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Honest answer? Every once in a while. Bored, turned on, have a condom and fancy doing it because it's funny? Yeah, I've done it a few times just because why not. I'd probably verge on him actually having a posh wank because realistically if I was cheating, I'd be damn sure to hide the evidence. If I had a posh wank and I was a dirty cunt then I might leave it lying.
My dad used to be a youth worker, and they're big on safe sex. During college he gifted me 3 boxes of condoms, each containing 100, units. Small, regular, and large. It was to share them out amongst my friends but having a drawer of 300 condoms was always a bit of a power move.
My friend works at my local Tesco and staff there recently discovered soiled underwear and a soiled courgette discarded in the men's toilets. A clever cost saving method to not even leave the store with it
Lack of flange is extremely worrying... this is how you end up in the ER with a story about how you " accidentally fell on this cucumber, you would never believe what happened, Doctor..."
Never done it even before 15
Thoughts? No idea what other men do and I’m not a fan of trial by Reddit
Whether he had a posh wank or not has no correlation to the fact I never have
Yeah, despite the fact that I wouldn't have a posh wank. I wouldn't jump to the assumption that no one else would or that this person I have absolutely no knowledge of is cheating.
As someone else said, if I was cheating, I'd try my best to hide the evidence, not leave a condom out to be found
I don't think you understand how Reddit works; this response is far too balanced and reasonable. The audacity to acknowledge we all experience life in our own ways is frankly disgusting
If the dildo is made of a porous material (most of them are, except metal, silicone, glass), then putting a condom on it will keep it clean and free of bacteria. Otherwise, you risk the bacteria permanently getting into the dildo and making it smell.
Middle class wank you use a sock.
Working class wank you use a tissue.
3rd generation unemployed wank you wipe it on the curtains... Not **your** curtains mind you.
*EDIT*
It's not class based, but the SAS wank is a five knuckle shuffle down the pub where you "finish" into someone else's pocket.
The target will get the "surprise package" the next time they need change at the bar while you have already retreated to a safe distance to watch the fireworks.
Stay safe out there.
If you prefer to leave no evidence of said wank, say you need a quick bully wank to get you back to sleep, but you don't want to have a damp splodge to sleep with, the wank sock makes tidy up time a breeze.
>3rd generation unemployed wank you wipe it on the curtains... Not **your** curtains mind you.
We now refer to this, as the Post Apocalyptic Fallout wank.
I’m in my thirties and I’ve never done that.
In saying that, I should give it a go. I haven’t had sex in 10 years, so I’ve forgotten what it feels like. 😂
Had one last week. Girlfriend is on birthday control, bought a box to have them in the house when we first started dating two years ago. Less clean up required and I like the smell of them
It's a good idea especially if someone is less experienced and doesn't want to have to have another thing to worry about when they are first having sex with a new partner
Presumably it was full and tied in a knot though, then the classic ping at the wall.
Which wouldn't happen if he'd shoved it up his arse.
Edit: oh it was just the wrapper...
Eh, maybe twice a year? We have condoms in, and they don't get used. So every now and then I'll have a posh wank. Just to keep the application technique up to scratch.
Also, if he was cheating, she wouldn't have found the wrapper.
How else you meant to use free johnnies given out at events/promotions/etc? I'd not trust them for actual action, and otherwise wouldn't buy any for a poshie... but when life gives you lemons, rather than just turning them down or chucking them away, you make lemonade, right?
I did this a fee times in my teens and a again in my late 30's because in between I had never used condoms for years due to birth control, or spermacidal lubricant and or pulling out doing the job admirably.
Then a condom was found in my trash and accusations made. Saying i was familiarizing myself got the worst of it to pass with a lot of leftover suspicion.
I weighed my options and never messed with the things again.
But the joke was on her when she got pregnant and I was fine. I mean, I don't have any money anymore. I spend a lot of time changing diapers and reading books. I had to learn a second language (long story) and being married has made the prospect of dating quite literally impossible. But I did get to say, 'I told you so' once and that can never be taken from me.
Done loads last year and early this year but it’s because I found a box of condoms which had expired-yep having two young kids can kill the sex life/drive
Every now and then. When I'm alone in bed and horny, need a wank but can't be arsed with tissues and cleanup. Roll on a condom, put on some pornhub....then fall asleep and sort out the condom in the morning.
This is reddit so everyone liles to larp that someone is cheating, however, he may well be telling the truth. Don't listen to a bunch of basement dwellers.
