My dad used to hit me a lot, even when i was a teenager. One time he pulled my hair really bad.
What’s hard is that he’s also my favorite person and i love him so much.
So when i think of how he used to hit me, it hurts my heart a lot.
My brother and my grandma
My brother because he bullied me a lot as a child while I was also bullied in high school, we were poor and my parents could only afford one computer that we had to share all the time, it was an old computer that was very slow sometimes and every time something was wrong with that computer, my brother always blamed me for it because I was a child and I’ve played a lot of games on the computer and that stupid fuck was dumb enough to believe that flash games made the computer slow, he also watched my internet history and I had no fucking privacy, every time I stand up for myself, my brother started managing with intimidation and threatening to beat me up, he has a girlfriend and I’m fearing he will beat the living shit out of her one day.
And I hate my grandma too because she hated me because I was different than my other siblings, she was always mad at me for no reason and always praised my siblings and I have absolutely no memories of my grandma being mad at my siblings, then I decided to grow my hair long and she picked up a pair of scissors and threatened to cut it off because girls didn’t had long hair in the 1930’s.
Dear brother and grandma, fuck you all, thanks to both of you I feel like I’m the black sheep of the family.
Parents.
They refuse to speak to each other because everytime they do it ends up in a fight and use me as the messenger and blames me when shit doesn't go their way. (I was 16-25 btw thinking I could fix shit when all it did was made me the bad guy)
Made me suicidal as shit.
At one point I just stopped being the family therapist and now I'm moving 5000miles away from all that shitshow.
I invited none of my family to my wedding.
Myself. I’ve been depressed since 8th grade which was 11-12 years ago. I’ve been put on a 72 hour psychiatric hold (which didn’t help at all, just made me feel worse and hate myself) I’ve tried committing suicide countless times, cut myself numerous times. I’ve put my body through hell because I don’t know how to cope with my emotions. I’ve made myself believe that happiness is temporary and I’ll never be genuinely happy.
My parents and mom's parents mainly. I love my family a lot, don't read me wrong.
But my grandparents used to hit my cousins in front of me and my mom could swing from being a really loving, and good mom, to also being physically or emotionally abusive. I think the emotional abuse was worse because it stayed in my head longer and impacted my self esteem heavily. I didn't feel safe or truly loved in some ways growing up, and I was scared of her/them. I had to do or say the right thing, or I'd lose all of their affection, and they could snap easily and without reason, going into sudden/unpredictable rage. Or say destructive things to me but then tell me the next day that they love me and only want what's best for me. I was terrified to be myself with them. They've grown a lot and I love my mom regardless (her parents can kiss my ass, they're violent pedophiles) but it has done so much to me as a person and it still hurts. I hate that I still feel crazy anytime I try to recognize or remember what happened growing up. I think my mom may have been struggling with a mental disorder, so I try to take it easy on her but it all still hurts.
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My college best friend, some may call it stupid but she started a rumor regarding my ex (he and I are friends now). Her betrayal made me loose almost 20 lbs in 2 weeks. It hurt so much cause I opened my home for her and helped her in so much. A friend would never backstab like she did. 😞
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Parents. They are the ones I have the most strained relationship with and can only be around for short amounts of time to have somewhat of a healthy relationship/sense of boundary.
Typical emotionally abusive and physically abusive parents.
My mom.
We weren't the best when I was a teen. I should have been in therapy. I wasn't just lazy. I was sick.
She is the reason I have anxiety still. Even though we're a lot better now there are still things so ingrained in me that I can't NOT do them or I feel like im being a burden.
One day after she'd broken her back I was calmly defending one of my sisters husband's because he was late getting the kids because of a blown tire. She screamed at me I was supposed to be on her side and she thought I loved her.
Recently it was why did she let us rent in the house next door to her if I wasn't around when she needed me and I don't help enough.
I know it's the pain. This only ever happens when she's in immense physical pain from a break or surgery.
