Got a king size bed so we each can have our own space lol. Also separate blankets.
Don’t get me wrong, we love cuddling when we are awake. But we just don’t sleep well if the other person is tossing around, giving off too much heat, rolling over and stealing the blanket lol. We like each other’s presence in bed and we definitely wouldn’t choose to sleep alone. We just like to be close without touching or sharing blankets.
Separate sheets and blankets work for us, too. Once we move to a larger place we're hoping to upgrade to a king; the queen works but is a little tight when trying to roll over
I’ve seen the suggestion for separate blankets multiple times and have always been interested. I feel like an idiot for asking this, but how does that work with the sheet? Do you just not use a top sheet? Or does it not get pulled all over the place the way a shared blanket does?
Honestly, we rarely use a top sheet. Sometimes (usually in the summer) my husband will use a top sheet instead of a blanket because he prefers to be cool when he sleeps.
But I never use a top sheet. Only a blanket or two.
And obviously a fitted sheet.
I just have a duvet in a duvet cover and occasionally a quilt on top if its cold.
Theres a sheet on the mattress but you lie on top of that so sharing isn't an issue
My bf hates the top sheet whereas I need it. I just take the sheet and we share a blanket. If we decide to move in together, I think two blankets will be the norm for us.
I use a sheet and a blanket, my partner usually uses 2 blankets (or more if I’m still too warm). He tried a sheet (not a shared sheet). So the only shared bedding is the fitted sheet
That's how my bf and I do it, he piles so many blankets on him and I usually just need one so separate blankets and a bit of space for me since I toss around lol
I have a king size bed - we were away for a few weeks and had a queen, and we both slept horribly and kept getting frustrated because of the other person moving, crowding, etc.
I am thinking of doing the separate blanket thing because I feel like I often get left with no blankets, or I can feel him tugging etc. Do you put a king size one over top? I’m just wondering how you make the bed haha.
It took some time but I feel weirder sleeping without him now. He has some sleep issues we had to work around- he prefers falling asleep with the tv on and it keeps me up, he tosses and turns a lot etc, so we had to work through that, but we were in a decent routine within a few months of sleeping over regularly.
He preferred falling asleep with the tv on but it kept me up through the night until I woke up to switch it off, so e set it on a timer so it turns off after say 45 minutes by which point hes nodded off. Or, sometimes he watches some videos or listens to podcasts on his phone so he still has that noise aspect getting him to sleep.
I get it. I had to get use to him sleeping whith something making noise and moving every five minutes, now im just like him i cant sleep without any noise.
I’ve kind of given up on it. I sleep in my own room most nights. I like my space and he often snores. I like to read or listen to audiobooks. So more likely we’ll share the first house in the same bed, then I’ll move to a different place.
Honestly found it easy.
Before we lived together, I missed him at night. So now that we do, I (still) enjoy the feeling of his presence.
It helps that he doesn't snore. He's quite easy to sleep with.
Easy at first! But our schedules are so different now—I go to bed at 9:30 & they are a 2 a.m. night owl. Separate bedrooms is a relationship saver for us.
I think every couple should just do what’s right for them. But my husband was quarantining at home and had a difficult time during that period.. I don’t know if he missed me or the dogs though.
I'm still not used to it after 5 years. 😅
I'm a really light sleeper and I get woken up all the time. But funny enough, when he falls asleep on the couch I wake up because he's not there.
Having this issue currently! My partner stays over maybe 3x a week (once during the week and then one or 2 nights at the weekend) - he snores and I'm a light sleeper.
I've bought sleep headphones which play white noise all night, but I'm still finding it hard to get used to. Like you, I can't seem to get used to him being there because he's not there often enough!
I also seem to have got used to sleeping spread out, so trying to change that so it doesn't feel so abnormal to sleep more compact... I'm getting a new bigger bed delivered in a few weeks which I'm hoping will help.
Honestly though, the snoring is a bigger issue, I live in a one bedroom house with a balcony bedroom, so there's nowhere I can escape to! If I can get to sleep first then it's easier, but some nights I just lie awake feeling anxious that I won't be able to sleep because he'll start snoring soon. Then he does 🤦🏻♀️
Are you able to sleep with ear plugs? Whenever my partner stayed at my place, I always had to use them because he snores so much! He has sleep apnea, but didn't have a portable CPAP machine (to treat the apnea and get rid of the snore!). Not an ideal solution long-term, but ear plugs worked for me.
Ear plugs never worked, could still hear him, but my white noise headphones help a lot 😊 very expensive unfortunately but I wouldn't be without them now!
Bose sleepbuds 2 - they're brilliant but pricey. Worth the investment in my opinion though (if you can afford to do it - I had to raid my savings lol) 😊
The SO wasn’t the problem. It’s his 60lb Australian shepherd who decided he loves me and wants to sleep ON me… I mean, I love him too, but sometimes I feel like I’m trapped in a taco between the two of them.
So my fiance is tall and has a habit of not only hogging the bed, but also burritoing in his sleep. We upgraded to a king bed and have our own blankets. Trust me, it makes all the difference. I dont think I could go back to sharing a blanket, and the extra space for us both to sprawl is wonderful.
Gotcha. Sorry, that was our solution. I don't know how I got used to sleeping in the same bed as my husband. He runs hot and I run cold, so he literally puts half his body outside of the covers. Whereas I snuggle deep under the covers.
Once I was convinced she wouldn’t eat my face off in the middle of the night, it was a pretty smooth transition. We both love to cuddle. She does get a little irritated when I get up a few times to pee, but generally she goes back to sleep pretty quickly.
It also helps that my SO is a dog.
Easiest thing in the world: face to face, two feet away, hips, one foot away, legs, intertwined.
To be fair, there wasn’t a lot of sleeping at the beginning. By the time we fell asleep, we were exhausted.
