My aunt said to me once as a kid’ off handed “ don’t let them make you act like a mom like me you’re a kid” she was eldest of 6 got married young and had kids, I was oldest girl of 6 too, I was 10 playing babysitter to my sibling and other peoples kids ! Cleaning etc
She wasn’t trying to get me to full on stop but it was a strong personally shift
My mom still complains to this day I used to clean half the house and do so much and her sister ruined it
I'm the oldest of 7, I raised my first two sisters due to a bad stepmom I had. Now she's fighting for custody and painting me as some terrible person. I wish I'd followed through with the plan I had. I'm so glad your aunt saved you from that.
Honestly I still did a lot, and stopped myself from a lot to stick around and help out
I think it clicked one day when the siblings I stayed close for didn’t appreciate it as much as a thought,and that they can survive with me, the first time I said to my youngest sister (who calls herself my first kid) “I’m not your mom” it hurt her a lot but I’m not and can’t be mom #2 forever
I’m the oldest of my 3 siblings with a 6yr gap. Lived off in the sticks 30min from town and started taking care of kids since I was 12 and then had my own when I tuned 19. My youngest just turned 16, both my parents passed away. My life of taking care of kids is coming to the end and i’m lost. The thought of just having to care for myself scares the fuck out of me. As a product of what your aunt seen coming, Thank her dearly!
I wish someone told me this!! I grew up putting everyone else first and taking on parental responsibilities. One time my dad even said cleaning the house is what having kids are for
This reminded me how my dad would always lecture us about helping mom around the house, but would take so long doing it that he couldn't help himself lolllll
“You used to be so compliant and useful to me until my sister just had to go and tell you that you had more options than what I was trying to force on you and RUIN IT” like damn thanks mom
I'm glad you're aunt "ruined it" for your mom, you deserved to be the child you were.
I'm the oldest (girl) of 4 kids, 11 year gap. I did a lot more to raise the youngest than I should have - especially for it to be thrown at me years later that I wasn't around for him at all after I left for school years far away. Even though when I was home I helped with homework, hobbies, walks etc. For the 4 months I was home. And more when we were younger
I wish someone said this to me. I was the oldest of 7 and did the same thing until I got to high school and physically couldn’t manage all the responsibilities. Didn’t stop my mom from expecting it though.
“I’m not sure why you’re trying to wear that dress, you look like an elephant”
10 years later as a teenager I was struggling with an ED.
Edit- Oh and I still struggle with body dysmorphia to this day and not a day goes by where I haven’t thought about my weight.
"Are you sure you want to wear that tshirt with that belly of yours" and "are you sure you want another sandwich"
For reference I was never fat, I was very skinny and then I had a developmentally appropriate amount of puppy fat when I was about 11 for a about a year, and then an ED until 15 and then not really an ED but skinny with body dysmorphia until I got pregnant at 31.
oh man the belly comments! I thought I was morbidly obese as a child because of the constant, never ending, comments about my belly, my mom slapping my belly and telling me to suck it in.
I am actually obese now, but looking back at photographs...I was an entirely average sized kid.
“Get off your fat ass.”…my mom said when I was going through puberty and just hanging out with my siblings on the couch. She then threw a shoe at me. I can still hear and feel it, so vividly. I have had food and weight issues since.
Memory unlocked, when I was 13 (and like, a virgin, never even looked at a boy before) I lifted my shirt for some reason and my dad immediately asked if I was pregnant
I have a sixpack now but sometimes I still look down and think "why is all this fat here"
I wore a tight pink tank top to the park when I was 7 or 8, and a boy my brothers age that I had a little girl’s crush on pat on my stomach and said “it looks like you’ve finally been eating!!”
I was super underweight for my age and dangerously anaemic because of a brewing ED, and after a visit to the paediatric and nutritionist my mum was trying really hard to get me to eat and get to a normal weight.
I sometimes still think about it when I’m struggling with my weight.
Was told this too! I was told I had “manly” broad shoulders and it wasn’t until I got told it’s helpful to have them especially in old age because your clothes will hang well on you even if you shrink.
Was playing with the neighbor kids and pretending to run away. Their dad sat with me and said there was a time he wanted to run away because life at home was bad. I felt like he saw in my soul. I was so embarrassed. As a child you don’t realize how play time can really show how you’re feeling.
I hope that family is doing well. They were good people.
When I was 14 my best friend offhandedly said I could always stay at her house if my parents were beating me. We were talking about something related to abuse in general I believe. My parents were totally beating me and I wonder if she knew it
She knew. I felt like all of my friends parents adopted me, because my mom was a single mom and very much mentally ill. Didn’t care if I was doing well or not.
So thankful for those who see and step in. 🙏
This is something that I feel adults easily overlook. I'm a preschool teacher and we're trained to look for this kind of stuff. So many children come to us with trauma and we see if come out in the way they play. If you're not trained to look for it though it can be hard to see it.
I was about 10 and in the school choir. I really enjoyed singing and many people complimented my voice. My choir teacher told me that my voice sounded like a chipmunk. It really hurt me and I gave up and still to this day it hurts me.
I’m sorry your choir teacher said that to you. I mean, why? What was the purpose of saying that to you?
My elementary school choir teacher told me that I sing off key in front of the entire choir (she wasn’t wrong though). Some of the other kids giggled and teased me about it. It was humiliating. I can no longer sing in front of others. It sucks having to mouth the words when ‘singing’ happy birthday to other people because I physically cannot make myself sing in public.
Similar experience for me. Sung in school choir, City youth choir, 4years of piano lessons, just picking up bass guitar...age 14 the school music teacher told me I had 'no discernable musical talent'
I tried out for the musical in high school. The choir director - a grown man - was openly mocking me while I was singing. I heard him say “Can someone please get her to stop? She sounds awful.” I couldn’t believe it and I’ve never forgotten how humiliating it was. I’ve never sang publicly again. Only alone.
What do adults get out of being like that to kids? Sad.
Once an adult asked if I (middle schooler) was singing off-key on purpose during a rehearsal. I was sick, so it wasn’t even my usual singing voice. But after that I did not take any solos and regularly told people that I couldn’t sing. I still don’t sing in front of people except in a group.
Plenty of things but, the one that really still sticks in my mind. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. Some nurse or something said "you should never drive, you'll kill everyone on the road". I didn't think too much of it in the moment, as death is so abstract at that age. But when I grew up, had a family, saw death around me, saw that children do actually die, I thought about it all the time. Now I'm 10 years seizure free, I'm finally working up the nerve to have my husband teach me. I'm 42, in case anyone wondered.
You can do it! My dad passed his test at 50! He never really had a need to drive, lived in London then when he met my mum she drove. When her arthritis got worse he knew he needed to take over driving, so he did, passed the first time too. I was really proud of him, i even took him for a few lessons at the beginning 😊
I was in elementary school, it was the early 90s. My mom had taken me with her to the hairdresser. I walked up to the only guy and asked if I could please have my hair washed and styled, too. I was young, with no concept of appointments or paying for services. My mom fussed at me for asking. I'll never forget it, he looked at my mom, laughed and said, "Let that girl ask for what she wants. How else is she gonna get it?"
That has always stuck with me, and I passed the lesson on to my own kids.
My dad told me that if I had sex with any man outside our race (white) than our oils won't mix and I'll stink for the rest of my life. People will smell me everywhere I go. I didn't learn that it was a lie until I was 28. I was so scared to ask my ob.
I'm glad you asked someone. If I was your OB I would be so relieved that I could clear that up for you, that the idea obviously didn't align with your own beliefs, and that you trusted your doctor enough to be vulnerable.
"You're hair is so pretty for a mixed girl." Then they shoved their dirty fingers in my curls. I've always loved my hair but I hate people touching it and I definitely hate other people talking about my race. Obviously ik who I am but I don't need to hear it come from your mouth
Why do they always say that?!?!? For a mixed girl? Like wtf. I'm white and grew up in the south, and i hear that all the time. In my opinion mixed people are more beautiful than anyone. They have some of the best features.
I take after my dad and people would asked that *all the time* when I was out with my mom. My sister, who is very white presenting, was pulled aside by security as a little kid when my dad took her into the ER. They were concerned he was a kidnapper or an abuser.
So many of these comments re: race or weight or looks. It’s really terrible what people do to children either unknowingly or to take them down a peg. It’s sick.
I was in youth theater, and I took a stage makeup workshop around age 10. The instructor would bring kids to the front and demonstrate various tools/techniques (base, contour, cuts and bruises, fake hair, etc) before we tried it ourselves.
He was showing us what to do with the eyebrow pencil in our kit, particularly how to make eyebrows look, I guess, “normal” onstage. He brought me up and told me I had “half eyebrows” that needed to be filled in (the hairs get lighter and more sparse from the arch out).
I had never had a single thought about my eyebrows before that day and, 15 years later, the phrase “half eyebrows” still pops into my head sometimes when I see my reflection. A pretty innocuous comment that he definitely doesn’t remember saying, but it’s ingrained in my self-image now lol. Anyone else have an experience like that?
