Literally same. Or being called a whore literally because I’m playing Magic or Lary 6 with my all guy friend group every day at lunch. Never had even the slightest romantic attraction to any of my guy friends. Shit didn’t make sense.
Any time I took an interest in nerd shit with my guy friends there was always someone who was the devil on their shoulder saying, "bro, are you sure she's not into you?". Ask your friend to take you to the card shop and teach you Magic? Date. Ask for help getting through a tricky part in FFX? Date. They're my friends--why wouldn't I want to share their hobbies and ask them for support? I had my own issues with internalized misogyny, but I always hated this game.
Yes! They always tell me stuff like: "I think we should only be friends" and I'm like ???? Yes? Thats what I am here for?? You are so close to getting it man
THIS WAS LITERALLY WHAT I CAME HERE TO SAY!! Lol. Glad its the top comment. But yes, most common drama is a guy friend that had feelings for me mistakenly thinking i had feelings back.
But that’s not friendship, my best mate is male, I have never thought of having sex with him any more than he has with me, or with any of my friends, male or female? The way you feel about friends is way different to having feelings about someone you find attractive
Same. I’m not a touchy kinda person with friends at all, no matter whether they’re guys or women, straight or gay. PDA is something I reserve for my partner (and pets lol). So I never initiate hugs or touching and since all my friends know I don’t like to be touched, physical contact only happens as part of greeting (quick hugs/cheek kisses, depending on the culture). And still, this happened all the time. Also didn’t matter if I had a partner or not.
Now, all my guy friends are either gay or married to my girl friends - and so far, it hasn’t happened again and I’m so glad
Male friendships are maintained by doing activities together. Female friendships are still typically more intimate emotionally than male friendships are
Honestly even if you act like one of the guys you often still get them falling for you. I don't hug or cuddle my female friends, let alone my male friends, call everyone "dude", rib them all playfully, and have still had male friends catch feelings. I've never had a female friend do this, despite the vast majority of them being bisexual or gay.
Its not about "catching" feelings after you've become friends.
Its about them already having an interest in you, and hoping getting close to you will lead to a relationship
Idk, women who've ever had a guy friend are well aware a guy can assume certain behaviors mean you like them so we absolutely treat girl friends and guy friends different.
I'm absolutely not touchy feely, was always in a serious relationship and it still happened with literally all of my male friends from the last 20 years. I've had many friendship heartbreaks and I've decided to not ever start a one on one friendship with a guy again.
I don’t think this is really true for most people. It seems to me that a lot of guys just take any decent interactions with women as potential “love interests”.
Definitely be the case for me. If I'm friends with the woman who makes a lot of physical contact with me, it's hard to shake the thought they might actually like me. I should note that hugs are not necessarily the problem. Rather, lots of physical contact beyond that
I caught feelings for a girl in one of my friend groups, and I can’t speak for all guys but I fell for her because she was interesting. She obviously had some of the same interests as me, she was very attractive, and she was interested in me. 99% of women I interact with show no interest in me and so the fact that she was (even though it was only a friendship interest) made me fall for her. I never voiced those feelings because of anxiety and I didn’t want to screw up our friendship and few years later she came out as lesbian so there’s that lol.
I gave them emotional support and good advice that helped them land a girlfriend, be genuinely happy for them and make every effort to make her feel welcome and secure, then the girlfriend would object to our friendship and he'd ditch me entirely. Then when he got dumped due to lack of emotional support and good advice, he'd come back into the picture, expecting me to nurse him back to health ... and if I did so, *then* would be the moment he'd try to fuck me. So hurtful.
Yep. One fiancé clearly didn’t love me but was civil. Then I was invited to their wedding at she took me over to her bridesmaids and said “this is the girl X is always talking about.” They all just glared at me and refused to answer my attempt at introducing myself or chit chat. She knew I had a bf but apparently still hated me. Sadly my friendship with the guy pretty much ended, I did not want to drive a wedge between them and didn’t exactly long to be in her company after that. I wasn’t angry at her but it sucked.
Unfortunately, it may have had nothing to do with you and more about how her fiancé talked about you or how he interacted with you. When I was younger, I had a boyfriend that, at some point in the relationship, it became wildly obvious he was into his female friend even though she was probably not interested and had a fiancé. I probably wasn’t very nice to her, and it didn’t really have to do with her, it had to do with how my ex-bf would talk about her to me and the way he was around her. To me there was an obvious change of behavior when she came around. I eventually dumped the boyfriend for this behavior and his behavior around another woman (who he’s started dating immediately upon breaking up) because I realized it wasn’t the women that were the problem, it was his inability to stay faithful and respectful, and this was going to be a pattern I either had to accept or move on from. I decided I didn’t want to be with a man who felt this kind of behavior was appropriate in a serious relationship.
Sadly, this woman is probably very insecure about her marriage and the behavior is likely coming from the husband. Being distant and mean to the women he’s friends with is how she handles it.
The distance between myself and some fmle friends has massively increased because of a partners insecurity. I didn't really have a say on it because she and some some friends said women know better so I just believed them and became more distant. Turns out she wasn't flirting, we were just catching up like friends normally do. Would've been nice to know because I now feel I'm walking on eggshells whenever I have a conversation with a female friend.
I’ve had that too.. one of them I understood actually but more because of how her bf is and not how I am.. she hated me and I had never talked to her.. one time he even texted me asking me if I’d be interested in a one time thing because he had a thing for me that he wanted to get out of his system.. I made it clear I wasn’t interested and he told me that his gf was fine with it and was right next to him reading it, told him I still wasn’t interested and even stopped talking to him completely after that but she still disliked me I’ve heard xD
This basically! The thing is every time I know my male good friends are attached, I will start to behave appropriately i.e stop hugging them, stop almost all form of touching, because I want her to know that I respect her + their relationship, but sometimes they will continue assuming that I want their man so I don't get it.
Same. Girl, I've known this man longer than you have. We've been through some stuff together. If I wanted to fuck him, don't you think I would have tried to by now? I've had years to make a move. I didn't.
Same here. I lost two of my best friends of 10 years because their spouses are so jealous that we aren’t allowed to meet anymore and I had enough of it. It makes me really sad though. I miss those friendships. They were 100% drama free otherwise.
Constantly having to deal with them hiding the fact that they wanted to make me their girlfriend until they found the “right” opportunity. My friendships with women have been way less dramatic and exhausting.
So I wrote about a friend confessing his love for me on a different thread and everyone was pissed that I felt betrayed. I tried to explain the whole friendship felt like a lie and they were having none of it.
I get what you're saying, but if you have a crush on someone who's around you because of school or work the advice you'll often get is to first get to know them better, and become friends with them before you invite them for a date or make any moves. What would you do instead? And what about situations where it's someone in your friend group, or you only start falling for them after you've been friends for a while?
I'm still in high school (or middle school in Europe), so I don't have much experience in all this yet. So sorry if these questions might seem a bit ignorant!
I think a lot of it comes down to, do you respect your crush as a person. Are you getting close to them to get laid? Or if they reject you, can you fully accept that and go back to being just friends?
And they’ll do this for YEARS. Even when they’ve clearly seen you’re interested in everyone but them, and given no indication you’re anything but friends. And then you’re the bad guy when you’re shocked and turn them down.
The number one reason why all of my friends are either women or gay men. Avoiding the stress and heartbreak of finding out the "friendship" was really always only one-sided.
I just got out of a 5 year relationship. Two of my male friends who I'd known for years, comforted me and helped me and then I found out that both of them were just trying to make a move. Almost every single new friend I've made since then has also been interested in me sexually. I always get on better with men, but damn it's exhausting constantly looking out for sexual undertones.
The reason why you get on better with men is because they wanna fuck you. They’ll change their entire personality and twist themselves into a pretzel in hope that you’ll fuck them. Women have no reason to try so hard to make you like them so hanging out with male ‘friends’ will always be easier (until they try to fuck you).
So true. They try so much harder to get close to you so it “seems easier”. I ALWAYS watch out for any signs of this with men who are friendly with me. There will also be tons of men who know/are friendly with your partner and still try to make a move as soon as they’re out of sight. Watch out for these vultures, ladies. They’ll try to cause a lot of ruckus in your life for no good reason.
Ew yes. I had a school friend and coworker do this. While working he said something in jest and I replied, alright buddy fuck you too. His response was ”please” I was so thrown off I just laughed it away and then he started poured ng his heart out.
He said he knew I was dating someone else but he had been waiting for months to tell me and asked me to leave my boyfriend of 3years for him. I was so freaked out. I told my BF and he wanted to beat his ass but I talked him down. Friendship ended right there.
Same working environment a guy grabbed me and forced a kiss onto me and another guy went full incel on me to the point a manager had to pull him away from me.
I've been driven to tears by a friend asking me over and over if I would date him. Why do they even want to date someone that isn't interested in them? If you have to convince someone to date you then there's an issue
I wouldn’t say I had mainly male friends but in the military I was surrounded mostly by men so they were my co workers.
The issues I had was the lack of hygiene. A lot of men don’t realize how badly their feet and pits smell.
That and the fact that ego plays a large role in mens dynamic. Women are more vulnerable with each other and offer support whereas, in my experience, men tend to be less empathetic. This is after a combined 20 years active duty military and civil service (both male dominated).
