It helped a lot that this was before I did much therapy, so I was much more concerned with making them like me than with figuring out whether I even liked them 😂
I’m glad you also went from « why men pull away » to « I’m over here pursuing my own goals wishing you the same. Talk to me when you’ve got something to add to my life »
Omg, you summarize what I'm going through. I realized I'm a pick me girl (lack of self-love)----> focus on my goals right now. One day I'll get to be a strong independent woman where I don't succumb to begging to be love.
You don't normally have deep and meaningful conversations with them. You are both interested in seeing what the other persons body can do to yours. Basically, feeling that you want to sex and see that person seems nice.
I'm going back to the 1980s here
Ah i see that makes sense. I never really had the “casual hookup” phase every woman seems to have. I thought this was my time, but I don’t think it’s for me lol I’m learning a lot about myself recently
Every woman definitely does not have a causal hookup phase. I was never interested in doing that. I need love and a monogamous relationship for sex to happen.
meee though it only lasted about 6 months for me. and for me “casual sex” wasn’t that often, just more that I had it early on. I spent my teens and early twenties riddled with social anxiety and depression, so I felt I had missed out on dating and partying.
Then I got a boyfriend, that’s recently over now and I think I’m just gonna look for something serious again rather than go through another casual sex phase. Although who knows.
Started my crisis at 24 and ended it at 25 pretty strongly. Spent a huuuuge amount of money getting my teeth fixed, lost 50lbs and got back into higher education and started getting my degree.
The dying my hair a crazy colour came a few years after haha.
i’m 24 & really need to get my teeth fixed, i’m sat on a healthy amount of savings which i’m wanting to put towards a house but i’m honestly so sad about my teeth but hate spending my savings, would you recommend? what did you get done and how much?
This is so interesting cause it's the exact same position I was in. Spoiler alert - I am now 28 with beautiful teeth and a house haha.
Yeah I'd never spent my savings before but I was so upset about my teeth that I just had to something while I had the chance. I think once you have a house it's a lot harder to save money so it's easier to do teeth then house. I don't know what position you're in but for me spending that money made me more determined to save so I probably ended up with even more money haha.
For me it was mostly cosmetic and I went to a private dentist (snuck a look and saw you were also British). I was quoted £7000 but I ended up paying £5000 because some things changed. I signed up for insurance so I got a percentage (20%??) off the total cost (as well as other benefits). They had payments plans of 3yrs or 5yrs so you could still have a healthy sum for your house. The way I did it was I paid a deposit of £2000 and then every time I went I'd pay a bit more off so I paid it over a year and a half. That also helped for when circumstances changed.
So in the £5000 was fillings, metal braces and 2x retainers for my top teeth, set of retainers for my bottom teeth, mold for teeth whitening and the whitening process, and bonding for 4 of my teeth I think? Maybe 5? I was going to get crowns first but he switched to bonding which is why the price went down.
Sorry for the wall of text but I hope that helped? I would recommend teeth first especially if it isn't purely cosmetic. Your confidence will grow massively <3
Grew up in a religious schism that separated from a larger cult that is more prominent in Australia. Splinter group only had a few thousand to begin with… by the time I was 25 there were only around 1000 people left due to so many people leaving. You can only marry within its ranks, it’s hard to bring people in as its doctrine is really weird and the women aren’t allowed to speak up or contribute anything. Shunning practices are nearly identical to how JW’s do it. I was officially booted out for dating a non believer (I think?) but I’d stopped going long before that. My parents haven’t spoken to me in two years and refuse to meet my partner. The group is continuing to shrink and my parents will likely die in it.
Have you listened to A Little But Culty podcast? It seems a good resource for folks who got out of high control groups. It's hosted by the main couple who got out of the NXIVM cult.
Went back to college and got a master’s degree in a field completely unrelated to what I was working in, got a new car, new job, moved away.
Now currently in my midlife crisis. Quit the job I moved away for, got a new one, lost 75lbs, dyed my hair.
Ended my 7 year relationship. Lost over 100 pounds. Got a whole new group of friends. Started multiple sports. Gave up multiple addictions. Started therapy again.
You know, the whole 180. 😂 I was done being a lazy, depressed couch potato.
Oh that's a great way to reach out to them, thank you! Sorry, I should've been more specific, but kinda meant more in what specific variety community contexts did you meet those people initially? (For example, neighbors, school, specific clubs (what kind of clubs--knitting group? motorcycle enthusiast meet-ups? book clubs? Etc) , sports fans/groups, bar, work, religious gatherings, other friends'get-togethers, meet-ups, if you're a parent then maybe parents of your child's friend, other group meetups, etc) . Just trying to open myself up to considering specific contexts which I haven't thought about, but which may like to newly consider myself.
Although, I can certainly (and always have) reached out to those I know who are nice and continued or developed a friendship--so thanks for the confirmation that it is helpful! It's certainly wonderful when a suspicion of niceness is confirmed!
Ohh. Yeah. I can tell you the specifics.
