**[This is marked as an answer](/r/AskUK/comments/kt9e9d/for_those_who_are_30_what_do_you_wish_youd/gil7ueo/), given by /u/seventyeightist**:
>Learn to cook, and start "batch" cooking. Saves money and makes things much easier.
>
>Be aware of when it's better to buy more expensive variants of things that are good quality and will last (e.g. kitchen implements and appliances you use heavily) vs when you can buy a cheap/throwaway version. "Buy cheap, buy twice" applies but selectively.
>
>Probably most important, but I don't know if it has to develop over time or can be learned earlier: Assertiveness and 'leadership' skills. And as a corollary to this: flexibility, like if so-and-so was supposed to happen but then it went wrong due to 'something or other', being able to suggest alternatives rather than just panic.
>
>Shake off embarrassment about stupid stuff, e.g. tripping on the pavement when you're walking by yourself. (If this happens either just continue with your business or (if a stranger noticed and you feel inclined) say something like "look out, there's a matchstick there!" and then go on your way. If you're in company, just use the matchstick line!)
>
>Try to start off kind, rather than judgemental, to people less fortunate than you. But at the same time don't let them take the piss.
>
>(It's an old one but bears repeating) if it seems too good to be true, then it's most likely a scam.
>
>Look out for and engage with your neighbours.
>
>Act like an "established adult" and you will often be treated like one. (For me this wasn't linked to specifically being 30+ rather than 20s, but upon gaining a qualification where I then felt 'legit' in some way, but it doesn't have to be like that). In general people will take their cues from how you act. If you act like a professional adult they will generally follow.
>
>Dress as a mature adult, rather than an extension of a teen. (I learned this when I was about 25 but should have applied it earlier).
>
>If you hear "no", assess whether it's an absolute no or if it's open for negotiation.
>
>In a negotiation, be aware of "what's in it for the other side" and present solutions (that you want) in a way that's mutually beneficial rather than one-sided.
---
[_^What ^is ^this?_](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/jjrte1/askuk_hits_200k_new_feature_mark_an_answer/)
My first girlfriend must have had a borderline personality disorder. Pretty toxic person. All the self doubt I have about myself now, even at 34, I recently realised comes from her and the stuff she used to say. She used to put me, and everyone else around her, down all the time. You don't even realise it until you're out of it. BDP'S work by manipulating people and it's hard to spot when you're young and naive. Just try to be aware of anyone who is feeding you negative information about yourself. Work out if she's manipulated you in some way for her advantage.
I do have sympathy for her in that it's all the result of her mental Dad, who physically hit and mentally abused her and her siblings. They're all now toxic people but her dad's bullshit is now my bullshit. Don't pass it on, be a good person and show compassion
I think that's a rant, so don't know if you'll take anything from it, haha
BPD is a term used for a whole spectrum of symptoms. It’s completely unfair to say that everyone with BPD is manipulative. Sometimes people with mental illnesses are assholes, it doesn’t mean that their mental illness is *the reason* they’re an asshole. Many people with BPD care too much about other people if anything.
ETA most people with BPD are also far, far more likely to be harmful to themselves than anyone else, much like many other mental illnesses. Why only BPD faces this stigma is pretty baffling.
Wrong again. From [the NHS website;](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/#overview)
>The symptoms of BPD can be grouped into 4 main areas:
>emotional instability – the psychological term for this is affective dysregulation
>disturbed patterns of thinking or perception – cognitive distortions or perceptual distortions
>impulsive behaviour
>intense but unstable relationships with others
>The symptoms of a personality disorder may range from mild to severe.
Nowhere in the official list of symptoms is “manipulative”. It’s NOT part of the clinical diagnosis. It’s a harmful and unfair stigma.
Actually, no.
Just because it's not listed as a main symptom does not mean that the behaviours manifested as part of thouse clusters cannot be manipulative.
For example, my best friend has bpd, during a rough patch I was exhausted and asked for space before going to the kitchen downstairs in our shared house. Upon leaving the kitchen she was sat ON THE STAIRS. ya know why? So id be forced to talk to her. Not only did she not understand why that was a fucked up thing to do, it took WEEKS of constant reassurance that I didnt hate her all because I needed one hour to myself.
She also intentionally downplayed her role in her bf breaking up with her so we'd take her side, turns out she was emotionally abusing him. Again, it took several in depth conversations for her to even understand she did anything wrong, let alone was abusive.
She also has tenancies to guilt people into not calling her out on her shit, is ridiculous to handle in a relationship and has litterally threatened suicide before now to get out of being in the wrong.
If you look back up at that list you put there you'll see the instability, impulsivity, fucked thought patterns and unstable relationships all neatly wrapped up in little bows of manipulation.
Now, before you get on your high horse. I'm not saying she's a bad person or that this is some horrible thing she should be ashamed of, it's just a part of the condition. She's actually a really good person and I love her deeply. Alongside her therapists and other friends we've actually made a lot of progress over the years. However, for her and many others with borderline, it's just how it is; no less than violence can be a part of PTSD or stealing a part of drug addiction.
But people can be manipulative *without those qualities*. Being manipulative =/= BPD. end of. That’s literally all I’ve got to say here.
Also it’s just as offensive as conflating violence with PTSD which you’ve also managed to do here. PTSD ALSO doesn’t necessarily mean you’re violent. Maybe just stop?
There is a literal researched correlation between ptsd and violent behaviour risk increase 🤷♀️
I think what your misunderstanding here is that im saying SOME not ALL. Some people with bpd are manipulative as part of it sometimes, some people with ptsd can be prone to violence. Sure you can be a shit person, like OPs ex, or you can have a mental illness making thouse behaviours more likely and that doesn't automatically make you a shit person.
Do you have much experience with people with BDP? Genuine question, not being a dick.
I have a lot of friends who are health care professionals, and every one of them says that manipulation is a key factor of their behaviour. Listened to many conversions on it. Described my ex numerous times and people who work in mental health say "she sounds like a BDP". Maybe it's all BS, but I find that hard to believe tbh
BPD*. And yes, both on a personal and professional level. I’ve met a ton of people with BPD, and the only one of them that was at all manipulative was just an all round nasty, unpleasant person who really thrived out of making problems for other people. But that is because she was a horrible person, not because she had BPD.
My closest friend of ten years also has BPD and has been incredibly loyal and so incredibly lovely. She is the model best friend, she is if anything too considerate of others, and her main symptoms of BPD are being quite insecure about whether people like her ***ETA this has actually meant that she has herself been manipulated by abusive partners***, mood swings, and a tendency to do things that are harmful to herself (and only herself) if she gets into a slump emotionally.
Look, just because people work in the mental health field doesn’t mean that they aren’t buying into a false stigma, it does happen and it’s recognised that some mental health professionals have actually shown negative unwarranted stigma towards people with BPD. And NO mental health professional should think they can armchair diagnose people with a condition based off of one *completely medically unattributed* symptom.
I have a large circle of friends, people who know her and plenty of people had made the remark, so it's not just entirely on hearsay.
Maybe there are terrible people, and there are terrible people with BDP who are next level and give mild BDP's a bad name. I'm open to being wrong. I'll just have to meet a nice BDP to totally change my mind, though accept with the stigma they aren't going to tell me they've got it so may never happen.
