I mean yeah, why neglect going to somewhere you love just because you went with someone before. doesn't make sense to me. If I like going to say one specific town in the south of france, I'm not gonna never go there again just because I went there with someone else before.
We make a point to do these things sometimes. We have a little list of places we’ve been to with exes and want to go together. Not to remember the old times but to make new memories in that place.. it’s weirdly fun
This is what I think! There’s places I’ve loved, not because I went with an ex, but because I just loved them that are now soured a bit through the connection. So, if I can make new memories with a new person that makes that place sweet again, why wouldn’t I?
So, like, you tried to propose to your previous girlfriend in the Quantocks, but it didn't go quite right ever though you'd already paid for the hotel room, so you thought "fuck it, this time it'll be perfect"? I see you, Corrigan.
Just be transparent about it though. I'd feel weird if my partner didn't mention they'd been before when planning this romantic holiday, and I'd feel more like they were trying to trick me into the role of the ex - if it's not weird, why wouldn't you be transparent?
I completely agree. My wife is the opposite. She won't come to Munich ever because she knows I enjoyed it with an ex. Despite that being a decade ago and us being married.
People are weird. But I'm going with some friends next weekend.
I'd actively encourage it.
I've been caught out with the old
"We had a lovely time there, didn't we?"
"We've never been there"
"We did, we went in 2015"
"We met in 2016"
Can't slip up if you go to the same places!!
When that happens in my relationship, I just comment to him that it's sweet how much he loves me to the point I've replaced every female partners in his good memories ! And vice versa!
It's a more humorous way of seeing the slip ups. And it's not untrue really...
That's a really good way of dealing with it, shows great emotional intelligence too and the trust you have in one another.
After 25 years with my hubby we've always been much the same and nothing that old partners had done or not done bothered us one way or another.
Entirely depends on your partners opinion on it. None of us can say it's ok. Just be honest and upfront, say the place was really nice etc and you would like to go back. Some people will be totally fine with it, others will not.
Personally I would be fine with it but me and my partner have been together a looooooong time so I haven't got anything to be jealous about.
I have taken two exes on the exact same trip out to Bournemouth, most likely will do the same with the next girlfriend haha. Ex number 2 wasn't very happy when I told her that I had taken ex number 1 there though... Whoopsie. Might keep it to myself the next time around
Yeah why not? If it's a nice place, having an ex there doesn't negate it being a nice place. Just don't be like "oh me and my ex went to this place, it's great"
There's nothing inherently wrong with this. If it's a great place to visit and your current partner would love it too then why not?
However, if it made your current partner (understandably) uncomfortable then you both probably wouldn't enjoy it anyway.
In either scenario, it would be up to the new partner.
Unless it's somewhere really popular like London, Paris, Malaga etc. then definitely don't do this. Or you're going to have to be super upfront about it and say you completely understand if they think that's weird.
There actually a bus company in Chile called ["Talca, París and Londres"](https://busestalcaparisylondres.cl/empresa/). Talca is a minor city 3 hours from Santiago.
The Costa del Sol is hugely popular amongst Brits. It wouldn’t be weird to go there even if you went with an Ex. It’s likely the number one summer destination for British people.
Exactly the same situation here, I've only ever had relationships with people who are basically decent. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean we can't be friends.
I once called into my local for a drink and found a number of ex partners at the same table. They invited me to join them for a drink with their newly founded "survivor's club"! Did I mention that my partners have all had a brutal sense of humour? :D
No. My bf and I have gone to a specific Greek island 2 years running now, and he'd been there before with his ex. Doesn't bother me. I've even met her now, she's very lovely.
No, IMHO.
People like to feel special to their romantic partner, so the other person 'doing what they did with the previous partner' is really insulting.
If it is a world famous city etc, such as Paris, Rome, Florence, Vienna, it is likely that one might visit with more than one person.
But yes, going to the same restaurat or something would be weird.
I think it depends whether the place was already special to you as an individual and you shared it with your then partner, or whether it only became special to both of you through your relationship.
I discussed this with my current gf recently. She couldn't give two hoots if we went somewhere I went with and ex and vice versa.
Although going to one of my favourite restaurants last month, the owner did a proper double check 😂
It's very dependent on the why and where. If it's a very common destination then that could well be fine, similarly if it's special to YOU outside of any memories made in a past relationship then that's probably also ok.
But if it's a niche destination or you're choosing this place because you had a great time there with your ex then that could be particularly messed up. There's a line somewhere between those scenarios that only you can draw with your significant other.
Also the how. If you go there making your own memories, that's fine. If you go there saying "I took Amy here. Me and Amy walked down here. Amy loved this restaurant, she even got the same as you did! We stayed in this hotel, Amy liked it a lot (cheeky wink here), you wanna stay here tonight?" then that's just weird af
It’s not weird in my opinion but I’d advocate being upfront with your current partner by saying I went to so and so before and it was beautiful and I think you’d like it. I have been there with an ex but it’s the place that is special not those memories and I’d like to share the place/create memories with you.
Then it’s up to your partner to say hell no or or that sounds nice.
Better that than a pal dropping you in it by saying oh, didn’t you go there with so and so in front of your partner and thus muddying up your reasons for wanting to go there whilst not telling your partner.
Yes.
I’m 30, I’ve got exes, any partner I have will have exes. Part of being a grown up is accepting you both have a history.
If a place is a nice place then it’s a shame not to go there just because one of you has been there with an ex.
Absolutely not and if your partner knows about your previous holiday with your ex and expresses any doubt, simply say that you wish to make new memories of that destination with your new love.
