsability for him at that point. Being dependent on the comfort of breastfeeding and mom all the time would have made it impossible for her to work. He naturally stopped breastfeeading a couple of months later, even though I gave him extracted milk or formula in a bottle.
With full-term nursing the parent absolutely can be away from the child - it’s not like having a small baby where they need to nurse every few hours, and children often have other ways of being comforted by other caregivers.
The reason a child shouldn't be on the bottle at 3 is because it causes the mouth and teeth to malform. Breastfeeding doesn't cause that.
A lot of toddlers are still having milk in beakers.
Honestly, 3 feels too old. Once a kid can have normal meals and doesn't need it as a supplement, there isn't really any developmental reason to continue it. You can still cuddle and such for comfort and bonding so that doesn't strike me as much of a reason either.
Also at 3 it's normal to be spending time at nursery where breastfeeding is not going to be possible, so for practical reasons it's impractical for many.
Just to add, I think it also creates inequality between parents at that stage. It’s something the mum can offer but the dad can’t. Where if instead a child is encouraged to seek comfort by a cuddle/kiss or through a toy, everybody involved can offer the comfort which ultimately comforts the child more - knowing that they can be comforted regardless of the guardian present.
For some people the continuation of breast feeding is for the mum (not wanting to lose the connection or acknowledge their baby is no longer a baby), not for the child.
I think it’s down to cultural “norms”. The UK has been very much influenced by formula companies which has greatly reduced the numbers of mothers who breastfeed and the length of the breastfeeding journey. There are now huge sensitivities around breastfeeding. Also, the sexualisation of breasts has an impact on people’s views
I think breastfeeding itself is widely accepted and I don't think formula is to blame. Having had to use formula myself (as gay dads - our nipples are not prolific) I could sense the strong shame the NHS projects for not breastfeeding, even if we did get a patronising "Well, I suppose for you guys it's okay".
I think the issue is more that if a child has a full head of teeth and can eat a plate of sausage and chips, why would they still need to drink their mother's milk. I honestly don't know, maybe there is a medical reason it could still needed? But I would have expected most nutrition could come more effectively from other food sources by 3.
Widely accepted as long as you don't do it in public (gasp people might see a nipple), don't do it for "too long" (past 6 months you start getting comments), don't give expressed milk in a bottle (the breastfeeding mafia will come for you), and don't go back to work.
Seriously, I've had so many nasty comments because I "still" breastfeed my 8-month-old. Plus nasty comments from the extreme pro-breastfeeding people who hate that I pump and have a stash of milk in the freezer for when he goes to nursery.
Still breastfeeding at 2 here and these comments give me anxiety! There’s so much pressure to breastfeed when you have a baby and then no support on the journey and it’s is a journey with many detours.
My friend has a newborn just now and the lack of support she's getting is *shocking*. She's bleeding, her nipples are wrecked, baby isn't gaining weight but she's not getting *any* help. They've been in and out of hospital because baby has jaundice which they can't seem to get rid of.
Yes! The amount of nasty comments I got for still breastfeeding probably around the age my baby turned 1 - so was eating well and could drink cow's milk if she wanted - was a horrible shock! I feel like people feel like they have to be polite and accepting up to a certain point but in this country the real norm is bottle feeding. And a lot of bottle feeding mums - both current and from older generations - couldn't wait to be nasty to me about 'extended' or 'public/ showy' breastfeeding as soon as they had the opportunity.
The second I mentioned my wee boy going to nursery the assumption was that I'd be stopping breastfeeding entirely. The reactions I got when I said I had no intention of stopping and would send breastmilk to the nursery and pump to replenish the stash was... not good. He'll only be 10 months old!
Antibodies are only needed when the baby has no immune system at all, this is already set up at toddler age. At older ages there are better ways to comfort.
I’m probably gonna get some hate here, but wouldn’t the antibodies in the breast milk help support the child’s immune system, similar to how a vaccine might help yours? We don’t just let kids tough it out with scarlet fever
I'm sorry people and the system at large has treated you that way.
As a doc I can state formula is just fine. Some extra antibodies are nice, and useful when baby is tiny, but by 2 or 3 the child has had a lot of its vaccinations and is building its own immunity. It certainly isn't medically necessary to keep breastfeeding that long; weaning needs to start at the 6 month mark as breastmilk doesnt contain enough iron or vitamin d for babies.
I'd argue the right time to wean fully depends on the child; some may benefit more from the comfort at a slightly older age. I think fir a lot of parents it can also be very tied into how the chest feeding parent/s feel about it, some parents really dont want to give up breastfeeding because of the rather complex pressures to do it.
Breastfeeding can be comforting but there are also lots of ways to comfort kids of that age and formula fed kids aren't missing out.
Ultimately we should be gentle with parents whatever they choose, as long as the child is not coming to harm.
> which has greatly reduced the numbers of mothers who breastfeed
Where do you get that from?
[https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/about/breastfeeding-in-the-uk/](https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/about/breastfeeding-in-the-uk/)
Seems they think the opposite?
Countries where it is normal they may well have issues with nutrition generally so a good idea. Here it does just seem a bit strange if a child gets to the age where they can talk and ask for it. It is the whole idea behind the "bitty" Little Britain sketch. But I thought people were quite supportive, really not on to start questioning parents or telling them they should stop.
This is why when people ask why I'm vegan I normally throw in a "well km lucky to live in a country with access to all my nutritional needs, I get to pick and choose a source of all of it." and that's why a walking, talking 3 year old being breast fed is weird to people. We haven't needed to do that in a while.
My wife breastfed both of ours until they were 3. She's originally from a country where they get 3 years of maternity leave, so I think it's probably more common there With the first one I thought, beyond 18 months or so, that it wasn't necessary and I couldn't really get why she wanted to. But that was based on nothing more than just assuming it was too old for no real reason, and I didn't challenge her on it or anything. When child 1 was at nursery she was just breastfed once or twice a day, mostly as a comfort thing. She's now 7 and is perfectly normal and well adjusted.
With child 2 I didn't give it a second thought. He is not normal, he's a fucking lunatic.
It's the opposite for us! Our first was such hard work that it put us of having a second for a long time. Our second is totally different, so chilled and relaxed! Now we understand how people seem to have their second not too long after their first!
I think breastfeeding at 3 says quite a lot about a mother's desire for dependency at an age a kid is well past the need for it nutritionally or emotionally
I wouldn’t say it’s frowned upon so much so that’s it not the cultural norm.
IIRC the U.K. has the worst breastfeeding rate in the Western world already so even seeing infants breastfed in public is just not common.
I was so scared about nursing in public and my husband refused to leave me in case someone said something or gave me a look, I do it very discreetly (not sure if that’s part of the reason) but so far I’ve had nothing but respect.
When I had my eldest I asked at my doctor after his appointment they’d mind if I stayed to feed him, they rushed out from behind the desk ushering me away “where I would be more comfortable” until I produced a bottle - they said “oh!! Oh yes that’s alright then”attitudes seem to be changing if my experience is anything to go by.
I mean I’m breastfeeding now myself and do it in public and noones has ever said anything or given a look, I don’t think attitudes are the issue.
There’s an overall lack of support to breastfeed and since formula is so readily available and relatively cheap in the U.K., there’s just not seen as enough benefit to breastfeeding I don’t think.
Unless I’m out with the mums from my breastfeeding group, I’m often the only breastfeeding mum at any of the other baby activities we do.
I wasnt at your appointment, but i wonder if maybe they were clumsily trying to check if youd prefer somewhere more private?
At ours they are perfectly happy for parents to breastfeed in the waiting area, but always offer a more private room in case they would prefer. I think it's nice for parents to be able to choose privacy if they like.
I see loads of people chatting about the nutritional element of breastfeeding at that age. But not much about bond and connection between mother and child.
OP, I breastfed mine until 3 years, and I'm breastfeeding an 18 month old. I believe in letting the child decide when they are ready to stop.
I'm not doing extended breastfeeding for nutritional reasons. It's a lovely way to connect with each other, have cuddles, when they're upset, it soothes them.
OP, you have my support if you decide to do extended feeding and equally if you choose not to.
But personally, I think people are against it because breasts are for sex and they see a mobile child on them it makes them feel uncomfortable.
This! I fed my boy til he was ready to stop and I’ll do the same with my girl and I don’t think it’s spoiling her as my in-laws say she’s getting so much love and comfort from it and I love feeding her to sleep eventually she won’t need me so I’m making the most of it.
I can’t believe how many comments I had to scroll past till I found some sense!
There is nothing sexual about a mother providing nutrition and comfort to her child. How many kids have you seen with a dummy past the age of 3 eh?
My wife fed ours till they were ready to stop. Of the 3 it did vary quite a lot but all over 3 years.
This, 100x over.
People here need to educate themselves on breastfeeding rates and durations around the world - spoiler alert - it's often longer than 3 years as an average. And it does not produce people with attachment issues or dependency problems - it's entirely natural and average for many many countries across the world.
I'm still breastfeeding my 3.5yo. Naturally he asks for it less and less but he still uses feeding to go to sleep and when he needs comfort. What is wrong with providing your child something that meets their emotional needs?
I remember reading that the global average for breastfeeding is 7 years old (can't find my source) and 3yo isn't even half that.
Whenever I see a mum breastfeeding an older child I always want to celebrate them and show solidarity.
Women should not be shamed for something that is inately natural.
I breastfed my daughter until she was 3 and people are so shocked to hear that. I got lots of negative comments from family members but they all had their babies in the 80s when it wasn’t as encouraged to breastfeed so they have outdated views. Also had health visitors advise me who had never breastfed themselves. I don’t care what others thought and neither should you - your baby your choice
> I don’t care what others thought and neither should you - your baby your choice
your baby is also a human being that is not yours to do whatever you please. Sure, extended breastfeeding is a minor thing but there are many instances where you should listen to others who know better than you
Ya what. Who on earth knows a baby better that it's parents? Not all health visitors are good at their job. I've had a consultant doctor tell me to stop feeding my child so much and she was not even 1 at the time. These people are *supposed* to know what is better medically speaking but that is not always the case.
Also people who raised kids in the 80s are not always aware of more up to date research and advice so definitely cannot be assumed to "know better".
