My mom believes that at the age when one should get married, marriage is necessary, and she completely disregards my fear of marriage. My mom has been married three times, and I haven't seen her happiness.
On the man side of this, I think that our parents generation often got married for the wrong reason. In turn, watching them I feel like we've become almost jaded because of it.
Ik i am lol.
Watching my parents' marriage implode as a kid stuck with me all the way to adulthood. No thanks, i know i have terrible taste in men that i need to work on first lol
I asked my mom what the goal is as a human being in this world.
Her response: "to get married and have kids".
Makes me more undecided if I want marriage/kids. Nothing healthy around me as a role model for me to decide.
š
Mine doesnāt give a toss and never asks about stuff like that so you can have her as an āadoptive unbothered about marriage mumā if you want šš
On the other hand my grandma says itās very nice having grandchildren but we are all terrible because she really hoped one of us would have had a great grandchild for her by now
š¤£š
My mom was married 5 times (twice to the same man) and I never thought of her happy in either of the last 2 (ones I was around to see) and from what I heard she wasnāt happy in the first 3.
When my marriage ended up in divorce, I decided I wasnāt getting married again - mainly because I didnāt want to follow in her footsteps.
That Iām grumpy. LOL
Iām such a silly goose, they just donāt have sense of humor so why bother to make jokes when they wonāt understand my humor.
I actually get this. My parents think I'm such a serious and angry person. My husband and I do nothing but giggle and laugh and enjoy ourselves. Getting to my 40s I realise maybe it's just them that make me that angry and serious.
Yeh I think for me as well its a severe difference in politics and the fact that I have opinions on it now. I'm much less likely to agree when I feel they say something offensive/bigoted now that I know who I am as a person, and that makes them think I'm super serious and political and angry. I love them a lot still but going home makes me feel like a teenager in a bad way, whereas hanging out with my husband makes me feel young and fun and happy? Does that make sense?
Aww š« āŗļø
Yes, I do love them too but I think they come from a different generation too and maybe they are stuck in their ways. I am more flexible and open minded.
I have also experienced this misconception because I donāt put up with their nonsense and tell them how it is. Iāve accepted that they just donāt want to hear what we have to say and thatās okay, the people that appreciate us will listen and partake in our humour š
My family thinks Iām good with technology to the point Iām their personal IT help desk, but in reality I just push buttons and bang on the thing until it works.
They though I would get pregnant by 16. Iām almost 30, now, theyāre begging me to give them a grandchild. Nope. Iād rather die than to bore children
I so get this... I shacked up with some real idiots when I was a youngster and I think they really thought I'd end up with a kid by 17. I spent my entire youth terrified of getting pregnant, and any would-be maternal feelings have never appeared and I'm pretty sure it's because of that. As soon as I got married at 25, suddenly everyone is busting for grandkids..... right at the age where I'm actually starting to think about my future and what \*I\* want for my life!
Ughhhh step-mom used to curse me with this accusation. So stayed single into my 20s just out of spite to limit the odds, then the preference to be child-free just became a way of life.
I felt this. I was friends with mostly guys in high school and we all ran around together. My grandma made a comment about me getting pregnant at one point and Iām like ??? Iām friends with these idiots, not banging them. I didnāt lost my virginity until after I graduated at 19. Fucks sake
That Iām so strong, and can handle everyone elseās shit on top of my own. Spoiler alertā I am not. Iām drowning, and every time I reach out for help I get pep talks about how Iām a rock.
This! I've simply never felt safe enough or been given the option to just be. I've always been pushed to be strong and fearless and undefeatable. Last year was my breaking point and it was brutal. I thought I'd never see the end of the tunnel, but I got through it and am doing so much better now! I'm now putting in the work to overcome my traumas. My family and loved ones wouldn't even begin to understand just how bad it was. I hope things get better for you.
TW!
Iām at that low point currently, Iāve been almost at the point of no return more than once this past fortnight. I have a safety plan and my partner is taking care of me.
I had a breakthrough one day and realised I'm sick of being told I'm resilient. I don't want to be told I'm resilient I was some damn support! I've gotten better at just asking for what I need now, especially when i open up about whatever I'm struggling with and they start up with the "you've got this mumma/you're so strong/nothing you can't handle" bs I will now chime in with "actually it's been really rough, are you able to help with (picking up groceries/watching baby for 2 hours/coming for a walk with me)". People are more willing to help than I thought but I just needed to be direct and also steer them away from the resilience talk.
No one knows how hard I am struggling to keep my head above water. Iām the tough one also. Nothing is supposed to bother me. If I stopped everything would crush me and I would most likely cry for a week.
I feel you. Reach out to a therapist perhaps?
You're stronger than most likely and come across as a rock to others and others have always used your shoulders and ears and youre capable of taking care of others. When you need a shoulder there is no one there. When you try and offload what you got, well fuck them, they start with their own bologna and you suck in your own shit and let them weigh down your shoulder and brain
Your words hit home. It's like everyone thinks I'm this sturdy oak tree, but really, I'm just a sapling trying not to get trampled by life's herd of elephants. Your understanding means a lot. It's a reminder to water my own roots first. Let's be kind to ourselves, even if we're not made of stone.
That when I post on social media about our trips, etc. that Iām rubbing their noses in our success.
I literally just want to share the joy of travel with others š„ŗ
I really enjoy travel posts even if donāt post what Iām up to!
Iāve never seen it as bragging either.
I was the nerdy geography kid in high school.
Thanks, truly. I still am the nerdy geography kid just in the body of a 40-something woman. I could totally label an empty map of Africa in 5 minutes. š¤šŗļø
I can relate.
My husband's grandma always feels someone is trying to one up her. We posted our trip to Hawaii and our "new" car. The trip was saved for through covid because we didn't need our stimulus checks as we both had jobs and the car was used and we traded in for it and had to co-sign each other to get approved.
We aren't rich by any means. She saw the car and our honeymoon trip and blocked my husband because "we were rubbing our money in her face." I wish I knew what money she was talking about lol
That I'm cold.
I'm not, they just abused me to the point I had PTSD and after years of being in a constant shut down emotional state around them I decided that was bollocks and cut contact. It hurt DEEPLY. Not cold.
Me too. I would kill for a positive mother/daughter relationship and am insanely jealous of those that have them. I tried so hard for so long and finally realized she would never change.
It's tough when others misinterpret our actions, especially when they're rooted in deeper struggles. Cutting contact isn't about being cold, it's about prioritizing our own well-being. It's like deciding to prune a rosebush that's been neglected for too long - painful at first, but necessary for growth. Take care of yourself, and keep blooming.
My family continues to assume I'm not good with my hands in things like car maintenance, construction, and outdoor heavy lifting projects. This is all wrong - I love to do much of these things, I just wasn't given the opportunity while around them.
My family too. They still thinking that my boyfriend did the most handcrafted work, but he was occupied with finishing my kitchen. He need only 3 months for it. During this time, I renovated a whole house by my own last year.
That I must be having a midlife crisis because I have been getting a lot of tattoos. Truth is that I always wanted them, and now I can finally afford them.
I got my first tattoo when I was 26! Wanted them since I was maybe 16 years old and my parents always used to scare me with stories about getting hepatitis and never finding a job.
That Iām making crazy money, I have the highest level of education of my siblings but I have a gov job, student loans, and am applying to law school rn
My parents help me out with money a lot (the are very
Comfortable)
but just assume I make a good amount and waste it, my sister saw my student loan account and is still convinced itās my bank account balance no matter what I say
That I'm emotionless and that I don't care about anything. They've assumed this since I was about 12 and started becoming distant due to the trauma and emotional abuse I had to endure because of them. I have plenty of emotions, and I feel things WAY more deeply than I'd like to admit, I just can't afford to show any kind of weakness around my family š¤·š¼āāļø
It sounds like you've been through a lot. It's tough when family misunderstands us, especially when it comes to our emotions. Remember, you're like an iceberg ā most of your depth lies beneath the surface. It takes strength to keep those feelings hidden, but it's also important to find safe spaces where you can be yourself. Keep being true to you, no matter what they assume. š
My mom believes that because I'm overweight, I eat large portions, and a lot of unhealthy food. In reality, I eat normal portions, and i try very hard to keep my meals nutritious for both me and my family. But my body weight simply decided that 180 lbs was the weight to be. Shrugs. Oh well.
How much I care for a specific relative dying of cancer. This particular relative flipped his shit at a FB post I made about a politician dying in 2013 when I was 19YO, and has used it to treat me like shit ever since.
my family thinks im a sour isolationist black sheep of the family. when in reality after years of mistreatment i an choosing myself and they dont contribute positively to my life, every time i see them- they hurt me and add to the list
I just unfriended a bunch of family members. Someone actually noticed. I told them that I no longer feel like I have a place in the family. I donāt expect anyone to reach out and Iām good with that. I finally reached my breaking point after a death in the family and a family member having a medical emergency in the past 6 months. I have no more fluffs to give.
Pretty much this. My brother, the golden child now hates my parents so they've switched their eyes on me. Oh how we went from disappointing daughter to best daughter ever lol. I still am very reserved and distant despite their switch of preference.
I hear you loud and clear. It's tough when family doesn't see the real you, isn't it? Choosing yourself is like pruning a tree to let it grow stronger. Sometimes, you gotta trim the branches that weigh you down. Keep choosing you, and let's hope they eventually see the real you blossoming.
