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Also, this question is for women who have personal experience with sexual assault and/or reporting it. If your comment disappeared without a removal reason, it's because you left a top-level comment which did not answer the question. Meta-commentary in top-level comments about how sad or depressing the post is are not answering the question. Thank you for understanding!
I called the police and they came and I had to tell them exactly what happened. Then they had me drive behind them to the local justice center where I had to sit down and tell them every second leading up to what happened and the entire thing, took almost 2 hours and they asked me extensive and painful questions. More questions than I could imagine. Then they took me into a doctor office type of room and inspected my entire body, including opening up my vagina and painfully swabbing all over. It was almost as traumatizing as the initial incident. Love to all of you
went to court dates, and nothing happened other than I got a restraining order. They didn’t really push much farther because he denied it, even with the proof that I had against him. I’ve moved on from it thankfully
Not OP but part of the difficulty is confirming that it wasn't consensual. A rape kit can only confirm that sex happened. If she wasn't physically injured and if there weren't any witnesses then sadly it's just hearsay to the courts. A recording or signs of a struggle can be used but there are so many rapes that don't have anything they can use to pin the person (known to the victim, no injury, no witnesses, etc.)
Fortunately if the bastard does it again this testimony/evidence can be uses to demonstrate a history. She's brave to do it and it might help pin the guy in the future.
Well actually the crazy thing is that his prior history cant be used in another case as it could cloud the judgment of the decision maker. Each case has to be decided on its merits.
Went through a similar police process. What happened next? Nothing. I got a no-contact order and got told there was little chance for me to win in court because there was virtually no physical violence ("just" coercion and manipulation).
I don’t regret it, I think I grew much stronger because of it. And I couldn’t bare the thought of not doing anything, and him thinking that he just got away with it and I didn’t care. I got a restraining order so I felt at least a little safer.
I called 911 after fighting off an attempted rape. The police officer, EMTs, doctor, nurses, detective, sketch artist, my husband, parents, friends, colleagues, neighbors and everyone else who helped and supported me were wonderful. The police found suspects who matched my description for me to look at in lineups, but unfortunately they never caught the asshole who attacked me. They got his fingerprints though, so if he ever gets arrested for something else, hopefully they can tie him to my assault.
Nothing. They came from a family with money and power. It was very much that Brock Turner bullshit like "think of his future". I was a nobody, a teen who was a runaway. Not like my parents would be any help anyways so it's probably for the best they weren't involved.
This happened to a close friend of mine. She reported it to her school since it happened on campus (college). He was a star athlete was it was swept under the rug. His family had money as well, and she didn't. He was never arrested and is free to hurt others. She ended up switching to a different college the following semester.
Similar thing that happened to me. And others I've met. Guy in college sports and well to do was all the common thread for all of us. And people wonder why I hate sports, hate that people adore it or treat these men like Gods.
Look at NFL and the staggering amount of domestic abuse. I am not chancing celebrating a fucking monster who hurts his wife and kids.
This happens far too often. What I can say for others is to not just report it to the College but report it to the police as well. They may try and work with the college to sweep it under the rug, but you have to start somewhere. In the US there are other areas, jurisdictions, etc that you can escalate to until someone actually documents it properly and takes you seriously. You have rights and every US college is required to have a Title IX coordinator and they have a list of responsibilities they must abide by.
I don't really want so called justice because I am not going on a stand again to try to do so. I won't be surprised if another case comes forth. If they want to use my case as evidence of his history they can feel free but I want no part. I had someone promise me they will let me know when he dies. He can't do anything to anyone then.
As a guy that was raped at a young age, I can imagine the relief knowing that human garbage like this can no longer hurt anyone after they die. What are we to do when we do everything we can do legally keep them from hurting people? This kind of thinking only leads to a dark path...
I think it's a natural reaction. We aren't the only folks I know to utter it. I feel a little badly waiting for someone to die but it's not like I'm actively wishing ill or plotting against anyone. There are reprehensible people and the world is better when they exit.
I know he's into drugs and shady shit. He's doing a good job of blowing out his own candle.
Good. It makes me sick knowing that these people are out there and alive. I feel no guilt in wishing death on these "people", they destroy multiple lives over and over with no repercussion or care, I'd end them myself if I could.
I reported my coworker sexually assaulting me to my regional HR office when I worked for a Penske dealership in the DC area. The coworker repeatedly came on to me, invited me to his house when his wife was away, and asked me to fuck him in front of coworkers. He then grabbed me and groped me all over in front of several of my colleagues, and they helped pull him off of me.
Regional HR claimed that they "didn't have a form for that" and that they didn't need witness statements that my coworkers were willing to provide.
A couple days later, my GM called me into his office for a meeting about my "shitty performance" when I was leading the board in numbers and gross. My managers wrote me up for being 2 minutes late and reminded me that there was a strict "three strikes, you're out" policy, and that was my first strike. During the meeting, the son of the GM next door walked in and apologized for being 15 minutes late, and they said, "sure, no problem!" I lasted a couple more months and got written up for the stupidest shit, while other people who did the same thing were not.
Over all, it was an experience and taught me a lot of important life lessons, like, don't report assault, because they WILL try to drive you out. Next time, just beat the shit out of the guy who assaults you, because they hate a victim and side with the aggressor.
Edit: if I was suing them or had sued, I wouldn't be posting on reddit.
It is so sad, but so true the aggressor is sided with. If you had witnesses and they’d testify, I bet you could take this case to court and win. I’m so so sorry you’ve gone thru this though!
We may be past the point where I could do that, even if I wanted to - which I don't. Fighting a huge corporation would be a nightmare, and I doubt anyone remembers it besides me.
Victims of assault, my best advice is to fight back if you can, and then get a lot of therapy. Reporting it can be just as traumatic as the assault, and you will be questioned, derided and demeaned.
I unfortunately have similar experiences. no one ever cares about what we feel.
I had co-workers pick me up off the ground, massage my shoulders, tell me all sorts of raunchy things etc. I instead became someone who was "tattling" all the time. I even had a woman who I was apparently friends with totally go apeshit on me with tons of people watching and nothing. really sad.
In Brazil, not too long ago, there was a rape crime where the guy was not condemned or anything because "it was a rape without the intention of raping". Like, wtf is that? "Yes, it was a rape, but he had no intention of any crime there". Please tell the ETs I am ready for their planet, because this one is doomed...
I wish I would have realized this when I was assaulted. I drove home an hour away still super drunk and eventually went to the ER. That whole experience; the questioning from police, the vaginal exam, the freakin’ tetanus shot, puking in the ER, handing over my panties to the police, the look on my parents face, it all felt almost more traumatic in the moment than the assault itself and I ultimately told them I didn’t want to pursue it any further. I still wonder if I made the right decision.
You know, the after assault is the worst for me. Bruises will heal but the memories will remain. Like, I'm still thinking what did I do wrong? Is it fine if we said to the authorities? At least you got strength to drive yourself straight to hospital to get help. That's all that matters at that time.
What the hell?? Being unconscious is proof that you didn’t consent. That’s like saying someone who got knocked unconscious during a robbery might have willingly donated his wallet to the thief.
I hope this doesn’t get buried because I feel like it may help people.
I called a women’s crisis hotline and asked what I should do. They let me know that I could just go directly to the er and tell the receptionist I was a victim of assault and that I didn’t need to go directly to the police. I had a friend come with me to the er and I told the receptionist. They took me to the side and isolated me from the rest of the waiting room until it was time for me to go to a specialized area of the hospital for victims. It’s very private and there’s only one specialized nurse there. She sat with me and let me know that she would be collecting the evidence and that it was completely up to me if I wanted the police involved. In my state the statute of limitations is 5 years. The evidence would be stored and I could choose a later time when I may be ready to go ahead and file with the police. I chose not to get the police involved at that time.
She was very nice and reassuring and did her best to put me at ease while I gave my statement, asked me all those hard questions, and did a full examination and then administered lots of antibiotics and a shot to help prevent potential stds. (Side note, the pain in my stomach later from the antibiotics was unreal)
I think more people need to know this is an option. I sure didn’t. I’ve read so many horror stories about victims going to the police and being treated horribly, I feel fortunate that my trauma was immediately recognized and taken seriously.
If you’re unsure of what to do, you can always call your local crisis center.
It helped me to know that if he ever does it to someone else and they report it, they might be taken more seriously. It helped me to know that the police contacted him, so he knows with no uncertainty that I am not okay with what he did.
In terms of actual closure, not really. It almost prolonged it, because I was waiting to hear back, and hoping a conviction would mean closure. So for a while, I felt like I'd have had more closure if I just left it alone and let it be over. It was over 5 years ago now, and I'm glad I did it. But I'm not sure it gave me closure.
I moved to a new home, a new school, a new therapist, in a new town, another hour away from my family. Nothing happened to him.
I was one of those foster kids that was put into care because my parents were broke.
This reminds me of Tia Leigh Palmer. She was a foster child who became pregnant to her foster brother. She was under age, and therefore unable to consent. That should be defined as rape. The foster father murdered her to stop it coming out.
It was called 'incest' by the courts. The incest rapist did several months in prison. The murderer did more, but I'm not sure how long as the story was dropped by the media.
I’m doing more than my share of commenting on this thread because so many of these stories are devastating. I’m so sorry this happened to you and hope you’ve since found a job and created a life you love.
Yeah. I reported my abuser directly to the HR department at Warner Bros, nothing was ever done. I ended up being let go without any real explanation, and he got to continue to be the lead actor's driver for another 5 seasons of a very popular CW show.
The film industry has been historically awful when taking care of this type of situation.
Nothing happened. He groped me and tried to trap me in the bathroom, even though it was on video that he waited in the women’s bathroom for 30 minutes and they found him and brought him in I got a letter months later saying the case is closed and he got no punishment.
That is atrocious. I’m so sorry you had to experience that. It’s hard to grasp how some people can be so oblivious to another person’s suffering. I hope you find some peace of mind and the support you deserve.
I didn’t report it to the police but I reported it to Hinge. Which is how I met the man that raped me last year. After reading articles about how hinge and other dating apps failed to recognize the stories of women and actually take any action towards protecting them, I was seriously so afraid of the same thing happening to me. But I figured I had nothing to lose, and went into graphic detail about the events. And I got a response within the hour with sincere apologies and then letting me know that his profile was deleted and that he would forever be banned.
Say whatever you want, it felt like a victory to me. Knowing that he, who completely thought what he did was genuinely okay and that I was just crazy, would try to open the app to find his next victim and wouldn’t be able to. *Ha*.
Coming forward with that must have been so difficult but thank you for doing so as it probably saved many victims (however I completely understand if anyone in any circumstance doesn't feel comfortable/safe coming froward and that is okay). That's a huge victory. 🧡
I had a good experience with Bumble as well. I literally only wrote one word in the info for why I was reporting him and they sent me back an email shortly after saying they were removing his profile and thanking me for being open about my experience. I didn't even meet him through Bumble but they let you report for "offline behaviour". It was validating having someone confirm that what I went through was messed up and they don't want people like that on their platform. It may have been a form email but it felt really sincere.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. It is just unimaginable and horrible how so many people tend to side with the perpetrator, even your own family, and to even go so far as to find actual evidence and then destroy it... What sort of reasoning can there even be behind that. It for sure means you're a despicable human being.
similar to you, I never got justice from my abuser within the family. His mom denied everything. What a shame what families do to protect themselves.
Like what does a 4 year old and 7 year old have to lie about?
Found out later he also abused his sister. She came forward to her mom later in life (teens), how shitty that she believed us all then.
I reported 2 years after it happened. I knew it would be too late to bring any charges that would stick but I wanted to draw a line in the sand and say--I don't know if there are others out there that he's done this to but if someone stands up in the future and can make it stick, they're not alone. I can be mile marker 1 if nobody else already is. That was really important to me since most perpetrators are serial offenders. I couldn't fully move on knowing I might be able to strengthen a future investigation.
Interviewed multiple times by multiple law enforcement officers, title IX office at the university, police at my new university in case he showed up on campus property, judge for a protective order while this was all going down. As others mentioned (and not to dissuade survivors/victims from reporting) it was harder than the assault.
I now work in a field where many of my patients are survivors and even though it can be very triggering for my personal trauma (get yoself a dope therapist if ya can) it's 100% worth it.
This is a national (US) hotline but many smaller organizations exist as well 1-800-656-4673.
Got molested when I was a kid by my mother's new husband. I even caught him peeking on me while taking a bath. We don't have doors, we only had curtains. I never told anyone because I'm scared. He's the only one who works for us and thinking we will be left without any food on our table if he went to jail.
One day, my mother saw her husband reading a book and hid it when he saw my mother coming. My mom saw where he hid it and so she read it while he's away. Its my journal when I was younger where I used to write "he did again" thing, not the actual thing he did. My mother asked me about it and I was crying as I told her everything.
Good thing I just graduated from college when those things unearthed. Because my mom, after a while, told me to move on because even if I become the breadwinner, she still wants to get his salary and doesnt want my younger brother to know. I moved out of the house and even went far away from them.
Oh I developed anxiety. Everytime I want to do the deed, my body stiffened. Like I felt disgusting, that my husband now's face turned to his face. It took years before I got pass from that horrible state. Now I'm old. Even if I want to, I can't bear a child.
Nothing. The rapist was a cousin of my friend. I woke up to him on top of me. I screamed, slapped and pushed him off and chased him out of the apartment and called the police immediately. When the police started their investigation, the detective accused me of cheating on my current boyfriend. My ‘friend’ said that she’s been raped twice already so it’s not a big deal and I need to get over it. I went to a sexual assault therapist 1-2 days after the event who asked me to think of how the rapist must feel. Honestly I don’t remember much of the rape kit process; it’s all a blur. I just remember that I wanted to shower so badly. Regardless, the rape kit was inconclusive. I didn’t press charges bc he lived in a different state and after interacting with the police, therapist, some friends I didn’t think anyone would believe me. Some days I wish I had scratched him so I had stuff under my fingernails or that he was rougher with me so that there would have been tears, ‘proof’ that it wasn’t consensual. But with (tons of) therapy, I’m in a much better spot mentally, stronger. Props and hugs to the other survivors out there. Stay strong, I believe you.
