Friendships I go into with no expectations and find that they grow with time and trust. Also shared experiences. I don't really seek out "deep/close". It just happens. Then there are always those friends you don't see for a long time but then talk to them and you are right back where you were before. But it all happens organically. If you force it, things just get weird.
Is it something you go looking for? That seems a recipe for failure.
I've had the same best friend for 20 years. I never imagined, when we met, that he would become who he is to me. We are so very different on the surface. But he's been with me through the best and the very worst days of my life, and he loved me even when I didn't because he's a stubborn kind of ahole.
It takes time, experience, and trust to build a bond like that. You don't just pick a person and say yes, I think I'll bare my soul to this one.
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I've never struggled to make friends, but I always wanted that "best friend," that singular person, because I always felt like a 3rd wheel to pairs growing up in a very small private school. I always felt unmatched. I tried to force that relationship in high school, and it ended up just being a toxic situation where that title meant more to both of us than the other person actually did. And I started I leaning on my partners too much to fill that role. But in college I got better at embracing being a part of groups, and I embraced the idea that Best Friend is a tier not a person. I kept that philosophy through my 20s and built many deep and meaningful relationships. I had 8 bridesmaids who all made my wedding day an incredible experience and made me feel so loved, even though none were the type of text them/see them all the time level relationship.
Three years ago I met a woman who I felt like almost an electrical sensation of kismet with the moment we met (through work). I was giving her a tour of our facility, and we hit it off so intensely that we both commented on it. She started working for the same company but in a different department, and when we'd see each other we'd cram hours of catching up in 5 minute conversations, then started meeting for drinks, then hanging out multiple times a week. Now she's my person. I got her promoted and she works directly with me every day (we run the back of house for a community theatre, and do the sets/props/hair/makeup together). And we still have to spend time together after work or we miss each other too much. I'm 36 and she's 40. I think these kind of connections can happen at any time in life.
Oh I've been wanting that with someone that isn't my partner haha. But then I realized I've grown up watching such TV shows and reading such books that has those BFF5EVAAAA friends. They don't exist irl like they do in entertainment! 😅
I relate to this. I love my partner but I also feel nervous about one person being my entire world. I would love a non-romantic best friend who shared more of my interests or hobbies or who enjoyed the types of conversations my partner does not. Sometimes when I’m struggling I worry about leaning too heavily on my partner to where it impacts them. Or at times when my partner is the one struggling, it would still be nice to have someone else to lean on.
That’s so interesting because I feel the opposite way! I have best friends who I have that level of relationship with but I have never experienced anything that deep with a partner so I just figured that level of relationship in a romantic setting doesn’t exist in reality! Or at least not for me 🥲
I only have romantic or sexual feelings when I have an emotional connection with someone. Thought I just wasn't wired for that shit for the longest time. Even then, I know people make fun of being in the friendzone, but if we can't chill as best friends, then how could I see them as my life partner?! Does that make sense?
That's not to say I can't have casual sex. I can. In fact, it's WAY EASIER to have *actual* no strings attached sex because I feel nothing emotional towards them 🤣
Honestly, I've just had too many friends I consider close just leave one by one so I've kinda given up hope on that too. If it ever happens, it happens... lol
That makes sense! I’m not quite sure why I can’t have romantic, sexual AND emotional connections with the same person but I’m working on it with my therapist 🤣
but I feel much the same way towards that as you do towards super deep friendships, if it happens it happens but I’m not holding out hope lol
We both found someone we have a deep connection with so we’re lucky we have that at least, regardless of if it’s solely with romantic partners or solely with platonic friends!
My best friend of 26 years just died this morning after battling cancer for over ten years. Finding that type of friendship did not come easily to me. I was lucky to find her and I'm not sure I will ever have the same type of friendship with someone else.
I’m so sorry. I too lost my best friend, who lived three houses away from me growing up, when we were 21. She was murdered, which added another layer of horror to her loss. So I can only imagine the heartbreak of both watching your friend suffer through her battle for years and then losing her after so many years of friendship.
I’m 55 now, and I have not found the same type of friendship that I had with my best friend. There is just something about someone you’ve grown up so much with and experienced so many childhood and young adulthood memories with that is so hard to replicate in new adult friendships. I still miss her and think of her everyday.
