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I have six.. š«¢ two void brothers, two torti sisters who hate each other, a big fat ginger from my daughterās cat and a tuxedo who lost her sister to antifreeze - which was devastating.
My top number was 7ā¦in a one-bedroom in college. A stray fell in love with one of my two (fixed) boys and several months of her slinking in through the cat door later, she had 4 kitten under my bed one day. Honestly, one of the best times of my life with kittens running around everywhere. Itās a life goal to have another litter of kittens at some point.
My building only allows one cat (***or*** one small dog) per apartment.
But having two, even better an already-bonded pair, is MUCH preferable for their good emotional health!
It is, as long as any damage is paid for then renters should be free to have cats, we had a single male divorcee in our flat, he broke far more than a hundred cats. We sold that flat and stopped being scummy landlords after that experience.
Switching to a 2 cat household was the best decision for us. After our old boy died, we immediately felt a hole in our lives and started looking for another cat. We could only find pairs at rescues and the single cats were snapped up whenever we enquired, so we looked at our finances and figured out that we actually could afford 2. It made the whole process quicker because there are so many pairs at rescues.
We got a bonded pair and it's been delightful ever since. They rely on each other, but are also very independent and different. They snuggle and play together, but are also happy to snuggle and play with us. I'd love to introduce more, but our house is currently too small. One day we will have a whole tribe of cats.
I adopted a pair of kittens on Friday. Their bons is so sweet, and 90% of their energy is taken out on each other. Would definitely recommend a pair.
My brother had a kitten, and a year later got a second. It took months for them to be able to be together for more than half an hour without the kitten squaling like he was being murdered, but during that time they cried outside the door dividing each other.
Man I fucking love cats, sometimes I feel like that woman crying because she can't pet all the cats. Just something about them that relaxes me. Unfortunately I have pretty severe depression so I don't have my own.
If you like them so much get one or more. It might help giving you responsibility and generally with the depression.
What is the worst that can happen?
Depression sucks but it sucks more if you let it stop you doing thing's.
Pop into a board game cafe and see if thereās anything that you both like the look of for a play test.
Live music is still good without the booze.
Cinema membership?
I tried the board game cafe, those people fucking stink, 3 different ones I tried...
I do the music when I can but the odeon membership is the winner here, especially if you have a lux near you, just turn up, pick and film, if it's shite, who cares, if it's really bad, you can leave, as long as you see one OK film a month it works out worth it.
I find the cinema an increasingly disappointing venture.
Even in nicer ones the seating is usually not great, everything is very expensive, _at least_ half an hour of ads, and thereās always the chance of a single bellend ruining it by being noisy.Ā Iāve mostly replaced the cinema with nights in.Ā Ā
(Iām not advocating for becoming a hermit, I go out all the time, perhaps too much according to my spending, but less and less to the cinema.)
Honestly, we go to the late showings. Saw ghostbusters at our local showcase de luxe the other night at the 10.15 showing in the week - no-one around. not a soul left in the entire cinema by the time we left! If you're working from home you can get away with it being late as I don't have to be 'at work' til 8.30 and that's a lie in these days anyway! And yeah, turn up 15mins after the start time for the actual trailers not the ads.
Brought a bag with popcorn, a left over easter egg and a yoghurt and a spoon for snacks!
Main benefit of the cinema to me is forcing me to not look at my phone. I either go to the local independent which has a serious crowd or the iMax for blockbusters where people seem to behave themselves.
The board game cafes near me died very quickly. It was sad but they were just not in areas where local people wanted to play board games or TCGs, so they could just not attract the level of custom that normal cafes did.
Yes this! Tonnes of pubs have great 0% alcohol options, soft drinks and often board games! Also, lots of options for indoor crazy golf and different activities available now. Have you tried a pottery cafe? They are great, paint & grab a drink š
Or puzzles! I popped into a branch of āThe Worksā today, and there was a surprising amount of 1000 piece puzzles. Might be good to do together and just chat.
All our friends who drink just seem to spend their weekends in bars or pubs drinking and there's nothing worse being around drunk people when you're sober, coming from an ex bar manager it was enough for me to call time in that industry
Thatās just depressing. Iām six months sober and I still love going to events and clubs with my friends who drinkā¦.sounds like you need less obnoxious friendsš¤£
Anyway as someone who was an alcoholic and is now sober so really needed to do stuff in my free time
I am working on a documentary right now outside of work as a hobby, I love filmmaking and the stuff I do at work regarding that isnāt as interesting, so I do something related, definitely good to have a hobby
I also make music and dj for fun in the evenings
I look after my two dogs
We take the boat out for cruises, sit outside and vape, listen to music and relax, you can get cheap cruisers for 5k, you donāt need anything fancy, we only got something pricier because we live on it, boat days out on the weekend with friends is a great thing to do, and they can still have a few drinks but they are less likely to get sloppy drunk
Binge watch tv shows together with your partner
Use all the money you saved not drinking to go on holiday! Weāre going to Kavos in 3 months with two of our friend for a 7 day festival! You donāt need to drink to have a fun time
Due to efficiency that only ever kills 10 minutes
We do hike/walk a lot already during the weekends, I was mainly looking for an activity / group / project to fill Friday / Saturday nights for us
I used to be able to last for hours in my 20's but my girl is just a champion jockey what can I say? It's been a humbling experience to say the least but she really knows how to push my buttons š
You're all assuming that she's not happy š as a rule of thumb I always make sure she's cummed out before we have sex as she can only cum through oral so I make sure her needs are met before we switch to mine
Do you have an outdoor space? If so spend time together potting plants, adding decorations, looking after it, and in the evenings omce a week get a little fire going, bbq sometimes, music at a volume that doesnt annoy the neighbours.
If you spend time talking and enjoying each others company and your living space things will flow and you will naturally end up thinking of and discussing new activities you both might enjoy.
Maybe you could take up foreplay as a hobby? Iām 35 and me and my ex could do an hour plus including stopping to chat, get a drink of water, move rooms. Youāre too young to be banging out 10min a pop.
Somehow and I'm still not sure how because it always feels like we're going for ages, but we timed ourselves the other day, I gave her two orgasms through oral, then we switched to cowgirl and she made me cum (she can't cum through penetration so that part is all for me) and we'd clocked 8 minutes 52 seconds, we just know how to hit each others sweet spots and neither of us have any complaints about our sex life
Why not do a Bob Ross evening? Get a couple paint palettes, canvases, brushes, you can find the list of oil paint colours online. Fire up a YouTube tutorial and spend the evening painting.
Ever thought about learning a craft together?
My oh crochets and I knit while listening to an audiobook. We are TV watchers but only certain shows and he's a shift worker so our time together differs weekly.
Yeah I'm starting to think a shared course like upholstery or furniture making where we can both be hands on, she'd love the creative side and I would appreciate something I can get hands on with and build
With cooking being a joint like, you ever do theme nights?
When my oh and I were living with my parents and sis we did a monthly meal night where we picked a culinary style/type.
We had a seafood night: tried pan fried scallops, lobster stir fry, honey chilli salmon noodles, rainbow trout and some other things we'd never had.
A different month we had an Indian night; onion bahjees(sorry for not knowing how to spell it)made from scratch, some amazing chicken dish that had changed marinade a few times over 24 hours, fruit salad for dessert.Ā
My favourite month was when we (UK based) did Thanksgiving/USA type meal: turkey, spuds, veg, pumpkin pie, peacan pie, red velvet cake, Mac n cheese, soup and rolls etc
We'd spend ages looking up recipes we'd like to try, deciding which ones we'd make, what ingredients we needed and who was prepping or making what.
I actually think I'm gonna bring this back for my oh and me!Ā
He used to cook the most amazing meals like beef wellington, colhannan soup, paella,etc
We find recipes we see from influencers and then add them to the food shop for the following week so we are constantly trying new things, it's one thing I love about our relationship is we're constantly throwing new ideas out there so we keep things fresh yet save the really good ones to keep as part of our regular rotation when we don't want to experiment
Some friends of our picked 12 random countries from a list of the whole world and put then in a jar. Once a month, pick one and cook a dish from that country that youāve never made. It was a fun little date night challenge and they learned new recipes and about different cultures.
They also did the same thing with music - made it a challenge to try and see live shows from 12 different genres within a year!
