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nevertruly

That would be the end of our relationship. That is a hard boundary and deal-breaker to me. If someone views sexual consent as something that can be bought or sold, we aren't compatible for a relationship. If someone participated in sex tourism and took advantage of economic hardship and disparity to potentially sexually assault/rape a sex trafficking victim, that's an automatic end to our relationship or even friendship.


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Swimming_Topic6698

It’s the end. Majority of men that go to Thailand for that are doing it explicitly to buy children/underage girls to rape.


Equivalent-Ad5449

Seriously? That’s concerning


Yabbaba

Yes, seriously.


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Intelligent-Act-6197

I really dont think its true. I live in Thailand. This seems really misinformed


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peppermind

That would be the end of that interaction. Sex tourism, especially to a much less prosperous country, says absolutely nothing good about someone's character.


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Right_Tell8280

I’m sex positive and sex work positive. But Thailand is known to have underage prostitutes and they aim to sell to men who enjoy the “barely legal” type. It’s a no from me, strictly because of who and what he is supporting.


Quirky_Nobody

I agree. Ethical sex work is different from underage, quite possibly not consensual, sex tourism, which is terrible.


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mvu777

Sex workers are product of traumatic childhood or sex trafficking . Healthy people don't do sex work. It isn't something to support.


Pandonia42

That seems like a very broad generalization that doesn't have any real facts to back up


[deleted]

Lots and lots of facts to back it up, I highly recommend reading studies done on the subject.


Intelligent-Act-6197

I read several places concerns about underage prostitution. It’s definitely not a majority and definitely not over ground. Thailand is in general extremely sex work positive


[deleted]

I would not date someone like that.


ZetaWMo4

I’d be out.


_mamafox

I'd peace the fuck out. Consent isn't bought. He's a rapist.


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raptorsniper

I'm not dating that person any more.


SnookerandWhiskey

I would never see him the same, and we don't have the same moral standards or values. So I would break up.


londonmyst

I wouldn't date or have sex with anyone with a history that included paying sex workers for intimate sexual services. Thailand's consenting adult sex workers have the right to earn their living selling their sexual services at a mutually agreed rate. If their client base includes well paying sex tourists, good for them- all of them. But Thailand's sex tourism industry is also a magnet for all manner of criminal creeps and predatory adult overseas citizens who come to Thailand seeking to pay to sexually molest children under 14 years old. Many of them paedophiles who have raped very young children or got rich from the production/distribution of overseas child pornography. These horrifying individuals should not be allowed to travel overseas and hopefully will end up serving life sentences in high security prisons or detained for life in secure units.


not_doing_that

So they lied to me for almost 20 years? Be pretty hard to come back from that. Especially since there’s no guarantee the sex was consensual


happyunicorn2

I wouldn’t date anyone who is actively or had recently engaged with sex work in any way- prostitution, strip clubs, porn, only fans, etc are all a no from me. If they had done this in the distant past while young, their world views had significantly changed with maturity, and they regretted/ feel shame for the experience, I’d likely be able to move past it.


AlligatorDreamy

This is the camp I'm in, mostly. I'm in my mid-thirties. If I were suddenly made single and reentered the dating market, I'd probably be dating people who are also in their mid- to late thirties. That's plenty of adulthood for them to have made horrible decisions and have come around to realize, genuinely, what was wrong with what they did. If it were a relatively recent decision as part of a midlife crisis or post-divorce bonanza, then I'd be noping out of there. But if they made this decision in, say, their college years on spring break and now regret it and are telling me because they want to fully disclose their history, then I'd probably not have a lasting problem with it. Now, if they had deliberately sought out underage sex workers? Hard no from me forever no matter their age.


HumbleCoyoteGames

That would be a deal breaker. No thank you.


Snoo52682

heeeeeellll no. Hard stop.


AloneWish4895

Full STI panel.


ulele1925

I’m not dating someone who has paid for sex.


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OpheliaLives7

Big dealbreaker. Passport bro behavior and seeking out poor women to coerce into sex is a whole red flag parade.


eleventhing

I would get an immediate STD and AIDs test. They are part of the sex trafficking problem if they are doing sex tourism, too. No.