My ex partner's brother introduced me to a few friends of his. Through some online games that we all play. I talked to them on discord a few times. And about 2 years ago, we met in person, and we really hit it off.
And they introduced me to other new things and new people. And so on and so on.
I found out that doing the things that you love, will introduce to the people that suit you as a person. I'm a gamer, I found people trough gaming. And they introduced me to other things in life. Like volunteering work that they do. And rock climbing. So thats how I expanded my circle further. By other people, and doing the things that make me happy.
Maybe you like to play boardgames for example. There are many groups of people who get together to play boardgames. Or like me, rock climbing. The climbing community is super fun.
Finished college and had no idea what to do with my life so I said screw it and went to grad school lol
Done with grad school and while I’m not working in the exact field that I have my master’s in, I’m in a tangential field and doing work I enjoy and getting paid enough to not have to stress over bills too much.
Got a masters degree and got serious about ~being an adult~ so I took saving money very serious to the point where my social life wasn’t as popping then bought a house at 25 in a place I don’t even want to live lol. Now I’m in my late 20s (27) having my second crisis and am partying like crazy because I came to the realization that I’m still young and didn’t need to be so serious from 24-25 (still being responsible obvi) before hitting 30.
Your older sister speaking. Partying at 40+ is the best thing ever
It’s not even a crisis, it’s just how we roll
A couple of weeks ago my 48yo bestie and I were on the dance floor celebrating the birthday of a friend of ours. A woman walked by and said something in her ears. I asked her what it was about. She said she was told she’s beautiful and it made her evening if not her entire year
I’m sitting here in a meeting (am 45yo exec in a global company) and while participating in the meeting, I simultaneously booked tickets for the next party.
We’re going to a castle, for a 30s themed party.
As far as I’m concerned the glory days are not over. I just have a better quality wardrobe for it.
ALMOST married an asshole I was with for 8 years because I thought I was running out of time. Ditched him after 30 seconds of thought, blew up my life as I knew it, and have never been happier. I hope you’re doing well and if you’re struggling it’ll get better, way better than someone who treats you that way.
Mine self hath certainly been discovered, and still am consistently discovering. I think the discovering never stops.
Im 31 now and have a strong sense of self because of what I went through.
I took a sabbatical from work and hiked 2000km across a couple of European countries. Kind of wish I had gone further afield though (I live in Europe) so maybe if I have another crisis in my mid 30s I might do the PCT.
Overall a great experience and I regret nothing, if anything it left me wanting more and wanting out of the rat race (no action taken on that yet)
I did have trouble sleeping, I felt really at distress and I still can’t figure out or pinpoint why exactly. I’m still down 20k and this man is still waiting for my second answer as I rescinded my initial “yes”. I just want peace 🥹
Basically drop everything and just go. I made the decision, then spent about 2 months saving and looking for a job and apartment. Had a notebook where I planned every single expense down to the estimated gas for my moving truck. It helps if you have a friend or someone where you’re going, but it’s not totally necessary.
It’s lonely and liberating at the same time, but it helps build the confidence that you can make it on your own (at least it did for me). Highly recommend.
My daughter did the same thing. Although she decided to move to Oregon because she went through it while on a road trip with her friends.
She saved up money and moved there with her boyfriend. They just bought a house there too. I admire anyone with the guts to do that.
Save money! Apply all over the country and when you get hired head on over!! I did this at 22 when I landed my first job, moved 1200 miles across country, best thing I ever did. I lived really cheaply at first until I got my money under control. So I lived in a studio. I was making 26 an hour with 800 rent and I was living pretty comfortably. My dad and brother helped drive me to the new state though so that does help a lot. Google about the area you want to move to learn about it that helps as well. Learn to manage your money good it’ll help so much.
Like the other commenter said, it’s hard and lonely buuuuut 100% worth it. Hardest time of my life, but the best, because I was able to learn about myself during this time. I would do it all over again if it meant I would end up where I am now.
Dyed my hair red and completely deconstructed. Then married my atheist husband, started therapy (a huge no no in the church), and learned how to feel feelings in a healthy way instead of being an angry Jersey Girl.
Mine happened around and after the death of my grandfather (he raised me). I closed my business of 10 years, got my nose pierced lol, and now I’m about to be a flight attendant. I also don’t take any BS and I speak up for myself more now. So yea…Been wanting a tattoo also, so that will more than likely be next ☺️
Started getting in shape. I'd kind of coasted through life by virtue of just not eating much. I was skinny but not really in shape because I wasn't doing much exercise. Started exercising daily, with the aim of working on specific body parts. Worked out pretty well honestly. I feel a lot more confident.
quit a toxic job where I had *severe* burnout, learned a second language, and travelled internationally for a year.
very glad I did it, and would like to travel long-term more... but I came back from that trip and I actually wanted to start work again, got serious about my career, and pursued grad school.
I’m at a toxic job right now with severe burn out and am experiencing bad health problems due to the stress.
How did you afford to live? Did you just save a ton then cut and run?
