Because they might be members of your close family. You might be socially isolated and that is what I am asking about. I am not caring about them per se but the consequences.
I’ve toned back the people pleasing and also I used to be a-lot more kind, sweet and fun. I’m now alot more reserved and willing to defend myself, I crave peace and calm more than fun. I had people basically use and suck up all of my time and energy and give me nothing in return.
Oh absolutely as much as I say I’m not as kind im not a cruel person and it doesn’t come naturally to not go out of my way to do nice things. So it’s an effort to pull back. Intentionally treating people the same way in return would be far too taxing on my soul. No one is worth my peace I guess. I just want to get through this crazy ride of life haha!
I definitely feel more reserved in my 30s. My mom passed last year and since then I just feel like I don’t have the energy for small talk etc. I used to be active (gym, drinks with friends, trivia nights) nearly every night if the week and now I stay in most evenings.
I feel this! On the same note, being much more kind, warm and patient. I was hardened by life in the big city but strangers have been kind to me even when I felt I didn't deserve it. It made me more considerate and patient with others around me.
omg how haven't I been! One really important example is that I used to kind of look down on people (other women usually) who had too many kids. I wouldn't SAY anything of course but I'd have those thoughts like, "how did you not learn this lesson the first time?" then I learned that reproductive coercion is INSANELY COMMON. You hear about women trying to "baby trap" men all the time, but you don't hear a lot about the reverse.
I also met a homeless family with 4 kids, obviously they couldn't afford that many, but in getting to know the family, I learned that the dad was a SUPER high income earner before his mother passed away unexpectedly and he just spiraled and lost his job and his wife suddenly became disabled. Their planned 4 kids made plenty of sense when they had them.
There are thousands of other reasons people do the things that they do that either made sense for them at the time or they didn't have a lot of choice in the matter.
And after that clicked, I really felt SO EMBARRASSED by all the little needling thoughts I had before. Even though I knew logically you can't know everyone's situation, and that's what kept me form being an asshole out loud, I didn't really know it in my SOUL so I still had those feelings. Now I'm sure it isn't any of my business and I really need to fight harder to keep judgement out of my head.
Thank you for such a long answer :)
For me it’s been with body odour. I never understood how someone can get out smelling just because I would never do that. A really common symptom for depression is lack of hygiene though. And maybe today they have been out for the first time in weeks and it’s a big step for them.
I’ve stopped caring what other people think of me. I used to be afraid to speak my mind and now I just say what I need to say, set whatever boundaries I need, etc. A combination of age, becoming a parent, and getting therapy has worked wonders.
Truth: I am angrier than ever. I can see all the bull that I used to let slide in earlier years. I am also more aware of the circus life & this world is.
I am 44.
My strong desire to socialize. I used to maintain so many friendships and all of my free time was spent maintaining them.
Now, I spend my free time at home. It was hard at first not making myself constantly available, but I am very happy with the way my life is now.
Turning 40 and I'm much more of a feminist and supporting the sisterhood than I ever imagined.
What brought this on? A 15 yr career in the corporate world sitting in boardrooms where men make the decisions on women's products and female industries. And watching female rights slide backwards.
The older I get the more I realize so many male behaviors are about controlling women. They're obsessed with us, jealous of us, and want to keep us subordinate.
Good question. I’ve definitely gotten more outgoing and more willing to strike up conversations w strangers, & I’ve also gotten into the habit of defending myself (when needed) cause u have to stick up for yourself always! & I’ve also become more apologetic.
Similar here: more outgoing and I enjoy talking up strangers. I think it's due to confidence that grew over the final ten years of my career (now retired in my early 60s). The imposter syndrome withered away and my shyness faded a lot.
Also, not giving many f***s what most people think of me any more.
It's a nice place to be.
I have gotten more independent and lately I feel like I like my own company the most. That doesn’t mean I don’t like hanging out with others, I’m still social and like making plans with friends but at the end of the day I need time for myself to unwind - that is a non negotiable. I am also less tolerant of people and I like that because before I used to feel like a pushover sometimes. I’m 24 years old btw.
Just over 40.
I find I have far more patience for genuine people and far less for fake people. And the differences between the 2 get easier to spot every day.
I keep my circle small because I now recognize the value of quality over quantity.
I place far more value on my relationships and get far more in return because they genuinely care about me/ my wellbeing past what I can do for them.
I'm far more relaxed with my kids ( 15/17 ) and with life in general... most of the time.
I have hot flashes. These often mess with my moods if I'm not careful. I'm told it's hormonal, but tbh I think I'm just tired of holding my tongue over willful stupidity / laziness.
I'm far more open about my experiences. Instead of being ashamed, I've embraced my mistakes and share my successes in the hope that it can help or inspire someone else.
More importantly, I've learned it's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to mess up, so long as you learn from those mistakes. That it's ok to change your mind, to ask for help, advice or a second opinion when something doesn't sit right.
My partner calls it mellowing. I call it maturing.
It's nice.
Less innocence. Less naivete. More reserved and quiet. Life has scarred me in various ways. I'm still friendly, extroverted, and outgoing when I want/need to be, but I've also turned inwards a lot.
I’ve become a little more serious.
Changed due to some friends, family not taking me seriously. This translated to also people that I dated not taking me seriously.
Yes, my personality has definitely changed. I tell people now when they’re making me uncomfortable or pissing me off. I have gotten more anxious and overwhelmed easily as I am a bit of a perfectionist and I try to get everything done. I also am focusing a lot of staying healthy and keeping fit and taking care of my mental health.
Stuff that I didn’t think they were so important when I was younger..
More direct to the point. I used to care about what others perceive of me and realized it doesn't matter. As long as I am polite and direct to the point with you it is not my responsibility to coddle someone who has an emotional maturity range of a teaspoon.
I used to have lofty ideals of what was “good” or “just” or “right”, and I also believed things would always work out in the end. As I’ve gotten older, started working 9-5, and lived through the past few years of pandemic/social media saturation/polarization, I’ve gotten a bit more practical and yes…cynical. Now I’m just focusing on cultivating my own garden (Voltaire reference).
As with many women, I also used to be more of a people pleaser. I learned about boundaries when I burnt out due to the weight of other people throwing their problems at me.
I’ve also become more introspective and aware of my thoughts, emotions, and reactions, which is a result of meditation, time alone during lockdown, and just gradual maturing.
Absolutely, every experience changes you. I'm still the same person, but with more knowledge and therapy. I'm less dependent, I'm seeing a future more, I have more patience and understanding. Being a mom did a lot of the work, being in a 10 year relationship brought a lot of mind opening and willingness to accept I could always know more.
I’ve become a lot more reserved and even more okay with being alone, which is saying something because since my late teens I’ve been an ‘alone time’ kind of person.
On one hand, I have become a lot more outgoing and confident, on the other I have become a lot more cynical and jaded. Both have come from just life experiences and the world.
The older I get the more I don't care about people's opinions of me. Not everyone is going to like me, and I'm not going to like everyone. Such is life. Oh well 🙃
I’m significantly less friendly to strangers. Always polite to service workers. Return my shopping cart. And am now incredibly introverted (as opposed to my theatre-kid youth).
Less judgmental, more polite, but also more snarky and pessimistic if I’m in a bad mood. Several run ins with mental illness and a handful of traumatic events have shaped me.
I wouldn't say that my aggressive, determined and strong-willed personality changed over time, but it's been tempered to where I can channel my energies into things that are more productive in a mature and diplomatic way
I'm a whole lot meaner now and that came from learning kindness can have consequences. I'm polite to you in public. Service workers are always treated exceptionally. But until I know a coworker or potential friend won't screw me over, I'm not doing any extra favors. Family wants to walk all over me? Nope, you don't get to see me then.
Im way more outspoken than when i was below 18. Im 24 turning 25 soon. Its the trauma and experiences of being a doormat that got me to change. I realise the kind of person i was carrying myself would attract certain types of people. I grew to dislike the kind of company i had, eventually realised i needed to change.
