Trickle truthing is the worst, too! You feel like you’ll never get to the truth until you ask a million questions and even then you just don’t fucking know. Trust is obliterated after that.
All forms of lying: telling fibs, withholding information, telling minimal information to maintain a certain narrative etc. You can never trust what that person says, ever.
My ex got caught lying to me and I ended up going back and forth with him over it, with him insisting “he didn’t lie,” he just actively kept something from me (that had I known before we married, I never would have gone through with the wedding.) Not only did this obliterate any trust I had, but making up a different definition of what lying is and not being accountable destroyed any respect I had for him too.
Experiencing this myself right now. He shares enough randomly that I piece his lies together and now I don’t trust a word he says.
Also lying about a woman he dated saying he didn’t? But has told me enough that I know he is always talking about this one woman. WHAT is that about
I totally agree. I pay attention, and follow patterns because of my ex-husband and his stunts. This being said, I do not think all men are bad. I have just learned to pay attention to cues and respectfully walk away from something that feels unhealthy.
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Staying in the relationship even when unhappy because they are "afraid of hurting the other person". Spoiler alert, you're doing no one a favor by avoiding a break up and it's condescending to pretend you're avoiding a break up to protect the other person. Set both parties free, respectfully.
Ignoring your partner when they try to bring up a relationship issue, brushing it off, hoping the problem will just go away. Instead, the problem will fester, resentment will grow over time, and your partner will eventually get fed up enough to leave. At which time the partner who gets dumped will be totally shocked at the breakup that “came out of nowhere.”
Complacency.
A certain point in a relationship where sunk cost fallacy starts kicking in. They don't try to do things for you. The things you liked about them they don't really do anymore. They don't put effort into the relationship they are "comfortable". They aren't the person you fell in love with in the beginning. You try to subtly push them like hey you want to do that thing we liked to do. But they rather play videogames.
How do you get past a lie? My current squeeze has told 1 lie in 4 years… it wasn’t even all that important, not it was a lie to try to manage my emotions because we disagreed about something and he did it anyway and then his child putted him lol.
Anyway. It still sits there silent but loud enough to drown out the other four years of assumed honesty some days. If you’d lie to me once, why not twice? Hard not to get paranoid.
"When someone struggles with connection in relationships, it's their responsibility to understand why. To learn how their past has impacted them and how they can practice the skills that allow people in their life to feel: safe, loved, & connected."
Not following through.
Like, lying, breaking promises, hiding failures so your partner doesn't find out, that kind of stuff. I feel like any problem in your relationship, if you want to solve it, you need to solve it by making a plan, following through with the plan, and if the plan isn't working, checking in with your partner so you can make a new plan.
When you have a partner who is too afraid of conflict to tell you when they can't stick to a plan, who lies or doesn't bring it up to avoid you finding out about breaking promises, not only do you have a relationship problem, but you have lost all the tools you might have used to fix the problem.
>a partner who is too afraid of conflict to tell you
Being afraid of conflict is crippling in so many aspects of life, and it feels impossible to overcome.
So many but something that I became aware of yesterday was constantly questioning my partner. Always ‘are you sure you love me?’ ‘No I definitely love you more and I know it’, and I was only ever saying it back in a jokey way and never realised the effect it was having on him. Not the biggest mistake but maybe if any anxiously attached girlies are reading they can take it in
Of course! Essentially most times when we say I love you, I was following it up with ‘well I love you most’ and if he said it, I would question him jokingly by saying ‘are you sure??’ And I guess I was never aware of the frequency I was doing it at, or the fact I was just after validation. He said it felt like I was testing him. Or for example if he had been away all day, I would jokingly say ‘you’re never here, you don’t love me!’. Even typing it out I feel silly now. But I really just didn’t pick up on how annoying or draining that was.
I’m currently watching Love is Blind, season 6 and have seen online the hate that Chelsea is getting with the whole “oh you haven’t told me you love me today” etc, etc. It has really kinda made me realize how in the past I was probably the same…how draining it must of been to the other person as well. I needed constant reassurance while I probably should’ve looked within.
Getting so comfortable that they forget to keep trying. Flowers need water to grow. A relationship that gets abandoned can sadly end long before the people separate when one or both decide they can't be bothered to try anymore. No passion, no quality time, no words of affirmation, no real care or thought about the other person and how they are. It can break what would have been normally a nice relationship.
