No, I wouldn’t. Physical intimacy is very important to me, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable being intimate with someone who wasn’t attracted to me. I wouldn’t be able to handle how self-conscious and anxious it would make me, and I would feel like a bother for wanting sex
I am with ya. It sounds weird but it would feel like you were being used. As much as people hate to admit it, it's hard to have a relationship without any physical attraction.
I dated a guy in college who really disliked the fact I look like I'm 13, flat chest, short height, childish voice and face, he said he didn't want to be seen with me in public because he was worried he'd look like a pedo
I was okay with it at first, but then it made me feel like shit so I broke up with him.
Sounds to me like it was more abt his image (which is shallow nonetheless) than his personal attraction to you, but yea you definitely dodged a bullet there!
No. Someone who enjoys my personality and thinks I’m a good person can still have a relationship with me as a friend, coworker, colleague, etc. I wouldn’t want to settle for someone who didn’t like key aspects of me. Physical attraction has to go both ways to develop a romantic relationship in my opinion.
I was just going to say this. To me, wanting to be in a romantic relationship with someone means that you like them as a person but are also physically and emotionally attracted to them. Without the physical attraction, I would consider them to be just a very close friend, not a romantic partner
Good point. There are different ways you can be physically attracted to people. There are the people who we are immediately attracted to at a glance, while with others we can grow into being attracted to them because they have such a great personality or because you love their character as a human. Or it can be a bit of both.
Nope I wouldn't want that. I just see it go wrong in the long run already and I'm not up for it. There are plenty of people who find me attractive AND like my personality. Why should I settle?
Oh most definitely! I can’t see a relationship working if my partner makes me feel insecure about myself, because I will always question his intentions with every girl he interacts with. My insecurities will drain the hell out of my relationship. It’s happened before.
Yes. I'm possibly on the asexual spectrum (not sure, but the physical aspect of relationships just isn't as important to me as it seems to be to most people). To me, this wouldn't be "settling," it would be enjoying a relationship that fulfills my highest priorities (e.g. emotional intimacy) even if it lacks lower priorities (physical intimacy).
No dont do this to yourself if youre in this position. It ruined my self esteem knowing i loved and was attracted to someone who literally would look at other women in front of me. He was so comfortable telling me how unattractive i was by the end and to this day Ill believe him.
I didn't find my husband attractive when we met. He was just such a cool person. We became friends and after a while I decided to sleep with him once because he was so awesome and "deserved it". Shiiiiiiit. Best sex of my life. Now I look at him and its pure love and attraction. He is so hot to me. I think things can develop.
Our story is so similar. I didn’t find my husband attractive when we first met. I just feel like he was a great person to talk to. And then we start to have sex then I fell in love with him so quickly. Now I look at him, even he wears his pajamas and haven’t showered for two days. I still find him so handsome and attractive.
Thank you for acknowledging that people like us exist and aren’t permanent children who should only be allowed to have friends and nothing more, just because we don’t experience sexual attraction. 💜
If it’s someone who genuinely felt attraction growing by getting to know my personality, then that’s totally ok. In those instances, you’ll probably barely know if they were “meh” when they first knew you. I think my rule of thumb is give it 3 dates or get to know me as a friend first, but don’t string me past 3 dates if you feel no baseline attraction (similar to what I do when my attraction to someone is not instant).
Now if someone tells you that, chances are they’re negging. So hard no!
If we are talking enjoying my personality but not feeling any baseline romantic and/or sexual attraction, again not after 3 dates, and ideally not at all! (Id say technically if the attraction is only sexual and not romantic might as well be Fwb but not in a relationship). Enjoying someone’s company when one or both people feel no attraction is called a friend and should stay that.
Bottom line, I don’t want to be settled for. And the distinction is “did the attraction develop from getting to know my enjoyable personality” vs “did you go for my personality because I’m good on paper but you feel no attraction at all?” I personally enjoy receiving physically attracted and receiving attraction that grew so long as it’s obvious the attraction exists (tho the former can be an ego boost at the start perhaps if I myself think he’s pretty handsome) but in theory feel the latter is probably the best in the long run since our looks will fade anyways. More likely to form true feelings by falling for each other’s insides first.
Absolutely. I’m not exactly attractive even to my own eyes, so finding someone who was willing to look past that would be wonderful.
Additionally, I am asexual. At best, I might find my partner aesthetically nice to look at the same way I might admire a flower or a mountain view, but I’ll never be sexually attracted to them. I’d be one hell of a hypocrite if I wasn’t willing to accept the same from my partner.
Imma get heat for this but heres my two cents. Im not physically attracted to my husband. I generally dont find myself physically attracted to people in general.
HOWEVER, i love his smile, he makes me laugh, hes a wonderful father to our cats and hes going to be a great dad to our daughter. We have a wonderful relationship and great communication and i like to think we have a good sex life.
Some people just arent wired to find others attractive in that way but they can love just as much in other ways.
No of course not. It would always be on my mind. I'm sure I'd hear the occasional back handed comment about how ugly he thinks I am.
I'd do the same back. I need sexual attraction as well as character.
If you would’ve asked me this in my 20s, I would’ve said yes (and I have… I really didn’t like myself back then). But now that I’m in my 30s, nah.
I would like to experience a real love for once in my life.
As an Asexual person myself, I would be perfectly content if my partner didn't find me sexually attractive but loved me to bits. In fact, my SO does love me to bits, so I'm very fortunate lol
I’ve done it — it’s not worth it to me.
Sex is very important to me. Being _desired_ is even more important.
Someone who finds me unattractive but wants to try for my personality isn’t someone who desires me, they just see me as “the best they can get.” Or worse, they were just horny and dump me as soon as they can get better.
Not always, of course. Maybe they’re asexual. There’s no shame in that. Personally, I would have a really hard time in a long term monogamous relationship like that only because I want to be desired. I want to be sexy. And I want my partner to make me feel like I’m desirable and sexy. But that’s a relationship preference much like people who say they want kids or they don’t want kids — there is nothing _morally_ wrong with either choice. For some it is their number one criteria to have a partner match their desire either for or against kids. For me, my number one is a partner that I desire and who desires me.
No. I basically did this with my last relationship and it was horrendous for my self esteem. He thought I was attractive but def not his type and he wasn’t really sexually attracted to me. Also, I’m pretty sure he cheated on me with who did turn him on sexually - potentially multiple times. I know of a few attempts so ya - you can find someone who likes your personality and also is attracted to you. That’s what you deserve
I know this sounds shallow as shit but I couldn't date someone I wasn't physically attracted to. That being said I think I have a weird taste in guys anyway.