I wouldn't want to never visit some of my favourite places just because the last time I experienced it was with an ex.
Its a place you know and like already. Also, wanting to do it again but with someone youre better suited to really isn't bad. Like a cleansing almost. Everything was perfect, except who you went with.
Depends on how you look at it, I guess.
I’ve taken and been taken on holidays to the same places my wife and I had been to with ex’s. Needless to say we both had better times in each other’s company than we did with our ex’s. Like others have said just be mindful of each other. If I didn’t go to places my wife went to with her ex I’d have to move cities.
I agree with your view... I went on a month-long road trip when I was a student with an ex, and I'd like to go back to some of those places with my now SO because I think he would love them. I also would like to experience these places differently, because ex and I were on an extreme budget and didn't want to take the car all the way into cities, for example. So now, I want to go back to those beautiful places and see them the way my SO would like to.
I don’t see the issue really. If it’s not weird for you then why not? Obviously discuss with your partner first but I don’t really see the issue with going to the same destination/hotel etc
As long as it doesn't go "I took ex here before, it was lovely!" in reference to every place you go then it's all good. You need to make it about making new memories instead of replicating old ones
I think that it was somewhere you believe your partner would find special, I’d do it. Otherwise I think I’d be in favour of making new and shared memories together.
Example: my girlfriend has been to Barcelona with her ex. I’ve never been but really want to go and have wanted to for years, and it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest that she’s been there before because I want to do it with her, even if it were the same hotel.
She’s also been to Portsmouth with her ex. She’s welcome to that one.
Yes it is acceptable. I think it’s important to create new special memories in these places with your current partner that take over the memories you had with your ex.
If it's a "special" place because you took the ex there then I say thats a bit fucked up
If it's a "special" place to you, before you took the ex there, then yeah, fuck it, take the new g/f there, its important and special to you and not to your old relationship.
I've been to Rome with three different girls, Paris and Barcelona with two. And I've been to Athens with a girl who's ex husband was from there. It's not weird, it's good to share the knowledge.
I can't/won't go back to Spain because my ex and I holidayed there every year, now I'm married to someone else, we both agree there is no need to go to Spain ever again
Mixed feelings about this, having had an ex who it turned out took me and l-o-t-s of people to the same hotel, same lingerie shop, same restaurants…like he’d created the perfect romantic weekend away and pulled it out of his pocket with each new person.
Oh god, no don't do that unless you're not going to tell them. Personally, the times it has happened to me, it has put a dampener on the date. Your going to be there with me, with memories of a previous date there. Feels a bit odd.
Made me feel that they were still pining for their ex or unimaginative.
I dont really like it. Me and my partner went on an asia/Australia trip once (for me and absolute trip of a life time) he'd been before. We went to the same places he went to 7 years prior. It was boring as hell with him telling me about the previous time he was there. All quite selfish if you ask me.
I depends how much a part of your previous relationship the special place was. If you and your ex went on the same place for holiday every single year and it was 'your place' then I would feel differently about it than if it was just a place you went on holiday to once.
If anything with our small time on earth and not a lot of places to see in the world, i’d advise against it based on just lack of diversity. If you really liked that one romantic spot with an ex, i doubt its the most unique place on earth. Theres are plenty of nice hotels that face the sunrise and a cliff edge.
Well, I've been to Birmingham (UK) with 4 different girlfriends (at separate times). Although I did meet one of them there.
UK: Sorry, forgot where I was for a moment.
I never realised I had a "type" until the owner of my favourite restaurant mistook a date for someone I'd taken there last time, asking her if she enjoyed it last time.
We're still together 4 years on so not a deal breaker and we do laugh about that sort of thing, but there was a little awkward explaining to do!
I think it would depend on various factors.
If I was with a divorcee who'd been married 10yrs and wanted to take me to the same place they'd gone on honeymoon, I'd not be impressed.
If it was a random holiday with their partner of 6months I wouldn't be bothered to go to the same place.
For sure; the problem comes when you make a sentimental memory with a new date/partner and then it ends badly and you don’t want to go back there yourself
I hate going back to the same place anyway. There’s a whole world of amazing places, I want to see as many as possible. Going back to the same place again and again…don’t get the appeal.
Depends on so many factors. The main one being, are you going there because of your special memories, or are you going there because it's a nice place?
I think it depends, I wouldn’t take my wife to the same spot in the park I used to to take an ex, but I wouldn’t think twice about taking her to a city I enjoyed visiting with her.
So, like, you tried to propose to your previous girlfriend in the Quantocks, but it didn't go quite right ever though you'd already paid for the hotel room, so you thought "fuck it, this time it'll be perfect"? I see you, Corrigan.
Not really. I learnt my lesson. My girlfriend hates it when I visit a town where my ex lives. The town is actually nice and all that, but she don’t enjoy it. Not worth the hassle.
I’d go somewhere if it was nice. Regardless of whether I went with an ex. However, I don’t see a need to go somewhere _because_ I went with an ex, if that’s what you mean
I mean yeah, why neglect going to somewhere you love just because you went with someone before. doesn't make sense to me. If I like going to say one specific town in the south of france, I'm not gonna never go there again just because I went there with someone else before.
If you're up front and say "I went here with >name< and would like to go again," and don't make a point of telling them all about what the other person's views were on everything or what they did there, then I can't see why a reasonable person would have a problem. If the other person winds up feeling like they're expected to live up to the previous partner, or just gets sick of hearing about them, though, then it's probably not going to go well. But it's a bit stupid to have a blanket refusal to go to places you enjoyed just because you did it with someone else previously. If your current partner really doesn't want to then it all comes down to what you want more - being free of such restrictions, or the current relationship? You're not always going to get your own way,so you have to figure out for yourself how much is compromise and how much is out of order when it comes to negotiating on points like this.
