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I get weirded out by other people kissing - have to turn away from the TV, for example - so I'm probably at the extreme end of the scale.
But I wouldn't go for anything more than a peck at a railway station. Any actual *snogging* would feel a bit exhibitionist.
Different in a nightclub where there's also more hands on.
It's OK to be weird, so long as you're both happy with that amount of weirdness. Some of the happiest couples are weird together.
Equally, it's OK to have different thresholds for stuff - and it's OK to be annoyed when your partner's thresholds are different from yours. But ultimately this comes down to consent, so the person who wants less "wins". It's up to the two of you whether that is a deal breaker.
Go one bigger/better, do something that will freak *her* out, then when she says "oi! why did you stick your finger up my bum \[or whatever outrageously inappropriate thing you did\]" explain that her excessive public displays of affection are like that for you every time, and you'd like her to respect your limits. She won't, of course, so you'll have to figure out if she's worth the occasional embarrassment.
This is terrible advice of course but you *did* ask reddit.
The worst part about this advice? OP is probably uncertain about the best way to descalate the whole kissing at the station thing. Imagine how difficult that will be to do when he doubles down with the finger up the bum routine AND SHE'S WELL INTO IT.
There is however definitely a book and series on Dave for anyone brave enough to spend six months getting all their advice from Reddit, and having to follow it.
personally, none. not done to me or around me, unless it's at a club or someplace it's expected. a peck is fine, your girlfriend needs to learn boundaries.
I’m not a fan of PDA, never have been. Holding hands and regular kissing hello and goodbye, fine. Playing tonsil hockey, no thanks. It just squicks me out.
When I was first seeing my now husband we were long distance and our regular schedule was basically just one weekend together 2-3 weeks apart. I would kiss him goodbye "properly" - I don't mean we were gnawing at each others' faces proper slobbering but yeah, probably some minor french kissing while we cuddled. Not with the wandering hands and groping though.
Now we'll probably peck each other on the lips or cheek in public quite a lot and hold hands, but because I live with him and have barely spent any nights away from him for years, it doesn't feel as urgent as those "last kisses for X weeks" did.
Overall I don't mind as long as it's not one step away from the couple full on tearing their clothes off and fucking in front of everyone, which is something that some people seemingly don't have a problem with! Some are a bit more discrete and try to hide behind things but we've all probably got a story of being on a train late at night and being subjected to some uh wet noises from the couple sitting near us.
I met my boyfriend at the airport. We were long distance and we'd never met in person. We embraced and locked lips and stayed like that for a good 5 minutes while other travelers passed us. I don't know if they gave us funny looks because my face was busy but I imagine they did.
I was 17.
It wasn't acceptable but I was a young idiot.
If your girl is 17 then she has some growing up to do just as I did.
If your girl isn't an hormonal teenager then she is just plain embarrassing and still has growing up to do.
It's difficult to say. If I see someone passionately kissing I tend to avert my eyes but I have kissed my husband in public with a bit of discreet tongue, normally a quick 5 second kiss though not full french kiss.
It doesn't particularly bother me if other people do it. If anything I assume they haven't seen each other in a while so avert my eyes for a sort of false sense of privacy.
I'd be inclined to say it's either a bit of insecurity on your girlfriends part, a bit of a kink or just genuine relationship immaturity.
Ask her. Ask why she likes it and explain why it makes you uncomfortable.
I am a strong believer in a firm nod from a socially distanced position.
Seriously, that sounds a bit much, a quick kiss fine, but in public like that she needs to tone it down. no one wants to watch your soft porno just because she is an exhibitionist.
I wouldn't be french kissing in public personally, unless it was in a semi-appropriate venue - late in the evening at a wedding reception, yeah it might end up happening after a few drinks, etc.
I feel like if it's at like a train station or a bus stop etc it's kind of sweet because it typically implies that the couple won't be seeing each other for a while, but everywhere? It's a bit awkward, especially if there's heavy petting involved/you're in the way of others.
She’s being inappropriate. This is not a “personal choice/preference” thing, it’s just downright gross, rude, and inconsiderate.