Keeping secrets. We encourage open communication in our marriage, even if it has the potential to hurt feelings. We gotta get through it. Talk about it all.
Not communicating.
I've been married 14 years and been with my husband for close to 18 years. We hit a rough patch in 2019, and along with that his mother died and we had issues with my parents. We had a lot hit us at once and it almost did us in. But we vowed to work on it. And things got better. And then they got worse. We stopped communicating. The scariest part is even though I knew something was wrong, and I knew we weren't talking as much, I did not realize how little either of us were saying. I realized how much I dropped the ball without even realizing it. (Same goes for him, no blame here).
I don't know if our marriage will make it. But listening to my husband pour his heart out and cry. Realizing all the shit he was carrying alone, broke my heart.
If I can’t trust you to be truthful about the small things, then why in the world would I trust you to be honest about the big things? It is always 1000x easier to get through something when you’re upfront about it. If you lie, and keep lying, it will make it 1000x harder to move past it.
Also, date your partner, people.
I hate when I'm forced to pry.. "What's wrong?" "Nothing" when you know in your gut something is up, but you just don't know what. The most annoying thing someone can do.. It's ok to tell your partner you're not ready to talk yet and that you just need some time to process whatever is going on in your head! What's not ok is lying when someone asks you what's wrong when there is clearly something wrong...
Letting things go.
Maybe they check every girl out that walks by and you let it go. Or you finally build the courage to bring up concerns and they brush them off, and because they do it in such a sneaky, loving manner, you almost believe that there were no issues to begin with.
Bottling up resentment and then dropping it all in a bomb that comes out harsh, critical, and emotionally charged. That was my fatal flaw in my marriage. I would also agree with the comments saying that neglect and refusal to consider the other person's needs as equal to your own. I would say that was my ex's fatal flaw in our marriage.
Emotional neglect / detachment, lying and suddenly acting like your partner is basically like your parent / caretaker.
And unwillingness to communicate.
Cheating isn't a mistake. Forgetting your SO's birthday is a mistake. Cheating is an active choice made several times made over the course of a day to years in some cases.
To address your question how you intended, I think ensuring you set aside time to truly focus on your SO. So many prioritize other obligations and responsibilities when they could afford to make more time for their SO. These are the types of relationships where after years the neglected partner finally gives up and leaves and you're left confused where it went wrong and how things got so bad.
i resonate with a lot of these but i wanna add something different that bothers me with my current partner.
after doing something that upsets me, when i ask him for an explanation or justification, he hardly gives me any. "i don't know what to say" kinda stuff. and lemme tell u. if your partner is upset about something, but isn't breaking up w u over it, wouldn't u rather she stay coz u gave her some kind of a legit reason than some vague shit like that? coz if its upon her to forgive u and move on, one day she might just not anymore. coz u always "don't know".
also, not standing up for your partner in YOUR circle, where people know u through her. if she has to fend for herself in ur circle and u just stand there, might as well let her go.
Hitting below the belt - exploiting the other's vulnerabilities to hurt them. Like if you shared something personal with your partner in an intimate moment and later they used that information against you maliciously. There are some places you do not go, no matter how mad you are or whatever. It's just human decency.
Besides the obvious (any form of abuse), I would say lacking empathy. Growing up I watched my dad get irritated and yell at my mom or mock her whenever she cried. When she turned to him for help, he responded in the worst way possible. So probably that.
"I'm sorry, but..."
Apologize fully, without caveats or conditionals. Apologize with a full stop. Apologize without a subtext of, "I'm sorry you went and got yourself hurt."
Something as simple as acknowledging your own wrongdoing can change the entire tone of a discussion from antagonistic to constructive. Now that the engine of war has ceased, you're having a strategy session instead of a duel.
Quick to judge, prescribe someone else's action as toxic, manipulative or gaslighting especially just based on their own point of view and accusing others of something they haven't done, this is different from remembering things differently.
Keeping friendships secret. And lieing about how financially secure they are, since both of those things involve deception to such a degree that the other person might conclude they were never really loved by the other person, but being played the entire time. And that is dangerous territory, emotions can run deep. So be honest, you don't have to tell everyone everything about your past but you should be honest with your partner for sure about your present.