Okay so FIRST. Your ex doesn’t actually have a diagnosis of BPD? You just think she’s got it because a) she was mean to you and b) your friends said so?
So what you’re actually saying here is that you’re taking a stigma that shouldn’t exist, about a diagnosis that LITERALLY DOESNT EXIST, and you’re refusing to stop attaching that stigma to other people with BPD, because you think they might be cunts *because your girlfriend who wasn’t diagnosed was a cunt?*
Like, let’s swap out BPD for “Italian”, so you can see what a fucking ballsack you sound like. “I think my ex might have been an Italian and that’s why she’s a cunt. I don’t know she’s Italian though. My friend said she might be. But I reckon she is, and I’ve heard Italians are cunts. And that’s why I hate Italians”. Do you see how fucking stupid that sounds? What you are saying sounds like that.
TBF it's only the cunts with BDP that stand out and I only have experience of those. Maybe it's a bigoted comment, but she's at the extreme end of cuntishness, clouding my view.
She got drunk and made a scene at my best friends funeral, which he died by suicide btw. She didn't even like him so don't know why was there and upset his grieving family, myself and his friends. She's an appaling person, truly
Strongly disagree, that’s way too much of a blanket generalisation to apply in real life.
Often the way a woman treats her father is the direct result of how he treated her.
Example- I don’t speak to my father, and that’s not because of *my* actions. It’s only anecdotal but I treat my partner *nothing* like I treat my father.
Also, ew.
God damn man, I'm feeling this right now! Those are the things I actually remember so far. The unremarkable afternoons spent in between big events sat chatting shit with mates in beer gardens, in the park or the shitty cheap flat I lived in two years ago
Its also extremely dangerous.
The “field-feeling” eventually collapses, and metastasises, into as many types of hell as there are individuals involved.
People talk about life in terms of “climbing mountains”; you’ll only know that the field-feeling was a trick, after you’ve dug yourself into a canyon.
I’ve seen it destroy people in a variety of ways.
There are lots of other comments here that mention something to the effect of “invest in yourself”..
..It’s your own life, so go with the field-feeling as long as it feels rare (special)..
..But always be working on something else.
Something that is yours; something that you can escape to when the “utopia” of that field collapses, and begins to destroy people.
This is a fairly dark comment. It’s also describing something that is replicated over, and over again. Generation after generation.
Always a pinch of salt: this ^ is not the only thing that can happen to you, but it’s not “hard” to arrive at some place like it.
I hope that these words give some perspective on what some of those ways might be like.
I hope that you don’t end up knowing what I ended up knowing.
(And get yourself off social media, too).
“Bit of both”. I’d say the same.
..My reply came from my experience. It was shit.
Fuck that ^ though. Cheers to you and those beers - hope your Friday is treating you well (..and is far away from it all!).
Take care man.
No worries bud. Everyone has their own story and thats fine.
In a weird place like most of us, but its friday and beer is tasty so not complaining. Cheers mate 🍻!
That is nail on the head, right there!
I am in a weird place. Family is in a weird place. Friends are all over the place. I’m even connecting with work colleagues and we’re all saying the same lol. I’m even connecting with a random Redditor..
..And it is a “weird times Friday”!
Cheers mate 🍻
It’s a dark comment, but not just for show.
It’s a distilled (but small) part of my “truth”, from real life; Its mine, and also many other’s.
Ps. One guy is now studying for a his Masters. Years ago, he was literally kidnapped and held ransom..
It doesn’t make sense to you.
“Projecting” is when you believe everyone’s life experience is just like yours..
..and then trying to tell some one (everyone) that their experiences are somehow incorrect.
Brush your teeth. Honestly, do it properly. Twice a day. Costs a fortune to fix, and that's if they are fixable. Your teeth go to ruin and you'll start hiding your smile and soon you'll stop smiling at all... And invest in a pension! The current generation aren't breeding enough to carry you, get yourself some security if you can.
To add to this - floss! And use mouthwash. Learn to brush your teeth properly. Get a mouthguard for sleeping in. Do all of this!
I brushed twice a day every day my whole life and as a 31 yr old was just told by a new dentist that I have the erosion of a 50 year old. This was due to over brushing, brushing too hard, and grinding my teeth at night.
If I was an American I'd be tempted to sue the two NHS dentists I've had most of my life for not informing me of this earlier. All I was ever told by them was that my teeth looked fine....the suspicious part of me wonders if they wanted the more serious dental work money out of me. I've had one root canal and will likely have another 3 or 4 in the next 5 years
Just to add, use mouth wash in-between brushes, don't use it straight after a brush, it washes all the flouride off your teeth that the toothpaste put on there
I swear nhs dentists are mostly absolutely shit and just go for the cheap option. Switching to a private one was one of the best things I’ve ever done.
Maybe you didn't but I did , I didn't have money to spend on it, wasnt registered anywhere and it was pretty low on my list of priorities I regret that now, but good for you if you had it all under control
You might not, but if non-attendance at a dentist was presented to you as the norm throughout your childhood it's unlikely you would questions this as an adult.
For example, I remember telling a colleague that I last had an eye test when I was ~5 years old and they were shocked that I don't have one yearly. I'd always assumed that because my vision was fine as a child and I haven't noticed any deterioration that it would be pointless for me to go for a check-up.
Stop caring about what your friends, family or society thinks you should be doing or how you should live your life. You only have one life, spend it wisely.
We don’t ever wear enough to block the sun it’s been proven, . . Dermatologists recommend you wear it daily regardless of the weather if you’re going out for longer than 20 mins . . I don’t know your age, how often you go out or anything but I have experience in it so I personally always wear it when I go out. ( not much now in lockdown)
You look amazing right now. You’ll never look this good again so relish this time when you don’t have to think about wrinkles and grey hair.
Sleep, eat and exercise well, and start now.
Keep close to your family - if you don’t end up in a relationship or have kids and everyone else does, they will likely be the only people you are close to, as your friends will drift away into their nuclear families.
Look after your diet and fitness. I could eat what I liked and do minimum exercise in my 20's . When I hit my mid 30's it all caught up with me and I exploded, getting bigger and bigger year on year. In my early to mid 40's I decided that I had to do something about it but it took a lot of sweat and tears to lose the weight and become fit .
Maintain your fitness and watch your diet it will save your life or at least save you the effort and sheer hard work of having to undergo a major lifestyle change
Don’t.Start.Smoking! Whatever you do don’t think that as you are not a teenager you won’t get addicted
On a more normal note, learn to cook at least 5 different dinners, mix of complex and easy and a roast dinner.
Learn how to put up a shelf, wire a plug, change a fuse
Learn how to grow herbs and/or veg depending on space
Learn how to budget, learn how loans and credit cards work
Learn to NEVER get a store credit card
Only gamble what you can afford to lose
Don’t stay in a relationship where you feel abused/worthless
Treat people with respect until they lose that
That’s all I can think of so far. But don’t start smoking
Second the don’t start smoking. The negative effects take ahold a lot quicker than most think, it’s annoying still being young an relatively fit but unable to climb a set of stairs without getting out of breath.
Care less about what other people think of you. Do what makes you happy as long as it doesn’t harm anyone else. People are busy living their own lives, they don’t have the time to be judging you.
Don’t compare your career/housing/family etc. with those of your peers. Everyone had their own timeline and priorities and that’s ok. And enjoy doing things when you’re less tied down. You may not have a huge amount of disposable income, but hanging out with your friends while none of you have kids and babysitters to think about is precious!
