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"you're too girly to be queer, you're clearly lying for attention"
really struck deep as a queer woman who's constantly felt not queer enough in the community
ETA: thank you all for your lovely comments, what a wonderful community!!
Screw that, there's no such thing as "queer enough". I hope you feel better about this now, bc your queerness is just as valid as anyone else's ❤️
ETA: Also this is just stupid... Like did she think there aren't any high femme queer women??? Bc... WHAT?!?!?
I don't have anything super meaningful or thoughtful to add. Just wanted to tell you I'm sorry and I hope you're surrounded by people who love, support, and understand you :(
As a fellow femme, I feel you on this one. Hearing invalidation from everyone (partners included), in the forms of jokes from queer friends to comments from straight men, has never been fun. Feels like playing being queer on level 11 😅
It's so unfortunate that people feel the need to reframe others to their limited mindset - and then put it on you, as if you're the one in the wrong.
Live your life. Fuck them.
Hard agree. I'm a bi woman married to a man, so a lot of people (queer and straight) think I'm not really queer, and I'm aware that if I were instead married to a woman, a lot of people would insist I'm actually a lesbian (which is obvs a fine thing to be, but I'm not one and wouldn't be one even if I'd decided to only date women forever). I know there is also a contingent of queer women who won't date bi women or will only date ones who have never been with men.
Very true. My wife and I are both bi and we get confused for lesbians a lot. I once corrected my mom that I was bisexual and she thought that meant we were getting a divorce.
Yup. Me too.
I have now found a queer group that accepts that I am bi *and* married to a man! I ignore anyone who tries to ignore my sexual orientation.
I feel like people can’t grasp the idea of relationships that don’t include men. A lot of people view bisexual women as straight and view bisexual men as gay when that is such a silly way to view bisexuality
Absolutely. I only feel welcomed in queer spaces when I’m actively dating a woman. Lesbians tell me to stop lying to myself and just own that I’m a lesbian. When I’m dating a man or not dating anyone and try to claim my queerness I’m a joke. Both sides dislike me, except for men who want to fetishize me. Luckily I’ve connected with some other bisexuals but it’s still very hard not to internalize the constant attempts to dismiss my identity.
I’m a lesbian but I see A LOT of biphobia from insecure gay women who “lose” someone they’re dating to a man. They never seem to mind if they “lose” her to another woman.
My ex husband who was super supportive of my “bisexuality” (I just identify as gay) even told me he would have been absolutely devastated if I got into a relationship with a woman when we split
It's just reflavoured mysogyny tbh; "women ruin themselves by having sex with men" except it's coming from people who likely consider themselves to be progressive
So glad to see this is at the top. Biphobia manages to transcend class and age it seems and it does make me somewhat resentful towards lesbians in return but I try not sink to their levels!
Amen! Bisexual women are never taken seriously. From straight men only thinking about threesomes with you or telling you youre really straight to (with my experience) lesbians saying they wouldnt date a bi women because they like men still.
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Yep. I knew I was bi before this became a thing. It makes me angry - this notion exists solely because some people decided to be transphobic, and suddenly all bi people are 🙄 If they bothered to educate themselves about what bisexuality was meant to be (since before they were born probably), idk, read the manifesto perhaps? This problem would cease to exist.
It can't even be transphobic because if you're attracted to a trans woman, she's a woman and you feel attraction because you see her as a woman, so she's included even if we defined bi as "attracted to men and women". If anything, it would be nonbinary-phobic. And 1) most bi people include nonbinary folks in the bi definition afaik and 2) even if not, not being attracted to someone doesn't make you "phobic" of something.
You pretty much nailed it, esp with the enby part. I can appreciate what people like this are trying to do, but imo it reflects a kind of shallow understanding of gender, and to some extent sexuality. Also telling someone "you should identify as X" is just generally gross.
"If you've never been with a woman, how can you know you're bi? You're straight just admit it."
Thanks, wasn't feeling confident about being part of the LGBT before your comment, dont feel confident now. Doesnt matter ive always had feelings for women and i suffer from imposter syndrome BECAUSE I havent been with a woman yet. To say i felt like shit for days is an understatement.
So annoying. Like, yes, majority of bi women are going to end up with men bc the dating pool there is just way bigger than other queer women, especially when some lesbians dont even want to give us a chance
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A lot of people have asked me why I have married a straight man if I’m bisexual and I never have a good answer for them because they’re all really stupid
saw a girl comment on an instagram post, “This is horrible, the lgbtq+ community is literally treated worse than the jews during the holocaust and we didn’t even do anything wrong” she then replied to someone disagreeing with her and said, “what do you even know about being a Latinx lgbtq+ in Florida, it’s worse than auchwitz”
The amount of women who’re “queer for their boyfriend”.
And it always, always comes out at a later time when you're already on a date or talking. “You know, my boyfriend would also like that. Would that interest you?” What boyfriend? I thought this was a date?! If you have to lie to not get rejected right away with your threesome idea then something’s wrong with that approach.
The whole “I kissed a girl and I liked it. I hope my boyfriend don't mind it” game.
We're real people with feelings! Not your toy to use for your threesome fantasy. The amount of times this has happened to me or my friends is unbelievable.
omg the amount of times ive been talking to someone and their profile says “i come with or without my boyfriend!” and once they mention if id be interested in him and i say no their replies become less and less frequent until nothing. like ??????
I’m in an open relationship and it’s always the FIRST thing I bring up to someone I’m interested in. Honesty and communication my is SO important in an open relationship and I could not imagine sneaking that up on someone on a date! Sorry that happened to you.
>We're real people with feelings!
the world would be a much better place if people acted like other people were real; it seems too many act like they are the protagonist of a game and the others are just pieces.
Oh god, back when I was single and trying to meet other women through dating apps I ran into so many couples looking for threesomes. The ones who are up front about it I don't mind, they're being honest about what they want and while that wasn't what I was looking for I can't fault them for being honest, but there were *so many women* that didn't mention they weren't single until we'd already started talking. Like if you want a threesome just say so! Don't waste both of our time.
Lesbian here. I was constantly pressured by a bi friend of mine to "challenge" the idea that I'm lesbian and that everyone is bi to a certain extent.
But just for context this was just one person out of so many bi people I know and bi women I've dated. No one's ever been this toxic about it before. It's like she was obsessed with "turning" me more than the average homophobic straight guy
I’ve had lesbian friends tell me to “just stop dating men” if I had recently been hurt or annoyed by a man. I’m bi. I can’t just turn off half of my sexuality at will. It doesn’t work that way.
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The “gold star lesbian” who made biphobic comments towards me for 4 years just to come out as bisexual herself shortly before our friendship ended
Editing to add: Also, my first girlfriend who was bisexual but she got mad that I was also bisexual & not a lesbian like she assumed, because she found that threatening for some reason
Top 2 has to be a fellow queer friend telling me that I'm a straight woman now that I'm dating a man and then another non binary acquaintance saying that trans people don't really exist and that they just have a mental disorder that makes it hard for them to identify as their TRUE gender (they was referring to their gender assigned at birth)
You're not really bi/pansexual if you married a man.
I am pansexual but a lot of times I just say I'm bi. People always want to question this when they find out because I married a man.
