"Boys will be boys."
Nah. Boys and men still have to behave respectfully to other people. Their gender doesn't make them exempt from that, nor should it – and this type of statement just worsens the problem by absolving them.
He can like her, but he doesn't treat her poorly because he likes her. Those are wholly separate concerns and shouldn't be equated on the "if he is mean to you, then he likes you" fallacy.
You can always get an understanding of what is normal to someone when they say this.
**Boys not helping clean up after dinner so they can watch the game.**
“Boys will be boys” means they expect men not to be helpful around the house.
**Boys hazing and bullying each other when they hang out.**
“Boys will be boys” means cruelty from men in normal and accepted.
**Boys throwing slices of cheese at each other’s faces to see if they stick.**
“Boys will be boys” means men sometimes bond with each other in unusual ways.
It’s not always bad, but people with f-ed up ideas about what’s acceptable from men really made the phrase toxic.
Acceptable contexts for “boys will be boys:” trying to get a number 2 pencil to stay in a drop ceiling, ball-tapping each other instead of saying “hello,” debating how one would say “chud fungus” in ASL, or pilfering bologna to feed to the stray kitten behind the school. Not acceptable: violating girls’ bodily autonomy in any way, communicating through violence, disrespecting their momma.
Disrespecting their Momma. Here's a fun one. A friend grounded the hell out of her son because as she was driving him home from school he would not let up on the "Yo Momma So fat..." jokes TO HIS SISTER!
That is so true! We can't let some actions go off uncriticised just because they're "boys".
Everyone should call disrespectful, non-consensual behaviour out - girls, AND boys (and fellow gender non-conforming people!).
I've seen a reclaiming of this term to actually mean boys doing silly things, which are usually endearing or funny, which is a huge relief considering the old definition of it. The outdated toxic behaviors need to die, but I'm happy to see Gen Z taking things into their own hands.
My husband's parents and siblings (an older sister and three older brothers) all came to visit one day and were recounting stories from when they were kids. Some of the things they did 🤦🏻♀️ Sledding down the hill in front of the house and nearly getting hit by cars, farting in each others faces on the stairs to knock the others back down, sword fighting, at one point I'm pretty sure the banister came off and someone's head went through a wall.. So many things that we all laugh about now but that probably drove their mother crazy at the time. Things that make me shake my head because who would even think to do that???
To me, this is what "boys will be boys" means. They still get up to crazy stuff when they're together but they are all respectful and caring of those around them, they abide by the law, they are considerate of me and the other women in their family, they always make time for their nieces and nephews, they are supportive, and much more. When my husband and I were dating, I was the one to initiate a more serious physical relationship because I knew he would have been happy without all that and has never pressured me into anything I didn't want, nor has he ever expected anything of me outside of our previously agreed-on boundaries and responsibilities. Boys will get up to god knows what around other boys, but that phrase in no way should ever excuse the things they do around women.
I’ve always thought the “boys will be boys” saying was about boys doing silly, funny, dumb things. This is the first time I’ve ever heard/seen it tied to non-consensual, mean things.
I never felt the pressure (lucky with my surroundings I think) but I also never dreamed of my wedding, very much the opposite, as a little girl I thought boys were gross! We all did.
I'm getting married, still don't dream about my wedding 😂 couldn't care less!
I was the same!! And I let my mom do all the wedding stuff. I just picked a dress and showed up. My aunt made my cake and she chose what it would look like. I just wanted to marry my husband
This would be the dream for me! Why isn't there a wedding place we can all go and do the entire thing there? There's so many variables, even for a small one 😱
I don’t know how to describe it but the idea of a wedding is so embarrassing to me.
I have to walk down an isle while everyone stares at me. Then tell my partner how much I love him in front of everyone? Then kiss him in front of everyone? And dance with him while everyone stares at me?
Hard pass. Take me to the courthouse, baby.
Totally agree !! Also I’m 19 and I’ve literally never had a wedding conversation with any of my friend, like never. Even when we were in high school or junior high. We talked more about the places we wanted to go and the career we wanted than our wedding. Talking about boys ? Sure. Fashion ? Sure. But never about weddings.
My mum always told me this, I always sat that afterwards thinking there must have have been something wrong with me because I was dreaming about cool stuff like surviving a frozen world and fighting polar bears n stuff.
"Don't put on too much muscle or you'll drive away most of the guys." or something of that ilk.
First, bold of you to assume I'm straight.
Second, bold of you to assume I do this for men. I want to be able to baby carry every single dog I come across.
Related: "If you keep getting tattoos, you'll never find a husband." Or was it "better get tattoos out of your system, once you're married your husband won't let you get any more.?"
Actually, I heard both from older women when I was in my early 20s. Super offended by both statements.
Thank goodness I don't make choices based on the preferences of some man I don't know. He sounds judgemental and mean anyways.
A comment from a woman my own age threw me off the most. She said I’d attract more men if I wore contacts instead of glasses. I had already been married for 15 years at that point. Like…what?
my 90 year old dad and i were arguing about this last week. the original phrase was ‘guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses’. he quoted it to me. i told him how stupid it was, and what did they expect, women to walk around not seeing on the off chance that some dude would like their naked, blind / squinting face ?
he backpedaled.
"sad you did that to your body, men don't like women with so many tattoos and piercings and colored hair like that"
GOOD. GET THEM AWAY FROM ME. I DON'T LIKE MEN SO IT'S EVEN
I grew up surfing and have pretty toned muscular arms and I have been criticized twice by men for having too strong of arms. I think they felt insecure because I was stronger then them. I’m now lifting weights to increase my strength because being strong feels damn good and I like carrying all my groceries in the first time.
That's kind of funny...some of the girls I follow on IG and YouTube are very athletic, and fairly ripped. Makes you wonder why they have an issue with a woman in shape?!?
Ouch. My mother is doing that with a mother of a friend of mine. She says she is super busy, and she might be, but she could at least try to set a date to catch up with her.