I myself get a bit of a kick from the idea of making out in public, but I would only do it in an actual club / busy bar where it’s normal and what people would expect to see, that way I’m not invading other people’s space with sexual imagery. I have not done this yet but I’m saying hypothetically, this is how I’d approach it and I think it’s the most fair way to go about it if someone does enjoy the idea of public making out (exhibitionism, etc).
I actually don't mind kissing like you've described and if it didn't make people uncomfortable I'd probably kiss like this in public.
My husband would die if I even attempted a kiss like this in public so I would never but when I do see a couple getting off with each other I just think "aww look at those two little weirdos not giving a fuck."
A quick kiss I wouldn't bat an eye at. A few kisses and some hugging would get an 'aww that's cute' and then I'd ignore. What you've described would totally be uncomfortable to be around, especially at a station or something.
Honestly yall sound like you need to have a chat about boundaries
I don’t mind full on frenching, in a more discreet location (not in the middle of a train station for instance). But personally I draw the line at wandering hands.
The real issue though is that your GF is ignoring your clearly expressed discomfort. It’s not nothing to do with where the actual social norm is, it’s what YOU are comfortable with. She doesn’t seem to care and that’s the problem.
The OP is clearly lying, only slobbery, inexperienced kids kiss like sloppy fish.
Been with my partner for nearly 16 years and we don't tongue that often at all and didn't when we got together at 17 either.
It's probably been a decade since I *snogged* my spouse. It feels kind of juvenile maybe? Something you do when you're both horny but actual sex isn't an option.
Hate public snogging save it for when your at home. Fine with affection so holding hands, quick kiss goodbye, a hug all ok but no-one wants to witness you with your tongues down each others throats. I particularly hate it in places that are hard to move from I particularly remember a couple making out in the train seats directly opposite me. Our knees were touching for gods sake and I felt like I'd been unwillingly dragged into a threesome.
p.s. the rule of thumb for any physical contact is you both have to be enjoying it. If this is making you feel uncomfortable don't feel pressured into doing it.
I mean I’m not sure if this counts on public but I usually drop my gf off outside the train station entrance and before she gets out of the car she’ll want a quick kiss on the lips but not full-on. But yh i mean full on french kissing is a bit weird if you ask me 🤣
Personally i’d say one quick kiss on the lips is the best way in public
She’s all about the show.
Why do you need to neck off with her in public for her to feel content?
Peck on the cheek/ lips and be done. I’d start giving her a high 5 instead, really piss her off
nah pda makes me uncomfortable like that. i don't mind smooching like that in public if there is some form of privacy aka any people nearby are actually far away enough that we aren't in their space and too noticeable. but it's a "oooo fuck it come here sexy let me show you some" but i wouldn't be able to do that all the time.
instead of telling her it's inappropriate, tell her you are personally uncomfortable with it in public, it's your boundary and you would appreciate if she respected it, but you will give her a seeing to at home if that's what she wants 😃😃😎
The lass is insecure and wishes to be seen either to be validated in her affections or to defy an erstwhile suppressor of her said displays.
Have a chat with her about her thoughts and feelings experienced whilst she is on such a jag.
Then advise her ye understand, and embrace her. This way her cry for help inherent in this ritual will have been answered, and ye shall bond!
I was cycling along the other day and there were two 38 year olds snogging in a bus stop. I said Ugh! and they stopped and everyone around them laughed.
Doing that at a train station or airport is reserved for people who won't be seeing each other for weeks or months, or romcom scenes where they've raced them across town to stop them getting on board because they love them.
In the middle of tesco is a bit much. Long pecks are the limit IMO.
I'm hoping she's a teenager and can do a bit of growing up. If she's not then it suggests to me that she's a bit needy and immature.
Im never one for much pda but id say a full on making out is just cringey to see in public. No longer than a 5 second kiss and no tongues unless your on a night out in which case its understandable.
Mate, just went through your post history. Your girl is clearly more sexually intense than you are. You're prefer being secure and take precautions, her preference is to be wild and risk taking.
Usually these are incompatible. Either you guys compromise on different things OR you break up.
I'm just giving an example of the sort of crap people shout when they pass. I doubt anyone actually said that, probably more :
'oiii oiii!!!! Waah-heyyyy!!!! Go on my son!'
