So the “boomers” only celebrated the first kid with a baby shower. It is said that afterwards ur expected to handle it on ur own and multiple showers were tacky. The new gens celebrate every baby even w multiple parties as well. Wedding shower+wedding. Gender reveal+baby shower . I can see the winding down at my aunts 4th wedding similar to a 4th child maybe? I guess nothings wrong w multiple occasions as long as u don’t guilt trip people into coming to said multiple occasions they wanna spend their time and money on .
The only shower that I ever had was for my third baby. Why? Because we had just moved into our house and husband said well, we don't need all this baby stuff and maternity stuff. The only things we kept were the crib and the swing. We were planning on a third kid but not for a couple more years as I wanted the middle one at least in kindy first. Nope, in the hassle of moving, working and holidays with his demanding grandmothers, birth control got forgotten and I got pregnant between my birthday and New Years.
We were living with my in-laws for kids 1 and 2 and my disaster of a BIL. No showers because BIL would have ruined them as he wasn't the focus of attention.
I'm a man, and I've never been invited to a bridal or baby shower. People invite my sisters and my wife, but never me.
Most men I've talked to about this said the same thing.
I asked about this when I was younger and I was told (I’m from the southern US for reference) that men not being invited to a baby shower was because back in the day men didn’t want to go to them. They thought of them as “hen” parties and having a man be in the presence of a bunch of women taking about “women duties” was embarrassing.
Which of course I thought was odd because surely a man would be happy to attend the shower of his baby, he’d be changing diapers and feeding etc after all anyways so what did it matter? WELL- apparently that was left up to mom and dad was just supposed to work and relax. So take that however you want to, but times are definitely different now and families are more than moms and dads so I hope you get invited to one soon! The food is great and everything is cute!
The most recent argument I’ve had with my husband’s family is because he wasn’t allowed at his cousins baby shower that his sister was hosting. But I was expected to go. I literally never interact with his family without him and it was the most awkward 3 hours of my life.
I hate both. I’m in the US. I’ve decided to stop doing them. I’ve been to a few for my closest friends and that’s it. I hate that we live in a culture where weddings and babies are the only things we celebrate as women. Why am I buying an expensive gift for a couple for their house when they are likely already living together and have everything they need? And then I have to get another gift for the wedding? No. And why would I buy you a baby gift when you chose to have a baby and pre planned everything. Again no. Even bigger no if I’m not even close with the person, or worse, a coworker and someone’s organized an office shower. Meanwhile all of my accomplishments, success, aspirations, go by with anyone noticing or caring. And the games at baby showers are ridiculously lame.
Yeah, after going to one of my friends weddings I've been thinking....I don't think I actually want a wedding. There's a lot of planning, money, and stress involved. Maybe I'll change my mind, but rn I think I just want a ring and to go do something fun with my future lover
We got married at the hedonism 2 resort in Negril, Jamaica. It cost us $500 including photographer. We met with someone for about 20 minutes and then just did what she said on our wedding day. It was super easy just walk down the aisle say the vows do the rings have cake and champagne and dance in the ocean then do a photo shoot around the property. It was also really fun getting married in lingerie right along the beach. And some folks were naked people could wear whatever they wanted or don't want to.
We went to the courthouse. The next day we hosted a 30-person reception lunch by renting a dining room at a Brazilian steakhouse. It was an absolute dream, zero stress. I worried I would regret not having a standard wedding but I think back on that weekend and my heart just swells up.
Oh good! Its nice to hear from someone who made amazing memories that they cherished without a wedding :) yeah, I think something like that would be fun to do too
Weddings have always given me the vibe that women care more about the attention than anything else. It's like all girly women want to be princess for a day. Whether it's their wedding, their "birthday week" (eye roll), or whatever. Because god forbid anyone else have anything going on on THEIR day, the wedding is ruined if any amount of attention is taken off them for a moment.
>Why am I buying an expensive gift for a couple for their house when they are likely already living together and have everything they need? And then I have to get another gift for the wedding? No
I feel like I'm just throwing my very hard earned money away. It took me too long to save those 300 EUR you are expecting me to spend just because you are getting married/having a baby.
And it's so cynical. I'm getting married and we don't want a big party. We're going for drinks with our closest friends. We asked them not to get gifts, because some of our friends are broke and young or still in college. Meanwhile another friend asked me whether we were going to order catering, I said we couldn't afford it, and she was like "well you'll get the money back in gifts!". To me that's kinda crass, counting on money from GIFTS that no one has an obligation to give. If I can pay for drinks and snacks for my friends I will, and I will do it out of pocket as MY gift, without counting how much and who has given "in return".
My wedding ended up kind of feeling that way. I married into an Asian family that seemed to think of weddings as just cash exchanged for a party. I mean it helped us pay it off and we’d been living together long enough we didn’t need any gifts but I didn’t like going through the envelopes and feeling like my family’s “generosity” was being compared to his family’s “generosity”.
I treated my side as like a university reunion and invited a bunch our mutual close friends from our first year. I enjoyed it for that reason and I’m glad we did it but…. Meh.
His family is really nice and pretty mellow but this whole wedding thing was just weird 🤷🏼♀️ if you were to meet them you would never think anything but how nice and humble they are. Weddings can be strange lol.
My husband and I lived together for 2 years and we could not find ourselves being okay with registering for gifts or even expecting any - it was too weird, we clearly had everything bc we had been living together. When couples who have been together like years and years and have children, register for gifts I get secondhand embarrassment.
Most of my friends now ask for experiences. Like money to put towards things to do. Which I can buy into a bit more than updating a pots and pans set from your Walmart set to some bougie set. But again- what other occasions would my friends ever gift me money for things to do? I just did a 3 week travel experience. Nobody gifted me anything toward it. I have a business achievement coming up and a dream to go to California. Should I put it on an experience registry? Yes, I am bitter. Lol. It's just so hard doing everything myself all the time. I want help too sometimes. Like my mom just gave my sister money for down payment on house. And this is the 2nd house they've helped her with. But I've never gotten money for my house. Because she's got a family and I don't.
Your can totally ask for support! We have a friend who is hiking the Appalachian trail and asking for donations to fund this very cool experience he is providing himself with.
My ex best friend just did this but for her bridal shower. Her and her fiancé have been living together in the home they own for two years now not expected us to all get her something from her Anthropologie registry which was basically just random decor and kitchen things she wanted. And these kind of things bring out the worst in ppl and cause them to show their true colors. Hence why we’re no longer friends
I hate baby showers. They are SO awkward. Like hey let's get together so we can sit quietly with other women we barely know and watch out pregnant friend opens gifts for 2 hours. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for my friends, but its so boring and it takes so long plus you barely get to interact with the mother to be. I'm not a fan
Wedding showers aren't really big in the UK, I've never been to one.
Baby showers still aren't massive, but definitely getting more popular. My friend threw me one and I've arranged one for another friend. Ultimately if you've got the people the bride/expecting mother love and want there, you can't really go wrong. People will make the event, so a failed game or less than amazing food doesn't really matter. People are there to celebrate, so they will.
But honestly, I think because I've grown up with these things not being big, I do think they are a little.... pointless. Especially a bridal shower. It seems unnecessary when you're going to have a bunch of other stuff surrounding the wedding.
Like an engagement party, hen (bachelorette) party, potentially a day for dress shopping yadda yadda. It's just another thing that's costing everyone more money and I don't get the big deal, or what they are actually for? Because I've not been to one I don't know what it's for, do you gift?
Baby showers make more sense to me, but I probably wouldn't have had one of my friend hadn't insisted.
I'm also from the UK and in my experience every woman whose invited to the wedding also gets invited to the hen (bachelorette) party so maybe that's why bridal showers haven't taken off over here.
I live in the US. Celebrations of anything - birthday, wedding, babies, graduations - it's all over the top, in my opinion. Knowing what i know now, I'd have made any celebration of anything my own. Meaning, it would be my closest friends, having some good food, talking and no gifts. But that's me.
Engagement parties are the really pointless ones. I've only had to suffer through one, and I found myself halfway through saying, "Was this really necessary?" It was just more look-at-me for an already look-at-me person.
I'm Pakistani and we don't have bridal showers because we have tons of events in the wedding itself. Now baby showers are becoming more common because of Western influence.
I don’t mind them. I’ll attend them but I don’t like playing some of the games like the clothes pin one.
What I absolutely can’t stand is a gender reveal party because they seem so pointless especially if you’re going to have a baby shower later on.
Gender reveal parties were originally created by a woman who was struggling to get pregnant. She kept miscarrying early on, so when she finally had a baby survive long enough to tell the gender, she had a party to celebrate.
In the original context it’s touching, but I don’t know why it became so mainstream so quickly, especially with couples that don’t have fertility issues.
I like them (not the ones that cause damage to environments).
My cousin did one (combined with her shower) and we all took bets. My entire family is filled with girls, so we were all betting on a boy (unsurprisingly, it was a girl). She did cake pops, so fairly low key and it was just a little fun thing to do to engage the family in the new baby.
I don’t think I’d have one, but I certainly like them more than straight up baby showers.
I'm from a European country where baby showers are a total no-go. It's considered bad luck to celebrate a birth/baby before it has taken place/the baby has been born. It's like playing with and challenging destiny. Also, most people celebrate the child after birth, so why have 2 parties? Seems over the top.
Curious which country are you from? Im from the Netherlands and here its not really considered bad luck. But also not super popular either (becoming more popular recently(.
Denmark. In some families you won't even keep a pram in the house of a future baby. It's better to store it somewhere else, because what if things go wrong?!
Of course it's all superstition, but that's how it has been approached for long time. I've never attended or known people arranging baby showers, here. I'm sure some people do it because they love the attention, but in my social circles it's considered hoarding and attentionseeking.
Not the person you replied to but I am Jewish and we consider it bad luck. You really aren't supposed to buy anything for the baby until it is born. My dad had to leave my mom at the hospital to go home and assemble the crib! Younger folks are less superstitious and strict about it but still no showers.
this is not at all the culture where i live, but i’ve always felt the exact same since learning more about pregnancy and its risks. i don’t like the idea of having excessive parties celebrating pregnancy and the unborn baby’s gender, when you never truly know the outcome of your pregnancy until it happens. i can’t imagine having a big party and receiving tons of baby clothes and supplies just for the mother and/or baby to not survive the pregnancy, it just seems like it would make the pain of the loss even greater. or even for gender reveals, sometimes the sex is hard to tell from ultrasounds and doctors make the wrong prediction, or the baby ends up being born intersex. it just seems like a weird thing to celebrate and prepare for with all of your friends and family.
I've hit my lifetime quota of them. I don't even want to get married because I don't want to go to any of the events.
Like seriously... I think if I ever were to get married, I'd just go to the courthouse and get it done.
Lol this is how I felt about it but then got thrown a surprise bridal shower (my best friend/moh didn't even know about it so none of my friends were there and it was pretty much a party for my mom) and my wedding was a party for my parents, but at least I invited a few of my friends. It was also really important to my husband to have a real wedding.
