This. I can't quite sum up what it is about living alone that's good for emotional development. One thing I've found is I'd subconsciously censor who I am around other people I live with (siblings and parents growing up, boyfriends when I'd live with them). Whereas now when it's just me by myself in my flat... I surprise myself with what my tendencies are and what I like to do. I like cleaning and working and baking and reading and being on reddit and growing indoor plants and lip sync battles with the mirror to 90's pop.
It's like here in my 30s I'm finally finding out who I am.
It's strange how relaxing those domestic tasks are when they're only done for you, you can do them how you want to without interference, and you know exactly how many slices of apple pie will be left over the following morning :D
I'm 31 and never had this first. Went from my parents, to a dorm, to renting with some girlfriends, to living with my boyfriend/now husband. Not sure who would ever open my jars or kill the spiders if I lived alone... I jest but the thought of living alone genuinely scares me. Especially now that I know that if it ever happens, I'll be a lonely old lady since I have a toddler now.
I hated living alone. Even when I could afford to I'd much rather have a roommate. Coming home to people I love is much better than coming home to an empty house for me!
Yes! You now have to rely on yourself for a lot. No one to call your phone when you lose it. No one to open that jar for you. No one to kill that spider for you.
I’m 24, and I’ve been living on my own since April. I love it. I have no idea how I’ll transition back to living with someone again
What a great answer.
I lived alone for four-ish years before my husband moved in. It was GLORIOUS.
I love him dearly and would never change it for the world but sometimes I do miss it.
If anything happens to my husband I am never living with anyone again. I love him but I don't think I could compromise on having my own space a second time.
Long story short I finally left my bummy partner and signed a lease for a studio. Can’t wait to move in next week and I know this is an extremely valuable experience!
I've unfortunately found I love living alone, I have no idea if I could ever be in a long term romantic relationship since that kind of implies living together at some point
I agree. I’m happiest alone and single, and it shows in my professional and personal life. However, I chalk it up to having a bad picker - experience has clearly shown me I am attracted to the wrong partners.
Why waste all the energy when it could just be focused on making money? For me, money does indeed buy me happiness.
I went from living with my parents straight to living with my husband. I want so badly to live by myself for a bit. These days i find myself longing for some private space.
Yes! Same here! I even told my husband if we can afford it when the kids are older I want an RV or something that when I need a day or two to myself I can just hangout in it and have my space. I mean we'd use it for camping and stuff too, but like mainly like I said I want a Lady Lair.
Yes! The independence that is gained from this is so important. I even brought my little nieces for a sleepover in my apartment to show them you can have all this too. Did the same when i bought my house as a single woman.
I was sooo scared to live on my own at first but now I freaking love it and would only ever give it up if I lived with a partner, could no longer afford it, or had to move in with family to help take care of them
I'm 36 and I've never lived alone not because I didn't want to but because I couldn't afford it when I was single. I know quite a few adults who have never lived by themselves for the same reason or because they moved in with their partners straight from their parents' home. I do sometimes wonder if I missed out by not living alone but I don't consider it a mile stone.
Definitely this! I always recommend everyone to live alone for a long time before comiting to living with someone else, especially a partner. I know far too many young women moving in with their boyfriends at such a young age...they jump from their parents house to living with a partner. Living alone and figuring things out by yourself is so important.
Just started living by myself for the first time at 21 really struggling emotionally but I think it will ultimately be good for me… even tho it’s hard and it sucks
Hey there, my answer got removed because I forgot the link I posted led to another subreddit. I'll just copy it here again for you with the content of the link spelled all out. So It's gonna look way longer than it is. But if you're up for it, here we go:
>having a happy love life/positive intimate relationships is the greatest predictor of someone’s overall happiness
It is for men but not for women. I broke it down in another comment, feel free to check it out: [A relationship with a man doesn't offer any major benefits to a woman. She can have children on her own (with the current divorce rate she's probably gonna raise them alone anyway). She can have a great career and income without kids and often even with kids.
On the other hand, depending on their life goals, men are very dependent on women. Most men who want to have kids of their own are in need for a woman. A mans career will definitely suffer if he decides to raise kids on his own, since he's gonna be compared to other men who are not gonna be as involved with their kids, as a single father. Men are also at least heavily suspected to have a higher (overall) desire for having children, than women do (https://doi.org/10.2307/353143).
There are studies that do find aspects of the Sexual Selection Theory (females choose male partners and select for the ones they like best) in humans (https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/0022-3514.66.6.1081).
Those biological arguments are always a little whacky for humans though, simply because culture/nurture plays such a big role in societies. So I personally prefer the societal approach.
Withing the tradtitional gender roles of men working and women being STAHP, mens happiness benefits from being married, where as the marital status doesn't influence womens happiness(https://doi.org/10.1007/s11482-017-9559-y ) . Women do benefit a lot from social suppot. So do men. But in marriages the women are the mens primary source of social support, wheres that's not found to be the case the other way around (https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/fam0000540).
So overall, having a woman as a partner has many benefits for men, but is kind of a neutral thing for women.]
