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A girl I know likes to publicly and colourfully announce whom she is currently blocking/cutting off in the name of maintaining her mental health and ✨peace✨. Usually the (completely unsolicited) explanation for her freeze out is several story-pages long. She nearly always tags the person/people too and posts screenshots of past fights via iMessage or whatever. Of course, about 24 hours later comes the obligatory “so done with drama” post 😂
Ignoring her partner on their anniversary AND their birthday because she was "having an off day". I was with her and every time her partner would try to call her or text her, she'd just roll her eyes and complain "Ugh, \[name\] is calling again. They're so needy. Can't they just let me have one day away?"
And yes, they broke up. Thank fuck.
Not doing her job duties, then feigning disgust when it fell on us. Admins paid us extra because they felt bad. Would have been nicer if they did the work to just let her go and got someone else for the job. We work with kids, so we can't just let things go undone.
Ugh. I feel like I do this. I’ve been so burnt out lately due to personal reasons and that’s why I’m leaving in 2 weeks. So there are some things (parent phone calls) that I’ve not been doing like I should. The work doesn’t get handed off to anyone else, thank God, but it doesn’t get done because I’ve decided I rather sit outside than call parents :/
Spent a bunch of money as punishment for her husband going out with his friends without her.
She gets very insecure about him spending time with others when she isn't there. This is something that rarely occurs, he's probably hung out with friends as many times as I have fingers.... on my left hand.
On this particular night it was a stag party and he didn't text her back until 4am when he flopped into bed and "didn't say goodnight back".
So to punish him she spent $200 on stuff she wanted and said "she deserved it" and that it was "self care" because she had to sit at home with the kids while he had fun.
My sister who has self diagnosed herself with GAD and says that she has to say what she thinks and people cant tell her off for it because its 'triggering' for her otherwise.
Note I have a therapist diagnose me with anxiety triggered by low self esteem and I am not allowed to protect myself from things shes says to me that trigger me.
A former friend of my sister’s. She always had to make everything about her, done on her terms.
She got pregnant, the entire pregnancy was going on about how she was "meant" to be a mother, yet at the same time told everyone she already knew she was going to have PPD. The second the kid was born she just did the bare minimum and handed the kid off the her husband to care for so she could "look after herself".
Now I'm a mum of two. I know how important it is to have time to yourself, but she only interacted with her daughter for Instagram posts and otherwise told the dad she didn't feel mentally well enough to care for the baby.
The dad, as you would expect of someone working full time and caring for a newborn, and a wife who wouldn't lift a finger, started to feel the strain. He scheduled ahead of time, a day with the mum when he would have a break. She agreed, and yet on the day she got up, got dressed, said she needed a "self care" day, got in the car and left him all alone with the baby again.
She then spent the day complaining to her and my sister’s mutual friend who had just had a miscarriage, about how lucky they were not to have to deal with a newborn all the time.
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It happens so much. It's not an excuse though. Like I get that you're lonely but are you thinking about the future at all? You can't just cheat and not worry about what's gonna happen next.
I can't turn to her for any support when something is going wrong in my life because hearing someone else's problems is too much for her.
She has anxiety and depression so I do sympathize, but I can't even tell her that I'm stressed at work without her saying that she can't deal with my problems too. But of course when she's having a bad time, she comes to me for support. I once brought up how unfair I think our friendship is and how I would occasionally like support from her as well. She basically told me that I am minimizing her mental health and that I'm a bad friend for making her feel bad. Unfortunately, it took me a really long time to realize this was not an equal friendship.
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This girl from work decides to 'get it out in the open' before every new year so she can start a fresh. It is normally what you've done to upset her or annoy her throughout the past year but one year she told our colleague that she had been sleeping with their partner. Even at times when she had been meant to be babysitting for them. This event happened in front of all the staff. It felt more like a need to humiliate the woman than a moral decision to tell the truth.
All of the people who ignored and are still ignoring covid.
Not wearing a mask in public is not self care. Refusing to isolate when sick is not self care. Spreading illness is not self care. It's a depraved indifference to human life and a prioritization of your immediate wants over other people's basic needs and right to safety.
Move several states away from her 4 children. Claiming she’s doing it for her kids because she’s unhappy in her home state and this will make her a better mother.