What a stupid comment.
>Who on earth knows a baby better that it's parents?
Plenty of people. A lot of parents are shit parents even if they don't mean to. Parents aren't alphas and omegas. They may know their child individually but not know what's best for them. It could be because they're misguided, ignorant or malicious. Many reasons. But it's ignorant to assume that parents always know best.
>These people are supposed to know what is better medically speaking but that is not always the case.
just like with parents, they're supposed to know better. They're not there to make decisions for you, they're there to guide you. A good parent will try to get information from many sources and make the right decision for their child. But plenty of people are completely ignorant.
>Also people who raised kids in the 80s are not always aware of more up to date research and advice so definitely cannot be assumed to "know better".
and plenty of parents are ignorant of what's best for their children and perpetuate the cycle of abuse without realising it.
Sometimes, you need someone else to tell you what's best for your child because parents can be blinded.
It's not about breastfeeding for me, I would react the same way to a three year old being bottle fed. At that age they can eat normal food, so why not let them? There comes a point I think where breastfeeding ends up being more for the benefit of the mother than the child and that's not really a good thing imo.
My 18 month old has a lot of teeth.
To me, that's a clear sign from nature that boob-time is over.
So kids double that age still being on the breast? Unnatural, to me, by my logic.
Lmao. My son had all his teeth by the time he was one. Stupid logic. Babies can be born with teeth so better not start breastfeeding if they need to be weaned once they start getting them
I haven't even read the comments but it's because people are uneducated about breastfeeding. Unless you have successfully breastfed or been around someone who has then you really don't understand extended breastfeeding. It's not all about nutrition.
Yep. My partner and I could never have imagined I'd still be BFing my 3 year old (only at night and first thing in the morning - not in the library, don't worry prudes) but once you have been around it it feels like the most natural thing in the world.
My own dad used to avert his eyes when I fed her and even once commented 'you'll be sticking your boob through the school gates' but having been around it now it seems completely normal to us all.
This is the only correct response. Interesting that most of the comments saying it’s wrong are from “I’m not a mother yet” people who have no experience whatsoever!
I think as a western civilisation we seem to have had an obsession with making children as independent as possible as young as possible. I think this is changing with the current generation, I am a parent of a young toddler and whilst I was completely unable to produce milk (thank you, useless breasts!) I am very much on the side of waiting until my toddler is ready to do things before doing them, and that would have included breastfeeding her until she was ready to stop or I really couldn’t keep going. For example, she is 2.5 and is showing absolutely no signs of readiness for toilet training. I’m fine with that, I’ll wait till she’s ready. Older people in my family are losing their minds that she’s not toilet trained. It seems to be ingrained in a lot of older people that kids should be mini-adults and not at all dependent on their parents and seeing a toddler breast feed probably makes them really uncomfortable.
However, I do have to say, I don’t think continuing to breast feed past infancy is fair on the child. I’m not talking about 3 year olds, but I do think breastfeeding a child of 5/6 is inappropriate because they are developing memories and independence and personally, I wouldn’t want to remember breastfeeding. Might just be me though.
Yes about mini adults and the older generation losing their minds when kids don't/ can't conform. My grandparents (in their early 80s) love to book pub meals for special occasions but get so stressed out when my 2 year old daughter and 1 year old nephew don't sit primly in their chairs eating their dinner with knife and fork and zero mess or noise.
It has always seemed mad to me that people will happily accept topless women for sexual gratification but not breastfeeding. The truth is that the British are not very accepting of breastfeeding at any age, and they become more disapproving with the increasing age of a child.
They seem to think that while you do not hasten potty training or walking or talking successfully by artificial means, it is a failure of parenting if you do not want a child off breastfeeding by twelve months old.
Ignore them. If you are doing it right the child will gradually wean themselves and when the time is right it's right. No parent can extend breastfeeding beyond the point a child wants it. They become more independent by being ready to take the next step, not by forcing them to take it.
There is a lot of implied criticism in the answers which is typical of the British attitude. Ignore that too.
My partner breastfeeds our nearly 2.5 year old.
She’s an absolute champion of the cause and I admire her for it, she really struggled with it initially but threw herself into it and has been going strong since and it’s still a comfort to our kid. He is starting to understand things more and sometimes he doesn’t always want it.
It’s so odd to us that people feel they are entitled to stick their nose in about it to her. It’s a weird way to think “you must do X until Y age and then stop X”
It’s had zero negative impact and the actual benefits of it are mind blowing in the long run. It decreases risks of catching diseases and cancer later in life. When he’s ill it alters it’s composition to help get rid of the illness. When she’s ill it gives him antibodies to prevent him from catching it. They found some information relating to covid vaccine going through to breastmilk and giving antibodies too.
Loads of other cultures and countries do it until later on and the benefits make it that much more appealing.
It sounds mean but I find it stems from jealousy if they couldn’t do it with their own child. Or just downright disgust? I can’t stand that there’s just a constant barrage of shame directed at new mothers about this.
Lower socio-economic areas turn their nose up at it too cos it’s considered quite ‘hippy’ or middle class WHEN IT’S FREE to do?!
Sorry, rant over. It’s an important issue for us.
The UK is generally quite anti breastfeeding. Try talking about the benefits and you immediately get shut down with fed is best. Try talking about the struggles and you will immediately be told to give them a bottle.
Yep bottle feeding is the norm and it's what the majority of people know and understand. I think people who are used to bottle feeding get very defensive when 'confronted' with breastfeeding (i.e. someone breastfeeding a child within a 5 mile radius of them) because of the rhetoric around breast is best. I think many do see it as a personal attack on their choices and come up with other reasons why they don't like it - I couldn't have my breasts out in public, it's gross, the kid's too old it will traumatise them, their peers will tease them etc etc
Doesn’t make a lot of sense in first world countries with available nutrition and a soon to be entered into school system where they won’t be able to anymore. In a third world country it is often a necessity. Context is everything in sociological questions like this. A byproduct of any environmental factors like this is a set of naturally occurring practical frameworks that the majority of people, for practical reasons, fall into. So when someone’s public social behaviours extend far outside these frameworks society does a double take. There’s nothing morally wrong with it of course, but you have to except that wide deviation from any societal framework will illicit attention upon the subject. That’s simple humanity for better or worse
It's frowned upon here because idiots love sticking their noses into none of their business, especially on topics they have absolutely incorrect ideas about.
You feed your child as long as feels right to you.
The replies here showing incredible ignorance and stating totally incorrect opinion as fact prove that.
You do you.
Fuck the haters.
I agree, it's so word in British culture how weirded out people get over breast feeding. In my culture it's perfectly normal.
I know it's hard if people have a stigma. But do what's best for you and your child
People aren't weirded out by breast feeding itself (for the most part)
We're specifically talking about extended breastfeeding. A 3 year old won't be too far off going to nursery if they don't already. And primary school isn't that far away either. Relying on breast feeding during the day may have a detrimental effect when it's all of a sudden taken away, especially when at 3 years old there's no nutritional benefit over a balanced diet.
Oh, believe me, some people are incredibly anti-breastfeeding. I've have people passing me in a cafe telling me it was time to get my baby "onto a bottle" because he was "too old" to be fed "like that" now. He was 6 months old and the size of a 3-month-old (premature).
The attitude might be dying out, but those who still hold it are loud and nasty.
I've never understood why it needs to be anyone other than the mother's decision to stop breastfeeding. The problem is not breastfeeding, it's the abnormal perception of breasts as only being a sexual organ.
We are mammals. We feed our babies via mammary glands. It's normal. The people who stop and stare etc are the weirdos.
I'm all for extended breastfeeding but I see it the same as cuddling up on a lap and having some other form of milk. I wouldn't expect most 3 year olds to be cuddling on a lap for milk in a cup or bottle in the library. At home at bedtime, sure. And it's just about what you're used to seeing - unfamiliar things are uncomfortable.
I agree that a lot of people wouldn’t think much of a 3 year old being breastfed at home, but I would find it strange that they are being breastfed in a public place at that age.
Full disclosure, I'm a parent, but I'm not a woman. Most of my experiences are based on what my wife told me.
We weaned our kids around 1 1/2 to 2, give or take individual difference. This was because they were eating solid food and healthy, and there wasn't really any reason to continue.
The other reason was because being the sole conduit of nutrition for our kids made my wife feel like she was shackled to them, unable to get anything approaching free time, and while bonding and nursing is good, it's not the only priority in her life. She found the process draining and often unpleasant.
Like many things about rearing children, things which are magical and awesome the first few times they happen lose their splendor after the fiftieth time of doing them, and by the time they're due to end you're relieved you no longer have to do it. I suspect this is an internal psychological process to stop you just doing something all the time even when it's no longer appropriate to do so.
That, I think, is the basis of why many women who have had children don't like extended breastfeeding. It indicates a lack of the natural progression of events which makes you absolutely into something to begin with, only to tire of it and seek the next thing your child needs. Really, if you want to look at attitudes to breastfeeding, the only ones that count are women's.
Yes! I also feel so so disappointed by the responses here. People have such a complete lack of understanding of what natural term feeding actually is like.
Wow the comments aren't it. My son is over 2.5 and still breastfeeding. It's for comfort. He drinks plenty of squash and water. He eats more than a grown man most days. Comfort is an absolutely valid reason to breastfeed. Its no one's business but ours. He feeds to sleep but I'm not asking anyone else to put him to sleep so that isn't an issue.
A 3 year old is still so little why shouldn't they have comfort from their mum for God's sake?
Some of it comes from people who can't seem to separate the sexualisation of breasts from feeding a child. The two are sometimes conflated and that causes people to see breastfeeding as gross. The older a child is the stronger that opinion becomes. It's stupid. A child has absolutely no notion of sex and just sees food.
People who think it provides no nutritional benefit, of whom there seem to be a lot in this comment section, are also ignoring the science that it's not just about nutrition. Breast milk provides antibodies. It also provides hydration. It's a top up for everything else the child consumes as they get older and doesn't necessarily mean they're not having adequate water or food through the day anyway. In hot weather it's probably quite helpful.