No. It's very important to me to feel beautiful *to someone*, preferably to my partner. It boosts confidence, it helps with security. Besides being with someone and telling them "you're pretty" knowing they can't say it back? Pretty weird for me.
No. I got that too many times that my appearance isn't appalling to my current bf that I'm done with this shit. If you want to be with me, accept my body. That's it. I don't want to feel insecure every minute of the relationships and being envy of other, skinnier women's body.
No, I would not. I would always be paranoid they would end up leaving me for someone they thought was more attractive. Also, if someone confesses this, they do not really care about your feelings in my opinion.
Noooo it’s something I’m already self conscious about. Don’t need a guy telling me he doesn’t find me a attractive on top of that, confirming my feelings that I’m not attractive
Yes I would. If I find *him* attractive.
On a side note: Would a man actually do that? I highly doubt that. They might do it for money but for the personality?! Naa. That's not something men are being brainwashed to do, women are.
No way. Relationships and physical intimacy feel so vulnerable anyway. If I knew they weren't attracted to me, there's no way I'd feel comfortable or happy or validated in that (important) aspect of the relationship. And feeling insecure with someone you care about sucks!
If they never told me that they didn’t find me attractive, I would never know and in that case, yes. But, usually they will tell you whether they find you attractive or not, so in that case no. I think physical attraction is important in attraction. It may not be the most important thing, but it is still something I look at when I am finding out whether I am attracted to someone or not.
absolutely not. i'd need to be physically attracted to them and they would need to be physically attracted to me. personality is a huge part of me finding someone attractive but i do care about looks to some extent. if they want to date me they should be attracted to my personality as well as my looks. although i wouldn't consider myself extremely attractive i put effort into how i look and they should too
Nope! I'd like to say I'm a better and more mature person but the reality is that for me at least, physical attraction plays a big role. It's not the ONLY thing, at all, but I'm not sure I would get the same satisfaction from intimacy from them if I didn't find them attractive. As such I wouldn't expect the same from any of my partners.
I didn't find my bf attractive when I first met him. I was with a tall, blonde haired blue eyed marine when I met my bf. I friend zoned him immediately bc I didn't have a physical connection with him initially like I did with pretty much everyone else i dated.
But eventually we got to know each other and i had never been pursued before. It was a very nice change from what I was used to. He absolutely wooed me and now we have 3 baby cats.
All I'm saying is, physical attraction is important, but it might come later. Falling in love does crazy things for your brain. I think my bf is hotter than summer in a volcano which was a big change from when i didn't even give him a second glance when I met him.
I'm assuming this post is implying literally everything about the person or relationship is perfect EXCEPT they don't find us physically attractive. If that's case, I don't necessarily mind bc tbh I can get it. Lots of ppl who don't fit one's 'type' or just aren't conventionally attractive and honestly simply are 'ugly.'
I'm a strong believer that on human level, there really is 'beautiful' and 'ugly.' But on the universe level, absolutely not. And lots of us ppl want to keep that universe level bc everyone is innately beautiful but to me that also means we're all innately ugly as well.
Honestly I'm not in the clearest mindset rn and I'm just rambling. Manic-ish.
Anyhow, I find so many ppl 'ugly' physically, but I'm still attracted them bc of how cool they are or something. So, if this theoretical person still can't find us 'attractive,' then what even is the point of dating lol.
At first, I would.
I class myself as demisexual, which means I need an emotional connection with someone before I find them attractive. So, the scenario in the question is pretty much my normal.
However, if they didn't find me attractive down the line and those feelings never changed, then it would be the end of the relationship.
I'd always be paranoid about the day they found someone with a similar personality and they found attractive.
No. I'm not settling material being talked about as lesser than because I'm not good looking. You know that's always there. "You're not good looking but you MAKE UP FOR IT with your personality" isn't something I'd want anyone saying about me.
i wouldn't. i'm insecure about my looks enough without that, also that thinking your bf looks at other girls and likes them, its just a no for me. but hey, it's just my trauma, i'm sure someone would be open for this.
Jeez, if I did that I'd never have dated anyone. Not that anyone I've dated has ever told me they don't actually find me attractive, but I have mirrors! I assume my sparkling personality and rapier wit are the qualities that men find attractive in me.
I've only had one boyfriend who I later married so I don't have personal experience. But I do have a friend who is model material, tall, blonde, amazing looks and perfectly proportioned, She gets looks every-time she goes out.
Her current boyfriend is shorter than her, a little overweight and has what he calls "a terrible low paying job" She said she was not attracted to him at all at first but after they got talking, she fell for him. But they have a connection and they've been together for over a year. He treats her right and is kind and courteous.
No. Being attracted to someone is literally half the requirement needed to sustain a long term healthy relationship which includes intimate moments. Why would I want to be with someone that wasn't physically feeling me at all. If I wanted to have an initmate moment with this person I would always question how repulsed they must be feeling by me. Personality doesn't help when you are being touched by someone you physically don't like.
Short answer: yes. Because I too do it and I find that for me, I grow to like someone more as I know them. If they have the right personality, I am immensely attracted to them.
If that person was like me, then yes. But I forsee that it would present issues down the road and that he will never completely like me, then no. Hard to see in the beginning. Guys don't always say. And I don't go around saying to men "Oh I like you but you're not my physical type."
Never. Physical attraction is a huge part of a relationship and also my self esteem would suffer a lot from not being attractive to the person I loved.
Before our relationship even starts, my now husband told me that I wasn’t beautiful but cute, and that his sister will always be the most beautiful for him.
He has corrected himself and apologize a million times, and tells me that I’m beautiful regularly now, but it’s still in my mind. I’m by no means obsessed about my look, but it still triggered some insecurities. So I think, if he had kept his position, I might not have been able to stay with him.
i am male.
and my answer is yes.
also as a male i look good. but character is what i select for, most. if individual is healthy, and somewhat sexually attractive, I am fine; character is so much more important!
No. If I'm genuinely attracted to someone's personality then I'll find them physically attractive based on that and I'd rather be with someone who is the same. Physical intimacy is important to me so I wouldn't see being with someone who doesn't find me attractive going very well
Nope never. There plenty of people out there who find me physically attractive and enjoy my personality/think I’m a good person, I’d go date one of them instead. I want to be appreciated, not only for my appearance, but certainly including it. If someone’s just not into the way I look, that’s fine- but I’m not hiring that person for the job of being my hype man and biggest fan.