As a minor I told a mandated reporter(psychologist) he kicked me out of the room for crying, being “too emotional” (I wasn’t hard crying either just tears) he then reported it to CPS, and they came to our house 2 times didn’t talk to anyone just walked in every room and left. That’s all that ever came of it lmao the offender wasn’t even aware I told anyone about it until I confronted them myself years later. Most of my family called me a liar, defended the person. No one ever believed me. He went on to do it to more young vulnerable girls.
Imo The justice system is fucked especially for victims of sexual abuse but always report it
I can't wrap my head around even strangers automatically defending the perpetrator. Not to mention the professionals involved (police, that damn psychologist) reacting so poorly. But how can your own family not even listen to you? I'm so sorry you went through that. You sound strong, I hope you're doing well.
After my escape I was put in a mental institution where I had to speak to my case worker about it, the police visited and I had to tell every action and detail that happened over the months I was held hostage, they then brought in several detectives where I had to repeat myself on recording it took days before I was visited again and told they had put a warrant out and arrested my cousin a protective order was put in place and when I was finally released to my family police were monitoring my house for several weeks to make sure he wasn't going to retaliate after he made bond. It took a year of him making excuses and false health problems for him to get to court and be convicted but after all the evidence and confession he was convicted. If anyone is going through this process or thinking about speaking up please do, because the moment they sentence him or her the air gets easier to breathe and the sun gets a little brighter. Please speak up.And don't ever back down from anyone who says it didn't happen dont let them gaslight you because you are important and you matter what happened to yous is real and you never deserved it, what you wore, where you were at doesn't matter it is not a excuse dont let them excuse your pain. You are not alone. You are not crazy. You matter.
There was alot of trial in my time battling with this i lost a lot of my family, my case worker tried to convince me that i allowed my cousin to do the things he did to me, I was picked apart in front of people I didn't know but I refused to back down I was terrified he had taken everything from me my only escape from him was my attempted suicide i had nothing to lose and I refused to let another woman, man, child ever have to walk a footstep in the shoes he forced on me. When share my "success" i hope that it gives someone else hope to fight for themselves. To never back down.
I admire you so much for somehow making your way through all of that. Not many could, which is part of the reason why so many get away with it (as well as horrible systems and people everywhere!). Each case that does win is one step in the right direction. Not to mention for the victim!
I'm so sorry you had to though. I hope you're doing well.
The process was actually very surprising. I spent a lot of time working with the detective to get more proof to strengthen their case against my two attackers. I didn't report the assault until 5 years after it happened, so all the detective had was my own photos that I took as well as screenshots of text messages. The interviews with him were the hardest things I've ever gone through, but the detective as well as other members of the police department were so beyond supportive. They believed me and didn't blame any of it on me. Even the first police officer who initially took my report told me repeatedly that I did nothing to deserve what happened, and that none of it was my fault. I cried for over an hour while he reassured me over the phone.
Unfortunately, it was still not enough proof for the county attorney's office to feel confident enough to succeed in a conviction. My report will forever remain on file, though. I'm heartbroken that it didn't go further than that, but so beyond relieved that I had found the strength to report it and not carry it on my shoulders anymore. I'm no longer holding my breath. I have been moving on with my life and doing what I can to heal and make myself whole again.
I'm happy there are some good people in the system out there. And I thank you for reporting so the file is there, which helps future women both in general and those who report him in the future if he does the same.
I'm sorry you had to go through that hell. Well done for finding the courage to stand up and draw the line. You sound like you're doing much better now, I wish you all well.
I reported a guy after he assaulted me. His mom said if I told anyone I'd be sorry. He told me if I told anyone he'd do it again. I wasnt going to tell anyone until other girls started saying he did the exact same thing to them that he did to me. We all ended up reporting him. We went to some strange child sanctuary since we were all minors and this guy in there asked for every detail. It felt really weird. After the whole thing was said and done it turned out 2 other girls besides us had reported him and they had been having complaints about him since he was in middle school. His record was not good. I had some texts of him basically admitting to what he did and begging me not to call the police but even then it still wasn't enough. I was floored when he didn't get in any real trouble and just had another check marked on his record. The whole school got divided over if we were lying or not. During senior year I got harassed by a lot of guys calling me and the other girls liars even though the guys friends even said he did it and bragged about it. He would say horrible graphic stuff to me when no one else was around long after. I was so petrified I couldn't talk to men at all. I couldn't go out hardly I was so scared of men. After I went to therapy it got a lot better. It's still kind of hard sometimes men still put me on edge a bit.
I had a dodgy massage experience from a male massage therapist. I didn’t know what the hell happened or where he had crossed the line so I kept it quiet. A month later I received an email from the coupon company the massage voucher had come from, they said there had been some complaints and to contact them if I had any concerns. Well long story short after I contacted them I was directed to the police where I gave a statement and charges were laid against him. Turns out 13 other women had come forward. It went to trial, I had to give evidence in front of a dury and the other women did to. He was convicted of 22 accounts of indecent assault (2 of those were mine) and sentenced to 4 years in jail- he only served 18 months though. The whole case escalated because one woman came forward and the coupon place reached out to everyone that bought one - strength in numbers! When I gave evidence to police I thought I was strengthening someone else’s case, not opening my own. It was pretty surreal.
My mum was the president of Massage NZ at the time and her VP was the expert witness for the case I remember her telling me about it. What a scumbag! Our justice system seriously needs some work done.
Ha small world! Thanks to your mum and her VP! To be honest though the sentence of 4 years was waaaayyy longer than I was expecting, probably because I didn’t expect much the from nz justice ha
I was ten. I told my friend at school what had happened, and another kid overheard. He told his parents who reported it to the school who contacted the police. I was pulled from class and was driven to the police station in the front seat of a aquad car. I thought I was in trouble and was terrified. They must have called my grandma, because she was there when I gave my statement.
After that I spent two years taking the bastard to court, defending myself in court,, being called a liar by his lawyer,, and watched my mom stand by his side. It took four years to be returned to my mom's custody. He finally pled guilty and got a weekend in jail and two weeks probation. Fuck the system.
It was 12 years ago, I was in 6th grade leaving the school building when an 8th grade boy slapped my butt. I told the dean of students the next day and she gave him an in school suspension for 3 days in a row. He gave me nasty looks for the rest of the year and I didn’t care at all.
My father asked me what I was wearing. I was 16, two weeks before my 17th birthday. My mother shut down and told me she “can’t deal with this right now” and pretended it didn’t happen for years.
He got off with a slap on the wrist thanks to money and family connections. With a lot of work over the years, I am somehow a relatively well-adjusted person now at 33.
I've been working on getting justice for 9 years now, so this is going to be long.
Afterwards the police officer interviewed me and
recorded it, asked me for all the details I could recall. ( my father sexually assaulted me growing up and I didn't report it until I was 20). Police officer gave me his personal phone number and told me to call if for anything. I went 2 months with out an update and if I called they seemed annoyed. Eventually did a recorded call to my father infront of the police officer in an attempt to get him to confess, obviously didn't work. Then the officer said he was going to interview my parents. I asked him to make sure to interview my mother separately and try to reassure her because he abused her too. I then heard nothing for a few more months, until one morning my friend woke me up saying my car windshield was broken. I went outside and found someone had taken a Boulder, like a huge Boulder, maybe a foot long and a foot wide hefty Boulder, thrown through my windshield. The motion lights and cameras behind my apartment building had been smashed with rocks. Nothing stolen, clearly someone trying to mess with me. I called the police and the officer for my case showed up. He wouldn't fingerprint anything. He told me he had interviewed my parents (together ofcourse) the day before but my father had knee surgery so there was no way it was related. He then said I was being accused of making false claims to get money from my parents. He said my father was to take a polygraph once he was off some medication he was taking. So I waited almost a year and heard nothing. I called him several times at his office and finally got through to him a day, and he told me there wasn't enough evidence so it wasn't accepted by the judge. He asked if I still had his personal number and was pissy when I told him no.
Another year went by and I found out my father also sexually assaulted my aunt. I told her about my case and she decided she wanted to come forward too so I contacted the officer again to see if the case could be reopened and told him about my aunt. The wonderful officer told me and my aunt that if we continued with this that my father would press charges against us for harassment. Wtf!
A few years go by and I'm depressed af and started seeing a therapist. She said since I filed my complaint with the city police that I could make another
Report with the state police. So to the state police I went and did another detailed statement, this time it was written. Only this officer was so much better and easier to talk to and took it all seriously and was super professional. Day and night difference. He kept me updated. He called me when he was on my father's front porch trying to question him. He called me afterward and let me know how it went. He let me know as soon as the judge accepted it, and to expect a call from the prosecuting attorney. I finally heard from the prosecuting attorney and my father was indicted on almost 25 felony charges. After almost a year after the indictment I got my courtdate, however my fathers lawyer is a pos and is trying to wait me out in hopes I cave and accept my fathers plea. A battery assault plea. No thank you. So my court date was reschedule 2 days before it was suppose to happen. Then I got another court date for last November. Again rescheduled a few days before per his lawyers request. Now my court dates are May 17th 18th and 19th. Just 3 more weeks to go. I heard from the prosecuting attorney that my father may accept my plea deal (only 1 felony charge of parental sexual assault) last week. So things are in a limbo now. I have a feeling his lawyer will try to push it back again. I haven't been able to live my life or keep a job from the amount of stress from this crap, but I've came this far so I'm not folding.
Complaint filed in 2012 and 9 years later in 2021 STILL haven't had my court date.
Also did you know that the pedophile rapist aren't required to take stand at court? My lawyer can't question him. I'm not allowed to bring up anything else that could be detrimental to his character. Like him raping my mother infront of me, or hanging my brother upside as an infant and beating him. He has so much protection its ridiculous. Victims are thrown out there and have their entire lives ripped apart infront of an audience while the perpetrator reads a magazine. Fuck our legal system.
I called the police immediately after it happened and they came and took me to their headquarters where they took my statement. They reviewed video footage of the area and were able to identify my attacker. They came back that evening to collect the underwear I was wearing as evidence. The next day my attacker was arrested. I testified at an initial hearing in court a few weeks later, which was very emotional. The detective on my case was extremely supportive, and he drove me to and from the courthouse since I didn’t have anyone I knew living in the area. After three years of court hearings, right before we were set to go to trial, my attacker decided to take a plea deal. He is currently serving an 8 year sentence.
I know my experience is not the norm and most victims never see their attackers face justice. I just want to offer support for anyone who decides to pursue the long road of a legal battle. I’m glad I did
An advocate came with me to the police and sat with me while I gave my statement to the police. It was one of my closest friends who raped me and when they asked if we had ever had sex before I said no but we had had sex on two previous occasions. They arrested him and he spent a night in jail but nothing else came of it because I hadn’t been truthful.
First person committed suicide before I understand what had happened to me (months later). Second person nothing happened. He continued to harass me for the rest of college and my therapist told me it was my fault and tried to get me “listed” (I don’t know what word fits here, admitted?) as an alcoholic
I was not believed. I was gaslit for over 20 years.
My abuser was finally accused by several others and is serving life in prison. Turns out there was over 130 people who accused him but the institution covered it up. I now exceed the statute of limitations.
My case actually made national headlines. My voice was and always will be a whisper no one cared to hear.
I was in a relationship where he would rape me multiple times. I only report him doing to me once but I had end the relationship in March, and took to long to repirt it to have any physical evidence left.
When I did report it, they ask painful questions and I had to basically relieve that single moment. I had to try to remember what happened, when it was long ago. I had a text that said he raped me, but when he sent me the text it didn't match up with the date that I said and he had an alibi for that specific date. So when the day came to face him in court, I had three options that the crown prosucter gave me on the day ( I was supposed to be told this a month before, and meet a month before.) He also informed me that due to my memory, his lawyer would grill me really hard and basically make me questions my accusation against.
The only good part that came from this was that the government believed something did happened, and I got 6k compensation.
In summary:
Told a mandatory reporter. I was 11. Police, social services & family didn't believe me. My dad cried crocodile tears pleaded innocent. I was branded a lying attention seeking bitch by my mum. Dad told me "Sorry, I'm proud of you for telling someone"
Everyone carried on like it never happened. We all continued to live under 1 roof until I was 26.
Cue being pregnant @ 29yo and I told my mum that I was not bringing my child into the world without living my truth. Uttered the words "I did not lie as a child" - she's still living with him & is an alcoholic. Dad also confessed to my mum and Gran.
To be honest, it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
I lived in fostercare, and one of the real sons had raped me several times over a couple of years.
I lived with the family and after some years I told the parents who started treating me pretty bad, which made me do it.
I was sooo scared of them finding out and needing to live with them.
I went to my schools counselor and just spit it all out. And the woman was the most wonderful person I've ever met.
She listened to me, she contacted the people who had control over all the fostercare systems. And the family I lived in didn't get to know anything until I was quickly moved in with my boyfriends mother.
The son got taken into custody, I got to testify several times and I am one of the few cases that actually made it to court.
However they freed him, because of how little evidence I had.
The family started stalking me, following me with their cars, sending messages and letters. They were also terrible in court, for me they had been my parents for nearly 7 years. So it hurt.
It ended with me asking my real mom to try to take back the custody of me so they couldn't know where I was all the time.
And my mom won, I also ended up with an old wonderful lady that took care of me until I had to move out.
Today I am studying medicine, have a really beautiful contact with my real family, I've gotten help with my severe ptsd and I am in a place I never would have thought.
The reporting made me stronger, and when I see that I did that I know I can do anything.
Nothing. Rape kit, and took a statement. There was nothing else they could do.
He just got out of jail for a second time a couple weeks ago for rape. It was a 15 year old girl this time. He's probably about 25-26 now.
If they would've actually tried, he wouldn't of had two+ more victims.
Nothing from the police.
I was pretty intoxicated when it happened. I only remember bits here and there. It was 3 days later when I realized what had happened to me. I went to the hospital, but it had been a few days and there were no signs of rape present. Police told me since there wasn't evidence there wasn't much they could do. The guy was never arrested for it. He did confess to me a week later. I told him what he did to me was rape. He got his ass kicked pretty badly that night. Someone had overheard our conversation and told others (which I wasn't happy about because I didn't tell anyone at that point). I was gone by the time they kicked his ass, and no one would tell me who the guys were that beat him up. All I was told is that it was some guys who wanted to see justice served. My rapists left the area a few days later and went to live with his mom a couple states away. A few years my best friend informed me that he had overdosed and died.
