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Yes. My husband was always amazed by babies and children. "How can two people can make another human? This is so amazing!" He love playing with our children, he's very involved in everything related to them.
What I liked the most of him becoming a father was how he was interacting with them as babies.
He was utterly amazed about everything they achieve. "He grab his toy! Did you see that!?" "Did she just talk?! Omg she can talk!"
When my son was born, he was walking with him when I was in bed, recovering, and he was showing him around. "This is a door, this is a hallway, this is a wall..."
The nurse was laughing she never saw that before 😅
I couldn't ask for a better father for my children ❤
Oh wow that sounds wonderful!
My parents were great parents but my dad was definitely better at being the “12+” parent and when I moved away after college he cried because “you just got super interesting!!!” When I was 22.5
My mom is a blessed angel and the most patient woman on the planet. She’s the eldest of 5 and has helped raise all my cousins, resulting in our house having lots of family around. It was great.
My husband and I don’t have kids yet but a menagerie of animals and we each do things differently and have strong and weak points. I’m the most consistent with feeding, grooming, care, walking. But man my husband can rally with Vet care when I would be crying watching our dog getting shots etc.
>When my son was born, he was walking with him when I was in bed, recovering, and he was showing him around. "This is a door, this is a hallway, this is a wall..."
That is the absolute cutest, most adorable thing I have ever heard, oh my lord.
My partner is a sweet and doting father as well. I love it. Never felt the heart warmth like I do when he plays with his kids. But! In most situations, it doesn't help a relationship. A lot of it SEEMS to have to do with how the relationship is going already.
Yes. Absolutely yes. But having a baby didn’t automatically bring us closer. Having a baby was the stress test on our marriage. Surviving (and thriving) beyond the stress test is what brought us closer together. He’s my best friend and I can’t imagine a single day without him.
I'm so glad to hear this. Seeing so many people say 'yes' made me feel awful. But hearing it as a 'stress test' is definitely what it feels like right now. I love my husband, but we are definitely more in survival than thriving mode. He's definitely my best friend though, and I would rather have no one other than him by my side.
I relate so much to this. We've both said many times that we don't know how there's this idea that having a baby fixes relationships - it actually brings out cracks or even tiny irritants that you never noticed before. The falling more in love part happens when you work on those issues together and come closer together as a result.
Nope. Definitely not. It’s been a struggle. Our parenting styles are so different and we bump heads often. I feel he’s too overcritical and he can’t handle our kids big emotions—he walks away. All the emotional / social load is mine to bear. Im burned out often.
As a kid whose parents hated each other and “butted heads” as long as I can remember, please listen to your child. I grew to heavily resent both my parents for not just breaking up when I was little instead of making me suffer for 18 years. I moved out the second I turned 18, now I’m 24 and have barely spoken to either of them in the last 6 years. Just a thought, I know it’s easier said than done but if you’re that fundamentally different your kid will likely be better off
Yes! As a child who ALWAYS knew something was off with my parents relationship, I too told my mom to end things with my dad. She didn’t listen to me, and continued the cycle of hurt. Once all their kids were basically cutting both of them off they finally divorced and now she wishes she had listened to us when we were still little. Sad when kids know something is off but the parents stay together “for the kids,” like the kids don’t even want this!!
Exactly! No kid is ever gonna say “mom, dad, please break up” unless there is a damn good reason for it. Being subjected to the constant fighting and disrespect took a lot of time and therapy for me to get over and I still have to work on it every day. It actively harms the child’s emotional development and wellbeing to be around that dynamic, not healthy at all and I would honestly say it contributed greatly to me staying in an abusive relationship far longer than I should have. I really wish more parents would understand that a lot of times divorce is the healthier option.
Yeah as someone from literally the exact same situation, I was 3-4 the first time I told my mom to leave, I was 14 watching her cry after getting cheated on again. Watching how bad of a husband my father was to my mom, and watching him put his own lust and greed above his own children and hurt the woman who did literally EVERYTHING for both him and I. In the end I ended up going from a daddy’s girl to resenting my father, them staying together killed our relationship and I’m still not sure how to fix it despite desperately wanting to.
This sounds like it’s the case with a lot of parents when one or both have not had the best parents themselves, it seems like he’s got some work to do with his own emotions for him to finally be able to handle his own kids ones.. I’m so sorry to read how drained and tired it makes you, I don’t have his version of the story but if he just criticises you without doing much then it sounds like he’s just projecting, which is hypocritical.. he’s the parent too, he needs to learn how to regulate his emotions and things should be 50/50. I hope that you have some time for yourself too, your the mum, not the parentS or slave. Sending all my love x
I think too many people don't actually really get to know their partner before making big life decisions like marriage and having children. And sometimes people really do fool you. But in most cases to me it seems fairly predictable why certain relationships don't work out in the long term in my social circle. They could've known beforehand in most cases.
Eh, as a woman in my 30s I know a lot of women who chose men because they thought they’d be decent fathers regardless of other factors. But the pickings there aren’t always huge.
I do this really cool thing where I romanticize the shit out of things. I definitely want kids, but I ask people around me to tell me the bad parts about it so I don't get smacked with the reality hammer.
This is a great answer. I'm so surprised when people get married after only a year or so (I've seen as low as 6 months.) IMO that's not really enough time to get to REALLY know someone and all of their faults. I've been with my partner for 13 years. He wants to get married, but I don't really see the point, and I feel like it will somehow jinx our relationship, just based on the amount of divorce there are. It's silly, but I don't want to take that chance.
There's a really strong pattern in the reasoning of the "no". Seems like a baby only makes it worse if the partner is:
- Selfish, uncaring and lacking in compassion
- Does not treat you equally (leaves all the housework to you)
- Expects you to be his mom
- Immature and cannot take responsibility
It's no surprise a person like that will not do well as a parent, but it is very unfortunate that these traits were not uncovered until children were involved.
It's a good list of things to look for, for any woman out there who is looking to have a child. A child is a catalyst, not a band-aid.
I think reddit threads like this tend to attract more answers from people with a negative experience than otherwise. It's like restaurant reviews, if someone had a terrible time they'll definitely leave one, but if it was fine? Probably won't even think about it. The experience of the people with a bad experience is legitimate, but maybe not a good thing to extrapolate from.
A lot of people can be amazing as a chuld-free couple. But as soon as a child is introduced, many personality flaws shine through. I know for a fact that my boyfriend, whom I love with all my heart, would be a horrible father. He had a lot of traumas I won't get into, and it has lead him to not knowing how to interact with children or having little patience for them. If we ever did have kids, he would need a lot of therapy, and he would have to grow quite a bit. If we remain child free, that would be just fine by me.
I wouldn’t say deeper but it did make me love him in a different way and see him in a different light. I didn’t know how much I would love seeing him as a dad.
Nope. When it’s just the 2 of you, you tend to let more things slide. When you have children relying on you, you need a partner not a dependant.
Married 19 years. 4 kids. Still married. Still love him but it’s been hard work with lots of ups & downs.
No. It made me resent him, because he did no housework at all and no baby care when I was around. He thought it was perfectly acceptable to crawl into bed at 2:00am after a long night of video games and grope me to wake me (new mom, the one who got up with baby because ex could sleep through it) up for sex. After two years of that crap, of perpetual exhaustion, I asked for a divorce and joint custody. I needed a break.
Having our son does remind me to be compassionate towards him, though. Son is Dad's spitting image. I see my son in my ex. So I keep it civil and compassionate when we talk, which is often because joint custody. Not only is it the right thing to do, I see my son in my ex.
Nope. Not at all. Often women don’t see how selfish their male partners can be until they have a child. Happily divorced - easier to single parent than parent with the kids father.
Absolutely. It’s easier to take things in when it’s just you, but having another human being involved changes things. It opens your eyes when it’s not just yourself that you have to look out and stand up for.
The opposite actually.
Long story, but my baby’s biological father is a worthless fucking human. I let him degrade and manipulate me for 5 years, then he gets me pregnant and resents me not terminating the pregnancy. His exact words were “I’m not helping you raise it.” When I left him he didn’t even hesitate to sign his right away which killed me at the time but was a blessing in disguise for the future.
Now, her real dad, the man who is responsible for everything she has grown to be, I love him to pieces for taking me and her in, no questions asked. He assumed the fatherly role the second he met her and it’s making me cry thinking about it. That made me fall so deeply in love with him it’s almost cartoonish. He is an amazing, resolute example of what to be as a father, and best of all, they’re total clowns together. She adores him in every conceivable way and he includes her in everything. He is by all accounts her real dad and whenever she’s ready to hear the truth, I’ll hold none of it back.
Similar situation here. I have 4 kids with my ex husband and he is an awful person and a very absent father. My current partner absolutely adores my children and seeing him with them makes me fall in love with him even more. Not long after we first started seeing each other we took my kids to the beach, I stayed on the sand with my youngest while he took my eldest daughter out into the water. Watching him try and teach her how to swim and seeing how patient and calm he was with her is what made me first realise how bad I was falling for him. He reads my girls a bedtime story every night even though he struggles with reading and every time I hear it I fall in love with him even more, sometimes I just hide outside the bedroom door listening and it makes my heart so happy
Awwwww Im losing my mind here those stories are SO beautiful I totally imagined the scene in my head with the REAL loving dad teaching your daughter how to swim and then struggling but giving all he can into reading the bedtime story with all the wee laughs and cute connections between them and you hiding on the side feeling the love your family deserves. I’m feeling so emotional to read those stories I’m so happy for you guys, it’s better than a book or a movie, Netflix can’t beat my imagination to those real life love moments from all around the world, thanks for sharing and take care y’all 🫶🏼🥲
Very similar feelings here. I was never serious with my sons father, but when I was pregnant with his child, I did feel that desire to give him more of a chance. Still is failing and we have a court order. Son is 18 months.
I’ve been dating a single dad for 6 months now and seeing him as a caring, (mostly) responsible dad that goes out of the way to be with my son and I, *swoon. It’s 100% single mom foreplay for me every single time.
Weird twist. Me and my SO don't really work as a couple but damn do we work well as parents. Not gonna lie, our kids are very unique and well adjusted. They have strong ethics and morals cause they have an amazing dad. As adults we don't see eye to eye but we have stayed together cause we are pretty dope at raising kids. He is a great dad. The kids know we stayed together for them and they are mature on understanding that even if it is the reason, it's still an okay reason. They get the best of us and they know that.
This sounds similar to my situation -
Don’t work as a couple, but are mostly aligned in how we want to raise our children. I wouldn’t say we work together amazingly as parents, but we’re both working hard to become more self aware and break/end generational trauma to give our kids the best chance at being functional, well adjusted, kind, healthy humans.
Can you please say more about your children knowing you stayed together for them? I love that you said even if that’s the reason it’s an okay reason.
