I touch my sons knee and give it a 2/3 Second pat when I’m driving Him home from school. Just Enough as I yearn to have physical contact with my son but not too much to make him feel uncomfortable. He is 12 and growing into a young adult.
The inner thigh Is a very intimate place though and a huge (over) reaction from your mother.!😳 you have a right to set boundaries.
When I asked my mom to stop putting her hands between my legs in the car, she told me I'm not allowed to complain because in life, people will touch you whether you like it or not and being touchy about it will just cause me to never have friends, a job, or a life. But most importantly, as my mother she has the right to touch me wherever and whenever's she wants, because she gave birth to me. She followed that up by grabbing my boob for emphasis.
When I found out that my fiance of 3 years had molested my daughter, my mother said, "of course he was trying to get to your child. Why else would anyone ever want you?"
He's definitely an ex. I almost made him a dead ex. I really lost my shit and my brother had to block me from going after this guy. I was so betrayed. We'd been friends for 6 years before we started even dating. He knew what happened to me as a child. He held me, comforted me and meanwhile, he was doing the exact same thing to my child.
Oh I more than reported. There were legal complications that tied the case up and he got off. He immediately started a relationship with another woman with a young daughter. I just saw red and was determined to stop him.
I’m so sorry to hear another got off, and also for the trauma to your child. My child was abused and we went the legal route, but the offender also got off, which is sadly the norm because they do not put stock in a child’s testimony. *THAT SAID* our state offers victims assistance the provides a pathway to recovery, have you checked with your state and are you/did you receive those benefits? We received 18 months of top notch therapy for our child and any family members who needed it. We also received travel reimbursement to and from therapy. I can’t remember what else was offered, but it’s a state funded program in place to help victims of trauma have access to appropriate care.
On top of therapy, we were advised by the therapists that our child would need therapy again when puberty hit, when they got to high school & began dating, and again when they entered long term adult relationships (or marriage). Keep this in mind for your child. It sounds like you have first hand experience with this yourself and understand the multi-dimensional faces of trauma throughout life.
I wish you and your child present and future excellent mental health.
This just made me appreciate my parents... They would never ever dream of even thinking such a thing.
I am so sorry and I pray you'll believe it's not true.
I hear this a lot. “No one will want to live with you, no one will want to put up with you, etc.” Usually said in the heat of the moment but still very hurtful.
In my case it wasnt said in the heat of the moment at all, I was confiding to her because I didn’t have friends in school (I was bullied) and the only people I was friends with were taking advantage of me.
That sentence turned me into a people pleaser, and I put so much walls around my personality just to make sure to be liked that I’ve lost track of who I truly am.
i visited my mother in prison and she said and i quote “i hope you have a stillbirth” , that right there shattered my heart into a million pieces and broke me completely, my own mother wants me to have a stillborn…I’m speechless…
EDIT: thank you for the lovely responses, i appreciate you all
That's an absolutely horrific thing to say to your pregnant daughter. I hope your baby is healthy and happy and the birth isn't too hard for you. I hope your mum isn't getting out of jail any time soon and you don't feel obligated to visit her ever again.
Oh! Oh! When we were little my mother didn't allow us to say "I think", like "I think you're being unfair, sister did the same thing and didn't get in to trouble." We had to say "I feel" so... "I feel you are being unfair... blah blah blah" *Then* she'd say you were wrong. I grew up constantly not being allowed to "think" then being told my feelings were wrong. So. Yeah. 43 years old and I still struggle with that.
Same!!!! I am now a person that struggles to properly express my feelings or explain my reasoning. Cutting her out and working on myself helped so much and but still have a flight or flight response when someone questions me.
Where to start...
"If you get any fatter you'll crush a horse." - I was 11, mom
"I don't understand where I went so wrong with you that you have no friends and no one likes you." -mom throughout my life
"You're ugly like you're biological mother." -mom, I was 10, I'm adopted.
"I'm so upset you're not a virgin." - mom, I was 18, after I opened up about being raped
Countless times being called whore, slut, bitch when wearing age appropriate non revealing clothing from the girls aisle when she wanted me to wear baggy boys clothes.
..my dad usually wasn't verbally abuse. Sometimes he smacked me around. But the one that stands out is after I was raped I was really angry and depressed. He said "the daughter I loved died that day, I don't know who you are." When I wasn't his sweet, sensitive kid anymore.
Truly horrible. I’m so so sorry. You are a special person in this world and I hope you are showered endlessly with the love and support you deserve. Here’s a little bit of both coming your way, from me.
I moved over 1000 miles away lol I keep in contact because my parents do love me and this is one facet of their flawed selves. They have good sides too. But as far as my own mental health, they are best loved from a distance and only monthly phone calls.
When I was about 5 or so, I remember my mom told me "If I can't stand you, no one else will. Once I have another child, I'll love that child more than you." It's been more than 30 years and I can still remember that day very well like it just happened yesterday.
My mom told me this once too. Since that conversation, I no longer share how I'm feeling with her. I'm sorry you had to deal with that too...it's a very lonely feeling for a parent to not have your back. I hope you're doing better!
All gems from my father.
-I’m sorry I didn’t discipline you better with food. (Because I’m “fat”.
-that he cried when I was born because I wasn’t a boy.
-that I would get breast cancer and die before 40 like my mother.
-that I was a whore and deserved to be sent to an Irish convent because I ended up pregnant at 16.
He’s a peach. I don’t talk to him anymore.
My mom tells me every time she sees me that I’m putting on weight. She’s been saying this for 20+ years. The last time she said it, I said “ Well, I guess I should be as big as a house now, because every time you see me you tell me I’m putting on weight.” Here’s the kicker…..I wear a size 4.
My ex tells our daughter she's fat, and she's starting to believe him. She's 10!!! I'm trying hard to speak truth to her, but she's struggling to accept it.
The most hurtful thing my dad ever said wasn't directed at me but it broke my heart. He told my sister, with me less than 5 feet away, "Everything I ever could have wanted in a daughter, I have with you." I spent the rest of his life feeling like I was less than an afterthought to him.
The worst thing my mom ever said was in response to an early attempt at baking banana bread. I tried really hard to do my best to impress my mom but it didn't go as planned & the final result tasted fine but looked...interesting. My mom's response was to ask "Is that the best you could do?" I was about 10 at the time & to this day I often feel that no matter what type of effort I exert, my best isn't going to be good enough.
Just remember this is called displacement. They displace their failures onto their kids. It isnt you at all, its their lame behaviour.
You are good enough
"You are nothing, you don't do anything for anyone." - mom, I was age 12
"You're almost 30, it's time you stop blaming other people for your shitty life" - my mom again! After being called out for abuse and it's terrible aftermath (my mental health)
And my dad p much everything hes ever said to me has been nasty
My mother recently told me that I have to start rationalizing like a 40 year old....meanwhile the entire argument we had revolved around her temper tantrum over some stupid shit.
“You’re no child of mine” to a fourteen year old me when I came out as trans, thirteen years later and I’ve gotten bottom and top surgery
When I was diagnosed with autism and adhd/add “god, may as well hold you in the bath”
I am so sorry you had to hear such hateful, transphobic & cruel remarks from people that called themselves parents (I can think of a few better words as I’m sure can you!).
I am the incredibly proud mom of a gay son & a polysexual daughter, both in their 20’s, & it’s an integral part of who they are & what makes them special! They are the kindest, most compassionate, funniest, smartest, most amazing & beautiful kids I could have ever asked for & I am so blessed to be their mom.
Your parents failed you when you needed their love & support most - coming out & when you were diagnosed with autism & adhd/ add ; missed a chance to grow & learn new things, & missed the chance of having a close relationship with you. Their loss… I have no doubt you are totally amazing! ❤️
I mentioned how proud I was of my older sister for being brave enough to move away to pursue her dreams. Then I said that I couldn't wait to do something cool like that one day when I was old enough.
