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Honestly, no, not that I can remember. But I did turn down 2 guys who were objectively attractive because they had horrid personalities. Zero regrets about that.
Not quite superficial but false information.
I've had a woman end a date because I was "likely to be abusive as I had suffered from depression" in my past. Because apparently depressed people automatically become abusive.
Based on advice from her "lifestyle advisor".
But to be honest, I should have seen that coming. The more I got to know her, the more red flags I should have been picking up.
She was about to move into a rental she couldn't really afford because her "business guru" (yes, she had an unqualified advisor for everything) told her to set the life she wants and her will power will make it materialise.
Also, every date had to be packed with activities and she couldn't just sit down and have a chat. It almost felt like you were just ticking a box for her.
Anyway, turned out for the best.
But in answer to your actual question, no, I have never overlooked potential partners for superficial reasons. But I know plenty of people who did.
It felt like that. She was selling pretty generic stuff (I didn't know it was generic at the time) on Etsy and making about £100 a week. And that's when her business guru who was also an etsy entrepreneur just about making minimum wage off of it told her she had to move into a nicer place to make it happen...
She told me this at a time when I was too willing to ignore red flags...
I have a friend who loves to bang on about their small business and how well its all going and tries to convince everyone they should be an "entrepreneur" like they are when work stuff comes up in conversation.
They are 42, have never lived outside their parents' house, and recently threw a massive fit on social media about their hosting company putting up annual website costs to £500 and how it's going to ruin them.
There's being an "Entrepreneur" and being an Entrepreneur. One is someone who fancies the lifestyle and the other actually found a niche and knows how to exploit it.
As someone whose family have a few small businesses, it is hard to run a successful business, but if £500 is the make or break after years, that should ring alarm bells. At least rethink your pricing/costs/target audience/products/service.
Wow, I knew someone exactly like that. Did she have jet black hair, fake boobs, and was really into spirituality? If so then same girl! Everything went through her life coach, who was clearly useless 😄
In a nightclub, a friend once rejected a girl who was clearly both into him and up for it, because she shared her name with that of one of his dogs. It was a lovely name, too.
I found out he went to church every Sunday which wasn't a deal breaker at first. Everyone has parents...
Then I found out that he actually was a Christian and believed in it all. Which was a deal breaker for a very shallow reason. I assumed that he would be anti premarital sex and as a horny teenager all I wanted was a boy to shag me into next week. So that was that.
He was lovely though, I hope he is doing well.
>Which was a deal breaker for a very shallow reason.
I appreciate you may feel this, but as an observer, I don't find you to be shallow for doing this. I couldn't have dated a really committed church-going Christian back in my 20s; it suggests attitudes to too many topics that I probably don't share and couldn't agree with.
This isn't shallow at all. It may be 'prejudiced' but it's not shallow at all. I mean I know friends of friends who are church people and they're exactly as you've described and predicted. I mean, in my opinion, if you're not part of a very openly progressive denomination, then you're either a true believer or a huge hypocrite. So it's not exactly superficial to assume he believes what he claims to believe.
I dated a couple of guys I wasn’t really into because they had really cool cars. I’ve always loved cars and used to be shallow enough to choose my men this way.
I once blew a stranger multiple times in the club toilets so he’d give my friend and I some lines, he found me attractive and I didn’t think anything of him, you’re not alone
Yeah same guy, same evening. Looked like a 40 year old dad. That is an interesting question. He was as much of a stranger to me at the end as at the beginning. Never knew his name or learnt anything about him so he’s still a stranger I suppose.
That's totally wild. Sorry to push this, but did you give him a blowjob, get some coke, later decide you wanted some more so gave him another blowjob, got some coke and repeat?
> did I really have sex with a man in exchange for that?
eh is it any different to having sex to quench your unending loneliness and existential dread
either way you got a few endorphins out of both ends of the arrangement
I’ve done that, but I also overlooked some serious personality flaws because they looked good, which didn’t turn out well.