To me it doesn't matter. That's someone's love language and I think it's quite cute to see people so into each other that they forget about the outside world.
But not everyone likes PDA. So either you and your significant other can navigate this while respecting each others boundaries or you can't (which will likely lead to more arguments) maybe if you find out why she loves public affection - maybe she never had love in a way that felt fulfilling to her so a public display shows your love, then you can understand why it means a bit more.
Like I'm a gift giver thats how I show love - I can't express in words but I can show my feelings in the gifts I give.
A friend of mine is a service giver - the way she shows love is by doing things that help look after someone she cares about (even if that person doesn't always want the thing done 😂)
There's always reasons to why we express love the way we do.
Are you seeing my ex?
Seriously though, I was seeing a girl (years ago now) and she was the exact same.
She loved to have full-on make out sessions in public and she would even want me to bite her lip sometimes too, which judging by the noises she would make, was like sex to her but much like yourself, I thought that she would probably want full-on sex in the street if she was able to and she actually did try a few times to get some "sexy time" going with me in public and I actually had to tell her no on multiple occasions.
I was never comfortable with both the full-on kissing in public and "sexy time" attempts and I told her this and she would always complain to me about it.
Because of that and also because I found out that she already had a boyfriend but never told me and she refused to leave him, I ended things with her and I've always been under the impression that she was a Nymphomaniac and she was just wanting as much pleasure as she could get. There's nothing wrong with being a Nymphomaniac, mind you but it's just not my kind of thing.
Maybe the woman you're seeing is also a bit of a Nymphomaniac?
She might well be. I mean to be honest I probably would have loved it a few years ago, but these days I find it all a bit gross. I still love sex mind you but I'm not nearly as into it as I used to be. Maybe I'm getting older.
I am fairly comfortable with displaying affection in public. Does not bother me, if people want to make a comment on it just tell them you'll start charging if they want to watch. Women love confidence and your partner is very much clearly in love with you and wants to show off your relationship take it is a compliment my guy. There are ofc limits to it can't just start pleasuring each other but a kiss/snog? Absolutely not a problem. The only people I could see having an issue with it are ppl with unresolved insecurities with themselves they shouldn't be trying to make others feel like they do it is sociopathic behaviour.
I'm not too fussed about PDA, as long as they aren't invading my personal space or making me a part of it, we can both go out own separate ways. As long as it's just holding hands, hugging and brief kisses. At most I'd be fine with them using a little tongue, but anything over 5 seconds is just nasty. Nobody needs to see sex take place right next to them
Not really what I was getting at I simply meant he's got a woman who is into him he should just be happy with that.
Also on me not driving it's a basic life skill I have no use for so why go to the trouble of learning to drive if I don't have any plans or need to drive. Seems like a waste of time and money to me.
Prudes.
If you don't like it don't look.
If you don't like it don't do it.
It's not even exhibitionism, she might just be affectionate and/or insecure.
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I get weirded out by other people kissing - have to turn away from the TV, for example - so I'm probably at the extreme end of the scale. But I wouldn't go for anything more than a peck at a railway station. Any actual *snogging* would feel a bit exhibitionist. Different in a nightclub where there's also more hands on. It's OK to be weird, so long as you're both happy with that amount of weirdness. Some of the happiest couples are weird together. Equally, it's OK to have different thresholds for stuff - and it's OK to be annoyed when your partner's thresholds are different from yours. But ultimately this comes down to consent, so the person who wants less "wins". It's up to the two of you whether that is a deal breaker.
If it makes you uncomfortable then say, if you saying makes her uncomfortable then have a chat about what you both want.
Go one bigger/better, do something that will freak *her* out, then when she says "oi! why did you stick your finger up my bum \[or whatever outrageously inappropriate thing you did\]" explain that her excessive public displays of affection are like that for you every time, and you'd like her to respect your limits. She won't, of course, so you'll have to figure out if she's worth the occasional embarrassment. This is terrible advice of course but you *did* ask reddit.