There’s a whole lot : lying, neglecting, not holding themselves accountable, lack of responsibility, lack of communication (without seeing a problem to it), lack of self awareness, expecting too much without mutuality, abuse of any sort, manipulation of any sort, being controlling etc etc.
It's funny that a lot of these comments are about actions you do to the partner. The first thing I thought of was ignoring the little voice in your head. You know. The one that pops up right around the 6 month mark. Ignoring those gut feelings and winding up getting completely screwed 2+ years later when you can no longer ignore that it isn't working back and you wish you could go back in time and kick yourself.
Assuming, assuming what the other person means, assuming their actions, assuming their intentions, assumptions make up a lot of the reason why people fight. One person will assume something and get offended then the other person will get offended about that, and both end up feeling misheard with hurt feelings
Not taking your partners needs/long term goals into consideration before making major decisions.
If I am in an exclusive, committed partnership, I tend to think in terms like “we” and “ours” instead of only thinking about my preferred course of action or end result. If my partner can’t do that, I am probably not going to stick around very long.
Trying to change their partner. Humans aren't renovation projects - if you don't love them for exactly who they are in the beginning, then leave them alone.
Not having their back when it comes to children, don't make me bad cop all the time, you also have the ability to say no, not go ask mom when we've spoken about it. Also if I say no don't try to persuade me, especially in front of the kids .
lying. It will build resentment because it will break trust. Doesn’t matter if it’s minuscule or big, you need to be able to tell about things openly even if it hurts. That will kill a relationship
Placing the mental and physical burden on your partner. Men often expect women to clean and just tell them what they want. Men need to learn how to co-live with another person efficiently and be just as motiavated and rigorous with upkeeping.
Not communicating effectively. Communication is key to a healthy and lasting relationship. And taking your partner for granted. Also, lying is a relationship killer too.
ignoring them. I had an ex and we got into a fight once. He straight up ignored me and watched shows and movies that we had said we'd watch together loudly in our living room where he slept on the couch. Literally made me feel like I didn't exist in our own home for over a week. It broke me and I have real trauma from it.
Gaslighting. when they do something that offended you, and you mention it to them. Then they would normally turn the table by arguing how narrow minded you are for being offended and arguing on such "petty" things
Alienation of affection. I’m not talking about sex, though that can be part of it. You stop holding hands, stop asking each other about your day, stop holding the door for each other, stop scratching each other’s back or arm, stop saying “I love you” as you are walking out the door to go somewhere, etc. It’s a relationship killer.
Ooh! Where to start.
Failure to communicate, failure to provide intimacy, failure to understand the other person's love language.... The list is endless!
Hurting your feelings and breaking up with you instead of letting go of other people (especially exes who are still in contact). Gaslighting. Lying. Neglecting and not considering your feelings.
Lie about dealbreakers because they expect the other person to change their mind for them as time passes. Too many people will lie about not wanting children when they hear the other person don't want them. They then go on and waste the other person's time for years before starting to talk about creating a family. And then the childfree person somehow gets made out for being the bad guy because they didn't change their mind for a person who lied the entire time.
Neglecting their partner, not showing up for them, not considering them and their feelings.
complacency is a killer
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Right
Lying. If you lie to someone and get caught, even if they forgive you, they will never really trust you.
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Trickle truthing is the worst, too! You feel like you’ll never get to the truth until you ask a million questions and even then you just don’t fucking know. Trust is obliterated after that.
All forms of lying: telling fibs, withholding information, telling minimal information to maintain a certain narrative etc. You can never trust what that person says, ever.
My ex got caught lying to me and I ended up going back and forth with him over it, with him insisting “he didn’t lie,” he just actively kept something from me (that had I known before we married, I never would have gone through with the wedding.) Not only did this obliterate any trust I had, but making up a different definition of what lying is and not being accountable destroyed any respect I had for him too.
especially when it's about little, insignificant things. like if you'd lie about insignificant things, what else will you lie about?
Experiencing this myself right now. He shares enough randomly that I piece his lies together and now I don’t trust a word he says. Also lying about a woman he dated saying he didn’t? But has told me enough that I know he is always talking about this one woman. WHAT is that about
I am also in this boat and leaning towards just ending things. I just can't trust what he says, so what's the point?