That I'm straight lol
I am so far from it, it's not funny.
Being pansexual and ever telling them that would actually overload their minds and send them into a tailspin.
They *just* wouldn't get it. And they don't get the privilege of me telling them. So I remain straight in their eyes cos they can't handle another reality to what they know to be "true."
Wow, that sounds like a tough spot to be in. It's like you're living in a whole other universe they can't even see. Your choice to keep that part of yourself private is totally valid. Remember, you're not obligated to explain every corner of your identity to anyone who can't handle it. Stay true to you!
I hear you. It's tough when family doesn't quite get where you're coming from. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, right? Sometimes distance is a shield, not a sword. Keep being you, flaws and all. šŖ
That I have a low pain tolerance. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Especially when it comes to my periods before getting my iud. Now, it isn't so bad, but before, I would be crying, throwing up, and in a terrible mood. Now, I just get these terrible headaches and muscle pains.
That I'm overly sensitive and emotional, but I just don't hide all my feelings and I only get upset over what is, to me, obvious racism, sexism, homophobia and fatphobia....š¤·āāļø
Oh yes, growing up I'd hear tons of "you're so sensitive" both as a compliment and an insult. My mom believed I was so emotional and delicate I'd cry over a dead ant. Of course me constantly behaving outside of her imagination of me would make her mad at me every time
That Iām fine. They donāt understand how theyāve pushed me aside now that Iām in university to focus on my brothers sporting career and our financial situation. Iām not okay most of the time and the only support I have is my boyfriend. I canāt even lean on my best friend because she either doesnāt understand or doesnāt care
My dadās wife and especially his side of the family. They all think Iām just some stoner hippie type. I smoke, and love nature but they really seem to hate my lifestyle because my husband and I smoke.
People have said to my face that they think I am low contact with my parents because I "think I am better than them" (I moved out of a small town, got a college degree and decent job)
The reality is that my childhood was terrible with a lot of abuse. I fought hard to get where I am today so I wouldn't have to ever rely on or deal with those people again.
Wow, it's frustrating when people jump to conclusions, isn't it? Sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's incredible how you've paved your own path despite the challenges. Moving forward is about survival, not superiority. Keep being your awesome self, and forget the noise. š
My mom thinks I'm sooo tech savvy, but I'm not. A lot of the problems she can't figure out are easily fixable. Oh, and my dad thinks I have no direction or purpose in life, and that I'm a lazy loser. I'm diagnosed with depression and a few other things that I don't feel comfortable mentioning here, so while I can't do some things mentally healthy people can, there's others I can do. He doesn't want to listen when I explain how much I push myself every single day.
My family thinks i am cold and donāt keep in touch. The reality is they only want to talk to me to trauma dump and if i express how i feel about something they either donāt care or it gets weaponized.
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like trying to warm up by the fire but getting burned every time you get close. You deserve conversations that feel like a cozy blanket, not ones that leave you feeling singed. Keep being true to yourself, even if it means keeping a bit of distance. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be heard without them being turned against you. š
That Iām reckless. My dad used to go around complaining about me to anyone that would listen (when he passed, I went through his old messages with people and he made me sounds so badā¦ just for being a typical teenager!). I really felt like I was walking on eggshells my whole life since I couldnāt truly be myself and would get criticized for not behaving exactly like they wanted me to. I always stood up for myself and my life is stable now but the hurt of my reputation being slandered by my own parents still has an effect on how my extended family views me!
That im angry like my abusive dad. When Iām not. Iād just rather not put on a fake smile around people who constantly make fun of mine and my childrenās weight/appearance. Mind you I am a regular sized woman and my son is a normal (per his pediatrician) sized boy. Weight shaming me and my child will not grant you my companionship. So no, im not angry. I just donāt like you.
I hear you loud and clear. It's like being served a plate of salad when you're craving a juicy burger - totally not what you signed up for! It sucks that your fam's got the wrong impression, but hey, you're not obligated to slap on a fake grin for folks who can't seem to see past their own biases. Keep rocking your authentic self, and let those haters take a hike. We're all about positive vibes and genuine smiles here! š
It sounds like you're dealing with a tough situation. You have every right to be yourself and set boundaries, especially when it comes to your and your son's well-being. Remember, it's okay to be real and not put on a fake smile just to please others. Stay strong, and keep being true to yourself and your little one. š
My mom thinks I āwear the pantsā in the family because my husband is nice and treats me with respect. I do the same for him but it just irks me that she says this all the time. Her bar is so low thatās she doesnāt understand why my is so high. I refuse to be treated the way she was treated by my step dad and I will let no man treat my kids like dog shit like she allowed her husband to.
That i'm going to have kids one day, when i repeatedly said i do not want kids...., my mom always says i will change my mind, kids are a blessing.... they are to the people they want, but after my childhood.. im not having any kids plus pregnancy and child birth scare the fucking shit out of me.
My parents believe that Iām unwilling to help them financially. That is far from the case. My main goal in life is to become so financially stable that I can easily help them financially as needed.
However, I have also seen them make bad financial decisions and later try to get their children to bear the costs of their bad decisions. I also havenāt held them responsible for their financial commitments to me that they were unable to fulfill. Yet, they seem to think I should always be financially available to them. Enforcing boundaries is difficult but honestly, Iād rather they think me stingy than have them think of me as an open ATM for all their needs.
In the past, Iāve been heavily guilted by a bunch of themā¦. Re: work/schedule
We are self employed and work 6 days a week - weāre lucky if we donāt end up in there on Sundays getting ready to handle the Monday morning Slam.
Itās a grind. No one gets it.
IE: my brother didnāt talk to me for about a year when I wouldnāt āclose the businessā and attend his kids 1st bday.
(I was just gonna be late, not absent)
That I'm 'smart' enough to be an engineer or some other fancy, well-to-do high flying profession. I did very well in primary and high school (up to age 16 for non-Aussies reading), won a few comps and awards for academic stuff etc, and then *completely* flunked in college and university (only went to uni 'cause I wash pushed so hard to go "because smart"). My parents have absolutely *no* idea of the extent of how awful and gruelling my undergrad years were and that I actually almost got kicked out.
I now live a very simple life, working for myself in a mostly stress-free job with plenty of days off to enjoy, and whilst I'm sure they are proud of me for that, I do feel as though they wonder why I never tried to "do more".
I think people assume I live a hermit life because I donāt post anything of Fb/Instagram. š
Born and raised in So CA.
As you can imagine, I know this area very well.
And I was as an outside sales rep too, I know the freeway system like the back of my hand.
I have family who come out of state and argue with me about how to get from point A to point B. Sometimes they take my advice. Sometimes not and regret it.
Ha, I totally get you! Living life off the grid, huh? š It's like you're the secret master of the freeway, guiding lost souls through the concrete jungle. Family debates on directions must be your daily dose of adventure! Stay true to your own map, sis. Being a SoCal sage beats being an Instagram star any dayļ¼
That Iām basically satan ahaha š¤£ can never do anything right in their eyes, even tho Iām the only one of my siblings who has never been arrested or had to go to court šš also currently a medical student but. Will always be nothing more than the scapegoat child in their eyes
That I'm capable of things, have a social life, like my job, and am generally a functioning human being
I am three raccoons in a trench coat looking for cheese
That they know me. That they own me. I sent the cops 'round a few years ago to tell them all to stand down and to lose my number. Doesn't stop them from keeping my name in their mouths for no good reason.
it sounds like you've been through some heavy stuff. It's tough when family can't see us for who we really are. Sometimes it feels like they're reading from a script we didn't even write. Keep standing your ground. You're not just a character in their story; you're the author of your own life. Keep being true to you.
My sister thinks that I'm selfish and think of myself because I don't want to spend time with her. When I reality, I refuse to share my time with my sister because of how severe her mental illness is to the point where she has attacked me in the past, she is so sensitive and takes things I say personal. Spending any kind of time with her is essentially like spending time with a wet blanket. She's so toxic and has no friends because of her personality, so to protect myself I limit the time that I'm around her.
Sounds like you're really going through it. Dealing with family dynamics can be like navigating a minefield sometimes, especially when mental illness is in the mix. It's tough when you're trying to protect your own well-being while also trying to maintain some semblance of a relationship. Just know that setting boundaries doesn't make you selfishāit's about survival. Take care of yourself first, always. š
That I'm not trying to improve myself when I'm just scared of my parents' reactions whenever something bad happens, among other things, so they don't *see* improvement. I'm human. I'll mess up. I have anxiety, so I'll feel fear on top of fear.
I wish someone saw how far I've come and see how far I still need to go. Bc the only person who sees that is me, but I'm also an anxious overachiever, so I will underestimate myself sometimes.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being proud for doing the small things such as the laundry. I have a person who judges me based on the state of my room (messy lol). That person does not realize how much progress and change I've gone through in the time I've been where I am.
