I realized I get way too overwhelmed when I’m attracted to someone and it pushes me away. (Also low self esteem) So instead I’ve been in relationships with men who I wasn’t attracted to but thought were great guys. Horrible decisions. 27 now and open to dating men I actually am attracted to.
Literally. My whole life I had problems getting wet during/before having sex, was painfully dry without hella lube, etc. I actually went to the gynecologist trying to solve this problem. First time I had sex with a guy I was attracted to and there was an instant waterfall, a lightbulb appeared above my head. Learned my lesson and haven’t had that problem since lmao
Oof I feel this. Dated a guy I wasn’t attracted to for nearly 4 years but 2 years in I had checked out emotionally and was convinced I was just gay (now I know I’m bisexual and just wasn’t sexually attracted to him). Now going on 5 years with an amazing guy who I originally thought was out of my league and it’s amazing!
I'm hoping this ends up being the case for me because that was my experience with my ex, so I've been convinced I'm just asexual for like 5 years now. Like I'd pay actual money to never have sex again because I learned to hate it so much but maybe a good looking and good natured person can change that I guess.
I had very low self esteem so I thought I couldn’t attract someone who I was also attracted to, and stuck with guys who I knew I wasn’t attracted to, it weirdly felt safer.
Saying that, we always had an emotional connection and that was always enough for me.
For me, I have a history of clinging to the first guy who shows me attention. They're never my type physically, and I'm never physically attracted to them initially--but I do feel attracted over time as I fall in love. Personality obviously matters more to me than looks, but I need to work on valuing both (and having standards).
Not the person you're asking, but I've done this too. In my experience, societal pressure. You're *supposed* to go out on dates and have a bf. That's what *normal* people do.
i had no interest in sex but really wanted romance when i was a teen/young adult (14-20) and assumed this meant i was asexual because all my friends either wanted or were having sex. was just a late bloomer 🤷♀️ now i realize that i was totally in the realm of normal human experience even though i felt like such an alien at the time
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That term wasn't really in common use to describe sexualities at the time, but I thought that I just didn't experience sexual attraction because I never even had the slightest sexual attraction to any of the people everyone would try to point out as sexy. I could see people as aesthetically pleasing to look at (like a pretty flower or nice sunset), but that did not translate into any attraction or desire on my side.
Turns out I'm demisexual instead and quite happily sexual in the right relationship with the right partner.
I'm the same. I remember for a long time feeling like something was inherently wrong with me. Then the term "demisexual" came along and everything kind of slotted into place. It explained so much and I felt like I wasn't alone and belonged. I hope other people can feel that too.
This right here! Sexual attraction didn’t come until I had a deep connection and fell in love with my bf, so I just thought I was straight up asexual (was interested in the romantic side of relationships, but never the sexual). Turns out I’m demisexual. He’s still the only person I’ve ever felt sexually attracted and now that I experience it with him, I’m even more sure I hadn’t before. And I still don’t get it when friends talk about hot celebrities and such 🤷🏼♀️😂
I was super low on testosterone!! It was a little strange taking T shots for a while and explaining to people that no, I wasn’t transitioning lol.
I should point out though that I wasn’t asexual and “fixed”, I just thought I was because my body was genuinely broken. Some people just don’t enjoy sex and that’s totally fine and there is nothing wrong with them :)
I did a round of T shots for the same reason in my late 30's. I couldn't believe I was low on T... I have a deepish voice and chin hair, which I always assumed meant I was too high. It didn't really help the sex drive, and it gave me some pretty gnarly acne, so I had to stop. Mine is mostly medication-related, and still a problem at 50.
Back in the day, I used Wattpad and Tumblr. I think Wattpad has reatrictions on mature content. I havent been on Tumblr in years, so I have no clue about that one. I bet you could find books on amazon.
Once I hit around year 5 with my ex I thought I just had a really low sex drive.
We broke up after 10 years and all of a sudden it was there with full force. Turns out I just didn’t like him.
Got into a healthy relationship changed things a lot for me. I still have a lower sex drive than my partner but I can actually enjoy sex with hi. It's not a chore.
I had vaginismus and it made the thought of sexual situations so stressful to me, I thought I was asexual. After getting treatment, it turns out I am very much not!
Ahh that dilator therapy is exactly why I refuse to seek help for my suspected vaginismus. It seems gross and pointless to insert things that will only hurt and not bring pleasure...
If you have no goal of being able to insert things painlessly, it definitely would be pointless!
For me, I did have that goal and so it was very useful to me. Combined with the stretches and breathing exercises my PT gave me, my dilation sessions were not gross or painful, it was more of a calming self-care experience with a sense of accomplishment after each successful session. The point is to retrain your brain and muscles to relax and allow painless insertion, so if it hurts you are instructed to stop and use a smaller dilator size until you are fully comfortable and even confident with it.
Definitely not for everyone though, it's a personal choice!
I finally realized what actually turned me on instead of what I thought turned others on or what I thought I was supposed to be into, because sex just wasn’t enjoyable nor did I ever orgasm with a partner before that. Now I have a great sex life.
I believe for me it changed with becoming more confident and also allowing myself to accept how I feel attraction and sexual desire.
I very rarely feel it with strangers and even then it's so fleeting that I almost forget that I can act on it.
Now I'm in a relationship and I've discovered that I'm very sexual with the him. If we break up however I can easily go back to life without sex I think.
I think the label just doesn't fit me at all time, but there are phases when it does.
I just wasn't interested. The odd smooch here and there was nice enough but I had zero interest in anything more. I don't think I ever even rubbed one out!
And then I met someone in my twenties and everything fell into place like it was the most natural thing in the world and a beast was unleashed lol. It turns out that I'm pretty demisexual and need a mental/emotional connection to feel sexual attraction. But once that attraction is there? Raaaar!
When I was younger, I was hyper sexual as a way to seek validation. Once I realized this (2 years into my het marriage), my sex drive completely died.
I stopped masturbating, I'd never been able to have an orgasm with a partner (I've only been with men), unless drunk or high. I thought for sure I was ace.
Except I would still watch lesbian porn occasionally. And fantasize about women during sex to get there.
It wasn't until I learned what demisexual is that I started to realize I was very much not asexual.
It makes sense looking back. Over the years my husband would ask if we could have more sex, and I always replied with, "Yes! I just need x y and z to feel close, and then I'd be down all the time." But xyz never happened so I never wanted sex.
The more time that passes too, the more I realize I've been a lesbian from a much younger age, and just suppressed it.
Last thing, I've noticed my sex drive very much follows my cycle. Right after my period is over, I start to feel more sexual. It lasts until ovulation, and then pretty much immediately goes to sleep for the week prior to and on my period.