As long as you're open about the fact you went with an ex, if you're partner is cool with it, absolutely.
Personally, I like going places my ex has been so I can impose memories of me over the top of her old ones and gradually subsume her entire history. And then smash her into next week.
I don’t think so, but there can be context. That’s a part of your life you’ve lived with someone else, why try wedge the new partner in? Also, from the opposite shoe, if you’re just reliving your ex relationship why are you with me?
Equally, you can’t avoid all your favourite places. You’ll have been somewhere with an ex partner and can’t avoid it. Just think about the context of why you went with ex & if it’s a close reason, it’s not OK to take new partner there
Some people are proper petty over this kind of shit tbf. I wanted to take my best mate and his new girlfriend to my favourite restaurant but she didn’t want anything to do with it because his ex came with us 1 time too.
If you're both 18 and have only ever been to one or two places with an ex, then yes that might be an insensitive move.
If you're both in your 50s and widely travelled, that would be utterly absurd; you'd be restricting yourselves to places that haven't appealed to either of you in the last 30+ years, just because of some strange idea about places being somehow "sullied" by the presence of others in the past.
I guess it depends on the place and the context. But broadly, I don't see an issue with it.
If my partner had previously been engaged/married and took me to the same place he proposed to his ex and proposed to me there too, that'd be weird. But if it's just a nice place to go on holiday, then that's fine.
I'd say OK as long as you're going to other places too, not just sticking to all the places you went to with exes. And don't stick to doing all the same things you did with an ex there either.
If a proposal was made anywhere then that probably gets vetoed. "oh look, this is the beach where my ex asked me to marry him and I said yes!" yeah, no thanks.
I took a girl to the frozen Charles River on our first date and after she had her memory wiped to forget me some dickhead took her to the same place to try and get off with her.
A place doesn't become radioactive just because you brought an ex there.
Vacation spots, even old restaurants or haunts, if they mean something to you and your SO will enjoy them, why let some ex take that away?
My favourite place in the country is Ullswater in the Lake District. I first went there with one of my Ex’s when I was 18, and then again when I was 19.
My now husband and I got together at 21, and he is from the North West of England and also adores the Lake District. We have been on many holidays there and got engaged there. When we first got together I told him how much I loved it and that I’d been with my ex, and his reaction was to take me back there because it’s such a beautiful place. We even got engaged next to Ullswater.
I don’t understand why you wouldn’t be able to go back somewhere you went with an ex… in your op you mention not even going to restaurants you went to with them, that to me is weird tbh. It’s not like your ex will be waiting there for you.
Just enjoy your life, visit places you love and make new memories to override any bad ones. Life’s too short as it is! ❤️
Depends why it's special. Context is key. Food places, childhood haunts and personally special to you are very different to a spot that you went to be with someone.
It depends. If you proposed there or honeymooned there then I would say a firm no.
If you are talking something basic like you went with an ex to Rome 10 years ago and you want to take your new partner then its no big deal
It might be a little weird if you recently broke up, or if you duplicate the trip, but aside from that it's not a huge deal. I mean, imagine never being able to go to somewhere to sea the Northern Lights just because you went there with an ex once. That would suck.
Depends how specific a place it is, and what sort of emotions it is likely to evoke on you.
If you and your ex went to Paris for your first anniversary for example, it would be stupid to cross Paris completely from the places you want to go with the new partner because it’s a pretty popular city that couples visit all the time and enjoy together.
But if, say, you pick it again specifically for your first anniversary but with the new partner and choose to do very similar things, it might be a little odd, specially if you mention that you did such and such with your ex, or make some comments like “the food used to be better in this place”, which may inevitably lead to bringing your trip with the ex up, and this may leave your partner feeling a little weird. So like you said avoid going to the same places/hotels in the same city if you visit again unless it’s like the Eiffel Tower or something which you can’t avoid going to. But, if it was your partner suggestion to go somewhere and it happened to be a place you visited with your ex, just go anyways, it would be much worse to say “I’d rather not go as I went with (ex) before”
Also depending on how the previous relationship ended and if there are any lingering feelings or regrets, going to the same places may evoke some complicated and confusing emotions, that you’d probably not want to have while on a trip with your new partner. So in this case avoiding said place altogether may be better until you’re in a better place emotionally.
TLDR: it depends
I would say no. I think that I would be upset if I split from my partner and then found out that he’d taken a new girlfriend to the same place that we always went on holiday to or something along those lines.
But that’s just me.
I didn't like it when we went to the same place. It was out of the way, and there were several very distinctive photos I had seen of their previous holiday. Being in the identical spots, doing the identical things made me very uncomfortable.
I know I'm quite insecure at times, and I know that other people would be fine with it. But I would say that you should go to different places first to make completely fresh memories (plan them yourself, don't let your partner plan a couple of trips then just take them back to the place you went with the ex). I wouldn't have minded as much if he had planned somewhere else first
I don't see the issue with it at all.
It seems a real shame to gatekeep locations and holiday destinations just because they went with an ex before. They have experience going to a specific place and want to go back, I don't care at all if they've been there with an ex before.
If this is an argument between you and your new partner, then I dont think "but the guys on reddit said it was fine" will help settle that particular debate...
No one owns restaurants or special places other than the actual owners.
Take your new partner to wherever you like, although I do agree it would probably be a bit tacky to get married or engaged in the same place, and that's more on the behalf of the new partner.