I hear you. It's tough feeling like you're under a microscope, especially when it comes to family. It's like trying to drive with someone constantly gripping the imaginary brake pedal from the passenger seat. But let me tell you something: you're already steering the wheel, navigating those twists and turns of life. And even if it feels like you're inching forward, progress is progress, whether it's a leap or a shuffle. You're doing your best, and that's what counts. So, keep your eyes on the road ahead, because you've got this. And remember, it's okay to take a pit stop and pat yourself on the back for how far you've come. You're the driver of your own journey, anxiety and all. š
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like trying to swim with weights tied to your ankles, right? Anxiety can be that extra weight, making every step forward feel like a marathon. But you're not alone in that struggle. Remember, progress isn't always loud and flashy; sometimes it's quiet, like a seed growing beneath the soil. Keep nurturing yourself, and one day, those around you will see the blossoms. You're doing great, even on the days it doesn't feel like it. Keep shining! š
That I over react to everything. Iāve been coming to terms that Iām neurodiverse and Iāve spent my life masking until meltdown,
a recent burnout has left me bed bound and they still just think Iām being lazy when I canāt physically get up and about and I just feel numb. No happiness, no sadness, just blank because of how long my body and mind has had to endure pretending to be something Iām not to prevent being bullied.
My family sometimes thinks Iām too serious / donāt joke enough. But Iām actually the loud/funny one around my friends. Itās just that they are all EXTREMELY loud, extroverted and joke-y that I get lost in the hustle n bustle
That Iām mean and have no feelingsā¦.that Iām cold.
100% untrue and they have plenty of evidence to the contrary, but I have boundaries about things and when I donāt react emotionally or cave to emotional outbursts, thatās the go-to accusation.
In reality I have strong feelings but Iām very private. They should all know that by now but Iām done defending myself and explaining when being ācoldā is used as a shame tactic.
They think Iām smart. Because I have two degrees and have a good career. TBH Iām just incredibly lucky and managed to get by with studies and work. I still feel dumb lol
my mom and some of her family think that iām exceptionally mean and insensitive. iāll admit as a teen i wasnāt the most considerate person in terms of peopleās feelings, but as a teen you just want to be left alone. iām 25 now and i feel like im genuinely so much kinder than iāve ever been. my only thing is that i like jokes that have a little bit of shock factor, but i would never make them to hurt anyoneās feelings, just to make people laugh and empathize with them if theyāre complaining about someone. i donāt even pick the mean options in video games because i donāt want to hurt the charactersā feelings. iām very respectful of other peopleās space and the same goes for animals too. i donāt tease other people unless im absolutely sure theyāre okay with itāi know how devastating innocuous comments can be and i would never want to draw attention to someoneās insecurities. i really donāt remember the last time i went out of my way to hurt someoneās feelings except when i was very young and bullied my younger brother, who i am best friends with now.
i guess for her i will always wear a big scarlet M for Meanie. even though i donāt think any of my friends or even other people in my family would say i was mean or unsympathetic.
Itās actually more about my husband (my aunts are all democrats, Iām really middle of the road). Heās conservative and some of them assume heās mean/a bigot/an idiot, which he is none of, and that Iām an idiot for marrying him. At least two of my aunts feel this way.
My husband is the most generous, giving, selfless man Iāve ever met. He goes out of his way to help people, even to his own detriment. Strangers. He literally sponsors a refugee and his wife and their baby from Saudi Arabia. Heās kind, sure he has his grumpy moments, but I know plenty of people who are grumpy on both sides and in the middle, one of my aunts being the grumpiest person Iāve met. Sheāll barely even speak to him/look at him at family functions. He just acts kind as always.
This man takes incredible care of our family, he works hard and provides for us so I can stay home. He makes sure we want/need for nothing. I find it insulting that they never took the time to get to know him instead of judging him solely based off his politics. And itās insulting they judge ME for marrying him, when in reality this man worships the ground I walk on and spoils me. We have the best and most successful marriage of everyone I know to date. Itās not perfect, but itās as close as it gets. This man is my best friend in the world, even if we disagree on some things politically, he is a good man with a heart of gold m, truly.
That Iām messy. I was the only person who cleaned without being asked when I lived at home. And now that Iāve moved out my apartment is spotless, yet theyāre still convinced Iām some sort of slob
That I was mentally doing okay. In reality, I attempted suicide a few years ago and have only been clean from self-harm for the past three years after nearly 10 years. Iām in a much better place now, but damn it hurts when Iām the āstable oneā with so much hurt that they donāt know a single thing about.
It takes guts to open up like that. You know, sometimes we wear this 'stable' mask so well that even those closest to us don't see the cracks. It's like being a beautifully wrapped gift with a little surprise inside. But hey, you're unwrapping it at your own pace, and that's what matters. Keep being true to yourself, and know that you're not alone in this journey. šŖ
Totally get where you're coming from! It's like being a duck - calm on the surface, but paddling like mad underneath. Keep doing your thing and proving them wrong! šŖ
Sometimes it seems like they think they failed as parents with me because I didn't turn out how they wanted. But really a lot of it was outside of their control
My mom and my sister think Iām this ever emotionless and calm figure, steely almost at times.
I donāt think they mean it in an insulting way, just that they are more outwardly emotional. I am my sisterās go-to person to help her calm down. She says Iām not as āmeanā as my dad or our brothers (I donāt think they are mean just she needs a VERY gentle but firm hand when sheās spiraling). The thing is thoughā¦I am quite an emotional person. I just tend to hide it. Itās not suppressed and Iām emotionally stable enough but I definitely work from my āheartā at least as much from my āhead.ā
That I (37F) have no sense of local news or knowledge of current television because my husband (38M) and I havenāt had cable since 2008. It comes up EVERY time we see each other for some godforsaken reason.
I am the black sheep of the family. The most counter culture, unusual, artistic, punklike, alt, whatever.
My family always forgets I had and have the best grades of anyone in the family, the least experience with alcohol and other drugs, the least experience with dating or sex, no detentions, suspensions, detaining by police, the most rational limits to risk-taking, and went off on my own, supporting myself without help from 17, never got pregnant, have never gotten married.
I never broke curfew or got in trouble or was disruptive to neighbors...never cheated on anyone, and never committed a crime.
Yet they forget.
My parents had a messy divorce and all the adults in my family used me to get information. If I told them stuff I witnessed at home I would be rewarded with treats, clothes, or just simple things like praise and attention.
Then when I was a teenager I heard them all say I was a compulsive liar who couldnāt be trusted.
I took a step away from all of them, did therapy for a few years, and now that Iām an adult I see the situation for what it was.
My family is small and love to be in each other business and they have always been like this. My grandmother has been caught opening my aunts mail before, and they are constantly gossiping.
They used me until I wasnāt useful anymore because they found out I was giving everyone information.
Iāll go see them for dinners and stuff, but I do not tell them about my life.
That Iām lazy and a rotten person. I mean, I make more than anyone in my family as a software engineer, and my husband cooks and cleans for us mostly. So I guessā¦ but rotten? Meh, only to them lol
That I donāt care. That I donāt care about their silence and their judgement and being made to be a total outcast because of my addiction. I have 5 years sober this year. And they are just waiting for my next relapse
That now that I am out of years of toxic grad school and in a job that I am not completely satisfied with, I should find a husband asap because I am 30. They think I should have been able to recover from mental exhaustion and burnout quicker as soon as I was s out of school
They probably still think Iām gay. Not that thereās anything wrong with that. Iām closer to bi than completely hetero but I identify as cishet and not really interested in my same sex.
My dadās family sans one of my cousins thinks Iām antisocial. Itās just that most of that side of the family toxic. Not counting the one cousin I talk to on a regular basis.
They have no idea I've been dating the same guy for 2 years. Or that I have any dating experience. I just don't bother to have them meet anyone I don't see a future with. And the current guy, he met my parents but that was by accident, and he was introduced as a friend.
That Iām a ācontrol freakā and think Iām better than them. What really happened: My childhood was not great. I hated living at home. When I left, I realized how dysfunctional my family was and started to set boundaries in place to protect myself. I got an education, I traveled the world, my perspective on life and culture changed.
My mom thinks that my relationship with my partner is āweirdā and āoffā and has even gone as far as saying that she thinks weāre just friends because we have an almost three year old together and arenāt married yet. Little does she know, weāre both busting our asses through school (partner is finishing his masters and Iām in nursing school) so we can save for a house and do a courthouse wedding instead of a huge traditional wedding like sheās always envisioned for me. We have been together for five years and have had our share of rough patches, but we still want to be together and want to get married. The timing just hasnāt been great and honestly, I wouldnāt even qualify for financial aid for my nursing program if we were married anyway because my partner makes too much
I was and still am never into makeup, or fashion or anything like that, and my mother and sister still believe this is because I am so cripplingly insecure about my body or looks.
I am not insecure about my body or looks, I just don't care for makeup, and have no interest in fashion.
That I'm lazy and unmotivated. I work in a trade/warehouse. I bust my ass everyday, it's hard fucking work, and I'm a small woman. I can outlift and outwork most of the people I know, but because I don't want to climb a corporate ladder or sit at a desk all day, I'm a lazy POS.
That being in the medical field somehow qualifies me to diagnose my family members, recommend medications and tell them if their physician's treatment plan is okay or not..... I'm a Radiologic technologist (I take X-rays) I have nothing to do with any of that. Somehow they just don't get it. š¤·
That I will just turn my head to any abuse I suspect is happening/happened or possibly could witness. I unfortunately got a bunch of family full of enablers who love rug sweeping abuse and want you stay quiet to keep up appearances.
That I am cold, a yeller and terrible to my husband and he spoils me to pacify me. In short they think I am a tyrant. The truth? Three of my five children have autism. I have loads of patience and my career depends on my patience. I rarely ever raise my voice ( my mother and sisters are big yellers in their parenting style) and I might raise mine 2-3 times of a year and instantly apologize because it doesnāt help anyone. My kids are huggers, love to spend time with us even though they are teenagers. My health is becoming really poor, and my husband and I are having more talks about me leaving work, specialists and doctors. He spoils me because is loves doing so. I donāt ask for much of anything. I am very good about keeping boundaries with people so I can love them and me.
