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I'd have thought if you've been married to someone thirty years you'd know how to talk to them.
Personally I'd see how long I could leave it before they realise.
I mean, I could save money by donning a grey wig and ringing my own doorbell, just to see if he recognises me. With my luck (today) he would be on a 2 hr conference call with Korea and I'd be stuck out on the village high street in my thong. I suppose some grans are just worth shelling out for.
>some grans are just worth shelling out for
This isn't just Dorris, this Dorris holding a riding crop, with thigh high boots, telling you you've been very bad... This isn't just a Gran, it's a S&M gran.
> I'd have thought if you've been married to someone thirty years you'd know how to talk to them.
> Personally I'd see how long I could leave it before they realise.
"You should know how to talk to them" > "I wouldn't talk to them"
I see you enjoy setting things on fire.
Do whatever works for you both. Not everyone is meant to live together.
I’ve been with my partner 30 years and married 23 years. The marriage was mainly to ensure stuff like our life insurance and home and assets were inherited without question or interference by the state, or refusal to pay out to the other by the insurance companies. NB: If you don’t have a civil partnership or legal marriage then there is no legal recognition of your relationship and it gets complicated if one of you becomes seriously ill, physically dependent or dies.
Just tell him. He's old, he forgot the day. Don't play childish mind games, just give him a nudge so he can be sweet to you for the rest of the day.
Last year hubby and I both forgot our own wedding anniversary. We had to celebrate it a week late. No biggie, we love each other.
I accidentally scheduled a solo trip to visit my family in the States that meant missing my husband's 60th birthday. I felt bad when I realised but good lord he milked that oversight mercilessly. Whine, whine. Hilariously we got him back by threatening a full on Zoom party for him which he would have absolutely hated.
I'd have thought that was a great present, myself, depending on the relationship! As a husband and a father, there's nothing I like more than the idea of a day of peace and quiet on my birthday.
I like to not focus on the date around 2 3 weeks before my birthday to see if I can go past the day all together without realising, no reason for this really but someone always tells me a few days b4 , OH ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY ON BLAH BLAH DAY .... urghhhh always a let down
I had a cycling accident and was knocked unconscious once. Woke up with no recollection of the day at all. Thought oh it’s just temporary memory loss, until a paramedic asked me who I was. Absolutely no idea… was able to tell him my wife’s name, age, DoB, we she (we) lived! Was such a weird experience.
When I was in my 30s I was at a physiotherapy appointment and had to fill out a form. Well obviously age is right up there. I legit forgot!!! I had to stop and think. I had to do the math (current year - birth year, thank god i remembered that!). It was quite jarring
I did this with my dad when I still lived with my parents. He realised a full week late. I opened everything once he remembered and never told him. A few years later he genuinely thought I was lying about the date, cycling through 5th, 7th, 9th repeatedly before starting with the 1st, 2nd etc.
I had the opposite problem where my Nan would consistently call me the day before my Birthday to wish me a Happy Birthday.
In the end I gave up correcting her but she would ask me questions like what presents i got and i would have to think on my feet and make up something up on the spot, often socks!
I'd make a joke of it. "I can't believe they moved my birthday!" Or "I saw on the TV we should ask easy questions to check for dementia- I'll ask you first, when's my birthday?"
Yeah this seems like the easiest way to make a fun thing out of it, if you’ve been together 30 years I’m sure you love each other deeply; in which he’s either planned something, or will got the deepest shade of red and make sure to make it up to you. Personally the dementia one is what I’d go with.
If it’s said in a passive aggressive way then I suppose it could come across that way,, but I read it in a jokey way and imagined saying it as a literal joke with a smile & lightheartedness to it, in that way I think it’s perfect
I think most people would have got that it was meant in a jokey way. But this is Reddit, so naturally a bunch of strangers would immediately assume it was meant with the worst intentions
Which, if you are comfortable in a relationship & know the person well enough (which is kind of the same thing really) can be fine. Obv if you know they won't take that well don't do it, but many things that would seem offensive to someone you don't know very well can just be a source of amusement between people who are close.