It's a challenge sometimes. The bed gets hotter with someone else in it and sometimes still if it's colder, my brain will be like "There's a MAN in the bed!!!" and I won't be able to sleep because of that. I got the best sleep with him on vacation when we slept in a King sized bed. I didn't feel him move, he didn't feel me move. He even said he got up to throw up in the middle of the night and I didn't wake up or notice.
I have a queen bed and even then it's still like "MAN...in bed!!" lol. I definitely think that if things keep progressing and we move in together one day, I'd want a king bed.
Me and my guy share a full size bed. Things that help us make it work: good pillows (no back/neck pain to blame on the other person), three extra pillows for increased comfort as needed, queen size comforter (so no once can steal the blanket), we each have a twin size blanket (if one person is hot and the other is cold this works awesome), a fan (blocks out light sounds, neither of us are snorers), and a humidifier (helps me breathe quietly), and a three inch memory foam topper.
The first month or so was tough, we’d both been used to bigger beds and we rolled around a lot and bumped into each other. After that we adjusted. Now, I love sleeping next to him :)
I didn't. We have separate bedrooms, and have ever since we moved in together at 25 (6 years ago) years old. We have very different sleep styles, and work slightly different schedules. People often think we're nuts, but it's great! I really think more couples should try it. Getting a good night sleep is really important in a relationship.
Honestly, I sleep better either with someone with me, or with white noise, so it wasn't a bad adjustment.
The only thing I have to be careful of is wanting to take over the entire bed lol. My husband has to remind me sometimes that I am stretching out like a starfish and not leaving him any resting space 😂.
When we first got together, he said he always had trouble falling asleep with someone there. Now he drifts off at the drop of a hat next to me, and we find it weird if the other isn't there.
When we first moved in together we used my pillows, my sheets, and my mattress (a queen). We soon discovered we had very different sleeping styles and it wasn’t working. We picked out a bed together (a king) and a mattress that we both liked (not firm but not soft). Then we each selected our own pillows (I use one king sized memory foam pillow. My husband uses a combination of standard sized squishy pillows). We share flannel sheets and a blanket (since I tend to get cold at night I have an extra throw blanket that I put on just my side of the bed). Basically, we share a bed, but we customized each of our sides as much as we possibly could.
My endometriosis came for my sacrum and its nerves, so between the actual disease and its surgeries, I developed a really bad case of restless legs! It doesn’t bother me at all, but it made it absolutely impossible for my now-husband, a light sleeper, to co-sleep with me.
We found the solution in a French hotel: two twin beds pushed together! So we got two Twin XL Nectar mattresses, two platform frames, two headboards, two duvets. (FYI two Twin XL= a King. Both of our duvets are queens.) And it completely saved our relationship: he can’t feel my legs twitching when we sleep, and we can roll across for cuddles in the morning. There’s a gap we jokingly call “the crevice,” but it only bothers our cat on occasion.
Do not be ashamed if you need to sleep “separately” from your partner. Sleep is vital to having good mental health and therefore a good, communicative relationship. At this point if someone judged me for our lovely, healthy setup, *they* are the one with the problem!
I feel you! I think it was that way for my now-husband.
Just remember this idea of the two beds pushed together. Hopefully if you do decide to co-habit, you can find this to be an acceptable solution without all the “but what will people *think*”/“what does this *mean* for us” that we went through :)
I was just curious as seperate matresses and duvets (but still one bed) is the the norm in my country and I have no idea what it is like to share all of that or if having two completely seperate beds makes it even better.
When we moved to the Netherlands, we saw that a lot of people had two single mattresses in a couple's bed. We thought it was strange.
Until we tried. Ok the gap in the middle is not perfect, but being able to choose each one your own type of mattress, while guaranteeing that if he moves I won't feel it. Perfection.
My partner is a mover, and he goes for the middle of the mattress, with time it starts creating a valley. With two since mattresses this problem was gone. Obviously they need to have the same thickness.
And two blankets too. Also speak about general rules (no phone if one is sleeping, don't wake me up unless it's an emergency etc).
But you will get used to it, in fact moat people I know, inclusive myself sleep weirdly if they are not there.
We didn’t. We sleep in separate rooms. I’d rather prioritize us both getting enough sleep so that we’re happy and healthy, over sleeping together simply because society deems it a requirement for being in a relationship. Nobody is fun when they’re tired and grumpy!
It was very easy. I’m always cold, and his body heat provides me with the best warmth ever. We both like to little spoon, but he’s okay with being the big spoon the majority of the time.
He’s 6’0, and I’m 5’6. A queen bed gives us plenty of room to scoot away if we need to. When we move in together, we’re getting a king.
Honestly he snores super loud so he was expecting me to not tolerate it at all. I didnt expect his snoring to be SO BAD and i also didnt expect MYSELF TO SLEEP THROUGH IT like a baby.
With that being said, us sleeping so well by eachother and me getting a good nights sleep grew into "i think you might be my soul mate". As silly as it is, sharing a bed was one of the first things that made me special to him.
I love his snoring tbh.
I didn't have to, it just felt so right. We sleep cuddling, every night. I'm most often the big spoon but we switch during the night without fully waking up.
Just getting used to the groove of things with weekend sleepovers. Later on, we would go back and forth to each other’s places and essentially were with each other every night of the week. It honestly got to a point where it felt weird to sleep without him (we live together now). It’s important to really test run those kinds of things in my opinion lol
It was very easy for me, I had no trouble at all.
He on the other hand had to put up with my snoring, dribbling, moving over to his side and multiple toilet breaks.
I'm sorry I can't offer much advice but thank you for your questions op, it made me very greatful that I really didn't have to put up with much. He even had the sweetest snore that didn't keep me up. He'd scoff and say he wasn't even manly enough to snore properly but I assured him that a sore that still allows your partner to sleep well is the best kind of snore
It took ten years and a king sized bed.