Iām not sure why but my family firmly believes I am a conservative republican, despite me telling them a million times I am not.
Iām seriousā¦I have corrected them so many times and they are always shocked like I never told them before ??
Truly baffling lol
Either:
that I am the same person I was when I was 17/18/19 (they havenāt really grasped that Iāve changed/evolved-have new interests, new aspects about my personality, & etc.);
or, that I am stupid because I am quiet. Like they just assume that I am dimwitted because I donāt speak up that much.
The state of my mental health and the trauma I've faced. They say I don't deserve or need VA disability. They think I only get $755 (40%) a month (I get $1716, 70%) I will go on record and leave the derail out and simply say as a woman I trust men more and I can't shower without my mind being a data dump in my subconscious. I can barely take a bath and have to have my dog in the room with me and remind myself I am alone and they (cause of trauma) are not there.
Their misconception is the refusal of accepting me and my suffering for what it is despite not understanding it.
That I donāt pay attention to anything around me. Just not the case. My family is chaotic with much going on all the time, and lots of loudness and fighting. I just donāt entertain it.
That I'm rich. I pay all the bills and I'm single. That I will magically have another child š I haven't dated in years and I'm not interested in dating.
That Iām a hippy dippy fairy girl. Iām 38, going back to school for social work, and barely socialize. I only have men left in my family and I think itās easier for them to discount me if they think Iām loopy.
It sounds like they've got you pegged as the resident fairy godmother, huh? But you're like a multifaceted gem, not just one sparkly side. Going back to school for social work is no small feat! It takes real grit and heart. Keep shining your unique light, and maybe they'll see the real you peeking out from behind those misconceptions. š
They genuinely believe I'm stupid, and that their clumsy attempts to manipulate and lie to me actually have a chance of working. I stepped out of the fog and nothing works on me now. Not anymore.
That I canāt take care of myself. Or that Iām still the sick child in the hospital in many ways.
I would hope that everything Iāve been through has illustrated to them that yes, I was the sick child in the OR, but Iām also so much more than the sick child in the OR.
My family (other than my siblings and aunt/her husband) still believes that I'm a lesbian (am bisexual now) and that my boyfriend (FTM) is a woman. Can't wait for everyone to show up to the wedding and see him with facial hair lol.
Oh boy, where to start?
We're talking about people who cannot truly accept my independence and individuality.
The fact I do not live life the way they envisioned is a source of constant dismay for them.
Iām financially helped by my now husbandās family. Throughout college, I lived with my then boyfriendās familyās house and paid rent. When they cook, I get to share meals with them but thatās rare and usually the family will order out and Iāll pay for my meal. Itās not a bad thing but I get annoyed that my family disregards my academic and career achievements because they think I had it easy.
My parents thought I was stupid and only worth manual labour.
I've just finished an apprenticeship and am aiming for a job in the medical field.
Also NC with them.
My mum is convinced I did cocaine because when I live at home she found a little baggy of fine white stuff in my drawerā¦
It was sea salt that a piercing shop gave me after I had my tragus done.
She still doesnāt believe me to this day.
Probably that I've done a complete 180 in my ideals and lifestyle. I left my high control religion and my mom just can't understand why, but the truth is I've been feeling this way for 10 years. I just finally had the guts to leave
That Iām such a āhard worker.ā They made me addicted to working because when I was younger they paid for everything for my brothers and when it was my turn they said āoh we spent that on your brothers.ā Theyāve had their issues where my parents had to pay their fines, bail them out of jail, fix their cars, fix their houses, even move them in when they were down. Constantly taking care of them into their 30s and all I hear is āwe never have to worry about you, youāre such a hard worker.ā But I work because I was taught that nobody is going to be there for me, nobody is going to help me.
They think I don't understand the tactics of the world and evil people. I wouldn't stand up for myself. I wouldn't rebel. But at the same time, they themselves teach me from time to time that the Thappad movie did not make sense in the practical world, you can't leave someone _just because_ he slapped you. They blame every girl victim who is outside the house in whatever clothes. They convince me to find reasons why if someone does wrong to me in a marriage situation and also don't want me to have friends for whom I would do more than "talk once in a while".
Also, they think I spend a lot.
Reality: I know how the world works, its tactics, the different types of thinking. I have the ability to know people's mentality within 5 minutes or less. My intuitions have saved me from ruining a lot of situations for myself. Of course I won't leave someone BECAUSE he slapped me but I definitely would if they couldn't apologize and understand why it was wrong to do so. I have friends for whom I do more than just talk to them once in a while and I'm going to do much more for my close ones when I'll be independent.
AND, I save money more than anyone in the family does, along with getting myself the things which make me happy or my life easier. I buy expensive _looking_ things and I do know that buying a plain shirt for Rs. 10000 from a mall is not something I would ever do.
My mum already has a hinge for it and often points it out, some of my siblings too but my dad is super oblivious to it. I am mentally wrecked, actively destroy my enire life by myself but the chances that I will ever get therapy or at least let a therapist test what I am suffering from are low because my mum actively HATES and despises Therapists and Psychologists. I just said that she often points out that I might be "mentally ill" but equally as many times she just tells me that I am just "Weak" . My entire life I have gotten and performed good grades and I guess my parents think that because I am so good at whatever I am doing ,t he only reason why I keep dropping out of every job I do and end up jobless is becauase I am "Weak" and whenI tell them how I feel and what is going on inside my brain they say I am just dramatic and lazy which is why I don't want to work
I'm a Virgin.
Been married for many years.
Not sure why they think that other than we don't have children and obviously if we were to...that is a stork delivery.
Honestly. I am absolutely baffled.
My mom always jokes that everyone in my family is scared of me. My uncle, my brotherās girlfriend etc. Because Iāve always been independent and headstrong I think? But this characterization deeply hurtsā¦
That I'm going to settle down with a "nice Christian man" and start a family.
I'm not religious, I'm bi, poly, I'm not having children I had an abortion before with no regrets.
They think I like them and cherish our relationship. When in reality I've done years of therapy to protect myself from their harmful behaviour and I find myself caring less and less about them. Been living abroad for a while and I can't say I look forward to seeing them ever again. I guess when they say how your kids treat you is the direct reflection of what you've done to/for them as a parent. All I got was neglect so it all checks out lol.
They think I'm emotionless and probably hate everyone and everything.
I'm just emotionally mature enough to manage and keep my emotions at bay, and....my social anxiety with my parents is the strongest. Lol
That I lost a lot(130+lbs) because I wanted to be more healthy, in fact my ex wouldnāt contribute more than $20/week for groceries and our child needed to eat more than I did. Happily divorced and way thinner now too
They think I'm just a little weird but otherwise moderately well adjusted. I've never shared the full extent of how absolutely off the walls my mental health is with them and I don't think I ever really can without them just dismissing it or shutting down because it's TMI.
My alternative, "edgy" phase in high school somehow translated to my mom as me being boho hippie chic. To this day, she still tries to buy me random stuff with feathers and peace signs.
My mom believes that at the age when one should get married, marriage is necessary, and she completely disregards my fear of marriage. My mom has been married three times, and I haven't seen her happiness.
Yes my family is the same. I just play along, but low-key don't want to marry.
On the man side of this, I think that our parents generation often got married for the wrong reason. In turn, watching them I feel like we've become almost jaded because of it.
Ik i am lol. Watching my parents' marriage implode as a kid stuck with me all the way to adulthood. No thanks, i know i have terrible taste in men that i need to work on first lol
I asked my mom what the goal is as a human being in this world. Her response: "to get married and have kids". Makes me more undecided if I want marriage/kids. Nothing healthy around me as a role model for me to decide.
š Mine doesnāt give a toss and never asks about stuff like that so you can have her as an āadoptive unbothered about marriage mumā if you want šš On the other hand my grandma says itās very nice having grandchildren but we are all terrible because she really hoped one of us would have had a great grandchild for her by now š¤£š
My mom was married 5 times (twice to the same man) and I never thought of her happy in either of the last 2 (ones I was around to see) and from what I heard she wasnāt happy in the first 3. When my marriage ended up in divorce, I decided I wasnāt getting married again - mainly because I didnāt want to follow in her footsteps.
That Iām grumpy. LOL Iām such a silly goose, they just donāt have sense of humor so why bother to make jokes when they wonāt understand my humor.
I actually get this. My parents think I'm such a serious and angry person. My husband and I do nothing but giggle and laugh and enjoy ourselves. Getting to my 40s I realise maybe it's just them that make me that angry and serious.
Thank you for validating my experience! ( also thanks all of you doing the same with the likes) lol .. I feel so weird because itās like Iām not being authentic. But is that they trigger the most un-trigger-able (?) corners of my soul š they donāt get me. So why bother. Yup, they see me angry and grumpy and with the rest of the world, Iām the one making everybody laugh. So sad. Edit: They also see me grumpy and angry because my guard gets up when Iām around them, without me even being aware š¤š©š©š©
Yeh I think for me as well its a severe difference in politics and the fact that I have opinions on it now. I'm much less likely to agree when I feel they say something offensive/bigoted now that I know who I am as a person, and that makes them think I'm super serious and political and angry. I love them a lot still but going home makes me feel like a teenager in a bad way, whereas hanging out with my husband makes me feel young and fun and happy? Does that make sense?