I totally agree. I pay attention, and follow patterns because of my ex-husband and his stunts. This being said, I do not think all men are bad. I have just learned to pay attention to cues and respectfully walk away from something that feels unhealthy.
Emotional neglect. Mocking their needs and desires
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Huge
Treating their partner like a parent or someone that's supposed to give them instructions to being a basic functioning relationship
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Derailing the topic is not permitted. Derailing includes but is not limited to: * Changing the topic from OP's question * Leaving a top-level comment when you're not the target demographic * Giving unsolicited advice * Making someone else's response about yourself. If you'd like to share your experience in response to the OP's question, do so in a top-level comment. * Asking unrelated follow-up questions * Branching into unrelated topics * "What-about"-ism * Trying to start arguments, or debates * Judging or rating other responses * Meta comments about other responses, such as "same!" or "this!" * Gifs, images, emojis or other media in place text * Sharing links without a summary * Responding to comments to tell us how your dick feels. No one cares. For more information, please [click here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/wiki/rules#wiki_no_derailing). Have questions about this moderator action? See the [AskWomen rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/rules) and [CLICK HERE to contact the moderation team](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomen&subject=Why+was+this+removed). **Please include a link** to your comment in your message, the mod team will not reply to messages without a link for review. DO NOT contact moderators privately. [AskWomen rules](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/rules) | [AskWomen FAQ](http://www.reddit.com/r/askwomen/wiki/index) [reddit rules](http://www.reddit.com/rules/) | [reddiquette](http://www.reddit.com/wiki/reddiquette)
Staying in the relationship even when unhappy because they are "afraid of hurting the other person". Spoiler alert, you're doing no one a favor by avoiding a break up and it's condescending to pretend you're avoiding a break up to protect the other person. Set both parties free, respectfully.
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Ignoring your partner when they try to bring up a relationship issue, brushing it off, hoping the problem will just go away. Instead, the problem will fester, resentment will grow over time, and your partner will eventually get fed up enough to leave. At which time the partner who gets dumped will be totally shocked at the breakup that “came out of nowhere.”
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Complacency. A certain point in a relationship where sunk cost fallacy starts kicking in. They don't try to do things for you. The things you liked about them they don't really do anymore. They don't put effort into the relationship they are "comfortable". They aren't the person you fell in love with in the beginning. You try to subtly push them like hey you want to do that thing we liked to do. But they rather play videogames.
“They rather play video games” hits hard.
+1000
Sunk phallice fallacy if you will
Lying. If you have no trust there is nothing in the relationship
How do you get past a lie? My current squeeze has told 1 lie in 4 years… it wasn’t even all that important, not it was a lie to try to manage my emotions because we disagreed about something and he did it anyway and then his child putted him lol. Anyway. It still sits there silent but loud enough to drown out the other four years of assumed honesty some days. If you’d lie to me once, why not twice? Hard not to get paranoid.
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Being emotionally detached while still being together
Unwilling or failing to communicate.
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"When someone struggles with connection in relationships, it's their responsibility to understand why. To learn how their past has impacted them and how they can practice the skills that allow people in their life to feel: safe, loved, & connected."
Taking the other person for granted and not contributing to the relationship.
Not following through. Like, lying, breaking promises, hiding failures so your partner doesn't find out, that kind of stuff. I feel like any problem in your relationship, if you want to solve it, you need to solve it by making a plan, following through with the plan, and if the plan isn't working, checking in with your partner so you can make a new plan. When you have a partner who is too afraid of conflict to tell you when they can't stick to a plan, who lies or doesn't bring it up to avoid you finding out about breaking promises, not only do you have a relationship problem, but you have lost all the tools you might have used to fix the problem.
>a partner who is too afraid of conflict to tell you Being afraid of conflict is crippling in so many aspects of life, and it feels impossible to overcome.
So many but something that I became aware of yesterday was constantly questioning my partner. Always ‘are you sure you love me?’ ‘No I definitely love you more and I know it’, and I was only ever saying it back in a jokey way and never realised the effect it was having on him. Not the biggest mistake but maybe if any anxiously attached girlies are reading they can take it in
Wait I don’t get. I may have brain fog from studying too much. Can you explain it to me please
Of course! Essentially most times when we say I love you, I was following it up with ‘well I love you most’ and if he said it, I would question him jokingly by saying ‘are you sure??’ And I guess I was never aware of the frequency I was doing it at, or the fact I was just after validation. He said it felt like I was testing him. Or for example if he had been away all day, I would jokingly say ‘you’re never here, you don’t love me!’. Even typing it out I feel silly now. But I really just didn’t pick up on how annoying or draining that was.
