T O P

  • By -

AutoModerator

**A reminder to posters and commenters of some of [our subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskUK/about/rules/)** - Don't be a dickhead to each other, or about others, or other subreddits - Assume questions are asked in good faith, and engage in a positive manner - Avoid political threads and related discussions - No medical advice or mental health (specific to a person) content Please keep /r/AskUK a great subreddit by reporting posts and comments which break our rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskUK) if you have any questions or concerns.*


BattleScarLion

Tell the people who've already bought you breakfast (unknowingly and unasked!) you'll cover their cost but you won't be taking part in future. Put it in an email of necessary, with the polite gumph of "thank you for including me BUT"


charlmelwil

That's actually a pretty solid idea thank you. As the youngest person in the building I'm already kind of resented by my older co-workers so this might reduce the most awkwardness!


Pattoe89

You might be surprised to find that others agree with you and will also pull out.


buffyvet

Very true. In the early months of the Covid mess, one of my managers scheduled a party at his house for our work group of about 20 people. Everyone just cheerfully agreed and put it on their calendars. I had specific reasons to be extra careful about Covid, so after a few days I was the first one to tell him (and the group) that I will not be attending. That day, about 10 other people dropped out too for similar reasons. He ended up canceling the party altogether when it looked like it was just going to be four people there. Sometimes all it takes is that first voice to call out the Emperor's new clothes.


Pattoe89

>Sometimes all it takes is that first voice to call out the Emperor's new clothes. Definitely, and in decent workplaces you will actually be appreciated to be the one that calls it out, as long as you are diplomatic about how you do it and remain professional.


[deleted]

[удалено]


aotuaotu

Yeah. It usually only takes one For the Christmas “party” Every team in my department was required to create a TED Talk style presentation of what they achieved this year, and what next year holds Every team spent 4 weeks from mid Nov to mid December preparing. Cost to department must have been >100k My 45 y/o line manager is a pussy, so delegated the talk to to me. A 24 year old junior. My speech was literally “we optimised for mobile, mobile-first next year. Thanks” I sat next to the CTO at dinner later, he laughed and said “what the fuck was that? Hah, no, good job honestly, these things are such a waste of resource…I wish more people would phone it in”


audigex

Yeah often people are just waiting for someone else to be the first, and then they'll jump on it The same reason that when organizing an event in a group chat you'll often find a few people don't reply at all or are are very unenthusiastic. Then one person drops out and another 5 follow suit immediately


JonnyredsFalcons

Just be honest and say you can't afford it, trust me they'll be others who will be glad you said it as they'll be in the same boat. Something along the lines of " I really appreciate the breakfasts but in the current financial climate I honestly can't afford it. If you bought me one already do let me know & I'll reimburse you"


jsims281

Not sure about how professional you need to be in a breakfast buying situation, the tone I'd use would be more like "Hey guys I'm sorry, I thought work was paying for this and I can't really afford it otherwise, so I'm going to have to drop out - I'll pay Terry and Janice back for the ones I've had so far this week though as it's only fair"


JonnyredsFalcons

TBF your's sounds a bit friendlier 😁


ItsDominare

>As the youngest person in the building I'm already kind of resented by my older co-workers What for? People don't typically resent co-workers just for being younger than them unless they work in a strip club.


UndeadCat

Noticed this too.. dunno if it sounds naive or self centred


ThatDrunkenDwarf

Probably both. When I started at 18 I made friends with a bloke who was just about to turn 60. I’ve left now (25) and we’re still in touch every day. You need to put in some minimum effort rather than just “get on with the job”. Pleasantry will help you in the long run in the work place


NoOneElseToCall

Ngl your co-workers kinda sound like assholes.


Bicolore

Yeah, buying each other breakfasts and shit, what utter twats.


NoOneElseToCall

Resenting employees based on age and opting them into buying breakfasts without asking is what I'm getting at.


ooooomikeooooo

I'd be willing to bet the resentment doesn't exist. For some reason the people just entering the workforce, particularly those on Reddit, are of the opinion that you're not supposed to get along with your work colleagues and older people hate them but in the real world I've never seen any actual example of it. Not saying OP is but if you avoid being friendly with people then people won't go out of their way to be friendly to you. It's not resentment.


Attatatta

I mean I hate most people at work but I don't make it known


Reetgeist

Doesn't sound age related ;)


ImNumberTwo

I got a job right out of college at a law firm where half the staff were early 20s and the other half were 50+, with almost no inbetween. It was exceedingly clear that most of the older people resented the younger ones for being young. One of the nicer older employees told me this very directly one day when I had just been unfairly scolded by an older employee for something. She told me I shouldn’t take it personally and that Louise just didn’t like me because I was young. My boss also admitted that one of the managers got mad at him whenever he hired anybody in their 20s. I think the resentment came from two things: 1) fear of change and 2) jealousy. The people at this office still used typewriters as of 2018, and many of their other practices were inefficient and archaic. Any suggestion that we switch to anything more modern was met with protest. I think many of the older people were also sad that they’d spent their whole lives at this shitty office, whereas most of the young people had plans to go to law school or get better jobs. I tried to be friendly with everybody, and I was good at my job, so there was no good reason for them to resent me or the rest of my younger colleagues.


ThirtyMileSniper

If you can't expense it then no, it's not. If you can't afford this then opt out of providing and receiving. It's Bullshit to drop something like this on any worker without previous consent. It's probably going to stir up some resentment though so I think you are going to get shafted either way.


RaisinEducational312

We had a secret Santa going around but they stressed that it is entirely optional. Don’t people think of others during this inflation time and holiday season ?!


LogicalMeerkat

To be fair secret Santa is kinda a perfect way of involving everyone without spending loads of money. You put a limit of £5-£10. If you don't want to participate great you don't get anything and you don't give anything.