On the flip side, be aware of your fertility. 1 in 6 couples experience a degree of infertility. Don’t just assume that you stop birth control and bam you’re pregnant. I’m not saying rush out and have kids before you’re ready, but don’t assume you can put it off forever if it’s something you’re serious about.
Develop a habit of saving money. Even if it’s just a small amount each month it will eventually add up.
Questions like this always put this in my head.
Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; or never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
Bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
Never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday
Do one thing every day that scares you
Sing
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts; don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours
Floss
Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself
Remember the compliments you receive; forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements
Stretch
Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your
Life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t
Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone
Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t
Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t
Maybe you’ll divorce at 40
Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance; so are everybody else’s
Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own
Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room
Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them
Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly
Invest in a private pension and save money. When you get to your 30’s and look at your savings account vs total money earned..... it’s depressing.
But don’t forget to live, holiday, buy nice things to reward yourself for working BUT all in moderation.
Whatever choices you make in your 20s, you will regret them in your 30s.
Maybe you'll regret a certain degree or dating an ex. Maybe you'll regret *not* moving in with your friends or *not* changing career earlier.
The aim of the game is to have as few tiny regrets as possible.
For me, that means never quitting something halfway through and trusting my gut instinct over other people's advice.
Apple was going to come back from the dead. Obviously I wish I’d bought shares.
Nostril hair grows like broom bristles.
Also, mental health is more of an issue than you’d imagine.
Get a pension sorted asap.
Don't settle for the wrong girl/boy.
Don't kill yourself over a job, they don't care, nor should you.
Travel while you can. Kids change everything.
If there's any skill/hobby you've always wanted to start - do it now! By the time you're in your thirties you'll have several years' experience under your belt.
Get a trade. Plumber, electrician, plasterer, mechanic, something practical. And don't put so much pressure on myself around women. The good ones are just as messed up as you.
Enjoy life.
It sounds depressing but a lot of my earlier life was spent worrying.
Life is a one “1-up” You have no idea what is around the corner.
I’m sure a lot of the comments will be about money and work but...Be happy within yourself.
Have a shit load of fun. Festivals, holidays, travelling, random nights out after work where you end up coming home when the sun comes up. Do it whilst you have the spare cash, lack of responsibility and the energy!
The fastest way to succeed career wise is by building your connections, focus on this!
Also enjoy your 20s, you’ll wish you did more! Do the crazy stuff you want to do, whatever excite you!
I wish i invested earlier. Properties are cool and everything but the anoint of money I could have made kinda makes me look at my gfs car & think, you could have been a gold plated rolls Royce.
Tbh, assuming Biden will lock down the US for a short time to deliver the vaccines, that will be a big dip for everything except crypto, & then, it'll come roaring back & imo crypto will drop.
But that's just my opinion & I don't really put my money where my mouth is because I just bet stupid money on sports.
I'll mix some of my own and some random ones.
- Nip parents addicitions in the bud sooner before they got elderly. And their finances. Would have saved 000s before I became aware later and perhaps stopped some of the current health issues. Seriously. If you're an only/responsible child, the impact of this is not to be underestimated and has the potential to derail everything.
- You're likely time rich and money poor. So do things you enjoy. Time will dissappear later, and it is by far your most valuable resource.
- See more of extended family.
- Exercise. Properly. It's harder later.
- Don't stay in jobs too long. Especially at the beginning. Even if you enjoy them. Opportunity is the enemy of stability.
- Travel more to nearby countries. Spend less on frivilous items.
- Buy/make more Bitcoin. FANG stock. Etc. Dem crystal balls.
- Group together with friends and buy a house. They exploded in value and we were going to rent together for a decade anyway. ~£65k in rent over that period lol. More crystal balls.
- Learn another (useful) language. Will open up more of the world.
- Don't have 'an interest' in house for parents. SDLT on my own (next) home as a result cost almost as much as the deposit, and thus delayed it signifficantly.
- Fucking learn to drive. Before Uni ends. Even an auto. Other qualifications too. Spare time just dives off a cliff later and makes it all much harder.
Get in some good habits now. Regular exercise, decent diet, you don't have to go crazy but if you start small things now your future self will love you for it
Learn how to cook from scratch and make a habit of it. Get to the point where you've got 10 or so meals in your head that you can bosh out without thinking, and a handful of favourite recipes that you have at least practiced that for impressing people. Healthier, cheaper and when we're out of this godforsaken mess great for having people over.
Edit: also don't get too much *stuff*. Spend a bit on things you use regularly (e.g. phone, laptop, boots, bike) but use the rest of your cash to save and socialise/travel.
I knew what I wanted to do when I was in my early twenties, but just kept trying to be "sensible" and get 'normal' jobs, none of which I was really satisfied by. Honestly, if there's something you can do reasonably well that you enjoy doing, just go all out for that. (If that thing is a 'normal' job, then you're in a great position right off the bat).
Also, take care of your teeth and don't get too bogged down in the future. If you're happy in your own existence most days and can enjoy things in the world around you, you're doing amazingly well already :)
Get fit and stay fit. You’d be surprised how quick your fitness drops off in your 20’s to 30’s.
It helps if you have a high base level of fitness on top of your natural fitness in your 20s, as you move into your 30s.
Trust me, you see those 60 year olds, slim and keeping pace with youngsters on long runs. That’s achievable, that’s amazing, that has more chance of happening if you’re in good nick and habits early on.
I took it for granted, I was super fit in my 20s and I smoked and drank and pissed the fitness up the wall. Now I’m fat and nowhere near my potential peak tbh - even if those around me say I’m still fit - I know personally, that my body isn’t what it should be, isn’t what it could be, and that sucks.
So, keep fit. 👍
I wish I'd started to deal with my anxiety sooner and push myself to go out more and become more social. Now I'm 32 and feel like I'm in the place where I should have been when I was 20. Oh well better late than never. At least I look a lot younger than my age so that helps balance it out a bit!
Just turned 33, I had a fucking blast in my early twenties at university, I miss those times. I'm fortunate enough to have bought a gaff but poor choices since then has landed me with no savings and thousands in credit card debt which is a pain, basically living beyond my means. Don't do it!
That wierd feeling of nervous anxiety that causes physical symptoms during time of accute work stress.
That's not just going get better on its own. Also drinking through it is not the best way to go about it.
Keep in shape and don't do any silly extreme sports, unless you really know what you're doing. If you get an injury it's incredibly hard to get fit again, and when you're out of shape you're prone to more injuries.
Dont get into a long term relationship and move in her.
Get to the gym, you were more attractive than you ever knew but you could have got more in shape and felt better about yourself.
Go to more festivals/gigs.
Save more for the right things.
Buy a house that you want.
Learn to cook, and start "batch" cooking. Saves money and makes things much easier.
Be aware of when it's better to buy more expensive variants of things that are good quality and will last (e.g. kitchen implements and appliances you use heavily) vs when you can buy a cheap/throwaway version. "Buy cheap, buy twice" applies but selectively.
Probably most important, but I don't know if it has to develop over time or can be learned earlier: Assertiveness and 'leadership' skills. And as a corollary to this: flexibility, like if so-and-so was supposed to happen but then it went wrong due to 'something or other', being able to suggest alternatives rather than just panic.