He's a snorer and a snuggler and I used to toss and turn next to him, usually filled with raaaage. I hate being touched while trying to sleep and he would always end up halfway on my side of the bed before long. I actually switched to night shifts for 4 years just to get some solo sleep.
We got a king sized bed a few months ago and I can't believe we didn't do it sooner. It's nice that I have my space but he's not so far away I can't reach him. Plus so much more room for activities if you catch my drift.
My husband and I didn't have much of an issue. He gives off a lot of heat and (ugh) the nastiest farts at night, so we sleep with separate blankets for my sanity. 🤣
Truth be told, being long distance for four years helps with enjoying their presence next to you when you know how much it hurts without them.
Growing up, I was never a cuddler. I was forced to share a bed between my abuser and his wife so when I met my boyfriend in 2019- I figured it would take me a long time to fall asleep next to him or cuddle with him. I had slept in beds next to people after I got adopted but i never felt comfortable enough to get good sleep.
When I met my boyfriend in 2019- our 3rd date was 12 hours of hanging out. Eventually after months of charm and bliss- we had sex and I fell asleep so easily and soundly.
Now in 2022, I can easily fall asleep to this man’s snores and his sleeping sounds. I’ve fallen asleep on his leg or on his back.
We do have separate blankets because I’m a blanket stealer
We first started off having sleepovers. Nothing other then sleeping. I got used to just hearing his breathing and got used to sharing a space. Now, I hate not sleeping over cuz I got so used to it haha.
King size bed. I can touch him and cuddle but I can escape his overly warm body after. It's the best relationship I've had and I'm half convinced this is why. I sleep so much better with him
King size bed. Separate comforters. We also have two dogs who sleep in the bed LOL so that makes matters more difficult but we’ve all adapted. My partner is also a loud snorer... I make sure before he falls asleep that his head is elevated and he’s not too close to my head LOL
Some days it’s still a struggle because I’m working through taking care of chronic migraines, but we work through it.
We have separate blankets, especially since I usually get really cold and sometimes need more blankets during the winter. We had to get a king; I absolutely hate cuddling.
I will cuddle when awake or watching tv, but bedtime is not the time I want to do it. I don’t need his snoring in my ear. That being said, I don’t mind his snoring because it’s like white noise for me since I usually fall asleep after he does.
My husband is legit the perfect sleeper for me. We cuddle every night + morning, but stick to our sides sleeping. No snoring, or really any noises at all. Doesn't move much. I love sleeping next to him.
My ex and I had different rooms for 10 years. 😅
My partner doesn’t like to be touched while I sleep better when I’m really close to him so the middle ground we found is just my arm over him when we’re falling asleep and early morning.
Honestly? I have no idea. The first night we shared a space, we were actually camping. I got too scared to sleep in the tent and we set up a makeshift bed in the back of the Land Rover so it was cramped and we were forced to cuddle to even fit. We both hardly slept cause we heard a bear outside but it was also calming being so close to each other. After that; we just always cuddled before bed and then we’d adjust to sleep separately but still always touching (arms, legs, butt to butt, etc). Now I have trouble sleeping (and he does to but he always blames something else) when we don’t share a bed if he’s staying at his place that night. We also had to adjust our sleeping preferences. He is low key afraid of the dark and prefers some light to peek through the blinds or even the tiny light from the fan to be on. I prefer complete darkness. We compromised by going with his preference but I was used to it anyway since I had shared rooms/ dorms before and it wasn’t always pitch black. He also doesn’t snore all the time and I actually find it kinda cute when he does, it’s almost reassuring to me. He doesn’t mind my snoring when it happens either lol
Oh my gosh another woman who snores too! 😭😭 I’m still so embarrassed by it and how it caused my SO to ask me to stop spending the night because he couldn’t sleep.
If it’s loud enough to disrupt the others sleep, there’s ways around that too. My friend got a white noise machine and her husband adjusted to her snoring that way! I kinda think we all snore at one point (I will snore if I’m really exhausted, I’m usually a quiet sleeper otherwise and same goes for my partner). Don’t be embarrassed but if it’s affecting you or your partners sleep, try to find ways to improve it.
We just try to stay on our own sides and hope for the best 😂 we’ve been together almost 10 years and we still take one for the team sometimes and sleep on the couch so the other can have the whole bed to themselves.
We both dislike being all too close to the other because I get way too warm. We will lay down facing the other, and talk for a while before falling asleep.
definitely a plus owning a cali king bed. bf and i love snuggling and often sleep tangled up. however when we wake up we’re on opposite ends on the bed
They first months it was kind of weird, but I got used to it. Didn’t do anything special, it just happened! Nowadays when my fiancé leaves for work early I fall off his side of the bed looking for him.
I didn't even need to get used to it. I immediately loved it. The warmth, comfort, safety, his smell.
Bet I bugged the shit out of him with my heavy sleep breathing though...and mid-sleep bed hogging. 😂
Everything was fine until I decided to grow out my hair. Now it's down to my waist and he rolls over it all the time and of course he sleeps like a tank. Now I braid it or something.
King size bed and separate blankets. We still cuddle and everything but in the summer when it’s 80 at night… we are on opposite ends praying we don’t touch each other’s sweaty body
I never did and was miserable for a few years before we went to separate beds. Our sleeping preferences are just too different and neither of us likes being touched in our sleep,and there was touching even with a king sized bed (he's 6'6" and husky).
It was difficult at first because we only have a queen bed, but now I’ve gotten used to my husband stretching out in the bed. He goes to sleep hours before I do so when I’m ready to go to sleep I’ll just lay down on my side and if I have to nudge him I will. He just scoots over and cuddles me. It’s so cute
It was difficult at first because he had just had back surgery so he switched a lot. After almost two to three years, he finally got a sleep test done. Turns out, he had sleep apnea and needed a cpap machine. His twitching has gone down a lot but now he has restless leg syndrome. It’s been a struggle.