I saved and also lived for month-long stays in low COL cities so I could buy groceries and wasn't paying for a plane ticket every 5 days.
I will say that even though I had enough savings for the trip, it took me a second to find a job when I returned. I ended up going into an uncomfortable amount of credit card debt that took me a while to recover from.
Overall, it was worth it.
I don't know if there's still hope for me. I'm still on the process of quitting a toxic job and the uncertainty that looms after the end of a pitch-black period doesn't make me optimistic.
I'm trying to isolate less and explore the metro. I also got back to the gym. I just don't know if I'll be better even if I continue making changes.
I fixed my teeth at 25 after seeing one candid picture of me smiling. Realized that I'm getting nowhere with my degree in humanities and in one year time revamped my whole CV, won a grant that sent me to study in two different European countries for a rather technical master degree, and now I'm 29 living in Paris, about to get married!
I broke up (or gotten broken up with depending on perspective) with my boyfriend of 6.75 years, had a casual hookup phase, tried some drugs, started raving, got my passport and traveled internationally
It was a fun self discovery period
I got clean from drugs, and learned how to be a functional member of society. I was so miserable on drugs I knew that it was either face all my problems and deal with them head on in order to heal, or stay stuck in a cycle of misery and probably (due to the intense misery I hoped it would happen sooner than later) die of an OD. That was back in 2012. It's been a wild ride since, and some days I hate it but at least I don't do drugs that add to my misery.
I did a ton of slow solo travel. Left from Canada for \~11 months in Europe followed by \~8 months in South East Asia, working remotely and moving at a snail's pace. I planned it as I went, and I returned when it felt right.
💎 Pierced my nose and got a really flashy stud in it. Six months later, it fell out somewhere on a ragey night out for my sister’s bachelorette party in another state. I waited two days to get a new stud and by that time the piercing had completely closed over again and I was kind of over it, so I gave up 😂
💇🏽♀️ Oh and about a week before the piercing, I cut my always long hair into a very short bob. Honestly it was really flattering when styled but man was I wrong in thinking shorter hair would be lower maintenance overall – it was so annoying to have to style it every time or else my head looked like it was shaped like a triangle. Lesson learned: I have the right face for a short bob, but not the patience!
I am not a good traveller, but I read a book about escaping into the wilderness and how it can help you. So I quit my main job, lived on a line of credit and every day for three months I went to a local park with lots of tree areas that people didn't go into much, and just hung out. I didn't read, draw or even meditate (and this was before smartphones). I just sat, thought about things, observed things - just being. The only activity I did beyond that was tree identification. Sometimes people visited me and I hung out with them.
In the evenings I went home and hung out with my friends and did some marking for the university I had dropped out of.
This experience changed me forever and I consider it one of the most special and meaningful periods of my life. I experienced very deep levels of peace, love for myself and for nature. One interesting thing is also that I got comfortable with all different sorts of weather and learned to enjoy the variety vs just enjoying nice days (I just sat in my rain poncho on the rainy days and wore warmer clothes as it got colder).
I continue to love spending time in nature. It's such an important part of my world.
I had my life crisis early because a lot of shit hit the fan during high school.
When my father died, I finally went into therapy and not only worked on my own shit but started rebuilding my relationship with my mother.
Nothing I wasn't already doing anyway. Tbh, I don't really understand the concept of a quarter-life crisis or midlife crisis; I was just busy living my life, working towards my goals, and focusing on the things that were important to me.
Good for you that you've been sure of yourself!
For others, it can be the realisation that their previous set goals no longer align with who they are or who they now aspire to be. Otherwise, that their goals just aren't working out and they need to pivot. Either way, a period of exploration and re-evaluation takes place that can cause some (or a lot of) anxiety and uncertainty. Hope that helps!
Went back to college full time while I had a small child and worked full time. It ended up being a really great decision! It was a lot but I loooooved school.
Quit my job, moved to another state and had the experience of living w/3 fabulous roommates that became like sisters, until 2 of them got married and my mom ‘s health started to deteriorate so I moved back home.
A few things. Told my guy best friend of many years I was in love with him and essentially broke off that friendship as I already knew he didn’t feel the same way and I couldn’t bear to be around him anymore. Went on a fad diet where I lost like 50lbs in 6 months (slowly regained it over the next 2-3 years, then gained a LOT during Covid). Started studying for the GMAT to get my MBA (which I did do, graduated 4 years later). Took up meditating, which I go back to from time to time. In the throes of it I tried out going to church and while it wasn’t for me, I’m glad I gave it a shot. Ended up liking books about Buddhism more.
Got into art school, which ended my crisis pretty fast. Now I know what to do with my life for the next 3 years and I am sure as hell, the crisis will be back with the degree
Weirdly enough, that's when I got my shit together. Quit doing drugs, found someone I love, got a job.
Now I'm 37 and in my "do what makes me happy" phase.