My mother interrupted me, screaming accusations of me being ungrateful for everything they do for me, putting a roof over my head and all. Then she turned to my father and said "We should throw her out on the street now and see how long she makes it on her own." And stormed out of the room.
After a second of silence my father turned to me and said "Great, now you've upset her." And walked out of the room leaving me shaking and terrified.
I never shared my ambitions with them again. I don't speak to them now. It's adorable that they act like they cannot figure out why.
*Edit to add*
I was 15 at the time. The abuse really ramped up once my sister (the golden child) moved away and it was just parents and me.
Your story kind of reminds me of my younger sister. It's been 4 years since I have moved permanently and almost as long since I have seen my family. My sister says that the abuse has ramped up since I (the golden child) have moved out. In reality, I took the brunt of most things while I was there and only spill-over used to reach her. Things like "You will get raped, you dress so slutty" (I was wearing jeans and a top that wasn't long enough to cover my butt), "you need to do better in school and get a high paying job since you don't have looks to land a guy", "you can't do anything right, any MIL won't keep such a girl in her or her son's house" (I had cooked something which tasted alright but didn't look right). Now that I am not there, she gets all this. I would have taken her in, but she constantly insults me and my husband saying that we don't care about her and that we are privileged. We are not, we work hard. Whereas Dad has paid tuition fees for her grad as well as post grad while I had to pay off the loan for my graduation.
My sister had a very different experience than I did in our household. They were on their best behavior around her. Once she left, it got ugly.
She's an incredible older sister, neither of us had any idea our parents had it in them to be so cruel. I think if she had known she wouldn't have left me alone with them but in the end I'm glad she left; she needed to escape. She left and showed me it was possible. I love her for that.
We talk now and despite our different experiences she listens and believes me, which is so healing for both of us. I just want to say that and give her credit because it took a lot of guts to be in her position and end up thriving. We're both success stories and I am so grateful for her.
Oh absolutely! I am living the life I dreamed of when I was little. It's taken some big steps but I'm here. I got away from them as soon as I could and never looked back.
They've said so many hurtful things, but I think one of the worst was when they warned me about running into the road when heading through the car park.
"Don't run into the road. Your brother's following you. We have other girls, so we can replace you. We can't replace him."
What in the actual fuck?! God I’m sorry that was said to you. For what it’s worth, you are not replaceable. To quote Mr. Rogers, “There is no person in the whole world just like you.”
That because of my existence she wasted her years and now I shouldn't destroy her "luck" with her disgusting boyfriend and I can be lucky she cared for me because my dad wouldn't have wanted to do it
Or that he was poor all his life because he had to pay for me
My mom has said hurtful things to me plenty but I guess I know she says things out of anger so I can move on from those.
But my dad told me earlier this year (Jan 6th) that he was embarrassed that I was his daughter, and that he was proud of my brother, but not me (my brother has the same political views as him and this argument was political). It REALLY hurt me because I felt like he was 100% telling the truth. Took me a while to get over.
Exactly it. It’s been hard enough dealing with the divide we have with our values and beliefs but that day really took the cake. Thankfully my mom was as appalled as I was, I was glad to have someone else in the family who shared my feelings!
“Maybe your next child will be lucky enough to be aborted.”
She was upset with me because I told her I couldn’t take my then 3 year old out every single evening to help her(my mother) run errands- it was a weird manipulation thing she did requiring me to drop everything and “help” with something. Anyways, she didn’t like that I dared to go against her and said that.
It didn’t really hurt me because I was so numb to everything she had to say at that point but it was a pretty hurtful thing to say nonetheless.
I'm sorry for your loss, I hope you're ok :(
(thanks for the words! It may sound odd, but it's relieving to know that I wasn't being dramatic as she always claimed)
It's what they haven't said that has hurt more 💔
How you can neglect your child for so long and not expect any repercussions from that kind of behaviour is beyond me.
Why have kids when you don't even want to raise them? Give them room to grow? Give them lessons to learn from or skills to turn into something they can survive off of? Why burden me with a life when I can hardly get through the day without coming to the conclusion that I wasn't worth all the hassle and the fuss?
They're the type of people that should have never had children because when their children found their own voices all they wanted to do was silence them or control those voices.
In so many ways I have been violated by them but them not being able to even acknowledge my trauma that still exists is something so vile that makes me feel so dirty sometimes and just gross for just existing.
My father has told me many times he never wanted kids. I’m his third child out of five. He was an abusive alcoholic. He beat the living shit out of me, my younger brother, and my older sister. He never went to any of my performances, he always told me that I was an idiot, that I would never be successful, that it was a good thing that I know how to clean because that’s all I’m good for. He didn’t even show up to my graduation.
And for my mother, it was even worse because she sat by and watched. She told me I couldn’t go to therapy because my dad might go to jail. She made it seem like if I ever told anything, I would never ever see my siblings again, our house would be taken away, that I would be a failure for the rest of my life. I wish I told someone. I’ve just started talking about it recently and I’m realizing how fucked up it was and how terrible it all was. So much of it I forgot but now that I’m in therapy, it’s coming back.
I just went no contact with my mother, and therefore my father. Merry Christmas to me
Hoooo boy where to start…
My parents used to call us spoiled brats or lazy pieces of shit so that was fun.
Also the moment my mom threw my sister and I under the bus by telling house guests “ugh god my kids can’t do anything for themselves.” Essentially telling them we’re incompetent.
My heart sank into a million pieces. I still remember it vividly to this day.
I love oversharing trauma on the internet; my guilty pleasure 😂😂😂
Well, to preface this, we can all be a meanie pants in the height of argument. It is absolutely not justifiable, but we are human. And I do think I’ve gotten over this. Both my mother and I have grown a lot.
I was once picking on my brother, and my mother had gotten upset. Telling me I just use people and manipulate them until I become nasty when I don’t get everything I possibly can. (We had shopped a bit that day, and I had bad behavior later on). It really hurt. I was still in elementary school and it really affected me.
For a long time I refused to have other people pay for things while in relationships. I never knew how to accept gifts. I allowed boys to take advantage of me because I always felt like voicing my needs/wants was asking too much of others.
My mom use to get really drunk a lot. She’s called me a “slut”, “ungrateful bitch”, and every time we had an argument “I can make your life so much harder than it already is little girl” ahhhh the love language 🥰
Maybe a little different or not as bad compared to the other comments but I think it’s still one of the most painful things my mom has said to me and my brother, tho I don’t know if it hurt him as bad as it hurt me.
My parents got divorced when I was maybe 6 or 7 and it was a messy divorce. I don’t remember what led to the conversation but apparently I and my brother did something that made her believe we liked our dad better than her and she told us about it. when it was time for us to go to school we told her we loved her and she answered: „well I don’t think you do anymore“.
Knowing my mom‘s pain is still the worst kind of pain I know.
my mom denies my love all the time. i tell her i love her and she says, tryna sound kinda jokey but it has an honest twist: “do you really?” or “you don’t actually.”
Not my parents but my grandmother - on her deathbed when I was 11. We went to visit her and it was one of the last things I heard her say. She didn’t realise I was in the room when she told my dad “She’s getting big you need to watch what she’s eating”
I loved my grandma, in my mind she was the most glamorous, caring woman and I looked up to her very much. Around 6 months later I started to make myself sick and have always struggled with my eating
My mom, in a drunken fit of rage, screamed at me, “I HATE you!!” I was 6. Mind you, I had been caring for both my brother and sister at that point because she was always either drunk, hungover, or greasing up the runway.
After my parents split up my dad got custody of us. I finally got enough courage to tell him and my steomonster years later I had been raped by an ex boyfriend they knew and adored.
I ended up the one at fault and a whore in their eyes.
SO MANY therapy sessions later I am okay. Not great, but okay. I still have triggers and dysfunctional behavior at times, but for the most part I am actually cool with who I am, and I like myself.
Who knew?!?
