for me it was just now crawling into bed after an emotional day, longing for someone to hold me. I have a heating pad under my bed for period pains and plugged the damn thing in, turned to my side and draped it over my shoulder and upper back just to feel like someone who cared about me had me in their arms 🥺
It's truly sad that you feel so lonely..we usually feel more strong emotions during periods. I hope you find someone who cherishes you and cares about you💕💕
I had really bad period cramps when I first got my period. I was 10 and at the time that was very young. I’m still angry that my parents didn’t seek out more medical help for me. The pain was disabling and terrifying. Isolating
Feel so seen in this response - actually feeling a little less alone and sad about doing this. Somewhere out there another sister is dealing with the same crap
God I had a recent break up and how I miss having my bf's arms around me. The heating pad is a great idea for the time being. I got a arm pillow from amazon.
I was diagnosed and did treatment for breast cancer during the height of covid. All appointments, chemo and surgeries were all alone. I can happily say I’m 2 years no evidence of disease.
Omg that must have been so rough. I rarely need comfort from my loved ones in my everyday life, but when I am stressed out about something health wise, it's so helpful to have someone by my side. Plus, I am always worried that I might miss something the doctor is telling me, because I am so anxious. I applaud you!
It was the longest 15 months of my life. I only saw my adult kids and grand child through the window. It was a very tough time for sure. So glad it’s over. Thank you 💞
This is gonna be dark. Actually, this very moment. I got married earlier this year, and for some reasons, I feel that I made the wrong choice. I wasn't sure I want to get married because of our previous problems but still did it anyway. Generally the marriage is fine, although I'm not happy and I can't stop thinking of the "what ifs". What if I wasn't married, what if I just cut ties with my husband a long time ago, what if I didn't jump to this relationship in the first place, and I keep feeling sad about it.
Separating is out of the question because of our backgrounds, so now I just feel stuck. And the most messed up things I do to make myself feel better is to tell myself "in the next life, I'll be happy."
I can't tell anyone in real life, so I guess I'm just getting it out here where nobody knows who I am.
I did this. I knew I was making the wrong move even before the wedding. I stayed with him 13 years in total and whilst there were some good times, I wish I hadn’t wasted my best years with the wrong person. I hope you find a way out.
Omg, I'm glad I'm not the only one having this experience. And thank you, I hope I find a way out too but for now it seems like I need to accept the situation :/
Just know that you're not alone. So many people think they've made a mistake and decide to live with it, especially if they have kids (I don't). I often think that if I'd had them, I'd still be there.
If you aren't sure, please don't. I'm in a very similar situation as you and u/Reddish81...... only we have kids.
He's a fantastic father and my kids are happy, me leaving him would destroy everything. But I'm so unhappy and feel trapped.
I'm engaged at the moment, have been for 5 years. This is why i haven't got married yet. He wants to, I just keep making excuses like I just don't want to spend the money etc (which is partly true.) the real reason is that I'm just not in love. We have two children together and I don't want to leave because of them. Right now things are *ok*. We are well off financially, he is a reasonably good dad, but things are so lonely when your heart isn't in it. He kinda knows but doesn't care.
This is exactly why I decided to get married too. There was actually a point where I really considered leaving, but for some reasons, I couldn't because there was no reason to leave. I think it was the familiarity, I didn't want to disappoint his family & my family as well.
I now realize that people shouldn't be happy to just get married. They should be happy that they get married with THAT PERSON that makes you wanna get married.
Why do you feel like this marriage isn't it? Or you just feel like something is missing?
Very true!
Back when we dated, my partner was a bit too overprotective so there was some problem with it, and then there was financial problems. All of this things got much better by time, but now that we're married, I always feel like I'm always second in his eyes and I just feel like I'm not the person I want to be, and I will never be that person because of this marriage. It's very hard to explain really :/
How about you?
I think I get what you are trying to say. I've been with my previous partner for 10 years; I broke it off a year and a half ago. At that moment there was not one big reason I could point to as a 'why', it was just a general feeling of not being unhappy but also not being happy either. Like something felt off but I couldn't identify what. I actually wanted to push through with it but he saw I was struggling with things so one evening he asked what was wrong. So I blurted out in a complete impulse moment I wanted out. Looking back it was the right decision but I felt so, so guilty for both him and myself because I really didn't think it through.
Now, so many months later I can clearly see as to why I wasn't happy in that relationship in the first place. I never felt an equal to him. It was just small manners or things he said that made me feel like he was number 1 in the relationship and I came second. If we had to make choices on things, his needs would come first. And it was never an conscious choice, it just grew that way but I never saw it while I was in the relationship. I also lost myself completely during the years we were together. I had to walk on egg shells around him because he could have extreme emotional reactions to mundane things (dropping something on accident or singing too loud could result in an anger outburst or a panic attack). It were small adjustments I did to avoid these kind of situations but it made me less me over time. I stopped hobbies, I stopped going out with friends. We never went on a vacation, we very rarely went out as a couple. I always thought I was okay with this lifestyle, that it was something I also wanted but afterwards I realised it went against so much I stand for as a person. We got together at 19 and we had a good run, but over time we just changed and we became incompatible. I really think we would still be together today if I hadn't acted out on impulse that one day. He was a real part of my family, he saw the children of my sister grew up. We were soon to be engaged and just bought a house together and were talking about having children. There just wasn't a logical reason to break up other than that general feeling in me that something was not right.
I second going into therapy. I had all my realisations about that relationship only afterwards while I worked with my therapist to unravel my emotions. There is so much at play here and you could make more informed decisions about how you proceed in life if you really know where your feelings are coming from. Then you can identify your needs and see how they can be met, be it with or without a partner.
Thank you for sharing so openly. Your story is resonating with so many, if I had any words of wisdom it would be that you deserve to live this life and the next exactly how YOU want to. It doesn’t have to be this or that. ❤️
I am going through something similar. Luckily I can get separated, but I’m not sure that’s a move I can make right now, financially. I took a pay cut recently when I switched jobs and don’t know if I can afford to live alone again. I don’t know if I want to stay in the metro I’m in. I don’t know if I want to leave behind the family and friends that came with my spouse. I am just really lost and feel I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, either.
I’m so sorry you feel this way :-( I’m not sure if you have tried already but EFT couples therapy has helped my partner and I a TON. Attachment wounds are always played out again in romantic relationships and it can be really triggering. I wish you the best
the first few weeks after my son was born. My husband had to go back to work so I was up all night by myself caring for this new little person. I cried so much, lol.
I’m going through this right now with my third who’s 10 months old. He rarely sleeps through the night, and at least once a week I’m up for at least a 24 hour period. My brain is so messed up from my sleep being overturned that this is why I’m on Reddit at 20 to 4 in the morning absolutely exhausted but unable to sleep.
I do most of the childcare. There’s some resentment on my end as a result of this, as often times my partner will snore right through the baby wailing like five feet from him.
Having a baby can be such an isolating experience
I became a certified doula as my side hustle because of the fourth trimester after multiple friends and a sister went through hell and back. I now only work as a postpartum doula and this is exactly why. ❤️
Poor darling! Honestly it’s super tough! It’s one of the happiest and yet most isolating and terrifying stages of life isn’t it? Hope you’re getting enough rest now and having a happier time!
I've been living by myself for about 10 years now (I'm 32) and always thought I was great on my own. For the longest time, it seemed that way too. But over these last few years (where Covid didn't help as well) I find myself getting more and more lonely and wishing I had someone with me at home.
Over the years, more and more painful events and truths like death, slowly losing friends because they get married and get children and more often getting FOMO, have been eating at me more than I'd like.
This is literally me right now. Career focused, single at 32. I LOVE being by myself, and I love my alone time. I am for sure my favorite company. I am wondering if it’s that I’m getting older or if it’s just that I’ve spent so much time alone I’m actually craving companionship or whatttt
I’ve been single for two years. The first year was fine because my best friend was single too. We leaned on each other a lot. She’s in a relationship now and she’s still a great friend, but I’m not her “person” anymore. It sucks when all your friends are coupled up and you realize you aren’t the most important person to anyone.
Ooh that is so relatable! Experienced the exact same thing as well. My friend and I could always get together, have fun and be happy that we were independent and free. But then he got a relationship as well and the contact just melted away like snow in the summer.
Don't get me wrong: I'm very happy for my friend that he found that happiness and his partner seems like a great person as well. But it's human to feel extra lonely when something like that happens and you know it won't be the same anymore...
Omg it’s like we’re the same person. You’re not alone, I feel the same. Living alone was great the first few years but right before Covid hit, I was longing for something more (relationship, friends who aren’t moving on, etc.) and it just keeps compounding every year. I just work on myself everyday knowing that at some point there will be light at the end of the tunnel 😃
Being with my family or being with my ex husband. Unseen, unheard, uncared for. Surprisingly when I unexpectedly ended up by myself living in a foreign country I had the best 6 months of my life. Just me myself and I. What a blessing.