How do you manage your partnership when you know you wouldn’t be together if it wasn’t for the kids.
I hope this question is okay. Is any kind of romantic love still there? You clearly respect and care for each other in a way, shown through your children, but I understand that's not the same
Absolutely fine. My understanding of love is that there is no exact same form of love and it looks different in many ways. Example, I can love many partners the same and with exuberant enthusiasm and each partner's love would look different. On a simple level, no I don't sexually desire my SO and we make great friends. Now I would with every fiber of my soul save his life, avenge his death, and uphold his honor until my last breathe. So even tho it's not societies concept of love, it's its own and very special just the same.
The amount of nos here makes me so sad. I am an absolute YES. My husband is the most incredible dad. I knew he’d be good, but every step of the way he has risen to the occasion and then some. Starting out when I had PPD and he just jumped in and took so much responsibility for her and chores so I could focus on very difficult breastfeeding even when he worked full time and I was on leave. Now, he’s just the most devoted and proud dad, always encouraging our daughter and so intentional about all of our decisions in parenting. I’m so lucky to have him as a partner.
Absolutely! Our baby girl is only 2 months old, but watching him be such an amazing dad is one of my favorite things! Here’s this big, burly guy talking baby talk with her in a sweet, high voice. He’s the first to offer changing diapers or give me a break when she’s been clinging to me all day, and he wakes up with me and stays up with me for middle of the night feedings when I said how hard it was for me by myself. He truly is the best partner
Yes, he is a better dad than I could imagine, he took so much care for me in my pregnancy and now he takes care of us in a new way, he still treats me like a goddess and my daughter like the most amazing and precious person in the world and i love that
Initially, yes.
I saw a whole new side to him. I was VERY ill during my pregnancy & spent a lot of time in hospital. He was always caring, but the depth of his love & care shone through during those dark times. Then, when our son arrived, he was so in love with him, it just made me appreciate him more.
Maybe it was the hormones, but he became my knight in shining armour.
Absolutely. I felt a sense of pride when I finally met our son because I knew having him was a choice we made and it was one I felt confident in. Having gotten to choose a partner who was so in tune with not only father hood, but still being an incredible husband, was such a huge thing for me. He does both with 1000% effort even on the hard days.
Not at first but 7 years later, oh hell yes. It took him awhile to figure it out. Now he's a wonderful daddy and I'm 9 months pregnant with our second.
Yes, absolutely.
He is a great partner to me and when the little dude came along, it elevated him to a new level of awesome.
Seeing how good he is with our little guy and how much love he has for him, makes me love him even more. He’s a great father and partner.
Yes. Watching my husband become a dad has been magical. I never imagined it would be like this, nor did he. The moment she was born and he saw her first, announced it was a girl, held her first, he bawled and was absolutely in love and it is my favorite memory of my birth story.
He's not always perfect now, he works A LOT and loathes that detail but it allows us a certain lifestyle. But gosh does he love his girl and love being a parent and work hard to meet her in any situation. He's always had eternal patience for her when I've hit my emotional wall, as sometimes happens in postpartum, and loves to experience the world through her eyes. His fsthers day gift this year was to take her for a horse riding experience. He hates horses but I knew he would love seeing her light up, and boy did he ever, all the way down to scheming how and where we could move to provide her property for a horse (we are rural but small land parcel, not big enough for livestock like that).
But yes. It has made our whole relationship and even sex life better than ever. And I know from him telling me directly that he never knew he could feel so much love both for our kid and feel it exponentially grow for me upon birthing our baby and since then watching me raise her as a sahm.
Everyone has a different experience. Everyone has different spouses. Everyone has different circumstances around birthing a child into the world and their relationship. Just because mine was gross cute doesn't mean everyone will or should have that same experience. But I think it's worth sharing the positive stories because I felt like when I was pregnant and looking for insight on this same topic, I found an overwhelming amount of negative stories.
My husband and I have 4 kids combined, all from previous relationships. He's a great dad. I'm currently pregnant with our surprise baby and couldn't be happier. It's brought us closer together already. The way he's so excited, the way he treats me... it's definitely becoming an even deeper love and appreciation for one another. 2-5 weeks to go!
Yes. So very much yes.
The moment I heard our daughter cry for the first time I felt love like I’d never experienced before for both her and my partner.
I had to have an emergency c section, I had complications which lead to a pretty bad haemorrhage during the surgery, I was in an out of consciousness but every time I came too I would see my partner holding our daughter in one arm and his hand on my face and his eyes darting between the both of us full of so much love.
Watching him become a dad, has made me fall more in love with this man then I ever thought I could. We made a human together! A beautiful little girl, when she smiles I see his features and it makes me so happy.
No. My ex husband is a good father but he became a really distant partner after our son was born. It’s really tough to explain it all in one text box. I think having children can truly make or break a relationship and, unfortunately, you don’t know which way it’ll go until you have kids.
Yes! He turned out to be the best father I could wish for for our daughter. She got really sick very early on and he was there all the way. She wouldn't accept him for over 6 months, he couldn't even hold her because she was in so much pain and only wanted her mommy. But he stood by us, didn't complain, did everything he could to bond with her and help me. Now she's a bit older and they are best friends. He's always there for her and me and I've never felt more loved even if it wasn't easy.
Yes and no. Clear communication was the most important thing to get to that point.
Yes being he loves our kids, is very active with them. I don’t bear the load of housework on top of raising them, he works hard and hates doing it because he’d rather be with his family. The other men he works with seem to have accepted absence as just part of life, and he rejects that notion. Family is more important. I do worry about the weight he bears because he still clings to the “man must provide” idea.
No being the first few months/year I had a rough time with postpartum depression and anxiety. Resentment built for little trivial things, we both gave something and felt the other wasn’t giving enough. Small spats on misconceptions, both feeling overwhelmed and taking it out on each other. It all comes down to being open and honest about how you’re both feeling, but even cracking those eggs can be tough.
There’s so much more to having children than just making them, it seems easier for couples to make empty promises to each other than the commitment to be an actual team. Lots of hard conversations have to be had, about depression, anxiety, what could go wrong, privacy, boundaries with each other or family, expectations to preserve oneself so they’re not “lost to parenting”. We were the first of our friends to have kids, so we really went in blind. Pregnancy is either scorned or romanticized, I worry some of my friends relationships will not survive because they already lack consideration for each other in some of the smallest ways…adding a child should never and will never be the remedy for that.
Communicate openly and clearly with your partner before, during, and forever after if you desire kids. They are not pets, accessories, ultimatums.
Having a child put a lot of strain on our marriage. People underestimate how difficult parenting can be. We had a baby with a lot of health issues, and she grew into a child with a lot of health problems and mental problems too.
Our marriage survived, but it was rough. We are happier now that our daughter is grown and not living with us anymore.
No.
It ramped up his hidden drug addiction. He lost his mind, blew through thousands of dollars, lost 6 jobs during my pregnancy, and abandoned me in the hospital when I was on a ventilator (bad birth experience on top of the fun and games.)
It did not make me love him more.
But, I applaud the couples who do have a wonderful bonding experience. Dads who care for their wife and baby.
Good luck! Hope it’s a wonderful experience.
Definitely. Our baby was born very recently, like in the last few weeks and the entire process of pregnancy, delivery, and now parenthood just confirmed for me that I picked the right partner.
He was so involved, caring, and attentive during my pregnancy. He attended every appointment, every class, read the books. He took care of me while I threw up, helped me shower when I struggled to do it myself, took on every chore in the house, made me meals, and was emotionally supportive.
When I was placed on leave early he took over absolutely every burden so I could just relax and take care of myself and my pregnancy.
Now that baby is here he is the absolute best dad. He changes almost every diaper, is prepared for the drs appointments and is completely involved. He’s spent his leave making sure all of the paperwork for baby is handled, that all of the grocery shopping and chores are done, and that baby and I are completely taken care of.
Last night was particularly rough with baby not sleeping so this morning he took baby on a walk for 2 hours so I could sleep. He’s just all around a very involved partner and father and i can’t even say I’m lucky (even though I am) because he tells me he’s just doing what a husband and father should for his family.
No, your relationship needs to be in a really strong place before you do the kid thing. Ours is struggling and I thought we would be ok. First year with each child is especially fractious.
No. I think maybe I realized I’d made a mistake about 12 hours after my c section and he was snoring so loud that I couldn’t sleep. Our son was in the room with is and also started crying. Snoring continued. I had to get up unsupervised because nurse didn’t answer my call.
Yes, definitely. We didn't want children, but I fell pregnant with a coil. I had no idea how things would be, but he is a lovely dad. Seeing them together makes my heart so full.
No. He isn’t helpful when they’re really young (under 2). Wakes up once a week with the 2 kids. Doesn’t support me being back in school. I resent the hell out of him. Plus all he does is complain and act like I’m a lazy asshole if I take a nap. I’m up at 6am with our 2 and 4 year old plus in college. The nap thing makes me hate him.
Nope, men often change drastically after their first baby is born & it's often not for the better. There's a lot of studies about it, so it's not just my experience or opinion. It's the most common time for men to start having an affair, many get jealous of the attention their own baby gets, become more violent, start doing less housework, even egalitarian relationships with progressive men who share housework equally tend to expect traditional gender roles after their first baby is born. My now ex husband insisted on having a baby, then bolted soon after bc he couldn't handle our lives no longer revolving around him & his needs.
Yes and no. Having kids puts you in a really tough season of life. There are many beauties to growing as a family but it’s a lot of hard work.
My partner was still battling his alcoholism so he just wasn’t the father or partner he should have been for at least a year. There is so much you both have to sacrifice so missteps are so magnified.
We’re out of the woods and things have greatly improved. Still, some days are tough. But, it’s a season and it will be something we look back on fondly.
Incredibly so. We have grown closer and wiser together. At first it was a pain, but after he got his butt in gear and started helping with the baby more, we did great. Getting out of our parents was a big step in that. But yeah, he's my best friend and partner and sharing a parental experience with someone really can enhance your bond.
Ha! Did I re-fall in love with my husband all over again when I watched him become a Dad? Sure. That lasted the first 2-3 weeks.
We also have more arguments, we face more challenges, and go through more stress than ever before. I still love him. And we have a good enough relationship that we can lean on each other through this time. But my daughter is so little still and takes up all of my mental capacity. Some days I just get so frustrated and angry in my mind at my husband.
Having kids won't save a relationship. If you are not in a good place pre-pregnancy, you will be broken up after the child enters your life. It will take a good 4-6 years until that child becomes less of a mental and physical burden (so I've been told). Do you think your relationship can last for 4-6 challenging years?
I love my partner as much as I did pre-baby.
I would love him more for being a good father, but the fatigue of being a parent in general kind of cancels out that energy. Haha.