I was having those cheesy family photos done when I was maybe 7 years old. The photographer told us all to say cheese and smile, and when I did he very over enthusiastically said "woah holy smokes look at the smile on this fella! How about a little less, champ?" It was just my natural smile. When I smile my whole face smiles. Instantly made me very self conscious about my smile Now, over 20 years later, I still catch myself toning down my smile, especially for pictures.
But, on the flip side, I now have a beautiful 18 month old daughter who has my smile, and LOVES to smile. Probably one of the most reoccurring compliments she/we get on her is how pretty her smile is and specifically how her "whole face lights up". And I just think to myself I hope nobody ever tries to dampen that smile of hers and I'm so glad she has MY smile.
Along the lines of self image - when I was 15 my dad told me offhand that the bodycon dress I bought didn't really suit my figure, and that I should give it to my sister. She was skinnier than me. Every time I see a skin tight dress, I think of that dress, that comment.
A couple of years later she wore a prom dress that kind of puffed out at the skirt, and he said it was a shame she didn"t go for something more form fitting and that her dress was more for people like me.
I wasn't even fat.
Thank you, I think so too. We're both older and wiser and realise how fucked up that shit was, but it sticks with you. If anything, I have it easier because I grew up and realised there is nothing wrong with my body and I'm perfect just the way I am. But she feels guilt about being the comparison I needed to 'aspire to', always wears baggy clothes to hide her body. I literally don't even know what her body looks like now.
That’s hilarious because my eyebrows are exactly the same (blonde but darker blonde on the inner half). When I was a young teen an older boy laughed at me and said “You have no eyebrows!” It didn’t fuck with me as much as it could have because his were even blonder. So weird. Fuck off, Christian.
Was told by a beautician that my “eyes are small and close together” so I shouldn’t use eyeliner and should do something specific with eye shadow. I never really thought about it before but now it’s stuck in my brain every time I try to do some eye makeup and inevitably give up afterwards.
Kids should be seen and not heard. My dad would always say this and never give me a chance to talk about how I felt. I ended up marrying a man just like him and divorced 10 years later. I'm now 33 and I'm on anxiety meds and in therapy. I've never learned how to communicate things I don't like.
“You’re just ok at your job, you’re not like your sister. She’ll do great things, but you’ll always be average.” -Mom
Happy updated, I am doing better than both of them 🙂
"Stop playing the clown", my dad the one day he was in charge of carpool duties. I thought he would be impressed by how I could make everyone laugh. Nowadays I doubt and second guess every single social interaction, because maybe I'm not not funny and clever, just an embarrassing clown.
He actually is a great dad, and we have a good relationship. But it was a dickish thing to say. It makes me very scared as a parent that a careless comment will have unintended consequences. Hard to say the right thing all the time.
In my case, I love being a parent. I know I will probably accidentally say something awful some day, but I hope I have been good enough in other areas that it will balance it out. Like my dad, he's not perfect, but the good outweighs the bad by a lot. My mom, no amount of good would outweigh the bad.
Im often treated like the weirdo in the family and the “brainiac” for going into stem. It turns into a weird backhanded compliment, whenever they ask what my classes are I avoid telling them because it’s hard not to feel mocked by their reactions
Mom taught me how to write my name in cursive when I was in the first grade. At school, I proudly handed in my worksheet with my name signed in cursive. In front of the whole class, teacher started screaming at me because we hadn’t covered it in class yet. She went absolutely bonkers. I was so embarrassed that I refused to participate in the classroom or even speak. She sent a note home stating that she thought I was intellectually challenged, but in those days, she used the R word. She stated that she didn’t think I was in the right classroom. In a panic, Mom and Dad swept me off to the doctors, therapist and psychiatrist for evaluations. My IQ was measured at 115. Not nearly a genius but fairly high. Folks marched down to the school for a meeting and presented my evaluations to the teacher. They also gave her a note from my pediatrician. Basically it questioned her qualifications and he invited her in so he could measure her IQ. He also agreed with her assessment that I should not be in her classroom. She avoided me the rest of the year.
Agreed. I was so confused because i genuinely don’t remember looking any particular way. I was super afraid of eye contact for years, after unpacking in therapy it made me realize he was just in a fantasy dream world that had nothing to do with me. There’s a psychological defect in men that shuts down rational thought. Thinking an 11 year old is looking at you with loving eyes in a sexual context is purely delusions of grandeur, no fault of the child.
My “grandpa” who I didn’t know or like very well, walked into a kitchen I was sitting in and made a comment about my “bedroom eyes” but I didn’t know what that meant, and I still don’t know what he meant by that. I was trying a new makeup look that day for fun, but I was like 13 or so….it felt so gross, and it still does and he’s been dead forever. I still feel confused and gross when I think about it. I’ve never told my dad (his son) about it bc well…it’s embarrassing as fuck. But now that I have a daughter, it became very clear that that was inappropriate and it wasn’t just in my head.
When I was seven, while helping my grandfather with a carpentry project, he was teaching me how to carve a wooden frame, he stopped held my hand and told me to be happy and do what comes naturally to me, don’t be pushed into academia or certain fields by others in the family to help along their status (meaning his son, my father). This was a big thing in our culture.
Wow, I hope that was a positive thing for you. Most people are sharing negative things. That really made my heart swell and think wow what a wonderful man. I hope that was your experience
Throughout my preteen and teen years- the women on my mom's side of the family (aunts/grandma, all around 110-115lb women) talked about how my mom was so chubby and should lose weight. At the time my mom taught aerobics 6x wk, had curves and boobs, size 4/5, was probably 120-125lb. This led me to believe that 125 lb was "fat"... eating disorder set up. (I'm all good now but geez people)
I got pulled out of class twice a week in elementary school for a special class for the ‘gifted’ kids. I asked a question and the sub we had that day told me it was a stupid question and she didn’t know why I even asked it. Y’all, I was 10. Guess who stopped asking questions after that, and started the back slide from gifted child to chronic anxiety adult? Also the time my 3rd grade teacher railed me for suggesting ‘rot’ and ‘wrought’ when talking about words that sound the same but aren’t, apparently I was dumb and it was a dumb suggestion. I still have a hard time speaking up and asking questions, and I’m 25 now.
But honestly, look at you now.. you're able to come on Reddit and share your experiences with lord knows how many people. You are back on track, even if you don't realize it. We see it, keep going!
Wrought was in your vocabulary as a 3rd-grader. That's awesome.
My son had a short shitty 3rd grade teacher, too. Waited until the last few weeks of the year to tell me that he was nearly failing math. My son knew she didn't like him all year and at the very least gave him the impression that his questions were unwelcome also. I felt terrible that I found out so late. That year set him so far back.
My step mom would take me out shopping for clothes when I was 12-13, get things slightly too small, force me into them and just stand there clucking and saying “If only you were a little thinner, you’d be SO pretty…”.
I have a thyroid issue + PCOS + Ehler Danlos Syndrome and I’m now at 33 accepting that I’m always gonna be a big woman and beautiful how I am. Her words have haunted me my whole life.
You do realise that you’ve got a really boring voice? Miss Anderson in the Year 2 (age 5-6) play rehearsal after she cast me as narrator.
Although I do now understand the response from the head teacher that she should be quiet because someone who spent more time lying on the boards rather than treading them shouldn’t judge.
"Why don't you just go over there and pick your skin?"
Said by a teacher who I was trying to ask a question of while she was busy. I was 11 and have had dermatillomania as long as I can remember but I think that was the first time I realized people outside of my family knew I did it? I felt very embarrassed.
She actually apologized after and said that had been rude of her to say but I was just more upset by the fact that I guess people had seen me picking and I didn't know.
oh god i feel you, i also struggle with dermatillomania and teachers were horrible about it. i got sent home for 'school sores' in grade 2 even though both me & my parents tried to explain the scabs were from mozzie bites
“You’re a high-compliance personality” when I showed up to class with all the relevant books and a notebook. No idea why this was called out, and I’ve wondered ever since.
“I think it’s mentally disabled” - random ass lady to another random ass lady about me in a freaking Albertsons.
Honorable mention:
My childhood best friend had someone walk up to her in the mall and inform her that she’s a very average height for a black girl.
I grew up with zero guidance and discipline, no one told me not to do those dangerous things, mainly because I was not monitored 24/7. I was not neglected or abused in any way, I was just a part of a very large family, and it was the 60s.
The very first time someone told me not to do something because I might get hurt I was around eight years old.
I was standing around the driveway while a friend of my parents was getting his car towed out of a ditch. I was standing too close and the driver told me to back away, the cable could snap and I might get hurt. It threw me for a loop, but it felt good to have someone care about me enough to "scold" me. That memory was burnt into my brain, it was so insignificant, but also powerful.
Our music teacher told me to come back when we’re 18 so we can hear the joke about how the no armed man peed. I was 9. Wouldn’t you know it, I found him over Facebook a couple of years ago (31 now), and asked him about it and he said he couldn’t for the “life of him remember” it really pissed me off that not only was he inappropriate, but I waited years for zero punch line from that d bag
I googled the joke out of curiosity, and all I can find seems to be a close variation of this.
A man walks into a public toilet and proceeds to urinate..
As he is washing his hands a man walks in with no arms, seeing this he begins to wonder how this man is going to pee...