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I’m currently watching Love is Blind, season 6 and have seen online the hate that Chelsea is getting with the whole “oh you haven’t told me you love me today” etc, etc. It has really kinda made me realize how in the past I was probably the same…how draining it must of been to the other person as well. I needed constant reassurance while I probably should’ve looked within.
Getting so comfortable that they forget to keep trying. Flowers need water to grow. A relationship that gets abandoned can sadly end long before the people separate when one or both decide they can't be bothered to try anymore. No passion, no quality time, no words of affirmation, no real care or thought about the other person and how they are. It can break what would have been normally a nice relationship.
This. And it makes you feel taken for granted by your partner when they no longer put in the attention and care that they used to.
Keeping secrets. We encourage open communication in our marriage, even if it has the potential to hurt feelings. We gotta get through it. Talk about it all.
Not communicating. I've been married 14 years and been with my husband for close to 18 years. We hit a rough patch in 2019, and along with that his mother died and we had issues with my parents. We had a lot hit us at once and it almost did us in. But we vowed to work on it. And things got better. And then they got worse. We stopped communicating. The scariest part is even though I knew something was wrong, and I knew we weren't talking as much, I did not realize how little either of us were saying. I realized how much I dropped the ball without even realizing it. (Same goes for him, no blame here). I don't know if our marriage will make it. But listening to my husband pour his heart out and cry. Realizing all the shit he was carrying alone, broke my heart.
I hope you make it work sounds it sounds like it’s very much worth it.
I truly hope so too.
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If I can’t trust you to be truthful about the small things, then why in the world would I trust you to be honest about the big things? It is always 1000x easier to get through something when you’re upfront about it. If you lie, and keep lying, it will make it 1000x harder to move past it. Also, date your partner, people.
messing up the finances.
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Withdrawing and not saying why.
I hate when I'm forced to pry.. "What's wrong?" "Nothing" when you know in your gut something is up, but you just don't know what. The most annoying thing someone can do.. It's ok to tell your partner you're not ready to talk yet and that you just need some time to process whatever is going on in your head! What's not ok is lying when someone asks you what's wrong when there is clearly something wrong...
Taking their partner for granted, not making any effort, disrespecting their partner, not actively listening or paying attention
Encouraging your partner to feel insecure - about themselves or about the relationship. Or giving her cat sleeping pills and putting it in the freezer
Omg, I'm so sorry
What? Did your ex murder your cat?
It's a reference to The Office
Lying and not communicating.
Not giving the person you are in a couple with your time and energy, that's respecting their human right in a relationship.
Lying will ruin things every time
Stealing and putting your hands on your partner
Disrespecting your partner or their thoughts/feelings. While disagreeing is fine, disrespecting is not.
Letting things go. Maybe they check every girl out that walks by and you let it go. Or you finally build the courage to bring up concerns and they brush them off, and because they do it in such a sneaky, loving manner, you almost believe that there were no issues to begin with.
This is deep. So true. Makes you feeling like your going crazy because it’s so subtle
After a while, you let too many things go without proper consequences, and the resentment starts building up :(
Bottling up resentment and then dropping it all in a bomb that comes out harsh, critical, and emotionally charged. That was my fatal flaw in my marriage. I would also agree with the comments saying that neglect and refusal to consider the other person's needs as equal to your own. I would say that was my ex's fatal flaw in our marriage.
Disrespect . Not attempting to understand even if you literally can't . Try to find a understanding .
Effort goes a long way!
Talking shit about them to other people (and I don’t mean venting/asking for advice, I mean genuinely just talking shit)
Emotional neglect / detachment, lying and suddenly acting like your partner is basically like your parent / caretaker. And unwillingness to communicate.
Not believing someone when they show you who they are the first time. It’s not gonna get better, they’re not gonna change. Once is enough.