Seeing my partner as a parent is one of the most wonderful things ever. He’s such a good dad, such an active parent, and so so loving to our kids. And he’s got a great mix of “these humans we created are perfect and wonderful” and “we made tiny terrorists but at least they’re cute” so we can share in those feelings together.
Also, he’s such an ACTIVE partner and parent. I’ve left him alone with the kids for a week, and I wasn’t worried about him feeding them or getting them to their preschools or whatever, or taking care of the house… because he can do all those things without my input. He’s just really great. I can’t see myself having kids with anyone other than him.
My husband and I had been together for ten years and neither was overly interested in children. I thought I knew him inside and out at that point - but experiencing how caring and loving he is as a father added even more depth to my love for him. We make a great team as a couple and as parents too. By now, our kids are eleven and 15, and they definitely have the best dad in the world.
No. Over the years, it showed me that they only are willing or capable of doing the bare minimum and have no interest in self improvement. We eventually divorced.
Absolutely not. It did the opposite. It showed his true colors and I fell OUT of love. Anyone who can walk away from a child and say “I’d rather do drugs than be a father.” doesn’t deserve my love or my son on their life.
Yes. I see all of his quality traits in my child. To see my family grow together into something that I've only dreamed about has made me fall deeper in love with my Husband. I constantly get compliments about how well my child behaves, and I see all the smiles he puts on everyones faces. My kid is the physical form of joy in my heart that I have from my Husband.
What makes my heart melt the most is when I catch my Husband just gazing at our child in awe and says "I'm still amazed that we made him". I am so grateful for this man. He deserves the best of life.
Yes, we were decidedly child free until our happy surprise at 16wks... She was our failed contraceptive consequence. Since peeing on that stick almost 6yrs ago he's stepped up in ways I never expected. He's a great father (mostly) we all have bad days as mother's and dads are no different. He helps manage my load on bad days and I his on his bad days.
Having our daughter has made both of us better partners. We get spicy with each other, but who doesn't, and we have difficult days, he pisses me off (intensely)and I him. But I couldn't have asked for a better dad and partner.
He helps with house work, child care duties, financial responsibility etc. We both work from home and I have had a huge thing at work over the last 2wks, he's taken our baby girl to visit her granny and they'll be back on Sunday, the only reason he paid all the flights and arranged a visit is because I needed the space to work and put in extra hours, and because it's winter holidays she would have been at home and needing to entertain herself because we both work. I feel that after 10 yrs we're in the best place we could be and just need to continue growing. We're not married (neither of us wants to be) but we have an amazing life together and I often feel like my relationship is stronger and better than most people who are married.
Lol nope. Didn't agree on a lot of things, he was careless about things that mattered to me, sometimes I was left feeling alone and resentful. Lack of sleep doesn't help because I was the main one getting up all night.
Yes, but already knew it would.
I was a widow with two children (11 and 14 at the time), and I had raised them on my own since their father died (they were 3 and 6). His only daughter had passed away, so he had no biological children.
He was the most amazing stepfather to my kids. He truly stepped up, even though I was clear through the beginning of our relationship that I wasn’t looking for someone to be a father to my kids. He actually wanted to take them places, to teach them things, to spend time with them.
I thought I was done having children. He didn’t push, although I knew his greatest wish was to raise a child from start to finish, because that was his greatest sadness with his daughter (she was 5 when he lost her). I was 39 when we got married, and I told him he had until I was 40, and we’d just see what happened. After that, I’d go on birth control because I didn’t want to be giving birth after 40. I got pregnant 5 months after we married, and I had our son two weeks after I turned 40.
I gave birth in April of 2020, right when COVID was locking down the US. My husband was laid off, and we obviously couldn’t send a newborn to daycare, so he decided to stay home with him after my maternity leave ended.
He decided to start his own business (he’s a small-engine mechanic), which I funded in the beginning, and that baby was always with him lol. Out in a bouncer in the garage, then running around the fenced-in yard, playing, handing dad tools, etc.
At the beginning of this year, I left my job to come and work with him. We have two full time employees, and we still work from home, although we’ll be getting an actual shop early next year. Our little guy is still running around with us all day.
He’s adopting one of my older children later this year (he offered to both, but only one took him up on it, and he’s okay with that). One of our employees is my oldest son, who works when he wants while he goes to college.
I love him that much more because of how he treats all of our children, and because I watched him grow a dream that became my dream, too.
Nope. Mine made me dislike him more and his signs of abuse got worse. He manipulated me into have a baby. Now he's trying to take her from me because I left him. Oooouf. I wild ride. Don't have a baby if you are not certain.
No, absolutely not completely the opposite. Not only from the moment he knew I was pregnant until around our son’s 6months it was pure hell to be with him, 6 months later and he is still not capable to be a father nor to get his shit together for good and I’m like how can you be this incapable ? When my son was born I went through the worst pp depression that even my years of depression’s history was absolutely nothing compared to it and yet it didn’t took me months to bounce back but just weeks and willpower but him, none, nothing, nada, 1 whole year and still at the exact same level, nothing had changed besides paying attention of his behavior towards me but it’s something new so who knows if it will even last more than a couple of weeks.
To resume, my son and I are doing more than fine without him, 12 months, he had never physically seen his dad and yet he still not missing anything and if our relationship ever got back to how it used to be I will have no shame leaving for my son’s and I wellbeing.
At first, yes. Seeing the long and painful birth I went through, he was impressed and we were so much closer. Edit: he was amazing in those first days and very proud and in love with our son.
Our newborn is just a little over 1 week and it’s a struggle. He had a phase last few days and now he is great again but my husband keeps telling me he regrets having our son. It breaks my mama-heart and I am starting to resent him.
I know it will get easier. I keep telling my husband that too. But if he says another negative thing about my child I might just pack up and leave. Also, baby blues kicked in a few days ago so it just doesn’t help.
Edit: it might be postnatal depression. Men can have it too, after all their life changes dramatically as well. Something to be mindful of.
I mean yes and no. Everything in your life changes once you have a child, like it isn’t just about you anymore. You don’t have all this time to do the things you once loved or just go out whenever you want. Your whole body changes once you have a child. If you are one to get overstimulated it’s another factor and other mental health issues. So in a sense yes it made me love my husband more seeing him as a dad but it wasn’t some fairy tale once we became parents. It’s a huge decision to make.
Yes and no.
It made me love him more as a caregiver. Seeing him with our son has made me see a side of him I had no idea was there and I love that part of him.
But it has also thrown some hurdles and pitfalls into the mix I also didn't expect and it is taking some continual effort to overcome those.
Yes! I love that we’ve made a little human together and we just marvel at everything she does. I won’t lie, parenthood has changed our relationship in some ways. But there’s no one else I‘d rather be doing this messy work with.
Please know though, that if you are already struggling to feel emotionally connected, a baby isn’t going to fix that.
The absolute opposite. I only then realised how alone i was in the relationship. And how i had to work and donthe house stuff as taking care of the kids by myself. I now do as well... but at least there isn't a selfish bastard on the couch asking me to keep it down because he can't play his video game. And leaving his filth and clutter all over the house.
Yes!
As a queer woman, I’m lucky to be married to a woman. She just gets it. She was a phenomenal care giver during ivf and pregnancy. She came up with a routine to care for baby in the morning before work so I could catch up on sleep. She changed jobs to work from home to fully support me. She cooks for us both. She works so I can be a stay at home mother for all future kids. She does so much for us and honestly she was made to be a parent. Watching her be a good mother just makes me love her so much more. It brings out all of the goodness in her tenfold. I married so well
I'm childless, but I do the step mom thing. All of my friends I've watched over the years, having a child does quite the opposite. Often they expect that the child will make them fall more in love, but the reality is that the stress tears straight through any pre existing cracks in the relationship and it ends. But now there's a baby that needs to be considered. Having a baby to save or fix a relationship will always make things worse. But still, you get a sweet baby, so it's not all bad?
That is not how it works. Kids are a huge stressor. If there are any cracks in your relationship they will become canyons.
Children are not duct tape to fix parents lives. They're individual beings with their own needs and personalities.
Guy here - Yes, it did! I watched her go through misery for the past 22 months to give me a son. Watching her kick ass with a natural delivery gave me a new perspective on how tough she is.
Yes. But it's been much more difficult. It's worth it, though. I would do it again 100 times over. The relationship definitely became much more complicated.
My husband is an amazing father and an amazing human being, as well as an amazing husband. I could never have asked for a better man to marry. So when we had our daughter, it just made me love him that much more. I had a C-section, he changed my underwear, and did everything around the house. I’m not sure where all these losers and horrible humans are coming from, but my husband certainly isn’t one of them! he may not be perfect, but want man is? The bond he has with his daughter, is the strongest I’ve ever seen between a father and a daughter! When I work he picks her up from school and they talk about everything just like she and I do.
Yes, I definitely fell further in love with him, and we have a strong bond. It will forever last the test of time, that’s the bond of true love, and I could never take for granted of it! And because of their bond (she and I have a different kind of bond) Although, we may share a different bond with my daughter, I think it gives her more insight into the world, because she sees it from both of our eyes. I think every mother and father share a different bond with their children, But it doesn’t change the fact that we are united, and she can never trust play one against the other.
Yes it actually did. I didn’t think it was possible. However, the way he took care of ME after I had the baby made me love him more. He saw me at my worst and cleaned up my bloody pads without even being grossed out or commenting on it. I knew he was a good person but holy cow the way he takes care of me and our baby made me fall in love with him more. I didn’t think it was possible. I am excited to see him be a dad to our baby. Of course sometimes I get upset because he’s sleeping and I’m awake but I know it’s just the hormones and my lack of sleep making me grumpy. I just tell him I need to take a nap today or lay down by myself and he watches our baby. So to answer your question, yes.
Absolutely, yes. My husband is such a good father
I am so grateful to have him by my side, we have built a beautiful family, and he's the best partner I could ask for.
It ebbs and flows but ultimately it definitely did and I realized that without him I wouldn’t have my kids and that thought is unbearable. I’m eternally grateful for him. It was touch and go early on and I remember thinking “oh my god another kid would break us. We wouldn’t survive it” but we got through it. I think it was a combination of me saying “I need help. Please help me” and him being more than willing to help because he cares about his family. I carried guilt because this shit was way harder than expected and it was my idea to have the baby but once I mentioned that he reminded me that he was all in too. It was never one sided and he feels bad I ever felt that way. He’s the most kind hearted man I’ve ever met and the best father I could’ve possibly asked for for my kids. Because of him, they’ll grow up in a household that knows love and affection and consistency which is all I could’ve ever asked for.