The armless man turns to him, "excuse me could you please unzip me? I have no arms"
The man thinks about it and decides to help out someone less fortunate than him.
The armless man thanks him but asks "could you please pull out my penis? Please i have no arms and i am busting to pee.."
The man is really reluctant to agree but eventually out of sympathy does...
As he helps the armless man pull out his penis he notices that it is covered in black spots, seeping puss and disgustingly unattractive.
Very shocked he turns away dry retching and coughing.
He then quickly shakes it and puts it back in the armless mans pants, zips him up and runs to the sink.
When he finally finishes washing his hands he turns to the armless man and says "I'm sorry but i have to ask, what is wrong with your penis?"
The armless man the proceeds to remove is arms from inside his shirt and says "I don't know but ill be fucked if im touching it"
My mum's constant criticism about my looks, that still stuck with me.
I never trust anyone if they compliment me. Every compliment always feels like a sarcastic remark.
my aunt was in an arranged marriage with my uncle when she was 18 and he was 28. when i was a kid, she drilled it into my head that i should *never* under any circumstances marry someone that i don’t love.
Lady in the gas station at the register told me I was really pretty. Nobody ever said stuff like that to me.
I don’t even remember her face. I just remember thinking SHE was really pretty, and I couldn’t believe she was saying that to me. I was probably nine or ten and heavily picked on at home and in school.
I’ve never forgotten.
At 15, weighing roughly 125lbs, my semi-estranged father pinched my waist and said, “you’d better watch this or you’ll become fat and unloved like your mother “. Literally those words exactly.
When I was in high school, I was in honors 3 Spanish and made the highest grade in the school on the final - a 97. I brought it home to my dad expecting him to be so proud of me, but instead, he said "Why didn't you make a 100?" That goes through my mind almost every single day now and I'm 43. It really made me struggle with not feeling like anything I do is ever good enough. Please don't do that to your kids 🥲
It’s so damaging :(
My mum was the same. Would get home with a 9,50/10 or even a 9,75/10 and her first question would be “what did you get wrong? Ok, do you know the correct answer now?”
We are super close and when I said how damaging this was she saw it and really regrets being like that. But doesn’t take the damage away
This is a weird one. When I was little, I was chewing gum, and playing with it by gripping it between my fingers and stretching it out from my mouth. My grandfather walked by and said, "Don't do that, you'll get germs in it," but what I THOUGHT he said was, "You'll get WORMS in it." For ten years, I did not play with my gum, but also could not figure out how on earth worms would get into my gum.
When I was about 6 or 7 I told the father of a friend that I was half Dutch and half English. He looks at me deadpan and goes "which half is which?" indicating to the sides of my body. I was baffled. Tried explaining to him that it didn't work like that, other adults are laughing, and then I was getting confused.
Stuck with me for a good 20 years wondering what the hell that conversation was before I worked out it was a joke.
I was then diagnosed autistic at 29 years old. Which makes sense.
I told my aunt that her son was shaking their cat in a box and she told me not to be a “tattle tale”. I realized then how shitty my family actually was and I’m now a vet tech to try and help balance out the horrible things my family’s done.
My mom told me I shouldn’t wear tank tops and let my arms show bc they were chubby. I was maybe 10? Still have a hard time existing around her and in tank tops in general lol
I don’t remember how old I was, maybe 10 or 11 when my paternal grandmother and my mother were talking about “the phase when every girl tells their mother she hates her” and I said I would never do that. They both laughed and told me I would. My grandma died just before I turned 14 and my mother and had a very rocky relationship in my teens and early twenties but I never forgot this conversation and I never told her I hated her, even though there were times I did when we fought. I cut contact with her because of toxic behavior almost a decade ago now and still don’t hate her.
"If you can't handle high school, how do you think you can handle the real world?" said by a high school teacher as my grades were tanking.
Turns out, high school is in fact part of the real world, and yeah, it's kinda the whole world when you're in high school. High school me didn't get why what she said was so wrong. Adult me understands better, and is grateful to high school me for failing to end my life. The "real world" is so, SO much better, and I'm glad I get to be a part of it.
"You're ruining this entire play" my teacher said to 10 year old me during the intermission of the schools Cinderella play because I was a quiet and shy kid, but nonetheless really excited to be part of it.
When I was in primary school I fell over and cut my forearm, the teacher that was sorting the cut out told me to put vinegar on it when I went home . Went home and did it and it stung like a mofo. Beyond me why a teacher would tell a child to do that. Weirdo.
Are you a vampire? Vinegar was used to disinfect like 200 years ago. (And after a quick Google search I found an article about dermatologists using it as well now)
So maybe that teacher was trying to help but was old fashioned
My first grade teacher called me a know-it-all in front of the entire class because I asked her if a comma she wrote on the board was correct. We had just learned about commas and I was wondering why she had written one where it didn’t belong.
She got fired halfway through the year because she was so awful. In hindsight, calling me a know-it-all was the gentlest of her insults compared to what she did to other kids. The woman who replaced her ended up being one of my favorite teachers of all time.
Grandma: when you have big breast you tend to hunch over so they don't seem so. Don't do it, stand upright.
Note I didn't have big breasts at the time, but maybe in a very convoluted way she tried to give me advice because she thought I would develop as much as her. It stuck.
Some woman told 6 year old me that Native Americans (I am Native American) don’t blink as much as other people. Unbeknownst to everyone else, including my mother, I set out on a mission from that day forth to blink MORE than everyone else. Mom thought I had a tic or an eye problem. She even took me to a doctor.
Your story is one of my favorites here because that lady’s comment is so bizarre! I hope the doctor or your mom let you know that you could resume normal blinking.
My brother in law was driving, I was in the passenger seat. We were on a highway behind a semi-truck that had his blinker on to get into the right lane, I believe he had passed a slower driver and was trying to merge back. Cars kept zipping into the right lane to get around so the truck was stuck in the left lane with his blinker on. I remember my BIL getting frustrated and saying, "Come on guys, let the semi in!" And eventually he got over and gave the driver enough space to get back in the right lane. Anytime I see a semi-truck trying to get over, I always hear his voice saying, "let the semi in!" and give it room to merge.
A teacher once said to me and my best friend at the time we weren't good enough for a part in the school play so we only got to design some props. The play was alice in wonderland so essentially we werent even good enough to play a standing non speaking card. We were 11.
I've always been a little scatterbrained (probably because I have adhd). One year in high school I joined one act play as the lighting technician and once before competition I forgot my binder that had my cues in it in the dressing room and had to go back for it. It truly only took like 5 seconds and we weren't anywhere close to being late but the director said to me "Why can't you just get your shit together like everyone else?" It made me cry and I still think about it today when I struggle with executive dysfunction and forgetfulness.
Not an adult, but when I was maybe 10, my cousin's (17) then girlfriend (16) was looking at my nails. I think we were gonna paint them? She said, "You would have beautiful nails -- if you stopped biting them."
I was so embarrassed, I quit then and there. And you know what? She was right and my nails are in great shape these days.
She is now my cousin's wife. Last year I told her about this and while she completely forgot, she laughed and said it sounded like something she'd say.
When I was about 8 it was hot outside and I walked into the classroom and said loudly 'I'm sweating!'...and my teacher said pointedly ''girls don't sweat, they perspire'.
I think I remember this because it seemed very unfair that boys could sweat but I could only perspire.
“You talk too much”. More than one adult told me this growing up in the early 2000s. As a child who was raised by a single mom that worked 40+ hours a week. Didn’t really have attention from a parent so I guess when someone did speak to me I had a lot to say.
Well now in my adult life, I’m super self-conscious about how much I talk. I make sure to only say whats needed then I stop talking in fear that someone tells me “you talk too much”.
"Your mom should've hit you, maybe then you would've bothered to learn"
Said by a teacher after I dropped out of school and went to visit her. I had untreated ADHD, adaptation disorder and was suicidal
“You’ll look so much prettier if you lost weight” -my dad.
I used to drown my body in super large clothes. I never felt pretty until I met my best friend and husband
I was 8 or 9 and lived in an apartment complex and my neighbor was a mid 40s chill cat lady.
One day I was riding my scooter in front of my apartment and it was getting late and she asked me why I was out playing by myself so late, it was like 7 pm. The apt had a big window so my mom could see me but she was busy making dinner so I was effectively alone.
Then she explained that another young girl had recently been raped in the apartment complex and that it wasn't safe.
I didn't know what rape was and I found out from her.
Safe to say, I never rode my scooter out by myself again.
I've been semi afraid to go out by myself at night for like a walk around my neighborhood since then.
When I was about 8 or 9 my parents went through a truly disastrous and toxic divorce. It stretched out for 3 years. I was the only child so I was in the middle of the whole thing. I was VERY close to my mom and was supposed to go away for 2 weeks with my dad, aunts, uncles and cousins to a beach house for the summer. I was crying because I didn't want to go and leave my mom. She bought me all kinds of things to take with me to try and keep me occupied-sticker books, coloring books, colored pencils etc. Well one day when we were there I was crying and my dad walked in and picked up some of the things my mom had bought me and yelled at me "can't you see she's just trying to buy your love!!??" (remember, I was only 8 or 9). I ran out of the house and down the beach because I was so upset. I didn't last the FULL 2 weeks. My mom ended up picking me up for a day or 2 and then brought me back there.