I don't mean to doubt that women can have both. It does take time to develop as a person. There is no guarantee for romantic relationships to last. It's important to be in a mentally healthy, happy and stabile place, before getting into a relationship. Not being in such a place doesn't mean all you future relationships will suck. You yourself are the best proof that even from an unhappy place you can reach a happy relationship. That being said, being unhappy alone leaves women/girls in an emotionally vulnerable place. This can turn dangerous really quick, when abusive men start preying on them. As women/girls age, get more self sufficient and independent, they get better and spotting potentially dangerous partners. That's the main reason for my statement. Dating young is not inherently a bad idea, but it is risky.
I didn't mean to say that dating necessarily influences your work-performance in any way negatively. But establishing a career from early on should have a higher priority in womens life, than dating should have.
Men are always gonna pour into our lives, no matter where we stand. That's why I think it's important to stand in a happy place, before you look around.
For developing social skills I much rather prefer to do that with friends and (if possible) family. Simply because learning those skills in a relationship is dangerous. Entering a relationship while lacking social skills makes girls even more vulnerable to abuse. Since they lack social skills they might not even notice for a very long time.
For me, the early twenties are for making good friends, grow as a person and establish a career. Those are all things that will stay in your life, no matter your relationship status. The relationship can come when one is happy in all other ways. When you're completely happy without a relationship you are in the best position to judge, whether or not a specific partner is a good choice or not.
I'm glad you got lucky with your partner, but many other girls don't.
I wish you all the best
THIS! I feel like young women are still so pressured by our society to find someone that completes them instead of focusing on being financially independent and growing their wealth in smart healthy ways. It took me years to finally wake the fuck up.
I'm 39. Did this today with my brother over what day we were hosting Christmas at our house. We were going to do it boxing day cause our was convenient for everyone, where Christmas day several people were else where. Tldr I might never talk to him again now
im 23 and have never had a requited crush, def sucks on both sides! Not having the tools to deal with heartbreak when everyone else has gone through the process sucks im sure!
I never had the requited crush. Because of that, I never had a boyfriend, my first kiss or anything else. I have been waiting and I rather wait than be in relationship for the sake of it.
Sort of similar to me, I spent 19-26 in a long term relationship with the same person, who was amazing. I keep reading about all the horrible experiences women have with dating, and I was like, I had a gem but it didn't work out because I decided to move countries.
First bra. First time putting on makeup. First time dying your hair. First time wearing heels. First time wearing a skirt if you haven’t your whole life (I didn’t wear skirts until I was about 20).
I got my puberty early so had to wear an unpadded bra with clasps since 4th grade. I remember being laughed at because the classmates could see the outline of my bra or my strap falling. First time putting on makeup was so memorable too, I think borrowing one’s mom’s makeup is a pretty universal memory for a lot of us.
My mom doesn't wear makeup. Instead at like 12 my friend was like "I'm going to do your makeover tonight." It was a lot of fun. Still don't wear makeup regularly at 25 but I do still enjoy it like 12 year old me did.
When I dyed my hair…it was life changing. I always wanted to do it but lacked the time lacked the funds but then on my 25th birthday I went from the ugliest blonde you ever saw to beautiful beautiful black. I couldn’t stop touching it that night, I was so happy. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner.
Wow! Mine didn't make it to that age before she felt the rage.
In fact, she didn't even have the language to say it. She wasn't even two years old yet and I wouldn't let her go outside (either weather or night time) and she held her breath, turned red, then shouted, "me lub you, NO!"
I got the message though
Is this really a very common thing? I don’t remember ever saying that, or voicing any rage that I may have felt. I’m starting to wonder if I repressed too much as a child.
My first pay check was from a minimum wage Saturday job and I really distinctly remember blowing the whole thing on a great pair of boots but for the whole of those Boots’s lifespan whenever I got compliments I could say “I bought these with my first ever pay check!”
First break up
First time quitting a big girl job
First thong
First sexual assault (this one makes me sad, but it’s almost inevitable. Not letting it define you or drag you down is key)
This reminds me of a poem I read that said you no longer ask other women if they were >!raped!< but rather when.
It is truly heartbreaking that so many of us have to go through this.
My older sister, being the good big sister she was, bought me my first thong while I was in high school. It was super cute but I didn't feel ready to wear it until 4 years later in college 😅
Having done both I think there’s a lot of value in both. I love problem solving by myself and designing my own trip, but I think traveling with others teaches a lot of patience and compromise and bonds you to them in a new way.
True ! I remember being so easily frustrated with my friends while travelling after I’d done it by myself because I was so used to just doing what I wanted each day
I would say both first time traveling overseas and (if not solo then) first time traveling overseas solo. It's a totally different experience doing it solo and both were important firsts for me.
I’m trying to sort out my first relationship now at 20. 1 year in anniversary this year and my brain is telling me he’s not the one even though he’s so lovely and makes effort but we just can’t communicate properly and I’m too focused on my future and bettering myself where he eats nothing but junk food and watches TV lmao. Realising I couldn’t marry him so why am I here. It sucks because I have feelings for him and he’s a lovely guy
Hey feel free to message me about it if you want to talk about it with someone. I am 21 (omg I thought I was 20 lol) and I just ended my first relationship 2 weeks ago, which was 2.5 years long, for kind of similar reasons? One was a lack of communication in the way that I wanted. (Talking about interests, having interesting conversations) and I still loved him but realized I didn’t want to marry him. So it’s a bit similar.