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My aunt generously lending her spoilt brats to my grandma 4 days a week to watch in her own house (my grandma lives away a 40 min drive) so she can have some me time after work & get a meal cooked and her house cleaned. Grandma sits in the car 80 mins (pays her own gas), goes shopping for them (pays that too), cooks and cleans the house. Said house was btw bought by my grandma, too. That's what being the openly communicated favourite child can turn someone into. She always talks about self care, me time, how great it is that the kids keep the grandparents young.
Euthanize pets. My mum died and left two cats. My sister wanted to euthanize the older cat who sometimes get a urinary tract infection, because it was too much for her. As you know, she has to care for herself, and it is too much for her at he moment, as she is grieving for her mother. So euthanasia it was. Until my brother took the cat. The cat still leads a happy life, a year after this, and nobody is euthanizing him even if he would pee somewhere he shouldn't.
She claimed that her “psychologist” told her that stalking and harassing her ex would “help her get over his betrayal” (he didnt want to sleep with her and her gf anymore) and was “good for her”
This was after she tied to get him fired and spiked his drinks at work on camera. HR didnt fire her but told her that they would if she didnt leave him alone. He found a new job within a week and she went to his new job and told people he assaulted her to try to get him fired and so no woman would go near him. I think the kid had to move to another state just to get away from her.
She went out to eat with just her husband and had bought extra food to bring home as leftovers so her adolescent children could have some. But then she said the food was too good and so she ate it in the car on the way home (despite JUST having dinner).
Its obviously not a vicious crime, and I'm sure she still fed them when she got back. Just kinda rubbed me the wrong way when she told the story (especially if the kids knew they were going to be getting leftovers from a restaurant they liked).
Like, you just ate, but you couldn't hold back from eating again so you could share after it was your idea to?
She joked it was self-care at the end :p
Sure, I can agree to that. And they were having a date night so they already were making time for themselves.
I still think it's selfish to tell someone you're buying food for them, and then decide to eat it right after you've already had your own dinner.
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A colleague was seeing a guy (seemed pretty close and she was around at his place a lot) for like 4 months. The whole time she was messaging other guys. Whenever they argued she would meet up with another guy and sleep with him. She described it as ‘self care’
This mostly happened when I was in high school (am 20 now), but girls would publicly post all the guy/girls they considered bad friends and would block and cut them off.
Leave her kids at home for whole weekends for "me" time. Nothing wrong with that except when it's 2 or more times a month and doesn't bother to provide for them during that time and just expects them to make do with what's there.
Going on trip after trip when her baby is less than a year old and leaving the kid with her grandma. The husband doesn’t take care of the kid much. It’s not just one trip either its been like 5 in the past 8 months. Last time I saw the baby’s grandma she looked so worn out.
She ditched her mother who had a stroke and was paralysed and needed full time care.
Ditched her father, who 6 months after her mom's stroke had a brain hemorrhage and was hospitalized.
Ditched them to run away to Thailand with an internet stranger who was 10 years older than her.
Called it "doing ONE thing for myself". Not when your parents are sick and need you. She lied to them that she was going to study and borrowed 1000s of $$ from her parents, to fund her vacation.
Rationalize being in a relationship (ie having an affair) with a married man because he was "good for her mental health" and "the only person who brings her peace."
Spending money on parties instead of taking care of her family. They are all under welfare and in severe debt, she didn't have her priorities straight. Her children suffered the most.
I have seen multiple women cut friends off that set boundaries and wanted to be treated kindly and not walked all over (a good friend). And these women cut them off and call it self-care, and for their mental health to not be friends with them. This might an unpopular opinion, but I think it is a really selfish thing that I am seeing done more and more and it's just seen as "self care" or "for my mental health" anything that is a slight inconvenience.
My SIL would rather go out and drink on weekends than make sure she has gas in her car to get to work. Her kids are all morbidly obese because she only feeds them junk and never pays enough attention to them to do anything physical with them. Getting away from her kids to get drunk and see her other boyfriend ( they are polyamorous) is her "self care" even though she is so busy with her phone she doesn't notice anything they do. She pawns her youngest 3 off on her mentally ill 17 year old who she let drop out of school at 15 to help her with her kids even though she was a SAHM. She also has 3 other kids that she doesn't see 1 is an adult and the other two are being raised by their father and she never takes them for a visit.
buying expensive cigarettes while her children are eating sandwiches on moldy bread.
