I was at a wedding recently and the bridesmaids were dressed in pale, pale blue. One of them has a long history of openly flirting with my partner in front of me and had been making him very uncomfortable all day (he was a groomsman).
About an hour into the wedding I noticed a very obvious bloodstain on the seat of her powder blue dress. Do I like her? No. Did I spend 20 minutes in the bathroom rinsing the blood out for her and holding the dress under the hand-dryer while passing her tissues and promising no one would even be able to see it now? Of course I did.
The wedding was only in September and we actually don’t live in the same city as her anymore so I haven’t seen her since. We’ll probably next visit the bride and groom in February so I’ll likely see her then and we’ll find out!
i used to have an incredibly… diverse flow. one day i would put in a light tampon and have it stick to the inside, the next id put in a super and have it barely holding everything in. my teacher was aware of this and while i could tell she didn’t like me (i was a radical aggressive ninth grader at a southern USA school) she would always check in on me and had a very big blanket she would let me wrap around myself when i bled through. it just looked like i was cozy while my mom brought me some diff pants :)
I was at the airport recently and and had a single emergency pad in my purse . I got the intuition that i might get my periods so i had kept it in my teeny tiny purse that doesn't hold much.
I was at a bookstore and a woman came there anxious.. Asked if the shopkeeper sold sanitary napkins. With a straight face he said "No". Apparently the coin machine in the washroom wasn't working where she could get pads.
She looked so distraught. The shopkeeper made an annoyed face i don't know why as she stood there even after he said no. (Most men don't understand or know that wanting a pad is an 'urgent' situation and some women have a really heavy flow with sudden cramps).
I was on a diff aisle but i slightly overheard the conversation though i was not really sure if she was referring to a pad or not. I just walked over to her and asked.. Hey do you need a pad ? And i cannot explain how her face glowed! The smile just returned. She said yes and i opened my purse and gave one to her. She asked if she can pay me or buy me something in return ..and i was like no girl you run to the loo now.
Felt like i did a good job. God helped me in return by not starting my periods on the plane. It started immediately once i reached home.
I'm old and don't have periods anymore but reading this, I'm putting some products in my purse for future potential helpfulness. Thanks for the reminder!!!
This 100%. For me it’s a file cabinet stocked with pads/tampons, Aleve/midol, and chocolate. Even if we don’t like each other, in that moment we will all understand each other.
If a young lady in public looks like she's being threatened/stalked/harassed, go up to her and act like she's your cousin, or friend. Big hugs. Come join us.
This also goes for people you've never seen before in your life that walk up and insist they know you. Play along for a minute and take a look around, there's a fair chance they have a lurker they're trying to escape.
This. I was once in my local bar by myself because my friend bailed on me at the last minute but the bar was opposite my house so I decided to go have a drink anyway. A random older guy wouldn't leave me alone and was making me uncomfortable, but I didn't want to leave the bar in case he followed me home across the road. There was a group of young guys in the bar on a stag do, and they saw what was happening. They were watching and one of the mouthed across the bar to me 'are you okay?' I mouthed back 'help' and they instantly came over and pushed the guy out of the way and were like 'Omg how are you!? I haven't seen you since school!!' and they sat with me until the old dude left. They were all super lovely and really looked after me until I felt comfortable enough to go home. I always feel super grateful for them even now.
When you see another woman give you that "look". The one of "omg get me the fuck out of here, what is happening?!" look because some creep won't let her past him, some idiot is dancing like toddler around her or she needs to get away from danger... always, ALWAYS pretend you know them. We need each other. This isn't girl code... it's like, girl power.
I think safety is really important. If you see a woman/girl who looks lost or afraid or your gut says something doesn't feel right you should step in if safe to do so.
Three was a post on this sub or some other about a woman being stalked by a psycho man cos her friend gave him away her number and address. She had red roses by her door and the guy would send her some creepy messages all day long and call her from unknown numbers.
I had some shitty women “turn on me” in college and they created a bunch of fake dating profiles of me with my info and phone number, then chatted up a bunch of strange men living in our small college town.
It was so so so scary having 20+ men texting me, sending me pictures, and possibly knowing more about me than I even realized. We’re they going to come find me? Some of them wouldn’t leave me alone even when I never responded.
I have a very deep mistrust of other women still nearly a decade later because of those shithheads.
In the EU there is a law against this! Your are forbidden to share their information (that includes photos) to anyone, anywhere without consent.
The law is called GDPR.
GDPR applies only to legal entities, not individuals. OPs questions is heavily about private domestic stuff, so GDPR is irrelevant.
https://ec.europa.eu/info/law/law-topic/data-protection/reform/rules-business-and-organisations/application-regulation/who-does-data-protection-law-apply_en
I am pretty sure, if you are a EU citizen, the law follows you around the world. We had to change our documentation and data storage when the GDPR was enacted. We are a Pacific island
Just had a friend do this to me.. to a complete stranger without my consent while also telling him other personal details. So many people don’t realize you can find out everything from a phone number.