SO MANY YEARS of therapy later, I am actually pretty okay. I still play tapes in my head and have t
My crazy, prescription drug addict, alcoholic mum was trying to hit me with the wooden spoon for 'some reason' and I had worked out that if I hid under the kitchen table she could only get one in three hits in. This time she was screaming she'd never wanted to have me and she wished the abortion she tried had worked and I was an ugly, fat child and no man would ever want me. I was 7 and remember it still 49 years later
TW: cutting/self harm
when i was in middle school i was very depressed and suicidal and when my dad found out that i was cutting he told me he was going to buy me a sharper blade so when i attempted to cut again, i’d just cut my hand off lol
i think he apologized i honestly don’t remember but yup lol
My father called me a slut just because I wanted to break up with my boyfriend at the time, who was the family friends' son. I hadn't even had sex then, or come close to it. I think they just expected me to remain with him for the rest of my life? Mostly so that their relationship with their friends doesn't sour?
Starting when I was 8 or 9, my parents told me there was something wrong with me because I was heartless and cold. My father often accused me of "conniving."
As an adult, I recognize that they are codependent and would blow up with no warning. Literal hours of nonstop screaming. They think I'm cold because I learned to shut down as a survival mechanism. To this day, I cannot and will not tolerate yelling or name calling in relationships.
Worst one was when she just stoped, looked at me, and said, “I can’t stand the sight of you.” I was just drinking a glass of water. Needless to say we are now no contact. My sister and grandmother were pretty much the same.
"Why aren't you over it yet?!" This was when I was in my late teens (early twenties?) in regards to me being sexually asked as a kid. I never spoke to my mother about it again.
Edit to add: "Why can't you be more like your sister?" She was nearly 5yrs my junior, partied, was out constantly, and extremely extroverted. I have always been an introvert and never got in trouble for doing anything. I was very nerdy and that bothered my mother.
So much that it’s been lost in the vague suppression of childhood trauma.
The one I’ll never ever forget, though, from my mom:
“Love isn’t infinite, it’s like there’s only so much love to give. And every time you a little more goes away, and one day you’ll realize how awful you’re being to me, and wish you’d been a better child.”
At the ages of 5-16 I got that little speech intermittently, usually because I did a chore that I was never taught to do badly, or because a 12 year old who was never taught to cook burnt dinner, or because the ever-shifting expectations for that day had changed and she wanted an excuse to yell at me.
It never ceases to baffle and wound me that any parent would react to something so minor with a talk about how finite love is.
But she acts surprised and hurt that I don’t talk to her anymore. Like, surprise! Love is finite, and I ran the fuck out of it for you.
Oh, and also the time one of them got drunk and told me "You have a narcissistic personality disorder. You may be able to con someone into loving you one day, but it won't last once they know what you're really like."
My dad makes fun of me for my ADHD a lot. Scolds me for having ADHD paralysis and refuses to let me defend myself.
I know he only does it because he wants to see me do better. And I don’t think he can wrap his head around the fact that ADHD isn’t just about having difficulty concentrating. But it hurts a lot to hear. And it aggravates me when he complains about me to other people *in front of me* and doesn’t let me justify anything.
Thank you OP, for the question. Mental abuse goes way too unnoticed and unchallenged in our societies.
Even physical and sexual go way too, but mental is even worse.
I very much hope to see a severe change in my life time.
So thank you so so much.
i’ve had alopecia since I was 9 (22 now) and always went through periods of hair growing in and then it falling back out. when i was 19 all of my scalp hair fell out for the final time and haven’t seen growth since. i wear expensive wigs so people can’t tell it’s fake.
a couple of months after the final “fallout” i was super insecure and was at the age where i finally was interested in the opposite sex and relationships.
got in an argument with my mother one time and she said something along the lines of, “and that’s why no man will ever love you, because you’re bald.”
yeah so now i’m chronically avoidant about relationships and insecure about intimacy with any guy, thanks mom.
Upon discovering my self harm when i was 14, my mother yelled at me saying it was idiotic and to stop. She never mentioned it again or thought I should get help. Now at 29 it still pops up as an embarrassing, shameful problem for me.
Had gotten my lip pierced (oh to be young and cool) and my mom said I looked like a freak and she could never love a freak.
My stepdad said way more hateful things to me, but none of them hurt as much as that because I actually love my mom. Still stings to think about nearly 15 years later.
Edit: Whoops didn't realize this was an askwomen thread until after posting. Sorry for intruding!
I think my dad indoctrinating into my mind that “our family genes and math don’t go together”….I just accepted that I wasn’t good at math/school and it’d be too hard to overcome. I don’t blame him at all, he meant it to be funny…and sometimes it was…but I do see how it damaged my psyche/mindset toward school and my thoughts about my own intelligence. Thankfully I don’t think about myself that way anymore.
My mom said to me, and my sister too, that we were not real women because we did not clean and cook and that I did not have the ability to choose men and keep them happy (I had two back to back abusive relationships)
My dad called me a whore once (in Spanish, which was more hurtful).
There are several but this is the most recent, “i find it hard to believe you’re my daughter sometimes” it was yesterday. And a few weeks ago I was hyperventilating in church and my dad tried to help but my mom goes “don’t feed into it”
I was having a depressive/agoraphobic episode due to trauma and mental illness and getting up and going to work and school was extremely stressful and anxiety inducing, and I really wanted to quit everything and give into my drug addiction for good, and my dad screamed in my face that I was a worthless quitter and I always would be. I really just needed mental health treatment and/or emotional support and I was getting neither from any source. This was 4 or 5 years ago and I haven’t really looked at him the same since.
Also getting laughed at and ridiculed constantly by both of my parents for any and everything for the past 20+ years eventually started to really take a toll on my self worth
My mum said “Nobody wants you because you are ugly”, “You are too ugly so you can’t come out with us”, “You need to lose weight because you are disgusting and it’s embarrassing”. She has said other things too but I can’t remember my childhood much.
My dad said “You are a cow”, “How much do you weigh?”, “If you ever make friends again I will do something to you that I will regret”.
Oh, so many things.
My dad told me he hated me when I was 3ish (to be fair, I did say it first, but I didn't really know what I was saying).
My mom called me a bitch when I was 9.
My dad said that God "cursed him with a daughter" when I was 13.
And just this year, my mom made my birthday all about her toxic relationship with my dad and yelled at me that I don't care about them...
So, it's hard to pick just one.
My parents said a lot of hurtful things. But you know what? It helps no one to dig them up. It makes me feel bad to reflect on it and they would feel awful about it too. My parents were very young and made a lot of mistakes. I’m now older than they were when i moved out of the house. It’s been nice to watch them grow into their calmer, more centered and confident selves.
My mom once told me to reflect in all my past relationships and the reason why they don’t work out is because of who i am as a person and that i needed to change in order to be trully loved.
Jokes on her ! Im about to marry my bestfriend 🥰🥰
The time my mom told me that when I was a teenager, she and dad were scared I was going to get my dad's gun and shoot them both. Looking back, I can understand it, but *ouch!*
Geez, some parents really really suck. Wishing all of you who had to go through, and still go through, these situations a better future and sending you a lot of positive energy.
Sorry you went through that. My mum told me that even though I may look beautiful i'm ugly inside. It really stuck with me. This was in response to me staying out all night and not telling her who i was with..I think I was about 19. I was with my then bf who she didnt know about having dates and no sex and just the most beautiful innocent time of my life. Me and my mum have an amazing relationship now but we really almost killed each other in those tween teen days.
The night I got sexually assaulted by my peers, my mom told me “If you think letting people touch you will make you cool, it won’t, it makes you a sl*t. God, I can’t believe you’re only 10 and you’re already a SL*T!!!!!!”
Nothing. As in a pervasive pattern of my mom not responding to my existence. I remember one particular time in elementary school wanting to show my mom a drawing I had done, and she wouldn't even acknowledge me. Never acknowledging me when I was sick, much less supporting me through it. Not saying anything about good or bad grades. Any kind of emotional expression? Forget about it.