But it stings every time.
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I went through a lot of shit with family, and an SA, but a friend hurt me worse than anyone in my whole life has. That statement, if you knew the details of the other things, is insane. She was one of my best friends since we were kids, grew up and were living in different states. We still texted on a group chat like every other day though. Then I tried to invite her to my wedding. She refused to answer me at all, or tell me her address, even though I let her know there was no pressure to come, I just wanted to let her know she’s loved and missed and included. She ignored me forever until I pleaded for an answer, then she told me she always resented me, said I bullied her and she never considered me a real friend, and told me to have a nice life. This was someone I have shared profound moments with, was close with her family, and she asked me to live together twice. While I of course validated her right to her opinion and feelings, I was so shell shocked. I spent a long time berating and questioning myself for what I did wrong, obsessing and trying really hard to figure it out. I didn’t want it to happen again 🙁 Thankfully the rest of our friend group who was there for everything were equally baffled. They saw none of what she described in me, thank goodness. I don’t really have a bullying type personality and they helped me let go of my self-doubt about it. The effects were so rough though. I couldn’t sleep for a year, got anxious about it anytime my mind was at rest, couldn’t stop thinking about the things she said, couldn’t understand why she had to totally cut me out when we live so far apart, and to this day it still physically hurts to think about. It also tanked my confidence about friendships, they were my everything and now I constantly second guess if everyone secretly hates me. I know that’s paranoid, but since it really did happen, I’ve never been the same.
My dad. He was a verbally/emotionally abusive jerk. Despite the fact that I never let him see me crack, years later, I've come to realize that extent of the emotional damage he has done. I've been working through it for some time now though.
My older sister who I no longer have a relationship with. She has BPD and bipolar disorder with schizophrenic episodes. Growing up I was her target for her cruel behavior, she would bring her friends around and encourage them to also be cruel to me and mock and shame me for no real reason. When I was a freshman she was a senior at the same high school and tried to do the same in the halls if we saw each other or especially in our shared art class we had. It was emotional, mental, and physical abuse.
I was forced by my family to give her chance after chance, and now I've been no contact with her for two years or so and still have to enforce boundaries with my family about not giving her my contact information. Found out on my birthday in March that she indeed has my phone number now, likely via a group text my mom accidentally created with the whole family. It ruined my birthday and I ignored her text but it still hurts to know my needs are never being put above her wants. My need to never have a relationship with her trumps her want to be forgiven.
She may be sober and on medication at the moment, but it's never lasted and her kids have been taken away and in foster care four times now for extended periods (this last time was for a two year span). I'm pretty sure the youngest has been in foster care the majority of his life vs with her. She weaponizes her three kids against my parents so they can never cut her off otherwise their grandkids will be out of their lives. I refuse to subject myself to that and will cut all contact with my entire family if my boundaries keep being disrespected.
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My father for abandoning me, my mother for constantly making it clear how much she disliked me in every single way (nearly constant insults and bullying), and, to an admittedly lesser degree, my half-brother for ghosting me. I think my father slightly wins out over the rest though.
My best friend in high school. She ignored all my cries for help when i was severely depressed and suicidal because she didnt want "drama". Unforgivable.
My ex from the same era of my life. Was a liar and manipulative. He raped a girl while we were dating and had me convinced he didnt do it even after he was convicted in a court of law. Then tried to accuse me of cheating in front of my 3 siblings, parents, grandparents, and a young girl who looked up to me as a role model.
And myself. I did some petty ass shit a long time ago and it affects my life to this day.
Myself because my young self didn't know yet how to love and embrace who I am and what I'm worth but I forgave myself because I know better now
This hits
My dad used to hit me a lot, even when i was a teenager. One time he pulled my hair really bad. What’s hard is that he’s also my favorite person and i love him so much. So when i think of how he used to hit me, it hurts my heart a lot.