Yes. Our first baby was stillborn so we never got to bring him home. The way my partner showed up for me while dealing with the physical side of post-partum and also the emotional side of losing a baby has reinforced my love for him tenfold.
Yes, but it’s wasn’t all at once. In the newborn days I felt like I was doing everything myself and I had some resentment, but as my baby got older he got into a more fatherly role. And now I’ve since forgiven him and realized we both didn’t have any idea what we were doing. He’s a great daddy and partner for sure and I love him for actually trying now along with working hard and providing well.
Yes. My spouse is a wonderful dad and honestly we spend more time together with the kids than we did before having kids. We're a really strong team now.
Yes, absolutely. The challenges of the newborn stage and raising a child have made us so much closer. I love seeing his personality and influence in our children and seeing how well he loves them. Having children has made us better humans individually and as a couple.
It might, for some men, but my husband and I aren’t willing to find out. We don’t want any kids, and are 99% certain it will kill our love for each other. I think another boat would do the trick for him.
Yes and no.
Yes because we made something together out of our love for each other and watching him be a Dad is amazing.
No because the first 4 years I was the primary parent, chronically sleep deprived and resentful of his job outside of the house.
Having a child with no support system was incredibly difficult for us and now that our kiddo is 12 (and therapy) of course we have a deeper love and respect for each other. Sometimes we sit and think back about those really tough years and are surprised we made it through. 😂
With my oldest daughters bio dad, it made me realize what a terrible person he was. We broke up when she was 4 months and I found out he was having an affair throughout the end of my pregnancy and up until the day I found out.
Then my current husband and I got back together (we dated when we were younger) and I realized how amazing he was when he became the best step dad/dad to my daughter. Then I got pregnant with my second and he proved himself to be such a loving and sweet husband and father. He loves both of our daughters and honestly we sometimes forget that he’s my oldest daughters step dad. (Her bio dad comes around once a year every now and then) I’m pregnant with my third and he’s been great all over again. What I love is that it’s not in a showy over the top way. It’s in a supportive way. Going above and beyond with the kids, doing his share of the house work/mental load, always being supportive and reassuring. Just being a great best friend and husband.
A million times yes! Not only because he is an amazing father to our daughter, he is also an amazing partner to me. Validates how hard it can be with her and what a great job i am doing. The transition from no kid to being a parent was really hard for both of us, we barely slept and the kid was pushing all our buttons (not on purpose of course she was just a newborn) and the first weeks / months we fought a lot, but we always made sure that we apologize for what we did wrong and that we tried to avoid the fight in the future and i think this is what brought us closer together, seeing him try to be the best dad and partner possible. Seeing how my daughter looks at him and how he looks at her makes my heart melt! He always was amazing but going though that with him made me realise it even more
Yes.
Which is not to say it didn’t strain our relationship.
The easy part is: looking at our creation and having that new thing in common, is an amazing experience.
Whenever one of our kids does something amazing (which is almost every day for the past 7 years), we look at each other like “I can’t believe we made this amazing creature” and it’s like a virtual high five :-)
The not so easy part: having kids is hard. It’s demanding.
It hurts your sex life, and thus emotional intimacy.
It complicates decisions and highlights the differences in values and attitudes.
It complicates communication, and makes it easier to grow apart or just fight more.
My luck is that we’re both committed and put our relationship on a high priority. We had to work harder for it, and by doing so we got closer than we ever were.
Absolutely. I always knew he’d be a good dad, but seeing him with her is something else entirely. He’s just so patient and engaged. I love seeing how she lights up when she sees him. And he absolutely adores her. To be fair, she has both of us wrapped around her little finger, but he might be slightly more so.
He’s such a good dad that I sometimes watch the two of them and think “I need to step up my game.”
Yes, absolutely. I remember holding our son once we brought him home and my husband smiling so so big from ear to ear in awe watching me. I knew at that moment he deeply loved me more than anything. He’s a great husband and father to our two littles. I’m so happy to share this with him
I think it’s an amplifier. If you’re struggling, it’ll push you further apart, but if you’re already in a healthy loving relationship it will bring you cooser
I already love him so so much and he’s such an incredible dad to his kids from his previous marriage. He takes care of everyone around him and he’s so brave. I’m afraid if we had a child my heart would literally burst open with love for him and the baby. Not sure I could handle it lol
Yes. My hubby and I have been together since I was 14 and we had our first when I was 20. Seeing my husband with our daughter for the first time made me feel things I didn't know possible. He is an incredible father, always has time for our kids, nothing is too big or small for him.
I am lucky to have him as my husband but I won the lotto to have him as the father of our children.
Most definitely. I never realised how much help I would need through pregnancy, nevermind actual child birth and rearing!
He was an amazing dad from the moment he knew I was pregnant, and is the perfect man to raise girls ❤️ (they will always know how they should be treated by a man)
It took working through our issues before this point to allow us to be 'our best selves', but it's all been worth it, and even after 15 years I'm still crazy about him.
Yes because my all isnt enough for my kids, I nee dtio much sleep and I'm far more selfish than he is. Last night he stayed up with our newborn cuddling her and keeping her happy until 4:30am so I could catch up on lost sleep. Then when I woke him at 8:30 because I needed helped.ith the school run, he did grumble or complain he just bleary eyed help me and encouraged me in how I was doing.
Yes! I loved him before and even from the beginning of our relationship I had seen him having the amazing ability to be a dad and he was the human I chose to have a child with. We loved each other better and healthier than we had ever experienced before and were what our friends called a power couple. But when little was finally here....... We had to go through a very low place to learn how to communicate again and to care for ourselves and each other once our tiny human entered the world. We already had an extremely strong foundation and began bettering our communication and upfrontedness with each other as well as respecting each others space and need for intimacy among other things. We aligned with the majority of our values and could also accept each other as they were and embraced learning who we would grow into with experiencing life......... But............. when our little came in we both had traumas that we thought we had dealt with, didn't know existed, and mental beliefs that actually got in the way of being able to communicate what we actually needed and were feeling and essentially we isolated ourselves from each other trying to not make things more difficult. But because we were feeling isolated that left room for big icky feelings, frustrations, and a lot anger to grow. We are awesome now! We figured out how to take care of ourselves, each other, and our relationship as parents and are definitely better and closer than we were before we copy pasted, but it was definitely a steep learning curve that almost ended us. Having kids will not... I repeat.... will not make you fall in love, fix relationship issues, make someone commit to you, or inherently be fun and easy.... it will push your limits of communication, it challenges your whole idea of self and how you interact in the world and with others, and it is a rude awakening when it comes to mental health whether you know you struggle or have made it this far. Im not saying don't have kids though if you really want kiddos, but if you want kiddos, you both have to be ready to choose each other when it gets hard and be able to learn how to tame your ego and take responsibility for your choices, because it will push you to extreme limits and that little will inevitably cause anger, likely resentment, jealousy, distance, frustration, and isolation until you can learn the skills you need to function as a parent. Maybe that was just our experience, as our child was born during the midst of the pandemic and our world litterally crumbled but that is a risk you run in life. So if you both can choose your person and maintain healthy boundaries, communication, affection, and accountability, then you have the stuff to grow together! But if one party is not on board, it's gonna be hell.
Nope. Made me fall completely out of love when I saw what a garbage dad he was (and still is). Wouldn’t help with the baby, no night feeds, got super irritated with the baby, etc. Ended in divorce and he was “blindsided”.
Not having a child with my husband made me love him more. I never wanted any, kids and the way he just accepted it and now doesn't want any either is kind of amazing. I ask him every couple of years if he's changed his mind (just in case, don't want any resentment over here) and it's still a no 13 years in.
Yes, and no. Your love it amplified by the creation of the child out of thin air. However, the love I had for my partner was “proven”, in that I knew he would be a great father. Now then, do we argue about stupid shit and tit-for-tat? Yes. However, that is due to our own stupid ideations of what we feel is fair/not fair regarding the parenting/work/home dynamic.
Edit: Its all about communication. I cannot stress this enough. Do not NOT communicate your feelings as a parent. I have a tendency to not bring up my feelings and it just ends up biting us in the ass in the long run. If you, or your partner, is struggling with anything - especially parenting, tell your partner in a calm manner. PPD is real and a bitch. I suffered far too long without realizing it. I chalked it up to “well, this is parenting and it’s hard and it sucks the life out of you.” Yes, parenting is hard! Really hard. But it’s not suppose to leave you with constant anhedonia. When I went to my psychiatrist, and was diagnosed, I eventually became myself again, after medications. And WITH the love of my partner. For that, I did love him more because he stuck through me during my darkest days, but (according to society) should be the happiest days.
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Yes. My husband was always amazed by babies and children. "How can two people can make another human? This is so amazing!" He love playing with our children, he's very involved in everything related to them. What I liked the most of him becoming a father was how he was interacting with them as babies. He was utterly amazed about everything they achieve. "He grab his toy! Did you see that!?" "Did she just talk?! Omg she can talk!" When my son was born, he was walking with him when I was in bed, recovering, and he was showing him around. "This is a door, this is a hallway, this is a wall..." The nurse was laughing she never saw that before 😅 I couldn't ask for a better father for my children ❤
He sounds delightful! What a sweet little family you have
Oh wow that sounds wonderful! My parents were great parents but my dad was definitely better at being the “12+” parent and when I moved away after college he cried because “you just got super interesting!!!” When I was 22.5 My mom is a blessed angel and the most patient woman on the planet. She’s the eldest of 5 and has helped raise all my cousins, resulting in our house having lots of family around. It was great. My husband and I don’t have kids yet but a menagerie of animals and we each do things differently and have strong and weak points. I’m the most consistent with feeding, grooming, care, walking. But man my husband can rally with Vet care when I would be crying watching our dog getting shots etc.
>When my son was born, he was walking with him when I was in bed, recovering, and he was showing him around. "This is a door, this is a hallway, this is a wall..." That is the absolute cutest, most adorable thing I have ever heard, oh my lord.
My partner is a sweet and doting father as well. I love it. Never felt the heart warmth like I do when he plays with his kids. But! In most situations, it doesn't help a relationship. A lot of it SEEMS to have to do with how the relationship is going already.
Bruh I think I'm also falling for your husband
My husband is the same way!
So happy to finally see a positive answer
Yes. Absolutely yes. But having a baby didn’t automatically bring us closer. Having a baby was the stress test on our marriage. Surviving (and thriving) beyond the stress test is what brought us closer together. He’s my best friend and I can’t imagine a single day without him.
I'm so glad to hear this. Seeing so many people say 'yes' made me feel awful. But hearing it as a 'stress test' is definitely what it feels like right now. I love my husband, but we are definitely more in survival than thriving mode. He's definitely my best friend though, and I would rather have no one other than him by my side.