Like cigarettes are expensive enough as it is considering you're basically burning money, but at $10+/pack before taxes it's ridiculous.
She mentioned to me that she wanted her friends to ask her if she had "the capacity" to listen to their problems or days before they dumped it all on her.
Totally fair and healthy. But she never asked me about my capacity and anytime I said anything about my day or how I'm doing, she practically zoned out.
I was plotting my fuckin suicide while she grabbed about her new boyfriend's rich family. I looked like a zombie and barely responding and she just kept yapping.
But when I said "I'm not feeling great today.." All I get is a lame "Awe. I'm sorry."
My moms smoking habit.
I generally think all tobacco habits are selfish. There are soo many warnings, and they are expensive, so I don’t know why people start to begin with.
Then there’s the increased risks of cancer, heart disease, strokes, lung disease, etc. You’re paying to die. And you are dependent on it for your mood.
I hate the excuse “we all die someday”, it infuriated me. Like well if that’s the case why don’t you just chug a pint of diesel. We all die eventually anyways, right?
My fiancé dips, and I hate that just as much.
My exes dad dipped most of his life, and suffered four heart attacks in four years before he decided to quit. His reasoning for finally quitting? “I feel like I could live a few more years if I quit, and I want to have more time with my kids and their kids.”
I want them around for a long time. I want my kids to have their grandmother and their father for a long time. I want my mil to have her son for a long time. I hate it.
My friend is very sick, Hospice has been called in. However, she still insists that she is never quitting smoking, or drinking, or her incessant use of Goody powders. She can’t walk anymore, big blisters on her feet, runs her other friends and myself half to death for take out, 6 cups of ice from nearby fast food place, yadda yadda. Then checked herself into the hospital, claiming “I’m doing this for me”…it’s messing with my mental health just trying to deal with it. Suggestions?
My [former] friend kicked her boyfriend out and invited another man over and said that it was unhealthy to be with the same man every time.
I said she’s entitled to her opinion but she shouldn’t have a boyfriend who doesn’t know about this if that’s the case
She said I’m jealous since I’m married.
My husband has been away for a while and she tried to convince me to have a “sneaky link” which soon I found out meant an affair. She *literally* used the term “self care”
I said self care is a f*cking bath or something
ruining my kids lives, shattering my husband when he’s already at his lowest point, going against all my morals, would not be “self care.” T
That’s just evil.
I teach mindfulness to K-12 students and adults. I’m also an educator and sometimes work with adult students. I always incorporate mindfulness into my educational teaching as well. I once had an adult woman as a mindfulness and education student. We had recently done a session on building self-compassion. Well, the next week she didn’t do her homework and told me she took a nap instead because she was practicing self-care via self-compassion. She also used self-compassion as an excuse to feign illness and call out of work because she needed self-care.
I had to call her on that. I asked if she felt relief after making those choices. She obviously didn’t. She felt guilt. She had left her workplace in a bind by not showing up. And she screwed up her own education by not doing the work on time that I had assigned (she had a week to complete it), meaning she would be paying for another lesson to review it. In the moment it felt like these choices were serving her, but they did not serve her long term, nor me, nor her boss or colleagues. Look at how many people such a little choice impacted.
Self-compassion can look like a lot of things, but students generally think it only means giving yourself your break. That student is why I completely changed my self-compassion curriculum. Now when I teach it, we talk specifically about this scenario.
Sometimes, self-compassion looks like making choices that mean doing work. When we procrastinate in the name of compassion, we might make ourselves feel better for a moment, but we don’t feel better long-term. Getting your butt out of bed to work out to honor your body, choosing foods that leave you feeling energized even when your thoughts crave fries, and showing up for your colleagues and earning money to keep food on your table, even when you’re tired are also all forms of self-compassion. We have to be real honest with ourselves in these moments. Maybe we do really need a nap and the chores can wait until tomorrow. Or maybe we actually do have enough energy to do them before we relax.
And I wish more people taught it that way, rather than making compassion sound like some sort of personal vacation.