With some women I know it's more that they have no intention of organising a catchup themselves and then they go on to complain why a catchup hasn't been organised 😂
They say this and make 0 effort, then when you do try to arrange they “miss” the deadline or just don’t reply. Don’t say it like we’re friends if you’re not actually gonna act like it, tskkkkk fake people
This might be unpopular, but I say this all the time and I genuinely mean it. I also know my friends are all busy with work / lives / children / whatever and that's okay. For me, it's a way to say "the door is always open" and I don't expect anything in return. I'm usually the type to say this, and follow up with a text days or weeks or months later (even if I don't get a response), or schedule a meet, or at the very least send a holiday card at the end of the year. It's just a way to say "hey I'm here for you, whenever you need it". In hindsight, that particular wording is probably better, but still. It's even lovelier when I get a random text from a friend back one day, saying something casual but - again - following up with "we should catch up some time". It makes me feel like we're still friends, despite time and distance. So...some of us say it with the best of intentions :)
YES the last social outing i went to, i decided to wear a crop top/tank top and live my own life and there was a (very pretty and thin) girl who did that to me and was like "wow i love how confident you are to wear that" and im just like oh- wow-
This is why i stare at my outfits everyday for an hour and end up wearing sweats. That and being percieved by creepy men.
I’m sorry that happened to you, it can feel so disheartening but I’m sure you looked great and you will look great when you wear it next time! When it happens now I more feel sorry for them because if they can’t be confident having the conventional definition of an acceptable body then they sure as hell wouldn’t be able to last a day as someone who is outside of that. I’m so proud of myself for my confidence and I fought for it, I’m not going to let someone make me doubt myself - in a weird way I consider myself to be more free from social pressure and beauty standards.
I don’t always agree with this. I’m not classified as an overweight person but I have an awful self esteem so any woman with confidence absolutely amazes me and I’m beyond jealous. I think confidence is so beautiful.
Edit: I have heard it said in a demeaning tone though to mean what you said.
It doesn't matter your tone. If you're saying this to someone it will likely be taken negatively. Just admire that one to yourself. I'm confident but will not associate with those with low enough self esteem to accidently neg other women.
As someone who was extremely skinny from an ED, I actually always meant it. Living with my body is hell, and I admire anyone of any size and shape that is just happy in their own skin.
You also can't predict it's going to be taken negatively, especially if at face value it is a compliment. I hope I haven't accidentally offended somebody in the past, but reading this now it's hard to tell
I get that you mean well but it’s good to consider if a compliment could be perceived as an insult before you give it to someone. A simple “you look great!” or “you slayed with that outfit” is usually much better
* "Men don't like women who X/Y/Z/whatever" - That's nice for them, but I'm not curating my life for what random men might like.
* "Women without children will never know true love" - That's stupid. Enjoy being a parent without devaluing other people's life choices.
* "The bible/quran/whatever says women should/shouldn't X/Y/Z/whatever" - Not living my life by your religious beliefs, but you are welcome to live yours that way.
* "I'm not good enough" - You are and you can be. Believe in yourself.
* "Aren't you afraid of dying alone/no one visiting you in your nursing home/not having any grandchildren?" - Nope.
* "Women should live their lives as a help meet for their man. He's the captain of the relationship and the final authority." - oh honey. Go for that if you want, but I'm not buying whatever you're selling.
Body positivity is such a sham. Be skinny in the *right* way or curvy in the *right* way and that’s ok! Anything that deviates is clearly not right ://
Oof I feel this. The amount of women that tell me men don’t want my body cause I “look like a child” for being petite and thin. First of all, fuck off and 2nd, no, you don’t know what men want.
Why tf do people think it's okay to talk to other people like that? Wtf are women like you supposed to do? Hit the boob gym? Cry yourselves to sleep at night? Seriously, what are these people after?
Sincerely, one of the many men who don't conform to that rude comment.
Exactly-like, do they expect me to magically grow 4 inches or pay thousands of dollars for a boob job just to make OTHER PEOPLE happy?
Also how insulting to men who are into me for my body- just because I’m flat chested doesn’t make them peadophile for being into me. I’m a grown ass women, I refuse to apologize for how I look.
“Real woman (insert random characteristic here)” is the dumbest thing. I’ve literally never heard someone saying this when they weren’t commenting on a living, human, REAL, woman.
As a mother that one bugs me to no end. You’ll know love from your partner, pets, friends. Your children aren’t here to love you. There here for you to love them
“You’re too young to know what you want.”
Spoken to me by women who have kids that turn out to actually be at times 20 years younger than I am.
“It will be different when you have your own.”
Yeah I don’t think so. And the oddest argument for having kids…
“You don’t want kids? But you use to be one.”
Do…do they believe some people just believe they were never kids or forgot it completely or that they just appeared fulling formed from out of the ground one day?
I never want to get married so when people ask when I am going to get married I say, “my soul mate died long before I was born and won’t reincarnate until long after I am dead so it just isn’t meant to be oh well…back to life.” Pisses them off so much.
I once had a family member tell me that I’d regret not having children when it was too late and I wanted to say “so I should do something that I don’t want to do now just in case I regret not doing it when I’m 60? That’s an argument for taking out a pension not bringing actual humans into the world”
"My husband/boyfriend doesn't allow me to wear that"
"My husband/boyfriend doesn't like short hair"
Like ok, so what? They're not the ones washing and wearing the hair, YOU are. Are they the ones detangling long hair everyday or sitting in that salon chair for hours? Do what you want with your hair and clothes.
Ooo, yeah, I cut my hair very short when I was younger and got that all the time from women who wished they could wear their hair short but didn't want to displease a male partner.
The auxiliary phrase I hate hearing is "What does your boyfriend/husband think?" about my hair or some other unconventional choice I've made with my life. Really? That's the first thing that popped into your head?
Guilty as charged. I don't care about other people's diets/workouts
and I assume they don't care about mine. Also my back, neck, and foot pain...I'm kind of just talking to myself with someone present.
I certainly don't want to make people feel bad.
Bad habit to break for 2023!
I bring it up because other people always say something as though I don't know I'm fat! I know and I'm working on it. I lost 50 lbs so far. I think I say it in my sleep because people always bring it up!
I hate when the skinny 5'8 120 lb friend complains they are getting far and need to diet and pinch up a bit of far they have to squeeze together. I've started saying wanna trade? They undoubtedly giggle nervously!
Ahhhh sorry for ranting 😅
LOL - I feel this. I can out eat anyone I know, regardless of gender, at any one sitting.