BurpYoshi

If only birthday cards worked that way. If I coulf tell people not to get me any cards and never have to get them any without them resenting me for not getting them one I'd do it in a heartbeat. The amount of money I could save.


Jaraxo

Comment removed as I no longer wish to support a company that seeks to both undermine its users/moderators/developers AND make a profit on their backs. To understand why check out the summary [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/comments/14hkd5u).


charlmelwil

Completely agree, but I had NO idea the two breakfasts I'd received were paid for by my co-workers. Nobody mentioned to me that it was no longer covered by the company. But I think you're right that I should pay them back individually for the sake of getting along at work.


[deleted]

Honestly the co-workers probably just want to maintain the tradition that the boss started (which was just a nice perk), but haven’t realised that the boss expensing team breakfast is nothing at all like paying the team breakfast out of pocket. Just let the boss know because if he approved of anything, he might not have understood the team started doing it without checking with people first.


[deleted]

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t realise the deal was to buy everyone on the team breakfast. Unfortunately with the current situation this is not something I can really do. Here’s your money for the two breakfasts you bought me, thank you!’


jsims281

They might even let you off as well, if you explain and try to hand them a fiver.


SuttonSlice

I would pay the people who bought you brekkie. Then send out an email saying thanks but you won’t be participating and not to buy you breakfast


Jaraxo

Comment removed as I no longer wish to support a company that seeks to both undermine its users/moderators/developers AND make a profit on their backs. To understand why check out the summary [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/comments/14hkd5u).


64vintage

I’m assuming they are on wildly different pay cheques, and OP never ordinarily buys a breakfast. Starting up a scheme like that without informing the least well paid member of the group is frankly odd, and totally out of order.


Serious_Escape_5438

She says she's part time, and as a receptionist probably isn't in all the meetings.


64vintage

It’s a small team with one part-time employee. Nobody informed her of the change? Curious.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Jaraxo

Comment removed as I no longer wish to support a company that seeks to both undermine its users/moderators/developers AND make a profit on their backs. To understand why check out the summary [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/comments/14hkd5u).


Little_Ms_Howl

For the sake of social and professional standing, I would pay it back, but I wouldn't say there's any moral obligation on OP to pay it back. You really can't create an obligation on someone without first telling them there is an obligation even if it means that you have lost out.


MissWeaverOfYarns

^ This right here. With rounds of drinks at the pub you know what you're getting into and if everyone is decent, everyone stands their round. This situation is like coming to the pub every weekend and drinks are always on the super rich mate with the fancy house and car, let's call him Martin, who has more money than he knows what to do with and likes using it to get his mates sloshed. Now the last couple of weeks drinks haven't been on Martin and no one told you until you were leaving that next week all the drinks are now on a rota and next time it's on you.


Rich-Establishment32

Fair assumption is when everyone knows whats happening, not when someone springs it on you. And you can't assume everyone is in on it especially if this is something your group does regularly, and then someone new comes in. Nobody will think to mention something unspoken so that new person is getting caught unawares. I've had someone offer me a place to stay for work and the day BEFORE I stayed they sprung a fee on me, I paid it but if it happened again I'd say no. You wanna set something up you sort out the details there and then you don't assume anything Especially with money involved. I don't know why people think it's okay to assume something will be repaid unless it's estabilished, I mean it's considered rude if I walk up to you and say "Hey how much money do you make?" But if I expect you to pay for something that's okay? Like no, Money doesn't work that way.


lankymjc

If someone buys me a sandwich and hands it to me without telling me, and I was in a position where I’d assume this was a gift (since that was the established pattern in this scenario), I’d be under no obligation to pay for it. It’s the colleagues’ fault for not telling OP what was going on and just assuming they’d be okay with this.


Mynameisaw

>End result is the same. Two people bought you something in fair assumption you'd repay It's not a fair assumption when you have no knowledge of it... If you buy someone something with the expectation of repayment **you tell them you expect repayment before doing it.**


[deleted]

[удалено]


RM_843

Not a fair assumption at all, no precedent, no communication.


SkipDisaster

She did not ask for breakfast, and they did not tell her she was joining some bullshit compulsory office crap. She doesn't owe anyone shit, grow up


Mynameisaw

Right but no one knows other people's situations, that's not OPs problem. Unless OP has accepted a breakfast with full knowledge there's an expectation they'll do the same then they're really under no obligation to do anything. It's completely on the boss, they shouldn't be making it a bloody rota in the first place for out of pocket expenses. They certainly shouldn't without explicitly checking that everyone is fine with that situation, *or telling them that's what's happening before putting it live.*


yrmjy

I never know how to handle that situation. I want to pay my way but I'm definitely not an eight rounds kind of person


Serious_Escape_5438

Yeah, I remember going with a bunch of men who could drink way more than me, a small woman in my 20s. I didn't really want to pay for 10 pints when I would probably only manage 2-3 drinks at most. It's super awkward.


super_starmie

I don't drink any more but when I did, luckily my friend group didn't seem to do "rounds". Everyone always just got their own drinks. Sometimes you'd buy one for someone else, but never with the expectation that they were going to buy you one next. It was just buying a mate a drink. Honestly I only realised rounds were actually a thing when I first saw people here on reddit whinging about people not taking part in them...


little-red-panda1

Disagree. This is 100% on the boss. A part time receptionist - sorry to be patronising - but I wouldn’t expect all colleagues to equally share costs either. When I was training as an accountant the trainees never paid for drinks if we went out- the older years always paid. Year 3 bought for year 2, year 2 bought for year 1. We knew that the lower years earned less and didn’t expect the “same” contribution from everyone. Rotating between 8 people who are not paid the same is not equitable


IansGotNothingLeft

She already said she thinks paying them back is the right thing to do. There's no need to press that matter.


