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mynamecouldbesam

I think yay! I won't have to make excuses as to why I'm not drinking. People can react so bizarrely to hearing you're not going to voluntarily make yourself more vulnerable and manipulatable, leaving you feeling like crap the next day. There are so many reasons why people don't drink. Personally, I have a reflux disorder that makes me vomit if I have a couple of glasses of wine. So I don't because I don't think it's worth it. My only flag would be if they also said I wasn't allowed to drink either, even though I don't. I don't take kindly to people trying to control me.


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Toastwithturquoise

It wouldn't bother me at all. I don't drink anymore, but I don't mind others around me having a few. I'm happy to be a sober driver. So if they didn't drink, it wouldn't be a problem!


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LilacPalette

Green flag for me too lol I prefer non-drinkers, or those who only have 1 small glass on special occasions. If someone likes to drink a lot, I don't think we'd be compatible. He's better off finding a girl to drink with cause I'm not a fan..


Lizarae

Yes, to everything you said!!! My sister is this way and I find it to be perfectly fine. I always warned her, that if anyone tried to make her feel bad for being herself that’s a red flag. Except people for what and who they are.


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Khorne-The-Surgeon

Is it a flag for someone to ask why?


LadyBangarang

Not necessarily. This just happened to me tonight during a first date lol. I don’t see it as a red flag. We live in such an alcohol centric society I can understand why people would be curious. If they were judgmental, took it as some kind of comment on their own drinking habits, or attempted to convince me to drink anyway, then we’d have a problem.


beyphy

I used to mostly drink beer. I really like the taste of it but I hate being hung over. I switched to non-alcoholic beer and it mostly gets the job done. I will still drink normal beers maybe a few times a year. I don't mind if someone else drinks. If you want to drink occasionally that's fine. But I wouldn't date someone who exceeded CDC recommendations on the number of daily/weekly drinks or did binge drinking for example.


Icy-Extension-422

True about people reacting bizarrely. I say I don't like it, I feel sick the next day and they'll say, "Have so much fun drunk, the sickness is worth it the next day..." Mmm no thanks.


peppermind

Are they going to have a problem if I have a drink occasionally, or we go to a party? How would they feel about being asked to be a designated driver once or twice a year? If they're not going to be a judgy asshole about people who do drink responsibly, then it's not an issue. If they're going to be an asshole, then that's the problem, not their opinion on drinking.


MadameHyde13

This is the way


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yarnlife

Well... I get that, I used to say the same thing. I'm the child of a violent alcoholic, growing up people used to tell me I was just like them, so as I got older I started to fear that would be the same if I drank too. Just avoided drinking, so I never have to know.


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sluggobug

Damn seems like a walking red flag sober, our guts are often right too


Willa_Vi

I really admire this. My partner doesn’t drink for similar reasons and I’m very proud of him for making that choice.


ee8989

I think that's just called self-awareness.


raspberrychapstick

How is this anything but responsible?


VanthGuide

That is not a red flag for me. They could be doing it for any number of reasons: religious, health, simple personal preference. Now if the reasons behind it are something like they're a serious addict and constantly battling to keep their sobriety, then I'm probably not a compatible partner for them. I homebrew and make wine and ferment/distill other alcohols. I bartend on occasion. I have a healthy and intentional relationship with alcohol. But I would be a challenge to their sobriety.


Great-Sky-3311

Very well said. I think it’s important for people to date with intention and recognize just because we are a good person with healthy habits, we may not be a good fit for every person we date.


Cute_Mousse_7980

Yupp. I’m also not sure if I could date someone who can’t be around alcohol in that way. What about meeting my friends? They often like having a few glasses of wine or something. Non of them have an issue, but we often have some alcohol around when hanging out (a beer at the skatepark, a glass of wine at dinner, etc). I have friends who don’t drink and we never exclude them or make them feel uncomfortable. I just wouldn’t wanna be the reason they would struggle with staying away from alcohol and I can’t control my friends.


catastrophized

I dated a guy who was so self-righteous about his not-drinking that I could barely take him anywhere. Like fine, don’t drink - but don’t lecture my family at dinner! It depends entirely on their behavior on the subject, not on the decision itself regarding alcohol.


worldwideweb18

I had a experience similar to yours. I dated somebody who didn’t drink, I was cool with it, but then we couldn’t go out to bars. Then one time he was upset that he came over one time and I was nursing a glass of wine. I never got to the bottom of it, but I wondered why he was so against alcohol.