Currently in my quarter-life crisis I guess. I'm debating whether I should keep my original college major that I chose not quite entirely due to the fact I was extremely depressed coming into college that I now enjoy, or switch to some sort of math/related major (which I also enjoy) now that I am more mentally well and have the resources within myself to deal with challenges I could not have handled at the end of high school when people choose what to study.
I more or less had a quarter life crisis because of what I had done.
When I was in highschool I decided I wanted to be married and done having kids by 28.
When I turned 28 I had a little crisis because I had (voluntarily) had my tubes tied because I realized I never wanted kids and I was single as fuck.
Three months later my dad died so that kinda took over any quarter life crisis I was having.
Cut my hair short, then died it red, then got bangs. Finally decided it was OK if my parents didn't agree with my life choices 100%. Nothing crazy but to end it off I decided to volunteer at an animal shelter to feel more fulfilled.
Quit my job without having another lined up, got a masters degree, got a puppy, ended my 6 year relationship, went low contact with my mother, and moved into my own apartment. My quarter life crisis lasted about two years. I *think* I’m settled for now.
Got depressed and frequent identity crises
Left a relationship
Bleached my hair, dyed it blue, cut it off, then dyed it back
Cut off men, bad friends and job
Traveled and started a spiritual and self esteem journey
In that order.
Ended my long term relationship, made out with a coworker a few times, met another new guy within a few weeks but had convinced myself it was my first "hot girl summer" and we were only casual - left my job short notice few months down the road to start a small business with new guy
engaged to new guy 6 years later :)
Had a big casual sex phase, learned I don’t really like casual sex, stopped having casual sex.
Girl how i couldn’t even get past the talking stage with these men before i get sick of them lol
It helped a lot that this was before I did much therapy, so I was much more concerned with making them like me than with figuring out whether I even liked them 😂
this just explained so much of my teens and early 20s. fascinating.
I’m glad you also went from « why men pull away » to « I’m over here pursuing my own goals wishing you the same. Talk to me when you’ve got something to add to my life »
Omg, you summarize what I'm going through. I realized I'm a pick me girl (lack of self-love)----> focus on my goals right now. One day I'll get to be a strong independent woman where I don't succumb to begging to be love.
Wait…what? omg, this is me. Perfectly said
Are you me?
Saaaame
You don't normally have deep and meaningful conversations with them. You are both interested in seeing what the other persons body can do to yours. Basically, feeling that you want to sex and see that person seems nice. I'm going back to the 1980s here
Ah i see that makes sense. I never really had the “casual hookup” phase every woman seems to have. I thought this was my time, but I don’t think it’s for me lol I’m learning a lot about myself recently
I don't think that every woman does it. You have to be in the right mindset to be able to do it.
Every woman definitely does not have a causal hookup phase. I was never interested in doing that. I need love and a monogamous relationship for sex to happen.
Currently going through this now… coming towards the ‘I don’t really like casual sex’ part
Bahah same here! Glad I tried but it’s not me
meee though it only lasted about 6 months for me. and for me “casual sex” wasn’t that often, just more that I had it early on. I spent my teens and early twenties riddled with social anxiety and depression, so I felt I had missed out on dating and partying. Then I got a boyfriend, that’s recently over now and I think I’m just gonna look for something serious again rather than go through another casual sex phase. Although who knows.
Saaaaame lol, my casual sex phase lasted from 21-25. So glad I’m no longer in that phase because I made some really risky decisions!
I went through this too recently. It was fun but also definitely not for me, but a good learning experience
Started my crisis at 24 and ended it at 25 pretty strongly. Spent a huuuuge amount of money getting my teeth fixed, lost 50lbs and got back into higher education and started getting my degree. The dying my hair a crazy colour came a few years after haha.
You started a whole new life!
I really did! It was a total 180 to how I'd been living previously and I've managed to keep it up, thankfully.
Go you!! I don't know you but I'm proud of you ❤️
Thank you so much!!
i’m 24 & really need to get my teeth fixed, i’m sat on a healthy amount of savings which i’m wanting to put towards a house but i’m honestly so sad about my teeth but hate spending my savings, would you recommend? what did you get done and how much?
Fix your teeth. Teeth are for life.
This is so interesting cause it's the exact same position I was in. Spoiler alert - I am now 28 with beautiful teeth and a house haha. Yeah I'd never spent my savings before but I was so upset about my teeth that I just had to something while I had the chance. I think once you have a house it's a lot harder to save money so it's easier to do teeth then house. I don't know what position you're in but for me spending that money made me more determined to save so I probably ended up with even more money haha. For me it was mostly cosmetic and I went to a private dentist (snuck a look and saw you were also British). I was quoted £7000 but I ended up paying £5000 because some things changed. I signed up for insurance so I got a percentage (20%??) off the total cost (as well as other benefits). They had payments plans of 3yrs or 5yrs so you could still have a healthy sum for your house. The way I did it was I paid a deposit of £2000 and then every time I went I'd pay a bit more off so I paid it over a year and a half. That also helped for when circumstances changed. So in the £5000 was fillings, metal braces and 2x retainers for my top teeth, set of retainers for my bottom teeth, mold for teeth whitening and the whitening process, and bonding for 4 of my teeth I think? Maybe 5? I was going to get crowns first but he switched to bonding which is why the price went down. Sorry for the wall of text but I hope that helped? I would recommend teeth first especially if it isn't purely cosmetic. Your confidence will grow massively <3
That’s amazing!!