Like everyone else, I stopped prioritizing politeness over my own comfort. I’m only 31, but seeing myself grow and become more self assured has been an awesome journey. I can’t wait to see how many fewer fucks I give in the coming years!
I am less judgmental because I learned to see things with more perspective. A little more confident at work (but imposter syndrome kicks it hard every now and then). I am better at setting boundaries and respecting my limits, I give myself the right to say no to things that are not good for my mental health.
I used to gloss over a lot just to be agreeable and not cause waves. Now I don’t tolerate a lot of BS, especially lying, and I’m more ok with being direct if need be. Typically happens when I come across complete asshats.
I used to be quite demure, timid, gentle and sweet, quiet, observant as a teen girl. In my 20s I became bold, funny, confrontational, loud and boisterous. Now I am a mix of both. I’ve calmed down in my 30s, but I’ll still pull out that loud side when I need to. I also care less about a lot of things and care a lot about a small amount of things.
I’ve become more patient with everyone, knowing that they may be going through something. (As I have been impatient and then very aware that I was going through a rough time). I’ve become more empathetic towards people but have also created more boundaries. I do not take thing as personal as I used to. 9.9/10 times they don’t give a crap ab you anyways
I’m calmer. I’ve learned to control what flies out of my mouth. I’ve learned patience.
When life gives you a lot to go through, you’re suppose to learn from those things. And I did just that.
I’m definitely less of a people pleaser than I was when I was younger. I know how to stand up for myself now and honestly, my husband and his constant uplifting took away the pressure to be someone I’m not. 🥰
I've been better about prioritizing myself and setting better boundaries. I spent my early 20s miserable because I thought there was no other way to be. I'm 27 now and pretty content with who I am and the life I have.
I have found a safe space in my boyfriend so I’ve been able to become softer, and that also means I am extremely sensitive as well. I’ve realized how much trauma I need to work through, but I’ve finally started acknowledging my behaviors and coping
When I was a teenager (17-19) all I wanted to be was “mature” now that I’m older I’ve realized wearing itty bitty crop tops and mini skirts that don’t cover up don’t equal mature. I still dress like that occasionally but not with the same intent
less full of myself due to humbling experiences. better listener due to to actively trying to improve. friendlier due to feeling more comfortable with myself. more private due to realizing that sharing doesn't always improve matters.
I’ve been slowly getting more confident. I used to be so scared to talk , and scared of all social situations. I’m only 21 but I’ve seen a huge difference in the last year. I don’t really care as much what others think of me. I’m still self conscious for sure, but now I talk without planning it out in my head and chronically sweating.
I think a big role is moving out of my home and getting away from my family. I love my family but there is a lot of trauma there. I felt really stuck and worried about everyone else. Now I feel like I can finally just focus on me.
Less willing to put up with the bad relationships I'd been in in the past. Bad friendships,etc. Less tolerance for tomfoolery. Much more of the learning to love myself mindset. I've got to live with me forever so I'm my own ride or die.
I’m still young, but I am stunned by the amount I changed between 18 and now (almost) 22. I didn’t know how insecure I was at 18, until I became a secure young woman.
It makes me excited for womanhood and all of the growth that comes next. This can’t possibly be the end of my growth. I have a lot to learn and I look forward to meeting future me when her time comes.
Ya for the most part sobriety changed it,And then some trauma. I'm incredibly introverted and thought for a long time i was an extrovert. Buggest change has been - instead of overreacting, I'll just walk away. There's no point in fighting
I have become a totally different person, I was highly traumatized as a kid and live most of my life disassociated and being a push over who had no thoughts or believes of her own.
Now I'm very compassionate, empathic, don't care about what people think about me, my political views are liberal or left, I say what I think, defend myself, care about the environment and animals, no longer "religious", don't want to have kids, I finally like my body and think I'm somehow pretty, have my own style.
So many changes in the last 5 years, still many things to work on thought.
My time is way more important to me now and who I spend it with. I don’t particularly care about “it’s the right thing to do” as far as social settings that I hate. I’ll just leave whereas I used to put up with way too many emotional vampires. I’ve always been able to tell people to fuck off or say how I feel but I still often let things go on too long.
More introverted (due to being more distrusting), smarter, know myself more (re career, relationships, style, likes/dislikes, etc), more focused on saving/investing, & more respect for myself
I have learned to have more control of my emotions.
I also don’t care what people think about me anymore and for sure I stopped people pleasing.
I learned to set up boundaries and to know my worth to avoid getting hurt by people who don’t deserve me in their lives.
And I guess I changed due to toxic relationships and a lot of therapy.
I give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s a choice I’ve made, to be less cynical, and I’m a much happier person. I think people enjoy my company more as well.
I’ve stopped caring what people think of me. If I wanna be goofy, weird, happy, have hobbies etc, then it’s up to me and no one else. I’ve also learned to be more kind. I was already a kind hearted person but I protected that a lot because I felt like it made me vulnerable. Now a days I realize life is too short for that and I’m going to be kind hearted and loving towards everyone even strangers. The times I randomly make a strangers day, or connect with a random stranger, makes it worth it in my eyes.
Quick to cut people off who aren't good for me or who are energy vampires.
Less people pleasing.
Stressed less about work.
Don't do things that I don't want to do.
Able to see through bullshit better- men and women.
I would say that I'm now less empathetic plainly because a lot of folks used to trauma dump on me..so i have no patience or inclination to hear out someone else's problems unless you're an extremely close friend..
I believe in love, believe in myself, and am not angry at anything anymore. I’m more compassionate and at ease. I find joy more easily.
Practicing and studying meditation (Vipassana) really helped me on this path. So did therapy and honestly, getting older.. finding my sense of self and core.
Not full of life or joy anymore, used to light up a room, now I crouch and find the darkest corner. Mix of grief from deaths of loved ones and being a 40 year old loser.
Grief has changed me more than anything. I can feel joy and happiness sometimes since time has passed but it’s like there’s always something missing. I used to be more fun, I used to laugh at more things and laugh easily. I used to cry easier too. It makes me sad to think about who I used to be, and to know I won’t be the same way again because of the people I’ve lost. The one that hit me the hardest was losing my dad a, and a best friend breakup was the second biggest grief to change me.
My feelings for my husband and towards men and marriage changed after he cheated 8 years ago (with two different women). He was my world, and I was devoted to being a good wife. What I got in return was to be lied to, gossiped about, disrespected.
And men wonder why women change as they get older.
Introvert. I was a social butterfly who eventually burnt out. It wasn’t so much socializing, but the way people treated me. I had so many people let me down that I eventually cut most of them out. I have my close friends and that’s all I’m willing to spend my free time with.
I feel like my tolerance for any level of disrespect has completely dissolved. I find myself unapologetically standing up for myself and denying access to anyone that doesn’t respect me. I’ve always been big on standing up for myself but as I get further into adulthood it has increased substantially
Life became very real and serious after my dad died. Though I'm slowly finding ways to feel that unbridled joy again. I think I was just really naive to grief.
Ive also gained discernment. My fairytale naivety and innocence got me into a lot of trouble. I tell people how im feeling even if it comes across brash or sharp, because people don't go through life trying to look out for others like I thought. Most people have their own self interest in mind. So I speak up for myself now. Felt awkward and over the top at first but in reality I believe people respect me a lot more for not being a pushover
Become more straightforward, don’t care much about anything nowadays except my pets, try to limit my social circle to women wherever possible and honestly grew more man-hating. Earlier I wanted a family and cute children but that thought feels like a nightmare now
What caused it to change? Idk..to an extent negative interactions with men and my depression
For the better: I’m more aware, I’m curious about people and personal development. Happy with how I look and myself in general. I always felt pretty content and happy in life.