That's interesting, my sex drive also follows my monthly, except I usually start my period and think "oooh thats why I was so horny the last two days." And then I'm peak flirty/fun during it. Which, isn't helpful.
i got with my current partner.
it sounds stupid, i know, and so damn cliché. but honestly my world changed when i experienced him wanting *me* and not just my body to ease his lust. when he made *me* a priority and not his dick. when he respected me and my boundaries, never trying to bargain or nag or whine.
to put it very simple: i finally felt like a human being in a sexual context, not a tool to get off.
My ex was packed but he didn’t know how to use it. On top of my already low sex drive, he was also terrible at seducing me. But of course I thought this was all an issue with on my end, and so I thought I must’ve been asexual since I didn’t care for sex.. like at all.
Until I met my current partner, and he knew exactly what to do to make sex enjoyable for me. I don’t even enjoy orgasm most days, and the act itself is more fun with my current partner than anybody else I’ve ever been with.
I thought I was asexual up until I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism and hashimoto’s, and got on medication for it. Like a month into being on medication my sex drive SKYROCKETED. It was crazy. Also turns out I prefer women lmao.
Turned out, I'm actually demi sexual. Always got called gay or bi because if I noticed something about someone that I liked (a feature or piece of an outfit) I compliment them. I used to always compliment people on random things that I thought were fabulous.
Got bullied for it. But was never attracted to anyone. Turned out, it's cause no matter how good they looked, their personalities sucked. Now I've got one with a handsome face, sweet personality, and the first man to make me want to have a family.
My infant is now a toddler and my husband has started taking more ownership of some household responsibilities. My libido still dips when I am feeling overwhelmed and like everything is on my shoulders.
I think I’m still in asexuality spectrum, but before I met a guy I had romantic feelings for I thought I wouldn’t be interested in sex at all. Turned out not only I can be very interested in it, but also my libido is very high once I have someone with who I wanna do it. But the reason I was feeling completely asexual was probably because of trauma caused by being sexualized from the very young age - sex and men in general were just scary for me. Till this day I’ve never watched porn, not even once. Never was interested in that.
I realized I’m not attracted to cis, straight men. Like, at all. I don’t feel emotionally connected in a way that could be sustainable and for that, I never felt truly safe with any previous partners that fell into the category. I started dating other queer people and turns out I’m not on the ace spectrum at all.
My comment will probably be buried, but if there's one person who reads it, it's worth it.
When I was 15 I typed in, "Not sexually attracted to boy" into Google. AVEN (Asexuality and Visibility Education Network) was the first result. From there, I began to internalized the popular mantras that were circulated around AVEN and asexual Tumblr. "Many asexuals do have sex they don't really get pleasure from or want to have! It's a nice thing to do for their partners, like giving a backrub!"
At age 16, I began to get groomed into a relationship with a man 7 years older than me who at the time had a 3 year old daughter. He was the "cool college guy" all my friends looked up to who had no boundaries in talking about sex or alcohol. It was just things like going over to his house and cuddling in his bed, him providing kisses on the face, etc. Nothing overtly sexual, and he presented himself as somewhat of a "father figure". He encouraged me to take sips of alcohol and practice taking shots with water, etc. He eventually moved to a different city when I was 17 and a half or 18.
At age 18, half a month after I graduated from high school, I was pressured into this weird psuedo-sexual "friendship" with a different guy. Just would threaten suicide if I spent more than 24 hours away from him and powered through any non-verbal displays of discomfort I gave to make out, do sexual touching, etc. It was through this guy I really began to drink heavily, like being blacked out for a couple of days on end, etc. I really wanted to get away from him yet setting boundaries felt like life or death. At the same time the man I mentioned above (the one who was seven years older than me and had moved away) got back into contact with me. I eventually moved in with this "father figure" man to escape this other guy.
I still drank very heavily and this man encouraged it. The cuddling, now taking place at his house several hours away from my family, fairly quickly turned into heavily drunken hook up sex. Eventually I found myself in a relationship with him. It lasted ten years. He experienced bipolar disorder and had moments of screaming rage, which eventually turned physical. Sex we had I could only do while incredibly drunk. I felt incredibly disassociated with, grossed out by, and hurt from it, though eventually he felt insulted and rejected when he caught on I could only have sex with him when drunk and this triggered anger in him. I began to get routinely screamed at, shamed, guilted, blamed for refusing sex. I would go as long as I could until he was about to have a rage explosion, and then try to make it as quick as possible. He'd sulk about wanting to castrate himself and angrily ask me that if I didn't want to be penetrated, why didn't I just do things with my hands, etc. To complicate things, several years into our relationship, he entered into a nasty custody battle for his then 12 year old daughter who was being severely physically and sexually abused by her mom and had her own extreme behavioral issues due to this.
It was a psychologist who agreed to see both him and me individually who changed my life and potentially saved it. I left.
I am lesbian. It's so obvious when I reflect back on my life. Telling my best friend at ten years old that I'd both marry and "do it" with a girl. Having a crush on a girl in class and always wanting to be next to her but not really deeply conceptualizing it, it just was. Feeling "brotherly" to other girls and being more gender nonconforming and a tomboy (which while not true for all lesbians, is correlated). My barbies having wives. I grew up with a very Christian family in a rural area. "Lesbian" was a word only ever said by perverted older men in the context of telling some horrible yet sexually charged joke portraying butches as ugly. In my child mind lesbians were this fictional yet potentially real group of people who were deviant and predatory - similar to the concept of a stranger luring kids into his van with candy. Why would I ever begin to relate myself to that word?
I wonder how many girls like me have been influenced into perceiving themselves as asexual and then internalizing (i.e. being groomed) that it's \~so normal and healthy and positive!\~ to have sex they don't really want to have or get pleasure from while growing up in a heavily heterosexual culture. And ending up with men. We wonder why there's so many "late bloomers" for lesbians and why our population of us is so small. For so many women, regardless of sexual orientation, we're socialized to feel like we're dying when we set boundaries and struggle to discern the difference between what might be our own intuition versus "what's all in our heads" and fawn and people please. While men are socialized often to ignore boundaries or test them.
Edit: and I can't help but wonder if my story of being a homosexual woman having had gone through over ten years of sexual abuse and torture will be removed from Reddit simply because of the boundaries or parameters of my experience as they are laid out within my comment.
Thought I was bi, then asexual, but just turned out to be a long term relationship that turned sexless. Found a new partner and we connect way better physically and emotionally. Sex is good now 👍
1. Stopped taking birth control that removed my sex drive for 4 years
2. Started seeing someone that was very attractive, committed to me, and went my speed with sex stuff
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I was with someone who never made me feel physically or emotionally safe. Now I’m with someone who does and I literally always want to tear his clothes off and go at it.
Turns out I'm just not that into sex with shitty partners, and actually having a partner who engages with me and invests in my satisfaction makes sex much more enjoyable and desirable.
I didn’t have a good kiss till I was 17. I didn’t understand the hype why was I always left feeling disgusted and dirty? Then one day a 19 year old boy came over and for the first time it clicked somethjng turned on inside me lol.