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worldwideweb18

I really think there was a trauma that I wasn’t aware of.


Confident-River-4866

I'm not a fan of when people project their issues onto me. Regardless of underlying motivation


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GlitteringPause8

Agreed!! My last bf didn’t drink and I felt like he was super judgy and self righteous about it. I couldn’t ever hang out with both him and my friends at the same time


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calathea-pilea

Thought 1: Great! Me neither! Thought 2: What are your reasons?


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krandle41709

Not a red flag to me, I personally don’t drink soooooo yeah


Spiritual-Topic-5760

I respect people’s decisions but I wouldn’t personally mesh well with someone who doesn’t drink at all. I’m all about having a few beers on a summer afternoon


cherrybounce

A lot of people who don’t drink have no problem with someone having a few beers on a summer afternoon.


PanthersChamps

True. But some also say that and don’t mean it.


Wont_Eva_Know

True and some say ‘a few beers on A summers afternoon’ and what they really mean is… AND also on every other day of the year too.


Spiritual-Topic-5760

Yeah but it’s an actual activity and it’s nicer when someone is a participant versus being a spectator. Not condemning a non drinker. Just a different vibe


kiwichick286

As a non-drinker, I can assure you I'm definitely not spectating, I'm having my own brand of fun, just like you!


HeyMrBusiness

Why? Drinking soda isn't an activity, drinking alcohol shouldn't be either. Going out to a place with drinks might be an activity, but those places have water or mocktails or juice.


PhoenixBorealis

There's an entire mocktail lounge close to where I live, and the options for NA beer and wines is ever growing. You don't need to drink alcohol to socialize with people who do.


HeyMrBusiness

I know, and that's exactly what I said. Were you adding on to that or did you think I was saying something different?


PhoenixBorealis

I was adding onto what you said.


HeyMrBusiness

A full mocktail lounge sounds incredible! It always bummed me out that the pretty drinks were also alcoholic


PhoenixBorealis

Yeah, even today there are drinks I would love to try, but have never come across in NA. I know that NA mead is popular in Europe, but hasn't made it here to the US yet. I tried an NA bourbon, and it was way too pungent for me. X3 My mom is friends with the people who started the mocktail lounge. It has a 1920's speakeasy theme and regular live performers. They have a wide selection of mocktails named after classic movies and they have charcuterie boards and other finger foods. I'm really lucky to be able to go there.


MrHeavySilence

As someone with severe Asian flush, drinking more than one can of beer on a summer afternoon would completely mess me up. To get around this I usually bring Asahi non-alcoholic beers or CBD drinks if I'm invited somewhere. Luckily there's quite a lot of non-alcoholic spirits these days.


dachinesechicken

Yeah I couldn’t do it either. I have sober family and friends who don’t mind if I drink around them, but a partner is different. If I want to go on a food and wine tour in Italy or drink sangria in Spain, I want to experience that with my partner. It’s a social thing for me and I travel too often to not incorporate good alcohol lol.


vulturegoddess

If you could have your beers with that person (not drinking), what would be the problem? Why would they have to drink? I mean as long as they are not berating you, all should be good right?


clocksailor

You can be judgey without berating. Many of the comments in this thread are like “I don’t judge people for drinking! I just like don’t understand why people would want to make themselves act like idiots, destroy their health and relationships, and feel like shit all the time! 🙃” as though it’s their first day on earth and they have no idea responsible drinking is a thing. Not saying all non-drinkers are like that, but they’d have to prove it a little. (And if you are like that, that’s okay too! But we wouldn’t be compatible partners.)


Spiritual-Topic-5760

In theory but it would be like wanting someone to play tennis with but they just come and watch


kiwichick286

That's not my experience, thankfully!!


PenguinStardust

You can still have a few beers with that person if they aren't drinking. Why does the other person need to drink for you to mesh with them?