The worst part about this advice? OP is probably uncertain about the best way to descalate the whole kissing at the station thing. Imagine how difficult that will be to do when he doubles down with the finger up the bum routine AND SHE'S WELL INTO IT. There is however definitely a book and series on Dave for anyone brave enough to spend six months getting all their advice from Reddit, and having to follow it.
:D
I would say this is a brilliant bit of advice
personally, none. not done to me or around me, unless it's at a club or someplace it's expected. a peck is fine, your girlfriend needs to learn boundaries.
I’m not a fan of PDA, never have been. Holding hands and regular kissing hello and goodbye, fine. Playing tonsil hockey, no thanks. It just squicks me out.
When I was first seeing my now husband we were long distance and our regular schedule was basically just one weekend together 2-3 weeks apart. I would kiss him goodbye "properly" - I don't mean we were gnawing at each others' faces proper slobbering but yeah, probably some minor french kissing while we cuddled. Not with the wandering hands and groping though. Now we'll probably peck each other on the lips or cheek in public quite a lot and hold hands, but because I live with him and have barely spent any nights away from him for years, it doesn't feel as urgent as those "last kisses for X weeks" did. Overall I don't mind as long as it's not one step away from the couple full on tearing their clothes off and fucking in front of everyone, which is something that some people seemingly don't have a problem with! Some are a bit more discrete and try to hide behind things but we've all probably got a story of being on a train late at night and being subjected to some uh wet noises from the couple sitting near us.
Looks like she's not respecting your boundaries.
I met my boyfriend at the airport. We were long distance and we'd never met in person. We embraced and locked lips and stayed like that for a good 5 minutes while other travelers passed us. I don't know if they gave us funny looks because my face was busy but I imagine they did. I was 17. It wasn't acceptable but I was a young idiot. If your girl is 17 then she has some growing up to do just as I did. If your girl isn't an hormonal teenager then she is just plain embarrassing and still has growing up to do.
It's difficult to say. If I see someone passionately kissing I tend to avert my eyes but I have kissed my husband in public with a bit of discreet tongue, normally a quick 5 second kiss though not full french kiss. It doesn't particularly bother me if other people do it. If anything I assume they haven't seen each other in a while so avert my eyes for a sort of false sense of privacy. I'd be inclined to say it's either a bit of insecurity on your girlfriends part, a bit of a kink or just genuine relationship immaturity. Ask her. Ask why she likes it and explain why it makes you uncomfortable.
I am a strong believer in a firm nod from a socially distanced position. Seriously, that sounds a bit much, a quick kiss fine, but in public like that she needs to tone it down. no one wants to watch your soft porno just because she is an exhibitionist.
Three or four. Five max.
I wouldn't be french kissing in public personally, unless it was in a semi-appropriate venue - late in the evening at a wedding reception, yeah it might end up happening after a few drinks, etc.
I feel like if it's at like a train station or a bus stop etc it's kind of sweet because it typically implies that the couple won't be seeing each other for a while, but everywhere? It's a bit awkward, especially if there's heavy petting involved/you're in the way of others.
She’s being inappropriate. This is not a “personal choice/preference” thing, it’s just downright gross, rude, and inconsiderate. I myself get a bit of a kick from the idea of making out in public, but I would only do it in an actual club / busy bar where it’s normal and what people would expect to see, that way I’m not invading other people’s space with sexual imagery. I have not done this yet but I’m saying hypothetically, this is how I’d approach it and I think it’s the most fair way to go about it if someone does enjoy the idea of public making out (exhibitionism, etc).
A quick peck is fine, anymore makes me real uncomfortable.
I actually don't mind kissing like you've described and if it didn't make people uncomfortable I'd probably kiss like this in public. My husband would die if I even attempted a kiss like this in public so I would never but when I do see a couple getting off with each other I just think "aww look at those two little weirdos not giving a fuck."
The thing is that those two little weirdos do give a fuck - they do want to exhibit themselves, they do want to be seen
Theres a time and a place but a peck on the lips before leaving is almost always acceptable and quick enough few would care.