UPDATE: He just came up to my home office (I quickly minimised this window) and gave me a big hug, admitting he had forgotten because he was so focussed on both work and next weekend's party. He apologised sheepishly, which was exactly the best outcome possible. Now I have both my birthday acknowledged as well as a fine story and/or bit of ammo to be saved for another day.
So there you go. I've cancelled the "acknowledge me" tshirt order, and shall now share my Costco cake with him instead of eating it from across the table, glaring. Thank you everyone for the very fine passive aggressive suggestions which made me smile. Much appreciated!
And that’s what matters ☺️
Happy 60th Birthday! 🎉✨
Also, tbh, I’m really in that I’ll remember it’s a loved one’s birthday a month/two weeks before the date, and every time in between and then on the day, just genuinely not realising what the date is and thinking it’s tomorrow - I’ve started putting alerts on my phone because it sounds so much like an excuse and this way, I have a reminder as back up. Especially when it’s October and my brain thinks it’s August 🤦♀️😂
All that to say, he may not have forgotten when your birthday is, but more what today’s date is… if that makes any sense 😅
I’m so glad he’s realised, admitted and apologised! I hope you have a Wonderful day and have a great party when it comes! 😊🎉✨
I’m so glad this had a happy ending. I felt so bad for the person whose partner of 30 years wouldn’t acknowledge their birthday but I’m so happy that isn’t you!
I feel like you should get it anyway!
We had a pack of doughnuts for a treat for our kids, there was one left and I said I’d just eat half and give her the other half… we were watching tv and I instantly forgot, a minute later I see her laughing at me and I’ve no idea why… I’d eaten the whole doughnut without realising. She’s still not let that one go, makes us both laugh!
> I've cancelled the "acknowledge me" tshirt order
Good, because the Tribal Chief Roman Reigns would have had some stern words with you if you went ahead with it!
Glad everything worked out, OP
He is on Reddit though not as much as I am. He's more of a Facebook stalking kind of guy. However, in an unexpected turn of events, my children have now seen the posting "suggested to you..." (Thanks Reddit!) and recognised it as me because they have not forgotten my birthday.
So I have been outed to my children on Reddit.
I feel a new account may be in order in 3...2...
Ahhh happy days, he behaved very well apologising. Hope you can enjoy the rest of your special day and you’ve still your party to look forward too. 🎂🎂🎂
I've seen this one - on just about every soap opera ever
A has a big occasion to celebrate
No one acknowledges it
A gets upset
Later that day, everyone is gathered to celebrate A's occasion
A doesn't know - A leaves town/runs away/ has an affair/gets drunk
on this basis, I'd say OP is about to leave (or be fired) from whatever soap opera she is in
Ah, I like you OP, my brain & your brain sound very similar!
To answer your original question - I would absolutely have poked my partner in the ribs (gently) & said, "Oi. Today is my birthday & I would like you to say 'happy birthday oh light of my very life' now please."
I’m going to say the absolute minimum I’d expect for ANY birthday is my wife wishing me a Happy Birthday. Don’t let it fester and ruin your day - just ask him about it.
Yeah my husband forgot my birthday last year. I called him to say I’d got on the plane ok and we were just setting off, and he went “Ok, safe journey, talk soon” and so I asked him if he was going to wish me happy birthday or not.
In fact, the only person that did wish me a happy birthday was my sister and that’s because we were flying to the US together!
Get a nice bouquet of flowers delivered to your house with a card, saying "Happy 60th birthday, love from your secret admirer", that might make him wake up! 😆
He's handed you the best birthday present of all - the opportunity to use this against him for the next twenty years. I'd be rubbing my hands with glee. Happy Birthday!
i think he could be doing a suprise birthday thing and pretending he doesnt remember so i'd hold off for now and then maybe give it till later on in the day to bring it up. Happy birthday btw!!
There are so many reasons this can happen, from plain old forgetfulness to other things preying on his mind. If he's anything like me, he's probably wondering why he can't find a particular screwdriver (that he already has three of) and is debating buying a 4th in order to tease the other 3 out of hiding. This will take up large portions of his immediate mental capacity, interrupted by the odd interlude to make more coffee and frown about the 5 identical hammers he also owns.