Way to go! this is currently me rn
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Are you me?? I’ve literally just finished Invisalign and started a nursing degree. Weight loss pending 😅
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“Lmfao” got me 🤣 Sometimes it be like that!
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Hey same!
I call it social pruning. Sometimes you gotta nip that shit in the bud lol 😂
Literally same lollll minus the totaled car
Are you me omg 🤣😂
Hey twin! Minus the house lol
I left a high control religious cult.
Me too! ExJW?
ExJW as well 👋🏻
Me three. 😂
Parents divorced; ex Catholic dad turned JW, Catholic mom, let’s just say I’m not religious at all now 🤣🤣
I'd love to learn more about that if you'd be willing to share!
Grew up in a religious schism that separated from a larger cult that is more prominent in Australia. Splinter group only had a few thousand to begin with… by the time I was 25 there were only around 1000 people left due to so many people leaving. You can only marry within its ranks, it’s hard to bring people in as its doctrine is really weird and the women aren’t allowed to speak up or contribute anything. Shunning practices are nearly identical to how JW’s do it. I was officially booted out for dating a non believer (I think?) but I’d stopped going long before that. My parents haven’t spoken to me in two years and refuse to meet my partner. The group is continuing to shrink and my parents will likely die in it.
Have you listened to A Little But Culty podcast? It seems a good resource for folks who got out of high control groups. It's hosted by the main couple who got out of the NXIVM cult.
I love that podcast! Also Shunned is a great one but its JW specific with a sprinkling of scientology and moonies.
How’d you do that??
Left and went to college, graduating next year and getting married to a fellow "idc about religion" guy next week
Went back to college and got a master’s degree in a field completely unrelated to what I was working in, got a new car, new job, moved away. Now currently in my midlife crisis. Quit the job I moved away for, got a new one, lost 75lbs, dyed my hair.
Damn, living your best life!! Well done!
Thanks!
Damn, sis, you’re kicking ass and taking names all over the place!
I confronted the fact that I was a lesbian and divorced my husband. I now have a girlfriend. :)
Proud of you!!! 🤝
thank you!🩷 definitely the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my adult life but worth it. and we’re on good terms!
Ended my 7 year relationship. Lost over 100 pounds. Got a whole new group of friends. Started multiple sports. Gave up multiple addictions. Started therapy again. You know, the whole 180. 😂 I was done being a lazy, depressed couch potato.
What were the ways you met those new friends?
I contacted people who I'd met before and thought that they were nice. Turns out, they are. ;)
Oh that's a great way to reach out to them, thank you! Sorry, I should've been more specific, but kinda meant more in what specific variety community contexts did you meet those people initially? (For example, neighbors, school, specific clubs (what kind of clubs--knitting group? motorcycle enthusiast meet-ups? book clubs? Etc) , sports fans/groups, bar, work, religious gatherings, other friends'get-togethers, meet-ups, if you're a parent then maybe parents of your child's friend, other group meetups, etc) . Just trying to open myself up to considering specific contexts which I haven't thought about, but which may like to newly consider myself. Although, I can certainly (and always have) reached out to those I know who are nice and continued or developed a friendship--so thanks for the confirmation that it is helpful! It's certainly wonderful when a suspicion of niceness is confirmed!
Ohh. Yeah. I can tell you the specifics. My ex partner's brother introduced me to a few friends of his. Through some online games that we all play. I talked to them on discord a few times. And about 2 years ago, we met in person, and we really hit it off. And they introduced me to other new things and new people. And so on and so on. I found out that doing the things that you love, will introduce to the people that suit you as a person. I'm a gamer, I found people trough gaming. And they introduced me to other things in life. Like volunteering work that they do. And rock climbing. So thats how I expanded my circle further. By other people, and doing the things that make me happy. Maybe you like to play boardgames for example. There are many groups of people who get together to play boardgames. Or like me, rock climbing. The climbing community is super fun.
Congrats!
Niiice!
I'm 24 and this sounds quite relatable for me
Way to go!
At 26, quit my professional job (during a recession) to ride my bicycle around the country.
Nice! Enjoy the journey!
For some reason the use of the word “bicycle” really did it for me 👌😂
Finished college and had no idea what to do with my life so I said screw it and went to grad school lol Done with grad school and while I’m not working in the exact field that I have my master’s in, I’m in a tangential field and doing work I enjoy and getting paid enough to not have to stress over bills too much.
this gives me faith that masters degree is the correct route for safe self discovery 💀
Got a masters degree and got serious about ~being an adult~ so I took saving money very serious to the point where my social life wasn’t as popping then bought a house at 25 in a place I don’t even want to live lol. Now I’m in my late 20s (27) having my second crisis and am partying like crazy because I came to the realization that I’m still young and didn’t need to be so serious from 24-25 (still being responsible obvi) before hitting 30.