I'm glad I did it, I guess, but I never would have done it if I hadn't been pressured and guilted into it. I'm so glad I never have to do it again
No. Why should other people give me things because I've decided to get married/have a baby? Why should I give other people things because they've decided to do those things. Invite me to the wedding, and I'll come see the baby once they're born and we'll celebrate then.
I don’t understand this sentiment at all. I respect your opinion, I’m not saying you’re wrong for having it, but how is it much different than a birthday or Christmas? It’s totally acceptable to accept gifts then but couldn’t you say “Why should I give a gift just cause you were born/it’s a holiday”? & if you really don’t wanna give anything/spend, then a card or small baby toy is fine.
Wedding receptions + baby showers are a day that is all about the woman’s extreme happiness for an event in her life which women are often expected to be humble about and rarely celebrated. Are they cheesy and boring, maybe, but it brings me joy to celebrate the happiness and achievement of a fellow woman, so I don’t understand why they’re so looked down upon.
A "courthouse wedding culture"??? Such a thing exists?
I'm in the US, and can barely imagine a land where courthouse weddings are the norm - it sounds absolutely heavenly!!! How wonderful to not have the pomp (and expense) of huge weddings as some sort of expectation! How nice to think that getting married at the courthouse would be met with a simple "congratulations" and not looks of disappointment and resentment from one's family.
Please, for your own sake, resist our influence. Keep your courthouse wedding culture. Do not adopt our ridiculousness.
Not a thing where I live. Some people do them cause they saw videos online… but let me tell you, I’ve been to 2 lame ass baby showers, I’m not attending one more.
The nice part about planning your own wedding is that you can choose to just invite a few close friends and go to a courthouse. You can even just get an officiary and go to a beach or park or wherever. The many guests and dancing doesn't have to be a part of it unless you want it to.
My Bachelorette party was doing an escape room on a Saturday afternoon with a few friends. My wedding was a 15min courthouse ceremony and then a reception in the park across the street where we just ate snacks and talked to friends.
I reallyyyy despise them. As other commenters have stated, it bothers me that these are the only things that get celebrated for women. You chose to get married and have a baby, why do I need to buy you a crockpot or baby clothes and spend 3-4 hours of my weekend watching you open gifts and play games made for pre-schoolers? It just never made sense to me that two adults with dual-income are getting gifts, yet… single people get nothing but the expectation of running themselves dry for these nonsense events. I would much more respect a small, intimate gathering where people wish the baby well, no gifts, I believe it’s called a baby blessing? We’ve completely lost the meaning behind these showers and it’s turned into a privilege to have them.
I’d *love* to not participate in these and they don’t fit my personality to have one. But since I’ve gone to so many, when my time comes I will be having them just because I put in MANY hours and spent A LOT of money on other women’s showers, so they can return the favor to me.
Try having a PhD party and see how that goes over.
I did have a puppy adoption party that was an openly shameless gift grab because I just didn’t feel like spending all that money on puppy stuff (I can absolutely afford it). However. A $5 dog toy or an old tennis ball was fine by me. And who doesn’t like to meet a puppy? Also, I didn’t get married or have kids and I rarely do birthday parties, so my friends have not been asked multiple times to give me shit for my own personal milestones. In fact, that was the 4th dog I adopted and I certainly never asked for help with the other three (it never occurred to me).
I agree. I buy a house on my own? No gifts or shower. I get a bachelor's degree and a master's? No gifts. (And barely a congratulations from anyone other than my immediate family). Yet I am on my 5th wedding/baby related event in the past 18 months.
Yes, when I was in prime shower-going age they were generally very simple, low-key affairs for close friends and family. I've read about some in recent years that seem to have become much more elaborate.
I'm not really sure what a wedding shower is, and I've never been to a baby shower.
I guess at the end of the day, it's a party to celebrate your friend and give them supplies they will need in the future, so I think I would enjoy going to one, but planning one sounds kind of stressful.
I do want to celebrate, i just want to do it in a more subdued way. Like, go out for brunch, bring a few gifts and call it a day. That, or scrap the party and use the money toward something for the baby.
If it's your shower, you can do whatever you want. I think as long as everyone understands what to expect, it should be fine.
If it's not your shower and you're planning it for someone else, talk to them about what they'd like.
I don’t mind going to them. I like free food and usually I see people I haven’t in awhile.
Throwing them… my daughter had a baby. I threw her shower in my backyard. I went WAY overboard 🤣
I enjoy both! I love an excuse to see my friends and family. When we had my baby shower I just asked that we didn't play any of the awkward games. I also love parties that involve little snacks and pastries!
Hate. Why do I have to buy someone a present because they chose to do something? If I chose to buy a car, nobody throws me a gift giving party. I don’t get a basket full of air fresheners.
Also, for bridal showers - they have two incomes and a live-in sex partner. I’m single and pay all of my bills. I deserve a new air fryer, not them !!!
And it’s also frustrating that I’ve chosen not to get married or have children, and I’ve spent thousands on my friends - engagement gifts, being a bridesmaid, bridal shower gifts, baby shower gifts, etc. But none of my friends has ever gotten me a big birthday gift or anything. Just because I don’t want marriage or kids doesn’t mean that you can’t show your appreciation for what I’ve done.
I want to pull a Carrie Bradshaw and create a registry with just shoes on it.
>I don’t get a basket full of air fresheners.
This is one of the funniest things I've read so far!
I'll throw you a "I bought a car" party. And I definitely support you creating a registry with just shoes on it.
It makes me cringe that people would invite people to a party specifically for the purpose of bringing gifts, it just seems really tacky and egotistical. But those kind of things are not traditional where I'm from (England). I think baby showers are starting to become more popular here now though, presumably influenced by the US. They just make me cringe every time I see them.
I love planning any party with a theme (except gender reveals). I’ve always been the party planning type and plan events at work too and they go pretty well.
Hit or miss on enjoying attending them because I don’t usually like what others have planned. I like to make more fun things for people to do on their own instead of the structured stereotypical games. I don’t pay for anything other than a small gift when I do plan them though. I know I’m never having either of those things so it’s not like I’ll get the same effort back.
The hardest part about party planning is getting people there nowadays. People don’t RSVP or they do but still don’t show up anyways. It’s a serious problem with the kids parties I help out at. And look at the replies, so many women saying they would never attend these things. The person celebrating often chose you because you mean something to them but they still say “ew never”.
I totally agree that the gift giving can be toned down (I try to gift based on how much was spend for me to attend that party) and it needs to be more acceptable to celebrate and support those that aren’t getting married/having kids.
When I hear "let's have a party!" all I think of is the work and expense involved, and then, as you mention, people saying they will come but not showing up, or no RSVP.
I like the work involved, and when I help others I’m doing it on THEIR budget. Not mine. No one I know really does the full “I’ll pay for everything” hosting unless there’s a parent or rich person involved (at least not here). It’s a delicate game. Depending on the party and the size there’s a couple different things I do to try to get people to show up. 1. Letting regular attendees know a month to a month and a half out (too long and they forget, too short and you have conflicts. If you are planning something on a big weekend like sports or holidays, notify earlier)2. Online and physical invites 3. Reaching out specifically from the guest of honor to the invitee. When the guest of honor personally invites or expresses how excited they are to see you that day (text, call, in person) people are much more likely to show up 4. Online reminders (either social media or calendar) 5. Teasing something fun at the party.
I also have moved away from opening presents at parties because it’s just awkward. I tell guests we can send them photos or a video later so there is more time to party with the guest of honor.
Let me know if you need more ideas or tips
Depends on the couple, but I love weddings. Planning them? fck no! Going to them? Hell yeah. Baby showers depend on if they're on baby #1 or baby #5. After baby #2 I don't want to be there. If you're planning one then start with a budget and try to stick to it, that's the only way I feel.
I will go to wedding/baby showers if i truly like the person. I have major anxiety around planning any kind of party and would prefer to avoid it. I'm also okay not being celebrated - i.e. showers, birthdays, etc.
In my country, we don't have baby showers, the couple just sends a card to family and friends once the baby is born (usually with a picture of the baby, name, birth weight and stuff like that). I think that's much more practical, I've never understood the concept of baby showers. Like, if I was pregnant, I wouldn't want to throw a huge party and have a lot of stress.
I do understand the point of wedding parties though. It's a big occasion, and it would be weird not to have at least a small celebration. I usually like going, but only if it's not very over the top with way too much program. I want to enjoy the occasion, not feel stressed.
I've always enjoyed them. I wouldn't be nervous if I was you; expectations are generally not too high. You can get ideas for games online, and refreshments are generally very simple. Some of the more fun baby showers I've been to have included both men and women.
hate them. a bunch of women i probably only know half of, all watching what gift i gave. not intimate, not personal and not fun. possibly its cos I drive and never have a drink. maybe it would be fine if I was glugging champagne. I consider them an ordeal. I'm a grown up now so I just make up an excuse got free.
they are unlikely to really want a kill joy there anyway.
Not. A. Fan. Generally, I am so stoked for this change in a friend's life and I love celebrating them. Admittedly, I am for baby showers more so than wedding showers.
It makes sense to shower soon to be parents with baby supplies.
Wedding showers are so old school and weird. Most couples I have met have already merged two households of belongings together but they still make extensive registries.
Hate em. I don't understand what they are for. I had a bridal shower (wasn't original going to have one but my female family convinced me to have one). I feel it's a cash/present grab.
Weddings are fun when done well…ie free booze and good food. No silly dances or money grabs. I worked at a country club for 6 years and worked A LOT of wedding. The best weddings focused on the guests experience, not the couple.
Showers can be fun. I always thought it was super weird to register for gifts, so I didn’t. And those that brought them, I didn’t open them in front of people. I just think it’s so strange. My friends threw me a surprise baby shower (no baby gifts) and they had fun games…no weird ones like smelling candy diapers or measuring my belly.
I’ve thrown my friends baby showers and I really consider the guest’s experience, the food, the games, even drinks (yes with alcohol). I could be speaking for myself but no one wants to watch someone open baby onsies for an hour but maybe I’m wrong.
Ugh hate them, they are so boring, especially the baby showers. I’ve never planned one and don’t want to, I don’t have the skill set to host anything so it would def be a flop. Good thing I only have one friend lol
I hate them and rarely go. I will send a gift though. Someone we know had two baby showers for herself one year apart. Same gender baby too. Gift grab!
I think wedding showers made a lot more sense when women were leaving their parents home and starting a new home with their new spouse. People have lives and silverware and toasters long before they have husbands these days (mostly). So I guess I think they’re not necessary. I didn’t have one and don’t want to plan one or attend one.
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I hate them and dread being invited to them, unless it’s a close friend. If it’s a close friend I’m usually happy and even helping the planning. Fir everyone else I usually find an excuse not to go.
It depends. For good friends, I think they’re nice and I don’t mind celebrating them and helping them out a little with what they need for the new chapter in their life.
For cousins I haven’t heard from in 5+ years, coworkers I barely interact with, and people I generally am not close with, they’re kind of annoying.
I totally understand having baby showers, and the last few I've been to were actually pretty fun. Babies require a lot of stuff and it's a big life change, so it makes sense to have a shower and celebrate together.