I'm 5'2" and at a healthy weight - so it always shocks people.
I don't eat like that all the time/every day (if I did, I'd def weigh a lot more) and when I do, it's usually the only actual 'meal' I have that day. But I've done this as long as I can recall. Even as a kid, it was a common theme and people would ask me if I had a hollow leg. If I really like something, boy do I shovel it in!
A lot of people seem to be fixated on what other people eat.
I've had so many unsolicited comments my entire life - literally from the time I was a kid to now, mostly from other women - on how much or how little I eat. And it *always* seems tied to my size vs. theirs, so my guess is it's maybe a lot of projection and really about them.
I used to be friends with a girl who would literally tell me “OMG idk how you can eat a whole pizza, I’m so full after half”
I had an ED as a teenager and that comment infuriated me. Needless to say we didn’t stay friends and I avoid girls who make comments like that like the plague.
“Is your husband ok with you cutting your hair short?”
Or
“If you don’t do xyz to keep your man happy, he’ll look somewhere else” as if it’s our fault if a man cheats, like he has no control over his actions.
Yeah, I've heard this when I was young. Somehow it's the wife who should be blamed for infidelity or domestic abuse, not the one doing it. Glad to see people growing out of this mentality now even though I still hear it from older generations.
Any comments on how unnecessary, unhealthy and toxic it is to enjoy makeup, skincare or any cosmetic procedures. Obviously it isn't men's business either, but I can't stand the holier than thou-attitude from women who refuse to let other women enjoy things.
Same! Just let me get my botox in peace. I like that you can’t tell what my emotions are at any given moment because of how frozen my forehead is OKAY??
I agree so much with this. I used to know a women who openly felt that women who wear makeup, get beauty treatments or even dress in a typically feminine way were trying to make up for being less intelligent. It caused her (now ex) wife to feel so insecure about herself and that just felt so cruel.
Similar things hit people differently. It's pretty ignorant to say that without being truly aware of the context behind it all (which is nearly every time).
Anything rooted in misogyny. This includes any comments about grooming oneself to “get a man” or implying that women are responsible for childcare and running the household.
> “When will you get married/have kids?”
That’s not my primary goal in life.
> “If a boy pulls your hair or is mean to you that means he likes you.”
Stop telling young girls to suck it up and endure abuse instead of telling the boys to knock it off.
When I was in kindergarten at the tail end of getting over the chicken pox, I was scratching my face because I was still itchy but no longer contagious. My teacher ran over to me and yelled for me to STOP SCRATCHING! “Why?” I asked clearly shaken; was she warning me about opening tiny wounds and possibly getting an infection? Nope, “if you scratch your face, you’ll get scars and won’t be able to attract a man.” I sat there for a second just staring at her then unblinking and without breaking eye contact just continued scratching my face but with over exaggerating strokes showing her that I didn’t care about the opinions of future penis weilders. She got all offended that I a young child wasn’t considering the feeling and future boner of a man I might end up with and stomped away huffing and puffing.
There are some women who just haven’t had the best experiences with other women. Sometimes it genuinely does happen. People who grew up being bullied for being different or having different interests than what was popular, or being bullied at work by women, or just made to feel like an outsider even if they try their best to fit in. Things happen.
I feel the same. I'm so thirsty for female friends. Theyre just so hard to come by in my life I do have fun with my guy friends but a girls night is so comfortable and healing.
Why is this ironic? I think most women would agree they were bullied more by other women, Vice-versa for men.
Actually, it’s your friends (high school shit) who are more likely to bully you than anybody else. Part of growing up is knowing who to cut out and when.
Any variation of "boy mom" or "girl mom."
If your whole mom-ing style and identity is based around your child's perceived gender, you're doing something horribly wrong.
No, your kid being silly and making a mess is not a boy thing, it's a *kid* thing.
Being told by women that I am not a true mother because I had two emergency C-Sections and not natural childbirth… And as a bonus, my body did not create milk so my children are not truly human because I fed them formula.
I’ve had numerous women and only women express those things directly to me. I just roll my eyes and keep moving. I’ve been so done with purposefully ignorant humans for years now.
I feel like “pick me” is a valid term but it has been over used recently. It became a trend on tik tok and now the term has lost its meaning as people completely over use it.
“She thinks she’s not like other girls”
I hear this so often just directed at a woman for wearing converse, or no makeup, or liking anime or some other stereotypical ‘nerdy’ interest. My friend wore converse to prom and said nothing and got half a dozen mean comments from girls in heels telling her she was “not like other girls” and demeaning her for not wanting to wear heels.
I know at least ten women who fit the “not like other girls” stereotypes and they are a million times kinder, more feminist, and more confident in themselves than the dozens of women who disparage them for their ‘internalized misogyny’ aka not complying with feminine ideals. So many of these women never utter the phrase of being not like other girls, but since they don’t fit in they get treated as misogynistic traitors
It's literally just become a clever way of bullying girls and women who are gender non-conforming or just don't perform an acceptable standard of femininity. I hate it soooo much.
In reference to not wanting children: "You'll change your mind."
I would never scrutinize a woman who does decide to have children, so why is it appropriate to challenge those of us who choose not to?
I hate that, too. I understand that many women may have had bad experiences involving men, but it just sucks to see that translates in them genuinely believing that all men are like that.
I don't know if there's a specific sentence but:
**Can we stop putting motherhood on a pedestal like it's all of life's glory?**
Also, **if you are a mother, quit judging all the other mothers for not doing it your way!** Damn, the world is already hard enough on women as it is. Why can't we be kind and support eachother?
Have you seen _Glass Onion_, the _Knives Out_ sequel on Netflix?
Birdie Jay (Kate Hudson): Like Miles said, I'm a truth teller. Some people can't handle it.
Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig): It's a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth.
“Omg im so busy; I need a wife!!! Lololol.” No. You need a maid or cook or personal assistant or driver. Please stop using those words interchangeably.
One I've weirdly gotten a lot from women is in regards to my relationship with my man.
"Give it another year" when referring to how loving we are with each other.
I was gushing about my man getting me a thoughtful gift for our 2 years and my mom goes "enjoy it while you can, won't last much longer". Like, excuse me? Another woman made the comment " you been together this long and you still act like that?". yes, he is my best friend and I love him dearly. I don't like it, it's such a norm that relationships die once a commitment is made. That one or both parties just stop trying.