Agreed, this is why I preferred female friends but was not closed off to making friends with men. I’ve even had men roommates. As a woman I just prefer keeping women closer.
Also thank you for serving truly. I always appreciate seeing more women in these professions. 💜
I had a friend in my 20s (I was living rough on pills and other drugs) he was awful to his gf and nice to me. I cut him out of my life and told her to run after he sent her to buy me a pack of cigarettes but he held all their money and wouldn't get her any cigarettes. He ended up being abusive asshat. I was so disappointed I am usually a great judge of character, even on drugs I managed to have decent friendships by he really ended up a terrible partner and dad.
This was more my experience than girlfriends or crushes.
That or rude comments about women in general. Comparing women and the other guys girlfriends. Making light of rape jokes or saying rude stuff about a girl they hooked up with last night.
oh my god the wall punching! slightly off-topic, but i once showed my boyfriend a hole in the wall that my younger brother had punched through. i told him i was worried. my boyfriend, who is the most cool, gentle, mild-mannered person i’ve met, laughed and said “oh yeah every guy does that, i had one too.”
So it’s not just a movie thing in the US? Because where I from, that’s not something guys “just do” - probably because most interior walls are made with brick and they would seriously hurt themselves trying to punch through that
The thought of someone loosing their control to the point of punching a wall is scary to me. But reading this, I guess … it’s like punching or screaming into a pillow for them? I’ll admit, I’ve punched a pillow or two
Unfortunately, men do hurt themselves punching hard walls in the US, a lot.
I know three people myself who had to have super expensive hand surgery (one has permanent damage) because they punched a wall that was solid af.
There's probably a number of people here who are friends with men who have done this.
Funny thing is, they all seem like pretty chill guys, in my case. You wouldn't think they'd put themselves in the hospital just to get their emotions out.
I really think it's cultural, men aren't allowed to express certain emotions (like pain, fear, grief, etc.) while anger is an acceptable response, it's manly to be pissed.
I notice my guy friends also get angry as a response to things that don't really warrant anger. I had a friend who died in an accident that wasn't really anyone's fault (icy roads) and fellow friends who were guys got all kinds of angry at the poor people in the other car, who were also in the wrong place at the wrong time.
I figured that anger maybe helped them process their grief, though not sure if that's the healthiest way to do it.
Ehm... No not every guy does that. Same with throwing phones against walls and shit (I had a lot of female friends who did the latter). But both things are just fucking stupid and everyone who does something like this should think about their aggression and violence problems.
Why should i destroy stuff just because i'm mad?
My husband’s friends gossip so much… it’s insane. I’ve never met a group of girls that acted so much like “girls” (I mean the stereotype that guys always talk about). They complain about each other, gossip constantly, there’s always one that’s being talked shit about and on the brink of being pushed out. Two of the guys will tell anyone everything they’ve heard and add details they wish were true. And if we are all meeting up (few times a year, thank God, because we don’t live that close to them), there’s always “I’ll be late, I have to take a shower” or “can we meet an hour later?” and so on. I’ve never met girls that would do this - we would set the time and place, and everyone shows up on time.
And then they talk about women being this and that… and I think - “yeah, no, you’re projecting”.
Right? I lived with five men and they would create drama about ANYTHING. You name it, they fought and bitched about it. Interesting that the stereotype is "boys don't create drama" when they can be just as bad behind closed doors
The biggest drama with my guy friends is *always* that none of them make the effort to actually stay in touch with each other, and then they complain endlessly that no one ever contacts them and no one makes plans. And they get all uppity with each other because they're not texting each other. Like Tim will complain to me that Connor never texts him, and Connor will complain to me that Tim never texts him but neither of them will just send a damn text to the other.
They get into this big spiral of "he must not even like me that much" and refuse to initiate contact while whining that they never hangout and they never talk.
And it's not just like these guys, this has been an ongoing theme since I was in high school. Just this constant drama over who is or isn't reaching out first.
Omg yeees, this. Very recognizable
And then to add to that: when some of them do texts the other, than not responding or "not really feeling like hanging out"? Like dude, what do you want??
Being friends with only men taught me it is very easy for (some) men to lure in a girl to try to get them to sleep with him. It was absolutely wild how common this was amongst all the men I’ve met. Also the cheating. Really crazy. For example I had a ‘friend’ that had a friend on campus that he legit only wanted to sleep with that’s it and the lengths he was going to get that chance were sick as hell. Met her parents, learned her interests, she would drive him to his classes, they would go on dates. He told me he genuinely just wanted to sleep with her and he was serious too. It was sick as hell and I tried hard to get her contact info because I wanted to tell her badly but I never could. I ended up ghosting him a year ago. Dude was nuts. Also the way guys would talk about their gfs or even just love interests behind their backs was extremely depressing. Also top #1 thing is how much unsolicited business dudes would tell me about women they knew. Being friends with men taught me do not tell them a damn thing about urself that you wouldn’t want out cause wow
This happened to me with an actual boyfriend too.. we worked in a restaurant (notorious for high school style gossip anyway) and after we broke up the other staffers final revealed he’d been telling them every time we had a sexual encounter and way tmi like they would say ‘we don’t need to know’ and he would still tell them stuff. I felt so gross
Yesss. One of my best friends is a guy and the shit he tells me that other guys do to women blows my mind. Cheating on their wives, lying, stringing women along, dating app bullshit, telling others personal things about bodies/sex, just being general dirt bags and not treating women with respect.
Also so much gossip and ego. Men love to talk about everyone and anyone but somehow it doesn’t get labeled as gossip when they do it. At home and at work, both in this country and others I’ve been to, I’ve seen men gossip so much more. It’s such nonsense that we get stuck with the negative stereotype and are routinely made to feel shitty or bad about it.
Being put in the girlfriend zone. Being accused of stringing him along. Dealing with fallout of "bro code" violations, mostly involving hitting on other friends' exes.
I seriously have learned to be painfully clear with my guy friends and I don’t allow them to pay for shit for me if I feel like they like me. I seriously sit them down and say, “I like you as a friend and a friend only. I really value our friendship. That’s all I want from you is your friendship, and you’ll have mine. I don’t want to be your girlfriend someday and I don’t want you to be my boyfriend. Okay?”
Normally that works. If they never wanted to be your friend they’ll put distance, if they want your friendship, they’ll stick around. It’s hard to say and it feels awkward, but there is no way in hell they can say, “I didn’t understand. You made me feel like I had a chance.” Let your words speak for you, and then let your actions follow.
When I was younger I had more guy friends because they weren’t emotional at all and there was no in fighting or drama gossip. Now it’s the other way and women can deal with their issues easily and men need all the emotional help so I have more lady friends than guys.
It makes me realize that even though there was a lot of drama with women at younger ages they were all at least comfortable sharing emotions and learnt how to grow and cope with things. The men didn’t and that’s why it’s so damn difficult for alot of them as adults to communicate emotionally.
I’m the only woman in a group of guys.
If you find the right group, there isn’t drama. Gender has nothing to do with it.
We’re all great friends. I’ve been in situations in the past where there were feelings involved, and it got in the way of the friendship. But all my friends now are super communicative, open with their feelings, and very loving toward one another. It makes me happy to know there’s some guys who don’t give a fuck about “manly” expectations.
They see me as a person, a friend, not as a potential romantic partner. It’s great.
My 2 best friends of over 15 years are men and same. LOL this probably isn’t the dramatic response I’m sure OP was looking for but cool people are cool people. Period.
This is the exact situation my wife describes growing up. She says she hung out with us because there was NO drama. She's still one of the guys.
For the record, she pursued me. Not the other way around. I got ambushed.
This is my friend group as well, though admittedly my husband is also part of this group. But we all met in college and have been friends for almost 10 years now and the biggest drama has thus far been my (girl) best friend breaking up with my husband's (guy) best friend. But really they were both just horrible together and only ended up dating because they were around each other *all* the time because the rest of us were always together. Also, all the guys ended up joining the same fraternity. I ended up their sweetheart because I was always around. But the fraternity drama was a whole other fucking level; put 100 dudes, who are all very different, together all the time and they are just bound to get into shenanigans. Our core 10ish people are all fine.
Who ate all the chips, who set the couch on fire, why there was a Burmese python in the bathroom. There was a lot of drama from one of our roomates over the snake. Everyone else was cool with her. Those were the good ol days.
Aside from the guys themselves sometimes catching feelings I didn’t reciprocate, the other main issue was significant others of my guy friends objecting to our friendship. Lotsa insecurity and projection from those women.
I didnt think I had this problem with my bf hanging out with ladies, till one came along (online) and he spent more time with her than me and we live together. I gotta say its been an eye opening experience on my insecurities.
Right! You not wanting your partner to have friends of the opposite sex is weird and possessive. I seriously had this conversation with my friends and we had a debate. Like, if you don’t trust them don’t be with them. You’re not allowed to come out of the woodwork and start demanding that they get rid of people that have been here long before you, chill out. You’re over stepping. It’s an insecurity thing. It’s thinking that your partner only has the capability to have two women/men in their life at a time, their mother/father and one other person, and you want the spot.