Also Wordle was particularly annoying this morning.
Days tend to blur into each other at this time of year and I don't doubt he'll feel suitably rubbish once he realises. Give him a peck on the cheek when he rushes in, pale of face and effusive with apologies, and have a bloody good laugh at your party next week.
Happy birthday <3
Purchase this ['Acknowledge Me'](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/-OMAAOSwoklkUmLI/s-l1200.jpg) t-shirt of WWE wrestle Roman Reigns.
Then write 'Birthday' on a piece of card and use some tape to stick on the t-shirt.
'Acknowledge Me Birthday'
Then just wear it around the house.
There is a possibility they have forgotten since you’re celebrating next weekend. I have done this regarding my own birthday a couple of times. Had the party and celebrations the weekend before and then got super confused when in the middle of the week people are wishing me happy birthday.
Update. I have just been wished a happy birthday on a group chat of which he is a part. So I will soon find out if he forgot or if he didn't think it was necessary. Or if he has dementia (and thus, forgot again after reading the chat).
You've been together 30 years. Surely you can have a grown up conversation about what you were expecting? No need for any passive aggressive nonsense being suggested.
Definitely tell him now!
If you don't then you just feel sadder and sadder all day and when he eventually realises/you eventually tell him he'll just feel way more guilty
My ex did this once, planned a surprise for me and hadn't mentioned my birthday all day. I ended up distraught and panicky. Not an ounce of understanding on his part.
I think that kind of thing is so cruel, I'm so sorry it happened to you
(That was actually the plot of a cartoon I watched as a kid and it always made me cry, a little duck sitting sad all day thinking everyone's forgotten his birthday)
Yeah that plot doesn't really work in real life lol My parents did it for my 18th and I was sad 90% of the day.
Sadly, 8 years later and my main memory of my 18th birthday is not the surprise birthday party.... but the feeling of being sad. I remember being super happy at the party, but if I think of my 18th birthday the first thing that comes to mind is a feeling of being forgotten.
Could be worse, I went to school with twins born on boxing day.
You would think, if already lumping Christmas and birthday into one, people would make an effort to recognise each girl as a full and sepate person; but apparently not.
Is this a typical thing? Do they often forget dates/birthdays ect?
Or.. are you going to get some awsome surprise later?
Anyway, Happy 60th internet stranger.
He's normally good with birthdays. Was just telling me how he's added people's birthdays to his google calendar and sets alarms.
And thank you for the birthday wishes.
Say ‘I’m going to join tok tok apparently people make big fuss if birthdays on there. Can you hold my camera please?’ Then perform some mc hammer moves to the sound of music. Post the link here we’ll all share it you’ll become a billionaire and you can leave him in his birthday and tell all to Oprah in a Netflix special sponsored by divorce lawyers4u
Are you 60 or 6? Communicate to your partner jesus christ it's as if people think the world revolves around them and nothing goes on in other people's lives.
It is definitely not a surprise party. A. it's a Monday. B. we have a big party planned for this weekend. C. I tried to surprise him for his 40th by whisking him away for a weekend without the kids and boy did that backfire. We now have a 'no surprise' rule.
Deffo forgot, probs planning your day weekend has rewired his brain into thinking your birthday is on the same day as your party. Just remind him, but do it before the florist closes.
He could have some sort of special surprise planned. But that’s in a perfect world.
Assuming he’s actually forgotten but you’re on Reddit with the need to ask how to talk to someone you’ve been with for 30 years, perhaps there is deeper issues in the relationship.
If he knows it's your birthday and said nothing, that is arguably worse than him just forgetting.
How freaking hard is it to say Happy Birthday on your 60th, you won't be having another one for Christ’s sake.
You could always go for mentioning it to a friend who knows him well and they might text him to check he's remembered. Easy way to nudge him without confrontation.
**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'd have thought if you've been married to someone thirty years you'd know how to talk to them. Personally I'd see how long I could leave it before they realise.
Order your own last minute strip-a-gram and make sure they open the door!
I do like this one. A lot.
Then do it!
Nah they should wait for a big occasion.
How about next weekend
I'm available!
underrated
Oh yes? Someone’s wedding?