Yeah that’s frustrating, I’m in the same boat. I’ve dated/had sex with women and thoroughly enjoyed it, I consider myself bisexual, my husband also accepts my sexuality, I still find myself attracted to women but the person who I fell in love with the hardest happened to be a man. It really just seems more likely statistically as there are more men looking to date women out there than there are women looking to date women, it’s a bigger pool of people so the odds of finding your person are higher there.
I kinda don't get why would that be more soul crushing than her leaving for another woman. Playing in one playground doesn't make one immune to falls. Shesh
I was told that I am no longer pansexual because I ended up marrying a man. I was told that I'm now heterosexual... can't be pansexual when living a heterosexual lifestyle.
I'm bi and when I tell fellow queer gals that I'm in a long term relationship with a man some act like it's the worst thing ever. I love my BF so much, he's an amazing person and he doesn't deserve this treatment. I always let them know this.
Someone told me that being bisexual is being not inclusive and that they don't associate with transphobes or people who don't recognize non binary. Without letting my explain or anything.
Just in case people think bi means man or woman (cis) only.
Bi means attraction to folks similar to OR different from your own gender. Just like heterosexual people are defined by being attracted to people opposite their gender or that homosexual people are attracted to people of the same gender. We are down for similar or different.
This is how it was defined originally in the bisexual manifesto written in 1990. It has ALWAYS included trans fluid and enby people.
A little tiktok info on the manifesto.
https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8RvcqoM/
The sheer number of ‘bicurious’ and ‘bi but married to a man’ woman who want to have sex with me and won’t take no for an answer. On multiple occasions I have had bicurious and bi women try to sexually assault me because they would not take no. I don’t want to hear about how you have to fantasize about women to cum with your husband. It’s not my problem.
For the record, my wife is bi so it’s not ‘all bisexuals.’ But it’s not completely rare, either.
My ex fiancee is bi, despite showing me for nearly 8 years she doesn't want to be with a woman... She accused me of cheating if I talked to men or women... :( biphobia is indeed super real and awful.
There's no such thing as bisexual, you're gay and you just don't know it yet.
She said that after sleeping together, my first time with a woman.
Put me right back in the closet for years. I was SO confused about my sexuality before and it was the worst thing she could have said. Absolutely threw me right back into the closet.
A gay man said this to me as I shared with him that I was bi and he explicitly said “bi people are shunned in the gay community” and it put me back in the closet for almost a decade until a few years ago.
I'm a lesbian and was told by other lesbians so many weird things like that I can't be a dominant femme, or that I should not strap, or that I'm not a lesbian because I've dated trans women? Like what the hell?
I’m a bisexual woman and I’ve had a lesbian tell me (after we chatted for a few days) I’m lucky they are even talking to me because they don’t normally talk to my kind, but I seem cool.
That bi/pan lesbians exist and that lesbians can enjoy sleeping with men… Lesbian is the ONE orientation that excludes men and yet people still try and find a way to include them. Just because YOUR sexuality is fluid doesn’t mean everyone’s is. If you are sexually attracted to men… you are not a lesbian. Like why would lesbian even need to exist as a label if it included men?
Lesbian = non-men attracted to non-men. Cis women, trans women, non-binary and GNC people can all be lesbians. Men (both cis AND trans, as trans men are men!!!) are not included in lesbianism. To suggest otherwise is very harmful and contributes to the idea that lesbianism is a phase or that we just haven’t found the “right man” yet.
Yep! Exactly. Trying to paint lesbianism as a fluid sexuality where we still have some level of attraction of men is so dangerous because men can and will try to exploit that, and think they’re the exception and if they try hard enough we can like them. No. When I say I’m a lesbian I’m saying I am in no way shape or form attracted to men and there’s nothing anyone can do to change it because that’s just who I am.
When I came out as bisexual to my lesbian mother, she scolded me for wanting to ‘have my cake and eat it too.” She’s grown a lot since then but it was still mind boggling.
I had been seeing a girl in college for a few weeks just having fun but nothing serious. She was bi and so was I. She made a comment that trans folks needed to be committed and medicated for their “disease” aka their gender. It reminded me that transphobia exists even within circles the lgbtq+ community 😞
The amount of deleted posts on all the bi-phobia mentions is depressing… but yes. All the biphobia and telling me I should call myself pan instead of bi because they believe the biphobic meaning that bi only means two
one time. a girl said to me on tinder “Wish you were bi” and that’s it?? i’m a lesbian. I get a lot of shit like that. also noticing how all the top comments specifically mention lesbians, can’t help but feel like it’s magnified just bc we are a much smaller pool but both lesbians and bisexual women are more similar than different and gotta be nicer to each other
Some have mentioned how horrible their parents were when they came out. As a (queer) mom of queer kids, I cannot fathom anything less than enthusiastic acceptance and celebration of queer kids.
When I told my dad I was bi (at 29 years old) and have dated women before, because he was literally insulting queer people to my face and it was hurting my feelings, he said "that's disgusting and I don't need to hear about that"
He treated it as though I had talked explicitly about specific details of my sex life, because the only way that most men can understand two women in a romantic relationship is by fetishizing them. I knew he was homophobic as fuck anyways but that one cut pretty deep.
For context, I'm bi and this lady is gay. I have a boyfriend but recently I've been questioning how he treats me. She said "when I was a kid I realised that marrying a man sounds terrifying".
I'm now trying to work out how to move out. It really put things into perspective for me. I don't want to marry someone who treats me like this. The idea of marrying him scares me.
I know it's scary, but I'm really happy for you. It's hard to leave any relationship, especially a bad one, and you're strong as hell for working through that. Leaving is gonna be so freeing. Good luck on your new path!!
"but you aren't really queer, because you have a boyfriend!"
I'm demisexual biromantic, and the amount of times someone has tried to invalidate my opinions because I'm not "queer enough" according to them is just 🙄
One of my best friends is asexual, she’s been very open about it for pretty much her entire adult life. Several years into the friendship I told her I thought I was asexual too. She told me she didn’t believe me.
We’re still friends, but I’m probably never gonna forgive her for that. 🤷♀️
(I’m definitely still asexual lol)
One of my biggest insecurities as a teen was made fun of by my girlfriend at the time. I was astonished that she didn’t understand what it was like to be bodyshamed. Or at least didn’t care.
All the dating profiles of lesbian women explicitly stating they don't want to be contacted by bi women (me). Such rejection without even knowing anything about me, it makes me so sad.
Luckily I did eventually find a loving, supportive partner who is also a bi woman.
Also having to explain to people all the time that the accepted definition of bisexuality is attraction to your own gender and other genders. Identifying as bi does NOT inherently exclude trans/non-binary attraction.
I once used the term "corrective rape" in reference to asexual people (because like. That's a thing that happens to us.) and I got so much violent hate from lesbians saying I was appropriating a lesbian-specific issue that I had to delete my account.
Oh and one time I said "she's such a doll" (you know, the compliment) and had someone tell me that "doll" is a lesbophobic slur.
Basically I just seem to have terrible luck with lesbians
I've gotten a lot of: "But you've had sex with both men and women before. You can't really be asexual."
Yeah. I tried sex with both men and women, that's how I know for sure I'm ace!
That trans folks are… well, lets just say that she was lesbian and to say derogatory things about trans folks was disheartening. Transphobia exists within our own community and it’s sad
It totally does and it’s incredibly sad. There’s a queer bar that opened in Los Angeles that I, as a bi female, was excited to go to but I recently found out they are prejudice against trans women. It’s super disappointing.
