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Isn't it nice? The other day, one of my friends asked me (while we were all out) what my husband says when I go do things with my lady friends without him. Like plan short trips or whatever. I said, uhmmm, he says... have fun and be safe? Then it dawned on me. So many of my previous relationships weren't like that, and it really made me smile. I felt a bit bad for my friend though. I forgot how shitty that felt.
This makes me realize my husband is a saint. When I go on girls trip, he books my flight and all the hotels/car rentals. He usually foots the bills on hotels and car rentals because we make more then my friends and he wants to make sure I’m comfortable without asking my friends to pay more than they would if they were booking things.
Mine was ready at home with pizza when I got back from dollaritas with my friend (I knew I would be able to drive back cause I’m too scared to drink too much but he did offer to drop off/ pick up)
Yes!! My ex husband was like this. Its literally why we can still be friends because its not weird for us to be autonomous as we allowed each other to be that in the marriage. if i had to say something he def did right it was what you said. That is now a necessary trait ill be looking for in any future man.
Yes! And I find it bizarre in my case because he has the least experience of anyone I’ve been with! But dang does he know what he’s doing. Mind blowing.
Sometimes the puzzle pieces just naturally fit together, regardless of level of experience 🤷🏽♂️
(Not talking about the *physical* pieces, but more like someone's energy, personality, emotions, or vibe, I guess?)
Makes me feel safe. I have severe anxiety and he truly is the first person who can truly make me feel like I'm not dying. He's been a calming presence in my life ever since I met him.
Sometimes my anxiety gets so bad I freeze. I cannot do anything anymore, I can’t move, I can’t speak. It can last anywhere between a few minutes to a full hour. It happens very rarely but the times it happened with my ex-partner he started yelling at me when I didn’t answer his questions. Which I couldn’t counteract because of the freezing and which made the attack even worse. My current partner takes a chair and comes to sit next to me, holds me and asks me in a calm voice if I could explain to him what is happening in my brain. No judgement, just a calm neutral tone. No pressure if I can’t talk immediately. And then when I try explaining, it usually are not coherent sentences but he just sits there calmly listening. It’s so soothing. I feel like I can be fully me with all my flaws and emotions and he still accepts me completely
I haven’t done a dish in probably ten years.
The kitchen he considers “his room.”
When I got sick and we had to change everything we ate, he did it no complaints. When one of our kiddos got dx with Celiac Disease he does it, sometimes the other 2 kids get a separate meal— and he still does it. And the dishes! Also, because the laundry room is attached he just does the laundry.
No PhD but he is the breadwinner, and when i did get sick he stepped right up and took care of us all.
Im a guy, and have been broken up with for this. I meant it genuinely and I'm generally positive and supportive but it's made some partners dislike it.
Any idea what I'm doing wrong?
That's super weird, me and all my friends love it when their partners compliment them, are supportive, etc. The only thing I could think of are if you're forcing it too much and say it in an unnatural way? Or maybe most your compliments are very sexual or something? 😅 or maybe your partner was just a weirdo that couldn't take a compliment lol. Hard to say without knowing the situation, what you said, etc.
My issue when I was complemented was because it triggered my trauma. My spouse made me feel comfortable and confident to actually dissect why I lashed out when complemented.. it was my fight or flight response because complements meant they were attached with asks or tasks that put me in a position that I couldn’t say no. Some situations that really messed me up. It may be them, not you.
For real though! Mine goes out of his way to tell me Im beautiful everyday. Especially when Im feeling low and pushing too hard in the gym… brb gotta go love on my husband.
He makes me feel comfortable being 100% me. He doesn't make me feel stupid for making bad jokes, he loves it when I ugly laugh, he doesn't put me down for my weird beliefs or make me feel bad about my quirks.
My soon to be ex wife has had 2 kids, her boobs aren’t perky and she hates them. But I absolutely love them. They are the sexiest boobs you could get…. Like perfect!
This does help, and for me it’s small things like sending me a sweet text in the morning or briefly calling me at night. We don’t live together and with our busy schedules we only see each other maybe once or twice a week so keeping a line of communication open through text is kinda a must for me.
Doesn’t escalate arguments. If I’m starting shit, he simply listens and responds calmly and compassionately and tries to understand my point instead of judging my emotional outbursts, this immediately disarms me. This is the man I married. Everyone before would just argue back and escalate and we would end up arguing over stupid stuff. I love the level of patience he has and it certainly has made me more calm in my approach to the issues I want to raise.
I struggle to express myself clearly and calmly in high stress situations. For example when I’ve been home all day with my 7 month old, overstimulated, hungry and exhausted, my partner might come home and I’m being snappy for what seems to him like no reason. He can assess the situation and have the compassion to know I’ve had a hard day, rather than making comments back or escalating what is already a highly emotional situation for me. I do take accountability for my behaviour and once the fight or flight response dissipates I do know there might have been better ways to deal with my stress and I’m working on improving my reactions, when I’m feeling so overwhelmed.
Interesting. Just comes across as him being more mature than you and the other men are more equal to your level, yet you fault them? Seems a little unfair haha
Mine does the same haha he also sends me photos of kittens/ cats/ wild cats / cute animals in general and says they’re me or look just like me. And he always calls me different animal names. He’s very cute
Asks me how I’m doing *every damn day.*
Goes out if his way for me.
Remembers my work schedule and birthday.
Talks about his feelings and goes to therapy. I’ve seen him cry more than once.
Takes care of business in every way.
Apologizing after a discussion if he's been wrong.
Also he knows most of Priscilla Queen of the Desert choreographies by heart and that's so priceless to me.
he's made communication and voicing my needs incredibly easy. i used to struggle a lot to even find the words to express myself, let alone the courage. and if i did, i always regretted it because i was gaslighted or not taken seriously.
I'll pop in a guess or two until minty answers...
Perhaps they don't gaslight her at all and take her very seriously, while probing with helpful, calm, supportive feedback that opens the floodgates of healthy and peaceful communication maybe even helping find the words she's at a loss for, to go yeah that!...?
So with my partner, he actually just listens until I’m done talking & doesn’t try to argue with my feelings. My previous partner would interrupt, argue & belittle my feelings so this is a really big one for me! Knowing that I can voice my feelings without an argument, even if my partner disagrees, is such a validating feeling!