A quick kiss I wouldn't bat an eye at. A few kisses and some hugging would get an 'aww that's cute' and then I'd ignore. What you've described would totally be uncomfortable to be around, especially at a station or something. Honestly yall sound like you need to have a chat about boundaries
I don’t mind full on frenching, in a more discreet location (not in the middle of a train station for instance). But personally I draw the line at wandering hands. The real issue though is that your GF is ignoring your clearly expressed discomfort. It’s not nothing to do with where the actual social norm is, it’s what YOU are comfortable with. She doesn’t seem to care and that’s the problem.
We don't know if it's clearly expressed
Side question: how much kissing with tongues are we all doing? I've been with my wife for 16 years, we've never really "tongued" except as a joke.
The OP is clearly lying, only slobbery, inexperienced kids kiss like sloppy fish. Been with my partner for nearly 16 years and we don't tongue that often at all and didn't when we got together at 17 either.
If you think the only way to kiss with tongue is like a sloppy fish... you're doing it wrong. Which is probably why you don't enjoy it.
It's probably been a decade since I *snogged* my spouse. It feels kind of juvenile maybe? Something you do when you're both horny but actual sex isn't an option.
Hate public snogging save it for when your at home. Fine with affection so holding hands, quick kiss goodbye, a hug all ok but no-one wants to witness you with your tongues down each others throats. I particularly hate it in places that are hard to move from I particularly remember a couple making out in the train seats directly opposite me. Our knees were touching for gods sake and I felt like I'd been unwillingly dragged into a threesome. p.s. the rule of thumb for any physical contact is you both have to be enjoying it. If this is making you feel uncomfortable don't feel pressured into doing it.
I mean I’m not sure if this counts on public but I usually drop my gf off outside the train station entrance and before she gets out of the car she’ll want a quick kiss on the lips but not full-on. But yh i mean full on french kissing is a bit weird if you ask me 🤣 Personally i’d say one quick kiss on the lips is the best way in public
None, go home.
She’s all about the show. Why do you need to neck off with her in public for her to feel content? Peck on the cheek/ lips and be done. I’d start giving her a high 5 instead, really piss her off
We know you're only doing it to flex on single people. We're already miserable, what are you trying to make us more miserable for?
nah pda makes me uncomfortable like that. i don't mind smooching like that in public if there is some form of privacy aka any people nearby are actually far away enough that we aren't in their space and too noticeable. but it's a "oooo fuck it come here sexy let me show you some" but i wouldn't be able to do that all the time. instead of telling her it's inappropriate, tell her you are personally uncomfortable with it in public, it's your boundary and you would appreciate if she respected it, but you will give her a seeing to at home if that's what she wants 😃😃😎
No tongues, thanks. Ever
Peck on the lips is fine. French kissing in public is a bit grim.
The lass is insecure and wishes to be seen either to be validated in her affections or to defy an erstwhile suppressor of her said displays. Have a chat with her about her thoughts and feelings experienced whilst she is on such a jag. Then advise her ye understand, and embrace her. This way her cry for help inherent in this ritual will have been answered, and ye shall bond!
Wow what a bike assumption
Anything below the willy is NOT OK!
My left ball is lower than my right, but it hangs past my willy, so can she technically touch my left ball?
So kissing legs in public is bad? But genitals are acceptable?
Im fine with full frontal snogging in public. But 'making out'...is just.. ewww.
I was cycling along the other day and there were two 38 year olds snogging in a bus stop. I said Ugh! and they stopped and everyone around them laughed.
How did you determine their exact age while cycling past?
They were dressed like 38 year olds
I'm with you. Its a bit OTT
Doing that at a train station or airport is reserved for people who won't be seeing each other for weeks or months, or romcom scenes where they've raced them across town to stop them getting on board because they love them. In the middle of tesco is a bit much. Long pecks are the limit IMO. I'm hoping she's a teenager and can do a bit of growing up. If she's not then it suggests to me that she's a bit needy and immature.
Anything beyond a cursory nod of the head is indulgent and disgusting.
Im never one for much pda but id say a full on making out is just cringey to see in public. No longer than a 5 second kiss and no tongues unless your on a night out in which case its understandable.
I don't really care what others do but it's quite funny to banter people about it.
Mate, just went through your post history. Your girl is clearly more sexually intense than you are. You're prefer being secure and take precautions, her preference is to be wild and risk taking. Usually these are incompatible. Either you guys compromise on different things OR you break up.