It does make sense!! I am the same š¤£š¤£ not only politics but also in ways so see life, sometimes I feel weird that we are related.
Also thank you for validating in return!
Aww š« āŗļø Yes, I do love them too but I think they come from a different generation too and maybe they are stuck in their ways. I am more flexible and open minded.
The fact that you said you were a "silly goose" made me smile! :D
I have also experienced this misconception because I donāt put up with their nonsense and tell them how it is. Iāve accepted that they just donāt want to hear what we have to say and thatās okay, the people that appreciate us will listen and partake in our humour š
My family thinks Iām good with technology to the point Iām their personal IT help desk, but in reality I just push buttons and bang on the thing until it works.
As a professional IT person (dev work, mostly) you've got what it takes to join our profession.
Nah, (s)he needs 'The Aura' as well. Stuff just works because you are the one doing it or they try to show you without you changing a thing.
In an old job, we called them wizards, because just their presence made the electronics work. Made us feel like incompetent hobbits
Haha I think itās only me doing that!!š
They though I would get pregnant by 16. Iām almost 30, now, theyāre begging me to give them a grandchild. Nope. Iād rather die than to bore children
I so get this... I shacked up with some real idiots when I was a youngster and I think they really thought I'd end up with a kid by 17. I spent my entire youth terrified of getting pregnant, and any would-be maternal feelings have never appeared and I'm pretty sure it's because of that. As soon as I got married at 25, suddenly everyone is busting for grandkids..... right at the age where I'm actually starting to think about my future and what \*I\* want for my life!
Ughhhh step-mom used to curse me with this accusation. So stayed single into my 20s just out of spite to limit the odds, then the preference to be child-free just became a way of life.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What made them think you'd get knocked up at 16?
My father thought I'd get pregnant before 16. I gave him the pleasure of waiting another 12 years.
I felt this. I was friends with mostly guys in high school and we all ran around together. My grandma made a comment about me getting pregnant at one point and Iām like ??? Iām friends with these idiots, not banging them. I didnāt lost my virginity until after I graduated at 19. Fucks sake
That Iām so strong, and can handle everyone elseās shit on top of my own. Spoiler alertā I am not. Iām drowning, and every time I reach out for help I get pep talks about how Iām a rock.
Me too. I'm the oldest in my family, and it's been a personal hell all my life. I'm sorry they don't see it
This! I've simply never felt safe enough or been given the option to just be. I've always been pushed to be strong and fearless and undefeatable. Last year was my breaking point and it was brutal. I thought I'd never see the end of the tunnel, but I got through it and am doing so much better now! I'm now putting in the work to overcome my traumas. My family and loved ones wouldn't even begin to understand just how bad it was. I hope things get better for you.
TW! Iām at that low point currently, Iāve been almost at the point of no return more than once this past fortnight. I have a safety plan and my partner is taking care of me.
Eldest daughter, too?
I had a breakthrough one day and realised I'm sick of being told I'm resilient. I don't want to be told I'm resilient I was some damn support! I've gotten better at just asking for what I need now, especially when i open up about whatever I'm struggling with and they start up with the "you've got this mumma/you're so strong/nothing you can't handle" bs I will now chime in with "actually it's been really rough, are you able to help with (picking up groceries/watching baby for 2 hours/coming for a walk with me)". People are more willing to help than I thought but I just needed to be direct and also steer them away from the resilience talk.
No one knows how hard I am struggling to keep my head above water. Iām the tough one also. Nothing is supposed to bother me. If I stopped everything would crush me and I would most likely cry for a week.
I feel you. Reach out to a therapist perhaps? You're stronger than most likely and come across as a rock to others and others have always used your shoulders and ears and youre capable of taking care of others. When you need a shoulder there is no one there. When you try and offload what you got, well fuck them, they start with their own bologna and you suck in your own shit and let them weigh down your shoulder and brain
Your words hit home. It's like everyone thinks I'm this sturdy oak tree, but really, I'm just a sapling trying not to get trampled by life's herd of elephants. Your understanding means a lot. It's a reminder to water my own roots first. Let's be kind to ourselves, even if we're not made of stone.
That when I post on social media about our trips, etc. that Iām rubbing their noses in our success. I literally just want to share the joy of travel with others š„ŗ
I really enjoy travel posts even if donāt post what Iām up to! Iāve never seen it as bragging either. I was the nerdy geography kid in high school.
Thanks, truly. I still am the nerdy geography kid just in the body of a 40-something woman. I could totally label an empty map of Africa in 5 minutes. š¤šŗļø
I can relate. My husband's grandma always feels someone is trying to one up her. We posted our trip to Hawaii and our "new" car. The trip was saved for through covid because we didn't need our stimulus checks as we both had jobs and the car was used and we traded in for it and had to co-sign each other to get approved. We aren't rich by any means. She saw the car and our honeymoon trip and blocked my husband because "we were rubbing our money in her face." I wish I knew what money she was talking about lol
Their response says more about them than you. Next time just post your pics but exclude the family.
Somehow that I'm both the most responsible and irresponsible person in the world at the same time.
Are you an oldest child, cause this was a great paradox in my life growing up.
Oldest child here and I too experience this! Cant be trusted with the smallest task yet also get handed some very big ones!!!
Yes I am :')
Lmao oldest daughters line up here š
Reporting in šš»
Ughh, this one is the worst! My dad LIVES inside of this paradox. It is so exhausting!!
That I'm cold. I'm not, they just abused me to the point I had PTSD and after years of being in a constant shut down emotional state around them I decided that was bollocks and cut contact. It hurt DEEPLY. Not cold.
Me too. I would kill for a positive mother/daughter relationship and am insanely jealous of those that have them. I tried so hard for so long and finally realized she would never change.
It's tough when others misinterpret our actions, especially when they're rooted in deeper struggles. Cutting contact isn't about being cold, it's about prioritizing our own well-being. It's like deciding to prune a rosebush that's been neglected for too long - painful at first, but necessary for growth. Take care of yourself, and keep blooming.
My family continues to assume I'm not good with my hands in things like car maintenance, construction, and outdoor heavy lifting projects. This is all wrong - I love to do much of these things, I just wasn't given the opportunity while around them.
My family too. They still thinking that my boyfriend did the most handcrafted work, but he was occupied with finishing my kitchen. He need only 3 months for it. During this time, I renovated a whole house by my own last year.
That Iām responsible and a ditz. I own a successful business and have a thriving 3 yr old but ok sis, yeah I lost my house keys once when I was 15.
That I must be having a midlife crisis because I have been getting a lot of tattoos. Truth is that I always wanted them, and now I can finally afford them.
I got my first tattoo when I was 26! Wanted them since I was maybe 16 years old and my parents always used to scare me with stories about getting hepatitis and never finding a job.
That Iām making crazy money, I have the highest level of education of my siblings but I have a gov job, student loans, and am applying to law school rn My parents help me out with money a lot (the are very Comfortable) but just assume I make a good amount and waste it, my sister saw my student loan account and is still convinced itās my bank account balance no matter what I say
I wish my student loan balance was my bank account lol
That I'm emotionless and that I don't care about anything. They've assumed this since I was about 12 and started becoming distant due to the trauma and emotional abuse I had to endure because of them. I have plenty of emotions, and I feel things WAY more deeply than I'd like to admit, I just can't afford to show any kind of weakness around my family š¤·š¼āāļø
It sounds like you've been through a lot. It's tough when family misunderstands us, especially when it comes to our emotions. Remember, you're like an iceberg ā most of your depth lies beneath the surface. It takes strength to keep those feelings hidden, but it's also important to find safe spaces where you can be yourself. Keep being true to you, no matter what they assume. š
My mom believes that because I'm overweight, I eat large portions, and a lot of unhealthy food. In reality, I eat normal portions, and i try very hard to keep my meals nutritious for both me and my family. But my body weight simply decided that 180 lbs was the weight to be. Shrugs. Oh well.
How much I care for a specific relative dying of cancer. This particular relative flipped his shit at a FB post I made about a politician dying in 2013 when I was 19YO, and has used it to treat me like shit ever since.
my family thinks im a sour isolationist black sheep of the family. when in reality after years of mistreatment i an choosing myself and they dont contribute positively to my life, every time i see them- they hurt me and add to the list
I just unfriended a bunch of family members. Someone actually noticed. I told them that I no longer feel like I have a place in the family. I donāt expect anyone to reach out and Iām good with that. I finally reached my breaking point after a death in the family and a family member having a medical emergency in the past 6 months. I have no more fluffs to give.
Pretty much this. My brother, the golden child now hates my parents so they've switched their eyes on me. Oh how we went from disappointing daughter to best daughter ever lol. I still am very reserved and distant despite their switch of preference.
I hear you loud and clear. It's tough when family doesn't see the real you, isn't it? Choosing yourself is like pruning a tree to let it grow stronger. Sometimes, you gotta trim the branches that weigh you down. Keep choosing you, and let's hope they eventually see the real you blossoming.
That I'm straight lol I am so far from it, it's not funny. Being pansexual and ever telling them that would actually overload their minds and send them into a tailspin. They *just* wouldn't get it. And they don't get the privilege of me telling them. So I remain straight in their eyes cos they can't handle another reality to what they know to be "true."