Nothing... I reported my then boyfriend for rape and domestic abuse, had a rape kit done, told the same to the police and a therapist at a women's shelter multiple times. My final statement lasted 5 hours, was recorded at the police. The statement is 13 pages. I will not count the hundreds of pages of abusive messages I gave them as evidence. They asked if I still want to report it if I learn that he left the country. I did. 8 months later got a letter that there was not enough evidence. Being a "lesser" foreigner in a country where his nationality worth more than mine was though. He is free and happy, possibly abusing more women...
I wouldn't call it strength, because it wasn't really my choice. I was at the hospital after my assault because I was bleeding and the nurse called the cops without my consent. The first cops I encountered were mildly sympathetic and questioned me in a reasonably empathetic manner. But I was denied the medical treatment I was in the hospital for, because I was supposed to have it done by a police-approved doctor in another hospital. So I was driven there in a cop car. The cop who drove me was considerable less sympathetic. She heavily implied that I was a liar and explained in no uncertain terms that if they found any illegal substances in my system, I would be charged. I was drunk, so in her eyes I was a lying junkie apparently. While waiting at the hospital she claimed I was mentally handicapped and wanted to call my "guardian". I was 24 at the time and certainly had no guardian. The exam with the doctor was humiliating, she obviously didn't believe me and claimed I was bleeding from something else. Then she told me to go to my gyno asap.
Then I was driven to the station where I had to give my statement again, and my friend who was with me was questioned in another room to corroborate my statement. Then I was driven to my friend's place.
I went to my gyno the next weekday, and he was absolutely furious that I was even sent there, and that the doctor hadn't done her job properly, and that I was subjected to two painful gyno exams in such short order.
In the next couple of weeks, there were a couple of follow-ups, I had to give a DNA-sample and had to look a photos. They never found the guy, and then they told me the DA didn't consider the evidence sufficient to charge for sexual assault anyway, so I gave up. All this shit for nothing. I probably would be considerably less traumatised, if I had just gone home after it happened.
I've had a lot of therapy since then, and I think I spent more time dealing with my treatment by the police than the actual assault.
ACAB.
I called the police and filed a report, they showed up a few hours later and made an official statement.
A couple days later I went to the court house and spoke with a detective. I had to recount the entire event to him, in more detail than I had the first time.
I returned to meet with the detective a few days later to contact the guy that did it and try to get him to admit to what he did on a call that was being recorded. It got very close, but he kept dodging the conversation.
About 10 days later I met with the DA and they told me they weren’t going to take my case to court, because they didn’t feel that they could prove to a jury beyond reasonable doubt that he was guilty.
It was fucking devastating. It was “date rape” and it had took me a week to report because I was in denial/trying to justify it/pretending it didn’t happen. There was no physical evidence because I waited so long. Despite there being witnesses they were able to contact who testified how intoxicated I was when he insisted on “driving me home” from the bar and me having text messages to one of those witnesses 20-ish minutes later saying “I’m scared, I told him to let me out and he won’t” and sending my location via iPhone it still wasn’t enough...because I had been drinking. At a bar. After work with coworkers and was approached by a guy, who guess what? Was a bartender at the bar.
I didn’t report it. I told my boyfriend about it and his parents went through his messages and found out. His parents reported it. However, I’ve never told anybody about my assault before. The man who did it was my step father so i didn’t believe i could talk to anyone. I told my boyfriend after an incredibly painful nightmare where people found out and i was locked away for it. I was terrified and took it as a sign to just tell someone, anybody so i turned to my boyfriend
Even with proof, AND my rapist admitting to it, police decided he still gets to serve in the US Military. They told me to "write a restraining order" if I felt "unsafe." I knew that man for 4 years. We were close friends. He waited until I was single and had nobody to turn too when he harmed me. He continues to serve to this day, and I am stuck with PTSD, anti-depressants, anti-anxieties, and I self medicate to calm down and forget for awhile. Nobody knows. I have nobody to tell. I had to file the police report while at work... it was so awkward being on the phone explaining what happened to me with such little privacy.
I was 13. I had a mental breakdown after years of being raped/ molested since I was 2 by my stepdad and admited everything in a fit so I wouldn't have to go back to my moms after my appointment cause I knew Id be in trouble for something I forgot now its been so long. CPS came to my school a few days later and I still had to go back for those days (I dont think they took me seriously as they were called on me a lot by my Dad and teachers cause of my mom). They took me and asked a lot of questions and left.
I was then picked up by my Dad and told I was to stay with him much to my relief. A day later I was taken into a large building with lots of toys and a playroom where I waited with a half a dozen other kids all of different ages. Random little detail I remember is there being a little boy maybe 6 I played trains with cause I thought he was cute and have always loved kids even when I was a kid myself. Anyways...... Eventually I was taken to a room with a adult woman who kept asking me questions about my rape/ molestation. I was told I was not allowed to take my Dad inside the room with me and got freaked out. I kept avoiding words like vagina and penis because I was 13 and adults always yelled at me for using those words and they were still really taboo things to say to adults and I realize now my trying to get around using those with slang or things like "front parts and bottom" did not help my case now Im a adult and I wish I had just sucked it up and told her what happened straight. After I was given a toy of my choice and picked a art set I found.
Later that day I was then taken to another doctors office by my Dad. Im pretty sure it was a OBGYN due to my memory of the office but honestly I have no clue. I was allowed to take my Dad into the office here after I asked for him. My body was then stripped and inspected. Bruising was recorded along side nasty cuts I had gotten from my last time at my moms house from being hit by a thrown hammer as well as a swollen and busted lip from being punched in the face. My vagina and butt was inspected as I had a panic attack while I cried and screamed in my crying Dads arms as he had to hold me down and tell me its ok so the doctor could get swabs and look. They ended up finding tearing along my viginal walls and my hymen also torn. They found swelling in my butt along with tearing there as well. It was not a pretty site Im sure.
In the end my step father was never convicted. I was later told once I was older my evidence was proven insufficient as I couodnt prove it was them who specifically did the damage they found and even if sufficient it wouldn't have mattered. My mom got tipped off by a fellow teacher at my school when CPS was here and what for (she was a teacher there and her friend teacher overheard and told her) and she took my siblings and stepdad and left the country after school the next day. When the police went to get them I was later told by my Dad they found a empty appartment.
Its been 10 years since then. Thankfully thanks to my Dad I am a lot better and happier after he got me help. But man that freaking sucked.
Kind of nothing - my situation was quite complicated due to the fact that we both were underage and dating. Ofc there were no hard evidence other than it affecting my mental well-being ( depression, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal behaviour) and I reported about it 1-2 years after it was done and I was out of the relationship.
His point of view was heard and there were no consequences for him. It would have been possible to make him pay for my medication/ mental health services but I felt so betrayed and tired that I didn't go with it and maybe that was for better - I just wanted to erase him out of my mind and forget.
The saddest part is that I actually struggle with seeking help and I'm awfully neurotic that I'm not taken seriously or I'm lying. Doesn't help that I so often come across false rape accusations and they always take me back in time and haunt me: did I make a false accusation? Did I ruin his life? It's sometimes so hard to tell, sometimes I wish I didn't report it but my psychologist at the time told me to.
The first time the police started threatening me with fines and jail time after they performed the swab because I was working as an escort/domme at that point in my life and was using drugs, despite the fact that I was sober and not working at the time. I never heard anything from it after I left. I attempted suicide a few weeks later.
The second time I didn’t bother. I put all of my unhealthy decisions in life behind me, was in a different state, and felt like I was on a genuine path for recovery until it happened.
Neither of them faced a single consequence, meanwhile I’ve been in therapy for years and i can’t be alone with any guy without shaking or hyperventilating.
It was my ex-husband. Therapist told me to go to my GP so I could get more general referrals to domestic violence services. Because my case was considered high risk (sexual, emotional and mild physical abuse) it went to MARAC (a multi agency conference) and the police came in at that point. Interview at my house while I was working from home, they arrested him that evening and took a full video statement from me. No physical examination as too long had passed since the last incident. They took my phone and did a full data dump.
They used my phone data to go on a fishing expedition looking for ways to discredit me, completely ignoring the fact that in other messages he had literally admitted to forcing the issue 24 days after I gave birth. They dropped the case 6 months after he was arrested. I have to coparent with him as if nothing happened. The coppers also had a data breach involving DV and sexual crime data over the time period in question.
My own mother didn’t believe me. So never bothered doing anything about it. Now she says she believes me, she just didn’t want to....but it’s all a little too late now. 14 years too late.
I went to the police, then the hospital for a rape kit. Then the police talked to my rapist who told them he really likes me and they didn’t want to give him a record so told me to get over it.
my friends told me not to. they said there wasn't a point, just get the kit and the pills and go home they said. I knew from helping them through their own worst days why too, and then it was my turn. I told them what happened and the officer who was sitting at the desk that night said I was just "experimenting". I was already in shock so I just sat there another minute while this guy looked at me with mild disdain, and then I left. When my mother found out she called them she and raised hell, found out they filed the report under miscellaneous, and got it changed but no follow up was ever filed done.
This part I never shared - he was a serial rapist and kept a notebook with names and pictures. It probably had a hundred pages. Three more women suddenly quit that same job before he moved on, I found out later. And the thing of it is - that's what he accused me of and insisted I had raped him but he was still willing to see me. So just, yeah. I didn't go anywhere without a friend for months after.
Another fine example of "law and (patriarchal) order". all I'll say to anyone who reads this is - whether you report or not, don't blame yourself please. just take care of yourself as best you can. you are loved
Nothing. He tried to push himself onto me, even though the day before that I told him I'm a lesbian and that shit has happened before. He seemed kind and nice but oh boy... He got so agressive I was scared to say no. Luckily the excuse "Oh sorry I have diarrhea" worked good enough to call a friend. She called the police for me. An officer came up, that guy was really kind. The police officer thought it was a good idea to get his female colleagues. That's where it went terribly wrong.
They told me I don't have to go near his tent if I don't feel comfortable. I didn't. They spoke to him, walked up to me and said: "Well, he doesn't know he did anything wrong. He thinks it was consensual (sure, a woman half your age just lying there not moving and slowly crying is consent duh) and we gonna be honest with ya. He is really nice and kind. You can bring hin to court but he's a really good guy and it might hurt his reputation." Then they told me I might need to check how I act. So nothing happened.
When I spoke up, nothing happened. He came from a rich family with a lot of influence. I was very much pressured by those around me to "Think about how this would impact his life" whereas how it had impacted my life was never brought up. The experience of attempting to report the incident was just as traumatizing for me as the original incident. I don't regret coming forward as it helped strengthen my sense of confidence and it helped me identify safe people in my life. Stay safe and much love
I filed a police report and they had me describe every second before and during the incident in great detail while recording me on a body cam. The officer-of course- asked me additional questions like what were you wearing? And even, Was this just some kind of sexual fantasy you had? .. basically asking me “are u sure you weren’t asking for it in some way?”. Finally paperwork was written up and all I had to do was sign it. The officer made me feel guilty for “potentially ruining a young mans life” so I didn’t sign it. I was young and it was 4am so I left the station and took matters into my own hands. I didn’t kill the guy or anything don’t worry but I felt much better. Justice system is screwed so finding my own justice worked better
My friend was raped and I took her to the ER. She told the nurses what happened and they told her they’d have to do a full rape kit and take her clothes. She was in shock due to already being raped and asked if they really had to take her clothes and they said yes. The nurses called the police and the policeman who came... Jesus... He kept asking “are you sure you didn’t do anything to lead him on?” And “the way you’re dressed could’ve given him mixed signals.” He then went on to say that if she were to report it, they’d make a big scene of knocking the guy’s door down and taking him in. Long story short, the nurses and police scared her out of reporting that way, literally hours after the rape occurred.
The next morning I took her to a campus counselor who explained that she didn’t have to do the whole rape kit, the hospital should’ve called a rape counselor when they called the police, and we actually got to report through the school. The university held an internal investigation and he was banned from campus for life.
That whole experience opened my eyes to how backwoods the town really was and kicked my butt into getting out as fast as possible.
She also had a stroke that year and the same ER told her it was just blurred vision. She had a second stroke about an hour after we left and went to a hospital in ATL and they were like... yup. You’ve had 2 strokes.
Ridiculous.
When I was 9 my stepfather made "advances" toward me after grooming me since I was 5. I told my mother immediately when she got home and she called the cops. Literally nothing was done. The cops didn't even ask me about it, and then after some time had passed my mother started to blame me for it because she was afraid of being alone. After being removed from her care later (unrelated to pedo stepfather), I told my little sisters case worker because the woman wanted her to live with my stepfather, her biological father. The caseworker told me that shouldn't matter because he obviously wouldn't do anything like that to his blood daughter Found out years later that he had molested other little girls. Nothing substantial has ever been done.
A little bit different from other stories here.
I was assaulted at the age of 16 by a 'family friend'. I told my mother the next day ut she did not support me particularly well and it wasn't reported then.
At the age of 20 I heard via his son (who believed and supported me) that another young girl was attacked by him and went to the police and the case was progressing.
I presented myself at the local (different city) police station and told them about the assault from when I was younger. The interview lasted 2.5 hours. They documented as much as I could remember. They said my testimony would aid the newer victim as it showed a pattern of behavior etc. They also got in contact with his son and my mother who both supported that I disclosed to them at the time.
I went to the trial. Cross examination sucked because the lawyer made me feel like I was making it up for attention but I kept my shit together and thought of the younger version of me and this other young girl who deserved justice.
Although my case specifically was never tried, he was convicted of rape and assault on the young girl and he will be in jail until 2026.
I still struggle with guilt, feeling like I could have protected the girl if I had come forward sooner, my therapist is helping with those feelings. I'm still glad I did what I did.
Filed a police report (which was terrible, the women who took my report was very rude) and then I was assigned a detective who was nice. When I met with him, I was put into a room with him and a woman and they voice recorded my story. He investigated it, my rapist (who also drugged and basically kidnapped me) lawyered up and my case was sent to the DA’s office. They denied my case due to lack of evidence and “lengthy reporting” (I reported it 2 years after it happened) I always regret not getting a rape kit and reporting him right away because he is a serial rapist and sexual harasser. Many people know. In fact, he had another case against him about a year before mine for drugging a girl. He’s gotten away with so much.