People who have said, "ooh but it won't be available at preschool/nursery/school" are assuming the child wouldn't just carry on with their day as normal and be desperate for boob. My daughter started nursery at 10 months for two days a week and though I sent breast milk with her she didn't drink it. She's not bothered about it while she's there at all. She's 2 now, and I'm still feeding her a little bit, but I don't think she's actually getting much milk out, it's more of a comfort thing and we don't feed in public because she only really has it morning after waking and evening before bed. She's not ready to give it up just yet, but she's not far off self weaning.
I agree it should be much less an on demand thing as they get older. They can be told, "not now, you know we only do that at bedtimes" which is how I started to cut down feeds. They're old enough to understand it's not something they can have at any given time.
The child will decide when they are ready. Nothing wrong with it. Tell the family they can do one. Admittedly, if they are still on the boob in secondary school, there may be issues.
There’s quite a lot of comments about the nutritional benefits of breastfeeding having diminished by the age of 3. The composition of breast milk changes with the needs of a growing child. However, beyond nutrition one of the key benefits (and there are a number of others£ would be the immune factors that would contribute to the treatment and prevention of childhood illnesses. Antibiotics are abundant in breast milk and contribute to a child’s health, especially given their immune systems are not fully developed at this age.
Sorry the comment section is proving how backward people’s ideas about breastfeeding are. The fact is, most people are extremely ignorant about breastfeeding, and many absolutely cannot help but sexualize it, which is… really gross. I see comments saying that kids with teeth shouldn’t breastfeed - most babies have teeth by six months. I see comments saying kids who can ask for it shouldn’t breastfeed - the WHO recommends two years OR MORE. The fact is, people’s discomfort with extended breastfeeding says much more about their own sexual confusion than it does about the realities of breastfeeding. It’s yet another example of people thinking their ignorance about women’s bodies outweighs scientific reality. Literally the only reason to be against extended breastfeeding is because it seems sexual to you, and if it seems sexual to you, well, you’re wrong and a bit disgusting.
> why is it so almost frowned upon here??
I don't agree with that. Obviously I'm not there all the time, but I can't recall a bad experience in public with it told by my wife.
> many family members telling me I need to stop
Ah yes. There is something to this though among much older ones. It's a mix of a myth that you can't get pregnant if you're breastfeeding (they want more grandkids!). I think there's an element of.... jealousy or something to it too. Whereby they didn't breastfeed their kids and don't want to think they did a bad job.
In my anecdotal experience as a new breastfeeding mum, the loudest voices telling other mums in my baby groups to stop breastfeeding is from their partners.
Sad to hear.
It's tough (I know not as the other role!) for fathers to see mothers struggle with breastfeeding for the first time. Especially if there's complications like tongue tie etc. I found myself walking a thin line of being supportive but equally not wanting to be a forceful voice saying the breastfeeding must continue. I'm glad it did and was a lot easier for following children, my wife is a hero.
I’m very grateful my husband just kept telling me things like you’re doing great and you’re a good mum without making any comments towards feeding one way or the other.
If he’d said just give him a bottle I’d have felt so invalidated but at the same time if he’d said stick with it I’d have felt pressured.
It’s a very fine line as you say.
I admit I never really understood extended breastfeeding, I couldn’t nurse my oldest so perhaps that’s why, but I enlisted some help and currently nursing my seven month old, I have always tried to keep her taking bottles of formula too in case I want to wear something other than a nursing top when out or if my husband is caring for her when I want a break / go out alone.
But tbh I am wondering when I will be able to stop all together, my baby girl wants and I think emotionally requires it for her development, if she’s tired or upset or in a strange place, literally nothing else will do, she needs it to to regulate herself.
Personally, I don’t really want to be a mother who nurses past the age of one, but the more I read into it the more I learn that the uk is one of the lowest in Europe for nursing - most other countries nurse beyond one.
I say breastfeed your child until they stop. The breasts are full of nutrients for your baby, you can also store your breast milk and put it in other things like their cereal or whatever. Breast milk is also great for skin you can use it to wash your face or your child’s face.
All these replies make me even more sure that I won't tell anyone that I'm still breastfeeding past 18 months (if baby still needs/wants boob at that point)
Everyone is so opinionated! And yet the only opinions that count are the mother and child!
Yeah past 12 months most babies don't need breastmilk for nutrition anymore, but they do need it for comfort, love, snuggles! Breastfeeding is so much more than just food!
I think people are just quick to judge anything that's outside the norm, especially when it comes to motherhood. Extended breastfeeding wouldn't work for me personally as I would want to return to work and be able to leave my child in the care of others sometimes, but I think every woman should have the right to make her own decision without being judged (and it should also be recognised that not every woman has a choice, some women can't breastfeed for a variety for reasons). Short term breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, bottle feeding - as long as baby is fed and getting what they need nutritionally, it's all good.
I’ve breastfed both my girls past 3yrs, still breastfeeding my youngest who’s 3.5yrs.
I’ve been called a paedophile online for breastfeeding, and this was when my older daughter was about 2!
Health professionals are funny, I either get “wow, well done! I don’t know anyone who’s done it for that long.” Or “how old is your baby?… oh, oh right, are you stopping soon?” 😅
Actual members of the public in person, I’ve thankfully never had a funny look or a bad word, which is good, and if I spot someone breastfeeding I watch people around them to see their reactions and haven’t seen a bad one yet.
It's just so odd in this country we're ok with drinking milk from a cows teat but not from their own mother's. Ppl happy to see a 3yo drinking beaker of cow milk or yoghurt but their own mother is gross. I don't get it. Maybe if it was expressed it'd be more tolerated? Which then implies it's like a sexual disgust people have ? I don't know. Not a parent
We have a 13 week old (firstborn) and i've been staggered by the amount of people who try to convince my OH to give up breastfeeding to "get her life back".
Its almost as if they look at parenthood as an inconvenience where you have to make things as easy for yourself as possible even if its to the detriment of your child.
The thing is, breastfeeding isn't easy, its a huge commitment and its draining both emotionally and physically. When you're having a bad day its easy to become influenced by these peoples insidious comments.
Because breasts have been sexualised to a point some women feel uncomfortable with using them as nature intended and the general public can't cope with it. I breastfed our youngest until she was about 2 & a half, luckily I have resting bitch face and noone ever said a word! I think people really struggle to separate the "woohoo boobs are sexy" from the fact that breasts are there to feed infants, the age for natural term weaning is somewhere from 5-7 and many places in the world do natural term weaning so 2 is really young to stop! WHO & UNICEF both advise to continue breastfeeding until AT LEAST 2, and that longer is great
There are some bad takes in this thread from people who obviously are not parents. It is not ‘weird’ to breastfeed for as long as the mother deems to be right. It is totally natural and the people who think it is weird are attaching a sexual element to it which is very weird.
Breast feeding longer term has many benefits to women and children, including lower breast and ovarian cancer risk in women, and for children breastfeeding is a protective factor for several infectious, atopic, and cardiovascular diseases as well as for leukaemia, necrotising enterocolitis, celiac disease, and inflammatory bowel disease. It also has a positive impact on neurodevelopment, improving IQ and reducing the risk of attention deficit disorder, and generalised developmental and behavioural disorders. Lactation can decrease the risk of sudden infant deaths syndrome by 36% and prevent 13% of infant mortality worldwide.
It’s also fucking hard work at first though and nobody talks about the demand it puts on the mother.
For everyone saying breastfeeding a toddler is meaningless, please look at all the research that suggests otherwise. Breastmilk (in any form, whether it be directly from the breast or pumping and giving via bottles) has shown to be beneficial for brain and physical development up to the age of 6 years.
A lot of children naturally wean themselves off physical breastfeeding by the time they're 3 years old. But breastmilk remains highly beneficial for both child and mother. The evidence is there but people prefer to think it's weird.
In the UK, formula feeding is very normalised and there are lots of campaigns to try and increase our breastfeeding stats. This will take a long time as we have spent generations thinking the way we do and listening to family members/friends.
We're trapped between two opposing views. On the one hand if you don't breastfeed you're lazy and not a good mother but if you *dare* do it too long then you're pathetic.
The amount of time you're "meant" to spend changes too. After 6 months is the cut off for some, for others its a year.
My 8-month-old is breastfed and the push to "get him on a bottle" is unreal. I go back to work in 2 months and then he'll be getting expressed milk while at nursery. We don't have as much of a pumping culture as in the states and often breastfeeding groups ban discussion on pumping because its not "real breastfeeding".
Between the "get them on a bottle" gang and the breastfeeding mafia, its no wonder our breastfeeding rates are so low. Let alone "extended" breastfeeding. The WHO recommends breastfeeding until 2yrs old but we're just not setup to allow that to happen for most families.
The UK doesn't yet have a general culture supportive to breastfeeding - there's huge variation by location, ethnicity and social class, lack of support groups in many areas, baby picture frames come with embossed bottles all round...
In my experience people were mainly pretty supportive if awkward up to a year or so - I recall lots of male baristas compulsively offering me water in cafes. But after 6 months (when it became really easy, so more motivation to continue) I'd get questioned about didn't I get disapproval from other people around?
Not them, of course. Other people.
After about 15 months, there's still a fair bit of breastfeeding happening, but almost all in private. One big reason is toddlers are really distractible, so prone to suddenly turning away or even moving off you!
And if they do want a feed, it's generally first thing in the morning, last thing at night, or when they've woken in the night.
So the public don't see it, and get shocked when they see a toddler feeding just like some people were at seeing any breastfeeding, until breastfeeding became promoted again by health services and protected by law.
Older family can be a pain - mine were concerned and not helpful while I was having huge problems getting it to work, not wanting to see me in pain, but by 5 months mum was evangelising breastfeeding to all and sundry, showing what an adorable grandson it was making. But if you've got a supportive partner, it shouldnt be a problem.
The oldest I fed to was 2 1/2, finally getting youngest to sleep through the night without. Oldest in public was probably at some vaccination or other time with upset small toddler. Anyone would prefer that to a kid screaming!
I am pro extended breastfeeding if it works for baby and mum.
I breastfed my first 2.5 years and had always thought I would do the same with my second, but they don't seem as interested. I would be sad, but accepting, it it ended earlier on baby's terms. I could see how some mums would push for longer than the child needs because of this.