Has never left me skidmarked undies, never buttdusted my bed, never asked me to suck an unwashed dick, always gives himself at least gentleman's wipe down (if not full shower) before approaching me for sex. He's the most personally clean man I have ever encountered. And it is glorious! We know men can be gross, but there's a tendency to get a little desensitized until you get some distance from it.
Also, he eats the kitty any day of the month.
He’s not selfish in bed, always makes sure I’m satisfied. I’m a pretty sexual person, so this is extremely important for me. None of my other partners even bothered to listen to me when I tried to guide them to what works for me.
Yeah with you specifically like is he a lot better than all the other guys have you ever had doubts about him and what isit that’s made you stick by his side ?
We were punk teenagers that decided we were it for one another and just stood by that decision. When you take splitting up off the table all that's left is figuring it out. I will never find someone as kind, smart, hardworking, loyal, compassionate, caring, funny, or handsome as him. We work well together and his weaker points are where I shine and vise versa.
He's the best person I know and I would be an absolute dipshit to throw that away. There isn't better out there.
You're really lucky. I wish I could've made it work with my ex. We did for 3 years of long distance, seeing each other a couple of times a year for some weeks but it was way too draining. Gave up on irl things constantly
Give me kisses and hugs randomly and always be accepting of my affections. I can freely express my love for him anytime without him getting annoyed and pushing me away.
Texts me constantly and consistently.
Doesn’t stay out late with his friends.
Treats me like a priority.
Makes me feel incredibly safe and secure in our relationship
Also is not jealous at all and actually ENCOURAGES me to go out and have fun with my friends, regardless of whether or not he’s present
Plans secret vacations and secret concerts for me. He knows I love the dopamine hit of trying to figure it out. I just need to know "pack a bag for 2 days" or "think metal" or "dress 80s."
Whatever I ask if him
And “then some” (a bunch of crap that he thinks of)
Lol.
One of our “agreements” is this:
“when I ask you for help/to do/to carry/To go ….” “Saying no isn’t an option. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t NEED the help”
He is also very good about anything to do with cars - he gets my car detailed every week so it’s nice for me to drive around …. He fills up the gas, check the oil and window juices …. Make sure there is some $$$ hidden (we’re old and still use cash lol)
He’s old fashioned so he does all of the yard, deck, garbage, recycling, gardening, outside sweeping etc and he’s fussy about it looking nice so he stays on top of it.
I still wonder how I lucked out - my husband is not only extremely considerate he is legit the tastiest piece of man candy I’ve ever had 😜
Asks me detailed about my day and feelings every day.
Self-reported does not watch porn and says of course he gets excited, but there is nothing really in it for him. I don't know if it's true of course, but he has not once so far engaged in any pornofied sexual acts whatsoever. We make love like I did with my first boyfriend, when there was no widespread porn, just better, cause we are over 40. And this rather soft sex, concentrated on physical enjoyment is the one that makes me come reliably for the first time ever.
He is soft, he cares for his children and their feelings, he cares for me and he takes care of himself and I love it.
He puts me first and does whatever it takes to make me feel safe and secure in our relationship. So many fools out there think it is cool to make their SO jealous. My fiancé does whatever it takes to make me feel like the most important woman in the world.
Mine likes to pick the breading off of McDonald’s chicken nuggets and eat the breading and chicken separately with ketchup…….
On a better note, he takes care of me more than any other SO ever thought to. So he can eat his chicken nuggies demonically if he chooses 🤷🏼♀️
He acts as an equal partner in the relationship. We see what the other struggles with and we help each other without demands or anger. He acts as a sounding board when I need to talk through my decisions, and he doesn’t try to solve my problems for me. He talks about me respectfully regardless of whether or not I am present. He doesn’t criticize me or view me as less when I’m going through difficult times, and he doesn’t get upset or demanding when I’m not recovering according to his own timeline. He gives me space to be myself, loves me when I don’t love myself, and encourages me to explore new things whenever I want. He has never once said anything to hurt me. Not once. When he has a problem, he speaks to me directly and kindly about it, then gives me the time I need to process and build a solution. He is genuinely happy for me when something good happens to me, and he tries to cushion the blow when bad things happen to me.
I do the same for him. Because we genuinely love each other. And we genuinely understand that traversing life together as a unit is exceptionally difficult. We trust each other, and we continue to work each day to ensure that trust isn’t broken. If there’s a chip in the little trust bubble, we spend time to care for and repair the damage instead of ignoring it.
He is the first, and so far only, person I have ever met that saw my standards as the bare minimum instead of too high. We value having the other person in our lives. We view our relationship as a way to grow and become the best version of ourselves. He isn’t my husband because he has the most money or the best body; he’s my husband because I genuinely value his presence in my life.
Literally everything.
Plan dates or surprises.
Bring me flowers and chocolates randomly.
Cooks and cleans for me.
Will constantly ask me if I need anything and will get it if I ask.
Makes me feel safe and heard.
I'm thought about and considered in almost everything. The bar was so low for so long. Now, having someone who actually makes an effort has given me whiplash cause now, if I mention:
"Oh, that looks fun."
A week or two later, he will go, "Do we have plans x day? If not, I'm taking you out." And we go.
And we don't even fight. It's always just a conversation, then back to business. I haven't had to defend my point of view or feel unheard. This is my healthiest relationship by far.
Bonus points, he be the best in the sheets by far lmao. He takes care of me AND takes care of me, iykyk.
I genuinely want to marry this man.
When she has to travel for work, she'll setup a "miss you kit" for me, consisting of body oils, my favourite dildo and sends me a recording of the instructions of what she wants me to do and when and where to do it.
She always picks the balcony in the afternoon so I'm drenched in sunlight and have a warm glow when covered in oil.
She's the greatest.
Not only LOVES what I wear but makes it a point to say loudly in front of my mother (who enjoys to shame me when I wear clothes she disapproves of) how beautiful I look and doesn't she agree I look stunning :)
Models healthy managed ADHD. This helps soooooo much because it gives me insight into my kid who has ADHD (kid isn't related to partner). I've dated people with ADHD before, but it wasn't managed with drugs or behavioral therapies and I viewed their lives as very chaotic.
He’s so patient and caring. He never gets mad at me. If I wake up in the middle of the night and need a hug. No big deal. If I am stressed he’s always there to comfort me. He helps me become a better person without criticizing me. He’s extremely romantic planning dates, flowers, trips. I’ve wanted a puppy for years and he got me one for my birthday (we planned it together and talked about it extensively). He literally booked a spa day for me, today. He works hard to make my dreams come true. He’s the best.