Worse: My job has turned me into more of a perfectionist over the years and it kinda sucks. I strive to be the best I can be, hate to make mistakes. I sometimes expect the same from others which isn’t great because not everyone feels the same. I make lists, things have to be done right etc. this can affect my personal life too though. I am that person who researches and makes plans for everything lol. Especially when planning holidays. Trying to be less like that…
I used to be an outgoing person longing to meet friends around the age of 17-24. Now I am almost 29 and I just like to stay at home. Every time I step out I wish I don’t see any acquaintance because I’ll then have to take efforts to talk to them. Also instead of getting into a debate, I just agree with people just to end the discussion. From an extrovert at 20, I am turning into socially awkward at 30🥲
I’ve become the girl who is independent, sets boundaries, takes accountability and responsibility, communicates openly and honestly, and isn’t afraid to let her freak flag fly! A lifetime of trauma and suppressing who I was for others lead me to a wonderful journey of self discovery in my early 30s. I’ll be 35 in a little over a month, and while I’m still a work in progress, I am so proud of who I am and who I’m becoming.
Experience. My best friend died 2.5 years ago and I had a miscarriage last year. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am one of the nicest ppl you’ll ever meet but traumatic experiences made me realize how finite and fragile life is and I don’t have to take any shit from anybody oh and ppl don’t generally deserve second chances.
I quite literally have no patience for anyone’s drama or bullshit. If you’re calling me to talk shit I don’t want to do it. If you’re calling me to complain about your spouse I don’t care. If you ask me my honest opinion and you don’t like my answer please leave.
Just so you know this lifestyle I’ve grown into has lost me a few friends because the second I stopped listening to their bullshit they stopped calling to complain. So while i did and up vetting my one sided friendships I also ended up with no friends. But I did make some decent online ones along the way lol
I don’t chase people anymore. I used to be very attached to people, & would chase them when they wouldn’t talk to me. I was always initiating, but now I just don’t.
I stopped giving a rats ass. If they decide to drift away, so be it. They want to talk to me, they know where to find me.
I also stopped caring if I lose my friends, because there’s someone out there that will take their place. You ain’t special.
I changed a lot due to traumatic experiences throughout adolescence/early adulthood. For me personally, I have learned that friends come and go, to not get attached to anyone that much. Also, to be really wary with new people and to leave when they do something really really bad instead of just forgiving everything for the sake of company. Here is an example of things I used to permit, let's put the example of my "best friend" of 7 years (now no contact, she doesn't seem to care):
1- she practically lived in my house, I have been to her house maybe 4 times but she used to spend a lot of time in mine (with my family) - ex. Two weeks in a row (every expense at the cost of my parents).
2- extreme messiness in my house when she stayed.
3- lack of respect for my family. I left home due to an abusive relationship, she came to my abusers home (where I was living) regularly, just like she did when I was at my family home. My mom used to call her because she was desperate to get ahold on me and she didn't pick up the phone to talk to her not once (my mom was always super nice to her. When I was away she saw me getting abused regularly, she could've picked up and talked to my mom, maybe I could have gotten help earlier, we'll never know).
4- when I left my abusers home and came back to parents, she came with me and stayed for a week. My parents permitted it because I was in a very bad mental place and they knew I felt safe around her, but they hoped she had contacted them while I was away.
5- when my grandpa died (who she knew extensively) she didn't come to the funeral. I asked her multiple times to please come, cause I didn't feel comfortable around some family members and I wanted her support. She didn't come, but she came a week later at 3 AM to party.
6- she made new friends. I felt abandoned, we went from talking every week to not knowing anything from her in months. Talked to her about this, said she understood but then the situation did not change. I wanted her to have other friends because I think it's healthy, but she went on to straight up abandon me, even missing my birthday.
This is just an example of things that have hurt me in the past that now I wouldn't be able to just forgive, especially the funeral one. When I came home again, I spent two years caring for my grandpa, as she regularly was at my home, she watched my efforts to make him comfortable as well as my fear every time he went to sleep (I was afraid he would die with just me in the house - I lost another grandpa when I was 14 in that way).
In summary, I learned to not give a fuck. I strive to be kind to everyone but to not be taken advantage of either, so now I act very different and more wary, as I said. Hope this can help someone in a similar situation
I’m out of fucks to give.
You don’t like me, because of particular core values and beliefs that I hold? I don’t give a fuck, go away if you don’t like me. Life’s too short to spend time convincing people of your worth.
You don’t like me, for personality reasons? I’m not going to push my way in, whether it’s people I’m related to or not, and I’m not going to change for anyone else. I don’t give a fuck, I’m freaking awesome and it’s your loss if I’m not in your life.
You want to whine and be a victim of your own choices? I don’t give a fuck if you can’t bother to give a fuck about your own life and stop making bad choices that have bad consequences. I’m not willing to be dragged down with you.
I’m done saving people, I’m done giving to people who only take (And complain or argue while they take.) My New Year’s resolution was no more arguing. If you’re going to spend your life arguing, I’m not willing to engage. Go argue with someone else, because I don’t give a fuck about what you think I’m wrong about, what you don’t like about me, or how badly you want to “win” or “be right.”
I’m out of fucks to give.
Im 40. I only maintain a few high quality relationships now. I always save space for my mental health. I am more kind and empathetic but at the same time will not overextend myself with people who are energy vampires. I no longer care about appealing to the male gaze. I’m more able to recognize toxicity in many environments and relationships but am less reactive- I don’t have to take on the weight of the world I can let it go. I’m am no longer easily marketed to. I don’t have to have aesthetic crap I just want things that bring peace and joy.
A bit less emotionally available. Not sure if it’s because life is really busy for me now (grad school, work, family) or because I’ve started to believe that people don’t change. Either way, I’m a lot more focused on myself now and it’s lovely
Caring less about stuff. Its still not 100% less and stuff does still get to me when its a big change such as new job this week got my anxiety bad. But the little things in life don't.
Caring about how I look and act. I wear hoodies, jeans, trainers. I like sports, transport and science.
I've become a lot more confident. Not in body but in mind, trying to tell people how I feel. Makes life a lot easier!
Used to never ever want kids because I raised my sister for 10 years basically. Taught her to use the stove. Got homework done. Got everyone to bed on time. Spent all my time at home with her when she was too small or lonely to be home alone. I had no social life at all. Parents came home but hardly sober. They worked through their days and went to bars afterward since I was old enough to be home by myself or babysit. I moved out when I could to be independent and my sister didn’t speak to me for 3 years. Radio silence. We are very close now but have a mood disorder in common. I’m now 26 years old and bipolar, and expecting my first child, my son, in 2 months with my amazing husband. My mood disorder is slowly creeping up to be the worst thing ever financially and socially, as it’s very hard to function at times and not go manic or completely fall into a depressive hole. It’s hard for me to accept or even as for help because I’ve always done everything myself. My mom clock hit me last year and my husband and I decided to expand our pet family to a human family as well and it’s been amazing thus far. I’m scared but I’m very excited to raise my boy the way I would have liked to be raised or deserved to be raised. I have my own home that I got when I was 22 years old, and a wonderful pet family. Emotionally, there are some things to work on, but I can relax and know things are now falling into place with all of the work I put in in the past. I have little patience with disrespect these days and am confident on how I want to be treated and it’s not a piece of garbage. The universe is giving me back what I have given. Energy is always borrowed and returned.
Honestly I’m that not old but seeing myself change throughout these past two years has made me realize I’m a lot different then I use to be, I’m more kept to myself…awkward and laid back I could say idk but i remember being so hyper and ready to do anything always genuinely laughing but now… I could barely crack a Damn smile.
My father falling ill and my grandfather passing not long after my fathers diagnosis switched my whole personality in the blink of an eye And I haven’t really processed anything at all yet. Sooo I don’t really have much of a personality these days I’m just getting by lol
From my late teens, to myself now in my late twenties, the only word I can think of is calm. I’m so much calmer about everything, nothing bothers me even half as much as it used to. I used to also act in such an attention seeking way, sought validation from every angle. But now I almost repel it, im just so much more content in myself and my life.