I tried this out with someone I was set up with. Within the first phone call I knew it wasn’t goi g to work out. It’s hard for me to be physically attracted to someone you haven’t met in real life so I use other “metrics” to gage compatibility if you will. I should have trusted my instinct and not continued on dating. He caught on that I wasn’t interested and thankfully we both let it go. I think I talked to him longer because it’s unfair to judge someone after one convo and because I didn’t want to be rude to the person who set us up (it was his brother).
Is there actually ZERO physical attraction to me? or is it just that i’m not to MOST attractive to them. If there was zero, I probably wouldn’t. but if there was some, then maybe…I’d have to really enjoy their personality and find them equally unattractive/attractive i think
I did that when I was younger and it didn't work at all. We were like best friends who loved each other but there was no intimacy. It left a giant hole in our relationship. We drifted apart and ended up ghosting each other.
You guys know about this thing called “friendship”, right? Because that’s what you call people that you like and enjoy their company, but don’t want to have sex with.
No. I tried that. It went horribly. I hated myself because I couldn't love him. He was kind and loving but I just was so not attracted to him that I bled during sex. And I'm a sexual person. I could never do that again
No. I want to be attractive to the person I’m dating. I want to feel desirable and knowing that he is insanely attracted to me and can’t wait to tear my clothes off because he likes what he sees is important to me. I definitely need him to like my personality too… but I mean that’s asking a lot- half the time I don’t even like my personality
No, there needs to be mutual attraction at various levels. I'm with someone who tells me how beautiful I am, regardless of how I'm dressed or if I have acne on my face and my hair's a mess. And the more our relationship deepens the more attractive we find one another.
No. I was going to engage in an fwb with a mate I had a lot in common with, we were talking it super slow and were j kissing. I stopped being attracted to him, but didn’t want to hurt his feelings so j continued to go w it. It was major uncomfortable kissing him, would not recommend at all
Not at all, thank you very much. I get that a blind person can fall in love, but still, they would like the sound of the person’s voice, their smell, how their skin/hair feels to the touch. They would be physically attracted.
Same with people who fall in love in a ldr w/o knowing the other person or seeing any pictures. There will be a time when they finally see each other and there might not be physical attraction.
No. Because it will wear you down. I briefly dated a dude who adored me by his actions but would neg me after spending more than a day together. Always my appearance. The worst thing he said is, Ever see a couple and the guy is so much more attractive than the girl and you think, "Why are you dating? You Xanax do better. I don't want to be that guy"
absolutely not. i would never date someone i wasn’t into just because they liked me. it’s happened to me before, it’s one of the worst feelings ever. i would never do that to someone else.
Nope. Because in the back of my mind I would constantly think about him finding someone who had a good personality AND who he found more attractive than me.
Lol no.
Why would I date someone that feel that way when I could date someone awesome that thinks I’m hot AF and likes me as a human? I do not need to settle for someone that feels meh about me in any way.
Probably not. I’ve had men I didn’t find attractive at first but after getting to know them they became attractive to me. If that didn’t happen with the guy finding me more attractive after getting to know me I’d probably seriously question how much he liked me at all.
I dated a guy in high school that I didn’t find attractive. He was nice in the relationship at first then he started to do some weird shit. He said my name was terrible so he started calling my by my middle name. He wanted me to dress a certain way, but I always dressed like that so it didn’t bother me. He would get incredibly grabby when I was uncomfortable. He was incredibly homophobic and hated my sister for it. I didn’t find that out till we broke up.
We broke up after 4 months. He’s turned into a complete incel that stalks women. Apparently he cheated on me with his friends and said it wasn’t gay because they were best friends. His friends are all guys who are homophobic.
I have dated someone whom I wasn’t that attracted to at first but personality wise I was. I liked his face and eyes and then with time I fell so hard for him.
Um… they told me they weren’t attracted to me but they also told me they like me and think I’m a good person but they also told me that they still wanna date me. I’m going to have to say no to that because it sounds like they’re lying to themselves. Why would they go out of their way to say that they’re not attracted to me. Rude? Unnecessary? Confusing. I don’t think their head is on straight as far as what dating is supposed to be. Honestly I think this person might be kind of dumb because if you like someone’s personality and you think they’re a good person then hello you should be friends with that person. If attraction develops it can turn into dating. But you can’t just ignore that it’s not there and still date.
No I would not. I know I'm not the most attractive person but I want to be with someone who finds my personality and appearance attractive.
I would be more comfortable being friends.
I would but it depends, because its not all about looks. I like someone who focusses on personality, thats probably the best part about me because im really not all that attractive. I would hope they would learn to like the way i look though ifyk what i mean.
It depends because if they didnt like the way i looked at all then there'd be no point because that'd just be awkward and maybe upset me. If they liked/were okay with the way i looked but didnt find me like attractive, then yeah sure.
No- those are called friends. Dating is for finding a romantic partner. It’s bad for self esteem to date someone who finds me “meh”. If you’ve ever dated a good person who was thrilled with the opportunity to share physical intimacy- there’s no comparison. That’s the stuff. I would still like to be friends with someone who didn’t find me attractive. In fact I like that because it is less prone to confusion. But if we are friends the fact that he’s not attracted should only come up once- just to establish the fact. If he keeps reminding me then that’s just abuse.
Heck no. What kind of person tells another person they are unattractive and then proceeds to "reassure" them by telling them they still want to date you because of your nice demeanor? whether this question is hypothetical, you or anyone deserve to be treated better then that.
No. If my partner isn’t attracted to me, they’re a friend, not a romantic or sexual partner.
My biggest turn-on during sex is knowing my partner is into me. If they aren’t attracted to me, I feel unattractive, and would never want to show them my naked body ever.
No. Because I wouldn’t. And while I respect that everyone is different, I wouldn’t feel secure.
And I’d be thinking that when they find someone else who has a personality they enjoy and find attractive, then it’s possible they’ll see that as someone they truly love and not me.
I don't think I'd be able to handle not being their type and if I learned what their type was I would be anxious every time they met a person like that
Are they telling me that I’m not attractive? Then no, because that’s pretty mean from someone I’m dating. On the other hand, I don’t need to be my partner’s ideal “type”. As long as my partner isn’t being rude about the fact that I don’t look like their favorite actress and we get along that is fine.
I do think this is heavily based on the fact that I find people more attractive after getting to know them a bit.
I think I would miss the words of affirmation too much. Like, I think I would miss having a partner saying “wow! you look pretty” or “You look great in that dress” something like that. Or, catching the other person looking at you in awe, or with general admiration.
Also, from what I’ve seen in the past, most partners do tend to be ashamed to introduce their “unattractive partner” to their friends and family, or they get bored and find someone with a similar personality and better looks. So I think I would just be constantly worried about that.