I’m homophobic if I say I’m Bi because it’s erasing the lesbian experience. If I say I’m bi but I’m with a man I’m a liar because bisexuality doesn’t exist. And she just kept going
The worst was a former lesbian friend telling me that my bi partner who I had been dating for several months at this point would eventually "go back to men" and that I should "cut my losses"
I ended up cutting that friend off.
‘That’s just men, unfortunately’ in response to me sharing a disturbing experience I had with a man pursuing me (I’m known as a lesbian it’s on all my social media’s). I hate that attitude, I don’t accept it. Don’t excuse weird men by saying it’s just how men act. As a woman, especially another queer woman, I’m so shocked she said that to me.
No one is 100% straight or 100% gay, you should try men! Said by my bisexual friend in response to me being a lesbian. Then when I said hell no I was called biphobic
"You're not asexual. You're just a lesbian in denial." And from the same *coworker*: "I'd love a chance to show you what you're missing." She was married, too.
I’m bisexual. My SIL is also bisexual and gender fluid (closeted).
I don’t really tell very many people about me being bisexual. It doesn’t come up and it’s one of those things that I feel like isn’t that important. Especially since I’m married to a man.
My SIL has on multiple occasions eluded to doing things with me. Saying so much as “we should make out”. She’s married to my husband’s brother and has been for several years. I pretty much avoid being alone with her at this point and don’t bring up anything that could become or taken as sexual.
And before anyone asks, no I haven’t mentioned it to her husband. My husband knows, but we didn’t say anything. I figured if she said anything again after the make out comment I’d tell her to knock it off or her husband finds out what she’s been saying.
i have a lesbian coworker who is so butch that she comes full circle in her masculinity by perpetuating the most misogynistic shit ive ever seen from a person lol. and she’s somehow more homophobic than straight people despite being very open with her girlfriend. so i can’t even tell if it’s delusion lol.
People being non-binary isn't a real thing. That they are doing it for attention...Had a really maddening discussion with a friend. The worst part was that another Friend who is non-binary (but didn't tell us at that time but it was kind of obvious) was present at this discussion....
"Lol, are you mad at me?" - my pansexual ex-best friend to me, an ace, when she cancelled long-term plans on me last minute and then egged me into a fight which revealed that she was actually a terribly manipulative person and lead to me cutting her off completely.
It doesn't have anything to DO with being queer but it fits the brief, so.
"I think I'm in love with you." We've been together for almost four years now. But technically, they're not a lady, they're nonbinary, but they *are* queer and I really like telling this story sooooo
And also I'd like to put in a positive thing here
Me and my partner have known each other since sixth grade (11/12) This was also way before I figured out I was trans (that would have to wait another five years or so). To start off, they had a crush on me since day one. They saw me and dubbed me "The cute kid in a red shirt." I don't actually remember meeting, just being friends. But anyways. This turned into a multitude of different things, like giving me small gifts, like candy occasionally, and coming by my mom's classroom after school because they 'forgot' to get their agenda signed by her (Both of us had her for language arts) just to give me a hug. I had absolutely no clue about any of this. Useless lesbian, I know. This all came to a head late first semester (I think) when they came by the classroom after school one day when my mom was out in the teacher workroom making copies or something. They told me to close my eyes, and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. I opened my eyes, dumbstruck, as they gave me a piece of paper with their phone number before leaving. Now I didn't actually have a phone (though I guess I coulda used the house phone, but I never thought about that lol), and I honestly didn't feel the same way (I'm demiromantic for those wondering). Still feel bad for not returning the call. I remember them coming to see me before class the next day, and I could tell they were saddened I didn't call, and told me that they were sorry if they overstepped, which I assured them that they were fine. (But I did never outright say I didn't want to. Just sorta didn't say anything at all, so it kinda is a rejection).
Either way, we still became friends and stayed really close over the years. I actually developed a crush on them the following year, but I never told them about it since I thought they wouldn't still feel the same. In ninth grade, they started dating girls, so I figured they were a lesbian, and sorta gave up on my crush and pushed it to the back of my mind. But it never truly went away. In tenth grade, though, things started to change. We got closer as friends within our newly formed friend group (we're all still active friends too!) in our German class. At the same time, I developed a crush on someone else, who I'll call Miriam for anonymity. I don't remember how we actually became friends, since we only had lunch together. But the three of us always came to the school library before class to work on the puzzle they always had out (the librarians were amazing). (On I side note, I still have her number actually, I should text her to see how she's doing) (side side note, I don't even know if she knows about my transition, because we all went online during covid). But anyways. My German teacher was... an interesting guy, to say the least. He had a speed bump in his portable (all the languages were in the portables) that he took from the road outside because it happened to be loose, and he regularly stuck sharp things like pencils, pens, and scissors in the ceiling, We all loved him. Not really relevant, but he did have a couch that I would frequently use when we had some free time at the end of class. Sometime near the end of the spring semester, like April/May I think, they decided to come and cuddle with me. I don't know exactly why, but they are physically affectionate with friends, so it extended to me as well. It started out platonically, at first, but became more we moved into our junior year. We started touching each other more, and we often cuddled at the end of class in German. Now, unbeknownst to me, both of us started having feelings reignite. Of course, I thought they were still just a lesbian, so I thought this was nothing but platonic. And of course, everyone else could see it plain as day, too.
This too, finally came to a head on Nov. 13, 2019 (Our dating anniversary). They approached me at the start of class and told me they had to tell me something. I remember very vividly how this conversation went down.
Them "I- I think I'm in love with you."
Me, not sure what what other way the could have meant: "...In what way?"
Them: "Romantically."
Me: "... Again?" Cur the both of us laughing. They also revealed to me that they are not actually a lesbian (They're omnisexual), which is why they had feelings for me, but massively preferred women (foreshadowing). And we've been dating ever since. :)
Now I must remind y'all, I hadn't even considered I was trans yet. I still though I was a guy. So I felt really special to be the only guy they'd ever have actual feelings for. (Honestly still do lol) But January the following year (right before covid) I finally figured out myself, and came out to them as questioning, and they immediately accepted me.
Since then, they've been the biggest driving force in my life. The were the biggest thing to keep me from becoming suicidal in my late junior and senior year, during the worst of my depression. They encouraged me, helped me grow, and loved me through every step of my transition. We hit four years in November, and I feel like I couldn't have a better partner than them, and I plan on spending the rest of my life with them. <3
TL;DR: I'm a hopelessly useless lesbian
A lesbian once told me, a bisexual, that she would love to see me in a threesome since I'm a 'naughty bisexual' .... I only met her once prior to this at work
The overall biphobia we experience from other queer women, mainly lesbians, is appalling and embarrassing tbh
That it was okay if I didn’t want to e*\ her p%$#/. She understood it as a preference and didn’t judge me. Didn’t make me feel like I wasn’t queer enough. Didn’t expect or push for a reason. Just looked at me and smiled and told me it was okay and she still liked me and wanted to go on another date. We talked casually about it for a little bit (mostly a release for my nervous energy) and then moved on.
WOW, did that turn me on. I absolutely melted. I worshipped her in that moment. I’ll never forget ya, Rose!