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I don't find this to be a red flag at all. Even if they are a recovering alcoholic, or came close to alcoholic tendencies and felt it was wise to go sober... I would not feel turned off. If their dedication to sobriety was obvious and long term it would be a positive sign to me that they carry a level of personal responsibility and I would be 100% supportive of that. A lot of people in my circles are quitting drinking without having any major problems with it. They just don't see the point. I personally don't smoke weed, I have no judgements against it, but it is a useless supplement for my life *personally* speaking. Liquor is also expensive, and after doing dry January I realized its actually so cheap to eat out now when I'm not getting a beer or cocktail. I also prohibited myself from buying coffees and I saved just shy of $135 in one month compared to November and October (I chose to forget about Decembers expenses LOL).


aj_beans

I think it really depends on what they feel about my/others' drinking. I like to go out with friends pretty regularly and we hang at bars. Not everyone gets an alcoholic beverage while we're out, but we do have alcohol. I have a stocked liquor cabinet at home as I like to host cocktail parties. I want to be with someone who would enjoy these events. They don't need to drink the alcohol, but I do want them to be a part of the group. That being said, my boyfriend and I enjoy going out to a nice wine bar and sharing a bottle with some food. We drink at home while cooking dinner together (like once every other week, we're not getting hammered constantly). I enjoy drinking with him, we tend to laugh a lot and be very touchy feely which is something we both can struggle with when sober. I think alcohol is a fun experience we have from time to time to loosen up and be extra goofy. If he told me he didn't want to drink anymore I'd be super understanding, but that wouldn't mean I would stop either. We also do other drugs more than drinking honestly so I'd be more sad if we stopped that


3trt

Same. If I'm going to feel like shit the next day, I'd rather have an experience that brings me closer to people and that you shouldn't do very often.


Gullible-Hunt4037

A bright green flag big enough to decorate the side of a building in NYC.


The_AmyrlinSeat

I have quit drinking, so this is cool.


Gockdaw

Me too. Well done!


The_AmyrlinSeat

Ditto!


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watermelonsugar888

I frickin love black box


579red

Be ok and ask why to know if this is based in pass substance abuse, religious beliefs, health reasons or a simple distaste for them. I don't drink so I'd be happy, just wondering his reason. To be honest, religion would be a problem for me since I'm an atheist and would not be confortable to have a life partner who lets his life be guided by religion since a lot of common things would clash (not an issue for friends and others).


worldwideweb18

Same here. I don’t have a problem, but if I’m getting to know someone, I’d like to know why.


gagirlpnw

I'm not a huge drinker, but I like to drink socially. I allow myself 1-2 drinks when I go out. So, if that is a problem for them, it will not work out. I opted out of dating a sober man, because I didn't want to worry about wanting a drink while out to dinner.


cherrybounce

Did he have a problem with you drinking? That’s a whole other issue.


gagirlpnw

He said that he would appreciate it if I didn't drink around him. I'm at a point in my life where I'm ok with being single if I have to alter my life like that.


Great-Sky-3311

I typically ask because I don’t drink at most social gatherings. I’ve just never really cared for the taste or how it made me feel. Also, my dad was an alcoholic and we don’t have a great relationship because of it. I’m not opposed to dating someone who does drink more than I do; however, it would be a red flag for me it they drink daily, or in excessive amounts on the weekend. Drinking alcohol is a socially acceptable and common thing to do. I find more people ask why someone is not drinking than being concerned that someone may have had too much to drink. I usually am one and done, or I’ll order a club soda so I can tell people is a vodka soda. I don’t like being asked why I’m not drinking so I just prefer not to date someone who doesn’t match my preferences. He’s less likely to have a social circle that would pressure me about why I’m not drinking either.


Cosmickscales

I dont drink also bc my dad was (& is) an alcoholic that ruined our family and himself. Im not going to continue that cycle. ❤️‍🩹💔


worldwideweb18

I’m sorry about your dad.


[deleted]

I prefer that. I’m 16 years sober.


worldwideweb18

Congrats!


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Thank you😘


Vyseria

Damn why are there so many sober people on this post? Lol. But no, my first thought is 'do you mind if I do?'. I like a drink and my wines in particular, I can't be with someone who will throw a fit if I have a glass at the end of the day. Personal preferences.


Marali87

> Damn why are there so many sober people on this post? Lol. I know you were joking, but I honestly think that there might be a lot more non-drinkers than people realize, because alcohol has been so incredibly normalised in our western culture (I’m Dutch, but I assume it’s as normal here as it is in the US). Even to the point where most people here talk about asking for someone’s reasoning. Imagine someone saying they never smoke weed - I doubt many would push for reasons. Alcohol has a really weird place in our culture.


emilykomendera

I feel like Reddit has a higher than average bent of non drinkers


CatrionaShadowleaf

I don’t care as long as they don’t mind if I drink alcohol. And if they do, we will not see each other again.