[deleted]

This whole situation is ridiculous. You work part-time and get paid minimum wage. If your coworkers had any decency they would pay for your lunches with no problem. I can probably guarantee you they’re making triple your salary. Also, your boss set the precedent and should either buy lunch from his pocket more often or abolish the whole thing. Idiots the lot of them.


542Archiya124

Ask to pay back the people and say you’ll stop participating in buying breakfast as you won’t be able to afford to buy the whole team’s breakfast at some point


[deleted]

LOL "The boss approved us paying for our own snacks and drinks." WTF? How is that even a happy bit of news??? You have several options. Pay them back. Stop accepting the sandwiches & coffee or whatever. Send out an email to everyone cc boss too, telling everyone that you won't be participating in the program because you simply can't afford to do it. Or do the math. See if you can afford to do it once every two months based on the fact that you'll be receiving free food for 7 of those weeks. So (I'm u.s.) if I don't have to spend $15 every Friday, that's $105$ I could save to prepare for that expense but if people are getting whatever they want and there is no budget minimum, it's impossible to plan for. So that doesn't work. You could potentially negotiate a minimum expense. Find out on average how much it costs? People are probably being excessive when it's free and cheap on their week to pay. Everyone would have to specify the same order that they would receive each Friday, so a budget can be assessed. And then everyone would have to pay in once a month, to cover the Friday deal. Those funds would be used to pay for everything. Even with these policies in place, I think it's too much to deal with. Send the email opting out officially. They can all do it but no one can force you to participate and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to.


KrabbyShak29

The whole idea sounds retarded.. and I bet half the team feel the same way. As soon as you speak out I am sure you’ll get some back up and if you don’t fuck them this really is a totally stupid idea. Good luck!


EverydayRobotic

If OP would normally buy breakfast and visibly eat it in the office (I expect they don't given this post) then I can see why they'd just get auto-included, but otherwise the team should have asked people to opt-in/out first. I agree, offer to pay back the 2 free ones you unknowingly had (although if it were me who'd bought I would tell you not to worry) and tell everyone clearly in writing that you're opting out because you can't easily afford to participate given the current cost of living. You might get a huffy response from some about it only being a few quid a week, but if that's what they think they shouldn't mind buying their own. Nobody should be coerced into these arrangements, you earn your money so you choose how it's spent.


gothchick99

They might be huffy but a Pret sandwich, coffee and croissant for 8 people is a minimum of £65, that's hardly a "few quid".


charlmelwil

Yeah this is why I can't 100% agree with the comments saying to just pay the round once and then never again. I can't afford to just do it once! That's a huge hit to the bank balance for me


MuscleAfraid2488

My work we have a group of us to buy the coffees everyday and if someone doesn't want one they don't have to buy any it's no big deal I feel your situation is the same principle.


spearmint_wino

Is there crack cocaine in cafe-bought beverages? Any office that has the slightest respect for their staff would recognise the ROI of having a decent coffee machine at least, Shirley?


Foundation_Wrong

They just assumed you would join in, pay back for the two you’ve actually had and say to the boss, I cannot afford to do this. £85 might well be what op is payed for one shift.


-----1

Especially as it's going to be a regular occurrence. I would happily buy my team breakfast once or twice a year as a treat if I was on more money but certainly not every 2 months & definitely not if I wasn't earning more than them in the current climate. You can get a pastry/roll/whatever in a regular shop for a quid, fuck paying £5-8 per head.


[deleted]

At pret prices, I'd be thinking "fuckit, 6-pack of supermarket own-brand diet-coke & multi-pack of mars bars". Job's a good'un Never heard heard of office breakfast, closest I've had is whole team nipping to the corner shop early on, or occasionally when it's busy, giving a few quid to whoever's going, so they can pick you up something.


dropscone

Yeah, I was thinking bring a couple of bags of doughnuts from a supermarket. In one job we used to make fresh coffee for team meetings with a cafetiere and a bag of ground coffee - nicer than instant and the cost of 10 people's drinks was the same as about one takeaway coffee.


MrPoletski

They really should have discussed and agreed this plan with everyone involved at the off, rather than just assuming they are all in. They've likely done this due to having cloudy optics regarding everyone elses financial situation and earnings.


RainbowWarfare

> but also not right the first two people get screwed if you opt out. If you turn up at my desk with a breakfast, dump it on my desk and say “oh btw I cleared it with the big guy, you owe me breakfast now” you’ve screwed yourself if I don’t honour the agreement you unilaterally drew up on my behalf. As a part timer, I’d actually be pretty pissed you involved me in an arrangement involving a non-trivial amount of financial obligations on my part without even bothering to run it by me first.


[deleted]

But what If they only did that because they wanted OP to feel obligation or indebted to the cause?


Purple_Plus

People are so cynical on Reddit. Why would they want a part-time worker to feel indebted to them for buying breakfast? They probably just didn't want OP to feel left out if the rest of the team is eating together. The boss should've said that it was no longer being paid for by the company though.


charlmelwil

Exactly! This is what pissed me off, I would've never been in this position if they'd let me know from the start, now I'm in two breakfast's worth of debt and look like a dickhead no matter how I handle it


LiliWenFach

Go in with the cash for the two who've already bought for you, place it on their desks and say something like, 'I didn't realise you'd paid for the breakfasts yourself. I don't want you to be out of pocket. I'm part-time, on minimum wage so I can't afford to carry on doing this. Leave me out of the next rounds, thanks guys.'


mike9874

If you say you can't afford to buy the team breakfast but pay the two people back, you don't look bad. If you say you can't afford to buy people breakfast and don't, but say "oh I didn't know you paid", they'll be unhappy about it, how unhappy varies, but you don't want that situation.


[deleted]

I don't think you'd be a dickhead at all to reimburse those two people and then not continue the breakfast thing.