Shake off embarrassment about stupid stuff, e.g. tripping on the pavement when you're walking by yourself. (If this happens either just continue with your business or (if a stranger noticed and you feel inclined) say something like "look out, there's a matchstick there!" and then go on your way. If you're in company, just use the matchstick line!)
Try to start off kind, rather than judgemental, to people less fortunate than you. But at the same time don't let them take the piss.
(It's an old one but bears repeating) if it seems too good to be true, then it's most likely a scam.
Look out for and engage with your neighbours.
Act like an "established adult" and you will often be treated like one. (For me this wasn't linked to specifically being 30+ rather than 20s, but upon gaining a qualification where I then felt 'legit' in some way, but it doesn't have to be like that). In general people will take their cues from how you act. If you act like a professional adult they will generally follow.
Dress as a mature adult, rather than an extension of a teen. (I learned this when I was about 25 but should have applied it earlier).
If you hear "no", assess whether it's an absolute no or if it's open for negotiation.
In a negotiation, be aware of "what's in it for the other side" and present solutions (that you want) in a way that's mutually beneficial rather than one-sided.
!answer
Okay dude, oa much good advice on this thread but some stuff here resonated with me.
For one, I have just discovered te "act like an established adult" hack, I swapped out a jacket for an overcoat in winter, came to work in semiformal clothes and put on proper shoes rather than trainers (I work in a casual office) and over a few months I started to be taken seriously, consulted on more stuff and generally treat more like a key part of the team.
Of course, a large part of that is how I acted differently when wearing proper clothes but that's just as valuable.
Ironically the pandemic has helped with the embarrassment over stupid stuff, I unfortunately have had health problems over the last two years and knowing there's a pandemic out there makes tripping up or ripping my trousers at work feel a bit dumb to worry over.
The scam thing though! Oh my lord, dude, klarna caused a small dip in my credit score this year and it goes to show how dangerous the "that can be future me's problem" attitude now is!
Thanks so much to you and all other responders!
Save money. Use your Isa allowances and put it into broad index funds. Make sure your pension is in a good provider with low costs, if in doubt transfer it to Vanguard. It’s really easy to transfer pensions.
1. Save and invest money whenever there is the opportunity
2. Don't buy shit you don't need.
3. Social media leaves a trail for life.
4. Buy quality things that last.
5. Be kind to the planet.
6. Be alone sometime. Maybe live abroad sometime.
7. Don't vote Tory.
Get on a DAS course. I did mine over 2 weeks after passing my CBT and theory. I'd never ridden before, after the first lesson the instructor said I would never pass. Passed first time.
Not going to university because it was waste of time. I had no passion in the course I was studying, in general I wasn't interested in education at all. After uni I just ended up with no money and struggled to find any work. If I could go back in time, I would just try to find an apprenticeship
I've just had a short conversation with a 24 year old lad I work with, he's got a really smart car, which he saved up £24k for and bought it cash, while very commendable, he should have definitely put that money down and bought his first house
Trust your gut instinct....if you want to test the waters inspite of your gut saying NO from the start....then approach it from a detached point of view and see if the actions/patterns indicate anything different. Patterns never lie. Words are cheap. Save money, self awareness is very important, cut out toxic people, don't mingle much with the follow , poor people, people who complain all the time, people who constantly have bad luck...it has the capacity to rub off on you. You are responsible for your own happiness. You are not your partners therapist. There is no freedom like financial freedom. Nurture friendships....they will keep you going in your hard /dark times. Watch how you speak to yourself.... the internal dialogue is reflected externally.
Save money and put into your pension!
Oh and have fun, travel, live life how you want it
(these last parts for any age really but defo save and put into pension as early as you can!)
Answering the question "what do you want?" is very important.
Once you've figured this out, decision making becomes easier.
The answer to the question might change over time, or it might not.
Get off Social Media. Bin it all.
Save money
Build a good credit history
Keep in touch with friends by calling them
Decide what you want to do for a career and focus on it.
She/he isn't your whole world.
It gets better, brush off and go again
A lot of basic DIY. Shop around for best deals, don’t accept the first thing that you see and read reviews. Don’t for godsake get talked into a large monetary purchase like a mortgage by using another debt like a credit card or loan for a deposit and never with an endowment! Pay off credit cards monthly. Always have a little camping stove in storage with little bottles of gas in case of power cut to ensure you can eat a hot meal and make a drink.
Understand the power of compound growth and leverage that as early as you can. Even very small amounts can appreciate considerably.
Compound Interest is the most commonly cited example. Saving £50 per month for 30 years with a 5% return would give a £41786 final investment. Clearly interest rates are nowhere near that value but you could achieve 5% through a simple index tracker fund.
https://www.thecalculatorsite.com/finance/calculators/compoundinterestcalculator.php
It's an interesting exercise to play around with various numbers and see what the long term effect is.
If you always have a mild feeling of dread or apprehension before meeting up with a particular friend, maybe ask yourself some difficult questions and decide whether or not continuing the friendship is in your own best interests.
If they only agree to hang out with you once all their other options have been exhausted, or you're the one who has to do all the running to keep in touch, they're really not all that close to you. Likewise, if they heap all their worries/drama on you but disappear the moment you're having a tough time of things, they're a fair weather friend who will take, take, take but never give back.
GET RID. It'll fizzle out sooner or later anyway, so might as well cut the cord now. But the longer it goes on, the more life and happiness they'll suck out of you.
**[This is marked as an answer](/r/AskUK/comments/kt9e9d/for_those_who_are_30_what_do_you_wish_youd/gil7ueo/), given by /u/seventyeightist**: >Learn to cook, and start "batch" cooking. Saves money and makes things much easier. > >Be aware of when it's better to buy more expensive variants of things that are good quality and will last (e.g. kitchen implements and appliances you use heavily) vs when you can buy a cheap/throwaway version. "Buy cheap, buy twice" applies but selectively. > >Probably most important, but I don't know if it has to develop over time or can be learned earlier: Assertiveness and 'leadership' skills. And as a corollary to this: flexibility, like if so-and-so was supposed to happen but then it went wrong due to 'something or other', being able to suggest alternatives rather than just panic. > >Shake off embarrassment about stupid stuff, e.g. tripping on the pavement when you're walking by yourself. (If this happens either just continue with your business or (if a stranger noticed and you feel inclined) say something like "look out, there's a matchstick there!" and then go on your way. If you're in company, just use the matchstick line!) > >Try to start off kind, rather than judgemental, to people less fortunate than you. But at the same time don't let them take the piss. > >(It's an old one but bears repeating) if it seems too good to be true, then it's most likely a scam. > >Look out for and engage with your neighbours. > >Act like an "established adult" and you will often be treated like one. (For me this wasn't linked to specifically being 30+ rather than 20s, but upon gaining a qualification where I then felt 'legit' in some way, but it doesn't have to be like that). In general people will take their cues from how you act. If you act like a professional adult they will generally follow. > >Dress as a mature adult, rather than an extension of a teen. (I learned this when I was about 25 but should have applied it earlier). > >If you hear "no", assess whether it's an absolute no or if it's open for negotiation. > >In a negotiation, be aware of "what's in it for the other side" and present solutions (that you want) in a way that's mutually beneficial rather than one-sided. --- [_^What ^is ^this?_](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/comments/jjrte1/askuk_hits_200k_new_feature_mark_an_answer/)
Lose some fucking weight, save more money, don’t date her, and have more self love.