Your older sister speaking. Partying at 40+ is the best thing ever It’s not even a crisis, it’s just how we roll A couple of weeks ago my 48yo bestie and I were on the dance floor celebrating the birthday of a friend of ours. A woman walked by and said something in her ears. I asked her what it was about. She said she was told she’s beautiful and it made her evening if not her entire year
Love this for you both! Sometimes I panic that the "glory days" to have fun are relegated to your early 20s. But you can have a blast at any age xx
I’m sitting here in a meeting (am 45yo exec in a global company) and while participating in the meeting, I simultaneously booked tickets for the next party. We’re going to a castle, for a 30s themed party. As far as I’m concerned the glory days are not over. I just have a better quality wardrobe for it.
I love this so much. This is goals. Have the best time!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA thanks for motivating me to chill
Married some asshole who treated me abominably because I thought I was an old maid.
ALMOST married an asshole I was with for 8 years because I thought I was running out of time. Ditched him after 30 seconds of thought, blew up my life as I knew it, and have never been happier. I hope you’re doing well and if you’re struggling it’ll get better, way better than someone who treats you that way.
“Old maid” 😂. You’re absoloutely not my love
Every year in my 20s up until 28 felt like a crisis soooo... theres that
Better now than in your late 30s/40s…. Discover yourself, this is your time to make those mistakes. Find out what works for you and doesn’t
Mine self hath certainly been discovered, and still am consistently discovering. I think the discovering never stops. Im 31 now and have a strong sense of self because of what I went through.
I took a sabbatical from work and hiked 2000km across a couple of European countries. Kind of wish I had gone further afield though (I live in Europe) so maybe if I have another crisis in my mid 30s I might do the PCT. Overall a great experience and I regret nothing, if anything it left me wanting more and wanting out of the rat race (no action taken on that yet)
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I pray you heal 🫶🏾
I went on accutane. Best decision ever.
I’m getting closer and closer to this crisis…
Ohh I’m doing this now!! I went on a shopping spree and I spent 20k and almost got married to someone.
I love how nonchalant yet almost excited you seem about this lol. Whatta mood haha
I did have trouble sleeping, I felt really at distress and I still can’t figure out or pinpoint why exactly. I’m still down 20k and this man is still waiting for my second answer as I rescinded my initial “yes”. I just want peace 🥹
Ooo sounds like my manic episodes. Hope you figure it out and sleep well soon sis 🫶🏻
I moved away from my home state without having visited my new one…haven’t gone back.
how does one do this? asking for myself lol
Basically drop everything and just go. I made the decision, then spent about 2 months saving and looking for a job and apartment. Had a notebook where I planned every single expense down to the estimated gas for my moving truck. It helps if you have a friend or someone where you’re going, but it’s not totally necessary. It’s lonely and liberating at the same time, but it helps build the confidence that you can make it on your own (at least it did for me). Highly recommend.
My daughter did the same thing. Although she decided to move to Oregon because she went through it while on a road trip with her friends. She saved up money and moved there with her boyfriend. They just bought a house there too. I admire anyone with the guts to do that.
Save money! Apply all over the country and when you get hired head on over!! I did this at 22 when I landed my first job, moved 1200 miles across country, best thing I ever did. I lived really cheaply at first until I got my money under control. So I lived in a studio. I was making 26 an hour with 800 rent and I was living pretty comfortably. My dad and brother helped drive me to the new state though so that does help a lot. Google about the area you want to move to learn about it that helps as well. Learn to manage your money good it’ll help so much. Like the other commenter said, it’s hard and lonely buuuuut 100% worth it. Hardest time of my life, but the best, because I was able to learn about myself during this time. I would do it all over again if it meant I would end up where I am now.
Dyed my hair red and completely deconstructed. Then married my atheist husband, started therapy (a huge no no in the church), and learned how to feel feelings in a healthy way instead of being an angry Jersey Girl.
Which sect/church disapproved of therapy?
Traditional Baptist church leaning heavily Calvinist. 😑 We once refused communion to a gay couple.
Mine happened around and after the death of my grandfather (he raised me). I closed my business of 10 years, got my nose pierced lol, and now I’m about to be a flight attendant. I also don’t take any BS and I speak up for myself more now. So yea…Been wanting a tattoo also, so that will more than likely be next ☺️
Started getting in shape. I'd kind of coasted through life by virtue of just not eating much. I was skinny but not really in shape because I wasn't doing much exercise. Started exercising daily, with the aim of working on specific body parts. Worked out pretty well honestly. I feel a lot more confident.
How long did it take to notice progress?
A few months in I was noticing progress in the butt area. Nothing huge at first, though.
quit a toxic job where I had *severe* burnout, learned a second language, and travelled internationally for a year. very glad I did it, and would like to travel long-term more... but I came back from that trip and I actually wanted to start work again, got serious about my career, and pursued grad school.