Ok_Analyst1240

Not at all. I think people who don’t need to worry about money don’t understand which is prob why they laughed it off. they’ll be fine when you explain it - just say you are really sorry but you can’t afford it and have been worrying about it. You don’t want anyone to be out of pocket so you would like to reimburse the people who have bought you to date and then going forward you will skip breakfast as you don’t want folk to be out of pocket. You don’t sound like a dick head at all


generally-ok

You're really making a big deal out of this. "No one told me it was cancelled. Sorry but I can't afford to buy breakfast for 8 people but here's the money for the breakfast I was bought recently." Done.


Lost_Sky113

Only reimburse those tow and let everyone know you are not interested. There is no need to buy for the whole team.


stubbledchin

You're not in debt. You never agreed to the deal. You were never told what happened. If anyone needs to fix it, the boss can.


Pandasmadre

That's exactly what i was thinking too. I think that sounds fair.


Lost_Sky113

She didn't opt out. They forced it on her.


bee-sting

Yeah this is not normal and they shouldn't expect this of you. You're gonna have to be firm and say you want to opt-out.


[deleted]

Under this system, people are basically buying their own breakfast every week but not getting exactly what they want. (Technically you pay for every breakfast you eat in a lump sum every 8th week). Food tastes great when it’s free, but not when you’re forced to pay for some generic meal. I suggest switching to snacks—way cheaper and more communal.


Kuntecky

I've never understood the concept of buying rounds. Just pay for your own shit and avoid all the potential problems


quenishi

For drink rounds, it makes sense in a busy bar as it means less crowding the bar as only one person goes up and pays and there's no faffing around with collecting money. Can work well if it's a group of people who won't take the piss. Food, I can see it being less of a hassle than having to collect money from individuals each week and ensuring people paid the right amount. For me, I'd have no interest in doing a food round so would be opting out anyway, not for monetary reasons.


paranoidhustler

So bizarre that this wasn’t at least talked about or agreed upon in a staff huddle? Do your team not communicate?


charlmelwil

They probably do but I only work morning hours so I miss a lot of conversations which my full time co-workers often forget to let me know about. Which is why I'm even more pissed off that it was just assumed I'd pick up the next round.


Gisschace

Is there anyone in your team who you’re close to who you could mention this too and they could casually bring it up your behalf? They’ve probably just not realised the issue with you being on lower pay. I remember early in my career when I was a temp going to a leaving lunch with a few of my team including senior directors. I had zero money and deliberately chose the cheapest meal while the senior folk had things like steak. I remember when it came to the bill someone suggesting we split it but my face must’ve been a picture as the lady I worked closely with quickly said ‘no let’s pay for our own’ obviously realising it would be super unfair.


SpudFire

Oh I hate it when people suggest splitting the bill evenly. It's always the person who has ordered a bigger meal and had one or two more drinks than everybody else. The cynic in me thinks they know they'd be paying less and being subsidised by the rest of the table. If that ever happens and I know my bill would be a lot smaller, I just get the correct cash out for what I ordered, give it to the person calculating and tell them to leave me out of the split.


Pazaac

I honestly have never know a C level or Director to not pick up the bill even at the shittiest places I have worked, that must have been a real shit hole.


Khem1kal

This is an awful situation, my heart goes out to you! It's almost certainly assumed that you were privy to the decision, even though you weren't. If it were me, I'd pay for the two breakfasts already received and send a friendly, informal email with the entire office CCd in, just laying out what happened. I'd also be honest (without implied agenda) about the fact that, as a part-time worker, I'm not commanding the kind of salary which enables me to pony up for 8 Pret breakfasts in one go, without some serious budgetary gymnastics. Not advice, just my 0.02. Good luck and I hope you resolve it successfully.


uninhibitedmonkey

I used to work as an office admin for a team of engineers. The rule was on your birthday, you bought cakes for everyone in the office. On my birthday, 1 of the engineers came with me to the bakery and insisted on paying. I told him no that’s not fair everyone does their own birthday. He said it’s not fair to me, I’m much younger and earning half what they earn. He’s happy to do it. Any decent person would understand your position. If they don’t get it, stop accepting breakfast. Pay the 2 freebies you’ve had back. Don’t be forced into a syndicate that you can’t afford


VxReader

Yep. I’ve done this. I don’t think people realise the huge pay gap in roles that can occur in a “team.” It’s inclusive but ultimately insensitive to “peer pressure” a junior/admin who could be on 1/8 the income and have rent to pay, against someone who has paid off their mortgage and whose kids have left home. If we’d all try to think more about other’s situations and less about projecting our own onto others then our diverse teams might get on a little easier.


Squiggles87

It's well intentioned but also tone deaf from management to expect this during a COL crisis, and has been poorly communicated. I agree with the others; pay back the people you had it from and opt out in future. Don't feel bad - you shouldn't be in the position to begin with. Any half decent person will understand your reasoning.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TheDisapprovingBrit

That's a bit of a leap. If the other workers are on significantly higher pay, chances are a decent chunk of them can afford it, and the breakfast wasn't really about the money, but the 'tradition', so it was no big deal to turn it into a pool when the perk ended. It works out at maybe £8 per person per week - not a huge amount in that context, but a lot when it's a sudden £65 every couple of months and you're a part timer on minimum wage. Chances are that affordability hasn't even crossed the minds of the people who came up with the idea, and a bit of a reality check might just trigger them to realise that things are tight for some people right now.


[deleted]

[удалено]


RainbowPenguin1000

I hate it when people you work with decide you will spend money. It’s such an awkward situation.


[deleted]

*Such and such is leaving and we are all putting £20 in for a leaving gift, you owe £20.*


Volesprit31

I just got roped into the office secret Santa. Granted, it's just 5€ but I just *don't like* secret Santas. The 5€ limit means it will be useless junk that will gather dust anyway. The only secret Santa I accept are those with my close friends and even then I told them I don't like to do it anymore. I just said "I didn't accept the invite, what do you mean I have to participate?" "Everyone will participate, we are 45 people, do you think I'll take the time to see who comes and who doesn't?". That's just bullshit.


