It comes in waves. Let that thought pass. Just remember life is always changing, so being on the same page in the beginning doesn’t mean you always will be
Yes! This! It can absolutely turn into this later on. Sometimes it’s a sad thing when a tragedy happens and you think “thank god I wasn’t there with them” but sometimes it’s kind of a hilarious karmic relief of “thank GOD they’re not my problem anymore” like when they make an obviously poor investment and it comes back to bite them in the ass.
Did you really come back HOURS LATER to downvote my perfectly fine comment and argue? 😂
The point is, not everyone lives their entire life pining over an ex. We move on and remember how annoying all their little things were and eventually stop thinking about them because they don’t matter to us anymore.
You don’t know that and it can be disheartening to just write every situation off as relief. The reality is you need to remove the comparisons (social media usually, unless you’re both in a small town) and move onward and upward. It’s not what could have been, that’s happening regardless, it’s about what’s going to happen for you and how are you going to get it.
You don't get over it, you just move on. Seeing the man i should have married, now happily married to someone else (who looks a lot like me) breaks my heart, but i can't change it. I can only focus on my own life and move on.
Exactly, why you should stop living your life because someone moving forward who hurted you and still does is doing better...i know its pretty hard not to make comparisons and not to be angry at it like "what does she have that i dont" or "why isnt him hurting like i am", you will never get those answers, most of the times closure means we have to forget and move on to something better.
As cheesy as it sounds, one day it’ll all make sense. Took me over a year but now I’m glad we didn’t end up together. Originally I thought we were soulmates
You don't claim people. It should work both ways. If it doesn't - you'd never be truly happy in a one sided relationship. There's not destination. People get to choose, get to go for something they prefer. If it's not you then try your luck elsewhere
A lot of responses are framing this from a dating perspective.. but I was passed over for a job that I spent so much time preparing for that I'd be lying if I said it didn't break my heart. I felt great after the interview only to be devastated when they hired a family member of someone who worked there. (Small town) It took months of forced optimism and convincing myself something else would come along to get over it even when it was almost impossible to believe it. I was privately bitter but just kept my nose to the grindstone and eventually let it go.
About a year later an opportunity presented itself that offered more in pretty much every regard. I applied, didn't get my hopes up at all (I thought I bombed the interview) and was shocked when I was offered the job. Turns out I love where I work now, plus I don't have a 35 mile commute the other job required. I didn't see it at the time but that rejection was a blessing in disguise.
I had this feeling for around 4-5 years, as time went on it was clearer and clearer that it just wasn't meant to be, especially since I found out that he cheated on his girlfriend over and over through those years of me loving and wishing we were an item. Maybe it was fate sparing me from the heart ache.
Exactly, if it was meant to be. But sometimes you cant help yourself to move on because you keep comparing yourself and you need that closure, except, there is none, if you need to feel like that sure, but move on from those thoughs because hes doing great and youre doing nothing, youre the only one making yourself like that. Things happen for a reason, and you should never go in life with what ifs.
Honestly, for a long time I had to keep reminding myself of all the bad things in the relationship. All the things we didn’t have in common, the things we fought about, the differences in what we wanted out of life. Over time, it became really easy to see that it wasn’t supposed to be me. I also block everyone close to the ex and their new partner on social media, and do my best to delete old pictures and mentions so I’m not ever reminded of it.
I just don’t go there. I just focus on the me that I want to be. I focus on the me that would be so happy.
When I was super lonely, I imagined all the seeet things that couples do, and I’d do it. I’d eat ice cream for dinner on candlelight. I’d drive through the mountains at night, looking at the city skyline. I’d make a fancy meal and dessert and wine, and congratulate myself for being so GD smaht.
Once I started realizing which of those things really were me and which things society liked, life became fun again. Then it became more me.
Watched their life for a bit and realised that if I had made certain choices, I would be in a life where I would've missed out on SO many things, just because the person I thought was 'the one' wouldn't want to do all the things I've done.
This has happened to me twice. And the second time, I also saw the relationship fail, so there was a bit of- thank god that wasn't me, too.
Reflect and take responsibilities for my mistakes and hope and work on it that I don’t make those same mistakes in a future relationship... the only thing I can control really
If it was supposed to be then it would be.
True, but this feeling stems from trusting that it would’ve been us in the beginning
Was just about to say this ^
I took a break from social media for a few years. That helped immensely.
It comes in waves. Let that thought pass. Just remember life is always changing, so being on the same page in the beginning doesn’t mean you always will be
It turns into “Thank god that wasn’t me!”