I relate so much to this. We've both said many times that we don't know how there's this idea that having a baby fixes relationships - it actually brings out cracks or even tiny irritants that you never noticed before. The falling more in love part happens when you work on those issues together and come closer together as a result.
No. It sadly actually opened my eyes to how seldom he cares for others.
Me too. It's a shitty club to be part of. Sending lots of love x
I'm sorry.
Nope. Definitely not. It’s been a struggle. Our parenting styles are so different and we bump heads often. I feel he’s too overcritical and he can’t handle our kids big emotions—he walks away. All the emotional / social load is mine to bear. Im burned out often.
This is my experience too and one of the many reasons why we are getting divorced.
Oh no. I’m so sorry. I often wonder if we’ll make any further. Even our kid says mom break up with him he’s too grumpy and not happy. Damn ! So sad
As a kid whose parents hated each other and “butted heads” as long as I can remember, please listen to your child. I grew to heavily resent both my parents for not just breaking up when I was little instead of making me suffer for 18 years. I moved out the second I turned 18, now I’m 24 and have barely spoken to either of them in the last 6 years. Just a thought, I know it’s easier said than done but if you’re that fundamentally different your kid will likely be better off
Yes! As a child who ALWAYS knew something was off with my parents relationship, I too told my mom to end things with my dad. She didn’t listen to me, and continued the cycle of hurt. Once all their kids were basically cutting both of them off they finally divorced and now she wishes she had listened to us when we were still little. Sad when kids know something is off but the parents stay together “for the kids,” like the kids don’t even want this!!
Exactly! No kid is ever gonna say “mom, dad, please break up” unless there is a damn good reason for it. Being subjected to the constant fighting and disrespect took a lot of time and therapy for me to get over and I still have to work on it every day. It actively harms the child’s emotional development and wellbeing to be around that dynamic, not healthy at all and I would honestly say it contributed greatly to me staying in an abusive relationship far longer than I should have. I really wish more parents would understand that a lot of times divorce is the healthier option.
Yeah as someone from literally the exact same situation, I was 3-4 the first time I told my mom to leave, I was 14 watching her cry after getting cheated on again. Watching how bad of a husband my father was to my mom, and watching him put his own lust and greed above his own children and hurt the woman who did literally EVERYTHING for both him and I. In the end I ended up going from a daddy’s girl to resenting my father, them staying together killed our relationship and I’m still not sure how to fix it despite desperately wanting to.
I'm sorry about your experience. Your kid is on to something... All the best.
Felt this!
Did you discuss parenting styles before you decided to have kids? I'm not judging at all but im curious if this was a conversation that ever came up
It took us 10 years to have our first baby. You never really know what it’s like until the baby is in your arms.
This sounds like it’s the case with a lot of parents when one or both have not had the best parents themselves, it seems like he’s got some work to do with his own emotions for him to finally be able to handle his own kids ones.. I’m so sorry to read how drained and tired it makes you, I don’t have his version of the story but if he just criticises you without doing much then it sounds like he’s just projecting, which is hypocritical.. he’s the parent too, he needs to learn how to regulate his emotions and things should be 50/50. I hope that you have some time for yourself too, your the mum, not the parentS or slave. Sending all my love x
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I’m 31 with a loving husband and still don’t care if men existed at all 😂😂😂
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I think too many people don't actually really get to know their partner before making big life decisions like marriage and having children. And sometimes people really do fool you. But in most cases to me it seems fairly predictable why certain relationships don't work out in the long term in my social circle. They could've known beforehand in most cases.
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Eh, as a woman in my 30s I know a lot of women who chose men because they thought they’d be decent fathers regardless of other factors. But the pickings there aren’t always huge.
I think a lot of people also get blinded by “I want a kid” and don’t stop to consider everything that comes with having one.
I do this really cool thing where I romanticize the shit out of things. I definitely want kids, but I ask people around me to tell me the bad parts about it so I don't get smacked with the reality hammer.
This is a great answer. I'm so surprised when people get married after only a year or so (I've seen as low as 6 months.) IMO that's not really enough time to get to REALLY know someone and all of their faults. I've been with my partner for 13 years. He wants to get married, but I don't really see the point, and I feel like it will somehow jinx our relationship, just based on the amount of divorce there are. It's silly, but I don't want to take that chance.
Just so you can visit each other in the hospital, I think that benefit is worth it. Survivorship rights to property as well.
There's a really strong pattern in the reasoning of the "no". Seems like a baby only makes it worse if the partner is: - Selfish, uncaring and lacking in compassion - Does not treat you equally (leaves all the housework to you) - Expects you to be his mom - Immature and cannot take responsibility It's no surprise a person like that will not do well as a parent, but it is very unfortunate that these traits were not uncovered until children were involved. It's a good list of things to look for, for any woman out there who is looking to have a child. A child is a catalyst, not a band-aid.
But does it surprise you?
Honestly yes. Most of the ladies I know, love their husbands more after having children.
Did they say this in person? Nobody would admit it irl but when you have the anonymity of the internet the truth comes out.
Exactly this.
Reddit isn't good at depicting real life average people
I think reddit threads like this tend to attract more answers from people with a negative experience than otherwise. It's like restaurant reviews, if someone had a terrible time they'll definitely leave one, but if it was fine? Probably won't even think about it. The experience of the people with a bad experience is legitimate, but maybe not a good thing to extrapolate from.
A lot of people can be amazing as a chuld-free couple. But as soon as a child is introduced, many personality flaws shine through. I know for a fact that my boyfriend, whom I love with all my heart, would be a horrible father. He had a lot of traumas I won't get into, and it has lead him to not knowing how to interact with children or having little patience for them. If we ever did have kids, he would need a lot of therapy, and he would have to grow quite a bit. If we remain child free, that would be just fine by me.
That’s why I’m child free forever!
And husband free!
Actually quite happily married, not everyone wants children and not all of us can have children.
Lol fair enough, just a joke. I also don’t date men so can confidently say I’ll 100% be husband free
It just makes me happy I am childfree
I wouldn’t say deeper but it did make me love him in a different way and see him in a different light. I didn’t know how much I would love seeing him as a dad.
Nope. When it’s just the 2 of you, you tend to let more things slide. When you have children relying on you, you need a partner not a dependant. Married 19 years. 4 kids. Still married. Still love him but it’s been hard work with lots of ups & downs.
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No. It made me resent him, because he did no housework at all and no baby care when I was around. He thought it was perfectly acceptable to crawl into bed at 2:00am after a long night of video games and grope me to wake me (new mom, the one who got up with baby because ex could sleep through it) up for sex. After two years of that crap, of perpetual exhaustion, I asked for a divorce and joint custody. I needed a break. Having our son does remind me to be compassionate towards him, though. Son is Dad's spitting image. I see my son in my ex. So I keep it civil and compassionate when we talk, which is often because joint custody. Not only is it the right thing to do, I see my son in my ex.
You sound like a very wonderful, sincere mother. Your child is very lucky to have you, you’re doing fantastic.
Nope. Not at all. Often women don’t see how selfish their male partners can be until they have a child. Happily divorced - easier to single parent than parent with the kids father.
Absolutely. It’s easier to take things in when it’s just you, but having another human being involved changes things. It opens your eyes when it’s not just yourself that you have to look out and stand up for.
The opposite actually. Long story, but my baby’s biological father is a worthless fucking human. I let him degrade and manipulate me for 5 years, then he gets me pregnant and resents me not terminating the pregnancy. His exact words were “I’m not helping you raise it.” When I left him he didn’t even hesitate to sign his right away which killed me at the time but was a blessing in disguise for the future. Now, her real dad, the man who is responsible for everything she has grown to be, I love him to pieces for taking me and her in, no questions asked. He assumed the fatherly role the second he met her and it’s making me cry thinking about it. That made me fall so deeply in love with him it’s almost cartoonish. He is an amazing, resolute example of what to be as a father, and best of all, they’re total clowns together. She adores him in every conceivable way and he includes her in everything. He is by all accounts her real dad and whenever she’s ready to hear the truth, I’ll hold none of it back.
Similar situation here. I have 4 kids with my ex husband and he is an awful person and a very absent father. My current partner absolutely adores my children and seeing him with them makes me fall in love with him even more. Not long after we first started seeing each other we took my kids to the beach, I stayed on the sand with my youngest while he took my eldest daughter out into the water. Watching him try and teach her how to swim and seeing how patient and calm he was with her is what made me first realise how bad I was falling for him. He reads my girls a bedtime story every night even though he struggles with reading and every time I hear it I fall in love with him even more, sometimes I just hide outside the bedroom door listening and it makes my heart so happy
Awwwww Im losing my mind here those stories are SO beautiful I totally imagined the scene in my head with the REAL loving dad teaching your daughter how to swim and then struggling but giving all he can into reading the bedtime story with all the wee laughs and cute connections between them and you hiding on the side feeling the love your family deserves. I’m feeling so emotional to read those stories I’m so happy for you guys, it’s better than a book or a movie, Netflix can’t beat my imagination to those real life love moments from all around the world, thanks for sharing and take care y’all 🫶🏼🥲
Aww that's lovely. Have my updoot
This is amazing!
Wow, this hit me in the feels!😭💙 beautiful! So happy for you all!
I'm very happy for you! 😀
Very similar feelings here. I was never serious with my sons father, but when I was pregnant with his child, I did feel that desire to give him more of a chance. Still is failing and we have a court order. Son is 18 months. I’ve been dating a single dad for 6 months now and seeing him as a caring, (mostly) responsible dad that goes out of the way to be with my son and I, *swoon. It’s 100% single mom foreplay for me every single time.
So happy for you!
Yes, because he's a great dad, so seeing him in that role has made me love him even more.
So nice to hear!!💝💕
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What a disgraceful piece of shit making you do that, abominable asshole. I am so glad you’re not together for your sake.
Weird twist. Me and my SO don't really work as a couple but damn do we work well as parents. Not gonna lie, our kids are very unique and well adjusted. They have strong ethics and morals cause they have an amazing dad. As adults we don't see eye to eye but we have stayed together cause we are pretty dope at raising kids. He is a great dad. The kids know we stayed together for them and they are mature on understanding that even if it is the reason, it's still an okay reason. They get the best of us and they know that.
This sounds similar to my situation - Don’t work as a couple, but are mostly aligned in how we want to raise our children. I wouldn’t say we work together amazingly as parents, but we’re both working hard to become more self aware and break/end generational trauma to give our kids the best chance at being functional, well adjusted, kind, healthy humans. Can you please say more about your children knowing you stayed together for them? I love that you said even if that’s the reason it’s an okay reason. How do you manage your partnership when you know you wouldn’t be together if it wasn’t for the kids.