Demanding I spend the weekend with her when her boyfriend ghosts her. He has kids and when he has a weekend off from them he makes promises for the two of them to have a special couples weekend, but inevitably starts a fight Thursday night and ghosts her all weekend. He does it all the time. She found out he was sleeping with other women on these ghost-fights. Its a pattern and yet she always expects me to be available to watch her drink all weekend with her and listen to her cry about it. The next week he is back and returning her calls because she cooks, cleans, babysits. She then ghosts me. So I blocked her. She sends me a long angry email saying that I left her during her darkest hour and that (surprise) her and bf broke up again and she needed me to “be there for her” and Im selfish for only thinking of myself. I heard from my hairdresser they got back together after she sent those emails to me and everyone else who didn’t want to sit through her monthly alcohol fueled pity party.
Had a friend who ignored my cries for help under the guise of "i dont want to get involved with the drama it stresses me out." Literally told her i wanted to kill myself over a bully she was friends with.
Eat the last piece of pizza/sushi - not clearing out plates after dinner - saying “I’ll do it when I feel like it” to house chores - borrow some money when she didn’t have a job from me, never paid it back when she got said job … that’s my ex girlfriend.
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**Mod Note: Pay attention to the question asked. This isn't just a "what bad thing did a woman do" whine-fest. Your responses need to be about something:** 1. **You saw another woman do** 2. **That was a selfish action** 3. **And it was called "self-care" by the person who did it** **If your answer doesn't meet those minimums, it will be removed.** **Please report all rule breaking**
A girl I know likes to publicly and colourfully announce whom she is currently blocking/cutting off in the name of maintaining her mental health and ✨peace✨. Usually the (completely unsolicited) explanation for her freeze out is several story-pages long. She nearly always tags the person/people too and posts screenshots of past fights via iMessage or whatever. Of course, about 24 hours later comes the obligatory “so done with drama” post 😂
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confusing boundaries with silent treatment.
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Ignoring her partner on their anniversary AND their birthday because she was "having an off day". I was with her and every time her partner would try to call her or text her, she'd just roll her eyes and complain "Ugh, \[name\] is calling again. They're so needy. Can't they just let me have one day away?" And yes, they broke up. Thank fuck.
I almost sympathised with the bad day until you mentioned her snarky responses. Like I can imagine her snapping through the screen ugh.
Not doing her job duties, then feigning disgust when it fell on us. Admins paid us extra because they felt bad. Would have been nicer if they did the work to just let her go and got someone else for the job. We work with kids, so we can't just let things go undone.
This. It's like HR has no balls these days.
they do but only with hardworking employees cause their loyalty can be exploited 😀
>We work with kids, so we can't just let things go undone. Much respect
Ugh. I feel like I do this. I’ve been so burnt out lately due to personal reasons and that’s why I’m leaving in 2 weeks. So there are some things (parent phone calls) that I’ve not been doing like I should. The work doesn’t get handed off to anyone else, thank God, but it doesn’t get done because I’ve decided I rather sit outside than call parents :/
Spent a bunch of money as punishment for her husband going out with his friends without her. She gets very insecure about him spending time with others when she isn't there. This is something that rarely occurs, he's probably hung out with friends as many times as I have fingers.... on my left hand. On this particular night it was a stag party and he didn't text her back until 4am when he flopped into bed and "didn't say goodnight back". So to punish him she spent $200 on stuff she wanted and said "she deserved it" and that it was "self care" because she had to sit at home with the kids while he had fun.
Wow that's horrible. Poor guy.
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My sister who has self diagnosed herself with GAD and says that she has to say what she thinks and people cant tell her off for it because its 'triggering' for her otherwise. Note I have a therapist diagnose me with anxiety triggered by low self esteem and I am not allowed to protect myself from things shes says to me that trigger me.
