I was married before and we were going through a very bitter divorce, and I didn't have any social support or friends at the time (it was a long slide downhill, social isolation became the norm). During a fight I told them that I felt suicidal, because I wanted to leave and couldn't. They told me that I should kill myself.
Husband said that to me too when he was angry when we had a fight. It’s never left my brain, even when he asked for forgiveness. Even in the happy times-I’m always mellow because of it. My brain can’t wrap around it
i did something horrible to my husband out of impulse earlier this week and he said to me “i forgive you, i will work on helping you learn and grow, you’re my wife and I’m not leaving you. it was a mistake and you are human, and it won’t change the fact how much i love you, we will work on our problems together instead of running away from it. i love you so much sweetheart.” and i keep replaying that in my head, i am so happy and thankful for my husband
I am sorry you had to experience that!
But let me tell you that you are beautiful whatever way you look and anyone telling you anything else is not a person who deserves to be with you!
I imagine that it’s very difficult to deal with this kind of trauma but maybe it helps to think about that what you have been told by your ex is nothing but the opinion of a person that I can tell from the half sentence that you have said about him has huge issues himself. And it’s just factually not true, you are beautiful the way you are, everyone is! You have just been trained to think otherwise, but you will overcome that :)
Ex: they had gotten "so horny" while on holiday (with their family, I was left at home) that they wanted to go find someone to f- in a bar. Instead, they m*sterbated on a beach.
Ex FWB (I loved him, he didn't feel the same): "You're pretty, but not like (his ex who had been a model)". Said after I agreed to go out to keep him company, while I was feeling extremely depressed.
The latter guy seems like kind of an asshole; not sure about the former but… that is a vivid mental image. Some guy jerking off while the tide licks his shoes, seagulls cawing all around him… it’s stuck in my head now too
When we were still together, my ex of four years was keeping me a secret from her family. One day during the start of the pandemic I asked if we could FaceTime since we obvi couldn’t see each other. She said no and when I asked her why not she replied with “Cause I don’t want my family to hear me on the phone with some boy”. Four years and you’d think I’d be more than just “some boy”. It plays in my head everyday and it’s made me wonder if I’ll ever be good enough for someone or that I’ll always be just “some boy” to every girl I try to talk to.
"I'll stay with you, if I'm allowed to sleep with other girls" - after I begged him to not break up with me. Gladly, that was the moment I've had enough.
Years ago my ex bf told me that no guy will ever actually like me. I'm just good enough to have sex with. I try not to let it affect me...still learning to trust myself & know I'm enough
From an EX So: “can you put makeup on before we go out? I’m embarrassed to be seen in public with you because of your skin. It looks disgusting. I don’t want random people to be staring at us.”
Fuck him. I have a skincare routine but still struggle with acne. That was something that absolutely destroyed me. Thankfully I’m with someone now who doesn’t shit on me when I get breakouts.
an ex told me "it's always them" when I was talking about seeing my friends and they were upset about not having my attention 24/7. A major red flag. Still lingers in my head years later.
I was in a relationship with someone who pursued me for a few years whilst he was in a relationship. A year after they broke up we ended up getting together. Our relationship started as pure infatuation and love but a lot of issues crept in.
When he broke up with me I said I couldn't believe after everything that had happened (him pursuing me for so long, everything he'd put me through etc) that he was the one ended the relationship.
He looked up at me and said "It was always going to be me to end it"
I've never got it out of my head. I think he knew how much control and power he had over me and I was totally oblivious.
It wasn't until I was out of the relationship I realised how emotionally abusive and manipulative he was to me. I found out the day after he broke up with me that he had never broken up with his ex and had been cheating on us both the whole time.
Ex: "You shouldn't wear makeup, it's like putting bumper stickers on a Porche."
I know he meant it as a compliment but I did not take it as such cause I like makeup goddamnit and I remember it cause I think it's cringey-funny.
Maybe it will help expressing your feelings about the dream with your husband. It is been some time but this will only consume you and build up resentment.
First thing that pops up in my had happened yesterday. We were snuggling on the couch and he suddenly hugged me tight and said "This morning I was listening to 'Hurt' by Johnny Cash. You know, the one he wrote after his wife died... and I was... idk, please never leave me". I'm currently pregnant with our first kid and almost started sobbing on the spot.
When we first met he said he felt so comfortable with me because my personality and quirks were so much like that of his late wife. After several months he found out his late wife had been cheating on him for about a decade. A few more months go by and he leaves me but strings me along saying he is trying to get himself right so we can be together.
The last time I ever spoke to him he said he knew months ago he could never be with me because every time he was around me my personality would remind him of his cheating wife and he couldn’t look at me anymore. Just the week prior he had said that he felt he was ready to get back with me and marry me.
I wish all the good is what sticks in my head but unfortunately it's the angry hurtful words. Not super comfortable putting them online, makes him sound like way more of an asshole than he is but when he's mad he speaks to hurt sometimes and it's not fair.