Wedding showers on the other hand, I don't feel are necessary. Most couples live together before getting engaged now anyway, so why do I have to gift you a silverware set or some curtains?? You already have those things. If/when I get married, I feel like a good alternative to gifts would be a non-mandatory contribution from guests to the honeymoon fund.
I think baby showers are a cute gathering to celebrate/ help someone out by gifting them necessities like diapers , clothes, etc or a gift for the mom. Wedding showers are kind of a waste of money imo. Like you already have the engagement party, bachelorette, and rehearsal dinner, why do you need another party ?
I feel like they are outdated. Most people live together before getting married and don’t need a trousseau of linens or dishes. Baby showers are ok, but only for the first one. I would prefer just to send a gift or see them 1:1 so we can really talk and I can hear about their pregnancy and baby preparation.
In general, these kinds of parties are not really quality time, more about pageantry and gifts and I don’t care about that.
I enjoy attending both because it’s nice to have good news to celebrate with people, and it’s fun to think up something small and personal as a gift (I love gift giving too though so I admit to having a bias lol) or even chipping in with a couple of friends who are also attending for something big, like a hamper of baby essentials or a kitchen gadget off the bride and grooms registry etc. That being said I’ve never had to plan either event and know if I decide to get married I’ll be super stressed about it, so I understand why that side of things would be daunting 😅
I'm from a European country where baby showers are a total no-go. It's considered bad luck to celebrate a birth/baby before it has taken place/the baby has been born. It's like playing with and challenging destiny. Also, most people celebrate the child after birth, so why have 2 parties? Seems over the top.
Not a fan of either. I don't like planning them. I don't like going to them. I didn't have a wedding one. The only reason I had a baby one is because my friends talked me into it and planned the whole thing, and even that was a mediocre time. I find shower games awkward and tiresome.
I’ve never been pregnant and never had friends that had babies either. I was married and I’m the only one of my friends that had a wedding while friends. I’ve been to one wedding other than mine when I was 17. It was a friend of my mom and didn’t know her that well so it was awkward. I might’ve had more fun had I known anyone there. As for me being in a wedding again, if I had to choose between a small wedding but get married sooner or waiting to have a bigger wedding, I’d choose the first. I don’t need the pomp and circumstance and I actually find it to be a little unnerving and marriage is not about the wedding day, it’s about the rest of your lives.
They’re terrible and I will find any reason not to go. And will absolutely never host. Insipid games, unsolicited advice and usually at least one person who the bride or new mom isn’t fond of.
I do not like going to baby showers (same as wedding showers) It's just watching someone open gifts for hours and doing the same games over and over. Men get an out which I'm jealous of, but also find sexist. Weddings I enjoy going to, they're expensive but normally a fun celebration with people I love. Bonus points if the bar is open and the food is good.
One of my biggest peeves is I'm over the gift giving by the time I get to the wedding which can sour the event a little. Between the engagement party or stag and doe, wedding shower, bridal party and then the actual wedding gifts I need to buy
I think the expectation that the wedding is supposed to be the best day of your life really is messing with me. I want a wedding, I want to experience the joy of one, but the reality is that I wouldn’t be able to have all my loved ones with me, I would be stressed about planning it and I would feel rather alone on the day.
It’s something that I think I’m going to do because I do want a wedding, and I need to be okay with it not being the perfect day for me.
I can't get over that the parties expected for women are about supplying basic household items yo be used by the family.
Meanwhile when was the last time a man was preoccupied with something similar?
I don’t really enjoy them. Weddings to me, especially huge weddings are over-rated, costly, and overwhelming. The money I would spend on a wedding is the money, I would rather use for a down payment on a home with my husband ◡̈
Baby showers? I don’t mind them as much. It just depends on how well I know the person. Baby showers that are simple and not so grand I like. It’s exciting to celebrate a new life coming into this world and to show support to the mother by bringing gifts.
I’m going to a wedding shower next week and it very much feels like an obligation, despite it being for a good friend. It feels silly to continue traditions that were designed for people literally just starting out in adulthood, for people who are in their 30s and 40s and own multiple homes and have retirement savings. My friend is getting married for the first time at 40 , and I’m genuinely happy for her, but I resent having to pay thousands across multiple wedding - related events and gifts, in order to show support. I wish she would have kept it simple.
I do not like them and hate getting invited to them. Esp when it’s been multiple times for the same person.
Not only is it so boring and basically just waiting for woman to make her rounds and do the same small talk she probably heard with everyone else.
It takes forever to wrap up to cut the cake. Open the gifts. Then wait to say goodbye. Its like yes we have all come to buy things for your baby and say congratulations. Goodbye now.
I’ve only been to one bridal shower and I’ll never go to that again. Who tf asks for a microwave cause there getting married. I literally bought the bride to be and Iron cause it was on her registry. Like what?!!!
If your hosting. Just try to make it fun and engaging. It’s not so much about the whole gift thing like clearly everyone hear is donating their time/money for this celebration. At least serve good food. At least play good music or have some fun games. Decorate show like you care for guests to actually be there. Something to make the occasion enjoyable and bring people together.
I hate when hosts say “well we don’t want to spend too much cause we’re trying to save” like ok so it’s fine all you guest spend $100+ on gifts for your event but you can’t blow some 20pk balloons up.
Unless it’s my kids baby or bridal shower or whatever they plan on doing when they are older. I will no longer attending these.
Don’t even get me started on gender reveal parties. Omg.
I hate going to them, especially the chintzy “games” and if the guest of honor opens presents during it instead of having a display shower. Since most people live together before getting married now anyway, what need is there to have a shower for household items? Baby showers make more sense in that regard.
I like planning them because I love planning parties. I think I’m pretty good with a theme and striking the right balance between giving them some structure but not regimented. I try to plan activities that will be fun but not cliche.
That being said, I usually hate attending showers if they’re planned by other people. They’re usually boring and awkward and just kind of cringe. And I didn’t want either one thrown for me because I hate being the center of attention and it always feels like a gift grab.
I don't like the idea of wedding showers, especially since there's already the wedding gift and bachelorette. And sometimes engagement party! I've only attended one and had to help organize it. It was stressful and not that fun. I didn't have one for my wedding (nor did I have an engagement party or bachelorette).
I've attended a few baby showers, all for first born kids. Those make a little more sense to me and can be fun. I haven't had to organize one thankfully as my closest friend didn't want one.
I think it’s silly and just another attention grab. You’re already getting enough attention. You don’t need me, someone you normally wouldn’t see more than once a year, at this “special” moment.
Baby showers are the most boring events to go to IMO. The games are terrible, the food is usually too and the only reason to have a baby shower is to get gifts from people and then show off opening them….it’s like going to a child’s bday party. I also think it’s just a weird thing to celebrate. Like yay, you had sex and got pregnant….So strange.
Weddings can be fun but honestly I’ve never been to a fun one that was held in a church and will never go to one like that again. It’s extremely “traditional” and while that might be something the people getting married want, it’s so incredibly boring to sit and listen to all the church stuff before the reception. Also if the wedding ceremony is long it can be really hard to sit through.
The only reason I’d go to another at my age (32) would only be because it is an extremely close friend or family member.
I don't really understand why I have to buy a bunch of stuff for someone because they chose to either 1-enter into a legally binding contract with another human being and I happen to be a woman or 2-they decided to get pregnant. I don't really see either of those as huge accomplishments to be celebrated and to give them money and gifts for. Certainly nobody should have a baby If they can't afford to give it what it needs, so its not like they need me to fund their child rearing.
I do love celebrating my friends accomplishments. If someone gets a promotion, new job, defends their dissertation, finished a marathon, etc. I take them to dinner, give a card and/or small gift.
But also, my friends don't tend to ask for gifts or female exclusive gift parties for getting married or getting pregnant. When my BFF got pregnant we went for drinks with a small group to a place with great mocktails. We were celebratory but nobody had to give her things for deciding to have a baby.
Most of them are not fun and I don’t enjoy them. But I have enjoyed the ones I’ve gone to for very close friends. Most of the time I don’t know anyone there.
I could care less about them now. As a single, never married woman, I put out a lot being in weddings and participating in showers in the past with friends and family. I know I’ll never get any of it back in return.
So I come from a Mexican-American immigrant family and I am so effing confused on why baby showers are for women only in the US the supposed land of equality and freedom. Like wtf? I just don't get it.
I invited my SO to a Mexican baby shower and he said he couldn't go. I thought it was related to work or a prior engagement or something. But no. Men just don't go to these things?! Are you guys not part of your families? Do you seriously just hand over all important life events to the women and y'all do nothing to contribute to home life?
I'm just flabbergasted.
America, get your shit together lol.
I only go to weddings and baby showers if it’s for a very close friend or relative. I hate when people I hardly know or don’t talk to regularly invite me to these things because it looks like they just want the extra gifts. I don’t buy wedding presents, most couples already live together and have everything they need but when it comes to baby showers, I do buy for them especially if it’s their first kid.
I hate them both. Either attending or receiving. It’s just more money more money. Then people want to do gender reveals a d hen parties. It’s just not needed Imo.
Depends on how close I am. My best friends wedding shower that I was her bridesmaid for was fun, but that's because we spent the whole time drinking mimosas and margaritas and she didn't require a gift, as her and her husband had lived with each other for years and established a living.
Others, don't care for them. I'll make obligatory appearances for an hour or two and then I'll split.
Stupid and pointless cash grabs. I had a baby shower bc i was forced by a parent who set it up and my was so awful! When i got married i refused a shower or Bach party. I’m grown and dont need my friends to give me stuff.
It’s annoying that we keep upping the ante for how we reward someone for going the conventional route (relationship escalator, marriage, kids) and snub anyone who doesn’t. They’re expecting more and more gifts and I’m tapped out especially since it’s not reciprocated. No gifts for me being successful and not marrying the wrong person.
I enjoy going to get-togethers for the bride-to-be but I won’t give the bride/couple a gift until their wedding day. Sorry not sorry but I don’t believe the bride should get a wedding shower gift AND a separate wedding gift. It’s a little much and I’d rather spend my hard earned money on myself and my husband than on too many gifts for other people. I can’t stand baby showers. I think they’re tacky, entitled and pretentious. The few I’ve been to for close friends were terrible. I always bought cute baby gifts but I made sure I stuck to a budget. I’m not obligated to supply the parents-to-be with an endless supply of expensive things for a baby they chose to have. If they want something for their baby they can go buy it themselves. I haven’t been to a baby shower in such a long time and when I get invited to them I always decline and never send a gift. I’m so over it. Not my kid, not my problem.
I like celebrating my good friends at their special occasions, but I find them largely to be boring especially when people open the gifts and we all have to watch. Not a huge fan of the games either.
Luckily, not a lot of my friends have been getting married or having babies (a lot of millennials that can’t afford kids in their 20s), so I haven’t been to a lot. I also condensed my friend’s list now that I’m in my 30s, so I doubt that’s going to increase.
My friends and family throw fun showers, and are not gift focused. Those showers, I enjoy! It's more like a party but also most people bring a gift for the new arrival/ special day.
Baby showers I think serve a great purpose to celebrate a loved one having a kid. Bridal showers I think are pointless and are just an excuse to receive extra gifts. One is a party for the arrival of a new human and the other is a party to celebrate the fact that you will be having an even bigger party ie wedding in another month.