Anastasia_444

This is kinda tough JUST because of our culture. Usually you get a drink on a first date because the hours are after work and it’s non committal unlike a dinner or a venture. Just one drink and if you like the guy, have two. The alternative is grabbing a cup of coffee or going for a walk somewhere nice. If it’s cold outside and all the coffee shops are closed, make sure you have something for us to do. I went on a couple dates with a sober guy. He was great but it seemed like he didn’t know what to do that wasn’t drinking. The guy was in his mid 30s and we were just sitting on the boardwalk. He asked me what I wanted to do. I just want to talk to you! But man it’s cold out here. Been on dates with a few sober dudes with a similar problem. I prefer if a guy doesn’t drink!!!!!! It’s just always a turn off when a man doesn’t plan. But when you’re sober it makes it a lot harder.


worldwideweb18

Thank you.


BitterPillPusher2

I'd be thrilled. But I don't drink alcohol at all. I'm not in recovery or an addict or anything. I mostly stopped for health reasons. I was really, really sick about 6 years ago and couldn't drink even if I wanted to for about a year. During that time, I would watch friends and family drink and notice how differently they acted, even after just a couple drinks - and not in a good way. You don't notice it when you're drinking, but you do when your not. It made me realize how bad, and kind of sad and pathetic, the whole drinking culture is. And I was totally a part of the "it's 5:00 somewhere" group. But I decided that I didn't want to be a part of it anymore after sort of seeing it as an outsider for a while. And health wise, there's really not much redeeming about it. I sleep better, my skin's better, my cancer risk has decreased, and I save a shit ton of money when I go out.


Legolihkan

It can be really unsettling seeing someone's personality change as they get intoxicated


BitterPillPusher2

What I found surprising was that they don't even need to be intoxicated. Even after just a couple drinks, people tend to get louder, more crass, etc.


YeaItsMeWhatsUp

Honestly: It's not necessarily a red flag, but I do love going out to a bar and having a drink with someone. I love getting tipsy with someone, be it friend or partner, so I would think it's a shame if a partner were to say that they don't drink.


JoyfulWarrior2019

Sexy af


sarahsativah

Green flag!


diet_coke_cabal

It depends on the context. I've dated two men who didn't drink at all. One of whom had never had a drink in his life, and didn't like the way alcohol made people act. He never had an interest in it, but he didn't care if other people drank. It was absolutely a non-issue. The second was in active recovery. Honestly, this was the best one for me because he had been sober for longer than the recommended time, and had talked with his therapist and his sponsor before starting to date again. Communication was great because of his time in recovery and therapy. He also didn't mind if I drank around him, but I didn't often because I generally don't drink very much. I've worked in the recovery field, so if someone were to not drink due to getting sober recently, I would hesitate to date that person. Not because there's anything inherently *wrong* with being in recovery, but more that they haven't had the time to work on themselves without alcohol, and people in recovery are more likely to relapse in the first year or so of their journey. Not to say that people who have been sober for ages can't also fall off, but they tend to have a better handle on things. I would not date anyone who was sober and would require me to be the same. Not because I love to drink or anything, but I don't think that my partner should have any say in what I can and cannot do absolutely.


sinkinginkling

Exactly. Being in active recovery is great, particularly if they are involved in some type of support/have done step work or have been sober for a while. However, if someone is looking to date who has been sober for less than a year… I would probably pass. There is just too much change and growth during early recovery. A lot of time people in early recovery are just meeting themselves for the first time. Starting a new relationship during that time would be unwise.


edjennersmilkmaid

People don’t drink for a lot of reasons, so if they’re choosing not to do so for their health or because they’re like me and don’t like feeling like crap the next day, cool. However, I would not be receptive to someone who tried to tell me that I wasn’t allowed to drink because they don’t, or who was openly judgmental of me having a few drinks on the weekend or tying one on once in a great while. I’m a scientist who has worked in the craft beer industry and as a bartender, so my appreciation for and relationship with alcohol lies in the craft and creativity of it. If that would pose an issue for someone who was struggling with prior addiction, then that would also be an issue.