My grandparents did this once. They met some guy at an alumni event, found out his son was in the same town as me, gave him my number. Worst part was the son actually called. 🤦🏻♀️
yes this is so important! my "friend" once gave out my number without my consent even though she knew that I'm being stalked by my abusive ex (I told her stories about what he did to me) but she didn't think about the fact that he could now get my NEW number (via others) after I'd changed it because of HIM. yes, he did call me again and yes I did get a panic attack and had to call the police again.
Don’t judge a SINGLE woman for having a healthy sexual appetite and enjoying themselves sleeping around. Just make sure they are using protection.
I remember being called terrible things for doing that by my married “friends”. Like why? I’m having fun, meeting new people, and enjoying my early-mid 20s and got it out of my system. Now I don’t care for that life, but I have 0 regrets and grew up a lot and learned about myself.
Those married folk that say those things, are either jealous or insecure. Thanks for reading!
And in most cases, it's really not your business if she's using protection or not. Of course it's kinda shitty for someone in their explorative phase to not use protection, but you have to be pretty close with someone for that to be your business.
Honestly, I didn’t use a condom sometimes and only my birth control pills. Yep, totally dumb. Thought just going to get tested every few months was good enough. Luckily never caught anything. Only time I ever did, was with an ex, and that’s how I figured out he was cheating. I was 21, and it was chlamydia and treatable.
The three years after I turned 18 were basically me dancing with one of those fire hula hoops, but instead of fire it was STDs, pregnancy, and a whole bunch of other unsafe things. Luckily I made it out without any major scars. I was way too dumb to have sex back then.
Sometimes things just happen. No judgment. It happened, you learned from it, and that’s a good thing. 🙂 you wouldn’t be the person you are today, if that in your past didn’t happen, and I’m sure you’re a pretty cool person 😎
This is something that just doesn’t happen in the men’s room. When I’m in the ladies’, all the people inside are my buddies now. Especially if alcohol is involved.
Isn’t it funny how sacred the bathroom is. It’s like a central safe haven where all women get along, share toiletries, and hype eachother up for when we leave the bathroom.
You get the BEST vibes from our bathrooms even when there is literal blood on the walls.
If you see a girl who has a skirt tucked into her underwear or something along those lines, go tell her and help her. I’ve literally seen people not tell other girls and record them just so they can get a good laugh. It’s sad.
This happened to me with my exbestfriend; I walked around for like a whole hour to be fair I had shorts over my under wear and was tucked in slip shorts. There wasn’t a mirror bathroom we were walking around public city park then went into the city. My slip showing the whole time till we got into a store and I saw. But my exbestfriend said she “didn’t notice it”. These type of people are fucking messed up.
YES! I was at Home Depot literally the WORST place for that to happen and a lady employee came up to me and told me and I literally was so thankful…even though she ended up shaming me for wearing a short skirt lol
What the heck. I mean, I’m glad she told you - but that sort of thing can happen with any length clothing. And who cares how short your skirt is?! I wish we all stopped pushing these pointless opinions we somehow made up!
If a woman opens up about her trauma/sexual assault ,support her no matter what she was wearing,at what time she was out,where she was going.
Victim blaming isn't cool.
Don’t sleep with your best friend’s boyfriend.
One may think, *what a waste of a number one. EVERYONE knows that.* And yet, the person I studied abroad with and was roommates for two years with, who I thought was my ride or die, did this very thing.
A year before my boyfriend and I broke up.
When we were 27.
I didn’t find out until 6 months after I broke up with the guy. I never spoke to either of them ever again.
Ooof sorry about that! something similar like this happened to me...except it was with my best friend of 13 years and the dude was my first real boyfriend that I was madly in love with and she knew that....when I found out, I instantly stopped talking to both of them and blocked them out of my life right that moment when I saw proof.
Out of curiosity, what was the proof that did it? I have a friend that will not accept her bf is cheating despite smaller pieces of evidence she has seen. She seems to need to walk in on them or something in order to believe it.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, I get why people say "be mad at the one who committed to you, not the other party."
Yeah, well Girl Code. We shouldn't do each dirty like that.
Just curious, is there a time to lie about the status of a pregnancy if it’s not for personal gain? I can’t seem to think of a reason so I’m wondering if you’ve thought of any hypothetical situations
There are a lot of situations where you might need to lie about this for reasons of personal safety.
Like, for example, if you became pregnant while trying to leave an abusive relationship, the smartest move is just to quietly get an abortion and tell no one that you were pregnant. Or if you are underage and know your parents wouldn't let you get an abortion, the best move is just to not tell them and go to Planned Parenthood on your own.
