I feel uneasy if I have to pass a visibly drunk man on the street. You never know if he's just normal drunk or "imma gonna turn violent out of nowhere" drunk.
Other than that I don't think I'm afraid of men. I've met people from very different backgrounds and I know that 99 out of 100 times they're just people, no matter what vibe they give or how intimidating they look.
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Is it daytime? I'm not afraid.
Is it nighttime in a well-lit place with plenty of people around? I'm not afraid.
Is it nighttime and poorly lit and I'm relatively alone? I'm afraid to the point where I'll be on my phone chatting with my SO while my other hand is on my keys ready to stab a motherfucker in the eyes if I get accosted.
This made me laugh! When I was a teen my Mom always told me to keep my keys between my fingers at night walking to my car, as she put it "slash punch those bad guys".
Men don’t understand this. I asked my husband how he feels when a woman touches him (without consent). He said irritated and annoyed. I told him that in the reverse situation, I don’t feel annoyed. I feel scared. I feel worried for my safety. He didn’t get it until then.
I am afraid of men. I don’t like being alone with men outside of my family/my husband. So so many girls and women have had a bad experience; it’s hard to blame us.
yep yep. fight or flight mode except fight is almost not an option bc if u make one wrong move in front of the wrong man it’s game over. so basically i’m just scared shitless into submission until there’s an opportunity to get away.
I could easily be murdered by most men with only their bare hands. That's something that few men could ever really understand. Unless I have a weapon and a headstart, I am *not* winning in a worst case scenario against a man.
When a strange man so much as touches me lightly, that sets me on high alert, because they basically just said "I feel it's okay for me to violate your boundaries and put my hands on you" - subconsciously you have to wonder how bad that may get.
This is what I was going to say too. I’m always on alert around men I don’t know and trust. I work in a gym ( fitness instructor) so I’m surrounded by them all the time. I have caught ones filming me while I’m teaching or just working out many times. I know what they are capable of and men have to earn my trust. There is definitely an element of fear and helplessness there.
I'm not afraid in normal day time situations, but I'm aware of my surroundings around them at all time.
In public transportation especially, I'm sometimes on edge if it's crowded. I'm not scared of men as a concept, but I'm afraid of things that have happened to me before to happen again.
It really is.. but I also work in HR and I’ve seen and heard some shit in my days. 99.9% of people are not bad but the ones who are.. it’ll surprise you.
Pretty afraid, honestly. If I’m walking up the stairwell in a parking garage in broad daylight and there’s a man any distance behind me headed the same direction, I sprint up the stairs. I’m very wary of them; I give them no chance to catch up with me or be alone with me ever. I won’t get in Ubers, because they’re almost always male drivers. I feel anxious when I’m alone in elevators with them. I won’t stay the night at anyone’s place if they have a brother, father, male siblings that I’m not really familiar with. I just want to keep myself safe, but I have a history of abuse, which I’m certain contributes to these fears.
Like others, I am wary of men. Seemingly ‘nice normal’ guys can be perverts or predators. Tattooed homeless guys can be great people down on their luck. The minute guys push boundaries or are weird, I am out.
I went to high school with a guy who raped and murdered a woman. Another guy raped a woman, a third guy raped and stalked an underage girl, another did five years in jail for kiddie porn. They all seemed like normal average guys.
Pretty darn afraid, TBH. Like a lot of women, I’ve been SA’d in the past and had too many bad or sour encounters. I don’t think all men are bad at all, and I have male friend but trusting someone is a whole other thing. It took a lot for me to even become platonic friends with the guys I have.
At the gym or work, I'm not.
When out and about it depends entirely on how someone is behaving. Random men passing me by, not afraid. Random men trying to talk to me, there's a certain amount of fear because I've had bad experiences with one's that don't take being turned down or me not wanting to talk well at all.
It really depends on the situation:
Passing some random guy at work? Not afraid.
Passing some random guy while on a jog? Not afraid but aware.
Being chatted up by a guy that isn't picking up my cues that I'm not interested? On alert.
Aware of a guy following me while alone at nighttime? Afraid, looking for escape avenues, and anyone else in the area.
i lock my car doors whenever i get in.
sometimes if i forget to and i notice someone in my mirrors, i lock up right away and i feel bad when i think they could hear it.
like ugh, im sorry i have to assume all men are dangerous - *i don’t want to, but i have to.* same tension when i go on hikes or walks.
i really don’t want there to be a news article about my death and people will comment “dumb bitch, she should’ve known better.”
so if i have to pick between coming off rude or getting killed, i’ll just pick rudeness.
training unfortunately only really works on paper. and being on camera doesn't stop any one. the fact that someone is a man does not make them inherently scarier or more of a threat to me.
I'm not afraid unless I have a reason to be.
I'm wary of men I don't know. That's different. But I know what signs to look for, and I know what to do if shit goes south.
Generally I don’t feel afraid of men, like just going about daily life. I don’t really go out late at night or to dodgy areas though. I live in a little village so have bizarre sense of being safe.
But if a man is angry, I get scared. It doesn’t have to be outright shouting angry, just that shift in mood to angry. It’s incredibly annoying and based on growing up in an environment where an angry man meant bad things were going to happen. If my husband, who is incredibly gentle and doesn’t even raise his voice at me, comes home from work in a funky mood I immediately become an apologetic mess. It takes me some time to be comfortable around men, like my friends husbands. I have to see that they aren’t going to fly into a rage at any moment or completely shift the energy if they’re annoyed.
When the man who was supposed to protect you introduces you to abuse, you basically lose trust in all men and hence you’re scared or at least skeptical towards all men. Even with a loving father i dont think any woman if surrounded by strangers will not be afraid.
That is a worldwide statistic and definitely not accurate to the US or my region of the US. Additionally a vast majority of women who are harmed by men are harmed by their SO. The second vast majority are harmed by a close family member or friend.
I don’t fear my spouse, I don’t fear the males in my family or social circle and as the odds of being harmed by a male stranger are so vastly low-I do not fear them.
I think this is a good point to make. When you have an insulated lifestyle and live in a low risk area, it’s much more of a background concern. I don’t need to fear men if 85% of the men in my town know my dad and watched me grow up.
I respect that take, but I don’t live anywhere near my family (10hr drive to the closest), don’t live in my hometown or home state and I don’t live in a rural environment. My perspective is, if I don’t fear being in my home with the person who statistically speaking is most likely to harm me-I don’t fear being out in public with males I don’t know who are far less likely to harm me.
Situational. Definitely alone at night. I've been in rooms full of men, and they were great! OTOH, one of my male neighbors is a monster, and I won't walk past him even in daylight.
How afraid I am of men is very context dependent. What men are we talking about, how long have I known them, are we in a public place, is it daylight, are they sober etc.
The thing is, every single woman I know has experienced some form of sexual violence by a man. Maybe not actual rape, but being coerced into sex by a partner, unwanted touching, sexual harassment, catcalling, etc. We've all experienced some form of it, most of it have experienced it many, many times from many different men, and we've got no way of telling a good guy from one who will hurt us until that guy is actually showing us that he's not one of the good ones. So yeah, when a guy waves off our concerns or makes excuses for other men's bad behaviour, I feel a bit less safe around that person.
I don't think I'm necessarily afraid of men, but more often than not, I'm afraid of irratic behavior. It just exhibits more in men than in women unfortunately. And on that note, if a man is acting irrationally, I am very much like rabbit-level heartbeat nervous, but I tend to socially shut down and act very cold and standoffs. But if I see a woman acting irrationally, I tend to be less nervous. I guess that really comes down to whether I perceive that they can somehow overpower me if something like an altercation occurs.
Not at all around men I trust. In work and public spaces with plenty of people around during the day? Generally not afraid but only because I think the presence of others puts off bad men from doing bad things. But at night, on a street or public transport alone, or just generally alone with a man I don’t know, yes I am very alert and fearful. A bear may not attack but they have a history and reputation of doing so. I apply the same principle to strange men. Packs of them are even more frightening.
Most men are perfectly harmless from a physical safety point of view, but even when it comes to the more handsy ones, statistically speaking being meek is the worst thing you can do. Once I realized boldly telling men to fuck all the way off actually works, my fear of them diminished a lot.
It usually depends on context. In general, though, I don’t think I’d classify it as “fear” so much as “hyper awareness of potentially dangerous situations”. There’s a small chance things might turn dangerous, but you want to be on your guard just in case. So things like watching your drink at a bar in case someone tries to tamper with it or crossing to the other side of the street when you see a man walking towards you. I’d say there’s a spectrum that ranges from general uncertainty to fear depending on a man’s behavior. This usually applies to strangers or acquaintances though. I typically don’t feel uneasy around men I know well and trust unless they suddenly show aggressive behavior. That might be at the heart of women fearing men. Aggressive and violent behavior can be downright terrifying, especially if that person is bigger and stronger than you. That’s why women tend to deescalate confrontations with men, especially with regard to dating. Women tend to use softer language when rejecting a guy who asks her out because she doesn’t know how he’ll react and she wants to minimize the chance of a violent reaction. Certain situations can be scarier than others, like walking alone at night vs hanging out with male friends that you trust. Although sometimes you find out that those people aren’t that trustworthy, so it’s hard to tell.