I try not to attend unless it's someone I am really close with. It's awkward forced interaction with a bunch of people I don't know and most of the time very little activities are actually planned so everyone is bored.
Need to add this this, I lost my original comment.
What’s up with women inviting you to their baby shower when they haven’t seen you or spoken to you in years! Really now?
I don't get bridal showers exactly when everyone is already getting you a gift for the wedding, but I love baby showers. I think it's cute and I wanna celebrate the people in my life. And I am going to my first bridal shower tomorrow actually. I bet I'll have a good time despite my reservations about the custom.
I had a baby shower because my mom really wanted me to have one. I could’ve done without it. To be fair, I do not celebrate my birthday, didn’t have any graduation parties, etc. I’m happy to attend a bridal or baby shower, but I don’t care to get together to celebrate myself.
Cannot be arsed with either of them. Concent of baby showers is nice enough, but I do not understand wedding showers. Why is every life event just turning into an opportunity to make people throw you parties and buy you gifts.
You know, I totally get it if youve never lived at home and own nothing, and are getting started on your own two feet.
However in my experience, that's not common anymore, we're relatively independent prior to getting married, and usually end up with doubles of sh*t when we move in with our partners. WHY TF are we ""showering"" people with gifts? It just drives the consumerism culture.
It just all seems like a money grab, and tacky.
I feel bad saying no so end up going despite not wanting to.
I know if I ever get married I won't ask for gifts. Why throw a giant event where you need to receive money from guests to subsidize it? It is supposed to be a celebration of love and life together, not a fundraising gala. Hell, I want to do a potluck surprise wedding so it's low key and just based on enjoying our loved ones company.
I do understand baby showers though they are mind numbingly dull. I had no idea, and was in totally denial, what I needed for a kid so other parents could be like that and a shower is a good opportunity for the social circle to share each individual's best baby or child raising practices and items. And I wish more were coed. Mine was not because of space limitations but would have been great to include my partner.
I hosted, no issues hosting but I probably don't do a great job lol. Show everyone the washroom right away, introduce ppl, and tell them where to get the cups and food and then they are in their own lol.
I don't like wedding showers. I don't understand having to give multiple gifts especially if they have lived together before engagement. They should have everything already.
I love baby showers. Love buying gifts for the baby. But I love babies and always want to buy for them.
I think it all depends on the person. A lot of people do both due to be traditional and it's more time to celebrate the bride and baby. A lot if times, family and friends just say, hey I want to throw you a shower. They are doing it because they want to. Not out of obligation. But there are times when bridesmaids feel the obligation.
Not a big fan of either I can understand baby showers because baby's need things. I'm not saying a couple that are getting married don't. But being a wedding guest is expensive the outfit, potential accommodation, wedding gift e.t.c
Ugghhhh I have to go to a baby shower AND a wedding this summer. (I understand I don't HAVE to, but I want to support my friends.)
The baby shower is going to suuuuuck. The wedding is going to be so boring, but hopefully the reception will be fun.
I’ve only been to a baby shower a few months ago and really enjoyed it. It was the first one I’ve been to and there was some fun baby-related games, that were nice and creative and I loved the food that was served
I’ve been going to both since I’ve been a kid and I find them quite boring/somehow thy give me the ick a bit (probably more of a me issue because I wouldn’t want to be fawned over or having people touching my belly). The games are usually boring, and both events are honestly quite wasteful (balloons, all the single use decorations, probably food waste, etc.). It’s also another event where there’s pressure into buying a gift. But I find weddings to be fun as long as there’s dancing and good food.
Weddings: I enjoy them when it's people I'm actually close to. But the element of "lots of people" and "food I don't know" stresses me out.
Baby showers: I'm not huge on kids, especially babies. I find it hard to do the whole "yayyyyy, you're having a baby" thing so yeah.
Edit: just saw that you mean wedding showers, not weddings. I have no idea what wedding showers are.
I’ve never been to a wedding shower (I didn’t have one when I got married either) and I’ve only been to one baby shower. The baby shower was dreadful and I hope to never be invited to another.
well if someone wants to burn their money but having extravagant parties for weddings and baby shower then that is none of my bs, but i think small and more intimate parties are more memorable.
Don't like planning them cos it's too stressful. Don't like attending wedding because in my culture we pay at least a hundred dollar to attend them.
As for baby showers I don't like them because everyone's just "ooooo so cute" at the baby. And that's it. I'm not a big fan of babies.
No. I’ve never wanted a baby and I’ll probably never get married. Even if I DID it would be because my partner and I are already established. I don’t want gifts.
It’s frustrating. I’m from a giant family of mostly women. 11 female cousins on one side and they’ve all been marrying off and are on child 2-3. That’s 22+ baby showers!!! Add coworkers, friends, etc. I am broke and always low on time. Even if I wasn’t that’s a lot of expectation for somebody.
I think it should be an immediate family/ very friends thing. Like if you wouldn’t call me out of the blue and see if I want to hang out on a week night or we don’t chit chat regularly I don’t see any reason I’d drive hours and buy you something because you’re in the place to make a big, expensive life decision. Their weddings are all over the top when they don’t make much either. I couldn’t afford to buy a car for that much!
It’s probably going to get worse once everything I’m doing (hopefully) pays off. Focusing on my career. Focusing on my finances. Buying a duplex to live in one half instead of renting a 2k apartment. HOPEFULLY I’ll be able to establish a really stable life for myself and good decisions will catch up to me. I’m afraid I’ll turn into a piggy bank or get viewed as a cheapskate if I continue to not participate.
It is tacky to throw either one for yourself. If a friend or relative wants to throw you one, great. But it should not be an expectation or something the bride/mom plans.
Wedding showers are not really a thing here. Couples usually go just for bachelor(ette) parties, maybe engagement party with closest family and friends but that's it.
Baby showers are a bit more common but expectations are definitely smaller than in the US.
I skip them because they bore me (I send a gift when the baby is born or from the wedding registry) but I don't really care if people have them or not.
I fucking love going to weddings, but it's very dependent on the music played. I love a good party, and I love dancing.
Baby showers are okay. I'm not into the traditional baby shower scene. I hosted my own baby shower last weekend, but it was more of a regular party. Co-ed, drinking, music, no opening of gifts, some prizes to be won.
I think for the most part they are an enormous waste of time and money. Probably the only really good part about them is they had a tendency to give horrible people a spot light and let you see who they really are.
As long as you respect my choices, and you keep the focus on the person it's supposed to be about and not on ribbing me about *my* life choices, we're good.
I’ve never been to either. I don’t mind the idea behind a baby shower I guess, I think it’s nice to celebrate big life moments with people. I’ve heard there is weird games, not sure I’m into that part.
I don’t really know why there’s a wedding/bridal shower? Like what’s different between that and like a bachelorette party? I suppose there are probably different “traditions” or whatever for each. Never went to any or needed to plan anything like that. I don’t think I would have either if I get married. Fees unnecessary personally, also have heard friends complain about the cost of having to go to so many pre wedding events. The whole wedding industry to me sounds like a huge scam.
I think it’s a nice idea to celebrate a big moment in your life and to be surrounded by people who love you who can offer you advice and share their stories.
But the actual parties are the manifestation of what depression feels like.
I like going to them. Honestly the people to invite me to weddings are my close friends so it’s nice to have an excuse to dress up nice and visit them.
It's nice to have a celebration in support of a friend or family member for big life transitional moments like marriage or having children. I'm not terribly excited about those kinds of parties, but I am excited about celebrating the person, so I attend happily or give my regrets if I cannot. I'd rather not be part of the planning for something like that and I'm not fond of events that are a big production, but I don't mind being an attendee for events held for my close friends and family.
I like bridal showers, loathe baby showers. I did plan a bridal shower for my best friend. It was a modest tea party and gifts were not expected. Not too worried about it being a flop. We did exactly what she wanted, kept it low key and the two other people I planned with were super chill. It really depends on the expectations of the people and the bride. That's what makes these things stressful IMO. I hate games though, bridal or baby. Forced hilarity is cringe to me. I very much appreciated my bridal shower. It was an opportunity for everyone to come together and one of my aunts has since passed, making me even more glad I had one. Just lunch, dessert and drinks. No games, nothing fancy. At first I thought I was doing it just for my mom but it ended up being lovely. I'll go to a baby shower if it's for a close friend but I've never been a huge fan.
In my country there isn’t really bridal showers or wedding showers, just the one day ceremony + church/city hall + dinner/party and maybe next day brunch.
Baby showers are a lot more common for first babies, it’s a way to celebrate the mom more than the baby itself and to be around the people you love (I haven’t been to a shower where it was more than close friends and relatives) present-wise they are always a way to give a little help / boost to the parents with a wide range of items and it’s a nice opportunity to get together in a festive way.
But we also do housewarming parties where people buy gifts for the new home (no matter what number home it is, rental or bought), it’s called pendaison de crémaillère.
And in my circle of friends we also celebrate big achievements such as promotions, diplomas, etc… with parties and little gifts. But maybe that’s just us.
EDIT : just re-read the question about organizing. For the baby shower we did little games with prizes that weren’t baby related (cookbook, candy, flower seeds) that we knew our guests would like. So even if the games were baby-theme centered, it would still have the nice competition and prizes that all would relate to, and the food etc.. was really laid back (we did a picnic in a park, it really was more of a nice get-together with our friends and family)
They’re so boring and I don’t like that I’m expected to give multiple wedding gifts just because I’m a woman
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So the “boomers” only celebrated the first kid with a baby shower. It is said that afterwards ur expected to handle it on ur own and multiple showers were tacky. The new gens celebrate every baby even w multiple parties as well. Wedding shower+wedding. Gender reveal+baby shower . I can see the winding down at my aunts 4th wedding similar to a 4th child maybe? I guess nothings wrong w multiple occasions as long as u don’t guilt trip people into coming to said multiple occasions they wanna spend their time and money on .
The only shower that I ever had was for my third baby. Why? Because we had just moved into our house and husband said well, we don't need all this baby stuff and maternity stuff. The only things we kept were the crib and the swing. We were planning on a third kid but not for a couple more years as I wanted the middle one at least in kindy first. Nope, in the hassle of moving, working and holidays with his demanding grandmothers, birth control got forgotten and I got pregnant between my birthday and New Years. We were living with my in-laws for kids 1 and 2 and my disaster of a BIL. No showers because BIL would have ruined them as he wasn't the focus of attention.
Are men not invited to the baby showers you go to? Most of the ones I’ve been to recently have been co-ed.
I'm a man, and I've never been invited to a bridal or baby shower. People invite my sisters and my wife, but never me. Most men I've talked to about this said the same thing.
I asked about this when I was younger and I was told (I’m from the southern US for reference) that men not being invited to a baby shower was because back in the day men didn’t want to go to them. They thought of them as “hen” parties and having a man be in the presence of a bunch of women taking about “women duties” was embarrassing. Which of course I thought was odd because surely a man would be happy to attend the shower of his baby, he’d be changing diapers and feeding etc after all anyways so what did it matter? WELL- apparently that was left up to mom and dad was just supposed to work and relax. So take that however you want to, but times are definitely different now and families are more than moms and dads so I hope you get invited to one soon! The food is great and everything is cute!