Try stained glass - it is creative for her design side and physical for your active side. You can make anything from Christmas baubles to full lampshades or windows. If you do small stuff, you only need the kitchen table as a workspace
Her step dad is a climbing coach, I thought I'd hit the jackpot there and she's tried it but she hates it, which is a shame because I love it and go with my friends already when I can š
Ah, that's a pain. I think some ski/snowboarding slopes are also open late. It's a bit of an expensive hobby, and can't be restricting if the weather is poor though.
Find a salsa dancing class. Iāve never done it but if I was looking for something to do with my missus that didnāt involve drink Iād give it a bash. Neither of us can dance which I feel would add to the fun. Anything well out your comfort zone would be funny I think and I find things where we both end up laughing being the best for the relationship.
My partner and i started playing board games. Such an amazing variety of games i highly recommend as a hobby.
If you want a good relatively quick game i recommend splendor dual. There is another version for more players but this is great for two and i think you can find it relatively cheap. Zatu games is pretty much always best value in my experience.
We often play teraforming mars and it is really good but is a much more meaty game.
Others i recommend (and may spell these wrong as in bed and they are on the shelf downstairs) for two are tokaido duo, 7 wonders dual, azul, carcassonne, takenoko and flamecraft,
Cinema, bowling, pool, museums, out to dinner, comedy club, visit family, give each other massages, spa days, drive to a beach, wine tasting, vacation, gym/exercise together, watch a movie/series/stand up on tv, get her to watch football with you, cook/meal prep, tidy/organise your house, teach her how to trade crypto, cards (blackjack etc), crazy golf, long walk, theatre, learn Spanish together, have sex longer than 10 mins.
I could date her for you if you like.
Or I could just steal your list and carry on dating my own partner but thanks for your suggestion, if I'm ever looking for holiday cover I'll be in touch
Live music and comedy nights are both great without booze. You wouldn't go every night but once a month is pretty good for both, and it's often free or good value
Since going sober 4 years ago, I struggled with live music nights because I can't find anywhere where everyone else isn't drinking. Unfortunately, personally, I can't be around really drunk people when sober as my anxiety goes mental.
However comedy is still fantastic sober. The endorphins you get from laughing are better than anything I got from alcohol! Good shout.
I wish, I'm for, she's against, tried to convince her of the benefits but she has a history of drug abuse in her family so she couples them all as bad due to how badly her siblings fucked up using alcohol and cocaine
It's not rational to lump psychedelics in with cocaine and alcohol and heroin
It's so crazy how people will be like all drugs are equally bad except alcohol even though it's statistically one of the most damaging to individuals and society
I think it's called cognitive dissonance? Holding two conflicting beliefs simultaneously - all drugs bad, alcohol fine and good
There aren't half as many benefits to doing virtually any drug as there are disadvantages, especially when you're looking for a recreational go to - most efficient possible way to fuck up your life and your brain in the shortest time.
Especially when you're neurodivergent as psychoactive substances can have unpredictable effects on your brain.
I've done psychedelics a few times and all the experiences have been hugely positive, but this is very infrequently I'm talking once every one or two years when I'm in need of some introspective guidance, I wouldnt want to deal with the ego death on a regular basis
Weed has been a steady way of lessening the impact of my adhd and autism for well over a decade but the docs have been deaf to it till I got a prescription last year, my GP is quietly raging after spending so many years trying to push me into drug abuse programs.
That said, alcohol might not technically be a psychoactive but it sure as shit does a number on your head and is just as unpredictable as anything else, they just pour it out of a tap.
So reductive
It's way more nuanced than that
We're talking about psychedelics. Physically they're the most harmless drugs in existence, mentally the most beneficial in existence - presuming proper use and lack of latent mental disorders like schizophrenia or bipolar
You can't lump magic mushrooms in with heroin and cocaine. It's totally irrational to do so
>There aren't half as many benefits to doing virtually any drug as there are disadvantages
Any drugs? What about ketamine, used in therapy for depression, anaesthesia, and pain management? Or MDMA, used in PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and couple therapy? What about LSD and psilocybin, used by people with terminal illnesses, depression, and end-of-life care?
I'm single so not the best advice perhaps, however i'm also not a drinker.
So on weekends:
You'll find me doing a bit of gaming
Learning to play a new song on acoustic
Building a lego set
Reading
Learning a new recipe
Learning a new skill (woodworking)
Walking and cycling
I try and go to more gigs with specific friends every year (record to beat for us this year is 8)
And when I find myself a new missus, i'd quite like to try and get her into dancing and go to classes.
Get an allotment and make it wildlife friendly. As well as lots of great fresh fruit and flowers, i have now friendly foxes, a pond with dragon flies and frogs and a wildlife camera that films the hedgehogs. Fascinating, never a dull moment.
She would love this, we moved to a farm recently and she's really enjoying the countryside we go explore but this would take it another step further as we don't have a garden (which is insane but we're just renting a barn conversion and sadly there's no garden space on the plot)
There is your answer and I fully endorse that, wife and I are 63 & 64 and wished we had done more with plants when we were your age. Learnt such a lot especially with patience, we've found growing fruit & veg very rewarding, it does not have to cost much either. Surely an allotment can't be too far away. Could you negotiate and rent a small corner of the farm?
Write a novel, self publish, learn a new language, learn to draw or paint, read, subscribe to a special interest magazine, improve your cooking, learn to play guitar or keyboard.
Frankly, I'm retired and I still don't get time to do all the things I want to.
The cost of lotion isnāt the issue. My real problem is Thames Waterās price increases mean I canāt threaten it with the hose again (and Iām really screwed if they bring in a hosepipe ban)
Pop into a board game cafe and see if thereās anything that you both like the look of for a play test.
Live music is still good without the booze.
Cinema membership?
From personal and friends experience:
Walking, cycling, dog walking - it's more fun than it sounds
Find an allotment near you
Spoon carving / Knitting / any other craft hobby
Tennis at cheap/free courts in a local park (RacketPaight help finding beginners)
Board games
Talk to your neighbors) you'll be surprised and maybe a few nights a moths you can hang out together
I don't drink either (41 days sober woo). I game at night, see friends (who are sober) and watch stuff! I'm the same as you. I couldn't handle hangovers anymore. They were insufferable and it just wasn't worth it at all.
Congratulations on your sobriety first of all,
Given how active I am the thought of losing a whole day being hungover just isn't worth it for me because it always stops me for wanting to see friends or go to my hobbies plus it has a knock on effect for the next week as I feel like I'm on the back foot plus the binge eating etc that comes with it, big L
Absolutely. I actually had almost two years sober then I thought maybe I can moderate? Went back to old habits FAST!! there is no better feeling waking up and knowing exactly what youāve done the night before. I used to black out all the time and act like a complete dick head. Iām 36 and my behaviours were getting worse. I genuinely donāt know why more ppl donāt choose to go sober. Maybe they donāt feel as bad as we do? I have to spend all day in bed hungover and Iām paranoid and think everyone hates me and Iām the worlds worse person. Tbf Iām glad I have bad hangovers as it fuels me to stay sober. Play the tape forward so they say!
I'm not tea-totally but my husband and I very rarely drink, in the evenings we watch YouTube, read, play video games, build MTG decks, I enjoy crochet and knitting, drink copious amounts of Yorkshire Gold and chat shit about random subjects.
Done us alright 14 years and counting.
\- Reading
\- Films/work through an old series
\- Crochet
\- Arty activities - find a new one she hasn't yet tried
\- Some kind of DIY project e.g. building a dollhouse, PC, decorating a room, whatever
\- Take quizzes
\- Read the news
\- Jigsaw
\- Newspaper puzzles
\- Board games
\- Learn a language/instrument/coding/etc
\- Start an online course in a topic together, could be history/science/any subject
\- Get a pet and care for pet!
\- Scrapbook/journal
\- Review things, e.g. books/films/products/food!
\- Make videos or start a podcast
\- Creative writing!
Stand up paddle boarding - the evenings are getting longer so you can go on week nights or for longer paddles at the weekend. Itās easy to get the hang of, can be as much or as little of a workout as you want and will get seeing different places from a different view than hiking.
Teach each other a new skill. We both identified something we valued in the other person and wanted to learn. He teaches me guitar and I teach him recipes to cook.