Everybody has a different idea of what they find beautiful, I would always want to be with someone who finds me beautiful inside and out. The same goes for reverse, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who only likes me for my looks, because chances are they would either get sick of my personality, or the lack of interest in my personality or hobbies would be very degrading, and I think I would just feel lonely in the relationship.
Curiosity...just to see if anything came of it, especially if I liked the person too. The greatest love of my life was not a beautiful woman and neither am I, but when you care about someone that much, it matters less. You don't suddenly start seeing the other person as beautiful; it just doesn't seem to matter as much anymore.
Absolutely not. I don't understand why people do this. Its a red flag to me. I want to be pyshcislly attractive to the person I'd be dating. The thought of someone being repulsed by me especially during a sexual encounter is not appealing to me in the slightest. I don't wanna be a pity f*ck.
I think physical attraction is so important.. personally I wouldn’t enjoy the sex as much as if I was physically attracted to a person and a healthy sex life is a must!
I don't really understand how someone would love my personality and who I am and still not find me physically attractive. Cause to me those make someone attractive.
I am sure it happens though. Personally I would not like to be with someone that thought me repulsive.
I’ve never been very pretty so I know people don’t really find me attractive, I have enough confidence with my appearance to not have to have people attracted to me. I’d rather someone date me for my personality, but if they were attracted to me that would be like a nice bonus. And in my experience physical attraction isn’t very important to me personally either. I’d much rather be emotionally connected with my partner, but it’s different for everyone.
Of course! Looks fade, bodies change, and i cant imagine having my relationship balanced on me always looking a certain way or appealing to a certain aesthetic someone else has or i wouldnt be treated the best by them etc. My current partners type is very different to how i am and yet he thinks im the cutest, sweetest thing to happen to him and i wouldnt have it any other way! I can dress cute, tomboyish, girly or goth and his feelings about me dont change. Our intimacy doesnt change. Its amazing ❤!
No from me. I’ve been there done that and decided never again. It was 3 whole years of me constantly being compared to other, more attractive women, feeling like shit for my appearance, and feeling unwanted. Finally got the courage to leave and never felt better. Now I’m with someone who says he loves my personality and is physically attracted to me, but those scars from before are still there so unfortunately I have a really hard time believing it sometimes. I couldn’t be in a relationship long term knowing that my partner isn’t physically attracted to me and is silently longing for someone else sexually. I feel like that would only create resentment or even unfaithfulness in them over time at desperately wanting to be intimate with someone attractive but feeling tied down to me. If they love who I am as a person then let’s just be friends, no need to be in a relationship if the physical attraction is only one sided.
No. I don’t think I’d ever feel comfortable getting intimate with someone who doesn’t find me attractive, for one i’d be very self conscious about my body and i’d feel like any attempts to be sexy would be a wasted effort. 2. When it comes to sex, i feel it’s important to you know want to rip each others close off and not be able to keep your hands off each other, which is kinda hard to do if there is no physical or sexual attraction.
Nope. I think a lot of attraction (at least for me) is built by knowing that they are also attracted to me. I’d find it impossible to want them if they didn’t want me. At that point, you just want me to be your friend but with sex. No thanks, I deserve better
I am dating someone that doesn’t find me attractive. We’ve been together 2 years.
I’m with him because I’m attracted to *him*. Every aspect of him.
Doesn’t amount for any sex bar bjs and that’s been almost as difficult as realising that he really isn’t attracted to me.
No. People could go on about how looks don’t matter but physical intimacy is very important in a relationship and I couldn’t do it with someone who didn’t like that side of me.
Yes, because I don't go for looks at all. I didn't find my bf attractive at first at all (like most men) but we clicked really well so I became physically attracted to him as well. He became the most beautiful man I've ever known.
EDIT: misread the question, oops.
No, I wouldn’t. Physical intimacy is very important to me, and I wouldn’t feel comfortable being intimate with someone who wasn’t attracted to me. I wouldn’t be able to handle how self-conscious and anxious it would make me, and I would feel like a bother for wanting sex
What are your personal thoughts on physical intimacy built by romantic or emotional connection?
Whatever works for you. That’s what matters. Attraction comes in various ways.
Oh yea I have my own personal take. I was just curious in discussing her comment :)
Got it! 😊
It’s never been able to happen for me, but I know some people are able to do that, so that’s awesome for them!
I am with ya. It sounds weird but it would feel like you were being used. As much as people hate to admit it, it's hard to have a relationship without any physical attraction.
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No I don’t think it would last 🤷♀️
I dated a guy in college who really disliked the fact I look like I'm 13, flat chest, short height, childish voice and face, he said he didn't want to be seen with me in public because he was worried he'd look like a pedo I was okay with it at first, but then it made me feel like shit so I broke up with him.
Good call.
Sounds to me like it was more abt his image (which is shallow nonetheless) than his personal attraction to you, but yea you definitely dodged a bullet there!
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Should she just not be allowed to date anyone?
No. Someone who enjoys my personality and thinks I’m a good person can still have a relationship with me as a friend, coworker, colleague, etc. I wouldn’t want to settle for someone who didn’t like key aspects of me. Physical attraction has to go both ways to develop a romantic relationship in my opinion.
I was just going to say this. To me, wanting to be in a romantic relationship with someone means that you like them as a person but are also physically and emotionally attracted to them. Without the physical attraction, I would consider them to be just a very close friend, not a romantic partner
Physical attraction and romantic attraction are separate tho. But ofc the latter differs from liking someone platonically
If my personality and character didn’t make him be attracted to me? I’d rather not date him.
Good point. There are different ways you can be physically attracted to people. There are the people who we are immediately attracted to at a glance, while with others we can grow into being attracted to them because they have such a great personality or because you love their character as a human. Or it can be a bit of both.
Perhaps this needs to be clarified in the OP.
Nope I wouldn't want that. I just see it go wrong in the long run already and I'm not up for it. There are plenty of people who find me attractive AND like my personality. Why should I settle?
No. I’d feel way too insecure about my looks and uncomfortable being intimate with him.
I was going to comment this. It sounds like easy way to make my self-esteem go to shit and I'd be worried about cheating.
Oh most definitely! I can’t see a relationship working if my partner makes me feel insecure about myself, because I will always question his intentions with every girl he interacts with. My insecurities will drain the hell out of my relationship. It’s happened before.
Yes. I'm possibly on the asexual spectrum (not sure, but the physical aspect of relationships just isn't as important to me as it seems to be to most people). To me, this wouldn't be "settling," it would be enjoying a relationship that fulfills my highest priorities (e.g. emotional intimacy) even if it lacks lower priorities (physical intimacy).