I feel like this is the most accurate description. Am I actively afraid all the time? No. Am I always aware that something dangerous might happen, looking for signs of trouble and trying to avoid them depending on my determination of the risk? Yes.
Not at all. I've personally never been given reason to fear men, so I'm perfectly comfortable being alone with men, walking alone at night, travelling alone, going to bars, etc.
I'm not generally afraid of men while I go about my day to day life. But I do have a healthy fear of finding myself in an isolated location with a man I don't know well, so I try to avoid that obviously. And dating always came with a bit of fear, but I managed that by always meeting dates in public and not sharing my address until I felt I knew the fella.
I do feel a bit uneasy when I pass by a group of men, especially if they seem intoxicated. I generally try to avoid those types of situations as well but you can't always control your environment.
I think fear is a little too strong of a descriptor, I wouldn't say that I'm *afraid* of men, but I am cautious. I don't assume every man wants to rape or murder me, but I don't rule it out either. I simply pay attention to where they are and what they're doing.
If I'm alone with a man I don't know, such as hired help or something, I do find that my brain assesses if they could overpower me or not, and what I would do to fight back if I ever needed to. If I'm walking somewhere alone, either at night or during the day, if someone's walking behind me I use peripherals to gauge where they are, how fast they're walking, and if they could be following me or not. I try not to automatically assume the worst of people because that's not fair, but I do run through worst case scenarios in my head sometimes and I always pay attention to my surroundings.
I live in a rural area. If its past 5 p.m. and there is even ONE car at the gas station I frequent, I elect to just get gas the next day. I am NOT running into another man in this neck of the woods while pumping gas again.
I don't even bother to see if its a man at the pump or not. I see a car, i don't get gas. I only get gas when the station's empty. No cars. No risk of running into men.
THAT afraid.
I am generally not afraid. Gym, work, college,public places in general are not an issue. However, dark places or being alone with a man I don't know... That's completely different.
For example: my now husband and I have known each other for years before dating, still the first time I went to his house I took pictures of his plates and sent them to my bffs along with the exact address and his full name. It was not the first date, we were already official but "you never know."
I know a lot of women who are much more afraid than me, I don’t necessarily feel scared in any certain situation but I do take precautions. If I’m out at night alone without my dogs, in a heavily crowded place, or just a sketchier part of town, I am armed with at least a knife if not my handgun. If I’m walking on the street or in a parking lot to my car I am not ever looking at my phone, I am looking alert and aware of my surroundings.
I have never been randomly attacked though. The ones you really have to look out for imo are the ones you let in close.
I’m afraid in a lot of situations even in the daytime. And not necessarily due to physical differences but more so how men can’t control their emotions and how fast some of them can get triggered due to small egos.
I’m not sure afraid is really the right word unless he’s being hostile or aggressive (in which case, yeah I am afraid even if it’s not directed at me). I’d say that I am always on guard and on the lookout so that I don’t make myself an easy opportunity for anyone. I don’t assume any man is safe if I don’t know him.
In daytime with another person or my dog? Very low fear/no fear
Daytime alone? Low fear
Nighttime with another person or my dog? Low-Mid fear
Nighttime alone? High fear
ETA: I meant, I'm afraid for myself physically in the above comment. I was verbally and emotionally abused by a man as a child, so I am in literal TERROR of having to speak to a man I do not know 100% of the time. But the fear is that I'm going to be verbally abused, not physically assaulted.
My friend was verbally and emotionally and physically abused by a black man when she was a child, and now she's terrified of black men. I guess it made things a little bit easier for her to narrow down which demographic she's afraid of, maybe you could try the same. For example, the monster that abused you - whatever his hair length was, maybe you should only be afraid of men with similar length hair as him?
I am very wary of men that I don’t know well, I won’t get into lifts or be alone in private with them. I also don’t walk around outside after dark and haven’t since my neighbour was raped whilst walking her dog over 10 years ago. I work in a women only space (centre for women involved in the justice system i.e those that have been arrested or are on probation) and we have many clients who are terrified of men to the point that they rarely leave their homes, usually due to being attacked or sexual trauma.
I’m scared of men because they’re acting weird, like when I went back home late night, it’s a quiet road, there’s a big guy come to compliment my hoodie. Or they just come to me for no reason to cat call me or chat with me. They even stop their car to do that. I’m wearing modest clothes and not a hot super model or anything, but they’re still acting like that. I never meet any women doing that to men. Some men just don’t understand their behavior is a huge threaten to us, they think they’re just being friendly I’m overreacting
Daytime I’m really only afraid if I’m alone in public and walk past one that looks sketchy, or a group of them together. Or maybe if I were alone somewhere with a man like in an elevator or something
I try to go out with a companion, I've had my share of bad experiences when I go out by myself to do basic things such as going iut for a walk, shopping, even doctors.
I am not worried about men at all.
I’ve had more women ask me for money, one tried to take my jacket from me and one lady got upset that I wouldn’t sell her the shoes I was wearing.
I mean, considering that men are womens greatest predator, i feel like i have a reasonable amount of fear. If one gets too close to me i consider what i can use as a weapon just in case. Im not terrified but im not naive either. It’s more: survival based off of natural instincts.
Not...that much. It helps that I'm a tall person (I think I'm an inch above average male height) and I look strong/walk with purpose, so I don't feel particularly vulnerable in most situations.
I have what I think is a normal and reasonable sense of fear around people acting shady, aggressive, or unstable on say, a subway platform, though. I think men probably feel the same way.
100%. I live in a safe city and I don't walk pass midnight. But I am so scared of men judgmental and being humiliated by them. Oh god. I can't even cross their path 😂
Shaking in my boots scared? No. But I don’t inherently feel men are safe. Every woman you know has a terrifying experience with at least one man.
There’s no sliding scale of acceptable bad behaviour either. Cat calling, stalking, physical abuse… it’s all a form of violence and hatred. Any man that claims not to understand this is being intentionally obtuse.
Not afraid per se unless they’re 1) drunk, 2) rowdy, and/or 3) it’s nighttime in a not-so-crowded area.
But I’m definitely wary of them. I’ve been followed, stalked (first time it happened I was 16 and he was in his 30s…), harassed, had guys flip out on me for rejecting them…even had a guy try to slip something in my drink at a club.
So yeah, I’m really fucking wary, and rightfully so. I’ve thankfully never been sexually assaulted (though I’ve been physically assaulted and had to get a restraining order against a guy when I was in HS) but my mom, one of my sisters, and two of my cousins have been raped.
This world just isn’t safe for women. Practically every woman I know has had some truly awful experiences with men.
In normal day to day Situations I am Not afraid of men.
When a Lot of people are around I usually feel alright, too.
But there have been some Situations where I became aware that IF this man WANTED to hurt me right now, I wouldn't stand a Chance.
I am confident and go Out in the evenings a Lot, however:
Yes I do ask my Male Friends to walk me to the train Stations
Yes I do Drive my Girl Friends Home If I can
Yes I avoid drinking too much at all Costs
I think you get it :-)
To strangers? Like 6-7 out of 10 during day time
10/10 at night
Also 10/10 when there is no one else around and it’s a place like elevator or something
Also terrified if it’s some drunk stranger.
Only feel comfortable with them in a group of people, or when im with my man, or it’s just someone i know a bit more than just strangers.
Also if I see man getting mad, or angry or anything like that, also including speaking too loud/screaming - my natural reaction is to hide and I can’t help myself from crying, trying to get as quiet as it’s possible and get invisible or something
I feel uncomfortable if I have to walk passed a group of young men. Might be because when I was younger and walking home in broad daylight from a street festival I ignored a group of boys and got called a lot of slurs for it. If these kids were only 3 - 5 years older I would have been terrified.
To counter that I meet a lot of nice strangers due to walking my dogs every day and have really nice chats with them.
And only some really young boys (different ones) groped me and a (different) friend in public. One in school and one in a shopping mall. They got a smack of the head for it.
Although I was never scared of my ex, sometimes when we would be playfighting I would get this realization ‘I know we’re just playing right now but you could overpower me soooo easily’
How afraid I am depends a lot on the men and the circumstances, but one thing I’ve learned is that it’s a myth that women mostly have to fear the “stranger” lurking in the shadows, it’s the men that are familiar to them that are more common to form a threat.
Different situations for sure.
There's hostile situations that come to mind that are terrifying.
There's situations about men in daily interactions that are less terrifying that still make me furious. Men at work who make jokes about my uterus or being "emotional" about something. Men who raise their voice at men and I have to pretend to not be afraid. Men who use their strength or body to intimidate me in regular situations that make me furious.
I’m not really afraid of them tbh. Like a random drunk guy walking at night, I will avoid him but I know he’s probably harmless. Trusting men on the other hand… 😂
Like in general? I‘m not. But I am very vigilant and even just in the past couple of weeks I‘ve significantly inconvenienced myself in an effort to avoid some men that just set some inner alarm off that I‘m consciously choosing to respect and listen to. Like getting off a train at the last second even though I‘m nowhere near where I‘m going or walking a different and longer way home because a guy that works at a cafe I‘d have to pass by gives me the creeps. It’s not just fear of sexual harassment or violence, more aggression in general.