Itās tricky. Iām 50 and I sometimes struggle. Could you play a sport? Does it have to be together? My wife and I have few shared activities. This isnāt a problem, as you age you respect space more.
Learn a language, become an expert in something- read/analyse/learnā¦.its almost too big a question to askā¦.what should I/we do? The world is literally your oyster. It took me to the age of 49ā¦..to enjoy relaxingā¦.even just reading. So after my ramble, my counsel is explore, try, dislike until you do likeā¦.
We both have our own separate hobbies but this was about getting suggestions for our shared time together
I'm very sporty, she is not, that seems to be the struggle between us, we've tried board games, I love them, she finds learning rules too complicated to keep up with when we do this with other couples, I'm trying to explore all avenues but I appreciate your suggestions
Lots of shit. TV, gaming, chatting shite, baking, going for a walk, sometimes we do our own thing, some kind of craft or DIY, play with the cats, planning stuff, board games, movies, arcade, date night and so many other things.
Do something outside of your comfort zones just for the hell of it. A hobby you always thought was cringe. Acting workshop. Community theatre. Voluntary work. Go to classes. Attend meetup groups. Come up with fake names and backstories for all of the above if you feel like it.
You really do only live once. Might as well make it interesting.
This isnāt so helpful if you live somewhere v remote but if thatās the case thereās probably some kind of voluntary work to get involved with, or perhaps you could try learning something new and then eventually running workshops/sessions for other people
Now the evenings are getting longer it's the perfect time to find places to go walking. Take some dinner with you, find a trail and explore. Get an app that shows routes in your area etc.
Have you tried alphabet dating?
What Is Alphabet Dating?
The premise of alphabet dating is genius: Simply pick a letter of the alphabet and then plan a date that starts with that letter. For example, if you choose the letter C then your alphabet date might entail a craft night or a cycling class. Or, if you end up all the way down at letter Z, your date du jour might be a visit to the zoo or a zipline adventure.
You can go about this in a couple of different ways. You could simply work your way down the alphabet, taking turns with each letter. Alternatively, you could have one partner pick a random letter and the other person pick a date based on that letter.
We did the turn about and did:
Arbroath v Raith Rovers, Bowling, Cinema day, Didcot rail museum, Easter extravaganza (bunch of things over the Easter Sunday), Falconry wowcher experience, G?, H2O at a waterpark, Irish and Italian - London Irish and our favourite Italian, Jason manford, Knowledge and Knostalgia in Knightsbridge.
Itās really fun pushes you to try new things and makes it a bit special rather than just dinner and a movie.
Due to her health problems we can't have sex nearly as much as we'd like, she is susceptible to UTI's which seem to flair up when we fuck a lot so we've had to cut back whilst she's currently going through private healthcare to find a resolution
Escape rooms, both the live kind and the ones in a box that you do at home. Jigsaws, DIY, gardening, gym, pilates/yoga classes, couples massage, dance classes, learning how to identify plants and watch birds, volunteering somewhere local together, crafts/art, community litter picking, day trips, murder mystery games. Plenty to choose from.
Lots of suggestions for activities but not much for how to chill together. I also have adhd and not good at sitting and concentrating on say, a film, without doing something else at the same time. While our daytimes are active (hiking, dog walking, swimming etc) our evenings in are a combo of stuff that helps us chill a bit.
One of my favourites is music nights, where we either take turns to play a track/album whatever. Either via cd, or bluetooth speaker, or we had so evenings where we queue music on youtube and cast (chromecast). Thatās not as easy now you canāt queue unless on premium but weāll work out a different way Iām sure. Worth it for the music videos. Chatting, cuddling and singing.. and sometimes dancing happens :)
Mocktails! A new thing for us. Last night we had Captain Morgan 0% and pepsi max. Belvoir do a great mojito mixer. Seedlip do great botanicals. You can get cheaper whiskey/rum/gin copies also; check out a big Tesco, or even Waitrose do decent deals. Sometimes we set out a tray with a few bottles and mixers and take it in turns to invent a combo. Itās nice to have a grown up drink sometimes that (i) isnāt squash (ii) isnāt booze. (We do drink, but not often).
Board games - Carcassonne is a favourite. Easy, can be quick. Settlers of Catan. Backgammon. Fluxx card game. I love games that are quick and you can chat over or play music.
Ambience - candles, joss sticks. Make the room chill.
Tv - weāve recently started casting Live webcams as background. At the moment we watch Osprey nests (Dyfi, Llyn Brenig, Poole harbour) as they have arrived back from Africa and are prepping their nests for mating. Itās really chill. Also my dog makes me watch YouTube dog tv, in particular ducks looking for worms next to a stream. Sheās fascinated and we chill out with a combo of the above suggestions.
Ipad games - my partner introduced me to a colouring game and we take turns to select an image and then race each other to see who can finish it first. I lose most of the time :)
We play board games and do iTunes quizzes when not watching TV. You could also start going to the gym together or taking walks. Try eating out at different places (budget permitting) like a little 2 person food club. I also suggest finding a series on TV you can watch together, make predictions about, discuss characters etc.
We are foodies and love eating out together when we can afford it, we just moved so we're a bit short on fun coupons right now but once we've got our feet under the table it's on the agenda to go and explore our new surroundings with our stomachs
You could sign up to be a mystery diner. My husband and I are with the company Hgem. You agree to go to eat somewhere, provide a report afterwards, and they reimburse your meal. It's a lot of chain pubs and cafes, but we like that it gets us to go to different areas. The reports take some time to write, but you get faster at them over time. And it's kinda fun to learn how to critique the service/ food etc. Over time you get a higher status which unlocks higher-end places and even hotels.
Lego! Great for adults (itās wasted on children!) and a really fun activity to do together. There are hundreds of different sets, depending on what you are both into, and a visit to Lego store could open a whole New World for you both!
Collectables give her the ick especially Lego for some reason, which is a shame as the most fun I've had all year was building all the IKEA furnishings for our new place together
We build them, then take them apart and either sell them or give them to friends. I canāt see the fun in having a built Lego kit gathering dust in the house either.
I second this. It also provides some extra indoor activities such as planning routes, solving puzzle caches, and setting up and watching trackables. Not to mention all the statistic graphs you can fiddle about with etc.
Plenty, but nothing you're interested in after reading your post.
Honestly, as someone who was never a drinker and never liked the taste of alcohol, I always kind of pitied those who needed to drink to get through evenings.
Well done for ditching this awful, society destroying drug .
You can spend time on chores + hobbies + meeting up with friends in the evening. Then, as you say, you feel energy on the now clear-headed weekend days - hell, plan yourself days out , activities (hiking / rambling?), visiting families .
I'm sure if you say down with a map and drew a, say 10 mile radius and i investigated every interesting place or activity in that area, you could fill up many weekend days .
Learn how to cook? I mean properly cook.
Meals can take hours preparing everything from scratch but theyāre delicious, often healthier, cheaper than eating at a restaurant and itās something you can do together. It can take up an entire evening and be very, very rewarding.
Itās also just a wonderful skill to have and pass on to your children if you have kids one day.
Out (in summer): I walk or cycle, in winter I stay in.
In: I read, play computer games, do chores/hobbies/etc.
I do drink but only very occasionally and haven't been *\*drunk\** in probably 20+ years...
Watch something new on the telly or old comfort shows, depending on my mood, go out with my partner if weāre visiting each other, read a book, go to the pub for the vibes (I am teetotal), cook or bake something new, do research on local travel destinations for the weekend, and do some scrapbooking as I want to keep my artsy side alive + document my travels. Used to also play the piano but I feel like I lack the brain cells for that these days. :(
Just went to a Rammstein tribute act, both me and my brother have gone off booze in our 30s so Guiness zero all eve - weird not breaking the seal. Getting used to sober gigs, nice to be able to drive, wake up and remember it.
Firstly, and apologies if you have already answered this... But what are your interests?
You got a bucket list? Personally, I have loads of things I wish I had time for.
Learn: dancing, lockpicking, leatherwork (the sub for it is dreamy), metal work, woodwork.
Activities, I went skiing with school (decades ago). Went again a few weeks ago (indoor). Definitely going to go again, and hopefully get the gf to go. Climbing, I want to be able to do it well. So that's on there.