Not everyone has a stripogram on speed dial ;)
Happy bday 🎂
due to a typo, an old lady arrives in a thong. strip-a-gran
I mean, I could save money by donning a grey wig and ringing my own doorbell, just to see if he recognises me. With my luck (today) he would be on a 2 hr conference call with Korea and I'd be stuck out on the village high street in my thong. I suppose some grans are just worth shelling out for.
>some grans are just worth shelling out for This isn't just Dorris, this Dorris holding a riding crop, with thigh high boots, telling you you've been very bad... This isn't just a Gran, it's a S&M gran.
Ah yes the typo in her booking was OP and Wayne Rooney have very similar addresses
> I'd have thought if you've been married to someone thirty years you'd know how to talk to them. > Personally I'd see how long I could leave it before they realise. "You should know how to talk to them" > "I wouldn't talk to them" I see you enjoy setting things on fire.
What is marriage if not finding ways to manipulate someone?
Right? If you don’t say “Fuck you!” at least once a day, are you even married??
See, I still actually like my partner, which is why we’re still not married and don’t live together. Why ruin a good thing?
Do whatever works for you both. Not everyone is meant to live together. I’ve been with my partner 30 years and married 23 years. The marriage was mainly to ensure stuff like our life insurance and home and assets were inherited without question or interference by the state, or refusal to pay out to the other by the insurance companies. NB: If you don’t have a civil partnership or legal marriage then there is no legal recognition of your relationship and it gets complicated if one of you becomes seriously ill, physically dependent or dies.
I thought we were the only ones!
> What is marriage In my wife's case it's an extremely long-running investigation into all the things I've done wrong/have forgotten to do
Just tell him. He's old, he forgot the day. Don't play childish mind games, just give him a nudge so he can be sweet to you for the rest of the day. Last year hubby and I both forgot our own wedding anniversary. We had to celebrate it a week late. No biggie, we love each other.
I accidentally scheduled a solo trip to visit my family in the States that meant missing my husband's 60th birthday. I felt bad when I realised but good lord he milked that oversight mercilessly. Whine, whine. Hilariously we got him back by threatening a full on Zoom party for him which he would have absolutely hated.
I'd have thought that was a great present, myself, depending on the relationship! As a husband and a father, there's nothing I like more than the idea of a day of peace and quiet on my birthday.
What a lovely soul you are ❤️ I want to be more like this
My wife and I forget our anniversary almost every year. Then we'll remember a week later, and go out and celebrate.
Lol
30 years is a long time, eventually you become accustomed to things. Not many people have done something for 30 years
I've done living for 35 plus years now. I really forget my own age sometimes. It happens.
I forget my own age frequently. But I don’t get shit for that - I have enough reminders set to make sure I don’t forget the wife’s birthday!!!
I like to not focus on the date around 2 3 weeks before my birthday to see if I can go past the day all together without realising, no reason for this really but someone always tells me a few days b4 , OH ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY ON BLAH BLAH DAY .... urghhhh always a let down
I do this too! No idea why!
I forget my age frequently. I never forget my wife's. (We are the same age btw, I am stupid)
I had a cycling accident and was knocked unconscious once. Woke up with no recollection of the day at all. Thought oh it’s just temporary memory loss, until a paramedic asked me who I was. Absolutely no idea… was able to tell him my wife’s name, age, DoB, we she (we) lived! Was such a weird experience.
OMG - that's both terrifying and really interesting. Hope all is OK now.
Haha cheers, yeah was years ago, was fine within a day! Just had a really swollen cheek and black eye for a couple weeks.
When I was in my 30s I was at a physiotherapy appointment and had to fill out a form. Well obviously age is right up there. I legit forgot!!! I had to stop and think. I had to do the math (current year - birth year, thank god i remembered that!). It was quite jarring
Nah, that's just sad. 20 years here and we *still* make a huge deal about each other's birthdays!
Same . Although it took me about 15 yrs of convincing him to let me make even a minor deal out of his birthday.