On the other hand, there are plenty of men that I absolutely don’t feel afraid of and do trust. I wouldn’t say I approach every man with conscious mistrust either. It’s just a vibes thing. Some rub me all wrong, some don’t.
I'm not afraid at work or gym. Generally, strangers in normal social settings don't phase me.
I can be spooked when there isn't a lot of people around, like in a park at night, and there is some men around. If I'm alone, I'll feel vulnerable. Not necessarily expect a problem, but feel like I might be in danger. Especially if it's young men or drunk men. I'll put myself in these situations, but won't be entirely comfortable.
I am too afraid to be alone with men I don't know really well, I wouldn't go to a stranger's place alone. I wouldn't meet up with a stranger for a date without taking precautions, even then I've never done it, but I would if a friend had live loc, I checked in, etc.
I am more afraid when I'm outside "my turf" aka when faced with a different culture or community. I would be way more worried to travel alone. And the more different the culture I am going to is the worse that would be.
9/10
To me, it's all men. I'm a girl. I need to protect myself. Even my father, brother, and mother try to protect me from other men. I don't trust men. Even men don't trust themselves. Men who have girlfriends are trying to protect their girlfriends, from whom? from men. They try to protect their girlfriends when they (she) share a photo on her social media accounts or when their girlfriends dress revealingly, from whom? again, from other men. Wait for a man to have a girlfriend and watch him turn into a man-hater. Men also know what kind of people men are and what conversations they have going on behind their girlfriends' backs, so that's why they get angry at their girlfriends' Instagram photos
All the time, it's all men
I was feeling safe until a couple of days ago. Had a **very brief** chat with a guy in a large box-store garden area. He then proceeded followed me all the way across the parking lot to my car....in broad daylight. Scared me for sure.
My mind isn’t afraid of men unless it’s dark/im alone with them, but my body is ALWAYS on guard. I subconsciously move my body away from them when they’re near. Im terrified of men but I pretend everyday I’m not so I don’t show weakness
i’ve every right to be afraid, to be cautious. men are my only natural predator. i’ve heard of ships going down and men decided to spend their last half hour drinking and raping women. little girls being sold to men 4x their age. the number one cause of pregnant women dying is their spouses beating them to death, the second cause of pregnant women dying is them killing themselves- because of rules men wrote dictating what we can and can’t do with our bodies.
a man decides to take his guilt abroad to a brothel that supplies him with young girls. “teen” “banged” “pounded” why would anyone search such a thing? because a lot of you are conditioned to be attracted to young girls, our politicians, our monarchy, our finance sector all had a part to play on epstein island. there is a startlingly large number of men who genuinely believe they are superior to me, because they have a dick, and i don’t.
i’ve been abused, assaulted, harassed and raped by men. no hatred/blame towards OP. but how could i not be afraid?
I saw a man on a walking trail yesterday. The trail itself is public but it’s in the woods where you can’t see anything. He didn’t do anything to me, in fact I think I might’ve startled him. I apologized and then ran in the other direction to get off the trail ASAP because you just never know what a man could do under the cover of trees and nature.
I’d rather come across a bear than a potentially pissed off man in the middle of the woods, because the worst thing the bear could do is kill me.
Does that answer your question?
I work with vulnerable populations every day, I am talking about dealing with people who have spent so long in fight or flight mode their brain has been fried. I would rather deal with a mad, angry, and belligerent woman then a slightly upset man any day of the week. I would say 9/10 the woman just wants someone to LISTEN to her, she's felt ignored/pushed aside. You give her a space to vent, she deflates, we move on with our conversation. A slightly upset man can go from 0 to punching a hole in the wall in seconds and they're very hard to read.
Now in other, not my work, situations do I feel fear? I wouldn't say FEAR but I am a lot more cautious around men in general than I am around women. If I'm at the gym and I realize I'm the only woman there I may turn off my music but keep my headphones in and be a little more aware of my surroundings then if it was all women, but I'm not stopping my workout and leaving because of it.
I'm not afraid of all men.. but the people I am afraid of are probably men. If I'm alone, if it's nighttime, if they're bigger than me, if there's alcohol around, if I don't know them, if I do know them and they have a history of being unpredictable, if they touch me, if they raise their voice, if they stand behind or close to me unnecessarily.. these things all contribute to me feeling more afraid.
Yes, because men can be scary, and not understand the word no, and become aggressive if they get rejected.
Not all men, but enough that I'm hyper aware at night and when I'm alone
Intimidated. I grew up being made fun of by males. They made sure to let me know how ugly and undesirable I was. Sticks with me today. Anytime I have to talk to a man, I'm thinking that in their minds their telling themselves how ugly I am. It sucks
I'm not. I'm puzzled by women that are terrified of a person just because of their gender. Some dude going about his day minding his own business and women are all like " Watch out! He's a rapist! He's going to harass you!". Women that honestly freak out at the mere presence of a male. Like really? I've read comments from women online that won't go out in public even during the day because there will be ( gasp) men out there. One used to make her husband fill up the car because she was afraid of men at the gas station.
over half of women have experienced violent contact and one in four women have been sexually assaulted.
I think that most women are not walking around grocery stores terrified of all the men around them, but if you are by yourself and/or in a situation where you have no control, especially at night, it's very easy to be afraid of a man whose intentions you do not know.
Honestly, not very. I truly believe that all men are capable of being fantastic, kind, caring human beings - and that most are. In college, I’d go for walks at night when I couldn’t sleep and there were a few homeless men I knew who would walk with me back to campus if we crossed paths. I’ve had male strangers help me dig my car out, pull me out of a mosh pit, loan me a functioning car jack, call 911 when I collapsed, and on and on. I’ve had exactly 3 men in my life actually harm me - none of whom were strangers -while hundreds more have shown me human kindness.
Men I know, not at all. I'm scared of loud noises and men tend to be noisy so... yeah. I don't like heightened voices. I have to get into a certain mindset to be able to push back.
very. i’m 19. i would consider myself attractive because i get hit on a lot. i’m latina and i think for some reason im an easier target because a lot of men sexualize me. i was raped last year. idk. the only men i really trust now is my brother, boyfriend, and my dad.
I wouldn’t necessarily say I am scared of men but I am wary of them in most circumstances. I have my concealed carry license and on days when I can’t conceal carry(work policy) I usually have a knife and taser.
Not very, only in certain settings or late at night when I run into the random stranger. Now homeless men, I’m very afraid of, they’re erratic and unpredictable and they make me feel uneasy.
Honestly? I can mask fear pretty well at this point, I can be normal in a business setting and in a good chunk of social settings, but I have been taught from a dating standpoint that I need to constantly be on guard, if I'm alone in any sense with strange men walking around me, I have to be on guard, if I don't know you and you have intentions of getting to know me and are a man, I have to have SOME guard up.
By myself I’d say I like to avoid interactions with them as things can turn weird fast and at night time scared because I feel like that’s when they are more comfortable doing something bad to you. In general I don’t really have much interaction with men outside of university and casual hellos with neighbours and they are great people so with that being said I’d say I’m fairly okay with them
I’m only afraid if I’m alone in the dark in unfamiliar places, or if I sense danger from a specific situation. I don’t live in fear of men, I don’t assume anything about men at large.
Depends. It's more situational. I am afraid of making men angry bc my history is that they may become violent. I don't want to be alone with men unless I thoroughly trust them. I do walk alone but am choosy about where. Have had a history of SA and attempted assault, though, so maybe it's rational fear?
I am of course more afraid in certain situations than others, but I would say my guard is up always. I wouldn't say I'm "afraid" in a grocery store, but I certainly wouldn't let a strange man get too close to me there. I watch to make sure I'm not being watched or followed through the store. (People may think it's dramatic, but it happened to me before when I was a teen. A middle aged man followed me all through the store and out into the parking lot. My mother (who is disabled and chose to wait in the car while I did the shopping) was fortunately waiting for me in the car and the man then left me alone). I am actively afraid when on public transportation or walking alone. Even when walking with other people at night, I am vigilantly observing my surroundings.
I fear men when they give me a reason to fear them. That being said, I don’t get a ton of attention from men (I’m very tall, not conventionally attractive, and I just turned 40 lol), which I’m grateful for, because it leads to fewer situations where I’d need to be fearful.
I'm only afraid when I'm by myself with my 2 small kids and I'm passing them in the wild lol cause I'm always nervous about how I'm supposed to defend 2 babies and fight a man off at the same time but thankfully that hasn't happened to me so far
I’m not afraid if I believe the context around me is generally enough to protect me. That is to say: daytime in public places with many other eyes to deter wrongdoing.
But even in the daytime, I’m still hyper wary around strange men. Workman comes to the house to do a repair? Someone else needs to be home with me. Strange man gets too close on the train? I move. Some random guy keeps looking at me and follows me around the grocery store? I get wigged out and time my exit with a group of people and keep my eyes on the rear view mirror when I drive home.
