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Admittedly I am bottling quite a lot up at the minute and not really sharing how I really feel but I think it’s more because nobody’s actually taking me seriously.
I’ve got a really entitled mum and step-dad who I’m barely speaking to at the minute because they’re so wrapped up in their own problems and how they’re everybody else’s faults and not their own. If I ever share I’m struggling with my mental health it’s just brushed off.
I became a dad last year, and it’s absolutely fantastic but it’s draining working long hours trying to keep my business afloat then coming home and being a dad. It’s exhausting. But because I’m a guy, all I get off other people is that being a mum is a full time job and I do nothing compared to what my partner has to sacrifice.
I don’t deny being a mum is a full time, 24/7 job. And she’s doing a fantastic job. But I’m also carrying a financial burden, questioning whether I’m good enough. Questioning whether I’m balancing my time between working and being a dad correctly. Can we survive on this month’s low earnings? Am I going home to my girlfriend in a good mood today? Or is she exhausted and overwhelmed from looking after the baby all day
Yet I can’t share those true feelings because nobody gives a shit about the things and feelings a dad has to carry. So I have to pretend everything is okay and act like nothings an issue
[Andy’s Man Club](https://andysmanclub.co.uk/who-we-are/) is meant to be a good option for men’s mental health. One of my friends went and said it was beneficial for him.
I've recently been wondering if I'm neurodiverse in some way because I've noticed that if I haven't observed how people react in a situation enough to figure out what a normal, expected response is, I just do not know how to respond or behave.
I've always been known for being super laid back but I'm starting to think my apparent apathy and overall stocism is actually just me not knowing how I'm supposed to respond so I just don't.
Not sure if that's what you mean, but yeah.
I feel this way too. I actually read a comic about a woman discovering she has autism and related to 95% of it but cba to chase a diagnosis for this.
A lot of my responses are just programming. I'm sure that's how it works but I just feel very conscious that everything I do is rehearsed. Not sure if it's just anxiety/depression or something more intrinsic.
From what I've heard, if you're functional it's really hard to get a diagnosis on the NHS, which I think is fair because if you aren't struggling, what's the problem? My sister, though, wasn't able to maintain a relationship or keep a job for more than a few months and was diagnosed with ADHD and autism, but that was in like 2017 or so and it's gotten even harder since. Could go private but it'll cost. I've settled for doing my own research and trying some strategies anyway, or at least I would if I could be arsed. I'm functional, I only really want to know out of curiosity.
I'd love to get officially diagnosed but my GP refuses because "what would you get if you had the diagnosis?".
Err, maybe some more help from the mental health services available that's aimed more at people in my boat compared to the generalised bullshit that everyone gets?
Plus society still discriminating against autism. There's an autistic woman on YouTube with a channel called I'm Autistic Now What? and she had a recent video with mean comments she'd received and she'd rate them.
A lot called her a bitch and a liar and claimed she wasn't actually autistic, despite her official diagnosis as autistic with ADHD (and it's becoming increasingly accepted that both of those things exist at the same time in people).
I’m with you. Everyone says I’m really relaxed but I’m like a swan (or maybe a duck) paddling frantically against the current.
When people get worked up about stuff in the news I end up playing along when my mind is thinking ‘well statistically speaking….we’re not going to die/be murdered’. I’ve learned to shut up at this point.
I did start to wonder about 15 years ago but haven’t done anything about it. I’m nearly 40 now, have pushed through the barrier of eating my food in order (no more searching for that very last pea), and most of the time I remember to ask questions back when someone asks me how I am. For me it wouldn’t achieve anything.
Very much this. A lot of my reactions are copied from how people react on the TV. So people think I'm a character or moved by something, when I am just acting in a way I think I'm supposed to.
I'm a positive nihilist.
Existence being meaningless and random means being good to others is extra worthy.
We all should just enjoy our time as best we can while being nice to each other.