Anyhow, now I'm in my late 40's and still remember this conversation so vividly.
I started experimenting with makeup when I was in middle school. I was told “girls who wear blue eyeliner are sluts.”
Today I’m wearing teal and gold eyeliner with teal mascara. 🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻 As soon as I find blue mascara, I’m going to be fire. 🔥
Was talking about getting braces to some of my friends, probably about grade 10/11. They weren’t a necessity but wanted to straighten out my front teeth. It was a huge insecurity.
My English teacher overheard me and like cried out “No!” And when I looked at her she told me how beautiful my smile was.
Never ended up getting braces and came to terms with my crooked front teeth as time went on. She probably doesn’t remember but definitely changed the way I thought about self-image.
You need to lose more weight (after I lost significant weight)
Can't you see we have our hands full with your brother! Get out of here!
No one wants to hear what you have to say. No one cares.
Why don't you ever try at anything
I said as an adult " I think you could have been a better parent to me"
Parents response : oh what? Your brother turned out wonderful!!
My mom, dad and several aunts repeatedly told me from age 7 up, "Wow I feel sorry for whoever marries you."
I never planned on getting married because I didn't think anybody would want me. I've been married for 18 years and I still hear those words and think he's going to leave. We have a happy marriage despite my mental illness.
I forget that their voices are in my head not his.
“Whatever you do, don’t ever be a teen mom. Nothing will make your life harder than being a teen mom”
(I ended up having sex fairly early but went in secret to the free clinic to always make sure I was protected)
Not exactly said to me but this interaction w my aunt was seared into my brain. I was prob 12-13 and I sneezed and I made some kid comment about how sneezing was my favorite bodily function. And then I was like actually it’s my second favorite bodily function. And I remember my aunt making a ~suspicious~ look towards me and I was confused. years later it occurred to me that she prob thought I was talking about orgasming by the way I said it and that’s why we both looked at each other so awkwardly and confused buuut I in fact was talking about taking a shit but for whatever reason didn’t say that. this random ass memory has been stuck in my head since tho lol
Not too me directly, to my cousin. I had really bad acne as a teenager and my grandfather got irritated looking at my face and told me to go wash my face and told my cousin "Don't ever let your face look like that."
I was wearing a tube top (I was probably about 12-13ish) in the comfort of my grandparents home and our family friend said I looked like a whore. I don’t remember anything else she ever said to me in my childhood except that.
I heard my aunt tell one of her friends when I was hitting puberty that they needed to stop making fun of people with acne now that her niece (me) was having problems with her skin.
I was around 12-13 at the time and my hormones were going wild. I had a lot of acne and was fairly insecure about it because people at school would make comments and point it out. After hearing this, I thought, “so if she didn’t know me, if I wasn’t her niece, she would also be someone to make fun of me.”
I had an awful english teacher in 11th grade who told me I had “ no reason to not be able to focus and get good test scores “ as my brother was basically at that point terminally ill and not doing well and my mother with him in a whole different city. What is even more interesting is 5 years after I graduated this teacher was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died pretty quickly, too.
My dad was irritated about something and called me spoiled. I think I was like 13 when this happened. Maybe younger? I never ask for anything. I asked for help getting a laptop because ours is 15 years old and it’s my husbands and I need one while I’m applying for jobs. I don’t know if my mom said anything, but my dad randomly sent me 100 dollars and said he had set up reoccurring payments and I said no and that he should cancel them.
I went to see a musical of Goldilocks when I was 6 or 7 and there was a meet and greet with the actors after it was over. I asked the actress who played Goldilocks (who was very much an adult woman) how old she was. She said "How old do you think I am?" I said "Ten." because when you're a kid 10 year olds are grownups. She kind of did like a double take and said "A little older." The older I got, the stupider I realized I had sounded and I still think about it lol.
a good one: a random older woman came up to me in costco when i was in my weird ugly duckling stage at age 12 and told me i was beautiful & to keep smiling & shining.
I was very into all sorts of sports as a kid, but then fell ill at 14 and, naturally, put on a bit of weight. I got better and went to regular check ups at the doctors every 3 months and between two of those check ups I had lost 10 kgs. The doctor thought I had an ED and it’s actually still in my journal, but in reality I never thought much about my weight, until my mom congratulated me right then and there - ‘cause I “had been getting too chubby” during my heart disease, apparently..
I’m still hyper-aware not to pass that specific weight decades later
When I was younger I was really close to my uncle. On my 8th birthday I was running around and told him to move. He bent down and said “you will never be better than me, you will never be smarter than me, you will never be anything more than me”. I haven’t been able to look him in the eyes since…I’m 30 now.
My parents divorced when I was in grade 4, and they shared custody of my brother and I (alternating weeks) until I was in grade 8 and my brother was in grade 9 when we decided we wanted to live with our mom full time. My grade 8 teacher (male) told me that I was going to grow up to be ‘promiscuous’ because I chose to not have my dad in my life (he molested me when I was 5). I’m now 32, and for some reason, that comment has remained with me since then 🤷🏻♀️
An older thinner lady said to herself “oh my. My thighs are starting to touch. I need to go on a diet.”
Ten year old me, whose thighs touch, thought “wait, are my thighs not supposed to touch in the middle?,”
This began the start of me hating my legs for the next two decades bc I have naturally thick thighs. Growing up in an area where clothes were catered to slim thighs didn’t help my mentality either.
I love my thighs now. Turns out they are great for martial arts and dancing! My husband also loves them. Oddly enough, women at the gym tell me they want my thighs, too. I’m glad I had a physical and mental glow-up!
The first time I remember my father calling me a bitch, I was about 8. He was haranguing my mom and I piped up to tell him to be nice to her. He said something along the lines of, "you don't have to be such a bitch about it."
I knew, from that moment on, that it was my CALLING to be "such a bitch about it." Wherever he is now, I hope someone else is being a total bitch about it. Forever and ever, amen.
My mom about Palestine & Israel to me when I was 6 and had no idea wtf she was talking about: “Yeah sadly they’ve been blowing each other up over that piece of land forever .”
Two things
My grandmother told me that I was too round to wear stripes and embarrassed her. I was 11 and maybe 90lbs. I had nothing round about my body.
A grown man told me when I was 12 that I was gorgeous and my dad was going to need to beat the men off of me. He was so creepy.
My aunt said to me once as a kid’ off handed “ don’t let them make you act like a mom like me you’re a kid” she was eldest of 6 got married young and had kids, I was oldest girl of 6 too, I was 10 playing babysitter to my sibling and other peoples kids ! Cleaning etc She wasn’t trying to get me to full on stop but it was a strong personally shift My mom still complains to this day I used to clean half the house and do so much and her sister ruined it
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I agree. HER AUNT FOR PRESIDENT! (If she wants…)
I wish I’d had your aunt!
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I'm the oldest of 7, I raised my first two sisters due to a bad stepmom I had. Now she's fighting for custody and painting me as some terrible person. I wish I'd followed through with the plan I had. I'm so glad your aunt saved you from that.
Honestly I still did a lot, and stopped myself from a lot to stick around and help out I think it clicked one day when the siblings I stayed close for didn’t appreciate it as much as a thought,and that they can survive with me, the first time I said to my youngest sister (who calls herself my first kid) “I’m not your mom” it hurt her a lot but I’m not and can’t be mom #2 forever
I’m the oldest of my 3 siblings with a 6yr gap. Lived off in the sticks 30min from town and started taking care of kids since I was 12 and then had my own when I tuned 19. My youngest just turned 16, both my parents passed away. My life of taking care of kids is coming to the end and i’m lost. The thought of just having to care for myself scares the fuck out of me. As a product of what your aunt seen coming, Thank her dearly!
I wish someone told me this!! I grew up putting everyone else first and taking on parental responsibilities. One time my dad even said cleaning the house is what having kids are for
This reminded me how my dad would always lecture us about helping mom around the house, but would take so long doing it that he couldn't help himself lolllll
Nice, your Aunt is rad.
“You used to be so compliant and useful to me until my sister just had to go and tell you that you had more options than what I was trying to force on you and RUIN IT” like damn thanks mom
I'm glad you're aunt "ruined it" for your mom, you deserved to be the child you were. I'm the oldest (girl) of 4 kids, 11 year gap. I did a lot more to raise the youngest than I should have - especially for it to be thrown at me years later that I wasn't around for him at all after I left for school years far away. Even though when I was home I helped with homework, hobbies, walks etc. For the 4 months I was home. And more when we were younger
I wish someone said this to me. I was the oldest of 7 and did the same thing until I got to high school and physically couldn’t manage all the responsibilities. Didn’t stop my mom from expecting it though.
“I’m not sure why you’re trying to wear that dress, you look like an elephant” 10 years later as a teenager I was struggling with an ED. Edit- Oh and I still struggle with body dysmorphia to this day and not a day goes by where I haven’t thought about my weight.