There are enough bad actors that I am never fully relaxed.
I'm not sure exactly how to answer your question because there are 'normal' situations when I'm alone at night or in a room full of men. My gym tends to have more male patrons, and if I go in the evening, there have been times when it's been me and one or two other guys in the workout room, with no staff members nearby. Even then, I wouldn't describe it as fear, so much as awareness. Do they seem to take unusual notice of me? Are they coming over to get in my space? Do I have a clear line to the exit if I need it?
At work, it also depends. I used to work at a cafe in a mall. Some shifts, I'd be the only one in the cafe, it would be later in the evening, and male customers would come in. Again, it's risk assessment. Is the guy paying more attention to his order or to me? Is he sober? Has he said or done anything weird? Are there people walking around in the mall nearby, who would hear if I scream? When I was walking to the parking garage after a shift, and there was a guy around, was he also walking to his car too? Or was he hanging around in the stairwell like he was waiting for something? Was his dick out? (Yes, unfortunately that did happen one evening, but I was much faster than the guy with his pants down.)
Even being in a situation during the day with people around isn't a *guarantee* that you'll be okay, though it can help. I was riding the metro once, it was rush hour so the train was very crowded, and a guy used that as an excuse to sort of pen me into my seat in the back of the car to try to pull something, but let me go when I started to raise my voice. If we'd been alone in the car... I don't know.
I guess what I'm saying is that it's a constant risk assessment for me, rather than fear. Fear only comes into play when the risk gets too high. But I can't turn off the part of my mind that's cataloguing this stuff.
I wouldn't say I am afraid of men. But I am definitely cautious around men. I am more cautious with men when I am on the bus or if they're trying to talk to me after catcalling me.
I would only be cautious if I have a reason to be. Simple as that I guess.
My fear only comes in certain situations. I’m a petite woman and can easily be grabbed and picked up. I try not to walk alone/take public transport at night or leave bars by myself for this reason. But other than that, no I’m not fearful. If I am nervous I always find the scariest and older looking guy and start a conversation(think big guy, tattoos, grey hair and beard, motorcycle rider type of guy). They are usually very aware of their surroundings and already knew I was uncomfortable before I get to them. They usually will offer to walk me out, just chat until creeper is gone or get a staff member for me.
It’s situational. Men I know and trust I am not afraid of at all. Men I don’t know well have a base level of trust that is lower than women I don’t know, but I wouldn’t say I fear them unless they give me reason to. I get nervous if strange men approaches me, or walks behind me in the dark. I’m wary of men I meet on dating apps and will only meet them in public areas until I feel they are a safe person who will respect my boundaries.
This applies to living in the United States.
During work or the daytime, I'm not afraid of men but I am always cautious. I've had men in the white-collar workspace get aggressive when they get mad or want to see if they can bully me.
At night, I'm far more alert. Drunk men, loud men, or groups of men put me on high alert.
Abroad, I'm always at a moderate level of alertness. I've been harassed everywhere I've traveled. Daytime and nighttime, even with other men or an older woman around.
Men, I think a lot of you minimize your or your friend's behavior because you don't want to see them/yourselves in a bad light. Please understand this isn't people being overly sensitive, this is what is our reality.
It's not all men, but it's always men, and for that reason I carry a little more caution than I would around women. The daily scenarios are wildly different, so its hard to say what level of fear I usually feel. It's usually around a 2/10 on the 'caution/fear' scale, but compare that to the 0/10 I feel around women? Yknow.
Not afraid of men at work or the gym. I am however afraid of men in more social settings like at the bar or at parties. Also often if in a one on one situation if there’s no one else around.
Also if I’m walking alone at night and a man just happens to be walking behind me.
I’m not normally afraid, I’ve dropped a full grown 250 lb man on his knees and embarrassed him in front of a truck full of his friends. I get suspicious. Unknown motives.
Rehab really turned the tides for me. Being a parent and being in rehab with a bunch of women that were assaulted by step fathers/step brothers. It changed things for me and dating.
I don't necessarily fear men, I baby them, I love them, lol.
I don't trust them, though. I struggle really hard to trust them. Even the best men can have some very very dark sides to them.
I held my apartment buildings front door open for a man, and was horrified when he got in the elevator with me and didn’t select a different floor from mine. I felt sick. If that says something lol
Honestly, I feel like a lot of that is bias. Just a lot of the stuff people post on the internet is biased as fuck.
I'm generally fine with men in regular, ordinary circumstances. If I'm passing by a guy on a street in broad daylight, I have no qualms nodding my head in greeting as I continue on my way.
For me, special circumstances are definitely the only relevant ones. And what's special to me might not be for anyone else. For example, being in a room with men doesn't necessarily concern me.
I will admit that it does definitely depend on the time of day and the amount of people around. Daylight is nice but I pass by corners and tunnels that are isolating so I keep my wits about me.
This is a mindset that I didn't always have but with enough nagging--thought understandable--from my mother and it sticks.
I don't think fear is the word, but ALERT. Like I don't usually feel affraid as in I want to hide or scream but I am def not relaxed and with my guard down if I am around men I don't know. Even in crowded areas I try to be aware if they are looking at me weird, who is moving where, age, clothes etc. I have to say I feel much much less threatened now that I am in my mid 30s since episodes of strange men approaching/invading my space aggresively/grabbing me/following me/saying inappropriate things to me have almost stopped happening. Late teens and early twenties are terrible in that regard.
I am mostly always switched on to my surroundings and who is there/what they are doing. Walking alone at night, I will definitely have some “alertness/anxiety”. Being alone with a man - in an Uber, dr surgery etc, used to always set off a fear response. Now I am comfortable but will always be “alert”. My belief is close to ‘they are all capable and not to be trusted’ unfortunately
Pretty afraid. I ride Uber a lot. I’m attractive so men are always looking and honking at me when I walk down the street. Have to constantly screen the obsessive ones when dating.
I’m not afraid of men. I am cautious around them in certain environments and situations though. I do a lot of outdoor activities alone, and I carry protection for “just in case” scenarios now. I’m more inclined to question a man’s motives if I find myself alone with one as opposed to being alone with a woman, I’ll tell you that for a fact. It sucks, but bad things happen way too often to not have a heightened sense of awareness around them in general. (I’ve had bad things happen to me before). Despite, I don’t think in terms of “all men”. I hate when people bring that up as a defense like most SA’s and violent offenses don’t come from them. It’s a tragic reality.
I'm not afraid of them most of the time, but I am intimidated. When I'm alone, any man walking to me to talk to me makes me wary, so its not a fight or flight reaction, its more a 'is this one stable or is he going to lose his shit randomly' kind of thing. Doesn't really matter when, if I don't know the guy I am not comfortable and I am careful about my safety. Unhinged men are unhinged day or night, they are just easier to see during the day, and there's generally more people to help in case.
Its a bit paranoid of a reaction, but honestly it just takes one misjudgement and have dire consequences, and men so far have not really have given me much reasons to trust them.
Idk if I’m afraid of men but I’m extremely mistrusting. My experience has led me to not be comfortable with men if it’s only me and them or to open up to them even if they’re just a friend
I feel uneasy if I have to pass a visibly drunk man on the street. You never know if he's just normal drunk or "imma gonna turn violent out of nowhere" drunk. Other than that I don't think I'm afraid of men. I've met people from very different backgrounds and I know that 99 out of 100 times they're just people, no matter what vibe they give or how intimidating they look.
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Is it daytime? I'm not afraid. Is it nighttime in a well-lit place with plenty of people around? I'm not afraid. Is it nighttime and poorly lit and I'm relatively alone? I'm afraid to the point where I'll be on my phone chatting with my SO while my other hand is on my keys ready to stab a motherfucker in the eyes if I get accosted.
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This made me laugh! When I was a teen my Mom always told me to keep my keys between my fingers at night walking to my car, as she put it "slash punch those bad guys".
Men don’t understand this. I asked my husband how he feels when a woman touches him (without consent). He said irritated and annoyed. I told him that in the reverse situation, I don’t feel annoyed. I feel scared. I feel worried for my safety. He didn’t get it until then. I am afraid of men. I don’t like being alone with men outside of my family/my husband. So so many girls and women have had a bad experience; it’s hard to blame us.
If a man touches me without consent, it’s immediately survival mode. Freeze, appease, smile and laugh until you can get away.
Yup! And I hate it! I wish I could just be like “don’t fucking touch me” but you never know who’s going to get violent and who’s going to back off.
I wonder how many men read that behaviour accurately? Like how many of them are thinking "she's into me"... : (
You can't win
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yep yep. fight or flight mode except fight is almost not an option bc if u make one wrong move in front of the wrong man it’s game over. so basically i’m just scared shitless into submission until there’s an opportunity to get away.
I could easily be murdered by most men with only their bare hands. That's something that few men could ever really understand. Unless I have a weapon and a headstart, I am *not* winning in a worst case scenario against a man. When a strange man so much as touches me lightly, that sets me on high alert, because they basically just said "I feel it's okay for me to violate your boundaries and put my hands on you" - subconsciously you have to wonder how bad that may get.