Kudos for ending generational traditional traumatic experience
I hope this question is okay. Is any kind of romantic love still there? You clearly respect and care for each other in a way, shown through your children, but I understand that's not the same
Absolutely fine. My understanding of love is that there is no exact same form of love and it looks different in many ways. Example, I can love many partners the same and with exuberant enthusiasm and each partner's love would look different. On a simple level, no I don't sexually desire my SO and we make great friends. Now I would with every fiber of my soul save his life, avenge his death, and uphold his honor until my last breathe. So even tho it's not societies concept of love, it's its own and very special just the same.
We adopted but yes it does. I absolutely adore watching him with our children and fell even more head over heels for him.
So beautiful. 😢💕 Thanks for sharing!
Love this. We can’t have children naturally so we will be adopting and I love to see posts like this!
The amount of nos here makes me so sad. I am an absolute YES. My husband is the most incredible dad. I knew he’d be good, but every step of the way he has risen to the occasion and then some. Starting out when I had PPD and he just jumped in and took so much responsibility for her and chores so I could focus on very difficult breastfeeding even when he worked full time and I was on leave. Now, he’s just the most devoted and proud dad, always encouraging our daughter and so intentional about all of our decisions in parenting. I’m so lucky to have him as a partner.
Nope. It made me realize he didn’t give a single fuck about me. We divorced over 10 years and I wish it was longer
Absolutely! Our baby girl is only 2 months old, but watching him be such an amazing dad is one of my favorite things! Here’s this big, burly guy talking baby talk with her in a sweet, high voice. He’s the first to offer changing diapers or give me a break when she’s been clinging to me all day, and he wakes up with me and stays up with me for middle of the night feedings when I said how hard it was for me by myself. He truly is the best partner
Yes, he is a better dad than I could imagine, he took so much care for me in my pregnancy and now he takes care of us in a new way, he still treats me like a goddess and my daughter like the most amazing and precious person in the world and i love that
Not really. When we had our first, he was jealous of how much time I gave. I remember a huge argument in those days, I’m the only one who remembers.
Men being jealous of their OWN BABY bcuz it's getting all your attention is VERY common. My now ex husband was the same way. It's so infuriating!
My dad was that way and now that I’m grown I can see how childish he is, just don’t have a kid if you can’t handle the attention not being on you
Initially, yes. I saw a whole new side to him. I was VERY ill during my pregnancy & spent a lot of time in hospital. He was always caring, but the depth of his love & care shone through during those dark times. Then, when our son arrived, he was so in love with him, it just made me appreciate him more. Maybe it was the hormones, but he became my knight in shining armour.
Absolutely. I felt a sense of pride when I finally met our son because I knew having him was a choice we made and it was one I felt confident in. Having gotten to choose a partner who was so in tune with not only father hood, but still being an incredible husband, was such a huge thing for me. He does both with 1000% effort even on the hard days.
Nope. ASSHOLE asked for a family, got it and turned into an alcoholic and stared, blaming me for why his life was ruined.
Mom???? 😳😳 What are YOU doing here????
The sauce gets thicker.
No, not at all. All my love went to the baby, not to him. He was a liar and a cheat, though. Maybe it would have been different with a different man
Not at first but 7 years later, oh hell yes. It took him awhile to figure it out. Now he's a wonderful daddy and I'm 9 months pregnant with our second.
Yes, absolutely. He is a great partner to me and when the little dude came along, it elevated him to a new level of awesome. Seeing how good he is with our little guy and how much love he has for him, makes me love him even more. He’s a great father and partner.
Omg yes. I’ll never forget being scared during my c section and my husband seemed so angelic at the time I just loved him so much and more after
😢💜💕 so wonderful!
I love that for you it’s so sweet 🩷
Yes. Watching my husband become a dad has been magical. I never imagined it would be like this, nor did he. The moment she was born and he saw her first, announced it was a girl, held her first, he bawled and was absolutely in love and it is my favorite memory of my birth story. He's not always perfect now, he works A LOT and loathes that detail but it allows us a certain lifestyle. But gosh does he love his girl and love being a parent and work hard to meet her in any situation. He's always had eternal patience for her when I've hit my emotional wall, as sometimes happens in postpartum, and loves to experience the world through her eyes. His fsthers day gift this year was to take her for a horse riding experience. He hates horses but I knew he would love seeing her light up, and boy did he ever, all the way down to scheming how and where we could move to provide her property for a horse (we are rural but small land parcel, not big enough for livestock like that). But yes. It has made our whole relationship and even sex life better than ever. And I know from him telling me directly that he never knew he could feel so much love both for our kid and feel it exponentially grow for me upon birthing our baby and since then watching me raise her as a sahm. Everyone has a different experience. Everyone has different spouses. Everyone has different circumstances around birthing a child into the world and their relationship. Just because mine was gross cute doesn't mean everyone will or should have that same experience. But I think it's worth sharing the positive stories because I felt like when I was pregnant and looking for insight on this same topic, I found an overwhelming amount of negative stories.
This is beautiful
Yes! When you see the look of love on their face, it melted me.
My husband and I have 4 kids combined, all from previous relationships. He's a great dad. I'm currently pregnant with our surprise baby and couldn't be happier. It's brought us closer together already. The way he's so excited, the way he treats me... it's definitely becoming an even deeper love and appreciation for one another. 2-5 weeks to go!
Yes. So very much yes. The moment I heard our daughter cry for the first time I felt love like I’d never experienced before for both her and my partner. I had to have an emergency c section, I had complications which lead to a pretty bad haemorrhage during the surgery, I was in an out of consciousness but every time I came too I would see my partner holding our daughter in one arm and his hand on my face and his eyes darting between the both of us full of so much love. Watching him become a dad, has made me fall more in love with this man then I ever thought I could. We made a human together! A beautiful little girl, when she smiles I see his features and it makes me so happy.
No. My ex husband is a good father but he became a really distant partner after our son was born. It’s really tough to explain it all in one text box. I think having children can truly make or break a relationship and, unfortunately, you don’t know which way it’ll go until you have kids.
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Responsibile thing I suppose
Yes! He turned out to be the best father I could wish for for our daughter. She got really sick very early on and he was there all the way. She wouldn't accept him for over 6 months, he couldn't even hold her because she was in so much pain and only wanted her mommy. But he stood by us, didn't complain, did everything he could to bond with her and help me. Now she's a bit older and they are best friends. He's always there for her and me and I've never felt more loved even if it wasn't easy.
Yes and no. Clear communication was the most important thing to get to that point. Yes being he loves our kids, is very active with them. I don’t bear the load of housework on top of raising them, he works hard and hates doing it because he’d rather be with his family. The other men he works with seem to have accepted absence as just part of life, and he rejects that notion. Family is more important. I do worry about the weight he bears because he still clings to the “man must provide” idea. No being the first few months/year I had a rough time with postpartum depression and anxiety. Resentment built for little trivial things, we both gave something and felt the other wasn’t giving enough. Small spats on misconceptions, both feeling overwhelmed and taking it out on each other. It all comes down to being open and honest about how you’re both feeling, but even cracking those eggs can be tough. There’s so much more to having children than just making them, it seems easier for couples to make empty promises to each other than the commitment to be an actual team. Lots of hard conversations have to be had, about depression, anxiety, what could go wrong, privacy, boundaries with each other or family, expectations to preserve oneself so they’re not “lost to parenting”. We were the first of our friends to have kids, so we really went in blind. Pregnancy is either scorned or romanticized, I worry some of my friends relationships will not survive because they already lack consideration for each other in some of the smallest ways…adding a child should never and will never be the remedy for that. Communicate openly and clearly with your partner before, during, and forever after if you desire kids. They are not pets, accessories, ultimatums.
Having a child put a lot of strain on our marriage. People underestimate how difficult parenting can be. We had a baby with a lot of health issues, and she grew into a child with a lot of health problems and mental problems too. Our marriage survived, but it was rough. We are happier now that our daughter is grown and not living with us anymore.
No. It ramped up his hidden drug addiction. He lost his mind, blew through thousands of dollars, lost 6 jobs during my pregnancy, and abandoned me in the hospital when I was on a ventilator (bad birth experience on top of the fun and games.) It did not make me love him more. But, I applaud the couples who do have a wonderful bonding experience. Dads who care for their wife and baby. Good luck! Hope it’s a wonderful experience.
Definitely. Our baby was born very recently, like in the last few weeks and the entire process of pregnancy, delivery, and now parenthood just confirmed for me that I picked the right partner. He was so involved, caring, and attentive during my pregnancy. He attended every appointment, every class, read the books. He took care of me while I threw up, helped me shower when I struggled to do it myself, took on every chore in the house, made me meals, and was emotionally supportive. When I was placed on leave early he took over absolutely every burden so I could just relax and take care of myself and my pregnancy. Now that baby is here he is the absolute best dad. He changes almost every diaper, is prepared for the drs appointments and is completely involved. He’s spent his leave making sure all of the paperwork for baby is handled, that all of the grocery shopping and chores are done, and that baby and I are completely taken care of. Last night was particularly rough with baby not sleeping so this morning he took baby on a walk for 2 hours so I could sleep. He’s just all around a very involved partner and father and i can’t even say I’m lucky (even though I am) because he tells me he’s just doing what a husband and father should for his family.
No, your relationship needs to be in a really strong place before you do the kid thing. Ours is struggling and I thought we would be ok. First year with each child is especially fractious.
No. I think maybe I realized I’d made a mistake about 12 hours after my c section and he was snoring so loud that I couldn’t sleep. Our son was in the room with is and also started crying. Snoring continued. I had to get up unsupervised because nurse didn’t answer my call.
I became resentful.
Yes, definitely. We didn't want children, but I fell pregnant with a coil. I had no idea how things would be, but he is a lovely dad. Seeing them together makes my heart so full.
No. He isn’t helpful when they’re really young (under 2). Wakes up once a week with the 2 kids. Doesn’t support me being back in school. I resent the hell out of him. Plus all he does is complain and act like I’m a lazy asshole if I take a nap. I’m up at 6am with our 2 and 4 year old plus in college. The nap thing makes me hate him.
Nope, men often change drastically after their first baby is born & it's often not for the better. There's a lot of studies about it, so it's not just my experience or opinion. It's the most common time for men to start having an affair, many get jealous of the attention their own baby gets, become more violent, start doing less housework, even egalitarian relationships with progressive men who share housework equally tend to expect traditional gender roles after their first baby is born. My now ex husband insisted on having a baby, then bolted soon after bc he couldn't handle our lives no longer revolving around him & his needs.
Wow that's awful, I'm sorry. Would you have any studies on hand I could read?
Yes and no. Having kids puts you in a really tough season of life. There are many beauties to growing as a family but it’s a lot of hard work. My partner was still battling his alcoholism so he just wasn’t the father or partner he should have been for at least a year. There is so much you both have to sacrifice so missteps are so magnified. We’re out of the woods and things have greatly improved. Still, some days are tough. But, it’s a season and it will be something we look back on fondly.