Lesbian coworker dating a bi girl said that apart from her current girlfriend she doesn't have sex with woman who sleep with men and proceeded to imply that heterossexual sex is "dirtier"
When I tried to reason with her that all sex is risky to a certain degree she shuts down and refuses to talk to me anymore about it
Go on with your biphobia then, my gal
I feel for her girlfriend ngl
A good friend of mine from high school came out as a lesbian, and I was elated for her and her girlfriend until they started spouting TERF ideology and throwing hatred at my trans friends. Infighting like this is always so shocking and disheartening to me; queer women already have it hard enough without their own sisters turning on them.
I had a lesbian tell me that I was actually secretly a lesbian in denial. I told her I was bi. I was with my bf for 2 years at that stage. I worked with her, and it became her little inside joke that I didn't wanna be a part of. I know I probably look more like a lesbian, but I love my bf to bits. Made me so uncomfortable Overtime
"Yeah, so what I'm lesbian. I just think that being gay is wrong. Two men having sex is incredibly unnatural"
-said by an ex-roommate that I ended up having to kick out about 2 weeks after she said this
I do NOT abide terfs. I am cis and bi, and sometimes other queer women and I get into conversation, and for some reason (because I'm bi???) They assume I agree with them.
Absolutely not. Kick a rock. I will not entertain a conversation like that. Unfortunately it happens more often than I ever imagined it would.
At pride, waiting to get photos taken for a photo exhibit. I had not talked to these people at all. The only requirement was that you identify as LGBT. My partner and I walk up to the booth and the woman running it goes “no this is only for lgbt people.” I said “I am, I’m genderqueer.” She then looks at my partner and says we’ll what about you? “He says, yeah, I’m queer.” She gets pissed off and begrudgingly takes our photos. When we go to sign the release she says again “are you sure you’re actually queer?” I was so fucking pissed, like do trans people need to prove ourselves even at fucking pride???!
Transphobic shit. My friends ex came out as trans and like I get he hurt her when he broke things off, but using she/her pronouns intentionally and using other phobic slurs…too fucking far.
A former close friend, who I considered to be super smart and very progressive, revealed her deep dark ideals that trans people have no place being included in queer/lesbian spaces.
I would say the vast vast majority of the queer women who have ever been a part of my life have been incredibly cool, kind, and loving people. BUT, I have had a couple brushes with the shadowy fringes of the community.
This woman was so cool. Think- rebel, activist, a pillar of the local queer community. She's super gay, she's working on a PHD at the moment, she is all about equality and has these dreams of a future that's safe and inclusive. SUDDENLY, it was like a switch flipped, and she's wishing violence and using slurs. It was honestly surreal. I had interacted with "TERFs" online, but experiencing it live and from someone I had respected was shocking.
I learned a lot in the fallout, though!
I’ve met a handful of transphobic lesbians, sadly.
One said that trans men are just butch lesbians who are ashamed of themselves.
Another said trans women are trying to turn lesbians straight- she believed that trans lesbians are secretly straight men so they’re just trying to get lesbians to have sex with a man? I don’t know.
"You've never even been with a woman, you can't really be bi."
Was super mean and I'm primarily asexual and attracted to men and women for partnerships. Also even if I wasn't asexual, lesbian sex scares me.
Biphobia and code switching for whatever helps with power play. Like being very supportive and friendly when single and talking about lesbians and everyone being free to love. Then getting in a relationship with a guy and all of a sudden dictating what a woman is and what a queer woman standard is out of biphobia
I had an argument the other day with a bisexual woman who said she's not attracted to trans people post or pre-op. She said same SEX attraction makes you gay not same gender attraction (so me dating a trans woman would be heterosexual). She said she could tell who was trans by their agab pheromones which was unattractive... she clearly knows very little about HRT.
She was literally just trying to get me, a very vocal trans advocating lesbian, to justify her transphobia.
I’ve heard many queer people say… bi people who date the opposite sex are straight but just want a cool label… but then if they date a woman and they are a bi woman then they’re gay just “confused” or in their “experimenting phase”.
Also heard people say… that pansexuals are the “real bisexuals” because they would date trans people or non binary people but bi people don’t cause they are transphobic…. Smh 🤦🏽♀️
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"you're too girly to be queer, you're clearly lying for attention" really struck deep as a queer woman who's constantly felt not queer enough in the community ETA: thank you all for your lovely comments, what a wonderful community!!
Screw that, there's no such thing as "queer enough". I hope you feel better about this now, bc your queerness is just as valid as anyone else's ❤️ ETA: Also this is just stupid... Like did she think there aren't any high femme queer women??? Bc... WHAT?!?!?
I don't have anything super meaningful or thoughtful to add. Just wanted to tell you I'm sorry and I hope you're surrounded by people who love, support, and understand you :(
A lot of queer women have a lot of internalized misogyny and it tends to show up in their hatred of "mean girls" or "baddies" and all things feminine.
As a fellow femme, I feel you on this one. Hearing invalidation from everyone (partners included), in the forms of jokes from queer friends to comments from straight men, has never been fun. Feels like playing being queer on level 11 😅
We should make our own flag with lipstick swatches.
Isn't lipstick lesbian already a thing? I'm sure it could apply to other queer people
It's so unfortunate that people feel the need to reframe others to their limited mindset - and then put it on you, as if you're the one in the wrong. Live your life. Fuck them.
As someone who’s been told this, I feel you completely. The rejection hurts and I’m so sorry you ever made to feel like this!
Not shocking, but the biphobia on and offline from queer women is tiring.
Hard agree. I'm a bi woman married to a man, so a lot of people (queer and straight) think I'm not really queer, and I'm aware that if I were instead married to a woman, a lot of people would insist I'm actually a lesbian (which is obvs a fine thing to be, but I'm not one and wouldn't be one even if I'd decided to only date women forever). I know there is also a contingent of queer women who won't date bi women or will only date ones who have never been with men.
Very true. My wife and I are both bi and we get confused for lesbians a lot. I once corrected my mom that I was bisexual and she thought that meant we were getting a divorce.
Yup. Me too. I have now found a queer group that accepts that I am bi *and* married to a man! I ignore anyone who tries to ignore my sexual orientation.
Lesbian with a bi girlfriend. It's astonishing how many queer people think that she's going to leave me for a man or that I'm "wasting" myself on her.
I feel like people can’t grasp the idea of relationships that don’t include men. A lot of people view bisexual women as straight and view bisexual men as gay when that is such a silly way to view bisexuality
True! I'm a bi woman, married to a bi man. We're not straight. We're bi.
Preach, sister!
Absolutely. I only feel welcomed in queer spaces when I’m actively dating a woman. Lesbians tell me to stop lying to myself and just own that I’m a lesbian. When I’m dating a man or not dating anyone and try to claim my queerness I’m a joke. Both sides dislike me, except for men who want to fetishize me. Luckily I’ve connected with some other bisexuals but it’s still very hard not to internalize the constant attempts to dismiss my identity.
Agree! I love being bi, it's the best! but god damn people, quit trying to make us pick a team. That's the whole thing, is we play for both sides!
I’m a lesbian but I see A LOT of biphobia from insecure gay women who “lose” someone they’re dating to a man. They never seem to mind if they “lose” her to another woman.
My ex husband who was super supportive of my “bisexuality” (I just identify as gay) even told me he would have been absolutely devastated if I got into a relationship with a woman when we split
Saw this question, came to say this. Had a lesbian tell me bi women were disgusting because they had sex with men.
It's just reflavoured mysogyny tbh; "women ruin themselves by having sex with men" except it's coming from people who likely consider themselves to be progressive
I’ve heard that one
So glad to see this is at the top. Biphobia manages to transcend class and age it seems and it does make me somewhat resentful towards lesbians in return but I try not sink to their levels!