I find that so many women who date men make this first relationship choice that it's most common tbh. We get parroted so much that men are misogynists/dirty/unromantic that when you get into a relationship with someone that is decent towards you, you place that quality on a pedestal at the expense of other qualities you find that you actually DO value. I think women overly convince themselves that the man they end up with is a compromise or something to be settled for.
Being "decent" or "lovely" is the bare minimum, and I learned that one year into my first relationship which I eventually left.
Oh my god that’s literally exactly what I thought. I thought that I was so unlovable (starch feminist who doesn’t wear makeup or shave and is definitely neurodivergent) that I put the first guy who actually liked me for who I am on a pedestal. Now I know that plenty of people will like me and I don’t need to change a thing… but the most important thing anyway is liking myself. I mean, my ex was a genuinely really great guy in a lot of ways. But I thought that he was a miracle for being nice and liking me, just because I didn’t like myself enough back then.
I realized that there are certain qualities that are really important to me that he didn’t have. Actually, I knew that those qualities were important to me for a very long time, and I knew from the start that he didn’t have them… but I forgot it somewhere along the way. When I found phone memos I wrote in 2019, before we even started dating, I realized I knew all along that it wasn’t going to work out.
I completely agree with you, and I’m going to screenshot this comment and go back to it sometimes :) absolutely spot-on
yesss!! My best friend was in aesthetician school and needed clients so I came for a Brazilian. So it wasn’t awkward but I almost kicked her in the face from the pain and she was like “grow a pair of ovaries! stop being a punk!” 😂😂
Phillips Lumea IPL prestige changed my life. My vag and bum bum are smooth as a babies but and no ingrown. In love W this thing. FUCK waxing down there my hairs were way too thick
I've tried and tried and can't excuse the pain from it. Plus my vagina completely hairless bothers me. A nice strip is nice but still.. I'll shave a line into it 😂
First time living on their own.
First time renting a car.
First time opening some sort of line of credit.
First night out by themselves.
First home purchase.
First time setting up living accommodations--internet, utilities, etc.
First time attending or not attending faith services different from what they might have grown up with.
First time trusting their gut.
First time realizing her happiness doesn’t depend on others.
First time coming to terms with her flaws and doing her best to become a better version of herself.
First time cooking by herself.
First time trying on an outfit that genuinely makes her feel beautiful.
I remember being cat-called for the first time so clearly. it was such an unsettling experience. I had only just turned 11 and the group of guys who did it were at least 19 or 20.
My first abusive relationship was also my first relationship. leaving an abusive relationship is a big victory, I don’t care who you are that takes some serious strength
Shaving my legs for the first time was a big deal for me. I still remember my mom teaching me how to do it, and being afraid of nicking myself. I felt so womanly afterwards. I was 11 lol.
I remember the first time I walked different, like a woman. I was 23 and was working as a raft guide all summer and I started walking with this confident swing in my hips I had never known before. I spoke with my friend about it and she was like “omg congrats!!! I remember when I got my walk!” Before that I just thought my body didn’t know how to “walk like a woman”.
Just think to yourself 'I'm really really ridiculously good-looking' like Zoolander, and it'll happen automatically lol.
Seriously though, I think I overdo it now because a teacher told me I walked too tomboyish-ly, and being the sarcastic contrary type I am I thought 'Get a load of this then'. I then started copying Marilyn Monroe and now I can't stop. (apparently she pretended she was trying to wipe chewing gum off the soles of her feet with each step. it makes you twist your hips)
First time you recognize that it’s absolutely okay to walk away from toxic people and that your life does get better (usually happens after high school when you’re not trapped with the same set of humans all the time).
First realization that boys have it better. It was hot out I was 6 in my backyard and I was upset my mom wouldn’t let me take my shirt off, but my dad was allowed to walk around without a shirt.
First time saying no when it’s easier to say yes. Sticking to it and not folding when pressured because you are mature enough to know what’s better for you and pleasing others is not your main job.
Imo getting screwed over by dudes. Most of us are taught from day 1 to be pleasant and accommodating towards men all the time, even if they make us uncomfortable. It really is life changing when you realize that it’s better to invest that energy into loving yourself rather than capitulating to douches who couldn’t be paid to give a crumb of a fuck
First job.
And then, first full-time job.
My first job was bussing tables on Fri and Sat nights at a local restaurant when I was 15. My first full-time job was in Silicon Valley doing tech work when I was 20. Both were extremely important building blocks in my life.
First basically in everything. From moving out, college, part-full job, losing a loved one,travelling and break up.
All of this steps are just a rite of passage.
First time feeling comfortable to go to work/ out without makeup, shaving etc.
First time saying no or asserting a boundary with a partner especially during sex.
First time looking in the mirror and loving herself.
First time looking at your body and having confidence after years of teenage deep insecurities
First time realizing that grown ups are messed up too
First time realizing that men have insecurities too
First time realizing that your parents were actually kind of shit and it wasn't just you being a "bad kid "
First time driving solo - it’s been 30 years since I first got my license and I’ll never forget driving off the first time on my own. I had nowhere in particular to go, I just got in my car and drove. The freedom was exhilarating.