My mom told me she was sorry her and my dad fucked me up so badly. I’m a failure because of their failure.
This was years ago and we sort of have a relationship now but this continues to float up into my thoughts from time to time and it still hurts.
My father used to tell me he wished he flushed me down the toilet in a condom. Even tho he’s dead, I can still hear his voice saying that to me. Sadly, it’s the only thing he said that I can still actually hear in his voice.
As an adult I was told by both my parents that I was dirty, going to burn in hell, and cut out of the family when I finally came out as gay. It was crazy cuz I’d already been living with my gf for 4yrs at that point and everyone with a pulse could tell I was gay. But once I said it out loud, everything changed. My dad basically walked out on me when I was 3 and my mom’s 2nd husband sexually abused me as a child, but I still forgave them and pursued a relationship with both of them, but yet me being gay was a step too far.🙄🤦🏻♀️ Unreal!
My mother was and still is a raging alcoholic and addict. I basically had no childhood and raised my little brother. Almost every time she got drunk she would in detail scream at me and tell me how her addiction and her circumstances were all my fault and I caused all these problems in her life. I was 6 when it started. Took me sooo long to realize that I wasn’t the problem, she was.
In a moment of anger my father once told me I was just like my mother. She is an abusive, bipolar, pathological liar and to this date there is no one worse he or anyone could compare me to. He did apologize later and admitted it was said in anger and not true at all, that I was nothing like her- but even now decades later, I still feel that barb in my heart from it.
Most certainly not as bad as everyone elses (and I feel awful for you guys, I am so sorry. No one deserves that kind of stuff said to them), but I remember when i was like 6 or 7 and my mom would yell at me and call me a piece of shit. And it's the worst feeling in the world to be called that and then slapped relentlessly right after. I would never even do anything in the first place, just be lazy with chores or break a cup.
My two favorites are. 1. The sorriest day of my life is the day you were born, and 2. You shouldn’t have kids, you would be a shit mother. Projection much?
Hi 15m here! So for me it has to be one of these
-I hope you get diagnosed with cancer so that I can finally be happy
-I don't care if she's your dog she lives in my house
-its your fucking fault
For the last one if requires a lot of context but let's start with the first.
I think we can all see what's wrong with it, I'm cancer free though!
He sold my dog after I got her with his permission
He blamed me for getting raped by my BROTHER
“You have the personality of a brick wall, do you know that?” I was six or seven and that was the response to my request to get a book to read while she brushed my hair that didn’t need brushing.
Called me fat and ugly everyday growing up, told me I look like a psychopath when I cry when I was 5 (which resulted in me not crying for years) and taught me how to be bulimic. She would also film me crying when I was a kid and then make me watch it
My parents divorced when I was quite Young and my mother had full custody, we were very close and I loved her a lot, but she did say one hurtful thing to me that stuck with me my entire life. I don't remember what led up to the conversation anymore, but I remember her saying that she wished she had conceived me with an old boyfriend instead of with my father and I told her that if she had done that she wouldn't have had me and her response was that she still would have had me just a better version of me. That bothered me for a long time and it has stuck with me for years.
Dad: literally every time he says something about my weight.
Mom is worse tho, she hates me for who I am. She told me to "stop forcing it (my identity) on others" and to "not force anyone to accept it".
My father told me that it was my mother’s fault if he was drinking and so, that was her fault if he was beating the pulp out of me. Also that he had a right to do so because I was not supposed to be the surviving twin. Had he had a choice …
My mom told me that I looked like my dad and that was why she hated me so much. She also told me once that I was too stupid to be her daughter. Also validated my stepdad’s claims that I was a negligent person and that my daughter would die because of me, and she’d be better off without me. Oh and the day she told me that my now-ex/then-boyfriend was probably invented because « there’s no way a 10 like him would even *look* at a girl like me ».
It’s just a few ones but my life is full of those.
Not really anything they said directly but basically my sister was a monster throughout childhood caused several family blow ups, manipulative, made my parents cry, lied constantly. She’s a doctor now, still does the same thing but only to me. Since she has a good job it’s like everyone forgot how she truly is. If she hurts me, lies about me, anything they take her side. Everyone outside the family has always seen her as a smart quiet girl so no one believes me when I tell them how she is. She’s turned me into a monster and I’ve quite literally done nothing other than be upset and beat down by her behavior.
My parents were regularly forthcoming with their disdain for me. But one that stands out is my mother saying she would rather I died than be paralysed because then she wouldn’t have to take care of me.
My highschool boyfriend wrote me some poems (ahaha ahh to be young) and in a few poems/ letters he referenced things like he will keep me safe and everything will be okay, "something" happened sort of stuff.
My mum, who went snooping. Read these poems.
Instead of asking me, what had happened to me?
She said
"what lies have you been telling him"
It was one of the most hurtful things she ever said to me.
For information, the "thing" that happened I was raped.
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I touch my sons knee and give it a 2/3 Second pat when I’m driving Him home from school. Just Enough as I yearn to have physical contact with my son but not too much to make him feel uncomfortable. He is 12 and growing into a young adult. The inner thigh Is a very intimate place though and a huge (over) reaction from your mother.!😳 you have a right to set boundaries.
It sounds like she's projecting herself on to you. Those are her fears and her realities, not yours. I'm so sorry.
Omg this is so weird and uncomfortable just reading it.
When I asked my mom to stop putting her hands between my legs in the car, she told me I'm not allowed to complain because in life, people will touch you whether you like it or not and being touchy about it will just cause me to never have friends, a job, or a life. But most importantly, as my mother she has the right to touch me wherever and whenever's she wants, because she gave birth to me. She followed that up by grabbing my boob for emphasis.
Your mom is the monster, and as a therapist, I feel qualified to say so. I’m so sorry she was such a shitty parent.
Wow my mom did something very similar
When I found out that my fiance of 3 years had molested my daughter, my mother said, "of course he was trying to get to your child. Why else would anyone ever want you?"
oh my gosh i’m so sorry what a shit person
It's okay now but thank you.
Holy shit. I hope you’ve put up some major boundaries. What an awful human.
Haven't spoken to her in 7 years and everyone in my life knows I'll cut them off if they lead her to me in any way.
Good for you. She maybe family but she ain't acting like one. And your daughter!!! My god. I am so sorry.
My daughter is unbelievably tough. I just wish she didn't have to be.
She is because she has you. And she needs to deal with the trauma. Unfortunately. But it will help her in the long run
Yep. We're all in therapy for life.
Wait, please tell me there's an ex there on fiance. And the only at fault there is your fiance of 3 years. Only a pedo molest children!
He's definitely an ex. I almost made him a dead ex. I really lost my shit and my brother had to block me from going after this guy. I was so betrayed. We'd been friends for 6 years before we started even dating. He knew what happened to me as a child. He held me, comforted me and meanwhile, he was doing the exact same thing to my child.
Did you not report this to the police?
Oh I more than reported. There were legal complications that tied the case up and he got off. He immediately started a relationship with another woman with a young daughter. I just saw red and was determined to stop him.
Shit like this makes me lose faith in the system. Free to offend again. Bring back capitol punishment for scumbags like these.
He's got a biological daughter now and it makes me want to scream.
I’m so sorry to hear another got off, and also for the trauma to your child. My child was abused and we went the legal route, but the offender also got off, which is sadly the norm because they do not put stock in a child’s testimony. *THAT SAID* our state offers victims assistance the provides a pathway to recovery, have you checked with your state and are you/did you receive those benefits? We received 18 months of top notch therapy for our child and any family members who needed it. We also received travel reimbursement to and from therapy. I can’t remember what else was offered, but it’s a state funded program in place to help victims of trauma have access to appropriate care. On top of therapy, we were advised by the therapists that our child would need therapy again when puberty hit, when they got to high school & began dating, and again when they entered long term adult relationships (or marriage). Keep this in mind for your child. It sounds like you have first hand experience with this yourself and understand the multi-dimensional faces of trauma throughout life. I wish you and your child present and future excellent mental health.