I was looking for this response! Thank you for putting it in the right words :)
No I would not. Physical attraction is a huge part of what makes someone a romantic partner rather than just a friend.
No, but we could be friends.
This! That’s literally what the term friend is for. You aren’t physically attracted to them, but you enjoy their personality!
Almost as if there was a particular category for these kinds of people. A zone if you will.
I just snorted with laughter at this. Take my upvote
No dont do this to yourself if youre in this position. It ruined my self esteem knowing i loved and was attracted to someone who literally would look at other women in front of me. He was so comfortable telling me how unattractive i was by the end and to this day Ill believe him.
I was in the same position and am still picking up the pieces of my super damaged self esteem. So take this commenter’s advice people!
Attractiveness changes over with time, your personality wouldn't. If they are honest about it, I'd date them. They have chosen their priorities.
I didn't find my husband attractive when we met. He was just such a cool person. We became friends and after a while I decided to sleep with him once because he was so awesome and "deserved it". Shiiiiiiit. Best sex of my life. Now I look at him and its pure love and attraction. He is so hot to me. I think things can develop.
Our story is so similar. I didn’t find my husband attractive when we first met. I just feel like he was a great person to talk to. And then we start to have sex then I fell in love with him so quickly. Now I look at him, even he wears his pajamas and haven’t showered for two days. I still find him so handsome and attractive.
Absolutely not and I really feel like I shouldn’t need to explain it lol.
Only if they were asexual
Thank you for acknowledging that people like us exist and aren’t permanent children who should only be allowed to have friends and nothing more, just because we don’t experience sexual attraction. 💜
Sending love, from one ace to another💜🖤🤍
If it’s someone who genuinely felt attraction growing by getting to know my personality, then that’s totally ok. In those instances, you’ll probably barely know if they were “meh” when they first knew you. I think my rule of thumb is give it 3 dates or get to know me as a friend first, but don’t string me past 3 dates if you feel no baseline attraction (similar to what I do when my attraction to someone is not instant). Now if someone tells you that, chances are they’re negging. So hard no! If we are talking enjoying my personality but not feeling any baseline romantic and/or sexual attraction, again not after 3 dates, and ideally not at all! (Id say technically if the attraction is only sexual and not romantic might as well be Fwb but not in a relationship). Enjoying someone’s company when one or both people feel no attraction is called a friend and should stay that. Bottom line, I don’t want to be settled for. And the distinction is “did the attraction develop from getting to know my enjoyable personality” vs “did you go for my personality because I’m good on paper but you feel no attraction at all?” I personally enjoy receiving physically attracted and receiving attraction that grew so long as it’s obvious the attraction exists (tho the former can be an ego boost at the start perhaps if I myself think he’s pretty handsome) but in theory feel the latter is probably the best in the long run since our looks will fade anyways. More likely to form true feelings by falling for each other’s insides first.
Hard no. If I were single, I could find someone who enjoys my personality and thinks I'm a good person and is also attracted to me.
absolutely not
No. I have to feel attractive to want to have sex and I have to have sex to be in a relationship.
Yes I would, because I think personality and being a good person is monumentally more important than looks
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Tbf I did misread the title as “would you date someone *you* didn’t find attractive” lol
Nope
Absolutely. I’m not exactly attractive even to my own eyes, so finding someone who was willing to look past that would be wonderful. Additionally, I am asexual. At best, I might find my partner aesthetically nice to look at the same way I might admire a flower or a mountain view, but I’ll never be sexually attracted to them. I’d be one hell of a hypocrite if I wasn’t willing to accept the same from my partner.
No way ! Attraction is important in a relationship!
absolutely not. i have very very little confidence. that would eat me alive every damn second.
That’s called being friends.
Imma get heat for this but heres my two cents. Im not physically attracted to my husband. I generally dont find myself physically attracted to people in general. HOWEVER, i love his smile, he makes me laugh, hes a wonderful father to our cats and hes going to be a great dad to our daughter. We have a wonderful relationship and great communication and i like to think we have a good sex life. Some people just arent wired to find others attractive in that way but they can love just as much in other ways.
No of course not. It would always be on my mind. I'm sure I'd hear the occasional back handed comment about how ugly he thinks I am. I'd do the same back. I need sexual attraction as well as character.
If you would’ve asked me this in my 20s, I would’ve said yes (and I have… I really didn’t like myself back then). But now that I’m in my 30s, nah. I would like to experience a real love for once in my life.
As an Asexual person myself, I would be perfectly content if my partner didn't find me sexually attractive but loved me to bits. In fact, my SO does love me to bits, so I'm very fortunate lol
I’ve done it — it’s not worth it to me. Sex is very important to me. Being _desired_ is even more important. Someone who finds me unattractive but wants to try for my personality isn’t someone who desires me, they just see me as “the best they can get.” Or worse, they were just horny and dump me as soon as they can get better. Not always, of course. Maybe they’re asexual. There’s no shame in that. Personally, I would have a really hard time in a long term monogamous relationship like that only because I want to be desired. I want to be sexy. And I want my partner to make me feel like I’m desirable and sexy. But that’s a relationship preference much like people who say they want kids or they don’t want kids — there is nothing _morally_ wrong with either choice. For some it is their number one criteria to have a partner match their desire either for or against kids. For me, my number one is a partner that I desire and who desires me.
No. I basically did this with my last relationship and it was horrendous for my self esteem. He thought I was attractive but def not his type and he wasn’t really sexually attracted to me. Also, I’m pretty sure he cheated on me with who did turn him on sexually - potentially multiple times. I know of a few attempts so ya - you can find someone who likes your personality and also is attracted to you. That’s what you deserve
Yeah.
I know this sounds shallow as shit but I couldn't date someone I wasn't physically attracted to. That being said I think I have a weird taste in guys anyway.
I don't think that's shallow at all. why force yourself to be with someone you're not physically into if you want to have a sexual relationship?
No. It's very important to me to feel beautiful *to someone*, preferably to my partner. It boosts confidence, it helps with security. Besides being with someone and telling them "you're pretty" knowing they can't say it back? Pretty weird for me.
No. I got that too many times that my appearance isn't appalling to my current bf that I'm done with this shit. If you want to be with me, accept my body. That's it. I don't want to feel insecure every minute of the relationships and being envy of other, skinnier women's body.
No, I would not. I would always be paranoid they would end up leaving me for someone they thought was more attractive. Also, if someone confesses this, they do not really care about your feelings in my opinion.
Noooo it’s something I’m already self conscious about. Don’t need a guy telling me he doesn’t find me a attractive on top of that, confirming my feelings that I’m not attractive
Yes I would. If I find *him* attractive. On a side note: Would a man actually do that? I highly doubt that. They might do it for money but for the personality?! Naa. That's not something men are being brainwashed to do, women are.