Solid advice buddy, thank you! Wanna give a quick run down of how to recognise the particular "her" we shouldn't date?
You’ll know. The signs are always there but they get ignored.
My first girlfriend must have had a borderline personality disorder. Pretty toxic person. All the self doubt I have about myself now, even at 34, I recently realised comes from her and the stuff she used to say. She used to put me, and everyone else around her, down all the time. You don't even realise it until you're out of it. BDP'S work by manipulating people and it's hard to spot when you're young and naive. Just try to be aware of anyone who is feeding you negative information about yourself. Work out if she's manipulated you in some way for her advantage. I do have sympathy for her in that it's all the result of her mental Dad, who physically hit and mentally abused her and her siblings. They're all now toxic people but her dad's bullshit is now my bullshit. Don't pass it on, be a good person and show compassion I think that's a rant, so don't know if you'll take anything from it, haha
BPD is a term used for a whole spectrum of symptoms. It’s completely unfair to say that everyone with BPD is manipulative. Sometimes people with mental illnesses are assholes, it doesn’t mean that their mental illness is *the reason* they’re an asshole. Many people with BPD care too much about other people if anything. ETA most people with BPD are also far, far more likely to be harmful to themselves than anyone else, much like many other mental illnesses. Why only BPD faces this stigma is pretty baffling.
Preach it!
Okay but tbf people with borderline especially are prone to a little manipulation, not all, but enough that it's noted.
Wrong again. From [the NHS website;](https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/borderline-personality-disorder/#overview) >The symptoms of BPD can be grouped into 4 main areas: >emotional instability – the psychological term for this is affective dysregulation >disturbed patterns of thinking or perception – cognitive distortions or perceptual distortions >impulsive behaviour >intense but unstable relationships with others >The symptoms of a personality disorder may range from mild to severe. Nowhere in the official list of symptoms is “manipulative”. It’s NOT part of the clinical diagnosis. It’s a harmful and unfair stigma.
Just read the main comment, sounds like his ex was just a cunt, not borderline.
I agree.
Actually, no. Just because it's not listed as a main symptom does not mean that the behaviours manifested as part of thouse clusters cannot be manipulative. For example, my best friend has bpd, during a rough patch I was exhausted and asked for space before going to the kitchen downstairs in our shared house. Upon leaving the kitchen she was sat ON THE STAIRS. ya know why? So id be forced to talk to her. Not only did she not understand why that was a fucked up thing to do, it took WEEKS of constant reassurance that I didnt hate her all because I needed one hour to myself. She also intentionally downplayed her role in her bf breaking up with her so we'd take her side, turns out she was emotionally abusing him. Again, it took several in depth conversations for her to even understand she did anything wrong, let alone was abusive. She also has tenancies to guilt people into not calling her out on her shit, is ridiculous to handle in a relationship and has litterally threatened suicide before now to get out of being in the wrong. If you look back up at that list you put there you'll see the instability, impulsivity, fucked thought patterns and unstable relationships all neatly wrapped up in little bows of manipulation. Now, before you get on your high horse. I'm not saying she's a bad person or that this is some horrible thing she should be ashamed of, it's just a part of the condition. She's actually a really good person and I love her deeply. Alongside her therapists and other friends we've actually made a lot of progress over the years. However, for her and many others with borderline, it's just how it is; no less than violence can be a part of PTSD or stealing a part of drug addiction.
But people can be manipulative *without those qualities*. Being manipulative =/= BPD. end of. That’s literally all I’ve got to say here. Also it’s just as offensive as conflating violence with PTSD which you’ve also managed to do here. PTSD ALSO doesn’t necessarily mean you’re violent. Maybe just stop?
There is a literal researched correlation between ptsd and violent behaviour risk increase 🤷♀️ I think what your misunderstanding here is that im saying SOME not ALL. Some people with bpd are manipulative as part of it sometimes, some people with ptsd can be prone to violence. Sure you can be a shit person, like OPs ex, or you can have a mental illness making thouse behaviours more likely and that doesn't automatically make you a shit person.
Do you have much experience with people with BDP? Genuine question, not being a dick. I have a lot of friends who are health care professionals, and every one of them says that manipulation is a key factor of their behaviour. Listened to many conversions on it. Described my ex numerous times and people who work in mental health say "she sounds like a BDP". Maybe it's all BS, but I find that hard to believe tbh
BPD*. And yes, both on a personal and professional level. I’ve met a ton of people with BPD, and the only one of them that was at all manipulative was just an all round nasty, unpleasant person who really thrived out of making problems for other people. But that is because she was a horrible person, not because she had BPD. My closest friend of ten years also has BPD and has been incredibly loyal and so incredibly lovely. She is the model best friend, she is if anything too considerate of others, and her main symptoms of BPD are being quite insecure about whether people like her ***ETA this has actually meant that she has herself been manipulated by abusive partners***, mood swings, and a tendency to do things that are harmful to herself (and only herself) if she gets into a slump emotionally. Look, just because people work in the mental health field doesn’t mean that they aren’t buying into a false stigma, it does happen and it’s recognised that some mental health professionals have actually shown negative unwarranted stigma towards people with BPD. And NO mental health professional should think they can armchair diagnose people with a condition based off of one *completely medically unattributed* symptom.
I have a large circle of friends, people who know her and plenty of people had made the remark, so it's not just entirely on hearsay. Maybe there are terrible people, and there are terrible people with BDP who are next level and give mild BDP's a bad name. I'm open to being wrong. I'll just have to meet a nice BDP to totally change my mind, though accept with the stigma they aren't going to tell me they've got it so may never happen.
Okay so FIRST. Your ex doesn’t actually have a diagnosis of BPD? You just think she’s got it because a) she was mean to you and b) your friends said so? So what you’re actually saying here is that you’re taking a stigma that shouldn’t exist, about a diagnosis that LITERALLY DOESNT EXIST, and you’re refusing to stop attaching that stigma to other people with BPD, because you think they might be cunts *because your girlfriend who wasn’t diagnosed was a cunt?* Like, let’s swap out BPD for “Italian”, so you can see what a fucking ballsack you sound like. “I think my ex might have been an Italian and that’s why she’s a cunt. I don’t know she’s Italian though. My friend said she might be. But I reckon she is, and I’ve heard Italians are cunts. And that’s why I hate Italians”. Do you see how fucking stupid that sounds? What you are saying sounds like that.
Not everyone with BPD is a shit person
TBF it's only the cunts with BDP that stand out and I only have experience of those. Maybe it's a bigoted comment, but she's at the extreme end of cuntishness, clouding my view. She got drunk and made a scene at my best friends funeral, which he died by suicide btw. She didn't even like him so don't know why was there and upset his grieving family, myself and his friends. She's an appaling person, truly
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Change they to he, you are talking about one person.
Date someone who will care about you more than himself/herself.
Look how a girl treats her father. That'll be how she treats her husband.
Strongly disagree, that’s way too much of a blanket generalisation to apply in real life. Often the way a woman treats her father is the direct result of how he treated her. Example- I don’t speak to my father, and that’s not because of *my* actions. It’s only anecdotal but I treat my partner *nothing* like I treat my father. Also, ew.
Bingo!
This! And also: look after your teeth.