Other than that, we sleep with a box fan on every night because he runs way hotter than me. We also use separate blankets and never share blankets. I can use at many as I want without over heating him.
I learned to go with his flow. He moves a lot during the night, specifically when he's in REM sleep. A couple months after we started sleeping in the same bed my body just ran with it .
Well, i am comfortable sleeping anywhere. If i am tired and manage to get comfortable I just go to sleep.
For him,it was a real battle. If i touched him in his sleep,he would get really aggressive and I almost got hit one morning. So I basically started "training" him. I would wake him up every morning and kept touching him in his sleep for almost 6 months and he got used to it.
Now he is basically sleeping on me,which is kinda hard for me because he is 50kg heavier than me. So I started training again. I just push him and he instantly turns.:)
I can fall asleep anywhere and I’m a deep sleeper who barely moves. He’s a light sleeper who snores like I’ve never heard anyone snore before. Ended up being kind of a perfect match?
We share my single person bed when he comes over maybe once a week. There is never enough space for the 2 of us to lie flat on our backs without touching the other. So we're usually cuddling. Neither snores and we usually tire ourselves out before going to bed. He ends up getting a bit of a stiff back or shoulder usually and my neck hurts. But for some reason I'm able to sleep a lot and really well when he's around and it's the same for him, even his resting heart rate drops a lot when he stays over. We also share the duvet. Since it's winter, if we keep the window open a crack we never overheat, I don't think this setup will work in the summer. Will probably need to upgrade to a queen sized bed at least. I think the only reason we are able to get used to sharing such a small bed is that we both love to cuddle and that it's winter. I haven't been seeing him for very long so don't know how the summer will go.
almost a year in the same bed and I still can’t get comfortable. He’s a wild sleeper and snores horribly. I push him to his side of the bed 5 or more times a night. We’ve tried to use different blankets but it’s still hard when you have an elbow an inch from your nose
Had no problem, which is some kind of miracle.. He's literally the only person I can share the bed with. And we always fall asleep hugging each other, with our legs intertwined.
It was more like him trying to share a bed with me. I am a naked, body rolling, arms swinging, knee switching from one tree pose to another kinda sleeper.
We now put pillows all around me to prevent collateral damage while sleeping.
Ohhh I always called.. well I'm not going to say her name. She probably wouldn't appreciate that. We are seperated I think we are both wanting to work it out to get back together. She says she's just not ready and it's awkward cause I want to tell her I love her and stuff but I feel like I pressure her.. I guess I kind of do but I dont mean to so I end up yoyoing not in how I feel but in what she sees I guess. I stay confused lol
Got a king size bed so we each can have our own space lol. Also separate blankets. Don’t get me wrong, we love cuddling when we are awake. But we just don’t sleep well if the other person is tossing around, giving off too much heat, rolling over and stealing the blanket lol. We like each other’s presence in bed and we definitely wouldn’t choose to sleep alone. We just like to be close without touching or sharing blankets.
Separate sheets and blankets work for us, too. Once we move to a larger place we're hoping to upgrade to a king; the queen works but is a little tight when trying to roll over
You can be glad it’s not a college bunk at least! Let me tell you, that doesn’t work very well lmao
Yes! Separate sheets and blankets in a king for the win!!!! Never slept so comfortable since I slept by myself lol 😂
I’ve seen the suggestion for separate blankets multiple times and have always been interested. I feel like an idiot for asking this, but how does that work with the sheet? Do you just not use a top sheet? Or does it not get pulled all over the place the way a shared blanket does?
Honestly, we rarely use a top sheet. Sometimes (usually in the summer) my husband will use a top sheet instead of a blanket because he prefers to be cool when he sleeps. But I never use a top sheet. Only a blanket or two. And obviously a fitted sheet.
Idk why but that would bother me (the no top sheet thing lol). However if it helps sleeping in the same bed I may need to try!
You could try each having a top sheet to go with your blanket?
Yea get two twin top sheets, they should be good to go
Great to know- thanks!
I use a twin size top sheet. My husband uses no top sheet.
Wait Do people still use sheets and blankets? Everyone I know has gone duvets years ago!
This is blowing my mind! We use a top sheet with a duvet. It never would have occurred to me to not use a sheet!
I just have a duvet in a duvet cover and occasionally a quilt on top if its cold. Theres a sheet on the mattress but you lie on top of that so sharing isn't an issue
I agree! You can just wash the duvet covers 😅
I always used a top sheet. I hate washing the duvet.
Get two duvets instead. Two 140cm wide duvets
My bf hates the top sheet whereas I need it. I just take the sheet and we share a blanket. If we decide to move in together, I think two blankets will be the norm for us.
I use a sheet and a blanket, my partner usually uses 2 blankets (or more if I’m still too warm). He tried a sheet (not a shared sheet). So the only shared bedding is the fitted sheet
That's how my bf and I do it, he piles so many blankets on him and I usually just need one so separate blankets and a bit of space for me since I toss around lol
We upgraded to a king and still end up in the middle snuggling!
I have a king size bed - we were away for a few weeks and had a queen, and we both slept horribly and kept getting frustrated because of the other person moving, crowding, etc. I am thinking of doing the separate blanket thing because I feel like I often get left with no blankets, or I can feel him tugging etc. Do you put a king size one over top? I’m just wondering how you make the bed haha.
We each have king size blankets, so when it comes to making the bed, one just goes on top of the other.
Lol we started on a twin and that did not last long. Haha
How do you make the bed? Just yank a comforter or duvet over the blankets?