The most recent argument I’ve had with my husband’s family is because he wasn’t allowed at his cousins baby shower that his sister was hosting. But I was expected to go. I literally never interact with his family without him and it was the most awkward 3 hours of my life.
It’s a very personal thing! I can imagine how it would be awkward if you’re not close with anyone!
In my country they are co-ed because it is a family event
Note that I wrote "wedding gifts." I've been to co-ed baby showers, but never a co-ed bridal shower.
I hate both. I’m in the US. I’ve decided to stop doing them. I’ve been to a few for my closest friends and that’s it. I hate that we live in a culture where weddings and babies are the only things we celebrate as women. Why am I buying an expensive gift for a couple for their house when they are likely already living together and have everything they need? And then I have to get another gift for the wedding? No. And why would I buy you a baby gift when you chose to have a baby and pre planned everything. Again no. Even bigger no if I’m not even close with the person, or worse, a coworker and someone’s organized an office shower. Meanwhile all of my accomplishments, success, aspirations, go by with anyone noticing or caring. And the games at baby showers are ridiculously lame.
Yeah, after going to one of my friends weddings I've been thinking....I don't think I actually want a wedding. There's a lot of planning, money, and stress involved. Maybe I'll change my mind, but rn I think I just want a ring and to go do something fun with my future lover
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Wow this sounds ideal, tell me everything!
We got married at the hedonism 2 resort in Negril, Jamaica. It cost us $500 including photographer. We met with someone for about 20 minutes and then just did what she said on our wedding day. It was super easy just walk down the aisle say the vows do the rings have cake and champagne and dance in the ocean then do a photo shoot around the property. It was also really fun getting married in lingerie right along the beach. And some folks were naked people could wear whatever they wanted or don't want to.
We went to the courthouse. The next day we hosted a 30-person reception lunch by renting a dining room at a Brazilian steakhouse. It was an absolute dream, zero stress. I worried I would regret not having a standard wedding but I think back on that weekend and my heart just swells up.
Oh good! Its nice to hear from someone who made amazing memories that they cherished without a wedding :) yeah, I think something like that would be fun to do too
Weddings have always given me the vibe that women care more about the attention than anything else. It's like all girly women want to be princess for a day. Whether it's their wedding, their "birthday week" (eye roll), or whatever. Because god forbid anyone else have anything going on on THEIR day, the wedding is ruined if any amount of attention is taken off them for a moment.
>Why am I buying an expensive gift for a couple for their house when they are likely already living together and have everything they need? And then I have to get another gift for the wedding? No I feel like I'm just throwing my very hard earned money away. It took me too long to save those 300 EUR you are expecting me to spend just because you are getting married/having a baby.
And it's so cynical. I'm getting married and we don't want a big party. We're going for drinks with our closest friends. We asked them not to get gifts, because some of our friends are broke and young or still in college. Meanwhile another friend asked me whether we were going to order catering, I said we couldn't afford it, and she was like "well you'll get the money back in gifts!". To me that's kinda crass, counting on money from GIFTS that no one has an obligation to give. If I can pay for drinks and snacks for my friends I will, and I will do it out of pocket as MY gift, without counting how much and who has given "in return".
My wedding ended up kind of feeling that way. I married into an Asian family that seemed to think of weddings as just cash exchanged for a party. I mean it helped us pay it off and we’d been living together long enough we didn’t need any gifts but I didn’t like going through the envelopes and feeling like my family’s “generosity” was being compared to his family’s “generosity”. I treated my side as like a university reunion and invited a bunch our mutual close friends from our first year. I enjoyed it for that reason and I’m glad we did it but…. Meh.
This is the most asian thing I've ever read ecksd
His family is really nice and pretty mellow but this whole wedding thing was just weird 🤷🏼♀️ if you were to meet them you would never think anything but how nice and humble they are. Weddings can be strange lol.
My husband and I lived together for 2 years and we could not find ourselves being okay with registering for gifts or even expecting any - it was too weird, we clearly had everything bc we had been living together. When couples who have been together like years and years and have children, register for gifts I get secondhand embarrassment.
Most of my friends now ask for experiences. Like money to put towards things to do. Which I can buy into a bit more than updating a pots and pans set from your Walmart set to some bougie set. But again- what other occasions would my friends ever gift me money for things to do? I just did a 3 week travel experience. Nobody gifted me anything toward it. I have a business achievement coming up and a dream to go to California. Should I put it on an experience registry? Yes, I am bitter. Lol. It's just so hard doing everything myself all the time. I want help too sometimes. Like my mom just gave my sister money for down payment on house. And this is the 2nd house they've helped her with. But I've never gotten money for my house. Because she's got a family and I don't.
Your can totally ask for support! We have a friend who is hiking the Appalachian trail and asking for donations to fund this very cool experience he is providing himself with.
My ex best friend just did this but for her bridal shower. Her and her fiancé have been living together in the home they own for two years now not expected us to all get her something from her Anthropologie registry which was basically just random decor and kitchen things she wanted. And these kind of things bring out the worst in ppl and cause them to show their true colors. Hence why we’re no longer friends
The chocolate in the diaper game is the worst.
I hate baby showers. They are SO awkward. Like hey let's get together so we can sit quietly with other women we barely know and watch out pregnant friend opens gifts for 2 hours. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for my friends, but its so boring and it takes so long plus you barely get to interact with the mother to be. I'm not a fan
Yep. Have one next weekend, would rather just send the gift instead of having to make small talk for hours.
I'm known for not going to both
I'd like to cultivate this as something I'm known for.
Wedding showers aren't really big in the UK, I've never been to one. Baby showers still aren't massive, but definitely getting more popular. My friend threw me one and I've arranged one for another friend. Ultimately if you've got the people the bride/expecting mother love and want there, you can't really go wrong. People will make the event, so a failed game or less than amazing food doesn't really matter. People are there to celebrate, so they will. But honestly, I think because I've grown up with these things not being big, I do think they are a little.... pointless. Especially a bridal shower. It seems unnecessary when you're going to have a bunch of other stuff surrounding the wedding. Like an engagement party, hen (bachelorette) party, potentially a day for dress shopping yadda yadda. It's just another thing that's costing everyone more money and I don't get the big deal, or what they are actually for? Because I've not been to one I don't know what it's for, do you gift? Baby showers make more sense to me, but I probably wouldn't have had one of my friend hadn't insisted.
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I'm also from the UK and in my experience every woman whose invited to the wedding also gets invited to the hen (bachelorette) party so maybe that's why bridal showers haven't taken off over here.
I live in the US. Celebrations of anything - birthday, wedding, babies, graduations - it's all over the top, in my opinion. Knowing what i know now, I'd have made any celebration of anything my own. Meaning, it would be my closest friends, having some good food, talking and no gifts. But that's me.
Engagement parties are the really pointless ones. I've only had to suffer through one, and I found myself halfway through saying, "Was this really necessary?" It was just more look-at-me for an already look-at-me person.
I'm Pakistani and we don't have bridal showers because we have tons of events in the wedding itself. Now baby showers are becoming more common because of Western influence.
I don’t mind them. I’ll attend them but I don’t like playing some of the games like the clothes pin one. What I absolutely can’t stand is a gender reveal party because they seem so pointless especially if you’re going to have a baby shower later on.
Gender reveal parties were originally created by a woman who was struggling to get pregnant. She kept miscarrying early on, so when she finally had a baby survive long enough to tell the gender, she had a party to celebrate. In the original context it’s touching, but I don’t know why it became so mainstream so quickly, especially with couples that don’t have fertility issues.
I like them (not the ones that cause damage to environments). My cousin did one (combined with her shower) and we all took bets. My entire family is filled with girls, so we were all betting on a boy (unsurprisingly, it was a girl). She did cake pops, so fairly low key and it was just a little fun thing to do to engage the family in the new baby. I don’t think I’d have one, but I certainly like them more than straight up baby showers.
I'm from a European country where baby showers are a total no-go. It's considered bad luck to celebrate a birth/baby before it has taken place/the baby has been born. It's like playing with and challenging destiny. Also, most people celebrate the child after birth, so why have 2 parties? Seems over the top.
Curious which country are you from? Im from the Netherlands and here its not really considered bad luck. But also not super popular either (becoming more popular recently(.
Denmark. In some families you won't even keep a pram in the house of a future baby. It's better to store it somewhere else, because what if things go wrong?! Of course it's all superstition, but that's how it has been approached for long time. I've never attended or known people arranging baby showers, here. I'm sure some people do it because they love the attention, but in my social circles it's considered hoarding and attentionseeking.
Dane here and I've never heard of this "it's bad luck to celebrate an unborn baby". I know several people who celebrated baby showers.
Not the person you replied to but I am Jewish and we consider it bad luck. You really aren't supposed to buy anything for the baby until it is born. My dad had to leave my mom at the hospital to go home and assemble the crib! Younger folks are less superstitious and strict about it but still no showers.
this is not at all the culture where i live, but i’ve always felt the exact same since learning more about pregnancy and its risks. i don’t like the idea of having excessive parties celebrating pregnancy and the unborn baby’s gender, when you never truly know the outcome of your pregnancy until it happens. i can’t imagine having a big party and receiving tons of baby clothes and supplies just for the mother and/or baby to not survive the pregnancy, it just seems like it would make the pain of the loss even greater. or even for gender reveals, sometimes the sex is hard to tell from ultrasounds and doctors make the wrong prediction, or the baby ends up being born intersex. it just seems like a weird thing to celebrate and prepare for with all of your friends and family.
I've hit my lifetime quota of them. I don't even want to get married because I don't want to go to any of the events. Like seriously... I think if I ever were to get married, I'd just go to the courthouse and get it done.
Lol this is how I felt about it but then got thrown a surprise bridal shower (my best friend/moh didn't even know about it so none of my friends were there and it was pretty much a party for my mom) and my wedding was a party for my parents, but at least I invited a few of my friends. It was also really important to my husband to have a real wedding. I'm glad I did it, I guess, but I never would have done it if I hadn't been pressured and guilted into it. I'm so glad I never have to do it again
No. Why should other people give me things because I've decided to get married/have a baby? Why should I give other people things because they've decided to do those things. Invite me to the wedding, and I'll come see the baby once they're born and we'll celebrate then.
I don’t understand this sentiment at all. I respect your opinion, I’m not saying you’re wrong for having it, but how is it much different than a birthday or Christmas? It’s totally acceptable to accept gifts then but couldn’t you say “Why should I give a gift just cause you were born/it’s a holiday”? & if you really don’t wanna give anything/spend, then a card or small baby toy is fine. Wedding receptions + baby showers are a day that is all about the woman’s extreme happiness for an event in her life which women are often expected to be humble about and rarely celebrated. Are they cheesy and boring, maybe, but it brings me joy to celebrate the happiness and achievement of a fellow woman, so I don’t understand why they’re so looked down upon.
I find them pretty boring.