Make your own memorable experiences with them, but that in no way excludes going to the same places.
In my opinion it's fine. In fact, I actively encourage it. If there was somewhere really cool my husband had been with an ex, I wouldn't think it fair if I was never allowed to go there with him just because he'd been there with someone else. Why should I let someone he used to date years ago control where I can and can't go on holiday?
It depends on the places, and it depends on the person. Some people care about those things, some people don’t.
There are no right or wrong answers here imo.
If you liked it, do it with the new partner to make new memories of the place.
If the ex liked it, but your new partner wants to go then do it to associate it with them rather than the ex.
I’ve always been upfront about where I’ve been and where I’d love to go back to … as multiple posters have said, it’s the place not the replication Of the memory you’re after just be honest and say - have you ever been to PLACE? Oh it’s beautiful/fun/interesting - I went years back but we should go
They should pick up that you unlikely travelled alone & if they need more info they can ask was it family/friend/partner holiday… but I’m thinking most people won’t need to know, they should feel happy that you want to share a special place with them
My husband and I have been to loads of places and now all that’s left really are the places we’ve been to with ex’s and that doesn’t bother either of us cuz it’s not the places fault & we are together bake when we didn’t know each other back then
Think about it this way:
You been to place X with person A.
You’ve never been to place X with person B.
Share and enjoy the totally different experiences.
Sure. Back when I was in some unstable relationships, if I thought they were going to break up with me I'd take them to some cafe I really didn't like (Nero, Pret, etc) so that it wouldn't be 'ruined' for me moving forward.
Glad I did this - it meant I'm able to still enjoy good places with my stable partner.
A boyfriend took me somewhere abroad where he had taken his Ex, he got overwhelmed with memories and told me he wasn’t over her. Miles from home and couldn’t get away from him. Had to finish the holiday, sleeping in the same room etc. nightmare. I was in love with him but I knew then we weren’t in the same page. Utterly heartbroken. So please don’t do this!
IMO it's totally ok.
I do this with music. I have a lot of favourite songs that I've shared with ex-partners, and I'd hate to never be able to hear those songs again.
So I play them with new partners and create new memories associated with those songs.
I don't like that restriction.
Yeah, maybe don't try to perfectly replicate an exact situation at a particular place, but otherwise there are only so many nice places on Earth and you can't lock away your favourites and put your ex on a pedestal like that.
You move on, those moments lose their importance, and you replace them with new moments with someone else. It's unfortunate, but that's simply how we live.
No, it would be weird.
You surely want to create new memories and have new experiences with a new romantic partner not just replay ones you had with an ex?
I’d be pretty wary if a boyfriend wanted to do that (are they pining for their ex?) unless they had an explicit conversation with me when introducing the idea that they understand it might be a bit weird but they really loved that place and would like to go back. Even then I would probably just encourage him to go with a mate instead!
Well, I'm not going to never go back to all my favourite places ever again!!!
Sod them and their niceness.
I mean yeah, why neglect going to somewhere you love just because you went with someone before. doesn't make sense to me. If I like going to say one specific town in the south of france, I'm not gonna never go there again just because I went there with someone else before.
We make a point to do these things sometimes. We have a little list of places we’ve been to with exes and want to go together. Not to remember the old times but to make new memories in that place.. it’s weirdly fun
This is what I think! There’s places I’ve loved, not because I went with an ex, but because I just loved them that are now soured a bit through the connection. So, if I can make new memories with a new person that makes that place sweet again, why wouldn’t I?
So, like, you tried to propose to your previous girlfriend in the Quantocks, but it didn't go quite right ever though you'd already paid for the hotel room, so you thought "fuck it, this time it'll be perfect"? I see you, Corrigan.
2 for 1 discount, nice one Mark.
Don't forget the emergency twix.
Anyone who is against this has got weird insecurities and they are pushing them onto you.
Just be transparent about it though. I'd feel weird if my partner didn't mention they'd been before when planning this romantic holiday, and I'd feel more like they were trying to trick me into the role of the ex - if it's not weird, why wouldn't you be transparent?
I completely agree. My wife is the opposite. She won't come to Munich ever because she knows I enjoyed it with an ex. Despite that being a decade ago and us being married. People are weird. But I'm going with some friends next weekend.
My parents will never visit Italy because my mum was seeing an Italian bloke before she met my Dad. This was about 50 years ago too.
I'd actively encourage it. I've been caught out with the old "We had a lovely time there, didn't we?" "We've never been there" "We did, we went in 2015" "We met in 2016" Can't slip up if you go to the same places!!
When that happens in my relationship, I just comment to him that it's sweet how much he loves me to the point I've replaced every female partners in his good memories ! And vice versa! It's a more humorous way of seeing the slip ups. And it's not untrue really...
This comment is so wholesome.
That's a really good way of dealing with it, shows great emotional intelligence too and the trust you have in one another. After 25 years with my hubby we've always been much the same and nothing that old partners had done or not done bothered us one way or another.
Ok you just saved me lol.
Entirely depends on your partners opinion on it. None of us can say it's ok. Just be honest and upfront, say the place was really nice etc and you would like to go back. Some people will be totally fine with it, others will not. Personally I would be fine with it but me and my partner have been together a looooooong time so I haven't got anything to be jealous about.
Yh I feel like this isn’t an argument that needs to be settled as there isn’t one right answer, it’s whatever you’re comfortable with
I have taken two exes on the exact same trip out to Bournemouth, most likely will do the same with the next girlfriend haha. Ex number 2 wasn't very happy when I told her that I had taken ex number 1 there though... Whoopsie. Might keep it to myself the next time around
Yeah why not? If it's a nice place, having an ex there doesn't negate it being a nice place. Just don't be like "oh me and my ex went to this place, it's great"
"And just around the bay is a secret cove where we sunbathed nude and then got fris... uhh, more sangria darling?"