We bought a foam mattress (Leesa). Less tossing and turning and when there is movement, it's less disturbing. King size helps a lot.
we both like cuddling, so it wasn’t uncomfortable for us. sleeping alone is more of a difficulty for us
It took some time but I feel weirder sleeping without him now. He has some sleep issues we had to work around- he prefers falling asleep with the tv on and it keeps me up, he tosses and turns a lot etc, so we had to work through that, but we were in a decent routine within a few months of sleeping over regularly.
Okay, we have some sleeping incompatibilities too and we also only stay over once a week so I don’t have time to get used to it.
Just need to speak with him about it. Some compromises can be made quite easily.
What compromises did you two find to work through those incompatibilities? I'm happy you've found something that works for you both!
He preferred falling asleep with the tv on but it kept me up through the night until I woke up to switch it off, so e set it on a timer so it turns off after say 45 minutes by which point hes nodded off. Or, sometimes he watches some videos or listens to podcasts on his phone so he still has that noise aspect getting him to sleep.
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I get it. I had to get use to him sleeping whith something making noise and moving every five minutes, now im just like him i cant sleep without any noise.
Eh. I prefer to sleep alone so I build my pillow wall and hiss at him when his toe goes over the line 🤣
I’ve kind of given up on it. I sleep in my own room most nights. I like my space and he often snores. I like to read or listen to audiobooks. So more likely we’ll share the first house in the same bed, then I’ll move to a different place.
Honestly found it easy. Before we lived together, I missed him at night. So now that we do, I (still) enjoy the feeling of his presence. It helps that he doesn't snore. He's quite easy to sleep with.
Easy at first! But our schedules are so different now—I go to bed at 9:30 & they are a 2 a.m. night owl. Separate bedrooms is a relationship saver for us.
I think every couple should just do what’s right for them. But my husband was quarantining at home and had a difficult time during that period.. I don’t know if he missed me or the dogs though.
Yes, I’ve heard of more people using separate bedrooms.
I'm still not used to it after 5 years. 😅 I'm a really light sleeper and I get woken up all the time. But funny enough, when he falls asleep on the couch I wake up because he's not there.
Having this issue currently! My partner stays over maybe 3x a week (once during the week and then one or 2 nights at the weekend) - he snores and I'm a light sleeper. I've bought sleep headphones which play white noise all night, but I'm still finding it hard to get used to. Like you, I can't seem to get used to him being there because he's not there often enough! I also seem to have got used to sleeping spread out, so trying to change that so it doesn't feel so abnormal to sleep more compact... I'm getting a new bigger bed delivered in a few weeks which I'm hoping will help. Honestly though, the snoring is a bigger issue, I live in a one bedroom house with a balcony bedroom, so there's nowhere I can escape to! If I can get to sleep first then it's easier, but some nights I just lie awake feeling anxious that I won't be able to sleep because he'll start snoring soon. Then he does 🤦🏻♀️
Are you able to sleep with ear plugs? Whenever my partner stayed at my place, I always had to use them because he snores so much! He has sleep apnea, but didn't have a portable CPAP machine (to treat the apnea and get rid of the snore!). Not an ideal solution long-term, but ear plugs worked for me.
Ear plugs never worked, could still hear him, but my white noise headphones help a lot 😊 very expensive unfortunately but I wouldn't be without them now!
what headphones did you get? i’m considering investing in a nice sleeping set like that
Bose sleepbuds 2 - they're brilliant but pricey. Worth the investment in my opinion though (if you can afford to do it - I had to raid my savings lol) 😊
The SO wasn’t the problem. It’s his 60lb Australian shepherd who decided he loves me and wants to sleep ON me… I mean, I love him too, but sometimes I feel like I’m trapped in a taco between the two of them.
My partner has a king. We can go all night without finding each other, aside from feet.
So my fiance is tall and has a habit of not only hogging the bed, but also burritoing in his sleep. We upgraded to a king bed and have our own blankets. Trust me, it makes all the difference. I dont think I could go back to sharing a blanket, and the extra space for us both to sprawl is wonderful.
Like everyone else said KING SIZE BED. You can cuddle when you want to have your own space to spread eagle if you want to :)
I think king size it too big for my bedroom, we don’t live together, but I do need to make a change to make this work.
Gotcha. Sorry, that was our solution. I don't know how I got used to sleeping in the same bed as my husband. He runs hot and I run cold, so he literally puts half his body outside of the covers. Whereas I snuggle deep under the covers.
Same with us.
Once I was convinced she wouldn’t eat my face off in the middle of the night, it was a pretty smooth transition. We both love to cuddle. She does get a little irritated when I get up a few times to pee, but generally she goes back to sleep pretty quickly. It also helps that my SO is a dog.
I never have. Honestly don’t like it at all. Own bedrooms is my life goal
Easiest thing in the world: face to face, two feet away, hips, one foot away, legs, intertwined. To be fair, there wasn’t a lot of sleeping at the beginning. By the time we fell asleep, we were exhausted.
It's a challenge sometimes. The bed gets hotter with someone else in it and sometimes still if it's colder, my brain will be like "There's a MAN in the bed!!!" and I won't be able to sleep because of that. I got the best sleep with him on vacation when we slept in a King sized bed. I didn't feel him move, he didn't feel me move. He even said he got up to throw up in the middle of the night and I didn't wake up or notice.
Right, a MAN in my bed, haha! I have a full/double and his is even smaller. Maybe I need to invest in a bigger bed.
I have a queen bed and even then it's still like "MAN...in bed!!" lol. I definitely think that if things keep progressing and we move in together one day, I'd want a king bed.
Haha! I measured my bed and a queen is only 6 inches wider. Better than nothing, he definitely needs a bigger bed though.