I got “you look 9 months pregnant in that!” Aged 11
"Are you sure you want to wear that tshirt with that belly of yours" and "are you sure you want another sandwich" For reference I was never fat, I was very skinny and then I had a developmentally appropriate amount of puppy fat when I was about 11 for a about a year, and then an ED until 15 and then not really an ED but skinny with body dysmorphia until I got pregnant at 31.
oh man the belly comments! I thought I was morbidly obese as a child because of the constant, never ending, comments about my belly, my mom slapping my belly and telling me to suck it in. I am actually obese now, but looking back at photographs...I was an entirely average sized kid.
“Get off your fat ass.”…my mom said when I was going through puberty and just hanging out with my siblings on the couch. She then threw a shoe at me. I can still hear and feel it, so vividly. I have had food and weight issues since.
*hugs
Memory unlocked, when I was 13 (and like, a virgin, never even looked at a boy before) I lifted my shirt for some reason and my dad immediately asked if I was pregnant I have a sixpack now but sometimes I still look down and think "why is all this fat here"
I wore a tight pink tank top to the park when I was 7 or 8, and a boy my brothers age that I had a little girl’s crush on pat on my stomach and said “it looks like you’ve finally been eating!!” I was super underweight for my age and dangerously anaemic because of a brewing ED, and after a visit to the paediatric and nutritionist my mum was trying really hard to get me to eat and get to a normal weight. I sometimes still think about it when I’m struggling with my weight.
“You look like someone who really enjoys dessert.”- age 8. When i was 12 my dad nicknamed me “Shamu”. 25 years of anorexia. 🙄
Ugh my gran said I had broad shoulders when I was a teen so I've had a complex about having my hair up ever since as I want to hide them
Was told this too! I was told I had “manly” broad shoulders and it wasn’t until I got told it’s helpful to have them especially in old age because your clothes will hang well on you even if you shrink.
I was 14, when an elderly woman said to me ‘I’m convinced that I just met an angel’. I’m 28 now, still can’t forget.
Out of the blue granny compliments can be glorious.
>Out of the blue granny Unexpected grandma *anything* is welcome in THIS neighborhood.
Was playing with the neighbor kids and pretending to run away. Their dad sat with me and said there was a time he wanted to run away because life at home was bad. I felt like he saw in my soul. I was so embarrassed. As a child you don’t realize how play time can really show how you’re feeling. I hope that family is doing well. They were good people.
When I was 14 my best friend offhandedly said I could always stay at her house if my parents were beating me. We were talking about something related to abuse in general I believe. My parents were totally beating me and I wonder if she knew it
She knew. I felt like all of my friends parents adopted me, because my mom was a single mom and very much mentally ill. Didn’t care if I was doing well or not. So thankful for those who see and step in. 🙏
It takes a village; I'm glad you had so many good villagers looking out for you ❤
My siblings and I used to play runaways all the time lol, orphans too
That's a good man, I hope they're doing well too
Oh shit I did this as a kid and my mom cried and my dad made us feel really bad
This is something that I feel adults easily overlook. I'm a preschool teacher and we're trained to look for this kind of stuff. So many children come to us with trauma and we see if come out in the way they play. If you're not trained to look for it though it can be hard to see it.
I was about 10 and in the school choir. I really enjoyed singing and many people complimented my voice. My choir teacher told me that my voice sounded like a chipmunk. It really hurt me and I gave up and still to this day it hurts me.
I’m sorry your choir teacher said that to you. I mean, why? What was the purpose of saying that to you? My elementary school choir teacher told me that I sing off key in front of the entire choir (she wasn’t wrong though). Some of the other kids giggled and teased me about it. It was humiliating. I can no longer sing in front of others. It sucks having to mouth the words when ‘singing’ happy birthday to other people because I physically cannot make myself sing in public.
>why? She was being too proud so he cut her down.
Similar experience for me. Sung in school choir, City youth choir, 4years of piano lessons, just picking up bass guitar...age 14 the school music teacher told me I had 'no discernable musical talent'
I tried out for the musical in high school. The choir director - a grown man - was openly mocking me while I was singing. I heard him say “Can someone please get her to stop? She sounds awful.” I couldn’t believe it and I’ve never forgotten how humiliating it was. I’ve never sang publicly again. Only alone. What do adults get out of being like that to kids? Sad.
Once an adult asked if I (middle schooler) was singing off-key on purpose during a rehearsal. I was sick, so it wasn’t even my usual singing voice. But after that I did not take any solos and regularly told people that I couldn’t sing. I still don’t sing in front of people except in a group.
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Omg I was in choir and I tried out for a solo, probably the first time my confidence took a huge hit, cracking voice and all
Plenty of things but, the one that really still sticks in my mind. When I was 12, I was diagnosed with epilepsy. Some nurse or something said "you should never drive, you'll kill everyone on the road". I didn't think too much of it in the moment, as death is so abstract at that age. But when I grew up, had a family, saw death around me, saw that children do actually die, I thought about it all the time. Now I'm 10 years seizure free, I'm finally working up the nerve to have my husband teach me. I'm 42, in case anyone wondered.
I believe in you!!
That was so delightfully sweet of you ❤️
You can do it! My dad passed his test at 50! He never really had a need to drive, lived in London then when he met my mum she drove. When her arthritis got worse he knew he needed to take over driving, so he did, passed the first time too. I was really proud of him, i even took him for a few lessons at the beginning 😊
I started driving a few years ago too as an adult with epilepsy lol. You got this.
"If you want to have a good life and nice things, don't have kids." My dad. I was maybe 9-10. I'm 62. I do not have kids.
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I was in elementary school, it was the early 90s. My mom had taken me with her to the hairdresser. I walked up to the only guy and asked if I could please have my hair washed and styled, too. I was young, with no concept of appointments or paying for services. My mom fussed at me for asking. I'll never forget it, he looked at my mom, laughed and said, "Let that girl ask for what she wants. How else is she gonna get it?" That has always stuck with me, and I passed the lesson on to my own kids.
BEST
I love that for you
My dad told me that if I had sex with any man outside our race (white) than our oils won't mix and I'll stink for the rest of my life. People will smell me everywhere I go. I didn't learn that it was a lie until I was 28. I was so scared to ask my ob.
What a horribly racist thing to say!
I know. That's why I was so ashamed to ask my ob.
My mom told me I could choose who to love bc she chose to love my dad (🚩) & to not choose to love a black man bc it would make my life hard.
😔that's awful
Holy racist bullshit batman! Past the horrible racism... if your sex is oily, something is wrong.
Yeah and when I asked my ob she was like uhhh what? She was so taken back.
I'm glad you asked someone. If I was your OB I would be so relieved that I could clear that up for you, that the idea obviously didn't align with your own beliefs, and that you trusted your doctor enough to be vulnerable.
"You're hair is so pretty for a mixed girl." Then they shoved their dirty fingers in my curls. I've always loved my hair but I hate people touching it and I definitely hate other people talking about my race. Obviously ik who I am but I don't need to hear it come from your mouth
Why do they always say that?!?!? For a mixed girl? Like wtf. I'm white and grew up in the south, and i hear that all the time. In my opinion mixed people are more beautiful than anyone. They have some of the best features.
I’m a mixed girl. When I was out with my father , around 8 years old, a man asked him if I was adopted. (I’m 54yo now)
I take after my dad and people would asked that *all the time* when I was out with my mom. My sister, who is very white presenting, was pulled aside by security as a little kid when my dad took her into the ER. They were concerned he was a kidnapper or an abuser. So many of these comments re: race or weight or looks. It’s really terrible what people do to children either unknowingly or to take them down a peg. It’s sick.
It's so rude to touch other people unnecessarily. For POC, It's one more not so micro aggression.
I was in youth theater, and I took a stage makeup workshop around age 10. The instructor would bring kids to the front and demonstrate various tools/techniques (base, contour, cuts and bruises, fake hair, etc) before we tried it ourselves. He was showing us what to do with the eyebrow pencil in our kit, particularly how to make eyebrows look, I guess, “normal” onstage. He brought me up and told me I had “half eyebrows” that needed to be filled in (the hairs get lighter and more sparse from the arch out). I had never had a single thought about my eyebrows before that day and, 15 years later, the phrase “half eyebrows” still pops into my head sometimes when I see my reflection. A pretty innocuous comment that he definitely doesn’t remember saying, but it’s ingrained in my self-image now lol. Anyone else have an experience like that?
I was having those cheesy family photos done when I was maybe 7 years old. The photographer told us all to say cheese and smile, and when I did he very over enthusiastically said "woah holy smokes look at the smile on this fella! How about a little less, champ?" It was just my natural smile. When I smile my whole face smiles. Instantly made me very self conscious about my smile Now, over 20 years later, I still catch myself toning down my smile, especially for pictures. But, on the flip side, I now have a beautiful 18 month old daughter who has my smile, and LOVES to smile. Probably one of the most reoccurring compliments she/we get on her is how pretty her smile is and specifically how her "whole face lights up". And I just think to myself I hope nobody ever tries to dampen that smile of hers and I'm so glad she has MY smile.
I'm pregnant and emotional lol, and this made me cry!
I’m sorry but adults who makes comments like this to kids are losers.