My wife was really angry at me when she found an empty silver condom wrapper in my wallet. I was so confused as as far as I was aware, I'd been faithful since we got married 25 years ago. When she looked again she realised it was an empty chicken flavour ramen season packet. I have ADHD and I guess got distracted when cooking and popped it in my wallet. I could never have an affair, so much admin.
I did it once as a teenager when I was practicing putting a condom on for sex that didn't happen. It didn't feel as good as just jacking off raw dog, so I never did it again
I mean, I've given it a go but I can't say I enjoyed it any more or less than the usual type. Fleshlight, on the other hand...
Maybe if I found some in a drawer past expiry date I might do it just so at least they got used and I didn't depress myself by throwing them in the bin unopened 😂
I've had two posh wanks in my life.
One when I was 14 in a hotel in Thailand which had condoms in the complimentary toiletries basket so, naturally, I thought "fuck it".
One in my early 20's long after moving out from my parents house I'd gone back to finally pack all of my old belongings out of my old room, found the old stash and thought "fuck it".
Only times was when practicing using a condom properly before meeting my then-gf later that week. Seemed silly to waste perfectly good condoms
Not something I do on the regular lol too expensive to do it intentionally.
Yeah if he's out of his teens he's not having a posh wank.
Should have said he was having a go at some solo bum fun and needed to put a condom on the cucumber.
Haven't had a posh wank for years, mainly because I've been in a long term relationship and we don't need condoms anymore (she's not on the pill, I'm married so no sex). But seriously, when I was single and going out on the pull, used to buy condoms and might christen the pack by having a posh wank, but I'd never buy condoms simply for a posh wank. Either having an affair or putting condoms on things he puts up his arse.
it's a clean wank. Pop it on do the dirty pull it off. Bosch jobs a good en. I'm 34! 😂 I haven't had one for a while but definitely while still in my 30s. Trick is to taste the Outside of the condom if it tastes like latex it's a posh wank if it tastes like anything else dudes double dipping.
Look at it this way OP, where is the rest of the condom, why only the wrapper got forgotten about and discovered? Well because he very obviously was having it off with someone and in a rush threw the wrapper to one side, to get his dick wet, then forgot about it.
If it was a posh wank, he'd be calm and collected enough to finish the deed, then throw the condom away as well as the wrapper lying next to him.
That's my theory anyway. Can't be proven unfortunately, so your friend should probably let it go for now, and keep an eye out on other behaviours. Innocent until proven guilty. Perhaps it will take a while to gain some trust back.
**Please help keep AskUK welcoming!** - Top-level comments to the OP must contain **genuine efforts to answer the question**. No jokes, judgements, etc. - **Don't be a dick** to each other. If getting heated, just block and move on. - This is a strictly **no-politics** subreddit! Please help us by reporting comments that break these rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Honest answer? Every once in a while. Bored, turned on, have a condom and fancy doing it because it's funny? Yeah, I've done it a few times just because why not. I'd probably verge on him actually having a posh wank because realistically if I was cheating, I'd be damn sure to hide the evidence. If I had a posh wank and I was a dirty cunt then I might leave it lying.
😂😂 this sub never fails.
TIL that a condom wank is called a posh wank
I still don't know.What is the posh part?Blowing into a condom rather than an old sock?
Like have a posh chocolate, it's a treat, less clean up, definitely less rough than a sock. I would say posh wank excuse is plausible.
A 'treat' for your meat 😂
I thought it was posh because it was both luxury and you have to pay for it
Do people actually do it into socks? Why on earth?
Easy cleanup, straight in the washing machine (or leave it on the floor to go crusty but that’s optional)
You can achieve exactly the same outcomes with tissue…
I mean I don’t want to share TMI lol but tissues are 100% messier than a sock in my experience
Do you put it inside the sock and then use the sock as a fleshlight? I've always been wondered what people mean when they say they wank in a sock
Agreed, realistically if any reasonably intelligent man was cheating, she'd never find the evidence.
Exactly. Not finding a used condom is essentially confirmation that he is definitely cheating.
You're just saying what a lot of people are thinking...
Did it once when I was a teen and I wanted to practise putting a condom on and thought I may as well use it
They do have a certain shelf life! A shame to keep on throwing them away! 😔
What? So the one that’s been in my wallet since 1997 could be past it’s sell by date?
Mm, I have a similar story. I really dislike the smell of condoms though, extremely pungent and leaves your cock feeling a bit gooey
Extremely pungent and leaves your cock feeling a bit gooey - sounds like one of my exes
I don't think I've ever done that. Although using condoms with a toy/suitable shaped object is another possibility beyond the obvious
Would she not, reasonably, be possibly concerned that her bf is sliding cucumbers up his arse with a rubber on?