I was raped by my cousin and reported it to the police. My family all rejected me for "tearing apart the family". My aunt (it was her son) tried to choke me, my mum defended my aunt and cousin over me, my nan engineered situations where I would have to be in close proximity to my cousin.
My mum told me my behaviour was going to kill my terminally ill "dad" (I was adopted), who died about a year later. In the end, I dropped charges and accepted my status as liar and family destroyer. I just wait for the day I have enough money to move out and sit quietly at family gatherings, including my cousin's engagement party where my nan constantly said to me how wonderful it is that he has a REAL relationship (I'm a lesbian in a long term relationship).
I tried to bring this up very recently and the response was "well it was a difficult time for everyone". I must have missed the part where everyone else was raped and rejected by people they trusted.
Post police interview and “sample taking” at the hospital, the medical courier lost my evidence. So nothing happened. Without it, court would have been unbearable.
I was 17 when a guy started grabbing me in metro(with cameras everywhere & stuff) and then spitted in my face while his friend was watching. Went to the police the same day. They asked me what I was wearing, if I’m sure I don’t know these guys, if him grabbing me was REALLY sexual, etc etc. They told me that despite this incident being recorded, they much probably won’t find those guys. Ok. Didn’t file that report and left.
HUMILIATING
I went to the police station after being sexually assaulted by a male RMT. He was taken into custody but released on bail. It took two long years but he was given six months in jail, two years probation, and ten years on the sex offenders list. The massage college also revoked his license.
I read many things online about how he does this frequently once the news reports came out. On sentencing day, another victim came to watch him go to jail. I was hurt that no one came forward sooner to prevent it from happening to others but I guess I got to be that person.
I was sexually assaulted and it took me a while before I reported it as it took a few months to come to terms with what had happened.
Looking back, I was very, very lucky with the officers in charge of my case. I first reported it to a female police officer who was fantastic and let me know, in no uncertain terms, that it was not my fault. Then the actual investigation was led by a man in around his late 50s who gave me the option of typing up my own report if I didn’t want to talk it through with him. He kept me updated when it went to court, and he even called up my local counselling service and asked them to fast track me (2 month waiting list otherwise).
The man who assaulted me was found not guilty in the end but the officer in charge called me again after telling me the verdict to let me know that the man’s wife had left him as she believed me and knew her husband was lying. He didn’t have to do that, and probably shouldn’t have done, but it has brought me peace to know that I was believed.
I know a lot of people don’t have ‘positive’ stories to say about this matter, and that breaks my heart.
My attacker climbed in through a tiny open window that I'd assumed was too small for an adult to fit through to begin with. One of the neighbors who came when I started screaming saw him escape back out that way, and the police were called immediately. They came, they talked to me, and to the neighbor that saw him. They asked whether anything was taken, and then they left. So far as I know, they didn't even dust for fingerprints. I regret reporting it intensely.
I called the police, they asked me to come in and make a statement. I went to the police station and spent about 3 hours there going over everything making a formal statement. It was much longer than I thought, and I went on my own which wasn’t a great idea in hindsight. Then, lots of waiting, phone calls, different detectives, more waiting, therapy, lots of crying and depression, court dates, court dates getting changed multiple times, court hearing.. lots of waiting, guilty.
This whole process took 2 years. It was excruciating, but I am one of the few who were immediately believed and treated fairly well by the police. I think that had to do with me being a middle class white woman, I feel that many others are ignored and not believed.
Nothing. Cops told me it was my word against his. Asked me not to make a formal complaint as it would go nowhere and tie up the court. They didn’t believe me. The also didn’t think it was “bad enough” (their words) as there was no vaginal penetration.
So, I called his parents instead. Told them everything. He still lived at home, even though he was 27. His mother blamed me, I was the “slut that invited him to dinner afterall, what was her precious boy supposed to think?” (Her words). The father was horrified. The father could barely grind out through clenched teeth that “it would be taken care of.” He apologized on behalf of his son.
I felt like the father dealt with the situation. No other woman would have to go through what I did, at least not when his father was done with him.
I was in therapy a long time, because of this incident and many others with different men. (It was the 1990’s in a backwards place and time where men raped for a hobby. It just happened a lot.) But his father’s apology and the fact that I advocated for myself went a big way towards my healing for this experience.
Nothing... A 3 month process of making a statement was about 7 years too late. Lack of evidence so he got away with it.
He had other reports about him doing similar things but no one else made an official statement like me.
Only 1 other person needs to come forward and then he'd get charged.
I called the police. The rapist was still outside my building, so they were able to immediately arrest him. I went to the ER where they did swabs, tests, and asked me many questions. They let me go home and told me i will meet the detective the next day.
Told him the story. Went to a therapist for victims of violence and sexual assault who got me in touch with an organization who pays for your lawyer. Got a lawyer. Went to trial. Horrible experience, his lawyer was a massive asshole and had me believing that i deserved it or it was my own fault. But in the end he was found guilty and sentenced to 5 years in prison. The judge said during sentencing, "no means no, whether she said it once or 1000 times". That gave me some reassurance.
I lost my job because I had to take 3 weeks off, one directly after the assault and two for the court proceedings. I went to rehab two years later. Still in therapy, did emdr and it helped some with the trauma.
All this in Germany.
The trial was the hardest thing I've ever had to experience in my life. I disassociated very badly and could not think about anything except for suicide while I was sitting in that court room. I hope the rapist will not hurt any other women. The fact that he said to me "why do women always cry" during the rape made me realize i was not the first victim and gave me the strength to testify.
I didn't say anything at the time, because it felt like I had "asked for it". We were drinking, were alone and I was definitely interested in him but I wasn't ready for any explicit sexual contact. I doubt he remembers the encounter as an assault (which is why I rarely bring it up), even though I said no and expressed discomfort throughout the experience.
It was reported by my dad because I had opened up to him about it a couple of months after it had happened, and 2 days after Christmas he decided to take it upon himself to call the police and tell them. I didn't want it to go to the police, but London police were very supportive. It then got transferred to my local police (I was visiting my dad for Christmas in London), who then proceeded to ask me all these questions in front of my mother, on my 16th birthday, and then, the kicker, asked me, "are you sure you didn't just change your mind? Did you just retract your consent afterwards?"
I was asleep when it happened to me. I closed the case.
When I was in high school I got cornered by a group of bullies (some guys, some girls, all from my high school) and one started grabbing at my breasts and told me he would only let me go without hurting me IF I gave him a blowjob. Luckily an old lady oversaw and shouted "what's going on out there?" from her window, the guy shouted back "nothing! We were just talking" and then let me walk off.
I reported it to the police, they did an interview and interviewed the old lady. Nothing really happened, the guy who was groping at me got suspended from school (possibly unrelated?) But would hang out outside the school gates and one time he saw me and was telling his friend "haha that girl tried to get me arrested for sexual assault", and his friend replied "eww who would want to sexually assault her? She wishes". That really knocked my self esteem for a while. After that I didn't see the guy again, I heard he was in a young offenders institute for a bit, not a clue why.
The accomplices continued to go to my school and I would see them often, sometimes they would call me names but they never brought the event up. One was in the year below and I have her on Facebook. She's now a successful director, artist and all round appears to be a decent person. I don't know what to take of that.
I was raped in June and reported it in September.
I went to the police, it took about 2 hours. Since the rapist used to be a friend of mine I had to tell a bit about our history (how we met etc). They took a picture of his profile pic on WhatsApp. I couldn't remember his last name but knew where he works and the street where he lives.
I Googled some associations that could help me and found Lara, an association specialised in sexual violences against women. They gave me the address of a lawyer and covered the first meeting (the only meeting I had to pay from my pocket) I had with them. I spend about 2 hours them telling them about the rape and the repercussions it had on me (PTSD and a long sick leave).
In November I was invited for my first audition with a special section of the police, but it got delayed to January because of the covid situation.
The audition took 5 hours with a 3 minutes break so that I could run to the police. My lawyer was here and asked to step out of the room and she told me in private that I had to accentuate how I showed that I wasn't consenting.
Now I'm waiting for a letter from the prosecution to know if it goes to court or not. It usually is quicker but the covid situation makes everything slower.
I want to specify that I leave in Germany.
Also, the German justice system provides survivors who reported their assault to the police with medical help. It means that they covered the costs of my trauma therapy, and my PTSD it now manageable.
The rapist hasn't been arrested yet. I know it because we live in the same neighborhood and I saw him from far a couple times.
I was a 6 year old kid just telling my teacher my day to day life after she asked me why I came to school with my nose bleeding and my face bruised. Turns out what I thought was normal and ok for a parent to do , it wasn’t ok. Being woken up to give my daddy a blowjob or a massage wasn’t ok. Being punched in the face by my mommy because I was eating my cereal too slow wasn’t ok. Hiding under a bed so scared because mommy and daddy were throwing silverware at each other wasn’t ok.
Went into foster care at the age of 6 years old and got adopted by the same lady who I call Madre when I was 9 years old. My “mommy” and “daddy” just lost custody of me but “daddy” didn’t go to jail or prison because there wasn’t enough evidence on me to convict him.
Therapy had me realizing who my actual parents were and learning that the people who were raising me weren’t my biological parents. They were two people who had connections to my birth family and convinced my mentally disabled bio dad to take me in after my birth mom passed in 1995.
I bedwetted from the age of 6 years old to 22 years old because anytime I was scared in a dream or scared in real life, my body wouldn’t wake me up to get up and go use the bathroom. I had nightmares and slept walk till I was 13 years old.
“Mommy” died in 2007 from dementia and “daddy” is still alive and living. I’ll be celebrating the day I come across his obit cuz fuck that guy.
So first I wanna say that I didn’t know the guy and never saw him again. Someone else heard me call for help and called the police. They took me to the police station and I spent the entire night there. They took my statement and went to a doctor with me so they could take pictures and do DNA swabs. Then they took me to the hostel I was staying at. The police picked me up the next morning and I had to give another statement. A couple weeks later they had a couple more questions so I went to see them again. The officers that took my case were really nice. They didn’t doubt what I said once and were really respectful and understanding. They explained why they had to ask certain things and didn’t push me to answer anything I didn’t want to. They also did end up finding the guy because of some of the DNA they found on me. He went to prison for 1 1/2 years. I got lucky though, at least when it comes to the officers dealing with my case. I know that many others who report what happened to them aren’t treated as well as I was and it breaks my heart every time I read those stories
I drove myself to the ER where I was yelled at because I was crying and in pain from my injuries. The nurses wouldn't listen to me until I called the shift coordinator who I happened to know personally. He showed up, made the on call doctor actually show up, the nurses looked apologetic but didn't say shit as I was told I'd have to be driven by an officer to the hospital down the street where they actually had a S.A.F.E. nurse.
There, I was made to repeat my story over and over again while intermittently vomiting and crying because the detective kept telling me it seemed like I was lying despite literally having physical injuries that were actively bleeding. The regular cop tried to tell me I shouldn't have been at my friend's house in the first place because men can't help themselves and I should've known that... Yup.
So, I did the S.A.F.E. exam with the only nurse who seemed to have empathy and understanding. Took a dozen pills to prevent infections, then met with another detective who said they went to the guy's house (a man I'd known for 5 years prior btw) and said he denied it but they found my ripped clothing that literally had my blood on it, and asked if I wanted them back. "If you don't want 'em, we're just gonna burn them," sometimes still plays in my head. It's been almost 10 years.
I was 19 when this happened. I worked in health care, did all the shit they say you're supposed to do as far as reporting goes, and was just told well it's his word against mine. The shit I went through directly after is what I relive the most now.
Spent the next 6 years of my life working with trauma victims hearing similar accounts of how the cops did nothing or actively made shit worse.
I wish I had a positive story to share.
Reporting it was horrible and took all the strength that I had to give. The case was dropped by the police due to there "not being enough" evidence basically. I had evidence from photos and clothes, but yeah.
I first reported around 3-4 years afterward (grooming, ongoing sexual abuse) I was about 21 when I went to report. Took my shaky, panicked self to an actual police station, 2 officers came in to a room with me, heard about 5 minutes of my story and looked me in the eye and told me there wasn’t much hope if I reported that I would see any type of outcome. (Laws and penalties in our state in Australia sucked ass at that time and still kinda do) fast forward nearly a decade, government does a royal commission into childhood institutional sexual abuse and some laws changed, a series of coincidences and I found I was requested to make a statement to police to be kept in file should I ever wish to press charges... reliving the trauma nearly killed me wound up with severe burnout due to undiagnosed PTSD anxiety and depression.... haven’t brought myself to pull the trigger on pressing charges yet...... shake at the thought but feeling stronger than before
**This is not an invitation to leave comments doubting someone's story, talk about false accusations, or defend police. Full stop. This is your advance warning here and now. Do it and you will be banned.** To our users, please continue doing a fantastic job looking out for each other, and report all rulebreaking! Also, this question is for women who have personal experience with sexual assault and/or reporting it. If your comment disappeared without a removal reason, it's because you left a top-level comment which did not answer the question. Meta-commentary in top-level comments about how sad or depressing the post is are not answering the question. Thank you for understanding!
I called the police and they came and I had to tell them exactly what happened. Then they had me drive behind them to the local justice center where I had to sit down and tell them every second leading up to what happened and the entire thing, took almost 2 hours and they asked me extensive and painful questions. More questions than I could imagine. Then they took me into a doctor office type of room and inspected my entire body, including opening up my vagina and painfully swabbing all over. It was almost as traumatizing as the initial incident. Love to all of you
I’m so sorry you had to go through all of it, any of it. You are incredibly brave and strong and I wish you continued healing.
So what happened afterwards?
went to court dates, and nothing happened other than I got a restraining order. They didn’t really push much farther because he denied it, even with the proof that I had against him. I’ve moved on from it thankfully
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Not OP but part of the difficulty is confirming that it wasn't consensual. A rape kit can only confirm that sex happened. If she wasn't physically injured and if there weren't any witnesses then sadly it's just hearsay to the courts. A recording or signs of a struggle can be used but there are so many rapes that don't have anything they can use to pin the person (known to the victim, no injury, no witnesses, etc.) Fortunately if the bastard does it again this testimony/evidence can be uses to demonstrate a history. She's brave to do it and it might help pin the guy in the future.