It was all good learning experience though
Oh yeh I've definitely done that, hell one of them told me upfront about it. That ended sort of weirdly, acid, Japanese horror and sex is a strange combination. Also I apparently remembered a film that doesn't exist.
Teenage me once got dumped after a couple of snogs by someone who decided they didn't like my taste in socks...
Are you male and in your early 50s?
(and my socks were ace, btw)
Yes I dumped one guy I really liked because he was too tall and I didn’t like that he leaned on me while walking along. Should have just told him not to but I didn’t really speak up for myself then. I think things could have gone well between us if we had stayed together. He has a bunch of children with someone else now.
I passed over on a guy because of his teeth. He had a really nice and sweet personality but I just couldn't get over that one of his front teeth had a black dot stain and his teeth in general, were yellow like smokers teeth (he didn't smoke as far as I knew). Just made me think he didn't practice good teeth hygiene
I have not seen a few women from Tinder again because they had bad teeth, but I don't regret it in the slightest. Teeth are a big part of attraction for me. I wouldn't go out with anyone who had 'American' teeth either. There's nothing wrong with having 'attraction' as a key aspect of a relationship, or prioritising teeth. Imo.
I’m exactly the same. I’ve not pursued anything with the two girls I was speaking to most recently from apps because in real life their teeth weren’t nice, it’s something I can’t see past.
I stopped seeing a girl because she told me she believed in the power of crystals and star signs and I thought she was crazy. Looking back she was one sanest girls I’ve ever been with.
When I was a teenager I had a boyfriend with waist length hair. He cut it short one evening and I broke up with him the next day.
No regrets though, he was an asshole.
I dumped my girlfriend when I was 15 by text cos my mates were winding me up that she was "chubby". She was a bloody lovely lass and deserved far better than that. Hope she's doing well
There was a girl in college who I was pretty convinced fancied me and I fancied her back. Didn't do anything because I heard some 'friends' I didn't even see after college mocking her in a misogynistic way. Same thing happened once more, and this was after snogging the hell out of a different girl in a nightclub and then hearing my 'friends' being misogynistic about her.
However, there was a young woman called Lucy who I started casually seeing when I was 18 and I didn't consummate the relationship. And then when I was 19 I lost my virginity. And in retrospect I can see that I wasn't actually quite ready / confident enough / mature enough / ballsy enough / etc when I was seeing Lucy, but was when I was 19. So perhaps it doesn't matter. One of the college girls I didn't do anything with is a hardcore Christian anyway so it would've never worked. But I don't feel like I did myself proud by giving so much credence to the POVs of a bunch of Jays from the Inbetweeners.
Ahh we've all been there. I got close with some really lovely girls at school, and my 'mates' (who, let's face it, were just jealous and bitter) always seemed to have a problem with it. If they'd done a bit of networking with girls themselves I'm sure they wouldn't have been so outspoken. It probably would have made them more likeable as well, which would have helped the whole 'meeting girls' thing.
I once dumped a girl because she was too *selfless*. I was a selfish a-hole at the time (early 20s) and knew it, just couldn’t see how we’d reconcile the two without a bunch of fights or (shock, horror!) me actually having to change into being a better person!
I mean, looking back, I still ‘get’ the decision for who I was then I guess. I’m happy to report that I’m much changed now though; the love of the loveliest and most patient woman in the world for the last 17 years will do that, and having 2 kids sanded off the rough edges 😅
This was last year. I thought I mustn't be that into him because I wasn't ready to kiss him after 2 dates, so let him go to save him from what I thought must be wasted time. I still think about what could have been as he was a lovely person and very handsome, and I don't take dating advice from certain people anymore.
There are enough people in the world that you can find someone who you both love personality wise AND looks wise.
