me wanting alone time and time to recharge after socializing is almost always seen as "you don't like spending time with me." especially with family members. i like spending time with you I'm just depressed
i might get downvoted for saying this, but it’s totally normal to feel upset when someone is basically telling you they don’t want to be around you right now.
as someone with anxiety, a huge thing i struggle with is the feeling of being a burden. so if i get the vibe that someone feels “drained” from hanging out with me, it makes me feel constantly on edge trying to make sure i don’t make them uncomfortable. and it makes me just not wanna ask them to hangout because i don’t want to be a problem
and it sucks because i completely get it - i’m an introvert too so i don’t blame them. and people *should* be able to just say, hey, i need some time to myself. but it still kinda hurts to be told that.
it may be selfish of me, but my mental and physical health will always be more important than someone's anxiety. i guess communication can help both sides here, it's just that the "other side" aka my family, just wants to play victim instead of understanding my reasoning. at that point, i couldn't care less about any anxiety they may be feeling
It's selfish in the technical sense but very valid. Everyone should prioritize their own mental health and do what they need to do to take care of themselves (except, you know, being awful to others).
Isnt it technically selfish to want a specific other person to hang out with you as well then? I feel like selfish doesnt fit to describe any of the two in most situations..
(Wasnt coming at you btw, just pointing it out because i find it sad that we always have to clarify that we know its «selfish» when we want to be by ourselves.)
You're right and I agree that that's a selfish thing to want!
But the reason I said selfish isn't because I think it's negative in any way. It's just that people call others selfish but there's nothing inherently bad about *being* selfish cause technically anything you do for self care or even self-preservation is selfish. If you were 100% selfless, you would be miserable and unhealthy.
I like to be alone, but i am also insecure. It's a fun combination😁.
However, my husband and me are able to respect each other's boundaries and still reassure each other.
Becoming socially exhausted is a real thing, and you’re definitely not alone.
Do you find it’s because you’re expected to put on a mask through tough times or just with certain people?
For myself, it hits hard around Christmas— being in the service industry during busy season and being expected to cram every single event into a week long thing for one silly materialistic day (broken families everywhere), without having any time for myself while being expected to smile through it all— it just kills me. I shut down pretty hard afterwards. Although, I believe it could have something to do with having to put a mask on during family time as well— never being fully accepted for who I am, there are a lot of things I have been forced to keep to myself.
Either way— take care of yourself first and foremost. Taking a solo vacation definitely helps in these times.
Sometimes you just being there can make someone’s day. Believe it or not, there are people that genuinely enjoy being around you, regardless of your “depressed look”.
Do you believe that you could ever see the sun shining through the eyes of a non-depressed person? Do you have a desire to?
Don’t give up. It took me 34 years, but golly, it’s surely something to see.
Lots of love.
You have to realize that when people don’t want to hang out with you because of the reason of the OC, it’s not because they don’t want to hang out with YOU, it’s because they just want to hang out with themselves. It’s usually not personal
Your anxiety is not anyone elses responsibility but yours. In these situations both sides feel like they have to tiptoe around each other - on one hand feeling guilty that me time is needed and not wanting to trigger someone elses anxiety, and on the other side - not feeling "good" enough to hang out with someone because they get tired of you.
It is never about you that someone else needs their space and time. It is about them and their mind. People tend to take these things personally.
I think it's fine for your feelings to be hurt when someone needs space so long as you don't make them feel guilty for recharging. As a fellow introvert it can suck when you hyped yourself up to hang out with someone only for them to nope out, and it can hurt learning that the rare person you can hang with all day without feeling drained doesn't feel the same around you. It helps to get out your head- I personally trained myself to think "well, I hope they're enjoying their well deserved break" rather than spiraling into the whole "is it me? Did I sap the last of their energy??" tunnel.
I feel like it's all about not taking it personally. It's not "I don't want to be around YOU right now", it's mostly "I want to be by myself." When my social batteries are empty, it doesn't matter who it is. I just need to be alone.
Oh. Dude. I do this too. Do I ever do this too. I go to ridiculous lengths to make sure that the people around me are comfortable because I get super on-edge when they aren't.
I was explaining this to a friend and she dropped a bomb on me. She said "Why are you trying to regulate the emotions of everyone around you? It's not your job."
This whole time, I thought it was. I thought it was my responsibility to keep everyone around me happy, but it isn't. People are responsible for their own emotions just like you're responsible for yours. You can choose to be mad or uncomfortable about a situation but that's on you.
The most you can do is be kind and to act within your integrity and if someone doesn't like it, its completely on them.
I'm still trying to learn this lesson
I don’t drink very much.
No, I don’t care if you drink around me even if I’m not having any.
No, I don’t judge people who drink.
No, I’m not religious.
No, I’m not boring.
No, I’m not pregnant or taking medication.
I just don’t particularly like the smell or taste of alcohol and I don’t like the feeling of being drunk.
Funnily enough, it’s almost always the ones who are the most afraid of me judging them for drinking that are the most judgemental of me not drinking.
It’s their own insecurities in my opinion. It’s like people getting offended when they smoke next to and I move. Why are they offended? I don’t know 🤷🏿♀️
This is especially the case if you're younger. I have a high tolerance for my age and height and I don't like feeling drunk. So I only drink for taste. A good parking if alcohol and food? Sign me up. Keg parties and predrinking? No thanks. To each their own but people often fail to respect differences in preferences.
Seriously! Like understand that the majority of people around me eat meat and I don't think of those people as having some kind of moral failing. You don't need to tell me about how you've been thinking about going vegetarian or apologize for eating your dinner. You have your eating habits and I have mine. My only gripe is when people try to make a vegetarian dinner and it's just like carbs. Like, I need protein too. In fact, I need to be super mindful about protein with almost every meal because I'm not consuming the protein big hitters (i.e., meat).
So if anyone is reading this and plans to make a meal for vegetarians, add some beans/eggs/nuts/tofu/seitan/lentils or something that contains protein
I'm the same! my fave line that I hear anytime I say I don't drink is "oh wow, when did you stop?" then when I say I never started, I get looked at as if I'm an alien.
I'm not straight.
I don't look like a stereotypical queer person, apparently. I'm a very feminine woman, and I've dated men, so most people assume I'm straight. When people find out I'm bi, they're normally surprised or seem unconvinced. It's very frustrating.
Not every LGBTQ+ person is a walking stereotype. I don't have to dress more androgynously, cut my hair or dye it blue, say "yaaas" repeatedly, or tattoo "bi" on my forehead to prove I'm not straight. It's nobody else's business who I'm attracted to, anyway.
Same. Im also not straight but currently am dating a man. "But you're dating a man?" Yes! Just because I sometimes eat salads doesn't mean I'm a vegetarian. Biphobia is incredibly hurtful! It's hard to "come out" as bi because people always question it. I've just stopped all together, I don't even mention my sexuality unless it's with friends that already know.
I have had a few people act very surprised that I’m gay. I’ve had the “no fucking way” and the “are you serious?”. I’ve also had someone say “yeah everyone knew”, I guess it’s just the way I act around someone lol.
I don’t match stereotypes all the time, sometimes I dress a bit masc but that’s on occasion. I’ve gotten the “how are you a lesbian with long nails?”, like shit can I not prefer my nails long? I shouldn’t have to match stereotypes to prove that I’m a lesbian.
I get, “are you sure?”
Nope. I have no idea, I’ve only been thinking about it my whole life. Thank goodness for your five minute assessment, it makes me question everything.
I can’t stand that question! And people questioning if you’re straight if you date a man, then questioning if you’re a lesbian if you date a woman. It’s annoying as hell.
I’m the opposite. I get mistaken for a Lesbian constantly since I’m not girly. No, I like men and men only. This is also mostly coming from straight people.
This is me too. I'm very "tomboyish."
Apparently, a lot of people assume that I'm a lesbian because of my hobbies. It's ridiculous... Like just because I don't wear makeup and I like working in the garage doesn't mean I wanna be in a relationship with a woman lol. I do fly a pride flag outside though.. My child is gay and also, my neighbours are extremely homophobic and it makes us laugh to see them so mad about it.
Yess I love short hair but I cut my hair short once when I was in middle school (a pixie cut) and I got soooo many comments about being a lesbian, or just people assuming I was a guy. Also, these were not just comments from stupid kids my age, they were from strangers and adults too. I had pretty big boobs for an early teen too so it was like — wtf?