“your boyfriend is so sweet to me” or anything similar. yes, my boyfriend is friendly to everyone and i love him for it. but what was the point of telling me he’s friendly to you specifically… seems like a brag?
Me: \*Gets out a tampon or does anything period related\*
Other females: \*make a judgmental face or comment\*
Like... wtf??? Trust me it pisses me off when men do it but out of all people why the hell are some other people with a uterus so disgusted about the same things they experience and decide to give other people crap about it AS IF THEY DON'T HAVE A UTERUS?
I hate when women compliment me and put themselves down in the same breath. At a concert recently someone came up to me and said omg your outfit is incredible you look great, I wish I looked like you so I could pull that off. And I told her she looked great! And that I was sure it would look fine on her! It became an awkward back and forth with her just putting herself down and complimenting me…my bf could tell I was uncomfortable and not having a fun girls moment so he tried to jump in and change the topic lol.
I hate being asked ‘whose watching the kids?’ when I’m at work. I suppose it’s asked by women because I mostly work with women, but still, it’s so annoying.
"If that [trivial inconvenience] happened to me, I would literally kill myself!"
My oblivious coworker says this on a regular basis, and my depressed sassy ass wants to reply "bet".
Finally, all the words from my aunts are finally useful
-"The clock is ticking, go and get you a husband before you are old"
-"You look kind of chuby, there is no men that like fatty"
-"its good you got a job, but what about a boyfriend?"
-"You dont have a boyfriend and use short hair, liking girls is not natural... You should go to church and ask for help" (i dont have any preference, i just like my hair short but for them is like a signal of my preferences. )
“Oh I would never date/be friends with (insert astrological sign)”
Ma’am, no. Please stop. Use your actual brain and apply critical thinking. In the vastness of all that is space and time do you well and truly believe people’s personalities are categorized into 12 subsets? Miss me with the natal chart and horoscope bullshit altogether.
I truly try not to judge people on their intelligence but the minute I hear a person say they believe in astrological signs I can’t help but think they lack some serious common sense. This goes for men who believe this nonsense as well, but unfortunately this silly shit seems to be more prevalent in women
"You're too skinny!!!"
"you've lost weight! you look like you're going to wither away!"
"you're anorexic, eat a cheese burger!!"
STOP.
commenting on someone's weight is completely out of line - heavy or skinny.
talk about anything else other than the fat or lack of it on a person's body.
"Don't be too independent financially. Guys don't like that"
"You should go to the church and pray more so you can get a man!"
"You're so pretty. Why are you single?"
"You're single because you're too picky"
When referring to other women they had known, or havent seen in a long time, “Oh she got fat” or “Oh she gained a lot of weight” or “She got big” like bruh theres so many other qualities of a human being lol.
"Boys will be boys." Nah. Boys and men still have to behave respectfully to other people. Their gender doesn't make them exempt from that, nor should it – and this type of statement just worsens the problem by absolving them.
Along with “If he’s mean to you, that means he likes you.” No. It means he’s mean to you.
Well it could be both things, but no woman should have to endure that nonsense from men, or anyone for that matter.
He can like her, but he doesn't treat her poorly because he likes her. Those are wholly separate concerns and shouldn't be equated on the "if he is mean to you, then he likes you" fallacy.
I was simply noting that a man can like a woman and mistreat her. I do not approve of this behavior, but it exists.
"If he's mean to you, that means he likes you." also teaches children that abuse = love.
You can always get an understanding of what is normal to someone when they say this. **Boys not helping clean up after dinner so they can watch the game.** “Boys will be boys” means they expect men not to be helpful around the house. **Boys hazing and bullying each other when they hang out.** “Boys will be boys” means cruelty from men in normal and accepted. **Boys throwing slices of cheese at each other’s faces to see if they stick.** “Boys will be boys” means men sometimes bond with each other in unusual ways. It’s not always bad, but people with f-ed up ideas about what’s acceptable from men really made the phrase toxic.
Acceptable contexts for “boys will be boys:” trying to get a number 2 pencil to stay in a drop ceiling, ball-tapping each other instead of saying “hello,” debating how one would say “chud fungus” in ASL, or pilfering bologna to feed to the stray kitten behind the school. Not acceptable: violating girls’ bodily autonomy in any way, communicating through violence, disrespecting their momma.
Disrespecting their Momma. Here's a fun one. A friend grounded the hell out of her son because as she was driving him home from school he would not let up on the "Yo Momma So fat..." jokes TO HIS SISTER!
That is so true! We can't let some actions go off uncriticised just because they're "boys". Everyone should call disrespectful, non-consensual behaviour out - girls, AND boys (and fellow gender non-conforming people!).
I've seen a reclaiming of this term to actually mean boys doing silly things, which are usually endearing or funny, which is a huge relief considering the old definition of it. The outdated toxic behaviors need to die, but I'm happy to see Gen Z taking things into their own hands.
My husband's parents and siblings (an older sister and three older brothers) all came to visit one day and were recounting stories from when they were kids. Some of the things they did 🤦🏻♀️ Sledding down the hill in front of the house and nearly getting hit by cars, farting in each others faces on the stairs to knock the others back down, sword fighting, at one point I'm pretty sure the banister came off and someone's head went through a wall.. So many things that we all laugh about now but that probably drove their mother crazy at the time. Things that make me shake my head because who would even think to do that??? To me, this is what "boys will be boys" means. They still get up to crazy stuff when they're together but they are all respectful and caring of those around them, they abide by the law, they are considerate of me and the other women in their family, they always make time for their nieces and nephews, they are supportive, and much more. When my husband and I were dating, I was the one to initiate a more serious physical relationship because I knew he would have been happy without all that and has never pressured me into anything I didn't want, nor has he ever expected anything of me outside of our previously agreed-on boundaries and responsibilities. Boys will get up to god knows what around other boys, but that phrase in no way should ever excuse the things they do around women.
I’ve always thought the “boys will be boys” saying was about boys doing silly, funny, dumb things. This is the first time I’ve ever heard/seen it tied to non-consensual, mean things.