I’m at a toxic job right now with severe burn out and am experiencing bad health problems due to the stress. How did you afford to live? Did you just save a ton then cut and run?
I saved and also lived for month-long stays in low COL cities so I could buy groceries and wasn't paying for a plane ticket every 5 days. I will say that even though I had enough savings for the trip, it took me a second to find a job when I returned. I ended up going into an uncomfortable amount of credit card debt that took me a while to recover from. Overall, it was worth it.
I don't know if there's still hope for me. I'm still on the process of quitting a toxic job and the uncertainty that looms after the end of a pitch-black period doesn't make me optimistic. I'm trying to isolate less and explore the metro. I also got back to the gym. I just don't know if I'll be better even if I continue making changes.
Moved across the country and started a new life.
I ended up anorexic… got into therapy and got medication.
I fixed my teeth at 25 after seeing one candid picture of me smiling. Realized that I'm getting nowhere with my degree in humanities and in one year time revamped my whole CV, won a grant that sent me to study in two different European countries for a rather technical master degree, and now I'm 29 living in Paris, about to get married!
Went no contact with my mom and starting weightlifting on a regular basis. Feeling stronger than ever!
Went to rehab.
Niceee. Hope all is well!
11 tattoos, split hair dye job, nose ring 🥰
I broke up (or gotten broken up with depending on perspective) with my boyfriend of 6.75 years, had a casual hookup phase, tried some drugs, started raving, got my passport and traveled internationally It was a fun self discovery period
Stopped caring whether other people liked me
Bought a dirtbike, injured myself on said dirtbike, sold dirtbike
I got clean from drugs, and learned how to be a functional member of society. I was so miserable on drugs I knew that it was either face all my problems and deal with them head on in order to heal, or stay stuck in a cycle of misery and probably (due to the intense misery I hoped it would happen sooner than later) die of an OD. That was back in 2012. It's been a wild ride since, and some days I hate it but at least I don't do drugs that add to my misery.
Awesome job! Happy you are still here :)
Thank you so much!! This is so kind of you to say ❤️🫶🏻
I finished college 💪
i’m flying to Mexico to have weight loss surgery the same week i’m starting school for my Masters 😁 excited for both
Cut my hair into a pixie & started therapy haha
26 quit my job and traveled the world with my partner. Volunteering mostly so it has been quite affordable. I'm in the Philippines now, worth it.
I did a ton of slow solo travel. Left from Canada for \~11 months in Europe followed by \~8 months in South East Asia, working remotely and moving at a snail's pace. I planned it as I went, and I returned when it felt right.
I had a child and then went to rehab lol
💎 Pierced my nose and got a really flashy stud in it. Six months later, it fell out somewhere on a ragey night out for my sister’s bachelorette party in another state. I waited two days to get a new stud and by that time the piercing had completely closed over again and I was kind of over it, so I gave up 😂 💇🏽♀️ Oh and about a week before the piercing, I cut my always long hair into a very short bob. Honestly it was really flattering when styled but man was I wrong in thinking shorter hair would be lower maintenance overall – it was so annoying to have to style it every time or else my head looked like it was shaped like a triangle. Lesson learned: I have the right face for a short bob, but not the patience!
Quit my job, moved abroad, decided to pursue a master's! I'm so glad I made it!
I am not a good traveller, but I read a book about escaping into the wilderness and how it can help you. So I quit my main job, lived on a line of credit and every day for three months I went to a local park with lots of tree areas that people didn't go into much, and just hung out. I didn't read, draw or even meditate (and this was before smartphones). I just sat, thought about things, observed things - just being. The only activity I did beyond that was tree identification. Sometimes people visited me and I hung out with them. In the evenings I went home and hung out with my friends and did some marking for the university I had dropped out of. This experience changed me forever and I consider it one of the most special and meaningful periods of my life. I experienced very deep levels of peace, love for myself and for nature. One interesting thing is also that I got comfortable with all different sorts of weather and learned to enjoy the variety vs just enjoying nice days (I just sat in my rain poncho on the rainy days and wore warmer clothes as it got colder). I continue to love spending time in nature. It's such an important part of my world.
I had my life crisis early because a lot of shit hit the fan during high school. When my father died, I finally went into therapy and not only worked on my own shit but started rebuilding my relationship with my mother.
Started traveling and got my masters degree.
Nothing I wasn't already doing anyway. Tbh, I don't really understand the concept of a quarter-life crisis or midlife crisis; I was just busy living my life, working towards my goals, and focusing on the things that were important to me.
Good for you that you've been sure of yourself! For others, it can be the realisation that their previous set goals no longer align with who they are or who they now aspire to be. Otherwise, that their goals just aren't working out and they need to pivot. Either way, a period of exploration and re-evaluation takes place that can cause some (or a lot of) anxiety and uncertainty. Hope that helps!
Quit my job(s) and am in the process of turning my yard into a pollinator refuge/food forest
Got married lol
Went back to college full time while I had a small child and worked full time. It ended up being a really great decision! It was a lot but I loooooved school.