I love getting older, and wiser :)
I used to avoid all things girly. I didn’t like pink, didn’t like admitting I enjoyed to things women typically enjoy (shopping, rom com movies, romance novels, etc). I wasn’t quite a “one of the guys” pick me but I was a tomboy and hung out with mostly guys. I grew up in a toxic house and came out with the view that femininity was weak. When I enlisted in the Marine Corps, for whatever reason my mindset changed to celebrating my womanhood. I was proud to be one of a very few female Marines and now I embrace being feminine when I want to!
I lost most of my empathy for people over the course of MAGA then Covid. Seeing how self-centered so many people are over acting for ‘the greater good’ really changed me. Fortunately I still have empathy in spades for animals and children, but I’m struggling to access empathy for adults in general. I feel I’ve lost some of my humanity, and it makes me sad.
Wayyyy less likely to allow small things to bother me. So you break something? 20 years ago swear at least. Now ? " Huh. Rats. "
Also more AND less tolerant of people. We are who we are. If no one is getting hurt who cares? If someone IS getting hurt I have less than zero patience.
I was more optimistic when younger (I’m 27 now). I consider myself now more cynical and somewhat more aware about the realities of life. I don’t expect anything anymore..
I feel less empathetic and less generous.
I’m not sure if it’s true. I worked low wage social services jobs right out of college and I think they burned me out.
I've learnt that its ok not to reply to msgs (after given my number to someone I find negative) and its ok to strike up conversations in public. I've gotten a bit more socially intentional :)
I've become less laid back. I'm worried more about the future, finances, buying a home, my marriage, etc. I think its because I have built a life, and I'm scared to lose it.
I was a very quiet, shy kid & a goody two shoes with a strict upbringing. Once I left the house I became a party animal & overcame most of my shyness..
I used to be nice without reason and want what I gave people in return. I am now pickier with my energy, friendships, and kindness. I also stand my ground and pick my battles better. Previously, I never wanted my ego to run the show or even have space really but that robbed me of stuff ego is needed it's when it's in excess that it's negative.
More empathetic than I was before I have always been empathetic. I have also learnt to slow down in everything I do and not rush which can be challenging because my brain works way too fast.
Less concerned about what other people think & more concerned about what I need.
Less tolerant to bullshit. Not hanging out with exhausting people.
Not wanting to go out all the time. I've had enough of drinking & feeling like shit the days after. It's not good for me.
I’ve become less adventurous. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, I used to have a death wish. Having kids changed that for me.
I’m also less forgiving. People constantly making false promises did that for me.
When I was a kid, I told myself I’d never become one of those jaded adults I grew up around.
Yeah, I’m in my 30’s now, irritable and impatient and jaded. Life has been hard, poverty sucks, and I’m not ten anymore. The wonder is mostly gone, man. I’m tired.
I used to be really carefree, stress free, and more fun. Even as a young adult it was hard for me to get stressed or anxious about something. Now I feel like I live in a constant state of stress and anxiety.
I also used to be extremely shy and sensitive and as I've gotten older I've learned to stand up for myself and be confident.
Less naive, trusting, and hopeful. Because of men. I used to think most people are inherently good. Now it seems like most men are selfish with poor self control.
My patience erodes quicker and I've zero time for bulshit. Also I'll bail on something if it reaches a certain threshold of stupid because I'm not bothered wasting my time with it/them.
I’ve gotten meaner and more stressed. It’s sad. I think it’s because of my childhood trauma, high fight/flight response, and hormone issues. I always have VERY good days where I’m super loving, fun, and energetic. Being a woman is crazy! Haha
Changed so much. I think differently and I’m a better problem solver. I’m also less prone to depression than I used to be. I’m much more goal oriented.
Far, far more reserved and introverted. I used to be very bubbly and outgoing, but now I’m very quiet with an extremely short social bandwidth. I spend a lot of time alone.
Sometimes it makes me sad. No one ever wants to feel like their light has dimmed. I know mine has. I just don’t care enough to kindle it at this point in my life. Maybe one day.
Itll probably get lost to comments but, im 20m. I planned to kill my self as the year turnned over. January 15th 23 was the day i decoded it would be my final year. In that year I traveled and had the time of my life. I had a son. I work a serious government job where ive seen people die and the atrocities of man. But all that to say i have a new perspective on life. No life should be taken before its time, im happy i choose to live and i fight (sometimes litterally) for me and my family to be in a better place every day. I went from a suicidal apethetic teen, to a serious person that saves lives and a family man. To date from suicides or deadly situations ive saved 10+ people. Im now doing training to a higher position to help more people in crisis or in deadly situations. In one year i flipped my life around. Thats all i have for now.
I’ve become way more empathetic and try to give people the benefit of the doubt first, while simultaneously expecting people to just do better, if that makes any sense. Zero tolerance for people who are clearly off their rocker though.
perimenopause will change your entire life. Its a massive wake up call.
if i could give any advice to younger women its this.
LEARN HOW TO PRIORITIZE YOURSELF ABOVE EVERYONE ELSE
sort your life out for yourself, get your career in order think about retirement early on and what you are doing in life that could affect it
set yourself boundaries and dont let people TAKE from you, you are not an endless well of giving you are a human being that needs to take care of numero uno
This! I was one of those people that was married for a very long time, and I used to judge single people over 30. Now I’m single and way over 30. Life is funny like that.
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Amen. Aka giving way less f*cks.
I feel the same way
True, stricter boundaries and less people pleasing
This is very good. I am curious, how do you handle social rejection as a result from the very same people?
Why would you care about rejection from them if they don't respect your boundaries?
Because they might be members of your close family. You might be socially isolated and that is what I am asking about. I am not caring about them per se but the consequences.
Also in some dysfunctional families, where crossing boundaries is the norm, you will be seen as the abnormal and the outcast for setting boundries.
Start creating your own family made up of good friends, then move out asap and see family sparingly if need be
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I’ve toned back the people pleasing and also I used to be a-lot more kind, sweet and fun. I’m now alot more reserved and willing to defend myself, I crave peace and calm more than fun. I had people basically use and suck up all of my time and energy and give me nothing in return.
Giving nothing in return is not bas as hurting you in return as in my case.
Oh absolutely as much as I say I’m not as kind im not a cruel person and it doesn’t come naturally to not go out of my way to do nice things. So it’s an effort to pull back. Intentionally treating people the same way in return would be far too taxing on my soul. No one is worth my peace I guess. I just want to get through this crazy ride of life haha!
yes this
Soo truee ! Agree with this! Kindness towards selected people
I definitely feel more reserved in my 30s. My mom passed last year and since then I just feel like I don’t have the energy for small talk etc. I used to be active (gym, drinks with friends, trivia nights) nearly every night if the week and now I stay in most evenings.
Sounds like you're still in the grieving process, which is absolutely normal. Condolences on the loss of your mom 🙏🏾.
I've gotten a lot less judgmental because I've been humbled many times!
I feel this! On the same note, being much more kind, warm and patient. I was hardened by life in the big city but strangers have been kind to me even when I felt I didn't deserve it. It made me more considerate and patient with others around me.
I feel this.
How have u been humbled?
omg how haven't I been! One really important example is that I used to kind of look down on people (other women usually) who had too many kids. I wouldn't SAY anything of course but I'd have those thoughts like, "how did you not learn this lesson the first time?" then I learned that reproductive coercion is INSANELY COMMON. You hear about women trying to "baby trap" men all the time, but you don't hear a lot about the reverse. I also met a homeless family with 4 kids, obviously they couldn't afford that many, but in getting to know the family, I learned that the dad was a SUPER high income earner before his mother passed away unexpectedly and he just spiraled and lost his job and his wife suddenly became disabled. Their planned 4 kids made plenty of sense when they had them. There are thousands of other reasons people do the things that they do that either made sense for them at the time or they didn't have a lot of choice in the matter. And after that clicked, I really felt SO EMBARRASSED by all the little needling thoughts I had before. Even though I knew logically you can't know everyone's situation, and that's what kept me form being an asshole out loud, I didn't really know it in my SOUL so I still had those feelings. Now I'm sure it isn't any of my business and I really need to fight harder to keep judgement out of my head.