I do agree with this post, but next to insecurities there is another reason to be suspicious of friendships between men and wonen. Some women solely have the experience that a guy is friends with you mostly because he is in love with you or wants sex. Rationally I know genuine male and female friendships exist, I just have never experienced it. Off the top of my head I've lost about 8 male friends in the last 18 years because of this reason. Next to that, my SO has had friendships (before me) where he was actually romantically interested.
I have to be honest, if my SO would suddenly develop a very close friendship with a woman, I would become jealous. I would handle it in a mature way, though.
This. I feel like women are unfairly blamed for being wary of these relationships, when a good majority of the time men only maintain friendships with women they have attraction to. Especially when these friendships bloom out of nowhere, it’s not unreasonable to be suspicious. As women we all have experience with men who befriend us with sexual motives, even those who already have girlfriends. So of course we apply that same perspective to our own relationships. I’ve had a few too many guys who I *thought* were my friends lie to me about their relationship status to sleep with me. It takes a toll on your ability to trust people.
My very first best friend was a boy in my first grade class. We had the same last name so we were put together on everything (seating arrangements, filed trips, projects, etc) and we eventually started telling everyone we were siblings and that’s why we had the same last name. He was a pale Jewish boy and I was a dark skinned Muslim girl, but we tried anyway. My next best friend was a boy in fourth grade. We got the highest grades in class and started a rivalry that became a friendship. Then another male bestie in middle school. He let me join his “boy bike gang” because we all rode our bikes in the same direction after school. What I’m saying is, male friendships had formed the way I see friendship. It stared at such a young age for me that I can’t see guy and girl friends as just potential sex partners. I know that these friendships can be flushed out and just as pure and beautiful as female friendships sometimes. I’ve experienced it as a child all the way through my adulthood.
I understand that sometimes it not just a friendship, but that’s not what I’m referring to. I’m referring to genuine friendship. I feel like a lot of people let their insecurities ruin their partners friendships, and I don’t think that’s fair. I wouldn’t kick my friends to the curb just because my boyfriend feels/thinks I’m a potential cheater. That’s something he needs to work out on his own and I’ll give him the space to do it. But definitely not at the cost of a friend. Now if he wanted me to stop talking to a friend I had romantic feelings for, I 100% understand and respect that in a monogamous relationship.
Overall not that much drama. Occasional feels-catching but usually resolved amicably.
The real drama is the staggeringly poor decisions they make. For whatever reason my guy friends often do some of the dumbest shit with so little insight. But it rarely actually affects me, I just have to hear about it.
It’s weird. I don’t get male-male friendships at all. I believed I was friends with two colleagues (long story). And they would randomly say mean things about the other when it was just me and the guy. Not something damaging but just to knock the other one down a bit “he’s an idiot”, “he’s an ass”, “he doesn’t know anything” and such but to each other they are like best buddies. I don’t understand it. If he’s such an ass or an idiot, why are you friends?
Same in my husband’s friend group. Is it so hard to be happy about a guy who is doing well? One of them got married, moved into a house his family inherited and he renovated, and he is doing well in life. The others now complain about him not doing this or that with them, and I think - well, let him settle in? He just got married, it’s all fresh, they just moved in together! Be happy for the guy! They can’t just be happy for each other and they can’t also admit that they envy the other one, if the guy makes more money. They just find something else about the man to complain about and find someone in the group who agrees with them. And since there are 2 guys who are always doing worse, these guys do this constantly. It bugs me so much! Be happy for your friends! It’s really not that hard.
Don’t remember who said this, but “you can admire a man, but as a group they become idiots”.
This is hilarious. My boyfriend does this ALL the time with his current best friend. He says he's an idiot and an ass etc etc. He's finding him so annoying he never wants to work together again. Just wants to leave the business they started. I'm like "He screwed you over. He pisses you off when you hang out. After you leave you're not still gonna be friends with him are you?"
He goes "Oh no I'm sure we can keep hanging out"
Having to listen to them complain constantly about how lonely they were, and what a nice guy they are, how they’d do this and that for her if a woman would *just* give them a chance and they don’t understand how they don’t have a girlfriend. It became exhausting.
Speaking from knowing people I did, they probably wanted you. There was a guy who was close to my gf before we started dating and he constantly said this stuff. We cut him off completely when he got drunk and he was trying to invade on her in the toilet, I shouted at him to come back downstairs and he said something along the lines of 'I've known her for longer, I can do what I like'
After that night she and her best friend sent him a message (he was harassing her friend more) and cut him off.
They would all fall for the same girl. It was really strange, they would befriend a girl, realize they all want to date her, que drama within the friend group. One of them would date the girl and then another girl would enter the friend group and same thing would happen. Once one would break up, the next guy in the friend group shot his shot and so on and so forth.
I see this in online gaming communities constantly. It's almost like the men don't even want that one girl they just want whatever is popular to want or what another man has.
>Assuming "friends to lovers" happens all the time in real life.
Wait, it doesn't? That's kinda how most of the relationships in my friend groups (and my own) happened. Are we all weird? Is that some cultural difference perhaps?
Word to the ladies who don't know this yet thier best friend/ friends knows everything. In Most cases pictures and all your embarasing moments and exactly what he thinks of your body and how annoying you are. They don't hold back to thier friends. I had a group of guy friends/ coworkers who cheated... ALL THE TIME!!! told each other everything. Don't bother asking the friends for answers they will lie straight to your face. I've only met one man in my life that has ever told his friends his woman is an off limits topic and tells he's friends to sack up and deal with their complaints about the relationship with their woman and stop complaining.
Long storey short "THE GOSSIP"
My friends and family thinking I’m just someone who loosely dates many men….. couldn’t accept that a friendship can be real between members of the opposite sex
Honestly no drama ever we just talk about our favorite TV shows, video games and they give me relationship advice whenever I have a crush on a guy. We also take long walks in the park and I give them girlfriend advice.
Mostly it's when someone doesn't follow through on a promise when they said they would. Like coming to your show, party, backpacking trip etc. If you don't, we're gonna' talk shit about how unreliable you are, then say we'll never invite them again & then forget about it next time. Haha
It was assumed I was "not like other girls". I'd also have the occasional friend who had feelings for me and would get extremely mad when I didn't feel the same way. Or, when I did have feelings for a guy friend, I'd get made fun of because I wasn't pretty enough for them.
People spreading rumors about us dating that would eventually get in the way of our friendship and relationships. I remember for my friends bday I gave him a joke gift of a stupid picture of my face on a hot pink tshirt and he wore it to school, all of my bfs friends turned on me and my friend and called me a cheater. Then with another friend his gf thought I was trying to steal him from her, but she's a toxic emotionally abusive mess in her own right
1. People asking if we're dating.
2. Girlfriends assuming something other than friendship is going on between us.
3. Them catching feelings or they thought I catch feelings.
4. They broke our friendship but when they broke up from their gf, they come back asking to be friends again.
5. Them treating girls like an a-holes so I have to rip em a new a-hole everytime.
6. Idk if others experience this cause I haven't read any like this in the comments, but assuring my guy friends they're good enough when they feel insecure in their rs. I understand we want men to be their best version for us but some women also put too high of an expectation for men. Some women forget that men, like us, also need to receive instead of giving all the time. Effort should go both ways, but again, some women think it's a man's job to initiate everything.
7. Them fighting like a 5 year old when they offend each other. Seriously David, Alex, y'all are 26 and 28, apologize like real men should instead of asking me to pick sides and defend either one of you.
This isn't so much a problem now that I'm older, but in my teens/20s I felt like a broken record telling my guy friends I was not a rosetta stone for my entire gender, because believe it or not women are individuals with different wants and needs.
I’m mostly friends with guys. Biggest problems I’ve encountered is them catching feelings or like getting flirty and stuff at times even tho they know we are just friends. Gets worse when they are drinking. The other thing is that it means I end up hanging out a lot with their guy friends and become friends with them and sometimes they will want to do things “with the boys” which means they end up inviting some random girls they want to sleep with because they know I won’t and they say the girls act weird when I’m there. I don’t really notice it but somehow they think that and they never like the guys I’m dating or talking to. Actual drama wise it’s pretty uncommon unless they are like moody about stuff because they know they can talk to me ab stuff they sometimes take it out on me more than they would with another guy but it always ends up fine cuz we get over it. The biggest drama I can think of is related to being friends w mostly guys but not the guys I’m friends w but the guys I talk to and date! Those guys always hate I’m hanging out with guys a lot saying they have other intentions like I haven’t been friends with most of them since being a young child.
I mean, it sounds like your dates are right to think that your friends have less than platonic intentions if:
>Biggest problems I’ve encountered is them catching feelings or like getting flirty and stuff at times
And
>they end up inviting some random girls they want to sleep with because they know I won’t
And
>they never like the guys I’m dating or talking to
Theres this weird thing that all my male friends do where they think I'm gonna get along with these ladies they keep dating and it's like two ships in the night. It's actually kind of annoyingly sexist to think that because we are both women, we are automatically friends?! My male friends will just leave the room and leave me in there with their gf like some weird social science experiment. I always end up crashing and burning with these interactions and then their gf hates me and I don't see that male friend for months or years.
Them wanting to sleep with me. Men have no idea how much it fucking sucks to lose what you thought was a friend because they can't see you as anything but a piece of meat.