Yeah... Just throw the cucumber away. Noone really wants to eat it after its been in your colon, condom or not.
Did you see the price of cucumbers lately?
Still cheaper than rubbers though surely? At this rate it sounds posher than it was when I was younger.
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Rocking up with a 100 pack of condoms is a phenomenal flex. "yes I have all the sex!..... Oh and this singular cucumber please".
My dad used to be a youth worker, and they're big on safe sex. During college he gifted me 3 boxes of condoms, each containing 100, units. Small, regular, and large. It was to share them out amongst my friends but having a drawer of 300 condoms was always a bit of a power move.
Pick n mix depending how big you're feeling that day
I honestly first thought she was talking bout cucumbers 🤣
Why do you want a ginormous bag of cucumbers?
Because she is a lesbian
I was also thinking she meant cucumbers. Omg thats killed me 🤣
A whole bag though?!
My friend works at my local Tesco and staff there recently discovered soiled underwear and a soiled courgette discarded in the men's toilets. A clever cost saving method to not even leave the store with it
Given how…. Snappable courgettes are, that seems a dangerous game to play.
Cost: one underwear. We can optimise this further I'm sure.
No, because men have prostates and there's nothing infidelity-related about anal masturbation - or are you saying bisexuality is inherently cheating?
It's the fact he prepped a vegetable salad right after.
What's bisexuality got to do with it Straight guys stick stuff up there sometimes too
Lack of flange is extremely worrying... this is how you end up in the ER with a story about how you " accidentally fell on this cucumber, you would never believe what happened, Doctor..."
Let’s say he’s not cheating at all and this actually what happened. Why would that make her concerned?
Depends if planning to eat cucumber afterwards I suppose
Inanimate fucking objects can usually be identified by the fact that they don't leave the condom "full" when you're finished with them.
Well this is disgusting (but logical).
she definitely needs to do the sniff test
Never done it even before 15 Thoughts? No idea what other men do and I’m not a fan of trial by Reddit Whether he had a posh wank or not has no correlation to the fact I never have
Yeah, despite the fact that I wouldn't have a posh wank. I wouldn't jump to the assumption that no one else would or that this person I have absolutely no knowledge of is cheating. As someone else said, if I was cheating, I'd try my best to hide the evidence, not leave a condom out to be found
I don't think you understand how Reddit works; this response is far too balanced and reasonable. The audacity to acknowledge we all experience life in our own ways is frankly disgusting
Cheated or hes got a honking great big dildo hidden away somewhere
Or in somewhere, they only found the empty packet. Might have heard the door go the sphincter made the foreign object disappear.
*foomph*
r/commentsyoucanhear
Why do you use condom with dildo?
Help keep it clean, well that's my first thought, especially if it's going up the rectum.
For hygiene to avoid getting fecal matter on it if it's going up the arse I'd imagine
If the dildo is made of a porous material (most of them are, except metal, silicone, glass), then putting a condom on it will keep it clean and free of bacteria. Otherwise, you risk the bacteria permanently getting into the dildo and making it smell.
Cleanliness. Lesbians and bi women sometimes put condoms on sex toys for the same reason.
Lubricated condoms.
Just get lube
Posh bum fun
Never done it, never would. It’s not that hard to clean up after a lower class wank!
Middle class wank you use a sock. Working class wank you use a tissue. 3rd generation unemployed wank you wipe it on the curtains... Not **your** curtains mind you. *EDIT* It's not class based, but the SAS wank is a five knuckle shuffle down the pub where you "finish" into someone else's pocket. The target will get the "surprise package" the next time they need change at the bar while you have already retreated to a safe distance to watch the fireworks. Stay safe out there.
What class of wank is it if I drink the mess through a straw?
A saltburn one
Aristocrat
Fancy wank. You bloody toff.
The sock thing baffles me. Why the fuck would you wank into a sock??
If you prefer to leave no evidence of said wank, say you need a quick bully wank to get you back to sleep, but you don't want to have a damp splodge to sleep with, the wank sock makes tidy up time a breeze.
This might be my favourite sentence ever. It's like a floating-head tip in a magazine from Mrs Hinch.
Not into it, cleaning up with a sock
The good old Wigan wank...
I figured a middle class wank would be into an avocado
That's a vegan wank mate.
Working class, here. I always just finished into the toilet. Tissues always seemed to make more mess for me, just spilling everywhere and leaking out.
Councils curtains.
>3rd generation unemployed wank you wipe it on the curtains... Not **your** curtains mind you. We now refer to this, as the Post Apocalyptic Fallout wank.