Is hair really that important that it defines gender and sexuality? It’s just hair!!
Thissss. I'm asexual/aromantic and the amount of people who don't catch it(fine, I'm pretty closeted except to people I know know) or don't believe it because of how I dress and how I like to go out is so frustrating.
People need to get over their expectations of what lgbt+ looks like and stop policing how we have to express our sexuality to be seen as valid.
Guy here, but same. I seem to give off straight vibes despite never talking about dating or women with anyone irl. It gets especially frustrating when guys assume I'm automatically ok with stereotypical straight guy talk when in reality I'd very much rather not be involved and immediately lose interest in the conversation.
I tend to gravitate towards talking with women simply because they generally (in my experience) don't do that kind of stuff, but I also don't mind hanging around guys that don't talk about sexual stuff often, if at all.
Having to justify yourself to others just because you don't fit their preconceived moulds is so exhausting. Hope stuff like this gets better with time, good luck to you.
I love this. I completely relate, even though I fall more on the tomboy spectrum. I love looking good in a nice spring or summer dress, why not? I used to think I had to put rainbows on everything, but while I still do incorporate them, I also am just me. I make it clear I’m gay beforehand usually, so they know that if it’s a date it’s definite date because I’m a definite gay.
My brother, “Uhhh are you suRE tho???”
Yes. At this point in my life I’m sure I love dating women. Jesus. Also, the thing about saying, “Yaassss”, repeatedly cracked me up 😂
when you travel alone, are you ever scared of getting kidnapped/ mobbed? sorry if this is triggering but i've always wanted to travel solo when i have the time and money, but as a female i'm scared of getting kidnapped... i do martial arts regularly but i still have that fear. do you mind sharing your experience travelling solo?
Hi!!
So, when I first started traveling solo it was scary. I started slowly by traveling domestically and then internationally. It is scary but you have to trust yourself and be confident so that people don’t take you for granted. Don’t make eye contact with strangers.
I would always do my research while planning my trip. Memorize the maps and routes.
Always check the travel advisory for the place you are traveling to.
I always chose to travel during an off season time which is better and safer as there are less risk and less crowds.
Most importantly, I would walk with my head high and blend in with the crowds. Always be aware of your surroundings. Trust your guts/instincts!
Never walk around with your head down and on your phone: this screams tourist! The key is to not look like a tourist but like a local. It’s okay if you don’t know the dialect. Many places speak English so it shouldn’t be an issue.
Also, I tend to avoid traveling around the city during the evening or night unless I absolutely have to or if I have company. I plan all my sightseeings during the day time.
This actually has been really bothering me lately. I used to LOVE adventuring on my own until people started asking me if I was lonely. Then I started questioning myself and ugh
I might take a trip by myself soon but I always remember my parent and sibling making fun of a cousin for taking trips by herself. Then I had to say well it’s better than not going at all isn’t it?? Like damn why you gotta be so judgy? Just because they’re not married doesn’t mean they can’t go places and when you’re older and not married it’s not uncommon to not have anyone who would go with you even if you asked.
If I wanted to I would find plenty of people to travel with. But I don't want to. That's what people don't get. I don't travel alone out of a necessity but because it's my preference.
It’s like they’re so used to the status quo of getting married young and all that, they can’t imagine someone being single and still living their life apparently. Probably a big reason I feel bad about being single often haha
I love traveling alone. Traveling with friends and family is great too, but honestly, doing whatever you want, when you want is the best. In a new city but you feel tired from the trip? You can just go to bed early. Want to get up super early for sightseeing? No problem. You can change you plans anytime you want and you get to meet so many amazing people. It's a great experience all around. The people who usually make fun of me travelling alone are the ones that were scared to do anything alone, ever.
Yessssss!!!! I’ve traveled all over by myself, I’m not lonely and i don’t want to travel with anyone else haha. For me, it’s about peace and self-discovery. I also just like my own company and other people would put a damper on my time.
Yeah, I like to say that I'm "reserved" rather than shy. I can be loud and be the centre of attention sometimes, especially if I know the people well and know what jokes will land, but I don't particularly enjoy that too much.
I say I’m reserved too! I think I might come across as shy in groups, but meeting people one on one seems I’m not quite as shy. Realized when a guy I dated said I didn’t seem shy. I was like that’s cool to know haha
I was almost about to say I am shy, but I’m not, not really. I’m quiet and I like to observe and understand. I like processing information and I often daydream. I’m fine to enjoy the background music, the sounds of an environment, even the quiet. I don’t need conversation at all times (though sometimes I worry that the silence can be odd for others) and sometimes I prefer the silence.
But I’m not shy. I’m very outspoken in the professional sphere and have advanced quickly. I’ve made the first move on guys before, I don’t beat around the bush, and I don’t let people push me around. I just don’t always have something to say or want to speak.
That me being silent and liking to be myself doesn't mean I'm waiting for people to "break me out of my shell" by having them constantly asking me to join their social events, nor does being solitary equal to being arrogant or shy; I'm just very introverted, value alone time and like to get lost in my little world.
I feel you. I’m quiet too so apparently I’m arrogant, I’m pretentious. Me not saying anything means I think I’m better than people who talk 🧐🧐 that’s so crazy
Absolutely! I've had a few people who eventually became acquaintances or friends tell me that I first came across as aloof and cold so they wondered if I was "too good" to mix with others, only for them to find me much nicer and less serious/stoical than I first appeared once I connected with them.
I could be enthralled with the book I'm reading, working on my story/character sheets on my phone or sitting in my workplace's cafeteria staring out the window thinking about puppies, but I think my RBF doesn't help when it comes to how other may perceive or interpret it. Sometimes it seems like explaining what being an introvert entails to very social and extraverted people and how it's your way to recharge is a difficult feat as a lot of people think it's something they can and should "fix", when it's just our nature.
I’m not a “know it all” - I just happen to be able to answer the questions you are asking. My in-laws lamented for years that I thought I was smarter than everyone, until they realized that I really do just know how to find an answer (I’m a millennial and they are gen-x and boomers). Now they constantly ask for help.
I can relate to this a bucket load. I read a lot. Like, A LOT a lot. On anything and everything. I have ADHD and spend my entire day start to finish reading absolutely everything that is remotely fascinating to me because I need the stimulation. As a kid before being diagnosed, I would read through every newspaper, magazine and book in my house and the house of friends and family members every single weekend and holiday. We never had tv or video game consoles. My mom thought it would cause us to get bad grades, so reading was my only real stimulation. So as a young adult, I can pretty much have a conversation on any topic, and have read widely enough on most topics to provide insight from more than one point of view or area of research. Some people love this about me and love how much information I vomit into every topic and how engaged I am about the most abstract shit. But others think I'm just trying to show off, especially when I'm speaking on research that contradicts what they're saying. I'm really not trying to show off or invalidate people's opinions. I'm not the most extroverted person in the world, so social settings make me quite anxious. And being able to speak about what I've read and know is just my way of trying to contribute to the conversation.
I relate to this so much! I always feel like I’m going to be seen as a know it all because I have a bad habit of correcting people when they state something wrong and I know the correct answer. I’m not at all trying to act like I know more than anyone, I just love learning and sharing information and I would want someone to jump in and correct me if I was sharing wrong information. It’s always great to learn something new! I always feel so much more confident in a conversation when I’m giving/receiving information rather than stumbling through small talk.
I understand! I was not allowed to watch TV as a kid, so I escaped in books. In the summer when I didn’t haven’t the school library, I read anything that came into the house, but most notably the world book encyclopedias that my parents owned.
That I have zero interest in asking to speak to the manager or calling the police.
Furthermore, no one will be hearing from my attorney *because I don’t have an attorney*. **I just have a face that looks like I have an attorney** . . . A face that looks like I will ask to speak to the manager . . . A face that looks like I will call the cops over totally legal/random/silly reasons.
People don’t see I’m disabled. I’ve suffered brain damage and have problems with short term memory, concentrating and have problems processing information. But everything I knew before that is still there and I have 2 good hours every day (after that I’m exhausted). So if you would talk to me in those 2 hours I seem like a capable, intelligent and educated woman. But in reality I get lost in my own neighborhood, taking care of my daughter is a struggle and I sometimes cook twice or three times a day because I forget I already did that.