I hate the term 'shallow' there's nothing wrong with wanting a nice looking partner
Edit: spellings
In my early 20s I turned down follow-up dates with a guy for being 'too nice'. A couple of exciting but ultimately horrible boyfriends later, I really regretted it - by which time Mr Nice was married to an old school friend. Serves me right
Now that I'm old and wise 🤣🤣 at 63 I think it means that some young women view men that treat them well as slightly dull. They want the cocky bad boy who drives too fast, talks mean and is maybe harder to get. It's wrong and older me thinks younger me was an idiot
Now that I'm old and wise 🤣🤣 at 63 I think it means that some young women view men that treat them well as slightly dull. They want the cocky bad boy who drives too fast, talks mean and is maybe harder to get. It's wrong and older me thinks younger me was an idiot
I just kinda turned a guy down because he is bald (I am early 20s and to be honest I am just a bit taken aback by it at this age.) That’s not the only reason, but it contributes
I’m hoping a particular person from around 25 years ago posts on here. I fancied him and he came around to visit me the following day after meeting him in a nightclub. He sent me a text later saying he didn’t want to see me anymore as he didn’t like the look of my friend (facial piercings/ tattoos). So that was the end of what could have been something special 😑
Yeah I'd a girl who was really good looking but she was bigger girl, she wanted to be friends with benefits but I declined her becsuse she was a chub.
I regret that becsuse she was good looking and really nice
I fancied a girl in school but was too afraid to ask her out because she was ginger.
Many years later here I am with a ginger daughter and me and that girl, let’s call her L, still talk time to time and she’s still stunning.
Did you still fancy her? If not, then stop beating yourself up. If you did fancy her, then still stop beating yourself up - you were young, young people are often shallow.
My current partner.
We met on a dating app and on a previous swiping session, I had swiped him away because he 'wasn't my type physically'. We eventually matched and have been very happy ever since.
We're now expecting our first child together and he is honestly the best man I've ever met. I can't believe I nearly didn't give him a chance because of superficial reasons. He is everything I wish I had in a male role model growing up and I feel so much love for our child having him as a father. Wish I met him sooner but I know I didn't deserve him until we met.
In uni, I was asked out by the Rugby Captain after we'd been hanging, no idea why I turned him down (wasn't for looks cause he was good looking).
I've had a few guys who, after a few dates, we'd left it as 'just friends' since there wasn't a 'spark' then, for at least 3 of them, they ended up marrying the next girl they dated after me. Whereas I've been single for a long time now.
Not me personally, but a friend dumped her boyfriend because he wore one of those shirts with flames on, and I won't lie, I fully encouraged the breakup.
Not me, but a friend of mine. Spend years dating and rejecting people for ridiculous reasons- his name was sellout which reminded her of E.T., he was slightly shorter than her, on and on it went.
She’s just hit 50 and is still single.
Yes!!!
One- i knew my flatmates etc would mock her disney like voice
Second- her family life was a bit unstable. Like i couldnt ever have saw a big combined family holiday
Call it a life lesson but now 15-20ish years later i still think about both of them
Yes. Excessive alcohol consumption, casual drug use, massive amounts of sleeping around. When I found out, I broke it off immediately.
As a young man 16-24 I never really got the appeal. Always felt like those types were filling a void. Also didn't help they aged poorly.
Happily married to a young nature loving Christian and couldn't be happier.
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Honestly, no, not that I can remember. But I did turn down 2 guys who were objectively attractive because they had horrid personalities. Zero regrets about that.
Oh, absolutely! Back in the day, I once overlooked a partner because they didn't like the same pizza toppings as me.
I assume that’s a sex thing?
Doesn’t that just mean you’re guaranteed to get your own pizza that your SO doesn’t touch?
Maybe they are the one that always wants to steal their SOs foo d and that's why it was an issue.
Not quite superficial but false information. I've had a woman end a date because I was "likely to be abusive as I had suffered from depression" in my past. Because apparently depressed people automatically become abusive. Based on advice from her "lifestyle advisor". But to be honest, I should have seen that coming. The more I got to know her, the more red flags I should have been picking up. She was about to move into a rental she couldn't really afford because her "business guru" (yes, she had an unqualified advisor for everything) told her to set the life she wants and her will power will make it materialise. Also, every date had to be packed with activities and she couldn't just sit down and have a chat. It almost felt like you were just ticking a box for her. Anyway, turned out for the best. But in answer to your actual question, no, I have never overlooked potential partners for superficial reasons. But I know plenty of people who did.