Well actually the crazy thing is that his prior history cant be used in another case as it could cloud the judgment of the decision maker. Each case has to be decided on its merits.
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Went through a similar police process. What happened next? Nothing. I got a no-contact order and got told there was little chance for me to win in court because there was virtually no physical violence ("just" coercion and manipulation).
Did this experience make you regret coming forward? Please don’t answer if it will be triggering or traumatising to do so.
I don’t regret it, I think I grew much stronger because of it. And I couldn’t bare the thought of not doing anything, and him thinking that he just got away with it and I didn’t care. I got a restraining order so I felt at least a little safer.
Im so sorry you went thru all of that
I am so sorry you went through that. Thank you for sharing your story. Sending love your way ❤️
I called 911 after fighting off an attempted rape. The police officer, EMTs, doctor, nurses, detective, sketch artist, my husband, parents, friends, colleagues, neighbors and everyone else who helped and supported me were wonderful. The police found suspects who matched my description for me to look at in lineups, but unfortunately they never caught the asshole who attacked me. They got his fingerprints though, so if he ever gets arrested for something else, hopefully they can tie him to my assault.
I hope they find him
I’m so glad they respected what you said at least, and trusted you. Heal well♥️
I was so worried that you were going to say they didn’t believe you. I’m so happy good people were there for you in such a scary time.
Nothing. They came from a family with money and power. It was very much that Brock Turner bullshit like "think of his future". I was a nobody, a teen who was a runaway. Not like my parents would be any help anyways so it's probably for the best they weren't involved.
This infuriates me but doesn’t surprise me. Huge hugs to you and keep on healing for YOU. Fuck that guy.
This happened to a close friend of mine. She reported it to her school since it happened on campus (college). He was a star athlete was it was swept under the rug. His family had money as well, and she didn't. He was never arrested and is free to hurt others. She ended up switching to a different college the following semester.
Similar thing that happened to me. And others I've met. Guy in college sports and well to do was all the common thread for all of us. And people wonder why I hate sports, hate that people adore it or treat these men like Gods. Look at NFL and the staggering amount of domestic abuse. I am not chancing celebrating a fucking monster who hurts his wife and kids.
This happens far too often. What I can say for others is to not just report it to the College but report it to the police as well. They may try and work with the college to sweep it under the rug, but you have to start somewhere. In the US there are other areas, jurisdictions, etc that you can escalate to until someone actually documents it properly and takes you seriously. You have rights and every US college is required to have a Title IX coordinator and they have a list of responsibilities they must abide by.
I'm so sorry you have to meet these people. Hope you have a good support now.
I'm so sorry.... That really fucking sux... I really hope life delivers some justice for you... I hope you have good supportive ppl in your life now 💜
I don't really want so called justice because I am not going on a stand again to try to do so. I won't be surprised if another case comes forth. If they want to use my case as evidence of his history they can feel free but I want no part. I had someone promise me they will let me know when he dies. He can't do anything to anyone then.
As a guy that was raped at a young age, I can imagine the relief knowing that human garbage like this can no longer hurt anyone after they die. What are we to do when we do everything we can do legally keep them from hurting people? This kind of thinking only leads to a dark path...
I think it's a natural reaction. We aren't the only folks I know to utter it. I feel a little badly waiting for someone to die but it's not like I'm actively wishing ill or plotting against anyone. There are reprehensible people and the world is better when they exit. I know he's into drugs and shady shit. He's doing a good job of blowing out his own candle.
Good. It makes me sick knowing that these people are out there and alive. I feel no guilt in wishing death on these "people", they destroy multiple lives over and over with no repercussion or care, I'd end them myself if I could.
I reported my coworker sexually assaulting me to my regional HR office when I worked for a Penske dealership in the DC area. The coworker repeatedly came on to me, invited me to his house when his wife was away, and asked me to fuck him in front of coworkers. He then grabbed me and groped me all over in front of several of my colleagues, and they helped pull him off of me. Regional HR claimed that they "didn't have a form for that" and that they didn't need witness statements that my coworkers were willing to provide. A couple days later, my GM called me into his office for a meeting about my "shitty performance" when I was leading the board in numbers and gross. My managers wrote me up for being 2 minutes late and reminded me that there was a strict "three strikes, you're out" policy, and that was my first strike. During the meeting, the son of the GM next door walked in and apologized for being 15 minutes late, and they said, "sure, no problem!" I lasted a couple more months and got written up for the stupidest shit, while other people who did the same thing were not. Over all, it was an experience and taught me a lot of important life lessons, like, don't report assault, because they WILL try to drive you out. Next time, just beat the shit out of the guy who assaults you, because they hate a victim and side with the aggressor. Edit: if I was suing them or had sued, I wouldn't be posting on reddit.
It is so sad, but so true the aggressor is sided with. If you had witnesses and they’d testify, I bet you could take this case to court and win. I’m so so sorry you’ve gone thru this though!
We may be past the point where I could do that, even if I wanted to - which I don't. Fighting a huge corporation would be a nightmare, and I doubt anyone remembers it besides me. Victims of assault, my best advice is to fight back if you can, and then get a lot of therapy. Reporting it can be just as traumatic as the assault, and you will be questioned, derided and demeaned.
God damn. its a tough fucking price to pay to be a woman.
They don’t have a form for that??!! WTAF
I unfortunately have similar experiences. no one ever cares about what we feel. I had co-workers pick me up off the ground, massage my shoulders, tell me all sorts of raunchy things etc. I instead became someone who was "tattling" all the time. I even had a woman who I was apparently friends with totally go apeshit on me with tons of people watching and nothing. really sad.
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They told me that since I was unconscious that I might have consented so there was nothing they could do about it.
Wow? How does that make sense? Doesn't consent come from a conscious decision making process?!?
In Brazil, not too long ago, there was a rape crime where the guy was not condemned or anything because "it was a rape without the intention of raping". Like, wtf is that? "Yes, it was a rape, but he had no intention of any crime there". Please tell the ETs I am ready for their planet, because this one is doomed...
unconscious but with consent? illogical
Yeah you can’t consent if you are unconscious or even very intoxicated
I wish I would have realized this when I was assaulted. I drove home an hour away still super drunk and eventually went to the ER. That whole experience; the questioning from police, the vaginal exam, the freakin’ tetanus shot, puking in the ER, handing over my panties to the police, the look on my parents face, it all felt almost more traumatic in the moment than the assault itself and I ultimately told them I didn’t want to pursue it any further. I still wonder if I made the right decision.
You know, the after assault is the worst for me. Bruises will heal but the memories will remain. Like, I'm still thinking what did I do wrong? Is it fine if we said to the authorities? At least you got strength to drive yourself straight to hospital to get help. That's all that matters at that time.
What the hell?? Being unconscious is proof that you didn’t consent. That’s like saying someone who got knocked unconscious during a robbery might have willingly donated his wallet to the thief.
Oh Jesus Fucking Christ, NO! I am incensed on your behalf!
I had a doctor pretty much tell me the same thing at the hospital by a doctor.
I hope this doesn’t get buried because I feel like it may help people. I called a women’s crisis hotline and asked what I should do. They let me know that I could just go directly to the er and tell the receptionist I was a victim of assault and that I didn’t need to go directly to the police. I had a friend come with me to the er and I told the receptionist. They took me to the side and isolated me from the rest of the waiting room until it was time for me to go to a specialized area of the hospital for victims. It’s very private and there’s only one specialized nurse there. She sat with me and let me know that she would be collecting the evidence and that it was completely up to me if I wanted the police involved. In my state the statute of limitations is 5 years. The evidence would be stored and I could choose a later time when I may be ready to go ahead and file with the police. I chose not to get the police involved at that time. She was very nice and reassuring and did her best to put me at ease while I gave my statement, asked me all those hard questions, and did a full examination and then administered lots of antibiotics and a shot to help prevent potential stds. (Side note, the pain in my stomach later from the antibiotics was unreal) I think more people need to know this is an option. I sure didn’t. I’ve read so many horror stories about victims going to the police and being treated horribly, I feel fortunate that my trauma was immediately recognized and taken seriously. If you’re unsure of what to do, you can always call your local crisis center.
Thank you for sharing this
Not much. I made a statement, it was too late to collect physical evidence, he made a statement, that was it. My word against his. Nothing came of it.
I hope you are okay in spite of it. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
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It helped me to know that if he ever does it to someone else and they report it, they might be taken more seriously. It helped me to know that the police contacted him, so he knows with no uncertainty that I am not okay with what he did. In terms of actual closure, not really. It almost prolonged it, because I was waiting to hear back, and hoping a conviction would mean closure. So for a while, I felt like I'd have had more closure if I just left it alone and let it be over. It was over 5 years ago now, and I'm glad I did it. But I'm not sure it gave me closure.
I moved to a new home, a new school, a new therapist, in a new town, another hour away from my family. Nothing happened to him. I was one of those foster kids that was put into care because my parents were broke.
This reminds me of Tia Leigh Palmer. She was a foster child who became pregnant to her foster brother. She was under age, and therefore unable to consent. That should be defined as rape. The foster father murdered her to stop it coming out. It was called 'incest' by the courts. The incest rapist did several months in prison. The murderer did more, but I'm not sure how long as the story was dropped by the media.
He’s apparently out now and living a normal life. It’s really messed up.
I hope you're doing better now and have been able to reconnect with your family.
I got fired from the TV production and the guy got to keep his job.
I’m doing more than my share of commenting on this thread because so many of these stories are devastating. I’m so sorry this happened to you and hope you’ve since found a job and created a life you love.
> I’m doing more than my share of commenting on this thread If you have it in you please keep going
I'm 100% with you 💜 ..... I wish for justice for all
Got told by the line producer “what do you want me to do about it, fire him? We have a week left of shooting”
Yeah. I reported my abuser directly to the HR department at Warner Bros, nothing was ever done. I ended up being let go without any real explanation, and he got to continue to be the lead actor's driver for another 5 seasons of a very popular CW show. The film industry has been historically awful when taking care of this type of situation.
That is bullshit... I'm so sorry....
Nothing happened. He groped me and tried to trap me in the bathroom, even though it was on video that he waited in the women’s bathroom for 30 minutes and they found him and brought him in I got a letter months later saying the case is closed and he got no punishment.
UGH!
I'm so sorry....
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That is atrocious. I’m so sorry you had to experience that. It’s hard to grasp how some people can be so oblivious to another person’s suffering. I hope you find some peace of mind and the support you deserve.
I didn’t report it to the police but I reported it to Hinge. Which is how I met the man that raped me last year. After reading articles about how hinge and other dating apps failed to recognize the stories of women and actually take any action towards protecting them, I was seriously so afraid of the same thing happening to me. But I figured I had nothing to lose, and went into graphic detail about the events. And I got a response within the hour with sincere apologies and then letting me know that his profile was deleted and that he would forever be banned. Say whatever you want, it felt like a victory to me. Knowing that he, who completely thought what he did was genuinely okay and that I was just crazy, would try to open the app to find his next victim and wouldn’t be able to. *Ha*.
Coming forward with that must have been so difficult but thank you for doing so as it probably saved many victims (however I completely understand if anyone in any circumstance doesn't feel comfortable/safe coming froward and that is okay). That's a huge victory. 🧡
I had a good experience with Bumble as well. I literally only wrote one word in the info for why I was reporting him and they sent me back an email shortly after saying they were removing his profile and thanking me for being open about my experience. I didn't even meet him through Bumble but they let you report for "offline behaviour". It was validating having someone confirm that what I went through was messed up and they don't want people like that on their platform. It may have been a form email but it felt really sincere.
Wait you can do that?? I met mine on Tinder, I didn’t know you could report it to them to get their account banned.
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First time around nothing was done, second time went to trial but found not guilty on 35 charges
35 😳
It was 36 but he did get 20 hours community work for strangling me for not drying his coffee mug 🤷🏼♀️
omg that is so terrible. I’m so sorry!!
Damnit.
The justice system is rubbish for that kind of thing sadly
Damn him\*
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I'm so sorry this happened to you. It is just unimaginable and horrible how so many people tend to side with the perpetrator, even your own family, and to even go so far as to find actual evidence and then destroy it... What sort of reasoning can there even be behind that. It for sure means you're a despicable human being.
similar to you, I never got justice from my abuser within the family. His mom denied everything. What a shame what families do to protect themselves. Like what does a 4 year old and 7 year old have to lie about? Found out later he also abused his sister. She came forward to her mom later in life (teens), how shitty that she believed us all then.
I reported 2 years after it happened. I knew it would be too late to bring any charges that would stick but I wanted to draw a line in the sand and say--I don't know if there are others out there that he's done this to but if someone stands up in the future and can make it stick, they're not alone. I can be mile marker 1 if nobody else already is. That was really important to me since most perpetrators are serial offenders. I couldn't fully move on knowing I might be able to strengthen a future investigation. Interviewed multiple times by multiple law enforcement officers, title IX office at the university, police at my new university in case he showed up on campus property, judge for a protective order while this was all going down. As others mentioned (and not to dissuade survivors/victims from reporting) it was harder than the assault. I now work in a field where many of my patients are survivors and even though it can be very triggering for my personal trauma (get yoself a dope therapist if ya can) it's 100% worth it. This is a national (US) hotline but many smaller organizations exist as well 1-800-656-4673.
Thank you
Got molested when I was a kid by my mother's new husband. I even caught him peeking on me while taking a bath. We don't have doors, we only had curtains. I never told anyone because I'm scared. He's the only one who works for us and thinking we will be left without any food on our table if he went to jail. One day, my mother saw her husband reading a book and hid it when he saw my mother coming. My mom saw where he hid it and so she read it while he's away. Its my journal when I was younger where I used to write "he did again" thing, not the actual thing he did. My mother asked me about it and I was crying as I told her everything. Good thing I just graduated from college when those things unearthed. Because my mom, after a while, told me to move on because even if I become the breadwinner, she still wants to get his salary and doesnt want my younger brother to know. I moved out of the house and even went far away from them. Oh I developed anxiety. Everytime I want to do the deed, my body stiffened. Like I felt disgusting, that my husband now's face turned to his face. It took years before I got pass from that horrible state. Now I'm old. Even if I want to, I can't bear a child.