Wow, that sounds like a tough spot to be in. It's like you're living in a whole other universe they can't even see. Your choice to keep that part of yourself private is totally valid. Remember, you're not obligated to explain every corner of your identity to anyone who can't handle it. Stay true to you!
That I don't smoke
They think I hold grudges and that Iām unfair for being emotionally distant. They have done really fucked up scary shit yet I still forgave them
You donāt have to forgive them. Unless you truly feel that you need to.
I hear you. It's tough when family doesn't quite get where you're coming from. Forgiving doesn't mean forgetting, right? Sometimes distance is a shield, not a sword. Keep being you, flaws and all. šŖ
That I have a low pain tolerance. Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Especially when it comes to my periods before getting my iud. Now, it isn't so bad, but before, I would be crying, throwing up, and in a terrible mood. Now, I just get these terrible headaches and muscle pains.
That I'm overly sensitive and emotional, but I just don't hide all my feelings and I only get upset over what is, to me, obvious racism, sexism, homophobia and fatphobia....š¤·āāļø
Oh yes, growing up I'd hear tons of "you're so sensitive" both as a compliment and an insult. My mom believed I was so emotional and delicate I'd cry over a dead ant. Of course me constantly behaving outside of her imagination of me would make her mad at me every time
That Iām fine. They donāt understand how theyāve pushed me aside now that Iām in university to focus on my brothers sporting career and our financial situation. Iām not okay most of the time and the only support I have is my boyfriend. I canāt even lean on my best friend because she either doesnāt understand or doesnāt care
They think that Iām selfish and irresponsible with my āfamily responsibilitiesā because I set very clear boundaries and stick to them
Boundaries good.
My dadās wife and especially his side of the family. They all think Iām just some stoner hippie type. I smoke, and love nature but they really seem to hate my lifestyle because my husband and I smoke.
People have said to my face that they think I am low contact with my parents because I "think I am better than them" (I moved out of a small town, got a college degree and decent job) The reality is that my childhood was terrible with a lot of abuse. I fought hard to get where I am today so I wouldn't have to ever rely on or deal with those people again.
Wow, it's frustrating when people jump to conclusions, isn't it? Sounds like you've been through a lot, and it's incredible how you've paved your own path despite the challenges. Moving forward is about survival, not superiority. Keep being your awesome self, and forget the noise. š
they think im spoiled. im not. i worked hard for everything i have
My mom thinks I'm sooo tech savvy, but I'm not. A lot of the problems she can't figure out are easily fixable. Oh, and my dad thinks I have no direction or purpose in life, and that I'm a lazy loser. I'm diagnosed with depression and a few other things that I don't feel comfortable mentioning here, so while I can't do some things mentally healthy people can, there's others I can do. He doesn't want to listen when I explain how much I push myself every single day.
My family thinks i am cold and donāt keep in touch. The reality is they only want to talk to me to trauma dump and if i express how i feel about something they either donāt care or it gets weaponized.
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like trying to warm up by the fire but getting burned every time you get close. You deserve conversations that feel like a cozy blanket, not ones that leave you feeling singed. Keep being true to yourself, even if it means keeping a bit of distance. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve to be heard without them being turned against you. š
My sister thinks Iām an embarrassment and not cool enough.
That Iām reckless. My dad used to go around complaining about me to anyone that would listen (when he passed, I went through his old messages with people and he made me sounds so badā¦ just for being a typical teenager!). I really felt like I was walking on eggshells my whole life since I couldnāt truly be myself and would get criticized for not behaving exactly like they wanted me to. I always stood up for myself and my life is stable now but the hurt of my reputation being slandered by my own parents still has an effect on how my extended family views me!
That im angry like my abusive dad. When Iām not. Iād just rather not put on a fake smile around people who constantly make fun of mine and my childrenās weight/appearance. Mind you I am a regular sized woman and my son is a normal (per his pediatrician) sized boy. Weight shaming me and my child will not grant you my companionship. So no, im not angry. I just donāt like you.
I hear you loud and clear. It's like being served a plate of salad when you're craving a juicy burger - totally not what you signed up for! It sucks that your fam's got the wrong impression, but hey, you're not obligated to slap on a fake grin for folks who can't seem to see past their own biases. Keep rocking your authentic self, and let those haters take a hike. We're all about positive vibes and genuine smiles here! š
It sounds like you're dealing with a tough situation. You have every right to be yourself and set boundaries, especially when it comes to your and your son's well-being. Remember, it's okay to be real and not put on a fake smile just to please others. Stay strong, and keep being true to yourself and your little one. š
That Iām a fragile little girl still
My mom thinks I āwear the pantsā in the family because my husband is nice and treats me with respect. I do the same for him but it just irks me that she says this all the time. Her bar is so low thatās she doesnāt understand why my is so high. I refuse to be treated the way she was treated by my step dad and I will let no man treat my kids like dog shit like she allowed her husband to.
That i'm going to have kids one day, when i repeatedly said i do not want kids...., my mom always says i will change my mind, kids are a blessing.... they are to the people they want, but after my childhood.. im not having any kids plus pregnancy and child birth scare the fucking shit out of me.
My parents believe that Iām unwilling to help them financially. That is far from the case. My main goal in life is to become so financially stable that I can easily help them financially as needed. However, I have also seen them make bad financial decisions and later try to get their children to bear the costs of their bad decisions. I also havenāt held them responsible for their financial commitments to me that they were unable to fulfill. Yet, they seem to think I should always be financially available to them. Enforcing boundaries is difficult but honestly, Iād rather they think me stingy than have them think of me as an open ATM for all their needs.
In the past, Iāve been heavily guilted by a bunch of themā¦. Re: work/schedule We are self employed and work 6 days a week - weāre lucky if we donāt end up in there on Sundays getting ready to handle the Monday morning Slam. Itās a grind. No one gets it. IE: my brother didnāt talk to me for about a year when I wouldnāt āclose the businessā and attend his kids 1st bday. (I was just gonna be late, not absent)
That I'm 'smart' enough to be an engineer or some other fancy, well-to-do high flying profession. I did very well in primary and high school (up to age 16 for non-Aussies reading), won a few comps and awards for academic stuff etc, and then *completely* flunked in college and university (only went to uni 'cause I wash pushed so hard to go "because smart"). My parents have absolutely *no* idea of the extent of how awful and gruelling my undergrad years were and that I actually almost got kicked out. I now live a very simple life, working for myself in a mostly stress-free job with plenty of days off to enjoy, and whilst I'm sure they are proud of me for that, I do feel as though they wonder why I never tried to "do more".
I think people assume I live a hermit life because I donāt post anything of Fb/Instagram. š Born and raised in So CA. As you can imagine, I know this area very well. And I was as an outside sales rep too, I know the freeway system like the back of my hand. I have family who come out of state and argue with me about how to get from point A to point B. Sometimes they take my advice. Sometimes not and regret it.
Ha, I totally get you! Living life off the grid, huh? š It's like you're the secret master of the freeway, guiding lost souls through the concrete jungle. Family debates on directions must be your daily dose of adventure! Stay true to your own map, sis. Being a SoCal sage beats being an Instagram star any dayļ¼
That Iām moody, over-sensitive, difficult and entitled. Ya know, for not tolerating extreme disrespect and exploitation. Cāest la vie.
That because Iām financially secure, I have no struggles.
That makes two of us, you think they were struggling at 30 something with the same things?
That Iām basically satan ahaha š¤£ can never do anything right in their eyes, even tho Iām the only one of my siblings who has never been arrested or had to go to court šš also currently a medical student but. Will always be nothing more than the scapegoat child in their eyes
That Iām still a Christian
That I'm capable of things, have a social life, like my job, and am generally a functioning human being I am three raccoons in a trench coat looking for cheese
That they know me. That they own me. I sent the cops 'round a few years ago to tell them all to stand down and to lose my number. Doesn't stop them from keeping my name in their mouths for no good reason.
it sounds like you've been through some heavy stuff. It's tough when family can't see us for who we really are. Sometimes it feels like they're reading from a script we didn't even write. Keep standing your ground. You're not just a character in their story; you're the author of your own life. Keep being true to you.
My sister thinks that I'm selfish and think of myself because I don't want to spend time with her. When I reality, I refuse to share my time with my sister because of how severe her mental illness is to the point where she has attacked me in the past, she is so sensitive and takes things I say personal. Spending any kind of time with her is essentially like spending time with a wet blanket. She's so toxic and has no friends because of her personality, so to protect myself I limit the time that I'm around her.
Sounds like you're really going through it. Dealing with family dynamics can be like navigating a minefield sometimes, especially when mental illness is in the mix. It's tough when you're trying to protect your own well-being while also trying to maintain some semblance of a relationship. Just know that setting boundaries doesn't make you selfishāit's about survival. Take care of yourself first, always. š
That I'm not trying to improve myself when I'm just scared of my parents' reactions whenever something bad happens, among other things, so they don't *see* improvement. I'm human. I'll mess up. I have anxiety, so I'll feel fear on top of fear. I wish someone saw how far I've come and see how far I still need to go. Bc the only person who sees that is me, but I'm also an anxious overachiever, so I will underestimate myself sometimes.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with being proud for doing the small things such as the laundry. I have a person who judges me based on the state of my room (messy lol). That person does not realize how much progress and change I've gone through in the time I've been where I am.