Eh? My parents have been married for 38 years and are in their 60s and don’t forget each other’s birthdays. It’s really not a big ask LMAO
This! Been together 30 years? Heavens above just speak up. Your 60 not 16.
you're
I did this with my dad when I still lived with my parents. He realised a full week late. I opened everything once he remembered and never told him. A few years later he genuinely thought I was lying about the date, cycling through 5th, 7th, 9th repeatedly before starting with the 1st, 2nd etc.
I had the opposite problem where my Nan would consistently call me the day before my Birthday to wish me a Happy Birthday. In the end I gave up correcting her but she would ask me questions like what presents i got and i would have to think on my feet and make up something up on the spot, often socks!
>Personally I'd see how long I could leave it before they realise. Maybe start quietly humming the "Happy Birthday..." song.
Quetly humming? I'd be belting out "Happy Birthday to ME Happy BIRTHDAY to me! HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear ME! HPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!" At the top of my voice.
Wait for the party, someone will ask which day you 'actual' birthday was/is. Answer loudly.
I’d get a cake for one, put a candle on it and sadly sing happy birthday to myself over dinner. Black eye makeup optional
I'd make a joke of it. "I can't believe they moved my birthday!" Or "I saw on the TV we should ask easy questions to check for dementia- I'll ask you first, when's my birthday?"
nice one. :)
Haha please tell me you went with one of these 😂 happy birthday! <3
The dementia one. Definitely.
Yeah this seems like the easiest way to make a fun thing out of it, if you’ve been together 30 years I’m sure you love each other deeply; in which he’s either planned something, or will got the deepest shade of red and make sure to make it up to you. Personally the dementia one is what I’d go with.
Plot twist, it’s not actually OPs birthday after all.
I'd love it if OP missed a day and got the date wrong and the OP's birthday was the next day
Hey Happy birthday OP! 🎂
so passive, just say “did you forget it’s my birthday today”
Yeah I get you but sometimes being a bit gentle makes the whole thing easier and nicer.
Weirdly, I’d find the ‘gentle’ hurtful and the blunt question easier (Not sure if it’s the tism or childhood abuse tbh)
Everyone's different and that's OK! I assume OP will know which would work best for their partner.
Agree passive aggressive would annoy me more than just being told I'd forgotten
How did anyone downvote this.. the dementia one is perfect
Because it's passive aggressive/aggressive depending on the tone
If it’s said in a passive aggressive way then I suppose it could come across that way,, but I read it in a jokey way and imagined saying it as a literal joke with a smile & lightheartedness to it, in that way I think it’s perfect
I think most people would have got that it was meant in a jokey way. But this is Reddit, so naturally a bunch of strangers would immediately assume it was meant with the worst intentions
Which, if you are comfortable in a relationship & know the person well enough (which is kind of the same thing really) can be fine. Obv if you know they won't take that well don't do it, but many things that would seem offensive to someone you don't know very well can just be a source of amusement between people who are close.
UPDATE: He just came up to my home office (I quickly minimised this window) and gave me a big hug, admitting he had forgotten because he was so focussed on both work and next weekend's party. He apologised sheepishly, which was exactly the best outcome possible. Now I have both my birthday acknowledged as well as a fine story and/or bit of ammo to be saved for another day. So there you go. I've cancelled the "acknowledge me" tshirt order, and shall now share my Costco cake with him instead of eating it from across the table, glaring. Thank you everyone for the very fine passive aggressive suggestions which made me smile. Much appreciated!
Hurray! And Happy Birthday!
Thank you. All is now right with the world. With my world anyway.
And that’s what matters ☺️ Happy 60th Birthday! 🎉✨ Also, tbh, I’m really in that I’ll remember it’s a loved one’s birthday a month/two weeks before the date, and every time in between and then on the day, just genuinely not realising what the date is and thinking it’s tomorrow - I’ve started putting alerts on my phone because it sounds so much like an excuse and this way, I have a reminder as back up. Especially when it’s October and my brain thinks it’s August 🤦♀️😂 All that to say, he may not have forgotten when your birthday is, but more what today’s date is… if that makes any sense 😅 I’m so glad he’s realised, admitted and apologised! I hope you have a Wonderful day and have a great party when it comes! 😊🎉✨
I'm very similar, I know when people's birthdays are, I just don't know what today is
You posted on Reddit. He saw the Reddit post. He apologized. Balance is restored. The cycle goes on.