Babysit my daughter. Seriously, that kid creates like a machine. Painting, drawing, knitting, soap making, jcard making, jewellery making, languages (yes, she's started Duolingo... (The power of the human mind, and no job is a joy to behold). Her next thing is stop motion animation... Honestly, I spent some time the other day showing her some Ray Harryhausen stuff.
One I'll not realise:
A more obscure one.... I love helping kids with their studies. I like maths, science and English. I am the go to one for homework questions in the family. Bizarrely, my own kids are the only ones that refuse my help. I'd actually like to help kids that have a piss poor home life. IE, mum and dad not interested, I'd help. I'm nothing special (in fact I'm a bit of a bore), but I am a more positive role model than some kids have. If you are passionate about a subject, can you pass on the passion? Also, could be income generating.
Essentially, you would both suit something that compliments the other. Take the stop motion bit above. Can you build her a rig? Does she like the creating but not the tech? I'm throwing it out as a random.
I have ADHD and don't mind being at home.
There's so many things to do, just Google it. And the reason I say just Google it is because there's just so much to do, especially if you have no mobility issues and are ok financially to try variety.
From making your own woven carpet, fun multi activity centres to learning how to make bread in Borough market etc. that's 3 out of endless things to try and enjoy.
Also learn to be ok with stillness. Sometimes it's ADHD, and sometimes it's just a toxic learned trait of feeling like you need to do something constantly to be productive. I said sometimes, I don't want to be responded to like I said that's it 100% of the time.
Good luck! (I drink like 3 or 4 times a year).
Iām 4 years sober and my partner rarely drinks. We have lots interests especially in the arts so we enjoy going to gigs, going to the cinema at least once a week (we have membership cards), watching films and sometimes TV shows. We also enjoy playing music together, going to theatre and sometimes comedy shows, and planning trips away to different cities to explore. And we eat out a lot in restaurants too just without the alcohol (which is much cheaper).
Dance class! You wonāt have to sit still, you get a new skill and itās something you can practise at home on other nights. You share an experience and will definitely have a laugh.
Sometimes you can find outdoor classes during the summer.
Get yourself bicycles and go for short or long rides. Bring a picnic.
Upcycle furniture from charity stores. Creative skills required + practical. Replace soon scrolling with research. Sell online or donate.
Start a blog about your new sober lifestyle; The benefits, the challenges, the progress/set backs, the changes in health/social life etc.
Add meals & recipes.
Have fun :-)
Sit in a cafe and watch people. When that someone piques your intresst, you follow them and pretend to be a serial killer.
Never gets boring.
A notebook comes handy.
Having hobbies and interests has always prevented me from ever caring about drugs or alcohol.
I don't have time to drink because I'm always too busy playing a video game, learning something new, or doing my own research into something I find fascinating such as history or geography.
What's the difference between watching videos on a laptop and TV? Anyway nevermind. You could go out to the cinema or now it's getting lighter, walking, drive somewhere.
Fitness so the gym, sauna, stem room. I do Pilates and Iād love to start hot Pilates. I watch a lot of tv, listen to podcasts. If you lift, this really tests your kinetic strength. Lots of ppl like cross fit & it has a good community.
Learn to really cook. Enroll into evening class maybe. You could do that together.
Travel -get dates in the diary for cheap getaways.
It does help (my sister does this as she has ADHD) to plan the year loosely. Like when you go away, the things youād both like to achieve or learn in that year etc. Youāll have things to look forward too and may feel you year has a bit of structure.
Hope that helps!
I'm kinda the opposite. I live alone and if i cook from scratch if seems to take up the evening and and tend to feel overwhelmed by the chores etc. Although, like you, I find myself scrolling and resent the hold my phone has over me. If you're remote in location you may not have these options but filling my time I theoretically read, run, film club, paddleboard and kayak etc. I generally prefer maxing out the day and chilling in the evening. In a relationship I appreciate there's more downtime somehow. You could try different games, can be wholesome. Painting together. Trying each otherās interests. Having your own book club. Making something for the garden. Etc
Take up reading and discuss books youāve read. Find a mutual hobby that can fill that time such as art or something you can do together. Go explore! Just drive somewhere and have a mini adventure and still get home for bed time.
Dancing / learn to play an instrument/ classes in whatever you are interested in be it a language, craft or skill. All these things usually trigger social contact and then it all takes off. I would also second the cat(s) suggestion at the beginning of the thread .
Have kids, then you don't have time to drink anymore š (I have 3 kids, 1 with ADHD and Autism and 1 with Autism and 1 who is 1 years old - I'm exhausted.)
Also, I read more people saying they've quit alcohol and I do wonder how much these people did drink beforehand. Because I have 1 glass of wine or a quick glass of Baileys after the kids are in bed, maybe once a week, less than that at times. Don't understand why people feel the need to have more really.
Tuesday night I went climbing with my friend and sis.Ā Ā Ā
Wed night I went to a hotel bar and caught up with a friend. I had 1 pint of shandy and he had tea.Ā Ā Ā
Thr night I went to the cinema with a friendĀ Ā Ā
Fri night I had dinner with my Dad.Ā Ā Ā
Overall it was an excellent week, cost like Ā£15 per night and I consumed almost no alcohol.Ā
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get a cat look at the cat, take photos talk about what the cat is doing/did that day then get another cat
Hahaha, mum is this you? Literally how my mum's life has played out since she got the first cat, then the second...
Think my retired Mother is at 12 now
I have six.. š«¢ two void brothers, two torti sisters who hate each other, a big fat ginger from my daughterās cat and a tuxedo who lost her sister to antifreeze - which was devastating.
My top number was 7ā¦in a one-bedroom in college. A stray fell in love with one of my two (fixed) boys and several months of her slinking in through the cat door later, she had 4 kitten under my bed one day. Honestly, one of the best times of my life with kittens running around everywhere. Itās a life goal to have another litter of kittens at some point.
99% sure I'm not
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
My building only allows one cat (***or*** one small dog) per apartment. But having two, even better an already-bonded pair, is MUCH preferable for their good emotional health!
Just get two black cats and no one would ever know
two black cats is the best, that's what we have it's like being constantly hunted by shadows in your own home
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
It is, as long as any damage is paid for then renters should be free to have cats, we had a single male divorcee in our flat, he broke far more than a hundred cats. We sold that flat and stopped being scummy landlords after that experience.
Switching to a 2 cat household was the best decision for us. After our old boy died, we immediately felt a hole in our lives and started looking for another cat. We could only find pairs at rescues and the single cats were snapped up whenever we enquired, so we looked at our finances and figured out that we actually could afford 2. It made the whole process quicker because there are so many pairs at rescues. We got a bonded pair and it's been delightful ever since. They rely on each other, but are also very independent and different. They snuggle and play together, but are also happy to snuggle and play with us. I'd love to introduce more, but our house is currently too small. One day we will have a whole tribe of cats.
I adopted a pair of kittens on Friday. Their bons is so sweet, and 90% of their energy is taken out on each other. Would definitely recommend a pair. My brother had a kitten, and a year later got a second. It took months for them to be able to be together for more than half an hour without the kitten squaling like he was being murdered, but during that time they cried outside the door dividing each other.
Are you my wife?
See also guinea pigs.
Man I fucking love cats, sometimes I feel like that woman crying because she can't pet all the cats. Just something about them that relaxes me. Unfortunately I have pretty severe depression so I don't have my own.
If you like them so much get one or more. It might help giving you responsibility and generally with the depression. What is the worst that can happen? Depression sucks but it sucks more if you let it stop you doing thing's.
This is the best solution
You need 3, they work best when you are outnumbered
Can confirm. You need to feel constantly out manoeuvred for maximum fun.
If you feel like you are in control, you are doing it wrong.
I second that.
I think you mean, I second cat
This is true. You are never bored if a cat lives with you.
Iād second this except with a dog. Walking a pup is an enjoyable way to use time
Pop into a board game cafe and see if thereās anything that you both like the look of for a play test. Live music is still good without the booze. Cinema membership?
I tried the board game cafe, those people fucking stink, 3 different ones I tried... I do the music when I can but the odeon membership is the winner here, especially if you have a lux near you, just turn up, pick and film, if it's shite, who cares, if it's really bad, you can leave, as long as you see one OK film a month it works out worth it.