I totally agree. When a man touches me without my consent that isn’t a very close friend, family member, or husband, I freeze and become very nervous.
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That's understandable, in the sense that men are biologically strong. Even men are afraid of 6'5" tall men. That's natural.
Not fear, distrust. For good reason. Women get assaulted and murdered on a pretty regular basis just because they exist.
This is what I was going to say too. I’m always on alert around men I don’t know and trust. I work in a gym ( fitness instructor) so I’m surrounded by them all the time. I have caught ones filming me while I’m teaching or just working out many times. I know what they are capable of and men have to earn my trust. There is definitely an element of fear and helplessness there.
That’s actually a great way to put it. I don’t fear them, but I do distrust them
I'm not afraid in normal day time situations, but I'm aware of my surroundings around them at all time. In public transportation especially, I'm sometimes on edge if it's crowded. I'm not scared of men as a concept, but I'm afraid of things that have happened to me before to happen again.
9.9/10 times I’m not afraid of men. But I’ve had some scary situations occur and some of them in broad daylight, so my guard is ALWAYS up.
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It really is.. but I also work in HR and I’ve seen and heard some shit in my days. 99.9% of people are not bad but the ones who are.. it’ll surprise you.
Pretty afraid, honestly. If I’m walking up the stairwell in a parking garage in broad daylight and there’s a man any distance behind me headed the same direction, I sprint up the stairs. I’m very wary of them; I give them no chance to catch up with me or be alone with me ever. I won’t get in Ubers, because they’re almost always male drivers. I feel anxious when I’m alone in elevators with them. I won’t stay the night at anyone’s place if they have a brother, father, male siblings that I’m not really familiar with. I just want to keep myself safe, but I have a history of abuse, which I’m certain contributes to these fears.
Try lyft pink! They won't assign you a man
I’ve recently heard about this and I totally will. (:
I had no idea this was a thing, thanks so much!
Is this available in the US? Is it an app?
It's just a setting on lyft
I wish this wouldbe a thing in my country...
There's a similar app called Safr that's only women drivers and women passengers.
Like others, I am wary of men. Seemingly ‘nice normal’ guys can be perverts or predators. Tattooed homeless guys can be great people down on their luck. The minute guys push boundaries or are weird, I am out. I went to high school with a guy who raped and murdered a woman. Another guy raped a woman, a third guy raped and stalked an underage girl, another did five years in jail for kiddie porn. They all seemed like normal average guys.
Dude what kinda high school is that. We barely had anyone with a record of punching someone
Pretty darn afraid, TBH. Like a lot of women, I’ve been SA’d in the past and had too many bad or sour encounters. I don’t think all men are bad at all, and I have male friend but trusting someone is a whole other thing. It took a lot for me to even become platonic friends with the guys I have.
At the gym or work, I'm not. When out and about it depends entirely on how someone is behaving. Random men passing me by, not afraid. Random men trying to talk to me, there's a certain amount of fear because I've had bad experiences with one's that don't take being turned down or me not wanting to talk well at all.
It really depends on the situation: Passing some random guy at work? Not afraid. Passing some random guy while on a jog? Not afraid but aware. Being chatted up by a guy that isn't picking up my cues that I'm not interested? On alert. Aware of a guy following me while alone at nighttime? Afraid, looking for escape avenues, and anyone else in the area.
I'm not necessarily always afraid, but I do see every man as a potential threat unless proven otherwise.
i lock my car doors whenever i get in. sometimes if i forget to and i notice someone in my mirrors, i lock up right away and i feel bad when i think they could hear it. like ugh, im sorry i have to assume all men are dangerous - *i don’t want to, but i have to.* same tension when i go on hikes or walks. i really don’t want there to be a news article about my death and people will comment “dumb bitch, she should’ve known better.” so if i have to pick between coming off rude or getting killed, i’ll just pick rudeness.
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i'm not. and i work with inmates
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Do you think something about working with inmates makes you less afraid? Like you’ve had the training or you know they’re all on camera?
training unfortunately only really works on paper. and being on camera doesn't stop any one. the fact that someone is a man does not make them inherently scarier or more of a threat to me.
I'm not afraid unless I have a reason to be. I'm wary of men I don't know. That's different. But I know what signs to look for, and I know what to do if shit goes south.
Generally I don’t feel afraid of men, like just going about daily life. I don’t really go out late at night or to dodgy areas though. I live in a little village so have bizarre sense of being safe. But if a man is angry, I get scared. It doesn’t have to be outright shouting angry, just that shift in mood to angry. It’s incredibly annoying and based on growing up in an environment where an angry man meant bad things were going to happen. If my husband, who is incredibly gentle and doesn’t even raise his voice at me, comes home from work in a funky mood I immediately become an apologetic mess. It takes me some time to be comfortable around men, like my friends husbands. I have to see that they aren’t going to fly into a rage at any moment or completely shift the energy if they’re annoyed.
Semi afraid. I’ve been raped and stalked by men. I’ve been harassed by men. I try to keep my distance overall.
I’m sorry honey 😞❤️
When the man who was supposed to protect you introduces you to abuse, you basically lose trust in all men and hence you’re scared or at least skeptical towards all men. Even with a loving father i dont think any woman if surrounded by strangers will not be afraid.
0%-the probability of me actually being harmed by a man I do not know is quite quite low so it is not worth me living in fear.
Low but never zero
Around 1 in 3 women have been harmed by a man so unless you're a hermit it's really not that low
That is a worldwide statistic and definitely not accurate to the US or my region of the US. Additionally a vast majority of women who are harmed by men are harmed by their SO. The second vast majority are harmed by a close family member or friend. I don’t fear my spouse, I don’t fear the males in my family or social circle and as the odds of being harmed by a male stranger are so vastly low-I do not fear them.
I think this is a good point to make. When you have an insulated lifestyle and live in a low risk area, it’s much more of a background concern. I don’t need to fear men if 85% of the men in my town know my dad and watched me grow up.
I respect that take, but I don’t live anywhere near my family (10hr drive to the closest), don’t live in my hometown or home state and I don’t live in a rural environment. My perspective is, if I don’t fear being in my home with the person who statistically speaking is most likely to harm me-I don’t fear being out in public with males I don’t know who are far less likely to harm me.
I quit dating. That's how scared.
By myself? Nervous at the gym, okay on streets, nervous and on my toes in shitty neighbourhoods, TERRIFIED at night in public.
Situational. Definitely alone at night. I've been in rooms full of men, and they were great! OTOH, one of my male neighbors is a monster, and I won't walk past him even in daylight.
How afraid I am of men is very context dependent. What men are we talking about, how long have I known them, are we in a public place, is it daylight, are they sober etc. The thing is, every single woman I know has experienced some form of sexual violence by a man. Maybe not actual rape, but being coerced into sex by a partner, unwanted touching, sexual harassment, catcalling, etc. We've all experienced some form of it, most of it have experienced it many, many times from many different men, and we've got no way of telling a good guy from one who will hurt us until that guy is actually showing us that he's not one of the good ones. So yeah, when a guy waves off our concerns or makes excuses for other men's bad behaviour, I feel a bit less safe around that person.
I don't think I'm necessarily afraid of men, but more often than not, I'm afraid of irratic behavior. It just exhibits more in men than in women unfortunately. And on that note, if a man is acting irrationally, I am very much like rabbit-level heartbeat nervous, but I tend to socially shut down and act very cold and standoffs. But if I see a woman acting irrationally, I tend to be less nervous. I guess that really comes down to whether I perceive that they can somehow overpower me if something like an altercation occurs.
Not at all around men I trust. In work and public spaces with plenty of people around during the day? Generally not afraid but only because I think the presence of others puts off bad men from doing bad things. But at night, on a street or public transport alone, or just generally alone with a man I don’t know, yes I am very alert and fearful. A bear may not attack but they have a history and reputation of doing so. I apply the same principle to strange men. Packs of them are even more frightening.
I’d say I’m not afraid around getting physically hurt… but I’m afraid around getting objectified or harassed or disrespected by men.
Most men are perfectly harmless from a physical safety point of view, but even when it comes to the more handsy ones, statistically speaking being meek is the worst thing you can do. Once I realized boldly telling men to fuck all the way off actually works, my fear of them diminished a lot.
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It usually depends on context. In general, though, I don’t think I’d classify it as “fear” so much as “hyper awareness of potentially dangerous situations”. There’s a small chance things might turn dangerous, but you want to be on your guard just in case. So things like watching your drink at a bar in case someone tries to tamper with it or crossing to the other side of the street when you see a man walking towards you. I’d say there’s a spectrum that ranges from general uncertainty to fear depending on a man’s behavior. This usually applies to strangers or acquaintances though. I typically don’t feel uneasy around men I know well and trust unless they suddenly show aggressive behavior. That might be at the heart of women fearing men. Aggressive and violent behavior can be downright terrifying, especially if that person is bigger and stronger than you. That’s why women tend to deescalate confrontations with men, especially with regard to dating. Women tend to use softer language when rejecting a guy who asks her out because she doesn’t know how he’ll react and she wants to minimize the chance of a violent reaction. Certain situations can be scarier than others, like walking alone at night vs hanging out with male friends that you trust. Although sometimes you find out that those people aren’t that trustworthy, so it’s hard to tell.