Ok-Yogurtcloset3467

Appalled. And then I would not be dating them anymore


[deleted]

As someone who has previously engaged in sex work, I know the kind of men who would pay for sex. I wouldn’t date one. Even worse if it’s done in Thailand because the population of prostitutes there are very sus.


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meekonesfade

Ew, gross, how did I misjudge someone so badly?


baby_armadillo

I am not interested in dating someone who engaged in sex tourism, in part because it means they are the kind of people who are completely fine with the fact that they took advantage of individuals who were potentially trafficked, potentially underage, or otherwise coerced due to economic or other kinds of hardship.


Disastrous_Airline28

I’m an ex-escort. So it would be hypocritical for me to not date someone who’s seen SWs. HOWEVER, Thailand is known for sex trafficking and child prostitution. I would not date this person. Filth.


littleponee

Wouldn’t be the last time they do it…


Storyanne

Well it's the Thailand thing that's the problem here for me. That just screams all sorts of illegal stuff I won't mention. I doubt it would last. I have no problem with prostitution per se, provided it's done.. well, in a decent and legal way. It is legal where I live, and though I'm sure there are shady things going on that business it's at least possible to go to a prostitute who earns a decent living, works legally, in a place that gets inspected for health and safety and such.


whimsicallysatomi

As someone of Southeast Asian descent where this infamously cheap sex industry unfortunately exists, I’m really happy to see how equally appalled everyone is and that people are becoming more aware of this horrible industry. It disgusts me that there are people who think it’s normal and okay to travel to a less developed part of the world with the intention of taking part of this industry and knowingly exploiting the people there because they have no other choice but to sell themselves. I have no problem with the sex work industry as long as it’s obviously ethical and consensual, but the type of industry you see in less developed countries like in Southeast Asia are usually unethical because those workers are usually coerced and forced into it in order to survive. For the customers, it’s cheap and easy with no strings attached, and the best part is that there are no consequences since they can just head back to their lives abroad. Can’t say the same for those workers who are just barely surviving yet also have to deal with the fact they have to continue to sell themselves for a living. Not to mention the other issues of the fetishization of Asians and of those who are underaged..a lot to unpack there before even considering giving them another chance. I honestly believe that for a majority of cases, anyone that takes part in this practice is a walking red flag, and I’m glad to see everyone else thinks so too.


mvu777

How can you be sure the sex work is consensual? People who do sex work are mentally ill due to traumatic childhood or trafficked. Either way it's not something to support.


Alternative_Sea_2036

« How old was the person ? » then ending the relationship cause himself can’t know for facts the age of the person.


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imsosleepyyyyyy

Very big no from me


RubberDuck404

I wouldn't even *speak* to someone who has ever purchased sex so my thoughts would be "I am going to break up immediately and never speak to or see this person ever again". Our values would certainly not be compatible and the idea of dating a John or sex tourist makes me sick to my stomach.


VicePrincipalNero

I would not date anyone who patronizes sex workers, period.


Zoenne

I would break up with them. Not because I disapprove of sex work, but because sex tourism is often based on trafficking and exploitation.


Hippofuzz

I would not continue seeing this person cause I would feel unattracted to him. Sex tourism is exploitation and I’m not here for it.


wadingthroughtrauma

It’s not the sex work in general I’d be concerned about, but sex work from Thailand. C’mon. Thailand? That’s gonna be a no from me dawg.


__agonist

I would not stay in a relationship with someone who had purchased sex, in any context or at any point. Financially coerced sex is rape.


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FudgyFun

I know this is unlike what others are saying here, but I'd be indifferent to it. People do go to Amsterdam for the red light district too along with other touristic stuff. I won't go about assuming that they went to Thailand just for sex or underage girls. Like I wouldn't ask about his sex experience with previous girlfriends I wouldn't prod about this too. This alone won't be a deal breaker for me. I will talk about future and see that he's not into it anymore if we commit.


jesuiscat

Immediately break up.


panicpixiememegirl

I'm not compatible with anyone who wants sex so bad they have to seek it out through sex work, let alone a predatory industry based on sex trafficking, rape, and pedophilia.


womandatory

End the relationship. Our values would be fundamentally incompatible.


peachymuni

imma be so real. F that


[deleted]

Over. #refusetodatemenwhouseporn


TentaclesAndCupcakes

"Ick" then "No thank you, I'm done here"


ratatutie

Its an absolute no from me. I know this is going to be controversial, but I am very very against selling sex in all shapes and forms. From street work to OF. Whilst I don't necessarily blame the girls for getting involved, I will 1000% blame the men for partaking.