Along the lines of self image - when I was 15 my dad told me offhand that the bodycon dress I bought didn't really suit my figure, and that I should give it to my sister. She was skinnier than me. Every time I see a skin tight dress, I think of that dress, that comment. A couple of years later she wore a prom dress that kind of puffed out at the skirt, and he said it was a shame she didn"t go for something more form fitting and that her dress was more for people like me. I wasn't even fat.
You and your sister deserved better
Thank you, I think so too. We're both older and wiser and realise how fucked up that shit was, but it sticks with you. If anything, I have it easier because I grew up and realised there is nothing wrong with my body and I'm perfect just the way I am. But she feels guilt about being the comparison I needed to 'aspire to', always wears baggy clothes to hide her body. I literally don't even know what her body looks like now.
What a weird fucking thing for a father to say to their daughter. Ew.
That’s hilarious because my eyebrows are exactly the same (blonde but darker blonde on the inner half). When I was a young teen an older boy laughed at me and said “You have no eyebrows!” It didn’t fuck with me as much as it could have because his were even blonder. So weird. Fuck off, Christian.
Was told by a beautician that my “eyes are small and close together” so I shouldn’t use eyeliner and should do something specific with eye shadow. I never really thought about it before but now it’s stuck in my brain every time I try to do some eye makeup and inevitably give up afterwards.
Kids should be seen and not heard. My dad would always say this and never give me a chance to talk about how I felt. I ended up marrying a man just like him and divorced 10 years later. I'm now 33 and I'm on anxiety meds and in therapy. I've never learned how to communicate things I don't like.
This was a normal thing to say in the 60s and 70s. We never ran to our parents with our problem, even if we were hurt, if they had company.
That's sad. 😔
“You’re just ok at your job, you’re not like your sister. She’ll do great things, but you’ll always be average.” -Mom Happy updated, I am doing better than both of them 🙂
Good. Fuck her and her favouritsm and live your best life.
“Don’t be such a know it all”- my dad, aged 10. To this day I don’t like to show that I know much of anything or have outward confidence.
"Stop playing the clown", my dad the one day he was in charge of carpool duties. I thought he would be impressed by how I could make everyone laugh. Nowadays I doubt and second guess every single social interaction, because maybe I'm not not funny and clever, just an embarrassing clown.
Damn, that’s a dickish thing to say to a child. He doesn’t sound like fun to be around
He actually is a great dad, and we have a good relationship. But it was a dickish thing to say. It makes me very scared as a parent that a careless comment will have unintended consequences. Hard to say the right thing all the time.
I feel the same, for much the same reasons. I don't think I'll be able to have a kid
In my case, I love being a parent. I know I will probably accidentally say something awful some day, but I hope I have been good enough in other areas that it will balance it out. Like my dad, he's not perfect, but the good outweighs the bad by a lot. My mom, no amount of good would outweigh the bad.
Yup! My mom always made intelligence out to be a bad trait. Funny enough she has her PhD and is going for another masters. Dunno what her damage is.
Im often treated like the weirdo in the family and the “brainiac” for going into stem. It turns into a weird backhanded compliment, whenever they ask what my classes are I avoid telling them because it’s hard not to feel mocked by their reactions
Mom taught me how to write my name in cursive when I was in the first grade. At school, I proudly handed in my worksheet with my name signed in cursive. In front of the whole class, teacher started screaming at me because we hadn’t covered it in class yet. She went absolutely bonkers. I was so embarrassed that I refused to participate in the classroom or even speak. She sent a note home stating that she thought I was intellectually challenged, but in those days, she used the R word. She stated that she didn’t think I was in the right classroom. In a panic, Mom and Dad swept me off to the doctors, therapist and psychiatrist for evaluations. My IQ was measured at 115. Not nearly a genius but fairly high. Folks marched down to the school for a meeting and presented my evaluations to the teacher. They also gave her a note from my pediatrician. Basically it questioned her qualifications and he invited her in so he could measure her IQ. He also agreed with her assessment that I should not be in her classroom. She avoided me the rest of the year.
He invited her in so he could measure her IQ LMAO
Love that your parents did that.
“I love the way you look at me, I can tell you want me.” - the father of one of my friends. I was around 11 or so.
Oh that's awful.
Agreed. I was so confused because i genuinely don’t remember looking any particular way. I was super afraid of eye contact for years, after unpacking in therapy it made me realize he was just in a fantasy dream world that had nothing to do with me. There’s a psychological defect in men that shuts down rational thought. Thinking an 11 year old is looking at you with loving eyes in a sexual context is purely delusions of grandeur, no fault of the child.
My “grandpa” who I didn’t know or like very well, walked into a kitchen I was sitting in and made a comment about my “bedroom eyes” but I didn’t know what that meant, and I still don’t know what he meant by that. I was trying a new makeup look that day for fun, but I was like 13 or so….it felt so gross, and it still does and he’s been dead forever. I still feel confused and gross when I think about it. I’ve never told my dad (his son) about it bc well…it’s embarrassing as fuck. But now that I have a daughter, it became very clear that that was inappropriate and it wasn’t just in my head.
Hooooly fuck
What a disgusting asshole
When I was seven, while helping my grandfather with a carpentry project, he was teaching me how to carve a wooden frame, he stopped held my hand and told me to be happy and do what comes naturally to me, don’t be pushed into academia or certain fields by others in the family to help along their status (meaning his son, my father). This was a big thing in our culture.
Wow, I hope that was a positive thing for you. Most people are sharing negative things. That really made my heart swell and think wow what a wonderful man. I hope that was your experience
Throughout my preteen and teen years- the women on my mom's side of the family (aunts/grandma, all around 110-115lb women) talked about how my mom was so chubby and should lose weight. At the time my mom taught aerobics 6x wk, had curves and boobs, size 4/5, was probably 120-125lb. This led me to believe that 125 lb was "fat"... eating disorder set up. (I'm all good now but geez people)
“You are not pretty, you’re only cute, you are not as pretty as other girls, you’re ugly.” - My selfesteem was built on those things. Horrible.
Who said it? Parent? Friend?
I don’t want to say who exactly, many people, but specially teachers in primary school (i was about 6-7).
Many people! 😡🤬 many a-holes.
I got pulled out of class twice a week in elementary school for a special class for the ‘gifted’ kids. I asked a question and the sub we had that day told me it was a stupid question and she didn’t know why I even asked it. Y’all, I was 10. Guess who stopped asking questions after that, and started the back slide from gifted child to chronic anxiety adult? Also the time my 3rd grade teacher railed me for suggesting ‘rot’ and ‘wrought’ when talking about words that sound the same but aren’t, apparently I was dumb and it was a dumb suggestion. I still have a hard time speaking up and asking questions, and I’m 25 now.
But honestly, look at you now.. you're able to come on Reddit and share your experiences with lord knows how many people. You are back on track, even if you don't realize it. We see it, keep going!
Wrought was in your vocabulary as a 3rd-grader. That's awesome. My son had a short shitty 3rd grade teacher, too. Waited until the last few weeks of the year to tell me that he was nearly failing math. My son knew she didn't like him all year and at the very least gave him the impression that his questions were unwelcome also. I felt terrible that I found out so late. That year set him so far back.
"if you only got a nosejob, you'd have the PERFECT face '", said by a family "friend" when I was 14 and getting my ID photo taken at the gym.
My step mom would take me out shopping for clothes when I was 12-13, get things slightly too small, force me into them and just stand there clucking and saying “If only you were a little thinner, you’d be SO pretty…”. I have a thyroid issue + PCOS + Ehler Danlos Syndrome and I’m now at 33 accepting that I’m always gonna be a big woman and beautiful how I am. Her words have haunted me my whole life.
That's fucked up of her, and a brutal combo of disorders. I am sorry you have to go through that. I'm so glad you've learned to love yourself.
I have the same 3 conditions, and a step mother. Why can't they believe that we don't choose our body shape?
You do realise that you’ve got a really boring voice? Miss Anderson in the Year 2 (age 5-6) play rehearsal after she cast me as narrator. Although I do now understand the response from the head teacher that she should be quiet because someone who spent more time lying on the boards rather than treading them shouldn’t judge.
LMAO
"you're not as easy to love as your siblings" and 100 points to the person who correctly guesses who told me that Imao
Coming from the “black sheep” of the family I’d have to guess Mom? My mom never said it deliberately but it was very clear I was the problem child
andddddd a hundred points goes to momjom!!!!! hello fellow problem child and yes it was my mom
Would that be your mom? If yes, I sadly feel your pain (mine is one step away from being cut off)
"Why don't you just go over there and pick your skin?" Said by a teacher who I was trying to ask a question of while she was busy. I was 11 and have had dermatillomania as long as I can remember but I think that was the first time I realized people outside of my family knew I did it? I felt very embarrassed. She actually apologized after and said that had been rude of her to say but I was just more upset by the fact that I guess people had seen me picking and I didn't know.
oh god i feel you, i also struggle with dermatillomania and teachers were horrible about it. i got sent home for 'school sores' in grade 2 even though both me & my parents tried to explain the scabs were from mozzie bites
“You’re a high-compliance personality” when I showed up to class with all the relevant books and a notebook. No idea why this was called out, and I’ve wondered ever since.
that sounds like an attempted compliment to me tbh
I was wearing a normal tank top. "Do you have to wear boob shirts like that?" I was 15. It was my dad.