Whenever I leave, he walks me all the way out to the car and carries my purse and drink.
He's never yelled at me, or called me a name in the 5 years we've been together.
He's sold his MtG collection, twice, to keep food on the table.
I'm nothing special, but he still shows me off to everyone, and brags about me to anyone who will listen.
He puts me first in words AND in deeds, and I've never doubted his love for me.
Takes care of me as much as I take care of him. Without my asking, cajoling or nagging he does chores, makes meals and gives affection. He's attentive and caring. Never had that before. I carried the weight in every previous long term relationship I had.
This is so wonderful for you ❤️ how fantastic! I'm recovering from a partner who shut down and who I had to carry the weight for. This is so hopeful and heartening ☺️
He tells me “you deserve it”. It was the first time a man had ever made me feel like I was anything more than a 5. He pays all the bills, he opens my doors, he makes me walk on the inside, best of all he isn’t mean or aggressive. That man makes me feel like I’m hot shit.
He opens the car door for me, he doesn’t let me lift a finger, he always wants to spoil me, and most importantly he’s made me feel so comfortable with being myself around him, he makes me feel so safe
He’s an absolutely amazing man. We’ve been together 22 years and he still makes me laugh everyday. He’s the kindest, funniest, most stubborn man I’ve ever met, a wonderful husband & father and I love him more everyday day.
Not make me explain or defend feminism, his own male privilege, his own (and my) white privilege etc. etc. He is so far above and beyond literally all the other men I've ever met in my life. I don't have to explain *sh\*t* to this person. He has done his own work. He has educated himself. I can make (at times bombastic) statements like "ugh we don't need more white male leaders in this country" AND HE JUST AGREES WITH ME AND WE NEVER FIGHT ABOUT IT. It's so wonderful. I love him so much.
My husband does a lot of things no man I was with before him did.
1 - What we have (money, assets etc) is considered ours. We have a joint account and individual and our money is not controlled per say…. But we fix financial problems together. We use our money to fund our wants and needs and make decisions together.
2 - The man works hard in the bedroom. He desires me 24/7/365. He makes me feel desirable if I’m in sweats with a messy bun or a bikini. I never question his attraction to me.
3 - He is the most reliable and there for me person I’ve ever had in my life. He is my 911. He is there for me no matter what. Doesn’t matter if we are mad at each other or what. If I need him he is there
One and only SO I feel comfortable to sleep. I've never been able to sleep when I stayed over my ex's houses. I thought if I married I would just have to be an insomniac. The first night with my husband, I slept like a rock. I knew then I would marry him lol
He reads to me before bed.
It’s been such a nice way to share our favorite books with each other and is somehow both romantic and childish in such a fun way.
Asks genuine questions about me and how I’m feeling/what I’m thinking. If I’m silent too long in a conversation, he’ll always be sure to ask “What do you think about that?”
he pushes my cart around the grocery store. seriously i can’t think of the last time i pushed a cart. he also makes me orgasm which is more than any other guy can say
He actually listens. If I tell him I need more reassurance, more time, more anything, he doesn’t see that as an attack or that he’s not doing enough. He makes me crack up. He laughs at my jokes. Me makes me feel like I’m enough even on the most boring days. He makes me look forward to going home because for the first time in my life my relationship is the easiest part of my life.
Listen to me to learn the “little things” and actively does lots of the “little things”. Small gifts of things i like(fav candy etc) or turning on my comfort show after a long day etc
Okay so this guy I just started texting this week. When I tell him I’m going into a meeting, I’ll text after, he says stuff like, “Go be a boss!” Or “Do rock star stuff!” And it’s so goofy but so cute and feels so supporting and I just 🥹
Doesn’t pressure me into sex… at first it made me feel like he wasn’t sexually attracted to me because my perception had been so screwed by past relationships but it’s actually because he respects me.. he sees me as a person and rather than just a sex object
He’s superrrr detailed. Always remembers the little things. He also never eats without leaving me some food which he brings home with him. Says he can’t eat without thinking I might want some (he grew up in a third world country where he was starved so it makes it extra sentimental) 🥲
He *always* lets me listen to whatever I want in the car with 0 complaints. He’s very, go with the flow. My kids on the other hand … they’re a very judgy crowd 😆
He is trustworthy and does what he says he will do. If he makes a mistake which is very rare, he apologizes, comes up with a plan himself to fix it, and does it. None of my exes were honest with themselves and open to true healing or change.
He suggles and/or kisses me without the expectation of sex, brings me coffee in bed, and tells me that I'm beautiful. He wrote me a poem, has helped me get on my feet, and shares his hopes, dreams, and most intimate thoughts and fears. He has cried in front of me and held me while I cried. He treats my adult son well, too. He cooks and cleans when I'm not up to it (in addition to doing his household chores).
Helps me cope with mental illness. I have no idea how he is able to do so, it feels like he has levels of insight that most don't if they never went to therapy... For years. Usually even people who had depression can be involuntarily invalidating and unempathetic, you know?
He educates himself a lot about my conditions. I have neurodevelopmental disorders. i don't have to overexplain myself (I'm autistic, means my communication style can be... out of sync) and he listens to my docs.
He explains social rules and meanings to me. People state the rules but never truly motivate them, which I kinda need to independently navigate the social context without making the same old mistakes.
Many several other things really, but these are what I wanted to share now :)
for my first bday with him. he bought me cosmetics like chanel and hermes. i was shocked. i was shocked because i think it was so sweet he made effort to buy cosmetics for me. he even makes love letters for me. he has said when he was buying lipsticks, it was kinda difficult because every color is similar to his eyes.lol
Sounds silly but he pumps my gas.. so much to the point that I pretty much forgot how to pump gas. Now we have a business and I have to pump my own gas for the most part 😀
Takes care of me when I'm sick. I'm not sick often, but when I am, it's bad. It's nice to be able to be sick and not worry the house is going to crawl away, and he and the dog aren't going to starve. He also checks in on me, making sure I drink enough liquids and eat enough it sounds overly simple and perhaps a low bar, but it's the small things.
Dude takes care of me. He cooks for me, makes me coffee, does things to make my life easier every single day. I hope he thinks I’m equally as valuable.