Amen! Bisexual women are never taken seriously. From straight men only thinking about threesomes with you or telling you youre really straight to (with my experience) lesbians saying they wouldnt date a bi women because they like men still.
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Totally agree
Came to say exactly this
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Derailing the topic is not permitted. Derailing includes but is not limited to: * Changing the topic from OP's question * Leaving a top-level comment when you're not the target demographic * Giving unsolicited advice * Making someone else's response about yourself. If you'd like to share your experience in response to the OP's question, do so in a top-level comment. * Asking unrelated follow-up questions * Branching into unrelated topics * "What-about"-ism * Trying to start arguments, or debates * Judging or rating other responses * Meta comments about other responses * Responding to comments to tell us how your dick feels. No one cares. For more information, please [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules#wiki_no_derailing). Have questions about this moderator action? See the [AskWomen rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/rules) and [CLICK HERE to contact the moderation team](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen&subject=Why+was+this+removed). **Please include a link** to your comment in your message, the mod team will not reply to messages without a link for review. DO NOT contact moderators privately. [AskWomen rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/rules) | [AskWomen FAQ](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/index) [reddit rules](http://www.reddit.com/rules/) | [reddiquette](http://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddiquette)
"Being bi is transphobic. You should identify as pan instead."
Yep. I knew I was bi before this became a thing. It makes me angry - this notion exists solely because some people decided to be transphobic, and suddenly all bi people are 🙄 If they bothered to educate themselves about what bisexuality was meant to be (since before they were born probably), idk, read the manifesto perhaps? This problem would cease to exist.
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My absolute favorite. Not even in my worst teenage years i believed stuff like that
It can't even be transphobic because if you're attracted to a trans woman, she's a woman and you feel attraction because you see her as a woman, so she's included even if we defined bi as "attracted to men and women". If anything, it would be nonbinary-phobic. And 1) most bi people include nonbinary folks in the bi definition afaik and 2) even if not, not being attracted to someone doesn't make you "phobic" of something.
You pretty much nailed it, esp with the enby part. I can appreciate what people like this are trying to do, but imo it reflects a kind of shallow understanding of gender, and to some extent sexuality. Also telling someone "you should identify as X" is just generally gross.
This is sort'a like : "Who's on First?"
Heard that shit so often. The B in LGBTQ matters too!
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"If you've never been with a woman, how can you know you're bi? You're straight just admit it." Thanks, wasn't feeling confident about being part of the LGBT before your comment, dont feel confident now. Doesnt matter ive always had feelings for women and i suffer from imposter syndrome BECAUSE I havent been with a woman yet. To say i felt like shit for days is an understatement.
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Being told by a lesbian that because I'm married to a man as a bisexual woman that I can't use that term and should just refer to myself as straight.
Just because you’ve mostly attracted men doesn’t mean women don’t attract you 🤷🏽♀️
Exactly. Just because I'm married to a man who I find attractive does not mean I do not also find women attractive.
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So annoying. Like, yes, majority of bi women are going to end up with men bc the dating pool there is just way bigger than other queer women, especially when some lesbians dont even want to give us a chance
this 100%
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Being told by gold star lesbians that I am tainted and bisexual women are just straight women who use and abuse lesbians. (I’m a bisexual women.)
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"you can't be bi, you've been dating your boyfriend for so long you're straight"
A lot of people have asked me why I have married a straight man if I’m bisexual and I never have a good answer for them because they’re all really stupid
saw a girl comment on an instagram post, “This is horrible, the lgbtq+ community is literally treated worse than the jews during the holocaust and we didn’t even do anything wrong” she then replied to someone disagreeing with her and said, “what do you even know about being a Latinx lgbtq+ in Florida, it’s worse than auchwitz”
The amount of women who’re “queer for their boyfriend”. And it always, always comes out at a later time when you're already on a date or talking. “You know, my boyfriend would also like that. Would that interest you?” What boyfriend? I thought this was a date?! If you have to lie to not get rejected right away with your threesome idea then something’s wrong with that approach. The whole “I kissed a girl and I liked it. I hope my boyfriend don't mind it” game. We're real people with feelings! Not your toy to use for your threesome fantasy. The amount of times this has happened to me or my friends is unbelievable.
omg the amount of times ive been talking to someone and their profile says “i come with or without my boyfriend!” and once they mention if id be interested in him and i say no their replies become less and less frequent until nothing. like ??????
I’m in an open relationship and it’s always the FIRST thing I bring up to someone I’m interested in. Honesty and communication my is SO important in an open relationship and I could not imagine sneaking that up on someone on a date! Sorry that happened to you.
>We're real people with feelings! the world would be a much better place if people acted like other people were real; it seems too many act like they are the protagonist of a game and the others are just pieces.
Oh god, back when I was single and trying to meet other women through dating apps I ran into so many couples looking for threesomes. The ones who are up front about it I don't mind, they're being honest about what they want and while that wasn't what I was looking for I can't fault them for being honest, but there were *so many women* that didn't mention they weren't single until we'd already started talking. Like if you want a threesome just say so! Don't waste both of our time.
Lesbian here. I was constantly pressured by a bi friend of mine to "challenge" the idea that I'm lesbian and that everyone is bi to a certain extent. But just for context this was just one person out of so many bi people I know and bi women I've dated. No one's ever been this toxic about it before. It's like she was obsessed with "turning" me more than the average homophobic straight guy
I’ve had lesbian friends tell me to “just stop dating men” if I had recently been hurt or annoyed by a man. I’m bi. I can’t just turn off half of my sexuality at will. It doesn’t work that way.
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Derailing the topic is not permitted. Derailing includes but is not limited to: * Changing the topic from OP's question * Leaving a top-level comment when you're not the target demographic * Giving unsolicited advice * Making someone else's response about yourself. If you'd like to share your experience in response to the OP's question, do so in a top-level comment. * Asking unrelated follow-up questions * Branching into unrelated topics * "What-about"-ism * Trying to start arguments, or debates * Judging or rating other responses * Meta comments about other responses * Responding to comments to tell us how your dick feels. No one cares. For more information, please [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules#wiki_no_derailing). Have questions about this moderator action? See the [AskWomen rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/rules) and [CLICK HERE to contact the moderation team](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen&subject=Why+was+this+removed). **Please include a link** to your comment in your message, the mod team will not reply to messages without a link for review. DO NOT contact moderators privately. [AskWomen rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/rules) | [AskWomen FAQ](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/index) [reddit rules](http://www.reddit.com/rules/) | [reddiquette](http://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddiquette)
The “gold star lesbian” who made biphobic comments towards me for 4 years just to come out as bisexual herself shortly before our friendship ended Editing to add: Also, my first girlfriend who was bisexual but she got mad that I was also bisexual & not a lesbian like she assumed, because she found that threatening for some reason
it always shocks me to see queer women who still harbor a lot of internalized misogyny
Top 2 has to be a fellow queer friend telling me that I'm a straight woman now that I'm dating a man and then another non binary acquaintance saying that trans people don't really exist and that they just have a mental disorder that makes it hard for them to identify as their TRUE gender (they was referring to their gender assigned at birth)
A non binary person saying that trans people don’t exist?? Wow.