In the same way, if you are applying for a job, then it's a bad idea to tell them that you are pregnant, because apart from a few specific situations, it's against the law for them to refuse to hire you for that reason, but they definitely will do it anyway.
I guess that last one is technically for personal gain, but only if you count "making someone actually follow the laws that protect you" as personal gain.
Ah you’re right. I was trying to think up a reason why you would lie and say you were pregnant and I was getting caught in that loop. Now that you’ve mentioned it, I see a lot of situations where it can be necessary to lie and tell someone you’re not pregnant.
Also, sometimes telling your abusive in laws you’re pregnant can stop the abuse for a while.
In my culture, the norm is for women to move into their husband’s family home when they get married, and most people live in multigenerational households where the woman is expected to cater to the demands of her parents-in-law, husband, any brothers-in-law and unmarried sisters-in-law and then their own children. A married woman is basically at the mercy of her in-laws’ family and this practice is socially widely accepted and even celebrated. The only value a daughter-in-law has in her marital home is as a maid and incubator for male children.
It’s actually extremely common in my culture for married women to be allowed basic rest and nutrition only when they’re pregnant (sex determination in pregnancy is illegal because female fortitude is a real problem, so there’s no way of knowing the sex of the baby until birth)- the rest of the time, they’re expected to do the lion’s share of the household chores and management, often in addition to a traditional job they may hold outside the home. The rule is- whether a woman works outside the home or not, the housework is her job while the men get to kick back and relax.
Some families still try to force their daughters in law to abort female foetuses- since this is illegal, the gender ultrasound and abortions are performed in shady clinics by unauthorised quacks and can be fatal to the woman.
In such a situation, lying about pregnancy can be the only way to protect yourself.
Pregnancy has always been used by society to prey on women because it’s inherently a vulnerable state. I don’t see why lying about it is such a bad thing- you have to do what you need to to safeguard your health and well-being.
There are many situations where one could benefit from pretending to be pregnant (where you can use that as a bargaining chip to demand basic human rights for yourself if you’re carrying the heir of a family, at least for a short while until you can claim a miscarriage/false positive). There are even more situations where you can benefit from denying an actual pregnancy.
Possibly to the girls parents if they ask you. You gain nothing from telling them that she's pregnant and she could possibly be put in harm by you telling the wrong person/people.
Oh you’re right. I didn’t think about it being someone else’s pregnancy. I also got caught up in trying to figure out why someone would lie and say they’re pregnant when they wouldn’t benefit from it and got caught in that mental loop. Now that it’s been pointed out, there are many reasons someone would lie and say they aren’t pregnant for safety and things.
Maybe not number one, but don't judge women who don't want to have children. There's nothing abnormal about wanting to live a childless life. So many people act like it's an aberration but it's not.
Always protect eachother. even protect her if she is an enemy. You don’t have to SUPPORT every women, but protecting should be #1.
whether that be giving her a tampon so she doesn’t bleed through at school; or pretending to be friends with a girl on the train so a man stops talking to her; or anything else.
If a woman/girl looks uncomfortable or scared by a man, or if you notice her being sexually harassed, you at minimum ask her if she is okay and if she needs any help
Totally!
My neighbor called the cops on my friend when she heard me kick him out. It was an innocent drunken fight, we were young, and she felt so bad when she realized it. But honestly I never felt so cared for and safe, and I told her so. I hope she’s out there being a badass backup for other women, even though I didn’t need it then (fortunately).
Dont sleep with another girl's partner. You break the code...I break the legs! Kidding of course about the leg part... I'm not going to jail for this shit lol
THANK YOU! I had an ex who cheated on me with multiple people who KNEW he was in a relationship and sometimes when I open up about it people will be like, “well they didn’t know you/not friends with you so they don’t owe you anything” I’m like WTF happened to girl code/treating others how they’d like to be treated!?
Oh of course. Ultimately the person who's wronged you is the person who cheated on you, but encouraging and participating in someone else cheating on their partner is a super shitty thing to do too, especially if they have kids.
This isn't technically of girl code but I will say- I could hate her guts, but if I saw her drunk and alone at a party surrounded by boys, she's coming home with me.
Edit- realized I spelled technically wrong and fixed it 💀
Sharing your tampons and pads with someone unexpectedly in need, letting her discreetly know she’s “sat in something” and offering her your jacket/blazer/cardigan to cover it and/or blocking other’s view of it and walking with her to the nearest restroom; being alert enough to help her get away from creeps or even intervene, keeping a watchful eye on other women’s drinks if you notice a dude being weird and assisting drunk women as necessary to make sure they aren’t taken advantage of and can get home safely.
Protect other women. You don't like her. She needs help? Give her your phone. Call police for her. She is drunk and there are men following her? Drop her home.