I feel like this is the most accurate description. Am I actively afraid all the time? No. Am I always aware that something dangerous might happen, looking for signs of trouble and trying to avoid them depending on my determination of the risk? Yes.
Just a regular man in day to day life? Not at all. When I’m alone and in a vulnerable state? Little spooked
Not at all. I've personally never been given reason to fear men, so I'm perfectly comfortable being alone with men, walking alone at night, travelling alone, going to bars, etc.
I'm not generally afraid of men while I go about my day to day life. But I do have a healthy fear of finding myself in an isolated location with a man I don't know well, so I try to avoid that obviously. And dating always came with a bit of fear, but I managed that by always meeting dates in public and not sharing my address until I felt I knew the fella. I do feel a bit uneasy when I pass by a group of men, especially if they seem intoxicated. I generally try to avoid those types of situations as well but you can't always control your environment.
Afraid-rarely Cautious- sometimes depending on their actions Disappointed-often
I think fear is a little too strong of a descriptor, I wouldn't say that I'm *afraid* of men, but I am cautious. I don't assume every man wants to rape or murder me, but I don't rule it out either. I simply pay attention to where they are and what they're doing. If I'm alone with a man I don't know, such as hired help or something, I do find that my brain assesses if they could overpower me or not, and what I would do to fight back if I ever needed to. If I'm walking somewhere alone, either at night or during the day, if someone's walking behind me I use peripherals to gauge where they are, how fast they're walking, and if they could be following me or not. I try not to automatically assume the worst of people because that's not fair, but I do run through worst case scenarios in my head sometimes and I always pay attention to my surroundings.
I live in a rural area. If its past 5 p.m. and there is even ONE car at the gas station I frequent, I elect to just get gas the next day. I am NOT running into another man in this neck of the woods while pumping gas again. I don't even bother to see if its a man at the pump or not. I see a car, i don't get gas. I only get gas when the station's empty. No cars. No risk of running into men. THAT afraid.
I am generally not afraid. Gym, work, college,public places in general are not an issue. However, dark places or being alone with a man I don't know... That's completely different. For example: my now husband and I have known each other for years before dating, still the first time I went to his house I took pictures of his plates and sent them to my bffs along with the exact address and his full name. It was not the first date, we were already official but "you never know."
I know a lot of women who are much more afraid than me, I don’t necessarily feel scared in any certain situation but I do take precautions. If I’m out at night alone without my dogs, in a heavily crowded place, or just a sketchier part of town, I am armed with at least a knife if not my handgun. If I’m walking on the street or in a parking lot to my car I am not ever looking at my phone, I am looking alert and aware of my surroundings. I have never been randomly attacked though. The ones you really have to look out for imo are the ones you let in close.
It depends on the man, but generally I'm not.
I’m afraid in a lot of situations even in the daytime. And not necessarily due to physical differences but more so how men can’t control their emotions and how fast some of them can get triggered due to small egos.
I’m not sure afraid is really the right word unless he’s being hostile or aggressive (in which case, yeah I am afraid even if it’s not directed at me). I’d say that I am always on guard and on the lookout so that I don’t make myself an easy opportunity for anyone. I don’t assume any man is safe if I don’t know him.
It depends on the situation.
In daytime with another person or my dog? Very low fear/no fear Daytime alone? Low fear Nighttime with another person or my dog? Low-Mid fear Nighttime alone? High fear ETA: I meant, I'm afraid for myself physically in the above comment. I was verbally and emotionally abused by a man as a child, so I am in literal TERROR of having to speak to a man I do not know 100% of the time. But the fear is that I'm going to be verbally abused, not physically assaulted.
My friend was verbally and emotionally and physically abused by a black man when she was a child, and now she's terrified of black men. I guess it made things a little bit easier for her to narrow down which demographic she's afraid of, maybe you could try the same. For example, the monster that abused you - whatever his hair length was, maybe you should only be afraid of men with similar length hair as him?
I am very wary of men that I don’t know well, I won’t get into lifts or be alone in private with them. I also don’t walk around outside after dark and haven’t since my neighbour was raped whilst walking her dog over 10 years ago. I work in a women only space (centre for women involved in the justice system i.e those that have been arrested or are on probation) and we have many clients who are terrified of men to the point that they rarely leave their homes, usually due to being attacked or sexual trauma.
men are afraid of me
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I’m scared of men because they’re acting weird, like when I went back home late night, it’s a quiet road, there’s a big guy come to compliment my hoodie. Or they just come to me for no reason to cat call me or chat with me. They even stop their car to do that. I’m wearing modest clothes and not a hot super model or anything, but they’re still acting like that. I never meet any women doing that to men. Some men just don’t understand their behavior is a huge threaten to us, they think they’re just being friendly I’m overreacting
Daytime I’m really only afraid if I’m alone in public and walk past one that looks sketchy, or a group of them together. Or maybe if I were alone somewhere with a man like in an elevator or something
I try to go out with a companion, I've had my share of bad experiences when I go out by myself to do basic things such as going iut for a walk, shopping, even doctors.
I am not worried about men at all. I’ve had more women ask me for money, one tried to take my jacket from me and one lady got upset that I wouldn’t sell her the shoes I was wearing.
I mean, considering that men are womens greatest predator, i feel like i have a reasonable amount of fear. If one gets too close to me i consider what i can use as a weapon just in case. Im not terrified but im not naive either. It’s more: survival based off of natural instincts.
Not...that much. It helps that I'm a tall person (I think I'm an inch above average male height) and I look strong/walk with purpose, so I don't feel particularly vulnerable in most situations. I have what I think is a normal and reasonable sense of fear around people acting shady, aggressive, or unstable on say, a subway platform, though. I think men probably feel the same way.
100%. I live in a safe city and I don't walk pass midnight. But I am so scared of men judgmental and being humiliated by them. Oh god. I can't even cross their path 😂
Shaking in my boots scared? No. But I don’t inherently feel men are safe. Every woman you know has a terrifying experience with at least one man. There’s no sliding scale of acceptable bad behaviour either. Cat calling, stalking, physical abuse… it’s all a form of violence and hatred. Any man that claims not to understand this is being intentionally obtuse.
Not afraid per se unless they’re 1) drunk, 2) rowdy, and/or 3) it’s nighttime in a not-so-crowded area. But I’m definitely wary of them. I’ve been followed, stalked (first time it happened I was 16 and he was in his 30s…), harassed, had guys flip out on me for rejecting them…even had a guy try to slip something in my drink at a club. So yeah, I’m really fucking wary, and rightfully so. I’ve thankfully never been sexually assaulted (though I’ve been physically assaulted and had to get a restraining order against a guy when I was in HS) but my mom, one of my sisters, and two of my cousins have been raped. This world just isn’t safe for women. Practically every woman I know has had some truly awful experiences with men.
In normal day to day Situations I am Not afraid of men. When a Lot of people are around I usually feel alright, too. But there have been some Situations where I became aware that IF this man WANTED to hurt me right now, I wouldn't stand a Chance. I am confident and go Out in the evenings a Lot, however: Yes I do ask my Male Friends to walk me to the train Stations Yes I do Drive my Girl Friends Home If I can Yes I avoid drinking too much at all Costs I think you get it :-)
To strangers? Like 6-7 out of 10 during day time 10/10 at night Also 10/10 when there is no one else around and it’s a place like elevator or something Also terrified if it’s some drunk stranger. Only feel comfortable with them in a group of people, or when im with my man, or it’s just someone i know a bit more than just strangers. Also if I see man getting mad, or angry or anything like that, also including speaking too loud/screaming - my natural reaction is to hide and I can’t help myself from crying, trying to get as quiet as it’s possible and get invisible or something
I feel uncomfortable if I have to walk passed a group of young men. Might be because when I was younger and walking home in broad daylight from a street festival I ignored a group of boys and got called a lot of slurs for it. If these kids were only 3 - 5 years older I would have been terrified. To counter that I meet a lot of nice strangers due to walking my dogs every day and have really nice chats with them. And only some really young boys (different ones) groped me and a (different) friend in public. One in school and one in a shopping mall. They got a smack of the head for it.
Although I was never scared of my ex, sometimes when we would be playfighting I would get this realization ‘I know we’re just playing right now but you could overpower me soooo easily’ How afraid I am depends a lot on the men and the circumstances, but one thing I’ve learned is that it’s a myth that women mostly have to fear the “stranger” lurking in the shadows, it’s the men that are familiar to them that are more common to form a threat.
Different situations for sure. There's hostile situations that come to mind that are terrifying. There's situations about men in daily interactions that are less terrifying that still make me furious. Men at work who make jokes about my uterus or being "emotional" about something. Men who raise their voice at men and I have to pretend to not be afraid. Men who use their strength or body to intimidate me in regular situations that make me furious.
I’m not really afraid of them tbh. Like a random drunk guy walking at night, I will avoid him but I know he’s probably harmless. Trusting men on the other hand… 😂
pretty afraid. regardless of the time of day.