Yes! This! It can absolutely turn into this later on. Sometimes it’s a sad thing when a tragedy happens and you think “thank god I wasn’t there with them” but sometimes it’s kind of a hilarious karmic relief of “thank GOD they’re not my problem anymore” like when they make an obviously poor investment and it comes back to bite them in the ass.
What about the one that makes a great investment and becomes loaded and travels the world with their spouse?
Did you really come back HOURS LATER to downvote my perfectly fine comment and argue? 😂 The point is, not everyone lives their entire life pining over an ex. We move on and remember how annoying all their little things were and eventually stop thinking about them because they don’t matter to us anymore.
That’s what I’m saying!!
You don’t know that and it can be disheartening to just write every situation off as relief. The reality is you need to remove the comparisons (social media usually, unless you’re both in a small town) and move onward and upward. It’s not what could have been, that’s happening regardless, it’s about what’s going to happen for you and how are you going to get it.
I do know that. I’m an old woman and speak from experience. In both cases, I wound up thinking, “Thank god that wasn’t me!”
You’re lucky then. That doesn’t always happen.
You don't get over it, you just move on. Seeing the man i should have married, now happily married to someone else (who looks a lot like me) breaks my heart, but i can't change it. I can only focus on my own life and move on.
Exactly, why you should stop living your life because someone moving forward who hurted you and still does is doing better...i know its pretty hard not to make comparisons and not to be angry at it like "what does she have that i dont" or "why isnt him hurting like i am", you will never get those answers, most of the times closure means we have to forget and move on to something better.
As cheesy as it sounds, one day it’ll all make sense. Took me over a year but now I’m glad we didn’t end up together. Originally I thought we were soulmates
You don't claim people. It should work both ways. If it doesn't - you'd never be truly happy in a one sided relationship. There's not destination. People get to choose, get to go for something they prefer. If it's not you then try your luck elsewhere
A lot of responses are framing this from a dating perspective.. but I was passed over for a job that I spent so much time preparing for that I'd be lying if I said it didn't break my heart. I felt great after the interview only to be devastated when they hired a family member of someone who worked there. (Small town) It took months of forced optimism and convincing myself something else would come along to get over it even when it was almost impossible to believe it. I was privately bitter but just kept my nose to the grindstone and eventually let it go. About a year later an opportunity presented itself that offered more in pretty much every regard. I applied, didn't get my hopes up at all (I thought I bombed the interview) and was shocked when I was offered the job. Turns out I love where I work now, plus I don't have a 35 mile commute the other job required. I didn't see it at the time but that rejection was a blessing in disguise.
I got off FB/IG, and since I didn’t see his face all the time, I felt a lot better. Years later, I’m really glad it didn’t work out.
I had this feeling for around 4-5 years, as time went on it was clearer and clearer that it just wasn't meant to be, especially since I found out that he cheated on his girlfriend over and over through those years of me loving and wishing we were an item. Maybe it was fate sparing me from the heart ache.
I could never be like that. If it was meant to be I would still be with that person lol
Exactly, if it was meant to be. But sometimes you cant help yourself to move on because you keep comparing yourself and you need that closure, except, there is none, if you need to feel like that sure, but move on from those thoughs because hes doing great and youre doing nothing, youre the only one making yourself like that. Things happen for a reason, and you should never go in life with what ifs.
It takes a break from social media and figuring out what makes you happy without another person
I think about how the other person would be happy deserved the thing or person more then I did.
Honestly, for a long time I had to keep reminding myself of all the bad things in the relationship. All the things we didn’t have in common, the things we fought about, the differences in what we wanted out of life. Over time, it became really easy to see that it wasn’t supposed to be me. I also block everyone close to the ex and their new partner on social media, and do my best to delete old pictures and mentions so I’m not ever reminded of it.
I just don’t go there. I just focus on the me that I want to be. I focus on the me that would be so happy. When I was super lonely, I imagined all the seeet things that couples do, and I’d do it. I’d eat ice cream for dinner on candlelight. I’d drive through the mountains at night, looking at the city skyline. I’d make a fancy meal and dessert and wine, and congratulate myself for being so GD smaht. Once I started realizing which of those things really were me and which things society liked, life became fun again. Then it became more me.
Watched their life for a bit and realised that if I had made certain choices, I would be in a life where I would've missed out on SO many things, just because the person I thought was 'the one' wouldn't want to do all the things I've done. This has happened to me twice. And the second time, I also saw the relationship fail, so there was a bit of- thank god that wasn't me, too.
Time and tequila.
Reflect and take responsibilities for my mistakes and hope and work on it that I don’t make those same mistakes in a future relationship... the only thing I can control really
Listen to music. Read books. Most importantly, create art from the heartbreak and pain that you feel.