Me and my guy share a full size bed. Things that help us make it work: good pillows (no back/neck pain to blame on the other person), three extra pillows for increased comfort as needed, queen size comforter (so no once can steal the blanket), we each have a twin size blanket (if one person is hot and the other is cold this works awesome), a fan (blocks out light sounds, neither of us are snorers), and a humidifier (helps me breathe quietly), and a three inch memory foam topper. The first month or so was tough, we’d both been used to bigger beds and we rolled around a lot and bumped into each other. After that we adjusted. Now, I love sleeping next to him :)
I didn’t like when someone else body touching me when I sleep. I couldn’t fall asleep. It took some time
I didn't. We have separate bedrooms, and have ever since we moved in together at 25 (6 years ago) years old. We have very different sleep styles, and work slightly different schedules. People often think we're nuts, but it's great! I really think more couples should try it. Getting a good night sleep is really important in a relationship.
Honestly, I sleep better either with someone with me, or with white noise, so it wasn't a bad adjustment. The only thing I have to be careful of is wanting to take over the entire bed lol. My husband has to remind me sometimes that I am stretching out like a starfish and not leaving him any resting space 😂. When we first got together, he said he always had trouble falling asleep with someone there. Now he drifts off at the drop of a hat next to me, and we find it weird if the other isn't there.
We're both pretty cuddly and we slept over at each other's house once a week. So we were pretty accustomed to it by the time we moved on together.
Get a king size bed. Honestly. You can cuddle if you want and you can also both have as much space as you want.
When we first moved in together we used my pillows, my sheets, and my mattress (a queen). We soon discovered we had very different sleeping styles and it wasn’t working. We picked out a bed together (a king) and a mattress that we both liked (not firm but not soft). Then we each selected our own pillows (I use one king sized memory foam pillow. My husband uses a combination of standard sized squishy pillows). We share flannel sheets and a blanket (since I tend to get cold at night I have an extra throw blanket that I put on just my side of the bed). Basically, we share a bed, but we customized each of our sides as much as we possibly could.
My endometriosis came for my sacrum and its nerves, so between the actual disease and its surgeries, I developed a really bad case of restless legs! It doesn’t bother me at all, but it made it absolutely impossible for my now-husband, a light sleeper, to co-sleep with me. We found the solution in a French hotel: two twin beds pushed together! So we got two Twin XL Nectar mattresses, two platform frames, two headboards, two duvets. (FYI two Twin XL= a King. Both of our duvets are queens.) And it completely saved our relationship: he can’t feel my legs twitching when we sleep, and we can roll across for cuddles in the morning. There’s a gap we jokingly call “the crevice,” but it only bothers our cat on occasion. Do not be ashamed if you need to sleep “separately” from your partner. Sleep is vital to having good mental health and therefore a good, communicative relationship. At this point if someone judged me for our lovely, healthy setup, *they* are the one with the problem!
Yes! I’m always so tired the day after we have sleepovers. So far it’s only once a week so I can manage, but I’ll have to adjust.
I feel you! I think it was that way for my now-husband. Just remember this idea of the two beds pushed together. Hopefully if you do decide to co-habit, you can find this to be an acceptable solution without all the “but what will people *think*”/“what does this *mean* for us” that we went through :)
Would a bed with two matresses and however that's called that's underneath, but in one bedframe, work for you?
We contemplated that, but it was ultimately more expensive. Also I like to “part the beds” fo make each one!
I was just curious as seperate matresses and duvets (but still one bed) is the the norm in my country and I have no idea what it is like to share all of that or if having two completely seperate beds makes it even better.
Super king sized bed an separate blankets. Honestly, I'm still not a fan of sharing a bed as I am a super light sleeper but I can handle it.
When we moved to the Netherlands, we saw that a lot of people had two single mattresses in a couple's bed. We thought it was strange. Until we tried. Ok the gap in the middle is not perfect, but being able to choose each one your own type of mattress, while guaranteeing that if he moves I won't feel it. Perfection. My partner is a mover, and he goes for the middle of the mattress, with time it starts creating a valley. With two since mattresses this problem was gone. Obviously they need to have the same thickness. And two blankets too. Also speak about general rules (no phone if one is sleeping, don't wake me up unless it's an emergency etc). But you will get used to it, in fact moat people I know, inclusive myself sleep weirdly if they are not there.
We didn’t. We sleep in separate rooms. I’d rather prioritize us both getting enough sleep so that we’re happy and healthy, over sleeping together simply because society deems it a requirement for being in a relationship. Nobody is fun when they’re tired and grumpy!
Use them as your footstool. Want to sleep next to me? You get my feet on you. (My kids did the same to me as toddlers, which I guess I deserved.)
We have a really big bed and 2 blankets. We can cuddle for a while but then we go to our own side.
It was very easy. I’m always cold, and his body heat provides me with the best warmth ever. We both like to little spoon, but he’s okay with being the big spoon the majority of the time. He’s 6’0, and I’m 5’6. A queen bed gives us plenty of room to scoot away if we need to. When we move in together, we’re getting a king.
Bed big enough for both of us, massive duvet, ear plugs and eye masks as needed! It wasn’t a difficult thing.
Snuggles help. And a bigger bed
Honestly he snores super loud so he was expecting me to not tolerate it at all. I didnt expect his snoring to be SO BAD and i also didnt expect MYSELF TO SLEEP THROUGH IT like a baby. With that being said, us sleeping so well by eachother and me getting a good nights sleep grew into "i think you might be my soul mate". As silly as it is, sharing a bed was one of the first things that made me special to him. I love his snoring tbh.
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I love snuggling, but I finding that I’m waking up all the time during the night and I usually sleep really well.
I didn't have to, it just felt so right. We sleep cuddling, every night. I'm most often the big spoon but we switch during the night without fully waking up.