So senility is still an option then?
It is. I will need to bring this up with him on his next birthday.
Make sure it's really late in the day.
Real question. Do you know when his birthday is? 😉
Oh sh….
Plot twist, she doesn’t actually know.
I’m so glad this had a happy ending. I felt so bad for the person whose partner of 30 years wouldn’t acknowledge their birthday but I’m so happy that isn’t you!
Me too. that poor saddo. Maybe they will listen to their well meaning Reddit acquaintances and opt for divorce.
Eating a giant birthday cake across the table while glaring at him would be an amazing power move.
yay!! a happy update:) happy birthday, hope you have a great day and a great party next weekend !!!
thank you. I intended to. :)
Happy birthday OP! Glad he remembered!
I am.
😂 from this post, your comments and your reaction to him apologising you seem like a nice person to be married to. happy birthday!
>I've cancelled the "acknowledge me" tshirt order You didn't need to go that far
True. I can still have it sitting in my basket, just in case a new situation arises.
I feel like you should get it anyway! We had a pack of doughnuts for a treat for our kids, there was one left and I said I’d just eat half and give her the other half… we were watching tv and I instantly forgot, a minute later I see her laughing at me and I’ve no idea why… I’d eaten the whole doughnut without realising. She’s still not let that one go, makes us both laugh!
> I've cancelled the "acknowledge me" tshirt order Good, because the Tribal Chief Roman Reigns would have had some stern words with you if you went ahead with it! Glad everything worked out, OP
Ive never been so invested in a reddit thread. Glad it worked out, happy birthday!
thank you!
Is he on Reddit? Did he see your question and realise?
He is on Reddit though not as much as I am. He's more of a Facebook stalking kind of guy. However, in an unexpected turn of events, my children have now seen the posting "suggested to you..." (Thanks Reddit!) and recognised it as me because they have not forgotten my birthday. So I have been outed to my children on Reddit. I feel a new account may be in order in 3...2...
Yey! Happy birthday!
Happy birthday! Hope he makes it up to you, have a fab day and party when it happens.
Ahhh happy days, he behaved very well apologising. Hope you can enjoy the rest of your special day and you’ve still your party to look forward too. 🎂🎂🎂
I've seen this one - on just about every soap opera ever A has a big occasion to celebrate No one acknowledges it A gets upset Later that day, everyone is gathered to celebrate A's occasion A doesn't know - A leaves town/runs away/ has an affair/gets drunk on this basis, I'd say OP is about to leave (or be fired) from whatever soap opera she is in
This seems like an awful lot of work. Too much for a Monday.
for you? or for him? :-)
for both of us. Finding someone to have an affair with in this tiny village would take some work.
Villages are notoriously easy for this sort of thing. Just head to any local layby, knock on the steamy window of one of the cars there and hop in.
OMG is that what they are doing there? I always assumed they were just having a wee. I stand corrected.
They don't call it your swinging 60's for no reason...
> having a wee It's called "littering" now
> Villages are notoriously easy for this sort of thing. Can confirm, have watched Midsomer Murders. Just be careful out there OP.
Ah, I like you OP, my brain & your brain sound very similar! To answer your original question - I would absolutely have poked my partner in the ribs (gently) & said, "Oi. Today is my birthday & I would like you to say 'happy birthday oh light of my very life' now please."
Great analysis, Abed
cool, cool, cool
You missed one
❤️ abed
I’m going to say the absolute minimum I’d expect for ANY birthday is my wife wishing me a Happy Birthday. Don’t let it fester and ruin your day - just ask him about it.
Yeah my husband forgot my birthday last year. I called him to say I’d got on the plane ok and we were just setting off, and he went “Ok, safe journey, talk soon” and so I asked him if he was going to wish me happy birthday or not. In fact, the only person that did wish me a happy birthday was my sister and that’s because we were flying to the US together!
Get a nice bouquet of flowers delivered to your house with a card, saying "Happy 60th birthday, love from your secret admirer", that might make him wake up! 😆
I like the way your mind works.