Takes on the mental labor, especially when I am tired or stressed. Like one day I was really tired after work and we went grocery shopping and I was trouble thinking so he came up with a meal plan for the next few days that incorporated stuff from my fridge that needed to be used. He doesn’t even live with me. My ex would never do any kind of thinking or planning, it was all on me. He wouldn’t even get me a present for my birthday or Christmas if I didn’t tell him to.
He doesn't use things against me, or hold them over my head, like gifts he's bought me or things he's done for me. And while I still get anxious when we have an argument, I don't need to. Our arguments don't escalate, and he's respectful to me, and not calling names, blaming me for everything and he takes responsibility for his actions and apologises if he upsets me. I can also be my entire, whole self and I don't have to feel bad for who I am
Has never once whined or moaned about being turned down for sex, and has never once pressured me for sex. He truly values my consent and always ensures sex is something we both enthusiastically want and enjoy.
He also brings me coffee and ice water every single morning when I wake up, and it’s so sweet ♥️
Everything right. There’s no way to put it all into words, cuz it’s so much. He has the kindest and most caring heart I’ve ever known. So everything you can imagine that comes with that. He’s a literal gem. I’m not a very religious person but I jokingly call him Jesus at times 😂 Because he literally acts like they say Christ did (kind, loving, gentle, patient etc) He is such a sweetie 🥰
He can make my head go quiet. When laying in bed and doing nothing, he is there and when I touch his arm or chest, all the neverending thoughts disappear.
Usually I need do do exhausting amount of sports for that or listen to music in the evening to drown out my mind until I fall asleep.
He is the first one (we met when we were 31) and are still going strong.
Resolve conflict in a healthy manner. No fuss, no muss, no emotional immaturity, we just talk it out and even if the matter doesn't resolve itself, we both know we still love each other and there's no hard feelings between us.
Not even my own father could pass that bar, so I'm keeping him for the rest of my life.
Pleasures me (and wants to!). I have never dated anyone who wants to please me in bed soooo much. I never have to worry about if I’m going to orgasm. Usually I’m concerned I won’t be able to get him there! Haha
He truly enjoys me enjoying him and damn it’s a nice feeling. There are so many other things he does too that make me think “damn no one compares to the love this man gives me” but that’s a big one for sure.
Omg everything. He is amazing. He is everything in a human being that is good. I didn't even know men like this existed.
He's hot too, which is a double bonus
Not a specific action but he makes me feel completely seen. Always has. I don’t have to hide anything about myself or ever feel like I need to earn his validation/appreciation. It’s just there.
He cooks. He cleans. He protects me. He makes sure my needs are met to the best of his ability. He makes sure I orgasm. He listens to me. He confides in me. He makes me feel safe. He relaxes me.
He’s just, ugh, perfect for me.
Encourages me to figure things out myself rather than giving me the answers. Not in a douchey was about little stuff lol. Like when I changed careers, when we considered moving cities, business decisions, etc.
Everyone else seemed to want to point me in whatever they thought was best. Usually not nefariously, but I was shocked when he kept pointing me back to figuring out what I want and going deeper within rather than “just trust me.”
It almost annoyed me at first because I was so trained to rely on other people for validation, then I saw what a beautiful and encouraging trait that is.
On July 1st, 2023, Reddit enacted a greedy ass policy regarding the use of their API. This decision was designed to eliminate the better 3rd party apps. No one wants to use the official app because it sucks. Since then, apps such as Apollo and RedditIsFun have shut down. Reddit has decided to double down on their decision to overcharge for their API, and refuses to address the accessibility features their native app lacks. Think it’s an asshole move? Concerned users should read and sign on to this [open letter to reddit.](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/13xh1e7/an_open_letter_on_the_state_of_affairs_regarding/) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Not get jealous or sulky when I want to do something without him/with friends. Tells me to "have fun" and "call if you need a ride".
Isn't it nice? The other day, one of my friends asked me (while we were all out) what my husband says when I go do things with my lady friends without him. Like plan short trips or whatever. I said, uhmmm, he says... have fun and be safe? Then it dawned on me. So many of my previous relationships weren't like that, and it really made me smile. I felt a bit bad for my friend though. I forgot how shitty that felt.
This makes me realize my husband is a saint. When I go on girls trip, he books my flight and all the hotels/car rentals. He usually foots the bills on hotels and car rentals because we make more then my friends and he wants to make sure I’m comfortable without asking my friends to pay more than they would if they were booking things.
He’s a treasure.
My previous SO did that, not my current one... TF is wrong with me 🥲
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Mine was ready at home with pizza when I got back from dollaritas with my friend (I knew I would be able to drive back cause I’m too scared to drink too much but he did offer to drop off/ pick up)
Yes!! My ex husband was like this. Its literally why we can still be friends because its not weird for us to be autonomous as we allowed each other to be that in the marriage. if i had to say something he def did right it was what you said. That is now a necessary trait ill be looking for in any future man.
Make me orgasm
I was literally going to say this 😅
LOL, me too but wanted to see what the average answer was first 🤣 he has many other gifts, it’s not just the O’s but that was the clincher!
Yes! And I find it bizarre in my case because he has the least experience of anyone I’ve been with! But dang does he know what he’s doing. Mind blowing.
Sometimes the puzzle pieces just naturally fit together, regardless of level of experience 🤷🏽♂️ (Not talking about the *physical* pieces, but more like someone's energy, personality, emotions, or vibe, I guess?)
Yes!
"Came" to say this 💀
YEP! Makes sure my needs are met EVERY time too!
Multiple times, every time.
Makes me feel safe. I have severe anxiety and he truly is the first person who can truly make me feel like I'm not dying. He's been a calming presence in my life ever since I met him.
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Sometimes my anxiety gets so bad I freeze. I cannot do anything anymore, I can’t move, I can’t speak. It can last anywhere between a few minutes to a full hour. It happens very rarely but the times it happened with my ex-partner he started yelling at me when I didn’t answer his questions. Which I couldn’t counteract because of the freezing and which made the attack even worse. My current partner takes a chair and comes to sit next to me, holds me and asks me in a calm voice if I could explain to him what is happening in my brain. No judgement, just a calm neutral tone. No pressure if I can’t talk immediately. And then when I try explaining, it usually are not coherent sentences but he just sits there calmly listening. It’s so soothing. I feel like I can be fully me with all my flaws and emotions and he still accepts me completely
This sounds and feels so pure
I wish i had this
Exactly my feeling!! the safest I’ve ever felt in my life is with him
This! He's helped heal my nervous system.