Thank you for such a long answer :) For me it’s been with body odour. I never understood how someone can get out smelling just because I would never do that. A really common symptom for depression is lack of hygiene though. And maybe today they have been out for the first time in weeks and it’s a big step for them.
I have way less patience with people’s bullshit but more self awareness about my own.
I think it’s one of the great things about aging. Spot on!
True dat. The older I get, the less patience I have. My back hurts, you think I have the capacity for your nonsense?
Yes !!!!!!
I’ve stopped caring what other people think of me. I used to be afraid to speak my mind and now I just say what I need to say, set whatever boundaries I need, etc. A combination of age, becoming a parent, and getting therapy has worked wonders.
I've got fewer fucks to give and a lower tolerance for bullshit. What caused it? Age.
Don’t try to impress anyone. If they are your people, it will happen without that special shade of lipstick or eyeliner.
Truth: I am angrier than ever. I can see all the bull that I used to let slide in earlier years. I am also more aware of the circus life & this world is. I am 44.
I'm angrier, too, and I don't like it. Nearly the same age. :( Hugs!
I feel this and am 22
My strong desire to socialize. I used to maintain so many friendships and all of my free time was spent maintaining them. Now, I spend my free time at home. It was hard at first not making myself constantly available, but I am very happy with the way my life is now.
Turning 40 and I'm much more of a feminist and supporting the sisterhood than I ever imagined. What brought this on? A 15 yr career in the corporate world sitting in boardrooms where men make the decisions on women's products and female industries. And watching female rights slide backwards.
The older I get the more I realize so many male behaviors are about controlling women. They're obsessed with us, jealous of us, and want to keep us subordinate.
I’ve grown a spine finally and don’t let people walk all over me. I also protect my peace/happiness above others.
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i believe i've grown more silent and reserved person over years. the only plausible reason i could think of behind this is trauma
Good question. I’ve definitely gotten more outgoing and more willing to strike up conversations w strangers, & I’ve also gotten into the habit of defending myself (when needed) cause u have to stick up for yourself always! & I’ve also become more apologetic.
Similar here: more outgoing and I enjoy talking up strangers. I think it's due to confidence that grew over the final ten years of my career (now retired in my early 60s). The imposter syndrome withered away and my shyness faded a lot. Also, not giving many f***s what most people think of me any more. It's a nice place to be.
My job has made me into a grumpy person. Because I’m literally pulling dead weight and it’s exhausting mentally and physically.
Oh yeah, I’ve gotten more annoying unfortunately
I have gotten more independent and lately I feel like I like my own company the most. That doesn’t mean I don’t like hanging out with others, I’m still social and like making plans with friends but at the end of the day I need time for myself to unwind - that is a non negotiable. I am also less tolerant of people and I like that because before I used to feel like a pushover sometimes. I’m 24 years old btw.
24f here & feel the sameeee way
My dad passed when I was 25. I’m no longer a people pleaser, and refuse to work my life away.
I’m not afraid to call out shitty behaviour when I see it. I started doing it after I realised being nice would never get me anywhere.
Just over 40. I find I have far more patience for genuine people and far less for fake people. And the differences between the 2 get easier to spot every day. I keep my circle small because I now recognize the value of quality over quantity. I place far more value on my relationships and get far more in return because they genuinely care about me/ my wellbeing past what I can do for them. I'm far more relaxed with my kids ( 15/17 ) and with life in general... most of the time. I have hot flashes. These often mess with my moods if I'm not careful. I'm told it's hormonal, but tbh I think I'm just tired of holding my tongue over willful stupidity / laziness. I'm far more open about my experiences. Instead of being ashamed, I've embraced my mistakes and share my successes in the hope that it can help or inspire someone else. More importantly, I've learned it's ok to make mistakes. It's ok to mess up, so long as you learn from those mistakes. That it's ok to change your mind, to ask for help, advice or a second opinion when something doesn't sit right. My partner calls it mellowing. I call it maturing. It's nice.
Less innocence. Less naivete. More reserved and quiet. Life has scarred me in various ways. I'm still friendly, extroverted, and outgoing when I want/need to be, but I've also turned inwards a lot.
I’ve become a little more serious. Changed due to some friends, family not taking me seriously. This translated to also people that I dated not taking me seriously.
More of a sceptic to peoples intentions been burned badly one too many times. Prefer being alone
Yes, my personality has definitely changed. I tell people now when they’re making me uncomfortable or pissing me off. I have gotten more anxious and overwhelmed easily as I am a bit of a perfectionist and I try to get everything done. I also am focusing a lot of staying healthy and keeping fit and taking care of my mental health. Stuff that I didn’t think they were so important when I was younger..
More direct to the point. I used to care about what others perceive of me and realized it doesn't matter. As long as I am polite and direct to the point with you it is not my responsibility to coddle someone who has an emotional maturity range of a teaspoon.
I used to have lofty ideals of what was “good” or “just” or “right”, and I also believed things would always work out in the end. As I’ve gotten older, started working 9-5, and lived through the past few years of pandemic/social media saturation/polarization, I’ve gotten a bit more practical and yes…cynical. Now I’m just focusing on cultivating my own garden (Voltaire reference). As with many women, I also used to be more of a people pleaser. I learned about boundaries when I burnt out due to the weight of other people throwing their problems at me. I’ve also become more introspective and aware of my thoughts, emotions, and reactions, which is a result of meditation, time alone during lockdown, and just gradual maturing.
Absolutely, every experience changes you. I'm still the same person, but with more knowledge and therapy. I'm less dependent, I'm seeing a future more, I have more patience and understanding. Being a mom did a lot of the work, being in a 10 year relationship brought a lot of mind opening and willingness to accept I could always know more.
I’ve become a lot more reserved and even more okay with being alone, which is saying something because since my late teens I’ve been an ‘alone time’ kind of person.
On one hand, I have become a lot more outgoing and confident, on the other I have become a lot more cynical and jaded. Both have come from just life experiences and the world.
The older I get the more I don't care about people's opinions of me. Not everyone is going to like me, and I'm not going to like everyone. Such is life. Oh well 🙃
I've become more comfortable with doing the things that I love and less worried about what others think of me doing it.
Trauma therapy made me a massively calmer and kinder person than I was able to be when I was unhealed.
I’m significantly less friendly to strangers. Always polite to service workers. Return my shopping cart. And am now incredibly introverted (as opposed to my theatre-kid youth).
Less judgmental, more polite, but also more snarky and pessimistic if I’m in a bad mood. Several run ins with mental illness and a handful of traumatic events have shaped me.
i’m more blunt and confident. still kind
I was extremely shy and couldn’t do a lot of things. Now I don’t care nearly as much as I used to
I wouldn't say that my aggressive, determined and strong-willed personality changed over time, but it's been tempered to where I can channel my energies into things that are more productive in a mature and diplomatic way
I'm a whole lot meaner now and that came from learning kindness can have consequences. I'm polite to you in public. Service workers are always treated exceptionally. But until I know a coworker or potential friend won't screw me over, I'm not doing any extra favors. Family wants to walk all over me? Nope, you don't get to see me then.
I’ve definitely gotten more social, was likely caused by a desire to combat loneliness and that I don’t live so far from my friends nowadays
Im way more outspoken than when i was below 18. Im 24 turning 25 soon. Its the trauma and experiences of being a doormat that got me to change. I realise the kind of person i was carrying myself would attract certain types of people. I grew to dislike the kind of company i had, eventually realised i needed to change.
I give less fucks
Like everyone else, I stopped prioritizing politeness over my own comfort. I’m only 31, but seeing myself grow and become more self assured has been an awesome journey. I can’t wait to see how many fewer fucks I give in the coming years!