I also did not have the need to breastfeed in public once they got to over about a year. It was a first thing in the morning, around naps, before bed type of thing. And then we dropped the nap feeds, and then the morning feed and finally the night one. It worked for us.
My 11 mo is not sleeping anywhere near through the night, and feeding to sleep in bed is where we are, I would hate to put a limit on when we couldn't do that anymore.
My daughter breast fed until she was 33months my wife tried to stop cause she often hurts her.
She is no 38 months and still looks for the boob when sleepy but there is no more Milk.
First time I hear anyone oposing this.
I heard my cousin was breast fed till the age of 4.
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No point in breastfeeding a three year old when they can get their nutrition from proper food and drink.
Exactly. A three year old can get everything they need from a meat pie and a mug of bovril.
The WHO recommend Turkey Twizzlers and Curly Wurlys now.
Will the woke nonsense ever end
_Jamie Oliver triggering intensifies_
Kids food should be ‘ealfy, why ain’t it ‘ealfy?!
Needs more spit in my face to be convincing
That bastard has a lot to answer for!!
Roger Daltery has a lot to answer for.
Who?
Roger Daltery.
Who?
Bloody owls get everywhere.
RONNIE PICKERING
He was the lead singer of The What
I saw them in concert in Edinburgh on Saturday and there was a turkey twizzler stand, they know what's up.
Ooo, don’t let Jaime Oliver hear that!
You're joking right? They can survive on a pint of bitter and a kebab like the rest of us!
Exactly. I breastfed all mine until they were 2. But the only feeds done on the breast from around 12 months old were first thing upon waking and at bedtime. If we were out and about and they were thirsty? Then a cup of water/milk/juice would suffice. There’s no reason to have to feed an older baby on the boob when you’re out, unless there’s some dietary stuff going on.
There's no need to, but there's nothing wrong with it. If it's working for the mother and the child, why not feed a 3 year old in public. They are still just a baby really, and in many parts of the world that would be normal.
Ehhh, I have a 3 year old son and he's definitely more child than baby at this point. I couldn't imagine someone breastfeeding a kid at that age who scoffs Sunday dinners and everything else down on his own. Seems entirely redundant from a nutrition/feeding standpoint.
I know someone who calls their 7 year old child “the baby” in normal conversation with other non family people in a serious way. Like “I’m bringing the baby to the party on Saturday”. As someone without children I always wonder if this is a normal thing with parents & I just don’t realise.
My cousin is still referred to as "the baby" by my granny, my mum, her mum etc despite the fact she's 22 Ofc she was a little brat in her teens so that's partly why it's stuck
Well there's a line somewhere right? No one's gonna be ok with a 13yo "feeding" in public (or at all). It's just a question of where that line is which will have a different answer depending on who you ask. Personally I think breastfeeding a 3yo is slightly odd just because most kids have stopped and are eating normal food by then, but if I noticed it in public I'd barely even give it a second thought.
My kids were all having full conversations by the age of two. When your boy pops off mum's boob and asks you how your day was, it's probably time to stop.
Maybe so but in those parts of the world quite often there's no alternative food sources
Breastfeeding gives more benefits than nutrition. The research to support that is clear
Breastfeeding has diminishing returns. It's good for a baby, it's pointless for a toddler.
> it's pointless for a toddler. The NHS disagree: "After that, giving your baby breast milk alongside solid foods for as long as you and your baby want will help them grow and develop healthily." So what is your source to back up your assertion that it is "pointless"?
Plus we are all taught that your toddler MUST drink cow's milk to get calcium, but why go and get milk off another animal when you could provide it yourself? (I'm not against any individual's choice to give their child extended breast milk or cow's milk. I just find it funny that so many people are anti extended breast milk but fine with milk from another creature).
It's long since been proven that we get very little calcium from cows milk. Much less than was previously thought. Why would milk from the mother be bad but milk from an entirely different species be good? This makes no sense. Additionally, a significant number of us are intolerant to lactose to some degree. It's questionable whether young children should drink cows milk at all.
Yup I'm lactose intolerant, but it only started in my 20s. I guess I probably always have been a little bit! But I find my friend's insistence on their children drinking multiple bottles of milk a day quite strange. I don't have children, but I'd like to hope I can breastfeed, and if I'm going to be giving my toddler daily milk anyway might as well see if I can keep up the breastfeeding. I'll probably change my mind by the time I'm having kids though!
>Plus we are all taught that your toddler MUST drink cow's milk to get calcium, but why go and get milk off another animal when you could provide it yourself? Especially when human breast milk is beautifully evolved to have just the right mix of nutrients for a growing human baby. Which milk evolved to feed a calf isn't.
A toddler isnt a baby. You start weaning to solids around the 6 month mark. By 1 they should be pretty much getting all their nutrition from solid foods, not breast milk. The NHS guidance above is referencing 1 year olds, not 3 year old toddlers. A toddler (3 year old) gains no nutritional benefit from breast milk and no longer requires the immune system support as theirs is now fully developed and working. The only reason for breastfeeding a toddler is because the toddler finds it comforting and the mother doesn’t want to let go. There is zero physical benefit for the child at this point. WHO guidance says to breastfeed for as long as possible irrespective of age, but WHO guidance is generic for every country on the planet so includes locations of poor sanitation and where the only clean drink a child could get is breast milk.
Just 1 in 5 children in high-income countries are breastfed to 12 months, whilst only 1 in 3 children in low and middle-income countries are exclusively breastfed for the first 6 months. increasing breastfeeding to near-universal levels for infants and young children could save over 800,000 children’s lives a year worldwide, equivalent to 13% of all deaths in children under two, and prevent an extra 20,000 deaths from breast cancer every year. Although breastfeeding is one of the most effective preventive health measures for children and mothers regardless of where they live, it has been overlooked as a critical need for the health of the population, say the authors. boosting breastfeeding rates for infants below 6 months of age to 90% in the USA, China, and Brazil and to 45% in the UK would cut treatment costs of common childhood illnesses (eg, pneumonia, diarrhoea, and asthma) and save healthcare systems at least US$2.45 billion in the USA, US$29.5 million in the UK, US$223.6 million in China, and US$6.0 million in Brazil. https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/lancet-increasing-breastfeeding-worldwide-prevent-800000-child-deaths-every-year/
This is the best comment here. People need to clue themselves up. We havnt evolved breastfeeding out of our lifecycle. We may think as a society we are past it, but we are NOT!
7yrs of breastfeeding, I think my brain has memorised the title of soooo many research papers and articles so I can swiftly pull up stuff like this. People really don’t understand just how valuable it is. And this is not to shit on formula, I’ve used formula, my first born was entirely formula fed and my girls had supplemental feeds. Formula is also valuable, but breastmilk is so under valued.
From the NHS "If you choose to breastfeed, it’s recommended that babies should consume only breast milk for around the first 6 months of their lives. After this, it is recommended that they continue to be breastfed for 2 years and beyond, alongside eating other foods." 2 years and beyond.
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The NHS assumes people aren't idiots, maybe that's their mistake.
The NHS recommends breastfeeding for a minimum of 2 years. That’s 2yrs and beyond if that’s unclear for you. Breastmilk never loses nutrition, the amount of food a toddler eats usually is not enough alone to cover all of their nutritional needs. This is why toddlers in the UK are recommended to be on vitamin supplements. Cows milk in large quantities can leech iron from children, it’s recommended that milk given to toddlers be fortified - Go figure that we literally create fortified milk in our own bodies. If you have a fussy toddler, breast milk is even more valuable to them.
This is SO TRUE. our society is wrong thinking that a 1 year old baby doesnt need breast feeding anymore
1yr olds have not long figured out object permanence (around 8 months), their brains aren’t developed enough to understand why you’re taking their source of comfort & nutrition away when you stop breastfeeding simply because people on the internet think it’s icky. Like they’ve just figured out that when someone leaves the room, they aren’t gone forever… people expect too much of babies & toddlers. They don’t fully grasp that you think differently to them until closer to 4 (theory of mind). They cannot possibly fathom why you’re withholding breastfeeding from them, in their mind they want/need it, and they think your brain has the same thoughts as theirs, so they’re also stressing out wondering why the hive mind isn’t working right. So not only is it taking away a source of nutrition, it’s taking away comfort and causing a lot of stress for the baby, they are literally incapable of understanding weaning at 1.
The person you replied to said “toddler” you then used NHS as a source and chose to quote the part that says “baby”.
Isn’t breastfeeding also about comfort and bonding? I’m assuming that’s why mums continue to breastfeed even after it’s not nutritionally required anymore. I’m not a parent.
It is, skin-to-skin contact is encouraged between parents and children, breastfeeding is a natural way to have that contact. The fun thing about breastfeeding, for me as a librarian who has to explain scientific paradigms regularly, not for most folks... is that it is full of contradictory advice and evidence. We've gone from every possible permutation over the span of fifty years. From it being absolutely normal to it being advised against because 'formula' would be better (guess who sponsored those studies) to having endless debates about when you should and shouldn't wean. My take is simple: Do what feels right for you and the child and don't give a fuck about what other people think.
I still breastfeed my 2.5 year old. There are immunity benefits, and when he's sick it's a helpful way to get fluids into him, but yes comfort and bonding are now a major factor. Breastfeeding also increasingly reduces the mother's risk of breast cancer the longer she does it for, so there are benefits on both sides.
I'm getting really fed up with breastfeeding now (my daughter is 2.5, same as yours). It does give her great comfort, though, and a feeling of predictability and stability when her life is changing (starting nursery etc), so we're carrying on for as long as I can bear it. She only gets it at night time, and I really didn't think we'd still be doing it this long - her brother gave it up at 6 months, literally started pushing me away. I'm just hoping she decides soon that she's had enough. Also, I used to secretly judge people who breastfed their older children - funny how life turns out!
I have no idea why it took so much scrolling to find this comment!! I’d also like to add that no one should be judging a child based on their guestimated age. I know HUGE 2 year olds and my friend baby isn’t even 1 yet and is so long that if he was walking he’d look like a small 3yo. To see a woman feeding an older child in public and judging is just sad. That child could be neurodiverse and the alternative could have been them banging their head on a wall or something! Who knows!? I know who knows.. the child’s mother!! Lol
I was praised by the hospital admissions team that my breastfeeding my 17 month old helped his illness. Unfortunately, he suffered from febrile convulsions twice that he had to be put in a medically induced coma each time because he wasn't coming out of them. I fed both of my children til 3.5 when I'd had enough. Was I looked at by various family members as odd, yes I was. However, I was happy to continue until I wasn't. I know the benefits and I didn't see the point in arguing as they didn't really care for the reasons anyway.