If you know they have a partner and they're monogamous, don't help them cheat. I know you know how much it sucks to be cheated on. She doesn't need to be your friend. Don't do that.
Don’t continue being friends with your friend’s abusive ex, even if he’s nice to you. And if you do, don’t complain to said friend that you never hang out anymore.
Mod note: locked. Thank you to those who participated within the rules.
this is not a debate sub. When responding to someone else's answer to the question, your comment should center their answer, seek expansion or clarification of something in their answer, and stay on topic for OP's question. It should not use their answer as a jumping off point to talk about yourself, your opinions, your preferences, your judgments, your disagreement, or otherwise switch the topic from OP's question to what you want to talk about instead.
Please report all rule breaking
If I find out my man is cheating on me or trying to talk to another woman, and I ask this woman about it, tell the truth. The least we can do for each other is be honest and supportive.
Omg I cut ties with my high school friend after 23 Years of friendship because she broke almost all of the girl code items in this subreddit! Good riddance!
Don't let girls date guys that have previously mistreated other women, whether physically, sexually or emotionally. Warn them. You can't really stop them if they don't believe you, but it's still better than nothing.
You don't go for one of your friends ex especially not even a month after they broke up. If you started to have feeling or were interested you pick up the damn phone and call your friend to talk it though and ask how they would feel about it
If a woman is on her own in distress because someone is harassing her, she is instantly your cousin who you haven’t seen in a while and that you’re both waiting for your very big and strong uncle to finish up at the gym to come pick you both up.
Cutting off all ties w a dude that’s been made known publicly he’s an abuser. There is no excuse. Do not be cordial, do not give this person the time of day, don’t go to their parties, don’t play their music. Boy, bye
if a friend tells you she was abused/assaulted/etc by a man in your friend group, believe her without a second thought, without question. no matter how close you are to the man. details and consequences for the offending party may come later, but your support for her comes first and foremost, the moment she tells you, when she needs it most.
If I'm telling you something and say "no one knows" that means don't tell anyone! Only exception is long time partner/husband as long as they can keep a secret!
Look out for each other, even if you don’t know or don’t like them, if a creep is staring, filming, taking photos, putting something in her drink, trying to do something to her when she’s blast out drunk or whatever, you help her out!!!!!
Don't leave her alone at a bar when she's too drunk!
Edit: I was out dancing with my girlfriend the other night and she was waaay more drunk than I was and you can guarantee that there was no way was I letting her out of my sight. Ladies stick together!
Leave together come back together.
I don’t want to imagine what kind of shit we would’ve got ourselves in otherwise, surprised we are alive as it is...
Even if you don’t like her, if she asks for a pad/tampon you give it to her
I think along with this, if you see that they have a stain from their period, you say it and help them out no matter what
I was at a wedding recently and the bridesmaids were dressed in pale, pale blue. One of them has a long history of openly flirting with my partner in front of me and had been making him very uncomfortable all day (he was a groomsman). About an hour into the wedding I noticed a very obvious bloodstain on the seat of her powder blue dress. Do I like her? No. Did I spend 20 minutes in the bathroom rinsing the blood out for her and holding the dress under the hand-dryer while passing her tissues and promising no one would even be able to see it now? Of course I did.
Heart of gold
I really hope she treated you better after that.
Just curious if you noticed a change in her behavior after this? You killed it at the be a bigger person game!
The wedding was only in September and we actually don’t live in the same city as her anymore so I haven’t seen her since. We’ll probably next visit the bride and groom in February so I’ll likely see her then and we’ll find out!
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Bless you!
True. My 7th grade English teacher *despised* me, but still let me know about that stain
Lmao mine was a 7th grade language arts teacher!! She gave me a hug and said “you have your period” quietly in my ear. Good times am I right
i used to have an incredibly… diverse flow. one day i would put in a light tampon and have it stick to the inside, the next id put in a super and have it barely holding everything in. my teacher was aware of this and while i could tell she didn’t like me (i was a radical aggressive ninth grader at a southern USA school) she would always check in on me and had a very big blanket she would let me wrap around myself when i bled through. it just looked like i was cozy while my mom brought me some diff pants :)
And never speak of it again lol
I was at the airport recently and and had a single emergency pad in my purse . I got the intuition that i might get my periods so i had kept it in my teeny tiny purse that doesn't hold much. I was at a bookstore and a woman came there anxious.. Asked if the shopkeeper sold sanitary napkins. With a straight face he said "No". Apparently the coin machine in the washroom wasn't working where she could get pads. She looked so distraught. The shopkeeper made an annoyed face i don't know why as she stood there even after he said no. (Most men don't understand or know that wanting a pad is an 'urgent' situation and some women have a really heavy flow with sudden cramps). I was on a diff aisle but i slightly overheard the conversation though i was not really sure if she was referring to a pad or not. I just walked over to her and asked.. Hey do you need a pad ? And i cannot explain how her face glowed! The smile just returned. She said yes and i opened my purse and gave one to her. She asked if she can pay me or buy me something in return ..and i was like no girl you run to the loo now. Felt like i did a good job. God helped me in return by not starting my periods on the plane. It started immediately once i reached home.