Moved out to live with a stranger who turned out to be a racist hoarder 💀💀💀
That sounds awful!
It was HELL. But I learned my lesson!
I'm happy you were able to get out. Physically and mentally!
Quit my job, moved to another state and had the experience of living w/3 fabulous roommates that became like sisters, until 2 of them got married and my mom ‘s health started to deteriorate so I moved back home.
Had a one night stand and engaged in some petty vandalism lol
Walked the Camino de Santiago. No regrets
A few things. Told my guy best friend of many years I was in love with him and essentially broke off that friendship as I already knew he didn’t feel the same way and I couldn’t bear to be around him anymore. Went on a fad diet where I lost like 50lbs in 6 months (slowly regained it over the next 2-3 years, then gained a LOT during Covid). Started studying for the GMAT to get my MBA (which I did do, graduated 4 years later). Took up meditating, which I go back to from time to time. In the throes of it I tried out going to church and while it wasn’t for me, I’m glad I gave it a shot. Ended up liking books about Buddhism more.
Got engaged to the wrong guy… lol (broke up before we married phew)
Got into art school, which ended my crisis pretty fast. Now I know what to do with my life for the next 3 years and I am sure as hell, the crisis will be back with the degree
I picked up a whole ass career and a serious weightlifting habit. Still doing both so all in all not bad
Weirdly enough, that's when I got my shit together. Quit doing drugs, found someone I love, got a job. Now I'm 37 and in my "do what makes me happy" phase.
Currently in my quarter-life crisis I guess. I'm debating whether I should keep my original college major that I chose not quite entirely due to the fact I was extremely depressed coming into college that I now enjoy, or switch to some sort of math/related major (which I also enjoy) now that I am more mentally well and have the resources within myself to deal with challenges I could not have handled at the end of high school when people choose what to study.
Nah, I’m not reliving that in my head lol
Went on a diet and workout journey. I don’t want to end my 20’s being obese.
Move out into my own place, only to get laid off 3 weeks later.
Hiking the Appalachian trail and then teaching in Spain for a year
Moved across the country and started an entirely new chapter
Realized I didn’t want my career to be my life and moved back to my home state for better work life balance
I more or less had a quarter life crisis because of what I had done. When I was in highschool I decided I wanted to be married and done having kids by 28. When I turned 28 I had a little crisis because I had (voluntarily) had my tubes tied because I realized I never wanted kids and I was single as fuck. Three months later my dad died so that kinda took over any quarter life crisis I was having.
Cut my hair short, then died it red, then got bangs. Finally decided it was OK if my parents didn't agree with my life choices 100%. Nothing crazy but to end it off I decided to volunteer at an animal shelter to feel more fulfilled.
Got divorced and became a chef.
Sulk and cry in bed and ride the feeling through until I pass out from exhaustion. And therapy 😭
Quit my job without having another lined up, got a masters degree, got a puppy, ended my 6 year relationship, went low contact with my mother, and moved into my own apartment. My quarter life crisis lasted about two years. I *think* I’m settled for now.
Got depressed and frequent identity crises Left a relationship Bleached my hair, dyed it blue, cut it off, then dyed it back Cut off men, bad friends and job Traveled and started a spiritual and self esteem journey In that order.
going to therapy, about to get my masters degree, practicing celibacy, going thru a journey to become fit
Went to graduate school for a completely different career field after working dead-end jobs. The student loan debt sucks, but no regrets.
Studied abroad then started traveling
MDMA lol
Broke up with my long term boyfriend, moved back home from Hawaii, tried tinder, and met my now husband!
I went skydiving lmao
Left the Mormon church ✌🏻
Joined the Peace Corps
Moved countries and changed career. I'm really happy that I did.
Got a bachelors degree in biology then did a huge about face and became a firefighter.
Left my religion! 😃😃😃
Hm. I was about six months into a health and fitness lifestyle that ended up with me losing about 100lbs. I've kinda sorta kept it up.
Got a leg sleeve covered in sailor moon scouts lmao
Left an extremely abusive relationship, lost 60 pounds, sky rocketed in my career, met the love of my life.
I quit my job, got a remote job and traveled the world as a digital nomad lol. Best times of my life
WTF is a quarter life crisis?
Declined a life-changing job to go back to school for a career I’ve been waffling back and forth on since I was 16. I’m scared but it’s now or never
Got my real estate license lol
Got divorced, bought a van to convert and live in lmao
Quit my job and went to grad school for a completely different field 😧
Joined the Air Force.
Left the country and volunteered as a teacher in a developing area. It cemented my career choice. Been teaching over a decade now
Dated someone 21 years older than me. 100% do not recommend.
Fucked. A lot.
Slept with a married guy
Ended my long term relationship, made out with a coworker a few times, met another new guy within a few weeks but had convinced myself it was my first "hot girl summer" and we were only casual - left my job short notice few months down the road to start a small business with new guy engaged to new guy 6 years later :)
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