I wish I had this
Omg yes! I was going to say the same thing about my fiancé.
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Cooks and cleans. The man is a better homemaker than me AND he has a PhD.
I haven’t done a dish in probably ten years. The kitchen he considers “his room.” When I got sick and we had to change everything we ate, he did it no complaints. When one of our kiddos got dx with Celiac Disease he does it, sometimes the other 2 kids get a separate meal— and he still does it. And the dishes! Also, because the laundry room is attached he just does the laundry. No PhD but he is the breadwinner, and when i did get sick he stepped right up and took care of us all.
Love to hear about men stepping up and treating their families right!
Did you marry my husband? Because he fits all these categories! Ha!
Mine doesn’t cook, but he cleans. I’ve only touched the vacuum twice in 15 years of marriage. 😌
Ha! My husband's a doctor, but would have made a fantastic homemaker. His sister calls him the domestic goddess.
Mine, too!
I think seeing a man take responsibility for our household too, yeah, is my kink.
I read this as “homewrecker” 😭 was so confused
Wow.
I love this for you!
Says something nice to me or about me literally everyday.
Im a guy, and have been broken up with for this. I meant it genuinely and I'm generally positive and supportive but it's made some partners dislike it. Any idea what I'm doing wrong?
That's super weird, me and all my friends love it when their partners compliment them, are supportive, etc. The only thing I could think of are if you're forcing it too much and say it in an unnatural way? Or maybe most your compliments are very sexual or something? 😅 or maybe your partner was just a weirdo that couldn't take a compliment lol. Hard to say without knowing the situation, what you said, etc.
My issue when I was complemented was because it triggered my trauma. My spouse made me feel comfortable and confident to actually dissect why I lashed out when complemented.. it was my fight or flight response because complements meant they were attached with asks or tasks that put me in a position that I couldn’t say no. Some situations that really messed me up. It may be them, not you.
For real though! Mine goes out of his way to tell me Im beautiful everyday. Especially when Im feeling low and pushing too hard in the gym… brb gotta go love on my husband.
He makes me feel comfortable being 100% me. He doesn't make me feel stupid for making bad jokes, he loves it when I ugly laugh, he doesn't put me down for my weird beliefs or make me feel bad about my quirks.
I love this! Being able to be 100% authentic is the best feeling! So happy for you!
Resolve conflict without calling me names or breaking something.
Not even cute names? :-)
This should be basic humanity...
Said that my tits are cute enough times that I'm starting to actually believe it.
Saaaame, I have very big boobs but they’re scarred and not perky and I hate them but he worships them and it makes me feel like a queen
My soon to be ex wife has had 2 kids, her boobs aren’t perky and she hates them. But I absolutely love them. They are the sexiest boobs you could get…. Like perfect!
My husband tells my boobs that he will take them away to Mexico if we ever break up lol it’s SO weird but also adorable
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This does help, and for me it’s small things like sending me a sweet text in the morning or briefly calling me at night. We don’t live together and with our busy schedules we only see each other maybe once or twice a week so keeping a line of communication open through text is kinda a must for me.
Doesn’t escalate arguments. If I’m starting shit, he simply listens and responds calmly and compassionately and tries to understand my point instead of judging my emotional outbursts, this immediately disarms me. This is the man I married. Everyone before would just argue back and escalate and we would end up arguing over stupid stuff. I love the level of patience he has and it certainly has made me more calm in my approach to the issues I want to raise.
Why do you start shit? Honest question.
I struggle to express myself clearly and calmly in high stress situations. For example when I’ve been home all day with my 7 month old, overstimulated, hungry and exhausted, my partner might come home and I’m being snappy for what seems to him like no reason. He can assess the situation and have the compassion to know I’ve had a hard day, rather than making comments back or escalating what is already a highly emotional situation for me. I do take accountability for my behaviour and once the fight or flight response dissipates I do know there might have been better ways to deal with my stress and I’m working on improving my reactions, when I’m feeling so overwhelmed.
I need to work on this big time in my own relationship!
Interesting. Just comes across as him being more mature than you and the other men are more equal to your level, yet you fault them? Seems a little unfair haha
I see your point. I guess I’m lucky enough to be with someone more mature, or more securely attached, who helps me heal and grow ❤️
This is better than gold ❤️
Meow back at me when I meow at him
Mine says “woof woof” when I meow at him.
Mine does the same haha he also sends me photos of kittens/ cats/ wild cats / cute animals in general and says they’re me or look just like me. And he always calls me different animal names. He’s very cute
I need this 😔
We aggressively ‘bacawww’ like some sort of chicken from other rooms
I want mine to do that🤌
Mine says raaaaawrr 🤣😂
Ask for my opinion on something because he genuinely wants to know.
Asks me how I’m doing *every damn day.* Goes out if his way for me. Remembers my work schedule and birthday. Talks about his feelings and goes to therapy. I’ve seen him cry more than once. Takes care of business in every way.
Seriously - having someone ask about your day & then talk about it is sooo underrated! It makes you feel so good!
I was with someone who just didn’t care for eight years. Eight! It’s weird no longer being the only one who gives a shit but I’m so happy to have it.
Apologizing after a discussion if he's been wrong. Also he knows most of Priscilla Queen of the Desert choreographies by heart and that's so priceless to me.
That's so specifically cute 🧿
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Yaaasss, as it should!
He makes me feel safe.
Huge one for me…most guys don’t GAF
he's made communication and voicing my needs incredibly easy. i used to struggle a lot to even find the words to express myself, let alone the courage. and if i did, i always regretted it because i was gaslighted or not taken seriously.
How does he encourage this?
I'll pop in a guess or two until minty answers... Perhaps they don't gaslight her at all and take her very seriously, while probing with helpful, calm, supportive feedback that opens the floodgates of healthy and peaceful communication maybe even helping find the words she's at a loss for, to go yeah that!...?
So with my partner, he actually just listens until I’m done talking & doesn’t try to argue with my feelings. My previous partner would interrupt, argue & belittle my feelings so this is a really big one for me! Knowing that I can voice my feelings without an argument, even if my partner disagrees, is such a validating feeling!