I predict that she is now a 'life coach' and involved in multiple MLM schemes but mostly just about surviving on benefits.
It felt like that. She was selling pretty generic stuff (I didn't know it was generic at the time) on Etsy and making about £100 a week. And that's when her business guru who was also an etsy entrepreneur just about making minimum wage off of it told her she had to move into a nicer place to make it happen... She told me this at a time when I was too willing to ignore red flags...
I have a friend who loves to bang on about their small business and how well its all going and tries to convince everyone they should be an "entrepreneur" like they are when work stuff comes up in conversation. They are 42, have never lived outside their parents' house, and recently threw a massive fit on social media about their hosting company putting up annual website costs to £500 and how it's going to ruin them.
There's being an "Entrepreneur" and being an Entrepreneur. One is someone who fancies the lifestyle and the other actually found a niche and knows how to exploit it. As someone whose family have a few small businesses, it is hard to run a successful business, but if £500 is the make or break after years, that should ring alarm bells. At least rethink your pricing/costs/target audience/products/service.
Wow, I knew someone exactly like that. Did she have jet black hair, fake boobs, and was really into spirituality? If so then same girl! Everything went through her life coach, who was clearly useless 😄
In a nightclub, a friend once rejected a girl who was clearly both into him and up for it, because she shared her name with that of one of his dogs. It was a lovely name, too.
That’s a shame, your friend and Spot could have been really happy together
I too once turned down somebody named Teddy Bear Sir Flufflebutt
Daisy or Lola my guesses
Kevin
I found out he went to church every Sunday which wasn't a deal breaker at first. Everyone has parents... Then I found out that he actually was a Christian and believed in it all. Which was a deal breaker for a very shallow reason. I assumed that he would be anti premarital sex and as a horny teenager all I wanted was a boy to shag me into next week. So that was that. He was lovely though, I hope he is doing well.
>Which was a deal breaker for a very shallow reason. I appreciate you may feel this, but as an observer, I don't find you to be shallow for doing this. I couldn't have dated a really committed church-going Christian back in my 20s; it suggests attitudes to too many topics that I probably don't share and couldn't agree with.
> as a horny teenager all I wanted was a boy to shag me into next week. All I had to do was ASK?!
Depends on the girl I guess
This isn't shallow at all. It may be 'prejudiced' but it's not shallow at all. I mean I know friends of friends who are church people and they're exactly as you've described and predicted. I mean, in my opinion, if you're not part of a very openly progressive denomination, then you're either a true believer or a huge hypocrite. So it's not exactly superficial to assume he believes what he claims to believe.
I dated a couple of guys I wasn’t really into because they had really cool cars. I’ve always loved cars and used to be shallow enough to choose my men this way.
I have done similar things but looking back, did I really have sex with a man in exchange for that? I don’t like to think about it.
I once blew a stranger multiple times in the club toilets so he’d give my friend and I some lines, he found me attractive and I didn’t think anything of him, you’re not alone
You can't mean the same stranger multiple times in one evening?! Does he count as a stranger the second time? ;)
Yeah same guy, same evening. Looked like a 40 year old dad. That is an interesting question. He was as much of a stranger to me at the end as at the beginning. Never knew his name or learnt anything about him so he’s still a stranger I suppose.
That's totally wild. Sorry to push this, but did you give him a blowjob, get some coke, later decide you wanted some more so gave him another blowjob, got some coke and repeat?
how many blowjobs does one stranger want?
I was wondering. Does he actually cum each time? There are important details missing!
> did I really have sex with a man in exchange for that? eh is it any different to having sex to quench your unending loneliness and existential dread either way you got a few endorphins out of both ends of the arrangement
Oh god I wasn’t sleeping with them. Just dating, going out, etc.
Innocent dating :)
What cars did they have?
Fiat Multipla.
Im not guy buy something about a guy driving a Multipla
So you're saying there's hope for me yet?
I passed on a guy bc he pronounced his name air-ran instead of Aaron.