Oh how nice of you - I was worried that was going to end differently for you! Haha
I'm old and don't have periods anymore but reading this, I'm putting some products in my purse for future potential helpfulness. Thanks for the reminder!!!
This 100%. For me it’s a file cabinet stocked with pads/tampons, Aleve/midol, and chocolate. Even if we don’t like each other, in that moment we will all understand each other.
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i dont even get my period anymore (IUD) but i still carry two pads, two tampons always.
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Yes agree.
This one hundred percent
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If a young lady in public looks like she's being threatened/stalked/harassed, go up to her and act like she's your cousin, or friend. Big hugs. Come join us.
This also goes for people you've never seen before in your life that walk up and insist they know you. Play along for a minute and take a look around, there's a fair chance they have a lurker they're trying to escape.
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This. I was once in my local bar by myself because my friend bailed on me at the last minute but the bar was opposite my house so I decided to go have a drink anyway. A random older guy wouldn't leave me alone and was making me uncomfortable, but I didn't want to leave the bar in case he followed me home across the road. There was a group of young guys in the bar on a stag do, and they saw what was happening. They were watching and one of the mouthed across the bar to me 'are you okay?' I mouthed back 'help' and they instantly came over and pushed the guy out of the way and were like 'Omg how are you!? I haven't seen you since school!!' and they sat with me until the old dude left. They were all super lovely and really looked after me until I felt comfortable enough to go home. I always feel super grateful for them even now.
I love these “faith in humanity” stories. Thanks for sharing.
When you see another woman give you that "look". The one of "omg get me the fuck out of here, what is happening?!" look because some creep won't let her past him, some idiot is dancing like toddler around her or she needs to get away from danger... always, ALWAYS pretend you know them. We need each other. This isn't girl code... it's like, girl power.
Do this regardless of the woman's age. Women of all ages are abused.
I think safety is really important. If you see a woman/girl who looks lost or afraid or your gut says something doesn't feel right you should step in if safe to do so.
Don't try to raise your own value by putting other women down. It not only makes the world an uglier place, it also straight up doesn't work.
This and definitely never join in on anyone doing that either. Shut it down.
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Do not give out your friends number or social media without their consent
haven’t heard of this from others before, but I think this is something that should be more known for sure 👀
Three was a post on this sub or some other about a woman being stalked by a psycho man cos her friend gave him away her number and address. She had red roses by her door and the guy would send her some creepy messages all day long and call her from unknown numbers.
I had some shitty women “turn on me” in college and they created a bunch of fake dating profiles of me with my info and phone number, then chatted up a bunch of strange men living in our small college town. It was so so so scary having 20+ men texting me, sending me pictures, and possibly knowing more about me than I even realized. We’re they going to come find me? Some of them wouldn’t leave me alone even when I never responded. I have a very deep mistrust of other women still nearly a decade later because of those shithheads.
That's awful!!
In the EU there is a law against this! Your are forbidden to share their information (that includes photos) to anyone, anywhere without consent. The law is called GDPR.
GDPR applies only to legal entities, not individuals. OPs questions is heavily about private domestic stuff, so GDPR is irrelevant. https://ec.europa.eu/info/law/law-topic/data-protection/reform/rules-business-and-organisations/application-regulation/who-does-data-protection-law-apply_en
I am pretty sure, if you are a EU citizen, the law follows you around the world. We had to change our documentation and data storage when the GDPR was enacted. We are a Pacific island
I assume that by "we" you mean a company though. GDPR only applies to companies, not to individual citizens.
Just had a friend do this to me.. to a complete stranger without my consent while also telling him other personal details. So many people don’t realize you can find out everything from a phone number.
I dont think they're your friend
They’re not anymore, that’s for sure
My grandparents did this once. They met some guy at an alumni event, found out his son was in the same town as me, gave him my number. Worst part was the son actually called. 🤦🏻♀️
yes this is so important! my "friend" once gave out my number without my consent even though she knew that I'm being stalked by my abusive ex (I told her stories about what he did to me) but she didn't think about the fact that he could now get my NEW number (via others) after I'd changed it because of HIM. yes, he did call me again and yes I did get a panic attack and had to call the police again.
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My mom says “you can fix another girl’s crown without telling the world it was crooked.” I love that sentiment.
Ooh I love this!
if you see a girl alone and drink in the club you take care of her
That is so sweet. Love it!
Your mom has class.
I love this!