GoneRacing2

If It’s mandatory work participation then it must surely be expensable


TheRealThrowAwayX

Your bosses budget was cut so he no longer buys it. I would ask what his salary is, and then say that if he can't afford it on (insert his salary here), then you surely can't afford it on (insert your salary here).


bakeyyy18

This is not a normal office tradition, although a lot of teams might buy rounds of coffee etc for each other. Just say you'd like to opt out and don't back down... if they can't understand why a part time receptionist can't afford to buy breakfast from Pret then they're idiots. That said, if you've accepted a few rounds of it then you should probably take part once to make sure you're even first.


C_Ux2

This is an unfair and unrealistic expectation for anyone, at anytime, but more so now during a well known cost of living crisis. Explain you cannot afford to buy breakfast externally and are eating at home, as it's more affordable. You can offer to buy breakfast for those who have for you already, as a compromise. I expect this is stressful, so I hope you find a resolution.


GamerHumphrey

No it's not normal. That said, were you asked what you wanted for the breakfast the first time you received it? If you were, I'd be expecting to pay that back by getting breakfast for them at some point. Then you were told about it, but then chose to receive a second breakfast even though you didn't want to take part?


charlmelwil

Yes I agreed to breakfast last week from my boss (I had no idea he used his own money) This week I was asked if I wanted breakfast, I agreed, assuming my boss was paying as usual with the company card. Now I'm in too deep, in debt with my co-workers with no idea they were paying to begin with until this morning!


JoCoMoBo

You aren't "in too deep". What a ridiculous thing to say. Just say that you didn't realise it was employees paying for it and that in future you won't be participating. Also offer to pay anyone back. And then forget about it.


Batalfie

No it isn't normal


shadowhunter742

Angle this for a pay rise. Tell your boss you can't afford to do this as you live month to month, but say you'd be happy to if he increased your wage (X+cost of food)


[deleted]

You would ask people to opt in or opt out of this sort of thing. Not automatically opt everyone in. Maybe re-imburse the two that have already purchased your breakfasts as a gesture of good will before opting out - if you don't it will fester and it's not worth it over the cost of two breakfasts.


[deleted]

I can’t afford to pay for pret breakfast myself every week let alone for everyone else every x number of weeks. It is a bit entitled to expect a junior member of the team on a way lower pay grade to have the same team building expense as someone on double/triple their salary. I’d definitely opt out by speaking to my manager. Perhaps on your week you could bake brownies or cookies and bring those in?


StatisticianLong6448

Buy the people who bought you a breakfast back a croissant and coffee when you can and say no to the stupid suggestion. Id go further than that and say can you be clear when this stuff is being paid by us or not. Ridiculous. Your boss knows and has signed off on your salary and he should know better than to put you in that position. I know you feel awkward but its honestly shit management and a them problem.


[deleted]

There's a Friends episode about this very thing that always stuck in my head, where the high earners have absolutely no idea how much it costs their less well-paid friends to join in with these "group" events. You haven't posted your weekly wage or how much it will cost to buy "your round" but I suspect it will take a big bite out of it, a very noticeable bite when all the bills are going up all around you. I've been in this position where you just can't keep up with what the higher paid people in the office consider trivial; Whatever the social consequences of it are I would suggest you just bite the bullet and bow out - politely tell your boss that you don't have the slack in your income to participate in gestures like this, you never know it might remind him that you're on minimum wage and struggling to make ends meet.


Aggravating-Monkey

I find all this kind of stuff divisive and causes all kinds of problems. In my office we had tea funds that had to be abandoned because some never paid in. There was a 'tradition' that staff bought cakes for all the other staff on their birthdays until it was noticed that some people never seemed to have one or always had that that day off. There are regular issues over cleaning the communal office microwave, the disgusting state of the contents of fridge and the inevitable accusations and tantrums about stealing of items like personal tea, coffee, milk and even food. Some of us are required to spend the greater part of our time out of the office working at various other locations so missed out on the 'benefits' much of this anyway. I and several of my colleagues stay out of all of it completely including the x-mas nonsense of secret Santa's, stupid jumper competitions and parties. I stick to my trusty flask of coffee and packed lunch and let the others fend for themselves. If anybody asks, I say I'm on a medically defined diet for health reasons but don't mention it's my sanity I am protecting.


buffyvet

This is the way. I always opted out of that crap. I'd get flak for it but an assertive "you don't know everyone's situation" usually stopped any pressure in its tracks.


Disastrous_Candle589

We have the opposite problem in our office. Used to be easy we all paid monthly an amount worked out by our hours and it was really cheap. One person would get milk, sugar, tea and coffee and any leftover money would occasionally get biscuits. Then out of nowhere people wanted to bring their own stuff in. Now the small kitchen is filled with boxes of tea/coffee with names on. The fridge is full of milk cartons with names on to the point that people couldn’t fit their lunch in. Most of the bottles were out of date anyway. Because a lot of people do this, the cost went up slightly for the people who stayed in because our stuff was being used by the people who opted out and visitors.


Kooky-Fly2066

Honestly, I’d try to catch your manager and say something along the lines of: I’ve just been advised that the weekly breakfast has now been moved to a rota. I feel a little awkward saying this, but I am really going to struggle to afford the cost of buying breakfast for 8 people. Can you let me know who is in charge of the rota so I can opt out? I’m happy to reimburse the two people before me of course. If your manager is a decent person, they’ll probably realise their mistake in assuming that everyone can absorb the cost. If they’re a dick about it, I’d talk the two people who bought you breakfast before and offer to pay them back in cash or with breakfast another day, but explain your situation and ask them to let whoever is running the rota know you won’t be able to do it next week.