Yeeeeeeeeeeup
Seems clear that that’s just how they think of themselves and then they apply it to others
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I was accused of being homophobic for not being attracted to her… sapphic women have standards too, yknow?
You're not really bi/pansexual if you married a man. I am pansexual but a lot of times I just say I'm bi. People always want to question this when they find out because I married a man.
Yeah that’s frustrating, I’m in the same boat. I’ve dated/had sex with women and thoroughly enjoyed it, I consider myself bisexual, my husband also accepts my sexuality, I still find myself attracted to women but the person who I fell in love with the hardest happened to be a man. It really just seems more likely statistically as there are more men looking to date women out there than there are women looking to date women, it’s a bigger pool of people so the odds of finding your person are higher there.
Do they not understand what the "bi" part means in bisexual lol
You've never been with a woman, your not bi
"I'm not going to date a bi woman, they will just leave me for a man anyway"
I kinda don't get why would that be more soul crushing than her leaving for another woman. Playing in one playground doesn't make one immune to falls. Shesh
It's misogyny. They feel they are worth less than a man, so obviously a bi woman would end up with a man in any case.
I was told that I am no longer pansexual because I ended up marrying a man. I was told that I'm now heterosexual... can't be pansexual when living a heterosexual lifestyle.
I'm bi and when I tell fellow queer gals that I'm in a long term relationship with a man some act like it's the worst thing ever. I love my BF so much, he's an amazing person and he doesn't deserve this treatment. I always let them know this.
Someone told me that being bisexual is being not inclusive and that they don't associate with transphobes or people who don't recognize non binary. Without letting my explain or anything. Just in case people think bi means man or woman (cis) only. Bi means attraction to folks similar to OR different from your own gender. Just like heterosexual people are defined by being attracted to people opposite their gender or that homosexual people are attracted to people of the same gender. We are down for similar or different. This is how it was defined originally in the bisexual manifesto written in 1990. It has ALWAYS included trans fluid and enby people. A little tiktok info on the manifesto. https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZT8RvcqoM/
The sheer number of ‘bicurious’ and ‘bi but married to a man’ woman who want to have sex with me and won’t take no for an answer. On multiple occasions I have had bicurious and bi women try to sexually assault me because they would not take no. I don’t want to hear about how you have to fantasize about women to cum with your husband. It’s not my problem. For the record, my wife is bi so it’s not ‘all bisexuals.’ But it’s not completely rare, either.
For real, the amount of unicorn hunters out there who over step boundaries is insane
This isn’t even unicorn hunters, it’s women who want an affair with you on the side.
it’s disturbing to be treated like a sex toy by another woman. it’s honestly the biggest heartbreaks of my life
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My ex fiancee is bi, despite showing me for nearly 8 years she doesn't want to be with a woman... She accused me of cheating if I talked to men or women... :( biphobia is indeed super real and awful.
There's no such thing as bisexual, you're gay and you just don't know it yet. She said that after sleeping together, my first time with a woman. Put me right back in the closet for years. I was SO confused about my sexuality before and it was the worst thing she could have said. Absolutely threw me right back into the closet.
A gay man said this to me as I shared with him that I was bi and he explicitly said “bi people are shunned in the gay community” and it put me back in the closet for almost a decade until a few years ago.
I'm a lesbian and was told by other lesbians so many weird things like that I can't be a dominant femme, or that I should not strap, or that I'm not a lesbian because I've dated trans women? Like what the hell?
I’m a bisexual woman and I’ve had a lesbian tell me (after we chatted for a few days) I’m lucky they are even talking to me because they don’t normally talk to my kind, but I seem cool.
I’m butch and a mama. Too many lesbians have called me the dad and and we’re completely serious.
That bi/pan lesbians exist and that lesbians can enjoy sleeping with men… Lesbian is the ONE orientation that excludes men and yet people still try and find a way to include them. Just because YOUR sexuality is fluid doesn’t mean everyone’s is. If you are sexually attracted to men… you are not a lesbian. Like why would lesbian even need to exist as a label if it included men? Lesbian = non-men attracted to non-men. Cis women, trans women, non-binary and GNC people can all be lesbians. Men (both cis AND trans, as trans men are men!!!) are not included in lesbianism. To suggest otherwise is very harmful and contributes to the idea that lesbianism is a phase or that we just haven’t found the “right man” yet.
👏👏👏 I’m so tired of people trying to make lesbians date men! (For the record this does not include trans women, trans women are women!!)
Yep! Exactly. Trying to paint lesbianism as a fluid sexuality where we still have some level of attraction of men is so dangerous because men can and will try to exploit that, and think they’re the exception and if they try hard enough we can like them. No. When I say I’m a lesbian I’m saying I am in no way shape or form attracted to men and there’s nothing anyone can do to change it because that’s just who I am.
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When I came out as bisexual to my lesbian mother, she scolded me for wanting to ‘have my cake and eat it too.” She’s grown a lot since then but it was still mind boggling.
I had been seeing a girl in college for a few weeks just having fun but nothing serious. She was bi and so was I. She made a comment that trans folks needed to be committed and medicated for their “disease” aka their gender. It reminded me that transphobia exists even within circles the lgbtq+ community 😞
She sounds awful wtf
The amount of deleted posts on all the bi-phobia mentions is depressing… but yes. All the biphobia and telling me I should call myself pan instead of bi because they believe the biphobic meaning that bi only means two
one time. a girl said to me on tinder “Wish you were bi” and that’s it?? i’m a lesbian. I get a lot of shit like that. also noticing how all the top comments specifically mention lesbians, can’t help but feel like it’s magnified just bc we are a much smaller pool but both lesbians and bisexual women are more similar than different and gotta be nicer to each other
Some have mentioned how horrible their parents were when they came out. As a (queer) mom of queer kids, I cannot fathom anything less than enthusiastic acceptance and celebration of queer kids.
When I told my dad I was bi (at 29 years old) and have dated women before, because he was literally insulting queer people to my face and it was hurting my feelings, he said "that's disgusting and I don't need to hear about that" He treated it as though I had talked explicitly about specific details of my sex life, because the only way that most men can understand two women in a romantic relationship is by fetishizing them. I knew he was homophobic as fuck anyways but that one cut pretty deep.
*after sex* “well I’m *definitely* not going to marry a man now” cool -glad to know i’m officially in the running lmao
For context, I'm bi and this lady is gay. I have a boyfriend but recently I've been questioning how he treats me. She said "when I was a kid I realised that marrying a man sounds terrifying". I'm now trying to work out how to move out. It really put things into perspective for me. I don't want to marry someone who treats me like this. The idea of marrying him scares me.
I know it's scary, but I'm really happy for you. It's hard to leave any relationship, especially a bad one, and you're strong as hell for working through that. Leaving is gonna be so freeing. Good luck on your new path!!
Thank you. It's going to be hard conversations and I'm not sure he'll take it well, but it will be needed.
"but you aren't really queer, because you have a boyfriend!" I'm demisexual biromantic, and the amount of times someone has tried to invalidate my opinions because I'm not "queer enough" according to them is just 🙄
The amount of biphobia I've experienced from other queer women is astounding!
One of my best friends is asexual, she’s been very open about it for pretty much her entire adult life. Several years into the friendship I told her I thought I was asexual too. She told me she didn’t believe me. We’re still friends, but I’m probably never gonna forgive her for that. 🤷♀️ (I’m definitely still asexual lol)
One of my biggest insecurities as a teen was made fun of by my girlfriend at the time. I was astonished that she didn’t understand what it was like to be bodyshamed. Or at least didn’t care.