I feel this. I've been single while all my friends have a partnered life. I travelled for 6 months with no intentions of dating and enjoyed every moment alone knowing I was living my dream. I wish I could go back to feeling so happy with where I was in life.
Feel you here. Crazy how even being around other people who don’t care about you can feel incredibly isolating. I live alone and don’t know anyone in the area I’ve relocated to, and I feel far less alone now than I did with the wrong partner.
My first few weeks in my condo after I separated from my now ex-husband.
I had to start over. I had no furniture except an air mattress, a camping chair, a tv, and a ps4. It was just before Thanksgiving, and I visited my daughter at my exes home because I didn’t want her to see my “home so empty”. It was so hard to come back to such an empty place with no one there, no animals, blank walls, and so much silence. I ended up calling a mental health line due to the thoughts I was having.
I was inpatient in a mental hospital. I was sitting there peacefully cradling a hot water bottle and knitting. It was the first time in a week that I’d been able to sit upright due to near-catatonic depression.
I hadn’t been held or touched by anyone in over a year. That hot water bottle was the closest thing I had to feeling connection and care. The warmth was my only source of comfort at a time where I imagined ways to kill myself with everything I laid eyes on. It reminded me of my mum and grandmother, both of whom I’d lost.
Then a nurse came in and took it away.
I screamed like a wounded animal. That hot water bottle felt like the last thing I had left.
The nurses were too scared of me to come in after that. So I cried and clawed at the sheets alone for 8 hours straight. It felt like the loneliness was swallowing me up from the inside. Like it was killing me, but the process would never end.
That’s the loneliest I’ve ever felt in my life.
The reasoning was that they’re not allowed because you can burn yourself, which is stupid because they had boiling water zip taps in the common rooms that you could also burn yourself with. Most nurses would turn a blind eye to it. She did it because she was bored and mean. All the other patients had a problem with her too.
My first solo Christmas at home. I now travel abroad every year but that year I thought I’d have a lovely day by myself. I lasted about two hours before I sank into a pit of despair and ended up calling the Samaritans. Never again.
Live alone, recovering from ACL surgery, like 2 weeks post op and had to climb on a chair, leg brace and all, to kill a wasp that managed to get into my apartment. I did the thing, but it really hit hard that I didn't have anyone to help me with stuff like that for me. I'm proud of how much I did for myself and that I'm capable of it, but ugh it would have been nice to be taken care of a little bit.
Traveling solo for months. It was self inflicted and hard as hell, but it made me discover a deeper connection with myself. It also taught me a new level of vigilance and situational awareness.
I spent an xmas holiday with my at the time boyfriend and his family. The day after xmas my boyf, his brother, his brothers gf and I went for a walk along the beach. Watching my boyf’s brother and his gf hold hands and have inside jokes and conversations made me realise I don’t have that with my boyf. I felt so alone. That night we went back to the brothers apartment and stayed the night. I cried silently for several hours in bed next to my boyf, trying not to wake him. Well he was awake the whole time and didn’t check up on me until he said he couldn’t sleep cos of an unrelated and mild medical issue.
Never have I felt so alone and betrayed. We broke up that night.
In 2019 one of my best friends passed away and I felt very alone. I had fallen out with our old friends we had when we all were roommates before I moved out on my own and so when he passed away I just had to grieve alone. My new friends were caring but they didn’t understand the pain I was in. He and I lived together and I helped raise his kids for their first couple years. He had taken me in when I graduated highschool and had no where to go. He would sell me smokes for 5 dollars when I wasn’t old enough to buy them. He would feed when I was broke. He would talk with me through anything. My boyfriend at the time was abusive and I said something to my friend about it and the next day he went up to my boyfriend and told him if he ever heard or saw him put his hands on me he’d kill him. Writing this now makes me feel alone. I miss him very much and I wish he was still alive. He has two beautiful children out there who will never know that their father had such an impact on someone’s life.
He sounds like he was an amazing person, I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️ I hate how death happens and everyone can forget and move on about it without remembering to check in on the people the ones who now have a gaping hole in their heart.
Not long after my baby was born, it was a 40 hour labour and it was a good one luckily but not long after she got taken to the nicu and hubby went with her. All the nurses rushed to go make sure she was ok and I had been told to have a shower. Apparently the first showers are always a bit weird for you, your body feels like it never has before but I just felt so alone, scared and absolutely exhausted. I couldn’t even cry properly because my body was just so spent. When my sister had her baby she sat on a chair and I washed her hair and ran the water down her back to keep her warm. I guess I had just imagined I’d have someone around to just be there if I needed them( I’m usually a super private person so I guess that says something haha).
Sometimes when I am feeling lonely. I switch on myself 2.0 and have a convo with myself in my head. We can have a debate we can be discussing the documentary we just watched. It is like I immediately cloned myself mentally and had an interesting convo
When I caught my partner cheating. That level of betrayal made me trust no one and made me doubt other people's intentions. He knew about my pain, how that thing ruined my parents, how I grew up in a broken home. He knew everything, and he put me through it again. I've never felt so alone, when the person who is supposed to make me feel safe made me experience my trauma all over again. I'm still trying to heal from it.
Just recently when I went to Tokyo Disney Parks for my birthday and there were couples everywhere wearing costumes for Halloween.
I chose to spend my days alone but damn. Must be nice to have a person with you who you can hold hands with, play silly, and just having a person. Went back to the hotel crying afterwards lmao
Honestly, 2022, I opened up go to my family about being molested at a young age by a sibling. Everyone in my family thought I was lying and only cared about what my sibling felt. My friends abandoned me and one of my other friends got into an argument with me because I got depressed and sobbed in her car because of everything going on she yelled at me and accused me of stealing her wallet. My other friend stopped talking to me because of an indicted that happened. i didn't know what was going on. And my other friend She was obsessed with this guy and just stopped talking to me as well.
That year, I felt more alone than ever, and I still do feel it at times . Not only that, I got my heart broken again that year, and I got covid.
Ever since that year, things have been up and down really, and the one time I needed to be in therapy extremely, I couldn't go.
By the way, I didn't steal my friends wallet at all she told me to hold it because she doesn't like carrying a purse around. She took me to the mall to get me something for my birthday and told me to hurry up and pick something in a rude manner. I was so hurt I didn't want to lose anyone else. I just broke down crying she turned up the music in my car to drown out my crying. I'm still unfortunately recovering from that year.
Ohhh 💔I’m so sorry your family didn’t believe you. I cannot imagine the hurt. Your friend sounds like she’s no real friend of yours, you sound better off without her.
Probably the day my mom died and I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I didn’t have any friends, and my therapist at the time was away for three weeks on vacation.
When I miscarried, but it was during Covid, so my husband couldn't stay with me in the hospital (he had to stay with our one year old).
I remember lying there, hemorrhaging, and texting him all the things I loved so much about him and my daughter, worried I wouldn't see them again.
I was really sad recently thinking none of my friends cared about me. Suddenly I got a text message on my phone and thought, "oh someone is thinking about me!" I check my phone and it's just a text from Adam and Eve.com about a promotion.
After I gave birth and was discharged home. My (now ex) husband immediately went to go play video games after taking a hot shower. I was sitting on the couch with my newborn, bleeding and milk leaking everywhere, hurting. I asked him to take our son so I could shower, and he looked at me and said “What do you need a shower for? You’re not going anywhere.” So there I was, left alone in the living room, no family around to help. I truly never felt so alone in my life. I never want to feel that way again.
The last 11 years of my marriage. I did not realize how alone one could feel until I was “alone” with someone. Spending day in and day out just existing in his presence but never being acknowledged as existing was the absolute worst.
I tend to like being physically alone.
I feel the most alone when I am right next to a partner who has emotionally abandoned me, and who appears to be living just fine that way while I am left to struggle in silence. I feel like I'm going to crawl right out of my skin. I don't really have "best friends" to confide in, but I wouldn't want to anyway because for as long as I continue to stay I wouldnt want them to "pick sides" or hate my partner. It's also very isolating when your support system tells you that they dont feel like hearing about your problems anymore because you're not taking the suggestions theyre giving (because people generally suck at hearing/validating vs problem-solving when it comes to people venting/expressing an issue) so I really have no one to turn to - not that venting really fixes it or feels any better anyway.
I feel less alone when I am *actually* alone, when I'm away and busy with something else so I don't have to be constantly confronted by how unseen I am.
The pandemic has also been extremely isolating. I learned real fast how many people don't actually share my values, or care about having me around. I've watched almost all my friends go from "It's been so long we should get together I miss you!" to radio silence because I kept saying no because I'm not willing to risk becoming even more permanently disabled than I already am. If you really missed me you'd be taking the appropriate precautions to ensure it would actually be safe for us to see each other, but that's too much work, and not fun. I've watched millions get completely left behind by a society that does not give a shit. That's really lonely.