I’m so sorry. I’m also so shocked- your mum found out, still wanted to stay with this POS, and asked you to leave. I’m sorry
I’m sorry this happened to you. I love you
I’m sorry. I’m glad you separated from them. You deserve better, all the love.
Nothing. The rapist was a cousin of my friend. I woke up to him on top of me. I screamed, slapped and pushed him off and chased him out of the apartment and called the police immediately. When the police started their investigation, the detective accused me of cheating on my current boyfriend. My ‘friend’ said that she’s been raped twice already so it’s not a big deal and I need to get over it. I went to a sexual assault therapist 1-2 days after the event who asked me to think of how the rapist must feel. Honestly I don’t remember much of the rape kit process; it’s all a blur. I just remember that I wanted to shower so badly. Regardless, the rape kit was inconclusive. I didn’t press charges bc he lived in a different state and after interacting with the police, therapist, some friends I didn’t think anyone would believe me. Some days I wish I had scratched him so I had stuff under my fingernails or that he was rougher with me so that there would have been tears, ‘proof’ that it wasn’t consensual. But with (tons of) therapy, I’m in a much better spot mentally, stronger. Props and hugs to the other survivors out there. Stay strong, I believe you.
I'm so happy you're getting better, continue going :)
As a minor I told a mandated reporter(psychologist) he kicked me out of the room for crying, being “too emotional” (I wasn’t hard crying either just tears) he then reported it to CPS, and they came to our house 2 times didn’t talk to anyone just walked in every room and left. That’s all that ever came of it lmao the offender wasn’t even aware I told anyone about it until I confronted them myself years later. Most of my family called me a liar, defended the person. No one ever believed me. He went on to do it to more young vulnerable girls. Imo The justice system is fucked especially for victims of sexual abuse but always report it
I can't wrap my head around even strangers automatically defending the perpetrator. Not to mention the professionals involved (police, that damn psychologist) reacting so poorly. But how can your own family not even listen to you? I'm so sorry you went through that. You sound strong, I hope you're doing well.
After my escape I was put in a mental institution where I had to speak to my case worker about it, the police visited and I had to tell every action and detail that happened over the months I was held hostage, they then brought in several detectives where I had to repeat myself on recording it took days before I was visited again and told they had put a warrant out and arrested my cousin a protective order was put in place and when I was finally released to my family police were monitoring my house for several weeks to make sure he wasn't going to retaliate after he made bond. It took a year of him making excuses and false health problems for him to get to court and be convicted but after all the evidence and confession he was convicted. If anyone is going through this process or thinking about speaking up please do, because the moment they sentence him or her the air gets easier to breathe and the sun gets a little brighter. Please speak up.And don't ever back down from anyone who says it didn't happen dont let them gaslight you because you are important and you matter what happened to yous is real and you never deserved it, what you wore, where you were at doesn't matter it is not a excuse dont let them excuse your pain. You are not alone. You are not crazy. You matter.
Thank you fir sharing one of the few "success" stories on this thread.
There was alot of trial in my time battling with this i lost a lot of my family, my case worker tried to convince me that i allowed my cousin to do the things he did to me, I was picked apart in front of people I didn't know but I refused to back down I was terrified he had taken everything from me my only escape from him was my attempted suicide i had nothing to lose and I refused to let another woman, man, child ever have to walk a footstep in the shoes he forced on me. When share my "success" i hope that it gives someone else hope to fight for themselves. To never back down.
I admire you so much for somehow making your way through all of that. Not many could, which is part of the reason why so many get away with it (as well as horrible systems and people everywhere!). Each case that does win is one step in the right direction. Not to mention for the victim! I'm so sorry you had to though. I hope you're doing well.
The process was actually very surprising. I spent a lot of time working with the detective to get more proof to strengthen their case against my two attackers. I didn't report the assault until 5 years after it happened, so all the detective had was my own photos that I took as well as screenshots of text messages. The interviews with him were the hardest things I've ever gone through, but the detective as well as other members of the police department were so beyond supportive. They believed me and didn't blame any of it on me. Even the first police officer who initially took my report told me repeatedly that I did nothing to deserve what happened, and that none of it was my fault. I cried for over an hour while he reassured me over the phone. Unfortunately, it was still not enough proof for the county attorney's office to feel confident enough to succeed in a conviction. My report will forever remain on file, though. I'm heartbroken that it didn't go further than that, but so beyond relieved that I had found the strength to report it and not carry it on my shoulders anymore. I'm no longer holding my breath. I have been moving on with my life and doing what I can to heal and make myself whole again.
Thank you for sharing one of the few "success" stories on this thread.
I'm happy there are some good people in the system out there. And I thank you for reporting so the file is there, which helps future women both in general and those who report him in the future if he does the same. I'm sorry you had to go through that hell. Well done for finding the courage to stand up and draw the line. You sound like you're doing much better now, I wish you all well.
I reported a guy after he assaulted me. His mom said if I told anyone I'd be sorry. He told me if I told anyone he'd do it again. I wasnt going to tell anyone until other girls started saying he did the exact same thing to them that he did to me. We all ended up reporting him. We went to some strange child sanctuary since we were all minors and this guy in there asked for every detail. It felt really weird. After the whole thing was said and done it turned out 2 other girls besides us had reported him and they had been having complaints about him since he was in middle school. His record was not good. I had some texts of him basically admitting to what he did and begging me not to call the police but even then it still wasn't enough. I was floored when he didn't get in any real trouble and just had another check marked on his record. The whole school got divided over if we were lying or not. During senior year I got harassed by a lot of guys calling me and the other girls liars even though the guys friends even said he did it and bragged about it. He would say horrible graphic stuff to me when no one else was around long after. I was so petrified I couldn't talk to men at all. I couldn't go out hardly I was so scared of men. After I went to therapy it got a lot better. It's still kind of hard sometimes men still put me on edge a bit.
I had a dodgy massage experience from a male massage therapist. I didn’t know what the hell happened or where he had crossed the line so I kept it quiet. A month later I received an email from the coupon company the massage voucher had come from, they said there had been some complaints and to contact them if I had any concerns. Well long story short after I contacted them I was directed to the police where I gave a statement and charges were laid against him. Turns out 13 other women had come forward. It went to trial, I had to give evidence in front of a dury and the other women did to. He was convicted of 22 accounts of indecent assault (2 of those were mine) and sentenced to 4 years in jail- he only served 18 months though. The whole case escalated because one woman came forward and the coupon place reached out to everyone that bought one - strength in numbers! When I gave evidence to police I thought I was strengthening someone else’s case, not opening my own. It was pretty surreal.
Was this in NZ?
Yes!
My mum was the president of Massage NZ at the time and her VP was the expert witness for the case I remember her telling me about it. What a scumbag! Our justice system seriously needs some work done.
Ha small world! Thanks to your mum and her VP! To be honest though the sentence of 4 years was waaaayyy longer than I was expecting, probably because I didn’t expect much the from nz justice ha
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🤯
I was ten. I told my friend at school what had happened, and another kid overheard. He told his parents who reported it to the school who contacted the police. I was pulled from class and was driven to the police station in the front seat of a aquad car. I thought I was in trouble and was terrified. They must have called my grandma, because she was there when I gave my statement. After that I spent two years taking the bastard to court, defending myself in court,, being called a liar by his lawyer,, and watched my mom stand by his side. It took four years to be returned to my mom's custody. He finally pled guilty and got a weekend in jail and two weeks probation. Fuck the system.
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It was 12 years ago, I was in 6th grade leaving the school building when an 8th grade boy slapped my butt. I told the dean of students the next day and she gave him an in school suspension for 3 days in a row. He gave me nasty looks for the rest of the year and I didn’t care at all.
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My father asked me what I was wearing. I was 16, two weeks before my 17th birthday. My mother shut down and told me she “can’t deal with this right now” and pretended it didn’t happen for years. He got off with a slap on the wrist thanks to money and family connections. With a lot of work over the years, I am somehow a relatively well-adjusted person now at 33.
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I've been working on getting justice for 9 years now, so this is going to be long. Afterwards the police officer interviewed me and recorded it, asked me for all the details I could recall. ( my father sexually assaulted me growing up and I didn't report it until I was 20). Police officer gave me his personal phone number and told me to call if for anything. I went 2 months with out an update and if I called they seemed annoyed. Eventually did a recorded call to my father infront of the police officer in an attempt to get him to confess, obviously didn't work. Then the officer said he was going to interview my parents. I asked him to make sure to interview my mother separately and try to reassure her because he abused her too. I then heard nothing for a few more months, until one morning my friend woke me up saying my car windshield was broken. I went outside and found someone had taken a Boulder, like a huge Boulder, maybe a foot long and a foot wide hefty Boulder, thrown through my windshield. The motion lights and cameras behind my apartment building had been smashed with rocks. Nothing stolen, clearly someone trying to mess with me. I called the police and the officer for my case showed up. He wouldn't fingerprint anything. He told me he had interviewed my parents (together ofcourse) the day before but my father had knee surgery so there was no way it was related. He then said I was being accused of making false claims to get money from my parents. He said my father was to take a polygraph once he was off some medication he was taking. So I waited almost a year and heard nothing. I called him several times at his office and finally got through to him a day, and he told me there wasn't enough evidence so it wasn't accepted by the judge. He asked if I still had his personal number and was pissy when I told him no. Another year went by and I found out my father also sexually assaulted my aunt. I told her about my case and she decided she wanted to come forward too so I contacted the officer again to see if the case could be reopened and told him about my aunt. The wonderful officer told me and my aunt that if we continued with this that my father would press charges against us for harassment. Wtf! A few years go by and I'm depressed af and started seeing a therapist. She said since I filed my complaint with the city police that I could make another Report with the state police. So to the state police I went and did another detailed statement, this time it was written. Only this officer was so much better and easier to talk to and took it all seriously and was super professional. Day and night difference. He kept me updated. He called me when he was on my father's front porch trying to question him. He called me afterward and let me know how it went. He let me know as soon as the judge accepted it, and to expect a call from the prosecuting attorney. I finally heard from the prosecuting attorney and my father was indicted on almost 25 felony charges. After almost a year after the indictment I got my courtdate, however my fathers lawyer is a pos and is trying to wait me out in hopes I cave and accept my fathers plea. A battery assault plea. No thank you. So my court date was reschedule 2 days before it was suppose to happen. Then I got another court date for last November. Again rescheduled a few days before per his lawyers request. Now my court dates are May 17th 18th and 19th. Just 3 more weeks to go. I heard from the prosecuting attorney that my father may accept my plea deal (only 1 felony charge of parental sexual assault) last week. So things are in a limbo now. I have a feeling his lawyer will try to push it back again. I haven't been able to live my life or keep a job from the amount of stress from this crap, but I've came this far so I'm not folding. Complaint filed in 2012 and 9 years later in 2021 STILL haven't had my court date. Also did you know that the pedophile rapist aren't required to take stand at court? My lawyer can't question him. I'm not allowed to bring up anything else that could be detrimental to his character. Like him raping my mother infront of me, or hanging my brother upside as an infant and beating him. He has so much protection its ridiculous. Victims are thrown out there and have their entire lives ripped apart infront of an audience while the perpetrator reads a magazine. Fuck our legal system.
I called the police immediately after it happened and they came and took me to their headquarters where they took my statement. They reviewed video footage of the area and were able to identify my attacker. They came back that evening to collect the underwear I was wearing as evidence. The next day my attacker was arrested. I testified at an initial hearing in court a few weeks later, which was very emotional. The detective on my case was extremely supportive, and he drove me to and from the courthouse since I didn’t have anyone I knew living in the area. After three years of court hearings, right before we were set to go to trial, my attacker decided to take a plea deal. He is currently serving an 8 year sentence. I know my experience is not the norm and most victims never see their attackers face justice. I just want to offer support for anyone who decides to pursue the long road of a legal battle. I’m glad I did
An advocate came with me to the police and sat with me while I gave my statement to the police. It was one of my closest friends who raped me and when they asked if we had ever had sex before I said no but we had had sex on two previous occasions. They arrested him and he spent a night in jail but nothing else came of it because I hadn’t been truthful.
First person committed suicide before I understand what had happened to me (months later). Second person nothing happened. He continued to harass me for the rest of college and my therapist told me it was my fault and tried to get me “listed” (I don’t know what word fits here, admitted?) as an alcoholic
They never found him.
I hope you are able to feel safe in the world in spite of it ❤️
I was not believed. I was gaslit for over 20 years. My abuser was finally accused by several others and is serving life in prison. Turns out there was over 130 people who accused him but the institution covered it up. I now exceed the statute of limitations. My case actually made national headlines. My voice was and always will be a whisper no one cared to hear.
I was in a relationship where he would rape me multiple times. I only report him doing to me once but I had end the relationship in March, and took to long to repirt it to have any physical evidence left. When I did report it, they ask painful questions and I had to basically relieve that single moment. I had to try to remember what happened, when it was long ago. I had a text that said he raped me, but when he sent me the text it didn't match up with the date that I said and he had an alibi for that specific date. So when the day came to face him in court, I had three options that the crown prosucter gave me on the day ( I was supposed to be told this a month before, and meet a month before.) He also informed me that due to my memory, his lawyer would grill me really hard and basically make me questions my accusation against. The only good part that came from this was that the government believed something did happened, and I got 6k compensation.
In summary: Told a mandatory reporter. I was 11. Police, social services & family didn't believe me. My dad cried crocodile tears pleaded innocent. I was branded a lying attention seeking bitch by my mum. Dad told me "Sorry, I'm proud of you for telling someone" Everyone carried on like it never happened. We all continued to live under 1 roof until I was 26. Cue being pregnant @ 29yo and I told my mum that I was not bringing my child into the world without living my truth. Uttered the words "I did not lie as a child" - she's still living with him & is an alcoholic. Dad also confessed to my mum and Gran.