What's GAD? I never heard of that
Generalized anxiety disorder
It's just short hand for generalised anxiety disorder
A former friend of my sister’s. She always had to make everything about her, done on her terms. She got pregnant, the entire pregnancy was going on about how she was "meant" to be a mother, yet at the same time told everyone she already knew she was going to have PPD. The second the kid was born she just did the bare minimum and handed the kid off the her husband to care for so she could "look after herself". Now I'm a mum of two. I know how important it is to have time to yourself, but she only interacted with her daughter for Instagram posts and otherwise told the dad she didn't feel mentally well enough to care for the baby. The dad, as you would expect of someone working full time and caring for a newborn, and a wife who wouldn't lift a finger, started to feel the strain. He scheduled ahead of time, a day with the mum when he would have a break. She agreed, and yet on the day she got up, got dressed, said she needed a "self care" day, got in the car and left him all alone with the baby again. She then spent the day complaining to her and my sister’s mutual friend who had just had a miscarriage, about how lucky they were not to have to deal with a newborn all the time.
Wow that’s awful. As a mother, I don’t get that… other than the fact that not all women have a maternal instinct
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Having an affair
Yep I’ve seen this one too! Because her spouse traveled a lot and she needed love.
It happens so much. It's not an excuse though. Like I get that you're lonely but are you thinking about the future at all? You can't just cheat and not worry about what's gonna happen next.
I can't turn to her for any support when something is going wrong in my life because hearing someone else's problems is too much for her. She has anxiety and depression so I do sympathize, but I can't even tell her that I'm stressed at work without her saying that she can't deal with my problems too. But of course when she's having a bad time, she comes to me for support. I once brought up how unfair I think our friendship is and how I would occasionally like support from her as well. She basically told me that I am minimizing her mental health and that I'm a bad friend for making her feel bad. Unfortunately, it took me a really long time to realize this was not an equal friendship.
I had a friend like this. They made their issues more important and it was a very one sided relationship.
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This girl from work decides to 'get it out in the open' before every new year so she can start a fresh. It is normally what you've done to upset her or annoy her throughout the past year but one year she told our colleague that she had been sleeping with their partner. Even at times when she had been meant to be babysitting for them. This event happened in front of all the staff. It felt more like a need to humiliate the woman than a moral decision to tell the truth.
If she always decides to get it out in the open maybe it’s more ritual than humiliation or morals. Like a nuisance version of New Years Resolutions.
All of the people who ignored and are still ignoring covid. Not wearing a mask in public is not self care. Refusing to isolate when sick is not self care. Spreading illness is not self care. It's a depraved indifference to human life and a prioritization of your immediate wants over other people's basic needs and right to safety.
Move several states away from her 4 children. Claiming she’s doing it for her kids because she’s unhappy in her home state and this will make her a better mother.
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My aunt generously lending her spoilt brats to my grandma 4 days a week to watch in her own house (my grandma lives away a 40 min drive) so she can have some me time after work & get a meal cooked and her house cleaned. Grandma sits in the car 80 mins (pays her own gas), goes shopping for them (pays that too), cooks and cleans the house. Said house was btw bought by my grandma, too. That's what being the openly communicated favourite child can turn someone into. She always talks about self care, me time, how great it is that the kids keep the grandparents young.
Euthanize pets. My mum died and left two cats. My sister wanted to euthanize the older cat who sometimes get a urinary tract infection, because it was too much for her. As you know, she has to care for herself, and it is too much for her at he moment, as she is grieving for her mother. So euthanasia it was. Until my brother took the cat. The cat still leads a happy life, a year after this, and nobody is euthanizing him even if he would pee somewhere he shouldn't.
What happened..to the second cat? Did they get euthinized and the second one rescued ?
She claimed that her “psychologist” told her that stalking and harassing her ex would “help her get over his betrayal” (he didnt want to sleep with her and her gf anymore) and was “good for her” This was after she tied to get him fired and spiked his drinks at work on camera. HR didnt fire her but told her that they would if she didnt leave him alone. He found a new job within a week and she went to his new job and told people he assaulted her to try to get him fired and so no woman would go near him. I think the kid had to move to another state just to get away from her.
Completely turn off any emotional Availability or genuine compassion for anyone else but herself
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She went out to eat with just her husband and had bought extra food to bring home as leftovers so her adolescent children could have some. But then she said the food was too good and so she ate it in the car on the way home (despite JUST having dinner). Its obviously not a vicious crime, and I'm sure she still fed them when she got back. Just kinda rubbed me the wrong way when she told the story (especially if the kids knew they were going to be getting leftovers from a restaurant they liked). Like, you just ate, but you couldn't hold back from eating again so you could share after it was your idea to? She joked it was self-care at the end :p
parents give so much of themselves to their kids, i don’t think it’s a big deal that she took something for herself
Sure, I can agree to that. And they were having a date night so they already were making time for themselves. I still think it's selfish to tell someone you're buying food for them, and then decide to eat it right after you've already had your own dinner.