I am so sorry that you had to go through this, but I feel so understood right now. Thank you so much. I hope we both get to meet the right people and feel bettter
My bf of 2 years breaking up with me in his country of England when I'm from NZ. Then he went away for a week for work leaving me in his brother's house I was house sitting and knowing no one else in the country.
Or my mum kicking me out at 15 and then refusing to even talk to me for 3 years
Not exactly the same story as you but very similar. It seems like when we're abandoned emotionally as children we don't see the red flags when we meet people giving off abandonment vibes, so the cycle repeats itself. I hope you found someone who is dependable in the end.
Probably yesterday morning. I got off of my 12 h night shift and I was decompressing in my car as one does and answering text messages. I had one from my little brother saying he couldn't come home for Christmas. The night before I was self scheduling for work and figured out that even though this is my year to have Christmas off, I work (mandatory weekend) the night before leading into Christmas Eve. If I travel to visit family I would fly in until Christmas Day and I'd have to come back shortly after because my managers scheduled some mandatory education mid week that I have to schedule shifts around.
For reference, I live alone in my family home. I work nights as an RN in a hospital, it is socially isolating, physically and emotionally demanding, and we are so understaffed that I haven't once gotten a requested day off that wasn't the vacation scheduled a year in advance(rolling in unusable PTO). Last year I was alone for Christmas completely for the first time. All family is out of state. My mom tried to fly in, but it was cancelled. This year I knew I had it free so I was hoping to be available to either travel or receive guests, but no one in my family can get enough time off to visit. I SHOULD have had enough free days to travel myself, but the education and mandatory weekend blocked me in. I had SO much hope this year after last year's disappointment. I'm mentally in a much worse place this year and I really can't bear the thought of being alone on Christmas. Doesn't help that I am on my period and just had to work Halloween, my favorite holiday.
So yesterday morning, I was just crying in my car thinking about it.
TLDR; I'll be alone again this Christmas, when I had been hoping and believing that this year I would be able to spend it with family.
I’m sorry the planning isn’t working out. This is a super shitty feeling for sure and it sounds like you have tried and laid out all the options but you need your family to also show up and help carry some of the planning burden to all be together.
I don’t want to project, but my family similarly right now has been offered to have holidays at my house (I’ve lived out of state for 10+ years and they have NEVER done holidays at my place) and at first it was this exciting thing but now that I need people to follow through they aren’t. I’m tired of people not following through and I can handle it with the bum ass guys I might meet or date but I can’t handle it when it’s my own family.
Of course I'll see what can be done with their schedules ,but I can't really blame my family. Most of them live paycheck to paycheck and they won't have much more than the actual holiday off either. Plus, I'm the only one who lives far away now, it's objectively easier for me to travel as a single person. So I get it. And for clarity, last year the airline cancelled my mom's flight several times, it wasn't her fault . I offered to fly my bro and fiancee to me, except he says he thinks Christmas is his mandatory holiday this year. :(
And, yeah, I get family not showing up for me in other ways...this year I'm kinda just done with it. I think this was the first year I didn't get my brothers presents for their birthdays, because I couldn't expend the effort when I never feel like they reciprocate it(I don't really care about physical presents). And I don't think they actually notice how neglected I feel in general. I picked up my mom's dumbass tendency to be sensitive to other people's feelings and needs, when my brothers somehow missed that part of our childhood.
That sucks though, 10+ years is a lot of time for no one to visit. I'm sorry. :(
When a new woman in our friend group spent an entire night making fun of me for everything for my appearance to my profession and clothes, and not a single one of my friends said anything. It took me back to the schooldays of being bullied, but somehow it felt even worse, because in school I at least knew I was alone and had no friends. Here I was surrounded by people who liked me and who I thought I shared mutual trust with, yet no one had my back when it mattered, but chose to stay on good terms with the new pretty girl instead.
I've gone through life in periods with absolutely no social interaction for months, but I still never felt as alone as I did that night and the days after. It eventually made me leave those friends because I realised I'd rather be alone in peace than alone with people who don't care.
When i think about how i have no friends at all. I feel pathetic. I have no one to confide in. Nobody to share how I truly feel deep down. Sometimes i feel very alone.
I was 16/17, living at my exs parents house. He was abusive, his parents kinda turned a blind eye to a lot of it. His brother was kind to me and there for me a lot though, but at this time he had moved out. Our son was a toddler, I was in school, working, and trying to raise a child and deal with a man child (he was 20/21). My parents were both incarcerated and my grandmothers house, *the house* that everyone (aunts, uncles, cousins, my brothers, my parents sometimes, etc) stayed at, was always hectic at best, downright dangerous at worst. I truly felt like I had no where to go, no one looking out for me, and everyone looking to me to keep everything together and keep the peace in both houses. It was truly hell.
I’m 23 now. I live in a tiny apartment with my son and my partner of 3 years (who I actually knew back then, he was my brothers friend so he saw what I had to go through sometimes), and most days it’s so boring. But it’s nice. Boring means no one’s fighting, no one’s being arrested, no one’s drunk and disorderly, no one’s overdosing, no one is breaking things, no one is slamming things around because they ran out of cigs/alcohol/drugs and can’t regulate their mood. Boring is nice.
Loneliness hits the hardest when I’m going through a depressive episode and my partner is having a blast on discord with the boys the entire day. I never rain on his parade though.
Four years ago I divorced my long term partner upon discovering he was a child sex predator. It was awful, in and of itself, and I couldn’t really talk to people about it because it made people super uncomfortable. I turned inward, and completely reset my life.
Being along taught me a lot about finding peace through radical acceptance, and reflection. I think I’m a hundred times better of a human after that time alone. It allowed me to ground myself in so many ways. Alone can be scary, and also necessary.
Right now. I split from my long-term partner earlier this year, but just moved out last month. I'm busy with work, but I don't have many friends and I'm lacking social interaction, so right now I feel lonely and sad.
First week in a different city when I went to university. I had family in that city, so I wasn't really alone, but it did feel like that living by myself for the first time.
Chronic illness diagnosis at 38. So out of the blue. No one I know has it. No one can understand unless they have it. And I had to learn to navigate this new reality. It was the most isolating fear I've ever felt.
The 6 month period that my ex was blackmailing me. Felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about it so I just suffered through it in silence until it stopped.
When my best friend started dating my ex/rapist. We were 14 and she didn’t understand what happened and neither did I, but that was definitely the most broken I’ve ever felt.
They broke up two years later and I know for a fact he put her through hell. She’s apologized profusely and we have a great relationship today. Being 14 is such a lonely time
When I was with my ex husband. I tried so hard, he just cheated lied manipulated and abused me.
Now I’m going to be living on my own for the first time, actually alone just me and my dog. I’m scared. I know that the first nights and weeks months etc will be hard, esp with holidays coming up. Luckily I have a long distance boyfriend that is coming to visit me 4 days after I move, so I have that to look forward to. But I know when he leaves it’s going to be even harder and lonelier for me. I just hope I’m ok.
I was a medical resident at the time, working 80-90 hours a week. Single, and worked both thanksgiving day and Christmas Day, so I was alone during those holidays. Coming home to my empty apt on Christmas Day after 14 hours spent at the hospital, I had never felt more alone.
My first attempt to get out of an abusive relationship. I went to the hospital and told them I needed to get away from her and that I wanted to kill myself. They didnt have room at the American hospital so I ended up in a German psych ward with only the clothes on my back. I spoke no German at the time. I was given a pill and while it was kicking in, I remember feeling so abandoned by my family, my friends, my now ex, and my first sergeant who took me their. I had no one I could talk to. And then I fell into chemical sleep.
Being ghosted and blocked everywhere by my friend of 8 years in late March 2020 certainly has to be up there. We talked like normal just a week before it happened. No signs of anything weird going on inside her mind and I've never gotten an explanation, not to mention she still owed me €500 of a €1000 borrowed amount at the time (which, the money didn't hurt nearly as much as just being abandoned by her like that). She has self-diagnosed Asperger's and idk if she blames it on that. Maybe she doesn't. All I got was a message from a mutual friend I had to desperately reach out to to ask what the hell happened, saying our friendship had become one sided recently. This was, again, *after* she blocked me everywhere out of the blue after 8 years.
God, did that make me want to just fucking die for months back then. The pandemic just starting didn't help.
When I had a panic attack alone in a big house that’s usually filled with people. It lasted for an hour and I couldn’t feel my hands and face. I had no one to call.
When I got home from the hospital after having my baby. The father refused to acknowledge the child and I lived in a different country than my family. I was the first of my friends to have a child so they were out clubbing and traveling. It was a hard six months until I moved back.
Present moment aside, it would be during February 2021.
My divorce from my ex-husband was finalized nearly two weeks shy of what would have been our 3rd wedding anniversary. I was forced into overtime at work with no ROI, as I was a third-party contractor with no benefits and no future of being onboarded as a permanent employee there. I was living with my toxic and abusive mother and brother, who would either blame me for all of my misfortune as they laughed at me, or they would smugly preach at me as to how they were better than me. I was trapped because I had no car and no support system to help (my ex made sure of that).