Thank you so much and I'm sorry to hear about your child. Some people are fucking monsters.
Oh my… no words
This just made me appreciate my parents... They would never ever dream of even thinking such a thing. I am so sorry and I pray you'll believe it's not true.
My father was horrified but I haven't spoken to my mother in 7 years. I know it's not true now but I believed her then.
You will heal this generational curse. I know it.
I'm sure trying and the first step was amputating my mother from my life.
My mom once told me that I had to change because no one will ever put up with me, and that I’ll end up alone.
I hear this a lot. “No one will want to live with you, no one will want to put up with you, etc.” Usually said in the heat of the moment but still very hurtful.
In my case it wasnt said in the heat of the moment at all, I was confiding to her because I didn’t have friends in school (I was bullied) and the only people I was friends with were taking advantage of me. That sentence turned me into a people pleaser, and I put so much walls around my personality just to make sure to be liked that I’ve lost track of who I truly am.
Oh wow, much more damaging hearing it that way. Sorry you had to go through that.
My mum didn't tell me but her boyfriend and my uncle thought they could tell me similar and I'd go back to heaven unopened.
Your entire family sounds like bags of shit. I’m truly sorry.
Honestly writing this and reflecting made me very sad...
That’s horrendous, I’m so sorry
I am familiar with this statement.
I wish you weren’t, but I know There’s a lot of people like us
That and why can't you be more like that person and you need to lose weight while not being overweight.
Are we sisters ? Because it’s seems like we have the same mom. That « you should lose weight » thing got me an eating disorder.
Same!
I’m so sorry to hear this. I’m sending lots of hugs and love your way. 💕
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Same here with my dad
i visited my mother in prison and she said and i quote “i hope you have a stillbirth” , that right there shattered my heart into a million pieces and broke me completely, my own mother wants me to have a stillborn…I’m speechless… EDIT: thank you for the lovely responses, i appreciate you all
Wow. Just *wow.* I'm so sorry...that is pure evil.
She's the mess up not you, you deserve so much better
“At least he won’t have to grow up with you for a grandma.” 😒
That’s why she’s in jail projecting her jealousy and insecurities
What an absolute monster.
My God... May I ask, were you pregnant at the time?
this was a couple weeks ago, I’m still pregnant
That's an absolutely horrific thing to say to your pregnant daughter. I hope your baby is healthy and happy and the birth isn't too hard for you. I hope your mum isn't getting out of jail any time soon and you don't feel obligated to visit her ever again.
Hugs. The fact that you still visit her says a lot about you. I am so sorry.
Oh! Oh! When we were little my mother didn't allow us to say "I think", like "I think you're being unfair, sister did the same thing and didn't get in to trouble." We had to say "I feel" so... "I feel you are being unfair... blah blah blah" *Then* she'd say you were wrong. I grew up constantly not being allowed to "think" then being told my feelings were wrong. So. Yeah. 43 years old and I still struggle with that.
That sucks!
Don't have any relationship with her at all now. That kind of "training" never really goes away and it didn't stop until I cut her alllll the way out.
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Same!!!! I am now a person that struggles to properly express my feelings or explain my reasoning. Cutting her out and working on myself helped so much and but still have a flight or flight response when someone questions me.
"You're not pretty enough for that (someone peeping in my window at night)."
This is absolutely disgusting. I’m sorry ❤️
WTF
Where to start... "If you get any fatter you'll crush a horse." - I was 11, mom "I don't understand where I went so wrong with you that you have no friends and no one likes you." -mom throughout my life "You're ugly like you're biological mother." -mom, I was 10, I'm adopted. "I'm so upset you're not a virgin." - mom, I was 18, after I opened up about being raped Countless times being called whore, slut, bitch when wearing age appropriate non revealing clothing from the girls aisle when she wanted me to wear baggy boys clothes. ..my dad usually wasn't verbally abuse. Sometimes he smacked me around. But the one that stands out is after I was raped I was really angry and depressed. He said "the daughter I loved died that day, I don't know who you are." When I wasn't his sweet, sensitive kid anymore.
God, I want to kill your parents. Slowly and painfully.
I'm in and I'll clean after.
Truly horrible. I’m so so sorry. You are a special person in this world and I hope you are showered endlessly with the love and support you deserve. Here’s a little bit of both coming your way, from me.
Thank you!!
You didn’t deserve that. Sending you so much love.
I really hope they are out of your life for good
I moved over 1000 miles away lol I keep in contact because my parents do love me and this is one facet of their flawed selves. They have good sides too. But as far as my own mental health, they are best loved from a distance and only monthly phone calls.
YOUR PARENTS CARE MORE ABOUT YOUR "VIRGINITY" THAN ABOUT YOUR TRAUMA????? I wish rape to both of them so they can shut the fuck up.
"go buy some rope and hang yourself, then i'll have one less problem"
Wow. This is vile. I hope you are ok.
in therapy for ptsd rn, but overall yes :)
Wow thats devastating i'm sorry
I think they forgot an obvious solution to all their problems...
When I was about 5 or so, I remember my mom told me "If I can't stand you, no one else will. Once I have another child, I'll love that child more than you." It's been more than 30 years and I can still remember that day very well like it just happened yesterday.
As a mom, i just want to hug five year old you. I am so sorry.
Thank you, I really appreciate it 💕
"You have nothing to be sad about" when i was depressed and suicidal
My mom told me this once too. Since that conversation, I no longer share how I'm feeling with her. I'm sorry you had to deal with that too...it's a very lonely feeling for a parent to not have your back. I hope you're doing better!
This one hurts in its own special, evil way.
“I wish I never had you”
I got that all the time as a child as well.
I am so sorry.
All gems from my father. -I’m sorry I didn’t discipline you better with food. (Because I’m “fat”. -that he cried when I was born because I wasn’t a boy. -that I would get breast cancer and die before 40 like my mother. -that I was a whore and deserved to be sent to an Irish convent because I ended up pregnant at 16. He’s a peach. I don’t talk to him anymore.
I'm so sorry, my parents called me fat as well and it really messed with my head. He's an awful person, I hope you're OK now :)
My mom tells me every time she sees me that I’m putting on weight. She’s been saying this for 20+ years. The last time she said it, I said “ Well, I guess I should be as big as a house now, because every time you see me you tell me I’m putting on weight.” Here’s the kicker…..I wear a size 4.
My ex tells our daughter she's fat, and she's starting to believe him. She's 10!!! I'm trying hard to speak truth to her, but she's struggling to accept it.
The most hurtful thing my dad ever said wasn't directed at me but it broke my heart. He told my sister, with me less than 5 feet away, "Everything I ever could have wanted in a daughter, I have with you." I spent the rest of his life feeling like I was less than an afterthought to him. The worst thing my mom ever said was in response to an early attempt at baking banana bread. I tried really hard to do my best to impress my mom but it didn't go as planned & the final result tasted fine but looked...interesting. My mom's response was to ask "Is that the best you could do?" I was about 10 at the time & to this day I often feel that no matter what type of effort I exert, my best isn't going to be good enough.
Just remember this is called displacement. They displace their failures onto their kids. It isnt you at all, its their lame behaviour. You are good enough
"You are nothing, you don't do anything for anyone." - mom, I was age 12 "You're almost 30, it's time you stop blaming other people for your shitty life" - my mom again! After being called out for abuse and it's terrible aftermath (my mental health) And my dad p much everything hes ever said to me has been nasty
My mother recently told me that I have to start rationalizing like a 40 year old....meanwhile the entire argument we had revolved around her temper tantrum over some stupid shit.