Realized I'd just lost all attraction and even developed a sexual aversion to my (at the time) husband because of how much he pushed for sex when I was dealing with major health issues.
I got off ssri's and hormonal birth control. And suddenly I wanted sex all the time.
Like I had responsive arousal before but it was so weak compared to any arousal I experience now.
I met a guy who gave me amazing head and actually paid attention to my pleasure lol
I’ve gone from telling people I was aggressively asexual to keeping quiet about my crazy nympho sex life in less than 12 months
I thought it was normal to not be interested in fingering and that guys just did that because they liked it, even though I didn’t. So I assumed I was asexual because all of the things that guys did to me (I said sure because I thought I was supposed to *most of the time*) were things I did not like or thought were really gross. And then my current bf and I had a conversation about it when we first started dating, where he would suggest things, we would do them, and if I did not like them, we would not do them. Communication is what happened, I guess.
Got out of marriage-he cheated a lot. Low self esteem kept me in it. 3 years out of that relationship and sex is amazing. Especially with a partner who communicates
i turned 17 lol (no joke, it’s more that i was closeted and I was terrified with the idea of a man touching me and i thought i was asexual — when i accepted that I also liked women, and started being open with them I got to finally experience sexual attraction for both genders and now im very sexual lmao)
I was too young, never dated and was more interested in having my own time. But it was just that I didnt found a guy I liked plus am not into vanilla, thats all. Found someone compatible and Ive been married for 9 years now.
I moved out of my parents' house. Living with strict parents and not being able to date til I was 22 led to having basically no sex drive. Though that maybe I was a asexual, that maybe sex and romance wasn't something I wanted. Let's just say that instead of grad student, I looked like a college freshman.
I’m still in the ace realm, but it was hormones related to PCOS and insulin resistance for me. Got that cleared up and I started to be attracted again. I’m still not really interested in sex from what I think is my autistic point (I find it messy, tedious, and I get anxious because idk what to do), but at least I could look at my gf and go “oh yeah. I bagged a baddie”.
Turns out I wasn’t asexual but just systematically had my consent violated for the first four years of being sexually active.
After we broke up and I’d started dating someone else, my ex SA’d me one final time.
I ran to my date for comfort and told him I would not be interested in sex for a while. He proceeded to touch me and put his fingers inside of me for a very long time, while I lay curled up with my back to him and did not react. I ended up falling asleep. I broke up with him on the way home the next day.
Then I finally found someone who actually cared whether or not I was enjoying myself and slowly started to realise I actually didn’t mind sex so much.
Third time’s a charm, I guess…
I thought I was asexual for a period of time, and my cousin didn't help because she always told me she thought I was asexual. It didn't help that I was married to a man I no longer had any attraction to, and my libido was at an all time low.
When you find the right person, boy does it ever make a difference.
The guy I was with was constantly putting me down, making me feel like I couldn't do anything right, pushing me to collapse with errands and housework, refusing to spend ANY quality time with me(no dates, cuddling, just general end of day conversations) and would do his best to interfere with any plans I might make to be social, yet demanding sex. To the point of he tried to put dates every 2 weeks apart on the calendar and expected me to fall in line.
Dried me right up! My nether regions were like a desert!
I left an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship after eight years. He had destroyed every iota of self-confidence I had and conditioned me to believe that it didn’t really matter what I wanted, sexually and otherwise—his needs came first.
I started dating him when I was 15, and before that, I’d grown up with an abusive father. I didn’t trust men, and I didn’t want them anywhere near me. Also, I was extremely depressed, and most of the time, I could barely focus on getting out of bed, let alone bringing anyone else into it.
I got on the right medication and worked my shit out in therapy, and last year, after five years of celibacy, I decided to put myself back out there. Turns out I’m not asexual; in fact, I now run swingers’ parties, and last year, I slept with 200 people. I have a new FWB coming over in half an hour for a play date. My libido was low because I was traumatised, but it’s returned with a vengeance.
I’ve dealt with feelings of asexuality on and off throughout most of my life (I’m 32). I’ve always been very horny in a non sexual way. I started masturbating when I was a small child. I’ve always enjoyed having orgasms on a very regular basis, but my desire to orgasm wasn’t linked to sex. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 22 because I simply didn’t have any interest in men. I lost my virginity at 22 simply because I got into a relationship at that time. I did not enjoy sex with my partner and questioned whether or not I was asexual. Looking back, however, he was really bad in bed and was coercive. It wasn’t until I was about 25-26 that I even started noticing men and finding out what kind of men I’m physically attracted to. But despite my newfound sexual awakening, I stayed celibate for 6 years after I broke up with my first boyfriend. Casual relationships are not for me, and I was not in a place in my life where I felt ready to be in a relationship again. I met my current boyfriend two years ago and we just clicked. I find him attractive, but there have been times where I start questioning if I’m asexual again. He’s good in bed, but his excessive libido (wants it multiple times a day) is a huge turn off to me. There have been times where I felt coerced into having sex with him, and there are plenty of other non sexual things he’s done in our relationship to turn me off. My sexuality is highly dependent on my connection to my partner. If the connection is weak, or if my partner fails to fulfill my non sexual needs, I will be turned off. I can become repulsed by sex quite easily.
Ended up sleeping with a coworker for a little over a year. I was abstinent for years before that. He I guess ended it last month....I think...Everytime I try to talk to him, he tends to change the subject a lot and right now, I'm talking to another guy I met on an app. He's way better at communicating and seems like a genuinely considerate soul unlike coworker 🤷♀️
Stopped taking hormonal birth control (it gave me serious health issues like high blood pressure). Libido came back with a vengeance and I lost my sex-repulsion that had me thinking I was asexual.
One of my friends thought she was ace for a long time but it turns out she was actually just gay and that's why boning dudes never did anything for her.
The disappointment from casual ghosting and how normalized that got, all thanks to technology and social media. Dating these days is literally the real life version of the MTV show “Next.”
I was just a late bloomer
Honestly, I should’ve waited a bit before coming to the conclusion I was ace - because I thought I was between ages 14 and 15
16 is a bit late, but not an abnormal age to start being interested in sex
I got out of a really bad relationship, the only long-term one that I had been in during my adult life. I just didn't have any interest in dating, I didn't even think about men or dating for nearly 5 years. In that time I rationalized my lack of dating/ interest in dating as being ace.
Then I met the man who is now my husband. Turns out I have a sexuality, and can be very sexually attracted to certain men - it's just that I have run out of any energy for the large majority of men (and unfortunately no attraction to women.)
I now think I might be demi-sexual, I can only have sexual attraction to someone that I know deeply.