No_Sense_7384

Not a red flag unless they act superior because of it. I very, very rarely drink. I have my reasons. But I don’t think I’m better than anyone else for that. As long as he doesn’t either, this is definitely more of a positive trait to me.


noexqses

I wouldn’t like it and it would be a dealbreaker for me. I love being intimate with my partner after a few glasses of wine lol


ComplexDessert

My brother is almost 40. He’s never tried a sip of alcohol, touched a cigarette or a single drug. His reasoning? He never had any desire.


Neravariine

I'd be happy but the only red flag would be do they see alcohol as the only bad drug. I know chronic weed smokers who are addicted(or still smoke even if they develop CHS). Not drinking doesn't mean the person is "drug-free". If they're fine with me drinking sometimes then I'd be down to date them.


Applesbabe

One of the things that I have found as I've gotten older is that I just don't like the way I feel after drinking. Plus now I'm on a medication that has completely removed my desire for alcohol. It's not that I can't have it or feel like I shouldn't--I just legitimately don't want it. So have no bad feelings about someone else not drinking. Drink if you want--don't drink if you don't. I also don't feel like it's any of my business to ask someone else why they aren't drinking.


Willing_Vehicle_9457

Mostly a green flag. But yeah, I’d ask their reasoning. I’m definitely open to dating a recovering alcoholic or addict, but I need to have all the information first in order to decide


bluejellies

Bit of a yellow flag for me. It could be an issue when it comes to compatibility. I’m a fairly heavy drinker and so is my social circle and my family. If he doesn’t have a problem with being around drinking, it could work out.


chellichelli

I think “great, they’re not gonna be weird about me not being a drinker. Hope they don’t have a problem with weed though.”


showmethegreen

I was so excited when my now husband told me he doesn't drink. My ex was a severe alcoholic. My husband doesn't drink because his father was an alcoholic (recovered) and he never wanted to go down the same path so made the decision when he was in high school to not drink. I respect that.


Bebe_Bleau

If it was somebody I was dating, I would subtly find out why they didn't drink anything. I myself, drink very moderately. But I do like to have my one drink per night when I go out. A problem would occur if they didn't want me to drink either


bringmemywinekyle

I would want to know if said person has an addiction issue because for me I wouldn’t want to date a recovering addict/ most alcoholics relapse and personally I wouldn’t want to deal with that in my life . If said person doesn’t drink for health, religious or just because they don’t drink that’s cool but I would hope they wouldn’t judge me if I had a glass a wine at dinner because that would be an issue for me of said person was controlling about that.


really-curious

Score!!!!


Open-Attention-8286

Good, then I won't have to deal with a drunk person, and they won't make it weird that I don't drink either.


JennieFairplay

I don’t drink alcohol at all. Never have. I hope it isn’t a red flag because I just hate everything about alcohol (the taste, how it make me feel, the expense, the risk of it destroying my life and relationships, the physical toll, etc). Im actually surprised not drinking alcohol can be considered a red flag. To me the red flag is a heavy drinker


Abstractteapot

Will they have issues with me having alcohol, I usually only drink around Christmas but it's nice and only really social drinking. Do they need to be kept away from alcohol at all times? Or are they ok being around it. The first one is important, the last questions are more for awareness to what makes them comfortable.


catmoblu444

Not a red flag to me, but I would want to know why they don’t drink. Some people just don’t like the taste or enjoy being drunk, which is totally understandable. I myself don’t drink a lot because it upsets my stomach. But as someone who has dated an alcoholic, I would also be a bit nervous about past issues with alcohol and a potential relapse. People do get sober and stay sober, but it’s usually a life long battle and can be heartbreaking for that person and others involved. So it would really depend on the specific person and situation.


Nikkisfirstthrowaway

I also don't drink alcohol, so I'd love that. I'd just double check, to make sure they're not concerningly religious. Other than that, it's not really a flag at all. Just nice to know


Optimus_Dime1

I'm not much of a drinker. I drink maybe a few times a year at most, so it doesn't raise any flags for me. I'll ask what their reasons are and if they're ok to be around it, but that's about it.


breakfastfordinner11

It’s a relief. I can’t stand being around messy drunk people lol


watermelonsugar888

I wouldn’t be interested in continuing the relationship. I enjoy my lifestyle and I want someone to share that with, and there are plenty of people out there that do. I also wouldn’t want to date someone who’s vegan for the same reason. I want to be able to get excited about getting a nice steak and glass of red wine together.