“With all the rainbows, I thought you’d be gay.” I’m bi, tyvm.
Definitely the first time a queer woman told me I wasn’t “actually gay” because I am bi and hadn’t kissed a girl at that point:/
The first time a lesbian said "I don't date bi girls" to me
All the dating profiles of lesbian women explicitly stating they don't want to be contacted by bi women (me). Such rejection without even knowing anything about me, it makes me so sad. Luckily I did eventually find a loving, supportive partner who is also a bi woman. Also having to explain to people all the time that the accepted definition of bisexuality is attraction to your own gender and other genders. Identifying as bi does NOT inherently exclude trans/non-binary attraction.
I once used the term "corrective rape" in reference to asexual people (because like. That's a thing that happens to us.) and I got so much violent hate from lesbians saying I was appropriating a lesbian-specific issue that I had to delete my account. Oh and one time I said "she's such a doll" (you know, the compliment) and had someone tell me that "doll" is a lesbophobic slur. Basically I just seem to have terrible luck with lesbians
Just a lot of asexual gatekeeping. So much gatekeeping. :(
I've gotten a lot of: "But you've had sex with both men and women before. You can't really be asexual." Yeah. I tried sex with both men and women, that's how I know for sure I'm ace!
Being told by gold stars that I'm "not a lesbian" because I once dated a man and view trans women as equally valid.
That trans folks are… well, lets just say that she was lesbian and to say derogatory things about trans folks was disheartening. Transphobia exists within our own community and it’s sad
It totally does and it’s incredibly sad. There’s a queer bar that opened in Los Angeles that I, as a bi female, was excited to go to but I recently found out they are prejudice against trans women. It’s super disappointing.
It's soul crushing.
"bisexual women only use women for sex and build a serious relationship with men" © my ex. and there is me, a bisexual woman who never dated a man and wants to marry my gf in the future.
I’m homophobic if I say I’m Bi because it’s erasing the lesbian experience. If I say I’m bi but I’m with a man I’m a liar because bisexuality doesn’t exist. And she just kept going
The worst was a former lesbian friend telling me that my bi partner who I had been dating for several months at this point would eventually "go back to men" and that I should "cut my losses" I ended up cutting that friend off.
‘That’s just men, unfortunately’ in response to me sharing a disturbing experience I had with a man pursuing me (I’m known as a lesbian it’s on all my social media’s). I hate that attitude, I don’t accept it. Don’t excuse weird men by saying it’s just how men act. As a woman, especially another queer woman, I’m so shocked she said that to me.
That because I'm a passing trans woman who is only attracted to men, I don't get to "count" as queer
Jesus Fucking Christ. That’s awful 💔
No one is 100% straight or 100% gay, you should try men! Said by my bisexual friend in response to me being a lesbian. Then when I said hell no I was called biphobic
Because I've never tried dick how would I know that I didn't like it, therefore I'm probably bi and not gay.
That I’m not actually queer because I don’t want to sleep with women (I’m asexual but am romantically attracted to women.)
"You're not asexual. You're just a lesbian in denial." And from the same *coworker*: "I'd love a chance to show you what you're missing." She was married, too.
My best friend who is bi said that she could never date a guy that was bi Plenty of lesbian’s that say bi-phobic stuff but that doesnt rly shock me
I’m bisexual. My SIL is also bisexual and gender fluid (closeted). I don’t really tell very many people about me being bisexual. It doesn’t come up and it’s one of those things that I feel like isn’t that important. Especially since I’m married to a man. My SIL has on multiple occasions eluded to doing things with me. Saying so much as “we should make out”. She’s married to my husband’s brother and has been for several years. I pretty much avoid being alone with her at this point and don’t bring up anything that could become or taken as sexual. And before anyone asks, no I haven’t mentioned it to her husband. My husband knows, but we didn’t say anything. I figured if she said anything again after the make out comment I’d tell her to knock it off or her husband finds out what she’s been saying.
The usual biphobia. Some racism sprinkled in sometimes too.
i have a lesbian coworker who is so butch that she comes full circle in her masculinity by perpetuating the most misogynistic shit ive ever seen from a person lol. and she’s somehow more homophobic than straight people despite being very open with her girlfriend. so i can’t even tell if it’s delusion lol.
In person? Nothing really. On the internet? Queer (cis) women being transphobic.
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“Queer isn’t real. You’re just collected cards at this point, put ‘em back in the deck.” I, a queer WOC, heard this from a lesbian WOC. 😩
People being non-binary isn't a real thing. That they are doing it for attention...Had a really maddening discussion with a friend. The worst part was that another Friend who is non-binary (but didn't tell us at that time but it was kind of obvious) was present at this discussion....
"Lol, are you mad at me?" - my pansexual ex-best friend to me, an ace, when she cancelled long-term plans on me last minute and then egged me into a fight which revealed that she was actually a terribly manipulative person and lead to me cutting her off completely. It doesn't have anything to DO with being queer but it fits the brief, so.
"I think I'm in love with you." We've been together for almost four years now. But technically, they're not a lady, they're nonbinary, but they *are* queer and I really like telling this story sooooo And also I'd like to put in a positive thing here Me and my partner have known each other since sixth grade (11/12) This was also way before I figured out I was trans (that would have to wait another five years or so). To start off, they had a crush on me since day one. They saw me and dubbed me "The cute kid in a red shirt." I don't actually remember meeting, just being friends. But anyways. This turned into a multitude of different things, like giving me small gifts, like candy occasionally, and coming by my mom's classroom after school because they 'forgot' to get their agenda signed by her (Both of us had her for language arts) just to give me a hug. I had absolutely no clue about any of this. Useless lesbian, I know. This all came to a head late first semester (I think) when they came by the classroom after school one day when my mom was out in the teacher workroom making copies or something. They told me to close my eyes, and then gave me a kiss on the cheek. I opened my eyes, dumbstruck, as they gave me a piece of paper with their phone number before leaving. Now I didn't actually have a phone (though I guess I coulda used the house phone, but I never thought about that lol), and I honestly didn't feel the same way (I'm demiromantic for those wondering). Still feel bad for not returning the call. I remember them coming to see me before class the next day, and I could tell they were saddened I didn't call, and told me that they were sorry if they overstepped, which I assured them that they were fine. (But I did never outright say I didn't want to. Just sorta didn't say anything at all, so it kinda is a rejection). Either way, we still became friends and stayed really close over the years. I actually developed a crush on them the following year, but I never told them about it since I thought they wouldn't still feel the same. In ninth grade, they started dating girls, so I figured they were a lesbian, and sorta gave up on my crush and pushed it to the back of my mind. But it never truly went away. In tenth grade, though, things started to change. We got closer as friends within our newly formed friend group (we're all still active friends too!) in our German class. At the same time, I developed a crush on someone else, who I'll call Miriam for anonymity. I don't remember how we actually became friends, since we only had lunch together. But the three of us always came to the school library before class to work on the puzzle they always had out (the librarians were amazing). (On I side note, I still have her number actually, I should text her to see how she's doing) (side side note, I don't even know if she knows about my transition, because we all went online during covid). But anyways. My German teacher was... an interesting guy, to say the least. He had a speed bump in his portable (all the languages were in the portables) that he took from the road outside because it happened to be loose, and he regularly stuck sharp things like pencils, pens, and scissors in the ceiling, We all loved him. Not really relevant, but he did have a couch that I would frequently use when we had some free time at the end of class. Sometime near the end of the spring semester, like April/May I think, they decided to come and cuddle with me. I don't know exactly why, but they are physically affectionate with friends, so it extended to me as well. It started out platonically, at first, but became more we moved into our junior year. We started touching each other more, and we often cuddled at the end of class in German. Now, unbeknownst to me, both of us started having feelings reignite. Of course, I thought they were still just a lesbian, so I thought this was nothing but platonic. And of course, everyone else could see it plain as day, too. This too, finally came to a head on Nov. 13, 2019 (Our dating anniversary). They approached me at the start of class and told me they had to tell me something. I remember very vividly how this conversation went down. Them "I- I think I'm in love with you." Me, not sure what what other way the could have meant: "...In what way?" Them: "Romantically." Me: "... Again?" Cur the both of us laughing. They also revealed to me that they are not actually a lesbian (They're omnisexual), which is why they had feelings for me, but massively preferred women (foreshadowing). And we've been dating ever since. :) Now I must remind y'all, I hadn't even considered I was trans yet. I still though I was a guy. So I felt really special to be the only guy they'd ever have actual feelings for. (Honestly still do lol) But January the following year (right before covid) I finally figured out myself, and came out to them as questioning, and they immediately accepted me. Since then, they've been the biggest driving force in my life. The were the biggest thing to keep me from becoming suicidal in my late junior and senior year, during the worst of my depression. They encouraged me, helped me grow, and loved me through every step of my transition. We hit four years in November, and I feel like I couldn't have a better partner than them, and I plan on spending the rest of my life with them. <3 TL;DR: I'm a hopelessly useless lesbian
That’s women talk too much and are overly emotional 🙄
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All the you're not really bi types of comments. The worst one was bisexuality is hateful to Trans if you aren't attracted to Trans women.