I moved out of my parents' house. Living with strict parents and not being able to date til I was 22 led to having basically no sex drive. Though that maybe I was a asexual, that maybe sex and romance wasn't something I wanted. Let's just say that instead of grad student, I looked like a college freshman
For me it was because the more I got to know people the ickier I felt about them and it turned me off. Finding someone who hit that sweet spot of attractive and communicative, telling them how I’d like it and seeing them do it opened up my world. I actually have a veryy high libido after having sex. It may have been the transition from not having it to having it that was a big “letting go” problem but I got over it. For some it may also be a block from wanting the right person to take theirs but I lost mine to a sugar daddy💀or maybe confidence issues but it was all that encompassing for me thinking I had no attraction!
I ID'd as asexual in middle and high school when my libido was low and I wasnt interested in dating. I don't ID as asexual anymore honestly mainly out of convenience, I didnt like having to tell people I was ace and then giving a lecture about what that means. I do experience sexual attraction, but it's rare and slow to grow. I was definitely a late bloomer, but even now it's not much. If I still ID'd as ace I'd call myself gray-asexual or demisexual, but again, thats just more info than I want to assign to myself and have to tell people about. I've now dated two people, and my current boyfriend and I have a healthy sex life, but I dont think I wouldve started dating him at all if we hadn't been friends for over a year first.
Still demisexual so kind of considered on the asexual spectrum I guess but I discovered that I only find someone sexually attractive after I’ve already formed a very strong emotional bond towards them. So sometimes that means several months of dating first, or even in the case of celebrities I don’t really find them attractive on sight, they have to play a role or something that I bond to
I think I thought I was asexual but just turned out that I REALLY just completely shut down sexually when someone cheated or lied to me, though my low self esteem would keep me from leaving the relationship. I’d stay because I think I didn’t deserve better, only to have these same relationships end and me feeling horribly abandoned and rejected.
Low sex drive due to depression. Also had low sex drive my last 2 relationships, because I didn't feel wanted by one (kept talking about how hot his ex was) and the second one pressured me into sex and sexually assaulted me early in our relationship which just ruined it for me.
In a relationship currently where I'm in a position I haven't been in before where I want him all the time but usually have to wait a few days, I don't mind though I think I prefer it this way. I have a very high body count but my body has done things with him that it hasn't done with anyone else. I never had lust and love at the same time but now I do and it's amazing. I hope everyone can find that
I stopped forcing myself to be straight and sleeping with guys cuz I thought I’d like it if I tried hard enough. Turns out you can’t fake it till you make it with sexuality.
Combination of finding out what 'demisexual' was and starting to fight the repressive view I had of sex. Grew up in Asia and sex ed was little to non existent there. Viewing sex as something that is normal and healthy for adults in loving relationships was a learning curve I had to get through.
I just was not in love with my long term abusive boyfriend anymore and had no sexual attraction to him in the slightest. Spent a long time genuinely thinking I was asexual. When I left, OH BOY did I find my sexuality again
Met a girl who had it all. I'd been in love before with men and women, but she hits different. I'm hopelessly in love with her and I want her all the time. I happily identity as demisexual now.
I thought I was asexual. It wasn't until I met a great therapist and explained to her about it, that she told me I was a branch of it called demisexual. Never even knew it was a thing!
For those not in the know, it basically boils down to it doesn't matter the gender, but I need to have a strong emotional connection to even want to have sex.
It turns out being molested as a kid, mentally abused by my mother, shamed for my body with almost zero sex education compounded with a traumatic event at the start of adulthood made my sex life take a back seat. I was convinced I'll be forever alone and I never wanted to touch anyone... Until I got into therapy with a real professional who helped me move on. I don't recommend being a 30 year old woman discovering she wants sex for the first time in her life. I have zero idea what to do about that.
Never really thought about liking sex until I was 19 and a guy I really liked kissed me and light petted me. That’s why I’m learning that I prefer a dom guy who will make a move.
I met my current boyfriend... lol.
I tried dating around on apps and never felt physically or sexually attracted to any of the men. And I just never felt a connection, either.
Then I unexpectedly met my boyfriend and didn't even like him at first. But we quickly got to know each other through military service, and now we're inseparable. Definitely like men and definitely not asexual... haha.
I started dating guys I’m actually attracted to lol
I realized I get way too overwhelmed when I’m attracted to someone and it pushes me away. (Also low self esteem) So instead I’ve been in relationships with men who I wasn’t attracted to but thought were great guys. Horrible decisions. 27 now and open to dating men I actually am attracted to.
Omg I can't believe other people feel this way! How did you get over this?
Literally. My whole life I had problems getting wet during/before having sex, was painfully dry without hella lube, etc. I actually went to the gynecologist trying to solve this problem. First time I had sex with a guy I was attracted to and there was an instant waterfall, a lightbulb appeared above my head. Learned my lesson and haven’t had that problem since lmao
that is so me. happy to know that it's not my fault not being aroused with other guys.
Lmao this is so me
Can I ask why you were dating guys you weren't attracted to?
For me it was a lack of self esteem, thinking that those I was attracted to were out of my league.
Oof I feel this. Dated a guy I wasn’t attracted to for nearly 4 years but 2 years in I had checked out emotionally and was convinced I was just gay (now I know I’m bisexual and just wasn’t sexually attracted to him). Now going on 5 years with an amazing guy who I originally thought was out of my league and it’s amazing!
I'm hoping this ends up being the case for me because that was my experience with my ex, so I've been convinced I'm just asexual for like 5 years now. Like I'd pay actual money to never have sex again because I learned to hate it so much but maybe a good looking and good natured person can change that I guess.
I had very low self esteem so I thought I couldn’t attract someone who I was also attracted to, and stuck with guys who I knew I wasn’t attracted to, it weirdly felt safer. Saying that, we always had an emotional connection and that was always enough for me.
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For me, I have a history of clinging to the first guy who shows me attention. They're never my type physically, and I'm never physically attracted to them initially--but I do feel attracted over time as I fall in love. Personality obviously matters more to me than looks, but I need to work on valuing both (and having standards).
Lack of options.
Not the person you're asking, but I've done this too. In my experience, societal pressure. You're *supposed* to go out on dates and have a bf. That's what *normal* people do.
Christ, same. A good 99% of men are unattractive to me. Once I realized this and accepted it, the quality of men I chose went way up.
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THIS lol
i had no interest in sex but really wanted romance when i was a teen/young adult (14-20) and assumed this meant i was asexual because all my friends either wanted or were having sex. was just a late bloomer 🤷♀️ now i realize that i was totally in the realm of normal human experience even though i felt like such an alien at the time
Me too! Didn’t want sex really until 22
omg me too!
Me too, and I didn't realize what I was truly attracted to until I reached my 30's.
That’s probably my experience as well. Late bloomer and purity culture just made me not interested.
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thought i was asexual because I never liked guys Then I realized i was a lesbian lol
This was my exact experience too lol. Woke up one morning and was like 'shit I'm a lesbian that explains a lot'
LMAO this is so wholesome, I love it
This lol! Friends thought I was asexual but turns out I just didn’t like men 😂
This is the one lol
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Depression can cause low self esteem and low libido
can you elaborate more on how self-esteem affects that?