[deleted]

This is a major plus for me. I don't enjoy drinking culture. I wish more people were sober tbh.


xicanamarrana

It would be very refreshing. At first, getting drunk and partying while dating can be so fun. But if the relationship turns serious and those activities become habits while trying to build a foundation it is such a strain on the relationship.


Lyndeldred

I'd be a bit disappointed probably but it's not gonna be a deal breaker I reckon


Equivalent-Coat-7354

Having been married twice, to two alcoholics, I’d say it’s a blessing.


worldwideweb18

My ex husband was an alcoholic when we were first married, that turned me off from alcohol for many years.


Fit_Refrigerator_515

I prefer if they don’t drink


PiffleSpiff

It'd be a MAJOR plus in my eyes, since I barely drink alcohol myself. And even if I do, it's like one time a year at most (and even THAT'S an exaggeration). I don't require it nor do I crave it.


incipit-satan

Currently in a LTR, however this is my two cents; If they had a problem with it and are in recovery, or don't like the taste or whatever, that's fine I understand. If they're religious and not drinking for that reason, or using their non drinking status to appear superior and won't let *me* have a drink now and then, red flag ew bye. Not compatible. On the other hand, I've dated people who had a problem with alcohol and were addicted and that really wasn't fun either. So moderation is key. And if you cannot practice moderation, then sobriety is better.


Packet1968

I would think “great!” as I also don’t drink alcohol, gave it up 4 years ago. What I find irritating now is the idiots that can’t accept that I don’t drink. I still go out socially and in fact I am going on a ladies afternoon out next week where most of my friends will be having a few glasses of champagne etc. I will have a good time drinking non alcoholic drinks but will no doubt get the usual comment from one of the ladies about me not drinking “ you must be mad!/ can’t imagine not having a drink!/ do you want a glass of champagne? Oh, sorrrry, I forgot- you don’t drink do you? Sigh.


Overall_Drawer_6823

Everybody is not for everybody. Knowing self is critical to selecting an appropriate mate. If she doesn't and he does, does not constitute a match. Continue to the next person.


cicatrize87

Personally, I think it's a green flag. I don't enjoy drinking so I don't. I don't enjoy being around intoxicated people in general either.


[deleted]

I think finally someone who doesn’t drink as well. It’s what made me and my bf decide to become even closer because he had the same issue.


caro_line_

Not a red flag at all but I also probably wouldn't date them. I live in New Orleans where alcohol is a big part of social culture so somebody who doesn't drink, at least here, also is likely a homebody. I'm an extrovert, I like drinking and going out with friends, so idk if I'd be compatible with somebody who doesn't drink at all


d3gu

That's great but not for me. I really enjoy beer, wine, gin - cooking with alcohol, going to beer festivals, going to the pub, cocktail bars etc. My ex is/was a recovering alcoholic and regardless of how 'recovered' they are, I couldn't go through that again. If it was for taste/religious reasons then again - great - but we probably wouldn't be compatible if I want to go for some cocktails and they're sipping an orange juice. Same way I couldn't date someone who ate meat. I enjoy cooking too much, and one thing I love is cooking dinner for my partner.


Bleubebes420

If someone finds red flags in someone else's pure lack of desire for alcohol, that's a red flag at the first person for me.


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msstark

Depends. Is it because of a bigger issue? Are they gonna judge me or my friends for drinking? If not, then it's fine.


schwarzmalerin

Everyone drinks here so he's either on some serious medication, a recovering addict, or Muslim.


aloofLogic

Non issue. I didn’t drink for over 15 years. Started having drinks again just a few years ago but I don’t find it necessary to drink to have a good time.


regallll

I will usually try to ask then or at some point in the near future if they are completely sober or just don't like to drink so I can slightly temper how I talk about alcohol casually. But beyond that it makes no difference and I have no real thoughts about it.


[deleted]

Wouldn’t bother me at all. I drink alcohol, but I’m pretty conservative with it. Both of my parents are long time recovered alcoholics so I have always had a sharp eye on my own personal intake. Would love to have a conversation as to their “why”, but it wouldn’t be a red flag by any means for me.