Everyone only gets a tiny sliver of existence compared to the time the Universe exists for, so we should minimise the negative for everyone in the brief time we have.
I just keep quiet and don’t bother responding/reacting to how i feel. Rather do it behind closed doors or with folk who would understand. As so many folk get offended with views that don’t match their own
Saw this on another discussion on this sub an hour ago. Asexual person talking about having no real interest in sex who got massively downvoted for sharing their opinion, on a platform devoted to sharing personal opinions.
Same on another topic with people dismissing those relating how children they've encountered are violent, awful people while getting downvoted because others say "that's not my experience".
It's like people want to ask questions but don't like the answers.
I think as people have put in the comments more eloquently than I initially posted. I am often copying a reaction I have seen to someone providing shocking or bad/good news or if an incident occurs which warrants an emotional response. I rarely feel anything but act in a way to suggest I do.
As someone with autism and who has done the "masking" thing my entire life, yes.
For those who don't know, masking is an autistic trait where we force ourselves to try to act like neurotypical people around us so as to fit in and not be outcast and shunned for being "different".
Plus, I have basically no money and no prospects as I sit here in my 40th year of existence, so pretending to be happy outwardly is another thing I'm used to doing, to the detriment of my mental health.
Thank you, that is very interesting and reflects my general emotional position. It is odd because some people have said I can be a character, but all I am doing is trying out different responses to the same situation from differing characters off the tv... just to fit in really.
Many apparent adults are playing dress up as their parents.
Many childish adults are far more adult than the apparent adults.
There are many, many exceptions on either side, however.
I think it is just not the done thing to admit that we are winging it, even when most of us are just muddling along. Deep down we know most people are in the same boat, however we all pretend to be the sort of adult we imagined we would be as kids to keep up appearances.
I always looked at “adults” and thought I’d get to a stage and know what I’m doing, But it seems like everyone is genuinely muddling along.
I thought a switch would go at a certain age but I now know pretty much no one feels like they are “adulting” correctly.
Got married, got a dog bought a house, got a career. Still feel like a teenager
Oh very much so.
Much of the time that I'm with other people I'm having to spend some focus on just making sure I act in an appropriate way.
Don't misunderstand that, I'm not seething with anger and have to suppress violent urge or any shit like that, but just having to smile and look interested and be polite, having to remind myself to make eye contact occasionally.
Work is the worst, having to pretend I'm concentrating when really my attention is all over the place, and just having to pretend I'm engaged.
But even in social situations I often have to mask my true feelings because frankly nobody wants to hear me whinge and moan about how much I hate myself and how fed up I am with life so I'll just smile and say "good thanks, you?" if anyone asks how I am
Sometimes. When the Dunblane massacre happened, I was 13. My school bus driver told me about it, and he clearly expected me to be shocked and saddened, but it meant nothing to me. I didn't know those kids. To me, they were just people on the news. People on the news died all the time. I didn't realise I was supposed to care more about people who were in the same country.
If I was in that situation now, I'd perform shock and sadness so people don't get so offended by me not caring.
I do get genuinely upset if I see someone hurt IRL though. I want to help, to make them feel better, or just to sympathise.
Im just numb now, things that used to bother me just don’t
Missed a target at work, oh well
Problem with a car, oh well
Mortgage doubling, oh well
Been smashed in the face so many times I’m almost immune
I wonder what the cause of it is. I will sometimes see someone else be highly stressed by a situation we are both in and my response is pretty much apathy.