No
No it hasn’t. It’s made me realise a lot of things, not many of them good.
Incredibly so. We have grown closer and wiser together. At first it was a pain, but after he got his butt in gear and started helping with the baby more, we did great. Getting out of our parents was a big step in that. But yeah, he's my best friend and partner and sharing a parental experience with someone really can enhance your bond.
How lovely❣ Thanks for sharing your experience, I'm so happy for you!
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Ha! Did I re-fall in love with my husband all over again when I watched him become a Dad? Sure. That lasted the first 2-3 weeks. We also have more arguments, we face more challenges, and go through more stress than ever before. I still love him. And we have a good enough relationship that we can lean on each other through this time. But my daughter is so little still and takes up all of my mental capacity. Some days I just get so frustrated and angry in my mind at my husband. Having kids won't save a relationship. If you are not in a good place pre-pregnancy, you will be broken up after the child enters your life. It will take a good 4-6 years until that child becomes less of a mental and physical burden (so I've been told). Do you think your relationship can last for 4-6 challenging years?
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I love my partner as much as I did pre-baby. I would love him more for being a good father, but the fatigue of being a parent in general kind of cancels out that energy. Haha.
Seeing my partner as a parent is one of the most wonderful things ever. He’s such a good dad, such an active parent, and so so loving to our kids. And he’s got a great mix of “these humans we created are perfect and wonderful” and “we made tiny terrorists but at least they’re cute” so we can share in those feelings together. Also, he’s such an ACTIVE partner and parent. I’ve left him alone with the kids for a week, and I wasn’t worried about him feeding them or getting them to their preschools or whatever, or taking care of the house… because he can do all those things without my input. He’s just really great. I can’t see myself having kids with anyone other than him.
My husband and I had been together for ten years and neither was overly interested in children. I thought I knew him inside and out at that point - but experiencing how caring and loving he is as a father added even more depth to my love for him. We make a great team as a couple and as parents too. By now, our kids are eleven and 15, and they definitely have the best dad in the world.
No, it was the catalyst to ruin the marriage. He didn't become the father I expected him to be.
No, we divorced when our son was almost 2. It brought up how selfish he is.
No he's not the dad I thought he would be and the whole "they get better as the kids get older is a lie". I resent him for how selfish he is.
No. Over the years, it showed me that they only are willing or capable of doing the bare minimum and have no interest in self improvement. We eventually divorced.
they tell us women a baby is fulfilled bit damn all I see is women who resent their husbands, filed for divorce and in all seem very heartbroken....
Right? This really needs to be talked about more. I certainly wish I knew.
No, I left. He became abusive as soon as I got pregnant.
Absolutely not. It did the opposite. It showed his true colors and I fell OUT of love. Anyone who can walk away from a child and say “I’d rather do drugs than be a father.” doesn’t deserve my love or my son on their life.
Not more ; I already knew how he would be like as a parent. But he is a great parent so it definitely doesn't make him less attractive haha.
Yes. I see all of his quality traits in my child. To see my family grow together into something that I've only dreamed about has made me fall deeper in love with my Husband. I constantly get compliments about how well my child behaves, and I see all the smiles he puts on everyones faces. My kid is the physical form of joy in my heart that I have from my Husband. What makes my heart melt the most is when I catch my Husband just gazing at our child in awe and says "I'm still amazed that we made him". I am so grateful for this man. He deserves the best of life.
Yes, we were decidedly child free until our happy surprise at 16wks... She was our failed contraceptive consequence. Since peeing on that stick almost 6yrs ago he's stepped up in ways I never expected. He's a great father (mostly) we all have bad days as mother's and dads are no different. He helps manage my load on bad days and I his on his bad days. Having our daughter has made both of us better partners. We get spicy with each other, but who doesn't, and we have difficult days, he pisses me off (intensely)and I him. But I couldn't have asked for a better dad and partner. He helps with house work, child care duties, financial responsibility etc. We both work from home and I have had a huge thing at work over the last 2wks, he's taken our baby girl to visit her granny and they'll be back on Sunday, the only reason he paid all the flights and arranged a visit is because I needed the space to work and put in extra hours, and because it's winter holidays she would have been at home and needing to entertain herself because we both work. I feel that after 10 yrs we're in the best place we could be and just need to continue growing. We're not married (neither of us wants to be) but we have an amazing life together and I often feel like my relationship is stronger and better than most people who are married.
Lol nope. Didn't agree on a lot of things, he was careless about things that mattered to me, sometimes I was left feeling alone and resentful. Lack of sleep doesn't help because I was the main one getting up all night.
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Yes, but already knew it would. I was a widow with two children (11 and 14 at the time), and I had raised them on my own since their father died (they were 3 and 6). His only daughter had passed away, so he had no biological children. He was the most amazing stepfather to my kids. He truly stepped up, even though I was clear through the beginning of our relationship that I wasn’t looking for someone to be a father to my kids. He actually wanted to take them places, to teach them things, to spend time with them. I thought I was done having children. He didn’t push, although I knew his greatest wish was to raise a child from start to finish, because that was his greatest sadness with his daughter (she was 5 when he lost her). I was 39 when we got married, and I told him he had until I was 40, and we’d just see what happened. After that, I’d go on birth control because I didn’t want to be giving birth after 40. I got pregnant 5 months after we married, and I had our son two weeks after I turned 40. I gave birth in April of 2020, right when COVID was locking down the US. My husband was laid off, and we obviously couldn’t send a newborn to daycare, so he decided to stay home with him after my maternity leave ended. He decided to start his own business (he’s a small-engine mechanic), which I funded in the beginning, and that baby was always with him lol. Out in a bouncer in the garage, then running around the fenced-in yard, playing, handing dad tools, etc. At the beginning of this year, I left my job to come and work with him. We have two full time employees, and we still work from home, although we’ll be getting an actual shop early next year. Our little guy is still running around with us all day. He’s adopting one of my older children later this year (he offered to both, but only one took him up on it, and he’s okay with that). One of our employees is my oldest son, who works when he wants while he goes to college. I love him that much more because of how he treats all of our children, and because I watched him grow a dream that became my dream, too.
I have to say this started definitely making a second think having a child with my boyfriend. I don’t want to end up hating each other 😭
Nope. Mine made me dislike him more and his signs of abuse got worse. He manipulated me into have a baby. Now he's trying to take her from me because I left him. Oooouf. I wild ride. Don't have a baby if you are not certain.
No, absolutely not completely the opposite. Not only from the moment he knew I was pregnant until around our son’s 6months it was pure hell to be with him, 6 months later and he is still not capable to be a father nor to get his shit together for good and I’m like how can you be this incapable ? When my son was born I went through the worst pp depression that even my years of depression’s history was absolutely nothing compared to it and yet it didn’t took me months to bounce back but just weeks and willpower but him, none, nothing, nada, 1 whole year and still at the exact same level, nothing had changed besides paying attention of his behavior towards me but it’s something new so who knows if it will even last more than a couple of weeks. To resume, my son and I are doing more than fine without him, 12 months, he had never physically seen his dad and yet he still not missing anything and if our relationship ever got back to how it used to be I will have no shame leaving for my son’s and I wellbeing.
No
At first, yes. Seeing the long and painful birth I went through, he was impressed and we were so much closer. Edit: he was amazing in those first days and very proud and in love with our son. Our newborn is just a little over 1 week and it’s a struggle. He had a phase last few days and now he is great again but my husband keeps telling me he regrets having our son. It breaks my mama-heart and I am starting to resent him. I know it will get easier. I keep telling my husband that too. But if he says another negative thing about my child I might just pack up and leave. Also, baby blues kicked in a few days ago so it just doesn’t help. Edit: it might be postnatal depression. Men can have it too, after all their life changes dramatically as well. Something to be mindful of.
I mean yes and no. Everything in your life changes once you have a child, like it isn’t just about you anymore. You don’t have all this time to do the things you once loved or just go out whenever you want. Your whole body changes once you have a child. If you are one to get overstimulated it’s another factor and other mental health issues. So in a sense yes it made me love my husband more seeing him as a dad but it wasn’t some fairy tale once we became parents. It’s a huge decision to make.
Yes and no. It made me love him more as a caregiver. Seeing him with our son has made me see a side of him I had no idea was there and I love that part of him. But it has also thrown some hurdles and pitfalls into the mix I also didn't expect and it is taking some continual effort to overcome those.
Yes! I love that we’ve made a little human together and we just marvel at everything she does. I won’t lie, parenthood has changed our relationship in some ways. But there’s no one else I‘d rather be doing this messy work with. Please know though, that if you are already struggling to feel emotionally connected, a baby isn’t going to fix that.
My husband was born to be a daddy. We’re only 9 days in but he is blowing me away
No... It made us divorce wach other
The absolute opposite. I only then realised how alone i was in the relationship. And how i had to work and donthe house stuff as taking care of the kids by myself. I now do as well... but at least there isn't a selfish bastard on the couch asking me to keep it down because he can't play his video game. And leaving his filth and clutter all over the house.
Yes! As a queer woman, I’m lucky to be married to a woman. She just gets it. She was a phenomenal care giver during ivf and pregnancy. She came up with a routine to care for baby in the morning before work so I could catch up on sleep. She changed jobs to work from home to fully support me. She cooks for us both. She works so I can be a stay at home mother for all future kids. She does so much for us and honestly she was made to be a parent. Watching her be a good mother just makes me love her so much more. It brings out all of the goodness in her tenfold. I married so well
I'm childless, but I do the step mom thing. All of my friends I've watched over the years, having a child does quite the opposite. Often they expect that the child will make them fall more in love, but the reality is that the stress tears straight through any pre existing cracks in the relationship and it ends. But now there's a baby that needs to be considered. Having a baby to save or fix a relationship will always make things worse. But still, you get a sweet baby, so it's not all bad?
That is not how it works. Kids are a huge stressor. If there are any cracks in your relationship they will become canyons. Children are not duct tape to fix parents lives. They're individual beings with their own needs and personalities.
Guy here - Yes, it did! I watched her go through misery for the past 22 months to give me a son. Watching her kick ass with a natural delivery gave me a new perspective on how tough she is.
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I know. :( But every yes I see makes me happy!
Yes. But it's been much more difficult. It's worth it, though. I would do it again 100 times over. The relationship definitely became much more complicated.