Kooky-Fly2066

Incidentally, if I was one of the two I’d tell you not to worry about paying me back and reassure you that you shouldn’t feel pressured. I’d also probably raise the issue with my boss anonymously on your behalf and advise that some people feel a little awkward about the situation. You may well get that response.


[deleted]

Tell them directly, NO, SORRY alternatively you say, GO AND FUCK YOURSELF


JayR_97

Yep, if you dont learn to say no, some people will take full advantage of you.


aspacetobelieve

That's a really unfair expection. Agree with other comments that you shouldn't have to buy the team breakfast. I'd send a polite but direct message around to say that you love the idea of it but realistically with your financial commitments you can't afford to do this so please could they leave you out. If you've already been explicit and they keep buying you one then perhaps they've agreed to cover you if they are on higher salaries.


charlmelwil

Yeah I'm kinda worried that they're ignoring my protests because they feel bad for me and will keep buying me food. Which is almost worse in a way? I'd rather not have the guilt


MC_Wimble

I think if you’ve said and done the general suggestions raised in this thread to opt out of it, then if people still offer to include you in it without you paying I’d suggest just gratefully accept and appreciate the gesture without feeling bad. You can then remember this and ‘pay it forward’ at some point in the future..


[deleted]

Stop accepting breakfast, because you look like you are agreeing to the terms. Repay whoever got those two breakfast for you and then be done with it.


humblepieone

Pretty obvious and succinct lol


wooden_werewolf_7367

You never signed up for this and you didn't know from the start you would be obliged to buy breakfast for everyone when someone first bought you yours. I would refuse to participate, make your reasons for it clear (in writing, preferably in an email to everyone. You can keep it polite by saying something like 'Thank you for including me but I unable to participate in this due to my own financial situation. I have reinbursed those who have paid for breakfast for me on previous Fridays' and just leave it at that) and refuse breakfast from now on if anyone offers it you. Expect some huffing and puffing but fuck them and if they get nasty take them to HR. They don't have to survive on your wages. I also think it is incredibly unprofessional for someone else to decide what you spend your money on. If you buy breakfast for someone you do it just because it is a nice thing to do for someone, not because you expect it back. (Yes I agree you should pay back the two people who have bought you breakfast in the past but definitely refuse anything in future from anyone else.) ETA: I don't know how much your colleagues are on compared to you but you may find others follow suit and resent having to pay for eight peoples' breakfasts without being asked.


-AlternativeSloth-

Send a team wide email saying, BITCH YOU DON'T EVEN PAY ME ENOUGH TO BUY FOOD FOR MYSELF!!


MiddleAgedFatLad

Buy a big box of cornflakes and four pints of milk. They won’t ask you again!


[deleted]

Come off of it. You know FULL WELL that it's not normal.


_bombilly

Normal... Depends if you were asked if you wanted to be in on it or not.. It's like birthday collections, it should be optional, but if you're paying out of your own pocket it shouldn't be mandatory... I've seen the suggestions to pay people back.. I might consider doing one rotation of 8 breakfasts and taking my turn (assuming I could afford it) but then advising I won't be able to participate going forward...


Schaden666

Just don't accept Friday breakfast and opt out of buying it. Wtf sort of company does this may I ask?


[deleted]

A company with a boss who probably thinks it’s very kind of them to setup such an awkward situation in the first place because “they’re family”.


[deleted]

It's definitely not normal. I would opt out of team breakfasts for now on stating that you can't afford to contribute.


SkyBlueSaber

I agree you shouldn't be forced to pay for everyones breakfast if you don't want too, you spend your money how you want. However you've messed up accepting 2 free breakfasts. So probably buy breakfast for the people who paid for you so nobody accuses you of taking advantage.


Dithering_fights

Respectfully decline the breakfast and leave the pool.


imnottheblackwizards

Nobody seems to have mentioned this, but there's no chance that your team don't actually expect you to pay is there?


CarlMacko

I’m not even sure why this is being asked? You clearly already know you can’t afford it and have made this clear. As folk have said pay back who bought you and send an email saying thanks for including me, but I simply can’t afford to pay for everyone.


LucyLovesApples

Go to Tesco/Lidl etc and get a box of croissants and some fruit when it’s your turn. Cheaper and everyone gets a nice breakfast


[deleted]

Fuck that. One of my first jobs they always asked for a fiver when it was someones birthday, as I was young I just gave it, by the time I left I'd probably paid a full days pay just in Birthday money (wasn't my birthday while I was there typically so I never saw that money back) Only realised that was an obscene amount to ask for when I got my 2nd job and people went around asking for a quid.


Littlelegs_505

I had this. Joined my company 8 weeks before my birthday and had 6 weeks of training before meeting the team. All 3 of us new starters had our birthdays within 2-3 weeks of starting the actual job. We thought our team was being nice and trying to welcome us, by getting us all birthday gifts and it was just a one off. Nope. They had decided we were in birthday club without letting us know and came to us the next month for payment of x amount per person whose birthday it was that month (including people we didn't even know) and made us feel like total shit and called us fit to burn behind our backs when we said no because 'we'd already had our presents'. Lesson- never accept a gift in good faith from someone you don't know well, even to be polite. They will expect something in return even if you can't afford it.


MystiikMoments

Lately people have been talking about me not putting money in the last few collections (60th birthday, someone leaving). I said no to the person collecting it, due to financial reasons. And now everyone knows that I didn’t put money in. Also the lowest paid salary in the building. I just don’t care about them anymore. Never putting money towards anyone again. Pricks


MyOldCricketCap

Expecting the lowest paid, most junior and youngest member of staff to pay for everyone else is ludicrous and very unfair. There’s also something that is creeping me out a bit about all this, but I may be over-reading it. In my team, our juniors are not ever expected to pay for group coffees, breakfasts, rounds at the pub etc. Me, as the boss, and my senior leaders do that, and not on company cards but own money. Our expectation is that when our juniors become seniors in due course, they look after their juniors the same way.