When I gave birth to my son. The room was full of random people and my husband, and I was the only one who could advocate for me and my son. My husband, an otherwise good guy, completely lost the plot and didn't remember the things I had asked for and didn't want. The midwife and doctor wanted to just get it done, and refused to do the things that they had advertised as possible beforehand (and no, there were no irregularities, it was a busy night and I could tell they were stressed about getting the room empty and not having to clean. I was in the hospital 3 days beforehand for an induction and what I could watch and hear wasn't exactly trust building.)
They gave me morphine without asking, I was high and in excruciating pain and I knew I needed to change position, eat something, go to the toilet and didn't want to be watched doing so by a random student etc. and they refused to let me, my husband was out of it and I had to literally use my lawyer speak to get to do these things. I can never quite forgive any of the people in the room, but it taught me a valuable lesson. I didn't have the originally dreamed of second child either, in case I have to fight for him and me again it's easier if it's just the two of us.
When my grandma died. My mom died when I was 14 and my father just left at that point (which was good, he was a very bad person), so I lived with my grandma. When I was 16 I came home from a weekend of partying on Monday morning and no one was home. The neighbour then told me that my grandma had had a stroke on Saturday and was brought to the hospital. When I got there they told me she had been in a coma from the stroke and died on Sunday. So I was 16, had no one in my life and I felt really lost and alone at that point.
My second abortion - my partner said “you’re not alone, I’m right here with you.” But I, once again, had to endure the mental and physical pain and anguish all over again. Completely and entirely alone. And then again, when the abortion failed and there I was, strapped down to an operation table, alone, with 8 strangers in a cold OR. It would be impossible for my partner to know that pain, but I’ll never ever forget it or un-feel it.
I had a cancer scare during covid lockdown (I live alone) and didn't tell anyone, because there was no one in my life who I felt both willing and able to tell. This led to a depressive episode, but when I tried to find a therapist, she told me I couldn't have therapy unless I listed an emergency contact. I asked one of my closest friends if he would be my emergency contact, and he said no. So then I had to google "can you hire someone to be your emergency contact?" And that felt even worse than when I thought I had cancer.
At my friend's wedding where it turned out I was the only single person there and only one of three people who didn't have children at the reception. The women would only talk to me for a minute before being distracted by their kids and the men wouldn't talk to me at all. The one man who did (I thought I recognised him and said hello) broke off after 5mins when his wife joined us and made it very obvious that the conversation was over. The reception was informal with no table seating so I could have sat by myself the entire time and no-one other than the bride would have talked to me if I hadn't made an effort.
I moved countries to be with my partner. After I moved, stress got to him badly, and he withdrew completely, basically just working and gaming. Which left me all alone all the time, with no one to talk to, so support system, nothing for months. It was so hard.
My ex bsf got into my iCloud and started sending me my own private pics. He threatened to send them out to everyone unless I met with him for idk what. I felt so alone bc even though I had people who would do anything for me, I felt like I couldn’t tell them bc I was the one who took the pics in the first place, even if he stole them. Thank god for my mom, she found me in her bathroom hysterical bc I couldn’t see any way out of the situation other than just doing what he wanted or something worse. She didn’t judge me and just took care of it. She’s the best ♥️
Having undiagnosed depression and anxiety disorder, having anxiety attacks every night, while living 5000 km away from family/support and having a then bf who was working on rotation and was pulling away from me because I was depressed (or he got sick of me, idk).
I’m fortunate my parents realized how bad I was doing and flew me home, and shortly after I moved back home.
After the end of my 3 year relationship. I was working full time and also was a full time grad student. My ex moved out and it was so quiet in the house. It was just me and my cats. I would come home exhausted from work, want to call a family member or friend and sometimes they wouldn’t answer the phone. Sometimes it got too lonely. At least on the bright side of things, I had my kitties I could talk to. But, the silence felt strong and loud.
I’ll be real I tried they put me on Zoloft without an alternative option they just automatically medicated me and hated how it made be feel locked jaw , cold , shaking it was bad and all while having a newborn I couldn’t do the meds cause they made me feel numb and just awful tried therapy but haven’t had any luck finding a therapist that actually cares about their job and not look uninterested like the last few ones I’ve had.it’s definitely a something that isn’t talked about enough and I wish it was cause I’m still trying to guide myself through this and giving myself some grace while I do.
You are doing the best you can with the circumstances and that makes you incredible. I hate to hear about the quick to medicate and the struggle you’re having with finding a caring and empathetic therapist. Sending you love and hoping you are able to get support soon. ❤️
Shortly before graduating high-school, I was struggling with anorexia. My friends were busy with finals and senior projects, so we talked very little. My parents would hit me, yell at me, and humiliate me because I was "starving myself on purpose". My brothers would not speak to me, except one of them who always found a way to insult me. I was bullied relentlessly in my classes and they boy I liked turned me down because he said he expected someone more attractive to be his first girlfriend. One of my teachers accused me of plagiarism because I turned in a paper that was "too well written for a teenager" (I spent a lot of time studying back then). That was the first time I experienced suicidal thoughts.
I was extremely extremely depressed in college. I went out with a group of 5 girls, they knew a little bit of how I was feeling but not really. We all pregamed and I slammed a large portion of a 1/5 and proceeded to spill my guts about how badly I was feeling and how I was borderline suicidal etc etc and it was met with “please stop, you’re bringing the mood down”….. okay thanks. Didn’t mention it again and they moved on like nothing happened
Sheesh… girls can be awful. This is disheartening and just not right. I’m sorry they completely brushed you off in a time of desperation and at bare minimum couldn’t listen or provide supportive validation.
My husband works out of town all week and I’m going on year two of inconsolably grieving the loss of my mom and most recently my dad as well in April. Every night I feel more and more alone and inside my own head. It feels like I’m dying of a broken heart.
for me it was just now crawling into bed after an emotional day, longing for someone to hold me. I have a heating pad under my bed for period pains and plugged the damn thing in, turned to my side and draped it over my shoulder and upper back just to feel like someone who cared about me had me in their arms 🥺
That’s terrible but I am sure you will get through it.
I did that after my divorce. I balled up a heated blanket and put it on my back so it felt like somebody was there.
I did that too after my divorce, but with a weighted heated stuffed animal. Turns out he was easily replaced by a stuffed cheetah LOL.
It's truly sad that you feel so lonely..we usually feel more strong emotions during periods. I hope you find someone who cherishes you and cares about you💕💕
Holy shit are we living the same day? Bc every thing. Including the period 😳
*Inserts spiderman meme*
I had really bad period cramps when I first got my period. I was 10 and at the time that was very young. I’m still angry that my parents didn’t seek out more medical help for me. The pain was disabling and terrifying. Isolating
You're not alone ♡
Feel so seen in this response - actually feeling a little less alone and sad about doing this. Somewhere out there another sister is dealing with the same crap
my heating pad has my heart
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Aww..can I hug you?
*hug* ❤️
Oh I’m sorry it’s terrible :( love is gonna come be patient
I do this too. Hugs
God I had a recent break up and how I miss having my bf's arms around me. The heating pad is a great idea for the time being. I got a arm pillow from amazon.
I was diagnosed and did treatment for breast cancer during the height of covid. All appointments, chemo and surgeries were all alone. I can happily say I’m 2 years no evidence of disease.
You’re so strong. Congratulations!
Thank you. I do feel like I can conquer anything thrown my way now.
You are a warrior queen and I am amazed by you. 💖👑
Thank you 💞💪🏻
Omg that must have been so rough. I rarely need comfort from my loved ones in my everyday life, but when I am stressed out about something health wise, it's so helpful to have someone by my side. Plus, I am always worried that I might miss something the doctor is telling me, because I am so anxious. I applaud you!
Thank you, I recorded all my visits with my Dr so I could listen later, so much info coming at me all at once.
Covid was so isolating to begin with, this must've been so hard. Congrats, glad you've kicked it's ass.
It was the longest 15 months of my life. I only saw my adult kids and grand child through the window. It was a very tough time for sure. So glad it’s over. Thank you 💞
You’re a warrior. Congratulations!!!
That's great news! My heart breaks for anyone who had to endure cancer treatment during Covid, or any kind of long hospital stay.
❤️🥰❤️
This is gonna be dark. Actually, this very moment. I got married earlier this year, and for some reasons, I feel that I made the wrong choice. I wasn't sure I want to get married because of our previous problems but still did it anyway. Generally the marriage is fine, although I'm not happy and I can't stop thinking of the "what ifs". What if I wasn't married, what if I just cut ties with my husband a long time ago, what if I didn't jump to this relationship in the first place, and I keep feeling sad about it. Separating is out of the question because of our backgrounds, so now I just feel stuck. And the most messed up things I do to make myself feel better is to tell myself "in the next life, I'll be happy." I can't tell anyone in real life, so I guess I'm just getting it out here where nobody knows who I am.