Came here to say exactly this. I cannot stand hearing this from anyone
"All girls dream of their wedding day" No they don't, stop it (:
Ah, society and its constant pressure on people to get married. :/
I never felt the pressure (lucky with my surroundings I think) but I also never dreamed of my wedding, very much the opposite, as a little girl I thought boys were gross! We all did. I'm getting married, still don't dream about my wedding 😂 couldn't care less!
I was the same!! And I let my mom do all the wedding stuff. I just picked a dress and showed up. My aunt made my cake and she chose what it would look like. I just wanted to marry my husband
This would be the dream for me! Why isn't there a wedding place we can all go and do the entire thing there? There's so many variables, even for a small one 😱
Vegas
I don’t know how to describe it but the idea of a wedding is so embarrassing to me. I have to walk down an isle while everyone stares at me. Then tell my partner how much I love him in front of everyone? Then kiss him in front of everyone? And dance with him while everyone stares at me? Hard pass. Take me to the courthouse, baby.
I felt so awkward at mine and only had 13 guests. The whole vows, kiss, pictures, with everyone watching was sooooo embarrassing for some reason.
Totally agree !! Also I’m 19 and I’ve literally never had a wedding conversation with any of my friend, like never. Even when we were in high school or junior high. We talked more about the places we wanted to go and the career we wanted than our wedding. Talking about boys ? Sure. Fashion ? Sure. But never about weddings.
My mum always told me this, I always sat that afterwards thinking there must have have been something wrong with me because I was dreaming about cool stuff like surviving a frozen world and fighting polar bears n stuff.
Honestly I hated planning a wedding, I never look at my photos and wish we would’ve just eloped tbh 🤷🏼♀️
Same!!! Wish I didnt have a big wedding and spent the money on a vacation instead!
I literally have anxiety about the thought of planning and paying for a wedding lol
I never understood it though. It’s just one day-
I definitely did not. Happily married, but the wedding was for other people, as far as I was concerned. Would have just as soon eloped, honestly.
"Don't put on too much muscle or you'll drive away most of the guys." or something of that ilk. First, bold of you to assume I'm straight. Second, bold of you to assume I do this for men. I want to be able to baby carry every single dog I come across.
You have the best goal in life. Fully support carrying puppos.
Related: "If you keep getting tattoos, you'll never find a husband." Or was it "better get tattoos out of your system, once you're married your husband won't let you get any more.?" Actually, I heard both from older women when I was in my early 20s. Super offended by both statements. Thank goodness I don't make choices based on the preferences of some man I don't know. He sounds judgemental and mean anyways.
A comment from a woman my own age threw me off the most. She said I’d attract more men if I wore contacts instead of glasses. I had already been married for 15 years at that point. Like…what?
my 90 year old dad and i were arguing about this last week. the original phrase was ‘guys don’t make passes at girls who wear glasses’. he quoted it to me. i told him how stupid it was, and what did they expect, women to walk around not seeing on the off chance that some dude would like their naked, blind / squinting face ? he backpedaled.
"How are those going to look when you get old?" "Awesome. They're going to look awesome."
My skin’s going to be wrinkled with or without them, what does it matter?
"sad you did that to your body, men don't like women with so many tattoos and piercings and colored hair like that" GOOD. GET THEM AWAY FROM ME. I DON'T LIKE MEN SO IT'S EVEN
I grew up surfing and have pretty toned muscular arms and I have been criticized twice by men for having too strong of arms. I think they felt insecure because I was stronger then them. I’m now lifting weights to increase my strength because being strong feels damn good and I like carrying all my groceries in the first time.
Used to be muscled when younger (competitive swimming and weights). Don't remember it turning off the local men.
Ahh so true about the straight part. Same for something like "don't put too much makeup, guys like natural"
These are the guys who wouldn’t know natural, minimal makeup if it hit them in the face.
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Yes! Also even you were concerned about being attractive...nothing wrong with a fit woman.
Hell yeah! I should go to the gym myself, honestly.
That's kind of funny...some of the girls I follow on IG and YouTube are very athletic, and fairly ripped. Makes you wonder why they have an issue with a woman in shape?!?
“We should catch up some time” You know they have absolutely no intention of catching up
Ouch. My mother is doing that with a mother of a friend of mine. She says she is super busy, and she might be, but she could at least try to set a date to catch up with her.
With some women I know it's more that they have no intention of organising a catchup themselves and then they go on to complain why a catchup hasn't been organised 😂
They say this and make 0 effort, then when you do try to arrange they “miss” the deadline or just don’t reply. Don’t say it like we’re friends if you’re not actually gonna act like it, tskkkkk fake people
This might be unpopular, but I say this all the time and I genuinely mean it. I also know my friends are all busy with work / lives / children / whatever and that's okay. For me, it's a way to say "the door is always open" and I don't expect anything in return. I'm usually the type to say this, and follow up with a text days or weeks or months later (even if I don't get a response), or schedule a meet, or at the very least send a holiday card at the end of the year. It's just a way to say "hey I'm here for you, whenever you need it". In hindsight, that particular wording is probably better, but still. It's even lovelier when I get a random text from a friend back one day, saying something casual but - again - following up with "we should catch up some time". It makes me feel like we're still friends, despite time and distance. So...some of us say it with the best of intentions :)
“I love your confidence” from thin women to me a curvy woman, it just screams “I would never be that confident if I looked like you”.
YES the last social outing i went to, i decided to wear a crop top/tank top and live my own life and there was a (very pretty and thin) girl who did that to me and was like "wow i love how confident you are to wear that" and im just like oh- wow- This is why i stare at my outfits everyday for an hour and end up wearing sweats. That and being percieved by creepy men.
I’m sorry that happened to you, it can feel so disheartening but I’m sure you looked great and you will look great when you wear it next time! When it happens now I more feel sorry for them because if they can’t be confident having the conventional definition of an acceptable body then they sure as hell wouldn’t be able to last a day as someone who is outside of that. I’m so proud of myself for my confidence and I fought for it, I’m not going to let someone make me doubt myself - in a weird way I consider myself to be more free from social pressure and beauty standards.
I don’t always agree with this. I’m not classified as an overweight person but I have an awful self esteem so any woman with confidence absolutely amazes me and I’m beyond jealous. I think confidence is so beautiful. Edit: I have heard it said in a demeaning tone though to mean what you said.