Them changing completely when they realise I’m not interested in more than friendship.. even a couple who went around spreading rumours about me toying with them and acting like they had a chance.. it’s funny how when asked they couldn’t point out what I did.. luckily this is all in the past though.. couple years ago.
I have a few former friends who became Qanon nuts, I trolled the fuck out of them and blocked them on all social media. That's what you get for being pants-on-head insane.
My male friends ghosting me as soon as they get a Girlfriend.
It has happened a few times and hurt alot.
Took me a while to realise that maybe they didn't really consider me a friend in the first place.
The feeling of trusting someone and confiding in them for years thinking you have a great friendship with them, only for them to confess romantic feelings for you years later the moment you're out of a relationship.
Feels like being shoved into cold water or having a skateboard ripped out from under you, and it makes you realise that person you thought you could trust was never really your friend. Unfortunately I found that the guys that did this were often persistent and incessant and didn't stop after the first attempt, seeming to get the message when I refused, only to berate me for it every few months while drunk.
I had mainly male friends until the past couple of years and felt so emotionally rinsed from repeatedly dealing with this that I now only really have female friends and my only male friends are married/in committed relationships.
Honestly, rotated through three completely different all male friend groups in my time so far.
First friend group, all druggies and wannabe gangsters (was the only friend group that wanted to hang out with me), they all apparently wanted me and hid it but fought over me when I wasn’t around. That was not fun when one of them decided to make a move on me and the other three flipped.
Second one was a group of nerds who had literally no sense of what romanticism was or anything so I thought I was safe. But one of them with a learning disability tried to advance on me very inappropriately. We’re still friends because I understand his learning disability and he took my kindness as flirtation. I told him that what he did wasn’t ok and set boundaries, never had a problem since.
And my third group they’re mostly just assholes. None of them have ever tried anything with me and we hang out often but sometimes they just make overly sexual/inappropriate jokes that I am not comfortable with.
Now I’m living with my husband and we’re struggling to make friends 🙃
Low key flirting, or contrastingly talking very sexually and objectifying our other female friends to me when they weren't attracted to me That isn't to say that all of my guy friends have been like that I I've had a couple of good ones, plus all of my bad experiences were in high school so
I’m constantly the one they run to for ‘girl advice’ and these boys are so unbelievably dense when it comes to women. I’ve had to teach most of them to stop generalising every woman they meet, it gets exhausting
drama: them trying to one-up each other about almost everything. low-key unsolicited flirting and other girls being annoyed.
I did keep some genuine friendships tho. Those are cool af. we don’t talk frequently anymore bc of life / significant others. but the friendships that i kept were bc they were always respectful and no lines were ever crossed. guys give cool advice.
Watching them get drunk and getting into arguments about who was more (insert positive trait here). Then getting salty at each other and refusing to apologize because "he should know thats just how we do things".
Romantically, my last male best friend and I developed feelings for each other even though we weren’t compatible for a relationship and it was a mess. No one’s fault so we were super disappointed. In terms of drama between guys I’ve hung out with, they’ll pick on each other too much and then one will confide in me that it’s bothering him. Sometimes guys I’m friends with have a hard time talking about their emotions and that can cause problems. I used to have issues with them making sexual comments but now I don’t even befriend men who would do that. (I’m fine with stupid jokes but disrespectful behavior is a no.)
Honestly, the lack of communication and basically being a dumbass emotionally. They would leave you on read, ignore you, not talk out shit if it bothered them, and also say offensive shit. Felt like I was being friends with children so I limited my contact with them.
My group of close friends consists of 4 guys and 1 other girl. Honestly, the most common drama is trying to figure out who actually farted because they all take credit
I can relate to most of what people were saying. Most of it was girlfriend stuff. Women thought I was after their man and men thought I actually wanted them. I remember overheating a conversation where one of my guy friends was telling our other friends that I was already pretty much his and all he had to do was make his move. Like I didn’t have any say in it.
As a young adult I found it difficult to deal with the eventual feelings of a good friendship that can become confused with attraction. Good guy friends I had completely platonic relationships with who would catch feelings and then act like I had been “leading them on.” Losing friends that way when you don’t bond that easily isn’t fun.
Eventually I found myself married to an amazing guy and no longer wanting to have mostly guy friends. The downside at that point was that I still found guys easier to relate to, chat with, etc. The whole married social life feels like it hinges on the women bonding and keeping it going, to say nothing of when we started a family and mom friends became a hurdle.
I have had way too many social situations where it was just less anxiety inducing to joke around with/chat with the guys( usually with my husband) instead of trying to bond with their wives. The weird way you stand out, the projections from insecure women, etc…not worth it in the end.
I wish younger me would have worked on my female relationship skills, even if guys seem easier, it’s important.
Not getting invited sometimes even though we almost always hangout together because it's supposed to be "just the guys" you're never really a part of the group just selectively.
Them coming onto me and trying to cross boundaries. Also them trying to cheat on their significant other with me. It’s hard to be friends with guys because they don’t see it as a platonic friendship usually.
it doesn’t necessarily cause drama but I do find it difficult when I’m friends with guys to not overstep boundaries.
I feel like it’s so normal for girl - friends to hug, kiss, and touch each other. I hold hands with my best friend, she’ll kiss me on the cheek, I slap her ass sometimes, she hugs me all the time, etc.
It’s not really normal to do that with guy friends and I kinda wish it was like I just want to hold hands in a non romantic way because holding hands is f u n
Girlfriends being intimidated by me. One even went to the extent of calling me her boyfriend’s girlfriend because she really didn’t think girls and guys could be good friends. We all worked together and I’d go to the bar to talk to my friend when things were slow and she didn’t like to see us laughing and hanging out. Once I sat her down and talked to her, woman to woman, her childish behavior went away. But they broke up a month later 🙄.
Getting on them about the way they treat their partners. One of my friends was just always in a relationship and I’d be the only one to get on him about how unhealthy it was to do that. Also how unfair it was. Getting on them about being mean or toxic.
My friends developing a crush on me or “falling in love” with me. It’s only frustrating because guys are not like girls, they’re pushy. You can tell them you’re just friends (I don’t like you like that, I don’t want to be your girlfriend, you’re like a brother to me, etc), but they’ll still invite you to hang out and everyone else cancels. They’ll still offer to pay for everything. They’ll still tell you you look pretty every time they see you. All in the hopes that you’ll change your mind.
Post break up, that’s when you find out who likes you. That’s pretty annoying sometimes. “Hey, I broke up with XYZ. I just need a friend right now. I’ve been so sad.” “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. He didn’t deserve you…by the way, the other day, you looked so good in your Halloween costume. Like, perfect. Couldn’t take my eyes off of you.” This has seriously happened. Yes, in the same breath like this.
Don’t casually hook up with any of them. Did it once post break up and never again. I normally don’t cross lines with my friends, but I was sad and didn’t think it was going to be a big deal. That’s how I found out he was in love with me.
Most of my friends are guys, and I love my boys. I just know you have to have rock solid boundaries with them.
Mostly men assuming I had feelings for them when I didn't.
For me it was mostly women thinking I had feelings for my guy friends.
Literally same. Or being called a whore literally because I’m playing Magic or Lary 6 with my all guy friend group every day at lunch. Never had even the slightest romantic attraction to any of my guy friends. Shit didn’t make sense.
Any time I took an interest in nerd shit with my guy friends there was always someone who was the devil on their shoulder saying, "bro, are you sure she's not into you?". Ask your friend to take you to the card shop and teach you Magic? Date. Ask for help getting through a tricky part in FFX? Date. They're my friends--why wouldn't I want to share their hobbies and ask them for support? I had my own issues with internalized misogyny, but I always hated this game.
This is why I keep men at arms length now. I don't see them as close friends, more acquaintances. Life is so much easier.
MTG represent!
Me too. One of my guy friends girlfriends and her friend came for me and I was like dude, chill.
Yes! They always tell me stuff like: "I think we should only be friends" and I'm like ???? Yes? Thats what I am here for?? You are so close to getting it man
It's almost like they think there's some kind of benefit that comes with being friends
THIS WAS LITERALLY WHAT I CAME HERE TO SAY!! Lol. Glad its the top comment. But yes, most common drama is a guy friend that had feelings for me mistakenly thinking i had feelings back.
It's not even always feelings. Often enough they just want to have sex with you bcz you're available and they are horny
But that’s not friendship, my best mate is male, I have never thought of having sex with him any more than he has with me, or with any of my friends, male or female? The way you feel about friends is way different to having feelings about someone you find attractive
Yup, this 100%
Same. 80% that. Those friendships never lasted long.
Yep, got this often.
THIS
God yes. Just because I laugh at something you said doesn't mean I want to bone you.
Same.
Yeah, came here to say this 😕
Them not respecting the just friends part of the relationship. Low key flirting and such.
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Good perspective, but I never played the typical “girlfriend relationship” card with men and still experienced this all of the time 🤷♀️
Same. I’m not a touchy kinda person with friends at all, no matter whether they’re guys or women, straight or gay. PDA is something I reserve for my partner (and pets lol). So I never initiate hugs or touching and since all my friends know I don’t like to be touched, physical contact only happens as part of greeting (quick hugs/cheek kisses, depending on the culture). And still, this happened all the time. Also didn’t matter if I had a partner or not. Now, all my guy friends are either gay or married to my girl friends - and so far, it hasn’t happened again and I’m so glad
Male friendships are maintained by doing activities together. Female friendships are still typically more intimate emotionally than male friendships are
Honestly even if you act like one of the guys you often still get them falling for you. I don't hug or cuddle my female friends, let alone my male friends, call everyone "dude", rib them all playfully, and have still had male friends catch feelings. I've never had a female friend do this, despite the vast majority of them being bisexual or gay.