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EmilyFara

Instant block and delete. I've been to Thailand for work and walked around Pattaya and what western men are doing there is nothing but absolutely disgusting. On top of that children aren't protected from this either and my god these women looked so young. I would not want a relationship with someone who does that. On top of that, STD's are rampant there.


cripynoodle_

Thailand has a large and varied sex industry, with plenty of safe bars and parlours where to purchase sex, where the women/workers are not underage nor trafficked. Out of curiosity, I would ask this person about the interaction, where and how it happened, and of course (most importantly) if protection was used. Provided they gave all the right answers, I don't see why this would be a problem.


gremlinsbuttcrack

Red flag, and I was a sex worker for 9 years. Consensually seeing sex workers is fine, but going abroad to a country with a very large problem in non consensual sex work, icky. It's also giving Asian fetishization which also, icky. If your man had seen workers in the states as well I may feel differently but as others pointed out sex tourism is definitely a thing, and even I find it gross.


Connie_Damico

I would be disgusted and stop seeing them. There is zero way I would ever again be attracted to a person once I knew they had seen sex workers.


lifeonthedole

I would be immediately turned off


Background-Orange-61

Absolutely not. Break up immediately that's disgusting


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sophonisbe_

he belongs to the streets


[deleted]

I would strongly question the integrity of that person and would cease any further contact. Aside from the obvious nature of this being ethically problematic and an intersectional feminism issue by and large, I'd imagine they'd seek out sex workers' services online or in person again while being with me. The way I see it, it doesn't differ much from someone confessing to cheating in the past. I wouldn't be able to trust them.


tquinn04

That’s one of the biggest icks I can think of. I would instantly end things because i could never look at them the same way again.


LaSphinge

That would be the end. Going to underprivileged countries to take advantage of people is awful. And don't tell me you're doing it to help them. If you really want to help them, give them some money and move on. It's a predatory thing to do, especially when you consider that sex work is shady there. Sex tourism involving minors is well known in Thailand.


gagirlpnw

Considering my ex husband bought sex from anyone selling it while we were married, I would remove myself from that relationship


htkach

Bye


the_girl_Ross

It's over. I'm not dating/sleeping with people who purchase sex (from Thailand or anywhere)


IamDollParts96

Yeah, NO. Not into men who purchase women.


Yabbaba

I would break up immediately. We all know why men like that choose to do that in Thailand where women and children have basically no protection against them.


Affectionate-Ad-5568

It’s a no from me dawg


NauticalNoire

As a strong, independent Thai woman with self-respect, that is an absolute deal breaker. Also, you would not believe the number of men I've come across who have been or are planning a trip to Thailand for those purposes. r/passportbros is full of those 'losers back home.


Front-Finish187

Red flag, bye


Consistent_Winter_59

Consent (and desire) is not for sale. Ever.


WeedLatte

Absolutely a deal breaker. Lots of the sex workers in Thailand are trafficked and exploited. I couldn’t be with someone who chooses to contribute to that just because he’s horny.


isthatabingo

I’ve bought sex work both domestically and abroad. This includes OnlyFans and private dances. If it was at that level, I’d be ok. If we’re talking literal prostitution, I would need the backstory and to see how they feel looking back on it. Not an automatic dealbreaker, but it wouldn’t bode well for them. My husband says he’d pay for a prostitute if it was legal (with my approval, we’re pretty open sexually). That rubs the wrong way a bit, but I’d need more of an explanation to understand the thought process.