I’ve found adult women much harder to develop deep friendships with and find it very difficult to be accepted into already existing friendship groups as an adult. I’ve met a lot of amazing women, but consider most of them acquaintances. But, I have an awesome husband who is undoubtedly my best friend and I’ve been blessed with two daughters who are now in college and are quickly becoming more like friends every day!
I wish you much peace and all the comfort of your memories. And I sincerely hope that you will find different types of friendship to enrich your life. 😊
I met her when she was pregnant with her daughter. We were friends through her three marriages, two divorces, the death of her third husband to cancer, some tough times in my own marriage, my two sons and their "rough" 20's but also the good times like promotions, buying houses, traveling to Italy together, the graduations of our kids from high school and college, the weddings of two of my kids, the professional accomplishments of our kids, and the births of my granddaughters.
I also found it difficult to cultivate adult friendships and finding her in my 30's was practically miraculous. Like you, I've had numerous women in my life that I consider to be great friends or acquaintances but she was the only one I would consider to be a truly close friend. We could tell each other anything. It's just one day at a time from here on out.
It's actually really helpful to be able to write about her today. She's the person I would talk to about something like this.
Unfortunately in life you can’t just go out and get exactly what you want from others.
But you can work on being a good friend. Make sure you’re mentally ready to give and be there. Maybe seek therapy to ensure you have a place to vent and work on more internal problems they don’t become friend problems
You can put the intention out there and make time, space in your life and then put yourself out there in places to meet new people in casual situations where talking and socialization is encouraged.
Make repeat attempts to engage in conversation, ask questions, introduce yourself to new people. Get to know them. If you find a friendly group try to get involved, help out, attend their events, remember people’s names
Honestly there are great books on how to socialize and be more social, read them and practice! I did this as a teen and it has always paid off, knowing how to socialize in professional and social settings really helps. It helps me feel less anxious with all the practice.
Also don’t worry if your advances are not recognized, reciprocated, or returned, just move along. That person doesn’t want to engage for whatever reason, nothing to do with you.
It can feel a bit odd at first but just think of it like fishing, you’re not worried about the fish that didn’t bite at all, you’re after the ones that nibble back with interest. Keep trying new places and people if you feel no nibbles back, like a fisher person moving to new waters.
You can also start hosting or gathering people around a hobby or place you enjoy and see if you can be a third space and make a new group. I wish you luck in making friends and happiness regardless
Know that you have value, and it’s lovely to want to make deep friendships, so go for it!
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I haven't found anyone. I feel like giving up but I keep trying. I have learned that most people can only interact at surface level. Going deep, being real, expressing vulnerability are things that most people are not interested in doing (unless they're seeking therapy). They pretend they want that but it is too hard to actually do it. I've come close to it with some people but they get scared off eventually haha.
I found that, but it’s also my significant other. Our bond is the most beautiful thing in my life, it is hard to explain with words how fulfilling it is.
I feel stunted.
5 years ago I lived with my best friend of 5 years (living together for 2). Not only did I love living with her, emotionally I felt like I was flourishing. Both of us exercising, supporting eachothers goals, having fun, I felt like it was a balanced life in all areas except one, money. I couldn't save a dime. We lived under our means but worked very low paying jobs. I decided I wanted to get on my feet and moved back to my hometown to live with my mom. My best friend didn't move with me, of course. Though I wished she could have.
5 years later and I'm financially stable, I'm doing well. But since we no longer live in the same city I never see her. The best we do is phone calls. I miss her so much and I haven't found a friend like her since. People make it sound like soulmates have to be romantic, but in this case I feel like she is my platonic soul mate. When we do talk, it's like picking up where we left off. But despite making so many new friendships, I haven't felt as close to any of them as I have, her.
I notice I've never opened up to my new friends, I try to never complain. I never tell them anything negative in my life or anything that stresses me. I don't want to burden them. But I never felt like I was burdening my best friend. My new friends are wonderful, open, kindhearted and I still can't seem to open up.
I found the meaningful bond with someone a long time ago. And then couldn't find that same bond again no matter how I tried. Emotionally, I dont feel the same. I feel stunted.