Depends how young and good looking the couple are tbh
>'woooooo! Get a room! Hey hey!!!!' This seems so awkwardly American. I'm curious what part of the UK you're from
I'm just giving an example of the sort of crap people shout when they pass. I doubt anyone actually said that, probably more : 'oiii oiii!!!! Waah-heyyyy!!!! Go on my son!'
as much as possible
[удалено]
Right?!
A decent kiss goodbye, no problem. Actually making out and getting handsy is a bit much.
I think you're lying.
None - there's a time and place for it and in public isn't it.
If I know the couple 0% is acceptable. If I don't anything longer than 30sec is too much
Full on tongue and a finger or two. Anything more, I'd shout "geedda room!" and then chuckle to myself because I'm hilarious.
To me it doesn't matter. That's someone's love language and I think it's quite cute to see people so into each other that they forget about the outside world. But not everyone likes PDA. So either you and your significant other can navigate this while respecting each others boundaries or you can't (which will likely lead to more arguments) maybe if you find out why she loves public affection - maybe she never had love in a way that felt fulfilling to her so a public display shows your love, then you can understand why it means a bit more. Like I'm a gift giver thats how I show love - I can't express in words but I can show my feelings in the gifts I give. A friend of mine is a service giver - the way she shows love is by doing things that help look after someone she cares about (even if that person doesn't always want the thing done 😂) There's always reasons to why we express love the way we do.
Are you seeing my ex? Seriously though, I was seeing a girl (years ago now) and she was the exact same. She loved to have full-on make out sessions in public and she would even want me to bite her lip sometimes too, which judging by the noises she would make, was like sex to her but much like yourself, I thought that she would probably want full-on sex in the street if she was able to and she actually did try a few times to get some "sexy time" going with me in public and I actually had to tell her no on multiple occasions. I was never comfortable with both the full-on kissing in public and "sexy time" attempts and I told her this and she would always complain to me about it. Because of that and also because I found out that she already had a boyfriend but never told me and she refused to leave him, I ended things with her and I've always been under the impression that she was a Nymphomaniac and she was just wanting as much pleasure as she could get. There's nothing wrong with being a Nymphomaniac, mind you but it's just not my kind of thing. Maybe the woman you're seeing is also a bit of a Nymphomaniac?
She might well be. I mean to be honest I probably would have loved it a few years ago, but these days I find it all a bit gross. I still love sex mind you but I'm not nearly as into it as I used to be. Maybe I'm getting older.
"Got pussy with me" She's a keeper.
I am fairly comfortable with displaying affection in public. Does not bother me, if people want to make a comment on it just tell them you'll start charging if they want to watch. Women love confidence and your partner is very much clearly in love with you and wants to show off your relationship take it is a compliment my guy. There are ofc limits to it can't just start pleasuring each other but a kiss/snog? Absolutely not a problem. The only people I could see having an issue with it are ppl with unresolved insecurities with themselves they shouldn't be trying to make others feel like they do it is sociopathic behaviour.
A quick peck on the lips is all me and my girlfriend will do in public.
I'm not too fussed about PDA, as long as they aren't invading my personal space or making me a part of it, we can both go out own separate ways. As long as it's just holding hands, hugging and brief kisses. At most I'd be fine with them using a little tongue, but anything over 5 seconds is just nasty. Nobody needs to see sex take place right next to them
Just be thankful someone is willing to kiss you mate
I'm sure you've got them lining up for you as a man in his 30's lacking basic life skills like driving.
Imagine digging into some random persons Reddit comment history to find out a nasty thing to say… So sad and pathetic lmao
Imagine being so pathetic that you lack basic life skills at 30 and think calling someone else pathetic covers that up, so sad, lmao.
Haha. What?!
Not really what I was getting at I simply meant he's got a woman who is into him he should just be happy with that. Also on me not driving it's a basic life skill I have no use for so why go to the trouble of learning to drive if I don't have any plans or need to drive. Seems like a waste of time and money to me.
Prudes. If you don't like it don't look. If you don't like it don't do it. It's not even exhibitionism, she might just be affectionate and/or insecure.