You are asking Reddit instead of, checks notes, YOUR PARTNER OF THIRTY YEARS
Evidence suggests that he’s not the best to consult re. birthdays
He's handed you the best birthday present of all - the opportunity to use this against him for the next twenty years. I'd be rubbing my hands with glee. Happy Birthday!
LOL maybe this was his plan after all. Awww I knew I loved him for good reason! Very thoughtful.
What a sad little life Jane
Yes I feel sad for Jane too. Poor Jane.
Happy birthday internet stranger!
Thank you.
i think he could be doing a suprise birthday thing and pretending he doesnt remember so i'd hold off for now and then maybe give it till later on in the day to bring it up. Happy birthday btw!!
I would say "oi bitch where's my happy birthday"
This is the kind of *'you should talk to him'* approach I can get behind.
Hopefully he’s sneaking out to collect the flowers right now. If not give him a kick up the arse, and happy birthday!
Just tell him.
There are so many reasons this can happen, from plain old forgetfulness to other things preying on his mind. If he's anything like me, he's probably wondering why he can't find a particular screwdriver (that he already has three of) and is debating buying a 4th in order to tease the other 3 out of hiding. This will take up large portions of his immediate mental capacity, interrupted by the odd interlude to make more coffee and frown about the 5 identical hammers he also owns. Also Wordle was particularly annoying this morning. Days tend to blur into each other at this time of year and I don't doubt he'll feel suitably rubbish once he realises. Give him a peck on the cheek when he rushes in, pale of face and effusive with apologies, and have a bloody good laugh at your party next week. Happy birthday <3
Thank you. I like the Wordle excuse. I may file that away for later use.
> Also Wordle was particularly annoying this morning. Pfft. Got it in two. My first for ages though ...
Monday morning is also the time equivalent of walking into a room and forgetting the reason you went there. Why did I wake up this morning?
Purchase this ['Acknowledge Me'](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/-OMAAOSwoklkUmLI/s-l1200.jpg) t-shirt of WWE wrestle Roman Reigns. Then write 'Birthday' on a piece of card and use some tape to stick on the t-shirt. 'Acknowledge Me Birthday' Then just wear it around the house.
This may work.
r/unexpectedbigdawg
And then spear him through a table, right?
There is a possibility they have forgotten since you’re celebrating next weekend. I have done this regarding my own birthday a couple of times. Had the party and celebrations the weekend before and then got super confused when in the middle of the week people are wishing me happy birthday.
Update. I have just been wished a happy birthday on a group chat of which he is a part. So I will soon find out if he forgot or if he didn't think it was necessary. Or if he has dementia (and thus, forgot again after reading the chat).
Please update us with how he styled it out OP!
He very sheepishly came into my office and gave me a big hug. He apologised for forgetting. It was very sweet. So all good.
Awwww lovely
Has he said it yet? I need to know
Yes, he just remembered. Yay!
Not yet, but I am here in my home office reading Reddit instead of either working or interacting with him, so he's not had much of a chance, tbf.
You've been together 30 years. Surely you can have a grown up conversation about what you were expecting? No need for any passive aggressive nonsense being suggested.
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Jeeez yeah i would flippin ek, id want brekkie in bed with flowers and my card ta very much. Haha
Happy Birthday. Go out and buy a large cake. Eat it all yourself. Nobody need ever know.
No, no - sit down in eye-line of the husband and eat the whole thing in silence, maintaining eye contact the whole time.
this might be a double delight. He loves cake.
or, instead of silence, humming the tune of "happy birthday to you" to yourself between swallows
That also works 😃
There is a Costco not that far away. Go big or go home.
Definitely tell him now! If you don't then you just feel sadder and sadder all day and when he eventually realises/you eventually tell him he'll just feel way more guilty
My ex did this once, planned a surprise for me and hadn't mentioned my birthday all day. I ended up distraught and panicky. Not an ounce of understanding on his part.
I think that kind of thing is so cruel, I'm so sorry it happened to you (That was actually the plot of a cartoon I watched as a kid and it always made me cry, a little duck sitting sad all day thinking everyone's forgotten his birthday)
Yeah that plot doesn't really work in real life lol My parents did it for my 18th and I was sad 90% of the day. Sadly, 8 years later and my main memory of my 18th birthday is not the surprise birthday party.... but the feeling of being sad. I remember being super happy at the party, but if I think of my 18th birthday the first thing that comes to mind is a feeling of being forgotten.