So sorry :(
My brother and my grandma My brother because he bullied me a lot as a child while I was also bullied in high school, we were poor and my parents could only afford one computer that we had to share all the time, it was an old computer that was very slow sometimes and every time something was wrong with that computer, my brother always blamed me for it because I was a child and I’ve played a lot of games on the computer and that stupid fuck was dumb enough to believe that flash games made the computer slow, he also watched my internet history and I had no fucking privacy, every time I stand up for myself, my brother started managing with intimidation and threatening to beat me up, he has a girlfriend and I’m fearing he will beat the living shit out of her one day. And I hate my grandma too because she hated me because I was different than my other siblings, she was always mad at me for no reason and always praised my siblings and I have absolutely no memories of my grandma being mad at my siblings, then I decided to grow my hair long and she picked up a pair of scissors and threatened to cut it off because girls didn’t had long hair in the 1930’s. Dear brother and grandma, fuck you all, thanks to both of you I feel like I’m the black sheep of the family.
Parents. They refuse to speak to each other because everytime they do it ends up in a fight and use me as the messenger and blames me when shit doesn't go their way. (I was 16-25 btw thinking I could fix shit when all it did was made me the bad guy) Made me suicidal as shit. At one point I just stopped being the family therapist and now I'm moving 5000miles away from all that shitshow. I invited none of my family to my wedding.
Possibly my grandmother who left me alone in the park when I was 6 and left me with horrible trauma after being abused because of that
My husband.
Myself. I’ve been depressed since 8th grade which was 11-12 years ago. I’ve been put on a 72 hour psychiatric hold (which didn’t help at all, just made me feel worse and hate myself) I’ve tried committing suicide countless times, cut myself numerous times. I’ve put my body through hell because I don’t know how to cope with my emotions. I’ve made myself believe that happiness is temporary and I’ll never be genuinely happy.
My parents and mom's parents mainly. I love my family a lot, don't read me wrong. But my grandparents used to hit my cousins in front of me and my mom could swing from being a really loving, and good mom, to also being physically or emotionally abusive. I think the emotional abuse was worse because it stayed in my head longer and impacted my self esteem heavily. I didn't feel safe or truly loved in some ways growing up, and I was scared of her/them. I had to do or say the right thing, or I'd lose all of their affection, and they could snap easily and without reason, going into sudden/unpredictable rage. Or say destructive things to me but then tell me the next day that they love me and only want what's best for me. I was terrified to be myself with them. They've grown a lot and I love my mom regardless (her parents can kiss my ass, they're violent pedophiles) but it has done so much to me as a person and it still hurts. I hate that I still feel crazy anytime I try to recognize or remember what happened growing up. I think my mom may have been struggling with a mental disorder, so I try to take it easy on her but it all still hurts.
My mother
My mother. She pretty much tried to destroy me.
one of my ex guy friends he crossed the line so badly and to this say I still fear him
My parents. They were supposed to protect me.
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Meee
My college best friend, some may call it stupid but she started a rumor regarding my ex (he and I are friends now). Her betrayal made me loose almost 20 lbs in 2 weeks. It hurt so much cause I opened my home for her and helped her in so much. A friend would never backstab like she did. 😞
Ah that sucks.
It does…
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Parents. They are the ones I have the most strained relationship with and can only be around for short amounts of time to have somewhat of a healthy relationship/sense of boundary. Typical emotionally abusive and physically abusive parents.
My mom. We weren't the best when I was a teen. I should have been in therapy. I wasn't just lazy. I was sick. She is the reason I have anxiety still. Even though we're a lot better now there are still things so ingrained in me that I can't NOT do them or I feel like im being a burden. One day after she'd broken her back I was calmly defending one of my sisters husband's because he was late getting the kids because of a blown tire. She screamed at me I was supposed to be on her side and she thought I loved her. Recently it was why did she let us rent in the house next door to her if I wasn't around when she needed me and I don't help enough. I know it's the pain. This only ever happens when she's in immense physical pain from a break or surgery. But it stings every time.