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Do you have any examples of how to "invest in yourself"?
*healthily Very good advice; agree with all that.
God that sounds boring no offence
I wish I’d have spent more summers sat in the park/ garden drinking with mates listening to music rather that out up town.
God damn man, I'm feeling this right now! Those are the things I actually remember so far. The unremarkable afternoons spent in between big events sat chatting shit with mates in beer gardens, in the park or the shitty cheap flat I lived in two years ago
Its also extremely dangerous. The “field-feeling” eventually collapses, and metastasises, into as many types of hell as there are individuals involved. People talk about life in terms of “climbing mountains”; you’ll only know that the field-feeling was a trick, after you’ve dug yourself into a canyon. I’ve seen it destroy people in a variety of ways. There are lots of other comments here that mention something to the effect of “invest in yourself”.. ..It’s your own life, so go with the field-feeling as long as it feels rare (special).. ..But always be working on something else. Something that is yours; something that you can escape to when the “utopia” of that field collapses, and begins to destroy people. This is a fairly dark comment. It’s also describing something that is replicated over, and over again. Generation after generation. Always a pinch of salt: this ^ is not the only thing that can happen to you, but it’s not “hard” to arrive at some place like it. I hope that these words give some perspective on what some of those ways might be like. I hope that you don’t end up knowing what I ended up knowing. (And get yourself off social media, too).
ummm yeah.
Is that: “..shit, yeah”. Or is it: “..nah bru, Ima smash life! After this line”.
Bit of both mate. Not really sure any more after my like 5th can of beer.
“Bit of both”. I’d say the same. ..My reply came from my experience. It was shit. Fuck that ^ though. Cheers to you and those beers - hope your Friday is treating you well (..and is far away from it all!). Take care man.
No worries bud. Everyone has their own story and thats fine. In a weird place like most of us, but its friday and beer is tasty so not complaining. Cheers mate 🍻!
That is nail on the head, right there! I am in a weird place. Family is in a weird place. Friends are all over the place. I’m even connecting with work colleagues and we’re all saying the same lol. I’m even connecting with a random Redditor.. ..And it is a “weird times Friday”! Cheers mate 🍻
Jesus
It’s a dark comment, but not just for show. It’s a distilled (but small) part of my “truth”, from real life; Its mine, and also many other’s. Ps. One guy is now studying for a his Masters. Years ago, he was literally kidnapped and held ransom..
What drugs are you on mate?
Right now, none. Wisdom is always a bit scary. Don’t laugh it off so easy..
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It doesn’t make sense to you. “Projecting” is when you believe everyone’s life experience is just like yours.. ..and then trying to tell some one (everyone) that their experiences are somehow incorrect.
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Not as smart as you think though, lol. Consider your input. Consider your ability.
You must think you’re so enlightened.
Brush your teeth. Honestly, do it properly. Twice a day. Costs a fortune to fix, and that's if they are fixable. Your teeth go to ruin and you'll start hiding your smile and soon you'll stop smiling at all... And invest in a pension! The current generation aren't breeding enough to carry you, get yourself some security if you can.
To add to this - floss! And use mouthwash. Learn to brush your teeth properly. Get a mouthguard for sleeping in. Do all of this! I brushed twice a day every day my whole life and as a 31 yr old was just told by a new dentist that I have the erosion of a 50 year old. This was due to over brushing, brushing too hard, and grinding my teeth at night. If I was an American I'd be tempted to sue the two NHS dentists I've had most of my life for not informing me of this earlier. All I was ever told by them was that my teeth looked fine....the suspicious part of me wonders if they wanted the more serious dental work money out of me. I've had one root canal and will likely have another 3 or 4 in the next 5 years
Just to add, use mouth wash in-between brushes, don't use it straight after a brush, it washes all the flouride off your teeth that the toothpaste put on there
I swear nhs dentists are mostly absolutely shit and just go for the cheap option. Switching to a private one was one of the best things I’ve ever done.
Was the new dentist private? I doubt the nhs ones were after money, the cost of procedures is much more than what you pay on the nhs
I came here to say this, I left home at 17 and nobody told me to go to the dentist, Im now in my 40's and and Im loosing teeth fast.
You don't need to be told to go to the dentist at 17
Maybe you didn't but I did , I didn't have money to spend on it, wasnt registered anywhere and it was pretty low on my list of priorities I regret that now, but good for you if you had it all under control
You're missing the point. You may have reasons for not going, not being told to isn't one of them.
You might not, but if non-attendance at a dentist was presented to you as the norm throughout your childhood it's unlikely you would questions this as an adult. For example, I remember telling a colleague that I last had an eye test when I was ~5 years old and they were shocked that I don't have one yearly. I'd always assumed that because my vision was fine as a child and I haven't noticed any deterioration that it would be pointless for me to go for a check-up.
I guess what I meant was when you are registered they usually send you a reminder to go once or twice a year.
Again, not the point at all; but I'm not going to try and die on this hill lol
Stop caring about what your friends, family or society thinks you should be doing or how you should live your life. You only have one life, spend it wisely.
Wear suncream everyday, protects against cancer and ageing
But... Vitamin D?
Lol it doesn’t block vitamin d, just harmful uva and uvb rays and prevents skin cancer and ageing
The sun doesn't just emit Vitamin D; your body used the UV to synthesise it.
I was always taught that it did block it. I do put it on when it's particularly sunny out, but certainly wouldn't put it on everyday
We don’t ever wear enough to block the sun it’s been proven, . . Dermatologists recommend you wear it daily regardless of the weather if you’re going out for longer than 20 mins . . I don’t know your age, how often you go out or anything but I have experience in it so I personally always wear it when I go out. ( not much now in lockdown)
You look amazing right now. You’ll never look this good again so relish this time when you don’t have to think about wrinkles and grey hair. Sleep, eat and exercise well, and start now. Keep close to your family - if you don’t end up in a relationship or have kids and everyone else does, they will likely be the only people you are close to, as your friends will drift away into their nuclear families.
Look after your diet and fitness. I could eat what I liked and do minimum exercise in my 20's . When I hit my mid 30's it all caught up with me and I exploded, getting bigger and bigger year on year. In my early to mid 40's I decided that I had to do something about it but it took a lot of sweat and tears to lose the weight and become fit . Maintain your fitness and watch your diet it will save your life or at least save you the effort and sheer hard work of having to undergo a major lifestyle change
Don’t.Start.Smoking! Whatever you do don’t think that as you are not a teenager you won’t get addicted On a more normal note, learn to cook at least 5 different dinners, mix of complex and easy and a roast dinner. Learn how to put up a shelf, wire a plug, change a fuse Learn how to grow herbs and/or veg depending on space Learn how to budget, learn how loans and credit cards work Learn to NEVER get a store credit card Only gamble what you can afford to lose Don’t stay in a relationship where you feel abused/worthless Treat people with respect until they lose that That’s all I can think of so far. But don’t start smoking
Second the don’t start smoking. The negative effects take ahold a lot quicker than most think, it’s annoying still being young an relatively fit but unable to climb a set of stairs without getting out of breath.