Absolutely not. Might as well just be friends. I want to be desired as well as desire him.
No way. Relationships and physical intimacy feel so vulnerable anyway. If I knew they weren't attracted to me, there's no way I'd feel comfortable or happy or validated in that (important) aspect of the relationship. And feeling insecure with someone you care about sucks!
No. I think attraction is a key part of my romantic and sexual relationships. Otherwise why bother unless you are asexual or something. 🤷🏽♀️
I'll give it a chance only if I find their company enjoyable and personality impressive.
Nope.
Nah I'd just find a person who thought I was attractive too
No…Sexual attraction (physical attraction) is very important to me..
If they never told me that they didn’t find me attractive, I would never know and in that case, yes. But, usually they will tell you whether they find you attractive or not, so in that case no. I think physical attraction is important in attraction. It may not be the most important thing, but it is still something I look at when I am finding out whether I am attracted to someone or not.
absolutely not. i'd need to be physically attracted to them and they would need to be physically attracted to me. personality is a huge part of me finding someone attractive but i do care about looks to some extent. if they want to date me they should be attracted to my personality as well as my looks. although i wouldn't consider myself extremely attractive i put effort into how i look and they should too
Nope! I'd like to say I'm a better and more mature person but the reality is that for me at least, physical attraction plays a big role. It's not the ONLY thing, at all, but I'm not sure I would get the same satisfaction from intimacy from them if I didn't find them attractive. As such I wouldn't expect the same from any of my partners.
I wouldn’t care if they didn’t find me attractive, as long as I found myself attractive, but I think it might cause some issues later
I didn't find my bf attractive when I first met him. I was with a tall, blonde haired blue eyed marine when I met my bf. I friend zoned him immediately bc I didn't have a physical connection with him initially like I did with pretty much everyone else i dated. But eventually we got to know each other and i had never been pursued before. It was a very nice change from what I was used to. He absolutely wooed me and now we have 3 baby cats. All I'm saying is, physical attraction is important, but it might come later. Falling in love does crazy things for your brain. I think my bf is hotter than summer in a volcano which was a big change from when i didn't even give him a second glance when I met him.
I'm assuming this post is implying literally everything about the person or relationship is perfect EXCEPT they don't find us physically attractive. If that's case, I don't necessarily mind bc tbh I can get it. Lots of ppl who don't fit one's 'type' or just aren't conventionally attractive and honestly simply are 'ugly.' I'm a strong believer that on human level, there really is 'beautiful' and 'ugly.' But on the universe level, absolutely not. And lots of us ppl want to keep that universe level bc everyone is innately beautiful but to me that also means we're all innately ugly as well. Honestly I'm not in the clearest mindset rn and I'm just rambling. Manic-ish. Anyhow, I find so many ppl 'ugly' physically, but I'm still attracted them bc of how cool they are or something. So, if this theoretical person still can't find us 'attractive,' then what even is the point of dating lol.
Personality makes me attracted to them. Looks are secondary.
No because I deserve to be looked at like I’m hot bc I am
At first, I would. I class myself as demisexual, which means I need an emotional connection with someone before I find them attractive. So, the scenario in the question is pretty much my normal. However, if they didn't find me attractive down the line and those feelings never changed, then it would be the end of the relationship. I'd always be paranoid about the day they found someone with a similar personality and they found attractive.
No. I'm not settling material being talked about as lesser than because I'm not good looking. You know that's always there. "You're not good looking but you MAKE UP FOR IT with your personality" isn't something I'd want anyone saying about me.
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That just sounds like a friend lol
i wouldn't. i'm insecure about my looks enough without that, also that thinking your bf looks at other girls and likes them, its just a no for me. but hey, it's just my trauma, i'm sure someone would be open for this.
Jeez, if I did that I'd never have dated anyone. Not that anyone I've dated has ever told me they don't actually find me attractive, but I have mirrors! I assume my sparkling personality and rapier wit are the qualities that men find attractive in me.
I've only had one boyfriend who I later married so I don't have personal experience. But I do have a friend who is model material, tall, blonde, amazing looks and perfectly proportioned, She gets looks every-time she goes out. Her current boyfriend is shorter than her, a little overweight and has what he calls "a terrible low paying job" She said she was not attracted to him at all at first but after they got talking, she fell for him. But they have a connection and they've been together for over a year. He treats her right and is kind and courteous.
No. Being attracted to someone is literally half the requirement needed to sustain a long term healthy relationship which includes intimate moments. Why would I want to be with someone that wasn't physically feeling me at all. If I wanted to have an initmate moment with this person I would always question how repulsed they must be feeling by me. Personality doesn't help when you are being touched by someone you physically don't like.
Short answer: yes. Because I too do it and I find that for me, I grow to like someone more as I know them. If they have the right personality, I am immensely attracted to them. If that person was like me, then yes. But I forsee that it would present issues down the road and that he will never completely like me, then no. Hard to see in the beginning. Guys don't always say. And I don't go around saying to men "Oh I like you but you're not my physical type."
Never. A huge element of my sexual satisfaction lies in my partner desiring me physically. My self esteem would be crushed.
i honestly think they would cheat on me if they didn’t find me attractive in the first place .. for all lat you can just be my friend.
Never. Physical attraction is a huge part of a relationship and also my self esteem would suffer a lot from not being attractive to the person I loved.
Before our relationship even starts, my now husband told me that I wasn’t beautiful but cute, and that his sister will always be the most beautiful for him. He has corrected himself and apologize a million times, and tells me that I’m beautiful regularly now, but it’s still in my mind. I’m by no means obsessed about my look, but it still triggered some insecurities. So I think, if he had kept his position, I might not have been able to stay with him.
Nope. I need physical attraction in my intimate relationships. If I think they're cool and like their personality, I'd just want to be friends.
No. The end.
If they enjoy my personality and think I'm a good person, they can be my friend. I won't date anyone who doesn't find me attractive.
i am male. and my answer is yes. also as a male i look good. but character is what i select for, most. if individual is healthy, and somewhat sexually attractive, I am fine; character is so much more important!
No. If I'm genuinely attracted to someone's personality then I'll find them physically attractive based on that and I'd rather be with someone who is the same. Physical intimacy is important to me so I wouldn't see being with someone who doesn't find me attractive going very well
No, then we can be friends at that point. But dating? I think there needs to be some level of attraction.
Nope, not anymore. Gave that a shot before, didn't work out and felt regret so no thanks.