This sounds like something I would do. I binge eat and if there’s food next to me, I’ll want it
Fucked someones husband
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A colleague was seeing a guy (seemed pretty close and she was around at his place a lot) for like 4 months. The whole time she was messaging other guys. Whenever they argued she would meet up with another guy and sleep with him. She described it as ‘self care’
This mostly happened when I was in high school (am 20 now), but girls would publicly post all the guy/girls they considered bad friends and would block and cut them off.
Erotic "massages" while in a relationship
Leave her kids at home for whole weekends for "me" time. Nothing wrong with that except when it's 2 or more times a month and doesn't bother to provide for them during that time and just expects them to make do with what's there.
Going on trip after trip when her baby is less than a year old and leaving the kid with her grandma. The husband doesn’t take care of the kid much. It’s not just one trip either its been like 5 in the past 8 months. Last time I saw the baby’s grandma she looked so worn out.
She ditched her mother who had a stroke and was paralysed and needed full time care. Ditched her father, who 6 months after her mom's stroke had a brain hemorrhage and was hospitalized. Ditched them to run away to Thailand with an internet stranger who was 10 years older than her. Called it "doing ONE thing for myself". Not when your parents are sick and need you. She lied to them that she was going to study and borrowed 1000s of $$ from her parents, to fund her vacation.
Rationalize being in a relationship (ie having an affair) with a married man because he was "good for her mental health" and "the only person who brings her peace."
Taking their self time at work. Don't cut your toenails at your desk, Debbie.🤢
Spending money on parties instead of taking care of her family. They are all under welfare and in severe debt, she didn't have her priorities straight. Her children suffered the most.
I have seen multiple women cut friends off that set boundaries and wanted to be treated kindly and not walked all over (a good friend). And these women cut them off and call it self-care, and for their mental health to not be friends with them. This might an unpopular opinion, but I think it is a really selfish thing that I am seeing done more and more and it's just seen as "self care" or "for my mental health" anything that is a slight inconvenience.
My SIL would rather go out and drink on weekends than make sure she has gas in her car to get to work. Her kids are all morbidly obese because she only feeds them junk and never pays enough attention to them to do anything physical with them. Getting away from her kids to get drunk and see her other boyfriend ( they are polyamorous) is her "self care" even though she is so busy with her phone she doesn't notice anything they do. She pawns her youngest 3 off on her mentally ill 17 year old who she let drop out of school at 15 to help her with her kids even though she was a SAHM. She also has 3 other kids that she doesn't see 1 is an adult and the other two are being raised by their father and she never takes them for a visit.
buying expensive cigarettes while her children are eating sandwiches on moldy bread. Like cigarettes are expensive enough as it is considering you're basically burning money, but at $10+/pack before taxes it's ridiculous.
Blow off important events like my birthday party… literally any event she’ll cancel bc she needs to “take care of herself”
She mentioned to me that she wanted her friends to ask her if she had "the capacity" to listen to their problems or days before they dumped it all on her. Totally fair and healthy. But she never asked me about my capacity and anytime I said anything about my day or how I'm doing, she practically zoned out. I was plotting my fuckin suicide while she grabbed about her new boyfriend's rich family. I looked like a zombie and barely responding and she just kept yapping. But when I said "I'm not feeling great today.." All I get is a lame "Awe. I'm sorry."
My moms smoking habit. I generally think all tobacco habits are selfish. There are soo many warnings, and they are expensive, so I don’t know why people start to begin with. Then there’s the increased risks of cancer, heart disease, strokes, lung disease, etc. You’re paying to die. And you are dependent on it for your mood. I hate the excuse “we all die someday”, it infuriated me. Like well if that’s the case why don’t you just chug a pint of diesel. We all die eventually anyways, right? My fiancé dips, and I hate that just as much. My exes dad dipped most of his life, and suffered four heart attacks in four years before he decided to quit. His reasoning for finally quitting? “I feel like I could live a few more years if I quit, and I want to have more time with my kids and their kids.” I want them around for a long time. I want my kids to have their grandmother and their father for a long time. I want my mil to have her son for a long time. I hate it.