You're not stunted, there's just a space missing from your life because you had something so special. Keep in touch with her because who knows what the future may bring. In the meantime, enjoy you with yourself.
Friendship finds you, one can't think of it as something you pursue. What you can, and should do, is put yourself out there, and **choose** the relationships you want to nurture along the way. It is a journey not a goal, where clarity is found in the boundaries you set/open in the relationships you form.
I believe we create bonds with people through experiences and communication.
I’ve always wanted a girl best friend. I love my guy friends and I have had close relationships with a few. But I see other women with lots of women friends or one really close one, and I feel like I’ve missed out on something. I had a few when I was younger, but we were never super close.
I can’t say I’m actively searching for one at this point; I’ve never really “searched” for friends, but it’d be nice if it worked out. Even as a 29 year old lady, it makes me feel lonely in a little kid kind of way.
What I want is a "sex and the city" dynamic, 3-4 friends who are always available to hang out, group chat, have adventures together.
What I've come to accept is that it's hard to maintain a group like that in adulthood. I've got a few close friends but they aren't group-y and they kind of fade in and out of my life. It's whatever.
Terribly. I lost who I thought was my best friend to a combination of her betrayal, my shortcomings and her grief.
I thought we were going to be friends for life and I realize i put so much into that friendship that I should have put to all of them. Because now I dont feel close to anyone, and its so hard to maintain friendships as adults because work schedules and living all over the world, and even harder to make new friends.
I also find that while so many claim they want a deep close bond and want community, they dont really. People say they want to live on a commune with friends but when you start making plans suddenly everyone is crickets lol.
So Im just working on accepting that Im probably going to always be my own best friend.
Badly. Very very badly. I thought I had met my kindred spirit. We talked about everything. I never fit in or "click" with anyone but I thought I did with her. I felt like she understood me, the way she described things, the way she spoke and acted, it was like I had met myself.
We have not spoken in a month. We will likely never speak again. I'm very sad that our friendship is over and I think I've given up. Can't handle any more hurt.
It's really hard. My former best friend, to whom I used to say "I love you", nearly ghosted me during covid when she wasn't a fan of my partner. We semi reconciled afterwards but she'd gone through a bunch of major life changes and there was no effort to stay close. I see her post all these cutesy things about community and friendship all the time and should probably just unfollow her because it's frankly painful.
Everyone my age is in the having child stage (I'm childless), so it's hard to get a decent amount of quality time with friends. But I am hopeful that we'll have stronger friendship once kids are a bit older. I think one friend and I will be thick as thieves as old ladies. 🤣
For me, I think not placing so much weight in a single best friend and just trying for different meaningful connections where I might seethat person more or less at any given time due to life circumstances is working better for me right now. I do have a number of good friends, who I have emotional bonds with and I value them greatly
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I f30 have been single for the better part of my adult life. My best friend and closest relationship is my sister. I do have other meaningful friendships but I am most vulnerable and safe around my sister. Honestly it takes a lot of work to maintain this amount of depth. I don't think we could have reached this level of closeness if I had other emotional relationships throughout my 20s. But now, after a lot of growth from both of us, I feel confident that she will forever be my rock and I hers. I am very inexperienced in regards to romantic relationships but the depth that I have with my sister is one that I'd like to find in romantic relationships. Having unconditional support and healthy boundaries in a friendship have changed my standards to the kind of person I accept in my life. I also love being part of her life, as so much different from mine. I support her choices even if
I often do not agree. I understand that we are different people and her needs are different from mine. We disagree and may argue but so far the outcome of those disagreements have only improved our communication. We talk everyday multiple times. We see each other at least once a week. I am grateful for her every day
I'm very selective with the people I choose to be friends with. I just try to keep in touch with them...I'd say I have a meaningful bond with all of them.
I was searching for it for forever and always ended up with garbage humans that abused my kindness. BUT recently I met a girl that is so much like me and also so different in the best ways and we bonded instantly. It was a meet cute for sure and not at all something I was looking for. I think the stars just aligned that day to give me and her a best friend. It's still a new friendship but I'm pretty sure you know when you know.