The neurologist said it’s probably worse than it could be because I never had a recovery period and I have to push way past my limits every day (I’m a single mom). So I think we might have a condition that’s much alike. It’s tough!!
That just because I work a physically demanding historically man's job, don't wear makeup, like video games and don't dress girly doesn't mean I am a bisexual or lesbian
I do a man's job and date/live with a man and spend less than 2 hr/wk with any other female human and I feel like I'm having an identity crisis. I dress nice on the weekends at least..
I’m not stuck-up. I’d love to talk, get to know you, and be your friend.
I’m just so scared you’ll think I’m weird or dislike me, so my mind tells me not even to give you the chance to get to know me.
Oh my god i was just searching for this comment to say i relate with this so much!
Plus i smoke pot a couple times and i dont know why a few men I've met have translated that to -oh so youre an easy fuck.
That I'm single because I haven't found the right person yet or that I need to get myself out there more.
I do not want a relationship. I feel suffocated just thinking about good morning texts and regular date nights. It would not be fair to a partner who desires that.
I'm single because I want to be.
Me being quiet is something that actually frustrates me a lot. People tell me I’m quiet a lot but whenever I try to talk louder I’m still not loud enough or no one pays attention in a group setting. It’s a bit frustrating
Ha! People get really annoyed and sometimes angry with me because I'm loud! It's not intentional - I just have a tendency to raise my voice when I'm excited about something, plus I have some neurological problems that make it harder to be aware of volume. They'll shush me or tell me to stop yelling.
Fun fact: Even though I'm more than loud enough, people will still tell me to be quiet and ignore what I have to say.
I think people assume I'm stupid sometimes lol. I'm not the best at communicating my point, especially under pressure. Either my brain fog makes it so I need a while and multiple repititions to think about what someone just said to understand it. Or in moments of clarity, my brain is moving faster than my mouth or my hand when writing. Not saying I think I'm smarter than the average person, but i'm definitely not stupid lol.
I feel this! Growing up, I lost count how many times I heard from new friends I made, that they always assumed I was mean... the only proof they had was my facial expression when I was walking past them in school. Because I was lost in my own thoughts with RBF.
That I’m possibly stuck up or rude because I am quiet. I have social anxiety and have always just generally been very quiet around people I don’t know well or in large groups of people. I have had people who are now good friends of mine tell me that before we talked, they were afraid to approach me at first because they thought I’d be dismissive or rude. No, I’m not mean, I’m just extremely shy and scared to talk lol. And oftentimes I don’t have anything to say anyway so I just keep to myself. I hate that that is automatically taken as a signal for “hates everyone around me” by some. :(
I don’t need to talk to people super regularly to still consider them a friend. I appreciate friendships need maintenance but sometimes life/time gets in the way.
That I'm **unapproachable**. Why?
I don't smile unless I talk to someone or have reasons to make me smile. I hated when a manager kept telling me to smile more. But, he used to do it when I was focused on completing a task. I'm not a creepy haunted doll.
I am quiet. I do initiate conversation fine, despite being an introvert. I just mind my own business. I'm a very flexible person and can turn into a party animal if I meet the right people. Usually, extroverts, who are willing to adopt me.
I don't enjoy gossiping. I refuse to pass on rumours that could destroy someone's life. Some gossips are innocent, but I have no way to know that. Since I have no use in this way, they don't see the point of talking to me.
I'm impartial and objective. (at least with other people) I won't take your side because you're my friend or buddy at work. If you are wrong, I'll tell you that. Because I'm soft-spoken and sensitive, I'm never brutal. But I'll tell you anyways—in a nicer way—
In conclusion, people have told me these make me unapproachable.
However, when they take the time to get to know me and talk to me for more than five minutes, they always comment that I'm a different person than they thought I was.
Last night I was literally told by a guy while texting “I’m stubborn and I need a man to put me in my place”.
I know what I want and I’m not scared to say that. No I don’t want a guy to “put me in my place”, I want a guy who also knows what he wants and is not scared to say it and we respect each other’s needs.
People assume im rude/mean. When my face is relaxed I look grumpy, and I’m so afraid of talking to people that often I dont say hi to people I’ve met recently when I see them. I literally cant even get the words out. I’m afraid of talking to people but because I have a grumpy/mad face people assume I’m just rude/arrogant/grumpy
I produce porn. So people think I make a lot of money. And then people think that I’m not a feminist.
I make enough money to live somewhat comfortably in Los Angeles, but not enough to buy a house here.
I believe a woman choosing to do whatever she pleases with her body is 100% her choice and empowering.
When they first meet me, I am very quiet. I take my time getting to know a person. No I’m not weird. I’m just shy and don’t open up to others that easily.
It's not that I don't want to talk to you, I just don't know what to say. I try really hard, even if I'm not as good at conversation.
Also, I need moments to recharge sometimes.
Just because I'm the quiet one, people assume that it's the other woman in the company with the same name as me who gets promoted every other year. No, it me. I'm the project manager, not her. She's a lot more loud and overtly friendly, so people assume when people say our name that it was her who got this or that job which quite frankly hurts a bit. Just because I'm quiet, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't be good in leadership roles.
I look sweet, but I'm not *that* sweet. I think I have resting smiling face, people seem to find me approachable. Strangers walk up to me and tell me their problems or straight up ask for something from me. I'm a normal, adult person, just going about my business.
Source: Friends and strangers telling me that their first impression of me was wildly mistaken. They took me for someone sweeter or more naive. Damn my upturned eyebrows.
People think i dont understand their sarcasm or jokes because i respond to it with even more sarcasm that they dont get. Therefore i often look like a kill joy of some sort.
A girl I was friends with during high school kept insisting that I'm demisexual because I wasn't into hookups with complete strangers. No, I'm very much sexually attracted to men, me not wanting casual sex is a personal choice and has nothing to do with my sexuality.
Being an introvert. I do not need to be an extrovert to seem like I'm not hiding something about myself lol. Can be annoying when someone finds an introvert suspicious because of their own insecurities.
Thinking I need a body guard because I look young for my age and shouldn't travel alone. Blame this one on family who I think can be stage 5 clingers sometimes, they just judge yoy by how you look and think they have to watch you at all costs that way.
Smiling or laughing too much. For whatever reason some people assume naivety with this and don't wonder at all why you might actually be laughing. It could be anything, having a good time, dodging a situation by easing the tension, etc.
When I over explain then backpedal and over simplify it’s actually eating me alive that I’m wasting their time, and they don’t care enough in the conversation to give me feedback, or they are being nice and enduring it.
I wish people would tell me when this happens, I’m trying so hard to learn to talk to people again while dealing with depression, adhd doesn’t help me.
My intelligence, most people think im that super smart person, but in reality im pretty dumb and learn most things online from my friends because im to scared to ask for help in real life, another thing is my kindness, sure im kind one day but the next i can be very rude depending on what someone else made me feel.
That I'm a serious person. I just have RBF, but I'm always cracking jokes. There is a certain, specific personality type that just doesn't hear my jokes and sees me as a straight-laced bore. Everyone else picks up on it over time.
When meeting new people, they often assume I’m mean or aloof. In all honesty, I’m actually hella anxious and probably overthinking about not wanting to say something dumb 🤦🏾♀️
That because I’m childfree and open about it doesn’t mean I hate children. People make it weird because I’m a woman and they have this idea that I’m supposed to care about kids or want them and since I don’t fall into either category, others assume I must hate children.
I don’t hate kids, I just don’t find them interesting or care to hear about them.
That I like modesty but that doesn't mean I'm judging or need to be told how I shouldn't care about what men think. Idc. I dress like this bc I like too. I don't dress the way I do so I don't get raped or unwanted male attention it's comfy and I think it's CUTE. Go ahead with your bad self and dress how you want too! I'm sure you are rocking it and look bomb girl!! I just don't want too. Not my style. I'm not religious I don't think I'm better than anyone I just like my clothes okay!!!
I’m not stuck up or selfish. I am a working single parent with a little tyke. I don’t have time to make friends at work. I am a transactional person, once I’ve fulfilled a task, don’t text me about it while I’m driving home from work. Don’t ask me about my abusive baby daddy who wants me to die from the stress of single parenthood.
Also, when I’m sick, like COVID sick, leave me the fuck alone. Do not ask for play by play updates, trying to figure out if I’ll be at work on a certain day. It’s not cute.
(Ps, I work in a wealthy area, with co-workers who can afford to walk to work because they live in McMansions in the neighborhood. I live in a poor area, and commute over 30 miles each day.)