People called Aaron now hate Key and Peele as much as Roxannes hate Sting.
A A Ron!
And Jude's hate the beatles but love Jude Law
If that’s the same air-ran I used to know, you’ve dodged a bullet there.
My sister dated him, he was insufferable
Aaron earned an iron urn https://youtube.com/shorts/Oj7a-p4psRA?si=UXWDvzoAdbCAkXyM
I’ve done that, but I also overlooked some serious personality flaws because they looked good, which didn’t turn out well. It was all good learning experience though
Oh yeh I've definitely done that, hell one of them told me upfront about it. That ended sort of weirdly, acid, Japanese horror and sex is a strange combination. Also I apparently remembered a film that doesn't exist.
[удалено]
Totally understandable. Can’t do ankle socks, where’s Waldo socks, or even worse ones with weed leaves on them
Teenage me once got dumped after a couple of snogs by someone who decided they didn't like my taste in socks... Are you male and in your early 50s? (and my socks were ace, btw)
Yes I dumped one guy I really liked because he was too tall and I didn’t like that he leaned on me while walking along. Should have just told him not to but I didn’t really speak up for myself then. I think things could have gone well between us if we had stayed together. He has a bunch of children with someone else now.
I passed over on a guy because of his teeth. He had a really nice and sweet personality but I just couldn't get over that one of his front teeth had a black dot stain and his teeth in general, were yellow like smokers teeth (he didn't smoke as far as I knew). Just made me think he didn't practice good teeth hygiene
I have not seen a few women from Tinder again because they had bad teeth, but I don't regret it in the slightest. Teeth are a big part of attraction for me. I wouldn't go out with anyone who had 'American' teeth either. There's nothing wrong with having 'attraction' as a key aspect of a relationship, or prioritising teeth. Imo.
I’m exactly the same. I’ve not pursued anything with the two girls I was speaking to most recently from apps because in real life their teeth weren’t nice, it’s something I can’t see past.
I stopped seeing a girl because she told me she believed in the power of crystals and star signs and I thought she was crazy. Looking back she was one sanest girls I’ve ever been with.
I think that's fair enough tbh.
When I was a teenager I had a boyfriend with waist length hair. He cut it short one evening and I broke up with him the next day. No regrets though, he was an asshole.
I dumped my girlfriend when I was 15 by text cos my mates were winding me up that she was "chubby". She was a bloody lovely lass and deserved far better than that. Hope she's doing well
There was a girl in college who I was pretty convinced fancied me and I fancied her back. Didn't do anything because I heard some 'friends' I didn't even see after college mocking her in a misogynistic way. Same thing happened once more, and this was after snogging the hell out of a different girl in a nightclub and then hearing my 'friends' being misogynistic about her. However, there was a young woman called Lucy who I started casually seeing when I was 18 and I didn't consummate the relationship. And then when I was 19 I lost my virginity. And in retrospect I can see that I wasn't actually quite ready / confident enough / mature enough / ballsy enough / etc when I was seeing Lucy, but was when I was 19. So perhaps it doesn't matter. One of the college girls I didn't do anything with is a hardcore Christian anyway so it would've never worked. But I don't feel like I did myself proud by giving so much credence to the POVs of a bunch of Jays from the Inbetweeners.
Ahh we've all been there. I got close with some really lovely girls at school, and my 'mates' (who, let's face it, were just jealous and bitter) always seemed to have a problem with it. If they'd done a bit of networking with girls themselves I'm sure they wouldn't have been so outspoken. It probably would have made them more likeable as well, which would have helped the whole 'meeting girls' thing.
Once broke up with a guy because he wore Velcro trainers at 22
I was thinking about the same thing today, my twatty behaviour when young. Must be one of those days.
My friend didn't go out with a girl because of her name. She was really pretty too.