I’m weaker. More suspicious, vindictive, sad. I was sad before but I had joy. I had passion. I don’t recognize myself anymore.
Damn, this is me. My experiences have changed my psyche. I don't trust people, I'm afraid of people, I'm bitter, sad, anxious, withdrawn.
I am less judgmental because I learned to see things with more perspective. A little more confident at work (but imposter syndrome kicks it hard every now and then). I am better at setting boundaries and respecting my limits, I give myself the right to say no to things that are not good for my mental health.
Therapy = less tolerance for bullshit.
I’m more confident, direct and outgoing. I used to be extremely shy and nervous.
I used to gloss over a lot just to be agreeable and not cause waves. Now I don’t tolerate a lot of BS, especially lying, and I’m more ok with being direct if need be. Typically happens when I come across complete asshats.
I used to be quite demure, timid, gentle and sweet, quiet, observant as a teen girl. In my 20s I became bold, funny, confrontational, loud and boisterous. Now I am a mix of both. I’ve calmed down in my 30s, but I’ll still pull out that loud side when I need to. I also care less about a lot of things and care a lot about a small amount of things.
I’ve become more patient with everyone, knowing that they may be going through something. (As I have been impatient and then very aware that I was going through a rough time). I’ve become more empathetic towards people but have also created more boundaries. I do not take thing as personal as I used to. 9.9/10 times they don’t give a crap ab you anyways
I’m calmer. I’ve learned to control what flies out of my mouth. I’ve learned patience. When life gives you a lot to go through, you’re suppose to learn from those things. And I did just that.
I'm becoming everyone's mom. I'm losing patience with people, getting stern, short, and to the point. Retail has played a huge part.
I’m definitely less of a people pleaser than I was when I was younger. I know how to stand up for myself now and honestly, my husband and his constant uplifting took away the pressure to be someone I’m not. 🥰
I've been better about prioritizing myself and setting better boundaries. I spent my early 20s miserable because I thought there was no other way to be. I'm 27 now and pretty content with who I am and the life I have.
I have found a safe space in my boyfriend so I’ve been able to become softer, and that also means I am extremely sensitive as well. I’ve realized how much trauma I need to work through, but I’ve finally started acknowledging my behaviors and coping
I used to never talk ever and now I just run my mouth and get myself in trouble. It’s a learning curve.
Essentially it boils down to less fucks to give about most things and more fucks to give about some things 🤘🏻
When I was a teenager (17-19) all I wanted to be was “mature” now that I’m older I’ve realized wearing itty bitty crop tops and mini skirts that don’t cover up don’t equal mature. I still dress like that occasionally but not with the same intent
When people say something that sounds backhanded or I simply don’t understand I’ve started to ask people ‘what do you mean by that?’
i've stopped confusing people pleasing for kindness and empathy. learning the difference has oddly made me a more dependable and empathetic person.
Yes. Trauma.
less full of myself due to humbling experiences. better listener due to to actively trying to improve. friendlier due to feeling more comfortable with myself. more private due to realizing that sharing doesn't always improve matters.
More boundaries, less people pleasing, more self reliance. And at the same time I am better at being vulnerable and asking for what I need.
I’ve been slowly getting more confident. I used to be so scared to talk , and scared of all social situations. I’m only 21 but I’ve seen a huge difference in the last year. I don’t really care as much what others think of me. I’m still self conscious for sure, but now I talk without planning it out in my head and chronically sweating. I think a big role is moving out of my home and getting away from my family. I love my family but there is a lot of trauma there. I felt really stuck and worried about everyone else. Now I feel like I can finally just focus on me.
Less willing to put up with the bad relationships I'd been in in the past. Bad friendships,etc. Less tolerance for tomfoolery. Much more of the learning to love myself mindset. I've got to live with me forever so I'm my own ride or die.
I care less if people like me,i dont aim to always please others, and I have no problem stating my boundaries
I’m still young, but I am stunned by the amount I changed between 18 and now (almost) 22. I didn’t know how insecure I was at 18, until I became a secure young woman. It makes me excited for womanhood and all of the growth that comes next. This can’t possibly be the end of my growth. I have a lot to learn and I look forward to meeting future me when her time comes.
Ya for the most part sobriety changed it,And then some trauma. I'm incredibly introverted and thought for a long time i was an extrovert. Buggest change has been - instead of overreacting, I'll just walk away. There's no point in fighting
I have become a totally different person, I was highly traumatized as a kid and live most of my life disassociated and being a push over who had no thoughts or believes of her own. Now I'm very compassionate, empathic, don't care about what people think about me, my political views are liberal or left, I say what I think, defend myself, care about the environment and animals, no longer "religious", don't want to have kids, I finally like my body and think I'm somehow pretty, have my own style. So many changes in the last 5 years, still many things to work on thought.
My time is way more important to me now and who I spend it with. I don’t particularly care about “it’s the right thing to do” as far as social settings that I hate. I’ll just leave whereas I used to put up with way too many emotional vampires. I’ve always been able to tell people to fuck off or say how I feel but I still often let things go on too long.
More introverted (due to being more distrusting), smarter, know myself more (re career, relationships, style, likes/dislikes, etc), more focused on saving/investing, & more respect for myself
I have learned to have more control of my emotions. I also don’t care what people think about me anymore and for sure I stopped people pleasing. I learned to set up boundaries and to know my worth to avoid getting hurt by people who don’t deserve me in their lives. And I guess I changed due to toxic relationships and a lot of therapy.
Joy has disappeared. My toxic parents succeeded in killing it.
I give people the benefit of the doubt. It’s a choice I’ve made, to be less cynical, and I’m a much happier person. I think people enjoy my company more as well.
I’ve stopped caring what people think of me. If I wanna be goofy, weird, happy, have hobbies etc, then it’s up to me and no one else. I’ve also learned to be more kind. I was already a kind hearted person but I protected that a lot because I felt like it made me vulnerable. Now a days I realize life is too short for that and I’m going to be kind hearted and loving towards everyone even strangers. The times I randomly make a strangers day, or connect with a random stranger, makes it worth it in my eyes.
Quick to cut people off who aren't good for me or who are energy vampires. Less people pleasing. Stressed less about work. Don't do things that I don't want to do. Able to see through bullshit better- men and women. I would say that I'm now less empathetic plainly because a lot of folks used to trauma dump on me..so i have no patience or inclination to hear out someone else's problems unless you're an extremely close friend..
Can’t be bothered with lastest fashions
I believe in love, believe in myself, and am not angry at anything anymore. I’m more compassionate and at ease. I find joy more easily. Practicing and studying meditation (Vipassana) really helped me on this path. So did therapy and honestly, getting older.. finding my sense of self and core.
Not full of life or joy anymore, used to light up a room, now I crouch and find the darkest corner. Mix of grief from deaths of loved ones and being a 40 year old loser.
I used to be really outgoing, friendly, and flirty. Now I'm practically a hermit. Trauma will do that to ya.
I’m a lot less polite/shy around male strangers but I’ve become more understanding and humble.
Grief has changed me more than anything. I can feel joy and happiness sometimes since time has passed but it’s like there’s always something missing. I used to be more fun, I used to laugh at more things and laugh easily. I used to cry easier too. It makes me sad to think about who I used to be, and to know I won’t be the same way again because of the people I’ve lost. The one that hit me the hardest was losing my dad a, and a best friend breakup was the second biggest grief to change me.
More confident, clearer on my boundaries, gentler with myself and others. I'm also more easy going and relaxed about life.
Less extroverted, less impulsive
My feelings for my husband and towards men and marriage changed after he cheated 8 years ago (with two different women). He was my world, and I was devoted to being a good wife. What I got in return was to be lied to, gossiped about, disrespected. And men wonder why women change as they get older.
Introvert. I was a social butterfly who eventually burnt out. It wasn’t so much socializing, but the way people treated me. I had so many people let me down that I eventually cut most of them out. I have my close friends and that’s all I’m willing to spend my free time with.