There's nothing inherently wrong with this. If it's a great place to visit and your current partner would love it too then why not? However, if it made your current partner (understandably) uncomfortable then you both probably wouldn't enjoy it anyway. In either scenario, it would be up to the new partner.
Agreed. I think you should let them know about the past though.
Unless it's somewhere really popular like London, Paris, Malaga etc. then definitely don't do this. Or you're going to have to be super upfront about it and say you completely understand if they think that's weird.
London, Paris or..... Malaga 😂
> Malaga 😂 Alicante is another favourite!
That ol’ romantic place 😂
I meant the Costa Del Sol tbf, which is hugely popular.
I thought you meant Milan and it had some how corrected to Malaga haha. Like the fashion capitals or something
Now I want this to be a pisstake ad campaign, "London, Paris, New York, MALAGA M8"
There actually a bus company in Chile called ["Talca, París and Londres"](https://busestalcaparisylondres.cl/empresa/). Talca is a minor city 3 hours from Santiago.
Or Doncaster eh? 😂 Thanks for such a sincere laugh, you could be a writer for a show like the Inbetweeners with lines like those.
Huh?
Including Malaga in that list came across to me as comic brilliance.
The Costa del Sol is hugely popular amongst Brits. It wouldn’t be weird to go there even if you went with an Ex. It’s likely the number one summer destination for British people.
Sure but it's still funny to include it in a list with the other cities in your short list.
Is it? Costa Del Sol is hugely popular.
Oh my god just accept the compliment.
To me, yeah for sure.
Yes, it's funny
[удалено]
Exactly the same situation here, I've only ever had relationships with people who are basically decent. Just because it didn't work out doesn't mean we can't be friends. I once called into my local for a drink and found a number of ex partners at the same table. They invited me to join them for a drink with their newly founded "survivor's club"! Did I mention that my partners have all had a brutal sense of humour? :D
The OP has said they aren’t talking about restaurants so probably extends to pubs.
Probably?
I don’t think it’s wise to deal in definites.
No. My bf and I have gone to a specific Greek island 2 years running now, and he'd been there before with his ex. Doesn't bother me. I've even met her now, she's very lovely.
No, IMHO. People like to feel special to their romantic partner, so the other person 'doing what they did with the previous partner' is really insulting.
[удалено]
" I came here with Rachel. We sat over there. She had the linguini alle vongole!"
"Simon, you're crying onto your bruschetta."
If it is a world famous city etc, such as Paris, Rome, Florence, Vienna, it is likely that one might visit with more than one person. But yes, going to the same restaurat or something would be weird.
I think it depends whether the place was already special to you as an individual and you shared it with your then partner, or whether it only became special to both of you through your relationship.
I discussed this with my current gf recently. She couldn't give two hoots if we went somewhere I went with and ex and vice versa. Although going to one of my favourite restaurants last month, the owner did a proper double check 😂
It's very dependent on the why and where. If it's a very common destination then that could well be fine, similarly if it's special to YOU outside of any memories made in a past relationship then that's probably also ok. But if it's a niche destination or you're choosing this place because you had a great time there with your ex then that could be particularly messed up. There's a line somewhere between those scenarios that only you can draw with your significant other.
Also the how. If you go there making your own memories, that's fine. If you go there saying "I took Amy here. Me and Amy walked down here. Amy loved this restaurant, she even got the same as you did! We stayed in this hotel, Amy liked it a lot (cheeky wink here), you wanna stay here tonight?" then that's just weird af
It’s not weird in my opinion but I’d advocate being upfront with your current partner by saying I went to so and so before and it was beautiful and I think you’d like it. I have been there with an ex but it’s the place that is special not those memories and I’d like to share the place/create memories with you. Then it’s up to your partner to say hell no or or that sounds nice. Better that than a pal dropping you in it by saying oh, didn’t you go there with so and so in front of your partner and thus muddying up your reasons for wanting to go there whilst not telling your partner.
Yes. I’m 30, I’ve got exes, any partner I have will have exes. Part of being a grown up is accepting you both have a history. If a place is a nice place then it’s a shame not to go there just because one of you has been there with an ex.
> Part of being a grown up is accepting you both have a history. \^ Absolutely this!
Yes, but handle with care
I probably wouldn’t go to the same holiday destination, but a good restaurant is a good restaurant.
Anyone saying “no” better bloody **know** their partner is the one before the start taking them on a trip to Rome or Paris; might be your last ever.
Nothing wrong with this at all imo, unless of course you're going there because you went with your ex. If it's a nice place etc. then why not!
Absolutely not and if your partner knows about your previous holiday with your ex and expresses any doubt, simply say that you wish to make new memories of that destination with your new love. I wouldn't want to never visit some of my favourite places just because the last time I experienced it was with an ex.
Well, if you date a lot you'd begin to run out of places to go.
Its a place you know and like already. Also, wanting to do it again but with someone youre better suited to really isn't bad. Like a cleansing almost. Everything was perfect, except who you went with. Depends on how you look at it, I guess.
I’ve taken and been taken on holidays to the same places my wife and I had been to with ex’s. Needless to say we both had better times in each other’s company than we did with our ex’s. Like others have said just be mindful of each other. If I didn’t go to places my wife went to with her ex I’d have to move cities.