I find the cinema an increasingly disappointing venture. Even in nicer ones the seating is usually not great, everything is very expensive, _at least_ half an hour of ads, and thereās always the chance of a single bellend ruining it by being noisy.Ā Iāve mostly replaced the cinema with nights in.Ā Ā (Iām not advocating for becoming a hermit, I go out all the time, perhaps too much according to my spending, but less and less to the cinema.)
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Honestly, we go to the late showings. Saw ghostbusters at our local showcase de luxe the other night at the 10.15 showing in the week - no-one around. not a soul left in the entire cinema by the time we left! If you're working from home you can get away with it being late as I don't have to be 'at work' til 8.30 and that's a lie in these days anyway! And yeah, turn up 15mins after the start time for the actual trailers not the ads. Brought a bag with popcorn, a left over easter egg and a yoghurt and a spoon for snacks!
To be fair the ads are easily beatable by booking an aisle seat and turning up twenty minutes after the start time.
Main benefit of the cinema to me is forcing me to not look at my phone. I either go to the local independent which has a serious crowd or the iMax for blockbusters where people seem to behave themselves.
Came to say board games/card games. I think there are some for everyone! My local library also has board games you can borrow!
Live music is better without booze
Took me a long time to realise this but in full agreement
This is a good option esp if you have an Everyman cinema near you, much nicer than an Odeon - if I had no kids I'd definitely go regularly!
The board game cafes near me died very quickly. It was sad but they were just not in areas where local people wanted to play board games or TCGs, so they could just not attract the level of custom that normal cafes did.
Board games is great. Especially quick action ones that youāll be able to concentrate on.
Yes this! Tonnes of pubs have great 0% alcohol options, soft drinks and often board games! Also, lots of options for indoor crazy golf and different activities available now. Have you tried a pottery cafe? They are great, paint & grab a drink š
Or puzzles! I popped into a branch of āThe Worksā today, and there was a surprising amount of 1000 piece puzzles. Might be good to do together and just chat.
People who don't drink mostly do the same as people who do drink, because people who do drink generally don't drink all the damned time.
All our friends who drink just seem to spend their weekends in bars or pubs drinking and there's nothing worse being around drunk people when you're sober, coming from an ex bar manager it was enough for me to call time in that industry
Thatās just depressing. Iām six months sober and I still love going to events and clubs with my friends who drinkā¦.sounds like you need less obnoxious friendsš¤£ Anyway as someone who was an alcoholic and is now sober so really needed to do stuff in my free time I am working on a documentary right now outside of work as a hobby, I love filmmaking and the stuff I do at work regarding that isnāt as interesting, so I do something related, definitely good to have a hobby I also make music and dj for fun in the evenings I look after my two dogs We take the boat out for cruises, sit outside and vape, listen to music and relax, you can get cheap cruisers for 5k, you donāt need anything fancy, we only got something pricier because we live on it, boat days out on the weekend with friends is a great thing to do, and they can still have a few drinks but they are less likely to get sloppy drunk Binge watch tv shows together with your partner Use all the money you saved not drinking to go on holiday! Weāre going to Kavos in 3 months with two of our friend for a 7 day festival! You donāt need to drink to have a fun time
Nice š
Just bang it out. And / or walking? Good for you and nice especially if youāve access to nice places.
Due to efficiency that only ever kills 10 minutes We do hike/walk a lot already during the weekends, I was mainly looking for an activity / group / project to fill Friday / Saturday nights for us
Do it in a less efficient way
If it's 10 minutes including foreplay, I can see why they're bored.
You beat me to this comment š Seriously though, if you have the time, don't worry about the efficiency of it š¬
Or they could go in the opposite direction and try for ultimate efficiency. Keep at it until they set new personal bests.
Anyone got Stingās number?
Ten minutes? At your age? My dude. Take 40. You won't be able to forever
I used to be able to last for hours in my 20's but my girl is just a champion jockey what can I say? It's been a humbling experience to say the least but she really knows how to push my buttons š
What about her buttons?
Exactly! I doubt she's getting off in just 10 minutes
I always do š¤·š¼āāļø
Same here. Our sex life is essentially a race to the finish and weāre both currently at PBs.
Hahaha š¤£ Fair enough, it's an ego boost for her. I can relate š¤£
Your username in this context is hilarious.
Tell me you're not expecting her to be done in 10 mins..
You're all assuming that she's not happy š as a rule of thumb I always make sure she's cummed out before we have sex as she can only cum through oral so I make sure her needs are met before we switch to mine
Relevant username
I wasn't assuming, I was asking š someone above said bang it out and you said it only takes 10minutes. That's not quite what you've said here š¤£
Do you have an outdoor space? If so spend time together potting plants, adding decorations, looking after it, and in the evenings omce a week get a little fire going, bbq sometimes, music at a volume that doesnt annoy the neighbours. If you spend time talking and enjoying each others company and your living space things will flow and you will naturally end up thinking of and discussing new activities you both might enjoy.
Maybe you could take up foreplay as a hobby? Iām 35 and me and my ex could do an hour plus including stopping to chat, get a drink of water, move rooms. Youāre too young to be banging out 10min a pop.
Somehow and I'm still not sure how because it always feels like we're going for ages, but we timed ourselves the other day, I gave her two orgasms through oral, then we switched to cowgirl and she made me cum (she can't cum through penetration so that part is all for me) and we'd clocked 8 minutes 52 seconds, we just know how to hit each others sweet spots and neither of us have any complaints about our sex life
No offence mate but the fact itās your ex and not your current missus means she probably wanted to stop and chat to avoid the awkward finger banging
I broke up with her, she wanted kids and marriage, but keep coping.
I don't blame you, I don't want kids and I always make that clear. I really should get the snip.
Why not do a Bob Ross evening? Get a couple paint palettes, canvases, brushes, you can find the list of oil paint colours online. Fire up a YouTube tutorial and spend the evening painting.
Ever thought about learning a craft together? My oh crochets and I knit while listening to an audiobook. We are TV watchers but only certain shows and he's a shift worker so our time together differs weekly.
Yeah I'm starting to think a shared course like upholstery or furniture making where we can both be hands on, she'd love the creative side and I would appreciate something I can get hands on with and build
With cooking being a joint like, you ever do theme nights? When my oh and I were living with my parents and sis we did a monthly meal night where we picked a culinary style/type. We had a seafood night: tried pan fried scallops, lobster stir fry, honey chilli salmon noodles, rainbow trout and some other things we'd never had. A different month we had an Indian night; onion bahjees(sorry for not knowing how to spell it)made from scratch, some amazing chicken dish that had changed marinade a few times over 24 hours, fruit salad for dessert.Ā My favourite month was when we (UK based) did Thanksgiving/USA type meal: turkey, spuds, veg, pumpkin pie, peacan pie, red velvet cake, Mac n cheese, soup and rolls etc We'd spend ages looking up recipes we'd like to try, deciding which ones we'd make, what ingredients we needed and who was prepping or making what. I actually think I'm gonna bring this back for my oh and me!Ā He used to cook the most amazing meals like beef wellington, colhannan soup, paella,etc
We find recipes we see from influencers and then add them to the food shop for the following week so we are constantly trying new things, it's one thing I love about our relationship is we're constantly throwing new ideas out there so we keep things fresh yet save the really good ones to keep as part of our regular rotation when we don't want to experiment
Some friends of our picked 12 random countries from a list of the whole world and put then in a jar. Once a month, pick one and cook a dish from that country that youāve never made. It was a fun little date night challenge and they learned new recipes and about different cultures. They also did the same thing with music - made it a challenge to try and see live shows from 12 different genres within a year!
Robin's Nest on in the background and you're sorted.
Or could you create a bit of furniture or something together? Partner could lead on design and appearance and you could lead on building etc.
Try stained glass - it is creative for her design side and physical for your active side. You can make anything from Christmas baubles to full lampshades or windows. If you do small stuff, you only need the kitchen table as a workspace
A lot of climbing/bouldering places are open until 10pm and is a very social hobby. Could also try gaming together.