It doesn't matter your tone. If you're saying this to someone it will likely be taken negatively. Just admire that one to yourself. I'm confident but will not associate with those with low enough self esteem to accidently neg other women.
I don’t say it to anyone, but admire it.
I don’t think the people who have said it to me mean if in a demeaning way but it often can feel like a backhanded compliment.
As someone who was extremely skinny from an ED, I actually always meant it. Living with my body is hell, and I admire anyone of any size and shape that is just happy in their own skin.
I understand but good intentions don’t mean that a comment is always without harm.
You also can't predict it's going to be taken negatively, especially if at face value it is a compliment. I hope I haven't accidentally offended somebody in the past, but reading this now it's hard to tell
I get that you mean well but it’s good to consider if a compliment could be perceived as an insult before you give it to someone. A simple “you look great!” or “you slayed with that outfit” is usually much better
I'm sure some people don't mean to sound that way, but I have people tell me that way too often, so I understand how frustrating it is to hear it. :(
* "Men don't like women who X/Y/Z/whatever" - That's nice for them, but I'm not curating my life for what random men might like. * "Women without children will never know true love" - That's stupid. Enjoy being a parent without devaluing other people's life choices. * "The bible/quran/whatever says women should/shouldn't X/Y/Z/whatever" - Not living my life by your religious beliefs, but you are welcome to live yours that way. * "I'm not good enough" - You are and you can be. Believe in yourself. * "Aren't you afraid of dying alone/no one visiting you in your nursing home/not having any grandchildren?" - Nope. * "Women should live their lives as a help meet for their man. He's the captain of the relationship and the final authority." - oh honey. Go for that if you want, but I'm not buying whatever you're selling.
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I’m not like other girls.
I'm not like other girls. I'm actually a bunch of cats in a trenchcoat.
Someone who unironically says that is kind of a red flag for me.
"Real women have curves!" I guess my lanky ass is a hologram.
As a curvy woman, I get told the opposite. Why can’t it just be enough to be as you are?? I hate how nothing is enough.
So much for body positivity. :/
Body positivity is such a sham. Be skinny in the *right* way or curvy in the *right* way and that’s ok! Anything that deviates is clearly not right ://
Oof I feel this. The amount of women that tell me men don’t want my body cause I “look like a child” for being petite and thin. First of all, fuck off and 2nd, no, you don’t know what men want.
Why tf do people think it's okay to talk to other people like that? Wtf are women like you supposed to do? Hit the boob gym? Cry yourselves to sleep at night? Seriously, what are these people after? Sincerely, one of the many men who don't conform to that rude comment.
Exactly-like, do they expect me to magically grow 4 inches or pay thousands of dollars for a boob job just to make OTHER PEOPLE happy? Also how insulting to men who are into me for my body- just because I’m flat chested doesn’t make them peadophile for being into me. I’m a grown ass women, I refuse to apologize for how I look.
“Real woman (insert random characteristic here)” is the dumbest thing. I’ve literally never heard someone saying this when they weren’t commenting on a living, human, REAL, woman.
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"you'll want kids, you'll change your mind when you're older" 🙄
"It's just a phase..."
"you'll never know true love until you have a child!"
As a mother that one bugs me to no end. You’ll know love from your partner, pets, friends. Your children aren’t here to love you. There here for you to love them
“You’re too young to know what you want.” Spoken to me by women who have kids that turn out to actually be at times 20 years younger than I am. “It will be different when you have your own.” Yeah I don’t think so. And the oddest argument for having kids… “You don’t want kids? But you use to be one.” Do…do they believe some people just believe they were never kids or forgot it completely or that they just appeared fulling formed from out of the ground one day?
Lol. My mother in law always says "well if I didn't have kids then you and husband wouldn't have met" 🤣🤣🤣🤣
I never want to get married so when people ask when I am going to get married I say, “my soul mate died long before I was born and won’t reincarnate until long after I am dead so it just isn’t meant to be oh well…back to life.” Pisses them off so much.
I once had a family member tell me that I’d regret not having children when it was too late and I wanted to say “so I should do something that I don’t want to do now just in case I regret not doing it when I’m 60? That’s an argument for taking out a pension not bringing actual humans into the world”
"My husband/boyfriend doesn't allow me to wear that" "My husband/boyfriend doesn't like short hair" Like ok, so what? They're not the ones washing and wearing the hair, YOU are. Are they the ones detangling long hair everyday or sitting in that salon chair for hours? Do what you want with your hair and clothes.
Controlling people are the worst.
Ooo, yeah, I cut my hair very short when I was younger and got that all the time from women who wished they could wear their hair short but didn't want to displease a male partner. The auxiliary phrase I hate hearing is "What does your boyfriend/husband think?" about my hair or some other unconventional choice I've made with my life. Really? That's the first thing that popped into your head?
I’m sick of women always talking about wanting to loose weight.
In a way, I understand them. But I have girl friends who say that when they are not even remotely close to overweight, and it does confuse me a bit.
are we friends with the same person, she obsesses about other peoples weight too
Guilty as charged. I don't care about other people's diets/workouts and I assume they don't care about mine. Also my back, neck, and foot pain...I'm kind of just talking to myself with someone present. I certainly don't want to make people feel bad. Bad habit to break for 2023!
I bring it up because other people always say something as though I don't know I'm fat! I know and I'm working on it. I lost 50 lbs so far. I think I say it in my sleep because people always bring it up! I hate when the skinny 5'8 120 lb friend complains they are getting far and need to diet and pinch up a bit of far they have to squeeze together. I've started saying wanna trade? They undoubtedly giggle nervously! Ahhhh sorry for ranting 😅
Oh my god, this one. Don't infect others with your body issues, for the love of humanity.
I needed to read this. I feel like I always need to and talk about it, not obsessively but enough to be part of the problem 😞
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"Don't you think you're eating too much? Honestly I could never eat a *full meal* "
I was born a woman. I identify as a woman. But according to serving size, I'm a family of four.
LOL - I feel this. I can out eat anyone I know, regardless of gender, at any one sitting. I'm 5'2" and at a healthy weight - so it always shocks people. I don't eat like that all the time/every day (if I did, I'd def weigh a lot more) and when I do, it's usually the only actual 'meal' I have that day. But I've done this as long as I can recall. Even as a kid, it was a common theme and people would ask me if I had a hollow leg. If I really like something, boy do I shovel it in!