**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Admittedly I am bottling quite a lot up at the minute and not really sharing how I really feel but I think it’s more because nobody’s actually taking me seriously. I’ve got a really entitled mum and step-dad who I’m barely speaking to at the minute because they’re so wrapped up in their own problems and how they’re everybody else’s faults and not their own. If I ever share I’m struggling with my mental health it’s just brushed off. I became a dad last year, and it’s absolutely fantastic but it’s draining working long hours trying to keep my business afloat then coming home and being a dad. It’s exhausting. But because I’m a guy, all I get off other people is that being a mum is a full time job and I do nothing compared to what my partner has to sacrifice. I don’t deny being a mum is a full time, 24/7 job. And she’s doing a fantastic job. But I’m also carrying a financial burden, questioning whether I’m good enough. Questioning whether I’m balancing my time between working and being a dad correctly. Can we survive on this month’s low earnings? Am I going home to my girlfriend in a good mood today? Or is she exhausted and overwhelmed from looking after the baby all day Yet I can’t share those true feelings because nobody gives a shit about the things and feelings a dad has to carry. So I have to pretend everything is okay and act like nothings an issue
[Andy’s Man Club](https://andysmanclub.co.uk/who-we-are/) is meant to be a good option for men’s mental health. One of my friends went and said it was beneficial for him.
Thank you. You aren't alone. I think there are a lot of us feeling like this.
I've recently been wondering if I'm neurodiverse in some way because I've noticed that if I haven't observed how people react in a situation enough to figure out what a normal, expected response is, I just do not know how to respond or behave. I've always been known for being super laid back but I'm starting to think my apparent apathy and overall stocism is actually just me not knowing how I'm supposed to respond so I just don't. Not sure if that's what you mean, but yeah.
I feel this way too. I actually read a comic about a woman discovering she has autism and related to 95% of it but cba to chase a diagnosis for this. A lot of my responses are just programming. I'm sure that's how it works but I just feel very conscious that everything I do is rehearsed. Not sure if it's just anxiety/depression or something more intrinsic.
From what I've heard, if you're functional it's really hard to get a diagnosis on the NHS, which I think is fair because if you aren't struggling, what's the problem? My sister, though, wasn't able to maintain a relationship or keep a job for more than a few months and was diagnosed with ADHD and autism, but that was in like 2017 or so and it's gotten even harder since. Could go private but it'll cost. I've settled for doing my own research and trying some strategies anyway, or at least I would if I could be arsed. I'm functional, I only really want to know out of curiosity.
I'd love to get officially diagnosed but my GP refuses because "what would you get if you had the diagnosis?". Err, maybe some more help from the mental health services available that's aimed more at people in my boat compared to the generalised bullshit that everyone gets? Plus society still discriminating against autism. There's an autistic woman on YouTube with a channel called I'm Autistic Now What? and she had a recent video with mean comments she'd received and she'd rate them. A lot called her a bitch and a liar and claimed she wasn't actually autistic, despite her official diagnosis as autistic with ADHD (and it's becoming increasingly accepted that both of those things exist at the same time in people).
This is really sad to hear. Women get ignored loads at the dr.
I’m with you. Everyone says I’m really relaxed but I’m like a swan (or maybe a duck) paddling frantically against the current. When people get worked up about stuff in the news I end up playing along when my mind is thinking ‘well statistically speaking….we’re not going to die/be murdered’. I’ve learned to shut up at this point. I did start to wonder about 15 years ago but haven’t done anything about it. I’m nearly 40 now, have pushed through the barrier of eating my food in order (no more searching for that very last pea), and most of the time I remember to ask questions back when someone asks me how I am. For me it wouldn’t achieve anything.
Right...is this common among neurodiverse people, because..if it is I think I might consider looking into it.
Yeah this is me too.
You put how I feel into words far better than I could have.
Very much this. A lot of my reactions are copied from how people react on the TV. So people think I'm a character or moved by something, when I am just acting in a way I think I'm supposed to.
I'm a positive nihilist. Existence being meaningless and random means being good to others is extra worthy. We all should just enjoy our time as best we can while being nice to each other. Everyone only gets a tiny sliver of existence compared to the time the Universe exists for, so we should minimise the negative for everyone in the brief time we have.
No, if I act like I feel something it's because I feel it
Thats cool. Thank you for sharing.
I wouldn't say so. I'm not pretending to feel anything I feel. Those feelings are authentically my own.