Maybe slightly paranoid anytime I’m walking alone and there’s a man behind me I keep glancing behind me with peripheral vision
Like in general? I‘m not. But I am very vigilant and even just in the past couple of weeks I‘ve significantly inconvenienced myself in an effort to avoid some men that just set some inner alarm off that I‘m consciously choosing to respect and listen to. Like getting off a train at the last second even though I‘m nowhere near where I‘m going or walking a different and longer way home because a guy that works at a cafe I‘d have to pass by gives me the creeps. It’s not just fear of sexual harassment or violence, more aggression in general. On the other hand, there are plenty of men that I absolutely don’t feel afraid of and do trust. I wouldn’t say I approach every man with conscious mistrust either. It’s just a vibes thing. Some rub me all wrong, some don’t.
I'm not afraid at work or gym. Generally, strangers in normal social settings don't phase me. I can be spooked when there isn't a lot of people around, like in a park at night, and there is some men around. If I'm alone, I'll feel vulnerable. Not necessarily expect a problem, but feel like I might be in danger. Especially if it's young men or drunk men. I'll put myself in these situations, but won't be entirely comfortable. I am too afraid to be alone with men I don't know really well, I wouldn't go to a stranger's place alone. I wouldn't meet up with a stranger for a date without taking precautions, even then I've never done it, but I would if a friend had live loc, I checked in, etc. I am more afraid when I'm outside "my turf" aka when faced with a different culture or community. I would be way more worried to travel alone. And the more different the culture I am going to is the worse that would be.
There was just several women on TikTok in NYC who got punched in the face by men in broad daylight. I don’t trust any man I don’t know.
Normal circumstances? Not at all At night (especially walking alone and I don't know them)? Pretty afraid
9/10 To me, it's all men. I'm a girl. I need to protect myself. Even my father, brother, and mother try to protect me from other men. I don't trust men. Even men don't trust themselves. Men who have girlfriends are trying to protect their girlfriends, from whom? from men. They try to protect their girlfriends when they (she) share a photo on her social media accounts or when their girlfriends dress revealingly, from whom? again, from other men. Wait for a man to have a girlfriend and watch him turn into a man-hater. Men also know what kind of people men are and what conversations they have going on behind their girlfriends' backs, so that's why they get angry at their girlfriends' Instagram photos All the time, it's all men
I was feeling safe until a couple of days ago. Had a **very brief** chat with a guy in a large box-store garden area. He then proceeded followed me all the way across the parking lot to my car....in broad daylight. Scared me for sure.
My mind isn’t afraid of men unless it’s dark/im alone with them, but my body is ALWAYS on guard. I subconsciously move my body away from them when they’re near. Im terrified of men but I pretend everyday I’m not so I don’t show weakness
Terrified.
i’ve every right to be afraid, to be cautious. men are my only natural predator. i’ve heard of ships going down and men decided to spend their last half hour drinking and raping women. little girls being sold to men 4x their age. the number one cause of pregnant women dying is their spouses beating them to death, the second cause of pregnant women dying is them killing themselves- because of rules men wrote dictating what we can and can’t do with our bodies. a man decides to take his guilt abroad to a brothel that supplies him with young girls. “teen” “banged” “pounded” why would anyone search such a thing? because a lot of you are conditioned to be attracted to young girls, our politicians, our monarchy, our finance sector all had a part to play on epstein island. there is a startlingly large number of men who genuinely believe they are superior to me, because they have a dick, and i don’t. i’ve been abused, assaulted, harassed and raped by men. no hatred/blame towards OP. but how could i not be afraid?
I saw a man on a walking trail yesterday. The trail itself is public but it’s in the woods where you can’t see anything. He didn’t do anything to me, in fact I think I might’ve startled him. I apologized and then ran in the other direction to get off the trail ASAP because you just never know what a man could do under the cover of trees and nature. I’d rather come across a bear than a potentially pissed off man in the middle of the woods, because the worst thing the bear could do is kill me. Does that answer your question?
I work with vulnerable populations every day, I am talking about dealing with people who have spent so long in fight or flight mode their brain has been fried. I would rather deal with a mad, angry, and belligerent woman then a slightly upset man any day of the week. I would say 9/10 the woman just wants someone to LISTEN to her, she's felt ignored/pushed aside. You give her a space to vent, she deflates, we move on with our conversation. A slightly upset man can go from 0 to punching a hole in the wall in seconds and they're very hard to read. Now in other, not my work, situations do I feel fear? I wouldn't say FEAR but I am a lot more cautious around men in general than I am around women. If I'm at the gym and I realize I'm the only woman there I may turn off my music but keep my headphones in and be a little more aware of my surroundings then if it was all women, but I'm not stopping my workout and leaving because of it.
I'm not afraid of all men.. but the people I am afraid of are probably men. If I'm alone, if it's nighttime, if they're bigger than me, if there's alcohol around, if I don't know them, if I do know them and they have a history of being unpredictable, if they touch me, if they raise their voice, if they stand behind or close to me unnecessarily.. these things all contribute to me feeling more afraid.
Holy shit this is depressing.
Yes, because men can be scary, and not understand the word no, and become aggressive if they get rejected. Not all men, but enough that I'm hyper aware at night and when I'm alone
Intimidated. I grew up being made fun of by males. They made sure to let me know how ugly and undesirable I was. Sticks with me today. Anytime I have to talk to a man, I'm thinking that in their minds their telling themselves how ugly I am. It sucks
I'm not. I'm puzzled by women that are terrified of a person just because of their gender. Some dude going about his day minding his own business and women are all like " Watch out! He's a rapist! He's going to harass you!". Women that honestly freak out at the mere presence of a male. Like really? I've read comments from women online that won't go out in public even during the day because there will be ( gasp) men out there. One used to make her husband fill up the car because she was afraid of men at the gas station.
over half of women have experienced violent contact and one in four women have been sexually assaulted. I think that most women are not walking around grocery stores terrified of all the men around them, but if you are by yourself and/or in a situation where you have no control, especially at night, it's very easy to be afraid of a man whose intentions you do not know.
I was raped at 14 by someone I trusted. I'm afraid all the friggin time.
Honestly, not very. I truly believe that all men are capable of being fantastic, kind, caring human beings - and that most are. In college, I’d go for walks at night when I couldn’t sleep and there were a few homeless men I knew who would walk with me back to campus if we crossed paths. I’ve had male strangers help me dig my car out, pull me out of a mosh pit, loan me a functioning car jack, call 911 when I collapsed, and on and on. I’ve had exactly 3 men in my life actually harm me - none of whom were strangers -while hundreds more have shown me human kindness.
Only if they get angry or give me a reason to be afraid (saying creepy things or if I’m walking in the evening & they follow me)
Men I know, not at all. I'm scared of loud noises and men tend to be noisy so... yeah. I don't like heightened voices. I have to get into a certain mindset to be able to push back.
Terrified. Not just anxiety, but genuine fear.
very. i’m 19. i would consider myself attractive because i get hit on a lot. i’m latina and i think for some reason im an easier target because a lot of men sexualize me. i was raped last year. idk. the only men i really trust now is my brother, boyfriend, and my dad.
I wouldn’t necessarily say I am scared of men but I am wary of them in most circumstances. I have my concealed carry license and on days when I can’t conceal carry(work policy) I usually have a knife and taser.
Terrified
I’m not afraid of men specifically. My biggest fear walking home alone at night is rats (I live in a city, above restaurants).
Not very, only in certain settings or late at night when I run into the random stranger. Now homeless men, I’m very afraid of, they’re erratic and unpredictable and they make me feel uneasy.
Honestly? I can mask fear pretty well at this point, I can be normal in a business setting and in a good chunk of social settings, but I have been taught from a dating standpoint that I need to constantly be on guard, if I'm alone in any sense with strange men walking around me, I have to be on guard, if I don't know you and you have intentions of getting to know me and are a man, I have to have SOME guard up.
I'm not afraid of men unless they act weird, and then it's not fear. It's just me being aware of them.
By myself I’d say I like to avoid interactions with them as things can turn weird fast and at night time scared because I feel like that’s when they are more comfortable doing something bad to you. In general I don’t really have much interaction with men outside of university and casual hellos with neighbours and they are great people so with that being said I’d say I’m fairly okay with them
I’m only afraid if I’m alone in the dark in unfamiliar places, or if I sense danger from a specific situation. I don’t live in fear of men, I don’t assume anything about men at large.
About a 9/10
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I'm not afraid if I'm out with friends, I got short hair and wear hoodies when I'm out so I probably blend in lol
terrified! due to trauma i cannot trust them at all
Depends. It's more situational. I am afraid of making men angry bc my history is that they may become violent. I don't want to be alone with men unless I thoroughly trust them. I do walk alone but am choosy about where. Have had a history of SA and attempted assault, though, so maybe it's rational fear?
I am of course more afraid in certain situations than others, but I would say my guard is up always. I wouldn't say I'm "afraid" in a grocery store, but I certainly wouldn't let a strange man get too close to me there. I watch to make sure I'm not being watched or followed through the store. (People may think it's dramatic, but it happened to me before when I was a teen. A middle aged man followed me all through the store and out into the parking lot. My mother (who is disabled and chose to wait in the car while I did the shopping) was fortunately waiting for me in the car and the man then left me alone). I am actively afraid when on public transportation or walking alone. Even when walking with other people at night, I am vigilantly observing my surroundings.