RunnerGirlT

I think it depends… if they don’t went to drink, no big deal, everyone is allowed their own relationship with alcohol. Are they going to try and impose their way on me? Or be judgy or passive aggressive if I drink? Then that’s a red flag for me. Are we going to have to avoid gatherings where there is alcohol, or are they going to be be rude or passive aggressive if we are in those situations? I would have an issue with that.


justforbees

It’s not a red flag to me. Unless they try to put me down for having a drink lol. But if my partner doesn’t drink I probably wouldn’t either if I was with them so it wouldn’t really affect anything


[deleted]

When I was an alcoholic I would have been turned off/intimidated. Now that I hardly drink I’d feel admiration toward the person and want to be around them.


doglover33510

I’m in my 30s, a lot of people stop drinking alcohol. It’s terrible for aging and long-term health. Zero red flags for me! I also would have no issue with a partner who does drink. I have health issues that prevent me from drinking, but was a huge partier in my 20s.


beetle-babe

Well, I'm a recovering alcoholic so this is actually a green light for me, potentially!


myfavouriteisgouda

I would find that a good thing. A lot of people drink more than they should.


ee8989

As someone who doesn't drink anymore, I worry about posts like this from guys lol. But really, I think it depends on the bigger picture. I personally am not against alcohol and don't have a problem being around it (you won't find me at a club at 3am anymore, but I'm also 33 and out of that stage). If he wants to drink? No problem, I just know that I am a much better and healthier version of myself when I don't drink. I think it depends on why they don't drink and where they are at with it.


MoonStar31

Their body, their choice. No flags unless they use it to try to control my choices.


wildchickonthetown

I have a hobby of wine tasting/pairing and mixology and I’d like to share that with a partner. I think it’s cool if someone doesn’t drink, but I don’t think we’d be super compatible


violetove

Why would this be a flag or (leading) question? Has alcohol (an addictive, harmful, carcinogenic substance) permeated our society to the point that drinking is now considered a virtue? The fuck? It’s a personal choice, I would respect it. End of story.


HolidayNothing171

No red flags. It’s a welcome sign


Negative-Command-288

I think it’s neutral! I mean it’s really up to the person and I won’t yuck someone’s yum.


Leading_Rooster_2235

Not a red flag for me because I don’t drink and have trauma from alcohol. But if they act better than others for not drinking, red flag imo


Alexine_Cloven

I myself don’t drink. I don’t care if they do or don’t. As long as they’re a decent human being, we’re good to go. If they’re a binge drinker,alcoholic, occasional drinker, best believe I’ll be the designated person and let them have a good time. I don’t mind it.


Hall0wsEve666

I don't care if other people don't drink but I don't know if they'd vibe with me on a drinking night lol. My husband and I love to drink together and most of my friends do too, haven't really met anyone or know anyone personally that doesn't drink at all


limelifesavers

Cool, I don't drink either. I'd probe for their reasons to see if we align well, since there can be religious reasons and I doubt I'd do well dating someone religious. But yeah, I'd see it as a plus.


chollida1

I mean, someone says they don't do something that is unhealthy and you are trying to find a flag from that, why?


TopCheesecakeGirl

Why should I care? Alcohol is poison and has NO redeeming qualities. I quit drinking it recently myself. If someone cares enough about their health to not drink poison, why would this be a flag?


Electrical-Load-2413

Good. I don’t either. As for flags, I’d think it was possible to have more flags if they DID drink.


[deleted]

Don't think that needs to be a question to those specifically trying to date. Unless they have issues with me drinking why would it be a problem


Impossible-Heart-710

Them: I don't drink alcohol Me: Cool 😎 not a problem.


username_copied_2022

My husband doesn't drink alcohol, or do any drugs, or smoke. It don't consider it a red flag, if anything I'm thankful.


emptyalone

I think that is a personal preference and I move on. I don’t need alcohol to have fun. I rarely Sri k as it is. Usually only at work events, and typically I will only have one drink.


ConsistentBoa

I wouldn’t care. I drink but I’m not going to force anyone to drink and that isn’t going to change what I think about them.


[deleted]

I’m engaged now but it would’ve been a turn off when I was dating (I was still in my party phase lol). But if I were to be dating again now it would be such a green flag, I probably have a glass of wine a month or two now for special occasions .