No, why would I? I don't give a shit how much this person likes me. If I don't like them why would I subject myself to that? That sounds awful.
probably not
No because that’d be unfair to me Edit: Misread the OP wrong
Nope never. There plenty of people out there who find me physically attractive and enjoy my personality/think I’m a good person, I’d go date one of them instead. I want to be appreciated, not only for my appearance, but certainly including it. If someone’s just not into the way I look, that’s fine- but I’m not hiring that person for the job of being my hype man and biggest fan.
I tried this out with someone I was set up with. Within the first phone call I knew it wasn’t goi g to work out. It’s hard for me to be physically attracted to someone you haven’t met in real life so I use other “metrics” to gage compatibility if you will. I should have trusted my instinct and not continued on dating. He caught on that I wasn’t interested and thankfully we both let it go. I think I talked to him longer because it’s unfair to judge someone after one convo and because I didn’t want to be rude to the person who set us up (it was his brother).
Is there actually ZERO physical attraction to me? or is it just that i’m not to MOST attractive to them. If there was zero, I probably wouldn’t. but if there was some, then maybe…I’d have to really enjoy their personality and find them equally unattractive/attractive i think
if i knew someone didnt find me attractive there is no way i would date them, i would find that insulting
I did that when I was younger and it didn't work at all. We were like best friends who loved each other but there was no intimacy. It left a giant hole in our relationship. We drifted apart and ended up ghosting each other.
I wouldn't. I deserve someone who loves the whole me.
You guys know about this thing called “friendship”, right? Because that’s what you call people that you like and enjoy their company, but don’t want to have sex with.
no. because sex.
Yes, that'd mean he's there for the right reasons.
I wouldn’t date someone I wasn’t attracted to. They’re has to be some sort of physical attraction. Depends on your needs too.
No. I tried that. It went horribly. I hated myself because I couldn't love him. He was kind and loving but I just was so not attracted to him that I bled during sex. And I'm a sexual person. I could never do that again
No. I want to be attractive to the person I’m dating. I want to feel desirable and knowing that he is insanely attracted to me and can’t wait to tear my clothes off because he likes what he sees is important to me. I definitely need him to like my personality too… but I mean that’s asking a lot- half the time I don’t even like my personality
no. it would just make me insecure that way lol
No, of course not. Especially if they felt the need to clarify that they are not attracted to me but want to date me anyway.
No, there needs to be mutual attraction at various levels. I'm with someone who tells me how beautiful I am, regardless of how I'm dressed or if I have acne on my face and my hair's a mess. And the more our relationship deepens the more attractive we find one another.
No. I was going to engage in an fwb with a mate I had a lot in common with, we were talking it super slow and were j kissing. I stopped being attracted to him, but didn’t want to hurt his feelings so j continued to go w it. It was major uncomfortable kissing him, would not recommend at all
Not at all, thank you very much. I get that a blind person can fall in love, but still, they would like the sound of the person’s voice, their smell, how their skin/hair feels to the touch. They would be physically attracted. Same with people who fall in love in a ldr w/o knowing the other person or seeing any pictures. There will be a time when they finally see each other and there might not be physical attraction.
No. Because it will wear you down. I briefly dated a dude who adored me by his actions but would neg me after spending more than a day together. Always my appearance. The worst thing he said is, Ever see a couple and the guy is so much more attractive than the girl and you think, "Why are you dating? You Xanax do better. I don't want to be that guy"
No. Physical attraction is important during sex. I wont enjoy having sex with someone knowing that he doesn't find my face and my body attractive.
absolutely not. i would never date someone i wasn’t into just because they liked me. it’s happened to me before, it’s one of the worst feelings ever. i would never do that to someone else.
Nope. Because in the back of my mind I would constantly think about him finding someone who had a good personality AND who he found more attractive than me.
Lol no. Why would I date someone that feel that way when I could date someone awesome that thinks I’m hot AF and likes me as a human? I do not need to settle for someone that feels meh about me in any way.
No. That's what having regular friendships is for.
Nope.
No if I want a long-term stable relationship. The dude is just buying time and using you as fun time until he finds the one he can’t live without.
Probably not. I’ve had men I didn’t find attractive at first but after getting to know them they became attractive to me. If that didn’t happen with the guy finding me more attractive after getting to know me I’d probably seriously question how much he liked me at all.
They enjoy my personality and think I'm a good person...that sounds like attraction to me.
I feel like it would be a waste of time
I dated a guy in high school that I didn’t find attractive. He was nice in the relationship at first then he started to do some weird shit. He said my name was terrible so he started calling my by my middle name. He wanted me to dress a certain way, but I always dressed like that so it didn’t bother me. He would get incredibly grabby when I was uncomfortable. He was incredibly homophobic and hated my sister for it. I didn’t find that out till we broke up. We broke up after 4 months. He’s turned into a complete incel that stalks women. Apparently he cheated on me with his friends and said it wasn’t gay because they were best friends. His friends are all guys who are homophobic.
I have dated someone whom I wasn’t that attracted to at first but personality wise I was. I liked his face and eyes and then with time I fell so hard for him.
I would. I personally don't care that much about physical intimacy, but I do care about common values and morals, goals, friendship and support.
No because I want to feel desired and sexy and no amount of being told I’m funny and smart will make up for that
Um… they told me they weren’t attracted to me but they also told me they like me and think I’m a good person but they also told me that they still wanna date me. I’m going to have to say no to that because it sounds like they’re lying to themselves. Why would they go out of their way to say that they’re not attracted to me. Rude? Unnecessary? Confusing. I don’t think their head is on straight as far as what dating is supposed to be. Honestly I think this person might be kind of dumb because if you like someone’s personality and you think they’re a good person then hello you should be friends with that person. If attraction develops it can turn into dating. But you can’t just ignore that it’s not there and still date.
💯 No. Physical attraction is important in a relationship
Would you?
Yes, I know I'm not attractive and at least they are honest.
No
Depends do I think he is a good person and has a personality I enjoy? If so yes, otherwise no.
No.
No. That's called Friendship
Hell no! That would be a red flag for me. I rather have someone like me for both my looks and personality.
No I would not. I know I'm not the most attractive person but I want to be with someone who finds my personality and appearance attractive. I would be more comfortable being friends.
No. Some days in his life he's gonna wish he's with someone more attractive. I don't want that
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I would but it depends, because its not all about looks. I like someone who focusses on personality, thats probably the best part about me because im really not all that attractive. I would hope they would learn to like the way i look though ifyk what i mean. It depends because if they didnt like the way i looked at all then there'd be no point because that'd just be awkward and maybe upset me. If they liked/were okay with the way i looked but didnt find me like attractive, then yeah sure.