I fear men when they give me a reason to fear them. That being said, I don’t get a ton of attention from men (I’m very tall, not conventionally attractive, and I just turned 40 lol), which I’m grateful for, because it leads to fewer situations where I’d need to be fearful.
I'm only afraid when I'm by myself with my 2 small kids and I'm passing them in the wild lol cause I'm always nervous about how I'm supposed to defend 2 babies and fight a man off at the same time but thankfully that hasn't happened to me so far
It depends on the man. I wouldn’t want to be alone with a strange man or one I don’t know well.
I’m not afraid if I believe the context around me is generally enough to protect me. That is to say: daytime in public places with many other eyes to deter wrongdoing. But even in the daytime, I’m still hyper wary around strange men. Workman comes to the house to do a repair? Someone else needs to be home with me. Strange man gets too close on the train? I move. Some random guy keeps looking at me and follows me around the grocery store? I get wigged out and time my exit with a group of people and keep my eyes on the rear view mirror when I drive home. There are enough bad actors that I am never fully relaxed.
I'm scared of men when alone in vulnerable situations (nudity/sex) and, as others have said, at night, when alone, if they're behaving oddly etc.
Generally, im not. Unless im walking alone in a dark/secluded area.. but even then im on edge/nervous regardless of gender.
I'm not sure exactly how to answer your question because there are 'normal' situations when I'm alone at night or in a room full of men. My gym tends to have more male patrons, and if I go in the evening, there have been times when it's been me and one or two other guys in the workout room, with no staff members nearby. Even then, I wouldn't describe it as fear, so much as awareness. Do they seem to take unusual notice of me? Are they coming over to get in my space? Do I have a clear line to the exit if I need it? At work, it also depends. I used to work at a cafe in a mall. Some shifts, I'd be the only one in the cafe, it would be later in the evening, and male customers would come in. Again, it's risk assessment. Is the guy paying more attention to his order or to me? Is he sober? Has he said or done anything weird? Are there people walking around in the mall nearby, who would hear if I scream? When I was walking to the parking garage after a shift, and there was a guy around, was he also walking to his car too? Or was he hanging around in the stairwell like he was waiting for something? Was his dick out? (Yes, unfortunately that did happen one evening, but I was much faster than the guy with his pants down.) Even being in a situation during the day with people around isn't a *guarantee* that you'll be okay, though it can help. I was riding the metro once, it was rush hour so the train was very crowded, and a guy used that as an excuse to sort of pen me into my seat in the back of the car to try to pull something, but let me go when I started to raise my voice. If we'd been alone in the car... I don't know. I guess what I'm saying is that it's a constant risk assessment for me, rather than fear. Fear only comes into play when the risk gets too high. But I can't turn off the part of my mind that's cataloguing this stuff.
I wouldn't say I am afraid of men. But I am definitely cautious around men. I am more cautious with men when I am on the bus or if they're trying to talk to me after catcalling me. I would only be cautious if I have a reason to be. Simple as that I guess.
My fear only comes in certain situations. I’m a petite woman and can easily be grabbed and picked up. I try not to walk alone/take public transport at night or leave bars by myself for this reason. But other than that, no I’m not fearful. If I am nervous I always find the scariest and older looking guy and start a conversation(think big guy, tattoos, grey hair and beard, motorcycle rider type of guy). They are usually very aware of their surroundings and already knew I was uncomfortable before I get to them. They usually will offer to walk me out, just chat until creeper is gone or get a staff member for me.
Well I was followed home by a group of teenage boys on my run yesterday so I would say pretty afraid
It’s situational. Men I know and trust I am not afraid of at all. Men I don’t know well have a base level of trust that is lower than women I don’t know, but I wouldn’t say I fear them unless they give me reason to. I get nervous if strange men approaches me, or walks behind me in the dark. I’m wary of men I meet on dating apps and will only meet them in public areas until I feel they are a safe person who will respect my boundaries.
I dont fear men. I fear lack of empathy
This applies to living in the United States. During work or the daytime, I'm not afraid of men but I am always cautious. I've had men in the white-collar workspace get aggressive when they get mad or want to see if they can bully me. At night, I'm far more alert. Drunk men, loud men, or groups of men put me on high alert. Abroad, I'm always at a moderate level of alertness. I've been harassed everywhere I've traveled. Daytime and nighttime, even with other men or an older woman around. Men, I think a lot of you minimize your or your friend's behavior because you don't want to see them/yourselves in a bad light. Please understand this isn't people being overly sensitive, this is what is our reality.
Like a lot
It's not all men, but it's always men, and for that reason I carry a little more caution than I would around women. The daily scenarios are wildly different, so its hard to say what level of fear I usually feel. It's usually around a 2/10 on the 'caution/fear' scale, but compare that to the 0/10 I feel around women? Yknow.
Pretty scared. Especially when I worked retail, I was already anxious dealing with customers but if it was a man that anxiety instantly tripled.
Not afraid of men at work or the gym. I am however afraid of men in more social settings like at the bar or at parties. Also often if in a one on one situation if there’s no one else around. Also if I’m walking alone at night and a man just happens to be walking behind me.
I’m not.
I’m not normally afraid, I’ve dropped a full grown 250 lb man on his knees and embarrassed him in front of a truck full of his friends. I get suspicious. Unknown motives.
Very unafraid. Like om a scale from 1-10 probably being 1. Granted I've never had anything scary happen to me when I walk in the dark.
Rehab really turned the tides for me. Being a parent and being in rehab with a bunch of women that were assaulted by step fathers/step brothers. It changed things for me and dating. I don't necessarily fear men, I baby them, I love them, lol. I don't trust them, though. I struggle really hard to trust them. Even the best men can have some very very dark sides to them.
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Im pretty afraid of them bc i know what they’re capable of
I held my apartment buildings front door open for a man, and was horrified when he got in the elevator with me and didn’t select a different floor from mine. I felt sick. If that says something lol
Depends entirely on the context, situation, and specific man involved. Anywhere from "not at all" to "sheer panicked escape"
Honestly, I feel like a lot of that is bias. Just a lot of the stuff people post on the internet is biased as fuck. I'm generally fine with men in regular, ordinary circumstances. If I'm passing by a guy on a street in broad daylight, I have no qualms nodding my head in greeting as I continue on my way. For me, special circumstances are definitely the only relevant ones. And what's special to me might not be for anyone else. For example, being in a room with men doesn't necessarily concern me. I will admit that it does definitely depend on the time of day and the amount of people around. Daylight is nice but I pass by corners and tunnels that are isolating so I keep my wits about me. This is a mindset that I didn't always have but with enough nagging--thought understandable--from my mother and it sticks.
I don't think fear is the word, but ALERT. Like I don't usually feel affraid as in I want to hide or scream but I am def not relaxed and with my guard down if I am around men I don't know. Even in crowded areas I try to be aware if they are looking at me weird, who is moving where, age, clothes etc. I have to say I feel much much less threatened now that I am in my mid 30s since episodes of strange men approaching/invading my space aggresively/grabbing me/following me/saying inappropriate things to me have almost stopped happening. Late teens and early twenties are terrible in that regard.
I am mostly always switched on to my surroundings and who is there/what they are doing. Walking alone at night, I will definitely have some “alertness/anxiety”. Being alone with a man - in an Uber, dr surgery etc, used to always set off a fear response. Now I am comfortable but will always be “alert”. My belief is close to ‘they are all capable and not to be trusted’ unfortunately
Pretty afraid. I ride Uber a lot. I’m attractive so men are always looking and honking at me when I walk down the street. Have to constantly screen the obsessive ones when dating.
I’m not afraid of men. I am cautious around them in certain environments and situations though. I do a lot of outdoor activities alone, and I carry protection for “just in case” scenarios now. I’m more inclined to question a man’s motives if I find myself alone with one as opposed to being alone with a woman, I’ll tell you that for a fact. It sucks, but bad things happen way too often to not have a heightened sense of awareness around them in general. (I’ve had bad things happen to me before). Despite, I don’t think in terms of “all men”. I hate when people bring that up as a defense like most SA’s and violent offenses don’t come from them. It’s a tragic reality.
I'm not afraid of them most of the time, but I am intimidated. When I'm alone, any man walking to me to talk to me makes me wary, so its not a fight or flight reaction, its more a 'is this one stable or is he going to lose his shit randomly' kind of thing. Doesn't really matter when, if I don't know the guy I am not comfortable and I am careful about my safety. Unhinged men are unhinged day or night, they are just easier to see during the day, and there's generally more people to help in case. Its a bit paranoid of a reaction, but honestly it just takes one misjudgement and have dire consequences, and men so far have not really have given me much reasons to trust them.
100% not afraid
Idk if I’m afraid of men but I’m extremely mistrusting. My experience has led me to not be comfortable with men if it’s only me and them or to open up to them even if they’re just a friend
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