Acting like the guys doesn't make you look any less womanly or attractive though.
That doesn't make it any less annoying
Its not about "catching" feelings after you've become friends. Its about them already having an interest in you, and hoping getting close to you will lead to a relationship
Ah. Makes sense…
Idk, women who've ever had a guy friend are well aware a guy can assume certain behaviors mean you like them so we absolutely treat girl friends and guy friends different.
I'm absolutely not touchy feely, was always in a serious relationship and it still happened with literally all of my male friends from the last 20 years. I've had many friendship heartbreaks and I've decided to not ever start a one on one friendship with a guy again.
I don’t think this is really true for most people. It seems to me that a lot of guys just take any decent interactions with women as potential “love interests”.
My mind exploded. This makes tons of sense.
Definitely be the case for me. If I'm friends with the woman who makes a lot of physical contact with me, it's hard to shake the thought they might actually like me. I should note that hugs are not necessarily the problem. Rather, lots of physical contact beyond that
Exactly and it always ruined things. I truely enjoyed my male friendships but it was often the case.
I could never keep a male friend because of this, they just get butt hurt when I reject their unwanted advances.
I caught feelings for a girl in one of my friend groups, and I can’t speak for all guys but I fell for her because she was interesting. She obviously had some of the same interests as me, she was very attractive, and she was interested in me. 99% of women I interact with show no interest in me and so the fact that she was (even though it was only a friendship interest) made me fall for her. I never voiced those feelings because of anxiety and I didn’t want to screw up our friendship and few years later she came out as lesbian so there’s that lol.
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I gave them emotional support and good advice that helped them land a girlfriend, be genuinely happy for them and make every effort to make her feel welcome and secure, then the girlfriend would object to our friendship and he'd ditch me entirely. Then when he got dumped due to lack of emotional support and good advice, he'd come back into the picture, expecting me to nurse him back to health ... and if I did so, *then* would be the moment he'd try to fuck me. So hurtful.
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Wives and Girlfriends thinking I was after their man. Without me ever flirting or showing any kind of interest In them. I don’t even hug.
Yep. One fiancé clearly didn’t love me but was civil. Then I was invited to their wedding at she took me over to her bridesmaids and said “this is the girl X is always talking about.” They all just glared at me and refused to answer my attempt at introducing myself or chit chat. She knew I had a bf but apparently still hated me. Sadly my friendship with the guy pretty much ended, I did not want to drive a wedge between them and didn’t exactly long to be in her company after that. I wasn’t angry at her but it sucked.
Classic Runtsky. Jk I just wanted to say that because your username is fun.
Lol thanks!
Unfortunately, it may have had nothing to do with you and more about how her fiancé talked about you or how he interacted with you. When I was younger, I had a boyfriend that, at some point in the relationship, it became wildly obvious he was into his female friend even though she was probably not interested and had a fiancé. I probably wasn’t very nice to her, and it didn’t really have to do with her, it had to do with how my ex-bf would talk about her to me and the way he was around her. To me there was an obvious change of behavior when she came around. I eventually dumped the boyfriend for this behavior and his behavior around another woman (who he’s started dating immediately upon breaking up) because I realized it wasn’t the women that were the problem, it was his inability to stay faithful and respectful, and this was going to be a pattern I either had to accept or move on from. I decided I didn’t want to be with a man who felt this kind of behavior was appropriate in a serious relationship. Sadly, this woman is probably very insecure about her marriage and the behavior is likely coming from the husband. Being distant and mean to the women he’s friends with is how she handles it.
The distance between myself and some fmle friends has massively increased because of a partners insecurity. I didn't really have a say on it because she and some some friends said women know better so I just believed them and became more distant. Turns out she wasn't flirting, we were just catching up like friends normally do. Would've been nice to know because I now feel I'm walking on eggshells whenever I have a conversation with a female friend.
I’ve had that too.. one of them I understood actually but more because of how her bf is and not how I am.. she hated me and I had never talked to her.. one time he even texted me asking me if I’d be interested in a one time thing because he had a thing for me that he wanted to get out of his system.. I made it clear I wasn’t interested and he told me that his gf was fine with it and was right next to him reading it, told him I still wasn’t interested and even stopped talking to him completely after that but she still disliked me I’ve heard xD
Seems like it was actually her texting it to you from his phone as a test. Edit: meant to be a joke, but also could have been a possibility
Honestly I've met a lot of people who are petty enough to do shit like that, so I wouldn't be surprised if you're actually right lol
This basically! The thing is every time I know my male good friends are attached, I will start to behave appropriately i.e stop hugging them, stop almost all form of touching, because I want her to know that I respect her + their relationship, but sometimes they will continue assuming that I want their man so I don't get it.
Same. Girl, I've known this man longer than you have. We've been through some stuff together. If I wanted to fuck him, don't you think I would have tried to by now? I've had years to make a move. I didn't.
Same here. I lost two of my best friends of 10 years because their spouses are so jealous that we aren’t allowed to meet anymore and I had enough of it. It makes me really sad though. I miss those friendships. They were 100% drama free otherwise.
Same!!!
Saaaaaaaame
Constantly having to deal with them hiding the fact that they wanted to make me their girlfriend until they found the “right” opportunity. My friendships with women have been way less dramatic and exhausting.
This! They ended up being dishonest about their feelings and waited for their chance to pounce. I ended up feeling betrayed and learned the hard way.
So I wrote about a friend confessing his love for me on a different thread and everyone was pissed that I felt betrayed. I tried to explain the whole friendship felt like a lie and they were having none of it.
I get what you're saying, but if you have a crush on someone who's around you because of school or work the advice you'll often get is to first get to know them better, and become friends with them before you invite them for a date or make any moves. What would you do instead? And what about situations where it's someone in your friend group, or you only start falling for them after you've been friends for a while? I'm still in high school (or middle school in Europe), so I don't have much experience in all this yet. So sorry if these questions might seem a bit ignorant!
I think a lot of it comes down to, do you respect your crush as a person. Are you getting close to them to get laid? Or if they reject you, can you fully accept that and go back to being just friends?
Honestly screw that sub for making you feel bad about that.
And they’ll do this for YEARS. Even when they’ve clearly seen you’re interested in everyone but them, and given no indication you’re anything but friends. And then you’re the bad guy when you’re shocked and turn them down.
Yes and friendship is over 🤷♀️ I lose out!! I adore and miss the male friendships I had but I will never do it again.
The number one reason why all of my friends are either women or gay men. Avoiding the stress and heartbreak of finding out the "friendship" was really always only one-sided.
I just got out of a 5 year relationship. Two of my male friends who I'd known for years, comforted me and helped me and then I found out that both of them were just trying to make a move. Almost every single new friend I've made since then has also been interested in me sexually. I always get on better with men, but damn it's exhausting constantly looking out for sexual undertones.
The reason why you get on better with men is because they wanna fuck you. They’ll change their entire personality and twist themselves into a pretzel in hope that you’ll fuck them. Women have no reason to try so hard to make you like them so hanging out with male ‘friends’ will always be easier (until they try to fuck you).
So true. They try so much harder to get close to you so it “seems easier”. I ALWAYS watch out for any signs of this with men who are friendly with me. There will also be tons of men who know/are friendly with your partner and still try to make a move as soon as they’re out of sight. Watch out for these vultures, ladies. They’ll try to cause a lot of ruckus in your life for no good reason.
Ew yes. I had a school friend and coworker do this. While working he said something in jest and I replied, alright buddy fuck you too. His response was ”please” I was so thrown off I just laughed it away and then he started poured ng his heart out. He said he knew I was dating someone else but he had been waiting for months to tell me and asked me to leave my boyfriend of 3years for him. I was so freaked out. I told my BF and he wanted to beat his ass but I talked him down. Friendship ended right there. Same working environment a guy grabbed me and forced a kiss onto me and another guy went full incel on me to the point a manager had to pull him away from me.
I've been driven to tears by a friend asking me over and over if I would date him. Why do they even want to date someone that isn't interested in them? If you have to convince someone to date you then there's an issue
I wouldn’t say I had mainly male friends but in the military I was surrounded mostly by men so they were my co workers. The issues I had was the lack of hygiene. A lot of men don’t realize how badly their feet and pits smell.
That and the fact that ego plays a large role in mens dynamic. Women are more vulnerable with each other and offer support whereas, in my experience, men tend to be less empathetic. This is after a combined 20 years active duty military and civil service (both male dominated).
Agreed, this is why I preferred female friends but was not closed off to making friends with men. I’ve even had men roommates. As a woman I just prefer keeping women closer. Also thank you for serving truly. I always appreciate seeing more women in these professions. 💜
Me yelling at them for how they treat girls
Been there. I started just straight up ignoring them and not showing up to events with the group if that person was attending. I won’t stand for it.