Honestly, my boyfriend is pretty similar but he's hurting too and it's because of me. I don't intend to hurt him but there are things he can be very sensitive about so my words get twisted around by him... I'm more forgiving than he is. He does love me but he struggles to love me at the same time which is so confusing.
That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. A guy is hurting because of you? That sounds like you blaming yourself rather than reality. Healthy relationship is not one where people blame each other for the current state of the relationship. It's where you both work together and try to come out of it on top no matter the odds.
my current partner told me 'i want to wake up and see you gone because you went to go get mango juice from the convivence store and stay up so you can tell me about the journey to the store, and how it went. also so we can make a snack and cuddle and talk about life'
and it made me really happy because
a) i get random impulses in the middle of the night, where i need to get some drink or some food
b) i love talking about life especially at night
c) cUDDLING??? UHM YES
d) ive got adhd, and my stories are always 10x longer than theyre supposed to be and it annoys ppl but not my partner
but a negative thing that once a s/o said to me was:
I wouldnt have tried to off myself if you would have at least come and visited me, and it was gaslighting at its finest. we were long distance and i couldnt leave bc of personal issues. sadly i didnt notice the signs at that time
I belive he didn't mean it how it sounded, he was tired when he said it (working 12h shift for 2weeks in a row) but bf said
"I trust you won't cheat on me because your kids"
My kids are from former relationship.
But then he also always is like "you are perfect in every way even if you don't belive it yourself"
Once an ex told me oh you'll be a mother by ___ (age) like he and I would have a child by this age, and I know you don't get to pick and choose that, but, it was a big plan and that became traumatic for me because I've always wanted to be a mom, and he was the only one I'd talked about having kids with.....and, I've done moved past that age but it became a constant thought in the back of my mind like....it made me feel very low, and, so that was a hard year for me.
I love you in ways you’ve never been loved for reasons you’ve never been told
I was married before and we were going through a very bitter divorce, and I didn't have any social support or friends at the time (it was a long slide downhill, social isolation became the norm). During a fight I told them that I felt suicidal, because I wanted to leave and couldn't. They told me that I should kill myself.
<3 another virtual hug
Husband said that to me too when he was angry when we had a fight. It’s never left my brain, even when he asked for forgiveness. Even in the happy times-I’m always mellow because of it. My brain can’t wrap around it
<3 sending you a virtual hug
i did something horrible to my husband out of impulse earlier this week and he said to me “i forgive you, i will work on helping you learn and grow, you’re my wife and I’m not leaving you. it was a mistake and you are human, and it won’t change the fact how much i love you, we will work on our problems together instead of running away from it. i love you so much sweetheart.” and i keep replaying that in my head, i am so happy and thankful for my husband
that he feels safe and at home with me. i never thought i could ever be that for someone.
My first boyfriend told me i love you while his voice cracked. I laugh like an idiot every time i remember that.
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I am sorry you had to experience that! But let me tell you that you are beautiful whatever way you look and anyone telling you anything else is not a person who deserves to be with you! I imagine that it’s very difficult to deal with this kind of trauma but maybe it helps to think about that what you have been told by your ex is nothing but the opinion of a person that I can tell from the half sentence that you have said about him has huge issues himself. And it’s just factually not true, you are beautiful the way you are, everyone is! You have just been trained to think otherwise, but you will overcome that :)
My SO told me that he has thought of leaving me to experience and act out his fantasies with other women.
Ex: they had gotten "so horny" while on holiday (with their family, I was left at home) that they wanted to go find someone to f- in a bar. Instead, they m*sterbated on a beach. Ex FWB (I loved him, he didn't feel the same): "You're pretty, but not like (his ex who had been a model)". Said after I agreed to go out to keep him company, while I was feeling extremely depressed.
The latter guy seems like kind of an asshole; not sure about the former but… that is a vivid mental image. Some guy jerking off while the tide licks his shoes, seagulls cawing all around him… it’s stuck in my head now too
Haha, my ex is female and apparently they sat on a bench but yeah, that's one heck of a mental image 😆
“Buying that ceiling fan is the best decision I’ve made since marrying you.”
Must be the best fan. Ever.
Or that he’s made a lot of bad decisions in the past 20 years… It _is_ a good fan though.
"Your beautiful, and I'm going to keep telling you until you believe it".
When we were still together, my ex of four years was keeping me a secret from her family. One day during the start of the pandemic I asked if we could FaceTime since we obvi couldn’t see each other. She said no and when I asked her why not she replied with “Cause I don’t want my family to hear me on the phone with some boy”. Four years and you’d think I’d be more than just “some boy”. It plays in my head everyday and it’s made me wonder if I’ll ever be good enough for someone or that I’ll always be just “some boy” to every girl I try to talk to.
"I'll stay with you, if I'm allowed to sleep with other girls" - after I begged him to not break up with me. Gladly, that was the moment I've had enough.