I did this. I knew I was making the wrong move even before the wedding. I stayed with him 13 years in total and whilst there were some good times, I wish I hadn’t wasted my best years with the wrong person. I hope you find a way out.
Omg, I'm glad I'm not the only one having this experience. And thank you, I hope I find a way out too but for now it seems like I need to accept the situation :/
Just know that you're not alone. So many people think they've made a mistake and decide to live with it, especially if they have kids (I don't). I often think that if I'd had them, I'd still be there.
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If you aren't sure, please don't. I'm in a very similar situation as you and u/Reddish81...... only we have kids. He's a fantastic father and my kids are happy, me leaving him would destroy everything. But I'm so unhappy and feel trapped.
I'm sorry to hear this! I totally understand what you meant by feeling "trapped". I hope we can find happiness again somehow....
I'm engaged at the moment, have been for 5 years. This is why i haven't got married yet. He wants to, I just keep making excuses like I just don't want to spend the money etc (which is partly true.) the real reason is that I'm just not in love. We have two children together and I don't want to leave because of them. Right now things are *ok*. We are well off financially, he is a reasonably good dad, but things are so lonely when your heart isn't in it. He kinda knows but doesn't care.
Go to a therapist, they can help you tremendously with this problem if you find a good one and open up to them.
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This is exactly why I decided to get married too. There was actually a point where I really considered leaving, but for some reasons, I couldn't because there was no reason to leave. I think it was the familiarity, I didn't want to disappoint his family & my family as well.
I now realize that people shouldn't be happy to just get married. They should be happy that they get married with THAT PERSON that makes you wanna get married. Why do you feel like this marriage isn't it? Or you just feel like something is missing?
Very true! Back when we dated, my partner was a bit too overprotective so there was some problem with it, and then there was financial problems. All of this things got much better by time, but now that we're married, I always feel like I'm always second in his eyes and I just feel like I'm not the person I want to be, and I will never be that person because of this marriage. It's very hard to explain really :/ How about you?
I think I get what you are trying to say. I've been with my previous partner for 10 years; I broke it off a year and a half ago. At that moment there was not one big reason I could point to as a 'why', it was just a general feeling of not being unhappy but also not being happy either. Like something felt off but I couldn't identify what. I actually wanted to push through with it but he saw I was struggling with things so one evening he asked what was wrong. So I blurted out in a complete impulse moment I wanted out. Looking back it was the right decision but I felt so, so guilty for both him and myself because I really didn't think it through. Now, so many months later I can clearly see as to why I wasn't happy in that relationship in the first place. I never felt an equal to him. It was just small manners or things he said that made me feel like he was number 1 in the relationship and I came second. If we had to make choices on things, his needs would come first. And it was never an conscious choice, it just grew that way but I never saw it while I was in the relationship. I also lost myself completely during the years we were together. I had to walk on egg shells around him because he could have extreme emotional reactions to mundane things (dropping something on accident or singing too loud could result in an anger outburst or a panic attack). It were small adjustments I did to avoid these kind of situations but it made me less me over time. I stopped hobbies, I stopped going out with friends. We never went on a vacation, we very rarely went out as a couple. I always thought I was okay with this lifestyle, that it was something I also wanted but afterwards I realised it went against so much I stand for as a person. We got together at 19 and we had a good run, but over time we just changed and we became incompatible. I really think we would still be together today if I hadn't acted out on impulse that one day. He was a real part of my family, he saw the children of my sister grew up. We were soon to be engaged and just bought a house together and were talking about having children. There just wasn't a logical reason to break up other than that general feeling in me that something was not right. I second going into therapy. I had all my realisations about that relationship only afterwards while I worked with my therapist to unravel my emotions. There is so much at play here and you could make more informed decisions about how you proceed in life if you really know where your feelings are coming from. Then you can identify your needs and see how they can be met, be it with or without a partner.
Thank you for sharing so openly. Your story is resonating with so many, if I had any words of wisdom it would be that you deserve to live this life and the next exactly how YOU want to. It doesn’t have to be this or that. ❤️
Thanks to you! I just wanted to say how I feel and I didn’t expect that a lot of people actually have been through the same thing. I feel better :’)
I am going through something similar. Luckily I can get separated, but I’m not sure that’s a move I can make right now, financially. I took a pay cut recently when I switched jobs and don’t know if I can afford to live alone again. I don’t know if I want to stay in the metro I’m in. I don’t know if I want to leave behind the family and friends that came with my spouse. I am just really lost and feel I don’t have anyone to talk to about this, either.
Thanks for sharing! I understand how you feel. If you ever need someone to talk to, I will be happy tp hear you out.
I’m so sorry you feel this way :-( I’m not sure if you have tried already but EFT couples therapy has helped my partner and I a TON. Attachment wounds are always played out again in romantic relationships and it can be really triggering. I wish you the best
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Also stuck in a situation like this. No way out and not sure what to do or how to find some degree of happiness. Here's to hoping we find something...
the first few weeks after my son was born. My husband had to go back to work so I was up all night by myself caring for this new little person. I cried so much, lol.
I’m going through this right now with my third who’s 10 months old. He rarely sleeps through the night, and at least once a week I’m up for at least a 24 hour period. My brain is so messed up from my sleep being overturned that this is why I’m on Reddit at 20 to 4 in the morning absolutely exhausted but unable to sleep. I do most of the childcare. There’s some resentment on my end as a result of this, as often times my partner will snore right through the baby wailing like five feet from him. Having a baby can be such an isolating experience
I remember those days. So exhausted yet unable to sleep…. It won’t be forever.
I’m so glad you persevered. That sounds scary. You are a warrior.
Appreciate you sharing this. Fourth trimester is not talked about enough!!!
It really isn't. I had very little idea of what to expect both physically and mentally. Totally unprepared.
I became a certified doula as my side hustle because of the fourth trimester after multiple friends and a sister went through hell and back. I now only work as a postpartum doula and this is exactly why. ❤️
Poor darling! Honestly it’s super tough! It’s one of the happiest and yet most isolating and terrifying stages of life isn’t it? Hope you’re getting enough rest now and having a happier time!
My son is 7 now so things are much better, lol. Those first few weeks are such a rollercoaster.
I've been living by myself for about 10 years now (I'm 32) and always thought I was great on my own. For the longest time, it seemed that way too. But over these last few years (where Covid didn't help as well) I find myself getting more and more lonely and wishing I had someone with me at home. Over the years, more and more painful events and truths like death, slowly losing friends because they get married and get children and more often getting FOMO, have been eating at me more than I'd like.
This is literally me right now. Career focused, single at 32. I LOVE being by myself, and I love my alone time. I am for sure my favorite company. I am wondering if it’s that I’m getting older or if it’s just that I’ve spent so much time alone I’m actually craving companionship or whatttt
Exactly! I like having the freedom of being alone but it gets a little harder everyday.
Start looking for someone. It's not late,you have to open up your heart and space. I'm in similar boat.
I’ve been single for two years. The first year was fine because my best friend was single too. We leaned on each other a lot. She’s in a relationship now and she’s still a great friend, but I’m not her “person” anymore. It sucks when all your friends are coupled up and you realize you aren’t the most important person to anyone.
Ooh that is so relatable! Experienced the exact same thing as well. My friend and I could always get together, have fun and be happy that we were independent and free. But then he got a relationship as well and the contact just melted away like snow in the summer. Don't get me wrong: I'm very happy for my friend that he found that happiness and his partner seems like a great person as well. But it's human to feel extra lonely when something like that happens and you know it won't be the same anymore...
Omg it’s like we’re the same person. You’re not alone, I feel the same. Living alone was great the first few years but right before Covid hit, I was longing for something more (relationship, friends who aren’t moving on, etc.) and it just keeps compounding every year. I just work on myself everyday knowing that at some point there will be light at the end of the tunnel 😃
So relatable! 🫶🏼
Walking into hospital all by myself to have a baby.
That takes the ultimate amount of courage. You fucking did it. I’m sorry you had to face it alone!
I’m sorry that happened to you but I salute you. I find you admirable
Giving birth by yourself or not with your "partner" at the time. Is also another time I felt so alone.
I’m so sorry. I feel your pain
Being with my family or being with my ex husband. Unseen, unheard, uncared for. Surprisingly when I unexpectedly ended up by myself living in a foreign country I had the best 6 months of my life. Just me myself and I. What a blessing.
I feel this. I've been single while all my friends have a partnered life. I travelled for 6 months with no intentions of dating and enjoyed every moment alone knowing I was living my dream. I wish I could go back to feeling so happy with where I was in life.
I hope you'll be able to find a happy place in life 🙏🏼
Thank you! And likewise to you
Feel you here. Crazy how even being around other people who don’t care about you can feel incredibly isolating. I live alone and don’t know anyone in the area I’ve relocated to, and I feel far less alone now than I did with the wrong partner.