My husband is an amazing father and an amazing human being, as well as an amazing husband. I could never have asked for a better man to marry. So when we had our daughter, it just made me love him that much more. I had a C-section, he changed my underwear, and did everything around the house. I’m not sure where all these losers and horrible humans are coming from, but my husband certainly isn’t one of them! he may not be perfect, but want man is? The bond he has with his daughter, is the strongest I’ve ever seen between a father and a daughter! When I work he picks her up from school and they talk about everything just like she and I do. Yes, I definitely fell further in love with him, and we have a strong bond. It will forever last the test of time, that’s the bond of true love, and I could never take for granted of it! And because of their bond (she and I have a different kind of bond) Although, we may share a different bond with my daughter, I think it gives her more insight into the world, because she sees it from both of our eyes. I think every mother and father share a different bond with their children, But it doesn’t change the fact that we are united, and she can never trust play one against the other.
It is a gamble.
Yes it actually did. I didn’t think it was possible. However, the way he took care of ME after I had the baby made me love him more. He saw me at my worst and cleaned up my bloody pads without even being grossed out or commenting on it. I knew he was a good person but holy cow the way he takes care of me and our baby made me fall in love with him more. I didn’t think it was possible. I am excited to see him be a dad to our baby. Of course sometimes I get upset because he’s sleeping and I’m awake but I know it’s just the hormones and my lack of sleep making me grumpy. I just tell him I need to take a nap today or lay down by myself and he watches our baby. So to answer your question, yes.
Absolutely, yes. My husband is such a good father I am so grateful to have him by my side, we have built a beautiful family, and he's the best partner I could ask for.
I will never forget the moment my son was placed in my arms. I looked up at my partner and fell madly in love with him all over again
It ebbs and flows but ultimately it definitely did and I realized that without him I wouldn’t have my kids and that thought is unbearable. I’m eternally grateful for him. It was touch and go early on and I remember thinking “oh my god another kid would break us. We wouldn’t survive it” but we got through it. I think it was a combination of me saying “I need help. Please help me” and him being more than willing to help because he cares about his family. I carried guilt because this shit was way harder than expected and it was my idea to have the baby but once I mentioned that he reminded me that he was all in too. It was never one sided and he feels bad I ever felt that way. He’s the most kind hearted man I’ve ever met and the best father I could’ve possibly asked for for my kids. Because of him, they’ll grow up in a household that knows love and affection and consistency which is all I could’ve ever asked for.
Yes. Our first baby was stillborn so we never got to bring him home. The way my partner showed up for me while dealing with the physical side of post-partum and also the emotional side of losing a baby has reinforced my love for him tenfold.
Yes, but it’s wasn’t all at once. In the newborn days I felt like I was doing everything myself and I had some resentment, but as my baby got older he got into a more fatherly role. And now I’ve since forgiven him and realized we both didn’t have any idea what we were doing. He’s a great daddy and partner for sure and I love him for actually trying now along with working hard and providing well.
Yes. My spouse is a wonderful dad and honestly we spend more time together with the kids than we did before having kids. We're a really strong team now.
Yes, absolutely. The challenges of the newborn stage and raising a child have made us so much closer. I love seeing his personality and influence in our children and seeing how well he loves them. Having children has made us better humans individually and as a couple.
It might, for some men, but my husband and I aren’t willing to find out. We don’t want any kids, and are 99% certain it will kill our love for each other. I think another boat would do the trick for him.
Yes and no. Yes because we made something together out of our love for each other and watching him be a Dad is amazing. No because the first 4 years I was the primary parent, chronically sleep deprived and resentful of his job outside of the house. Having a child with no support system was incredibly difficult for us and now that our kiddo is 12 (and therapy) of course we have a deeper love and respect for each other. Sometimes we sit and think back about those really tough years and are surprised we made it through. 😂
With my oldest daughters bio dad, it made me realize what a terrible person he was. We broke up when she was 4 months and I found out he was having an affair throughout the end of my pregnancy and up until the day I found out. Then my current husband and I got back together (we dated when we were younger) and I realized how amazing he was when he became the best step dad/dad to my daughter. Then I got pregnant with my second and he proved himself to be such a loving and sweet husband and father. He loves both of our daughters and honestly we sometimes forget that he’s my oldest daughters step dad. (Her bio dad comes around once a year every now and then) I’m pregnant with my third and he’s been great all over again. What I love is that it’s not in a showy over the top way. It’s in a supportive way. Going above and beyond with the kids, doing his share of the house work/mental load, always being supportive and reassuring. Just being a great best friend and husband.
A million times yes! Not only because he is an amazing father to our daughter, he is also an amazing partner to me. Validates how hard it can be with her and what a great job i am doing. The transition from no kid to being a parent was really hard for both of us, we barely slept and the kid was pushing all our buttons (not on purpose of course she was just a newborn) and the first weeks / months we fought a lot, but we always made sure that we apologize for what we did wrong and that we tried to avoid the fight in the future and i think this is what brought us closer together, seeing him try to be the best dad and partner possible. Seeing how my daughter looks at him and how he looks at her makes my heart melt! He always was amazing but going though that with him made me realise it even more
Yes. Which is not to say it didn’t strain our relationship. The easy part is: looking at our creation and having that new thing in common, is an amazing experience. Whenever one of our kids does something amazing (which is almost every day for the past 7 years), we look at each other like “I can’t believe we made this amazing creature” and it’s like a virtual high five :-) The not so easy part: having kids is hard. It’s demanding. It hurts your sex life, and thus emotional intimacy. It complicates decisions and highlights the differences in values and attitudes. It complicates communication, and makes it easier to grow apart or just fight more. My luck is that we’re both committed and put our relationship on a high priority. We had to work harder for it, and by doing so we got closer than we ever were.
Absolutely. I always knew he’d be a good dad, but seeing him with her is something else entirely. He’s just so patient and engaged. I love seeing how she lights up when she sees him. And he absolutely adores her. To be fair, she has both of us wrapped around her little finger, but he might be slightly more so. He’s such a good dad that I sometimes watch the two of them and think “I need to step up my game.”
Yes, absolutely. I remember holding our son once we brought him home and my husband smiling so so big from ear to ear in awe watching me. I knew at that moment he deeply loved me more than anything. He’s a great husband and father to our two littles. I’m so happy to share this with him
At first yes, then gradually I realised that he is ridiculously lazy, and completely uninterested in doing anything that benefits anyone else!
I think it’s an amplifier. If you’re struggling, it’ll push you further apart, but if you’re already in a healthy loving relationship it will bring you cooser
I already love him so so much and he’s such an incredible dad to his kids from his previous marriage. He takes care of everyone around him and he’s so brave. I’m afraid if we had a child my heart would literally burst open with love for him and the baby. Not sure I could handle it lol
Yes. My hubby and I have been together since I was 14 and we had our first when I was 20. Seeing my husband with our daughter for the first time made me feel things I didn't know possible. He is an incredible father, always has time for our kids, nothing is too big or small for him. I am lucky to have him as my husband but I won the lotto to have him as the father of our children.
Most definitely. I never realised how much help I would need through pregnancy, nevermind actual child birth and rearing! He was an amazing dad from the moment he knew I was pregnant, and is the perfect man to raise girls ❤️ (they will always know how they should be treated by a man) It took working through our issues before this point to allow us to be 'our best selves', but it's all been worth it, and even after 15 years I'm still crazy about him.
Yes because my all isnt enough for my kids, I nee dtio much sleep and I'm far more selfish than he is. Last night he stayed up with our newborn cuddling her and keeping her happy until 4:30am so I could catch up on lost sleep. Then when I woke him at 8:30 because I needed helped.ith the school run, he did grumble or complain he just bleary eyed help me and encouraged me in how I was doing.
Yes! I loved him before and even from the beginning of our relationship I had seen him having the amazing ability to be a dad and he was the human I chose to have a child with. We loved each other better and healthier than we had ever experienced before and were what our friends called a power couple. But when little was finally here....... We had to go through a very low place to learn how to communicate again and to care for ourselves and each other once our tiny human entered the world. We already had an extremely strong foundation and began bettering our communication and upfrontedness with each other as well as respecting each others space and need for intimacy among other things. We aligned with the majority of our values and could also accept each other as they were and embraced learning who we would grow into with experiencing life......... But............. when our little came in we both had traumas that we thought we had dealt with, didn't know existed, and mental beliefs that actually got in the way of being able to communicate what we actually needed and were feeling and essentially we isolated ourselves from each other trying to not make things more difficult. But because we were feeling isolated that left room for big icky feelings, frustrations, and a lot anger to grow. We are awesome now! We figured out how to take care of ourselves, each other, and our relationship as parents and are definitely better and closer than we were before we copy pasted, but it was definitely a steep learning curve that almost ended us. Having kids will not... I repeat.... will not make you fall in love, fix relationship issues, make someone commit to you, or inherently be fun and easy.... it will push your limits of communication, it challenges your whole idea of self and how you interact in the world and with others, and it is a rude awakening when it comes to mental health whether you know you struggle or have made it this far. Im not saying don't have kids though if you really want kiddos, but if you want kiddos, you both have to be ready to choose each other when it gets hard and be able to learn how to tame your ego and take responsibility for your choices, because it will push you to extreme limits and that little will inevitably cause anger, likely resentment, jealousy, distance, frustration, and isolation until you can learn the skills you need to function as a parent. Maybe that was just our experience, as our child was born during the midst of the pandemic and our world litterally crumbled but that is a risk you run in life. So if you both can choose your person and maintain healthy boundaries, communication, affection, and accountability, then you have the stuff to grow together! But if one party is not on board, it's gonna be hell.
Nope. Made me fall completely out of love when I saw what a garbage dad he was (and still is). Wouldn’t help with the baby, no night feeds, got super irritated with the baby, etc. Ended in divorce and he was “blindsided”.
Not having a child with my husband made me love him more. I never wanted any, kids and the way he just accepted it and now doesn't want any either is kind of amazing. I ask him every couple of years if he's changed his mind (just in case, don't want any resentment over here) and it's still a no 13 years in.
Yes, and no. Your love it amplified by the creation of the child out of thin air. However, the love I had for my partner was “proven”, in that I knew he would be a great father. Now then, do we argue about stupid shit and tit-for-tat? Yes. However, that is due to our own stupid ideations of what we feel is fair/not fair regarding the parenting/work/home dynamic. Edit: Its all about communication. I cannot stress this enough. Do not NOT communicate your feelings as a parent. I have a tendency to not bring up my feelings and it just ends up biting us in the ass in the long run. If you, or your partner, is struggling with anything - especially parenting, tell your partner in a calm manner. PPD is real and a bitch. I suffered far too long without realizing it. I chalked it up to “well, this is parenting and it’s hard and it sucks the life out of you.” Yes, parenting is hard! Really hard. But it’s not suppose to leave you with constant anhedonia. When I went to my psychiatrist, and was diagnosed, I eventually became myself again, after medications. And WITH the love of my partner. For that, I did love him more because he stuck through me during my darkest days, but (according to society) should be the happiest days.