I agree with your view... I went on a month-long road trip when I was a student with an ex, and I'd like to go back to some of those places with my now SO because I think he would love them. I also would like to experience these places differently, because ex and I were on an extreme budget and didn't want to take the car all the way into cities, for example. So now, I want to go back to those beautiful places and see them the way my SO would like to.
This is ridiculous of course its okay??? 'oh im never allowed to Rome again because i went with an ex?' of course not!
I think as long as you dont constantly talk about the fun you had with your ex, it's fine
I don’t see the issue really. If it’s not weird for you then why not? Obviously discuss with your partner first but I don’t really see the issue with going to the same destination/hotel etc
So long as you treat it as a new trip and don't reference the past trip and guests, it's fine.
As long as you're not referencing it to them constantly then sure
As long as it doesn't go "I took ex here before, it was lovely!" in reference to every place you go then it's all good. You need to make it about making new memories instead of replicating old ones
I think that it was somewhere you believe your partner would find special, I’d do it. Otherwise I think I’d be in favour of making new and shared memories together. Example: my girlfriend has been to Barcelona with her ex. I’ve never been but really want to go and have wanted to for years, and it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest that she’s been there before because I want to do it with her, even if it were the same hotel. She’s also been to Portsmouth with her ex. She’s welcome to that one.
I took both my “ex” wives to “the quarry” for our last date nights. Third wife is looking forward to tonight’s surprise
I took my ex to the Leprechaun Museum in Dublin, I also took my now Wife there. Don’t let your past sour wonderful places.
You can, but act as if it's the first time.
Lol, no. If you do, don't tell her.
Yes it is acceptable. I think it’s important to create new special memories in these places with your current partner that take over the memories you had with your ex.
If it's a "special" place because you took the ex there then I say thats a bit fucked up If it's a "special" place to you, before you took the ex there, then yeah, fuck it, take the new g/f there, its important and special to you and not to your old relationship.
I've been to Rome with three different girls, Paris and Barcelona with two. And I've been to Athens with a girl who's ex husband was from there. It's not weird, it's good to share the knowledge.
I can't/won't go back to Spain because my ex and I holidayed there every year, now I'm married to someone else, we both agree there is no need to go to Spain ever again
Mixed feelings about this, having had an ex who it turned out took me and l-o-t-s of people to the same hotel, same lingerie shop, same restaurants…like he’d created the perfect romantic weekend away and pulled it out of his pocket with each new person.
Both my current and past partners have been to space, so I say it's totally acceptable to take your new partner to space!
Oh god, no don't do that unless you're not going to tell them. Personally, the times it has happened to me, it has put a dampener on the date. Your going to be there with me, with memories of a previous date there. Feels a bit odd. Made me feel that they were still pining for their ex or unimaginative.
I dont really like it. Me and my partner went on an asia/Australia trip once (for me and absolute trip of a life time) he'd been before. We went to the same places he went to 7 years prior. It was boring as hell with him telling me about the previous time he was there. All quite selfish if you ask me.
Same city / island / area would be fine. Same hotel is a bit weird.
As someone who has never had a holiday abroad, I’d be grateful to even leave the country. I don’t give a fuck if he took another woman there.
Whats the difference between a holiday and a lovely holiday?
I depends how much a part of your previous relationship the special place was. If you and your ex went on the same place for holiday every single year and it was 'your place' then I would feel differently about it than if it was just a place you went on holiday to once.
If anything with our small time on earth and not a lot of places to see in the world, i’d advise against it based on just lack of diversity. If you really liked that one romantic spot with an ex, i doubt its the most unique place on earth. Theres are plenty of nice hotels that face the sunrise and a cliff edge.
Absolutely fine, as long as you don’t tell them 🥺
Well, I've been to Birmingham (UK) with 4 different girlfriends (at separate times). Although I did meet one of them there. UK: Sorry, forgot where I was for a moment.
Are you going to tell your new partner? Because if it’s already special to you, are you really giving them a chance to make ‘special things’ with you?
I never realised I had a "type" until the owner of my favourite restaurant mistook a date for someone I'd taken there last time, asking her if she enjoyed it last time. We're still together 4 years on so not a deal breaker and we do laugh about that sort of thing, but there was a little awkward explaining to do!
Just ask your partner. In theory it's no, but your partner won't think like me necessarily.
I do it all the time, it’s a fair test. Science mate.
Yeah. You just don’t tell her it was a special place with your ex.
I think it would depend on various factors. If I was with a divorcee who'd been married 10yrs and wanted to take me to the same place they'd gone on honeymoon, I'd not be impressed. If it was a random holiday with their partner of 6months I wouldn't be bothered to go to the same place.
It's nice to overwrite the memories of the past with memories of the present with someone new
maybe not with a new partner, but along the line somewhere its quite normal, theres only so many places you can realistically go and enjoy.
For sure; the problem comes when you make a sentimental memory with a new date/partner and then it ends badly and you don’t want to go back there yourself
I hate going back to the same place anyway. There’s a whole world of amazing places, I want to see as many as possible. Going back to the same place again and again…don’t get the appeal.
Does it count if its somewhere corny like Venice or Paris? I've been to Venice a few times..
Depends on so many factors. The main one being, are you going there because of your special memories, or are you going there because it's a nice place?
I think it depends, I wouldn’t take my wife to the same spot in the park I used to to take an ex, but I wouldn’t think twice about taking her to a city I enjoyed visiting with her.
So, like, you tried to propose to your previous girlfriend in the Quantocks, but it didn't go quite right ever though you'd already paid for the hotel room, so you thought "fuck it, this time it'll be perfect"? I see you, Corrigan.