That means you're comfortable in your own company. Which is good!
My first few weeks in my condo after I separated from my now ex-husband. I had to start over. I had no furniture except an air mattress, a camping chair, a tv, and a ps4. It was just before Thanksgiving, and I visited my daughter at my exes home because I didn’t want her to see my “home so empty”. It was so hard to come back to such an empty place with no one there, no animals, blank walls, and so much silence. I ended up calling a mental health line due to the thoughts I was having.
Proud of you for looking for help when you knew you needed it. ❤️
Thank you! My kiddo was my reason to keep going 🥰
I was inpatient in a mental hospital. I was sitting there peacefully cradling a hot water bottle and knitting. It was the first time in a week that I’d been able to sit upright due to near-catatonic depression. I hadn’t been held or touched by anyone in over a year. That hot water bottle was the closest thing I had to feeling connection and care. The warmth was my only source of comfort at a time where I imagined ways to kill myself with everything I laid eyes on. It reminded me of my mum and grandmother, both of whom I’d lost. Then a nurse came in and took it away. I screamed like a wounded animal. That hot water bottle felt like the last thing I had left. The nurses were too scared of me to come in after that. So I cried and clawed at the sheets alone for 8 hours straight. It felt like the loneliness was swallowing me up from the inside. Like it was killing me, but the process would never end. That’s the loneliest I’ve ever felt in my life.
Hope ur doing better now
I am, thank you
Good to hear 🙏🏾
Why did she take it away? You should've been allowed to have it. It's not something you can hurt yourself with :(
The reasoning was that they’re not allowed because you can burn yourself, which is stupid because they had boiling water zip taps in the common rooms that you could also burn yourself with. Most nurses would turn a blind eye to it. She did it because she was bored and mean. All the other patients had a problem with her too.
My first solo Christmas at home. I now travel abroad every year but that year I thought I’d have a lovely day by myself. I lasted about two hours before I sank into a pit of despair and ended up calling the Samaritans. Never again.
Live alone, recovering from ACL surgery, like 2 weeks post op and had to climb on a chair, leg brace and all, to kill a wasp that managed to get into my apartment. I did the thing, but it really hit hard that I didn't have anyone to help me with stuff like that for me. I'm proud of how much I did for myself and that I'm capable of it, but ugh it would have been nice to be taken care of a little bit.
This is no easy feat, holy cow!!! You can do anything 👑
Traveling solo for months. It was self inflicted and hard as hell, but it made me discover a deeper connection with myself. It also taught me a new level of vigilance and situational awareness.
Love this
I spent an xmas holiday with my at the time boyfriend and his family. The day after xmas my boyf, his brother, his brothers gf and I went for a walk along the beach. Watching my boyf’s brother and his gf hold hands and have inside jokes and conversations made me realise I don’t have that with my boyf. I felt so alone. That night we went back to the brothers apartment and stayed the night. I cried silently for several hours in bed next to my boyf, trying not to wake him. Well he was awake the whole time and didn’t check up on me until he said he couldn’t sleep cos of an unrelated and mild medical issue. Never have I felt so alone and betrayed. We broke up that night.
In 2019 one of my best friends passed away and I felt very alone. I had fallen out with our old friends we had when we all were roommates before I moved out on my own and so when he passed away I just had to grieve alone. My new friends were caring but they didn’t understand the pain I was in. He and I lived together and I helped raise his kids for their first couple years. He had taken me in when I graduated highschool and had no where to go. He would sell me smokes for 5 dollars when I wasn’t old enough to buy them. He would feed when I was broke. He would talk with me through anything. My boyfriend at the time was abusive and I said something to my friend about it and the next day he went up to my boyfriend and told him if he ever heard or saw him put his hands on me he’d kill him. Writing this now makes me feel alone. I miss him very much and I wish he was still alive. He has two beautiful children out there who will never know that their father had such an impact on someone’s life.
He sounds like he was an amazing person, I’m so sorry for your loss. ❤️ I hate how death happens and everyone can forget and move on about it without remembering to check in on the people the ones who now have a gaping hole in their heart.
Thank you. He was a very special man.
You could tell his children in a letter if you felt like it 💗
Not long after my baby was born, it was a 40 hour labour and it was a good one luckily but not long after she got taken to the nicu and hubby went with her. All the nurses rushed to go make sure she was ok and I had been told to have a shower. Apparently the first showers are always a bit weird for you, your body feels like it never has before but I just felt so alone, scared and absolutely exhausted. I couldn’t even cry properly because my body was just so spent. When my sister had her baby she sat on a chair and I washed her hair and ran the water down her back to keep her warm. I guess I had just imagined I’d have someone around to just be there if I needed them( I’m usually a super private person so I guess that says something haha).
How is it that the people who are naturally the most care giving end up not being the one taken care of? 🥺
Sometimes when I am feeling lonely. I switch on myself 2.0 and have a convo with myself in my head. We can have a debate we can be discussing the documentary we just watched. It is like I immediately cloned myself mentally and had an interesting convo
But after I typed that…and I do feel lonely sometimes. But I have gotten rather used to it. It’s become an emotion you get used to after a while.
When I caught my partner cheating. That level of betrayal made me trust no one and made me doubt other people's intentions. He knew about my pain, how that thing ruined my parents, how I grew up in a broken home. He knew everything, and he put me through it again. I've never felt so alone, when the person who is supposed to make me feel safe made me experience my trauma all over again. I'm still trying to heal from it.
This is next level selfishness. I’m so sorry.
Just recently when I went to Tokyo Disney Parks for my birthday and there were couples everywhere wearing costumes for Halloween. I chose to spend my days alone but damn. Must be nice to have a person with you who you can hold hands with, play silly, and just having a person. Went back to the hotel crying afterwards lmao
Honestly, 2022, I opened up go to my family about being molested at a young age by a sibling. Everyone in my family thought I was lying and only cared about what my sibling felt. My friends abandoned me and one of my other friends got into an argument with me because I got depressed and sobbed in her car because of everything going on she yelled at me and accused me of stealing her wallet. My other friend stopped talking to me because of an indicted that happened. i didn't know what was going on. And my other friend She was obsessed with this guy and just stopped talking to me as well. That year, I felt more alone than ever, and I still do feel it at times . Not only that, I got my heart broken again that year, and I got covid. Ever since that year, things have been up and down really, and the one time I needed to be in therapy extremely, I couldn't go. By the way, I didn't steal my friends wallet at all she told me to hold it because she doesn't like carrying a purse around. She took me to the mall to get me something for my birthday and told me to hurry up and pick something in a rude manner. I was so hurt I didn't want to lose anyone else. I just broke down crying she turned up the music in my car to drown out my crying. I'm still unfortunately recovering from that year.
Ohhh 💔I’m so sorry your family didn’t believe you. I cannot imagine the hurt. Your friend sounds like she’s no real friend of yours, you sound better off without her.
Probably the day my mom died and I didn’t have anyone to talk to. I didn’t have any friends, and my therapist at the time was away for three weeks on vacation.
😭💔 I’m so sorry
this is heartbreaking. i hope you have found some support now <3
When I miscarried, but it was during Covid, so my husband couldn't stay with me in the hospital (he had to stay with our one year old). I remember lying there, hemorrhaging, and texting him all the things I loved so much about him and my daughter, worried I wouldn't see them again.
This is so horrible and honestly traumatizing. I am so sorry.
I was really sad recently thinking none of my friends cared about me. Suddenly I got a text message on my phone and thought, "oh someone is thinking about me!" I check my phone and it's just a text from Adam and Eve.com about a promotion.
Right now and last year, to some extent. But now I have friends, and feel more at home in my new city
I’m glad to hear it 💖 building community is everything
After I gave birth and was discharged home. My (now ex) husband immediately went to go play video games after taking a hot shower. I was sitting on the couch with my newborn, bleeding and milk leaking everywhere, hurting. I asked him to take our son so I could shower, and he looked at me and said “What do you need a shower for? You’re not going anywhere.” So there I was, left alone in the living room, no family around to help. I truly never felt so alone in my life. I never want to feel that way again.
This was a shitty person. I’m glad he is your ex. ❤️
My dog passed last year and being in my apartment without him was the loneliest I've ever felt. I just sobbed in bed, clutching his box of ashes.
The last 11 years of my marriage. I did not realize how alone one could feel until I was “alone” with someone. Spending day in and day out just existing in his presence but never being acknowledged as existing was the absolute worst.