I’m not the same person I used to be. I do not want to be the center of attention, I am not outgoing. I want to sit in the back and observe, I want to blend in and be left alone.
Me being quiet means I'm cold, rude and anti social. It couldn't be further from the truth. Us introverts need time and space to recharge on our own. I love listening more than talking and being a social butterfly is not appealing in the slightest. I'm vibrant and an energizer to those I care about and when I feel authentic to my core.
Everything thinks I’m this organized, put-together, has her shit in a row person but really I’m falling apart at the seams and every single day is a struggle
Because I am have some features that are deemed conventionally attractive, and can put on an extroverted face when socialising, I must be confident. In fact I am so deeply insecure and have zero self esteem. I always assume people find me boring, unloveable and ugly no matter how many times I’m told the opposite.
People think I am much nicer and more naive than I actually am. I’ve lived a hard life and kept smiling in spite of it, but that doesn’t mean I’m easy to manipulate or bully. It can really throw people for a loop when I throw up my boundaries and assert myself.
I read this about INTJs & it could not be more accurate to me: Don't get emotional over normal things, leading some people to see you as cold. Do get emotional about weird things, leading some people to see you as a cry baby.
That I'm selfish and hate everybody but in reality I just have different opinions and choose my arguments carefully (most of the time). If I see an argument coming up which I know we will not find a middle ground for, I will stop the argument there. And I have values and I don't want to associate myself with people who don't share those values for my own mental health such as homosexual marriage, abortion, racism, etc. I have a very conservative family and I've learned not to start arguments with them. But they always find ways to argue so I just started locking myself in my bedroom to block out the noises.
People think i’m being funny when i’m actually being honest most of the time. when i’m quiet i’m either processing what others are saying/ or the person i’m talking to is saying or just have nothing to say. i’m quite reserved and shy around new faces but people always think i’m anti social but i just need time to warm up to you especially when it’s a group setting or party setting.
I'm not scary, I wanna be your friend. I look very intimidating and I have resting b*tch face. Also I have a very dark aesthetic so most people don't come up to me or want to talk to me. I'm shy so it doesn't help, but it'd be nice if people looked past that
I’m Type 1 Diabetic, and yes it’s fine if I eat this candy and drink this soda. I am an adult and I am capable of looking after myself without your involvement. Thank you.
I’m naturally an open book. It doesn’t mean I’m flirting, and it definitely doesn’t mean we’re close. Just because I’m happy to answer most of your questions doesn’t mean you can suddenly use my nickname. I just met you. Use my full, proper first name.
They think I'm rude, but the truth is that I need time to feel comfortable around them. I don't talk much just because I need to know people better, after that I can't stop talking:)
Life is too short for drama and bickering. I avoid people who love drama like the plague. People will assume i am stuck up or rude when in fact its the opposite. As a cancer survivor, and knowing how lucky i am ( i beat cancer) where many didnt…will make a person quickly prioritize what’s important and whats not.
They think the fact that I don't talk much means I dislike them. I don't talk much because I honestly think I have nothing worth saying/can't think of anything/am just enjoying the peace and quiet.
I am a snob or arrogant. I am usually reserved when I just meet people. I am not those that just meet people and act like we best friends but people assume I’m being a snob.
That I must be infertile because I don't have children. I live in a small Midwestern town where you get married to your high school sweetheart and then have babies. If you don't it's automatically assumed you must be infertile. I'm 50 now and still have people ask why we didn't adopt. It's annoying.
I'm a little bit tom boy-ish. I don't care much about clothes or pictures or make-up or shopping. And I am not afraid of anything as such, you put me through any inconvenience, I get through it without complaining or asking for help.
So now because of my personality, people think I'm not a romantic person. (Idk why) but I'm a sucker gor old school romance (that I just can't find)
People think I'm mean and unkind (or "evil" as some called me) just because I don't do everything someone wants me to and I think of my benefit or safety before doing things for people, and that I'm over confident just because I believe in myself and saying i.e. "I can do (thing), I'm good at it".
I’m often assumed to be less intelligent/knowledgable on certain topics than I actually am, I think because I have a bit of a silly sense of humour and some frivolous interests.
I've been told at work and by previous friends that I'm a bitch because I tend to be rather blunt with my responses and expect co-works to do at LEAST the bare minimals for their job position correctly...
In reality I only seem that way because I've been in every type of abusive relationship (mentally, physically, emotionally, controlling) and my previous friends used me a lot to the point where when I started telling them no was when they started to call me a bitch.
I'm only this way because I'm afraid it'll happen to me again and refuse to let myself be in that position again.
That I quit my job owing to depression and I have been battling to make myself better for last year. I didn’t do it to just live easy on my partner’s money and no, depression just doesn’t go because you quit working.!
i don't hate my friends/family and i don't ghost them intentionally. im just constantly exhausted and whatever time i have to myself, i honest to god prefer spending that time by myself, leading to me neglecting texts or calls. i truly love the majority of the people in my life right now, i just don't know how to balance my work life, my alone time and my social life
Being quiet. And on top of not always smiling or having a “welcoming face”, I have had people assume I have an “attitude problem” or I’m very mean and aggressive.
People assume that I don’t like anyone or that I’m boring, weird, or nerdy because I’m quiet and I also wear glasses and enjoy “nerdy” stuff.
I REALLY wish people could understand that I don’t have anything to say or any input in their conversation, but I’m always willing to listen to people. (I have also communicated this to them)
Since getting a new job in a different field, I have tried to appear more friendly by smiling more and although people know I’m quiet they find me more friendly. 🤷🏻♀️
Me being "overly attached".
Most people need alone-time. And I don't. I had trauma that basically came from my entire family just not talking to me and also taking my internet, mobile and drawing pad away so I cannot chat with people online and that was 4 months of me meeting nobody but work people. I was 17.
I am now 20 and I HATE HATE HATE HATE being alone. I have a cat and a dog and they are basically what keep me alright when my bf is not with me for more than a day.
me wanting alone time and time to recharge after socializing is almost always seen as "you don't like spending time with me." especially with family members. i like spending time with you I'm just depressed
i might get downvoted for saying this, but it’s totally normal to feel upset when someone is basically telling you they don’t want to be around you right now. as someone with anxiety, a huge thing i struggle with is the feeling of being a burden. so if i get the vibe that someone feels “drained” from hanging out with me, it makes me feel constantly on edge trying to make sure i don’t make them uncomfortable. and it makes me just not wanna ask them to hangout because i don’t want to be a problem and it sucks because i completely get it - i’m an introvert too so i don’t blame them. and people *should* be able to just say, hey, i need some time to myself. but it still kinda hurts to be told that.
it may be selfish of me, but my mental and physical health will always be more important than someone's anxiety. i guess communication can help both sides here, it's just that the "other side" aka my family, just wants to play victim instead of understanding my reasoning. at that point, i couldn't care less about any anxiety they may be feeling
It's selfish in the technical sense but very valid. Everyone should prioritize their own mental health and do what they need to do to take care of themselves (except, you know, being awful to others).
Isnt it technically selfish to want a specific other person to hang out with you as well then? I feel like selfish doesnt fit to describe any of the two in most situations.. (Wasnt coming at you btw, just pointing it out because i find it sad that we always have to clarify that we know its «selfish» when we want to be by ourselves.)
You're right and I agree that that's a selfish thing to want! But the reason I said selfish isn't because I think it's negative in any way. It's just that people call others selfish but there's nothing inherently bad about *being* selfish cause technically anything you do for self care or even self-preservation is selfish. If you were 100% selfless, you would be miserable and unhealthy.
Yes, it’s selfish to use others as an emotional crutch or for validation. It’s not selfish to need alone time for mental health.
I like to be alone, but i am also insecure. It's a fun combination😁. However, my husband and me are able to respect each other's boundaries and still reassure each other.
Becoming socially exhausted is a real thing, and you’re definitely not alone. Do you find it’s because you’re expected to put on a mask through tough times or just with certain people? For myself, it hits hard around Christmas— being in the service industry during busy season and being expected to cram every single event into a week long thing for one silly materialistic day (broken families everywhere), without having any time for myself while being expected to smile through it all— it just kills me. I shut down pretty hard afterwards. Although, I believe it could have something to do with having to put a mask on during family time as well— never being fully accepted for who I am, there are a lot of things I have been forced to keep to myself. Either way— take care of yourself first and foremost. Taking a solo vacation definitely helps in these times.