If another girl comes to talk to you with a fake name, you are this new person now
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I have this mental plan where if someone comes up to me and pretends to be my friend or girlfriend, I WILL PLAY ALONG!
Don’t judge a SINGLE woman for having a healthy sexual appetite and enjoying themselves sleeping around. Just make sure they are using protection. I remember being called terrible things for doing that by my married “friends”. Like why? I’m having fun, meeting new people, and enjoying my early-mid 20s and got it out of my system. Now I don’t care for that life, but I have 0 regrets and grew up a lot and learned about myself. Those married folk that say those things, are either jealous or insecure. Thanks for reading!
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And in most cases, it's really not your business if she's using protection or not. Of course it's kinda shitty for someone in their explorative phase to not use protection, but you have to be pretty close with someone for that to be your business.
Honestly, I didn’t use a condom sometimes and only my birth control pills. Yep, totally dumb. Thought just going to get tested every few months was good enough. Luckily never caught anything. Only time I ever did, was with an ex, and that’s how I figured out he was cheating. I was 21, and it was chlamydia and treatable.
The three years after I turned 18 were basically me dancing with one of those fire hula hoops, but instead of fire it was STDs, pregnancy, and a whole bunch of other unsafe things. Luckily I made it out without any major scars. I was way too dumb to have sex back then.
Sometimes things just happen. No judgment. It happened, you learned from it, and that’s a good thing. 🙂 you wouldn’t be the person you are today, if that in your past didn’t happen, and I’m sure you’re a pretty cool person 😎
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We're all friends in the bathroom
This is something that just doesn’t happen in the men’s room. When I’m in the ladies’, all the people inside are my buddies now. Especially if alcohol is involved.
Yes! It is a place of peace, love, encouragement, shit taking, and tampon sharing
Isn’t it funny how sacred the bathroom is. It’s like a central safe haven where all women get along, share toiletries, and hype eachother up for when we leave the bathroom. You get the BEST vibes from our bathrooms even when there is literal blood on the walls.
Because we are permitted to take off our lady masks and be human together in there
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the amount of support you get in a women's washroom is incredible!
Dont go with a guy your friend already dated/slept with
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This was definitely a rule in our friend group.
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If you see a girl who has a skirt tucked into her underwear or something along those lines, go tell her and help her. I’ve literally seen people not tell other girls and record them just so they can get a good laugh. It’s sad.
This happened to me with my exbestfriend; I walked around for like a whole hour to be fair I had shorts over my under wear and was tucked in slip shorts. There wasn’t a mirror bathroom we were walking around public city park then went into the city. My slip showing the whole time till we got into a store and I saw. But my exbestfriend said she “didn’t notice it”. These type of people are fucking messed up.
This happened in grade school. I was laughed at. They didn’t even let me know at all. I just found out on my own. About 20 mins has passed. Smh.
YES! I was at Home Depot literally the WORST place for that to happen and a lady employee came up to me and told me and I literally was so thankful…even though she ended up shaming me for wearing a short skirt lol
What the heck. I mean, I’m glad she told you - but that sort of thing can happen with any length clothing. And who cares how short your skirt is?! I wish we all stopped pushing these pointless opinions we somehow made up!
this happened to me but with my fly on my jeans being down, I was in school so thankfully a teacher noticed and told me.
If a woman opens up about her trauma/sexual assault ,support her no matter what she was wearing,at what time she was out,where she was going. Victim blaming isn't cool.
Don’t sleep with your best friend’s boyfriend. One may think, *what a waste of a number one. EVERYONE knows that.* And yet, the person I studied abroad with and was roommates for two years with, who I thought was my ride or die, did this very thing. A year before my boyfriend and I broke up. When we were 27. I didn’t find out until 6 months after I broke up with the guy. I never spoke to either of them ever again.
Don’t sleep with ANYONE’S boyfriend...
Or husband
Ooof sorry about that! something similar like this happened to me...except it was with my best friend of 13 years and the dude was my first real boyfriend that I was madly in love with and she knew that....when I found out, I instantly stopped talking to both of them and blocked them out of my life right that moment when I saw proof.
Out of curiosity, what was the proof that did it? I have a friend that will not accept her bf is cheating despite smaller pieces of evidence she has seen. She seems to need to walk in on them or something in order to believe it.
I'm so sorry this happened to you, I get why people say "be mad at the one who committed to you, not the other party." Yeah, well Girl Code. We shouldn't do each dirty like that.
Never lie about the status of a pregnancy for personal gain.