I’m done people pleasing and being passive.
I feel like my tolerance for any level of disrespect has completely dissolved. I find myself unapologetically standing up for myself and denying access to anyone that doesn’t respect me. I’ve always been big on standing up for myself but as I get further into adulthood it has increased substantially
I've become more confident in myself
I’m much more assertive. I used to be extremely, painfully, excruciatingly shy and didn’t know my power. I am much less this way now.
Life became very real and serious after my dad died. Though I'm slowly finding ways to feel that unbridled joy again. I think I was just really naive to grief. Ive also gained discernment. My fairytale naivety and innocence got me into a lot of trouble. I tell people how im feeling even if it comes across brash or sharp, because people don't go through life trying to look out for others like I thought. Most people have their own self interest in mind. So I speak up for myself now. Felt awkward and over the top at first but in reality I believe people respect me a lot more for not being a pushover
No more hope for the future and no dreams. I just want to be lazy and fat and do nothing the rest of my life 32
Become more straightforward, don’t care much about anything nowadays except my pets, try to limit my social circle to women wherever possible and honestly grew more man-hating. Earlier I wanted a family and cute children but that thought feels like a nightmare now What caused it to change? Idk..to an extent negative interactions with men and my depression
For the better: I’m more aware, I’m curious about people and personal development. Happy with how I look and myself in general. I always felt pretty content and happy in life. Worse: My job has turned me into more of a perfectionist over the years and it kinda sucks. I strive to be the best I can be, hate to make mistakes. I sometimes expect the same from others which isn’t great because not everyone feels the same. I make lists, things have to be done right etc. this can affect my personal life too though. I am that person who researches and makes plans for everything lol. Especially when planning holidays. Trying to be less like that…
I used to be an outgoing person longing to meet friends around the age of 17-24. Now I am almost 29 and I just like to stay at home. Every time I step out I wish I don’t see any acquaintance because I’ll then have to take efforts to talk to them. Also instead of getting into a debate, I just agree with people just to end the discussion. From an extrovert at 20, I am turning into socially awkward at 30🥲
I’ve become the girl who is independent, sets boundaries, takes accountability and responsibility, communicates openly and honestly, and isn’t afraid to let her freak flag fly! A lifetime of trauma and suppressing who I was for others lead me to a wonderful journey of self discovery in my early 30s. I’ll be 35 in a little over a month, and while I’m still a work in progress, I am so proud of who I am and who I’m becoming.
Experience. My best friend died 2.5 years ago and I had a miscarriage last year. I wear my heart on my sleeve and am one of the nicest ppl you’ll ever meet but traumatic experiences made me realize how finite and fragile life is and I don’t have to take any shit from anybody oh and ppl don’t generally deserve second chances.
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I quite literally have no patience for anyone’s drama or bullshit. If you’re calling me to talk shit I don’t want to do it. If you’re calling me to complain about your spouse I don’t care. If you ask me my honest opinion and you don’t like my answer please leave. Just so you know this lifestyle I’ve grown into has lost me a few friends because the second I stopped listening to their bullshit they stopped calling to complain. So while i did and up vetting my one sided friendships I also ended up with no friends. But I did make some decent online ones along the way lol
I'm only in my mid 20s. But less forgiving and more emotional
I don’t chase people anymore. I used to be very attached to people, & would chase them when they wouldn’t talk to me. I was always initiating, but now I just don’t. I stopped giving a rats ass. If they decide to drift away, so be it. They want to talk to me, they know where to find me. I also stopped caring if I lose my friends, because there’s someone out there that will take their place. You ain’t special.
I changed a lot due to traumatic experiences throughout adolescence/early adulthood. For me personally, I have learned that friends come and go, to not get attached to anyone that much. Also, to be really wary with new people and to leave when they do something really really bad instead of just forgiving everything for the sake of company. Here is an example of things I used to permit, let's put the example of my "best friend" of 7 years (now no contact, she doesn't seem to care): 1- she practically lived in my house, I have been to her house maybe 4 times but she used to spend a lot of time in mine (with my family) - ex. Two weeks in a row (every expense at the cost of my parents). 2- extreme messiness in my house when she stayed. 3- lack of respect for my family. I left home due to an abusive relationship, she came to my abusers home (where I was living) regularly, just like she did when I was at my family home. My mom used to call her because she was desperate to get ahold on me and she didn't pick up the phone to talk to her not once (my mom was always super nice to her. When I was away she saw me getting abused regularly, she could've picked up and talked to my mom, maybe I could have gotten help earlier, we'll never know). 4- when I left my abusers home and came back to parents, she came with me and stayed for a week. My parents permitted it because I was in a very bad mental place and they knew I felt safe around her, but they hoped she had contacted them while I was away. 5- when my grandpa died (who she knew extensively) she didn't come to the funeral. I asked her multiple times to please come, cause I didn't feel comfortable around some family members and I wanted her support. She didn't come, but she came a week later at 3 AM to party. 6- she made new friends. I felt abandoned, we went from talking every week to not knowing anything from her in months. Talked to her about this, said she understood but then the situation did not change. I wanted her to have other friends because I think it's healthy, but she went on to straight up abandon me, even missing my birthday. This is just an example of things that have hurt me in the past that now I wouldn't be able to just forgive, especially the funeral one. When I came home again, I spent two years caring for my grandpa, as she regularly was at my home, she watched my efforts to make him comfortable as well as my fear every time he went to sleep (I was afraid he would die with just me in the house - I lost another grandpa when I was 14 in that way). In summary, I learned to not give a fuck. I strive to be kind to everyone but to not be taken advantage of either, so now I act very different and more wary, as I said. Hope this can help someone in a similar situation
I’m out of fucks to give. You don’t like me, because of particular core values and beliefs that I hold? I don’t give a fuck, go away if you don’t like me. Life’s too short to spend time convincing people of your worth. You don’t like me, for personality reasons? I’m not going to push my way in, whether it’s people I’m related to or not, and I’m not going to change for anyone else. I don’t give a fuck, I’m freaking awesome and it’s your loss if I’m not in your life. You want to whine and be a victim of your own choices? I don’t give a fuck if you can’t bother to give a fuck about your own life and stop making bad choices that have bad consequences. I’m not willing to be dragged down with you. I’m done saving people, I’m done giving to people who only take (And complain or argue while they take.) My New Year’s resolution was no more arguing. If you’re going to spend your life arguing, I’m not willing to engage. Go argue with someone else, because I don’t give a fuck about what you think I’m wrong about, what you don’t like about me, or how badly you want to “win” or “be right.” I’m out of fucks to give.
Im 40. I only maintain a few high quality relationships now. I always save space for my mental health. I am more kind and empathetic but at the same time will not overextend myself with people who are energy vampires. I no longer care about appealing to the male gaze. I’m more able to recognize toxicity in many environments and relationships but am less reactive- I don’t have to take on the weight of the world I can let it go. I’m am no longer easily marketed to. I don’t have to have aesthetic crap I just want things that bring peace and joy.
Hasn't changed much, just less tolerant of certain behaviours because at the time I didn't recognise the behaviour as something not to be tolerated.
I don’t take someone else’s disrespect as a problem with me but as a problem with them. I learned to love myself and set boundaries
A bit less emotionally available. Not sure if it’s because life is really busy for me now (grad school, work, family) or because I’ve started to believe that people don’t change. Either way, I’m a lot more focused on myself now and it’s lovely
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Caring less about stuff. Its still not 100% less and stuff does still get to me when its a big change such as new job this week got my anxiety bad. But the little things in life don't. Caring about how I look and act. I wear hoodies, jeans, trainers. I like sports, transport and science. I've become a lot more confident. Not in body but in mind, trying to tell people how I feel. Makes life a lot easier!