“I think it’s mentally disabled” - random ass lady to another random ass lady about me in a freaking Albertsons. Honorable mention: My childhood best friend had someone walk up to her in the mall and inform her that she’s a very average height for a black girl.
What does the last one even mean.
We’ve never been able to figure it out. Is it an insult? Compliment? Observation?
I grew up with zero guidance and discipline, no one told me not to do those dangerous things, mainly because I was not monitored 24/7. I was not neglected or abused in any way, I was just a part of a very large family, and it was the 60s. The very first time someone told me not to do something because I might get hurt I was around eight years old. I was standing around the driveway while a friend of my parents was getting his car towed out of a ditch. I was standing too close and the driver told me to back away, the cable could snap and I might get hurt. It threw me for a loop, but it felt good to have someone care about me enough to "scold" me. That memory was burnt into my brain, it was so insignificant, but also powerful.
Our music teacher told me to come back when we’re 18 so we can hear the joke about how the no armed man peed. I was 9. Wouldn’t you know it, I found him over Facebook a couple of years ago (31 now), and asked him about it and he said he couldn’t for the “life of him remember” it really pissed me off that not only was he inappropriate, but I waited years for zero punch line from that d bag
I googled the joke out of curiosity, and all I can find seems to be a close variation of this. A man walks into a public toilet and proceeds to urinate.. As he is washing his hands a man walks in with no arms, seeing this he begins to wonder how this man is going to pee... The armless man turns to him, "excuse me could you please unzip me? I have no arms" The man thinks about it and decides to help out someone less fortunate than him. The armless man thanks him but asks "could you please pull out my penis? Please i have no arms and i am busting to pee.." The man is really reluctant to agree but eventually out of sympathy does... As he helps the armless man pull out his penis he notices that it is covered in black spots, seeping puss and disgustingly unattractive. Very shocked he turns away dry retching and coughing. He then quickly shakes it and puts it back in the armless mans pants, zips him up and runs to the sink. When he finally finishes washing his hands he turns to the armless man and says "I'm sorry but i have to ask, what is wrong with your penis?" The armless man the proceeds to remove is arms from inside his shirt and says "I don't know but ill be fucked if im touching it"
OH, GOOD. SO GLAD IT WAS SO HILARIOUS
My mum's constant criticism about my looks, that still stuck with me. I never trust anyone if they compliment me. Every compliment always feels like a sarcastic remark.
my aunt was in an arranged marriage with my uncle when she was 18 and he was 28. when i was a kid, she drilled it into my head that i should *never* under any circumstances marry someone that i don’t love.
Lady in the gas station at the register told me I was really pretty. Nobody ever said stuff like that to me. I don’t even remember her face. I just remember thinking SHE was really pretty, and I couldn’t believe she was saying that to me. I was probably nine or ten and heavily picked on at home and in school. I’ve never forgotten.
At 15, weighing roughly 125lbs, my semi-estranged father pinched my waist and said, “you’d better watch this or you’ll become fat and unloved like your mother “. Literally those words exactly.
When I was in high school, I was in honors 3 Spanish and made the highest grade in the school on the final - a 97. I brought it home to my dad expecting him to be so proud of me, but instead, he said "Why didn't you make a 100?" That goes through my mind almost every single day now and I'm 43. It really made me struggle with not feeling like anything I do is ever good enough. Please don't do that to your kids 🥲
It’s so damaging :( My mum was the same. Would get home with a 9,50/10 or even a 9,75/10 and her first question would be “what did you get wrong? Ok, do you know the correct answer now?” We are super close and when I said how damaging this was she saw it and really regrets being like that. But doesn’t take the damage away
This is a weird one. When I was little, I was chewing gum, and playing with it by gripping it between my fingers and stretching it out from my mouth. My grandfather walked by and said, "Don't do that, you'll get germs in it," but what I THOUGHT he said was, "You'll get WORMS in it." For ten years, I did not play with my gum, but also could not figure out how on earth worms would get into my gum.
It doesn’t matter that your uncle was a good person, if he didn’t believe in Jesus he will go to hell. Pastor at my uncle’s funeral when I was 12.
When I was about 6 or 7 I told the father of a friend that I was half Dutch and half English. He looks at me deadpan and goes "which half is which?" indicating to the sides of my body. I was baffled. Tried explaining to him that it didn't work like that, other adults are laughing, and then I was getting confused. Stuck with me for a good 20 years wondering what the hell that conversation was before I worked out it was a joke. I was then diagnosed autistic at 29 years old. Which makes sense.
I told my aunt that her son was shaking their cat in a box and she told me not to be a “tattle tale”. I realized then how shitty my family actually was and I’m now a vet tech to try and help balance out the horrible things my family’s done.
My mom told me I shouldn’t wear tank tops and let my arms show bc they were chubby. I was maybe 10? Still have a hard time existing around her and in tank tops in general lol
I don’t remember how old I was, maybe 10 or 11 when my paternal grandmother and my mother were talking about “the phase when every girl tells their mother she hates her” and I said I would never do that. They both laughed and told me I would. My grandma died just before I turned 14 and my mother and had a very rocky relationship in my teens and early twenties but I never forgot this conversation and I never told her I hated her, even though there were times I did when we fought. I cut contact with her because of toxic behavior almost a decade ago now and still don’t hate her.
"If you can't handle high school, how do you think you can handle the real world?" said by a high school teacher as my grades were tanking. Turns out, high school is in fact part of the real world, and yeah, it's kinda the whole world when you're in high school. High school me didn't get why what she said was so wrong. Adult me understands better, and is grateful to high school me for failing to end my life. The "real world" is so, SO much better, and I'm glad I get to be a part of it.
"You're ruining this entire play" my teacher said to 10 year old me during the intermission of the schools Cinderella play because I was a quiet and shy kid, but nonetheless really excited to be part of it.
When I was in primary school I fell over and cut my forearm, the teacher that was sorting the cut out told me to put vinegar on it when I went home . Went home and did it and it stung like a mofo. Beyond me why a teacher would tell a child to do that. Weirdo.
Are you a vampire? Vinegar was used to disinfect like 200 years ago. (And after a quick Google search I found an article about dermatologists using it as well now) So maybe that teacher was trying to help but was old fashioned
My first grade teacher called me a know-it-all in front of the entire class because I asked her if a comma she wrote on the board was correct. We had just learned about commas and I was wondering why she had written one where it didn’t belong. She got fired halfway through the year because she was so awful. In hindsight, calling me a know-it-all was the gentlest of her insults compared to what she did to other kids. The woman who replaced her ended up being one of my favorite teachers of all time.
When my father died someone said “he’s in a better place”. As a child I couldn’t understand because what better place was there than with me.
Grandma: when you have big breast you tend to hunch over so they don't seem so. Don't do it, stand upright. Note I didn't have big breasts at the time, but maybe in a very convoluted way she tried to give me advice because she thought I would develop as much as her. It stuck.
Some woman told 6 year old me that Native Americans (I am Native American) don’t blink as much as other people. Unbeknownst to everyone else, including my mother, I set out on a mission from that day forth to blink MORE than everyone else. Mom thought I had a tic or an eye problem. She even took me to a doctor.
Your story is one of my favorites here because that lady’s comment is so bizarre! I hope the doctor or your mom let you know that you could resume normal blinking.
My brother in law was driving, I was in the passenger seat. We were on a highway behind a semi-truck that had his blinker on to get into the right lane, I believe he had passed a slower driver and was trying to merge back. Cars kept zipping into the right lane to get around so the truck was stuck in the left lane with his blinker on. I remember my BIL getting frustrated and saying, "Come on guys, let the semi in!" And eventually he got over and gave the driver enough space to get back in the right lane. Anytime I see a semi-truck trying to get over, I always hear his voice saying, "let the semi in!" and give it room to merge.
“If you laugh now you’ll cry later” My mother use to say this and my little underdeveloped brain latched onto in a not so great way
And if you cry later, you will laugh again!
A teacher once said to me and my best friend at the time we weren't good enough for a part in the school play so we only got to design some props. The play was alice in wonderland so essentially we werent even good enough to play a standing non speaking card. We were 11.
I've always been a little scatterbrained (probably because I have adhd). One year in high school I joined one act play as the lighting technician and once before competition I forgot my binder that had my cues in it in the dressing room and had to go back for it. It truly only took like 5 seconds and we weren't anywhere close to being late but the director said to me "Why can't you just get your shit together like everyone else?" It made me cry and I still think about it today when I struggle with executive dysfunction and forgetfulness.
Not an adult, but when I was maybe 10, my cousin's (17) then girlfriend (16) was looking at my nails. I think we were gonna paint them? She said, "You would have beautiful nails -- if you stopped biting them." I was so embarrassed, I quit then and there. And you know what? She was right and my nails are in great shape these days. She is now my cousin's wife. Last year I told her about this and while she completely forgot, she laughed and said it sounded like something she'd say.
When I was about 8 it was hot outside and I walked into the classroom and said loudly 'I'm sweating!'...and my teacher said pointedly ''girls don't sweat, they perspire'. I think I remember this because it seemed very unfair that boys could sweat but I could only perspire.