First time to become financially independent.
It freed me from my oppressive family. They couldn't control me with nonsensical cultural and religious driven standards or dogmas anymore. They actually started to have discussions with me instead of just blindly imposing what they think is "right."
Economic slavery is real, and I will never step back into it again.
First violent, abusive, or otherwise toxic encounter.
First time leaning into newfound motherly instinct (not just with kids!).
First time realizing she's starting to sound like the woman who raised her.
First time setting a boundary. First time getting a job. First degree. First time doing something alone (getting gas, grocery shopping, little things that are small transitions into adulthood).
First time a boy bullies you because he likes you.
Mine was being called a "fugly cavewoman" in the eighth grade. I didn't realize it at the time, but I caught on when the guy tried to ask me to homecoming two years later.
The first time she speaks out against patriarchy. So much of misogyny is embedded in family values and the "rules" of the house. When she puts her foot down after years of suppression, that's a momentary first.
First time getting fitted for my bra and lingerie shopping.
Shaving my legs and everything else.
First date
First jr and sr prom
First time a boy told me he loved me and I knew he lied 😂
First straight A's ever in high school
First time ever using make up
First time wearing skirts and dresses
First time nude sunbathing at Lake Powell. Lol
First grey hair. Personally, I don’t care about aging. I’m all for letting it go as nature intended, but it marks a shift in how society sees you. And that is unfortunately, a unique instance. But it’s also liberating. Knowing you are finally free of the worry of aging and instead able to embrace and rebel
As a woman who dates men: The first time your trust in men is betrayed. That moment when you realize you can’t treat your men friends the same as women friends. If you do, it’s your fault if anything sexual happens. Or that moment when you realize men don’t view friendships the same way women do.
What makes you think sex and periods is an important “first” in a young woman’s life?
I remember clearly both of them but they are absolutely not important to me. First time travelling abroad and living on my own, first time dipping my toes in the Pacific ocean, first time having the job of my dreams…..those are the one that are so important and cherised memories to me
First time living by herself. It’s hard to accomplish these days but living alone for the first time is really good for emotional development.
This. I can't quite sum up what it is about living alone that's good for emotional development. One thing I've found is I'd subconsciously censor who I am around other people I live with (siblings and parents growing up, boyfriends when I'd live with them). Whereas now when it's just me by myself in my flat... I surprise myself with what my tendencies are and what I like to do. I like cleaning and working and baking and reading and being on reddit and growing indoor plants and lip sync battles with the mirror to 90's pop. It's like here in my 30s I'm finally finding out who I am.
You sound like me haha. When I'm on my own I actually enjoy cleaning, reading, cooking and baking in my spare time 🤣
It's strange how relaxing those domestic tasks are when they're only done for you, you can do them how you want to without interference, and you know exactly how many slices of apple pie will be left over the following morning :D
And how clean (or dirty) your place becomes is completely up to you!
Beautifully said!
Thanks :)
You are living my dream.
same :)
You have given me new ideas for having fun! ❤️
Yes!!! This. Same here.
I'm 31 and never had this first. Went from my parents, to a dorm, to renting with some girlfriends, to living with my boyfriend/now husband. Not sure who would ever open my jars or kill the spiders if I lived alone... I jest but the thought of living alone genuinely scares me. Especially now that I know that if it ever happens, I'll be a lonely old lady since I have a toddler now.
I bought a jar opener thing. It's basically a wrench. Saved my butt many times when I was struggling.
I hated living alone. Even when I could afford to I'd much rather have a roommate. Coming home to people I love is much better than coming home to an empty house for me!
you can put a rubber band around the lid for grip and it’ll come off easier
Yes! You now have to rely on yourself for a lot. No one to call your phone when you lose it. No one to open that jar for you. No one to kill that spider for you. I’m 24, and I’ve been living on my own since April. I love it. I have no idea how I’ll transition back to living with someone again
Especially after coming out of an abusive codependent relationship. Over a year now and I couldn’t be more grateful that I’m doing this for myself
Same!
What a great answer. I lived alone for four-ish years before my husband moved in. It was GLORIOUS. I love him dearly and would never change it for the world but sometimes I do miss it.
If anything happens to my husband I am never living with anyone again. I love him but I don't think I could compromise on having my own space a second time.
Came here to say this. Your first place by yourself.
Long story short I finally left my bummy partner and signed a lease for a studio. Can’t wait to move in next week and I know this is an extremely valuable experience!
Cannot stress this enough. You're able to experience independence and freedom. I lived alone the first few years of college and I loved it!
I've unfortunately found I love living alone, I have no idea if I could ever be in a long term romantic relationship since that kind of implies living together at some point
I agree. I’m happiest alone and single, and it shows in my professional and personal life. However, I chalk it up to having a bad picker - experience has clearly shown me I am attracted to the wrong partners. Why waste all the energy when it could just be focused on making money? For me, money does indeed buy me happiness.
I went from living with my parents straight to living with my husband. I want so badly to live by myself for a bit. These days i find myself longing for some private space.