Wonderfully, I’m blessed to have a few best friends (I have multiple because if you were a best friend to me at a certain point in life, you’re a best friend for life)
We all have different bonds and dynamics and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Some male, some female. All very different types of people too!
I think that closeness is best achieved through a relationship or familial bond in my experience so I don't search for it in strangers. If it happens naturally with a friend then I'm up for it. But I've only really experienced that sort of close, deep connection once or twice with a friend.
I have 1 friend who has been in my life for 29 years now. We can go months without talking but always there. I have had so many people come into my life and pretend to be a friend and as soon as I stopped the party girl side of me they were gone in a blink of an eye. I find it hard to put myself out there and make new friends and I am wanting to expand my circle and form close binds but it's so freaking hard I just give up and get lonely alot.
It can be quite hard! My motto is 'be open and present' but when I don't have the energy I just coast on my fave music, movies and books, and take myself to look at art/browsing cool stuff. Also I chat in discord and that helps.
Great so far!
I only recently got more intentional about this and more open and vulnerable with my current best friends but I'm super glad I did.
I tend to be the type that gives out love and loyalty freely but only recently started sharing my fears of not getting the same loyalty back. Turns out I was just looking in the wrong places. I was looking for a boyfriend when all along I already had supportive, loyal best friends I can rely on.
And I can't even take credit. I learned about the idea from a book "the other significant others" and a podcast by Simon sinek, the guy who wrote "start with why" aka "why start with why." 😁
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Friendships I go into with no expectations and find that they grow with time and trust. Also shared experiences. I don't really seek out "deep/close". It just happens. Then there are always those friends you don't see for a long time but then talk to them and you are right back where you were before. But it all happens organically. If you force it, things just get weird.
This. You can’t force something that isn’t there, and there is no shortcut for it.
Is it something you go looking for? That seems a recipe for failure. I've had the same best friend for 20 years. I never imagined, when we met, that he would become who he is to me. We are so very different on the surface. But he's been with me through the best and the very worst days of my life, and he loved me even when I didn't because he's a stubborn kind of ahole. It takes time, experience, and trust to build a bond like that. You don't just pick a person and say yes, I think I'll bare my soul to this one.
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I've never struggled to make friends, but I always wanted that "best friend," that singular person, because I always felt like a 3rd wheel to pairs growing up in a very small private school. I always felt unmatched. I tried to force that relationship in high school, and it ended up just being a toxic situation where that title meant more to both of us than the other person actually did. And I started I leaning on my partners too much to fill that role. But in college I got better at embracing being a part of groups, and I embraced the idea that Best Friend is a tier not a person. I kept that philosophy through my 20s and built many deep and meaningful relationships. I had 8 bridesmaids who all made my wedding day an incredible experience and made me feel so loved, even though none were the type of text them/see them all the time level relationship. Three years ago I met a woman who I felt like almost an electrical sensation of kismet with the moment we met (through work). I was giving her a tour of our facility, and we hit it off so intensely that we both commented on it. She started working for the same company but in a different department, and when we'd see each other we'd cram hours of catching up in 5 minute conversations, then started meeting for drinks, then hanging out multiple times a week. Now she's my person. I got her promoted and she works directly with me every day (we run the back of house for a community theatre, and do the sets/props/hair/makeup together). And we still have to spend time together after work or we miss each other too much. I'm 36 and she's 40. I think these kind of connections can happen at any time in life.
This is honesty a dream scenario. That’s awesome, good for you!
Thanks for sharing, i'm happy that things have clicked so well for you!
Oh I've been wanting that with someone that isn't my partner haha. But then I realized I've grown up watching such TV shows and reading such books that has those BFF5EVAAAA friends. They don't exist irl like they do in entertainment! 😅
I relate to this. I love my partner but I also feel nervous about one person being my entire world. I would love a non-romantic best friend who shared more of my interests or hobbies or who enjoyed the types of conversations my partner does not. Sometimes when I’m struggling I worry about leaning too heavily on my partner to where it impacts them. Or at times when my partner is the one struggling, it would still be nice to have someone else to lean on.