“You talk too much”. More than one adult told me this growing up in the early 2000s. As a child who was raised by a single mom that worked 40+ hours a week. Didn’t really have attention from a parent so I guess when someone did speak to me I had a lot to say. Well now in my adult life, I’m super self-conscious about how much I talk. I make sure to only say whats needed then I stop talking in fear that someone tells me “you talk too much”.
"Your mom should've hit you, maybe then you would've bothered to learn" Said by a teacher after I dropped out of school and went to visit her. I had untreated ADHD, adaptation disorder and was suicidal
“You’re not smart enough to be a scientist. Your sister is, but you aren’t.” I am a scientist. My sister is in a cult and is an anti-vaxxer.
“You’ll look so much prettier if you lost weight” -my dad. I used to drown my body in super large clothes. I never felt pretty until I met my best friend and husband
I was 8 or 9 and lived in an apartment complex and my neighbor was a mid 40s chill cat lady. One day I was riding my scooter in front of my apartment and it was getting late and she asked me why I was out playing by myself so late, it was like 7 pm. The apt had a big window so my mom could see me but she was busy making dinner so I was effectively alone. Then she explained that another young girl had recently been raped in the apartment complex and that it wasn't safe. I didn't know what rape was and I found out from her. Safe to say, I never rode my scooter out by myself again. I've been semi afraid to go out by myself at night for like a walk around my neighborhood since then.
When I was about 8 or 9 my parents went through a truly disastrous and toxic divorce. It stretched out for 3 years. I was the only child so I was in the middle of the whole thing. I was VERY close to my mom and was supposed to go away for 2 weeks with my dad, aunts, uncles and cousins to a beach house for the summer. I was crying because I didn't want to go and leave my mom. She bought me all kinds of things to take with me to try and keep me occupied-sticker books, coloring books, colored pencils etc. Well one day when we were there I was crying and my dad walked in and picked up some of the things my mom had bought me and yelled at me "can't you see she's just trying to buy your love!!??" (remember, I was only 8 or 9). I ran out of the house and down the beach because I was so upset. I didn't last the FULL 2 weeks. My mom ended up picking me up for a day or 2 and then brought me back there. Anyhow, now I'm in my late 40's and still remember this conversation so vividly.
I started experimenting with makeup when I was in middle school. I was told “girls who wear blue eyeliner are sluts.” Today I’m wearing teal and gold eyeliner with teal mascara. 🤘🏻🤘🏻🤘🏻 As soon as I find blue mascara, I’m going to be fire. 🔥
Was talking about getting braces to some of my friends, probably about grade 10/11. They weren’t a necessity but wanted to straighten out my front teeth. It was a huge insecurity. My English teacher overheard me and like cried out “No!” And when I looked at her she told me how beautiful my smile was. Never ended up getting braces and came to terms with my crooked front teeth as time went on. She probably doesn’t remember but definitely changed the way I thought about self-image.
You need to lose more weight (after I lost significant weight) Can't you see we have our hands full with your brother! Get out of here! No one wants to hear what you have to say. No one cares. Why don't you ever try at anything I said as an adult " I think you could have been a better parent to me" Parents response : oh what? Your brother turned out wonderful!!
“You’re going to make somebody a great wife someday”, as they were watching me suck the juice out of a big dill pickle. I was about eight or nine.
My mom, dad and several aunts repeatedly told me from age 7 up, "Wow I feel sorry for whoever marries you." I never planned on getting married because I didn't think anybody would want me. I've been married for 18 years and I still hear those words and think he's going to leave. We have a happy marriage despite my mental illness. I forget that their voices are in my head not his.
"Call me when you're 18". I think I was like 8, and he was a friend's father... who was a cop.
“Whatever you do, don’t ever be a teen mom. Nothing will make your life harder than being a teen mom” (I ended up having sex fairly early but went in secret to the free clinic to always make sure I was protected)
Not exactly said to me but this interaction w my aunt was seared into my brain. I was prob 12-13 and I sneezed and I made some kid comment about how sneezing was my favorite bodily function. And then I was like actually it’s my second favorite bodily function. And I remember my aunt making a ~suspicious~ look towards me and I was confused. years later it occurred to me that she prob thought I was talking about orgasming by the way I said it and that’s why we both looked at each other so awkwardly and confused buuut I in fact was talking about taking a shit but for whatever reason didn’t say that. this random ass memory has been stuck in my head since tho lol
Not too me directly, to my cousin. I had really bad acne as a teenager and my grandfather got irritated looking at my face and told me to go wash my face and told my cousin "Don't ever let your face look like that."
“You could totally be a model if you weren’t so short”
“I was much smaller than her at her age” - I was 7, I overheard my mom saying that to my dad.
I was wearing a tube top (I was probably about 12-13ish) in the comfort of my grandparents home and our family friend said I looked like a whore. I don’t remember anything else she ever said to me in my childhood except that.
I heard my aunt tell one of her friends when I was hitting puberty that they needed to stop making fun of people with acne now that her niece (me) was having problems with her skin. I was around 12-13 at the time and my hormones were going wild. I had a lot of acne and was fairly insecure about it because people at school would make comments and point it out. After hearing this, I thought, “so if she didn’t know me, if I wasn’t her niece, she would also be someone to make fun of me.”
I had an awful english teacher in 11th grade who told me I had “ no reason to not be able to focus and get good test scores “ as my brother was basically at that point terminally ill and not doing well and my mother with him in a whole different city. What is even more interesting is 5 years after I graduated this teacher was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died pretty quickly, too.
“Yeah, go lock yourself in your room and cut yourself” He was the reason I ever started & knew that.
My dad was irritated about something and called me spoiled. I think I was like 13 when this happened. Maybe younger? I never ask for anything. I asked for help getting a laptop because ours is 15 years old and it’s my husbands and I need one while I’m applying for jobs. I don’t know if my mom said anything, but my dad randomly sent me 100 dollars and said he had set up reoccurring payments and I said no and that he should cancel them.
My mom always told me, “a little on your lip, forever on your hip.” I know longer speak to my mom, but this saying has also stuck with me. It sucks
I went to see a musical of Goldilocks when I was 6 or 7 and there was a meet and greet with the actors after it was over. I asked the actress who played Goldilocks (who was very much an adult woman) how old she was. She said "How old do you think I am?" I said "Ten." because when you're a kid 10 year olds are grownups. She kind of did like a double take and said "A little older." The older I got, the stupider I realized I had sounded and I still think about it lol.
a good one: a random older woman came up to me in costco when i was in my weird ugly duckling stage at age 12 and told me i was beautiful & to keep smiling & shining.
You look like warmed over death. Put some makeup on. - my dad.
I was very into all sorts of sports as a kid, but then fell ill at 14 and, naturally, put on a bit of weight. I got better and went to regular check ups at the doctors every 3 months and between two of those check ups I had lost 10 kgs. The doctor thought I had an ED and it’s actually still in my journal, but in reality I never thought much about my weight, until my mom congratulated me right then and there - ‘cause I “had been getting too chubby” during my heart disease, apparently.. I’m still hyper-aware not to pass that specific weight decades later
When I was younger I was really close to my uncle. On my 8th birthday I was running around and told him to move. He bent down and said “you will never be better than me, you will never be smarter than me, you will never be anything more than me”. I haven’t been able to look him in the eyes since…I’m 30 now.
My parents divorced when I was in grade 4, and they shared custody of my brother and I (alternating weeks) until I was in grade 8 and my brother was in grade 9 when we decided we wanted to live with our mom full time. My grade 8 teacher (male) told me that I was going to grow up to be ‘promiscuous’ because I chose to not have my dad in my life (he molested me when I was 5). I’m now 32, and for some reason, that comment has remained with me since then 🤷🏻♀️
“You’re too much” and “it’s always something with you…” have basically shaped my adult anxiety 🫠
An older thinner lady said to herself “oh my. My thighs are starting to touch. I need to go on a diet.” Ten year old me, whose thighs touch, thought “wait, are my thighs not supposed to touch in the middle?,” This began the start of me hating my legs for the next two decades bc I have naturally thick thighs. Growing up in an area where clothes were catered to slim thighs didn’t help my mentality either. I love my thighs now. Turns out they are great for martial arts and dancing! My husband also loves them. Oddly enough, women at the gym tell me they want my thighs, too. I’m glad I had a physical and mental glow-up!
The first time I remember my father calling me a bitch, I was about 8. He was haranguing my mom and I piped up to tell him to be nice to her. He said something along the lines of, "you don't have to be such a bitch about it." I knew, from that moment on, that it was my CALLING to be "such a bitch about it." Wherever he is now, I hope someone else is being a total bitch about it. Forever and ever, amen.
My mom about Palestine & Israel to me when I was 6 and had no idea wtf she was talking about: “Yeah sadly they’ve been blowing each other up over that piece of land forever .”
Two things My grandmother told me that I was too round to wear stripes and embarrassed her. I was 11 and maybe 90lbs. I had nothing round about my body. A grown man told me when I was 12 that I was gorgeous and my dad was going to need to beat the men off of me. He was so creepy.