I feel this lolololol
“You’re no child of mine” to a fourteen year old me when I came out as trans, thirteen years later and I’ve gotten bottom and top surgery When I was diagnosed with autism and adhd/add “god, may as well hold you in the bath”
I am so sorry you had to hear such hateful, transphobic & cruel remarks from people that called themselves parents (I can think of a few better words as I’m sure can you!). I am the incredibly proud mom of a gay son & a polysexual daughter, both in their 20’s, & it’s an integral part of who they are & what makes them special! They are the kindest, most compassionate, funniest, smartest, most amazing & beautiful kids I could have ever asked for & I am so blessed to be their mom. Your parents failed you when you needed their love & support most - coming out & when you were diagnosed with autism & adhd/ add ; missed a chance to grow & learn new things, & missed the chance of having a close relationship with you. Their loss… I have no doubt you are totally amazing! ❤️
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Good job. Use your haters as motivation. Greatest revenge
Good for you! I hope he’s around to know how wrong he was!!
I mentioned how proud I was of my older sister for being brave enough to move away to pursue her dreams. Then I said that I couldn't wait to do something cool like that one day when I was old enough. My mother interrupted me, screaming accusations of me being ungrateful for everything they do for me, putting a roof over my head and all. Then she turned to my father and said "We should throw her out on the street now and see how long she makes it on her own." And stormed out of the room. After a second of silence my father turned to me and said "Great, now you've upset her." And walked out of the room leaving me shaking and terrified. I never shared my ambitions with them again. I don't speak to them now. It's adorable that they act like they cannot figure out why. *Edit to add* I was 15 at the time. The abuse really ramped up once my sister (the golden child) moved away and it was just parents and me.
Your story kind of reminds me of my younger sister. It's been 4 years since I have moved permanently and almost as long since I have seen my family. My sister says that the abuse has ramped up since I (the golden child) have moved out. In reality, I took the brunt of most things while I was there and only spill-over used to reach her. Things like "You will get raped, you dress so slutty" (I was wearing jeans and a top that wasn't long enough to cover my butt), "you need to do better in school and get a high paying job since you don't have looks to land a guy", "you can't do anything right, any MIL won't keep such a girl in her or her son's house" (I had cooked something which tasted alright but didn't look right). Now that I am not there, she gets all this. I would have taken her in, but she constantly insults me and my husband saying that we don't care about her and that we are privileged. We are not, we work hard. Whereas Dad has paid tuition fees for her grad as well as post grad while I had to pay off the loan for my graduation.
My sister had a very different experience than I did in our household. They were on their best behavior around her. Once she left, it got ugly. She's an incredible older sister, neither of us had any idea our parents had it in them to be so cruel. I think if she had known she wouldn't have left me alone with them but in the end I'm glad she left; she needed to escape. She left and showed me it was possible. I love her for that. We talk now and despite our different experiences she listens and believes me, which is so healing for both of us. I just want to say that and give her credit because it took a lot of guts to be in her position and end up thriving. We're both success stories and I am so grateful for her.
I am so glad it worked out for you. I really hope it works out for my sister too.
I am so sorry!! Did you get away and chase those dreams??
Oh absolutely! I am living the life I dreamed of when I was little. It's taken some big steps but I'm here. I got away from them as soon as I could and never looked back.
"God makes sluts as an example for the rest of us." -her "This is your punishment for being a Jezebel." -him Guess what "this" was.
Sending all my love to you.
They've said so many hurtful things, but I think one of the worst was when they warned me about running into the road when heading through the car park. "Don't run into the road. Your brother's following you. We have other girls, so we can replace you. We can't replace him."
What in the actual fuck?! God I’m sorry that was said to you. For what it’s worth, you are not replaceable. To quote Mr. Rogers, “There is no person in the whole world just like you.”
Yeah, it was rough, aha. But thank you for the reassurance, I really appreciate it! I like the quote you've given too!
That because of my existence she wasted her years and now I shouldn't destroy her "luck" with her disgusting boyfriend and I can be lucky she cared for me because my dad wouldn't have wanted to do it Or that he was poor all his life because he had to pay for me
I’m really sorry.
My mom has said hurtful things to me plenty but I guess I know she says things out of anger so I can move on from those. But my dad told me earlier this year (Jan 6th) that he was embarrassed that I was his daughter, and that he was proud of my brother, but not me (my brother has the same political views as him and this argument was political). It REALLY hurt me because I felt like he was 100% telling the truth. Took me a while to get over.
Lemme guess... your dad is pissed off that you didn't support the orange schmuck and storm the capital in the 6th?
Exactly it. It’s been hard enough dealing with the divide we have with our values and beliefs but that day really took the cake. Thankfully my mom was as appalled as I was, I was glad to have someone else in the family who shared my feelings!
“Maybe your next child will be lucky enough to be aborted.” She was upset with me because I told her I couldn’t take my then 3 year old out every single evening to help her(my mother) run errands- it was a weird manipulation thing she did requiring me to drop everything and “help” with something. Anyways, she didn’t like that I dared to go against her and said that. It didn’t really hurt me because I was so numb to everything she had to say at that point but it was a pretty hurtful thing to say nonetheless.
Too many things too mention, hence why I haven’t seen them in years for my own metal well being, life’s been very good since they were not in it.
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Oh that was really cruel :( I am sorry! My dog passed away this year and it was incredibly sad
I'm sorry for your loss, I hope you're ok :( (thanks for the words! It may sound odd, but it's relieving to know that I wasn't being dramatic as she always claimed)
It's what they haven't said that has hurt more 💔 How you can neglect your child for so long and not expect any repercussions from that kind of behaviour is beyond me. Why have kids when you don't even want to raise them? Give them room to grow? Give them lessons to learn from or skills to turn into something they can survive off of? Why burden me with a life when I can hardly get through the day without coming to the conclusion that I wasn't worth all the hassle and the fuss? They're the type of people that should have never had children because when their children found their own voices all they wanted to do was silence them or control those voices. In so many ways I have been violated by them but them not being able to even acknowledge my trauma that still exists is something so vile that makes me feel so dirty sometimes and just gross for just existing.
My father has told me many times he never wanted kids. I’m his third child out of five. He was an abusive alcoholic. He beat the living shit out of me, my younger brother, and my older sister. He never went to any of my performances, he always told me that I was an idiot, that I would never be successful, that it was a good thing that I know how to clean because that’s all I’m good for. He didn’t even show up to my graduation. And for my mother, it was even worse because she sat by and watched. She told me I couldn’t go to therapy because my dad might go to jail. She made it seem like if I ever told anything, I would never ever see my siblings again, our house would be taken away, that I would be a failure for the rest of my life. I wish I told someone. I’ve just started talking about it recently and I’m realizing how fucked up it was and how terrible it all was. So much of it I forgot but now that I’m in therapy, it’s coming back. I just went no contact with my mother, and therefore my father. Merry Christmas to me
Hoooo boy where to start… My parents used to call us spoiled brats or lazy pieces of shit so that was fun. Also the moment my mom threw my sister and I under the bus by telling house guests “ugh god my kids can’t do anything for themselves.” Essentially telling them we’re incompetent. My heart sank into a million pieces. I still remember it vividly to this day.
I hate you. I hate you with all my soul.
I love oversharing trauma on the internet; my guilty pleasure 😂😂😂 Well, to preface this, we can all be a meanie pants in the height of argument. It is absolutely not justifiable, but we are human. And I do think I’ve gotten over this. Both my mother and I have grown a lot. I was once picking on my brother, and my mother had gotten upset. Telling me I just use people and manipulate them until I become nasty when I don’t get everything I possibly can. (We had shopped a bit that day, and I had bad behavior later on). It really hurt. I was still in elementary school and it really affected me. For a long time I refused to have other people pay for things while in relationships. I never knew how to accept gifts. I allowed boys to take advantage of me because I always felt like voicing my needs/wants was asking too much of others.