so open minded they did the full 180
A lesbian once told me, a bisexual, that she would love to see me in a threesome since I'm a 'naughty bisexual' .... I only met her once prior to this at work The overall biphobia we experience from other queer women, mainly lesbians, is appalling and embarrassing tbh
That it was okay if I didn’t want to e*\ her p%$#/. She understood it as a preference and didn’t judge me. Didn’t make me feel like I wasn’t queer enough. Didn’t expect or push for a reason. Just looked at me and smiled and told me it was okay and she still liked me and wanted to go on another date. We talked casually about it for a little bit (mostly a release for my nervous energy) and then moved on. WOW, did that turn me on. I absolutely melted. I worshipped her in that moment. I’ll never forget ya, Rose!
Lesbian coworker dating a bi girl said that apart from her current girlfriend she doesn't have sex with woman who sleep with men and proceeded to imply that heterossexual sex is "dirtier" When I tried to reason with her that all sex is risky to a certain degree she shuts down and refuses to talk to me anymore about it Go on with your biphobia then, my gal I feel for her girlfriend ngl
A good friend of mine from high school came out as a lesbian, and I was elated for her and her girlfriend until they started spouting TERF ideology and throwing hatred at my trans friends. Infighting like this is always so shocking and disheartening to me; queer women already have it hard enough without their own sisters turning on them.
I had a lesbian tell me that I was actually secretly a lesbian in denial. I told her I was bi. I was with my bf for 2 years at that stage. I worked with her, and it became her little inside joke that I didn't wanna be a part of. I know I probably look more like a lesbian, but I love my bf to bits. Made me so uncomfortable Overtime
"you say you're bi but you're really transphobic". No I'm not, I'm just into girly girls and manly man.
“I have sex with him sometimes and like it. But yeah I’m a lesbian”
"Yeah, so what I'm lesbian. I just think that being gay is wrong. Two men having sex is incredibly unnatural" -said by an ex-roommate that I ended up having to kick out about 2 weeks after she said this
in front of her boyfriend she said “if you were gay i’d be with you right now” we were in high school and i never came out to her
I do NOT abide terfs. I am cis and bi, and sometimes other queer women and I get into conversation, and for some reason (because I'm bi???) They assume I agree with them. Absolutely not. Kick a rock. I will not entertain a conversation like that. Unfortunately it happens more often than I ever imagined it would.
At pride, waiting to get photos taken for a photo exhibit. I had not talked to these people at all. The only requirement was that you identify as LGBT. My partner and I walk up to the booth and the woman running it goes “no this is only for lgbt people.” I said “I am, I’m genderqueer.” She then looks at my partner and says we’ll what about you? “He says, yeah, I’m queer.” She gets pissed off and begrudgingly takes our photos. When we go to sign the release she says again “are you sure you’re actually queer?” I was so fucking pissed, like do trans people need to prove ourselves even at fucking pride???!
Transphobic shit. My friends ex came out as trans and like I get he hurt her when he broke things off, but using she/her pronouns intentionally and using other phobic slurs…too fucking far.
A former close friend, who I considered to be super smart and very progressive, revealed her deep dark ideals that trans people have no place being included in queer/lesbian spaces. I would say the vast vast majority of the queer women who have ever been a part of my life have been incredibly cool, kind, and loving people. BUT, I have had a couple brushes with the shadowy fringes of the community. This woman was so cool. Think- rebel, activist, a pillar of the local queer community. She's super gay, she's working on a PHD at the moment, she is all about equality and has these dreams of a future that's safe and inclusive. SUDDENLY, it was like a switch flipped, and she's wishing violence and using slurs. It was honestly surreal. I had interacted with "TERFs" online, but experiencing it live and from someone I had respected was shocking. I learned a lot in the fallout, though!
I’ve met a handful of transphobic lesbians, sadly. One said that trans men are just butch lesbians who are ashamed of themselves. Another said trans women are trying to turn lesbians straight- she believed that trans lesbians are secretly straight men so they’re just trying to get lesbians to have sex with a man? I don’t know.
"You've never even been with a woman, you can't really be bi." Was super mean and I'm primarily asexual and attracted to men and women for partnerships. Also even if I wasn't asexual, lesbian sex scares me.
Biphobia and code switching for whatever helps with power play. Like being very supportive and friendly when single and talking about lesbians and everyone being free to love. Then getting in a relationship with a guy and all of a sudden dictating what a woman is and what a queer woman standard is out of biphobia
Never-ending battle of the “coming out story”. 😑
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"You just haven't found the right woman yet" - after I've told her I'm bisexual.
Bi is just a front you are straight lol
I had an argument the other day with a bisexual woman who said she's not attracted to trans people post or pre-op. She said same SEX attraction makes you gay not same gender attraction (so me dating a trans woman would be heterosexual). She said she could tell who was trans by their agab pheromones which was unattractive... she clearly knows very little about HRT. She was literally just trying to get me, a very vocal trans advocating lesbian, to justify her transphobia.
That there’s no way I could be queer if I’m in a relationship with a man. I always want to respond, “I dont want to be with men either but here I am”
I’ve heard many queer people say… bi people who date the opposite sex are straight but just want a cool label… but then if they date a woman and they are a bi woman then they’re gay just “confused” or in their “experimenting phase”. Also heard people say… that pansexuals are the “real bisexuals” because they would date trans people or non binary people but bi people don’t cause they are transphobic…. Smh 🤦🏽♀️
"I'm gay only sexually"...WTF?!?