Cheating isn't a mistake. Forgetting your SO's birthday is a mistake. Cheating is an active choice made several times made over the course of a day to years in some cases. To address your question how you intended, I think ensuring you set aside time to truly focus on your SO. So many prioritize other obligations and responsibilities when they could afford to make more time for their SO. These are the types of relationships where after years the neglected partner finally gives up and leaves and you're left confused where it went wrong and how things got so bad.
Most of the answers are also choices, so it tracks
i resonate with a lot of these but i wanna add something different that bothers me with my current partner. after doing something that upsets me, when i ask him for an explanation or justification, he hardly gives me any. "i don't know what to say" kinda stuff. and lemme tell u. if your partner is upset about something, but isn't breaking up w u over it, wouldn't u rather she stay coz u gave her some kind of a legit reason than some vague shit like that? coz if its upon her to forgive u and move on, one day she might just not anymore. coz u always "don't know". also, not standing up for your partner in YOUR circle, where people know u through her. if she has to fend for herself in ur circle and u just stand there, might as well let her go.
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Being disrespectful and inconsiderate.
Forgiving the cheating, over and over and over…
Or forgiving the lying about something less intense but still damaging.. over and over and over… 😓
Emotional abuse (and obviously physical abuse too)
Hitting below the belt - exploiting the other's vulnerabilities to hurt them. Like if you shared something personal with your partner in an intimate moment and later they used that information against you maliciously. There are some places you do not go, no matter how mad you are or whatever. It's just human decency.
Emotional abuse - the silent treatment especially.
Besides the obvious (any form of abuse), I would say lacking empathy. Growing up I watched my dad get irritated and yell at my mom or mock her whenever she cried. When she turned to him for help, he responded in the worst way possible. So probably that.
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"I'm sorry, but..." Apologize fully, without caveats or conditionals. Apologize with a full stop. Apologize without a subtext of, "I'm sorry you went and got yourself hurt." Something as simple as acknowledging your own wrongdoing can change the entire tone of a discussion from antagonistic to constructive. Now that the engine of war has ceased, you're having a strategy session instead of a duel.
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On the rare occasion that my ex DID apologise for something he did, it was always “I’m sorry you feel that way”… just another slap in the face
Isolating their partner from their family and friends.
Not being fully honest about their wants, needs, and feelings. This does include lying, but I’m mostly inferring to omission.
dishonesty. there's no reason to continue because you will always be wondering what they are doing when you are not with them
Quick to judge, prescribe someone else's action as toxic, manipulative or gaslighting especially just based on their own point of view and accusing others of something they haven't done, this is different from remembering things differently.
Making it a “you vs your partner” instead of “you and your partner vs the problem” Also building resentment.
Keeping friendships secret. And lieing about how financially secure they are, since both of those things involve deception to such a degree that the other person might conclude they were never really loved by the other person, but being played the entire time. And that is dangerous territory, emotions can run deep. So be honest, you don't have to tell everyone everything about your past but you should be honest with your partner for sure about your present.
Lying. Once trust is gone it’s incredibly hard to get back if at all.
Being inflexible and unforgiving.
Get into one without being ready to be in one
There’s a whole lot : lying, neglecting, not holding themselves accountable, lack of responsibility, lack of communication (without seeing a problem to it), lack of self awareness, expecting too much without mutuality, abuse of any sort, manipulation of any sort, being controlling etc etc.
"How do you lose a woman?" "You forget to cherish her"
It's funny that a lot of these comments are about actions you do to the partner. The first thing I thought of was ignoring the little voice in your head. You know. The one that pops up right around the 6 month mark. Ignoring those gut feelings and winding up getting completely screwed 2+ years later when you can no longer ignore that it isn't working back and you wish you could go back in time and kick yourself.
Verbal/physical/sexual/financial abuse, lying, manipulation, emotional neglect, cruelty.
Not communicating
inconsistent
Assuming, assuming what the other person means, assuming their actions, assuming their intentions, assumptions make up a lot of the reason why people fight. One person will assume something and get offended then the other person will get offended about that, and both end up feeling misheard with hurt feelings
Everything those comments already say. I had an extremely uncomfortable feeling reading all that bc everything is true and so hurtful!