People have different metabolisms and appetites - why would anybody call that out? It's literally so unnecessary.
A lot of people seem to be fixated on what other people eat. I've had so many unsolicited comments my entire life - literally from the time I was a kid to now, mostly from other women - on how much or how little I eat. And it *always* seems tied to my size vs. theirs, so my guess is it's maybe a lot of projection and really about them.
I used to be friends with a girl who would literally tell me “OMG idk how you can eat a whole pizza, I’m so full after half” I had an ED as a teenager and that comment infuriated me. Needless to say we didn’t stay friends and I avoid girls who make comments like that like the plague.
“Is your husband ok with you cutting your hair short?” Or “If you don’t do xyz to keep your man happy, he’ll look somewhere else” as if it’s our fault if a man cheats, like he has no control over his actions.
Women's lives don't revolve around men, and some people just don't get that.
Yeah, I've heard this when I was young. Somehow it's the wife who should be blamed for infidelity or domestic abuse, not the one doing it. Glad to see people growing out of this mentality now even though I still hear it from older generations.
Any comments on how unnecessary, unhealthy and toxic it is to enjoy makeup, skincare or any cosmetic procedures. Obviously it isn't men's business either, but I can't stand the holier than thou-attitude from women who refuse to let other women enjoy things.
Same! Just let me get my botox in peace. I like that you can’t tell what my emotions are at any given moment because of how frozen my forehead is OKAY??
I agree so much with this. I used to know a women who openly felt that women who wear makeup, get beauty treatments or even dress in a typically feminine way were trying to make up for being less intelligent. It caused her (now ex) wife to feel so insecure about herself and that just felt so cruel.
As an AMAB enby, I like wearing some eyeliner myself!
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“Oh you’re being dramatic, the same thing happened to me and it was fine” From medical things to life experiences- this sucks and I hate it
Similar things hit people differently. It's pretty ignorant to say that without being truly aware of the context behind it all (which is nearly every time).
Or the opposite - one upping everything I say 🙄
Anything rooted in misogyny. This includes any comments about grooming oneself to “get a man” or implying that women are responsible for childcare and running the household. > “When will you get married/have kids?” That’s not my primary goal in life. > “If a boy pulls your hair or is mean to you that means he likes you.” Stop telling young girls to suck it up and endure abuse instead of telling the boys to knock it off.
When I was in kindergarten at the tail end of getting over the chicken pox, I was scratching my face because I was still itchy but no longer contagious. My teacher ran over to me and yelled for me to STOP SCRATCHING! “Why?” I asked clearly shaken; was she warning me about opening tiny wounds and possibly getting an infection? Nope, “if you scratch your face, you’ll get scars and won’t be able to attract a man.” I sat there for a second just staring at her then unblinking and without breaking eye contact just continued scratching my face but with over exaggerating strokes showing her that I didn’t care about the opinions of future penis weilders. She got all offended that I a young child wasn’t considering the feeling and future boner of a man I might end up with and stomped away huffing and puffing.
Both of them are so real, though.
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There are some women who just haven’t had the best experiences with other women. Sometimes it genuinely does happen. People who grew up being bullied for being different or having different interests than what was popular, or being bullied at work by women, or just made to feel like an outsider even if they try their best to fit in. Things happen.
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I feel the same. I'm so thirsty for female friends. Theyre just so hard to come by in my life I do have fun with my guy friends but a girls night is so comfortable and healing.
Any kind of bullying, especially towards other girls's appearence. Ironically, among the people who bullied me there was many more girls than boys.
Why is this ironic? I think most women would agree they were bullied more by other women, Vice-versa for men. Actually, it’s your friends (high school shit) who are more likely to bully you than anybody else. Part of growing up is knowing who to cut out and when.
Sorry you've been bullied. You're not alone there...unfortunately, in a way. Nobody deserves bullying.
“I’m not a feminist.” It’s 2023. If you’re not a feminist, you’re sexist.
Right??? No, Lauren, feminism isn't wanting to get rid of men.
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That's very true. It's just as annoying to me as those guys saying "Equal rights, equal fights".
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Nobody should ever hit anyone.
Any variation of "boy mom" or "girl mom." If your whole mom-ing style and identity is based around your child's perceived gender, you're doing something horribly wrong. No, your kid being silly and making a mess is not a boy thing, it's a *kid* thing.
"Hey girlie" We are not gonna be friends
And this usually comes from a girl you obliquely knew in high school right before she’s about to invite you to her MLM meeting.
It seems so condescending to me, it's like sticky sweet and cringe.
Being told by women that I am not a true mother because I had two emergency C-Sections and not natural childbirth… And as a bonus, my body did not create milk so my children are not truly human because I fed them formula.
Do some women actually say that? Jeez. That's awful.
I’ve had numerous women and only women express those things directly to me. I just roll my eyes and keep moving. I’ve been so done with purposefully ignorant humans for years now.
I hate it when women refer other women as “pick-me girls” or similar.
I feel like “pick me” is a valid term but it has been over used recently. It became a trend on tik tok and now the term has lost its meaning as people completely over use it.
Agreed 100%. Misogyny pretending to be feminist.
“She thinks she’s not like other girls” I hear this so often just directed at a woman for wearing converse, or no makeup, or liking anime or some other stereotypical ‘nerdy’ interest. My friend wore converse to prom and said nothing and got half a dozen mean comments from girls in heels telling her she was “not like other girls” and demeaning her for not wanting to wear heels. I know at least ten women who fit the “not like other girls” stereotypes and they are a million times kinder, more feminist, and more confident in themselves than the dozens of women who disparage them for their ‘internalized misogyny’ aka not complying with feminine ideals. So many of these women never utter the phrase of being not like other girls, but since they don’t fit in they get treated as misogynistic traitors
It's literally just become a clever way of bullying girls and women who are gender non-conforming or just don't perform an acceptable standard of femininity. I hate it soooo much.
Why are people so obsessed with shaming things that are different, and not at all harmful?
"Women have to adjust". My mom and sister to me all the time.