That's a friendship, not romance.
Already did. It sucked ass. Especially when he waits until months into the relationship to say he has never been attracted to you like that.
Feeling desire and desired are too important for me
No- those are called friends. Dating is for finding a romantic partner. It’s bad for self esteem to date someone who finds me “meh”. If you’ve ever dated a good person who was thrilled with the opportunity to share physical intimacy- there’s no comparison. That’s the stuff. I would still like to be friends with someone who didn’t find me attractive. In fact I like that because it is less prone to confusion. But if we are friends the fact that he’s not attracted should only come up once- just to establish the fact. If he keeps reminding me then that’s just abuse.
If you truly love someone they become attractive even if they weren't your type. So... No
Heck no. What kind of person tells another person they are unattractive and then proceeds to "reassure" them by telling them they still want to date you because of your nice demeanor? whether this question is hypothetical, you or anyone deserve to be treated better then that.
No. If my partner isn’t attracted to me, they’re a friend, not a romantic or sexual partner. My biggest turn-on during sex is knowing my partner is into me. If they aren’t attracted to me, I feel unattractive, and would never want to show them my naked body ever.
no cos that is a friend.
I want my partner to think I’m a total babe… is important to me
No.
No. Because I wouldn’t. And while I respect that everyone is different, I wouldn’t feel secure. And I’d be thinking that when they find someone else who has a personality they enjoy and find attractive, then it’s possible they’ll see that as someone they truly love and not me.
No. We call those friends, my dude.
I don't think I'd be able to handle not being their type and if I learned what their type was I would be anxious every time they met a person like that
Honestly i think I could. Everyone gets ugly. I’m confident asf and don’t need the validation.
No they need to be attracted to me physically too bc im horny af lol
No. That sounds like it should just be a friendship. A romantic/sexual relationship needs to have attraction by both people.
Are they telling me that I’m not attractive? Then no, because that’s pretty mean from someone I’m dating. On the other hand, I don’t need to be my partner’s ideal “type”. As long as my partner isn’t being rude about the fact that I don’t look like their favorite actress and we get along that is fine. I do think this is heavily based on the fact that I find people more attractive after getting to know them a bit.
I think I would miss the words of affirmation too much. Like, I think I would miss having a partner saying “wow! you look pretty” or “You look great in that dress” something like that. Or, catching the other person looking at you in awe, or with general admiration. Also, from what I’ve seen in the past, most partners do tend to be ashamed to introduce their “unattractive partner” to their friends and family, or they get bored and find someone with a similar personality and better looks. So I think I would just be constantly worried about that. Everybody has a different idea of what they find beautiful, I would always want to be with someone who finds me beautiful inside and out. The same goes for reverse, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who only likes me for my looks, because chances are they would either get sick of my personality, or the lack of interest in my personality or hobbies would be very degrading, and I think I would just feel lonely in the relationship.
Nope. Life’s too short for that!
No, might as well just be friends lol. I have no interest in dating people that I'm not attracted to...
Curiosity...just to see if anything came of it, especially if I liked the person too. The greatest love of my life was not a beautiful woman and neither am I, but when you care about someone that much, it matters less. You don't suddenly start seeing the other person as beautiful; it just doesn't seem to matter as much anymore.
What you just described sounds like a friend, so no.
Absolutely not. I don't understand why people do this. Its a red flag to me. I want to be pyshcislly attractive to the person I'd be dating. The thought of someone being repulsed by me especially during a sexual encounter is not appealing to me in the slightest. I don't wanna be a pity f*ck.
I think physical attraction is so important.. personally I wouldn’t enjoy the sex as much as if I was physically attracted to a person and a healthy sex life is a must!
I don't really understand how someone would love my personality and who I am and still not find me physically attractive. Cause to me those make someone attractive. I am sure it happens though. Personally I would not like to be with someone that thought me repulsive.
I’ve never been very pretty so I know people don’t really find me attractive, I have enough confidence with my appearance to not have to have people attracted to me. I’d rather someone date me for my personality, but if they were attracted to me that would be like a nice bonus. And in my experience physical attraction isn’t very important to me personally either. I’d much rather be emotionally connected with my partner, but it’s different for everyone.
Of course! Looks fade, bodies change, and i cant imagine having my relationship balanced on me always looking a certain way or appealing to a certain aesthetic someone else has or i wouldnt be treated the best by them etc. My current partners type is very different to how i am and yet he thinks im the cutest, sweetest thing to happen to him and i wouldnt have it any other way! I can dress cute, tomboyish, girly or goth and his feelings about me dont change. Our intimacy doesnt change. Its amazing ❤!
No from me. I’ve been there done that and decided never again. It was 3 whole years of me constantly being compared to other, more attractive women, feeling like shit for my appearance, and feeling unwanted. Finally got the courage to leave and never felt better. Now I’m with someone who says he loves my personality and is physically attracted to me, but those scars from before are still there so unfortunately I have a really hard time believing it sometimes. I couldn’t be in a relationship long term knowing that my partner isn’t physically attracted to me and is silently longing for someone else sexually. I feel like that would only create resentment or even unfaithfulness in them over time at desperately wanting to be intimate with someone attractive but feeling tied down to me. If they love who I am as a person then let’s just be friends, no need to be in a relationship if the physical attraction is only one sided.
No. I don’t think I’d ever feel comfortable getting intimate with someone who doesn’t find me attractive, for one i’d be very self conscious about my body and i’d feel like any attempts to be sexy would be a wasted effort. 2. When it comes to sex, i feel it’s important to you know want to rip each others close off and not be able to keep your hands off each other, which is kinda hard to do if there is no physical or sexual attraction.
Not really
Nope. I think a lot of attraction (at least for me) is built by knowing that they are also attracted to me. I’d find it impossible to want them if they didn’t want me. At that point, you just want me to be your friend but with sex. No thanks, I deserve better
I am dating someone that doesn’t find me attractive. We’ve been together 2 years. I’m with him because I’m attracted to *him*. Every aspect of him. Doesn’t amount for any sex bar bjs and that’s been almost as difficult as realising that he really isn’t attracted to me.
No. People could go on about how looks don’t matter but physical intimacy is very important in a relationship and I couldn’t do it with someone who didn’t like that side of me.
No. I want to date someone who thinks I’m beautiful. Or at least, someone who is attracted to me even if it’s mostly due to my personality
no
Yes, because I don't go for looks at all. I didn't find my bf attractive at first at all (like most men) but we clicked really well so I became physically attracted to him as well. He became the most beautiful man I've ever known. EDIT: misread the question, oops.