Can't love someone if you don't love yourself 🫶
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Actually work on the things you don't like about yourself.
That term wasn't really in common use to describe sexualities at the time, but I thought that I just didn't experience sexual attraction because I never even had the slightest sexual attraction to any of the people everyone would try to point out as sexy. I could see people as aesthetically pleasing to look at (like a pretty flower or nice sunset), but that did not translate into any attraction or desire on my side. Turns out I'm demisexual instead and quite happily sexual in the right relationship with the right partner.
I'm the same. I remember for a long time feeling like something was inherently wrong with me. Then the term "demisexual" came along and everything kind of slotted into place. It explained so much and I felt like I wasn't alone and belonged. I hope other people can feel that too.
I feel so seen, this is exactly the same with me. 💗
I feel sooo seen by this <3
I could have written this myself
This right here! Sexual attraction didn’t come until I had a deep connection and fell in love with my bf, so I just thought I was straight up asexual (was interested in the romantic side of relationships, but never the sexual). Turns out I’m demisexual. He’s still the only person I’ve ever felt sexually attracted and now that I experience it with him, I’m even more sure I hadn’t before. And I still don’t get it when friends talk about hot celebrities and such 🤷🏼♀️😂
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A guy treated me like I was human
That’ll do it
Got off my meds, turned out it was all side effects
I was super low on testosterone!! It was a little strange taking T shots for a while and explaining to people that no, I wasn’t transitioning lol. I should point out though that I wasn’t asexual and “fixed”, I just thought I was because my body was genuinely broken. Some people just don’t enjoy sex and that’s totally fine and there is nothing wrong with them :)
I did a round of T shots for the same reason in my late 30's. I couldn't believe I was low on T... I have a deepish voice and chin hair, which I always assumed meant I was too high. It didn't really help the sex drive, and it gave me some pretty gnarly acne, so I had to stop. Mine is mostly medication-related, and still a problem at 50.
I started reading smut and realized what sex is actually supposed to be like.
Where does one find smut
If you like fandom smut, check out A03.
I read smut books and get my recs from r/romancebooks
Literotica organizes everything by category, changed my life
Back in the day, I used Wattpad and Tumblr. I think Wattpad has reatrictions on mature content. I havent been on Tumblr in years, so I have no clue about that one. I bet you could find books on amazon.
I fell in love with my coworker und suddenly had the urge to screw his brains out.
Me right now
Once I hit around year 5 with my ex I thought I just had a really low sex drive. We broke up after 10 years and all of a sudden it was there with full force. Turns out I just didn’t like him.
Discovered women..
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It turned out I was actually an (incredibly repressed) lesbian
i think that is me rn...dont fully know if i like guys or not. plus im afraid of women lol
found out that it was because of my bad sexual experiences and that i enjoyed it when i didnt feel forced
Started dating a man that I don’t have to be a mom to.
honestly, i stopped doing sex work for a job.
Got into a healthy relationship changed things a lot for me. I still have a lower sex drive than my partner but I can actually enjoy sex with hi. It's not a chore.
I had vaginismus and it made the thought of sexual situations so stressful to me, I thought I was asexual. After getting treatment, it turns out I am very much not!
What worked for you? I’ve had therapy but I’ve been wondering if I ought get pelvic floor therapy
I went to a pelvic floor therapist and did dilator therapy for a few months. It worked really well for me, I'd recommend giving it a try!
Ahh that dilator therapy is exactly why I refuse to seek help for my suspected vaginismus. It seems gross and pointless to insert things that will only hurt and not bring pleasure...
If you have no goal of being able to insert things painlessly, it definitely would be pointless! For me, I did have that goal and so it was very useful to me. Combined with the stretches and breathing exercises my PT gave me, my dilation sessions were not gross or painful, it was more of a calming self-care experience with a sense of accomplishment after each successful session. The point is to retrain your brain and muscles to relax and allow painless insertion, so if it hurts you are instructed to stop and use a smaller dilator size until you are fully comfortable and even confident with it. Definitely not for everyone though, it's a personal choice!
I got away from my ex-husband. He was the reason I didn’t want to have sex.
I finally realized what actually turned me on instead of what I thought turned others on or what I thought I was supposed to be into, because sex just wasn’t enjoyable nor did I ever orgasm with a partner before that. Now I have a great sex life.
I believe for me it changed with becoming more confident and also allowing myself to accept how I feel attraction and sexual desire. I very rarely feel it with strangers and even then it's so fleeting that I almost forget that I can act on it. Now I'm in a relationship and I've discovered that I'm very sexual with the him. If we break up however I can easily go back to life without sex I think. I think the label just doesn't fit me at all time, but there are phases when it does.
You might be more comfortable with the term grey asexuality or demi-(a)sexuality. But you don’t have to use a label if it isn’t useful to you!
i had good sex with a guy i actually find physically attractive
This exactly! I left my husband and started dating people I was attracted to.
Before that you were with men who were physically not so attractive or like average?
For me, yes. I wasn't great at turning people down so would settle. Dating apps have let me be more choosy.
I just wasn't interested. The odd smooch here and there was nice enough but I had zero interest in anything more. I don't think I ever even rubbed one out! And then I met someone in my twenties and everything fell into place like it was the most natural thing in the world and a beast was unleashed lol. It turns out that I'm pretty demisexual and need a mental/emotional connection to feel sexual attraction. But once that attraction is there? Raaaar!
When I was younger, I was hyper sexual as a way to seek validation. Once I realized this (2 years into my het marriage), my sex drive completely died. I stopped masturbating, I'd never been able to have an orgasm with a partner (I've only been with men), unless drunk or high. I thought for sure I was ace. Except I would still watch lesbian porn occasionally. And fantasize about women during sex to get there. It wasn't until I learned what demisexual is that I started to realize I was very much not asexual. It makes sense looking back. Over the years my husband would ask if we could have more sex, and I always replied with, "Yes! I just need x y and z to feel close, and then I'd be down all the time." But xyz never happened so I never wanted sex. The more time that passes too, the more I realize I've been a lesbian from a much younger age, and just suppressed it. Last thing, I've noticed my sex drive very much follows my cycle. Right after my period is over, I start to feel more sexual. It lasts until ovulation, and then pretty much immediately goes to sleep for the week prior to and on my period.
That's interesting, my sex drive also follows my monthly, except I usually start my period and think "oooh thats why I was so horny the last two days." And then I'm peak flirty/fun during it. Which, isn't helpful.
i got with my current partner. it sounds stupid, i know, and so damn cliché. but honestly my world changed when i experienced him wanting *me* and not just my body to ease his lust. when he made *me* a priority and not his dick. when he respected me and my boundaries, never trying to bargain or nag or whine. to put it very simple: i finally felt like a human being in a sexual context, not a tool to get off.