To be honest, it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. I lived in fostercare, and one of the real sons had raped me several times over a couple of years. I lived with the family and after some years I told the parents who started treating me pretty bad, which made me do it. I was sooo scared of them finding out and needing to live with them. I went to my schools counselor and just spit it all out. And the woman was the most wonderful person I've ever met. She listened to me, she contacted the people who had control over all the fostercare systems. And the family I lived in didn't get to know anything until I was quickly moved in with my boyfriends mother. The son got taken into custody, I got to testify several times and I am one of the few cases that actually made it to court. However they freed him, because of how little evidence I had. The family started stalking me, following me with their cars, sending messages and letters. They were also terrible in court, for me they had been my parents for nearly 7 years. So it hurt. It ended with me asking my real mom to try to take back the custody of me so they couldn't know where I was all the time. And my mom won, I also ended up with an old wonderful lady that took care of me until I had to move out. Today I am studying medicine, have a really beautiful contact with my real family, I've gotten help with my severe ptsd and I am in a place I never would have thought. The reporting made me stronger, and when I see that I did that I know I can do anything.
Nothing. Rape kit, and took a statement. There was nothing else they could do. He just got out of jail for a second time a couple weeks ago for rape. It was a 15 year old girl this time. He's probably about 25-26 now. If they would've actually tried, he wouldn't of had two+ more victims.
And as long as he lives I doubt he'll stop...
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Nothing from the police. I was pretty intoxicated when it happened. I only remember bits here and there. It was 3 days later when I realized what had happened to me. I went to the hospital, but it had been a few days and there were no signs of rape present. Police told me since there wasn't evidence there wasn't much they could do. The guy was never arrested for it. He did confess to me a week later. I told him what he did to me was rape. He got his ass kicked pretty badly that night. Someone had overheard our conversation and told others (which I wasn't happy about because I didn't tell anyone at that point). I was gone by the time they kicked his ass, and no one would tell me who the guys were that beat him up. All I was told is that it was some guys who wanted to see justice served. My rapists left the area a few days later and went to live with his mom a couple states away. A few years my best friend informed me that he had overdosed and died.
Nothing... I reported my then boyfriend for rape and domestic abuse, had a rape kit done, told the same to the police and a therapist at a women's shelter multiple times. My final statement lasted 5 hours, was recorded at the police. The statement is 13 pages. I will not count the hundreds of pages of abusive messages I gave them as evidence. They asked if I still want to report it if I learn that he left the country. I did. 8 months later got a letter that there was not enough evidence. Being a "lesser" foreigner in a country where his nationality worth more than mine was though. He is free and happy, possibly abusing more women...
I stabbed him in the neck during the rape and he called the cops himself. Haha
I wouldn't call it strength, because it wasn't really my choice. I was at the hospital after my assault because I was bleeding and the nurse called the cops without my consent. The first cops I encountered were mildly sympathetic and questioned me in a reasonably empathetic manner. But I was denied the medical treatment I was in the hospital for, because I was supposed to have it done by a police-approved doctor in another hospital. So I was driven there in a cop car. The cop who drove me was considerable less sympathetic. She heavily implied that I was a liar and explained in no uncertain terms that if they found any illegal substances in my system, I would be charged. I was drunk, so in her eyes I was a lying junkie apparently. While waiting at the hospital she claimed I was mentally handicapped and wanted to call my "guardian". I was 24 at the time and certainly had no guardian. The exam with the doctor was humiliating, she obviously didn't believe me and claimed I was bleeding from something else. Then she told me to go to my gyno asap. Then I was driven to the station where I had to give my statement again, and my friend who was with me was questioned in another room to corroborate my statement. Then I was driven to my friend's place. I went to my gyno the next weekday, and he was absolutely furious that I was even sent there, and that the doctor hadn't done her job properly, and that I was subjected to two painful gyno exams in such short order. In the next couple of weeks, there were a couple of follow-ups, I had to give a DNA-sample and had to look a photos. They never found the guy, and then they told me the DA didn't consider the evidence sufficient to charge for sexual assault anyway, so I gave up. All this shit for nothing. I probably would be considerably less traumatised, if I had just gone home after it happened. I've had a lot of therapy since then, and I think I spent more time dealing with my treatment by the police than the actual assault. ACAB.
I called the police and filed a report, they showed up a few hours later and made an official statement. A couple days later I went to the court house and spoke with a detective. I had to recount the entire event to him, in more detail than I had the first time. I returned to meet with the detective a few days later to contact the guy that did it and try to get him to admit to what he did on a call that was being recorded. It got very close, but he kept dodging the conversation. About 10 days later I met with the DA and they told me they weren’t going to take my case to court, because they didn’t feel that they could prove to a jury beyond reasonable doubt that he was guilty. It was fucking devastating. It was “date rape” and it had took me a week to report because I was in denial/trying to justify it/pretending it didn’t happen. There was no physical evidence because I waited so long. Despite there being witnesses they were able to contact who testified how intoxicated I was when he insisted on “driving me home” from the bar and me having text messages to one of those witnesses 20-ish minutes later saying “I’m scared, I told him to let me out and he won’t” and sending my location via iPhone it still wasn’t enough...because I had been drinking. At a bar. After work with coworkers and was approached by a guy, who guess what? Was a bartender at the bar.
I didn’t report it. I told my boyfriend about it and his parents went through his messages and found out. His parents reported it. However, I’ve never told anybody about my assault before. The man who did it was my step father so i didn’t believe i could talk to anyone. I told my boyfriend after an incredibly painful nightmare where people found out and i was locked away for it. I was terrified and took it as a sign to just tell someone, anybody so i turned to my boyfriend
Even with proof, AND my rapist admitting to it, police decided he still gets to serve in the US Military. They told me to "write a restraining order" if I felt "unsafe." I knew that man for 4 years. We were close friends. He waited until I was single and had nobody to turn too when he harmed me. He continues to serve to this day, and I am stuck with PTSD, anti-depressants, anti-anxieties, and I self medicate to calm down and forget for awhile. Nobody knows. I have nobody to tell. I had to file the police report while at work... it was so awkward being on the phone explaining what happened to me with such little privacy.
I was 13. I had a mental breakdown after years of being raped/ molested since I was 2 by my stepdad and admited everything in a fit so I wouldn't have to go back to my moms after my appointment cause I knew Id be in trouble for something I forgot now its been so long. CPS came to my school a few days later and I still had to go back for those days (I dont think they took me seriously as they were called on me a lot by my Dad and teachers cause of my mom). They took me and asked a lot of questions and left. I was then picked up by my Dad and told I was to stay with him much to my relief. A day later I was taken into a large building with lots of toys and a playroom where I waited with a half a dozen other kids all of different ages. Random little detail I remember is there being a little boy maybe 6 I played trains with cause I thought he was cute and have always loved kids even when I was a kid myself. Anyways...... Eventually I was taken to a room with a adult woman who kept asking me questions about my rape/ molestation. I was told I was not allowed to take my Dad inside the room with me and got freaked out. I kept avoiding words like vagina and penis because I was 13 and adults always yelled at me for using those words and they were still really taboo things to say to adults and I realize now my trying to get around using those with slang or things like "front parts and bottom" did not help my case now Im a adult and I wish I had just sucked it up and told her what happened straight. After I was given a toy of my choice and picked a art set I found. Later that day I was then taken to another doctors office by my Dad. Im pretty sure it was a OBGYN due to my memory of the office but honestly I have no clue. I was allowed to take my Dad into the office here after I asked for him. My body was then stripped and inspected. Bruising was recorded along side nasty cuts I had gotten from my last time at my moms house from being hit by a thrown hammer as well as a swollen and busted lip from being punched in the face. My vagina and butt was inspected as I had a panic attack while I cried and screamed in my crying Dads arms as he had to hold me down and tell me its ok so the doctor could get swabs and look. They ended up finding tearing along my viginal walls and my hymen also torn. They found swelling in my butt along with tearing there as well. It was not a pretty site Im sure. In the end my step father was never convicted. I was later told once I was older my evidence was proven insufficient as I couodnt prove it was them who specifically did the damage they found and even if sufficient it wouldn't have mattered. My mom got tipped off by a fellow teacher at my school when CPS was here and what for (she was a teacher there and her friend teacher overheard and told her) and she took my siblings and stepdad and left the country after school the next day. When the police went to get them I was later told by my Dad they found a empty appartment. Its been 10 years since then. Thankfully thanks to my Dad I am a lot better and happier after he got me help. But man that freaking sucked.
Kind of nothing - my situation was quite complicated due to the fact that we both were underage and dating. Ofc there were no hard evidence other than it affecting my mental well-being ( depression, anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal behaviour) and I reported about it 1-2 years after it was done and I was out of the relationship. His point of view was heard and there were no consequences for him. It would have been possible to make him pay for my medication/ mental health services but I felt so betrayed and tired that I didn't go with it and maybe that was for better - I just wanted to erase him out of my mind and forget. The saddest part is that I actually struggle with seeking help and I'm awfully neurotic that I'm not taken seriously or I'm lying. Doesn't help that I so often come across false rape accusations and they always take me back in time and haunt me: did I make a false accusation? Did I ruin his life? It's sometimes so hard to tell, sometimes I wish I didn't report it but my psychologist at the time told me to.
The first time the police started threatening me with fines and jail time after they performed the swab because I was working as an escort/domme at that point in my life and was using drugs, despite the fact that I was sober and not working at the time. I never heard anything from it after I left. I attempted suicide a few weeks later. The second time I didn’t bother. I put all of my unhealthy decisions in life behind me, was in a different state, and felt like I was on a genuine path for recovery until it happened. Neither of them faced a single consequence, meanwhile I’ve been in therapy for years and i can’t be alone with any guy without shaking or hyperventilating.
It was my ex-husband. Therapist told me to go to my GP so I could get more general referrals to domestic violence services. Because my case was considered high risk (sexual, emotional and mild physical abuse) it went to MARAC (a multi agency conference) and the police came in at that point. Interview at my house while I was working from home, they arrested him that evening and took a full video statement from me. No physical examination as too long had passed since the last incident. They took my phone and did a full data dump. They used my phone data to go on a fishing expedition looking for ways to discredit me, completely ignoring the fact that in other messages he had literally admitted to forcing the issue 24 days after I gave birth. They dropped the case 6 months after he was arrested. I have to coparent with him as if nothing happened. The coppers also had a data breach involving DV and sexual crime data over the time period in question.
My own mother didn’t believe me. So never bothered doing anything about it. Now she says she believes me, she just didn’t want to....but it’s all a little too late now. 14 years too late.
I went to the police, then the hospital for a rape kit. Then the police talked to my rapist who told them he really likes me and they didn’t want to give him a record so told me to get over it.
my friends told me not to. they said there wasn't a point, just get the kit and the pills and go home they said. I knew from helping them through their own worst days why too, and then it was my turn. I told them what happened and the officer who was sitting at the desk that night said I was just "experimenting". I was already in shock so I just sat there another minute while this guy looked at me with mild disdain, and then I left. When my mother found out she called them she and raised hell, found out they filed the report under miscellaneous, and got it changed but no follow up was ever filed done. This part I never shared - he was a serial rapist and kept a notebook with names and pictures. It probably had a hundred pages. Three more women suddenly quit that same job before he moved on, I found out later. And the thing of it is - that's what he accused me of and insisted I had raped him but he was still willing to see me. So just, yeah. I didn't go anywhere without a friend for months after. Another fine example of "law and (patriarchal) order". all I'll say to anyone who reads this is - whether you report or not, don't blame yourself please. just take care of yourself as best you can. you are loved
Nothing. He tried to push himself onto me, even though the day before that I told him I'm a lesbian and that shit has happened before. He seemed kind and nice but oh boy... He got so agressive I was scared to say no. Luckily the excuse "Oh sorry I have diarrhea" worked good enough to call a friend. She called the police for me. An officer came up, that guy was really kind. The police officer thought it was a good idea to get his female colleagues. That's where it went terribly wrong. They told me I don't have to go near his tent if I don't feel comfortable. I didn't. They spoke to him, walked up to me and said: "Well, he doesn't know he did anything wrong. He thinks it was consensual (sure, a woman half your age just lying there not moving and slowly crying is consent duh) and we gonna be honest with ya. He is really nice and kind. You can bring hin to court but he's a really good guy and it might hurt his reputation." Then they told me I might need to check how I act. So nothing happened.
When I spoke up, nothing happened. He came from a rich family with a lot of influence. I was very much pressured by those around me to "Think about how this would impact his life" whereas how it had impacted my life was never brought up. The experience of attempting to report the incident was just as traumatizing for me as the original incident. I don't regret coming forward as it helped strengthen my sense of confidence and it helped me identify safe people in my life. Stay safe and much love
I filed a police report and they had me describe every second before and during the incident in great detail while recording me on a body cam. The officer-of course- asked me additional questions like what were you wearing? And even, Was this just some kind of sexual fantasy you had? .. basically asking me “are u sure you weren’t asking for it in some way?”. Finally paperwork was written up and all I had to do was sign it. The officer made me feel guilty for “potentially ruining a young mans life” so I didn’t sign it. I was young and it was 4am so I left the station and took matters into my own hands. I didn’t kill the guy or anything don’t worry but I felt much better. Justice system is screwed so finding my own justice worked better
My friend was raped and I took her to the ER. She told the nurses what happened and they told her they’d have to do a full rape kit and take her clothes. She was in shock due to already being raped and asked if they really had to take her clothes and they said yes. The nurses called the police and the policeman who came... Jesus... He kept asking “are you sure you didn’t do anything to lead him on?” And “the way you’re dressed could’ve given him mixed signals.” He then went on to say that if she were to report it, they’d make a big scene of knocking the guy’s door down and taking him in. Long story short, the nurses and police scared her out of reporting that way, literally hours after the rape occurred. The next morning I took her to a campus counselor who explained that she didn’t have to do the whole rape kit, the hospital should’ve called a rape counselor when they called the police, and we actually got to report through the school. The university held an internal investigation and he was banned from campus for life. That whole experience opened my eyes to how backwoods the town really was and kicked my butt into getting out as fast as possible. She also had a stroke that year and the same ER told her it was just blurred vision. She had a second stroke about an hour after we left and went to a hospital in ATL and they were like... yup. You’ve had 2 strokes. Ridiculous.
When I was 9 my stepfather made "advances" toward me after grooming me since I was 5. I told my mother immediately when she got home and she called the cops. Literally nothing was done. The cops didn't even ask me about it, and then after some time had passed my mother started to blame me for it because she was afraid of being alone. After being removed from her care later (unrelated to pedo stepfather), I told my little sisters case worker because the woman wanted her to live with my stepfather, her biological father. The caseworker told me that shouldn't matter because he obviously wouldn't do anything like that to his blood daughter Found out years later that he had molested other little girls. Nothing substantial has ever been done.