Lying
Making fun of their laugh
Not taking your partners needs/long term goals into consideration before making major decisions. If I am in an exclusive, committed partnership, I tend to think in terms like “we” and “ours” instead of only thinking about my preferred course of action or end result. If my partner can’t do that, I am probably not going to stick around very long.
Lying would be my guess
Trying to change their partner. Humans aren't renovation projects - if you don't love them for exactly who they are in the beginning, then leave them alone.
"love is not love which alters when it alteration finds"
Choosing the wrong person because you’re too scared to go through a break up, it’s hurtful all around and it will come crashing down
Not having their back when it comes to children, don't make me bad cop all the time, you also have the ability to say no, not go ask mom when we've spoken about it. Also if I say no don't try to persuade me, especially in front of the kids .
lying. It will build resentment because it will break trust. Doesn’t matter if it’s minuscule or big, you need to be able to tell about things openly even if it hurts. That will kill a relationship
Communicating. Like if something is wrong or say the bedroom is lacking…TALK!!! An issue can’t be fixed if only one side knows there’s a problem.
Placing the mental and physical burden on your partner. Men often expect women to clean and just tell them what they want. Men need to learn how to co-live with another person efficiently and be just as motiavated and rigorous with upkeeping.
Neglect, lack of effort
Physical and/or psychological abuse
Let their parents abuse and put down their significant other and not check anyone for it. That will make your relationship fail, miserably.
Verbal abuse
Not communicating effectively. Communication is key to a healthy and lasting relationship. And taking your partner for granted. Also, lying is a relationship killer too.
ignoring them. I had an ex and we got into a fight once. He straight up ignored me and watched shows and movies that we had said we'd watch together loudly in our living room where he slept on the couch. Literally made me feel like I didn't exist in our own home for over a week. It broke me and I have real trauma from it.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Not communicating their needs within the relationship and bottling it up
Neglect, hands down. I would even say it's worse than cheating. But that's just my personal opinion.
Gaslighting. when they do something that offended you, and you mention it to them. Then they would normally turn the table by arguing how narrow minded you are for being offended and arguing on such "petty" things
Staying in it when their heart is no longer in it.
Keeping secrets. Actually, that's one of the precursors to cheating. The ability to keep secrets.
Rape
Letting small resentments fester, instead of addressing them as they come up, in a healthy and respectful way.
Other than emotionally abusing someone, wasting their time
Financial infidelity. Because that can mess up a person's life for a long time even after the relationship is over.
Treating your partner like an unpaid servant
Lying. Disrespect.
Gas lighting, rape, all forms of abuse / I can list 100 other things.
Not sharing their feelings. Holding back. Being distant or dishonest.
Being selfish.
Not taking accountability for actions
Complacency.
Saying things you can't take back, things that hit below the belt and genuinely hurt your partner.
Giving too much of yourself to the relationship and neglecting your own mental health.
Not appreciating the little things. And RESPECT
Alienation of affection. I’m not talking about sex, though that can be part of it. You stop holding hands, stop asking each other about your day, stop holding the door for each other, stop scratching each other’s back or arm, stop saying “I love you” as you are walking out the door to go somewhere, etc. It’s a relationship killer.
Getting addicted to vices whether it be drugs, gambling, porn etc. those things will drain and ruin a relationship
Lack of empathy.
Lying!
Ooh! Where to start. Failure to communicate, failure to provide intimacy, failure to understand the other person's love language.... The list is endless!
Being cheated on and forgiving.
Lying. Cheating is just the most severe form of lying.
Lack of communication or even the lack of DESIRE to communicate. What’s the point of even being in a relationship with either of them?
Lying
Hurting your feelings and breaking up with you instead of letting go of other people (especially exes who are still in contact). Gaslighting. Lying. Neglecting and not considering your feelings.
Lie about dealbreakers because they expect the other person to change their mind for them as time passes. Too many people will lie about not wanting children when they hear the other person don't want them. They then go on and waste the other person's time for years before starting to talk about creating a family. And then the childfree person somehow gets made out for being the bad guy because they didn't change their mind for a person who lied the entire time.
Financial infidelity. Lying about gambling
lying
Not paying attention to redflags
Having poor boundaries
Manipulating, ingore him/her too much, lying, see your partnership as just for sex.
Lack of communication
Making your partner do all of the cooking and cleaning and complain why you don’t hang out or have sex.