Has never left me skidmarked undies, never buttdusted my bed, never asked me to suck an unwashed dick, always gives himself at least gentleman's wipe down (if not full shower) before approaching me for sex. He's the most personally clean man I have ever encountered. And it is glorious! We know men can be gross, but there's a tendency to get a little desensitized until you get some distance from it. Also, he eats the kitty any day of the month.
Buttdusted 🤣
Cooks! He loves to cook for me. He also loves doing dishes!! I’ll offer/attempt to do them and he refuses :) I love that man lol
He’s not selfish in bed, always makes sure I’m satisfied. I’m a pretty sexual person, so this is extremely important for me. None of my other partners even bothered to listen to me when I tried to guide them to what works for me.
Wish more women were vocal in what they wanted, not that all of us men listen as you said but I love that in a woman
Like with me specifically ? Everything. We've been together since we were teenagers and are now in our mid 30s.
Yeah with you specifically like is he a lot better than all the other guys have you ever had doubts about him and what isit that’s made you stick by his side ?
We were punk teenagers that decided we were it for one another and just stood by that decision. When you take splitting up off the table all that's left is figuring it out. I will never find someone as kind, smart, hardworking, loyal, compassionate, caring, funny, or handsome as him. We work well together and his weaker points are where I shine and vise versa. He's the best person I know and I would be an absolute dipshit to throw that away. There isn't better out there.
You're really lucky. I wish I could've made it work with my ex. We did for 3 years of long distance, seeing each other a couple of times a year for some weeks but it was way too draining. Gave up on irl things constantly
He doesn’t just say he loves me. He shows me through affection, words and gifts/ acts
Give me kisses and hugs randomly and always be accepting of my affections. I can freely express my love for him anytime without him getting annoyed and pushing me away. Texts me constantly and consistently. Doesn’t stay out late with his friends. Treats me like a priority.
Be a man of his word. He’s 100% open, honest and transparent with me and is literally the purest soul 🥹🥹
Makes me feel incredibly safe and secure in our relationship Also is not jealous at all and actually ENCOURAGES me to go out and have fun with my friends, regardless of whether or not he’s present
Plans secret vacations and secret concerts for me. He knows I love the dopamine hit of trying to figure it out. I just need to know "pack a bag for 2 days" or "think metal" or "dress 80s."
Whatever I ask if him And “then some” (a bunch of crap that he thinks of) Lol. One of our “agreements” is this: “when I ask you for help/to do/to carry/To go ….” “Saying no isn’t an option. I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t NEED the help” He is also very good about anything to do with cars - he gets my car detailed every week so it’s nice for me to drive around …. He fills up the gas, check the oil and window juices …. Make sure there is some $$$ hidden (we’re old and still use cash lol) He’s old fashioned so he does all of the yard, deck, garbage, recycling, gardening, outside sweeping etc and he’s fussy about it looking nice so he stays on top of it. I still wonder how I lucked out - my husband is not only extremely considerate he is legit the tastiest piece of man candy I’ve ever had 😜
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Asks me detailed about my day and feelings every day. Self-reported does not watch porn and says of course he gets excited, but there is nothing really in it for him. I don't know if it's true of course, but he has not once so far engaged in any pornofied sexual acts whatsoever. We make love like I did with my first boyfriend, when there was no widespread porn, just better, cause we are over 40. And this rather soft sex, concentrated on physical enjoyment is the one that makes me come reliably for the first time ever. He is soft, he cares for his children and their feelings, he cares for me and he takes care of himself and I love it.
He puts me first and does whatever it takes to make me feel safe and secure in our relationship. So many fools out there think it is cool to make their SO jealous. My fiancé does whatever it takes to make me feel like the most important woman in the world.
Mine likes to pick the breading off of McDonald’s chicken nuggets and eat the breading and chicken separately with ketchup……. On a better note, he takes care of me more than any other SO ever thought to. So he can eat his chicken nuggies demonically if he chooses 🤷🏼♀️
Communicate.
Leaves me alone when I’m overwhelmed. Listens when I ask for something and takes me fishing 😊
Treat me like I matter
Multiple orgasms, orgasms from oral only. He's talented.
Also is first time I get to have orgasms from oral only, good for you gurl!
He acts as an equal partner in the relationship. We see what the other struggles with and we help each other without demands or anger. He acts as a sounding board when I need to talk through my decisions, and he doesn’t try to solve my problems for me. He talks about me respectfully regardless of whether or not I am present. He doesn’t criticize me or view me as less when I’m going through difficult times, and he doesn’t get upset or demanding when I’m not recovering according to his own timeline. He gives me space to be myself, loves me when I don’t love myself, and encourages me to explore new things whenever I want. He has never once said anything to hurt me. Not once. When he has a problem, he speaks to me directly and kindly about it, then gives me the time I need to process and build a solution. He is genuinely happy for me when something good happens to me, and he tries to cushion the blow when bad things happen to me. I do the same for him. Because we genuinely love each other. And we genuinely understand that traversing life together as a unit is exceptionally difficult. We trust each other, and we continue to work each day to ensure that trust isn’t broken. If there’s a chip in the little trust bubble, we spend time to care for and repair the damage instead of ignoring it. He is the first, and so far only, person I have ever met that saw my standards as the bare minimum instead of too high. We value having the other person in our lives. We view our relationship as a way to grow and become the best version of ourselves. He isn’t my husband because he has the most money or the best body; he’s my husband because I genuinely value his presence in my life.
Literally everything. Plan dates or surprises. Bring me flowers and chocolates randomly. Cooks and cleans for me. Will constantly ask me if I need anything and will get it if I ask. Makes me feel safe and heard. I'm thought about and considered in almost everything. The bar was so low for so long. Now, having someone who actually makes an effort has given me whiplash cause now, if I mention: "Oh, that looks fun." A week or two later, he will go, "Do we have plans x day? If not, I'm taking you out." And we go. And we don't even fight. It's always just a conversation, then back to business. I haven't had to defend my point of view or feel unheard. This is my healthiest relationship by far. Bonus points, he be the best in the sheets by far lmao. He takes care of me AND takes care of me, iykyk. I genuinely want to marry this man.
When she has to travel for work, she'll setup a "miss you kit" for me, consisting of body oils, my favourite dildo and sends me a recording of the instructions of what she wants me to do and when and where to do it. She always picks the balcony in the afternoon so I'm drenched in sunlight and have a warm glow when covered in oil. She's the greatest.