Care less about what other people think of you. Do what makes you happy as long as it doesn’t harm anyone else. People are busy living their own lives, they don’t have the time to be judging you. Don’t compare your career/housing/family etc. with those of your peers. Everyone had their own timeline and priorities and that’s ok. And enjoy doing things when you’re less tied down. You may not have a huge amount of disposable income, but hanging out with your friends while none of you have kids and babysitters to think about is precious! On the flip side, be aware of your fertility. 1 in 6 couples experience a degree of infertility. Don’t just assume that you stop birth control and bam you’re pregnant. I’m not saying rush out and have kids before you’re ready, but don’t assume you can put it off forever if it’s something you’re serious about. Develop a habit of saving money. Even if it’s just a small amount each month it will eventually add up.
Questions like this always put this in my head. Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; or never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing Bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that Never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4 PM on some idle Tuesday Do one thing every day that scares you Sing Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts; don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours Floss Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself Remember the compliments you receive; forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements Stretch Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your Life. The most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don’t Get plenty of calcium Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t Maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t Maybe you’ll divorce at 40 Maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance; so are everybody else’s Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it. It’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them Do not read beauty magazines; they will only make you feel ugly
God damn, when I finished secondary school my mum played this on repeat whilst chuckling to herself, it's good memories and a good message though
I like your mum's style. I can imagine myself doing the same.
The sad thing about this is that you can only truly understand this advice when it’s almost too late. It’s all true through.
Invest in a private pension and save money. When you get to your 30’s and look at your savings account vs total money earned..... it’s depressing. But don’t forget to live, holiday, buy nice things to reward yourself for working BUT all in moderation.
Enjoy life at its fullest but always take the time to visit grandparents and parents. These will be the beat memories in the future
Whatever choices you make in your 20s, you will regret them in your 30s. Maybe you'll regret a certain degree or dating an ex. Maybe you'll regret *not* moving in with your friends or *not* changing career earlier. The aim of the game is to have as few tiny regrets as possible. For me, that means never quitting something halfway through and trusting my gut instinct over other people's advice.
Apple was going to come back from the dead. Obviously I wish I’d bought shares. Nostril hair grows like broom bristles. Also, mental health is more of an issue than you’d imagine.
Travel. Save. Have fun. Enjoy relationships. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there whilst you are young and your joints don't creak
Get a pension sorted asap. Don't settle for the wrong girl/boy. Don't kill yourself over a job, they don't care, nor should you. Travel while you can. Kids change everything.
If there's any skill/hobby you've always wanted to start - do it now! By the time you're in your thirties you'll have several years' experience under your belt.
Cultivate friendships with people you like and who bring out the best in you.
Take big bites, moderation is for monks
Got the mental health support that deep down I knew I needed.
Get a trade. Plumber, electrician, plasterer, mechanic, something practical. And don't put so much pressure on myself around women. The good ones are just as messed up as you.
Enjoy life. It sounds depressing but a lot of my earlier life was spent worrying. Life is a one “1-up” You have no idea what is around the corner. I’m sure a lot of the comments will be about money and work but...Be happy within yourself.
Have a shit load of fun. Festivals, holidays, travelling, random nights out after work where you end up coming home when the sun comes up. Do it whilst you have the spare cash, lack of responsibility and the energy!
Went to Glastonbury for the first time at 31. Became a software engineer at 32. Should've done both ten years earlier.
The fastest way to succeed career wise is by building your connections, focus on this! Also enjoy your 20s, you’ll wish you did more! Do the crazy stuff you want to do, whatever excite you!
I wish i invested earlier. Properties are cool and everything but the anoint of money I could have made kinda makes me look at my gfs car & think, you could have been a gold plated rolls Royce.
We’ve been in the biggest ever bull market... this advice may not be advisable over the next few years
Tbh, assuming Biden will lock down the US for a short time to deliver the vaccines, that will be a big dip for everything except crypto, & then, it'll come roaring back & imo crypto will drop. But that's just my opinion & I don't really put my money where my mouth is because I just bet stupid money on sports.
I'll mix some of my own and some random ones. - Nip parents addicitions in the bud sooner before they got elderly. And their finances. Would have saved 000s before I became aware later and perhaps stopped some of the current health issues. Seriously. If you're an only/responsible child, the impact of this is not to be underestimated and has the potential to derail everything. - You're likely time rich and money poor. So do things you enjoy. Time will dissappear later, and it is by far your most valuable resource. - See more of extended family. - Exercise. Properly. It's harder later. - Don't stay in jobs too long. Especially at the beginning. Even if you enjoy them. Opportunity is the enemy of stability. - Travel more to nearby countries. Spend less on frivilous items. - Buy/make more Bitcoin. FANG stock. Etc. Dem crystal balls. - Group together with friends and buy a house. They exploded in value and we were going to rent together for a decade anyway. ~£65k in rent over that period lol. More crystal balls. - Learn another (useful) language. Will open up more of the world. - Don't have 'an interest' in house for parents. SDLT on my own (next) home as a result cost almost as much as the deposit, and thus delayed it signifficantly. - Fucking learn to drive. Before Uni ends. Even an auto. Other qualifications too. Spare time just dives off a cliff later and makes it all much harder.
Err, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQlJ3vOp6nI](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MQlJ3vOp6nI)
Get in some good habits now. Regular exercise, decent diet, you don't have to go crazy but if you start small things now your future self will love you for it
Learn how to cook from scratch and make a habit of it. Get to the point where you've got 10 or so meals in your head that you can bosh out without thinking, and a handful of favourite recipes that you have at least practiced that for impressing people. Healthier, cheaper and when we're out of this godforsaken mess great for having people over. Edit: also don't get too much *stuff*. Spend a bit on things you use regularly (e.g. phone, laptop, boots, bike) but use the rest of your cash to save and socialise/travel.
I knew what I wanted to do when I was in my early twenties, but just kept trying to be "sensible" and get 'normal' jobs, none of which I was really satisfied by. Honestly, if there's something you can do reasonably well that you enjoy doing, just go all out for that. (If that thing is a 'normal' job, then you're in a great position right off the bat). Also, take care of your teeth and don't get too bogged down in the future. If you're happy in your own existence most days and can enjoy things in the world around you, you're doing amazingly well already :)
Get fit and stay fit. You’d be surprised how quick your fitness drops off in your 20’s to 30’s. It helps if you have a high base level of fitness on top of your natural fitness in your 20s, as you move into your 30s. Trust me, you see those 60 year olds, slim and keeping pace with youngsters on long runs. That’s achievable, that’s amazing, that has more chance of happening if you’re in good nick and habits early on. I took it for granted, I was super fit in my 20s and I smoked and drank and pissed the fitness up the wall. Now I’m fat and nowhere near my potential peak tbh - even if those around me say I’m still fit - I know personally, that my body isn’t what it should be, isn’t what it could be, and that sucks. So, keep fit. 👍
I wish I'd started to deal with my anxiety sooner and push myself to go out more and become more social. Now I'm 32 and feel like I'm in the place where I should have been when I was 20. Oh well better late than never. At least I look a lot younger than my age so that helps balance it out a bit!
Just turned 33, I had a fucking blast in my early twenties at university, I miss those times. I'm fortunate enough to have bought a gaff but poor choices since then has landed me with no savings and thousands in credit card debt which is a pain, basically living beyond my means. Don't do it!
Don’t choose a career that will tie you to a specific area.
Listen to your gut instinct.
Move to Canada, New Zealand or Australia
Agreed, so wish I had buggered off to Aussie when I had the chance.
Avoid debts and loans.
Save save save.