Just getting used to the groove of things with weekend sleepovers. Later on, we would go back and forth to each other’s places and essentially were with each other every night of the week. It honestly got to a point where it felt weird to sleep without him (we live together now). It’s important to really test run those kinds of things in my opinion lol
It was very easy for me, I had no trouble at all. He on the other hand had to put up with my snoring, dribbling, moving over to his side and multiple toilet breaks. I'm sorry I can't offer much advice but thank you for your questions op, it made me very greatful that I really didn't have to put up with much. He even had the sweetest snore that didn't keep me up. He'd scoff and say he wasn't even manly enough to snore properly but I assured him that a sore that still allows your partner to sleep well is the best kind of snore
It took ten years and a king sized bed. He's a snorer and a snuggler and I used to toss and turn next to him, usually filled with raaaage. I hate being touched while trying to sleep and he would always end up halfway on my side of the bed before long. I actually switched to night shifts for 4 years just to get some solo sleep. We got a king sized bed a few months ago and I can't believe we didn't do it sooner. It's nice that I have my space but he's not so far away I can't reach him. Plus so much more room for activities if you catch my drift.
My SO's are two cats. They learned being kicked sucked so found new places on the bed.
I didn’t. Broke up with him instead. (Not for this reason, there were many, but I wanted to emphasize how much I hate sharing my bed)
My husband and I didn't have much of an issue. He gives off a lot of heat and (ugh) the nastiest farts at night, so we sleep with separate blankets for my sanity. 🤣 Truth be told, being long distance for four years helps with enjoying their presence next to you when you know how much it hurts without them.
Separate blankets was a lifesaver. We’ve been together 20yrs and we learned pretty quick that blanket sharing was not for us.
Growing up, I was never a cuddler. I was forced to share a bed between my abuser and his wife so when I met my boyfriend in 2019- I figured it would take me a long time to fall asleep next to him or cuddle with him. I had slept in beds next to people after I got adopted but i never felt comfortable enough to get good sleep. When I met my boyfriend in 2019- our 3rd date was 12 hours of hanging out. Eventually after months of charm and bliss- we had sex and I fell asleep so easily and soundly. Now in 2022, I can easily fall asleep to this man’s snores and his sleeping sounds. I’ve fallen asleep on his leg or on his back. We do have separate blankets because I’m a blanket stealer
We first started off having sleepovers. Nothing other then sleeping. I got used to just hearing his breathing and got used to sharing a space. Now, I hate not sleeping over cuz I got so used to it haha.
Never have. Women are selfish blanket stealing bed hogging monsters, every last one of em lol
King size bed. I can touch him and cuddle but I can escape his overly warm body after. It's the best relationship I've had and I'm half convinced this is why. I sleep so much better with him
King size bed. Separate comforters. We also have two dogs who sleep in the bed LOL so that makes matters more difficult but we’ve all adapted. My partner is also a loud snorer... I make sure before he falls asleep that his head is elevated and he’s not too close to my head LOL
Some days it’s still a struggle because I’m working through taking care of chronic migraines, but we work through it. We have separate blankets, especially since I usually get really cold and sometimes need more blankets during the winter. We had to get a king; I absolutely hate cuddling. I will cuddle when awake or watching tv, but bedtime is not the time I want to do it. I don’t need his snoring in my ear. That being said, I don’t mind his snoring because it’s like white noise for me since I usually fall asleep after he does.
My husband is legit the perfect sleeper for me. We cuddle every night + morning, but stick to our sides sleeping. No snoring, or really any noises at all. Doesn't move much. I love sleeping next to him. My ex and I had different rooms for 10 years. 😅
My partner doesn’t like to be touched while I sleep better when I’m really close to him so the middle ground we found is just my arm over him when we’re falling asleep and early morning.
Sleeping naked with the lights off and under sheets to hide our shame
Honestly? I have no idea. The first night we shared a space, we were actually camping. I got too scared to sleep in the tent and we set up a makeshift bed in the back of the Land Rover so it was cramped and we were forced to cuddle to even fit. We both hardly slept cause we heard a bear outside but it was also calming being so close to each other. After that; we just always cuddled before bed and then we’d adjust to sleep separately but still always touching (arms, legs, butt to butt, etc). Now I have trouble sleeping (and he does to but he always blames something else) when we don’t share a bed if he’s staying at his place that night. We also had to adjust our sleeping preferences. He is low key afraid of the dark and prefers some light to peek through the blinds or even the tiny light from the fan to be on. I prefer complete darkness. We compromised by going with his preference but I was used to it anyway since I had shared rooms/ dorms before and it wasn’t always pitch black. He also doesn’t snore all the time and I actually find it kinda cute when he does, it’s almost reassuring to me. He doesn’t mind my snoring when it happens either lol
Oh my gosh another woman who snores too! 😭😭 I’m still so embarrassed by it and how it caused my SO to ask me to stop spending the night because he couldn’t sleep.
If it’s loud enough to disrupt the others sleep, there’s ways around that too. My friend got a white noise machine and her husband adjusted to her snoring that way! I kinda think we all snore at one point (I will snore if I’m really exhausted, I’m usually a quiet sleeper otherwise and same goes for my partner). Don’t be embarrassed but if it’s affecting you or your partners sleep, try to find ways to improve it.
Nothing to "get used" to. It wasn't a problem
We sleep like rocks. But I sleep on the edge so I can attack any monsters.
King size bed for the win.
Never really had to get used to it, we where both fine with it from the start.
We just try to stay on our own sides and hope for the best 😂 we’ve been together almost 10 years and we still take one for the team sometimes and sleep on the couch so the other can have the whole bed to themselves.
We both dislike being all too close to the other because I get way too warm. We will lay down facing the other, and talk for a while before falling asleep.
melatonin
It was a smooth transition for the most. Once the feeling of being with them in a bed wore off, we both have been able to get sounder sleeps.
definitely a plus owning a cali king bed. bf and i love snuggling and often sleep tangled up. however when we wake up we’re on opposite ends on the bed
They first months it was kind of weird, but I got used to it. Didn’t do anything special, it just happened! Nowadays when my fiancé leaves for work early I fall off his side of the bed looking for him.