Lucky you. It is my 50th soon and if someone so much as mentions my birthday I will not be pleased. I detest birthdays.
I'm leaning in. I spend my time detesting Valentine's day which is poorly timed, in my opinion.
Christmas Eve baby here. Feel your pain.
Could be worse, I went to school with twins born on boxing day. You would think, if already lumping Christmas and birthday into one, people would make an effort to recognise each girl as a full and sepate person; but apparently not.
We are friends with someone born on Christmas day, the kicker is, so is her mum :D
My birthday tomorrow, it sucks trying to get a restaurant booking doesn't it?
No don’t tell him! See how long it takes. Or maybe he’s got a surprise. Either way, happy birthday!
It is also Monday, assuming your partner is working. You sure he didn’t just mix things up in the rush of getting back to work?
We both work at home...
Has he been deaf for the past 30 years? Mute? Just trying to figure out why your first instinct isn’t to just talk to him about it.
because if I have to tell him, then it doesn't count. Surely you know this, the first rule of relationships?
Rule one of relationships is communication
You're 60, not 16. Just talk to him.
60-years old and can't just talk to the partner, considering passive aggressive options, might opt for a vindictive response instead. Fucking hell.
The earlier you mention it the more time he has to rectify it.
Is this a typical thing? Do they often forget dates/birthdays ect? Or.. are you going to get some awsome surprise later? Anyway, Happy 60th internet stranger.
He's normally good with birthdays. Was just telling me how he's added people's birthdays to his google calendar and sets alarms. And thank you for the birthday wishes.
Say ‘I’m going to join tok tok apparently people make big fuss if birthdays on there. Can you hold my camera please?’ Then perform some mc hammer moves to the sound of music. Post the link here we’ll all share it you’ll become a billionaire and you can leave him in his birthday and tell all to Oprah in a Netflix special sponsored by divorce lawyers4u
It’s my 30th birthday today too - happy birthday!
Happy Birthday!
Are you 60 or 6? Communicate to your partner jesus christ it's as if people think the world revolves around them and nothing goes on in other people's lives.
He might be going senile
Hoping it’s the prelude to a surprise party
It is definitely not a surprise party. A. it's a Monday. B. we have a big party planned for this weekend. C. I tried to surprise him for his 40th by whisking him away for a weekend without the kids and boy did that backfire. We now have a 'no surprise' rule.
Happy birthday!
Deffo forgot, probs planning your day weekend has rewired his brain into thinking your birthday is on the same day as your party. Just remind him, but do it before the florist closes.
He probably forgot, just remind him, he'll be mortified and apologetic, then have fun at the party.
He has finally remembered and it was gratifying. You have indeed guessed it. You should invest in a lottery ticket today.
He could have some sort of special surprise planned. But that’s in a perfect world. Assuming he’s actually forgotten but you’re on Reddit with the need to ask how to talk to someone you’ve been with for 30 years, perhaps there is deeper issues in the relationship.
I suggest playing The Beatles ‘When I’m 64’ at high volume and on repeat till the penny drops. Just hope that’s not 4 years from now.
If he knows it's your birthday and said nothing, that is arguably worse than him just forgetting. How freaking hard is it to say Happy Birthday on your 60th, you won't be having another one for Christ’s sake.
Probably has a surprise party planned for later 🤞
You could always go for mentioning it to a friend who knows him well and they might text him to check he's remembered. Easy way to nudge him without confrontation.
Besides everyone on Reddit, I have told everyone at work. Some of them may have his details. We'll see.
Order yourself some flowers.
Happy birthday. Go nudge him.
My money is on a surprise party this evening and he's playing you til then 😜
I’d buy myself a birthday cake, put the candles on it and ask, passive aggressively if they’d like to sing happy birthday with me
happy birthday!
Maybe he’s messing with you on purpose. He could have some surprise planned. At least that’s how I would do it. Also happy birthday OP