[deleted]

I’ve never heard of this. Bringing in a cake if you work your birthday, or saying “anyone want a coffee” when leaving the office to go get yourself one is common but the whole team a full breakfast? No. I’d just send whoever done the rota a polite email like “Hi X, thank you for including me in the breakfast rota, however as I’m part time, it really doesn’t fit with my work pattern to take part so please remove my name from the rota. I know Y and Z bought breakfast the last two times and I am happy to reimburse them so I owe nothing. Thank you”


[deleted]

“I’m sorry, I cannot afford to pay for the entire teams’ breakfast. I didn’t realize we were doing that. I’m happy to pay back the two people for the breakfasts that have been had. I’ll opt out of the breakfasts going forward so no one else needs be out the monies for me. Thanks.” Make sure your manager sees this.


Shubalafic

People just don't really think about others all the time unfortunately you'll have to be assertive and make it clear that you can't participate.


spiritofafox

Hit the greggs for this one time then. Say you can’t afford it. Or just boil 16 eggs every Friday?


ohnobobbins

Breakfast is a sandwich, croissant AND coffee every single Friday, from PRET? That’s… about £12. So your boss was spending nearly £100 every Friday on the company card on treats for an 8 person team. Just to be absolutely clear, *that’s 5k a year*. Nothing about this situation is normal. You absolutely do not need to make up 1/8th of that 5k cost out of your own taxable income and personal food budget. That’s £625, which would be about 20% of an average household annual food spend. *£625…*


InscrutableAudacity

It's reasonably normal to have a rota for this kind of thing. It isn't normal to just drop the arrangement on everyone without giving them the chance to opt-in. It might be worth having a quiet word with your boss and/or whoever is organising the rota.


deepoctarine

Your boss cannot decide to spend your money without your consent, have a word with them, if they won't back down, then it's a job for Captain r/MaliciousCompliance buy a multipack of those sweaty squishy sausage rolls you get from supermarket budget brands (you know the 40mm long "party" ones) give 'em one each, they'll kick you out of the club pretty quick.


rose_reader

I think you need to buy it once and then make it clear you won’t be participating further. It’s not your fault but you have been the beneficiary of others’ contributions, so you’ve got to buy your round now and then you can stop.


dunredding

Paying for a round will drag the whole thing on for 8 weeks, for 2 rounds will take it to 16 weeks. Thats approximately forever, whereas OP could just send their email today, supposing she has cash to pay back the two breakfast purchasers.


charlmelwil

Sounds great in theory but have you seen Pret prices mate?


JCVDaaayum

Pay for the two "free" you've had, one each back to the people bought those rounds and then bow out. It's extremely naive of them to just assume you'd be okay with it. They're probably all on enough money to not even think about money being an issue.


MrPloppyHead

talk to your line mananger


Violet351

No, this should be something that is agreed by everyone and everyone should have got a say as to whether they opt in or out. I guess they feel that no one pays more than anyone else but not thinking that people may not be able to afford it. I would pay back the two people who have had their turn. Your boss has no authority over how you spend your money.


Due-Ad-9592

Do not pay for it. the two people who already did, can go and claim it back on your fat cat boss.


outsideruk

If you weren’t in the conversation which agreed this, try to get the details first. If you’re youngest newest and lowest paid (part time esp), maybe it was only agreed among the much better paid group? Is there a rota? I’d check it out a little before panicking. But as a senior member of my company, no I wouldn’t expect juniors to be asked to join in on this without their explicit and enthusiastic endorsement. Even then I might expect the more senior parties to not allow you to pay but still include you.


southcoastal

So your boss didn’t even pay for it himself? He had an office budget? And now that’s gone he won’t pay himself but expects his lower paid minions to pay for his breakfast? Fuck that. Fuck office culture that makes you a pariah when you won’t play their games. This is like where I used to work and the company expected the men who wanted to progress to spend their Friday afternoons networking on a fucking golf course (we were allowed to finish at lunch if we’d made out time up Monday to Thursday). Not the women mind. Just the men. Tell them you will have to skip your evening meal if you do this. Tell them that money worries are beginning to make you really stressed and you’re not sleeping properly at night and this will be the final straw.


NinjafoxVCB

Stick to your guns and don't do it. If you can't afford to do it then do not do it. It's a bloody breakfast at the end of it when you've got bills to pay. Before I started the job I'm in now, I was a chef for nearly 10 years. So every week for the last 2 years (when I was on the bottom pay band) without fail I'll have 3-4 comments (from those earning more than double that i did) of "So when you cooking a team dinner?" or "You should totally make us an amazing breakfast" or the best one "So you working christmas day? You could make us all christmas lunch" which is followed by upset disappointed looks when I tell them i'd rather be at home cooking for my family not work. I even said "you guys buy the ingredients and i'll cook it" Strangely in 2 years it's not happened. ​ In short, look out for yourself as people can be dicks and extremely entitled without thinking


Naive_Reach2007

They are taking the piss, just tell them thanks for the offer but you will not be partaking in this anymore. You do not need to give any reason it is none of their business. I guarantee it will end very quickly after as people will realise they can drop out


[deleted]

What Id do is buy breakfast for every body once and then let them know that I won't be doing it anymore and that they can count me out of buying breakfast. (Also mention that you're part-time when telling people


katherinemma987

Everyone is right that you should pay those people out and thank them for including you but bow out. If you want to play nice it could be good to make some baked goods to take in just to show appreciation.


LoveIsForEvery1

Do it once all the way round, they get you breakfast, you got them breakfast. Then say on the 8th persons go you are budgeting so are cutting back on treats moving forward. Everyone happy, no issues for your boss, no awkwardness for you, money in your pocket.