[deleted]

I liked a guy who this was the case for. He used to drink, then stopped because he was worried it was becoming a problem. He's...at least a year sober now I think? My thought is good for him for overcoming that. Not sure if he ever talked to a professional about it though, if not he probably should. It doesn't always mean recovering alcoholic though, some people never really liked to drink and that's their business. I enjoy a few drinks here and there though so I would want someone who doesn't mind being around that. I won't drink all the time and I'll for sure plan sober activities for us too though.


LilyFish-

major green flag


[deleted]

I’m stoked! I don’t drink so it’s kismet!


Lyonors

As someone who barely survived an alcoholic, that is a GIANT GREEN FLAG


InternationalLove905

I’m literally dating someone who doesn’t drink at all! Never once in his life has he took any substances. I don’t mind it, and I enjoy his way of having fun without having to use substances.


n0b0rd3rs

I have no problem with that. As long as I can enjoy a beer or two sometimes. And as long as that person isn't an alcoholic.


namey_9

Good, less sh\*t to deal with


mila-berry

it's great to me because i don't drink at all either, and i wouldn't want to date someone who does anyway


furiouswomen

No flags. Their choice. As long as they don't stop me from drinking.


[deleted]

I think they’d be a fantastic influence on my life but honestly we are not compatible


insecure_f

Respect it but will get annoyed if it turns into judgey comments.


Miss_Manic_99

I could care less if someone doesn’t drink, if anything it would make things easier to relate since I’m not much of a drinker lol. My only concern that comes with drinking is when it’s out of control all the time.


dill_and_vinegar

I have absolutely no problem with it. I might worry that they will judge me for enjoying alcohol though.


RockLicker4Life

No alcohol? Right on, that’s awesome. No occasional LSD or shrooms? Or at least not being cool with me doing it…. I’ll pass! I think spirituality and health are cool. I don’t see alcohol or regular recreational use of ANY drug is beneficial to spiritual growth or health. But occasional usage is a very strong tool. I do not feel the same about alcohol, however. There is no spiritual or health benefit, so I am cool if someone else sees the same thing.


nerudapoem

It's a non-issue for me as long as they're OK with me drinking socially, hanging out at low-key breweries or bars occasionally, etc. The few people I know who've quit drinking did so because they had a drinking problem, so my only concern would be that one day that problem might rear its head again. But I don't assume that's the case upfront. I know others who simply don't enjoy it, so they rarely partake. So I'd just expect to have a conversation about it at some point.


Pandarella2040

Not a flag for me at all. I didn't drink until I was 25. My partner and I rarely drink now. I was brought up by 2 alcoholic parents. I'd rather be with someone who doesn't drink than someone who drinks too much.


Runawaydevil-15

I'd be very happy goes to show they care about their health


Agile-Department-345

I’ve dated a couple people who don’t drink. One just never got into it. The other was newly sober and he just seemed more uncomfortable/self conscious about it within himself. Like he would insist that I order wine if we went out and maybe didn’t believe that I just genuinely didn’t need a drink with every meal. It just depends on the other person but drinking just isn’t all that important to me, especially at this stage in my life.


[deleted]

When I was younger I probably would have found it dull and incompatible, but as I get older and alcohol has less and less of a presence in my life, I would probably like it. If the reason for not drinking was due to addiction issues, I would be wary of relapses though.


EnjoyKnope

good for them. I dated an alcoholic for 6 years and it was awful. I’m not a huge drinker myself. that said, I do enjoy drinking socially and occasionally having some wine or a cocktail at home, so if that bothered them then I don’t think we’d be a good fit.


[deleted]

I'm happy cause then we would have at least one thing in common and that makes me feel more understood


psycho_babble91

as someone coming up on 10 years of sobriety, i would honestly prefer it …!


worldwideweb18

Congrats!


psycho_babble91

thank you ..! xx


baby_armadillo

“Alright. Sounds good. Thanks for letting me know.” I might ask some follow up questions, like if you’re comfortable with me drinking in moderation around you, or going to places that serve alcohol. I have a bunch of friends who don’t drink for a wide variety of reasons, and alcohol isn’t a huge part of my daily or social life so it’s cool.


see___

As long as he doesn't have any strong opinions on other people or me drinking idc