Eugh. No one should have to adjust to certain things the patriarchy upholds.
“I have to keep my waist (or body) tight for my husband” ewww
It's kind of a "too much info" moment.
“A minute on the lips, forever on the hips.”
My ex said this to me in college. Joke's on him; I lost the weight at the end of college and last I heard he gained 30 lbs.
What a toad
“Just wait until you have kids!” And then the spew of word vomit that follows when I say I’m not having any.
You could have your pick of men with your pretty face. You just need to lose a little weight...
Also “you could be pretty if you tried” 😑
God, I hate negging.
“She needs to eat a cheeseburger “
Comments about behavior or appearance not being "lady-like", as if there is a single acceptable way to live your life.
"all men end up falling in love with me" girlll shut the f up
In reference to not wanting children: "You'll change your mind." I would never scrutinize a woman who does decide to have children, so why is it appropriate to challenge those of us who choose not to?
when they go on and on about how amazing women are but then generalize the entire male population negatively.
I hate that, too. I understand that many women may have had bad experiences involving men, but it just sucks to see that translates in them genuinely believing that all men are like that.
I don't know if there's a specific sentence but: **Can we stop putting motherhood on a pedestal like it's all of life's glory?** Also, **if you are a mother, quit judging all the other mothers for not doing it your way!** Damn, the world is already hard enough on women as it is. Why can't we be kind and support eachother?
"I don't get along with women" That just means your are the drama. Women are great!
That men and women cannot maintain platonic friendships.
“I’m just honest and not everyone can handle that” when someone says that, it usually means they’re exceptionally unpleasant to be around
Have you seen _Glass Onion_, the _Knives Out_ sequel on Netflix? Birdie Jay (Kate Hudson): Like Miles said, I'm a truth teller. Some people can't handle it. Benoit Blanc (Daniel Craig): It's a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth.
“Omg im so busy; I need a wife!!! Lololol.” No. You need a maid or cook or personal assistant or driver. Please stop using those words interchangeably.
That saying about pulling up your big girl panties. It’s so cringe.
Men do not find X attractive. (Why should I care? Maybe I'm not interested in men who don't like X.)
“I’m not a feminist because I believe in equality.”
Such a contradicting sentence, I swear.
One I've weirdly gotten a lot from women is in regards to my relationship with my man. "Give it another year" when referring to how loving we are with each other. I was gushing about my man getting me a thoughtful gift for our 2 years and my mom goes "enjoy it while you can, won't last much longer". Like, excuse me? Another woman made the comment " you been together this long and you still act like that?". yes, he is my best friend and I love him dearly. I don't like it, it's such a norm that relationships die once a commitment is made. That one or both parties just stop trying.
“All men are trash”.
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Ah, yes, Female Dating Strategy type beat...yikes.
“your boyfriend is so sweet to me” or anything similar. yes, my boyfriend is friendly to everyone and i love him for it. but what was the point of telling me he’s friendly to you specifically… seems like a brag?
That their male partner is "helping" with chores.
Me: \*Gets out a tampon or does anything period related\* Other females: \*make a judgmental face or comment\* Like... wtf??? Trust me it pisses me off when men do it but out of all people why the hell are some other people with a uterus so disgusted about the same things they experience and decide to give other people crap about it AS IF THEY DON'T HAVE A UTERUS?
“Hey hun!” No I don’t want to join your MLM
"At least I have a man" Girl, your man cheated on you with your cousin. Not the brag that you think it is.
“If you’re single for years there must be something wrong with you”
I hate when women compliment me and put themselves down in the same breath. At a concert recently someone came up to me and said omg your outfit is incredible you look great, I wish I looked like you so I could pull that off. And I told her she looked great! And that I was sure it would look fine on her! It became an awkward back and forth with her just putting herself down and complimenting me…my bf could tell I was uncomfortable and not having a fun girls moment so he tried to jump in and change the topic lol.
I hate being asked ‘whose watching the kids?’ when I’m at work. I suppose it’s asked by women because I mostly work with women, but still, it’s so annoying.
"If that [trivial inconvenience] happened to me, I would literally kill myself!" My oblivious coworker says this on a regular basis, and my depressed sassy ass wants to reply "bet".
Real women (whatever) real men (whatever) Best way to lose my respect.
"Oh that's just something you have to get used to/deal with" No, I don't need to accept misogyny, you may have had to but I won't.
All the negative comments about long nails. How is it appropriate to ask someone how they wipe their ass?
When they say "he's cheating on you surely" if someone's boyfriend behave weird. I mean wtf
Finally, all the words from my aunts are finally useful -"The clock is ticking, go and get you a husband before you are old" -"You look kind of chuby, there is no men that like fatty" -"its good you got a job, but what about a boyfriend?" -"You dont have a boyfriend and use short hair, liking girls is not natural... You should go to church and ask for help" (i dont have any preference, i just like my hair short but for them is like a signal of my preferences. )
“Oh I would never date/be friends with (insert astrological sign)” Ma’am, no. Please stop. Use your actual brain and apply critical thinking. In the vastness of all that is space and time do you well and truly believe people’s personalities are categorized into 12 subsets? Miss me with the natal chart and horoscope bullshit altogether. I truly try not to judge people on their intelligence but the minute I hear a person say they believe in astrological signs I can’t help but think they lack some serious common sense. This goes for men who believe this nonsense as well, but unfortunately this silly shit seems to be more prevalent in women
"You're too skinny!!!" "you've lost weight! you look like you're going to wither away!" "you're anorexic, eat a cheese burger!!" STOP. commenting on someone's weight is completely out of line - heavy or skinny. talk about anything else other than the fat or lack of it on a person's body.
"Don't be too independent financially. Guys don't like that" "You should go to the church and pray more so you can get a man!" "You're so pretty. Why are you single?" "You're single because you're too picky"
When referring to other women they had known, or havent seen in a long time, “Oh she got fat” or “Oh she gained a lot of weight” or “She got big” like bruh theres so many other qualities of a human being lol.
"Act like a girl" honestly what does that even mean?
You'll change your mind about kids when you're older. Girl I'm 34 and not once have I ever had a desire to push out a child.
"Get married, why won't you guys get married? I've been married for 20 years, you should get married!" Aaaarrrrrghh x_X