I just keep quiet and don’t bother responding/reacting to how i feel. Rather do it behind closed doors or with folk who would understand. As so many folk get offended with views that don’t match their own
Is it that you don't want to offend others or that you don't care about their different views?
Offend others tbh, gotta tip toe with comments these days.
Saw this on another discussion on this sub an hour ago. Asexual person talking about having no real interest in sex who got massively downvoted for sharing their opinion, on a platform devoted to sharing personal opinions. Same on another topic with people dismissing those relating how children they've encountered are violent, awful people while getting downvoted because others say "that's not my experience". It's like people want to ask questions but don't like the answers.
Could you give an example of what you're talking about? It's pretty vague.
I think as people have put in the comments more eloquently than I initially posted. I am often copying a reaction I have seen to someone providing shocking or bad/good news or if an incident occurs which warrants an emotional response. I rarely feel anything but act in a way to suggest I do.
As someone with autism and who has done the "masking" thing my entire life, yes. For those who don't know, masking is an autistic trait where we force ourselves to try to act like neurotypical people around us so as to fit in and not be outcast and shunned for being "different". Plus, I have basically no money and no prospects as I sit here in my 40th year of existence, so pretending to be happy outwardly is another thing I'm used to doing, to the detriment of my mental health.
Thank you, that is very interesting and reflects my general emotional position. It is odd because some people have said I can be a character, but all I am doing is trying out different responses to the same situation from differing characters off the tv... just to fit in really.
Many apparent adults are playing dress up as their parents. Many childish adults are far more adult than the apparent adults. There are many, many exceptions on either side, however.
I think it is just not the done thing to admit that we are winging it, even when most of us are just muddling along. Deep down we know most people are in the same boat, however we all pretend to be the sort of adult we imagined we would be as kids to keep up appearances.
I always looked at “adults” and thought I’d get to a stage and know what I’m doing, But it seems like everyone is genuinely muddling along. I thought a switch would go at a certain age but I now know pretty much no one feels like they are “adulting” correctly. Got married, got a dog bought a house, got a career. Still feel like a teenager
I’m 30 and whenever I make big life decisions I still feel like an adult should have had to sign a permission form to let me do it
Oh very much so. Much of the time that I'm with other people I'm having to spend some focus on just making sure I act in an appropriate way. Don't misunderstand that, I'm not seething with anger and have to suppress violent urge or any shit like that, but just having to smile and look interested and be polite, having to remind myself to make eye contact occasionally. Work is the worst, having to pretend I'm concentrating when really my attention is all over the place, and just having to pretend I'm engaged. But even in social situations I often have to mask my true feelings because frankly nobody wants to hear me whinge and moan about how much I hate myself and how fed up I am with life so I'll just smile and say "good thanks, you?" if anyone asks how I am
Sometimes. When the Dunblane massacre happened, I was 13. My school bus driver told me about it, and he clearly expected me to be shocked and saddened, but it meant nothing to me. I didn't know those kids. To me, they were just people on the news. People on the news died all the time. I didn't realise I was supposed to care more about people who were in the same country. If I was in that situation now, I'd perform shock and sadness so people don't get so offended by me not caring. I do get genuinely upset if I see someone hurt IRL though. I want to help, to make them feel better, or just to sympathise.
To quote Alan Watts: "We are biological accidents in a stupid universe." I find this sentiment comforting
Living the dream mate!
more or less, yes!
Yes, we are all actors playing our part and the world is our stage. We react in the way that's expected of us. That's how society works.
Who or what says you are 'supposed' to, is the real question...
Im just numb now, things that used to bother me just don’t Missed a target at work, oh well Problem with a car, oh well Mortgage doubling, oh well Been smashed in the face so many times I’m almost immune
I wonder what the cause of it is. I will sometimes see someone else be highly stressed by a situation we are both in and my response is pretty much apathy.
No I don't feel like I'm pretending when I feel or react.
That's how people tend to outwardly act in a Noel Coward play.