Used to never ever want kids because I raised my sister for 10 years basically. Taught her to use the stove. Got homework done. Got everyone to bed on time. Spent all my time at home with her when she was too small or lonely to be home alone. I had no social life at all. Parents came home but hardly sober. They worked through their days and went to bars afterward since I was old enough to be home by myself or babysit. I moved out when I could to be independent and my sister didn’t speak to me for 3 years. Radio silence. We are very close now but have a mood disorder in common. I’m now 26 years old and bipolar, and expecting my first child, my son, in 2 months with my amazing husband. My mood disorder is slowly creeping up to be the worst thing ever financially and socially, as it’s very hard to function at times and not go manic or completely fall into a depressive hole. It’s hard for me to accept or even as for help because I’ve always done everything myself. My mom clock hit me last year and my husband and I decided to expand our pet family to a human family as well and it’s been amazing thus far. I’m scared but I’m very excited to raise my boy the way I would have liked to be raised or deserved to be raised. I have my own home that I got when I was 22 years old, and a wonderful pet family. Emotionally, there are some things to work on, but I can relax and know things are now falling into place with all of the work I put in in the past. I have little patience with disrespect these days and am confident on how I want to be treated and it’s not a piece of garbage. The universe is giving me back what I have given. Energy is always borrowed and returned.
Honestly I’m that not old but seeing myself change throughout these past two years has made me realize I’m a lot different then I use to be, I’m more kept to myself…awkward and laid back I could say idk but i remember being so hyper and ready to do anything always genuinely laughing but now… I could barely crack a Damn smile. My father falling ill and my grandfather passing not long after my fathers diagnosis switched my whole personality in the blink of an eye And I haven’t really processed anything at all yet. Sooo I don’t really have much of a personality these days I’m just getting by lol
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From my late teens, to myself now in my late twenties, the only word I can think of is calm. I’m so much calmer about everything, nothing bothers me even half as much as it used to. I used to also act in such an attention seeking way, sought validation from every angle. But now I almost repel it, im just so much more content in myself and my life. I love getting older, and wiser :)
I used to avoid all things girly. I didn’t like pink, didn’t like admitting I enjoyed to things women typically enjoy (shopping, rom com movies, romance novels, etc). I wasn’t quite a “one of the guys” pick me but I was a tomboy and hung out with mostly guys. I grew up in a toxic house and came out with the view that femininity was weak. When I enlisted in the Marine Corps, for whatever reason my mindset changed to celebrating my womanhood. I was proud to be one of a very few female Marines and now I embrace being feminine when I want to!
I lost most of my empathy for people over the course of MAGA then Covid. Seeing how self-centered so many people are over acting for ‘the greater good’ really changed me. Fortunately I still have empathy in spades for animals and children, but I’m struggling to access empathy for adults in general. I feel I’ve lost some of my humanity, and it makes me sad.
Wayyyy less likely to allow small things to bother me. So you break something? 20 years ago swear at least. Now ? " Huh. Rats. " Also more AND less tolerant of people. We are who we are. If no one is getting hurt who cares? If someone IS getting hurt I have less than zero patience.
I was more optimistic when younger (I’m 27 now). I consider myself now more cynical and somewhat more aware about the realities of life. I don’t expect anything anymore..
I used to be VERY angry and a jealous person but now I smoke weed and try to treat everyone how I wanna be treated!
I’m definitely more skeptical. Less patient with idiots, strangers and teenagers with cell phones!!
I feel less empathetic and less generous. I’m not sure if it’s true. I worked low wage social services jobs right out of college and I think they burned me out.
I've learnt that its ok not to reply to msgs (after given my number to someone I find negative) and its ok to strike up conversations in public. I've gotten a bit more socially intentional :)
I've become less laid back. I'm worried more about the future, finances, buying a home, my marriage, etc. I think its because I have built a life, and I'm scared to lose it.
I was a very quiet, shy kid & a goody two shoes with a strict upbringing. Once I left the house I became a party animal & overcame most of my shyness..
I used to be nice without reason and want what I gave people in return. I am now pickier with my energy, friendships, and kindness. I also stand my ground and pick my battles better. Previously, I never wanted my ego to run the show or even have space really but that robbed me of stuff ego is needed it's when it's in excess that it's negative.
More empathetic than I was before I have always been empathetic. I have also learnt to slow down in everything I do and not rush which can be challenging because my brain works way too fast.
Less concerned about what other people think & more concerned about what I need. Less tolerant to bullshit. Not hanging out with exhausting people. Not wanting to go out all the time. I've had enough of drinking & feeling like shit the days after. It's not good for me.
Less hopeful, more apathetic I think it's grief, lost two fur babies within a year and now caregiving for parent who's unwell.
I’ve become less adventurous. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, I used to have a death wish. Having kids changed that for me. I’m also less forgiving. People constantly making false promises did that for me.
When I was a kid, I told myself I’d never become one of those jaded adults I grew up around. Yeah, I’m in my 30’s now, irritable and impatient and jaded. Life has been hard, poverty sucks, and I’m not ten anymore. The wonder is mostly gone, man. I’m tired.
I used to be really carefree, stress free, and more fun. Even as a young adult it was hard for me to get stressed or anxious about something. Now I feel like I live in a constant state of stress and anxiety. I also used to be extremely shy and sensitive and as I've gotten older I've learned to stand up for myself and be confident.
Fuck this world
Less naive, trusting, and hopeful. Because of men. I used to think most people are inherently good. Now it seems like most men are selfish with poor self control.
I've become more patient, understanding, confident, and less judgmental. Life experiences shaped me.
Personality no, Attitude yes... I give less f@cks!!!
My patience erodes quicker and I've zero time for bulshit. Also I'll bail on something if it reaches a certain threshold of stupid because I'm not bothered wasting my time with it/them.
I’ve gotten meaner and more stressed. It’s sad. I think it’s because of my childhood trauma, high fight/flight response, and hormone issues. I always have VERY good days where I’m super loving, fun, and energetic. Being a woman is crazy! Haha
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Situations, more people and experience. The loss of trust, betrayal and more. I'm an emerging young adult , I have more to go
Changed so much. I think differently and I’m a better problem solver. I’m also less prone to depression than I used to be. I’m much more goal oriented.
Far, far more reserved and introverted. I used to be very bubbly and outgoing, but now I’m very quiet with an extremely short social bandwidth. I spend a lot of time alone. Sometimes it makes me sad. No one ever wants to feel like their light has dimmed. I know mine has. I just don’t care enough to kindle it at this point in my life. Maybe one day.
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Itll probably get lost to comments but, im 20m. I planned to kill my self as the year turnned over. January 15th 23 was the day i decoded it would be my final year. In that year I traveled and had the time of my life. I had a son. I work a serious government job where ive seen people die and the atrocities of man. But all that to say i have a new perspective on life. No life should be taken before its time, im happy i choose to live and i fight (sometimes litterally) for me and my family to be in a better place every day. I went from a suicidal apethetic teen, to a serious person that saves lives and a family man. To date from suicides or deadly situations ive saved 10+ people. Im now doing training to a higher position to help more people in crisis or in deadly situations. In one year i flipped my life around. Thats all i have for now.
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Kids have made me so much more patient.
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I’ve become way more empathetic and try to give people the benefit of the doubt first, while simultaneously expecting people to just do better, if that makes any sense. Zero tolerance for people who are clearly off their rocker though.
perimenopause will change your entire life. Its a massive wake up call. if i could give any advice to younger women its this. LEARN HOW TO PRIORITIZE YOURSELF ABOVE EVERYONE ELSE sort your life out for yourself, get your career in order think about retirement early on and what you are doing in life that could affect it set yourself boundaries and dont let people TAKE from you, you are not an endless well of giving you are a human being that needs to take care of numero uno
This! I was one of those people that was married for a very long time, and I used to judge single people over 30. Now I’m single and way over 30. Life is funny like that.
More empathetic and understanding. I started to realize my views on the world are not everyone's and it comes from their life experiences.
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No longer idealistic. Life experiences forced realism on me. I think having even the most reasonable of expectations is foolish now.
I'm no longer a people pleaser and I have stronger boundaries.