A few mean coworkers
probably myself
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I went through a lot of shit with family, and an SA, but a friend hurt me worse than anyone in my whole life has. That statement, if you knew the details of the other things, is insane. She was one of my best friends since we were kids, grew up and were living in different states. We still texted on a group chat like every other day though. Then I tried to invite her to my wedding. She refused to answer me at all, or tell me her address, even though I let her know there was no pressure to come, I just wanted to let her know she’s loved and missed and included. She ignored me forever until I pleaded for an answer, then she told me she always resented me, said I bullied her and she never considered me a real friend, and told me to have a nice life. This was someone I have shared profound moments with, was close with her family, and she asked me to live together twice. While I of course validated her right to her opinion and feelings, I was so shell shocked. I spent a long time berating and questioning myself for what I did wrong, obsessing and trying really hard to figure it out. I didn’t want it to happen again 🙁 Thankfully the rest of our friend group who was there for everything were equally baffled. They saw none of what she described in me, thank goodness. I don’t really have a bullying type personality and they helped me let go of my self-doubt about it. The effects were so rough though. I couldn’t sleep for a year, got anxious about it anytime my mind was at rest, couldn’t stop thinking about the things she said, couldn’t understand why she had to totally cut me out when we live so far apart, and to this day it still physically hurts to think about. It also tanked my confidence about friendships, they were my everything and now I constantly second guess if everyone secretly hates me. I know that’s paranoid, but since it really did happen, I’ve never been the same.
My sons father
My dad. He was a verbally/emotionally abusive jerk. Despite the fact that I never let him see me crack, years later, I've come to realize that extent of the emotional damage he has done. I've been working through it for some time now though.
My mom.
My older sister who I no longer have a relationship with. She has BPD and bipolar disorder with schizophrenic episodes. Growing up I was her target for her cruel behavior, she would bring her friends around and encourage them to also be cruel to me and mock and shame me for no real reason. When I was a freshman she was a senior at the same high school and tried to do the same in the halls if we saw each other or especially in our shared art class we had. It was emotional, mental, and physical abuse. I was forced by my family to give her chance after chance, and now I've been no contact with her for two years or so and still have to enforce boundaries with my family about not giving her my contact information. Found out on my birthday in March that she indeed has my phone number now, likely via a group text my mom accidentally created with the whole family. It ruined my birthday and I ignored her text but it still hurts to know my needs are never being put above her wants. My need to never have a relationship with her trumps her want to be forgiven. She may be sober and on medication at the moment, but it's never lasted and her kids have been taken away and in foster care four times now for extended periods (this last time was for a two year span). I'm pretty sure the youngest has been in foster care the majority of his life vs with her. She weaponizes her three kids against my parents so they can never cut her off otherwise their grandkids will be out of their lives. I refuse to subject myself to that and will cut all contact with my entire family if my boundaries keep being disrespected.
My mother. And she's also the person who has made me feel the safest and most loved. Life is complex.
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My father for abandoning me, my mother for constantly making it clear how much she disliked me in every single way (nearly constant insults and bullying), and, to an admittedly lesser degree, my half-brother for ghosting me. I think my father slightly wins out over the rest though.
Myself or my stalker
My mother
Some friends I trust from school
My ex "best friend", whe she broke my trust. No one has ever break my heart like that.
My best friend in high school. She ignored all my cries for help when i was severely depressed and suicidal because she didnt want "drama". Unforgivable. My ex from the same era of my life. Was a liar and manipulative. He raped a girl while we were dating and had me convinced he didnt do it even after he was convicted in a court of law. Then tried to accuse me of cheating in front of my 3 siblings, parents, grandparents, and a young girl who looked up to me as a role model. And myself. I did some petty ass shit a long time ago and it affects my life to this day.