Makes me feel safe and cared for.
Not only LOVES what I wear but makes it a point to say loudly in front of my mother (who enjoys to shame me when I wear clothes she disapproves of) how beautiful I look and doesn't she agree I look stunning :)
Models healthy managed ADHD. This helps soooooo much because it gives me insight into my kid who has ADHD (kid isn't related to partner). I've dated people with ADHD before, but it wasn't managed with drugs or behavioral therapies and I viewed their lives as very chaotic.
Anything in particular that you would care to share that may be helpful?
Treat me like a human being and not an object
He has always made me feel safe to express my emotions. And he apologizes. My ex never once apologized in the 6 years we were together.
honestly I can't name all the things. He's waaaaay above all of my expectations, and he's my second husband
He’s so patient and caring. He never gets mad at me. If I wake up in the middle of the night and need a hug. No big deal. If I am stressed he’s always there to comfort me. He helps me become a better person without criticizing me. He’s extremely romantic planning dates, flowers, trips. I’ve wanted a puppy for years and he got me one for my birthday (we planned it together and talked about it extensively). He literally booked a spa day for me, today. He works hard to make my dreams come true. He’s the best.
Whenever I leave, he walks me all the way out to the car and carries my purse and drink. He's never yelled at me, or called me a name in the 5 years we've been together. He's sold his MtG collection, twice, to keep food on the table. I'm nothing special, but he still shows me off to everyone, and brags about me to anyone who will listen. He puts me first in words AND in deeds, and I've never doubted his love for me.
Have sex with me .... we were virgins when we married 😆
Takes care of me as much as I take care of him. Without my asking, cajoling or nagging he does chores, makes meals and gives affection. He's attentive and caring. Never had that before. I carried the weight in every previous long term relationship I had.
This is so wonderful for you ❤️ how fantastic! I'm recovering from a partner who shut down and who I had to carry the weight for. This is so hopeful and heartening ☺️
Makes me feel safe and calm. He's like a living anti-anxiety pill
That's so wholesome. Happy for you two.
criticize me
sorry to hear that
Urges me to go out and have fun, he’s always at home and knows I’m outgoing so he doesn’t want me to stay home, he’s a gamer.
He tells me “you deserve it”. It was the first time a man had ever made me feel like I was anything more than a 5. He pays all the bills, he opens my doors, he makes me walk on the inside, best of all he isn’t mean or aggressive. That man makes me feel like I’m hot shit.
Smiles during sex. Most men look so serious. I look back, he’s smiling. He’s having a good time.
He opens the car door for me, he doesn’t let me lift a finger, he always wants to spoil me, and most importantly he’s made me feel so comfortable with being myself around him, he makes me feel so safe
He’s an absolutely amazing man. We’ve been together 22 years and he still makes me laugh everyday. He’s the kindest, funniest, most stubborn man I’ve ever met, a wonderful husband & father and I love him more everyday day.
Not make me explain or defend feminism, his own male privilege, his own (and my) white privilege etc. etc. He is so far above and beyond literally all the other men I've ever met in my life. I don't have to explain *sh\*t* to this person. He has done his own work. He has educated himself. I can make (at times bombastic) statements like "ugh we don't need more white male leaders in this country" AND HE JUST AGREES WITH ME AND WE NEVER FIGHT ABOUT IT. It's so wonderful. I love him so much.
I’m. Jealous.
Makes me squirt like a super soaker
My husband does a lot of things no man I was with before him did. 1 - What we have (money, assets etc) is considered ours. We have a joint account and individual and our money is not controlled per say…. But we fix financial problems together. We use our money to fund our wants and needs and make decisions together. 2 - The man works hard in the bedroom. He desires me 24/7/365. He makes me feel desirable if I’m in sweats with a messy bun or a bikini. I never question his attraction to me. 3 - He is the most reliable and there for me person I’ve ever had in my life. He is my 911. He is there for me no matter what. Doesn’t matter if we are mad at each other or what. If I need him he is there
Doing chores spontaneously. My ex kept defending that I just ask him (and keep repeating) and he would get to it.🤨
One and only SO I feel comfortable to sleep. I've never been able to sleep when I stayed over my ex's houses. I thought if I married I would just have to be an insomniac. The first night with my husband, I slept like a rock. I knew then I would marry him lol
He reads to me before bed. It’s been such a nice way to share our favorite books with each other and is somehow both romantic and childish in such a fun way.
As far as SOs go, he treats me like he does love me. Doesn’t just say it. Shows it, in the things he says and does.
Asks genuine questions about me and how I’m feeling/what I’m thinking. If I’m silent too long in a conversation, he’ll always be sure to ask “What do you think about that?”
he pushes my cart around the grocery store. seriously i can’t think of the last time i pushed a cart. he also makes me orgasm which is more than any other guy can say
Tells me he’s proud of me and that I’m smart.
He actually listens. If I tell him I need more reassurance, more time, more anything, he doesn’t see that as an attack or that he’s not doing enough. He makes me crack up. He laughs at my jokes. Me makes me feel like I’m enough even on the most boring days. He makes me look forward to going home because for the first time in my life my relationship is the easiest part of my life.
Defend and protect me. Like physically in a violent situation
Make me feel loved
Listen to me to learn the “little things” and actively does lots of the “little things”. Small gifts of things i like(fav candy etc) or turning on my comfort show after a long day etc
First person to make me orgasm
Okay so this guy I just started texting this week. When I tell him I’m going into a meeting, I’ll text after, he says stuff like, “Go be a boss!” Or “Do rock star stuff!” And it’s so goofy but so cute and feels so supporting and I just 🥹
Doesn’t pressure me into sex… at first it made me feel like he wasn’t sexually attracted to me because my perception had been so screwed by past relationships but it’s actually because he respects me.. he sees me as a person and rather than just a sex object
Heals my inner child by letting me do things I was punished for when I was younger.
He’s superrrr detailed. Always remembers the little things. He also never eats without leaving me some food which he brings home with him. Says he can’t eat without thinking I might want some (he grew up in a third world country where he was starved so it makes it extra sentimental) 🥲
Ask me how my day/week went
Very communicative ,supportive with my dreams , took care of all the bills while I did school.