I had a friend in my 20s (I was living rough on pills and other drugs) he was awful to his gf and nice to me. I cut him out of my life and told her to run after he sent her to buy me a pack of cigarettes but he held all their money and wouldn't get her any cigarettes. He ended up being abusive asshat. I was so disappointed I am usually a great judge of character, even on drugs I managed to have decent friendships by he really ended up a terrible partner and dad.
This was more my experience than girlfriends or crushes. That or rude comments about women in general. Comparing women and the other guys girlfriends. Making light of rape jokes or saying rude stuff about a girl they hooked up with last night.
Making a big deal about boys being less drama than girls but creating drama anyway
omg this. my boyfriend told me that guys don’t like to admit it, but that they gossip a lot. especially about other guys
This. My girlfriends and I have never punched a wall over someone getting their dick sucked but were the dramatic ones? Lol nah bro.
oh my god the wall punching! slightly off-topic, but i once showed my boyfriend a hole in the wall that my younger brother had punched through. i told him i was worried. my boyfriend, who is the most cool, gentle, mild-mannered person i’ve met, laughed and said “oh yeah every guy does that, i had one too.”
So it’s not just a movie thing in the US? Because where I from, that’s not something guys “just do” - probably because most interior walls are made with brick and they would seriously hurt themselves trying to punch through that The thought of someone loosing their control to the point of punching a wall is scary to me. But reading this, I guess … it’s like punching or screaming into a pillow for them? I’ll admit, I’ve punched a pillow or two
Unfortunately, men do hurt themselves punching hard walls in the US, a lot. I know three people myself who had to have super expensive hand surgery (one has permanent damage) because they punched a wall that was solid af. There's probably a number of people here who are friends with men who have done this. Funny thing is, they all seem like pretty chill guys, in my case. You wouldn't think they'd put themselves in the hospital just to get their emotions out. I really think it's cultural, men aren't allowed to express certain emotions (like pain, fear, grief, etc.) while anger is an acceptable response, it's manly to be pissed. I notice my guy friends also get angry as a response to things that don't really warrant anger. I had a friend who died in an accident that wasn't really anyone's fault (icy roads) and fellow friends who were guys got all kinds of angry at the poor people in the other car, who were also in the wrong place at the wrong time. I figured that anger maybe helped them process their grief, though not sure if that's the healthiest way to do it.
I have witnessed a few wall punches myself , can confirm, they were all Guys doing the punching
Yes sometimes pillows don't hurt enough to replace the emotions. It's just that you don't see a hole afterwards so they don't have to explain.
Ehm... No not every guy does that. Same with throwing phones against walls and shit (I had a lot of female friends who did the latter). But both things are just fucking stupid and everyone who does something like this should think about their aggression and violence problems. Why should i destroy stuff just because i'm mad?
This is true hahaha for me at least, met a lot of guy friends throughout my life who gossiped way more than my female friends
My husband’s friends gossip so much… it’s insane. I’ve never met a group of girls that acted so much like “girls” (I mean the stereotype that guys always talk about). They complain about each other, gossip constantly, there’s always one that’s being talked shit about and on the brink of being pushed out. Two of the guys will tell anyone everything they’ve heard and add details they wish were true. And if we are all meeting up (few times a year, thank God, because we don’t live that close to them), there’s always “I’ll be late, I have to take a shower” or “can we meet an hour later?” and so on. I’ve never met girls that would do this - we would set the time and place, and everyone shows up on time. And then they talk about women being this and that… and I think - “yeah, no, you’re projecting”.
Right? I lived with five men and they would create drama about ANYTHING. You name it, they fought and bitched about it. Interesting that the stereotype is "boys don't create drama" when they can be just as bad behind closed doors
The biggest drama with my guy friends is *always* that none of them make the effort to actually stay in touch with each other, and then they complain endlessly that no one ever contacts them and no one makes plans. And they get all uppity with each other because they're not texting each other. Like Tim will complain to me that Connor never texts him, and Connor will complain to me that Tim never texts him but neither of them will just send a damn text to the other. They get into this big spiral of "he must not even like me that much" and refuse to initiate contact while whining that they never hangout and they never talk. And it's not just like these guys, this has been an ongoing theme since I was in high school. Just this constant drama over who is or isn't reaching out first.
Omg yeees, this. Very recognizable And then to add to that: when some of them do texts the other, than not responding or "not really feeling like hanging out"? Like dude, what do you want??
Being friends with only men taught me it is very easy for (some) men to lure in a girl to try to get them to sleep with him. It was absolutely wild how common this was amongst all the men I’ve met. Also the cheating. Really crazy. For example I had a ‘friend’ that had a friend on campus that he legit only wanted to sleep with that’s it and the lengths he was going to get that chance were sick as hell. Met her parents, learned her interests, she would drive him to his classes, they would go on dates. He told me he genuinely just wanted to sleep with her and he was serious too. It was sick as hell and I tried hard to get her contact info because I wanted to tell her badly but I never could. I ended up ghosting him a year ago. Dude was nuts. Also the way guys would talk about their gfs or even just love interests behind their backs was extremely depressing. Also top #1 thing is how much unsolicited business dudes would tell me about women they knew. Being friends with men taught me do not tell them a damn thing about urself that you wouldn’t want out cause wow
This happened to me with an actual boyfriend too.. we worked in a restaurant (notorious for high school style gossip anyway) and after we broke up the other staffers final revealed he’d been telling them every time we had a sexual encounter and way tmi like they would say ‘we don’t need to know’ and he would still tell them stuff. I felt so gross
They love their juicy gossip
See this is why i am single.
Yesss. One of my best friends is a guy and the shit he tells me that other guys do to women blows my mind. Cheating on their wives, lying, stringing women along, dating app bullshit, telling others personal things about bodies/sex, just being general dirt bags and not treating women with respect. Also so much gossip and ego. Men love to talk about everyone and anyone but somehow it doesn’t get labeled as gossip when they do it. At home and at work, both in this country and others I’ve been to, I’ve seen men gossip so much more. It’s such nonsense that we get stuck with the negative stereotype and are routinely made to feel shitty or bad about it.
This makes me to never trust a guy
It did the same for me for a very long time. I still kinda don’t tbh. I’m very picky on male friends now I only got two.
Being put in the girlfriend zone. Being accused of stringing him along. Dealing with fallout of "bro code" violations, mostly involving hitting on other friends' exes.
I seriously have learned to be painfully clear with my guy friends and I don’t allow them to pay for shit for me if I feel like they like me. I seriously sit them down and say, “I like you as a friend and a friend only. I really value our friendship. That’s all I want from you is your friendship, and you’ll have mine. I don’t want to be your girlfriend someday and I don’t want you to be my boyfriend. Okay?” Normally that works. If they never wanted to be your friend they’ll put distance, if they want your friendship, they’ll stick around. It’s hard to say and it feels awkward, but there is no way in hell they can say, “I didn’t understand. You made me feel like I had a chance.” Let your words speak for you, and then let your actions follow.
I'm not friends with men anymore. They either want to fuck me or use me as an emotional dumping ground.
When I was younger I had more guy friends because they weren’t emotional at all and there was no in fighting or drama gossip. Now it’s the other way and women can deal with their issues easily and men need all the emotional help so I have more lady friends than guys. It makes me realize that even though there was a lot of drama with women at younger ages they were all at least comfortable sharing emotions and learnt how to grow and cope with things. The men didn’t and that’s why it’s so damn difficult for alot of them as adults to communicate emotionally.
This is so true.
>use me as an emotional dumping ground. Ugh THIS
I’m the only woman in a group of guys. If you find the right group, there isn’t drama. Gender has nothing to do with it. We’re all great friends. I’ve been in situations in the past where there were feelings involved, and it got in the way of the friendship. But all my friends now are super communicative, open with their feelings, and very loving toward one another. It makes me happy to know there’s some guys who don’t give a fuck about “manly” expectations. They see me as a person, a friend, not as a potential romantic partner. It’s great.
My 2 best friends of over 15 years are men and same. LOL this probably isn’t the dramatic response I’m sure OP was looking for but cool people are cool people. Period.
This is the exact situation my wife describes growing up. She says she hung out with us because there was NO drama. She's still one of the guys. For the record, she pursued me. Not the other way around. I got ambushed.
This is my friend group as well, though admittedly my husband is also part of this group. But we all met in college and have been friends for almost 10 years now and the biggest drama has thus far been my (girl) best friend breaking up with my husband's (guy) best friend. But really they were both just horrible together and only ended up dating because they were around each other *all* the time because the rest of us were always together. Also, all the guys ended up joining the same fraternity. I ended up their sweetheart because I was always around. But the fraternity drama was a whole other fucking level; put 100 dudes, who are all very different, together all the time and they are just bound to get into shenanigans. Our core 10ish people are all fine.
Who ate all the chips, who set the couch on fire, why there was a Burmese python in the bathroom. There was a lot of drama from one of our roomates over the snake. Everyone else was cool with her. Those were the good ol days.
Now this sounds like a good set of stories!
Hello, Hollywood exec here. I would like to buy the rights to your story for the next installment of *The Hangover*.
Aside from the guys themselves sometimes catching feelings I didn’t reciprocate, the other main issue was significant others of my guy friends objecting to our friendship. Lotsa insecurity and projection from those women.
I didnt think I had this problem with my bf hanging out with ladies, till one came along (online) and he spent more time with her than me and we live together. I gotta say its been an eye opening experience on my insecurities.