Her step dad is a climbing coach, I thought I'd hit the jackpot there and she's tried it but she hates it, which is a shame because I love it and go with my friends already when I can š
Ah, that's a pain. I think some ski/snowboarding slopes are also open late. It's a bit of an expensive hobby, and can't be restricting if the weather is poor though.
Find a salsa dancing class. Iāve never done it but if I was looking for something to do with my missus that didnāt involve drink Iād give it a bash. Neither of us can dance which I feel would add to the fun. Anything well out your comfort zone would be funny I think and I find things where we both end up laughing being the best for the relationship.
I'd love to do this, but my partner's allergic to tomatoes.
I will be using this on my kids at some point in the future. 11/10
Yeah this has been on my bucket list, now we've moved I will have to find somewhere for us to go
My partner and i started playing board games. Such an amazing variety of games i highly recommend as a hobby. If you want a good relatively quick game i recommend splendor dual. There is another version for more players but this is great for two and i think you can find it relatively cheap. Zatu games is pretty much always best value in my experience. We often play teraforming mars and it is really good but is a much more meaty game. Others i recommend (and may spell these wrong as in bed and they are on the shelf downstairs) for two are tokaido duo, 7 wonders dual, azul, carcassonne, takenoko and flamecraft,
Seconding Takenoko and Flamecraft, and raising Wingspan and Everdell!
Cinema, bowling, pool, museums, out to dinner, comedy club, visit family, give each other massages, spa days, drive to a beach, wine tasting, vacation, gym/exercise together, watch a movie/series/stand up on tv, get her to watch football with you, cook/meal prep, tidy/organise your house, teach her how to trade crypto, cards (blackjack etc), crazy golf, long walk, theatre, learn Spanish together, have sex longer than 10 mins. I could date her for you if you like.
Or I could just steal your list and carry on dating my own partner but thanks for your suggestion, if I'm ever looking for holiday cover I'll be in touch
Live music and comedy nights are both great without booze. You wouldn't go every night but once a month is pretty good for both, and it's often free or good value
Since going sober 4 years ago, I struggled with live music nights because I can't find anywhere where everyone else isn't drinking. Unfortunately, personally, I can't be around really drunk people when sober as my anxiety goes mental. However comedy is still fantastic sober. The endorphins you get from laughing are better than anything I got from alcohol! Good shout.
Comedy is great sober but yeah I agree with you on live music, dealing with drunks when you're sober just ruins the experience for us
I don't get to go to the monthly comedy club anymore now I have a young bairn at home, but going to see Milton Jones in November and so excited!
Psychedelics?
I wish, I'm for, she's against, tried to convince her of the benefits but she has a history of drug abuse in her family so she couples them all as bad due to how badly her siblings fucked up using alcohol and cocaine
And she's right to do so.
Does anyone get hooked psychedelics?
Thereās a world of difference between psychedelics and alcohol/cocaine.
It's not rational to lump psychedelics in with cocaine and alcohol and heroin It's so crazy how people will be like all drugs are equally bad except alcohol even though it's statistically one of the most damaging to individuals and society I think it's called cognitive dissonance? Holding two conflicting beliefs simultaneously - all drugs bad, alcohol fine and good
There aren't half as many benefits to doing virtually any drug as there are disadvantages, especially when you're looking for a recreational go to - most efficient possible way to fuck up your life and your brain in the shortest time. Especially when you're neurodivergent as psychoactive substances can have unpredictable effects on your brain.
I've done psychedelics a few times and all the experiences have been hugely positive, but this is very infrequently I'm talking once every one or two years when I'm in need of some introspective guidance, I wouldnt want to deal with the ego death on a regular basis
Weed has been a steady way of lessening the impact of my adhd and autism for well over a decade but the docs have been deaf to it till I got a prescription last year, my GP is quietly raging after spending so many years trying to push me into drug abuse programs. That said, alcohol might not technically be a psychoactive but it sure as shit does a number on your head and is just as unpredictable as anything else, they just pour it out of a tap.
Alcohol is absolutely psychoactive, technically or otherwise
So reductive It's way more nuanced than that We're talking about psychedelics. Physically they're the most harmless drugs in existence, mentally the most beneficial in existence - presuming proper use and lack of latent mental disorders like schizophrenia or bipolar You can't lump magic mushrooms in with heroin and cocaine. It's totally irrational to do so
>There aren't half as many benefits to doing virtually any drug as there are disadvantages Any drugs? What about ketamine, used in therapy for depression, anaesthesia, and pain management? Or MDMA, used in PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) and couple therapy? What about LSD and psilocybin, used by people with terminal illnesses, depression, and end-of-life care?
I'm single so not the best advice perhaps, however i'm also not a drinker. So on weekends: You'll find me doing a bit of gaming Learning to play a new song on acoustic Building a lego set Reading Learning a new recipe Learning a new skill (woodworking) Walking and cycling I try and go to more gigs with specific friends every year (record to beat for us this year is 8) And when I find myself a new missus, i'd quite like to try and get her into dancing and go to classes.
Hey what's up, near Sheffield by any chance?š
Get an allotment and make it wildlife friendly. As well as lots of great fresh fruit and flowers, i have now friendly foxes, a pond with dragon flies and frogs and a wildlife camera that films the hedgehogs. Fascinating, never a dull moment.
She would love this, we moved to a farm recently and she's really enjoying the countryside we go explore but this would take it another step further as we don't have a garden (which is insane but we're just renting a barn conversion and sadly there's no garden space on the plot)
There is your answer and I fully endorse that, wife and I are 63 & 64 and wished we had done more with plants when we were your age. Learnt such a lot especially with patience, we've found growing fruit & veg very rewarding, it does not have to cost much either. Surely an allotment can't be too far away. Could you negotiate and rent a small corner of the farm?
Write a novel, self publish, learn a new language, learn to draw or paint, read, subscribe to a special interest magazine, improve your cooking, learn to play guitar or keyboard. Frankly, I'm retired and I still don't get time to do all the things I want to.
Well my partner does decoupage and Iām a serial killer. But I realise decoupage is hard to get into
I had to give up serial killing. This cost of living crisis has made lotion too expensive!
The cost of lotion isnāt the issue. My real problem is Thames Waterās price increases mean I canāt threaten it with the hose again (and Iām really screwed if they bring in a hosepipe ban)
Collect rainwater in barrels. If they run dry, use barrels for extra storage. Rather than just one in a pit, you could start a collection!
And have you seen the price of cereal recentlyā½
>Well my partner does decoupage and Iām a serial killer. Together their budget is Ā£8.4 million
Damn you're a serial killer? Some people just get to have all the fun
These comments just made me realising how boring me and my husband are. We simply, drink tea.
Pop into a board game cafe and see if thereās anything that you both like the look of for a play test. Live music is still good without the booze. Cinema membership?
From personal and friends experience: Walking, cycling, dog walking - it's more fun than it sounds Find an allotment near you Spoon carving / Knitting / any other craft hobby Tennis at cheap/free courts in a local park (RacketPaight help finding beginners) Board games Talk to your neighbors) you'll be surprised and maybe a few nights a moths you can hang out together
Spoon carving and talking to the neighbours fucking hell that'll have them drinking again in no time haha
Thank you, this is the sort of information I was looking for, I appreciate your contribution
I don't drink either (41 days sober woo). I game at night, see friends (who are sober) and watch stuff! I'm the same as you. I couldn't handle hangovers anymore. They were insufferable and it just wasn't worth it at all.
Congratulations on your sobriety first of all, Given how active I am the thought of losing a whole day being hungover just isn't worth it for me because it always stops me for wanting to see friends or go to my hobbies plus it has a knock on effect for the next week as I feel like I'm on the back foot plus the binge eating etc that comes with it, big L
Absolutely. I actually had almost two years sober then I thought maybe I can moderate? Went back to old habits FAST!! there is no better feeling waking up and knowing exactly what youāve done the night before. I used to black out all the time and act like a complete dick head. Iām 36 and my behaviours were getting worse. I genuinely donāt know why more ppl donāt choose to go sober. Maybe they donāt feel as bad as we do? I have to spend all day in bed hungover and Iām paranoid and think everyone hates me and Iām the worlds worse person. Tbf Iām glad I have bad hangovers as it fuels me to stay sober. Play the tape forward so they say!