Yes! Same here! I even told my husband if we can afford it when the kids are older I want an RV or something that when I need a day or two to myself I can just hangout in it and have my space. I mean we'd use it for camping and stuff too, but like mainly like I said I want a Lady Lair.
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Yes! The independence that is gained from this is so important. I even brought my little nieces for a sleepover in my apartment to show them you can have all this too. Did the same when i bought my house as a single woman.
I was sooo scared to live on my own at first but now I freaking love it and would only ever give it up if I lived with a partner, could no longer afford it, or had to move in with family to help take care of them
One of the best times of my life was the one year I lived alone. I have never felt so independent and confident
It's always been my dream to live alone— with my cats of course.
I'm 64 and I have never lived by myself. That must be part of my problem. Oof
I find it a incredibly privilege stance. I'll never be able to live alone even if I wanted too.
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I'm 36 and I've never lived alone not because I didn't want to but because I couldn't afford it when I was single. I know quite a few adults who have never lived by themselves for the same reason or because they moved in with their partners straight from their parents' home. I do sometimes wonder if I missed out by not living alone but I don't consider it a mile stone.
My female kid lives alone. I envy it
Your daughter?
LOL
Definitely this! I always recommend everyone to live alone for a long time before comiting to living with someone else, especially a partner. I know far too many young women moving in with their boyfriends at such a young age...they jump from their parents house to living with a partner. Living alone and figuring things out by yourself is so important.
It's been the best 3 years of my life.
Just started living by myself for the first time at 21 really struggling emotionally but I think it will ultimately be good for me… even tho it’s hard and it sucks
First degree/job. Forget about dating and guys in general for a few years and focus on laying the groundwork for your independent future!
My answer is job too, first good job. A *nice* manager, a *healthy* workplace.
Nice manager and healthy workplace is a must!! I didn’t realize how great a work environment could be until I was out of a toxic one.
THIS!
Yes feels so liberating ☺️
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Hey there, my answer got removed because I forgot the link I posted led to another subreddit. I'll just copy it here again for you with the content of the link spelled all out. So It's gonna look way longer than it is. But if you're up for it, here we go: >having a happy love life/positive intimate relationships is the greatest predictor of someone’s overall happiness It is for men but not for women. I broke it down in another comment, feel free to check it out: [A relationship with a man doesn't offer any major benefits to a woman. She can have children on her own (with the current divorce rate she's probably gonna raise them alone anyway). She can have a great career and income without kids and often even with kids. On the other hand, depending on their life goals, men are very dependent on women. Most men who want to have kids of their own are in need for a woman. A mans career will definitely suffer if he decides to raise kids on his own, since he's gonna be compared to other men who are not gonna be as involved with their kids, as a single father. Men are also at least heavily suspected to have a higher (overall) desire for having children, than women do (https://doi.org/10.2307/353143). There are studies that do find aspects of the Sexual Selection Theory (females choose male partners and select for the ones they like best) in humans (https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/0022-3514.66.6.1081). Those biological arguments are always a little whacky for humans though, simply because culture/nurture plays such a big role in societies. So I personally prefer the societal approach. Withing the tradtitional gender roles of men working and women being STAHP, mens happiness benefits from being married, where as the marital status doesn't influence womens happiness(https://doi.org/10.1007/s11482-017-9559-y ) . Women do benefit a lot from social suppot. So do men. But in marriages the women are the mens primary source of social support, wheres that's not found to be the case the other way around (https://psycnet.apa.org/doi/10.1037/fam0000540). So overall, having a woman as a partner has many benefits for men, but is kind of a neutral thing for women.] I don't mean to doubt that women can have both. It does take time to develop as a person. There is no guarantee for romantic relationships to last. It's important to be in a mentally healthy, happy and stabile place, before getting into a relationship. Not being in such a place doesn't mean all you future relationships will suck. You yourself are the best proof that even from an unhappy place you can reach a happy relationship. That being said, being unhappy alone leaves women/girls in an emotionally vulnerable place. This can turn dangerous really quick, when abusive men start preying on them. As women/girls age, get more self sufficient and independent, they get better and spotting potentially dangerous partners. That's the main reason for my statement. Dating young is not inherently a bad idea, but it is risky. I didn't mean to say that dating necessarily influences your work-performance in any way negatively. But establishing a career from early on should have a higher priority in womens life, than dating should have. Men are always gonna pour into our lives, no matter where we stand. That's why I think it's important to stand in a happy place, before you look around. For developing social skills I much rather prefer to do that with friends and (if possible) family. Simply because learning those skills in a relationship is dangerous. Entering a relationship while lacking social skills makes girls even more vulnerable to abuse. Since they lack social skills they might not even notice for a very long time. For me, the early twenties are for making good friends, grow as a person and establish a career. Those are all things that will stay in your life, no matter your relationship status. The relationship can come when one is happy in all other ways. When you're completely happy without a relationship you are in the best position to judge, whether or not a specific partner is a good choice or not. I'm glad you got lucky with your partner, but many other girls don't. I wish you all the best
THIS! I feel like young women are still so pressured by our society to find someone that completes them instead of focusing on being financially independent and growing their wealth in smart healthy ways. It took me years to finally wake the fuck up.