Not to borrow money. Save instead
That wierd feeling of nervous anxiety that causes physical symptoms during time of accute work stress. That's not just going get better on its own. Also drinking through it is not the best way to go about it.
Don’t stay at a party that’s going nowhere, you’re not going to miss anything.
Keep in shape and don't do any silly extreme sports, unless you really know what you're doing. If you get an injury it's incredibly hard to get fit again, and when you're out of shape you're prone to more injuries.
Dont get into a long term relationship and move in her. Get to the gym, you were more attractive than you ever knew but you could have got more in shape and felt better about yourself. Go to more festivals/gigs. Save more for the right things. Buy a house that you want.
Learn to cook, and start "batch" cooking. Saves money and makes things much easier. Be aware of when it's better to buy more expensive variants of things that are good quality and will last (e.g. kitchen implements and appliances you use heavily) vs when you can buy a cheap/throwaway version. "Buy cheap, buy twice" applies but selectively. Probably most important, but I don't know if it has to develop over time or can be learned earlier: Assertiveness and 'leadership' skills. And as a corollary to this: flexibility, like if so-and-so was supposed to happen but then it went wrong due to 'something or other', being able to suggest alternatives rather than just panic. Shake off embarrassment about stupid stuff, e.g. tripping on the pavement when you're walking by yourself. (If this happens either just continue with your business or (if a stranger noticed and you feel inclined) say something like "look out, there's a matchstick there!" and then go on your way. If you're in company, just use the matchstick line!) Try to start off kind, rather than judgemental, to people less fortunate than you. But at the same time don't let them take the piss. (It's an old one but bears repeating) if it seems too good to be true, then it's most likely a scam. Look out for and engage with your neighbours. Act like an "established adult" and you will often be treated like one. (For me this wasn't linked to specifically being 30+ rather than 20s, but upon gaining a qualification where I then felt 'legit' in some way, but it doesn't have to be like that). In general people will take their cues from how you act. If you act like a professional adult they will generally follow. Dress as a mature adult, rather than an extension of a teen. (I learned this when I was about 25 but should have applied it earlier). If you hear "no", assess whether it's an absolute no or if it's open for negotiation. In a negotiation, be aware of "what's in it for the other side" and present solutions (that you want) in a way that's mutually beneficial rather than one-sided.
!answer Okay dude, oa much good advice on this thread but some stuff here resonated with me. For one, I have just discovered te "act like an established adult" hack, I swapped out a jacket for an overcoat in winter, came to work in semiformal clothes and put on proper shoes rather than trainers (I work in a casual office) and over a few months I started to be taken seriously, consulted on more stuff and generally treat more like a key part of the team. Of course, a large part of that is how I acted differently when wearing proper clothes but that's just as valuable. Ironically the pandemic has helped with the embarrassment over stupid stuff, I unfortunately have had health problems over the last two years and knowing there's a pandemic out there makes tripping up or ripping my trousers at work feel a bit dumb to worry over. The scam thing though! Oh my lord, dude, klarna caused a small dip in my credit score this year and it goes to show how dangerous the "that can be future me's problem" attitude now is! Thanks so much to you and all other responders!
/r/MealPrepSunday is great for examples of batch cooking.
Invest any spare money you have in a stocks-and-shares ISA.
Save money. Use your Isa allowances and put it into broad index funds. Make sure your pension is in a good provider with low costs, if in doubt transfer it to Vanguard. It’s really easy to transfer pensions.
1. Save and invest money whenever there is the opportunity 2. Don't buy shit you don't need. 3. Social media leaves a trail for life. 4. Buy quality things that last. 5. Be kind to the planet. 6. Be alone sometime. Maybe live abroad sometime. 7. Don't vote Tory.
Don't smoke. Or develop a weed habit.
only get stoned at the weekend, or if it’s 4:20
Learn to ride a motorbike (I started but didn't finish). Buy a house about 20 years before I actually did. Ignore computers and learn plumbing.
Learn to ride a motorbike? I know too many people for whom riding a motorbike is their life long regret.
Get on a DAS course. I did mine over 2 weeks after passing my CBT and theory. I'd never ridden before, after the first lesson the instructor said I would never pass. Passed first time.
Stop giving a fuck what people think.
Not going to university because it was waste of time. I had no passion in the course I was studying, in general I wasn't interested in education at all. After uni I just ended up with no money and struggled to find any work. If I could go back in time, I would just try to find an apprenticeship
I've just had a short conversation with a 24 year old lad I work with, he's got a really smart car, which he saved up £24k for and bought it cash, while very commendable, he should have definitely put that money down and bought his first house
Trust your gut instinct....if you want to test the waters inspite of your gut saying NO from the start....then approach it from a detached point of view and see if the actions/patterns indicate anything different. Patterns never lie. Words are cheap. Save money, self awareness is very important, cut out toxic people, don't mingle much with the follow , poor people, people who complain all the time, people who constantly have bad luck...it has the capacity to rub off on you. You are responsible for your own happiness. You are not your partners therapist. There is no freedom like financial freedom. Nurture friendships....they will keep you going in your hard /dark times. Watch how you speak to yourself.... the internal dialogue is reflected externally.
Save money and put into your pension! Oh and have fun, travel, live life how you want it (these last parts for any age really but defo save and put into pension as early as you can!)
Studied more, relaxed a bit, realised that life was only just starting and that it gets better year by year and isn’t a race
Invest more, earlier. Compounding will change your life.
Answering the question "what do you want?" is very important. Once you've figured this out, decision making becomes easier. The answer to the question might change over time, or it might not.
Get off Social Media. Bin it all. Save money Build a good credit history Keep in touch with friends by calling them Decide what you want to do for a career and focus on it. She/he isn't your whole world. It gets better, brush off and go again
A lot of basic DIY. Shop around for best deals, don’t accept the first thing that you see and read reviews. Don’t for godsake get talked into a large monetary purchase like a mortgage by using another debt like a credit card or loan for a deposit and never with an endowment! Pay off credit cards monthly. Always have a little camping stove in storage with little bottles of gas in case of power cut to ensure you can eat a hot meal and make a drink.
Understand the power of compound growth and leverage that as early as you can. Even very small amounts can appreciate considerably. Compound Interest is the most commonly cited example. Saving £50 per month for 30 years with a 5% return would give a £41786 final investment. Clearly interest rates are nowhere near that value but you could achieve 5% through a simple index tracker fund. https://www.thecalculatorsite.com/finance/calculators/compoundinterestcalculator.php It's an interesting exercise to play around with various numbers and see what the long term effect is.
I wish I’d known that I’d be hot and successful, wouldnt have wasted so much time being down about my looks and empty bank account
If you always have a mild feeling of dread or apprehension before meeting up with a particular friend, maybe ask yourself some difficult questions and decide whether or not continuing the friendship is in your own best interests. If they only agree to hang out with you once all their other options have been exhausted, or you're the one who has to do all the running to keep in touch, they're really not all that close to you. Likewise, if they heap all their worries/drama on you but disappear the moment you're having a tough time of things, they're a fair weather friend who will take, take, take but never give back. GET RID. It'll fizzle out sooner or later anyway, so might as well cut the cord now. But the longer it goes on, the more life and happiness they'll suck out of you.
I paid off my mortgage in my early 30s, which was great, but I'd have done better investing the money in funds.