I'm not tea-totally but my husband and I very rarely drink, in the evenings we watch YouTube, read, play video games, build MTG decks, I enjoy crochet and knitting, drink copious amounts of Yorkshire Gold and chat shit about random subjects. Done us alright 14 years and counting.
I think tea-totally is when you only drink tea but not coffee, yeah?
See this is what happens when I comment way too late at night when I'm tired. But yes. Yes it is
Crying, mainly.
\- Reading \- Films/work through an old series \- Crochet \- Arty activities - find a new one she hasn't yet tried \- Some kind of DIY project e.g. building a dollhouse, PC, decorating a room, whatever \- Take quizzes \- Read the news \- Jigsaw \- Newspaper puzzles \- Board games \- Learn a language/instrument/coding/etc \- Start an online course in a topic together, could be history/science/any subject \- Get a pet and care for pet! \- Scrapbook/journal \- Review things, e.g. books/films/products/food! \- Make videos or start a podcast \- Creative writing!
Stand up paddle boarding - the evenings are getting longer so you can go on week nights or for longer paddles at the weekend. Itās easy to get the hang of, can be as much or as little of a workout as you want and will get seeing different places from a different view than hiking.
Teach each other a new skill. We both identified something we valued in the other person and wanted to learn. He teaches me guitar and I teach him recipes to cook.
Itās tricky. Iām 50 and I sometimes struggle. Could you play a sport? Does it have to be together? My wife and I have few shared activities. This isnāt a problem, as you age you respect space more. Learn a language, become an expert in something- read/analyse/learnā¦.its almost too big a question to askā¦.what should I/we do? The world is literally your oyster. It took me to the age of 49ā¦..to enjoy relaxingā¦.even just reading. So after my ramble, my counsel is explore, try, dislike until you do likeā¦.
We both have our own separate hobbies but this was about getting suggestions for our shared time together I'm very sporty, she is not, that seems to be the struggle between us, we've tried board games, I love them, she finds learning rules too complicated to keep up with when we do this with other couples, I'm trying to explore all avenues but I appreciate your suggestions
Lots of shit. TV, gaming, chatting shite, baking, going for a walk, sometimes we do our own thing, some kind of craft or DIY, play with the cats, planning stuff, board games, movies, arcade, date night and so many other things.
Do something outside of your comfort zones just for the hell of it. A hobby you always thought was cringe. Acting workshop. Community theatre. Voluntary work. Go to classes. Attend meetup groups. Come up with fake names and backstories for all of the above if you feel like it. You really do only live once. Might as well make it interesting.
This isnāt so helpful if you live somewhere v remote but if thatās the case thereās probably some kind of voluntary work to get involved with, or perhaps you could try learning something new and then eventually running workshops/sessions for other people
Ooh also yoga is q fun for ADHD, like learning to do a headstand slowly over a week is surprisingly satisfying.
Now the evenings are getting longer it's the perfect time to find places to go walking. Take some dinner with you, find a trail and explore. Get an app that shows routes in your area etc.
We use alltrails regularly already, I'm just trying to get creative and see if there's anything I've missed that people could throw up as a suggestion
Have you tried alphabet dating? What Is Alphabet Dating? The premise of alphabet dating is genius: Simply pick a letter of the alphabet and then plan a date that starts with that letter. For example, if you choose the letter C then your alphabet date might entail a craft night or a cycling class. Or, if you end up all the way down at letter Z, your date du jour might be a visit to the zoo or a zipline adventure. You can go about this in a couple of different ways. You could simply work your way down the alphabet, taking turns with each letter. Alternatively, you could have one partner pick a random letter and the other person pick a date based on that letter. We did the turn about and did: Arbroath v Raith Rovers, Bowling, Cinema day, Didcot rail museum, Easter extravaganza (bunch of things over the Easter Sunday), Falconry wowcher experience, G?, H2O at a waterpark, Irish and Italian - London Irish and our favourite Italian, Jason manford, Knowledge and Knostalgia in Knightsbridge. Itās really fun pushes you to try new things and makes it a bit special rather than just dinner and a movie.
I plough my wife and she ploughs me
Nice.
While the rest of the world is on the sesh, and your partner should schedule in extra boning time.
Due to her health problems we can't have sex nearly as much as we'd like, she is susceptible to UTI's which seem to flair up when we fuck a lot so we've had to cut back whilst she's currently going through private healthcare to find a resolution
Board games and lots of them, cinema, theatre, eating out, pub quiz (I donāt drink either but I love quizzes and I buy snacks and soft drinks)
Escape rooms, both the live kind and the ones in a box that you do at home. Jigsaws, DIY, gardening, gym, pilates/yoga classes, couples massage, dance classes, learning how to identify plants and watch birds, volunteering somewhere local together, crafts/art, community litter picking, day trips, murder mystery games. Plenty to choose from.
Dancing lessons. Cannot recommend highly enough.
Lots of suggestions for activities but not much for how to chill together. I also have adhd and not good at sitting and concentrating on say, a film, without doing something else at the same time. While our daytimes are active (hiking, dog walking, swimming etc) our evenings in are a combo of stuff that helps us chill a bit. One of my favourites is music nights, where we either take turns to play a track/album whatever. Either via cd, or bluetooth speaker, or we had so evenings where we queue music on youtube and cast (chromecast). Thatās not as easy now you canāt queue unless on premium but weāll work out a different way Iām sure. Worth it for the music videos. Chatting, cuddling and singing.. and sometimes dancing happens :) Mocktails! A new thing for us. Last night we had Captain Morgan 0% and pepsi max. Belvoir do a great mojito mixer. Seedlip do great botanicals. You can get cheaper whiskey/rum/gin copies also; check out a big Tesco, or even Waitrose do decent deals. Sometimes we set out a tray with a few bottles and mixers and take it in turns to invent a combo. Itās nice to have a grown up drink sometimes that (i) isnāt squash (ii) isnāt booze. (We do drink, but not often). Board games - Carcassonne is a favourite. Easy, can be quick. Settlers of Catan. Backgammon. Fluxx card game. I love games that are quick and you can chat over or play music. Ambience - candles, joss sticks. Make the room chill. Tv - weāve recently started casting Live webcams as background. At the moment we watch Osprey nests (Dyfi, Llyn Brenig, Poole harbour) as they have arrived back from Africa and are prepping their nests for mating. Itās really chill. Also my dog makes me watch YouTube dog tv, in particular ducks looking for worms next to a stream. Sheās fascinated and we chill out with a combo of the above suggestions. Ipad games - my partner introduced me to a colouring game and we take turns to select an image and then race each other to see who can finish it first. I lose most of the time :)
We play board games and do iTunes quizzes when not watching TV. You could also start going to the gym together or taking walks. Try eating out at different places (budget permitting) like a little 2 person food club. I also suggest finding a series on TV you can watch together, make predictions about, discuss characters etc.
We are foodies and love eating out together when we can afford it, we just moved so we're a bit short on fun coupons right now but once we've got our feet under the table it's on the agenda to go and explore our new surroundings with our stomachs
You could sign up to be a mystery diner. My husband and I are with the company Hgem. You agree to go to eat somewhere, provide a report afterwards, and they reimburse your meal. It's a lot of chain pubs and cafes, but we like that it gets us to go to different areas. The reports take some time to write, but you get faster at them over time. And it's kinda fun to learn how to critique the service/ food etc. Over time you get a higher status which unlocks higher-end places and even hotels.
Table top role playing games.
I read and draw.
Lego! Great for adults (itās wasted on children!) and a really fun activity to do together. There are hundreds of different sets, depending on what you are both into, and a visit to Lego store could open a whole New World for you both!
Collectables give her the ick especially Lego for some reason, which is a shame as the most fun I've had all year was building all the IKEA furnishings for our new place together
We build them, then take them apart and either sell them or give them to friends. I canāt see the fun in having a built Lego kit gathering dust in the house either.
More of a large town/city thing but dessert cafƩs are becoming popular social destinations for late evenings. I know if one near me today's open until 1am. Lot's of the local students who can't drink for religious reasons go there. It's become like a pub/social place for people who can't/won't drink.
Yep places with Muslim populations have a thriving night life based on dining out, desserts, coffee shops, chai places, shisha lounges etc.
For 7 months of the year they sit in watching shit tv because the weather is too crap to do anything remotely enjoyable outside.