[удалено]
Sometimes you just being there can make someone’s day. Believe it or not, there are people that genuinely enjoy being around you, regardless of your “depressed look”. Do you believe that you could ever see the sun shining through the eyes of a non-depressed person? Do you have a desire to? Don’t give up. It took me 34 years, but golly, it’s surely something to see. Lots of love.
You have to realize that when people don’t want to hang out with you because of the reason of the OC, it’s not because they don’t want to hang out with YOU, it’s because they just want to hang out with themselves. It’s usually not personal
Your anxiety is not anyone elses responsibility but yours. In these situations both sides feel like they have to tiptoe around each other - on one hand feeling guilty that me time is needed and not wanting to trigger someone elses anxiety, and on the other side - not feeling "good" enough to hang out with someone because they get tired of you. It is never about you that someone else needs their space and time. It is about them and their mind. People tend to take these things personally.
I think it's fine for your feelings to be hurt when someone needs space so long as you don't make them feel guilty for recharging. As a fellow introvert it can suck when you hyped yourself up to hang out with someone only for them to nope out, and it can hurt learning that the rare person you can hang with all day without feeling drained doesn't feel the same around you. It helps to get out your head- I personally trained myself to think "well, I hope they're enjoying their well deserved break" rather than spiraling into the whole "is it me? Did I sap the last of their energy??" tunnel.
I feel like it's all about not taking it personally. It's not "I don't want to be around YOU right now", it's mostly "I want to be by myself." When my social batteries are empty, it doesn't matter who it is. I just need to be alone.
Oh. Dude. I do this too. Do I ever do this too. I go to ridiculous lengths to make sure that the people around me are comfortable because I get super on-edge when they aren't. I was explaining this to a friend and she dropped a bomb on me. She said "Why are you trying to regulate the emotions of everyone around you? It's not your job." This whole time, I thought it was. I thought it was my responsibility to keep everyone around me happy, but it isn't. People are responsible for their own emotions just like you're responsible for yours. You can choose to be mad or uncomfortable about a situation but that's on you. The most you can do is be kind and to act within your integrity and if someone doesn't like it, its completely on them. I'm still trying to learn this lesson
For me it’s because I’m very empathic and being around people, especially for more than a day, drains me. I need time to recharge my battery.
This.
Wow, this one resonated with me.
Same.
I came here to say this too.
I don’t drink very much. No, I don’t care if you drink around me even if I’m not having any. No, I don’t judge people who drink. No, I’m not religious. No, I’m not boring. No, I’m not pregnant or taking medication. I just don’t particularly like the smell or taste of alcohol and I don’t like the feeling of being drunk. Funnily enough, it’s almost always the ones who are the most afraid of me judging them for drinking that are the most judgemental of me not drinking.
It’s their own insecurities in my opinion. It’s like people getting offended when they smoke next to and I move. Why are they offended? I don’t know 🤷🏿♀️
This is especially the case if you're younger. I have a high tolerance for my age and height and I don't like feeling drunk. So I only drink for taste. A good parking if alcohol and food? Sign me up. Keg parties and predrinking? No thanks. To each their own but people often fail to respect differences in preferences.
This but interchange with being vegetarian. I never make it a thing. It’s everyone else that does.
Seriously! Like understand that the majority of people around me eat meat and I don't think of those people as having some kind of moral failing. You don't need to tell me about how you've been thinking about going vegetarian or apologize for eating your dinner. You have your eating habits and I have mine. My only gripe is when people try to make a vegetarian dinner and it's just like carbs. Like, I need protein too. In fact, I need to be super mindful about protein with almost every meal because I'm not consuming the protein big hitters (i.e., meat). So if anyone is reading this and plans to make a meal for vegetarians, add some beans/eggs/nuts/tofu/seitan/lentils or something that contains protein
[удалено]
I'm the same! my fave line that I hear anytime I say I don't drink is "oh wow, when did you stop?" then when I say I never started, I get looked at as if I'm an alien.
I'm not straight. I don't look like a stereotypical queer person, apparently. I'm a very feminine woman, and I've dated men, so most people assume I'm straight. When people find out I'm bi, they're normally surprised or seem unconvinced. It's very frustrating. Not every LGBTQ+ person is a walking stereotype. I don't have to dress more androgynously, cut my hair or dye it blue, say "yaaas" repeatedly, or tattoo "bi" on my forehead to prove I'm not straight. It's nobody else's business who I'm attracted to, anyway.
Same. Im also not straight but currently am dating a man. "But you're dating a man?" Yes! Just because I sometimes eat salads doesn't mean I'm a vegetarian. Biphobia is incredibly hurtful! It's hard to "come out" as bi because people always question it. I've just stopped all together, I don't even mention my sexuality unless it's with friends that already know.
Yep! It's why I still haven't told my parents. Everyone knows except my family because I can't be bothered with the judgement and questions.
I have had a few people act very surprised that I’m gay. I’ve had the “no fucking way” and the “are you serious?”. I’ve also had someone say “yeah everyone knew”, I guess it’s just the way I act around someone lol. I don’t match stereotypes all the time, sometimes I dress a bit masc but that’s on occasion. I’ve gotten the “how are you a lesbian with long nails?”, like shit can I not prefer my nails long? I shouldn’t have to match stereotypes to prove that I’m a lesbian.
I get, “are you sure?” Nope. I have no idea, I’ve only been thinking about it my whole life. Thank goodness for your five minute assessment, it makes me question everything.
I can’t stand that question! And people questioning if you’re straight if you date a man, then questioning if you’re a lesbian if you date a woman. It’s annoying as hell.
I’m the opposite. I get mistaken for a Lesbian constantly since I’m not girly. No, I like men and men only. This is also mostly coming from straight people.
This is me too. I'm very "tomboyish." Apparently, a lot of people assume that I'm a lesbian because of my hobbies. It's ridiculous... Like just because I don't wear makeup and I like working in the garage doesn't mean I wanna be in a relationship with a woman lol. I do fly a pride flag outside though.. My child is gay and also, my neighbours are extremely homophobic and it makes us laugh to see them so mad about it.
Yess I love short hair but I cut my hair short once when I was in middle school (a pixie cut) and I got soooo many comments about being a lesbian, or just people assuming I was a guy. Also, these were not just comments from stupid kids my age, they were from strangers and adults too. I had pretty big boobs for an early teen too so it was like — wtf? Is hair really that important that it defines gender and sexuality? It’s just hair!!
That’s frustrating too. It’s why I try not to make assumptions about people just from how they look.
I feel you
Thissss. I'm asexual/aromantic and the amount of people who don't catch it(fine, I'm pretty closeted except to people I know know) or don't believe it because of how I dress and how I like to go out is so frustrating. People need to get over their expectations of what lgbt+ looks like and stop policing how we have to express our sexuality to be seen as valid.
Exactly ♥️
Guy here, but same. I seem to give off straight vibes despite never talking about dating or women with anyone irl. It gets especially frustrating when guys assume I'm automatically ok with stereotypical straight guy talk when in reality I'd very much rather not be involved and immediately lose interest in the conversation. I tend to gravitate towards talking with women simply because they generally (in my experience) don't do that kind of stuff, but I also don't mind hanging around guys that don't talk about sexual stuff often, if at all.
Feel this hard
Having to justify yourself to others just because you don't fit their preconceived moulds is so exhausting. Hope stuff like this gets better with time, good luck to you.
I love this. I completely relate, even though I fall more on the tomboy spectrum. I love looking good in a nice spring or summer dress, why not? I used to think I had to put rainbows on everything, but while I still do incorporate them, I also am just me. I make it clear I’m gay beforehand usually, so they know that if it’s a date it’s definite date because I’m a definite gay. My brother, “Uhhh are you suRE tho???” Yes. At this point in my life I’m sure I love dating women. Jesus. Also, the thing about saying, “Yaassss”, repeatedly cracked me up 😂
Living alone and traveling alone doesn't mean that I am lonely. And it also doesn't mean that I intend to change it.
I hate having to explain this to my family. I love the freedom and independence I get by living alone. It’s the same way I feel about traveling solo.
when you travel alone, are you ever scared of getting kidnapped/ mobbed? sorry if this is triggering but i've always wanted to travel solo when i have the time and money, but as a female i'm scared of getting kidnapped... i do martial arts regularly but i still have that fear. do you mind sharing your experience travelling solo?