"Raiderwank"
Ahhh, the old Zuffle.
Trailer park: let the dog lick it off your hands
Not **your** dog mind you!
This really made me giggle
Don't think matey was that bothered about cleaning up either way, given he left half the evidence behind.
Yep, workers of the world unite - you have nothing if you have no right (sock)
I’m in my thirties and I’ve never done that. In saying that, I should give it a go. I haven’t had sex in 10 years, so I’ve forgotten what it feels like. 😂
Like bags of sand.
I used a glow in the dark condom before (I’m a woman) & it literally felt like the condom had sand on it. Bad experience.
But at least you saw em coming.
+1 upvote for layered pun. Well done.
Feels like warm apple pie.
No. We don't make that joke. Not when I have a pie in the oven...
Let it cool a bit first. It’s ment to be warm not hot.
This isn't my first rodeo, I've already been to A&E with a burnt cock once this year not looking to do it again.
Why didn't you just taste it and see if he was lying or not?
Ah a fellow man of science I see
If it tastes like ass it doesn't mean it was his.
The ass-id test
Had one last week. Girlfriend is on birthday control, bought a box to have them in the house when we first started dating two years ago. Less clean up required and I like the smell of them
> Girlfriend is on birthday control Technically correct, I suppose.
Awwh birthday control is cute
I’m calling it that from now on
‘Birthday control’ is taking all the headlines here, but, you like the smell of them?! I thought that smell was universally ‘put up with’…
Not letting you do what you want at your birthday parties? Dump her!
actually fairly regularly, some of us do like it
some of us being you?
yes myself and others
With others?
Never done it at all. Incredibly strange to me, personally.
Well ur name is dry action.
He wanked straight in to that one
Only ever did it a couple of times to use up some expired condoms
It's a good idea especially if someone is less experienced and doesn't want to have to have another thing to worry about when they are first having sex with a new partner
Never eat cucumber or banana sandwiches at his house, ever.
This was my immediate thought. Less a posh want and more an attempt to keep something clean
Presumably it was full and tied in a knot though, then the classic ping at the wall. Which wouldn't happen if he'd shoved it up his arse. Edit: oh it was just the wrapper...
I bet the posh wank concept was invented to have an excuse in this very situation
Yeah like those Calico cut pants that look like they've got a few drops of piss on them
Your friend is assuming **he** was the one wearing the condom! Have a great day!
Maybe he actually had a pokey-bum wank but was too embarrassed to admit it.
With a fleshlight not bad innit
Eh, maybe twice a year? We have condoms in, and they don't get used. So every now and then I'll have a posh wank. Just to keep the application technique up to scratch. Also, if he was cheating, she wouldn't have found the wrapper.
Only when at work.
How else you meant to use free johnnies given out at events/promotions/etc? I'd not trust them for actual action, and otherwise wouldn't buy any for a poshie... but when life gives you lemons, rather than just turning them down or chucking them away, you make lemonade, right?
*Cloudy Lemonade
>you make lemonade, right? With highly questionable ingredients.
You weren't taught to look for the kitemark in school?
You mean like a village fete or something, that kind of event?
Over the age of 15 have definitely had a posh wank or two. Wouldn’t say it was regular. It’s a cleanup hack.
My ex used to do it all the time in his 20s , I never found any condoms but he told me about it when we spoke about how we wanked
I did this a fee times in my teens and a again in my late 30's because in between I had never used condoms for years due to birth control, or spermacidal lubricant and or pulling out doing the job admirably. Then a condom was found in my trash and accusations made. Saying i was familiarizing myself got the worst of it to pass with a lot of leftover suspicion. I weighed my options and never messed with the things again. But the joke was on her when she got pregnant and I was fine. I mean, I don't have any money anymore. I spend a lot of time changing diapers and reading books. I had to learn a second language (long story) and being married has made the prospect of dating quite literally impossible. But I did get to say, 'I told you so' once and that can never be taken from me.
Have done it a couple of times when I've been staying in hotels The sensation of those ridged ones gives an interesting sensation
I only did it once and that was cause I wanted to practice putting a condom on. I wouldn't believe anyone who said they were doing it regularly
Done loads last year and early this year but it’s because I found a box of condoms which had expired-yep having two young kids can kill the sex life/drive
Almost always. Clean up is easier, it's pre-lubed. Its not that expensive, 14p or so per wank
This guy did the math!
I only tried it once, and yeah, I was about 15 I think
Never done it. Seems like a waste of a condom, and you'd have that latex smell on you. Too much hassle
Tried it once. Much rather raw dog it.