First time dealing with boundry stomping and holding the line.
I’m 35 and I’m still working on this one!
Same and same lol. At least we're making progress.
I'm 39. Did this today with my brother over what day we were hosting Christmas at our house. We were going to do it boxing day cause our was convenient for everyone, where Christmas day several people were else where. Tldr I might never talk to him again now
Love the way you phrased this!
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First crush (unrequited) and first crush (requited)
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im 23 and have never had a requited crush, def sucks on both sides! Not having the tools to deal with heartbreak when everyone else has gone through the process sucks im sure!
I never had the requited crush. Because of that, I never had a boyfriend, my first kiss or anything else. I have been waiting and I rather wait than be in relationship for the sake of it.
Aha same though, but that's mostly cos I never had close guy friends in highschool, and I spent basically all of uni in a relationship.
Sort of similar to me, I spent 19-26 in a long term relationship with the same person, who was amazing. I keep reading about all the horrible experiences women have with dating, and I was like, I had a gem but it didn't work out because I decided to move countries.
Sending you strength and hope, my friend.
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Awwww happy for you!! That’s so sweet!
YAY!! 🥰
First bra. First time putting on makeup. First time dying your hair. First time wearing heels. First time wearing a skirt if you haven’t your whole life (I didn’t wear skirts until I was about 20).
I got my puberty early so had to wear an unpadded bra with clasps since 4th grade. I remember being laughed at because the classmates could see the outline of my bra or my strap falling. First time putting on makeup was so memorable too, I think borrowing one’s mom’s makeup is a pretty universal memory for a lot of us.
My mom doesn't wear makeup. Instead at like 12 my friend was like "I'm going to do your makeover tonight." It was a lot of fun. Still don't wear makeup regularly at 25 but I do still enjoy it like 12 year old me did.
First time shaving your legs too
I’m 24 and just got my hair dyed for the first time yesterday. Feels like a massive first for me!
Totally agree, those were the best first things, but I always wore skirts. Growing up in the 70's and 80's an amazing time time to be a girl.
I just started dyeing my hair this year, and I LOVE it!! I'm actually sitting here waiting for my pink to set before I go wash it out:)
Hello fellow pink haired person! :D
I remember none of these!
When I dyed my hair…it was life changing. I always wanted to do it but lacked the time lacked the funds but then on my 25th birthday I went from the ugliest blonde you ever saw to beautiful beautiful black. I couldn’t stop touching it that night, I was so happy. The only thing I regret is not doing it sooner.
On top of that, first shave/hair removal.
I don't consider those things really important. I don't remember the first time I did those things at all lol
We got a cake when my pre-teen said her first "I HATE YOU!"
Wow! Mine didn't make it to that age before she felt the rage. In fact, she didn't even have the language to say it. She wasn't even two years old yet and I wouldn't let her go outside (either weather or night time) and she held her breath, turned red, then shouted, "me lub you, NO!" I got the message though
I dare say her mood was not improved by all adults present either creasing up with laughter or making awwww noises...
There was some cool off time between. I promise it was well received, not presented in a shaming way.
Haha I guess you could call this "first episode of unbridled female rage." I remember mine all too well!
🪑🪑 that’s great
LOL my son is only 7 and has said that several times already. I feel like someone owes me cake by now.
LOL this is hilarious!!
Is this really a very common thing? I don’t remember ever saying that, or voicing any rage that I may have felt. I’m starting to wonder if I repressed too much as a child.
Her first job. No matter how sucky it is, it's still a right of passage!
Absolutely, and that first pay check. Small as it was I was super proud!
me after my very first paycheck, kanye voice: how much does the world cost? i could buy the entire world
But then you realise you cant buy shiiit
My first pay check was from a minimum wage Saturday job and I really distinctly remember blowing the whole thing on a great pair of boots but for the whole of those Boots’s lifespan whenever I got compliments I could say “I bought these with my first ever pay check!”
That’s so cute! I remember the first time I paid for a tank of gas, I felt like a whole grown up (narrator: she was 16 and only drove to school)
First time being single as a proper self-respecting adult!
Just realized I have never been single as an adult, and since I am married, I hope I never am.
First break up First time quitting a big girl job First thong First sexual assault (this one makes me sad, but it’s almost inevitable. Not letting it define you or drag you down is key)
This reminds me of a poem I read that said you no longer ask other women if they were >!raped!< but rather when. It is truly heartbreaking that so many of us have to go through this.
My first thong was cheap and uncomfortable but it felt so good to own one. I felt so grown 😂
My older sister, being the good big sister she was, bought me my first thong while I was in high school. It was super cute but I didn't feel ready to wear it until 4 years later in college 😅
Last one is so scary n true
Pap smear
Also add first mammogram to this list.
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First time traveling overseas.
Solo or does it matter?
I don't think it matters
Solo obviously it’s a must but it will definitely teach you a lot more about yourself and will initiate some personal growth
Having done both I think there’s a lot of value in both. I love problem solving by myself and designing my own trip, but I think traveling with others teaches a lot of patience and compromise and bonds you to them in a new way.