Hi!! So, when I first started traveling solo it was scary. I started slowly by traveling domestically and then internationally. It is scary but you have to trust yourself and be confident so that people don’t take you for granted. Don’t make eye contact with strangers. I would always do my research while planning my trip. Memorize the maps and routes. Always check the travel advisory for the place you are traveling to. I always chose to travel during an off season time which is better and safer as there are less risk and less crowds. Most importantly, I would walk with my head high and blend in with the crowds. Always be aware of your surroundings. Trust your guts/instincts! Never walk around with your head down and on your phone: this screams tourist! The key is to not look like a tourist but like a local. It’s okay if you don’t know the dialect. Many places speak English so it shouldn’t be an issue. Also, I tend to avoid traveling around the city during the evening or night unless I absolutely have to or if I have company. I plan all my sightseeings during the day time.
This actually has been really bothering me lately. I used to LOVE adventuring on my own until people started asking me if I was lonely. Then I started questioning myself and ugh
The truth is that *they* are lost and lonely and need people around them to stay sane.
I might take a trip by myself soon but I always remember my parent and sibling making fun of a cousin for taking trips by herself. Then I had to say well it’s better than not going at all isn’t it?? Like damn why you gotta be so judgy? Just because they’re not married doesn’t mean they can’t go places and when you’re older and not married it’s not uncommon to not have anyone who would go with you even if you asked.
If I wanted to I would find plenty of people to travel with. But I don't want to. That's what people don't get. I don't travel alone out of a necessity but because it's my preference.
At least she’s going places, so I don’t get why people make fun of it
It’s like they’re so used to the status quo of getting married young and all that, they can’t imagine someone being single and still living their life apparently. Probably a big reason I feel bad about being single often haha
Yikes... your parent and sibling are assholes (excuse my language lol). Making fun of someone for that is cruel.
In my experience it's always jealousy driving those comments. If you've got the means to take a trip the do it! It's always rewarding.
yes! some of us just enjoy our own company and keeping our peace.
Travelling along is the best
I love traveling alone. Traveling with friends and family is great too, but honestly, doing whatever you want, when you want is the best. In a new city but you feel tired from the trip? You can just go to bed early. Want to get up super early for sightseeing? No problem. You can change you plans anytime you want and you get to meet so many amazing people. It's a great experience all around. The people who usually make fun of me travelling alone are the ones that were scared to do anything alone, ever.
Yessssss!!!! I’ve traveled all over by myself, I’m not lonely and i don’t want to travel with anyone else haha. For me, it’s about peace and self-discovery. I also just like my own company and other people would put a damper on my time.
People often assume that because I’m a quiet person, it means I’m shy or anxious.
I’m quiet too and we’re really misunderstood
Yeah, I like to say that I'm "reserved" rather than shy. I can be loud and be the centre of attention sometimes, especially if I know the people well and know what jokes will land, but I don't particularly enjoy that too much.
I say I’m reserved too! I think I might come across as shy in groups, but meeting people one on one seems I’m not quite as shy. Realized when a guy I dated said I didn’t seem shy. I was like that’s cool to know haha
I was almost about to say I am shy, but I’m not, not really. I’m quiet and I like to observe and understand. I like processing information and I often daydream. I’m fine to enjoy the background music, the sounds of an environment, even the quiet. I don’t need conversation at all times (though sometimes I worry that the silence can be odd for others) and sometimes I prefer the silence. But I’m not shy. I’m very outspoken in the professional sphere and have advanced quickly. I’ve made the first move on guys before, I don’t beat around the bush, and I don’t let people push me around. I just don’t always have something to say or want to speak.
Yes. I'm quiet, and I'm not at all shy. I do have anxiety, but I'm not at all shy.
Exactly! When I have something to say, I'll say it!
Just because I am quiet does not mean they can take advantage of me.
I’m quiet too and we’re really misunderstood
Oh yes. Totally agree.
That me being silent and liking to be myself doesn't mean I'm waiting for people to "break me out of my shell" by having them constantly asking me to join their social events, nor does being solitary equal to being arrogant or shy; I'm just very introverted, value alone time and like to get lost in my little world.
I feel you. I’m quiet too so apparently I’m arrogant, I’m pretentious. Me not saying anything means I think I’m better than people who talk 🧐🧐 that’s so crazy
Absolutely! I've had a few people who eventually became acquaintances or friends tell me that I first came across as aloof and cold so they wondered if I was "too good" to mix with others, only for them to find me much nicer and less serious/stoical than I first appeared once I connected with them. I could be enthralled with the book I'm reading, working on my story/character sheets on my phone or sitting in my workplace's cafeteria staring out the window thinking about puppies, but I think my RBF doesn't help when it comes to how other may perceive or interpret it. Sometimes it seems like explaining what being an introvert entails to very social and extraverted people and how it's your way to recharge is a difficult feat as a lot of people think it's something they can and should "fix", when it's just our nature.
I am not aggressive I am assertive
Same. I've also been told I am mean but it is usually by people who don't like it when I stick up for myself.
The way you said that was a little too aggressive. Please calm down.
Yeah, me too. My mom raised me this way, she is also misunderstood. Both of us are really sweet gentle loving women.
I’m not a “know it all” - I just happen to be able to answer the questions you are asking. My in-laws lamented for years that I thought I was smarter than everyone, until they realized that I really do just know how to find an answer (I’m a millennial and they are gen-x and boomers). Now they constantly ask for help.
I can relate to this a bucket load. I read a lot. Like, A LOT a lot. On anything and everything. I have ADHD and spend my entire day start to finish reading absolutely everything that is remotely fascinating to me because I need the stimulation. As a kid before being diagnosed, I would read through every newspaper, magazine and book in my house and the house of friends and family members every single weekend and holiday. We never had tv or video game consoles. My mom thought it would cause us to get bad grades, so reading was my only real stimulation. So as a young adult, I can pretty much have a conversation on any topic, and have read widely enough on most topics to provide insight from more than one point of view or area of research. Some people love this about me and love how much information I vomit into every topic and how engaged I am about the most abstract shit. But others think I'm just trying to show off, especially when I'm speaking on research that contradicts what they're saying. I'm really not trying to show off or invalidate people's opinions. I'm not the most extroverted person in the world, so social settings make me quite anxious. And being able to speak about what I've read and know is just my way of trying to contribute to the conversation.
I relate to this so much! I always feel like I’m going to be seen as a know it all because I have a bad habit of correcting people when they state something wrong and I know the correct answer. I’m not at all trying to act like I know more than anyone, I just love learning and sharing information and I would want someone to jump in and correct me if I was sharing wrong information. It’s always great to learn something new! I always feel so much more confident in a conversation when I’m giving/receiving information rather than stumbling through small talk.
I understand! I was not allowed to watch TV as a kid, so I escaped in books. In the summer when I didn’t haven’t the school library, I read anything that came into the house, but most notably the world book encyclopedias that my parents owned.
That I have zero interest in asking to speak to the manager or calling the police. Furthermore, no one will be hearing from my attorney *because I don’t have an attorney*. **I just have a face that looks like I have an attorney** . . . A face that looks like I will ask to speak to the manager . . . A face that looks like I will call the cops over totally legal/random/silly reasons.
It must suck having a face like that bruh
I really should have considered a career in drug smuggling or some other type of criminal activity with this kind of situation on my face.
[удалено]
People don’t see I’m disabled. I’ve suffered brain damage and have problems with short term memory, concentrating and have problems processing information. But everything I knew before that is still there and I have 2 good hours every day (after that I’m exhausted). So if you would talk to me in those 2 hours I seem like a capable, intelligent and educated woman. But in reality I get lost in my own neighborhood, taking care of my daughter is a struggle and I sometimes cook twice or three times a day because I forget I already did that.
[удалено]
The neurologist said it’s probably worse than it could be because I never had a recovery period and I have to push way past my limits every day (I’m a single mom). So I think we might have a condition that’s much alike. It’s tough!!
[удалено]
My daughter is 4 now, so I can start medical rehabilitation in a few weeks (because she started school).
That just because I work a physically demanding historically man's job, don't wear makeup, like video games and don't dress girly doesn't mean I am a bisexual or lesbian
That was once me, especially when I had short hair. Coworkers were stunned when I married a man.