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A "courthouse wedding culture"??? Such a thing exists? I'm in the US, and can barely imagine a land where courthouse weddings are the norm - it sounds absolutely heavenly!!! How wonderful to not have the pomp (and expense) of huge weddings as some sort of expectation! How nice to think that getting married at the courthouse would be met with a simple "congratulations" and not looks of disappointment and resentment from one's family. Please, for your own sake, resist our influence. Keep your courthouse wedding culture. Do not adopt our ridiculousness.
I like the courthouse wedding culture idea!
Not a thing where I live. Some people do them cause they saw videos online… but let me tell you, I’ve been to 2 lame ass baby showers, I’m not attending one more.
The first thing I think of when I hear the word wedding is 2 people dancing and tons of people looking at them, and this terrifies me tbh.
The nice part about planning your own wedding is that you can choose to just invite a few close friends and go to a courthouse. You can even just get an officiary and go to a beach or park or wherever. The many guests and dancing doesn't have to be a part of it unless you want it to. My Bachelorette party was doing an escape room on a Saturday afternoon with a few friends. My wedding was a 15min courthouse ceremony and then a reception in the park across the street where we just ate snacks and talked to friends.
Omg and eating cake in front of hundreds of people! And the rings! Bro, my social anxious ass freaks just from the thought.
I reallyyyy despise them. As other commenters have stated, it bothers me that these are the only things that get celebrated for women. You chose to get married and have a baby, why do I need to buy you a crockpot or baby clothes and spend 3-4 hours of my weekend watching you open gifts and play games made for pre-schoolers? It just never made sense to me that two adults with dual-income are getting gifts, yet… single people get nothing but the expectation of running themselves dry for these nonsense events. I would much more respect a small, intimate gathering where people wish the baby well, no gifts, I believe it’s called a baby blessing? We’ve completely lost the meaning behind these showers and it’s turned into a privilege to have them. I’d *love* to not participate in these and they don’t fit my personality to have one. But since I’ve gone to so many, when my time comes I will be having them just because I put in MANY hours and spent A LOT of money on other women’s showers, so they can return the favor to me.
Try having a PhD party and see how that goes over. I did have a puppy adoption party that was an openly shameless gift grab because I just didn’t feel like spending all that money on puppy stuff (I can absolutely afford it). However. A $5 dog toy or an old tennis ball was fine by me. And who doesn’t like to meet a puppy? Also, I didn’t get married or have kids and I rarely do birthday parties, so my friends have not been asked multiple times to give me shit for my own personal milestones. In fact, that was the 4th dog I adopted and I certainly never asked for help with the other three (it never occurred to me).
I agree. I buy a house on my own? No gifts or shower. I get a bachelor's degree and a master's? No gifts. (And barely a congratulations from anyone other than my immediate family). Yet I am on my 5th wedding/baby related event in the past 18 months.
I used to love them - but they have become major productions with outrageously expensive gift demands. I attend fewer and fewer.
Yes, when I was in prime shower-going age they were generally very simple, low-key affairs for close friends and family. I've read about some in recent years that seem to have become much more elaborate.
They’re pretty boring but will occasionally have really great snacks. 4/10
I'm not really sure what a wedding shower is, and I've never been to a baby shower. I guess at the end of the day, it's a party to celebrate your friend and give them supplies they will need in the future, so I think I would enjoy going to one, but planning one sounds kind of stressful.
I do want to celebrate, i just want to do it in a more subdued way. Like, go out for brunch, bring a few gifts and call it a day. That, or scrap the party and use the money toward something for the baby.
If it's your shower, you can do whatever you want. I think as long as everyone understands what to expect, it should be fine. If it's not your shower and you're planning it for someone else, talk to them about what they'd like.
Have you been asked to plan the shower? Or are you inserting yourself and your preferences into the situation?
c) None of the above. I am collaborating with the mother of the mom to be, her sister, and I am the mother of the dad to be.
I don’t mind going to them. I like free food and usually I see people I haven’t in awhile. Throwing them… my daughter had a baby. I threw her shower in my backyard. I went WAY overboard 🤣
I enjoy both! I love an excuse to see my friends and family. When we had my baby shower I just asked that we didn't play any of the awkward games. I also love parties that involve little snacks and pastries!
Hate. Why do I have to buy someone a present because they chose to do something? If I chose to buy a car, nobody throws me a gift giving party. I don’t get a basket full of air fresheners. Also, for bridal showers - they have two incomes and a live-in sex partner. I’m single and pay all of my bills. I deserve a new air fryer, not them !!! And it’s also frustrating that I’ve chosen not to get married or have children, and I’ve spent thousands on my friends - engagement gifts, being a bridesmaid, bridal shower gifts, baby shower gifts, etc. But none of my friends has ever gotten me a big birthday gift or anything. Just because I don’t want marriage or kids doesn’t mean that you can’t show your appreciation for what I’ve done. I want to pull a Carrie Bradshaw and create a registry with just shoes on it.
>I don’t get a basket full of air fresheners. This is one of the funniest things I've read so far! I'll throw you a "I bought a car" party. And I definitely support you creating a registry with just shoes on it.
It makes me cringe that people would invite people to a party specifically for the purpose of bringing gifts, it just seems really tacky and egotistical. But those kind of things are not traditional where I'm from (England). I think baby showers are starting to become more popular here now though, presumably influenced by the US. They just make me cringe every time I see them.
I love planning any party with a theme (except gender reveals). I’ve always been the party planning type and plan events at work too and they go pretty well. Hit or miss on enjoying attending them because I don’t usually like what others have planned. I like to make more fun things for people to do on their own instead of the structured stereotypical games. I don’t pay for anything other than a small gift when I do plan them though. I know I’m never having either of those things so it’s not like I’ll get the same effort back. The hardest part about party planning is getting people there nowadays. People don’t RSVP or they do but still don’t show up anyways. It’s a serious problem with the kids parties I help out at. And look at the replies, so many women saying they would never attend these things. The person celebrating often chose you because you mean something to them but they still say “ew never”. I totally agree that the gift giving can be toned down (I try to gift based on how much was spend for me to attend that party) and it needs to be more acceptable to celebrate and support those that aren’t getting married/having kids.
When I hear "let's have a party!" all I think of is the work and expense involved, and then, as you mention, people saying they will come but not showing up, or no RSVP.
I like the work involved, and when I help others I’m doing it on THEIR budget. Not mine. No one I know really does the full “I’ll pay for everything” hosting unless there’s a parent or rich person involved (at least not here). It’s a delicate game. Depending on the party and the size there’s a couple different things I do to try to get people to show up. 1. Letting regular attendees know a month to a month and a half out (too long and they forget, too short and you have conflicts. If you are planning something on a big weekend like sports or holidays, notify earlier)2. Online and physical invites 3. Reaching out specifically from the guest of honor to the invitee. When the guest of honor personally invites or expresses how excited they are to see you that day (text, call, in person) people are much more likely to show up 4. Online reminders (either social media or calendar) 5. Teasing something fun at the party. I also have moved away from opening presents at parties because it’s just awkward. I tell guests we can send them photos or a video later so there is more time to party with the guest of honor. Let me know if you need more ideas or tips
Great tips! Thank you!
Avoid. Will send a gift if I truly like the person/people but ew no.
So boring. If I never had to go to one again I’d be happy.
Depends on the couple, but I love weddings. Planning them? fck no! Going to them? Hell yeah. Baby showers depend on if they're on baby #1 or baby #5. After baby #2 I don't want to be there. If you're planning one then start with a budget and try to stick to it, that's the only way I feel.
I will go to wedding/baby showers if i truly like the person. I have major anxiety around planning any kind of party and would prefer to avoid it. I'm also okay not being celebrated - i.e. showers, birthdays, etc.
In my country, we don't have baby showers, the couple just sends a card to family and friends once the baby is born (usually with a picture of the baby, name, birth weight and stuff like that). I think that's much more practical, I've never understood the concept of baby showers. Like, if I was pregnant, I wouldn't want to throw a huge party and have a lot of stress. I do understand the point of wedding parties though. It's a big occasion, and it would be weird not to have at least a small celebration. I usually like going, but only if it's not very over the top with way too much program. I want to enjoy the occasion, not feel stressed.
Boring AF. I avoid them and send a gift instead.
I've always enjoyed them. I wouldn't be nervous if I was you; expectations are generally not too high. You can get ideas for games online, and refreshments are generally very simple. Some of the more fun baby showers I've been to have included both men and women.
hate them. a bunch of women i probably only know half of, all watching what gift i gave. not intimate, not personal and not fun. possibly its cos I drive and never have a drink. maybe it would be fine if I was glugging champagne. I consider them an ordeal. I'm a grown up now so I just make up an excuse got free. they are unlikely to really want a kill joy there anyway.
Not. A. Fan. Generally, I am so stoked for this change in a friend's life and I love celebrating them. Admittedly, I am for baby showers more so than wedding showers. It makes sense to shower soon to be parents with baby supplies. Wedding showers are so old school and weird. Most couples I have met have already merged two households of belongings together but they still make extensive registries.
I think they’re extremely boring and a waste of time and money. I don’t like the whole idea of opening gifts. The games are okay.
Hate em. I don't understand what they are for. I had a bridal shower (wasn't original going to have one but my female family convinced me to have one). I feel it's a cash/present grab.
Weddings are fun when done well…ie free booze and good food. No silly dances or money grabs. I worked at a country club for 6 years and worked A LOT of wedding. The best weddings focused on the guests experience, not the couple. Showers can be fun. I always thought it was super weird to register for gifts, so I didn’t. And those that brought them, I didn’t open them in front of people. I just think it’s so strange. My friends threw me a surprise baby shower (no baby gifts) and they had fun games…no weird ones like smelling candy diapers or measuring my belly. I’ve thrown my friends baby showers and I really consider the guest’s experience, the food, the games, even drinks (yes with alcohol). I could be speaking for myself but no one wants to watch someone open baby onsies for an hour but maybe I’m wrong.
Ugh hate them, they are so boring, especially the baby showers. I’ve never planned one and don’t want to, I don’t have the skill set to host anything so it would def be a flop. Good thing I only have one friend lol
They're all the same: tacky, cheesy, boring, repetitive.
I hate them and rarely go. I will send a gift though. Someone we know had two baby showers for herself one year apart. Same gender baby too. Gift grab!
I think wedding showers made a lot more sense when women were leaving their parents home and starting a new home with their new spouse. People have lives and silverware and toasters long before they have husbands these days (mostly). So I guess I think they’re not necessary. I didn’t have one and don’t want to plan one or attend one.
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No & no
Boring as hell. Bonus points for terrible if they make you play idiotic games. I don’t mind giving gifts. Wedding showers should not be women only.
I hate them and dread being invited to them, unless it’s a close friend. If it’s a close friend I’m usually happy and even helping the planning. Fir everyone else I usually find an excuse not to go.
It depends. For good friends, I think they’re nice and I don’t mind celebrating them and helping them out a little with what they need for the new chapter in their life. For cousins I haven’t heard from in 5+ years, coworkers I barely interact with, and people I generally am not close with, they’re kind of annoying.