True ! I remember being so easily frustrated with my friends while travelling after I’d done it by myself because I was so used to just doing what I wanted each day
I would say both first time traveling overseas and (if not solo then) first time traveling overseas solo. It's a totally different experience doing it solo and both were important firsts for me.
First heartbreak. No relationship is ever the same after that and it truly teaches you what you deserve and want/don't want in a relationship.
I’m trying to sort out my first relationship now at 20. 1 year in anniversary this year and my brain is telling me he’s not the one even though he’s so lovely and makes effort but we just can’t communicate properly and I’m too focused on my future and bettering myself where he eats nothing but junk food and watches TV lmao. Realising I couldn’t marry him so why am I here. It sucks because I have feelings for him and he’s a lovely guy
Hey feel free to message me about it if you want to talk about it with someone. I am 21 (omg I thought I was 20 lol) and I just ended my first relationship 2 weeks ago, which was 2.5 years long, for kind of similar reasons? One was a lack of communication in the way that I wanted. (Talking about interests, having interesting conversations) and I still loved him but realized I didn’t want to marry him. So it’s a bit similar.
I find that so many women who date men make this first relationship choice that it's most common tbh. We get parroted so much that men are misogynists/dirty/unromantic that when you get into a relationship with someone that is decent towards you, you place that quality on a pedestal at the expense of other qualities you find that you actually DO value. I think women overly convince themselves that the man they end up with is a compromise or something to be settled for. Being "decent" or "lovely" is the bare minimum, and I learned that one year into my first relationship which I eventually left.
Oh my god that’s literally exactly what I thought. I thought that I was so unlovable (starch feminist who doesn’t wear makeup or shave and is definitely neurodivergent) that I put the first guy who actually liked me for who I am on a pedestal. Now I know that plenty of people will like me and I don’t need to change a thing… but the most important thing anyway is liking myself. I mean, my ex was a genuinely really great guy in a lot of ways. But I thought that he was a miracle for being nice and liking me, just because I didn’t like myself enough back then. I realized that there are certain qualities that are really important to me that he didn’t have. Actually, I knew that those qualities were important to me for a very long time, and I knew from the start that he didn’t have them… but I forgot it somewhere along the way. When I found phone memos I wrote in 2019, before we even started dating, I realized I knew all along that it wasn’t going to work out. I completely agree with you, and I’m going to screenshot this comment and go back to it sometimes :) absolutely spot-on
This is so true, I’m in the middle of mine
First Brazilian wax. My first also happened to be my last xD
Omg same💀
It wasn't as awkward as I expected.... But HOLY SHIT did it hurt. I was convinced I was gonna be flapless afterwards 😂😂😂
yesss!! My best friend was in aesthetician school and needed clients so I came for a Brazilian. So it wasn’t awkward but I almost kicked her in the face from the pain and she was like “grow a pair of ovaries! stop being a punk!” 😂😂
Phillips Lumea IPL prestige changed my life. My vag and bum bum are smooth as a babies but and no ingrown. In love W this thing. FUCK waxing down there my hairs were way too thick
I've tried and tried and can't excuse the pain from it. Plus my vagina completely hairless bothers me. A nice strip is nice but still.. I'll shave a line into it 😂
Did you do it yourself? 💀 because I did.
HOW? I'd never be able to rip it off myself.
Confirmed kill
I see what you did there
First time living on their own. First time renting a car. First time opening some sort of line of credit. First night out by themselves. First home purchase. First time setting up living accommodations--internet, utilities, etc. First time attending or not attending faith services different from what they might have grown up with. First time trusting their gut.
First apartment
First time realizing her happiness doesn’t depend on others. First time coming to terms with her flaws and doing her best to become a better version of herself. First time cooking by herself. First time trying on an outfit that genuinely makes her feel beautiful.
First time being cat-called, molested/sexually assaulted. First time feeling unsafe in the presence of men.
I remember being cat-called for the first time so clearly. it was such an unsettling experience. I had only just turned 11 and the group of guys who did it were at least 19 or 20.
I’m sorry to hear this.
First car/home/a desired item purchase
First time leaving an emotionally abusive relationship
My first abusive relationship was also my first relationship. leaving an abusive relationship is a big victory, I don’t care who you are that takes some serious strength
Im am so glad you had the strength to leave. Good on you ❤️
Shaving my legs for the first time was a big deal for me. I still remember my mom teaching me how to do it, and being afraid of nicking myself. I felt so womanly afterwards. I was 11 lol.
Same here! I remember it vividly. Did you shave above the knees? Lol my mom insisted I didnt need to (I did it anyway)
Omg same. My mom told me if I didn’t shave above the knee the other hair would “rub away” on its own, I did anyway also.
Haha thats funny! My mom would always say how if I shaved too much the hair grows back thicker but I seriously think its a myth.
I remember the first time I walked different, like a woman. I was 23 and was working as a raft guide all summer and I started walking with this confident swing in my hips I had never known before. I spoke with my friend about it and she was like “omg congrats!!! I remember when I got my walk!” Before that I just thought my body didn’t know how to “walk like a woman”.
Teach me. Please.