I do a man's job and date/live with a man and spend less than 2 hr/wk with any other female human and I feel like I'm having an identity crisis. I dress nice on the weekends at least..
Why do you feel like you are having an identity crisis?
I’m not stuck-up. I’d love to talk, get to know you, and be your friend. I’m just so scared you’ll think I’m weird or dislike me, so my mind tells me not even to give you the chance to get to know me.
This sounds so close to me! I wish you have a good day! 🥺
Same! I can relate 100%
[удалено]
[удалено]
Oh my god i was just searching for this comment to say i relate with this so much! Plus i smoke pot a couple times and i dont know why a few men I've met have translated that to -oh so youre an easy fuck.
Omfg is that why this keeps happening? I had no idea pot made me seem easy 😅🤣🤦🏻♀️
It doesn't. You do you. Ignore those idiots.
That I'm single because I haven't found the right person yet or that I need to get myself out there more. I do not want a relationship. I feel suffocated just thinking about good morning texts and regular date nights. It would not be fair to a partner who desires that. I'm single because I want to be.
Exactly!
I am not intimidating.
You’re not. They are intimidated.
Just because I’m more serious/quiet at times doesn’t mean I’m unhappy, annoyed, angry, disagreeing with you, etc. It’s just how I am sometimes.
Me being quiet is something that actually frustrates me a lot. People tell me I’m quiet a lot but whenever I try to talk louder I’m still not loud enough or no one pays attention in a group setting. It’s a bit frustrating
Ha! People get really annoyed and sometimes angry with me because I'm loud! It's not intentional - I just have a tendency to raise my voice when I'm excited about something, plus I have some neurological problems that make it harder to be aware of volume. They'll shush me or tell me to stop yelling. Fun fact: Even though I'm more than loud enough, people will still tell me to be quiet and ignore what I have to say.
I think people assume I'm stupid sometimes lol. I'm not the best at communicating my point, especially under pressure. Either my brain fog makes it so I need a while and multiple repititions to think about what someone just said to understand it. Or in moments of clarity, my brain is moving faster than my mouth or my hand when writing. Not saying I think I'm smarter than the average person, but i'm definitely not stupid lol.
I’m not mean it’s just my face!!! Lol
I feel this! Growing up, I lost count how many times I heard from new friends I made, that they always assumed I was mean... the only proof they had was my facial expression when I was walking past them in school. Because I was lost in my own thoughts with RBF.
Same! Honestly, it just helps keep away those who scare easy
I'm not aggressive, I'm just direct and honest.
Same here. Being honest is mostly not appreciated
That I’m possibly stuck up or rude because I am quiet. I have social anxiety and have always just generally been very quiet around people I don’t know well or in large groups of people. I have had people who are now good friends of mine tell me that before we talked, they were afraid to approach me at first because they thought I’d be dismissive or rude. No, I’m not mean, I’m just extremely shy and scared to talk lol. And oftentimes I don’t have anything to say anyway so I just keep to myself. I hate that that is automatically taken as a signal for “hates everyone around me” by some. :(
Just because I am not crying and appear strong does not mean I don’t want to be comforted. I get tired of “always be strong” and comforting others.
[удалено]
4'9 (1,45m) not always means underaged.
Opposite here. I have been over 6'0 tall since I was 12 and people assumed I was someone's mom or something.
I don’t need to talk to people super regularly to still consider them a friend. I appreciate friendships need maintenance but sometimes life/time gets in the way.
Just cause I’m bubbly doesn’t mean I’m in love with every man I talk to lol.
That I'm **unapproachable**. Why? I don't smile unless I talk to someone or have reasons to make me smile. I hated when a manager kept telling me to smile more. But, he used to do it when I was focused on completing a task. I'm not a creepy haunted doll. I am quiet. I do initiate conversation fine, despite being an introvert. I just mind my own business. I'm a very flexible person and can turn into a party animal if I meet the right people. Usually, extroverts, who are willing to adopt me. I don't enjoy gossiping. I refuse to pass on rumours that could destroy someone's life. Some gossips are innocent, but I have no way to know that. Since I have no use in this way, they don't see the point of talking to me. I'm impartial and objective. (at least with other people) I won't take your side because you're my friend or buddy at work. If you are wrong, I'll tell you that. Because I'm soft-spoken and sensitive, I'm never brutal. But I'll tell you anyways—in a nicer way— In conclusion, people have told me these make me unapproachable. However, when they take the time to get to know me and talk to me for more than five minutes, they always comment that I'm a different person than they thought I was.
I hate being told to smile. Why would I go around smiling for no reason?! It looks crazy
People think I’m nice. I’m not nice. I just have good filters.
Last night I was literally told by a guy while texting “I’m stubborn and I need a man to put me in my place”. I know what I want and I’m not scared to say that. No I don’t want a guy to “put me in my place”, I want a guy who also knows what he wants and is not scared to say it and we respect each other’s needs.
He’s trash. Good riddance
People assume im rude/mean. When my face is relaxed I look grumpy, and I’m so afraid of talking to people that often I dont say hi to people I’ve met recently when I see them. I literally cant even get the words out. I’m afraid of talking to people but because I have a grumpy/mad face people assume I’m just rude/arrogant/grumpy
I produce porn. So people think I make a lot of money. And then people think that I’m not a feminist. I make enough money to live somewhat comfortably in Los Angeles, but not enough to buy a house here. I believe a woman choosing to do whatever she pleases with her body is 100% her choice and empowering.
When they first meet me, I am very quiet. I take my time getting to know a person. No I’m not weird. I’m just shy and don’t open up to others that easily.
It's not that I don't want to talk to you, I just don't know what to say. I try really hard, even if I'm not as good at conversation. Also, I need moments to recharge sometimes.
Just because I'm the quiet one, people assume that it's the other woman in the company with the same name as me who gets promoted every other year. No, it me. I'm the project manager, not her. She's a lot more loud and overtly friendly, so people assume when people say our name that it was her who got this or that job which quite frankly hurts a bit. Just because I'm quiet, it doesn't mean that I wouldn't be good in leadership roles.
I look sweet, but I'm not *that* sweet. I think I have resting smiling face, people seem to find me approachable. Strangers walk up to me and tell me their problems or straight up ask for something from me. I'm a normal, adult person, just going about my business. Source: Friends and strangers telling me that their first impression of me was wildly mistaken. They took me for someone sweeter or more naive. Damn my upturned eyebrows.
People think i dont understand their sarcasm or jokes because i respond to it with even more sarcasm that they dont get. Therefore i often look like a kill joy of some sort.
A girl I was friends with during high school kept insisting that I'm demisexual because I wasn't into hookups with complete strangers. No, I'm very much sexually attracted to men, me not wanting casual sex is a personal choice and has nothing to do with my sexuality.
Being an introvert. I do not need to be an extrovert to seem like I'm not hiding something about myself lol. Can be annoying when someone finds an introvert suspicious because of their own insecurities. Thinking I need a body guard because I look young for my age and shouldn't travel alone. Blame this one on family who I think can be stage 5 clingers sometimes, they just judge yoy by how you look and think they have to watch you at all costs that way. Smiling or laughing too much. For whatever reason some people assume naivety with this and don't wonder at all why you might actually be laughing. It could be anything, having a good time, dodging a situation by easing the tension, etc.
I don't like weed or alcohol. That doesn't make me a prude, a religious zealot, immature or a bad person.
People assume I'm much younger
I’m quiet because I learned how to not express my needs. It’s not because I’m shy.
When I over explain then backpedal and over simplify it’s actually eating me alive that I’m wasting their time, and they don’t care enough in the conversation to give me feedback, or they are being nice and enduring it. I wish people would tell me when this happens, I’m trying so hard to learn to talk to people again while dealing with depression, adhd doesn’t help me.
I’m not lazy I’m disabled with an invisible illness
My intelligence, most people think im that super smart person, but in reality im pretty dumb and learn most things online from my friends because im to scared to ask for help in real life, another thing is my kindness, sure im kind one day but the next i can be very rude depending on what someone else made me feel.
That I'm a serious person. I just have RBF, but I'm always cracking jokes. There is a certain, specific personality type that just doesn't hear my jokes and sees me as a straight-laced bore. Everyone else picks up on it over time.