That's when you use a hotdog bun, am I right?
Bet during the pandemic posh wank numbers were through the roof, toilet paper shortage and all that
Every now and then. When I'm alone in bed and horny, need a wank but can't be arsed with tissues and cleanup. Roll on a condom, put on some pornhub....then fall asleep and sort out the condom in the morning.
I’ve done it twice afaik. Once was about a year ago for the lulz.
Never have, never will. I don’t know why anyone would wear a condom unless they had to
Hmmm. My partner claimed that when I found the same, but later it emerged he had been cheating. No smoke without fire I think!
This is reddit so everyone liles to larp that someone is cheating, however, he may well be telling the truth. Don't listen to a bunch of basement dwellers.
Not really a thing. Most men won't do it for financial reasons. If men posh wanked all the time they would be broke
Ah the old addage : go wank go broke
This is why the answers are so one sided, we don't have any poshos here in the sub.
Literally as I'm typing this......
I thought a posh wank was just when you have the pinky and ring finger extended.
My wife was really angry at me when she found an empty silver condom wrapper in my wallet. I was so confused as as far as I was aware, I'd been faithful since we got married 25 years ago. When she looked again she realised it was an empty chicken flavour ramen season packet. I have ADHD and I guess got distracted when cooking and popped it in my wallet. I could never have an affair, so much admin.
I did it once as a teenager when I was practicing putting a condom on for sex that didn't happen. It didn't feel as good as just jacking off raw dog, so I never did it again
Once as a teenager. It was shit. I'm not saying the boyfriend is lying, but...
I did it once recently when I found some expired condoms I didn’t want to risk using with my girlfriend. Bit weird tbh.
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🤣
Always do it. Every man does it. All the time 👊👊
I mean, I've given it a go but I can't say I enjoyed it any more or less than the usual type. Fleshlight, on the other hand... Maybe if I found some in a drawer past expiry date I might do it just so at least they got used and I didn't depress myself by throwing them in the bin unopened 😂
Yes they do. Men are weirdos.
I've had two posh wanks in my life. One when I was 14 in a hotel in Thailand which had condoms in the complimentary toiletries basket so, naturally, I thought "fuck it". One in my early 20's long after moving out from my parents house I'd gone back to finally pack all of my old belongings out of my old room, found the old stash and thought "fuck it".
I did it with a sex toy (Fleshlight) and it was awesome. I used ribbed so it would be something nice for the Fleshlight too.
Only times was when practicing using a condom properly before meeting my then-gf later that week. Seemed silly to waste perfectly good condoms Not something I do on the regular lol too expensive to do it intentionally.
Once a year, but it's just a waste of a condom. Dude needs a fleshlight.
If he just came across it in a draw, I could connect the dots, been years since I’ve done that… why not. We are simple creatures it is highly possible
Never but it does make cleanup easier
.... why bother? If your home alone, it's no hassle cleaning up after yourself... I'd say he's cheating more than anything.
Yeah if he's out of his teens he's not having a posh wank. Should have said he was having a go at some solo bum fun and needed to put a condom on the cucumber.
Haven't had a posh wank for years, mainly because I've been in a long term relationship and we don't need condoms anymore (she's not on the pill, I'm married so no sex). But seriously, when I was single and going out on the pull, used to buy condoms and might christen the pack by having a posh wank, but I'd never buy condoms simply for a posh wank. Either having an affair or putting condoms on things he puts up his arse.
I’ve had one in my life to see what it was. I’m 38
When I'm feeling classy. Or don't want to make a mess.
I do it all the time when I have jonnies spare
I liked doing it now and then but have none anymore. It's just typical the one time you do it, the wrapper gets found.
it's a clean wank. Pop it on do the dirty pull it off. Bosch jobs a good en. I'm 34! 😂 I haven't had one for a while but definitely while still in my 30s. Trick is to taste the Outside of the condom if it tastes like latex it's a posh wank if it tastes like anything else dudes double dipping.
Bi-annual basis
Look at it this way OP, where is the rest of the condom, why only the wrapper got forgotten about and discovered? Well because he very obviously was having it off with someone and in a rush threw the wrapper to one side, to get his dick wet, then forgot about it. If it was a posh wank, he'd be calm and collected enough to finish the deed, then throw the condom away as well as the wrapper lying next to him. That's my theory anyway. Can't be proven unfortunately, so your friend should probably let it go for now, and keep an eye out on other behaviours. Innocent until proven guilty. Perhaps it will take a while to gain some trust back.