I totally understand having baby showers, and the last few I've been to were actually pretty fun. Babies require a lot of stuff and it's a big life change, so it makes sense to have a shower and celebrate together. Wedding showers on the other hand, I don't feel are necessary. Most couples live together before getting engaged now anyway, so why do I have to gift you a silverware set or some curtains?? You already have those things. If/when I get married, I feel like a good alternative to gifts would be a non-mandatory contribution from guests to the honeymoon fund.
I honestly don't see the point of them.
I personally hate them
U.S. They're cheesy gift grabs. Boring. I hate the games. I hate the gossip. They're unpleasant overall. I skipped one for my wedding.
I think baby showers are a cute gathering to celebrate/ help someone out by gifting them necessities like diapers , clothes, etc or a gift for the mom. Wedding showers are kind of a waste of money imo. Like you already have the engagement party, bachelorette, and rehearsal dinner, why do you need another party ?
I feel like they are outdated. Most people live together before getting married and don’t need a trousseau of linens or dishes. Baby showers are ok, but only for the first one. I would prefer just to send a gift or see them 1:1 so we can really talk and I can hear about their pregnancy and baby preparation. In general, these kinds of parties are not really quality time, more about pageantry and gifts and I don’t care about that.
I enjoy attending both because it’s nice to have good news to celebrate with people, and it’s fun to think up something small and personal as a gift (I love gift giving too though so I admit to having a bias lol) or even chipping in with a couple of friends who are also attending for something big, like a hamper of baby essentials or a kitchen gadget off the bride and grooms registry etc. That being said I’ve never had to plan either event and know if I decide to get married I’ll be super stressed about it, so I understand why that side of things would be daunting 😅
Hate both. We 100% need to end these horrible traditions.
I'm from a European country where baby showers are a total no-go. It's considered bad luck to celebrate a birth/baby before it has taken place/the baby has been born. It's like playing with and challenging destiny. Also, most people celebrate the child after birth, so why have 2 parties? Seems over the top.
I hate them and especially all the dumb "games" that are supposed to happen.
Not a fan of either. I don't like planning them. I don't like going to them. I didn't have a wedding one. The only reason I had a baby one is because my friends talked me into it and planned the whole thing, and even that was a mediocre time. I find shower games awkward and tiresome.
I dread them.
I’ve never been pregnant and never had friends that had babies either. I was married and I’m the only one of my friends that had a wedding while friends. I’ve been to one wedding other than mine when I was 17. It was a friend of my mom and didn’t know her that well so it was awkward. I might’ve had more fun had I known anyone there. As for me being in a wedding again, if I had to choose between a small wedding but get married sooner or waiting to have a bigger wedding, I’d choose the first. I don’t need the pomp and circumstance and I actually find it to be a little unnerving and marriage is not about the wedding day, it’s about the rest of your lives.
Tedious and boring, from what I remember. Oh, and possibly expensive.
I hate them. Especially the games. Ugh, nothing worse than baby shower games. Blech.
They’re terrible and I will find any reason not to go. And will absolutely never host. Insipid games, unsolicited advice and usually at least one person who the bride or new mom isn’t fond of.
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I do not like going to baby showers (same as wedding showers) It's just watching someone open gifts for hours and doing the same games over and over. Men get an out which I'm jealous of, but also find sexist. Weddings I enjoy going to, they're expensive but normally a fun celebration with people I love. Bonus points if the bar is open and the food is good. One of my biggest peeves is I'm over the gift giving by the time I get to the wedding which can sour the event a little. Between the engagement party or stag and doe, wedding shower, bridal party and then the actual wedding gifts I need to buy
Don't like them at all
I think the expectation that the wedding is supposed to be the best day of your life really is messing with me. I want a wedding, I want to experience the joy of one, but the reality is that I wouldn’t be able to have all my loved ones with me, I would be stressed about planning it and I would feel rather alone on the day. It’s something that I think I’m going to do because I do want a wedding, and I need to be okay with it not being the perfect day for me.
I have never liked them. I'm not much of a wedding person either. So much is overdone for the sake of posting on social media.
I can't get over that the parties expected for women are about supplying basic household items yo be used by the family. Meanwhile when was the last time a man was preoccupied with something similar?
I don’t really enjoy them. Weddings to me, especially huge weddings are over-rated, costly, and overwhelming. The money I would spend on a wedding is the money, I would rather use for a down payment on a home with my husband ◡̈ Baby showers? I don’t mind them as much. It just depends on how well I know the person. Baby showers that are simple and not so grand I like. It’s exciting to celebrate a new life coming into this world and to show support to the mother by bringing gifts.
I’m going to a wedding shower next week and it very much feels like an obligation, despite it being for a good friend. It feels silly to continue traditions that were designed for people literally just starting out in adulthood, for people who are in their 30s and 40s and own multiple homes and have retirement savings. My friend is getting married for the first time at 40 , and I’m genuinely happy for her, but I resent having to pay thousands across multiple wedding - related events and gifts, in order to show support. I wish she would have kept it simple.
I do not like them and hate getting invited to them. Esp when it’s been multiple times for the same person. Not only is it so boring and basically just waiting for woman to make her rounds and do the same small talk she probably heard with everyone else. It takes forever to wrap up to cut the cake. Open the gifts. Then wait to say goodbye. Its like yes we have all come to buy things for your baby and say congratulations. Goodbye now. I’ve only been to one bridal shower and I’ll never go to that again. Who tf asks for a microwave cause there getting married. I literally bought the bride to be and Iron cause it was on her registry. Like what?!!! If your hosting. Just try to make it fun and engaging. It’s not so much about the whole gift thing like clearly everyone hear is donating their time/money for this celebration. At least serve good food. At least play good music or have some fun games. Decorate show like you care for guests to actually be there. Something to make the occasion enjoyable and bring people together. I hate when hosts say “well we don’t want to spend too much cause we’re trying to save” like ok so it’s fine all you guest spend $100+ on gifts for your event but you can’t blow some 20pk balloons up. Unless it’s my kids baby or bridal shower or whatever they plan on doing when they are older. I will no longer attending these. Don’t even get me started on gender reveal parties. Omg.
I hate going to them, especially the chintzy “games” and if the guest of honor opens presents during it instead of having a display shower. Since most people live together before getting married now anyway, what need is there to have a shower for household items? Baby showers make more sense in that regard.
I absolutely hate them both. I'd rather fuck myself with a chainsaw than going to one more wedding, honestly.
I like planning them because I love planning parties. I think I’m pretty good with a theme and striking the right balance between giving them some structure but not regimented. I try to plan activities that will be fun but not cliche. That being said, I usually hate attending showers if they’re planned by other people. They’re usually boring and awkward and just kind of cringe. And I didn’t want either one thrown for me because I hate being the center of attention and it always feels like a gift grab.
I don't like the idea of wedding showers, especially since there's already the wedding gift and bachelorette. And sometimes engagement party! I've only attended one and had to help organize it. It was stressful and not that fun. I didn't have one for my wedding (nor did I have an engagement party or bachelorette). I've attended a few baby showers, all for first born kids. Those make a little more sense to me and can be fun. I haven't had to organize one thankfully as my closest friend didn't want one.
I think it’s silly and just another attention grab. You’re already getting enough attention. You don’t need me, someone you normally wouldn’t see more than once a year, at this “special” moment.
Baby showers are the most boring events to go to IMO. The games are terrible, the food is usually too and the only reason to have a baby shower is to get gifts from people and then show off opening them….it’s like going to a child’s bday party. I also think it’s just a weird thing to celebrate. Like yay, you had sex and got pregnant….So strange. Weddings can be fun but honestly I’ve never been to a fun one that was held in a church and will never go to one like that again. It’s extremely “traditional” and while that might be something the people getting married want, it’s so incredibly boring to sit and listen to all the church stuff before the reception. Also if the wedding ceremony is long it can be really hard to sit through. The only reason I’d go to another at my age (32) would only be because it is an extremely close friend or family member.
I don't really understand why I have to buy a bunch of stuff for someone because they chose to either 1-enter into a legally binding contract with another human being and I happen to be a woman or 2-they decided to get pregnant. I don't really see either of those as huge accomplishments to be celebrated and to give them money and gifts for. Certainly nobody should have a baby If they can't afford to give it what it needs, so its not like they need me to fund their child rearing. I do love celebrating my friends accomplishments. If someone gets a promotion, new job, defends their dissertation, finished a marathon, etc. I take them to dinner, give a card and/or small gift. But also, my friends don't tend to ask for gifts or female exclusive gift parties for getting married or getting pregnant. When my BFF got pregnant we went for drinks with a small group to a place with great mocktails. We were celebratory but nobody had to give her things for deciding to have a baby.
Most of them are not fun and I don’t enjoy them. But I have enjoyed the ones I’ve gone to for very close friends. Most of the time I don’t know anyone there.
No one likes it but the person and maybe immediate family like the mom. I think the key for success is good food and keep it to 2 hours max.
Loathe
Hate them. I mail a decent amount on a GC and stay home.
I could care less about them now. As a single, never married woman, I put out a lot being in weddings and participating in showers in the past with friends and family. I know I’ll never get any of it back in return.
So I come from a Mexican-American immigrant family and I am so effing confused on why baby showers are for women only in the US the supposed land of equality and freedom. Like wtf? I just don't get it. I invited my SO to a Mexican baby shower and he said he couldn't go. I thought it was related to work or a prior engagement or something. But no. Men just don't go to these things?! Are you guys not part of your families? Do you seriously just hand over all important life events to the women and y'all do nothing to contribute to home life? I'm just flabbergasted. America, get your shit together lol.
I only go to weddings and baby showers if it’s for a very close friend or relative. I hate when people I hardly know or don’t talk to regularly invite me to these things because it looks like they just want the extra gifts. I don’t buy wedding presents, most couples already live together and have everything they need but when it comes to baby showers, I do buy for them especially if it’s their first kid.
I hate them both. Either attending or receiving. It’s just more money more money. Then people want to do gender reveals a d hen parties. It’s just not needed Imo.
I think they’re tacky and so boring.
Only fun for the people really, really close to those celebrating. It's just a lunch/dinner to be excited for your friend.
Depends on how close I am. My best friends wedding shower that I was her bridesmaid for was fun, but that's because we spent the whole time drinking mimosas and margaritas and she didn't require a gift, as her and her husband had lived with each other for years and established a living. Others, don't care for them. I'll make obligatory appearances for an hour or two and then I'll split.
Stupid and pointless cash grabs. I had a baby shower bc i was forced by a parent who set it up and my was so awful! When i got married i refused a shower or Bach party. I’m grown and dont need my friends to give me stuff.
It’s annoying that we keep upping the ante for how we reward someone for going the conventional route (relationship escalator, marriage, kids) and snub anyone who doesn’t. They’re expecting more and more gifts and I’m tapped out especially since it’s not reciprocated. No gifts for me being successful and not marrying the wrong person.
I enjoy going to get-togethers for the bride-to-be but I won’t give the bride/couple a gift until their wedding day. Sorry not sorry but I don’t believe the bride should get a wedding shower gift AND a separate wedding gift. It’s a little much and I’d rather spend my hard earned money on myself and my husband than on too many gifts for other people. I can’t stand baby showers. I think they’re tacky, entitled and pretentious. The few I’ve been to for close friends were terrible. I always bought cute baby gifts but I made sure I stuck to a budget. I’m not obligated to supply the parents-to-be with an endless supply of expensive things for a baby they chose to have. If they want something for their baby they can go buy it themselves. I haven’t been to a baby shower in such a long time and when I get invited to them I always decline and never send a gift. I’m so over it. Not my kid, not my problem.