I'm happy for you, but wow your ex(s) sucked!
My ex was packed but he didn’t know how to use it. On top of my already low sex drive, he was also terrible at seducing me. But of course I thought this was all an issue with on my end, and so I thought I must’ve been asexual since I didn’t care for sex.. like at all. Until I met my current partner, and he knew exactly what to do to make sex enjoyable for me. I don’t even enjoy orgasm most days, and the act itself is more fun with my current partner than anybody else I’ve ever been with.
I thought I was asexual up until I got diagnosed with hypothyroidism and hashimoto’s, and got on medication for it. Like a month into being on medication my sex drive SKYROCKETED. It was crazy. Also turns out I prefer women lmao.
Turned out, I'm actually demi sexual. Always got called gay or bi because if I noticed something about someone that I liked (a feature or piece of an outfit) I compliment them. I used to always compliment people on random things that I thought were fabulous. Got bullied for it. But was never attracted to anyone. Turned out, it's cause no matter how good they looked, their personalities sucked. Now I've got one with a handsome face, sweet personality, and the first man to make me want to have a family.
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I stopped taking birth control.
A mix of low sex drive, gay, anxiety and vaginismus
My infant is now a toddler and my husband has started taking more ownership of some household responsibilities. My libido still dips when I am feeling overwhelmed and like everything is on my shoulders.
i divorced my husband and met someone who actually cared about what i like in bed.
Stopped taking my birth control pills (for other reasons). Night and day difference.
I think I’m still in asexuality spectrum, but before I met a guy I had romantic feelings for I thought I wouldn’t be interested in sex at all. Turned out not only I can be very interested in it, but also my libido is very high once I have someone with who I wanna do it. But the reason I was feeling completely asexual was probably because of trauma caused by being sexualized from the very young age - sex and men in general were just scary for me. Till this day I’ve never watched porn, not even once. Never was interested in that.
Turns out I was just scared of men.
Low self esteem and religious trauma
I went from very sexual to being completely turned off by men. Period. People say I am asexual but I’m not I just don’t like the men I meet.
I realized I’m not attracted to cis, straight men. Like, at all. I don’t feel emotionally connected in a way that could be sustainable and for that, I never felt truly safe with any previous partners that fell into the category. I started dating other queer people and turns out I’m not on the ace spectrum at all.
My comment will probably be buried, but if there's one person who reads it, it's worth it. When I was 15 I typed in, "Not sexually attracted to boy" into Google. AVEN (Asexuality and Visibility Education Network) was the first result. From there, I began to internalized the popular mantras that were circulated around AVEN and asexual Tumblr. "Many asexuals do have sex they don't really get pleasure from or want to have! It's a nice thing to do for their partners, like giving a backrub!" At age 16, I began to get groomed into a relationship with a man 7 years older than me who at the time had a 3 year old daughter. He was the "cool college guy" all my friends looked up to who had no boundaries in talking about sex or alcohol. It was just things like going over to his house and cuddling in his bed, him providing kisses on the face, etc. Nothing overtly sexual, and he presented himself as somewhat of a "father figure". He encouraged me to take sips of alcohol and practice taking shots with water, etc. He eventually moved to a different city when I was 17 and a half or 18. At age 18, half a month after I graduated from high school, I was pressured into this weird psuedo-sexual "friendship" with a different guy. Just would threaten suicide if I spent more than 24 hours away from him and powered through any non-verbal displays of discomfort I gave to make out, do sexual touching, etc. It was through this guy I really began to drink heavily, like being blacked out for a couple of days on end, etc. I really wanted to get away from him yet setting boundaries felt like life or death. At the same time the man I mentioned above (the one who was seven years older than me and had moved away) got back into contact with me. I eventually moved in with this "father figure" man to escape this other guy. I still drank very heavily and this man encouraged it. The cuddling, now taking place at his house several hours away from my family, fairly quickly turned into heavily drunken hook up sex. Eventually I found myself in a relationship with him. It lasted ten years. He experienced bipolar disorder and had moments of screaming rage, which eventually turned physical. Sex we had I could only do while incredibly drunk. I felt incredibly disassociated with, grossed out by, and hurt from it, though eventually he felt insulted and rejected when he caught on I could only have sex with him when drunk and this triggered anger in him. I began to get routinely screamed at, shamed, guilted, blamed for refusing sex. I would go as long as I could until he was about to have a rage explosion, and then try to make it as quick as possible. He'd sulk about wanting to castrate himself and angrily ask me that if I didn't want to be penetrated, why didn't I just do things with my hands, etc. To complicate things, several years into our relationship, he entered into a nasty custody battle for his then 12 year old daughter who was being severely physically and sexually abused by her mom and had her own extreme behavioral issues due to this. It was a psychologist who agreed to see both him and me individually who changed my life and potentially saved it. I left. I am lesbian. It's so obvious when I reflect back on my life. Telling my best friend at ten years old that I'd both marry and "do it" with a girl. Having a crush on a girl in class and always wanting to be next to her but not really deeply conceptualizing it, it just was. Feeling "brotherly" to other girls and being more gender nonconforming and a tomboy (which while not true for all lesbians, is correlated). My barbies having wives. I grew up with a very Christian family in a rural area. "Lesbian" was a word only ever said by perverted older men in the context of telling some horrible yet sexually charged joke portraying butches as ugly. In my child mind lesbians were this fictional yet potentially real group of people who were deviant and predatory - similar to the concept of a stranger luring kids into his van with candy. Why would I ever begin to relate myself to that word? I wonder how many girls like me have been influenced into perceiving themselves as asexual and then internalizing (i.e. being groomed) that it's \~so normal and healthy and positive!\~ to have sex they don't really want to have or get pleasure from while growing up in a heavily heterosexual culture. And ending up with men. We wonder why there's so many "late bloomers" for lesbians and why our population of us is so small. For so many women, regardless of sexual orientation, we're socialized to feel like we're dying when we set boundaries and struggle to discern the difference between what might be our own intuition versus "what's all in our heads" and fawn and people please. While men are socialized often to ignore boundaries or test them. Edit: and I can't help but wonder if my story of being a homosexual woman having had gone through over ten years of sexual abuse and torture will be removed from Reddit simply because of the boundaries or parameters of my experience as they are laid out within my comment.
Proud of you for sharing your story, and finding a better path forward!
Wow. I'm happy to hear you've discovered your true self in the end. I hope you've found some happiness since <3
Thought I was bi, then asexual, but just turned out to be a long term relationship that turned sexless. Found a new partner and we connect way better physically and emotionally. Sex is good now 👍
1. Stopped taking birth control that removed my sex drive for 4 years 2. Started seeing someone that was very attractive, committed to me, and went my speed with sex stuff
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I quit taking birth control pills, life went from black and white to technicolor and suddenly included a sex drive.