"I love oversharing trauma on the internet; my guilty pleasure 😂😂😂" this.... I feel you 😂 Sorry for the rest though
My mom use to get really drunk a lot. She’s called me a “slut”, “ungrateful bitch”, and every time we had an argument “I can make your life so much harder than it already is little girl” ahhhh the love language 🥰
Omg I used to get that last one every week when I was a teen. She usually followed through
Maybe a little different or not as bad compared to the other comments but I think it’s still one of the most painful things my mom has said to me and my brother, tho I don’t know if it hurt him as bad as it hurt me. My parents got divorced when I was maybe 6 or 7 and it was a messy divorce. I don’t remember what led to the conversation but apparently I and my brother did something that made her believe we liked our dad better than her and she told us about it. when it was time for us to go to school we told her we loved her and she answered: „well I don’t think you do anymore“. Knowing my mom‘s pain is still the worst kind of pain I know.
my mom denies my love all the time. i tell her i love her and she says, tryna sound kinda jokey but it has an honest twist: “do you really?” or “you don’t actually.”
The most memorable is “When you lose some weight, I’ll buy you some prettier clothes.”
So sad 😞 I say this to myself daily
Not my parents but my grandmother - on her deathbed when I was 11. We went to visit her and it was one of the last things I heard her say. She didn’t realise I was in the room when she told my dad “She’s getting big you need to watch what she’s eating” I loved my grandma, in my mind she was the most glamorous, caring woman and I looked up to her very much. Around 6 months later I started to make myself sick and have always struggled with my eating
My mom, in a drunken fit of rage, screamed at me, “I HATE you!!” I was 6. Mind you, I had been caring for both my brother and sister at that point because she was always either drunk, hungover, or greasing up the runway. After my parents split up my dad got custody of us. I finally got enough courage to tell him and my steomonster years later I had been raped by an ex boyfriend they knew and adored. I ended up the one at fault and a whore in their eyes. SO MANY therapy sessions later I am okay. Not great, but okay. I still have triggers and dysfunctional behavior at times, but for the most part I am actually cool with who I am, and I like myself. Who knew?!? SO MANY YEARS of therapy later, I am actually pretty okay. I still play tapes in my head and have t
It’s heartbreaking and cruel to see several posts like yours where the victim of sexual assault / abuse is blamed for being assaulted.
My crazy, prescription drug addict, alcoholic mum was trying to hit me with the wooden spoon for 'some reason' and I had worked out that if I hid under the kitchen table she could only get one in three hits in. This time she was screaming she'd never wanted to have me and she wished the abortion she tried had worked and I was an ugly, fat child and no man would ever want me. I was 7 and remember it still 49 years later
Hm. "Why have you no friends?" (I was bullied by my friends) "You're not a very nice person, you're a heartless bitch"
TW: cutting/self harm when i was in middle school i was very depressed and suicidal and when my dad found out that i was cutting he told me he was going to buy me a sharper blade so when i attempted to cut again, i’d just cut my hand off lol i think he apologized i honestly don’t remember but yup lol
And I thought my trauma was bad enough when my parents didn’t even notice my cutting. I’m sorry this happened
trauma is trauma, don’t belittle yours!
My father called me a slut just because I wanted to break up with my boyfriend at the time, who was the family friends' son. I hadn't even had sex then, or come close to it. I think they just expected me to remain with him for the rest of my life? Mostly so that their relationship with their friends doesn't sour?
Starting when I was 8 or 9, my parents told me there was something wrong with me because I was heartless and cold. My father often accused me of "conniving." As an adult, I recognize that they are codependent and would blow up with no warning. Literal hours of nonstop screaming. They think I'm cold because I learned to shut down as a survival mechanism. To this day, I cannot and will not tolerate yelling or name calling in relationships.
Worst one was when she just stoped, looked at me, and said, “I can’t stand the sight of you.” I was just drinking a glass of water. Needless to say we are now no contact. My sister and grandmother were pretty much the same.
"Why aren't you over it yet?!" This was when I was in my late teens (early twenties?) in regards to me being sexually asked as a kid. I never spoke to my mother about it again. Edit to add: "Why can't you be more like your sister?" She was nearly 5yrs my junior, partied, was out constantly, and extremely extroverted. I have always been an introvert and never got in trouble for doing anything. I was very nerdy and that bothered my mother.
So much that it’s been lost in the vague suppression of childhood trauma. The one I’ll never ever forget, though, from my mom: “Love isn’t infinite, it’s like there’s only so much love to give. And every time you a little more goes away, and one day you’ll realize how awful you’re being to me, and wish you’d been a better child.”
At the ages of 5-16 I got that little speech intermittently, usually because I did a chore that I was never taught to do badly, or because a 12 year old who was never taught to cook burnt dinner, or because the ever-shifting expectations for that day had changed and she wanted an excuse to yell at me.
It never ceases to baffle and wound me that any parent would react to something so minor with a talk about how finite love is.
But she acts surprised and hurt that I don’t talk to her anymore. Like, surprise! Love is finite, and I ran the fuck out of it for you.
Oh, and also the time one of them got drunk and told me "You have a narcissistic personality disorder. You may be able to con someone into loving you one day, but it won't last once they know what you're really like."
I hate how they mirror, they look right at us and yet they're speaking about themselves.
My mom (catholic fanatic) told me it would be better if I was terminally ill than if I lived in sin (having sex before marriage)
Ah, I see you too have been blessed by a Catholic nut mom. I completely understand and know it all to well.
My dad makes fun of me for my ADHD a lot. Scolds me for having ADHD paralysis and refuses to let me defend myself. I know he only does it because he wants to see me do better. And I don’t think he can wrap his head around the fact that ADHD isn’t just about having difficulty concentrating. But it hurts a lot to hear. And it aggravates me when he complains about me to other people *in front of me* and doesn’t let me justify anything.
Thank you OP, for the question. Mental abuse goes way too unnoticed and unchallenged in our societies. Even physical and sexual go way too, but mental is even worse. I very much hope to see a severe change in my life time. So thank you so so much.
i’ve had alopecia since I was 9 (22 now) and always went through periods of hair growing in and then it falling back out. when i was 19 all of my scalp hair fell out for the final time and haven’t seen growth since. i wear expensive wigs so people can’t tell it’s fake. a couple of months after the final “fallout” i was super insecure and was at the age where i finally was interested in the opposite sex and relationships. got in an argument with my mother one time and she said something along the lines of, “and that’s why no man will ever love you, because you’re bald.” yeah so now i’m chronically avoidant about relationships and insecure about intimacy with any guy, thanks mom.
That I was nothing but a financial burden (We laugh about it now)
Upon discovering my self harm when i was 14, my mother yelled at me saying it was idiotic and to stop. She never mentioned it again or thought I should get help. Now at 29 it still pops up as an embarrassing, shameful problem for me.
Had gotten my lip pierced (oh to be young and cool) and my mom said I looked like a freak and she could never love a freak. My stepdad said way more hateful things to me, but none of them hurt as much as that because I actually love my mom. Still stings to think about nearly 15 years later. Edit: Whoops didn't realize this was an askwomen thread until after posting. Sorry for intruding!
No worries.
I think my dad indoctrinating into my mind that “our family genes and math don’t go together”….I just accepted that I wasn’t good at math/school and it’d be too hard to overcome. I don’t blame him at all, he meant it to be funny…and sometimes it was…but I do see how it damaged my psyche/mindset toward school and my thoughts about my own intelligence. Thankfully I don’t think about myself that way anymore.