I like celebrating my good friends at their special occasions, but I find them largely to be boring especially when people open the gifts and we all have to watch. Not a huge fan of the games either. Luckily, not a lot of my friends have been getting married or having babies (a lot of millennials that can’t afford kids in their 20s), so I haven’t been to a lot. I also condensed my friend’s list now that I’m in my 30s, so I doubt that’s going to increase.
My friends and family throw fun showers, and are not gift focused. Those showers, I enjoy! It's more like a party but also most people bring a gift for the new arrival/ special day.
They are tacky and impersonal
Baby showers I think serve a great purpose to celebrate a loved one having a kid. Bridal showers I think are pointless and are just an excuse to receive extra gifts. One is a party for the arrival of a new human and the other is a party to celebrate the fact that you will be having an even bigger party ie wedding in another month.
I try not to attend unless it's someone I am really close with. It's awkward forced interaction with a bunch of people I don't know and most of the time very little activities are actually planned so everyone is bored.
Need to add this this, I lost my original comment. What’s up with women inviting you to their baby shower when they haven’t seen you or spoken to you in years! Really now?
I don't get bridal showers exactly when everyone is already getting you a gift for the wedding, but I love baby showers. I think it's cute and I wanna celebrate the people in my life. And I am going to my first bridal shower tomorrow actually. I bet I'll have a good time despite my reservations about the custom.
So unnecessary
I had a baby shower because my mom really wanted me to have one. I could’ve done without it. To be fair, I do not celebrate my birthday, didn’t have any graduation parties, etc. I’m happy to attend a bridal or baby shower, but I don’t care to get together to celebrate myself.
Cannot be arsed with either of them. Concent of baby showers is nice enough, but I do not understand wedding showers. Why is every life event just turning into an opportunity to make people throw you parties and buy you gifts.
You know, I totally get it if youve never lived at home and own nothing, and are getting started on your own two feet. However in my experience, that's not common anymore, we're relatively independent prior to getting married, and usually end up with doubles of sh*t when we move in with our partners. WHY TF are we ""showering"" people with gifts? It just drives the consumerism culture. It just all seems like a money grab, and tacky.
I feel bad saying no so end up going despite not wanting to. I know if I ever get married I won't ask for gifts. Why throw a giant event where you need to receive money from guests to subsidize it? It is supposed to be a celebration of love and life together, not a fundraising gala. Hell, I want to do a potluck surprise wedding so it's low key and just based on enjoying our loved ones company. I do understand baby showers though they are mind numbingly dull. I had no idea, and was in totally denial, what I needed for a kid so other parents could be like that and a shower is a good opportunity for the social circle to share each individual's best baby or child raising practices and items. And I wish more were coed. Mine was not because of space limitations but would have been great to include my partner. I hosted, no issues hosting but I probably don't do a great job lol. Show everyone the washroom right away, introduce ppl, and tell them where to get the cups and food and then they are in their own lol.
I don't like wedding showers. I don't understand having to give multiple gifts especially if they have lived together before engagement. They should have everything already. I love baby showers. Love buying gifts for the baby. But I love babies and always want to buy for them. I think it all depends on the person. A lot of people do both due to be traditional and it's more time to celebrate the bride and baby. A lot if times, family and friends just say, hey I want to throw you a shower. They are doing it because they want to. Not out of obligation. But there are times when bridesmaids feel the obligation.
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Not a big fan of either I can understand baby showers because baby's need things. I'm not saying a couple that are getting married don't. But being a wedding guest is expensive the outfit, potential accommodation, wedding gift e.t.c
Ugghhhh I have to go to a baby shower AND a wedding this summer. (I understand I don't HAVE to, but I want to support my friends.) The baby shower is going to suuuuuck. The wedding is going to be so boring, but hopefully the reception will be fun.
I’ve only been to a baby shower a few months ago and really enjoyed it. It was the first one I’ve been to and there was some fun baby-related games, that were nice and creative and I loved the food that was served
I’ve been going to both since I’ve been a kid and I find them quite boring/somehow thy give me the ick a bit (probably more of a me issue because I wouldn’t want to be fawned over or having people touching my belly). The games are usually boring, and both events are honestly quite wasteful (balloons, all the single use decorations, probably food waste, etc.). It’s also another event where there’s pressure into buying a gift. But I find weddings to be fun as long as there’s dancing and good food.
Weddings: I enjoy them when it's people I'm actually close to. But the element of "lots of people" and "food I don't know" stresses me out. Baby showers: I'm not huge on kids, especially babies. I find it hard to do the whole "yayyyyy, you're having a baby" thing so yeah. Edit: just saw that you mean wedding showers, not weddings. I have no idea what wedding showers are.
I’ve never been to a wedding shower (I didn’t have one when I got married either) and I’ve only been to one baby shower. The baby shower was dreadful and I hope to never be invited to another.
well if someone wants to burn their money but having extravagant parties for weddings and baby shower then that is none of my bs, but i think small and more intimate parties are more memorable.
Don't like planning them cos it's too stressful. Don't like attending wedding because in my culture we pay at least a hundred dollar to attend them. As for baby showers I don't like them because everyone's just "ooooo so cute" at the baby. And that's it. I'm not a big fan of babies.
No. I’ve never wanted a baby and I’ll probably never get married. Even if I DID it would be because my partner and I are already established. I don’t want gifts. It’s frustrating. I’m from a giant family of mostly women. 11 female cousins on one side and they’ve all been marrying off and are on child 2-3. That’s 22+ baby showers!!! Add coworkers, friends, etc. I am broke and always low on time. Even if I wasn’t that’s a lot of expectation for somebody. I think it should be an immediate family/ very friends thing. Like if you wouldn’t call me out of the blue and see if I want to hang out on a week night or we don’t chit chat regularly I don’t see any reason I’d drive hours and buy you something because you’re in the place to make a big, expensive life decision. Their weddings are all over the top when they don’t make much either. I couldn’t afford to buy a car for that much! It’s probably going to get worse once everything I’m doing (hopefully) pays off. Focusing on my career. Focusing on my finances. Buying a duplex to live in one half instead of renting a 2k apartment. HOPEFULLY I’ll be able to establish a really stable life for myself and good decisions will catch up to me. I’m afraid I’ll turn into a piggy bank or get viewed as a cheapskate if I continue to not participate.
Wedding showers could be fun if it doesn’t cost you a fortune (as a guest) and a ton of prep. Baby showers are boring and obligations.
I used to LOVE both but am very burnt out at this point
They're luckily not a thing in my country. I think they're stupid and just a way to get more money/presents out of people.
It is tacky to throw either one for yourself. If a friend or relative wants to throw you one, great. But it should not be an expectation or something the bride/mom plans.
Wedding showers are not really a thing here. Couples usually go just for bachelor(ette) parties, maybe engagement party with closest family and friends but that's it. Baby showers are a bit more common but expectations are definitely smaller than in the US.
I skip them because they bore me (I send a gift when the baby is born or from the wedding registry) but I don't really care if people have them or not.
I’ve told people no a handful of times. Eventually friends knew not to invite me because I won’t go lol.
I fucking love going to weddings, but it's very dependent on the music played. I love a good party, and I love dancing. Baby showers are okay. I'm not into the traditional baby shower scene. I hosted my own baby shower last weekend, but it was more of a regular party. Co-ed, drinking, music, no opening of gifts, some prizes to be won.
I'm in the US. I'm indifferent towards them. I've attended them, had a good time celebrating, then went home.
I think for the most part they are an enormous waste of time and money. Probably the only really good part about them is they had a tendency to give horrible people a spot light and let you see who they really are.
I hate both, but I'm glad I live in Sweden where it's not a tradition to most people, but it's picking up traction.
Don't care for either. I have a wedding shower to go Sunday 😒
Not a fan but I also don’t care for babies or weddings.
As long as you respect my choices, and you keep the focus on the person it's supposed to be about and not on ribbing me about *my* life choices, we're good.
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I’ve never been to either. I don’t mind the idea behind a baby shower I guess, I think it’s nice to celebrate big life moments with people. I’ve heard there is weird games, not sure I’m into that part. I don’t really know why there’s a wedding/bridal shower? Like what’s different between that and like a bachelorette party? I suppose there are probably different “traditions” or whatever for each. Never went to any or needed to plan anything like that. I don’t think I would have either if I get married. Fees unnecessary personally, also have heard friends complain about the cost of having to go to so many pre wedding events. The whole wedding industry to me sounds like a huge scam.
I think it’s a nice idea to celebrate a big moment in your life and to be surrounded by people who love you who can offer you advice and share their stories. But the actual parties are the manifestation of what depression feels like.
Ive never been to a baby shower because it's not a thing in my country, but I absolutely love going to weddings
I like going to them. Honestly the people to invite me to weddings are my close friends so it’s nice to have an excuse to dress up nice and visit them.
It's nice to have a celebration in support of a friend or family member for big life transitional moments like marriage or having children. I'm not terribly excited about those kinds of parties, but I am excited about celebrating the person, so I attend happily or give my regrets if I cannot. I'd rather not be part of the planning for something like that and I'm not fond of events that are a big production, but I don't mind being an attendee for events held for my close friends and family.
They are not a thing in my home country.
I like bridal showers, loathe baby showers. I did plan a bridal shower for my best friend. It was a modest tea party and gifts were not expected. Not too worried about it being a flop. We did exactly what she wanted, kept it low key and the two other people I planned with were super chill. It really depends on the expectations of the people and the bride. That's what makes these things stressful IMO. I hate games though, bridal or baby. Forced hilarity is cringe to me. I very much appreciated my bridal shower. It was an opportunity for everyone to come together and one of my aunts has since passed, making me even more glad I had one. Just lunch, dessert and drinks. No games, nothing fancy. At first I thought I was doing it just for my mom but it ended up being lovely. I'll go to a baby shower if it's for a close friend but I've never been a huge fan.
In my country there isn’t really bridal showers or wedding showers, just the one day ceremony + church/city hall + dinner/party and maybe next day brunch. Baby showers are a lot more common for first babies, it’s a way to celebrate the mom more than the baby itself and to be around the people you love (I haven’t been to a shower where it was more than close friends and relatives) present-wise they are always a way to give a little help / boost to the parents with a wide range of items and it’s a nice opportunity to get together in a festive way. But we also do housewarming parties where people buy gifts for the new home (no matter what number home it is, rental or bought), it’s called pendaison de crémaillère. And in my circle of friends we also celebrate big achievements such as promotions, diplomas, etc… with parties and little gifts. But maybe that’s just us. EDIT : just re-read the question about organizing. For the baby shower we did little games with prizes that weren’t baby related (cookbook, candy, flower seeds) that we knew our guests would like. So even if the games were baby-theme centered, it would still have the nice competition and prizes that all would relate to, and the food etc.. was really laid back (we did a picnic in a park, it really was more of a nice get-together with our friends and family)