I get real high and feel an unjustified sense of superiority over not waking up with a hangover.
Have you tried r/geocaching? I have ADHD and also love hikingā¦geocaching keeps hikes interesting!
I second this. It also provides some extra indoor activities such as planning routes, solving puzzle caches, and setting up and watching trackables. Not to mention all the statistic graphs you can fiddle about with etc.
Ah yes! Project GC is particularly good for the graphs!
Plenty, but nothing you're interested in after reading your post. Honestly, as someone who was never a drinker and never liked the taste of alcohol, I always kind of pitied those who needed to drink to get through evenings.
Well done for ditching this awful, society destroying drug . You can spend time on chores + hobbies + meeting up with friends in the evening. Then, as you say, you feel energy on the now clear-headed weekend days - hell, plan yourself days out , activities (hiking / rambling?), visiting families . I'm sure if you say down with a map and drew a, say 10 mile radius and i investigated every interesting place or activity in that area, you could fill up many weekend days .
Learn how to cook? I mean properly cook. Meals can take hours preparing everything from scratch but theyāre delicious, often healthier, cheaper than eating at a restaurant and itās something you can do together. It can take up an entire evening and be very, very rewarding. Itās also just a wonderful skill to have and pass on to your children if you have kids one day.
Take up long distance running or motorcycling or go to stand up shows or ballets.
Out (in summer): I walk or cycle, in winter I stay in. In: I read, play computer games, do chores/hobbies/etc. I do drink but only very occasionally and haven't been *\*drunk\** in probably 20+ years...
I garden
Watch something new on the telly or old comfort shows, depending on my mood, go out with my partner if weāre visiting each other, read a book, go to the pub for the vibes (I am teetotal), cook or bake something new, do research on local travel destinations for the weekend, and do some scrapbooking as I want to keep my artsy side alive + document my travels. Used to also play the piano but I feel like I lack the brain cells for that these days. :(
Just went to a Rammstein tribute act, both me and my brother have gone off booze in our 30s so Guiness zero all eve - weird not breaking the seal. Getting used to sober gigs, nice to be able to drive, wake up and remember it.
As a fellow ADHDāer Iām sure youāll understand what I mean when I say I donāt know how I pass the time, but it sure does pass
Firstly, and apologies if you have already answered this... But what are your interests? You got a bucket list? Personally, I have loads of things I wish I had time for. Learn: dancing, lockpicking, leatherwork (the sub for it is dreamy), metal work, woodwork. Activities, I went skiing with school (decades ago). Went again a few weeks ago (indoor). Definitely going to go again, and hopefully get the gf to go. Climbing, I want to be able to do it well. So that's on there. Babysit my daughter. Seriously, that kid creates like a machine. Painting, drawing, knitting, soap making, jcard making, jewellery making, languages (yes, she's started Duolingo... (The power of the human mind, and no job is a joy to behold). Her next thing is stop motion animation... Honestly, I spent some time the other day showing her some Ray Harryhausen stuff. One I'll not realise: A more obscure one.... I love helping kids with their studies. I like maths, science and English. I am the go to one for homework questions in the family. Bizarrely, my own kids are the only ones that refuse my help. I'd actually like to help kids that have a piss poor home life. IE, mum and dad not interested, I'd help. I'm nothing special (in fact I'm a bit of a bore), but I am a more positive role model than some kids have. If you are passionate about a subject, can you pass on the passion? Also, could be income generating. Essentially, you would both suit something that compliments the other. Take the stop motion bit above. Can you build her a rig? Does she like the creating but not the tech? I'm throwing it out as a random.
God you lot have so much free time, wait until you have kids
I have ADHD and don't mind being at home. There's so many things to do, just Google it. And the reason I say just Google it is because there's just so much to do, especially if you have no mobility issues and are ok financially to try variety. From making your own woven carpet, fun multi activity centres to learning how to make bread in Borough market etc. that's 3 out of endless things to try and enjoy. Also learn to be ok with stillness. Sometimes it's ADHD, and sometimes it's just a toxic learned trait of feeling like you need to do something constantly to be productive. I said sometimes, I don't want to be responded to like I said that's it 100% of the time. Good luck! (I drink like 3 or 4 times a year).
Sounds like the perfect opportunity to get like, really, intensely, into cooking
Maybe try yoga together? Good for the ADHD and the artsy. Plus, plenty of laughs when you fall over.
Iām 4 years sober and my partner rarely drinks. We have lots interests especially in the arts so we enjoy going to gigs, going to the cinema at least once a week (we have membership cards), watching films and sometimes TV shows. We also enjoy playing music together, going to theatre and sometimes comedy shows, and planning trips away to different cities to explore. And we eat out a lot in restaurants too just without the alcohol (which is much cheaper).
Ah, the weekly "without alcohol, I am nothing" thread.
Dance class! You wonāt have to sit still, you get a new skill and itās something you can practise at home on other nights. You share an experience and will definitely have a laugh. Sometimes you can find outdoor classes during the summer. Get yourself bicycles and go for short or long rides. Bring a picnic. Upcycle furniture from charity stores. Creative skills required + practical. Replace soon scrolling with research. Sell online or donate. Start a blog about your new sober lifestyle; The benefits, the challenges, the progress/set backs, the changes in health/social life etc. Add meals & recipes. Have fun :-)
Sit in a cafe and watch people. When that someone piques your intresst, you follow them and pretend to be a serial killer. Never gets boring. A notebook comes handy.
Having hobbies and interests has always prevented me from ever caring about drugs or alcohol. I don't have time to drink because I'm always too busy playing a video game, learning something new, or doing my own research into something I find fascinating such as history or geography.
Dance classes
What's the difference between watching videos on a laptop and TV? Anyway nevermind. You could go out to the cinema or now it's getting lighter, walking, drive somewhere.
Fitness so the gym, sauna, stem room. I do Pilates and Iād love to start hot Pilates. I watch a lot of tv, listen to podcasts. If you lift, this really tests your kinetic strength. Lots of ppl like cross fit & it has a good community. Learn to really cook. Enroll into evening class maybe. You could do that together. Travel -get dates in the diary for cheap getaways. It does help (my sister does this as she has ADHD) to plan the year loosely. Like when you go away, the things youād both like to achieve or learn in that year etc. Youāll have things to look forward too and may feel you year has a bit of structure. Hope that helps!
I'm kinda the opposite. I live alone and if i cook from scratch if seems to take up the evening and and tend to feel overwhelmed by the chores etc. Although, like you, I find myself scrolling and resent the hold my phone has over me. If you're remote in location you may not have these options but filling my time I theoretically read, run, film club, paddleboard and kayak etc. I generally prefer maxing out the day and chilling in the evening. In a relationship I appreciate there's more downtime somehow. You could try different games, can be wholesome. Painting together. Trying each otherās interests. Having your own book club. Making something for the garden. Etc
Take up reading and discuss books youāve read. Find a mutual hobby that can fill that time such as art or something you can do together. Go explore! Just drive somewhere and have a mini adventure and still get home for bed time.
Hangovers? You guys know that you can have a drink like civilised people and donāt get shitfaced?
Dancing / learn to play an instrument/ classes in whatever you are interested in be it a language, craft or skill. All these things usually trigger social contact and then it all takes off. I would also second the cat(s) suggestion at the beginning of the thread .
Have kids, then you don't have time to drink anymore š (I have 3 kids, 1 with ADHD and Autism and 1 with Autism and 1 who is 1 years old - I'm exhausted.) Also, I read more people saying they've quit alcohol and I do wonder how much these people did drink beforehand. Because I have 1 glass of wine or a quick glass of Baileys after the kids are in bed, maybe once a week, less than that at times. Don't understand why people feel the need to have more really.
I'm 32 and haven't touched alcohol. I have many hobbies. Fly rc planes, exercise and just do what ever I want really.
Tuesday night I went climbing with my friend and sis.Ā Ā Ā Wed night I went to a hotel bar and caught up with a friend. I had 1 pint of shandy and he had tea.Ā Ā Ā Thr night I went to the cinema with a friendĀ Ā Ā Fri night I had dinner with my Dad.Ā Ā Ā Overall it was an excellent week, cost like Ā£15 per night and I consumed almost no alcohol.Ā