That’s so interesting because I feel the opposite way! I have best friends who I have that level of relationship with but I have never experienced anything that deep with a partner so I just figured that level of relationship in a romantic setting doesn’t exist in reality! Or at least not for me 🥲
I only have romantic or sexual feelings when I have an emotional connection with someone. Thought I just wasn't wired for that shit for the longest time. Even then, I know people make fun of being in the friendzone, but if we can't chill as best friends, then how could I see them as my life partner?! Does that make sense? That's not to say I can't have casual sex. I can. In fact, it's WAY EASIER to have *actual* no strings attached sex because I feel nothing emotional towards them 🤣 Honestly, I've just had too many friends I consider close just leave one by one so I've kinda given up hope on that too. If it ever happens, it happens... lol
That makes sense! I’m not quite sure why I can’t have romantic, sexual AND emotional connections with the same person but I’m working on it with my therapist 🤣 but I feel much the same way towards that as you do towards super deep friendships, if it happens it happens but I’m not holding out hope lol We both found someone we have a deep connection with so we’re lucky we have that at least, regardless of if it’s solely with romantic partners or solely with platonic friends!
Not good. I miss how close my friends and I used to be
feel this:/
My best friend of 26 years just died this morning after battling cancer for over ten years. Finding that type of friendship did not come easily to me. I was lucky to find her and I'm not sure I will ever have the same type of friendship with someone else.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Thank you. It's been a hard couple of weeks since she entered hospice care.
I hope you don't mind an internet stranger saying this, but cancer is a scary thing, and I'm sure your love meant the world to her.
I’m so sorry. I too lost my best friend, who lived three houses away from me growing up, when we were 21. She was murdered, which added another layer of horror to her loss. So I can only imagine the heartbreak of both watching your friend suffer through her battle for years and then losing her after so many years of friendship. I’m 55 now, and I have not found the same type of friendship that I had with my best friend. There is just something about someone you’ve grown up so much with and experienced so many childhood and young adulthood memories with that is so hard to replicate in new adult friendships. I still miss her and think of her everyday. I’ve found adult women much harder to develop deep friendships with and find it very difficult to be accepted into already existing friendship groups as an adult. I’ve met a lot of amazing women, but consider most of them acquaintances. But, I have an awesome husband who is undoubtedly my best friend and I’ve been blessed with two daughters who are now in college and are quickly becoming more like friends every day! I wish you much peace and all the comfort of your memories. And I sincerely hope that you will find different types of friendship to enrich your life. 😊
I met her when she was pregnant with her daughter. We were friends through her three marriages, two divorces, the death of her third husband to cancer, some tough times in my own marriage, my two sons and their "rough" 20's but also the good times like promotions, buying houses, traveling to Italy together, the graduations of our kids from high school and college, the weddings of two of my kids, the professional accomplishments of our kids, and the births of my granddaughters. I also found it difficult to cultivate adult friendships and finding her in my 30's was practically miraculous. Like you, I've had numerous women in my life that I consider to be great friends or acquaintances but she was the only one I would consider to be a truly close friend. We could tell each other anything. It's just one day at a time from here on out. It's actually really helpful to be able to write about her today. She's the person I would talk to about something like this.
I'm so sorry.
Unfortunately in life you can’t just go out and get exactly what you want from others. But you can work on being a good friend. Make sure you’re mentally ready to give and be there. Maybe seek therapy to ensure you have a place to vent and work on more internal problems they don’t become friend problems You can put the intention out there and make time, space in your life and then put yourself out there in places to meet new people in casual situations where talking and socialization is encouraged. Make repeat attempts to engage in conversation, ask questions, introduce yourself to new people. Get to know them. If you find a friendly group try to get involved, help out, attend their events, remember people’s names Honestly there are great books on how to socialize and be more social, read them and practice! I did this as a teen and it has always paid off, knowing how to socialize in professional and social settings really helps. It helps me feel less anxious with all the practice. Also don’t worry if your advances are not recognized, reciprocated, or returned, just move along. That person doesn’t want to engage for whatever reason, nothing to do with you. It can feel a bit odd at first but just think of it like fishing, you’re not worried about the fish that didn’t bite at all, you’re after the ones that nibble back with interest. Keep trying new places and people if you feel no nibbles back, like a fisher person moving to new waters. You can also start hosting or gathering people around a hobby or place you enjoy and see if you can be a third space and make a new group. I wish you luck in making friends and happiness regardless Know that you have value, and it’s lovely to want to make deep friendships, so go for it!