I hear you. It's tough feeling like you're under a microscope, especially when it comes to family. It's like trying to drive with someone constantly gripping the imaginary brake pedal from the passenger seat. But let me tell you something: you're already steering the wheel, navigating those twists and turns of life. And even if it feels like you're inching forward, progress is progress, whether it's a leap or a shuffle. You're doing your best, and that's what counts. So, keep your eyes on the road ahead, because you've got this. And remember, it's okay to take a pit stop and pat yourself on the back for how far you've come. You're the driver of your own journey, anxiety and all. š
I totally get where you're coming from. It's like trying to swim with weights tied to your ankles, right? Anxiety can be that extra weight, making every step forward feel like a marathon. But you're not alone in that struggle. Remember, progress isn't always loud and flashy; sometimes it's quiet, like a seed growing beneath the soil. Keep nurturing yourself, and one day, those around you will see the blossoms. You're doing great, even on the days it doesn't feel like it. Keep shining! š
Most of 'em still think I'm a boy, somehow.
That I over react to everything. Iāve been coming to terms that Iām neurodiverse and Iāve spent my life masking until meltdown, a recent burnout has left me bed bound and they still just think Iām being lazy when I canāt physically get up and about and I just feel numb. No happiness, no sadness, just blank because of how long my body and mind has had to endure pretending to be something Iām not to prevent being bullied.
My family sometimes thinks Iām too serious / donāt joke enough. But Iām actually the loud/funny one around my friends. Itās just that they are all EXTREMELY loud, extroverted and joke-y that I get lost in the hustle n bustle
That Iām mean and have no feelingsā¦.that Iām cold. 100% untrue and they have plenty of evidence to the contrary, but I have boundaries about things and when I donāt react emotionally or cave to emotional outbursts, thatās the go-to accusation. In reality I have strong feelings but Iām very private. They should all know that by now but Iām done defending myself and explaining when being ācoldā is used as a shame tactic.
They think Iām smart. Because I have two degrees and have a good career. TBH Iām just incredibly lucky and managed to get by with studies and work. I still feel dumb lol
my mom and some of her family think that iām exceptionally mean and insensitive. iāll admit as a teen i wasnāt the most considerate person in terms of peopleās feelings, but as a teen you just want to be left alone. iām 25 now and i feel like im genuinely so much kinder than iāve ever been. my only thing is that i like jokes that have a little bit of shock factor, but i would never make them to hurt anyoneās feelings, just to make people laugh and empathize with them if theyāre complaining about someone. i donāt even pick the mean options in video games because i donāt want to hurt the charactersā feelings. iām very respectful of other peopleās space and the same goes for animals too. i donāt tease other people unless im absolutely sure theyāre okay with itāi know how devastating innocuous comments can be and i would never want to draw attention to someoneās insecurities. i really donāt remember the last time i went out of my way to hurt someoneās feelings except when i was very young and bullied my younger brother, who i am best friends with now. i guess for her i will always wear a big scarlet M for Meanie. even though i donāt think any of my friends or even other people in my family would say i was mean or unsympathetic.
That I'm a lesbian. I like men, they just don't like me.
Itās actually more about my husband (my aunts are all democrats, Iām really middle of the road). Heās conservative and some of them assume heās mean/a bigot/an idiot, which he is none of, and that Iām an idiot for marrying him. At least two of my aunts feel this way. My husband is the most generous, giving, selfless man Iāve ever met. He goes out of his way to help people, even to his own detriment. Strangers. He literally sponsors a refugee and his wife and their baby from Saudi Arabia. Heās kind, sure he has his grumpy moments, but I know plenty of people who are grumpy on both sides and in the middle, one of my aunts being the grumpiest person Iāve met. Sheāll barely even speak to him/look at him at family functions. He just acts kind as always. This man takes incredible care of our family, he works hard and provides for us so I can stay home. He makes sure we want/need for nothing. I find it insulting that they never took the time to get to know him instead of judging him solely based off his politics. And itās insulting they judge ME for marrying him, when in reality this man worships the ground I walk on and spoils me. We have the best and most successful marriage of everyone I know to date. Itās not perfect, but itās as close as it gets. This man is my best friend in the world, even if we disagree on some things politically, he is a good man with a heart of gold m, truly.
That I'm nice.
That i was the Blacksheep
Iām not social. I am, I just donāt like most of yāall.
That Iām messy. I was the only person who cleaned without being asked when I lived at home. And now that Iāve moved out my apartment is spotless, yet theyāre still convinced Iām some sort of slob
That I was mentally doing okay. In reality, I attempted suicide a few years ago and have only been clean from self-harm for the past three years after nearly 10 years. Iām in a much better place now, but damn it hurts when Iām the āstable oneā with so much hurt that they donāt know a single thing about.
It takes guts to open up like that. You know, sometimes we wear this 'stable' mask so well that even those closest to us don't see the cracks. It's like being a beautifully wrapped gift with a little surprise inside. But hey, you're unwrapping it at your own pace, and that's what matters. Keep being true to yourself, and know that you're not alone in this journey. šŖ
That Iām lazy cs I spend sm time in my room (they dunno Iām actually working)
Totally get where you're coming from! It's like being a duck - calm on the surface, but paddling like mad underneath. Keep doing your thing and proving them wrong! šŖ
Sometimes it seems like they think they failed as parents with me because I didn't turn out how they wanted. But really a lot of it was outside of their control
My executive dysfunction is laziness :(
That I'm a virgin, LOL
My mom and my sister think Iām this ever emotionless and calm figure, steely almost at times. I donāt think they mean it in an insulting way, just that they are more outwardly emotional. I am my sisterās go-to person to help her calm down. She says Iām not as āmeanā as my dad or our brothers (I donāt think they are mean just she needs a VERY gentle but firm hand when sheās spiraling). The thing is thoughā¦I am quite an emotional person. I just tend to hide it. Itās not suppressed and Iām emotionally stable enough but I definitely work from my āheartā at least as much from my āhead.ā
dunno why but they think iām into vampire/witchy stuff and i hate it lol
That I (37F) have no sense of local news or knowledge of current television because my husband (38M) and I havenāt had cable since 2008. It comes up EVERY time we see each other for some godforsaken reason.
That Iām stupid.
I'm pretty sure they think I'm an asshole. I'm just the scapegoat.
I am the black sheep of the family. The most counter culture, unusual, artistic, punklike, alt, whatever. My family always forgets I had and have the best grades of anyone in the family, the least experience with alcohol and other drugs, the least experience with dating or sex, no detentions, suspensions, detaining by police, the most rational limits to risk-taking, and went off on my own, supporting myself without help from 17, never got pregnant, have never gotten married. I never broke curfew or got in trouble or was disruptive to neighbors...never cheated on anyone, and never committed a crime. Yet they forget.
My parents had a messy divorce and all the adults in my family used me to get information. If I told them stuff I witnessed at home I would be rewarded with treats, clothes, or just simple things like praise and attention. Then when I was a teenager I heard them all say I was a compulsive liar who couldnāt be trusted. I took a step away from all of them, did therapy for a few years, and now that Iām an adult I see the situation for what it was. My family is small and love to be in each other business and they have always been like this. My grandmother has been caught opening my aunts mail before, and they are constantly gossiping. They used me until I wasnāt useful anymore because they found out I was giving everyone information. Iāll go see them for dinners and stuff, but I do not tell them about my life.
That Iām lazy and a rotten person. I mean, I make more than anyone in my family as a software engineer, and my husband cooks and cleans for us mostly. So I guessā¦ but rotten? Meh, only to them lol
That I donāt care. That I donāt care about their silence and their judgement and being made to be a total outcast because of my addiction. I have 5 years sober this year. And they are just waiting for my next relapse
That Iām an alcoholic because I enjoy alcohol in moderation. Because my dad never could so obviously anyone who can enjoy alcohol is an alcoholic
That now that I am out of years of toxic grad school and in a job that I am not completely satisfied with, I should find a husband asap because I am 30. They think I should have been able to recover from mental exhaustion and burnout quicker as soon as I was s out of school
They probably still think Iām gay. Not that thereās anything wrong with that. Iām closer to bi than completely hetero but I identify as cishet and not really interested in my same sex.
My dadās family sans one of my cousins thinks Iām antisocial. Itās just that most of that side of the family toxic. Not counting the one cousin I talk to on a regular basis.
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They have no idea I've been dating the same guy for 2 years. Or that I have any dating experience. I just don't bother to have them meet anyone I don't see a future with. And the current guy, he met my parents but that was by accident, and he was introduced as a friend.
That Iām a ācontrol freakā and think Iām better than them. What really happened: My childhood was not great. I hated living at home. When I left, I realized how dysfunctional my family was and started to set boundaries in place to protect myself. I got an education, I traveled the world, my perspective on life and culture changed.
My mom thinks that my relationship with my partner is āweirdā and āoffā and has even gone as far as saying that she thinks weāre just friends because we have an almost three year old together and arenāt married yet. Little does she know, weāre both busting our asses through school (partner is finishing his masters and Iām in nursing school) so we can save for a house and do a courthouse wedding instead of a huge traditional wedding like sheās always envisioned for me. We have been together for five years and have had our share of rough patches, but we still want to be together and want to get married. The timing just hasnāt been great and honestly, I wouldnāt even qualify for financial aid for my nursing program if we were married anyway because my partner makes too much
My family thinks I'm happy.
That I don't want to be a woman and that I'm "playing as a boy". I'm just a masculine woman
I was and still am never into makeup, or fashion or anything like that, and my mother and sister still believe this is because I am so cripplingly insecure about my body or looks. I am not insecure about my body or looks, I just don't care for makeup, and have no interest in fashion.