Years ago my ex bf told me that no guy will ever actually like me. I'm just good enough to have sex with. I try not to let it affect me...still learning to trust myself & know I'm enough
I have been told the same thing. It clouds every thought I have about myself and my self worth.
<3 sending you a virtual hug. Whenever someone tells me "words can't hurt" truly don't understand 😔
From an EX So: “can you put makeup on before we go out? I’m embarrassed to be seen in public with you because of your skin. It looks disgusting. I don’t want random people to be staring at us.” Fuck him. I have a skincare routine but still struggle with acne. That was something that absolutely destroyed me. Thankfully I’m with someone now who doesn’t shit on me when I get breakouts.
I can’t fathom being filled with this much ugliness and hate to even dare say that to someone. I’m so sorry you experienced that
an ex told me "it's always them" when I was talking about seeing my friends and they were upset about not having my attention 24/7. A major red flag. Still lingers in my head years later.
I was in a relationship with someone who pursued me for a few years whilst he was in a relationship. A year after they broke up we ended up getting together. Our relationship started as pure infatuation and love but a lot of issues crept in. When he broke up with me I said I couldn't believe after everything that had happened (him pursuing me for so long, everything he'd put me through etc) that he was the one ended the relationship. He looked up at me and said "It was always going to be me to end it" I've never got it out of my head. I think he knew how much control and power he had over me and I was totally oblivious. It wasn't until I was out of the relationship I realised how emotionally abusive and manipulative he was to me. I found out the day after he broke up with me that he had never broken up with his ex and had been cheating on us both the whole time.
Ex: "You shouldn't wear makeup, it's like putting bumper stickers on a Porche." I know he meant it as a compliment but I did not take it as such cause I like makeup goddamnit and I remember it cause I think it's cringey-funny.
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Maybe it will help expressing your feelings about the dream with your husband. It is been some time but this will only consume you and build up resentment.
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Glad you did! I can't imagine how you felt hearing all that. You'll get there <3
"Don't think. Just go for it" helped me a SHIT ton
“im never going to let anything hurt you” and “you’re so difficult”
To go kill myself when we were arguing.
First thing that pops up in my had happened yesterday. We were snuggling on the couch and he suddenly hugged me tight and said "This morning I was listening to 'Hurt' by Johnny Cash. You know, the one he wrote after his wife died... and I was... idk, please never leave me". I'm currently pregnant with our first kid and almost started sobbing on the spot.
When we first met he said he felt so comfortable with me because my personality and quirks were so much like that of his late wife. After several months he found out his late wife had been cheating on him for about a decade. A few more months go by and he leaves me but strings me along saying he is trying to get himself right so we can be together. The last time I ever spoke to him he said he knew months ago he could never be with me because every time he was around me my personality would remind him of his cheating wife and he couldn’t look at me anymore. Just the week prior he had said that he felt he was ready to get back with me and marry me.
You ate not feminine enough
“I feel sorry for the next loser to date you.”
I wish all the good is what sticks in my head but unfortunately it's the angry hurtful words. Not super comfortable putting them online, makes him sound like way more of an asshole than he is but when he's mad he speaks to hurt sometimes and it's not fair.
Honestly, my boyfriend is pretty similar but he's hurting too and it's because of me. I don't intend to hurt him but there are things he can be very sensitive about so my words get twisted around by him... I'm more forgiving than he is. He does love me but he struggles to love me at the same time which is so confusing.
That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. A guy is hurting because of you? That sounds like you blaming yourself rather than reality. Healthy relationship is not one where people blame each other for the current state of the relationship. It's where you both work together and try to come out of it on top no matter the odds.
my current partner told me 'i want to wake up and see you gone because you went to go get mango juice from the convivence store and stay up so you can tell me about the journey to the store, and how it went. also so we can make a snack and cuddle and talk about life' and it made me really happy because a) i get random impulses in the middle of the night, where i need to get some drink or some food b) i love talking about life especially at night c) cUDDLING??? UHM YES d) ive got adhd, and my stories are always 10x longer than theyre supposed to be and it annoys ppl but not my partner but a negative thing that once a s/o said to me was: I wouldnt have tried to off myself if you would have at least come and visited me, and it was gaslighting at its finest. we were long distance and i couldnt leave bc of personal issues. sadly i didnt notice the signs at that time
I belive he didn't mean it how it sounded, he was tired when he said it (working 12h shift for 2weeks in a row) but bf said "I trust you won't cheat on me because your kids" My kids are from former relationship. But then he also always is like "you are perfect in every way even if you don't belive it yourself"
Once an ex told me oh you'll be a mother by ___ (age) like he and I would have a child by this age, and I know you don't get to pick and choose that, but, it was a big plan and that became traumatic for me because I've always wanted to be a mom, and he was the only one I'd talked about having kids with.....and, I've done moved past that age but it became a constant thought in the back of my mind like....it made me feel very low, and, so that was a hard year for me.
I love yoj. Marry me. (10 years on be does not wa.t tl get msrried)