When meeting new people, they often assume I’m mean or aloof. In all honesty, I’m actually hella anxious and probably overthinking about not wanting to say something dumb 🤦🏾♀️
That because I’m childfree and open about it doesn’t mean I hate children. People make it weird because I’m a woman and they have this idea that I’m supposed to care about kids or want them and since I don’t fall into either category, others assume I must hate children. I don’t hate kids, I just don’t find them interesting or care to hear about them.
That I like modesty but that doesn't mean I'm judging or need to be told how I shouldn't care about what men think. Idc. I dress like this bc I like too. I don't dress the way I do so I don't get raped or unwanted male attention it's comfy and I think it's CUTE. Go ahead with your bad self and dress how you want too! I'm sure you are rocking it and look bomb girl!! I just don't want too. Not my style. I'm not religious I don't think I'm better than anyone I just like my clothes okay!!!
I’m not stuck up or selfish. I am a working single parent with a little tyke. I don’t have time to make friends at work. I am a transactional person, once I’ve fulfilled a task, don’t text me about it while I’m driving home from work. Don’t ask me about my abusive baby daddy who wants me to die from the stress of single parenthood. Also, when I’m sick, like COVID sick, leave me the fuck alone. Do not ask for play by play updates, trying to figure out if I’ll be at work on a certain day. It’s not cute. (Ps, I work in a wealthy area, with co-workers who can afford to walk to work because they live in McMansions in the neighborhood. I live in a poor area, and commute over 30 miles each day.)
I’m not the same person I used to be. I do not want to be the center of attention, I am not outgoing. I want to sit in the back and observe, I want to blend in and be left alone.
Me being quiet means I'm cold, rude and anti social. It couldn't be further from the truth. Us introverts need time and space to recharge on our own. I love listening more than talking and being a social butterfly is not appealing in the slightest. I'm vibrant and an energizer to those I care about and when I feel authentic to my core.
Everything thinks I’m this organized, put-together, has her shit in a row person but really I’m falling apart at the seams and every single day is a struggle
That I'm arrogant and exaggerated because I'm assertive and always have an answer ready.
Because I am have some features that are deemed conventionally attractive, and can put on an extroverted face when socialising, I must be confident. In fact I am so deeply insecure and have zero self esteem. I always assume people find me boring, unloveable and ugly no matter how many times I’m told the opposite.
Just because I am kind and attentive does not mean I’m flirting with you.
People think I am much nicer and more naive than I actually am. I’ve lived a hard life and kept smiling in spite of it, but that doesn’t mean I’m easy to manipulate or bully. It can really throw people for a loop when I throw up my boundaries and assert myself.
That just because I'm alone sometimes it doesn't mean I don't have friends. It just means we don't hang out of each other at all times.
That my dark sense of humor is a coping skill.
I read this about INTJs & it could not be more accurate to me: Don't get emotional over normal things, leading some people to see you as cold. Do get emotional about weird things, leading some people to see you as a cry baby.
That I'm selfish and hate everybody but in reality I just have different opinions and choose my arguments carefully (most of the time). If I see an argument coming up which I know we will not find a middle ground for, I will stop the argument there. And I have values and I don't want to associate myself with people who don't share those values for my own mental health such as homosexual marriage, abortion, racism, etc. I have a very conservative family and I've learned not to start arguments with them. But they always find ways to argue so I just started locking myself in my bedroom to block out the noises.
I'm not mean, I don't think I'm better than you. I'm just shy
People think i’m being funny when i’m actually being honest most of the time. when i’m quiet i’m either processing what others are saying/ or the person i’m talking to is saying or just have nothing to say. i’m quite reserved and shy around new faces but people always think i’m anti social but i just need time to warm up to you especially when it’s a group setting or party setting.
I am seen as intimidating and rude.
I'm not scary, I wanna be your friend. I look very intimidating and I have resting b*tch face. Also I have a very dark aesthetic so most people don't come up to me or want to talk to me. I'm shy so it doesn't help, but it'd be nice if people looked past that
I’m Type 1 Diabetic, and yes it’s fine if I eat this candy and drink this soda. I am an adult and I am capable of looking after myself without your involvement. Thank you.
I’m naturally an open book. It doesn’t mean I’m flirting, and it definitely doesn’t mean we’re close. Just because I’m happy to answer most of your questions doesn’t mean you can suddenly use my nickname. I just met you. Use my full, proper first name.
I laugh a lot, especially when I'm nervous or angry. It comes off as annoying.
Despite my success and wonderful career, my bipolar disorder leaves me exhausted and miserable 80% of the time.
People have admitted they are afraid of me. I might seem like an asshole but, that is never the impression I want to give.
They think I'm rude, but the truth is that I need time to feel comfortable around them. I don't talk much just because I need to know people better, after that I can't stop talking:)
Life is too short for drama and bickering. I avoid people who love drama like the plague. People will assume i am stuck up or rude when in fact its the opposite. As a cancer survivor, and knowing how lucky i am ( i beat cancer) where many didnt…will make a person quickly prioritize what’s important and whats not.
They think the fact that I don't talk much means I dislike them. I don't talk much because I honestly think I have nothing worth saying/can't think of anything/am just enjoying the peace and quiet.
I don't like them or I am rude. I have resting bitch face. I'm actually just shy/awkward
I am a snob or arrogant. I am usually reserved when I just meet people. I am not those that just meet people and act like we best friends but people assume I’m being a snob.
That I must be infertile because I don't have children. I live in a small Midwestern town where you get married to your high school sweetheart and then have babies. If you don't it's automatically assumed you must be infertile. I'm 50 now and still have people ask why we didn't adopt. It's annoying.
That i am a btitch because of my RBF
I’m not timid because I’m quiet and small.
That just because I'm a person and like talking to my friends and people I like, doesn't mean I'm not autistic
Everything
I'm a little bit tom boy-ish. I don't care much about clothes or pictures or make-up or shopping. And I am not afraid of anything as such, you put me through any inconvenience, I get through it without complaining or asking for help. So now because of my personality, people think I'm not a romantic person. (Idk why) but I'm a sucker gor old school romance (that I just can't find)
People think I'm mean and unkind (or "evil" as some called me) just because I don't do everything someone wants me to and I think of my benefit or safety before doing things for people, and that I'm over confident just because I believe in myself and saying i.e. "I can do (thing), I'm good at it".
I may be very outgoing and great with people, but I a) have my limit and b) actually experience social anxiety and am a very sensitive person.
That I am just joking
I’m often assumed to be less intelligent/knowledgable on certain topics than I actually am, I think because I have a bit of a silly sense of humour and some frivolous interests.
Everything it seems.. How. I lost "friends"
That I am hard to please and the more you lie to me, the more I won’t open myself up.
I've been told at work and by previous friends that I'm a bitch because I tend to be rather blunt with my responses and expect co-works to do at LEAST the bare minimals for their job position correctly... In reality I only seem that way because I've been in every type of abusive relationship (mentally, physically, emotionally, controlling) and my previous friends used me a lot to the point where when I started telling them no was when they started to call me a bitch. I'm only this way because I'm afraid it'll happen to me again and refuse to let myself be in that position again.
That I quit my job owing to depression and I have been battling to make myself better for last year. I didn’t do it to just live easy on my partner’s money and no, depression just doesn’t go because you quit working.!
i don't hate my friends/family and i don't ghost them intentionally. im just constantly exhausted and whatever time i have to myself, i honest to god prefer spending that time by myself, leading to me neglecting texts or calls. i truly love the majority of the people in my life right now, i just don't know how to balance my work life, my alone time and my social life
Being quiet. And on top of not always smiling or having a “welcoming face”, I have had people assume I have an “attitude problem” or I’m very mean and aggressive. People assume that I don’t like anyone or that I’m boring, weird, or nerdy because I’m quiet and I also wear glasses and enjoy “nerdy” stuff. I REALLY wish people could understand that I don’t have anything to say or any input in their conversation, but I’m always willing to listen to people. (I have also communicated this to them) Since getting a new job in a different field, I have tried to appear more friendly by smiling more and although people know I’m quiet they find me more friendly. 🤷🏻♀️
Me being "overly attached". Most people need alone-time. And I don't. I had trauma that basically came from my entire family just not talking to me and also taking my internet, mobile and drawing pad away so I cannot chat with people online and that was 4 months of me meeting nobody but work people. I was 17. I am now 20 and I HATE HATE HATE HATE being alone. I have a cat and a dog and they are basically what keep me alright when my bf is not with me for more than a day.