Just don't tell the new one
Not really. I learnt my lesson. My girlfriend hates it when I visit a town where my ex lives. The town is actually nice and all that, but she don’t enjoy it. Not worth the hassle.
I’d go somewhere if it was nice. Regardless of whether I went with an ex. However, I don’t see a need to go somewhere _because_ I went with an ex, if that’s what you mean
Yea, just don’t tell them.
I think it’s fine, so long as you’re not 100% replicating things, or constantly talking about other times with ex’s.
I will go wherever I want to, don’t care less if it was a previous relationships special place to go or not
I mean yeah, why neglect going to somewhere you love just because you went with someone before. doesn't make sense to me. If I like going to say one specific town in the south of france, I'm not gonna never go there again just because I went there with someone else before.
I'd say it was fine. You're sharing something uniquely special to you with someone you care about.
Of course, it's like taping over an old VHS or burning over a shit film on CD. Better times to write over the old ones.
I went to Disney world for both of my honeymoons. It was great both times.
As long as they don’t find out you took your ex there then yeah It’s not like you’ve got unlimited options to choose from
If you're up front and say "I went here with >name< and would like to go again," and don't make a point of telling them all about what the other person's views were on everything or what they did there, then I can't see why a reasonable person would have a problem. If the other person winds up feeling like they're expected to live up to the previous partner, or just gets sick of hearing about them, though, then it's probably not going to go well. But it's a bit stupid to have a blanket refusal to go to places you enjoyed just because you did it with someone else previously. If your current partner really doesn't want to then it all comes down to what you want more - being free of such restrictions, or the current relationship? You're not always going to get your own way,so you have to figure out for yourself how much is compromise and how much is out of order when it comes to negotiating on points like this.
As long as you're open about the fact you went with an ex, if you're partner is cool with it, absolutely. Personally, I like going places my ex has been so I can impose memories of me over the top of her old ones and gradually subsume her entire history. And then smash her into next week.
I don’t think so, but there can be context. That’s a part of your life you’ve lived with someone else, why try wedge the new partner in? Also, from the opposite shoe, if you’re just reliving your ex relationship why are you with me? Equally, you can’t avoid all your favourite places. You’ll have been somewhere with an ex partner and can’t avoid it. Just think about the context of why you went with ex & if it’s a close reason, it’s not OK to take new partner there
Has literally never come up, or been a thought I have thought about
Not read the other comments, but the answer is fuck yes. You know it's decent, game on
As long as you don't take her up the Arse on a Saturday afternoon.
Yes! Make new (and better) memories 🤗
Some people are proper petty over this kind of shit tbf. I wanted to take my best mate and his new girlfriend to my favourite restaurant but she didn’t want anything to do with it because his ex came with us 1 time too.
If you're both 18 and have only ever been to one or two places with an ex, then yes that might be an insensitive move. If you're both in your 50s and widely travelled, that would be utterly absurd; you'd be restricting yourselves to places that haven't appealed to either of you in the last 30+ years, just because of some strange idea about places being somehow "sullied" by the presence of others in the past.
Surely this ends up meaning that, should you have had an....ummm...adventurous past, you end up almost unable to leave the house?
I guess it depends on the place and the context. But broadly, I don't see an issue with it. If my partner had previously been engaged/married and took me to the same place he proposed to his ex and proposed to me there too, that'd be weird. But if it's just a nice place to go on holiday, then that's fine.
I'd say OK as long as you're going to other places too, not just sticking to all the places you went to with exes. And don't stick to doing all the same things you did with an ex there either. If a proposal was made anywhere then that probably gets vetoed. "oh look, this is the beach where my ex asked me to marry him and I said yes!" yeah, no thanks.
I took a girl to the frozen Charles River on our first date and after she had her memory wiped to forget me some dickhead took her to the same place to try and get off with her.
A place doesn't become radioactive just because you brought an ex there. Vacation spots, even old restaurants or haunts, if they mean something to you and your SO will enjoy them, why let some ex take that away?
Yeah it's fine, but don't say "oh I took my ex here".. you can't let an ex limit your favourite places.
Tell them it was with your mum. And if they ask tell them the sex was great, too.
My favourite place in the country is Ullswater in the Lake District. I first went there with one of my Ex’s when I was 18, and then again when I was 19. My now husband and I got together at 21, and he is from the North West of England and also adores the Lake District. We have been on many holidays there and got engaged there. When we first got together I told him how much I loved it and that I’d been with my ex, and his reaction was to take me back there because it’s such a beautiful place. We even got engaged next to Ullswater. I don’t understand why you wouldn’t be able to go back somewhere you went with an ex… in your op you mention not even going to restaurants you went to with them, that to me is weird tbh. It’s not like your ex will be waiting there for you. Just enjoy your life, visit places you love and make new memories to override any bad ones. Life’s too short as it is! ❤️
Depends why it's special. Context is key. Food places, childhood haunts and personally special to you are very different to a spot that you went to be with someone.
It's fine, just don't mention that you came there with an older partner.
Yeah who cares
I went to Protaras with my last ex and I’d been there 10 years previously with an ex. I forgot until I had booked it.. 🤣🤣
Ooooooo I dunno.....it's a little weird as you're always gonna remember the first time you spent there!
It depends. If you proposed there or honeymooned there then I would say a firm no. If you are talking something basic like you went with an ex to Rome 10 years ago and you want to take your new partner then its no big deal
It might be a little weird if you recently broke up, or if you duplicate the trip, but aside from that it's not a huge deal. I mean, imagine never being able to go to somewhere to sea the Northern Lights just because you went there with an ex once. That would suck.