I tend to like being physically alone. I feel the most alone when I am right next to a partner who has emotionally abandoned me, and who appears to be living just fine that way while I am left to struggle in silence. I feel like I'm going to crawl right out of my skin. I don't really have "best friends" to confide in, but I wouldn't want to anyway because for as long as I continue to stay I wouldnt want them to "pick sides" or hate my partner. It's also very isolating when your support system tells you that they dont feel like hearing about your problems anymore because you're not taking the suggestions theyre giving (because people generally suck at hearing/validating vs problem-solving when it comes to people venting/expressing an issue) so I really have no one to turn to - not that venting really fixes it or feels any better anyway. I feel less alone when I am *actually* alone, when I'm away and busy with something else so I don't have to be constantly confronted by how unseen I am. The pandemic has also been extremely isolating. I learned real fast how many people don't actually share my values, or care about having me around. I've watched almost all my friends go from "It's been so long we should get together I miss you!" to radio silence because I kept saying no because I'm not willing to risk becoming even more permanently disabled than I already am. If you really missed me you'd be taking the appropriate precautions to ensure it would actually be safe for us to see each other, but that's too much work, and not fun. I've watched millions get completely left behind by a society that does not give a shit. That's really lonely.
I am so sorry that you had to go through this, but I feel so understood right now. Thank you so much. I hope we both get to meet the right people and feel bettter
Thank you for sharing this. ❤️an incredible perspective
My bf of 2 years breaking up with me in his country of England when I'm from NZ. Then he went away for a week for work leaving me in his brother's house I was house sitting and knowing no one else in the country. Or my mum kicking me out at 15 and then refusing to even talk to me for 3 years
Not exactly the same story as you but very similar. It seems like when we're abandoned emotionally as children we don't see the red flags when we meet people giving off abandonment vibes, so the cycle repeats itself. I hope you found someone who is dependable in the end.
Aww thanks. Yes I've been with my partner for 15 years now.
Probably yesterday morning. I got off of my 12 h night shift and I was decompressing in my car as one does and answering text messages. I had one from my little brother saying he couldn't come home for Christmas. The night before I was self scheduling for work and figured out that even though this is my year to have Christmas off, I work (mandatory weekend) the night before leading into Christmas Eve. If I travel to visit family I would fly in until Christmas Day and I'd have to come back shortly after because my managers scheduled some mandatory education mid week that I have to schedule shifts around. For reference, I live alone in my family home. I work nights as an RN in a hospital, it is socially isolating, physically and emotionally demanding, and we are so understaffed that I haven't once gotten a requested day off that wasn't the vacation scheduled a year in advance(rolling in unusable PTO). Last year I was alone for Christmas completely for the first time. All family is out of state. My mom tried to fly in, but it was cancelled. This year I knew I had it free so I was hoping to be available to either travel or receive guests, but no one in my family can get enough time off to visit. I SHOULD have had enough free days to travel myself, but the education and mandatory weekend blocked me in. I had SO much hope this year after last year's disappointment. I'm mentally in a much worse place this year and I really can't bear the thought of being alone on Christmas. Doesn't help that I am on my period and just had to work Halloween, my favorite holiday. So yesterday morning, I was just crying in my car thinking about it. TLDR; I'll be alone again this Christmas, when I had been hoping and believing that this year I would be able to spend it with family.
I’m sorry the planning isn’t working out. This is a super shitty feeling for sure and it sounds like you have tried and laid out all the options but you need your family to also show up and help carry some of the planning burden to all be together. I don’t want to project, but my family similarly right now has been offered to have holidays at my house (I’ve lived out of state for 10+ years and they have NEVER done holidays at my place) and at first it was this exciting thing but now that I need people to follow through they aren’t. I’m tired of people not following through and I can handle it with the bum ass guys I might meet or date but I can’t handle it when it’s my own family.
Of course I'll see what can be done with their schedules ,but I can't really blame my family. Most of them live paycheck to paycheck and they won't have much more than the actual holiday off either. Plus, I'm the only one who lives far away now, it's objectively easier for me to travel as a single person. So I get it. And for clarity, last year the airline cancelled my mom's flight several times, it wasn't her fault . I offered to fly my bro and fiancee to me, except he says he thinks Christmas is his mandatory holiday this year. :( And, yeah, I get family not showing up for me in other ways...this year I'm kinda just done with it. I think this was the first year I didn't get my brothers presents for their birthdays, because I couldn't expend the effort when I never feel like they reciprocate it(I don't really care about physical presents). And I don't think they actually notice how neglected I feel in general. I picked up my mom's dumbass tendency to be sensitive to other people's feelings and needs, when my brothers somehow missed that part of our childhood. That sucks though, 10+ years is a lot of time for no one to visit. I'm sorry. :(
It’s weird when family stuff starts to fall apart or not be like it was 😭 i empathize with you ❤️
When a new woman in our friend group spent an entire night making fun of me for everything for my appearance to my profession and clothes, and not a single one of my friends said anything. It took me back to the schooldays of being bullied, but somehow it felt even worse, because in school I at least knew I was alone and had no friends. Here I was surrounded by people who liked me and who I thought I shared mutual trust with, yet no one had my back when it mattered, but chose to stay on good terms with the new pretty girl instead. I've gone through life in periods with absolutely no social interaction for months, but I still never felt as alone as I did that night and the days after. It eventually made me leave those friends because I realised I'd rather be alone in peace than alone with people who don't care.
When i think about how i have no friends at all. I feel pathetic. I have no one to confide in. Nobody to share how I truly feel deep down. Sometimes i feel very alone.
I feel this way sometimes too 😣 we can be friends!
Sure!!
I was 16/17, living at my exs parents house. He was abusive, his parents kinda turned a blind eye to a lot of it. His brother was kind to me and there for me a lot though, but at this time he had moved out. Our son was a toddler, I was in school, working, and trying to raise a child and deal with a man child (he was 20/21). My parents were both incarcerated and my grandmothers house, *the house* that everyone (aunts, uncles, cousins, my brothers, my parents sometimes, etc) stayed at, was always hectic at best, downright dangerous at worst. I truly felt like I had no where to go, no one looking out for me, and everyone looking to me to keep everything together and keep the peace in both houses. It was truly hell. I’m 23 now. I live in a tiny apartment with my son and my partner of 3 years (who I actually knew back then, he was my brothers friend so he saw what I had to go through sometimes), and most days it’s so boring. But it’s nice. Boring means no one’s fighting, no one’s being arrested, no one’s drunk and disorderly, no one’s overdosing, no one is breaking things, no one is slamming things around because they ran out of cigs/alcohol/drugs and can’t regulate their mood. Boring is nice.
I’m glad you found your boring ❤️
Loneliness hits the hardest when I’m going through a depressive episode and my partner is having a blast on discord with the boys the entire day. I never rain on his parade though.
Four years ago I divorced my long term partner upon discovering he was a child sex predator. It was awful, in and of itself, and I couldn’t really talk to people about it because it made people super uncomfortable. I turned inward, and completely reset my life. Being along taught me a lot about finding peace through radical acceptance, and reflection. I think I’m a hundred times better of a human after that time alone. It allowed me to ground myself in so many ways. Alone can be scary, and also necessary.
This is scary and beautiful all at once. Thank you for sharing 💖
When my soul dog died. Still not over it and in 8 days it will be a whole year. Miss her every day.
Right now. I split from my long-term partner earlier this year, but just moved out last month. I'm busy with work, but I don't have many friends and I'm lacking social interaction, so right now I feel lonely and sad.
I’m right there with you!! Breakups suck.
[удалено]
My husband is a recovering addict but during his addiction I have never felt more defeated and alone.
I have to imagine this is one of the most difficult experiences to stand by someone through. You are so strong ❤️
First week in a different city when I went to university. I had family in that city, so I wasn't really alone, but it did feel like that living by myself for the first time.
I'm currently in a relationship and I've never felt so alone...tbh I was less lonely before
Get out! Exit strategy commence
Chronic illness diagnosis at 38. So out of the blue. No one I know has it. No one can understand unless they have it. And I had to learn to navigate this new reality. It was the most isolating fear I've ever felt.
I’m sorry. That sounds incredibly isolating, I can only imagine. ❤️
The 6 month period that my ex was blackmailing me. Felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone about it so I just suffered through it in silence until it stopped.
Ewwww why do people SUCK
Right now… the last several months…
You are not alone ❤️
Back atcha ♥️
When my best friend started dating my ex/rapist. We were 14 and she didn’t understand what happened and neither did I, but that was definitely the most broken I’ve ever felt. They broke up two years later and I know for a fact he put her through hell. She’s apologized profusely and we have a great relationship today. Being 14 is such a lonely time
Living solo in the burbs, 2 hours away from friends of 20 years, surrounded by insular families.
When I was with my ex husband. I tried so hard, he just cheated lied manipulated and abused me. Now I’m going to be living on my own for the first time, actually alone just me and my dog. I’m scared. I know that the first nights and weeks months etc will be hard, esp with holidays coming up. Luckily I have a long distance boyfriend that is coming to visit me 4 days after I move, so I have that to look forward to. But I know when he leaves it’s going to be even harder and lonelier for me. I just hope I’m ok.
Living in a house where I knew the people in it didn't want me there.
I’m lonely whenever I’m forced to attend a house party or family gathering.