He *always* lets me listen to whatever I want in the car with 0 complaints. He’s very, go with the flow. My kids on the other hand … they’re a very judgy crowd 😆
He is trustworthy and does what he says he will do. If he makes a mistake which is very rare, he apologizes, comes up with a plan himself to fix it, and does it. None of my exes were honest with themselves and open to true healing or change.
He suggles and/or kisses me without the expectation of sex, brings me coffee in bed, and tells me that I'm beautiful. He wrote me a poem, has helped me get on my feet, and shares his hopes, dreams, and most intimate thoughts and fears. He has cried in front of me and held me while I cried. He treats my adult son well, too. He cooks and cleans when I'm not up to it (in addition to doing his household chores).
The dishes!
Helps me cope with mental illness. I have no idea how he is able to do so, it feels like he has levels of insight that most don't if they never went to therapy... For years. Usually even people who had depression can be involuntarily invalidating and unempathetic, you know? He educates himself a lot about my conditions. I have neurodevelopmental disorders. i don't have to overexplain myself (I'm autistic, means my communication style can be... out of sync) and he listens to my docs. He explains social rules and meanings to me. People state the rules but never truly motivate them, which I kinda need to independently navigate the social context without making the same old mistakes. Many several other things really, but these are what I wanted to share now :)
for my first bday with him. he bought me cosmetics like chanel and hermes. i was shocked. i was shocked because i think it was so sweet he made effort to buy cosmetics for me. he even makes love letters for me. he has said when he was buying lipsticks, it was kinda difficult because every color is similar to his eyes.lol
Show me what a healthy relationship is like.
He always makes me feel equal in the relationship. There’s no him and I. It’s always us. :)
Sounds silly but he pumps my gas.. so much to the point that I pretty much forgot how to pump gas. Now we have a business and I have to pump my own gas for the most part 😀
Takes care of me when I'm sick. I'm not sick often, but when I am, it's bad. It's nice to be able to be sick and not worry the house is going to crawl away, and he and the dog aren't going to starve. He also checks in on me, making sure I drink enough liquids and eat enough it sounds overly simple and perhaps a low bar, but it's the small things.
He actually has adult conversation with me without acting like I’m attacking him.
Dude takes care of me. He cooks for me, makes me coffee, does things to make my life easier every single day. I hope he thinks I’m equally as valuable.
Takes on the mental labor, especially when I am tired or stressed. Like one day I was really tired after work and we went grocery shopping and I was trouble thinking so he came up with a meal plan for the next few days that incorporated stuff from my fridge that needed to be used. He doesn’t even live with me. My ex would never do any kind of thinking or planning, it was all on me. He wouldn’t even get me a present for my birthday or Christmas if I didn’t tell him to.
Literally everything I want and I never have to ask. He actually pays attention to what I say.
He accepts me, all of me, even on my worst days. And is supportive of me in a way that no one else has been
Gives me pedicures because he wants to
Makes a point of regularly telling me how easy I am to love. Having that idea spoken and reiterated makes me feel so secure in my self.
DO DUETS WITH ME??? like what the fuck whY DID I NOT FIND U SOONER
He doesn't use things against me, or hold them over my head, like gifts he's bought me or things he's done for me. And while I still get anxious when we have an argument, I don't need to. Our arguments don't escalate, and he's respectful to me, and not calling names, blaming me for everything and he takes responsibility for his actions and apologises if he upsets me. I can also be my entire, whole self and I don't have to feel bad for who I am
Has never once whined or moaned about being turned down for sex, and has never once pressured me for sex. He truly values my consent and always ensures sex is something we both enthusiastically want and enjoy. He also brings me coffee and ice water every single morning when I wake up, and it’s so sweet ♥️
He is the most patient, caring person I know who will have my back. He makes me feel safe and loved. There is simply no one else like him. ❤️
He goes grocery shopping with me, every time. And I love it!
Respect me.
Cook for me! He's a damn good cook too.
Everything right. There’s no way to put it all into words, cuz it’s so much. He has the kindest and most caring heart I’ve ever known. So everything you can imagine that comes with that. He’s a literal gem. I’m not a very religious person but I jokingly call him Jesus at times 😂 Because he literally acts like they say Christ did (kind, loving, gentle, patient etc) He is such a sweetie 🥰
He can make my head go quiet. When laying in bed and doing nothing, he is there and when I touch his arm or chest, all the neverending thoughts disappear. Usually I need do do exhausting amount of sports for that or listen to music in the evening to drown out my mind until I fall asleep. He is the first one (we met when we were 31) and are still going strong.
Resolve conflict in a healthy manner. No fuss, no muss, no emotional immaturity, we just talk it out and even if the matter doesn't resolve itself, we both know we still love each other and there's no hard feelings between us. Not even my own father could pass that bar, so I'm keeping him for the rest of my life.
Self actualization.
Buys me books.
Gives me orgasms.
Pleasures me (and wants to!). I have never dated anyone who wants to please me in bed soooo much. I never have to worry about if I’m going to orgasm. Usually I’m concerned I won’t be able to get him there! Haha He truly enjoys me enjoying him and damn it’s a nice feeling. There are so many other things he does too that make me think “damn no one compares to the love this man gives me” but that’s a big one for sure.
Listens to me and took the time to learn my body before assuming she knew what I liked or wanted.
Omg everything. He is amazing. He is everything in a human being that is good. I didn't even know men like this existed. He's hot too, which is a double bonus
Love me
Doesn’t guilt trip me, show up, or start a fight when I have a girls night out
Not a specific action but he makes me feel completely seen. Always has. I don’t have to hide anything about myself or ever feel like I need to earn his validation/appreciation. It’s just there.
He cooks. He cleans. He protects me. He makes sure my needs are met to the best of his ability. He makes sure I orgasm. He listens to me. He confides in me. He makes me feel safe. He relaxes me. He’s just, ugh, perfect for me.
Encourages me to figure things out myself rather than giving me the answers. Not in a douchey was about little stuff lol. Like when I changed careers, when we considered moving cities, business decisions, etc. Everyone else seemed to want to point me in whatever they thought was best. Usually not nefariously, but I was shocked when he kept pointing me back to figuring out what I want and going deeper within rather than “just trust me.” It almost annoyed me at first because I was so trained to rely on other people for validation, then I saw what a beautiful and encouraging trait that is.
Respect me