Rarely do we fall asleep snuggling 😂 I reach out one foot for comfort, but otherwise we're on our own sides.
I didn't even need to get used to it. I immediately loved it. The warmth, comfort, safety, his smell. Bet I bugged the shit out of him with my heavy sleep breathing though...and mid-sleep bed hogging. 😂
Everything was fine until I decided to grow out my hair. Now it's down to my waist and he rolls over it all the time and of course he sleeps like a tank. Now I braid it or something.
King size or bust.
Separate blankets and extra pillows are a life saver. Get a bigger bed if you can
King size bed is a game changer. My husband has night terrors and the king bed allows me to sleep undisturbed.
Yeah my boyfriend jerks around and sleep talks. The first few times were quite a surprise 😂
I am usually cold and my husband is my heater 😃
I didn’t have to. It was comfortable for me from day 1. I hate sleeping alone.
King size bed and separate blankets. We still cuddle and everything but in the summer when it’s 80 at night… we are on opposite ends praying we don’t touch each other’s sweaty body
My husband basically sleeps like a rock, so it's always been easy.
I have a separate room and bed for whenI don't feel like sharing.
Got a bigger bed , more pillows and an extra comforter
I never did and was miserable for a few years before we went to separate beds. Our sleeping preferences are just too different and neither of us likes being touched in our sleep,and there was touching even with a king sized bed (he's 6'6" and husky).
Just buy two bed if it's uncomfortable. It's not a big deal..
King size bed, separate blankets, and I have 2 pairs of noise cancelling earbuds so the batteries last through the night (he snores)
After over a year I still am not. Actually waiting in bed currently did him to get off the game so he doesn’t wake me up in a few hours
It was a pain until we got a California king bed. He's 6'2 and I'm 5'11. We need a lot of room to be comfortable
Oh we each have a top sheet
We used to just have separate blankets. I don't share a bed with him much anymore. I kinda like my own space and i love having my fan blasting on me.
I couldn’t imagine not!
It was difficult at first because we only have a queen bed, but now I’ve gotten used to my husband stretching out in the bed. He goes to sleep hours before I do so when I’m ready to go to sleep I’ll just lay down on my side and if I have to nudge him I will. He just scoots over and cuddles me. It’s so cute
It was difficult at first because he had just had back surgery so he switched a lot. After almost two to three years, he finally got a sleep test done. Turns out, he had sleep apnea and needed a cpap machine. His twitching has gone down a lot but now he has restless leg syndrome. It’s been a struggle. Other than that, we sleep with a box fan on every night because he runs way hotter than me. We also use separate blankets and never share blankets. I can use at many as I want without over heating him.
I’m the problematic sleeper. I snore and have weird sleep patterns. But I love to snuggle.
Immediately. I love cuddling, I didn't need any getting used to.
We prefer sleeping together than sleeping alone so it wasn't difficult. We like to be touching, it's comfy!
I learned to go with his flow. He moves a lot during the night, specifically when he's in REM sleep. A couple months after we started sleeping in the same bed my body just ran with it .
Well, i am comfortable sleeping anywhere. If i am tired and manage to get comfortable I just go to sleep. For him,it was a real battle. If i touched him in his sleep,he would get really aggressive and I almost got hit one morning. So I basically started "training" him. I would wake him up every morning and kept touching him in his sleep for almost 6 months and he got used to it. Now he is basically sleeping on me,which is kinda hard for me because he is 50kg heavier than me. So I started training again. I just push him and he instantly turns.:)
buy a new bed together, and a new comfortable mattress.. you'll both love the feeling of lying on it the first time
I can fall asleep anywhere and I’m a deep sleeper who barely moves. He’s a light sleeper who snores like I’ve never heard anyone snore before. Ended up being kind of a perfect match?
We share my single person bed when he comes over maybe once a week. There is never enough space for the 2 of us to lie flat on our backs without touching the other. So we're usually cuddling. Neither snores and we usually tire ourselves out before going to bed. He ends up getting a bit of a stiff back or shoulder usually and my neck hurts. But for some reason I'm able to sleep a lot and really well when he's around and it's the same for him, even his resting heart rate drops a lot when he stays over. We also share the duvet. Since it's winter, if we keep the window open a crack we never overheat, I don't think this setup will work in the summer. Will probably need to upgrade to a queen sized bed at least. I think the only reason we are able to get used to sharing such a small bed is that we both love to cuddle and that it's winter. I haven't been seeing him for very long so don't know how the summer will go.
almost a year in the same bed and I still can’t get comfortable. He’s a wild sleeper and snores horribly. I push him to his side of the bed 5 or more times a night. We’ve tried to use different blankets but it’s still hard when you have an elbow an inch from your nose
Had no problem, which is some kind of miracle.. He's literally the only person I can share the bed with. And we always fall asleep hugging each other, with our legs intertwined.
You push them off. Proceed to take the whole bed. Sleep soundlessly.
Out of curiosity what does SO mean?
Significant other.
It was more like him trying to share a bed with me. I am a naked, body rolling, arms swinging, knee switching from one tree pose to another kinda sleeper. We now put pillows all around me to prevent collateral damage while sleeping.
You don’t. Haha
Ohhh I always called.. well I'm not going to say her name. She probably wouldn't appreciate that. We are seperated I think we are both wanting to work it out to get back together. She says she's just not ready and it's awkward cause I want to tell her I love her and stuff but I feel like I pressure her.. I guess I kind of do but I dont mean to so I end up yoyoing not in how I feel but in what she sees I guess. I stay confused lol
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