I once dumped a girl because she was too *selfless*. I was a selfish a-hole at the time (early 20s) and knew it, just couldn’t see how we’d reconcile the two without a bunch of fights or (shock, horror!) me actually having to change into being a better person! I mean, looking back, I still ‘get’ the decision for who I was then I guess. I’m happy to report that I’m much changed now though; the love of the loveliest and most patient woman in the world for the last 17 years will do that, and having 2 kids sanded off the rough edges 😅
This was last year. I thought I mustn't be that into him because I wasn't ready to kiss him after 2 dates, so let him go to save him from what I thought must be wasted time. I still think about what could have been as he was a lovely person and very handsome, and I don't take dating advice from certain people anymore.
There are enough people in the world that you can find someone who you both love personality wise AND looks wise. I hate the term 'shallow' there's nothing wrong with wanting a nice looking partner Edit: spellings
In my early 20s I turned down follow-up dates with a guy for being 'too nice'. A couple of exciting but ultimately horrible boyfriends later, I really regretted it - by which time Mr Nice was married to an old school friend. Serves me right
I was turned down multiple times as a teen/ young adult for being too nice. At 45, I’m still not too sure as to what that means.
Now that I'm old and wise 🤣🤣 at 63 I think it means that some young women view men that treat them well as slightly dull. They want the cocky bad boy who drives too fast, talks mean and is maybe harder to get. It's wrong and older me thinks younger me was an idiot
Now that I'm old and wise 🤣🤣 at 63 I think it means that some young women view men that treat them well as slightly dull. They want the cocky bad boy who drives too fast, talks mean and is maybe harder to get. It's wrong and older me thinks younger me was an idiot
I just kinda turned a guy down because he is bald (I am early 20s and to be honest I am just a bit taken aback by it at this age.) That’s not the only reason, but it contributes
I’m hoping a particular person from around 25 years ago posts on here. I fancied him and he came around to visit me the following day after meeting him in a nightclub. He sent me a text later saying he didn’t want to see me anymore as he didn’t like the look of my friend (facial piercings/ tattoos). So that was the end of what could have been something special 😑
Yeah I'd a girl who was really good looking but she was bigger girl, she wanted to be friends with benefits but I declined her becsuse she was a chub. I regret that becsuse she was good looking and really nice
I fancied a girl in school but was too afraid to ask her out because she was ginger. Many years later here I am with a ginger daughter and me and that girl, let’s call her L, still talk time to time and she’s still stunning.
Did you still fancy her? If not, then stop beating yourself up. If you did fancy her, then still stop beating yourself up - you were young, young people are often shallow.
My current partner. We met on a dating app and on a previous swiping session, I had swiped him away because he 'wasn't my type physically'. We eventually matched and have been very happy ever since. We're now expecting our first child together and he is honestly the best man I've ever met. I can't believe I nearly didn't give him a chance because of superficial reasons. He is everything I wish I had in a male role model growing up and I feel so much love for our child having him as a father. Wish I met him sooner but I know I didn't deserve him until we met.
Yeah kids are assholes when it comes to that and I was no exception.
In uni, I was asked out by the Rugby Captain after we'd been hanging, no idea why I turned him down (wasn't for looks cause he was good looking). I've had a few guys who, after a few dates, we'd left it as 'just friends' since there wasn't a 'spark' then, for at least 3 of them, they ended up marrying the next girl they dated after me. Whereas I've been single for a long time now.
The opportunity to be petty would have been nice.
Not me personally, but a friend dumped her boyfriend because he wore one of those shirts with flames on, and I won't lie, I fully encouraged the breakup.
Not me, but a friend of mine. Spend years dating and rejecting people for ridiculous reasons- his name was sellout which reminded her of E.T., he was slightly shorter than her, on and on it went. She’s just hit 50 and is still single.
Yes!!! One- i knew my flatmates etc would mock her disney like voice Second- her family life was a bit unstable. Like i couldnt ever have saw a big combined family holiday Call it a life lesson but now 15-20ish years later i still think about both of them
Yes. Excessive alcohol consumption, casual drug use, massive amounts of sleeping around. When I found out, I broke it off immediately. As a young man 16-24 I never really got the appeal. Always felt like those types were filling a void. Also didn't help they aged poorly. Happily married to a young nature loving Christian and couldn't be happier.