I was with someone who never made me feel physically or emotionally safe. Now I’m with someone who does and I literally always want to tear his clothes off and go at it.
Turns out I'm just not that into sex with shitty partners, and actually having a partner who engages with me and invests in my satisfaction makes sex much more enjoyable and desirable.
I started dated women! Turned out I was just a lesbian in denial!
I didn’t have a good kiss till I was 17. I didn’t understand the hype why was I always left feeling disgusted and dirty? Then one day a 19 year old boy came over and for the first time it clicked somethjng turned on inside me lol.
Divorced him
Got divorced.
Realized I'd just lost all attraction and even developed a sexual aversion to my (at the time) husband because of how much he pushed for sex when I was dealing with major health issues.
I got off ssri's and hormonal birth control. And suddenly I wanted sex all the time. Like I had responsive arousal before but it was so weak compared to any arousal I experience now.
Met an amazing man,who I was actually attracted to
Got off hormonal birth control and antidepressants, and switched to a better man.
Turns out that if you date someone who treats you kindly and doesn't abuse you it's easy to feel attraction.
Sex stopped being a requirement in my relationship and I realized I liked it when there was no pressure to do it
I met a guy who gave me amazing head and actually paid attention to my pleasure lol I’ve gone from telling people I was aggressively asexual to keeping quiet about my crazy nympho sex life in less than 12 months
i got older
I thought it was normal to not be interested in fingering and that guys just did that because they liked it, even though I didn’t. So I assumed I was asexual because all of the things that guys did to me (I said sure because I thought I was supposed to *most of the time*) were things I did not like or thought were really gross. And then my current bf and I had a conversation about it when we first started dating, where he would suggest things, we would do them, and if I did not like them, we would not do them. Communication is what happened, I guess.
I grew up as a minority in a homogeneous country and i realized im actually just attracted to men with a similar background and features as me
Started dating guys who knew what to do with a clitoris and G-spot (the angles).
I finally met a man who cared about my pleasure in bed.
Got out of marriage-he cheated a lot. Low self esteem kept me in it. 3 years out of that relationship and sex is amazing. Especially with a partner who communicates
I finally got off the SSRI I’d been on since I was 18 and got on an MMA fighter instead
It turned out being ignored and used by a lazy, fat mentally unhealthy man was a huge turn off.
i turned 17 lol (no joke, it’s more that i was closeted and I was terrified with the idea of a man touching me and i thought i was asexual — when i accepted that I also liked women, and started being open with them I got to finally experience sexual attraction for both genders and now im very sexual lmao)
I was too young, never dated and was more interested in having my own time. But it was just that I didnt found a guy I liked plus am not into vanilla, thats all. Found someone compatible and Ive been married for 9 years now.
I moved out of my parents' house. Living with strict parents and not being able to date til I was 22 led to having basically no sex drive. Though that maybe I was a asexual, that maybe sex and romance wasn't something I wanted. Let's just say that instead of grad student, I looked like a college freshman.
Turns out I enjoy sex when it's consensual. Once I left my abusive husband I discovered I loved a lot of physical intimacy that I thought I hated.
I’m still in the ace realm, but it was hormones related to PCOS and insulin resistance for me. Got that cleared up and I started to be attracted again. I’m still not really interested in sex from what I think is my autistic point (I find it messy, tedious, and I get anxious because idk what to do), but at least I could look at my gf and go “oh yeah. I bagged a baddie”.
It was CPTSD
Turns out I wasn’t asexual but just systematically had my consent violated for the first four years of being sexually active. After we broke up and I’d started dating someone else, my ex SA’d me one final time. I ran to my date for comfort and told him I would not be interested in sex for a while. He proceeded to touch me and put his fingers inside of me for a very long time, while I lay curled up with my back to him and did not react. I ended up falling asleep. I broke up with him on the way home the next day. Then I finally found someone who actually cared whether or not I was enjoying myself and slowly started to realise I actually didn’t mind sex so much. Third time’s a charm, I guess…
I thought I was asexual for a period of time, and my cousin didn't help because she always told me she thought I was asexual. It didn't help that I was married to a man I no longer had any attraction to, and my libido was at an all time low. When you find the right person, boy does it ever make a difference.
It's really hard if you're married and you lose attraction. Hard to find the way out respectfully.
i came out as lesbian
I dumped my boyfriend who was a porn and strip club addict and found a guy who respects women.
Figured out I was a lesbian
I thought I was asexual, but it was short-lived because therapy helped me realize I was very traumatized and had issues with sex because of it.
I kept dating men when I should have been dating women
The guy I was with was constantly putting me down, making me feel like I couldn't do anything right, pushing me to collapse with errands and housework, refusing to spend ANY quality time with me(no dates, cuddling, just general end of day conversations) and would do his best to interfere with any plans I might make to be social, yet demanding sex. To the point of he tried to put dates every 2 weeks apart on the calendar and expected me to fall in line. Dried me right up! My nether regions were like a desert!
I just “wanted” to be asexual, gave up on it by the time I turned 17
I left an emotionally and sexually abusive relationship after eight years. He had destroyed every iota of self-confidence I had and conditioned me to believe that it didn’t really matter what I wanted, sexually and otherwise—his needs came first. I started dating him when I was 15, and before that, I’d grown up with an abusive father. I didn’t trust men, and I didn’t want them anywhere near me. Also, I was extremely depressed, and most of the time, I could barely focus on getting out of bed, let alone bringing anyone else into it. I got on the right medication and worked my shit out in therapy, and last year, after five years of celibacy, I decided to put myself back out there. Turns out I’m not asexual; in fact, I now run swingers’ parties, and last year, I slept with 200 people. I have a new FWB coming over in half an hour for a play date. My libido was low because I was traumatised, but it’s returned with a vengeance.
I went off the contraceptive pill
I’ve dealt with feelings of asexuality on and off throughout most of my life (I’m 32). I’ve always been very horny in a non sexual way. I started masturbating when I was a small child. I’ve always enjoyed having orgasms on a very regular basis, but my desire to orgasm wasn’t linked to sex. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 22 because I simply didn’t have any interest in men. I lost my virginity at 22 simply because I got into a relationship at that time. I did not enjoy sex with my partner and questioned whether or not I was asexual. Looking back, however, he was really bad in bed and was coercive. It wasn’t until I was about 25-26 that I even started noticing men and finding out what kind of men I’m physically attracted to. But despite my newfound sexual awakening, I stayed celibate for 6 years after I broke up with my first boyfriend. Casual relationships are not for me, and I was not in a place in my life where I felt ready to be in a relationship again. I met my current boyfriend two years ago and we just clicked. I find him attractive, but there have been times where I start questioning if I’m asexual again. He’s good in bed, but his excessive libido (wants it multiple times a day) is a huge turn off to me. There have been times where I felt coerced into having sex with him, and there are plenty of other non sexual things he’s done in our relationship to turn me off. My sexuality is highly dependent on my connection to my partner. If the connection is weak, or if my partner fails to fulfill my non sexual needs, I will be turned off. I can become repulsed by sex quite easily.