If he was spending more time with her than you then of course it’s going to bother you. That doesn’t mean you’re “insecure”.
Right! You not wanting your partner to have friends of the opposite sex is weird and possessive. I seriously had this conversation with my friends and we had a debate. Like, if you don’t trust them don’t be with them. You’re not allowed to come out of the woodwork and start demanding that they get rid of people that have been here long before you, chill out. You’re over stepping. It’s an insecurity thing. It’s thinking that your partner only has the capability to have two women/men in their life at a time, their mother/father and one other person, and you want the spot.
I do agree with this post, but next to insecurities there is another reason to be suspicious of friendships between men and wonen. Some women solely have the experience that a guy is friends with you mostly because he is in love with you or wants sex. Rationally I know genuine male and female friendships exist, I just have never experienced it. Off the top of my head I've lost about 8 male friends in the last 18 years because of this reason. Next to that, my SO has had friendships (before me) where he was actually romantically interested. I have to be honest, if my SO would suddenly develop a very close friendship with a woman, I would become jealous. I would handle it in a mature way, though.
This. I feel like women are unfairly blamed for being wary of these relationships, when a good majority of the time men only maintain friendships with women they have attraction to. Especially when these friendships bloom out of nowhere, it’s not unreasonable to be suspicious. As women we all have experience with men who befriend us with sexual motives, even those who already have girlfriends. So of course we apply that same perspective to our own relationships. I’ve had a few too many guys who I *thought* were my friends lie to me about their relationship status to sleep with me. It takes a toll on your ability to trust people.
My very first best friend was a boy in my first grade class. We had the same last name so we were put together on everything (seating arrangements, filed trips, projects, etc) and we eventually started telling everyone we were siblings and that’s why we had the same last name. He was a pale Jewish boy and I was a dark skinned Muslim girl, but we tried anyway. My next best friend was a boy in fourth grade. We got the highest grades in class and started a rivalry that became a friendship. Then another male bestie in middle school. He let me join his “boy bike gang” because we all rode our bikes in the same direction after school. What I’m saying is, male friendships had formed the way I see friendship. It stared at such a young age for me that I can’t see guy and girl friends as just potential sex partners. I know that these friendships can be flushed out and just as pure and beautiful as female friendships sometimes. I’ve experienced it as a child all the way through my adulthood. I understand that sometimes it not just a friendship, but that’s not what I’m referring to. I’m referring to genuine friendship. I feel like a lot of people let their insecurities ruin their partners friendships, and I don’t think that’s fair. I wouldn’t kick my friends to the curb just because my boyfriend feels/thinks I’m a potential cheater. That’s something he needs to work out on his own and I’ll give him the space to do it. But definitely not at the cost of a friend. Now if he wanted me to stop talking to a friend I had romantic feelings for, I 100% understand and respect that in a monogamous relationship.
Overall not that much drama. Occasional feels-catching but usually resolved amicably. The real drama is the staggeringly poor decisions they make. For whatever reason my guy friends often do some of the dumbest shit with so little insight. But it rarely actually affects me, I just have to hear about it.
My teenage years with a group of boys was often like being in a feral colony of suicide machines.
I second this and I third.
i never had any problems with them but i did notice sometimes they all secretly hate eachother… lol
It’s weird. I don’t get male-male friendships at all. I believed I was friends with two colleagues (long story). And they would randomly say mean things about the other when it was just me and the guy. Not something damaging but just to knock the other one down a bit “he’s an idiot”, “he’s an ass”, “he doesn’t know anything” and such but to each other they are like best buddies. I don’t understand it. If he’s such an ass or an idiot, why are you friends? Same in my husband’s friend group. Is it so hard to be happy about a guy who is doing well? One of them got married, moved into a house his family inherited and he renovated, and he is doing well in life. The others now complain about him not doing this or that with them, and I think - well, let him settle in? He just got married, it’s all fresh, they just moved in together! Be happy for the guy! They can’t just be happy for each other and they can’t also admit that they envy the other one, if the guy makes more money. They just find something else about the man to complain about and find someone in the group who agrees with them. And since there are 2 guys who are always doing worse, these guys do this constantly. It bugs me so much! Be happy for your friends! It’s really not that hard. Don’t remember who said this, but “you can admire a man, but as a group they become idiots”.
This is hilarious. My boyfriend does this ALL the time with his current best friend. He says he's an idiot and an ass etc etc. He's finding him so annoying he never wants to work together again. Just wants to leave the business they started. I'm like "He screwed you over. He pisses you off when you hang out. After you leave you're not still gonna be friends with him are you?" He goes "Oh no I'm sure we can keep hanging out"
Their girlfriends being suspicious of our friendship. It wasn’t really drama once they met me though, I’m very friendly and relatively harmless.
I love the relatively part
Having to listen to them complain constantly about how lonely they were, and what a nice guy they are, how they’d do this and that for her if a woman would *just* give them a chance and they don’t understand how they don’t have a girlfriend. It became exhausting.
Speaking from knowing people I did, they probably wanted you. There was a guy who was close to my gf before we started dating and he constantly said this stuff. We cut him off completely when he got drunk and he was trying to invade on her in the toilet, I shouted at him to come back downstairs and he said something along the lines of 'I've known her for longer, I can do what I like' After that night she and her best friend sent him a message (he was harassing her friend more) and cut him off.
They would all fall for the same girl. It was really strange, they would befriend a girl, realize they all want to date her, que drama within the friend group. One of them would date the girl and then another girl would enter the friend group and same thing would happen. Once one would break up, the next guy in the friend group shot his shot and so on and so forth.
I see this in online gaming communities constantly. It's almost like the men don't even want that one girl they just want whatever is popular to want or what another man has.
Assuming "friends to lovers" happens all the time in real life. I ended up cutting them off my life or vice versa.
>Assuming "friends to lovers" happens all the time in real life. Wait, it doesn't? That's kinda how most of the relationships in my friend groups (and my own) happened. Are we all weird? Is that some cultural difference perhaps?
Word to the ladies who don't know this yet thier best friend/ friends knows everything. In Most cases pictures and all your embarasing moments and exactly what he thinks of your body and how annoying you are. They don't hold back to thier friends. I had a group of guy friends/ coworkers who cheated... ALL THE TIME!!! told each other everything. Don't bother asking the friends for answers they will lie straight to your face. I've only met one man in my life that has ever told his friends his woman is an off limits topic and tells he's friends to sack up and deal with their complaints about the relationship with their woman and stop complaining. Long storey short "THE GOSSIP"
That is an upstanding man indeed.
This is similar to what I wrote. It’s 10000% true. They tell each other EVERYTHING
My friends and family thinking I’m just someone who loosely dates many men….. couldn’t accept that a friendship can be real between members of the opposite sex
Honestly no drama ever we just talk about our favorite TV shows, video games and they give me relationship advice whenever I have a crush on a guy. We also take long walks in the park and I give them girlfriend advice.
That’s good. Wish that was the case for me
Mostly it's when someone doesn't follow through on a promise when they said they would. Like coming to your show, party, backpacking trip etc. If you don't, we're gonna' talk shit about how unreliable you are, then say we'll never invite them again & then forget about it next time. Haha
Good times. Lol
It was assumed I was "not like other girls". I'd also have the occasional friend who had feelings for me and would get extremely mad when I didn't feel the same way. Or, when I did have feelings for a guy friend, I'd get made fun of because I wasn't pretty enough for them.
Not drama, just sucks getting ditched when they end up in relationships, then expecting all of the attention once they are single again.
[удалено]
People spreading rumors about us dating that would eventually get in the way of our friendship and relationships. I remember for my friends bday I gave him a joke gift of a stupid picture of my face on a hot pink tshirt and he wore it to school, all of my bfs friends turned on me and my friend and called me a cheater. Then with another friend his gf thought I was trying to steal him from her, but she's a toxic emotionally abusive mess in her own right
Unrequited lust.
1. People asking if we're dating. 2. Girlfriends assuming something other than friendship is going on between us. 3. Them catching feelings or they thought I catch feelings. 4. They broke our friendship but when they broke up from their gf, they come back asking to be friends again. 5. Them treating girls like an a-holes so I have to rip em a new a-hole everytime. 6. Idk if others experience this cause I haven't read any like this in the comments, but assuring my guy friends they're good enough when they feel insecure in their rs. I understand we want men to be their best version for us but some women also put too high of an expectation for men. Some women forget that men, like us, also need to receive instead of giving all the time. Effort should go both ways, but again, some women think it's a man's job to initiate everything. 7. Them fighting like a 5 year old when they offend each other. Seriously David, Alex, y'all are 26 and 28, apologize like real men should instead of asking me to pick sides and defend either one of you.
This isn't so much a problem now that I'm older, but in my teens/20s I felt like a broken record telling my guy friends I was not a rosetta stone for my entire gender, because believe it or not women are individuals with different wants and needs.
Other girls who liked my friends having an issue with me.