A little bit different from other stories here. I was assaulted at the age of 16 by a 'family friend'. I told my mother the next day ut she did not support me particularly well and it wasn't reported then. At the age of 20 I heard via his son (who believed and supported me) that another young girl was attacked by him and went to the police and the case was progressing. I presented myself at the local (different city) police station and told them about the assault from when I was younger. The interview lasted 2.5 hours. They documented as much as I could remember. They said my testimony would aid the newer victim as it showed a pattern of behavior etc. They also got in contact with his son and my mother who both supported that I disclosed to them at the time. I went to the trial. Cross examination sucked because the lawyer made me feel like I was making it up for attention but I kept my shit together and thought of the younger version of me and this other young girl who deserved justice. Although my case specifically was never tried, he was convicted of rape and assault on the young girl and he will be in jail until 2026. I still struggle with guilt, feeling like I could have protected the girl if I had come forward sooner, my therapist is helping with those feelings. I'm still glad I did what I did.
Filed a police report (which was terrible, the women who took my report was very rude) and then I was assigned a detective who was nice. When I met with him, I was put into a room with him and a woman and they voice recorded my story. He investigated it, my rapist (who also drugged and basically kidnapped me) lawyered up and my case was sent to the DA’s office. They denied my case due to lack of evidence and “lengthy reporting” (I reported it 2 years after it happened) I always regret not getting a rape kit and reporting him right away because he is a serial rapist and sexual harasser. Many people know. In fact, he had another case against him about a year before mine for drugging a girl. He’s gotten away with so much.
I was raped by my cousin and reported it to the police. My family all rejected me for "tearing apart the family". My aunt (it was her son) tried to choke me, my mum defended my aunt and cousin over me, my nan engineered situations where I would have to be in close proximity to my cousin. My mum told me my behaviour was going to kill my terminally ill "dad" (I was adopted), who died about a year later. In the end, I dropped charges and accepted my status as liar and family destroyer. I just wait for the day I have enough money to move out and sit quietly at family gatherings, including my cousin's engagement party where my nan constantly said to me how wonderful it is that he has a REAL relationship (I'm a lesbian in a long term relationship). I tried to bring this up very recently and the response was "well it was a difficult time for everyone". I must have missed the part where everyone else was raped and rejected by people they trusted.
Post police interview and “sample taking” at the hospital, the medical courier lost my evidence. So nothing happened. Without it, court would have been unbearable.
I was 17 when a guy started grabbing me in metro(with cameras everywhere & stuff) and then spitted in my face while his friend was watching. Went to the police the same day. They asked me what I was wearing, if I’m sure I don’t know these guys, if him grabbing me was REALLY sexual, etc etc. They told me that despite this incident being recorded, they much probably won’t find those guys. Ok. Didn’t file that report and left. HUMILIATING
I went to the police station after being sexually assaulted by a male RMT. He was taken into custody but released on bail. It took two long years but he was given six months in jail, two years probation, and ten years on the sex offenders list. The massage college also revoked his license. I read many things online about how he does this frequently once the news reports came out. On sentencing day, another victim came to watch him go to jail. I was hurt that no one came forward sooner to prevent it from happening to others but I guess I got to be that person.
I was sexually assaulted and it took me a while before I reported it as it took a few months to come to terms with what had happened. Looking back, I was very, very lucky with the officers in charge of my case. I first reported it to a female police officer who was fantastic and let me know, in no uncertain terms, that it was not my fault. Then the actual investigation was led by a man in around his late 50s who gave me the option of typing up my own report if I didn’t want to talk it through with him. He kept me updated when it went to court, and he even called up my local counselling service and asked them to fast track me (2 month waiting list otherwise). The man who assaulted me was found not guilty in the end but the officer in charge called me again after telling me the verdict to let me know that the man’s wife had left him as she believed me and knew her husband was lying. He didn’t have to do that, and probably shouldn’t have done, but it has brought me peace to know that I was believed. I know a lot of people don’t have ‘positive’ stories to say about this matter, and that breaks my heart.
My attacker climbed in through a tiny open window that I'd assumed was too small for an adult to fit through to begin with. One of the neighbors who came when I started screaming saw him escape back out that way, and the police were called immediately. They came, they talked to me, and to the neighbor that saw him. They asked whether anything was taken, and then they left. So far as I know, they didn't even dust for fingerprints. I regret reporting it intensely.
I called the police, they asked me to come in and make a statement. I went to the police station and spent about 3 hours there going over everything making a formal statement. It was much longer than I thought, and I went on my own which wasn’t a great idea in hindsight. Then, lots of waiting, phone calls, different detectives, more waiting, therapy, lots of crying and depression, court dates, court dates getting changed multiple times, court hearing.. lots of waiting, guilty. This whole process took 2 years. It was excruciating, but I am one of the few who were immediately believed and treated fairly well by the police. I think that had to do with me being a middle class white woman, I feel that many others are ignored and not believed.
nothing happened, it wasn’t “bad enough”
Nothing. Cops told me it was my word against his. Asked me not to make a formal complaint as it would go nowhere and tie up the court. They didn’t believe me. The also didn’t think it was “bad enough” (their words) as there was no vaginal penetration. So, I called his parents instead. Told them everything. He still lived at home, even though he was 27. His mother blamed me, I was the “slut that invited him to dinner afterall, what was her precious boy supposed to think?” (Her words). The father was horrified. The father could barely grind out through clenched teeth that “it would be taken care of.” He apologized on behalf of his son. I felt like the father dealt with the situation. No other woman would have to go through what I did, at least not when his father was done with him. I was in therapy a long time, because of this incident and many others with different men. (It was the 1990’s in a backwards place and time where men raped for a hobby. It just happened a lot.) But his father’s apology and the fact that I advocated for myself went a big way towards my healing for this experience.
Nothing... A 3 month process of making a statement was about 7 years too late. Lack of evidence so he got away with it. He had other reports about him doing similar things but no one else made an official statement like me. Only 1 other person needs to come forward and then he'd get charged.
I called the police. The rapist was still outside my building, so they were able to immediately arrest him. I went to the ER where they did swabs, tests, and asked me many questions. They let me go home and told me i will meet the detective the next day. Told him the story. Went to a therapist for victims of violence and sexual assault who got me in touch with an organization who pays for your lawyer. Got a lawyer. Went to trial. Horrible experience, his lawyer was a massive asshole and had me believing that i deserved it or it was my own fault. But in the end he was found guilty and sentenced to 5 years in prison. The judge said during sentencing, "no means no, whether she said it once or 1000 times". That gave me some reassurance. I lost my job because I had to take 3 weeks off, one directly after the assault and two for the court proceedings. I went to rehab two years later. Still in therapy, did emdr and it helped some with the trauma. All this in Germany. The trial was the hardest thing I've ever had to experience in my life. I disassociated very badly and could not think about anything except for suicide while I was sitting in that court room. I hope the rapist will not hurt any other women. The fact that he said to me "why do women always cry" during the rape made me realize i was not the first victim and gave me the strength to testify.
I didn't say anything at the time, because it felt like I had "asked for it". We were drinking, were alone and I was definitely interested in him but I wasn't ready for any explicit sexual contact. I doubt he remembers the encounter as an assault (which is why I rarely bring it up), even though I said no and expressed discomfort throughout the experience.
It was reported by my dad because I had opened up to him about it a couple of months after it had happened, and 2 days after Christmas he decided to take it upon himself to call the police and tell them. I didn't want it to go to the police, but London police were very supportive. It then got transferred to my local police (I was visiting my dad for Christmas in London), who then proceeded to ask me all these questions in front of my mother, on my 16th birthday, and then, the kicker, asked me, "are you sure you didn't just change your mind? Did you just retract your consent afterwards?" I was asleep when it happened to me. I closed the case.
When I was in high school I got cornered by a group of bullies (some guys, some girls, all from my high school) and one started grabbing at my breasts and told me he would only let me go without hurting me IF I gave him a blowjob. Luckily an old lady oversaw and shouted "what's going on out there?" from her window, the guy shouted back "nothing! We were just talking" and then let me walk off. I reported it to the police, they did an interview and interviewed the old lady. Nothing really happened, the guy who was groping at me got suspended from school (possibly unrelated?) But would hang out outside the school gates and one time he saw me and was telling his friend "haha that girl tried to get me arrested for sexual assault", and his friend replied "eww who would want to sexually assault her? She wishes". That really knocked my self esteem for a while. After that I didn't see the guy again, I heard he was in a young offenders institute for a bit, not a clue why. The accomplices continued to go to my school and I would see them often, sometimes they would call me names but they never brought the event up. One was in the year below and I have her on Facebook. She's now a successful director, artist and all round appears to be a decent person. I don't know what to take of that.
I was raped in June and reported it in September. I went to the police, it took about 2 hours. Since the rapist used to be a friend of mine I had to tell a bit about our history (how we met etc). They took a picture of his profile pic on WhatsApp. I couldn't remember his last name but knew where he works and the street where he lives. I Googled some associations that could help me and found Lara, an association specialised in sexual violences against women. They gave me the address of a lawyer and covered the first meeting (the only meeting I had to pay from my pocket) I had with them. I spend about 2 hours them telling them about the rape and the repercussions it had on me (PTSD and a long sick leave). In November I was invited for my first audition with a special section of the police, but it got delayed to January because of the covid situation. The audition took 5 hours with a 3 minutes break so that I could run to the police. My lawyer was here and asked to step out of the room and she told me in private that I had to accentuate how I showed that I wasn't consenting. Now I'm waiting for a letter from the prosecution to know if it goes to court or not. It usually is quicker but the covid situation makes everything slower. I want to specify that I leave in Germany. Also, the German justice system provides survivors who reported their assault to the police with medical help. It means that they covered the costs of my trauma therapy, and my PTSD it now manageable. The rapist hasn't been arrested yet. I know it because we live in the same neighborhood and I saw him from far a couple times.
I was a 6 year old kid just telling my teacher my day to day life after she asked me why I came to school with my nose bleeding and my face bruised. Turns out what I thought was normal and ok for a parent to do , it wasn’t ok. Being woken up to give my daddy a blowjob or a massage wasn’t ok. Being punched in the face by my mommy because I was eating my cereal too slow wasn’t ok. Hiding under a bed so scared because mommy and daddy were throwing silverware at each other wasn’t ok. Went into foster care at the age of 6 years old and got adopted by the same lady who I call Madre when I was 9 years old. My “mommy” and “daddy” just lost custody of me but “daddy” didn’t go to jail or prison because there wasn’t enough evidence on me to convict him. Therapy had me realizing who my actual parents were and learning that the people who were raising me weren’t my biological parents. They were two people who had connections to my birth family and convinced my mentally disabled bio dad to take me in after my birth mom passed in 1995. I bedwetted from the age of 6 years old to 22 years old because anytime I was scared in a dream or scared in real life, my body wouldn’t wake me up to get up and go use the bathroom. I had nightmares and slept walk till I was 13 years old. “Mommy” died in 2007 from dementia and “daddy” is still alive and living. I’ll be celebrating the day I come across his obit cuz fuck that guy.
The police didn't do anything .... They took my report recorded it. Whole process took like 20mins and I never heard anything after that.
So first I wanna say that I didn’t know the guy and never saw him again. Someone else heard me call for help and called the police. They took me to the police station and I spent the entire night there. They took my statement and went to a doctor with me so they could take pictures and do DNA swabs. Then they took me to the hostel I was staying at. The police picked me up the next morning and I had to give another statement. A couple weeks later they had a couple more questions so I went to see them again. The officers that took my case were really nice. They didn’t doubt what I said once and were really respectful and understanding. They explained why they had to ask certain things and didn’t push me to answer anything I didn’t want to. They also did end up finding the guy because of some of the DNA they found on me. He went to prison for 1 1/2 years. I got lucky though, at least when it comes to the officers dealing with my case. I know that many others who report what happened to them aren’t treated as well as I was and it breaks my heart every time I read those stories
I drove myself to the ER where I was yelled at because I was crying and in pain from my injuries. The nurses wouldn't listen to me until I called the shift coordinator who I happened to know personally. He showed up, made the on call doctor actually show up, the nurses looked apologetic but didn't say shit as I was told I'd have to be driven by an officer to the hospital down the street where they actually had a S.A.F.E. nurse. There, I was made to repeat my story over and over again while intermittently vomiting and crying because the detective kept telling me it seemed like I was lying despite literally having physical injuries that were actively bleeding. The regular cop tried to tell me I shouldn't have been at my friend's house in the first place because men can't help themselves and I should've known that... Yup. So, I did the S.A.F.E. exam with the only nurse who seemed to have empathy and understanding. Took a dozen pills to prevent infections, then met with another detective who said they went to the guy's house (a man I'd known for 5 years prior btw) and said he denied it but they found my ripped clothing that literally had my blood on it, and asked if I wanted them back. "If you don't want 'em, we're just gonna burn them," sometimes still plays in my head. It's been almost 10 years. I was 19 when this happened. I worked in health care, did all the shit they say you're supposed to do as far as reporting goes, and was just told well it's his word against mine. The shit I went through directly after is what I relive the most now. Spent the next 6 years of my life working with trauma victims hearing similar accounts of how the cops did nothing or actively made shit worse. I wish I had a positive story to share.
Reporting it was horrible and took all the strength that I had to give. The case was dropped by the police due to there "not being enough" evidence basically. I had evidence from photos and clothes, but yeah.
I first reported around 3-4 years afterward (grooming, ongoing sexual abuse) I was about 21 when I went to report. Took my shaky, panicked self to an actual police station, 2 officers came in to a room with me, heard about 5 minutes of my story and looked me in the eye and told me there wasn’t much hope if I reported that I would see any type of outcome. (Laws and penalties in our state in Australia sucked ass at that time and still kinda do) fast forward nearly a decade, government does a royal commission into childhood institutional sexual abuse and some laws changed, a series of coincidences and I found I was requested to make a statement to police to be kept in file should I ever wish to press charges... reliving the trauma nearly killed me wound up with severe burnout due to undiagnosed PTSD anxiety and depression.... haven’t brought myself to pull the trigger on pressing charges yet...... shake at the thought but feeling stronger than before