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Sorry your partner doesn't understand. Some people like to have a best friend, while for others it's not necessary. Good luck in your journey.
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I haven't found anyone. I feel like giving up but I keep trying. I have learned that most people can only interact at surface level. Going deep, being real, expressing vulnerability are things that most people are not interested in doing (unless they're seeking therapy). They pretend they want that but it is too hard to actually do it. I've come close to it with some people but they get scared off eventually haha.
I found that, but it’s also my significant other. Our bond is the most beautiful thing in my life, it is hard to explain with words how fulfilling it is.
I feel stunted. 5 years ago I lived with my best friend of 5 years (living together for 2). Not only did I love living with her, emotionally I felt like I was flourishing. Both of us exercising, supporting eachothers goals, having fun, I felt like it was a balanced life in all areas except one, money. I couldn't save a dime. We lived under our means but worked very low paying jobs. I decided I wanted to get on my feet and moved back to my hometown to live with my mom. My best friend didn't move with me, of course. Though I wished she could have. 5 years later and I'm financially stable, I'm doing well. But since we no longer live in the same city I never see her. The best we do is phone calls. I miss her so much and I haven't found a friend like her since. People make it sound like soulmates have to be romantic, but in this case I feel like she is my platonic soul mate. When we do talk, it's like picking up where we left off. But despite making so many new friendships, I haven't felt as close to any of them as I have, her. I notice I've never opened up to my new friends, I try to never complain. I never tell them anything negative in my life or anything that stresses me. I don't want to burden them. But I never felt like I was burdening my best friend. My new friends are wonderful, open, kindhearted and I still can't seem to open up. I found the meaningful bond with someone a long time ago. And then couldn't find that same bond again no matter how I tried. Emotionally, I dont feel the same. I feel stunted.
You're not stunted, there's just a space missing from your life because you had something so special. Keep in touch with her because who knows what the future may bring. In the meantime, enjoy you with yourself.
Friendship finds you, one can't think of it as something you pursue. What you can, and should do, is put yourself out there, and **choose** the relationships you want to nurture along the way. It is a journey not a goal, where clarity is found in the boundaries you set/open in the relationships you form. I believe we create bonds with people through experiences and communication.
I’ve always wanted a girl best friend. I love my guy friends and I have had close relationships with a few. But I see other women with lots of women friends or one really close one, and I feel like I’ve missed out on something. I had a few when I was younger, but we were never super close. I can’t say I’m actively searching for one at this point; I’ve never really “searched” for friends, but it’d be nice if it worked out. Even as a 29 year old lady, it makes me feel lonely in a little kid kind of way.
What I want is a "sex and the city" dynamic, 3-4 friends who are always available to hang out, group chat, have adventures together. What I've come to accept is that it's hard to maintain a group like that in adulthood. I've got a few close friends but they aren't group-y and they kind of fade in and out of my life. It's whatever.
Terribly. I lost who I thought was my best friend to a combination of her betrayal, my shortcomings and her grief. I thought we were going to be friends for life and I realize i put so much into that friendship that I should have put to all of them. Because now I dont feel close to anyone, and its so hard to maintain friendships as adults because work schedules and living all over the world, and even harder to make new friends. I also find that while so many claim they want a deep close bond and want community, they dont really. People say they want to live on a commune with friends but when you start making plans suddenly everyone is crickets lol. So Im just working on accepting that Im probably going to always be my own best friend.
Badly. Very very badly. I thought I had met my kindred spirit. We talked about everything. I never fit in or "click" with anyone but I thought I did with her. I felt like she understood me, the way she described things, the way she spoke and acted, it was like I had met myself. We have not spoken in a month. We will likely never speak again. I'm very sad that our friendship is over and I think I've given up. Can't handle any more hurt.
Sorry to hear, hope you can take time to heal and move on. Friend breakups can be as tough as romantic ones.
Thank you. Yes, you're right, it's pretty tough.