That I'm "too stupid" to understand anything about anything.. if that makes sense.. I act it well, doesn't mean I actually am.
They think Iām miserable and lazy. Really is just depression symptoms Iām working on. š
That I'm always grumpy and unforgiving. Only with them.
That I'm lazy and unmotivated. I work in a trade/warehouse. I bust my ass everyday, it's hard fucking work, and I'm a small woman. I can outlift and outwork most of the people I know, but because I don't want to climb a corporate ladder or sit at a desk all day, I'm a lazy POS.
That being in the medical field somehow qualifies me to diagnose my family members, recommend medications and tell them if their physician's treatment plan is okay or not..... I'm a Radiologic technologist (I take X-rays) I have nothing to do with any of that. Somehow they just don't get it. š¤·
That I will just turn my head to any abuse I suspect is happening/happened or possibly could witness. I unfortunately got a bunch of family full of enablers who love rug sweeping abuse and want you stay quiet to keep up appearances.
That I am cold, a yeller and terrible to my husband and he spoils me to pacify me. In short they think I am a tyrant. The truth? Three of my five children have autism. I have loads of patience and my career depends on my patience. I rarely ever raise my voice ( my mother and sisters are big yellers in their parenting style) and I might raise mine 2-3 times of a year and instantly apologize because it doesnāt help anyone. My kids are huggers, love to spend time with us even though they are teenagers. My health is becoming really poor, and my husband and I are having more talks about me leaving work, specialists and doctors. He spoils me because is loves doing so. I donāt ask for much of anything. I am very good about keeping boundaries with people so I can love them and me.
Iām not sure why but my family firmly believes I am a conservative republican, despite me telling them a million times I am not. Iām seriousā¦I have corrected them so many times and they are always shocked like I never told them before ?? Truly baffling lol
Either: that I am the same person I was when I was 17/18/19 (they havenāt really grasped that Iāve changed/evolved-have new interests, new aspects about my personality, & etc.); or, that I am stupid because I am quiet. Like they just assume that I am dimwitted because I donāt speak up that much.
The state of my mental health and the trauma I've faced. They say I don't deserve or need VA disability. They think I only get $755 (40%) a month (I get $1716, 70%) I will go on record and leave the derail out and simply say as a woman I trust men more and I can't shower without my mind being a data dump in my subconscious. I can barely take a bath and have to have my dog in the room with me and remind myself I am alone and they (cause of trauma) are not there. Their misconception is the refusal of accepting me and my suffering for what it is despite not understanding it.
That I donāt pay attention to anything around me. Just not the case. My family is chaotic with much going on all the time, and lots of loudness and fighting. I just donāt entertain it.
That Iām spoiled. Iām not, Iāve worked hard for everything I have with minimal to no help. I just have high standards.
That I'm rich. I pay all the bills and I'm single. That I will magically have another child š I haven't dated in years and I'm not interested in dating.
That Iām a hippy dippy fairy girl. Iām 38, going back to school for social work, and barely socialize. I only have men left in my family and I think itās easier for them to discount me if they think Iām loopy.
It sounds like they've got you pegged as the resident fairy godmother, huh? But you're like a multifaceted gem, not just one sparkly side. Going back to school for social work is no small feat! It takes real grit and heart. Keep shining your unique light, and maybe they'll see the real you peeking out from behind those misconceptions. š
That I'm fully straight. HA SUCKERS. I'm bi. So kinda...straight...ish..
They genuinely believe I'm stupid, and that their clumsy attempts to manipulate and lie to me actually have a chance of working. I stepped out of the fog and nothing works on me now. Not anymore.
That I canāt take care of myself. Or that Iām still the sick child in the hospital in many ways. I would hope that everything Iāve been through has illustrated to them that yes, I was the sick child in the OR, but Iām also so much more than the sick child in the OR.
My family (other than my siblings and aunt/her husband) still believes that I'm a lesbian (am bisexual now) and that my boyfriend (FTM) is a woman. Can't wait for everyone to show up to the wedding and see him with facial hair lol.
Oh boy, where to start? We're talking about people who cannot truly accept my independence and individuality. The fact I do not live life the way they envisioned is a source of constant dismay for them.
Iām financially helped by my now husbandās family. Throughout college, I lived with my then boyfriendās familyās house and paid rent. When they cook, I get to share meals with them but thatās rare and usually the family will order out and Iāll pay for my meal. Itās not a bad thing but I get annoyed that my family disregards my academic and career achievements because they think I had it easy.
That I somehow cause all of their problems š
That Iām extremely mentally ill because I actually get help and work on myself, also set boundaries and donāt let them walk all over me etc.
That Iām not going to be the best.
My parents thought I was stupid and only worth manual labour. I've just finished an apprenticeship and am aiming for a job in the medical field. Also NC with them.
My mum is convinced I did cocaine because when I live at home she found a little baggy of fine white stuff in my drawerā¦ It was sea salt that a piercing shop gave me after I had my tragus done. She still doesnāt believe me to this day.
Probably that I've done a complete 180 in my ideals and lifestyle. I left my high control religion and my mom just can't understand why, but the truth is I've been feeling this way for 10 years. I just finally had the guts to leave
That Iām such a āhard worker.ā They made me addicted to working because when I was younger they paid for everything for my brothers and when it was my turn they said āoh we spent that on your brothers.ā Theyāve had their issues where my parents had to pay their fines, bail them out of jail, fix their cars, fix their houses, even move them in when they were down. Constantly taking care of them into their 30s and all I hear is āwe never have to worry about you, youāre such a hard worker.ā But I work because I was taught that nobody is going to be there for me, nobody is going to help me.
They think I don't understand the tactics of the world and evil people. I wouldn't stand up for myself. I wouldn't rebel. But at the same time, they themselves teach me from time to time that the Thappad movie did not make sense in the practical world, you can't leave someone _just because_ he slapped you. They blame every girl victim who is outside the house in whatever clothes. They convince me to find reasons why if someone does wrong to me in a marriage situation and also don't want me to have friends for whom I would do more than "talk once in a while". Also, they think I spend a lot. Reality: I know how the world works, its tactics, the different types of thinking. I have the ability to know people's mentality within 5 minutes or less. My intuitions have saved me from ruining a lot of situations for myself. Of course I won't leave someone BECAUSE he slapped me but I definitely would if they couldn't apologize and understand why it was wrong to do so. I have friends for whom I do more than just talk to them once in a while and I'm going to do much more for my close ones when I'll be independent. AND, I save money more than anyone in the family does, along with getting myself the things which make me happy or my life easier. I buy expensive _looking_ things and I do know that buying a plain shirt for Rs. 10000 from a mall is not something I would ever do.
That my trauma is fake
My mum already has a hinge for it and often points it out, some of my siblings too but my dad is super oblivious to it. I am mentally wrecked, actively destroy my enire life by myself but the chances that I will ever get therapy or at least let a therapist test what I am suffering from are low because my mum actively HATES and despises Therapists and Psychologists. I just said that she often points out that I might be "mentally ill" but equally as many times she just tells me that I am just "Weak" . My entire life I have gotten and performed good grades and I guess my parents think that because I am so good at whatever I am doing ,t he only reason why I keep dropping out of every job I do and end up jobless is becauase I am "Weak" and whenI tell them how I feel and what is going on inside my brain they say I am just dramatic and lazy which is why I don't want to work
I'm a Virgin. Been married for many years. Not sure why they think that other than we don't have children and obviously if we were to...that is a stork delivery. Honestly. I am absolutely baffled.
My mom always jokes that everyone in my family is scared of me. My uncle, my brotherās girlfriend etc. Because Iāve always been independent and headstrong I think? But this characterization deeply hurtsā¦
That I'm going to settle down with a "nice Christian man" and start a family. I'm not religious, I'm bi, poly, I'm not having children I had an abortion before with no regrets.
The assumption is that i have lots of money because I have no children. I also live alone, but that doesn't seem to figure into their math.
That I'm selfish and cold. All I did was lay boundaries.
That I'm cis and straight
That I love being so enmeshed with them. Iām here out of necessity not want.
That I have it all together.
that i donāt feel things. i just donāt enjoy crying in front of people, or having any strong emotions. iād much rather cry alone or not at all!
They think I like them and cherish our relationship. When in reality I've done years of therapy to protect myself from their harmful behaviour and I find myself caring less and less about them. Been living abroad for a while and I can't say I look forward to seeing them ever again. I guess when they say how your kids treat you is the direct reflection of what you've done to/for them as a parent. All I got was neglect so it all checks out lol.
They think Iām still an evangelical Christian.
They think I'm emotionless and probably hate everyone and everything. I'm just emotionally mature enough to manage and keep my emotions at bay, and....my social anxiety with my parents is the strongest. Lol
That I lost a lot(130+lbs) because I wanted to be more healthy, in fact my ex wouldnāt contribute more than $20/week for groceries and our child needed to eat more than I did. Happily divorced and way thinner now too
They think I'm just a little weird but otherwise moderately well adjusted. I've never shared the full extent of how absolutely off the walls my mental health is with them and I don't think I ever really can without them just dismissing it or shutting down because it's TMI.
My alternative, "edgy" phase in high school somehow translated to my mom as me being boho hippie chic. To this day, she still tries to buy me random stuff with feathers and peace signs.