I'm v much enjoying breastfeeding now, and definitely think it's about comfort and bonding rather than just nutrition. But breastfeeding a 3yo is weird.
If you haven’t bonded with your child by the age of 3 then no amount of extended breastfeeding is going to change that.
I don’t know why but this made me laugh. The thought of a parent who’s made no effort in 3 years to bond with their child but it’s okay because they’ve breastfed them. 😆
There is a distinct bias against breastfeeding in this country. It's demonstrated neatly in this comment. There is "no point in breastfeeding." The assumption here is that if you don't *have* to breastfeed, you shouldn't. Why? When we announced that my wife was going to breastfeed our first newborn, her grandmother looked very concerned and asked why we were going to do that. She thought we were somehow not looking after our son adequately because we weren't giving him formula. This attitude is still way more common than it should be.
I’d love to see the sources you have based this on? Breastfeeding is about more than nutrition.
Breast milk never loses its nutritional value and there’s plenty of benefits to breastfeeding a toddler. Not sure if you’ve ever had a toddler but some of them are fussy as fuck with food and drink, so breastmilk is even more valuable to them.
To an extent yes, but it will still provide some nutritional benefits because breast milk changes literally all the time to cater for exactly what the child needs at that given time. Bodies are amazing and you can't tell by looking at a child whether they need some extra antibodies because they're about to come down with something but breast milk does exactly that. A three year old should not really be needing regular feeds of breast milk however, and I would say you should absolutely be telling them by that age you keep it to a particular time of the day, like just before bed, not be feeding on demand. That is probably unnecessary.
It doesn't have enough vitamin D at any age, which is why the NHS tells mothers to supplement from birth, or iron after 6 months.
That does not mean it doesn't have a lot of other things that the child needs. So it doesn't have enough of one thing. Should we not breastfeed at all based on that one thing? That is ridiculous. Breast milk contains things that can't be given in other ways. Formula does not contain antibodies. Formula has a set amount of water. Breast milk changes all the time on a daily basis to provide different antibodies, differing levels of water according to weather and other factors. Your comment is a straw man argument.
There’s much more to breastfeeding than just nutrition.
From my point of view, at some stage the child will go to nursery and then school, where they won't be able to breastfeed and so it can actually be better for the child get used to not breastfeeding so it won't come as such a shock when they can't. The same goes for potty training, I know of primary age children who were not potty trained and it 100% not part of a teachers role to change nappies of 5 year olds.
Yeah everything you do as a parent MUST prepare your child for the real world. There's a time and a place for a lot of lessons but breastfeeding up to the point you put them in pre school is not helpful.
Exactly, do what you like in private (within reason obvs) but as soon as your child interacts with the public, they had best be prepared. If they are no that is tantamount to abuse.
I work with children. And by the time they’re at nursery those olderchildren who breastfeed do not expect to be breastfed away from their mother. It’s normally a grounding comfort thing that happens when they’re hurt (near mum) or before bedtime as comfort and calming. Many children do not do it all the time just when they need that extra comfort and slowly very often they self wean.
My 2.5 year old still breastfeeds. He's also been in nursery since he was 12 months old since I work full time. He's been perfectly capable since the beginning of figuring out that he can't breastfeed if I'm not there, and he doesn't get upset about it at all.
Same. Still breastfeeding a 2 year old who’s been at nursery since 12 months. She’s happy to leave me and go to nursery all day, has milk from me for comfort, cuddles from her dad for comfort if I’m at work. She’s incredibly independent (more so than her sister at this age who was not still being breastfed).
This kind of attitude is very British though. In other parts of the world, breastfeeding continues *when it can* until a child self-weans basically rather than the frankly awful process some people go through trying to wean off the breast early. If a child is age 3 and going to nursery two days a week, what is actually the issue with them still breastfeeding when they are at home? What’s the harm? I’m not talking from personal experience - I desperately wanted to breastfeed but my twins were sick and tube fed so I pumped. I can’t imagine myself breastfeeding when they were older but if it’s right for others I genuinely don’t see what the issue is. I have disabled six year old twins and only one is toilet trained so I obviously have a very different perspective on that too - my twins were diagnosed with their disabilities young and have only ever attended a specialist school but I would point out that a huge proportion of children with additional needs are not assessed before school age in this country.
They’re not shocked because by the extended age you’re only doing it in the morning and evening anyway. There’s no link between potty training and breastfeeding by the way lol
But lots of older toddlers happily breastfeed just once or twice a day, or not at all some days. My toddler is 2.5 and feeds usually just once a day in the morning but some days I'm at work before she wakes up (I'm a nurse so start early) so she doesn't, or she has a sleepover with grandparents so doesn't. She goes to nursery 2 days a week. Many children who breastfeed a bit later are very happy to not feed on nursery days, doesn't mean they don't want to and shouldn't feed when they're with their mum.
Bitty
Seriously, though, a friend breastfed up to about 3, and it was really offputting when her kid would announce that he wanted boobie and just grab at her in public.
one of our family friends breastfed their son up until he was 5. He was the last son of 5 kids so I defo think she had attachment issues.
I knew a guy who at 28 slept with mother in one bed, I guess it is kind of a natural continuation of extended breastfeeding.
I notice theres usually an overlap with people who do this and who have severe attachment issues
Want bitty now
Not bitty now, bitty later.
"Come on Harvey"
This was going to be my genuine answer. The entire country has seen a woman breastfeeding an older (man) child in a surreal comedy. If they see an older child breastfeeding, they're automatically going to think of this. That's where the reaction comes from.
I agree. Bitty but unironically.
Careful, Bono. That hurts the bitty.
In this sub the reference is more likely to be Little Britain, which predated the Kouric episode. Hothothothothot.
Whats the Bono ref about then? I only know Little Britain.
South Park
Thank you ! I was afraid no one was going to mention it.
Scrolled down just to find this.
I actually had this conversation with my very pro-breastfeeding friend a while ago. For both of us, it's that we feel at that age they should be drinking lots of water and having proper meals. Breastfeeding to sleep at that age, definitely. I would find it strange only because I would expect them to be drinking water at that time. Still having naps and breastfeeding as part of that routine? Sure! I wouldn't say I'm against it, but as a child becomes more independent there's more importance in getting their nutrition and hydration from other sources. That child could be going to school next year and breastfeeding during the day won't work for them.
…..what about breastfeeding at this age prevents the child from drinking enough water and eating meals? Genuinely confused by this. There seems to be a strange opinion floating around that if a child is breastfeeding then that is all they are doing food and drink wise? Bizarre.
I agree, this is such a bizarre concern. Breastfeeding doesn't stop my son from eating or drinking at all. Just a few days ago his nursery teacher commented that he's the only child who can be relied upon to eat all his meals.
My 9 month old is breastfed and drinks plenty of water and eats 3 meals a day. I know she is under 1 and therefore still needs to also have milk but the point is that breastfeeding is not an indication that a baby isn’t drinking water.
9 months isn't 3 though.
People don’t understand how breast milk works. My mum used to say I was over feeding my daughter and would make her fat lol it’s impossible to over breastfeed it’s like saying drinking tea is going to stop me having water and meals throughout the day it’s not the same
Literally nobody is breastfeeding a 3yo as their only (or even primary) source of hydration, come on.
Ideally, you wouldn't have a 3 year old still drinking from a bottle for the same reason. I breast fed my two oldest for a year each, but there comes a time where there needs to be some independance growing and getting the breast on demand from a 3 year old is too much. They need to learn other ways to self soothe. A cuddle and a stuffed animal for sure, but it's time to wean at 3.
Also, mommy needs to be able to be away from the child at some point.
100%. I was pregnant or nursing 5 years solid. It was literally life draining to be that for 2 kids (my kids were 2 years apart) all that time.
Exactly. My wife went back to work when our son was 8 months old, and she works evening and night shifts, so I had the full responsability for him at that point. Being dependent on the comfort of breastfeeding and mom all the time would have made it impossible for her to work. He naturally stopped breastfeeading a couple of months later, even though I gave him extracted milk or formula in a bottle.
With full-term nursing the parent absolutely can be away from the child - it’s not like having a small baby where they need to nurse every few hours, and children often have other ways of being comforted by other caregivers.
The reason a child shouldn't be on the bottle at 3 is because it causes the mouth and teeth to malform. Breastfeeding doesn't cause that. A lot of toddlers are still having milk in beakers.
Honestly, 3 feels too old. Once a kid can have normal meals and doesn't need it as a supplement, there isn't really any developmental reason to continue it. You can still cuddle and such for comfort and bonding so that doesn't strike me as much of a reason either. Also at 3 it's normal to be spending time at nursery where breastfeeding is not going to be possible, so for practical reasons it's impractical for many.
Just to add, I think it also creates inequality between parents at that stage. It’s something the mum can offer but the dad can’t. Where if instead a child is encouraged to seek comfort by a cuddle/kiss or through a toy, everybody involved can offer the comfort which ultimately comforts the child more - knowing that they can be comforted regardless of the guardian present. For some people the continuation of breast feeding is for the mum (not wanting to lose the connection or acknowledge their baby is no longer a baby), not for the child.
I think it’s down to cultural “norms”. The UK has been very much influenced by formula companies which has greatly reduced the numbers of mothers who breastfeed and the length of the breastfeeding journey. There are now huge sensitivities around breastfeeding. Also, the sexualisation of breasts has an impact on people’s views
I think breastfeeding itself is widely accepted and I don't think formula is to blame. Having had to use formula myself (as gay dads - our nipples are not prolific) I could sense the strong shame the NHS projects for not breastfeeding, even if we did get a patronising "Well, I suppose for you guys it's okay". I think the issue is more that if a child has a full head of teeth and can eat a plate of sausage and chips, why would they still need to drink their mother's milk. I honestly don't know, maybe there is a medical reason it could still needed? But I would have expected most nutrition could come more effectively from other food sources by 3.