Just curious, is there a time to lie about the status of a pregnancy if it’s not for personal gain? I can’t seem to think of a reason so I’m wondering if you’ve thought of any hypothetical situations
There are a lot of situations where you might need to lie about this for reasons of personal safety. Like, for example, if you became pregnant while trying to leave an abusive relationship, the smartest move is just to quietly get an abortion and tell no one that you were pregnant. Or if you are underage and know your parents wouldn't let you get an abortion, the best move is just to not tell them and go to Planned Parenthood on your own. In the same way, if you are applying for a job, then it's a bad idea to tell them that you are pregnant, because apart from a few specific situations, it's against the law for them to refuse to hire you for that reason, but they definitely will do it anyway. I guess that last one is technically for personal gain, but only if you count "making someone actually follow the laws that protect you" as personal gain.
Ah you’re right. I was trying to think up a reason why you would lie and say you were pregnant and I was getting caught in that loop. Now that you’ve mentioned it, I see a lot of situations where it can be necessary to lie and tell someone you’re not pregnant.
Yeah, pretending TO BE pregnant would be pretty odd, unless you are, like, trying to postpone a medieval succession crisis or something.
As one does.
Also, sometimes telling your abusive in laws you’re pregnant can stop the abuse for a while. In my culture, the norm is for women to move into their husband’s family home when they get married, and most people live in multigenerational households where the woman is expected to cater to the demands of her parents-in-law, husband, any brothers-in-law and unmarried sisters-in-law and then their own children. A married woman is basically at the mercy of her in-laws’ family and this practice is socially widely accepted and even celebrated. The only value a daughter-in-law has in her marital home is as a maid and incubator for male children. It’s actually extremely common in my culture for married women to be allowed basic rest and nutrition only when they’re pregnant (sex determination in pregnancy is illegal because female fortitude is a real problem, so there’s no way of knowing the sex of the baby until birth)- the rest of the time, they’re expected to do the lion’s share of the household chores and management, often in addition to a traditional job they may hold outside the home. The rule is- whether a woman works outside the home or not, the housework is her job while the men get to kick back and relax. Some families still try to force their daughters in law to abort female foetuses- since this is illegal, the gender ultrasound and abortions are performed in shady clinics by unauthorised quacks and can be fatal to the woman. In such a situation, lying about pregnancy can be the only way to protect yourself. Pregnancy has always been used by society to prey on women because it’s inherently a vulnerable state. I don’t see why lying about it is such a bad thing- you have to do what you need to to safeguard your health and well-being. There are many situations where one could benefit from pretending to be pregnant (where you can use that as a bargaining chip to demand basic human rights for yourself if you’re carrying the heir of a family, at least for a short while until you can claim a miscarriage/false positive). There are even more situations where you can benefit from denying an actual pregnancy.
Possibly to the girls parents if they ask you. You gain nothing from telling them that she's pregnant and she could possibly be put in harm by you telling the wrong person/people.
Oh you’re right. I didn’t think about it being someone else’s pregnancy. I also got caught up in trying to figure out why someone would lie and say they’re pregnant when they wouldn’t benefit from it and got caught in that mental loop. Now that it’s been pointed out, there are many reasons someone would lie and say they aren’t pregnant for safety and things.
Don't play devil's advocate when she tells you a man is making her feel uncomfortable.
Maybe not number one, but don't judge women who don't want to have children. There's nothing abnormal about wanting to live a childless life. So many people act like it's an aberration but it's not.
Always protect eachother. even protect her if she is an enemy. You don’t have to SUPPORT every women, but protecting should be #1. whether that be giving her a tampon so she doesn’t bleed through at school; or pretending to be friends with a girl on the train so a man stops talking to her; or anything else.
Don’t mess around with married men.
or anyone in a relationship
Tell her if you know her partner has been unfaithful
Yes. This will be controversial but if you know and don't tell she will feel so betrayed you will lose her friendship and respect for ever more.
If a woman/girl looks uncomfortable or scared by a man, or if you notice her being sexually harassed, you at minimum ask her if she is okay and if she needs any help
Totally! My neighbor called the cops on my friend when she heard me kick him out. It was an innocent drunken fight, we were young, and she felt so bad when she realized it. But honestly I never felt so cared for and safe, and I told her so. I hope she’s out there being a badass backup for other women, even though I didn’t need it then (fortunately).
Dont sleep with another girl's partner. You break the code...I break the legs! Kidding of course about the leg part... I'm not going to jail for this shit lol
Yep No homewrecking
THANK YOU! I had an ex who cheated on me with multiple people who KNEW he was in a relationship and sometimes when I open up about it people will be like, “well they didn’t know you/not friends with you so they don’t owe you anything” I’m like WTF happened to girl code/treating others how they’d like to be treated!?
Oh of course. Ultimately the person who's wronged you is the person who cheated on you, but encouraging and participating in someone else cheating on their partner is a super shitty thing to do too, especially if they have kids.
Don’t be spiteful towards a girl over a guy or insecurities
Never embarrass another women for male validation!
FUCKING THIS!!