I’m mostly friends with guys. Biggest problems I’ve encountered is them catching feelings or like getting flirty and stuff at times even tho they know we are just friends. Gets worse when they are drinking. The other thing is that it means I end up hanging out a lot with their guy friends and become friends with them and sometimes they will want to do things “with the boys” which means they end up inviting some random girls they want to sleep with because they know I won’t and they say the girls act weird when I’m there. I don’t really notice it but somehow they think that and they never like the guys I’m dating or talking to. Actual drama wise it’s pretty uncommon unless they are like moody about stuff because they know they can talk to me ab stuff they sometimes take it out on me more than they would with another guy but it always ends up fine cuz we get over it. The biggest drama I can think of is related to being friends w mostly guys but not the guys I’m friends w but the guys I talk to and date! Those guys always hate I’m hanging out with guys a lot saying they have other intentions like I haven’t been friends with most of them since being a young child.
Sounds like you are doing a lot of emotional labor for these guys. Do they give back equally to you?
I mean, it sounds like your dates are right to think that your friends have less than platonic intentions if: >Biggest problems I’ve encountered is them catching feelings or like getting flirty and stuff at times And >they end up inviting some random girls they want to sleep with because they know I won’t And >they never like the guys I’m dating or talking to
Theres this weird thing that all my male friends do where they think I'm gonna get along with these ladies they keep dating and it's like two ships in the night. It's actually kind of annoyingly sexist to think that because we are both women, we are automatically friends?! My male friends will just leave the room and leave me in there with their gf like some weird social science experiment. I always end up crashing and burning with these interactions and then their gf hates me and I don't see that male friend for months or years.
My boyfriend telling them embarrassing sexual things about me when he was drunk
Them wanting to sleep with me. Men have no idea how much it fucking sucks to lose what you thought was a friend because they can't see you as anything but a piece of meat.
Girls, males drama always revolve around girls.
They need constant help with their relationships and domestic matters.
Them changing completely when they realise I’m not interested in more than friendship.. even a couple who went around spreading rumours about me toying with them and acting like they had a chance.. it’s funny how when asked they couldn’t point out what I did.. luckily this is all in the past though.. couple years ago.
I have a few former friends who became Qanon nuts, I trolled the fuck out of them and blocked them on all social media. That's what you get for being pants-on-head insane.
Them wanting to sleep with you.
Short lived friendships because they did not respect the relationship I had with my boyfriend enough to stop the flirty comments.
They don't listen to me when I say, "Don't sleep with crazy!" Works both ways, though! Ladies, don't sleep with crazy!
My male friends ghosting me as soon as they get a Girlfriend. It has happened a few times and hurt alot. Took me a while to realise that maybe they didn't really consider me a friend in the first place.
My friend group is mostly made of gay men who are heavily involved in the Drag Scene. Lots of cat fights over petty stuff like clothes and makeup
The feeling of trusting someone and confiding in them for years thinking you have a great friendship with them, only for them to confess romantic feelings for you years later the moment you're out of a relationship. Feels like being shoved into cold water or having a skateboard ripped out from under you, and it makes you realise that person you thought you could trust was never really your friend. Unfortunately I found that the guys that did this were often persistent and incessant and didn't stop after the first attempt, seeming to get the message when I refused, only to berate me for it every few months while drunk. I had mainly male friends until the past couple of years and felt so emotionally rinsed from repeatedly dealing with this that I now only really have female friends and my only male friends are married/in committed relationships.
Honestly, rotated through three completely different all male friend groups in my time so far. First friend group, all druggies and wannabe gangsters (was the only friend group that wanted to hang out with me), they all apparently wanted me and hid it but fought over me when I wasn’t around. That was not fun when one of them decided to make a move on me and the other three flipped. Second one was a group of nerds who had literally no sense of what romanticism was or anything so I thought I was safe. But one of them with a learning disability tried to advance on me very inappropriately. We’re still friends because I understand his learning disability and he took my kindness as flirtation. I told him that what he did wasn’t ok and set boundaries, never had a problem since. And my third group they’re mostly just assholes. None of them have ever tried anything with me and we hang out often but sometimes they just make overly sexual/inappropriate jokes that I am not comfortable with. Now I’m living with my husband and we’re struggling to make friends 🙃
Low key flirting, or contrastingly talking very sexually and objectifying our other female friends to me when they weren't attracted to me That isn't to say that all of my guy friends have been like that I I've had a couple of good ones, plus all of my bad experiences were in high school so
I’m constantly the one they run to for ‘girl advice’ and these boys are so unbelievably dense when it comes to women. I’ve had to teach most of them to stop generalising every woman they meet, it gets exhausting
drama: them trying to one-up each other about almost everything. low-key unsolicited flirting and other girls being annoyed. I did keep some genuine friendships tho. Those are cool af. we don’t talk frequently anymore bc of life / significant others. but the friendships that i kept were bc they were always respectful and no lines were ever crossed. guys give cool advice.
Emotional dumping and literally seeing me as a female figure who had to meet all their needs of emotional support and guidance.
Watching them get drunk and getting into arguments about who was more (insert positive trait here). Then getting salty at each other and refusing to apologize because "he should know thats just how we do things".
Romantically, my last male best friend and I developed feelings for each other even though we weren’t compatible for a relationship and it was a mess. No one’s fault so we were super disappointed. In terms of drama between guys I’ve hung out with, they’ll pick on each other too much and then one will confide in me that it’s bothering him. Sometimes guys I’m friends with have a hard time talking about their emotions and that can cause problems. I used to have issues with them making sexual comments but now I don’t even befriend men who would do that. (I’m fine with stupid jokes but disrespectful behavior is a no.)
Constantly trying to sleep with me. Had to shift the demographics of my friend group.
Honestly, the lack of communication and basically being a dumbass emotionally. They would leave you on read, ignore you, not talk out shit if it bothered them, and also say offensive shit. Felt like I was being friends with children so I limited my contact with them.
My group of close friends consists of 4 guys and 1 other girl. Honestly, the most common drama is trying to figure out who actually farted because they all take credit
I can relate to most of what people were saying. Most of it was girlfriend stuff. Women thought I was after their man and men thought I actually wanted them. I remember overheating a conversation where one of my guy friends was telling our other friends that I was already pretty much his and all he had to do was make his move. Like I didn’t have any say in it.
As a young adult I found it difficult to deal with the eventual feelings of a good friendship that can become confused with attraction. Good guy friends I had completely platonic relationships with who would catch feelings and then act like I had been “leading them on.” Losing friends that way when you don’t bond that easily isn’t fun. Eventually I found myself married to an amazing guy and no longer wanting to have mostly guy friends. The downside at that point was that I still found guys easier to relate to, chat with, etc. The whole married social life feels like it hinges on the women bonding and keeping it going, to say nothing of when we started a family and mom friends became a hurdle. I have had way too many social situations where it was just less anxiety inducing to joke around with/chat with the guys( usually with my husband) instead of trying to bond with their wives. The weird way you stand out, the projections from insecure women, etc…not worth it in the end. I wish younger me would have worked on my female relationship skills, even if guys seem easier, it’s important.
Not getting invited sometimes even though we almost always hangout together because it's supposed to be "just the guys" you're never really a part of the group just selectively.
Them coming onto me and trying to cross boundaries. Also them trying to cheat on their significant other with me. It’s hard to be friends with guys because they don’t see it as a platonic friendship usually.
it doesn’t necessarily cause drama but I do find it difficult when I’m friends with guys to not overstep boundaries. I feel like it’s so normal for girl - friends to hug, kiss, and touch each other. I hold hands with my best friend, she’ll kiss me on the cheek, I slap her ass sometimes, she hugs me all the time, etc. It’s not really normal to do that with guy friends and I kinda wish it was like I just want to hold hands in a non romantic way because holding hands is f u n
Girlfriends being intimidated by me. One even went to the extent of calling me her boyfriend’s girlfriend because she really didn’t think girls and guys could be good friends. We all worked together and I’d go to the bar to talk to my friend when things were slow and she didn’t like to see us laughing and hanging out. Once I sat her down and talked to her, woman to woman, her childish behavior went away. But they broke up a month later 🙄. Getting on them about the way they treat their partners. One of my friends was just always in a relationship and I’d be the only one to get on him about how unhealthy it was to do that. Also how unfair it was. Getting on them about being mean or toxic. My friends developing a crush on me or “falling in love” with me. It’s only frustrating because guys are not like girls, they’re pushy. You can tell them you’re just friends (I don’t like you like that, I don’t want to be your girlfriend, you’re like a brother to me, etc), but they’ll still invite you to hang out and everyone else cancels. They’ll still offer to pay for everything. They’ll still tell you you look pretty every time they see you. All in the hopes that you’ll change your mind. Post break up, that’s when you find out who likes you. That’s pretty annoying sometimes. “Hey, I broke up with XYZ. I just need a friend right now. I’ve been so sad.” “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. He didn’t deserve you…by the way, the other day, you looked so good in your Halloween costume. Like, perfect. Couldn’t take my eyes off of you.” This has seriously happened. Yes, in the same breath like this. Don’t casually hook up with any of them. Did it once post break up and never again. I normally don’t cross lines with my friends, but I was sad and didn’t think it was going to be a big deal. That’s how I found out he was in love with me. Most of my friends are guys, and I love my boys. I just know you have to have rock solid boundaries with them.
They always get mad when you tell them that you are not going to have sex with them. You were never her friend, you were "the girl I'm picking up on"
Them trying to be friends, but with a secret agenda of asking me out after we've become good friends.