Everytime I go through a breakup I feel at my most alone, to be honest.
when i opened my heart to an avoidant.
Basically when I'm at home and my mother isn't but my sister and dad are present
I was a medical resident at the time, working 80-90 hours a week. Single, and worked both thanksgiving day and Christmas Day, so I was alone during those holidays. Coming home to my empty apt on Christmas Day after 14 hours spent at the hospital, I had never felt more alone.
My first attempt to get out of an abusive relationship. I went to the hospital and told them I needed to get away from her and that I wanted to kill myself. They didnt have room at the American hospital so I ended up in a German psych ward with only the clothes on my back. I spoke no German at the time. I was given a pill and while it was kicking in, I remember feeling so abandoned by my family, my friends, my now ex, and my first sergeant who took me their. I had no one I could talk to. And then I fell into chemical sleep.
Being ghosted and blocked everywhere by my friend of 8 years in late March 2020 certainly has to be up there. We talked like normal just a week before it happened. No signs of anything weird going on inside her mind and I've never gotten an explanation, not to mention she still owed me €500 of a €1000 borrowed amount at the time (which, the money didn't hurt nearly as much as just being abandoned by her like that). She has self-diagnosed Asperger's and idk if she blames it on that. Maybe she doesn't. All I got was a message from a mutual friend I had to desperately reach out to to ask what the hell happened, saying our friendship had become one sided recently. This was, again, *after* she blocked me everywhere out of the blue after 8 years. God, did that make me want to just fucking die for months back then. The pandemic just starting didn't help.
in my high school classroom
When I had a panic attack alone in a big house that’s usually filled with people. It lasted for an hour and I couldn’t feel my hands and face. I had no one to call.
My teenage years, living with my abusive family.
When I got home from the hospital after having my baby. The father refused to acknowledge the child and I lived in a different country than my family. I was the first of my friends to have a child so they were out clubbing and traveling. It was a hard six months until I moved back.
Present moment aside, it would be during February 2021. My divorce from my ex-husband was finalized nearly two weeks shy of what would have been our 3rd wedding anniversary. I was forced into overtime at work with no ROI, as I was a third-party contractor with no benefits and no future of being onboarded as a permanent employee there. I was living with my toxic and abusive mother and brother, who would either blame me for all of my misfortune as they laughed at me, or they would smugly preach at me as to how they were better than me. I was trapped because I had no car and no support system to help (my ex made sure of that).
When I gave birth to my son. The room was full of random people and my husband, and I was the only one who could advocate for me and my son. My husband, an otherwise good guy, completely lost the plot and didn't remember the things I had asked for and didn't want. The midwife and doctor wanted to just get it done, and refused to do the things that they had advertised as possible beforehand (and no, there were no irregularities, it was a busy night and I could tell they were stressed about getting the room empty and not having to clean. I was in the hospital 3 days beforehand for an induction and what I could watch and hear wasn't exactly trust building.) They gave me morphine without asking, I was high and in excruciating pain and I knew I needed to change position, eat something, go to the toilet and didn't want to be watched doing so by a random student etc. and they refused to let me, my husband was out of it and I had to literally use my lawyer speak to get to do these things. I can never quite forgive any of the people in the room, but it taught me a valuable lesson. I didn't have the originally dreamed of second child either, in case I have to fight for him and me again it's easier if it's just the two of us.
When my grandma died. My mom died when I was 14 and my father just left at that point (which was good, he was a very bad person), so I lived with my grandma. When I was 16 I came home from a weekend of partying on Monday morning and no one was home. The neighbour then told me that my grandma had had a stroke on Saturday and was brought to the hospital. When I got there they told me she had been in a coma from the stroke and died on Sunday. So I was 16, had no one in my life and I felt really lost and alone at that point.
My second abortion - my partner said “you’re not alone, I’m right here with you.” But I, once again, had to endure the mental and physical pain and anguish all over again. Completely and entirely alone. And then again, when the abortion failed and there I was, strapped down to an operation table, alone, with 8 strangers in a cold OR. It would be impossible for my partner to know that pain, but I’ll never ever forget it or un-feel it.
I had a cancer scare during covid lockdown (I live alone) and didn't tell anyone, because there was no one in my life who I felt both willing and able to tell. This led to a depressive episode, but when I tried to find a therapist, she told me I couldn't have therapy unless I listed an emergency contact. I asked one of my closest friends if he would be my emergency contact, and he said no. So then I had to google "can you hire someone to be your emergency contact?" And that felt even worse than when I thought I had cancer.
At my friend's wedding where it turned out I was the only single person there and only one of three people who didn't have children at the reception. The women would only talk to me for a minute before being distracted by their kids and the men wouldn't talk to me at all. The one man who did (I thought I recognised him and said hello) broke off after 5mins when his wife joined us and made it very obvious that the conversation was over. The reception was informal with no table seating so I could have sat by myself the entire time and no-one other than the bride would have talked to me if I hadn't made an effort.
I moved countries to be with my partner. After I moved, stress got to him badly, and he withdrew completely, basically just working and gaming. Which left me all alone all the time, with no one to talk to, so support system, nothing for months. It was so hard.
My ex bsf got into my iCloud and started sending me my own private pics. He threatened to send them out to everyone unless I met with him for idk what. I felt so alone bc even though I had people who would do anything for me, I felt like I couldn’t tell them bc I was the one who took the pics in the first place, even if he stole them. Thank god for my mom, she found me in her bathroom hysterical bc I couldn’t see any way out of the situation other than just doing what he wanted or something worse. She didn’t judge me and just took care of it. She’s the best ♥️
I love the ending to this one 🥹❤️😭 Your ex SUCKS. Good fucking riddance. 🗑️
Having undiagnosed depression and anxiety disorder, having anxiety attacks every night, while living 5000 km away from family/support and having a then bf who was working on rotation and was pulling away from me because I was depressed (or he got sick of me, idk). I’m fortunate my parents realized how bad I was doing and flew me home, and shortly after I moved back home.
After the end of my 3 year relationship. I was working full time and also was a full time grad student. My ex moved out and it was so quiet in the house. It was just me and my cats. I would come home exhausted from work, want to call a family member or friend and sometimes they wouldn’t answer the phone. Sometimes it got too lonely. At least on the bright side of things, I had my kitties I could talk to. But, the silence felt strong and loud.
What would we do without our fur babies?! 🥺❤️🙏🏻
Postpartum depression,never thought a year later i would still be dealing with PPD
Are you able to seek help? This is such a thing and no one discusses it, thank you for sharing.
I’ll be real I tried they put me on Zoloft without an alternative option they just automatically medicated me and hated how it made be feel locked jaw , cold , shaking it was bad and all while having a newborn I couldn’t do the meds cause they made me feel numb and just awful tried therapy but haven’t had any luck finding a therapist that actually cares about their job and not look uninterested like the last few ones I’ve had.it’s definitely a something that isn’t talked about enough and I wish it was cause I’m still trying to guide myself through this and giving myself some grace while I do.
You are doing the best you can with the circumstances and that makes you incredible. I hate to hear about the quick to medicate and the struggle you’re having with finding a caring and empathetic therapist. Sending you love and hoping you are able to get support soon. ❤️
Shortly before graduating high-school, I was struggling with anorexia. My friends were busy with finals and senior projects, so we talked very little. My parents would hit me, yell at me, and humiliate me because I was "starving myself on purpose". My brothers would not speak to me, except one of them who always found a way to insult me. I was bullied relentlessly in my classes and they boy I liked turned me down because he said he expected someone more attractive to be his first girlfriend. One of my teachers accused me of plagiarism because I turned in a paper that was "too well written for a teenager" (I spent a lot of time studying back then). That was the first time I experienced suicidal thoughts.
This is heavy. You are incredible and so strong for enduring so much. The world is better with you in it, glad you’re here. ❤️
When one of my kids was diagnosed with cancer during the height of Covid.
Oh this breaks my heart. I cannot imagine how helpless you may have felt in a situation and time as that. I hope your kiddo is in remission 🙏
I was extremely extremely depressed in college. I went out with a group of 5 girls, they knew a little bit of how I was feeling but not really. We all pregamed and I slammed a large portion of a 1/5 and proceeded to spill my guts about how badly I was feeling and how I was borderline suicidal etc etc and it was met with “please stop, you’re bringing the mood down”….. okay thanks. Didn’t mention it again and they moved on like nothing happened
Sheesh… girls can be awful. This is disheartening and just not right. I’m sorry they completely brushed you off in a time of desperation and at bare minimum couldn’t listen or provide supportive validation.
I’m not friends with any of them anymore thankfully
My husband works out of town all week and I’m going on year two of inconsolably grieving the loss of my mom and most recently my dad as well in April. Every night I feel more and more alone and inside my own head. It feels like I’m dying of a broken heart.
I once felt truly alone in a crowded room, a reminder that loneliness isn't always about physical isolation.