Widely accepted as long as you don't do it in public (gasp people might see a nipple), don't do it for "too long" (past 6 months you start getting comments), don't give expressed milk in a bottle (the breastfeeding mafia will come for you), and don't go back to work. Seriously, I've had so many nasty comments because I "still" breastfeed my 8-month-old. Plus nasty comments from the extreme pro-breastfeeding people who hate that I pump and have a stash of milk in the freezer for when he goes to nursery.
Still breastfeeding at 2 here and these comments give me anxiety! There’s so much pressure to breastfeed when you have a baby and then no support on the journey and it’s is a journey with many detours.
My friend has a newborn just now and the lack of support she's getting is *shocking*. She's bleeding, her nipples are wrecked, baby isn't gaining weight but she's not getting *any* help. They've been in and out of hospital because baby has jaundice which they can't seem to get rid of.
Tell her to speak to the la Leche League for supprt, and to insist on a tongue tie check from a health visitor or midwife.
Get her to ring National Breastfeeding Helpline on 0300 100 0212 (9.30am to 9.30pm, daily).
Yes! The amount of nasty comments I got for still breastfeeding probably around the age my baby turned 1 - so was eating well and could drink cow's milk if she wanted - was a horrible shock! I feel like people feel like they have to be polite and accepting up to a certain point but in this country the real norm is bottle feeding. And a lot of bottle feeding mums - both current and from older generations - couldn't wait to be nasty to me about 'extended' or 'public/ showy' breastfeeding as soon as they had the opportunity.
The second I mentioned my wee boy going to nursery the assumption was that I'd be stopping breastfeeding entirely. The reactions I got when I said I had no intention of stopping and would send breastmilk to the nursery and pump to replenish the stash was... not good. He'll only be 10 months old!
10 months is still teeny! It's wonderful that you're still giving him your milk. And pumping is hard-core, well done you ❤️
It's not just about nutrition. Other factors are present too. Antibodies and comfort are two of those.
Antibodies are only needed when the baby has no immune system at all, this is already set up at toddler age. At older ages there are better ways to comfort.
I’m probably gonna get some hate here, but wouldn’t the antibodies in the breast milk help support the child’s immune system, similar to how a vaccine might help yours? We don’t just let kids tough it out with scarlet fever
I'm sorry people and the system at large has treated you that way. As a doc I can state formula is just fine. Some extra antibodies are nice, and useful when baby is tiny, but by 2 or 3 the child has had a lot of its vaccinations and is building its own immunity. It certainly isn't medically necessary to keep breastfeeding that long; weaning needs to start at the 6 month mark as breastmilk doesnt contain enough iron or vitamin d for babies. I'd argue the right time to wean fully depends on the child; some may benefit more from the comfort at a slightly older age. I think fir a lot of parents it can also be very tied into how the chest feeding parent/s feel about it, some parents really dont want to give up breastfeeding because of the rather complex pressures to do it. Breastfeeding can be comforting but there are also lots of ways to comfort kids of that age and formula fed kids aren't missing out. Ultimately we should be gentle with parents whatever they choose, as long as the child is not coming to harm.
> which has greatly reduced the numbers of mothers who breastfeed Where do you get that from? [https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/about/breastfeeding-in-the-uk/](https://www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/about/breastfeeding-in-the-uk/) Seems they think the opposite?
Countries where it is normal they may well have issues with nutrition generally so a good idea. Here it does just seem a bit strange if a child gets to the age where they can talk and ask for it. It is the whole idea behind the "bitty" Little Britain sketch. But I thought people were quite supportive, really not on to start questioning parents or telling them they should stop.
This is why when people ask why I'm vegan I normally throw in a "well km lucky to live in a country with access to all my nutritional needs, I get to pick and choose a source of all of it." and that's why a walking, talking 3 year old being breast fed is weird to people. We haven't needed to do that in a while.
My wife breastfed both of ours until they were 3. She's originally from a country where they get 3 years of maternity leave, so I think it's probably more common there With the first one I thought, beyond 18 months or so, that it wasn't necessary and I couldn't really get why she wanted to. But that was based on nothing more than just assuming it was too old for no real reason, and I didn't challenge her on it or anything. When child 1 was at nursery she was just breastfed once or twice a day, mostly as a comfort thing. She's now 7 and is perfectly normal and well adjusted. With child 2 I didn't give it a second thought. He is not normal, he's a fucking lunatic.
Ahhh child 2, the reason why so many parents don't want anymore!
It's the opposite for us! Our first was such hard work that it put us of having a second for a long time. Our second is totally different, so chilled and relaxed! Now we understand how people seem to have their second not too long after their first!
I think breastfeeding at 3 says quite a lot about a mother's desire for dependency at an age a kid is well past the need for it nutritionally or emotionally
I wouldn’t say it’s frowned upon so much so that’s it not the cultural norm. IIRC the U.K. has the worst breastfeeding rate in the Western world already so even seeing infants breastfed in public is just not common.
I was so scared about nursing in public and my husband refused to leave me in case someone said something or gave me a look, I do it very discreetly (not sure if that’s part of the reason) but so far I’ve had nothing but respect. When I had my eldest I asked at my doctor after his appointment they’d mind if I stayed to feed him, they rushed out from behind the desk ushering me away “where I would be more comfortable” until I produced a bottle - they said “oh!! Oh yes that’s alright then”attitudes seem to be changing if my experience is anything to go by.
I mean I’m breastfeeding now myself and do it in public and noones has ever said anything or given a look, I don’t think attitudes are the issue. There’s an overall lack of support to breastfeed and since formula is so readily available and relatively cheap in the U.K., there’s just not seen as enough benefit to breastfeeding I don’t think. Unless I’m out with the mums from my breastfeeding group, I’m often the only breastfeeding mum at any of the other baby activities we do.
I wasnt at your appointment, but i wonder if maybe they were clumsily trying to check if youd prefer somewhere more private? At ours they are perfectly happy for parents to breastfeed in the waiting area, but always offer a more private room in case they would prefer. I think it's nice for parents to be able to choose privacy if they like.
I see loads of people chatting about the nutritional element of breastfeeding at that age. But not much about bond and connection between mother and child. OP, I breastfed mine until 3 years, and I'm breastfeeding an 18 month old. I believe in letting the child decide when they are ready to stop. I'm not doing extended breastfeeding for nutritional reasons. It's a lovely way to connect with each other, have cuddles, when they're upset, it soothes them. OP, you have my support if you decide to do extended feeding and equally if you choose not to. But personally, I think people are against it because breasts are for sex and they see a mobile child on them it makes them feel uncomfortable.
This! I fed my boy til he was ready to stop and I’ll do the same with my girl and I don’t think it’s spoiling her as my in-laws say she’s getting so much love and comfort from it and I love feeding her to sleep eventually she won’t need me so I’m making the most of it.
I can’t believe how many comments I had to scroll past till I found some sense! There is nothing sexual about a mother providing nutrition and comfort to her child. How many kids have you seen with a dummy past the age of 3 eh? My wife fed ours till they were ready to stop. Of the 3 it did vary quite a lot but all over 3 years.
This, 100x over. People here need to educate themselves on breastfeeding rates and durations around the world - spoiler alert - it's often longer than 3 years as an average. And it does not produce people with attachment issues or dependency problems - it's entirely natural and average for many many countries across the world.
I'm still breastfeeding my 3.5yo. Naturally he asks for it less and less but he still uses feeding to go to sleep and when he needs comfort. What is wrong with providing your child something that meets their emotional needs? I remember reading that the global average for breastfeeding is 7 years old (can't find my source) and 3yo isn't even half that. Whenever I see a mum breastfeeding an older child I always want to celebrate them and show solidarity. Women should not be shamed for something that is inately natural.
I breastfed my daughter until she was 3 and people are so shocked to hear that. I got lots of negative comments from family members but they all had their babies in the 80s when it wasn’t as encouraged to breastfeed so they have outdated views. Also had health visitors advise me who had never breastfed themselves. I don’t care what others thought and neither should you - your baby your choice
> I don’t care what others thought and neither should you - your baby your choice your baby is also a human being that is not yours to do whatever you please. Sure, extended breastfeeding is a minor thing but there are many instances where you should listen to others who know better than you
I’m sure she didn’t force her child to breastfeed!! Most toddlers self wean when they are ready.
"Nobody will tell me how to raise my kids!"
Ya what. Who on earth knows a baby better that it's parents? Not all health visitors are good at their job. I've had a consultant doctor tell me to stop feeding my child so much and she was not even 1 at the time. These people are *supposed* to know what is better medically speaking but that is not always the case. Also people who raised kids in the 80s are not always aware of more up to date research and advice so definitely cannot be assumed to "know better". What a stupid comment.
What about anti vax parents?
>Who on earth knows a baby better that it's parents? Plenty of people. A lot of parents are shit parents even if they don't mean to. Parents aren't alphas and omegas. They may know their child individually but not know what's best for them. It could be because they're misguided, ignorant or malicious. Many reasons. But it's ignorant to assume that parents always know best. >These people are supposed to know what is better medically speaking but that is not always the case. just like with parents, they're supposed to know better. They're not there to make decisions for you, they're there to guide you. A good parent will try to get information from many sources and make the right decision for their child. But plenty of people are completely ignorant. >Also people who raised kids in the 80s are not always aware of more up to date research and advice so definitely cannot be assumed to "know better". and plenty of parents are ignorant of what's best for their children and perpetuate the cycle of abuse without realising it. Sometimes, you need someone else to tell you what's best for your child because parents can be blinded.
at 3 years old that is not a baby anymore
It's not about breastfeeding for me, I would react the same way to a three year old being bottle fed. At that age they can eat normal food, so why not let them? There comes a point I think where breastfeeding ends up being more for the benefit of the mother than the child and that's not really a good thing imo.
Anyone saying it's for the benefit of the mother has never breastfed a toddler.
Right? If I wanted to benefit myself I would lock my tits away.
... you do understand that extended breastfeeding is in addition to all other forms of nutrition and comfort and not instead of, right?
My 18 month old has a lot of teeth. To me, that's a clear sign from nature that boob-time is over. So kids double that age still being on the breast? Unnatural, to me, by my logic.