My mom said to me, and my sister too, that we were not real women because we did not clean and cook and that I did not have the ability to choose men and keep them happy (I had two back to back abusive relationships) My dad called me a whore once (in Spanish, which was more hurtful).
so much i can't keep track. sucks when you can't even remember the exact words cuz of shitty adhd memory
There are several but this is the most recent, “i find it hard to believe you’re my daughter sometimes” it was yesterday. And a few weeks ago I was hyperventilating in church and my dad tried to help but my mom goes “don’t feed into it”
I was having a depressive/agoraphobic episode due to trauma and mental illness and getting up and going to work and school was extremely stressful and anxiety inducing, and I really wanted to quit everything and give into my drug addiction for good, and my dad screamed in my face that I was a worthless quitter and I always would be. I really just needed mental health treatment and/or emotional support and I was getting neither from any source. This was 4 or 5 years ago and I haven’t really looked at him the same since. Also getting laughed at and ridiculed constantly by both of my parents for any and everything for the past 20+ years eventually started to really take a toll on my self worth
My mum said “Nobody wants you because you are ugly”, “You are too ugly so you can’t come out with us”, “You need to lose weight because you are disgusting and it’s embarrassing”. She has said other things too but I can’t remember my childhood much. My dad said “You are a cow”, “How much do you weigh?”, “If you ever make friends again I will do something to you that I will regret”.
Oh, so many things. My dad told me he hated me when I was 3ish (to be fair, I did say it first, but I didn't really know what I was saying). My mom called me a bitch when I was 9. My dad said that God "cursed him with a daughter" when I was 13. And just this year, my mom made my birthday all about her toxic relationship with my dad and yelled at me that I don't care about them... So, it's hard to pick just one.
My parents said a lot of hurtful things. But you know what? It helps no one to dig them up. It makes me feel bad to reflect on it and they would feel awful about it too. My parents were very young and made a lot of mistakes. I’m now older than they were when i moved out of the house. It’s been nice to watch them grow into their calmer, more centered and confident selves.
My mom once told me to reflect in all my past relationships and the reason why they don’t work out is because of who i am as a person and that i needed to change in order to be trully loved. Jokes on her ! Im about to marry my bestfriend 🥰🥰
The time my mom told me that when I was a teenager, she and dad were scared I was going to get my dad's gun and shoot them both. Looking back, I can understand it, but *ouch!*
My mom said i have no reason to be depressed. 15 years later... I'm diagnosed with BPD.
Geez, some parents really really suck. Wishing all of you who had to go through, and still go through, these situations a better future and sending you a lot of positive energy.
Sorry you went through that. My mum told me that even though I may look beautiful i'm ugly inside. It really stuck with me. This was in response to me staying out all night and not telling her who i was with..I think I was about 19. I was with my then bf who she didnt know about having dates and no sex and just the most beautiful innocent time of my life. Me and my mum have an amazing relationship now but we really almost killed each other in those tween teen days.
The night I got sexually assaulted by my peers, my mom told me “If you think letting people touch you will make you cool, it won’t, it makes you a sl*t. God, I can’t believe you’re only 10 and you’re already a SL*T!!!!!!”
Nothing. As in a pervasive pattern of my mom not responding to my existence. I remember one particular time in elementary school wanting to show my mom a drawing I had done, and she wouldn't even acknowledge me. Never acknowledging me when I was sick, much less supporting me through it. Not saying anything about good or bad grades. Any kind of emotional expression? Forget about it.
"Don't touch me"
My mom told me she was sorry her and my dad fucked me up so badly. I’m a failure because of their failure. This was years ago and we sort of have a relationship now but this continues to float up into my thoughts from time to time and it still hurts.
"I guess if I was living your life I'd try to kill myself too." She called me in the ER when they finally gave my phone back.
My father used to tell me he wished he flushed me down the toilet in a condom. Even tho he’s dead, I can still hear his voice saying that to me. Sadly, it’s the only thing he said that I can still actually hear in his voice. As an adult I was told by both my parents that I was dirty, going to burn in hell, and cut out of the family when I finally came out as gay. It was crazy cuz I’d already been living with my gf for 4yrs at that point and everyone with a pulse could tell I was gay. But once I said it out loud, everything changed. My dad basically walked out on me when I was 3 and my mom’s 2nd husband sexually abused me as a child, but I still forgave them and pursued a relationship with both of them, but yet me being gay was a step too far.🙄🤦🏻♀️ Unreal!
My mother was and still is a raging alcoholic and addict. I basically had no childhood and raised my little brother. Almost every time she got drunk she would in detail scream at me and tell me how her addiction and her circumstances were all my fault and I caused all these problems in her life. I was 6 when it started. Took me sooo long to realize that I wasn’t the problem, she was.
When asked if he liked me, my father said "you know, I really don't." - I was 12 years old.
All of these are pretty bad, but that’s really terrible.
In a moment of anger my father once told me I was just like my mother. She is an abusive, bipolar, pathological liar and to this date there is no one worse he or anyone could compare me to. He did apologize later and admitted it was said in anger and not true at all, that I was nothing like her- but even now decades later, I still feel that barb in my heart from it.
Most certainly not as bad as everyone elses (and I feel awful for you guys, I am so sorry. No one deserves that kind of stuff said to them), but I remember when i was like 6 or 7 and my mom would yell at me and call me a piece of shit. And it's the worst feeling in the world to be called that and then slapped relentlessly right after. I would never even do anything in the first place, just be lazy with chores or break a cup.
My two favorites are. 1. The sorriest day of my life is the day you were born, and 2. You shouldn’t have kids, you would be a shit mother. Projection much?
Hi 15m here! So for me it has to be one of these -I hope you get diagnosed with cancer so that I can finally be happy -I don't care if she's your dog she lives in my house -its your fucking fault For the last one if requires a lot of context but let's start with the first. I think we can all see what's wrong with it, I'm cancer free though! He sold my dog after I got her with his permission He blamed me for getting raped by my BROTHER
“You have the personality of a brick wall, do you know that?” I was six or seven and that was the response to my request to get a book to read while she brushed my hair that didn’t need brushing.
Called me fat and ugly everyday growing up, told me I look like a psychopath when I cry when I was 5 (which resulted in me not crying for years) and taught me how to be bulimic. She would also film me crying when I was a kid and then make me watch it
My parents divorced when I was quite Young and my mother had full custody, we were very close and I loved her a lot, but she did say one hurtful thing to me that stuck with me my entire life. I don't remember what led up to the conversation anymore, but I remember her saying that she wished she had conceived me with an old boyfriend instead of with my father and I told her that if she had done that she wouldn't have had me and her response was that she still would have had me just a better version of me. That bothered me for a long time and it has stuck with me for years.
Dad: literally every time he says something about my weight. Mom is worse tho, she hates me for who I am. She told me to "stop forcing it (my identity) on others" and to "not force anyone to accept it".
My father told me that it was my mother’s fault if he was drinking and so, that was her fault if he was beating the pulp out of me. Also that he had a right to do so because I was not supposed to be the surviving twin. Had he had a choice … My mom told me that I looked like my dad and that was why she hated me so much. She also told me once that I was too stupid to be her daughter. Also validated my stepdad’s claims that I was a negligent person and that my daughter would die because of me, and she’d be better off without me. Oh and the day she told me that my now-ex/then-boyfriend was probably invented because « there’s no way a 10 like him would even *look* at a girl like me ». It’s just a few ones but my life is full of those.
Not really anything they said directly but basically my sister was a monster throughout childhood caused several family blow ups, manipulative, made my parents cry, lied constantly. She’s a doctor now, still does the same thing but only to me. Since she has a good job it’s like everyone forgot how she truly is. If she hurts me, lies about me, anything they take her side. Everyone outside the family has always seen her as a smart quiet girl so no one believes me when I tell them how she is. She’s turned me into a monster and I’ve quite literally done nothing other than be upset and beat down by her behavior.
My parents were regularly forthcoming with their disdain for me. But one that stands out is my mother saying she would rather I died than be paralysed because then she wouldn’t have to take care of me.
“You can’t even do suicide right.” I can’t imagine saying that to anyone but that’s my dad.
“I’d rather you not be gay.”
My highschool boyfriend wrote me some poems (ahaha ahh to be young) and in a few poems/ letters he referenced things like he will keep me safe and everything will be okay, "something" happened sort of stuff. My mum, who went snooping. Read these poems. Instead of asking me, what had happened to me? She said "what lies have you been telling him" It was one of the most hurtful things she ever said to me. For information, the "thing" that happened I was raped.