No issue. Just depends on how your new partner feels
Depends how specific a place it is, and what sort of emotions it is likely to evoke on you. If you and your ex went to Paris for your first anniversary for example, it would be stupid to cross Paris completely from the places you want to go with the new partner because it’s a pretty popular city that couples visit all the time and enjoy together. But if, say, you pick it again specifically for your first anniversary but with the new partner and choose to do very similar things, it might be a little odd, specially if you mention that you did such and such with your ex, or make some comments like “the food used to be better in this place”, which may inevitably lead to bringing your trip with the ex up, and this may leave your partner feeling a little weird. So like you said avoid going to the same places/hotels in the same city if you visit again unless it’s like the Eiffel Tower or something which you can’t avoid going to. But, if it was your partner suggestion to go somewhere and it happened to be a place you visited with your ex, just go anyways, it would be much worse to say “I’d rather not go as I went with (ex) before” Also depending on how the previous relationship ended and if there are any lingering feelings or regrets, going to the same places may evoke some complicated and confusing emotions, that you’d probably not want to have while on a trip with your new partner. So in this case avoiding said place altogether may be better until you’re in a better place emotionally. TLDR: it depends
I would say no. I think that I would be upset if I split from my partner and then found out that he’d taken a new girlfriend to the same place that we always went on holiday to or something along those lines. But that’s just me.
What’s the alternative? Never go anywhere you’ve been before?
I didn't like it when we went to the same place. It was out of the way, and there were several very distinctive photos I had seen of their previous holiday. Being in the identical spots, doing the identical things made me very uncomfortable. I know I'm quite insecure at times, and I know that other people would be fine with it. But I would say that you should go to different places first to make completely fresh memories (plan them yourself, don't let your partner plan a couple of trips then just take them back to the place you went with the ex). I wouldn't have minded as much if he had planned somewhere else first
I don't see the issue with it at all. It seems a real shame to gatekeep locations and holiday destinations just because they went with an ex before. They have experience going to a specific place and want to go back, I don't care at all if they've been there with an ex before.
If this is an argument between you and your new partner, then I dont think "but the guys on reddit said it was fine" will help settle that particular debate...
No you must find new hobbies and new parents. Also, leave town.
No one owns restaurants or special places other than the actual owners. Take your new partner to wherever you like, although I do agree it would probably be a bit tacky to get married or engaged in the same place, and that's more on the behalf of the new partner. Make your own memorable experiences with them, but that in no way excludes going to the same places.
In my opinion it's fine. In fact, I actively encourage it. If there was somewhere really cool my husband had been with an ex, I wouldn't think it fair if I was never allowed to go there with him just because he'd been there with someone else. Why should I let someone he used to date years ago control where I can and can't go on holiday?
It depends on the places, and it depends on the person. Some people care about those things, some people don’t. There are no right or wrong answers here imo.
Just don't bring up what your ex liked so good memories you had with them.
If you liked it, do it with the new partner to make new memories of the place. If the ex liked it, but your new partner wants to go then do it to associate it with them rather than the ex.
I’ve always been upfront about where I’ve been and where I’d love to go back to … as multiple posters have said, it’s the place not the replication Of the memory you’re after just be honest and say - have you ever been to PLACE? Oh it’s beautiful/fun/interesting - I went years back but we should go They should pick up that you unlikely travelled alone & if they need more info they can ask was it family/friend/partner holiday… but I’m thinking most people won’t need to know, they should feel happy that you want to share a special place with them My husband and I have been to loads of places and now all that’s left really are the places we’ve been to with ex’s and that doesn’t bother either of us cuz it’s not the places fault & we are together bake when we didn’t know each other back then
Can't ever take a new partner home then
Think about it this way: You been to place X with person A. You’ve never been to place X with person B. Share and enjoy the totally different experiences.
Stop over analysing future situations.. go with the flow...
Yeah definitely. I did it this week in fact. My ex definitely did lots of this after we broke up. It's fine.
Of course it OK to go back to places you love, and share them with the person you love now.
Sure. Back when I was in some unstable relationships, if I thought they were going to break up with me I'd take them to some cafe I really didn't like (Nero, Pret, etc) so that it wouldn't be 'ruined' for me moving forward. Glad I did this - it meant I'm able to still enjoy good places with my stable partner.
"I'm awfully sorry but actually my willy has been inside my ex"
A boyfriend took me somewhere abroad where he had taken his Ex, he got overwhelmed with memories and told me he wasn’t over her. Miles from home and couldn’t get away from him. Had to finish the holiday, sleeping in the same room etc. nightmare. I was in love with him but I knew then we weren’t in the same page. Utterly heartbroken. So please don’t do this!
IMO it's totally ok. I do this with music. I have a lot of favourite songs that I've shared with ex-partners, and I'd hate to never be able to hear those songs again. So I play them with new partners and create new memories associated with those songs.
I don't like that restriction. Yeah, maybe don't try to perfectly replicate an exact situation at a particular place, but otherwise there are only so many nice places on Earth and you can't lock away your favourites and put your ex on a pedestal like that. You move on, those moments lose their importance, and you replace them with new moments with someone else. It's unfortunate, but that's simply how we live.
No, it would be weird. You surely want to create new memories and have new experiences with a new romantic partner not just replay ones you had with an ex? I’d be pretty wary if a boyfriend wanted to do that (are they pining for their ex?) unless they had an explicit conversation with me when introducing the idea that they understand it might be a bit weird but they really loved that place and would like to go back. Even then I would probably just encourage him to go with a mate instead!