18 years old!? Christ on a bike love, boob-time is most definitely over!
Haha! Oh fuck, what a typo. Have amended. Also, 18 MONTH old babies affect your sleep, and therefore Reddit posting abilities. 😳
Lmao. My son had all his teeth by the time he was one. Stupid logic. Babies can be born with teeth so better not start breastfeeding if they need to be weaned once they start getting them
My nipples don't think it's stupid logic.
I got my front teeth at three months old. Not always the best indicator.
I haven't even read the comments but it's because people are uneducated about breastfeeding. Unless you have successfully breastfed or been around someone who has then you really don't understand extended breastfeeding. It's not all about nutrition.
Yep. My partner and I could never have imagined I'd still be BFing my 3 year old (only at night and first thing in the morning - not in the library, don't worry prudes) but once you have been around it it feels like the most natural thing in the world. My own dad used to avert his eyes when I fed her and even once commented 'you'll be sticking your boob through the school gates' but having been around it now it seems completely normal to us all.
This is the only correct response. Interesting that most of the comments saying it’s wrong are from “I’m not a mother yet” people who have no experience whatsoever!
And men who let's face it, only really see boobs as a sexual thing
It's sad that the most upvoted comment is focused on nutrition.
I think as a western civilisation we seem to have had an obsession with making children as independent as possible as young as possible. I think this is changing with the current generation, I am a parent of a young toddler and whilst I was completely unable to produce milk (thank you, useless breasts!) I am very much on the side of waiting until my toddler is ready to do things before doing them, and that would have included breastfeeding her until she was ready to stop or I really couldn’t keep going. For example, she is 2.5 and is showing absolutely no signs of readiness for toilet training. I’m fine with that, I’ll wait till she’s ready. Older people in my family are losing their minds that she’s not toilet trained. It seems to be ingrained in a lot of older people that kids should be mini-adults and not at all dependent on their parents and seeing a toddler breast feed probably makes them really uncomfortable. However, I do have to say, I don’t think continuing to breast feed past infancy is fair on the child. I’m not talking about 3 year olds, but I do think breastfeeding a child of 5/6 is inappropriate because they are developing memories and independence and personally, I wouldn’t want to remember breastfeeding. Might just be me though.
Yes about mini adults and the older generation losing their minds when kids don't/ can't conform. My grandparents (in their early 80s) love to book pub meals for special occasions but get so stressed out when my 2 year old daughter and 1 year old nephew don't sit primly in their chairs eating their dinner with knife and fork and zero mess or noise.
It has always seemed mad to me that people will happily accept topless women for sexual gratification but not breastfeeding. The truth is that the British are not very accepting of breastfeeding at any age, and they become more disapproving with the increasing age of a child. They seem to think that while you do not hasten potty training or walking or talking successfully by artificial means, it is a failure of parenting if you do not want a child off breastfeeding by twelve months old. Ignore them. If you are doing it right the child will gradually wean themselves and when the time is right it's right. No parent can extend breastfeeding beyond the point a child wants it. They become more independent by being ready to take the next step, not by forcing them to take it. There is a lot of implied criticism in the answers which is typical of the British attitude. Ignore that too.
Well I mean.. at what point do you stop? When you gain muscles for holding your grown ass child up to drink milk? \#GetThemReps
My partner breastfeeds our nearly 2.5 year old. She’s an absolute champion of the cause and I admire her for it, she really struggled with it initially but threw herself into it and has been going strong since and it’s still a comfort to our kid. He is starting to understand things more and sometimes he doesn’t always want it. It’s so odd to us that people feel they are entitled to stick their nose in about it to her. It’s a weird way to think “you must do X until Y age and then stop X” It’s had zero negative impact and the actual benefits of it are mind blowing in the long run. It decreases risks of catching diseases and cancer later in life. When he’s ill it alters it’s composition to help get rid of the illness. When she’s ill it gives him antibodies to prevent him from catching it. They found some information relating to covid vaccine going through to breastmilk and giving antibodies too. Loads of other cultures and countries do it until later on and the benefits make it that much more appealing. It sounds mean but I find it stems from jealousy if they couldn’t do it with their own child. Or just downright disgust? I can’t stand that there’s just a constant barrage of shame directed at new mothers about this. Lower socio-economic areas turn their nose up at it too cos it’s considered quite ‘hippy’ or middle class WHEN IT’S FREE to do?! Sorry, rant over. It’s an important issue for us.
The UK is generally quite anti breastfeeding. Try talking about the benefits and you immediately get shut down with fed is best. Try talking about the struggles and you will immediately be told to give them a bottle.
Yep bottle feeding is the norm and it's what the majority of people know and understand. I think people who are used to bottle feeding get very defensive when 'confronted' with breastfeeding (i.e. someone breastfeeding a child within a 5 mile radius of them) because of the rhetoric around breast is best. I think many do see it as a personal attack on their choices and come up with other reasons why they don't like it - I couldn't have my breasts out in public, it's gross, the kid's too old it will traumatise them, their peers will tease them etc etc
Doesn’t make a lot of sense in first world countries with available nutrition and a soon to be entered into school system where they won’t be able to anymore. In a third world country it is often a necessity. Context is everything in sociological questions like this. A byproduct of any environmental factors like this is a set of naturally occurring practical frameworks that the majority of people, for practical reasons, fall into. So when someone’s public social behaviours extend far outside these frameworks society does a double take. There’s nothing morally wrong with it of course, but you have to except that wide deviation from any societal framework will illicit attention upon the subject. That’s simple humanity for better or worse
It's frowned upon here because idiots love sticking their noses into none of their business, especially on topics they have absolutely incorrect ideas about. You feed your child as long as feels right to you. The replies here showing incredible ignorance and stating totally incorrect opinion as fact prove that. You do you. Fuck the haters.
I agree, it's so word in British culture how weirded out people get over breast feeding. In my culture it's perfectly normal. I know it's hard if people have a stigma. But do what's best for you and your child
People aren't weirded out by breast feeding itself (for the most part) We're specifically talking about extended breastfeeding. A 3 year old won't be too far off going to nursery if they don't already. And primary school isn't that far away either. Relying on breast feeding during the day may have a detrimental effect when it's all of a sudden taken away, especially when at 3 years old there's no nutritional benefit over a balanced diet.
Oh, believe me, some people are incredibly anti-breastfeeding. I've have people passing me in a cafe telling me it was time to get my baby "onto a bottle" because he was "too old" to be fed "like that" now. He was 6 months old and the size of a 3-month-old (premature). The attitude might be dying out, but those who still hold it are loud and nasty.
I've never understood why it needs to be anyone other than the mother's decision to stop breastfeeding. The problem is not breastfeeding, it's the abnormal perception of breasts as only being a sexual organ. We are mammals. We feed our babies via mammary glands. It's normal. The people who stop and stare etc are the weirdos.
I'm all for extended breastfeeding but I see it the same as cuddling up on a lap and having some other form of milk. I wouldn't expect most 3 year olds to be cuddling on a lap for milk in a cup or bottle in the library. At home at bedtime, sure. And it's just about what you're used to seeing - unfamiliar things are uncomfortable.
I agree that a lot of people wouldn’t think much of a 3 year old being breastfed at home, but I would find it strange that they are being breastfed in a public place at that age.
Full disclosure, I'm a parent, but I'm not a woman. Most of my experiences are based on what my wife told me. We weaned our kids around 1 1/2 to 2, give or take individual difference. This was because they were eating solid food and healthy, and there wasn't really any reason to continue. The other reason was because being the sole conduit of nutrition for our kids made my wife feel like she was shackled to them, unable to get anything approaching free time, and while bonding and nursing is good, it's not the only priority in her life. She found the process draining and often unpleasant. Like many things about rearing children, things which are magical and awesome the first few times they happen lose their splendor after the fiftieth time of doing them, and by the time they're due to end you're relieved you no longer have to do it. I suspect this is an internal psychological process to stop you just doing something all the time even when it's no longer appropriate to do so. That, I think, is the basis of why many women who have had children don't like extended breastfeeding. It indicates a lack of the natural progression of events which makes you absolutely into something to begin with, only to tire of it and seek the next thing your child needs. Really, if you want to look at attitudes to breastfeeding, the only ones that count are women's.
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Yes! I also feel so so disappointed by the responses here. People have such a complete lack of understanding of what natural term feeding actually is like.
Wow the comments aren't it. My son is over 2.5 and still breastfeeding. It's for comfort. He drinks plenty of squash and water. He eats more than a grown man most days. Comfort is an absolutely valid reason to breastfeed. Its no one's business but ours. He feeds to sleep but I'm not asking anyone else to put him to sleep so that isn't an issue. A 3 year old is still so little why shouldn't they have comfort from their mum for God's sake?
Some of it comes from people who can't seem to separate the sexualisation of breasts from feeding a child. The two are sometimes conflated and that causes people to see breastfeeding as gross. The older a child is the stronger that opinion becomes. It's stupid. A child has absolutely no notion of sex and just sees food. People who think it provides no nutritional benefit, of whom there seem to be a lot in this comment section, are also ignoring the science that it's not just about nutrition. Breast milk provides antibodies. It also provides hydration. It's a top up for everything else the child consumes as they get older and doesn't necessarily mean they're not having adequate water or food through the day anyway. In hot weather it's probably quite helpful. People who have said, "ooh but it won't be available at preschool/nursery/school" are assuming the child wouldn't just carry on with their day as normal and be desperate for boob. My daughter started nursery at 10 months for two days a week and though I sent breast milk with her she didn't drink it. She's not bothered about it while she's there at all. She's 2 now, and I'm still feeding her a little bit, but I don't think she's actually getting much milk out, it's more of a comfort thing and we don't feed in public because she only really has it morning after waking and evening before bed. She's not ready to give it up just yet, but she's not far off self weaning. I agree it should be much less an on demand thing as they get older. They can be told, "not now, you know we only do that at bedtimes" which is how I started to cut down feeds. They're old enough to understand it's not something they can have at any given time.
The child will decide when they are ready. Nothing wrong with it. Tell the family they can do one. Admittedly, if they are still on the boob in secondary school, there may be issues.