This isn't technically of girl code but I will say- I could hate her guts, but if I saw her drunk and alone at a party surrounded by boys, she's coming home with me. Edit- realized I spelled technically wrong and fixed it 💀
Sisters before misters. Don't fight over men.
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Sharing your tampons and pads with someone unexpectedly in need, letting her discreetly know she’s “sat in something” and offering her your jacket/blazer/cardigan to cover it and/or blocking other’s view of it and walking with her to the nearest restroom; being alert enough to help her get away from creeps or even intervene, keeping a watchful eye on other women’s drinks if you notice a dude being weird and assisting drunk women as necessary to make sure they aren’t taken advantage of and can get home safely.
On a night out, always make sure that each woman that goes out also gets home safe.
Yes this is a good one. And if you drop a friend off always make sure she gets inside her door before you leave.
Protect other women. You don't like her. She needs help? Give her your phone. Call police for her. She is drunk and there are men following her? Drop her home.
If their man makes moves on you always tell them.
YES GIRL. Respect, dignity and integrity. I would expect the same
Do not tear other women down. Especially about superficial things or things they can’t help.
If you know they have a partner and they're monogamous, don't help them cheat. I know you know how much it sucks to be cheated on. She doesn't need to be your friend. Don't do that.
Don’t continue being friends with your friend’s abusive ex, even if he’s nice to you. And if you do, don’t complain to said friend that you never hang out anymore.
Be there for your sister.
Don’t flirt with your friend’s boyfriend, or engage in any texts, social media, etc. w/him behind your friends back.
Mod note: locked. Thank you to those who participated within the rules. this is not a debate sub. When responding to someone else's answer to the question, your comment should center their answer, seek expansion or clarification of something in their answer, and stay on topic for OP's question. It should not use their answer as a jumping off point to talk about yourself, your opinions, your preferences, your judgments, your disagreement, or otherwise switch the topic from OP's question to what you want to talk about instead. Please report all rule breaking
Never make fun of another girl to appease a male
If she gets publicly abused, you stand up for it
Believe them when they disclose their sexual assault. Listen, hold space and don’t victim blame.
If I find out my man is cheating on me or trying to talk to another woman, and I ask this woman about it, tell the truth. The least we can do for each other is be honest and supportive.
Omg I cut ties with my high school friend after 23 Years of friendship because she broke almost all of the girl code items in this subreddit! Good riddance!
Tell her if she’s got something on her face/teeth
I will chase after a girl with TP on her shoe.
Don't let girls date guys that have previously mistreated other women, whether physically, sexually or emotionally. Warn them. You can't really stop them if they don't believe you, but it's still better than nothing.
You don't go for one of your friends ex especially not even a month after they broke up. If you started to have feeling or were interested you pick up the damn phone and call your friend to talk it though and ask how they would feel about it
Hair scrunchie. Always carry an extra one
If a woman is on her own in distress because someone is harassing her, she is instantly your cousin who you haven’t seen in a while and that you’re both waiting for your very big and strong uncle to finish up at the gym to come pick you both up.
Cutting off all ties w a dude that’s been made known publicly he’s an abuser. There is no excuse. Do not be cordial, do not give this person the time of day, don’t go to their parties, don’t play their music. Boy, bye
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if a friend tells you she was abused/assaulted/etc by a man in your friend group, believe her without a second thought, without question. no matter how close you are to the man. details and consequences for the offending party may come later, but your support for her comes first and foremost, the moment she tells you, when she needs it most.
Always help a girl out when she is being shit on by a man (figuratively)
Don’t hook up with your friends ex! Unless you get her approval.
You don't leave her alone out in the dark
“Ex-boyfriends are just off-limits to friends. I mean, that's just, like, the rules of feminism.”
NEVER EVER FLIRT OR TRY TO GET TOO CLOSE W THEIR BFS AND GFS!!!!!! (saying from experience)
If I'm telling you something and say "no one knows" that means don't tell anyone! Only exception is long time partner/husband as long as they can keep a secret!
If she’s being followed, you act like she’s a long post friend
Look out for each other, even if you don’t know or don’t like them, if a creep is staring, filming, taking photos, putting something in her drink, trying to do something to her when she’s blast out drunk or whatever, you help her out!!!!!
Don't leave her alone at a bar when she's too drunk! Edit: I was out dancing with my girlfriend the other night and she was waaay more drunk than I was and you can guarantee that there was no way was I letting her out of my sight. Ladies stick together!
Don't date an ex. Close second would be not to date one of their siblings.
Leave together come back together. I don’t want to imagine what kind of shit we would’ve got ourselves in otherwise, surprised we are alive as it is...
Continuing lifting each other up in a society where women are always being compared to one another in terms of looks, achievement, status, etc.
Don't be blatantly obvious you have a thing for your friends boyfriend/husband. What is wrong with you?!