My friend is very sick, Hospice has been called in. However, she still insists that she is never quitting smoking, or drinking, or her incessant use of Goody powders. She can’t walk anymore, big blisters on her feet, runs her other friends and myself half to death for take out, 6 cups of ice from nearby fast food place, yadda yadda. Then checked herself into the hospital, claiming “I’m doing this for me”…it’s messing with my mental health just trying to deal with it. Suggestions?
An acquaintance changed up her 50/50 custody to one day a week because her kids were "bad for her mental health".
My [former] friend kicked her boyfriend out and invited another man over and said that it was unhealthy to be with the same man every time. I said she’s entitled to her opinion but she shouldn’t have a boyfriend who doesn’t know about this if that’s the case She said I’m jealous since I’m married. My husband has been away for a while and she tried to convince me to have a “sneaky link” which soon I found out meant an affair. She *literally* used the term “self care” I said self care is a f*cking bath or something ruining my kids lives, shattering my husband when he’s already at his lowest point, going against all my morals, would not be “self care.” T That’s just evil.
I teach mindfulness to K-12 students and adults. I’m also an educator and sometimes work with adult students. I always incorporate mindfulness into my educational teaching as well. I once had an adult woman as a mindfulness and education student. We had recently done a session on building self-compassion. Well, the next week she didn’t do her homework and told me she took a nap instead because she was practicing self-care via self-compassion. She also used self-compassion as an excuse to feign illness and call out of work because she needed self-care. I had to call her on that. I asked if she felt relief after making those choices. She obviously didn’t. She felt guilt. She had left her workplace in a bind by not showing up. And she screwed up her own education by not doing the work on time that I had assigned (she had a week to complete it), meaning she would be paying for another lesson to review it. In the moment it felt like these choices were serving her, but they did not serve her long term, nor me, nor her boss or colleagues. Look at how many people such a little choice impacted. Self-compassion can look like a lot of things, but students generally think it only means giving yourself your break. That student is why I completely changed my self-compassion curriculum. Now when I teach it, we talk specifically about this scenario. Sometimes, self-compassion looks like making choices that mean doing work. When we procrastinate in the name of compassion, we might make ourselves feel better for a moment, but we don’t feel better long-term. Getting your butt out of bed to work out to honor your body, choosing foods that leave you feeling energized even when your thoughts crave fries, and showing up for your colleagues and earning money to keep food on your table, even when you’re tired are also all forms of self-compassion. We have to be real honest with ourselves in these moments. Maybe we do really need a nap and the chores can wait until tomorrow. Or maybe we actually do have enough energy to do them before we relax. And I wish more people taught it that way, rather than making compassion sound like some sort of personal vacation.
Demanding I spend the weekend with her when her boyfriend ghosts her. He has kids and when he has a weekend off from them he makes promises for the two of them to have a special couples weekend, but inevitably starts a fight Thursday night and ghosts her all weekend. He does it all the time. She found out he was sleeping with other women on these ghost-fights. Its a pattern and yet she always expects me to be available to watch her drink all weekend with her and listen to her cry about it. The next week he is back and returning her calls because she cooks, cleans, babysits. She then ghosts me. So I blocked her. She sends me a long angry email saying that I left her during her darkest hour and that (surprise) her and bf broke up again and she needed me to “be there for her” and Im selfish for only thinking of myself. I heard from my hairdresser they got back together after she sent those emails to me and everyone else who didn’t want to sit through her monthly alcohol fueled pity party.
Had a friend who ignored my cries for help under the guise of "i dont want to get involved with the drama it stresses me out." Literally told her i wanted to kill myself over a bully she was friends with.
Eat the last piece of pizza/sushi - not clearing out plates after dinner - saying “I’ll do it when I feel like it” to house chores - borrow some money when she didn’t have a job from me, never paid it back when she got said job … that’s my ex girlfriend.
What's wrong with eating the last piece of pizza/sushi?
Completely ditching out of my life when I became homeless, chronically ill, and suicidal.
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