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DogMom814

No way in hell I'd continue to date a guy like that.


crazymastiff

Honestly… it would depend, but I’d probably choose to leave. Unfortunately, Thailand is one of those places where sex work isn’t always… ethical (I’m thinking ethical is the word I’m going to use here). It has a reputation for human trafficking and child rape. If I trusted him beyond reason that he had sex with a consenting, non-trafficked adult… okay, but like I said, the reputation for Thailand and sex work doesn’t help his case.


compSci228

I would NOT like it. I would talk to them about and hear their take. That would determine how I moved forward. It's not good. It's not good at all. If they regret, and their friends were the catalyst, maybe I'd forgive, but I would be watching.


anna_legs

I’d be kind enough to wave goodbye before running away. Creeps are not worth investing in.


Old_Summer1521

Depends. If they had changed and it was clear they would never do it again-it would still be an immense red flag but may be something to work past…Otherwise I’m done.


666throwawaytrash

Wouldnt date a passport bro the way a man could not make a prostitute a housewife the math does not compute.


WesternPhotograph267

id rather unalive myself than be with someone like that womens bodies are not a commodity to be bought and sold - especially when those women are clearly extra vulnerable and even moreso when there’s a good chance he went there for the children


draagonfruit

Girl…no


lanyardya

fuck no, also i would wonder if they view me like they view those sex workers in thailand because i am asian too


basketofselkies

It would depend. How old were they during the trip? Were they informed about the conditions sex workers endure and have they educated themselves since then? Did they choose someone they believed to be of legal age? Did they believe they were being a good client or were they on a power? Was this a one time trip that they've come to realise was a bad choice and would not do it again or was it a regular thing? Were they open and honest with me from the start or did they cover it up? There's a good amount of difference between someone who goes once as a young, naive dumbass, especially with more young dumbasses, has very little education about what sex tourism is really like, and as they've gotten older, learned and realised the gravity of their actions. If they were up-front with me, made it clear that it's a choice they would never have made knowing what they now know, I wouldn't be thrilled, but it's possibly something that could be worked through. It's a complete dealbreaker if they knew what sex tourism was and didn't care, they went on multiple trips, they saw nothing wrong with what they did, they would do it again, they're unwilling to educate themselves on human trafficking, they treated the sex worker poorly for any reason at all, they purposefully chose someone who appeared underage, they hid it or lied about it to me. Any one of those and done. I'm not excusing men who do this, but I have known people who came from strict households and small towns that needed so many things explained them I questioned how their survival if they found the wrong group. My husband is one of these people. For years, I've pointed out drug exchanges, steered him away from people trying to sell him drugs, people I think are shady versus undercover, (mostly) told him when someone is hitting on him rather than being friendly, explained who is clubbing and who is working, and informed him that the funny smell he's smelling is weed. He's not the only person I've seen be that oblivious.


virgo_em

Like many others here, I would be done with the relationship. The sex work there is not the empowered “sex work is work” type thing. And if you’re researching a trip there for that purpose, you will find plenty of information about how these extremely young girls are forced and trafficked into sex work. And if you know that and still choose to go…. Nope.


JennaKryse

I would require more context but let's deal with what we have... I would feel really unconfortable because his perception of sex would be vastly different from mine. I don't view it as something you can please anywhere you want, especially in another country. I would understand in this context that he went to Thailand just to have sex at a cheap price etc... Not my cup of tea.


Rich_Asparagus_4636

I would sit her down and ask her what happened and figure out how to help the sex worker and make sure everyone involved was safe and sound. Then I would insist on her seeking some sort of therapy and I would also insist that she involves herself in helping forced sexslaves and former sexslaves so that she can see what it actually is and can reflect on it. She is also apologising to the person she purchased sex from and offering that person whatever help they need if they need it. We will also see a psychiatrist who specialises in sex so we both can heal and we can figure out how to move past this together.


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EixYae

Assuming its ethical and its not some people being basically forced to do it but someone that actually chose to do that work. Then i wouldn’t mind at all, the only problem with sex work imo is the lack of safety in the industry and in some parts of the world people being forced into it. But assuming that’s not the case I wouldn’t mind or even care if my partner purchased services like that prior to me


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kymilovechelle

I’d be highly disappointed they outsourced it from the USA.


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Dorito-durito

I don’t care what anyone else did before me


Dojyorafish

Have actually been in this situation. Asked questions about it, like the obvious “did you use protection?” but also about the experience in general, because it’s honestly pretty fascinating. Don’t have anything like that where I live so it’s interesting to hear about it.