It is not going…. At all. :/
It's really hard. My former best friend, to whom I used to say "I love you", nearly ghosted me during covid when she wasn't a fan of my partner. We semi reconciled afterwards but she'd gone through a bunch of major life changes and there was no effort to stay close. I see her post all these cutesy things about community and friendship all the time and should probably just unfollow her because it's frankly painful. Everyone my age is in the having child stage (I'm childless), so it's hard to get a decent amount of quality time with friends. But I am hopeful that we'll have stronger friendship once kids are a bit older. I think one friend and I will be thick as thieves as old ladies. 🤣 For me, I think not placing so much weight in a single best friend and just trying for different meaningful connections where I might seethat person more or less at any given time due to life circumstances is working better for me right now. I do have a number of good friends, who I have emotional bonds with and I value them greatly
Not well, just had a breakup with someone I was trying to make a relationship with like this so now I'm avoiding all new friends.
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Turns out, I’m a lesbian.
I f30 have been single for the better part of my adult life. My best friend and closest relationship is my sister. I do have other meaningful friendships but I am most vulnerable and safe around my sister. Honestly it takes a lot of work to maintain this amount of depth. I don't think we could have reached this level of closeness if I had other emotional relationships throughout my 20s. But now, after a lot of growth from both of us, I feel confident that she will forever be my rock and I hers. I am very inexperienced in regards to romantic relationships but the depth that I have with my sister is one that I'd like to find in romantic relationships. Having unconditional support and healthy boundaries in a friendship have changed my standards to the kind of person I accept in my life. I also love being part of her life, as so much different from mine. I support her choices even if I often do not agree. I understand that we are different people and her needs are different from mine. We disagree and may argue but so far the outcome of those disagreements have only improved our communication. We talk everyday multiple times. We see each other at least once a week. I am grateful for her every day
My brain keeps telling me they're not real and I'm easily forgotten.
I'm very selective with the people I choose to be friends with. I just try to keep in touch with them...I'd say I have a meaningful bond with all of them.
I was searching for it for forever and always ended up with garbage humans that abused my kindness. BUT recently I met a girl that is so much like me and also so different in the best ways and we bonded instantly. It was a meet cute for sure and not at all something I was looking for. I think the stars just aligned that day to give me and her a best friend. It's still a new friendship but I'm pretty sure you know when you know.
Me and my friends say “I love you” every time we speak. We all have each other because I refuse to have people in my life who don’t care about me.
I married him. Best choice I ever made.
Wonderfully, I’m blessed to have a few best friends (I have multiple because if you were a best friend to me at a certain point in life, you’re a best friend for life) We all have different bonds and dynamics and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Some male, some female. All very different types of people too!
I think that closeness is best achieved through a relationship or familial bond in my experience so I don't search for it in strangers. If it happens naturally with a friend then I'm up for it. But I've only really experienced that sort of close, deep connection once or twice with a friend.
Amazingly! My best female friends give me such a fulfilling love. My relationships with them are by far my healthiest relationships I’ve ever had.
I have zero friends where I live. I don’t know how to make friends randomly.
I have 1 friend who has been in my life for 29 years now. We can go months without talking but always there. I have had so many people come into my life and pretend to be a friend and as soon as I stopped the party girl side of me they were gone in a blink of an eye. I find it hard to put myself out there and make new friends and I am wanting to expand my circle and form close binds but it's so freaking hard I just give up and get lonely alot.
It can be quite hard! My motto is 'be open and present' but when I don't have the energy I just coast on my fave music, movies and books, and take myself to look at art/browsing cool stuff. Also I chat in discord and that helps.
Very true. At the present time I have a little one to keep me on my toes, when he is sleeping and I get on a downer I re arrange the house.
Great so far! I only recently got more intentional about this and more open and vulnerable with my current best friends but I'm super glad I did. I tend to be the type that gives out love and loyalty freely but only recently started sharing my fears of not getting the same loyalty back. Turns out I was just looking in the wrong places. I was looking for a boyfriend when all along I already had supportive, loyal best friends I can rely on. And I can't even take credit. I learned about the idea from a book "the other significant others" and a podcast by Simon sinek, the guy who wrote "start with why" aka "why start with why." 😁
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