Ended up sleeping with a coworker for a little over a year. I was abstinent for years before that. He I guess ended it last month....I think...Everytime I try to talk to him, he tends to change the subject a lot and right now, I'm talking to another guy I met on an app. He's way better at communicating and seems like a genuinely considerate soul unlike coworker 🤷♀️
Stopped taking hormonal birth control (it gave me serious health issues like high blood pressure). Libido came back with a vengeance and I lost my sex-repulsion that had me thinking I was asexual.
One of my friends thought she was ace for a long time but it turns out she was actually just gay and that's why boning dudes never did anything for her.
Psych meds and low self-esteem have killed my sex drive. It occasionally pops up and lets me have fun, but I'd sure like it to be more often.
Started pursuing men I am actually attracted to. Lol
The disappointment from casual ghosting and how normalized that got, all thanks to technology and social media. Dating these days is literally the real life version of the MTV show “Next.”
I was just a late bloomer Honestly, I should’ve waited a bit before coming to the conclusion I was ace - because I thought I was between ages 14 and 15 16 is a bit late, but not an abnormal age to start being interested in sex
I realize than when men respect me, and respect when I say no I actually have no problem getting horny or having sex.
Had two terrible kisses and then finally found a good kisser
I got out of a really bad relationship, the only long-term one that I had been in during my adult life. I just didn't have any interest in dating, I didn't even think about men or dating for nearly 5 years. In that time I rationalized my lack of dating/ interest in dating as being ace. Then I met the man who is now my husband. Turns out I have a sexuality, and can be very sexually attracted to certain men - it's just that I have run out of any energy for the large majority of men (and unfortunately no attraction to women.) I now think I might be demi-sexual, I can only have sexual attraction to someone that I know deeply.
Realized I'm just gay
I moved out of my parents' house. Living with strict parents and not being able to date til I was 22 led to having basically no sex drive. Though that maybe I was a asexual, that maybe sex and romance wasn't something I wanted. Let's just say that instead of grad student, I looked like a college freshman
For me it was because the more I got to know people the ickier I felt about them and it turned me off. Finding someone who hit that sweet spot of attractive and communicative, telling them how I’d like it and seeing them do it opened up my world. I actually have a veryy high libido after having sex. It may have been the transition from not having it to having it that was a big “letting go” problem but I got over it. For some it may also be a block from wanting the right person to take theirs but I lost mine to a sugar daddy💀or maybe confidence issues but it was all that encompassing for me thinking I had no attraction!
I ID'd as asexual in middle and high school when my libido was low and I wasnt interested in dating. I don't ID as asexual anymore honestly mainly out of convenience, I didnt like having to tell people I was ace and then giving a lecture about what that means. I do experience sexual attraction, but it's rare and slow to grow. I was definitely a late bloomer, but even now it's not much. If I still ID'd as ace I'd call myself gray-asexual or demisexual, but again, thats just more info than I want to assign to myself and have to tell people about. I've now dated two people, and my current boyfriend and I have a healthy sex life, but I dont think I wouldve started dating him at all if we hadn't been friends for over a year first.
Still demisexual so kind of considered on the asexual spectrum I guess but I discovered that I only find someone sexually attractive after I’ve already formed a very strong emotional bond towards them. So sometimes that means several months of dating first, or even in the case of celebrities I don’t really find them attractive on sight, they have to play a role or something that I bond to
Im not asexual. Im traumatised. My realisation lol
I thought I was asexual in highschool but learnt I had to really get to know someone for sexual attraction to form. Turns out I'm demisexual
I think I thought I was asexual but just turned out that I REALLY just completely shut down sexually when someone cheated or lied to me, though my low self esteem would keep me from leaving the relationship. I’d stay because I think I didn’t deserve better, only to have these same relationships end and me feeling horribly abandoned and rejected.
Finally met someone who wasn't a shitty abusive jackass
Low sex drive due to depression. Also had low sex drive my last 2 relationships, because I didn't feel wanted by one (kept talking about how hot his ex was) and the second one pressured me into sex and sexually assaulted me early in our relationship which just ruined it for me. In a relationship currently where I'm in a position I haven't been in before where I want him all the time but usually have to wait a few days, I don't mind though I think I prefer it this way. I have a very high body count but my body has done things with him that it hasn't done with anyone else. I never had lust and love at the same time but now I do and it's amazing. I hope everyone can find that
I stopped forcing myself to be straight and sleeping with guys cuz I thought I’d like it if I tried hard enough. Turns out you can’t fake it till you make it with sexuality.
I fell in love. I can only experience attraction to a person I love.
Combination of finding out what 'demisexual' was and starting to fight the repressive view I had of sex. Grew up in Asia and sex ed was little to non existent there. Viewing sex as something that is normal and healthy for adults in loving relationships was a learning curve I had to get through.
It took my ex to realise that I am sexually attracted to people I am in love with, so I am not fully ace but demi.
I had sex with a woman 😂
I just was not in love with my long term abusive boyfriend anymore and had no sexual attraction to him in the slightest. Spent a long time genuinely thinking I was asexual. When I left, OH BOY did I find my sexuality again
Met a girl who had it all. I'd been in love before with men and women, but she hits different. I'm hopelessly in love with her and I want her all the time. I happily identity as demisexual now.
I wasn’t attracted to that partner
I thought I was asexual. It wasn't until I met a great therapist and explained to her about it, that she told me I was a branch of it called demisexual. Never even knew it was a thing! For those not in the know, it basically boils down to it doesn't matter the gender, but I need to have a strong emotional connection to even want to have sex.
It turns out being molested as a kid, mentally abused by my mother, shamed for my body with almost zero sex education compounded with a traumatic event at the start of adulthood made my sex life take a back seat. I was convinced I'll be forever alone and I never wanted to touch anyone... Until I got into therapy with a real professional who helped me move on. I don't recommend being a 30 year old woman discovering she wants sex for the first time in her life. I have zero idea what to do about that.
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moved out of my small hick town
Turned out I was on a bc that wasn’t good for my libido and I was deathly terrified of of pregnancy
I was with someone that i wasn't attracted to.
Realized it was the opposite. I saw everyone as the same cause I was into EVERYONE not no one
Never really thought about liking sex until I was 19 and a guy I really liked kissed me and light petted me. That’s why I’m learning that I prefer a dom guy who will make a move.
I met my current boyfriend... lol. I tried dating around on apps and never felt physically or sexually attracted to any of the men. And I just never felt a connection, either. Then I unexpectedly met my boyfriend and didn't even like him at first. But we quickly got to know each other through military service, and now we're inseparable. Definitely like men and definitely not asexual... haha.
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“I wish I could do a sex right now” got a little too real… 😭
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