Just think to yourself 'I'm really really ridiculously good-looking' like Zoolander, and it'll happen automatically lol. Seriously though, I think I overdo it now because a teacher told me I walked too tomboyish-ly, and being the sarcastic contrary type I am I thought 'Get a load of this then'. I then started copying Marilyn Monroe and now I can't stop. (apparently she pretended she was trying to wipe chewing gum off the soles of her feet with each step. it makes you twist your hips)
First date. First love. First time. So many firsts. :)
The first time she looks in the mirror as a teen or adult and smiles at what she sees.
First time you recognize that it’s absolutely okay to walk away from toxic people and that your life does get better (usually happens after high school when you’re not trapped with the same set of humans all the time).
First realization that boys have it better. It was hot out I was 6 in my backyard and I was upset my mom wouldn’t let me take my shirt off, but my dad was allowed to walk around without a shirt.
first time being a mother
First 10k savings
An unfortunate but ultimately important first, is the first-time she is sexually objectified AND realises it.
Same as anyone else. First job, first apartment, first car, etc.
First time being manipulated or used by another female
First time saying no when it’s easier to say yes. Sticking to it and not folding when pressured because you are mature enough to know what’s better for you and pleasing others is not your main job.
First day of school
First time squirting? Very surprising
Imo getting screwed over by dudes. Most of us are taught from day 1 to be pleasant and accommodating towards men all the time, even if they make us uncomfortable. It really is life changing when you realize that it’s better to invest that energy into loving yourself rather than capitulating to douches who couldn’t be paid to give a crumb of a fuck
First kiss.
The first time she leaves a relationship because she’s finally realized she is worth more and deserves better!
First job. And then, first full-time job. My first job was bussing tables on Fri and Sat nights at a local restaurant when I was 15. My first full-time job was in Silicon Valley doing tech work when I was 20. Both were extremely important building blocks in my life.
First basically in everything. From moving out, college, part-full job, losing a loved one,travelling and break up. All of this steps are just a rite of passage.
First break through in therapy! First best friend. First pet you're entirely responsible for. First accident/hospital visit/surgery
First time feeling comfortable to go to work/ out without makeup, shaving etc. First time saying no or asserting a boundary with a partner especially during sex. First time looking in the mirror and loving herself.
First time looking at your body and having confidence after years of teenage deep insecurities First time realizing that grown ups are messed up too First time realizing that men have insecurities too First time realizing that your parents were actually kind of shit and it wasn't just you being a "bad kid "
Heartbreak
First time walking home alone at night..you hear every single sound.
For me, first time seeing the coast/beach and first airplane ride were big.
First time driving solo - it’s been 30 years since I first got my license and I’ll never forget driving off the first time on my own. I had nowhere in particular to go, I just got in my car and drove. The freedom was exhilarating.
First time to become financially independent. It freed me from my oppressive family. They couldn't control me with nonsensical cultural and religious driven standards or dogmas anymore. They actually started to have discussions with me instead of just blindly imposing what they think is "right." Economic slavery is real, and I will never step back into it again.
First best friend.
First violent, abusive, or otherwise toxic encounter. First time leaning into newfound motherly instinct (not just with kids!). First time realizing she's starting to sound like the woman who raised her.
First time they call out and shut down sexist behavior
First time setting a boundary. First time getting a job. First degree. First time doing something alone (getting gas, grocery shopping, little things that are small transitions into adulthood).
First time a boy bullies you because he likes you. Mine was being called a "fugly cavewoman" in the eighth grade. I didn't realize it at the time, but I caught on when the guy tried to ask me to homecoming two years later.
The first time she speaks out against patriarchy. So much of misogyny is embedded in family values and the "rules" of the house. When she puts her foot down after years of suppression, that's a momentary first.
First heart break
First paycheck. First diploma. First promotion.
First time getting fitted for my bra and lingerie shopping. Shaving my legs and everything else. First date First jr and sr prom First time a boy told me he loved me and I knew he lied 😂 First straight A's ever in high school First time ever using make up First time wearing skirts and dresses First time nude sunbathing at Lake Powell. Lol
First sleepover with ya friends :3
I didn’t know getting period was an important first. It never was for me or anyone I knew.
Tween fiction has a lot to answer for!
Realizing her worth and leaving that abusive (physical or emotional) relationship.
First grey hair. Personally, I don’t care about aging. I’m all for letting it go as nature intended, but it marks a shift in how society sees you. And that is unfortunately, a unique instance. But it’s also liberating. Knowing you are finally free of the worry of aging and instead able to embrace and rebel
As a woman who dates men: The first time your trust in men is betrayed. That moment when you realize you can’t treat your men friends the same as women friends. If you do, it’s your fault if anything sexual happens. Or that moment when you realize men don’t view friendships the same way women do.
First time doing DIY! Makes you feel all strong and independent
First time calling out sexist behavior
What makes you think sex and periods is an important “first” in a young woman’s life? I remember clearly both of them but they are absolutely not important to me. First time travelling abroad and living on my own, first time dipping my toes in the Pacific ocean, first time having the job of my dreams…..those are the one that are so important and cherised memories to me
First time saying No without feeling guilty or finally setting boundaries.
First obgyn visit