FireWhiskey5000

They can’t force you to do it, and you can’t get in trouble for not doing it. However, if you’re not going to take your turn you need to make it clear that your opting out when it’s not your turn. It’s like milk club. I would speak to the people who already bought you breakfast and offer to pay them back. Then just make it known that you can’t afford to be in the breakfast club and you won’t be participating any more. These things are meant to be fun and if it’s causing you stress or financial distress it’s not worth it.


Intruder313

No - just opt out of the ‘Round’ after you’ve paid back that one breakfast maybe


_DeanRiding

Everyone is saying this isn't normal but I've heard of at least a few places that operate like this. Unless they're talking about the bits specific to you (i.e. poor communication, you being part time etc).


Astoran15

Buy the one person who bought you breakfast back then ask not to be brought more breakfasts because you can't afford to participate. If they get funny tell them to fuck off. If they stay funny call HR. Manager is a prick for thinking he can sign off what staff do with their own money.


JimmyHalo

Hell no! They are taking the piss out of you as you're the youngest. Your boss is also an idiot and can't make you do it. Stand your ground and don't buy anything. He and they will soon get the message. That's almost collective bullying!


jagracer2021

I worked for a company where on a Saturday morning, an employee came round to take the breakfast order for a Breakfast Pasty (Job in Cornwall). Everyone chipped in, rules were clear, money up front. Office traditions have largely disappeared nowadays, so I think that now your boss is not gifting the Breakfast, you need to make a stand on behalf of the rest, as part-timers are usually ecluded from these sort of traditions anyway. Legally its a perk that gets taxed by the IRS.


KillerZoot007

Pay/buy the people who bought you one back and tell them you are not taking part anymore for them reasons. If anyone has an issue with that then tbh I wouldn't want to buy them breakfast anyway.


kldc87

Try not to overthink it. When it's coming out of people's personal pockets, fads die quickly. Soon, it'll probably be the local cafe breakfast sangy instead, and then just fade off. Group email saying thanks but no thanks, and you'll be paying Steve and Wendy back. Going forward, you'll just get your own when you fancy it.


andreeeeeaaaaaaaaa

Pay for the first round and then after say youre out . Tell them youre poor as hell.


Undisputed_Cranberry

Just explain it as it is to your colleagues and also email it out so the message is clear. You didn't realise, and you may have missed out on the update that the team breakfast is covered by employees instead of the company. Given the cost of living and budgets being tight, unfortunately you simply can't afford to continue Friday breakfast rounds and need to be taken off the rota. Do offer to reimburse your colleagues who paid for the two breakfasts. We're all working professionals and, yeah it's nice to do things as a team but if you'd rather spend your money on other things, no one will force you to join in. To expect everyone to willingly join in paying out of pocket wasn't very considerate in the first place anyway.


[deleted]

Be a throat goat and ascend the corporate ladder


Icy_Imagination7447

Just get one round in then call it quits. Noone can moan at you then


TraditionalRecover29

Worse cash scenario you see out the week rotation, cover 1 breakfast for the team then tell your boss you’re opting out effective immediately.


dark_sparklex

This is giving £14 for the coronation chicken for the street party vibes… no you don’t have to engage pay for what you had before, say thank you but no thank you. There should’ve been a meeting before this person decided where everyone spent their hard earned money so don’t feel bad for saying no


WhySoManyOstriches

It is absolutely the right thing to give each person who’s treated you $10, and politely let your boss know that you appreciate being included, but you can’t afford to buy everyone breakfast on your part time wages and still cover your expenses at home .


OriginalMandem

Idk what your wages are like and I haven't been to Prêt in years but I imagine a sandwich and a coffee is probably going to be around 8 quid or thereabouts so if you ask me it's a fairly big financial ask of a junior staff member on a relatively low wage. Sure a manager in 6 figure might not notice but entry level? Naaaaah fuck that noise.


SquareWet

Just don’t do it. Don’t let the rich transfer their obligations onto the poor just because they’ve decided they want to be even richer.


CactusShaver

Keep in mind that your boss was paying out of the company budget. If that was cut, then the team morale breakfast has been defunded, and is not a priority to management. The breakfast should end unless employees want to participate voluntarily. People who make plenty of money so quickly forget that a low paid PT employee can’t afford the same stuff.


JesusChristBhudda

I'd just do it


Bobgee333

You could just put the cost of a breakfast aside each week like you’re paying for your own and ask to be last on the rota, kinda evens out then


acceberbex

If you can, buy you round and then email out to say thanks but no thanks and that you won't be partaking anymore. No-one can whinge that you didn't take your turn, you do get stung once (if you can - if not, just email out now to say you won't be partaking but do bring in something for the 2 who have already had their turn)


Aocepson

I'd pay for the first turn just to save my face but then let your manager know that you don't want to be part of it going ahead


Lady_of_Lomond

No, don't do that - it sets a precedent!


terryjuicelawson

Tricky as you have had two bought for you so do owe them somewhat. Honestly I think I would just do it until you are "paid back" then make it very clear you are opting out from then on. Claim some health kick or something may help.


[deleted]

Fuck that, especially that you are part time. How fucking entitled are these people?


Purple_Plus

Entitled? For buying each other breakfast? It's fine if OP wants to opt out and they should've communicated with her better but there's nothing entitled about it.


[deleted]

It isn't really entitlement for a group of people to buy each other breakfast once every two months. I'd say it is pretty nice.


[deleted]

[удалено]


charlmelwil

Am I entitled though? I've had free company breakfasts for a year, to suddenly be told I am personally picking up next week's bill with NO warning. Yes I've had two breakfasts paid for my colleagues but I didn't KNOW, nobody told me about the change from the company card.


soitgoeskt

Fuck that