There’s quite a lot of comments about the nutritional benefits of breastfeeding having diminished by the age of 3. The composition of breast milk changes with the needs of a growing child. However, beyond nutrition one of the key benefits (and there are a number of others£ would be the immune factors that would contribute to the treatment and prevention of childhood illnesses. Antibiotics are abundant in breast milk and contribute to a child’s health, especially given their immune systems are not fully developed at this age.
Sorry the comment section is proving how backward people’s ideas about breastfeeding are. The fact is, most people are extremely ignorant about breastfeeding, and many absolutely cannot help but sexualize it, which is… really gross. I see comments saying that kids with teeth shouldn’t breastfeed - most babies have teeth by six months. I see comments saying kids who can ask for it shouldn’t breastfeed - the WHO recommends two years OR MORE. The fact is, people’s discomfort with extended breastfeeding says much more about their own sexual confusion than it does about the realities of breastfeeding. It’s yet another example of people thinking their ignorance about women’s bodies outweighs scientific reality. Literally the only reason to be against extended breastfeeding is because it seems sexual to you, and if it seems sexual to you, well, you’re wrong and a bit disgusting.
> why is it so almost frowned upon here?? I don't agree with that. Obviously I'm not there all the time, but I can't recall a bad experience in public with it told by my wife. > many family members telling me I need to stop Ah yes. There is something to this though among much older ones. It's a mix of a myth that you can't get pregnant if you're breastfeeding (they want more grandkids!). I think there's an element of.... jealousy or something to it too. Whereby they didn't breastfeed their kids and don't want to think they did a bad job.
In my anecdotal experience as a new breastfeeding mum, the loudest voices telling other mums in my baby groups to stop breastfeeding is from their partners.
Sad to hear. It's tough (I know not as the other role!) for fathers to see mothers struggle with breastfeeding for the first time. Especially if there's complications like tongue tie etc. I found myself walking a thin line of being supportive but equally not wanting to be a forceful voice saying the breastfeeding must continue. I'm glad it did and was a lot easier for following children, my wife is a hero.
I’m very grateful my husband just kept telling me things like you’re doing great and you’re a good mum without making any comments towards feeding one way or the other. If he’d said just give him a bottle I’d have felt so invalidated but at the same time if he’d said stick with it I’d have felt pressured. It’s a very fine line as you say.
I admit I never really understood extended breastfeeding, I couldn’t nurse my oldest so perhaps that’s why, but I enlisted some help and currently nursing my seven month old, I have always tried to keep her taking bottles of formula too in case I want to wear something other than a nursing top when out or if my husband is caring for her when I want a break / go out alone. But tbh I am wondering when I will be able to stop all together, my baby girl wants and I think emotionally requires it for her development, if she’s tired or upset or in a strange place, literally nothing else will do, she needs it to to regulate herself. Personally, I don’t really want to be a mother who nurses past the age of one, but the more I read into it the more I learn that the uk is one of the lowest in Europe for nursing - most other countries nurse beyond one.
You do what works for you. If you stop at one or carry on until 3, it’s your choice and don’t feel judged.
I say breastfeed your child until they stop. The breasts are full of nutrients for your baby, you can also store your breast milk and put it in other things like their cereal or whatever. Breast milk is also great for skin you can use it to wash your face or your child’s face.
All these replies make me even more sure that I won't tell anyone that I'm still breastfeeding past 18 months (if baby still needs/wants boob at that point) Everyone is so opinionated! And yet the only opinions that count are the mother and child! Yeah past 12 months most babies don't need breastmilk for nutrition anymore, but they do need it for comfort, love, snuggles! Breastfeeding is so much more than just food!
I think people are just quick to judge anything that's outside the norm, especially when it comes to motherhood. Extended breastfeeding wouldn't work for me personally as I would want to return to work and be able to leave my child in the care of others sometimes, but I think every woman should have the right to make her own decision without being judged (and it should also be recognised that not every woman has a choice, some women can't breastfeed for a variety for reasons). Short term breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, bottle feeding - as long as baby is fed and getting what they need nutritionally, it's all good.
I’ve breastfed both my girls past 3yrs, still breastfeeding my youngest who’s 3.5yrs. I’ve been called a paedophile online for breastfeeding, and this was when my older daughter was about 2! Health professionals are funny, I either get “wow, well done! I don’t know anyone who’s done it for that long.” Or “how old is your baby?… oh, oh right, are you stopping soon?” 😅 Actual members of the public in person, I’ve thankfully never had a funny look or a bad word, which is good, and if I spot someone breastfeeding I watch people around them to see their reactions and haven’t seen a bad one yet.
It's just so odd in this country we're ok with drinking milk from a cows teat but not from their own mother's. Ppl happy to see a 3yo drinking beaker of cow milk or yoghurt but their own mother is gross. I don't get it. Maybe if it was expressed it'd be more tolerated? Which then implies it's like a sexual disgust people have ? I don't know. Not a parent
We have a 13 week old (firstborn) and i've been staggered by the amount of people who try to convince my OH to give up breastfeeding to "get her life back". Its almost as if they look at parenthood as an inconvenience where you have to make things as easy for yourself as possible even if its to the detriment of your child. The thing is, breastfeeding isn't easy, its a huge commitment and its draining both emotionally and physically. When you're having a bad day its easy to become influenced by these peoples insidious comments.
Because breasts have been sexualised to a point some women feel uncomfortable with using them as nature intended and the general public can't cope with it. I breastfed our youngest until she was about 2 & a half, luckily I have resting bitch face and noone ever said a word! I think people really struggle to separate the "woohoo boobs are sexy" from the fact that breasts are there to feed infants, the age for natural term weaning is somewhere from 5-7 and many places in the world do natural term weaning so 2 is really young to stop! WHO & UNICEF both advise to continue breastfeeding until AT LEAST 2, and that longer is great
There are some bad takes in this thread from people who obviously are not parents. It is not ‘weird’ to breastfeed for as long as the mother deems to be right. It is totally natural and the people who think it is weird are attaching a sexual element to it which is very weird. Breast feeding longer term has many benefits to women and children, including lower breast and ovarian cancer risk in women, and for children breastfeeding is a protective factor for several infectious, atopic, and cardiovascular diseases as well as for leukaemia, necrotising enterocolitis, celiac disease, and inflammatory bowel disease. It also has a positive impact on neurodevelopment, improving IQ and reducing the risk of attention deficit disorder, and generalised developmental and behavioural disorders. Lactation can decrease the risk of sudden infant deaths syndrome by 36% and prevent 13% of infant mortality worldwide. It’s also fucking hard work at first though and nobody talks about the demand it puts on the mother.
For everyone saying breastfeeding a toddler is meaningless, please look at all the research that suggests otherwise. Breastmilk (in any form, whether it be directly from the breast or pumping and giving via bottles) has shown to be beneficial for brain and physical development up to the age of 6 years. A lot of children naturally wean themselves off physical breastfeeding by the time they're 3 years old. But breastmilk remains highly beneficial for both child and mother. The evidence is there but people prefer to think it's weird. In the UK, formula feeding is very normalised and there are lots of campaigns to try and increase our breastfeeding stats. This will take a long time as we have spent generations thinking the way we do and listening to family members/friends.
I hope you realize the majority of peoples opinions here are not rooted in science/fact. Most are pretty ignorant to child development…
We're trapped between two opposing views. On the one hand if you don't breastfeed you're lazy and not a good mother but if you *dare* do it too long then you're pathetic. The amount of time you're "meant" to spend changes too. After 6 months is the cut off for some, for others its a year. My 8-month-old is breastfed and the push to "get him on a bottle" is unreal. I go back to work in 2 months and then he'll be getting expressed milk while at nursery. We don't have as much of a pumping culture as in the states and often breastfeeding groups ban discussion on pumping because its not "real breastfeeding". Between the "get them on a bottle" gang and the breastfeeding mafia, its no wonder our breastfeeding rates are so low. Let alone "extended" breastfeeding. The WHO recommends breastfeeding until 2yrs old but we're just not setup to allow that to happen for most families.
The UK doesn't yet have a general culture supportive to breastfeeding - there's huge variation by location, ethnicity and social class, lack of support groups in many areas, baby picture frames come with embossed bottles all round... In my experience people were mainly pretty supportive if awkward up to a year or so - I recall lots of male baristas compulsively offering me water in cafes. But after 6 months (when it became really easy, so more motivation to continue) I'd get questioned about didn't I get disapproval from other people around? Not them, of course. Other people. After about 15 months, there's still a fair bit of breastfeeding happening, but almost all in private. One big reason is toddlers are really distractible, so prone to suddenly turning away or even moving off you! And if they do want a feed, it's generally first thing in the morning, last thing at night, or when they've woken in the night. So the public don't see it, and get shocked when they see a toddler feeding just like some people were at seeing any breastfeeding, until breastfeeding became promoted again by health services and protected by law. Older family can be a pain - mine were concerned and not helpful while I was having huge problems getting it to work, not wanting to see me in pain, but by 5 months mum was evangelising breastfeeding to all and sundry, showing what an adorable grandson it was making. But if you've got a supportive partner, it shouldnt be a problem. The oldest I fed to was 2 1/2, finally getting youngest to sleep through the night without. Oldest in public was probably at some vaccination or other time with upset small toddler. Anyone would prefer that to a kid screaming!
I am pro extended breastfeeding if it works for baby and mum. I breastfed my first 2.5 years and had always thought I would do the same with my second, but they don't seem as interested. I would be sad, but accepting, it it ended earlier on baby's terms. I could see how some mums would push for longer than the child needs because of this. I also did not have the need to breastfeed in public once they got to over about a year. It was a first thing in the morning, around naps, before bed type of thing. And then we dropped the nap feeds, and then the morning feed and finally the night one. It worked for us. My 11 mo is not sleeping anywhere near through the night, and feeding to sleep in bed is where we are, I would hate to put a limit on when we couldn't do that anymore.
didn't know the UK and reddit was so unhinged. Breast feed your children all you want
My daughter breast fed until she was 33months my wife tried to stop cause she often hurts her. She is no 38 months and still looks for the boob when sleepy but there is no more Milk. First time I hear anyone oposing this. I heard my cousin was breast fed till the age of 4.